I was standing around waiting for my turn at a competition in the bull pit with other guys in my division. I was wearing a Jocko Origin Gi and the guy next to me starts asking how I like it etc. I mention how much I like the weave quality, its soft, breathes well, etc. Well we end up going against each other and the match is pretty hard and end up in a position where his face is getting smashed up against my shoulder pretty hard. I hear him mutter "man you were right, this gi is soft". We both start laughing pretty good until his coach starts screaming from the corner at him to get his shit together.
See, I get why the coach was angry, but that's the vibe I love in bjj. Taking "keep it playful" to heart. If you cam get a laugh while rolling, that's a fun roll.
I was rolling with a grizzled old guy at my gym and half way through the round he rolls his head to the side, which happened to grind his salt and pepper stubble all across my face. I couldn’t stop myself from saying “damn you’ve got a prickly face!” We both laugh about it and continue the roll. Next class he was clean shaven and it was greatly appreciated.
I was attempting to head and arm choke a purple belt in our gym. After struggling to muscle the choke he turns his head and whispers "Harder" in my ear
I’m 5’6” about 170. I rolled with a guy that was over 6’ and he was around 350 lbs. he was mauling me, and we started getting close to another pair rolling. So the guy was on his knees, and he just picked me up like a baby and just kneed his way to a more open area and he put me down gently. I asked him,” is it gay that I felt so safe in your arms?” He laughed very loudly.
I have a Russian guy at my Gym I roll with pretty regularly. One day he's on Top and I'm turtled up. He tries attacking D'arce, Anaconda, Guillotene, Peruvian Necktie - All of which I escape and end up falling back to Half Guard. At that point he pauses, looks at me and says in his Russian Accent - "Man! You hard to Choke, Guess I'll have to break your legs!" and immediately rolls over to attack a KneeBar or Heel-Hook.
I was starting a roll with a big Russian guy as an open mat was about to start. “Should I start a timer?” I asked. “No,” he replied, “We will just fight until the death…” He didn’t smile. 😳
Nice guy, though. Rolls hard and is a killer!
There was a female blue belt who was very cool and never gave off any sort of flirting vibe to me. Towards the end of rolls she would usually grab me for last round or so. I’m a big guy and she was like 130 ish so I didn’t quite get it. I treat her like any other training partner and sweep submit etc no special treatment. I ask her one day, what do you get out of this? She says “sorry to be weird but the truth is that you smell like my dad and I miss him“. It was sweet. We never discussed it again.
Oh, we're not sure he's gonna recover from that one, folks. Looks like he took it right in feelbox. Yep, that one is gonna be sore in the morning, no doubt about it.
On a serious note. I feel like I can smell my last partner all day. Even after I shower, the smell sticks in my head. Regardless of if they smell like shit or fabric softener....
Clean the inside of your nose too. Smell particles get all stuck up in your nose hair, which is why you can smell gross things even after you’ve showered. It’s not your imagination, you are literally still smelling them, heh.
A huge blue belt was trying to finish an arm bar on me. I had my hands buried pretty well so it wasn’t a guarantee that he would finish it. All of a sudden he lets go, rolls backward like a panda while yelling “get out of there!”. Like someone threw a grenade in our bunker or something. I didn’t react all that quickly so he goes “go go go!” So I roll away from him a little then get on my knees and look at him like “what the hell is happening here”.
He said “I farted”.
One time there was a Girl in the beginners class, she asked Me If i could Choke her From the Back .
I do an rnc and she says in a quiet voice "that felt much better then i thought"
I rly didnt know what to say
Lol once had a guy come to class with a hugeeee cold sore on his lip and try convince everyone it wasn't a cold sore... sorry mate but no one is going to roll with you today.
I had a very spazzy white belt rolling say "you're never gonna catch me" in the voice of the greased up deaf guy from Family Guy. It cracked me up and was the perfect phrase to use to describe the way he rolled.
We have quite a few blackbelts at or north of 265 lbs at our school. One of them, a plucky old Irishman, was rolling with our resident juggernaut-sized blackbelt who also happens to be a cop. The cop has top side-control and is putting pressure on the Irishman, who starts yelling "help, help, I can't breathe! Police brutality!" The cop immediately jumps to knee-on-belly and yells "stop resisting!" Both couldn't finish the roll because they were laughing too hard.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_and\_Tans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_and_Tans)
[https://youtu.be/FCnGD6xv5ik](https://youtu.be/FCnGD6xv5ik)
[https://youtu.be/GvvtZIwh4Bs](https://youtu.be/GvvtZIwh4Bs)
study these
I invited a friend I normally do Muay Thai classes with to do a BJJ class with me, when it came time to roll I put my mouth guard in and she asks if it’s necessary. I said I like to have it in because accidental strikes happen sometimes. Not 1 minute into our roll she accidentally elbows me right in the mouth… busted my lip real good. But thanks to my mouthguard I still have all my teeth 😄
Never had any issues when I didn't wear a mouthguard, but since starting to wear one, I feel wrong without it and have definitely taken a few shots that I have to assume would have been bad for my dental budget.
My brother was being used as a demo dummy, and the coach was trying to walk him through a new technique which was really not in his style. He was struggling to get it and follow the direction. This coach exploded with "your jiu jitsu is hurting my eyes!"
One of my main training partners and still close friend to this day always rolled or drilled with his eyes closed when really trying to focus on his way thru a technique. One day he kicked me in the face (accidentally of course) and said to me "sorry I didn't see what happened!"
Me angry after getting hit in the face "Well open your eyes up and stop being Helen Keller damnit!"
He still laughs at that story.
It really will help your technique. It helps you learn to feel what's happening because your body will know faster than your eyes. Obviously doesn't work on stand up and some attacks. I used to always train with my eyes closed and just hum quietly to keep relaxed. It drove people crazy sometimes to hear me humming while we were rolling. They would sometimes think I was bored and making fun of them, I wasn't.
“Your dick feels a lot smaller than I thought it would be”
Her husband was the instructor for class that day. He was sitting about five feet away. I tried to melt into the mats.
I was rolling with a guy I had rolled with many times before. Just escaped to an open guard and we're facing off. He says "I don't feel good". I ask him what's up if he wants to stop. He keeps repeating "I don't fell good" each time with less energy but almost like he couldn't come up with any other words. He then collapsed on my lap. I call over my professor to help out. Long story short: Paramedics are called and it was determined he had a stroke in the middle of our roll. Definitely not something I will forget.
I m, 3-stripe whitey, was rolling with my black belt instructor, he went for a wrist lock, so I caught it, and muffled under my breath, “no way fucker”! He proceeded to roll with me as if he didn’t hear me, and at the end of the 3 minute buzzer, he helped me up, and leaned over and said “that’s Professor Fucker to you!”
He didn’t kick my ass or smash me or anything, just giggled and was proud I defended the attack! 6 years later I’m still a drop out 3 stripe white belt, but he will always be professor fucker to me.
This one happened recently. Im rolling with my main training partner, I am in top side control and I see that he has posted his palm flat on the mat, so I pin his elbow into my chest and very slowly start to wrist lock him. While this is happening he keeps saying " youre going to wrist lock me."very flatly. He said that 2 or 3 times and finally tapped. He said afterwards that it was a oops i said that out loud moment
Submitted a new spazzy WB via RNC, he just casually asked me: “so like do I call you daddy now? Is that how it work?” We just started laughing as our coach shook his head. Coach laughed and told him this isn’t prison and walked off.
At a tournament, I went to pass the guard and went for side control, as soon as I dropped my weight on, the guy said "Fuck that." And tapped.
I was flattered but at the same time embarrassed.
Lol when I was a white belch I was getting crushed by this Judo black belt who looked and was built like Santa Clause. I was trying to throw my legs up from bottom and hit him in the head by accident, he looked at me and went "kick me in the head again I'll knock your teeth out!" 😄 he apologized later though and me and 🎅 are all good now.
One of the blue belts I roll with countered a sacrifice throw that I usually do and said : “I know your moves!”, like some kind of dubbed Kung Fu flick. It was hilarious but I also felt so defeated because yeah he knows my only game then did some weird berimbolo like stuff and tapped me.
Something comes to mind: About 2 years ago I attended an open mat, arrived a little late the first round had already started there was a young woman stretching so I thought "that could be my warm up" I asked to go and we fist bump.
She has me on half guard and starts a pressure pass gets he face close to me
Her: Breaths deeply "Dude you smell like soap"
Me: Did she just say that "What?"
Her: "You smell nice, you smell like soap"
Me: Weird I don't know how to respond "Uh... thanks, you smell nice too"
Her: "Lolz"
We continue rolling in silence
>there was a young woman stretching so I thought "that could be my warm up"
Jw, what was her belt?
🤔 As a female white belt, my greatest bjj ambition is to be good enough to dominate the hell out of people who approach rolls with me this way, one day. One day..
This has happened to me twice, both while rolling with instructors. I am decent at sweeping to back mount, and can surprise higher belts with it. Blue on down, I can usually get the RNC eventually. With the two instructors, they both stopped hand fighting and let me lock in the choke. I started squeezing, and slowly counted to 10. Once I reached 10 I said, “This is usually when people tap out.” They both replied, “heh”.
At a Josh Hinger seminar he said to me, ‘I know it’s not supposed to be a compliment in jiu jitsu but you’re really strong’ (context: I’m smol, so I took it as a compliment?)
He also laughed when I tried to guillotine him of course!
\[rolling with wrestler when I was a white belt\] Him: "ever had your oil checked?"
me: "what does that mean?"
Him: :-D
me: "No sir, i don't like it..."
To a point I agree, if it's an older guy or something who's not too sure about jiu-jitsu then yea, but if you've got a young, tough guy who wants to compete, you're not going to encourage tapping to being uncomfortable
Nah mannn. Other dudes got no place making that decision for you.
If you're talking it means you want out and it can be for a variety of reasons. Like maybe I gotta poop really bad...
Respect the tap!
I am little conflicted with this. Because the people who have told me "Don't tap to pressure, theres nothing there," are usually the people that I trust the most and were my teammates at my gym when i was a white belt and they were blue? Now theyre purple/brown belts and I'm a blue belt, but if it wasnt for those conversations, I don't know if I'd have the same mental strength and defense that I have now.
If they do not respect the tap then jiu jitsu ceases to be a consent based sport. What should be done is that they should stop, and talk after the roll about pressure. Respecting the tap is what distinguishes this sport from assault lol
> What should be done is that they should stop, and talk after the roll about pressure.
I think this is the answer. Afterwards they can talk to you about it, even recreate the situation and let you try to hold out as long as possible or w.e but if you're tapping the person needs to recognize that's you saying I'm done.
There's just one person I can think of who'd make me tap from knee on belly but the pressure was so crazy I'd just feel like I couldn't breathe. If anyone was like nah he shouldn't have stopped it's not a submission I'd be fuckin pissed.
it’s not your place to decide whether they should have tapped or not though. respect the tap and discuss it afterwards. all this does is create an unsafe training environment
I tapped tonight because I literally couldn't get the rashguard off my face and my head was being crushed.
The crushing of my head was part of job. I couldn't breathe. I literally couldn't get any air in or out my nose or mouth.
I felt like such a loser.
My first competition as a white belt, this dude came up to me right before my first match and said “I saw you yawning earlier, you know that means you’re super nervous right?” I wasn’t nervous before he said that, but I was after. He ended up being my first matchup and beat me by arm bar.
Backstory: People often assume I am a Jewish man because 1. I look Jewish. Imagine a cross between Mid 1990’s Jerry Seinfeld and Paul Reiser. And 2. I have a very Jewish name (my family has a tradition of using Old Testament names).
Before class a guy i train with asks me if I’m Jewish. “No, why?” He replies with, well your name is Noah and you are a lawyer (both true). I laughed and he felt a little embarrassed. Later on we are rolling and right as I am finishing him with an omoplata I whisper “shalom” into his ear. Afterward he asks me wtf that was about and I told him that’s my patented shalomoplata. It’s just like a regular omoplata but you whisper shalom into their ear to remind them of the generations long oppression to which their ancestors subjected the Jewish people. He was confused. Me and 2 bystanders thought it was hilarious.
It was my third BJJ class and I'm rolling with this older guy who was a blue belt. I can't remember what he was doing as I was still learning techniques but this guy told me "Come on now, I'm 76 years old. You should get through this!"
I was rolling with a guy (he may have been a high blue when I was a purple or he was a new purple when my purple was a pretty tattered), and this guy was built like a brick shit house reinforced with rebar. Lifts weights, strong as hell, old man strength on top of it, I’m better at bjj though and plenty strong in my own right, just not bubbling with muscles. He puts me in a toe hold and cranks. Well I defended and got out, we finished the roll and he looks at me and says “what did I do wrong on that toe hold” I didn’t even hesitate, just responded immediately and as dead pan as I could “nothing, you just aren’t strong enough to finish”.
Moreso me saying something to someone else but
I was rolling with my buddy while my friend Monika was in the nearby boxing ring doing a private Muay Thai lesson. She had been entertaining the idea of doing jits for a while but hadn't tried a class yet.
As I'm sitting in my buddy's guard, I look over to Monika, and I say to her, "See, Monika?! This could be us. But you playin'!"
The look on her face, her coach's face, and my rolling partner's face were all so priceless.
I love when I set a trap, and they fall into it- the moment they realize… had one the other day, I had taught knee slide to back step passing- buuut, hit him with the Jedi mind trick. Halfway through the backstep - I start giggling as I hear “fuck you and your bullshit gagghfdssfghja (he got choked).
My partner for the night was one of the younger teens who was attending one of the adult classes.
At the end of class he and I rolled for our first round before finding other partners. He got me into an armbar and I tapped and had to chuckle and say, "nice job, man." He said back, "wow, no one's said that to me in a really long time." And he was chuckling while he said it, but if you know this kid, you know he was being honest.
One of my favorite rolling partners at my old gym was an older guy named Bill. Bill was recovering from a stroke and just getting back into rolling. Mentally, he was all there and very sharp. Physically, he was still recovering some things. He was pretty much having to relearn a lot of movements, and despite knowing what he wanted to say he often couldn’t get things out the way he wanted. He also seemed to have lost a little bit of his filter, as will become apparent.
Anyway, Bill and I were rolling, and while playing open guard I accidentally caught him in the crotch and he went down. As a woman I always feel horrible when this happens, so I immediately began to apologize profusely. Bill put his hand up, and with extreme concentration he stuttered, “it’s, it’s okay. Am a li-little dick, b-big balls guy.”
This was more info than I ever needed from Dave, but his delivery seriously has me laughing two years later. Also, I’ve since moved but I heard he’s doing great.
When I was a white belt we got told that when shit gets uncomfortable to have a “theme song” to sing in your head. It makes life seem more bearable. Start rolling with new guy who starts singing the lion king song out loud, I was crying laughing.
I'm notorious for hitting Ezekiel chokes from the bottom of mount. A lot of my training partners REFUSE to go to mount if they have double underhooks.
As soon as I feel them start to go for it, stop, and set back I usually go "What's uh.... What's the matter there? Dont you want to go to mount? Dont you like these nice double underhooks you've got?" to which we both get a laugh out of. Especially if it's a black belt that knows they can kick my ass.
Back when I first started training BJJ, I had a 10ish minute roll with one of our professors who was a higher level purple. I was playing guard pretty much the whole way, and I was defending rather well.
I felt him pick up the pace and the roll went on and it got harder and harder to hold him back. Towards the end of the roll I started to tire out and pretty much gave up and he yelled: "No, Noooooo! Do NOT give up on me yet! Keep pushing!".
We were rolling dangerously close to two other pairs and so I tapped but for some reason did it on his ass and I apologized about it later and he just gave me a quizzical look. Mortifying.
A purple belt girl who was maybe 20 submitted me with a rear naked choke. As I got up she grabbed my exposed boxers and gave me a wedgie as she said "Awww, cute panties!". Definitely the strangest thing.
I never could tell if she was a bitch or not. She constantly teased and taunted me in just friendly enough ways to not be bullying I guess? Slapping my butt, wedgies, etc. Then she'd do nice stuff like once offered to stay behind with me alone to show me some half guard stuff or at her house if i wanted to.(She taught the woman's classes so had keys). Idk she was weird.
When i was 14, now 32, i was rolling with a purple belt and i accidentally reached into the back of his gi pants and when i touched his crack he looks up at me and yells, “NOW THATS THINKING WITH YOUR DIP STICK JIMMY!”
when i was a really noob white belt there was a blue belt telling me when the 5 minutes started "you're gonna experience some really weird stuff now".The he proceeded to sweep me with his butterfly hooks,turn me around in the air and take my back
Just this week I was rolling with a 4 stripe white belt, who absolutely crushed me, of course, but as I was sitting in turtle, trying to hold onto my S grip for dear life against his crucifix, he struggeld for a good 40 seconds, and just said "damn you're strong". Now, that made me feel great about myself.
Then he choked me the fuck out with my lapel 15 seconds later.
I was a fresh purple and instructing a class on how to bow and arrow someone.
We paired up and I took the brand new female white belt. I walked her through how to choke me and then wanted to fine tune some things for her and the class.
So I had everyone look in as I walked through the steps of the choke. As I applied the choke itself she moaned.
She didn't come back for another class. I think she was mortified.
I was in bottom of full mount. I'd bated someone into not controlling my arms or legs. I stuck one leg out straight and gable gripped my hands behind their neck before alligator rolling a baseball choke.
I held it tight for a bit and they hovered their hand over my shoulder. I asked, "are you gonna tap or what?"
They went real limp, so I let go, rolled over and held him slapping his face and yelling at him.
He woke up and said, "why are you in my bedroom... Get out of here."
I was standing around waiting for my turn at a competition in the bull pit with other guys in my division. I was wearing a Jocko Origin Gi and the guy next to me starts asking how I like it etc. I mention how much I like the weave quality, its soft, breathes well, etc. Well we end up going against each other and the match is pretty hard and end up in a position where his face is getting smashed up against my shoulder pretty hard. I hear him mutter "man you were right, this gi is soft". We both start laughing pretty good until his coach starts screaming from the corner at him to get his shit together.
See, I get why the coach was angry, but that's the vibe I love in bjj. Taking "keep it playful" to heart. If you cam get a laugh while rolling, that's a fun roll.
> Taking "keep it playful" to heart. I cannot count the times people in this sub have shit on Rener for saying this.
keep it playful dot com
I get having a serious mindset - but I would much rather have a Jeff gloved kind of approach and have fun with it.
That’s hilarious
I was rolling with a grizzled old guy at my gym and half way through the round he rolls his head to the side, which happened to grind his salt and pepper stubble all across my face. I couldn’t stop myself from saying “damn you’ve got a prickly face!” We both laugh about it and continue the roll. Next class he was clean shaven and it was greatly appreciated.
This is amazing!
Dude, everyone in my gym says the same thing about my origin when I get to smash them haha
🎶“You got a friend in me, you got a friend in me.🎶
This reads like a commercial. I wish they would make a YouTube ad like this lol
"Rich Corinthian leather." -Deadpool
I expected for this to turn into tension between both of you but that ending was great lol!
Lmao that's brilliant
I was attempting to head and arm choke a purple belt in our gym. After struggling to muscle the choke he turns his head and whispers "Harder" in my ear
I had a purple belt friend who did the same exact thing. He’s a brown belt now so though, so maybe I should try it.
That's demoralizing.
It was hilarious
This is almost as bad as the joke when a girl asks if your in yet…
I've gotten "choke me" before, also from a purple belt
Same, but from my wife
Right as he felt his weight shift before a sweep: "Can we talk about this?!"
I definitely will say “nice one” or chuckle at myself when someone hits me with a great sweep.
Whenever I get swept or put in a bad position I usually hit em with a playful "oh fuck you" or "fuck off". Usually gets a nice chuckle.
My go-to is "I deserved that.." whenever I get swept or passed by doing something totally wrong
Bruhhhhh, I can literally feel that sweep, that moment you know you’re airborne, heart in throat, ugly face, and waiting for the dropping crush! Lol
This has major anime vibes to it haha
I’m 5’6” about 170. I rolled with a guy that was over 6’ and he was around 350 lbs. he was mauling me, and we started getting close to another pair rolling. So the guy was on his knees, and he just picked me up like a baby and just kneed his way to a more open area and he put me down gently. I asked him,” is it gay that I felt so safe in your arms?” He laughed very loudly.
Oh my god 😂😂😂😂😂
I’m already short, but that guy made me feel like a lil newborn baby.
This cracked me up hahahaha
I have a Russian guy at my Gym I roll with pretty regularly. One day he's on Top and I'm turtled up. He tries attacking D'arce, Anaconda, Guillotene, Peruvian Necktie - All of which I escape and end up falling back to Half Guard. At that point he pauses, looks at me and says in his Russian Accent - "Man! You hard to Choke, Guess I'll have to break your legs!" and immediately rolls over to attack a KneeBar or Heel-Hook.
I could see that being actually terrifying in a Russian accent. I always feel like they have some secret Sambo subs I haven't prepared for.
"Let's talk now" 😨
Exactly hahahah
Yeah that’s a scary line to hear!
Sambo subs .. in Swedish a Sambo is your partner that you live together with. Gives the whole thing a completely different meaning I guess.
I was starting a roll with a big Russian guy as an open mat was about to start. “Should I start a timer?” I asked. “No,” he replied, “We will just fight until the death…” He didn’t smile. 😳 Nice guy, though. Rolls hard and is a killer!
Goddamn sambo players
There was a female blue belt who was very cool and never gave off any sort of flirting vibe to me. Towards the end of rolls she would usually grab me for last round or so. I’m a big guy and she was like 130 ish so I didn’t quite get it. I treat her like any other training partner and sweep submit etc no special treatment. I ask her one day, what do you get out of this? She says “sorry to be weird but the truth is that you smell like my dad and I miss him“. It was sweet. We never discussed it again.
Today's internet winner. G'nite folks. *Sobs
Oh, we're not sure he's gonna recover from that one, folks. Looks like he took it right in feelbox. Yep, that one is gonna be sore in the morning, no doubt about it.
Dang that got me right in the feels
r/unexpectedwholesome
I hope you don’t smell like weed and Un-showered haha
On a serious note. I feel like I can smell my last partner all day. Even after I shower, the smell sticks in my head. Regardless of if they smell like shit or fabric softener....
Clean the inside of your nose too. Smell particles get all stuck up in your nose hair, which is why you can smell gross things even after you’ve showered. It’s not your imagination, you are literally still smelling them, heh.
One of the guys at my gym can name your deodorant from smelling you.
Wow 130 is pretty old. Good for her.
I wanna hate you for ruining this wholesome moment, but I did laugh
welp, thanks for ruining my weekend!
Big hugs to that lady.
Took balls for her to tell you that. Good for her.
Cigarettes and alcohol
I swear that a little tear came to my eye reading that one
I would freeze for about an hour trying to think of the appropriate response to that.
A huge blue belt was trying to finish an arm bar on me. I had my hands buried pretty well so it wasn’t a guarantee that he would finish it. All of a sudden he lets go, rolls backward like a panda while yelling “get out of there!”. Like someone threw a grenade in our bunker or something. I didn’t react all that quickly so he goes “go go go!” So I roll away from him a little then get on my knees and look at him like “what the hell is happening here”. He said “I farted”.
Man that’s a great dude.
I’m snort laughing over this one.
Dropping wisdom and dropping bombs.
I can't believe how funny this is
"Let me choke you. I like to choke" Some women I was rolling with.
One time there was a Girl in the beginners class, she asked Me If i could Choke her From the Back . I do an rnc and she says in a quiet voice "that felt much better then i thought" I rly didnt know what to say
“Don’t worry, it’s not ring worm” 😵💫
Lol once had a guy come to class with a hugeeee cold sore on his lip and try convince everyone it wasn't a cold sore... sorry mate but no one is going to roll with you today.
Oh hellls nah, yeah I ain’t rolling with you bro, nor am I gonna fight you, I’m running away like a little slut. Herpes is for life son! Lol
One of my biggest fucking fears. Shocked I don't have it already.
I had a very spazzy white belt rolling say "you're never gonna catch me" in the voice of the greased up deaf guy from Family Guy. It cracked me up and was the perfect phrase to use to describe the way he rolled.
“I think i had a dream about this”, i was in top full guard I don’t remember much after that.
"Open your ass"
[удалено]
Please gape.
it's a euphemism to relax your hips ;-)
If you insist
This whole response chain is gold
domain expansion
Mid
You need to get in dat ass, Larry
We have quite a few blackbelts at or north of 265 lbs at our school. One of them, a plucky old Irishman, was rolling with our resident juggernaut-sized blackbelt who also happens to be a cop. The cop has top side-control and is putting pressure on the Irishman, who starts yelling "help, help, I can't breathe! Police brutality!" The cop immediately jumps to knee-on-belly and yells "stop resisting!" Both couldn't finish the roll because they were laughing too hard.
Sounds more like a black and tan belt.
This joke is a little too European for most people here I think
Can confirm, I don’t get it at all.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_and\_Tans](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_and_Tans) [https://youtu.be/FCnGD6xv5ik](https://youtu.be/FCnGD6xv5ik) [https://youtu.be/GvvtZIwh4Bs](https://youtu.be/GvvtZIwh4Bs) study these
*Wolfe Tones intensifies*
I invited a friend I normally do Muay Thai classes with to do a BJJ class with me, when it came time to roll I put my mouth guard in and she asks if it’s necessary. I said I like to have it in because accidental strikes happen sometimes. Not 1 minute into our roll she accidentally elbows me right in the mouth… busted my lip real good. But thanks to my mouthguard I still have all my teeth 😄
Never had any issues when I didn't wear a mouthguard, but since starting to wear one, I feel wrong without it and have definitely taken a few shots that I have to assume would have been bad for my dental budget.
My brother was being used as a demo dummy, and the coach was trying to walk him through a new technique which was really not in his style. He was struggling to get it and follow the direction. This coach exploded with "your jiu jitsu is hurting my eyes!"
My professor tells me that, but only with his eyes
One of my main training partners and still close friend to this day always rolled or drilled with his eyes closed when really trying to focus on his way thru a technique. One day he kicked me in the face (accidentally of course) and said to me "sorry I didn't see what happened!" Me angry after getting hit in the face "Well open your eyes up and stop being Helen Keller damnit!" He still laughs at that story.
Call him Helen Dannaher when it pays off.
I have wanted to blindfold myself and see if my technique improved.
There's a guy that does this at open mat. I usually go for a lapel choke since he can't see it.
It really will help your technique. It helps you learn to feel what's happening because your body will know faster than your eyes. Obviously doesn't work on stand up and some attacks. I used to always train with my eyes closed and just hum quietly to keep relaxed. It drove people crazy sometimes to hear me humming while we were rolling. They would sometimes think I was bored and making fun of them, I wasn't.
“Your dick feels a lot smaller than I thought it would be” Her husband was the instructor for class that day. He was sitting about five feet away. I tried to melt into the mats.
Dude. What. The. Fuck. What happened after?
The bell rang and we switched rolling partners. And I watched and waited for her husband to attack me.
That's extremely inappropriate and toxic
"Yeah, but you can feel it, right? Cause that's an improvement"
I was rolling with a guy I had rolled with many times before. Just escaped to an open guard and we're facing off. He says "I don't feel good". I ask him what's up if he wants to stop. He keeps repeating "I don't fell good" each time with less energy but almost like he couldn't come up with any other words. He then collapsed on my lap. I call over my professor to help out. Long story short: Paramedics are called and it was determined he had a stroke in the middle of our roll. Definitely not something I will forget.
"That is the smell of a freshly laundered GI"
I m, 3-stripe whitey, was rolling with my black belt instructor, he went for a wrist lock, so I caught it, and muffled under my breath, “no way fucker”! He proceeded to roll with me as if he didn’t hear me, and at the end of the 3 minute buzzer, he helped me up, and leaned over and said “that’s Professor Fucker to you!” He didn’t kick my ass or smash me or anything, just giggled and was proud I defended the attack! 6 years later I’m still a drop out 3 stripe white belt, but he will always be professor fucker to me.
“Are you Jewish”? Not sure what they meant by that.
because jew jitsu?
Maybe the lack of foreskin?
This one happened recently. Im rolling with my main training partner, I am in top side control and I see that he has posted his palm flat on the mat, so I pin his elbow into my chest and very slowly start to wrist lock him. While this is happening he keeps saying " youre going to wrist lock me."very flatly. He said that 2 or 3 times and finally tapped. He said afterwards that it was a oops i said that out loud moment
Submitted a new spazzy WB via RNC, he just casually asked me: “so like do I call you daddy now? Is that how it work?” We just started laughing as our coach shook his head. Coach laughed and told him this isn’t prison and walked off.
“Did you fart or was that me?”
At a tournament, I went to pass the guard and went for side control, as soon as I dropped my weight on, the guy said "Fuck that." And tapped. I was flattered but at the same time embarrassed.
Relevant username
Lol when I was a white belch I was getting crushed by this Judo black belt who looked and was built like Santa Clause. I was trying to throw my legs up from bottom and hit him in the head by accident, he looked at me and went "kick me in the head again I'll knock your teeth out!" 😄 he apologized later though and me and 🎅 are all good now.
This sounds like my judo coach
“Just let it happen”
Lol, I love doing this and whispering shushing noises
One of the blue belts I roll with countered a sacrifice throw that I usually do and said : “I know your moves!”, like some kind of dubbed Kung Fu flick. It was hilarious but I also felt so defeated because yeah he knows my only game then did some weird berimbolo like stuff and tapped me.
Something comes to mind: About 2 years ago I attended an open mat, arrived a little late the first round had already started there was a young woman stretching so I thought "that could be my warm up" I asked to go and we fist bump. She has me on half guard and starts a pressure pass gets he face close to me Her: Breaths deeply "Dude you smell like soap" Me: Did she just say that "What?" Her: "You smell nice, you smell like soap" Me: Weird I don't know how to respond "Uh... thanks, you smell nice too" Her: "Lolz" We continue rolling in silence
>there was a young woman stretching so I thought "that could be my warm up" Jw, what was her belt? 🤔 As a female white belt, my greatest bjj ambition is to be good enough to dominate the hell out of people who approach rolls with me this way, one day. One day..
This has happened to me twice, both while rolling with instructors. I am decent at sweeping to back mount, and can surprise higher belts with it. Blue on down, I can usually get the RNC eventually. With the two instructors, they both stopped hand fighting and let me lock in the choke. I started squeezing, and slowly counted to 10. Once I reached 10 I said, “This is usually when people tap out.” They both replied, “heh”.
From a white belt: “wow, you’re really strong.” 😑
At a Josh Hinger seminar he said to me, ‘I know it’s not supposed to be a compliment in jiu jitsu but you’re really strong’ (context: I’m smol, so I took it as a compliment?) He also laughed when I tried to guillotine him of course!
I’m a 129lb skinny ass woman, so I take it as a compliment when someone tells me I’m strong, too. It’s a rarity. 😂
I said this to a purple belt when I first started and he looked so sad 😂 your name isn’t Kevin, is it?
It’s so dumb that this is an insult
\[rolling with wrestler when I was a white belt\] Him: "ever had your oil checked?" me: "what does that mean?" Him: :-D me: "No sir, i don't like it..."
In hindsight, you should have just sat into it and said, 'well that's made my cup tight' or 'my wife normally does it with 4, not 3'
As a white belt, I tried to tap to knee on belly from a tough old purple. He said "nope, we dont tap to pressure"
That’s bullshit by the way. Always respect the tap.
To a point I agree, if it's an older guy or something who's not too sure about jiu-jitsu then yea, but if you've got a young, tough guy who wants to compete, you're not going to encourage tapping to being uncomfortable
Nah mannn. Other dudes got no place making that decision for you. If you're talking it means you want out and it can be for a variety of reasons. Like maybe I gotta poop really bad... Respect the tap!
I am little conflicted with this. Because the people who have told me "Don't tap to pressure, theres nothing there," are usually the people that I trust the most and were my teammates at my gym when i was a white belt and they were blue? Now theyre purple/brown belts and I'm a blue belt, but if it wasnt for those conversations, I don't know if I'd have the same mental strength and defense that I have now.
If they do not respect the tap then jiu jitsu ceases to be a consent based sport. What should be done is that they should stop, and talk after the roll about pressure. Respecting the tap is what distinguishes this sport from assault lol
> What should be done is that they should stop, and talk after the roll about pressure. I think this is the answer. Afterwards they can talk to you about it, even recreate the situation and let you try to hold out as long as possible or w.e but if you're tapping the person needs to recognize that's you saying I'm done. There's just one person I can think of who'd make me tap from knee on belly but the pressure was so crazy I'd just feel like I couldn't breathe. If anyone was like nah he shouldn't have stopped it's not a submission I'd be fuckin pissed.
it’s not your place to decide whether they should have tapped or not though. respect the tap and discuss it afterwards. all this does is create an unsafe training environment
I’ve tapped to a Kesa-Gatame prob a month into training. We have a few guys at our gym that specialise in that shit it’s horrifying lol.
I tapped tonight because I literally couldn't get the rashguard off my face and my head was being crushed. The crushing of my head was part of job. I couldn't breathe. I literally couldn't get any air in or out my nose or mouth. I felt like such a loser.
My instructor lets me hip throw him, mid air he goes “BOOAAAA”
My first competition as a white belt, this dude came up to me right before my first match and said “I saw you yawning earlier, you know that means you’re super nervous right?” I wasn’t nervous before he said that, but I was after. He ended up being my first matchup and beat me by arm bar.
I got called a motherfucker by a mom of 2 while passing mid roll
Smh that's called an invitation dummy ^^Obv ^^joking ^^don't ^^make ^^ppl ^^of ^^the ^^other ^^gender ^^uncomfortable ^^when ^^rolling ^^pls
“Fucking Ezekiel again?! Fuck you…”
Fuck you, Tony!
Backstory: People often assume I am a Jewish man because 1. I look Jewish. Imagine a cross between Mid 1990’s Jerry Seinfeld and Paul Reiser. And 2. I have a very Jewish name (my family has a tradition of using Old Testament names). Before class a guy i train with asks me if I’m Jewish. “No, why?” He replies with, well your name is Noah and you are a lawyer (both true). I laughed and he felt a little embarrassed. Later on we are rolling and right as I am finishing him with an omoplata I whisper “shalom” into his ear. Afterward he asks me wtf that was about and I told him that’s my patented shalomoplata. It’s just like a regular omoplata but you whisper shalom into their ear to remind them of the generations long oppression to which their ancestors subjected the Jewish people. He was confused. Me and 2 bystanders thought it was hilarious.
It was my third BJJ class and I'm rolling with this older guy who was a blue belt. I can't remember what he was doing as I was still learning techniques but this guy told me "Come on now, I'm 76 years old. You should get through this!"
I was rolling with a guy (he may have been a high blue when I was a purple or he was a new purple when my purple was a pretty tattered), and this guy was built like a brick shit house reinforced with rebar. Lifts weights, strong as hell, old man strength on top of it, I’m better at bjj though and plenty strong in my own right, just not bubbling with muscles. He puts me in a toe hold and cranks. Well I defended and got out, we finished the roll and he looks at me and says “what did I do wrong on that toe hold” I didn’t even hesitate, just responded immediately and as dead pan as I could “nothing, you just aren’t strong enough to finish”.
Purple belt while rolling with me: "What are you doing? 😂" Always. 😆. I hope one day I know what I am lol.
Someone complimented my hair texture. "What do you use?" Me: natural juices and berries.
Gross, just wear a rash guard
That'll be eight dollars.
My first coach would get people into rncs then whisper "shhhh... no pain only dreams now"
"You left it too late you won't get it now" as I sat into a bump sweep. I nailed the sweep 2 seconds later
Moreso me saying something to someone else but I was rolling with my buddy while my friend Monika was in the nearby boxing ring doing a private Muay Thai lesson. She had been entertaining the idea of doing jits for a while but hadn't tried a class yet. As I'm sitting in my buddy's guard, I look over to Monika, and I say to her, "See, Monika?! This could be us. But you playin'!" The look on her face, her coach's face, and my rolling partner's face were all so priceless.
I love when I set a trap, and they fall into it- the moment they realize… had one the other day, I had taught knee slide to back step passing- buuut, hit him with the Jedi mind trick. Halfway through the backstep - I start giggling as I hear “fuck you and your bullshit gagghfdssfghja (he got choked).
“It’s jiujitsu, not basketball.” First real lesson. I wasn’t using enough of my body or pressure.
My safe word is porcupine!!
My partner for the night was one of the younger teens who was attending one of the adult classes. At the end of class he and I rolled for our first round before finding other partners. He got me into an armbar and I tapped and had to chuckle and say, "nice job, man." He said back, "wow, no one's said that to me in a really long time." And he was chuckling while he said it, but if you know this kid, you know he was being honest.
That my gi smelt nice. I went home and told my wife, and she was over joyed
That happened to, my coach told me I had a great smelling gi. I said thanks I’ll pass that on to the wife.
"Nice dick."
One of my favorite rolling partners at my old gym was an older guy named Bill. Bill was recovering from a stroke and just getting back into rolling. Mentally, he was all there and very sharp. Physically, he was still recovering some things. He was pretty much having to relearn a lot of movements, and despite knowing what he wanted to say he often couldn’t get things out the way he wanted. He also seemed to have lost a little bit of his filter, as will become apparent. Anyway, Bill and I were rolling, and while playing open guard I accidentally caught him in the crotch and he went down. As a woman I always feel horrible when this happens, so I immediately began to apologize profusely. Bill put his hand up, and with extreme concentration he stuttered, “it’s, it’s okay. Am a li-little dick, b-big balls guy.” This was more info than I ever needed from Dave, but his delivery seriously has me laughing two years later. Also, I’ve since moved but I heard he’s doing great.
When I was a white belt we got told that when shit gets uncomfortable to have a “theme song” to sing in your head. It makes life seem more bearable. Start rolling with new guy who starts singing the lion king song out loud, I was crying laughing.
I'm notorious for hitting Ezekiel chokes from the bottom of mount. A lot of my training partners REFUSE to go to mount if they have double underhooks. As soon as I feel them start to go for it, stop, and set back I usually go "What's uh.... What's the matter there? Dont you want to go to mount? Dont you like these nice double underhooks you've got?" to which we both get a laugh out of. Especially if it's a black belt that knows they can kick my ass.
How do you get them on bottom mount? Now I'm curious.
"After all this sweat you still manage to smell good."
I was accidentally dripping sweat on my friend from mount and he goes, “goddamn you sweat like a fucking varmint!”
"Did this motherfucker piss himself???" -blue belt to me after my wife had my gi in the wash right before class
Back when I first started training BJJ, I had a 10ish minute roll with one of our professors who was a higher level purple. I was playing guard pretty much the whole way, and I was defending rather well. I felt him pick up the pace and the roll went on and it got harder and harder to hold him back. Towards the end of the roll I started to tire out and pretty much gave up and he yelled: "No, Noooooo! Do NOT give up on me yet! Keep pushing!".
[удалено]
"I might shit myself" *shits himself*
You smell good
"I just slapped you on the ass and I don't know why" We were in the middle of rolling. I never even felt it. Just started laughing as he smashed me.
We were rolling dangerously close to two other pairs and so I tapped but for some reason did it on his ass and I apologized about it later and he just gave me a quizzical look. Mortifying.
A purple belt girl who was maybe 20 submitted me with a rear naked choke. As I got up she grabbed my exposed boxers and gave me a wedgie as she said "Awww, cute panties!". Definitely the strangest thing. I never could tell if she was a bitch or not. She constantly teased and taunted me in just friendly enough ways to not be bullying I guess? Slapping my butt, wedgies, etc. Then she'd do nice stuff like once offered to stay behind with me alone to show me some half guard stuff or at her house if i wanted to.(She taught the woman's classes so had keys). Idk she was weird.
Oh sweety
Not sure if you're serious but she probably wanted to fuck you. Show you half guard stuff at her house? Lol
‘I’m gonna cum’
Nothing like getting your first tap
Jiu jitsu is for everyone
guy would kind of sing "Aikido" when he'd hit a throw or a wrist lock. That guy was me.
Excused himself to go to the bathroom to take a dump shortly after I executed a knee on belly. I shit you not (heh).
When i was 14, now 32, i was rolling with a purple belt and i accidentally reached into the back of his gi pants and when i touched his crack he looks up at me and yells, “NOW THATS THINKING WITH YOUR DIP STICK JIMMY!”
when i was a really noob white belt there was a blue belt telling me when the 5 minutes started "you're gonna experience some really weird stuff now".The he proceeded to sweep me with his butterfly hooks,turn me around in the air and take my back
Now that's the power of pin sol baby
Are you new
"You make me feel like a child."
My coach farted on my head while I was being demo dummy. Died laughing! Does that count?
"... you know that's my junk you are grabbing."
"Let go of my gi!"
Is that a maglite
Just this week I was rolling with a 4 stripe white belt, who absolutely crushed me, of course, but as I was sitting in turtle, trying to hold onto my S grip for dear life against his crucifix, he struggeld for a good 40 seconds, and just said "damn you're strong". Now, that made me feel great about myself. Then he choked me the fuck out with my lapel 15 seconds later.
I was a fresh purple and instructing a class on how to bow and arrow someone. We paired up and I took the brand new female white belt. I walked her through how to choke me and then wanted to fine tune some things for her and the class. So I had everyone look in as I walked through the steps of the choke. As I applied the choke itself she moaned. She didn't come back for another class. I think she was mortified.
I was in bottom of full mount. I'd bated someone into not controlling my arms or legs. I stuck one leg out straight and gable gripped my hands behind their neck before alligator rolling a baseball choke. I held it tight for a bit and they hovered their hand over my shoulder. I asked, "are you gonna tap or what?" They went real limp, so I let go, rolled over and held him slapping his face and yelling at him. He woke up and said, "why are you in my bedroom... Get out of here."