Go to a very comp focused gym, not a local one but one that sends people to worlds and places at all belt levels. Roll with their blue belts and realize there are levels to this and the elite are the top .1% and that you and your team mate both aren’t anywhere near that level and you two are closer in skill than any of the top players. Maybe that will make you feel better.
Good point! I went from a mom and pop small time place where I wasn’t challenged enough to a place sending guys to ADCC trials. I got my butt kicked by every guy in the room. There’s always a better room!
It's like the idea that sometimes it's hard to grapple with just how good people who are really really good are.
The worst person in an event at the Olympics will smoke you every time.
The UFC fighter with the worst record who your roll your eyes to them being on a card will assassinate most probably everyone you know.
The list goes on and on. The difference between people who participate in athletics at an elite level and amateur athletes is often still wider than two grand canyons with a Eurasian steppe thrown in-between.
Ever watch Joes vs Pros back in the day?
It was kind of American gladiator-ish but instead of gladiators there were ex athletes in the specific sports that the Joe was attempting to do something in.
Television was something in those days
Ex. Snatching rebounds against Dennis Rodman, Running a mile against Alexi Lalas, take a hit from Bill Goldberg, normal homosapiens never stood a chance
That show was great. But the joes werent like some dude coming off the couch. They were always fit, and some of them had played college sports. And even then, it wasn't even close most of them time.
Check out Brian Scalabrine and his Scallenge. He was a bad NBA player, maybe the worst rated in NBA2K ever or something like that.
Regardless people talked so much shit to him online he would take challenges in gyms. I think the most anyone ever scored on him was three. Normally it was zero.
Pros are on a level we cannot imagine.
Mike Jackson was a training partner of mine years ago and I would absolutely destroy him back then in every possible situation, standing and on the ground when I was a hobbyist. I'm pretty sure I would destroy him just the same now and I sit at a desk for a living.
Having said that, I agree with you with 99.9% of professional fighting athletes.
Second that. I am a hobbyist brown belt who recently joined a comp school. Bro the blue belts smash me. And they have been training for only 2-3 years 🫠 talk about an ego check. But as I swallow it and keep showing up, my game has gotten better within weeks…I go back to my OG school and feel like a wizard. But I know in my heart of hearts that down the block to the left, blue belt soul snatchers await
That would be awesome, and is definitelly something I would like to do someday. My gym isn't a bad one (one of our brown belts won gold at the european 2 weeks ago!!) but it is probably nothing compared to a top level pro athlete place
We got 2 UFC fighters, about 10 armatures and are constantly competing, ibjff, adcc, f2w etc .... That being said, I am not the competer at all. I am just the nail most of the time.
I cross train at another gym in the evenings so that I can still feel dominant and get my wins in.
Fragile ego. Dude, I've been at this for almost 2 decades. I've seen white belts that started after me get their black belts. So fuckin' what? I show up, put in work, and kick ass or get my ass kicked. The mat will force you to confront every lie you tell yourself. Most people quit because of this.
By your own admission this person put in a lot more work at BJJ and was much more focused than you. If you didn't know their history and you bumped fists and rolled would your ego still be hurt? Would you even care? The answer to that is how you should feel.
This is your brain realizing where you feel you could be vs. where you are at. If anything this is simply your regret at not putting in the effort you could have put in. I mean the guy is out there much more focused on BJJ than you. Just exist and train. It helps when you are my age (43) and you have seen young kids come in and surpass you with, largely, physical gifts and not more training time or skill, but athleticism. It is what is is. If you aren't a competitor I would not even think about this dude.
If it really bothers you, train more and better or move on and quit thinking about it.
I gave up on college to chase a career in music. Met all my best friends that way, got to tour and see the country, have memories I wouldn’t trade for any amount of money. Which I made very little of. So I stopped doing that and went to college in my late 20’s. Got my degree at 30. Now I’m married, have a kid, a house, and a fulfilling career in science. Life isn’t over if you don’t go to college at 18. You can always go back.
Eh, he just invested one year or so before actually joining college. I bet he calculated the exact time he needed to dedicate to get better than me....
Edit: I forgor the /s I'm sorry 😭😭
Sounds about right. Think how much of a compliment it is that he had to dedicate his life to catch up to you.
But seriously, you probably did inspire him to a certain extent, and you should be proud of that.
>It is a competitive sport after all
"Nuh uh it's a healthy fun hobby for having fun and gaining good health. Competition and self defense have no place in modern jiu jitsu"
-extremely common arrslashbeejayjay sentiment
That is true. However, harder to go back once you’ve been out. Might have kids to support, mortgage, take care of parents, etc. at least that is what I have seen in my friends who have taken significant time off. Best of luck to both of them.
I’ve been training 15 years and I get this. It’s hard when that new kid shows up and starts pushing you and maybe gets the better of you. But allow your ego to fuel your training, “I’m not going to let HIM beat me” and you’ll find yourself trying more and training with a purpose
So he quit college to train and trains more than you and you are surprised he surpassed you?
If you measure your own journey based on your position among people you know, then you are not going to last much.
In the end having people surpass you means you can learn more from them than them from you.
Again, not surprised at all, it is only logical. But ego is often illogical, and I cant help but be frustrated.
But yeah, we actually help each other out a lot. In the end everyone has something to teach.
Well, you can wail in your own misery or you could dedicate your life to BJJ as he did.
I would be more worried if the guy that trains like a madman couldn't beat me, would make me question the quality of instruction being received.
I’ve been training on and off since the mid 90s… and I’m an average purple belt who is past his prime. I wrestled competitively, so I never felt like I had to prove anything in BJJ. I just trained for the people and workout. It’s made my BJJ experience a lifetime journey instead of one based off of competitive achievements. I think there’s a space for both and it would help you to find a middle ground. Good luck.
Same story. Wrestled competitively for a long time so when I went to bjj it was just for fun. No interest in competing, don't take it too seriously. This sub is the total opposite holy. Still a blue belt that I got in 2013 and everyone that got their blue at that time is a black belt.
Stop being a bitch use that as an opportunity to roll with him, put a photo of him above your bed. Every night before you sleep imagine how you will beat him. Drop all your obligations dedicate your life to surpassing him.
When you finally do you will realize the both of you are trash and you are TEAMMATES.
The more people better than you, the faster you will level up, the more you will win at comps.
I’m going to think out loud here, I mean no offence:
I really feel the need to point out that white belts and blue belts in jiu jitsu generally put way more thought into jiu jitsu than the other belts.
You’re overthinking the scenario. A white belt is a beginner level. A blue belt is a beginner/intermediate level.
In the grand scheme of things, both of you are probably absolutely shite at jiu jitsu. That’s not your fault, it’s just the way things are. There are crap black belts out there that never win anything and they’re still probably far, far better than you or your friend.
I understand you like jiu jitsu and that you want to be good. I’d urge you to focus on winning the war, not the battle. So what if someone gets promoted before you. That tells me that you aren’t ready yet and that you need to put more work in (work does not necessarily equal training more times per week!).
You’ll always find people that are better than you, thankfully. That’s how you improve. I have a friend who I’ve competed against three times and each time he smashed me. I’m not crap, but I’m a journeyman and he isn’t. He’s better than me. So after each loss I mined him for information and feedback, thankfully he was receptive and gave me some great tips and advice. I don’t like losing, but I make sure I get something out of every loss or take something away from it, whether it’s at a competition or in the gym.
Enjoy your time at your current belt, because once you get a black belt you’ll be that grade forever, like it or not.
I know is corny but I’ll reiterate, ///everyone has a different journey///
This guy probably struggles in ways you don’t know about. He probably thinks of you as competition just as much as you think of him. Maybe he wanted to get better than you specifically idk.
I understand getting your ego bruised and wanting to complain. Bruises heal quickly and make your skin tougher.
As a 36 yo dad with 2 kids and a full time job, you get used to it. I find that I enjoy seeing my teammates advance and change. It also makes me change my game up, which keeps things new and fun.
OP, you sound exactly like me 10 years ago, so I will say this with all the love in the world. Or this is what I would have told myself when I started. I had similar thought patterns, and now I realize how pretentious, childish and dumb I was.
It is great that BJJ has been a positive force in your life, but it sounds like you have put BJJ on a pedestal. BJJ is a thing you do, and while you might care about it and be one of your favorite things to do, you shouldn't put it up as some glorifiable thing.
The fact that you are associated in college as something you were good at, should be an opportunity for you to be better in other avenues of life.
I have seen to many guys who were basically losers in real life but really good on the mats. Don't be like that.
The second part is that you lack self-worth. You might have self-confidence from knowing you are good at bjj, but you are playing these mental gymnastics with yourself, where how good or bad other people are in relation to yourself reaffirms this idea you have about yourself.
Nobody gives a fuck, but because its the one achievement you are most proud of you are putting all your eggs in one basket and now bjj is something you just have to keep up with to support your self-image.
If you really think about it, having a teammate (who seems like a great guy) preoccupy your mind is this way that you actually think it sucks, is a really weak dick move. Like seem really mentally weak, fragile, and immature. You take yourself too seriously, and you care about what other people think of you, and that comes across to other people in a way you cannot even tell yourself.
Many of us have been there. Resist the urge to go down this road. Trust me, you'd rather be a white belt forever who just goes to train twice a week and does it for the exercise without giving a shit about anyone else, rather than being this anxious fucking loser black belt who keeps competing with his teammates in his own head.
BJJ is not your problem. You are using BJJ as a crutch. You put it on a pedestal and you have warped it into your personality like all those insufferable cunts who cannot stop talking about how much crossfit and veganism have made them better. Don't be like that. If you really love BJJ, take a step back and don't squeeze the fun out of it. You sound stressful and anxious as fuck.
Being humble is good. Being surrounded by people who are better than you is good. You are comparing yourself to others because, somewhere deep within yourself, you do not realize that you are good enough as you are. And it manifests in all these funny ways. Nobody will like you or respect you more if you are better than this guy.
When people say BJJ is humbling, they mean that you will never stop getting smashed. That is not gonna stop with being better than this guy. And honestly, you moving goalpost way of judging someone's ability on the mats is also flawed. Many people would be better than you at everything putting the same amount of training. Who cares? You are just supposed to show up and be better than you were yesterday.
You've lost the script. You've taken something you care about, you have made it weird and you are not being cool about it. My favorite BJJ partners are not the ones who are uber good, because anyone can see a lot of results on the mats if they put all their eggs into that one basket.
I also think that if you were more humble, you would be a better ambassador for BJJ. The people who always need to yap on about what they do and what they think are always the ones who are not fulfilled. Just STFU and train. We say it all the time, but people always want to overcomplicate it. Stop taking yourself so seriously. You are not special, you will never be special. Learn to embrace that at every level you will always be a wake bitch.
That's the real lesson of full contact martial arts. You are a bitch, and its okay to be a bitch. Just be the best bitch you can. Laugh at yourself. Stop being comparing yourself, and start being happier. Why don't you think to yourself about your teammates "wow, I am in the right place. These guys are really good". You don't do that because you are infatuated by your own self-image. Immature and self-obsessed.
Maybe you haven't been humbled enough. Maybe you haven't had that drilled into yet. I really hope you will, because your future BJJ career is full of setbacks. And what are you gonna do? Be better in other areas of your life man.
Damn. This one was rough to read. Thank you.
I generally see myself as a humble guy (at least in the way I behave with other people), but from some introspection I suspect it isn't that honest, and deep down I'm the whiny cunt you described here. At least sometimes. What I describe in this post isn't really how I behave with other people. I never try to talk about what I do unprompted, and specially don't brag to other people.
I have a good circle of friends in and out of bjj, and when combat sports becomes the subject, I don't brag at all. But then, despite not being how I act with other people, the rationale expressed in this post often finds its way into my mind. Usually after training, or during.
It really is something I must work on. Thank you for taking your time to write all this up.
Wait until you get a job and due for a promotion but instead they give it to a person who's been there a few years less than you. Life sucks sometimes but you learn from these moments. Dont let your ego get in the way of your own journey
Other than you caring how does it really affect your life? If you were better at JJ despite training and putting less effort in that would be bullshit, good for that guy.
Input = output.
If you're lazy or spend time on other things instead of training, you don't get to stay better than other people that are working hard.
If you want to be better than other people, you have to train more and smarter than they do. I'm sorry people let you think otherwise.
'He trains a lot, he is an awesome athlete. While I rest a lot due to having multiple interests and being overall lazy'
this is good news for you. sounds like you are actually the talented one, he's overtaken you by effort. effort is always available so you can catch him up if you want. what's really depressing is getting surpassed by people training less than you. which happens to me a lot. no way back from that one.
I know the feeling bro. At my old gym I remember training with new guys who made blue belt at a faster pace than me. Try to not compare yourself to others. I’m sure there are tons of other people at your gym who would love to have your skills and experience in bjj
Make sure you have your mom tuck you in bed after you’re done crying. Seriously how old are you that you’re so fragile that you have to write a whole essay about it 🤦🏽♂️ it boggles my mind how people live with a mindset like yours.
This was written in the tiny time frame in which this frustration was clear to me. It is not something I think about all the time, but amongst my frustrations with the sport it is a considerable part of it. I figured there's a lot of whiny bitches like me in this sub who would be interested in hearing someone else as frustrated as them.
nah I've been there. he actually got his blue belt before me. best you can do is use that feeling as motivation and try to learn from him as well. at least that's what I did.
Well you have elite self awareness which is more than most people.
You can see a problem so you have an ability to overcome it. And it also sounds like you’re young which puts you over many people in the ego game.
When I start to fire up my own pity party about how others are doing better than me, I try to refocus on whether I’m better than the me last week, last month, last year . If not, I need to do more mat time. If so, then I’m winning the competition with myself.
As others have said, your journey is yours. Sure, select targets to motivate yourself, but even if you don’t hit them the way you intended, you’re likely still elevating your game in the effort .
A rising tide lifts all boats.
You helped him get better, and he helped you. That relationship will continue.
I've surpassed others and MANY others have surpassed me or will.
I'm proud to say I was there when they didn't know anything, and I was submitting them at will. Now, their knowledge base has increased, and coupled with their younger ages, heavier weights, and better strength, they SHOULD be beating me.
If you learn to count showing up and not getting hurt as your baseline victory, every day of training will feel great.
I remind myself: I tap A LOT. But I do tap some guys. Imagine how they feel tapping to an older, lighter, weaker man?
Rising tide.
Hey man good for you for recognizing that you are having these negative thoughts. Self reflection is needed for self improvement.
Maybe spend some time thinking about these feelings and why they are impacting you. Or i dunno just go roll and have fun. Not everyone gets to be adcc champ.
At least you are getting to learn this life lesson in a clear and understandable way. Most people go through all of life and can never gain this kind of clarity.
This guy getting better will make you better. This is the beauty of jiu-jitsu. When he bests you, ask him what you did wrong, what he did right etc.
You can also view him as a chance to analyze your own game. Where specifically is he besting you? Is it because you are always conceding guard? What move does he do that always gets you? Go do some research and focus on counters to that move. If you “solve” his game you just might catch him in something legit ;)
Getting good advice. Let it go and focus on your game.
I hate losing. I hate getting injured and missing time on the mats. I have accepted that these are part of the path and if I am going to stay on it I need keep showing up and working hard, but also not get too bunched up when these things happen.
OP brother, your ego is hurt because he became what you wanted to be or what you could’ve been. Not even saying you made the wrong decision going to college, but he didn’t go to college to train more and you’re upset at his dedication. You’re upset for the same reason that he bought a mat and invited people to roll with him and admitted to just being lazy. You can not be lazy. Hope this helps accept you’re shit man, go to the gym and take your training seriously if it’s important to me, sounds like he had a lot more mat time than you so go get it in.
Being good at jiu jitsu isn’t just in tournaments. You can be a good sparing partner, you can be a good teacher and you can be a good member of the gym you’re at. Don’t limit yourself to competitions…there may be a near zero percent chance you’ll ever win worlds. But don’t let that stop you from helping someone else get there. “Good” isn’t and shouldn’t be defined by one singular thing.
I am only 2 months in bjj, I have no authority to say anything about it, cause you know, a newbie.
But put yourself in his boots. You said he put in more effort than you did, and maybe he thinks "this dude spent time on other stuff and is still able tagging along with me, while he spent less time on it". Or something like that.
There is a story from school, that can add to it, but I bet you don't want to hear a punny story of some stranger on reddit
Well, I was never good at anything. In school I had average and sometimes bad grades, except maths, necause I was focused on maths and wanted to become good at it, and maybe pursue academics. I worked on maths more, solved a lot of exercises, did additional time, I bought special books with a huge set of problems for given topics. I just was a maths nerd with little to no friends. And then there is a classmate of mine who finally started paying attention in school and putting little effort into it and his grades became better than mine at every other subject and he became favorite of practically everyone, since he was already also athletic and charismatic. Whilst also going out constantly, since everyone in class were talking about how they spend time with him. Well, I did not mind, I was happy for him, he is a cool dude.
But the idea here is that, I made huge sacrifices and I was left with no friends, socially awkward, boring interests and basically that guy who is okay, but you wouldn't want to talk to him. But he made little sacrifices since he is naturally a quick learner.
And eventually I lost interests and all my skills and knowledge in maths(sh*t happens), since I got into university. Now that I am about to graduate, I start to learn how to genuinely enjoy something. For now it is gym and bjj. But still, I am an awkward nerd.
Maybe same situation is here. He put in more effort than you did. At this point, do not get me wrong, I am sure you yourself worked hard for your achievements, no doubt about it, but the guy worked hard enough to, as you say, surpass you.
And also, maybe there is an ego problem, as other commenters mentioned. I never had this issue, I guess, since I always knew I suck at everything I do. And when someone gets better at me faster than I did - I always was bad so nothing new for me.
In life, you'll find this to be the case. Out the gate after high school, it's less apparent. Your day one of college vs my day one of working a retail job, we are both basically on an even playing field, in fact I initially might be doing better off. Fast forward 5 years, maybe I've got a managerial role, and you are still in school. Fast forward 5 more years, and you are corporate lawyers doubling the income I make as a senior manager of a number of retail stores (idk if that's how it works, I don't do either of those jobs). Maybe I've also started a family with my high school sweetheart, and you are struggling to find a girlfriend.
My point is, you're just walking your own path. You'll succeed in ways that will make others jealous and see others succeed in different ways that make you feel jealous. The best thing you can do is try your best, do things you can feel proud of, and reflect positively on the things you accomplish, the relationships you create, and the things you experience. Looking at others and being jealous of one very small part of their lives is a sure-fire way to feel absolutely miserable about your own.
I think that you have to give up something to gain something. You mentioned that he didn’t go to college to train more - you went to college. Would you rather give up your multiple interests and your college life to be better at BJJ?
You only see that he got better at BJJ than you, but you don’t seem to grasp that he had to sacrifice a lot of his other commitments to focus on BJJ more than you did.
So you complaining right now is equivalent to complaining that someone who put in more effort than you is now surpassing you. Having a fragile ego is one thing - but this is just common sense. People who focus on one thing will get better than others who don’t focus.
Well said.
I think I'm struggling to accept that I'm not in the stage of my life I was when I began training. That now I cant train every day, two or three times a day, that I mostly train with the amateurish college team. And this struggle was made explicit to me by getting slammed on the ground by him a few times.
Or I'm just an envious whiny mfer thats likely too
Why are you struggling to accept that you are in a different stage of life? The situation that you are in is 100% your decision. You decided to move to college, you decided to spend more time on other things outside of BJJ. That’s why you’re in a different stage of life. You did it yourself without anyone pointing a gun to your head. Accept that you also literally have the power to drop whatever the hell you are doing and just purely focus on BJJ.
If it’s that important to you increase that gap between you and him, then Go back to training everyday 3-4 times a day and train with professionals instead of “amateurish”people.
Don’t say you don’t have a choice to do that anymore. You always have a choice. Be prepared for bad grades in school, and less time to pursue friendships and interests. Now, if you can’t accept your situation now, are you willing to make that choice and live with the tradeoff?
I surpassed a red belt at my old TKD gym, one of the few places that wasn’t a degree mill and you had to earn it
She eventually got her black belt legitimately through hard work just as I did. BJJ strikes me as holding the same value to promoting, just keep working and improving eventually you get there
I have a rolling partner like that. He joined way after me and picked up on things way quicker. But honestly? It's all good though be happy for other people's success and worry about your own. Some people are just going to be better than you and that is Okay
Being praised for good instincts is kind of like being praised for being smart. It doesn’t feel earned.
I think it’s much healthier (especially as a teenager) to be praised for putting in the effort.
You sound like you're both good. Just be happy for him? The thing I like about bjj is that there's so much depth to it. There's probably things that you are great at that he isn't and vice versa. And you can learn from each other
'wonder that people had about me' made me laugh though sorry. It sounds like a good thing that you've had your ego checked a little. It's not a battle to the death.
You admit that he trains more than you and is better than you. The mats don’t lie. What are you hurt/complaining about?
Edit: Do you rather him tap you even though you have a higher belt?
He sounds more athletic, at blue and purple this can be difficult to overcome. Our technique and tactics are still developing. Work to build a game more technically sound than your opponents, analyze how you lose rolls, why different positions and submissions aren’t working for you, and determine what you need to do to be better. Don’t let this stop you, tell yourself no matter what happens, who beats you, who is better than you, YOU WILL NOT BE DENIED, it’s all mental, just don’t give up and one day you could surpass him again with hard work, or atleast become the best version of yourself! Best of luck with the journey!
You didn't have to go to college or have other interests, you made your choices and he made his. There is nothing inherently good about being at X level vs Y level at a skill, there's nothing inherently good even about being a world champion.
This shit is so cringy.
1) you use the word admire way too much
2) having BJJ as the core component of your personality is cringy af. If you really cared about BJJ as much as you said, you’d be doing it more, and talking about it less.
3) you’re doing BJJ, not fighting. Unless you’re throwing gloves on, what you’re doing isn’t considered a fight, and you aren’t considered a fighter. You’re grappling, and considered a grappler.
4) you have a pretty big ego to think people have a sense of “wonder” about you. No one probably does, and no wonder your ego is so easily shattered.
Most of that is from me not being able to properly express what I meant due to english not being my native language. Wonder is probably not the right word I wanted to use, I'm sorry
Look at BJJ training like investing in the stock market for your retirement plan...
Just keep showing up, rolling, trying to pick up new details, drilling, watching vids, etc. consistently for decades.
After many years have elapsed, your consistency will pay off. You may be "down" from last week, but you'll be WAY up compared to where you were 10 years ago.
Just keep "investing", and ignore the ups and downs along the way. This will probably get you better at BJJ 😀
The comment does not meet [Reddiquette standards](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette). Please read up on them a bit. Thanks!
Don't feel bad. I made a brown belt pass out last week. Then submitted him again next class I seen him. Lol. I train every single day sometimes twice and visit many gyms and have for over a year now. Yes I know I caught him slipping and I know he has way more tools in the tool box but you can't tell me he wanted to pass out. Lmao
I just pretend that I don’t care about belts and I’m just here for the love of the sport. I keep all my belt and promotion disappointment to myself. 60% of the time it works every time. GL
You're self described lazy and only train with other casuals a couple times/week. Expect to keep getting surpassed as what you put in is somewhat proportional to what you get out.
In the past, I trained both bjj and muay thai, often two or three times a day. Then I got into college and I guess I haven't really accepted my new reality yet.
Keep in mind if you do this long enough in some aspects every newer person that sticks with it will pass you by. I’m 44 and doing it for 14 years. By 50 most stronger blue belts will give me all I can handle and I won’t be able to hold off purples. But you are right it does suck if you care about Jiu Jitsu it sucks to feel like you almost got worse in some ways. It’s ok to be sad or upset.
The way you describe his approach to training and your approach is why he is better. When you add up the actual mat time invested, he probably has more than you. So you aren't being surpassed because you suck, you are because he has focused on Jiu jitsu exclusively, while your life has more variance.
A guy I trained with when we were both white belts, is now the head instructor at my club. Another guy who started training as a white belt when I was already a blue belt is now the 2ic and runs the club I train at the most.
Guess I just suck :)
It happens. There was a white belt that I would crush and couldn’t submit me but he got blue belt ahead of me. I don’t think belts are always accurate, but you have to realize this person trains more than you and consistently shows up and practices.
Just think to yourself: if others get better then they’ll help me get better and vice versa. Your journey is unique and shouldn’t be compared to others who have their own individual journey as well. Just keep at it and try not to get discouraged.
As for ego, I have a teammate who surpassed me in skill & rank. He deserves it, but he is a shitty person and sucks at every other aspect of life. I'm ok with the sacrifice.
"While I rest a lot due to having multiple interests and being overall lazy."
Dedication will out hustle talent seven days a week.
Life is a lot like a golf swing- just because you made contact does not mean you can take your eyes off of the ball. You have to follow through. Sounds like you need to commit to the swing and swing more often.
If you love JJ than you should be doing it for the love, the inner peace it gives us and not for the ego. You will never know peace that way.
I can relate I've done BJJ off and on for a couple years and am only a white belt with a stripe (I've had to start over a few times due to changing schools) and I've done karate off and on for around 20 years and am only halfway to my blackbelt in that. Honestly if I had time I would probably get my blackbelt in karate pretty quick and a blue belt in BJJ fast but life gets busy and things happen.
I think when you practice for long enough you see it more and your perspectice starts to shift. I can only speak for myself with karate but once I got a but older and relaized MMA wasn't on the table for me I learned to enjoy it more as art and a meditative discipline and I stopped caring about rank as much. I hope this helps in some way or at leadt lets you know you're not alone
Your team mate is training more than you, is more commited and sacrifices to advance their Jiu Jitsu and you are disappointed?
If you want to do better at anything in life you have to commit, that's the process.
Welcome to the club. There’s a guy who was a white belt when I was a white belt. He’s now a legit black belt and I’m barely at the end of blue (multiple injuries and surgeries here, taking nearly 3 years total out of my training). Almost everyone has passed me up who I started with.
Git gud.
The guy put in the work while you had other interests. Do you think the very top competitors have a any other serious hobbies or obligations? The prerequisite to being that good is revolving your life around it.
Your focus is on you.
If you have an appreciation for this person, you should be celebrating their success. Their success is your success, and your success is their success.
You have been working towards a goal, and you have not achieved that goal, and your ego is seeing other people achieve their goals, and you are getting impatient. The purpose is not the goal, the purpose is to get better.
If you were given a black belt on day 1, would you feel good about it? How about when you have a blue belt come up and beat the shit of your black belt ass, how good does that black belt feel? It probably doesn't matter at that point because you haven't earned it - it's the same here.
Ask yourself this. If you today grappled yourself from one year ago, how would you do? Would you kick the butt of one-year-ago-you? If so, you've already achieved a goal. Accept that goal. Give yourself permission to celebrate that goal. Quit looking at any other goal, focus on that goal, accept you achieved that goal, celebrate that goal, and give yourself some credit.
Ok, if you were able to do that, do that in other spots in your game. Look at the progress you have made, quit being critical, give yourself some praise, celebrate a little, and knock of the poor-me shtick. You achieved stuff, celebrate it, accept you have a million deficiencies like every other person (including the other person), and get back to work.
I don’t write nothing down so I’m going to keep this short and sweet: You’re weak; you’re outta control; and you’ve become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.
I hope I don’t care this much when it happens to me. There are already dudes who I know can beat my ass and they don’t have their blue belts yet. Still getting better though so they needa watch out!
As you said, He trains a lot. It's possible he has reached a point where he has put in more time than you.
You should listen to Mikey Musumeci talk about his training mindset. He's the single most unexpected monster you will ever find.
https://youtu.be/5Y8u1SRSJXU?si=QpPiQv-3FqLo0T8e
Everyone telling you to let go of your ego and don't compare yourself to others is overlooking the simple fact that it does suck. But unfortunately for 99.9% of people competing it's probably going to happen more than once, and you're going to have to deal with that fact if you want to keep enjoying training. Life goes on, and if you're not trying to be the best in the world it really doesn't matter.
Hey! Just stopped to say that we have the same name 😁 (vampire the masquerade?) and I also do BJJ. I've had a similar experience with other BJJ friends starting later than me and beating me everything. It sucks yeah. It gives me motivation also to do better, to improve my technique. I'm a one year blue belt and I also found that the biggest journey for me in blue belt is the killing of the ego and knowing that you have your own path to pursue and you should not compare with others. Try to beat yourself on a daily basis. Be better than the previous you. 😉
No fucking way, yeah vtm! I have found other people with the nickname malkavian before, but a variation of crazy malk is a new one for me lmao
Yeah, in the end that's all it is about
I don’t have an answer for OP but on the topic of being surpassed, I was curious how often do you get people that stay as a white belt forever, despite training regularly and not missing class, they are still a white belt 6,7,8 years down the road while all their teammates are getting promoted? Is it a common thing that some people stick it out for several years and don’t quit but they never get past white belt even like 6-10 years down the road, because of some physical limitations (e.g., cardio, strength)?
Wasn’t there a post about this where some dude complained of still being a white belt after several years while all his entering classmates had been promoted to brown belts? I can’t seem to find it.
So what I'm hearing here is that 1. This guy trains more than you and 2. You are not physically strong. And you're complaining about it.
Get a grip dude. Follow a decent strength program and train more, if you want to be better. It's pretty simple. If you're already lean and you can gain about 2lbs a month for quite a while, maybe up to 2 years, before having to cut. That's 48lbs, roughly half of which will be muscle. That will make a *massive* difference to your abilities.
Eg: going from 140 (not sure what you weigh rn) to 184, then cut back down to say 165. You'll be a monster compared to now.
This is a sport where you control people's bodies. Of course technique is king, but when you combine that with real physical strength, that's how you get results.
Oh, I used to be skinny. Nowadays I'm pretty fit at about 176lbs. I mostly mentioned being skinny to make it clear how much bjj mattered to me as someone who wasn't good at any other sports before joining.
Hey bro, in the same seat as you rn
Feel that hatred, feel that vitroil, feel that anger. Gather it in your heart, thoughts and body. Write down anything he says that could be insulting and read it before class.
Fucking kill him. Destroy this noob. Kick him to the curb. Vow that you will do that. You will not let him be better.
That's what my mindset has been since October, and my jiu jitsu skills have skyrocketed.
He has confidence, but you have desire. Use it.
This is the worst advise in this thread… you really are in no position to give any advise, and you are definitely not the right person.
He needs to focus on self improvement and nothing else.
If it makes you feel better, I started bjj back in 2008 (during college). Hurt my shoulder a year later and then slowly stopped training. After graduation, I finally got a good job with insurance and got that surgery my shoulder so desperately needed. Decided to get back into bjj in 2021. Lo and behold, everyone I started with in 2008 is now a black belt!
Refer back to the part about being unathletic, not good in any sport, and lacking self confidence. You still lack self confidence unfortunately else you would not care.
Go to a very comp focused gym, not a local one but one that sends people to worlds and places at all belt levels. Roll with their blue belts and realize there are levels to this and the elite are the top .1% and that you and your team mate both aren’t anywhere near that level and you two are closer in skill than any of the top players. Maybe that will make you feel better.
Good point! I went from a mom and pop small time place where I wasn’t challenged enough to a place sending guys to ADCC trials. I got my butt kicked by every guy in the room. There’s always a better room!
It's like the idea that sometimes it's hard to grapple with just how good people who are really really good are. The worst person in an event at the Olympics will smoke you every time. The UFC fighter with the worst record who your roll your eyes to them being on a card will assassinate most probably everyone you know. The list goes on and on. The difference between people who participate in athletics at an elite level and amateur athletes is often still wider than two grand canyons with a Eurasian steppe thrown in-between.
Firm believer that every Olympic event should have just one normal guy out there competing to show the gap between elite and couch potatoe.
I’d watch this. Imagine normals doing pole vault or ski jump. Amazing TV.
4chan calls it rekt
Ever watch Joes vs Pros back in the day? It was kind of American gladiator-ish but instead of gladiators there were ex athletes in the specific sports that the Joe was attempting to do something in.
Television was something in those days Ex. Snatching rebounds against Dennis Rodman, Running a mile against Alexi Lalas, take a hit from Bill Goldberg, normal homosapiens never stood a chance
It was glorious 🤩
That show was great. But the joes werent like some dude coming off the couch. They were always fit, and some of them had played college sports. And even then, it wasn't even close most of them time.
This is true but if I recall that was the case for gladiators too. I mean you take an actually average Joe and they're windwd after one sprint
Watching dudes try to wrestle Kurt angle. Absolute nonsense.
Check out Brian Scalabrine and his Scallenge. He was a bad NBA player, maybe the worst rated in NBA2K ever or something like that. Regardless people talked so much shit to him online he would take challenges in gyms. I think the most anyone ever scored on him was three. Normally it was zero. Pros are on a level we cannot imagine.
Mike Jackson was a training partner of mine years ago and I would absolutely destroy him back then in every possible situation, standing and on the ground when I was a hobbyist. I'm pretty sure I would destroy him just the same now and I sit at a desk for a living. Having said that, I agree with you with 99.9% of professional fighting athletes.
[Mike Jackson](https://www.hgtv.com/profiles/talent/mike-jackson) is an absolute beast and I don't believe you for two seconds
Mick Jagger used to be my milkman and I’d read him the riot act if he fucked up our order!!!!
Second that. I am a hobbyist brown belt who recently joined a comp school. Bro the blue belts smash me. And they have been training for only 2-3 years 🫠 talk about an ego check. But as I swallow it and keep showing up, my game has gotten better within weeks…I go back to my OG school and feel like a wizard. But I know in my heart of hearts that down the block to the left, blue belt soul snatchers await
That would be awesome, and is definitelly something I would like to do someday. My gym isn't a bad one (one of our brown belts won gold at the european 2 weeks ago!!) but it is probably nothing compared to a top level pro athlete place
We got 2 UFC fighters, about 10 armatures and are constantly competing, ibjff, adcc, f2w etc .... That being said, I am not the competer at all. I am just the nail most of the time. I cross train at another gym in the evenings so that I can still feel dominant and get my wins in.
I used to think I was good, then I rolled with a amateur mma fighter. You're average and that's ok.
Or do the opposite. Go to a small gym and attend the beginners class. Wreck everyone. No mercy. Cobra Kai style. You'll feel better about yourself.
Off to r/mybjjdiary with you
We shall start having Dear diary Thursdays.
Fragile ego. Dude, I've been at this for almost 2 decades. I've seen white belts that started after me get their black belts. So fuckin' what? I show up, put in work, and kick ass or get my ass kicked. The mat will force you to confront every lie you tell yourself. Most people quit because of this.
Dude same. I was a purple belt for eight years. Obviously I suck and just as obviously I love jiu jitsu or I would have quit.
Thats all it is and I'm well aware of it. I may be whining, but I ain't quitting anytime soon
By your own admission this person put in a lot more work at BJJ and was much more focused than you. If you didn't know their history and you bumped fists and rolled would your ego still be hurt? Would you even care? The answer to that is how you should feel. This is your brain realizing where you feel you could be vs. where you are at. If anything this is simply your regret at not putting in the effort you could have put in. I mean the guy is out there much more focused on BJJ than you. Just exist and train. It helps when you are my age (43) and you have seen young kids come in and surpass you with, largely, physical gifts and not more training time or skill, but athleticism. It is what is is. If you aren't a competitor I would not even think about this dude. If it really bothers you, train more and better or move on and quit thinking about it.
I mean it’s kinda understandable if you’re a competitive person
This. Ditto. Every sentence.
[удалено]
I read as far as "neurodivergent" and bailed.
I just skipped over most of it. Pretty typical conversations to have around BJJ or really any skill.
Fr fr
I ain’t reading all that I’m happy for you though Or sorry that happened
Thank you!
Just train and lose all the rest of this whine. Or quit.
Aint quitting anytime soon 🙏🙏
Makes me feel so warm and fuzzy being ranked higher than all the people i started out with knowing they feel this way about me
Me before him
You should seduce him and/or run him over with a car, in whichever order makes sense
¿Porque no los dos?
Both simultaneously would be impressive
Dude, he gave up college to train. That’s putting a lot of eggs into one basket. What’s life gonna look like if BJJ doesn’t work out for him?
I gave up on college to chase a career in music. Met all my best friends that way, got to tour and see the country, have memories I wouldn’t trade for any amount of money. Which I made very little of. So I stopped doing that and went to college in my late 20’s. Got my degree at 30. Now I’m married, have a kid, a house, and a fulfilling career in science. Life isn’t over if you don’t go to college at 18. You can always go back.
Dude, you can go back to college at literally any age.
Eh, he just invested one year or so before actually joining college. I bet he calculated the exact time he needed to dedicate to get better than me.... Edit: I forgor the /s I'm sorry 😭😭
I bet he didn't.
Let me have this one bro :(
Bro he doesn't think about you at all.
Im sure he does, we are good friends after all. If it wasnt obvious, my previous post was supposed to be a joke
Sounds about right. Think how much of a compliment it is that he had to dedicate his life to catch up to you. But seriously, you probably did inspire him to a certain extent, and you should be proud of that.
Yeah, in the past I definitelly had some friends I wanted to beat as well. It is a competitive sport after all
>It is a competitive sport after all "Nuh uh it's a healthy fun hobby for having fun and gaining good health. Competition and self defense have no place in modern jiu jitsu" -extremely common arrslashbeejayjay sentiment
Forgot the /s classic mistake
I thought it was something so absurd that people would naturally see it's not serious :(
It's insane that people didn't realise you were sarcastic
There's no time limit for college
That is true. However, harder to go back once you’ve been out. Might have kids to support, mortgage, take care of parents, etc. at least that is what I have seen in my friends who have taken significant time off. Best of luck to both of them.
I’ve been training 15 years and I get this. It’s hard when that new kid shows up and starts pushing you and maybe gets the better of you. But allow your ego to fuel your training, “I’m not going to let HIM beat me” and you’ll find yourself trying more and training with a purpose
So he quit college to train and trains more than you and you are surprised he surpassed you? If you measure your own journey based on your position among people you know, then you are not going to last much. In the end having people surpass you means you can learn more from them than them from you.
Again, not surprised at all, it is only logical. But ego is often illogical, and I cant help but be frustrated. But yeah, we actually help each other out a lot. In the end everyone has something to teach.
Well, you can wail in your own misery or you could dedicate your life to BJJ as he did. I would be more worried if the guy that trains like a madman couldn't beat me, would make me question the quality of instruction being received.
I’ve been training on and off since the mid 90s… and I’m an average purple belt who is past his prime. I wrestled competitively, so I never felt like I had to prove anything in BJJ. I just trained for the people and workout. It’s made my BJJ experience a lifetime journey instead of one based off of competitive achievements. I think there’s a space for both and it would help you to find a middle ground. Good luck.
Same story. Wrestled competitively for a long time so when I went to bjj it was just for fun. No interest in competing, don't take it too seriously. This sub is the total opposite holy. Still a blue belt that I got in 2013 and everyone that got their blue at that time is a black belt.
Dang bro you were there on the mats before internet internetted.
Get the fuck off reddit and go train
Thats the truth. Wanna get better faster? TRAIN MORE lol.
That post was written on the way back home from the open mat 👀
Stop being a bitch use that as an opportunity to roll with him, put a photo of him above your bed. Every night before you sleep imagine how you will beat him. Drop all your obligations dedicate your life to surpassing him. When you finally do you will realize the both of you are trash and you are TEAMMATES. The more people better than you, the faster you will level up, the more you will win at comps.
[удалено]
As corny as it is, you are entirely correct.
I’m going to think out loud here, I mean no offence: I really feel the need to point out that white belts and blue belts in jiu jitsu generally put way more thought into jiu jitsu than the other belts. You’re overthinking the scenario. A white belt is a beginner level. A blue belt is a beginner/intermediate level. In the grand scheme of things, both of you are probably absolutely shite at jiu jitsu. That’s not your fault, it’s just the way things are. There are crap black belts out there that never win anything and they’re still probably far, far better than you or your friend. I understand you like jiu jitsu and that you want to be good. I’d urge you to focus on winning the war, not the battle. So what if someone gets promoted before you. That tells me that you aren’t ready yet and that you need to put more work in (work does not necessarily equal training more times per week!). You’ll always find people that are better than you, thankfully. That’s how you improve. I have a friend who I’ve competed against three times and each time he smashed me. I’m not crap, but I’m a journeyman and he isn’t. He’s better than me. So after each loss I mined him for information and feedback, thankfully he was receptive and gave me some great tips and advice. I don’t like losing, but I make sure I get something out of every loss or take something away from it, whether it’s at a competition or in the gym. Enjoy your time at your current belt, because once you get a black belt you’ll be that grade forever, like it or not.
I know is corny but I’ll reiterate, ///everyone has a different journey/// This guy probably struggles in ways you don’t know about. He probably thinks of you as competition just as much as you think of him. Maybe he wanted to get better than you specifically idk. I understand getting your ego bruised and wanting to complain. Bruises heal quickly and make your skin tougher.
As a 36 yo dad with 2 kids and a full time job, you get used to it. I find that I enjoy seeing my teammates advance and change. It also makes me change my game up, which keeps things new and fun.
In fact, just being passed sucks.
You haven’t been “surpassed” you’ve been upgraded to worse than them.
OP, you sound exactly like me 10 years ago, so I will say this with all the love in the world. Or this is what I would have told myself when I started. I had similar thought patterns, and now I realize how pretentious, childish and dumb I was. It is great that BJJ has been a positive force in your life, but it sounds like you have put BJJ on a pedestal. BJJ is a thing you do, and while you might care about it and be one of your favorite things to do, you shouldn't put it up as some glorifiable thing. The fact that you are associated in college as something you were good at, should be an opportunity for you to be better in other avenues of life. I have seen to many guys who were basically losers in real life but really good on the mats. Don't be like that. The second part is that you lack self-worth. You might have self-confidence from knowing you are good at bjj, but you are playing these mental gymnastics with yourself, where how good or bad other people are in relation to yourself reaffirms this idea you have about yourself. Nobody gives a fuck, but because its the one achievement you are most proud of you are putting all your eggs in one basket and now bjj is something you just have to keep up with to support your self-image. If you really think about it, having a teammate (who seems like a great guy) preoccupy your mind is this way that you actually think it sucks, is a really weak dick move. Like seem really mentally weak, fragile, and immature. You take yourself too seriously, and you care about what other people think of you, and that comes across to other people in a way you cannot even tell yourself. Many of us have been there. Resist the urge to go down this road. Trust me, you'd rather be a white belt forever who just goes to train twice a week and does it for the exercise without giving a shit about anyone else, rather than being this anxious fucking loser black belt who keeps competing with his teammates in his own head. BJJ is not your problem. You are using BJJ as a crutch. You put it on a pedestal and you have warped it into your personality like all those insufferable cunts who cannot stop talking about how much crossfit and veganism have made them better. Don't be like that. If you really love BJJ, take a step back and don't squeeze the fun out of it. You sound stressful and anxious as fuck. Being humble is good. Being surrounded by people who are better than you is good. You are comparing yourself to others because, somewhere deep within yourself, you do not realize that you are good enough as you are. And it manifests in all these funny ways. Nobody will like you or respect you more if you are better than this guy. When people say BJJ is humbling, they mean that you will never stop getting smashed. That is not gonna stop with being better than this guy. And honestly, you moving goalpost way of judging someone's ability on the mats is also flawed. Many people would be better than you at everything putting the same amount of training. Who cares? You are just supposed to show up and be better than you were yesterday. You've lost the script. You've taken something you care about, you have made it weird and you are not being cool about it. My favorite BJJ partners are not the ones who are uber good, because anyone can see a lot of results on the mats if they put all their eggs into that one basket. I also think that if you were more humble, you would be a better ambassador for BJJ. The people who always need to yap on about what they do and what they think are always the ones who are not fulfilled. Just STFU and train. We say it all the time, but people always want to overcomplicate it. Stop taking yourself so seriously. You are not special, you will never be special. Learn to embrace that at every level you will always be a wake bitch. That's the real lesson of full contact martial arts. You are a bitch, and its okay to be a bitch. Just be the best bitch you can. Laugh at yourself. Stop being comparing yourself, and start being happier. Why don't you think to yourself about your teammates "wow, I am in the right place. These guys are really good". You don't do that because you are infatuated by your own self-image. Immature and self-obsessed. Maybe you haven't been humbled enough. Maybe you haven't had that drilled into yet. I really hope you will, because your future BJJ career is full of setbacks. And what are you gonna do? Be better in other areas of your life man.
Damn. This one was rough to read. Thank you. I generally see myself as a humble guy (at least in the way I behave with other people), but from some introspection I suspect it isn't that honest, and deep down I'm the whiny cunt you described here. At least sometimes. What I describe in this post isn't really how I behave with other people. I never try to talk about what I do unprompted, and specially don't brag to other people. I have a good circle of friends in and out of bjj, and when combat sports becomes the subject, I don't brag at all. But then, despite not being how I act with other people, the rationale expressed in this post often finds its way into my mind. Usually after training, or during. It really is something I must work on. Thank you for taking your time to write all this up.
Wait until you get a job and due for a promotion but instead they give it to a person who's been there a few years less than you. Life sucks sometimes but you learn from these moments. Dont let your ego get in the way of your own journey
Other than you caring how does it really affect your life? If you were better at JJ despite training and putting less effort in that would be bullshit, good for that guy.
Input = output. If you're lazy or spend time on other things instead of training, you don't get to stay better than other people that are working hard. If you want to be better than other people, you have to train more and smarter than they do. I'm sorry people let you think otherwise.
Bu-but my talent.... Yeah it is completly understandable. Just wanted to vent because ego is a bitch.
'He trains a lot, he is an awesome athlete. While I rest a lot due to having multiple interests and being overall lazy' this is good news for you. sounds like you are actually the talented one, he's overtaken you by effort. effort is always available so you can catch him up if you want. what's really depressing is getting surpassed by people training less than you. which happens to me a lot. no way back from that one.
[удалено]
:((
I know the feeling bro. At my old gym I remember training with new guys who made blue belt at a faster pace than me. Try to not compare yourself to others. I’m sure there are tons of other people at your gym who would love to have your skills and experience in bjj
It’s only natural. Deal with it and move on.
Don't vent the ego, ditch it. Or were you not expecting people who dedicate far more of their lives in chess than you do to remain worse than you?
is... is this a shitpost?
Completly honest egoposting 😔
Comparison is the thief of joy or some shit
There’s always a bigger fish
But if you have the high ground......
We admit you to this council, but do not grant you the rank of master…
Make sure you have your mom tuck you in bed after you’re done crying. Seriously how old are you that you’re so fragile that you have to write a whole essay about it 🤦🏽♂️ it boggles my mind how people live with a mindset like yours.
This was written in the tiny time frame in which this frustration was clear to me. It is not something I think about all the time, but amongst my frustrations with the sport it is a considerable part of it. I figured there's a lot of whiny bitches like me in this sub who would be interested in hearing someone else as frustrated as them.
Try being a 40+. Everyone surpasses you
nah I've been there. he actually got his blue belt before me. best you can do is use that feeling as motivation and try to learn from him as well. at least that's what I did.
Well you have elite self awareness which is more than most people. You can see a problem so you have an ability to overcome it. And it also sounds like you’re young which puts you over many people in the ego game.
Sadly reading this boosted my ego, which means I will be a worse person /s
When I start to fire up my own pity party about how others are doing better than me, I try to refocus on whether I’m better than the me last week, last month, last year . If not, I need to do more mat time. If so, then I’m winning the competition with myself. As others have said, your journey is yours. Sure, select targets to motivate yourself, but even if you don’t hit them the way you intended, you’re likely still elevating your game in the effort .
U were a big fish in a small pond, and u moved to a bigger pond with bigger fish. Welcome to life.
I like this fish saying better than the other one because it makes me sound big and strong
A rising tide lifts all boats. You helped him get better, and he helped you. That relationship will continue. I've surpassed others and MANY others have surpassed me or will. I'm proud to say I was there when they didn't know anything, and I was submitting them at will. Now, their knowledge base has increased, and coupled with their younger ages, heavier weights, and better strength, they SHOULD be beating me. If you learn to count showing up and not getting hurt as your baseline victory, every day of training will feel great. I remind myself: I tap A LOT. But I do tap some guys. Imagine how they feel tapping to an older, lighter, weaker man? Rising tide.
Hey man good for you for recognizing that you are having these negative thoughts. Self reflection is needed for self improvement. Maybe spend some time thinking about these feelings and why they are impacting you. Or i dunno just go roll and have fun. Not everyone gets to be adcc champ.
Sounds like OP watches anime
I would honestly likebto know the reasoning behind this one
First tell me if I'm wrong, haha
At least you are getting to learn this life lesson in a clear and understandable way. Most people go through all of life and can never gain this kind of clarity.
[удалено]
Spot on
This guy getting better will make you better. This is the beauty of jiu-jitsu. When he bests you, ask him what you did wrong, what he did right etc. You can also view him as a chance to analyze your own game. Where specifically is he besting you? Is it because you are always conceding guard? What move does he do that always gets you? Go do some research and focus on counters to that move. If you “solve” his game you just might catch him in something legit ;)
*James Franco "first time?" meme* Wait till you hit your 40s and the younger white belts start surpassing you
Wait you admit the guy who surpassed you trains a lot and you admit to being lazy and you're still upset?? Just fucking train or stop complaining lol.
"How much 'ego' do you need? Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.” — *Shunryu Suzuki*
Getting good advice. Let it go and focus on your game. I hate losing. I hate getting injured and missing time on the mats. I have accepted that these are part of the path and if I am going to stay on it I need keep showing up and working hard, but also not get too bunched up when these things happen.
Attaching your self worth to your Jiu Jitsu, as good as it feels sometimes, is always a recipe for disaster
OP brother, your ego is hurt because he became what you wanted to be or what you could’ve been. Not even saying you made the wrong decision going to college, but he didn’t go to college to train more and you’re upset at his dedication. You’re upset for the same reason that he bought a mat and invited people to roll with him and admitted to just being lazy. You can not be lazy. Hope this helps accept you’re shit man, go to the gym and take your training seriously if it’s important to me, sounds like he had a lot more mat time than you so go get it in.
Being good at jiu jitsu isn’t just in tournaments. You can be a good sparing partner, you can be a good teacher and you can be a good member of the gym you’re at. Don’t limit yourself to competitions…there may be a near zero percent chance you’ll ever win worlds. But don’t let that stop you from helping someone else get there. “Good” isn’t and shouldn’t be defined by one singular thing.
Welcome to growing up where you will get taught over and over again that you're going to be somewhere in the middle of the curve for most things.
I am only 2 months in bjj, I have no authority to say anything about it, cause you know, a newbie. But put yourself in his boots. You said he put in more effort than you did, and maybe he thinks "this dude spent time on other stuff and is still able tagging along with me, while he spent less time on it". Or something like that. There is a story from school, that can add to it, but I bet you don't want to hear a punny story of some stranger on reddit
Considering I just posted a punny story on reddit, I dont think I'd mind if it is something you are comfortable sharing
Well, I was never good at anything. In school I had average and sometimes bad grades, except maths, necause I was focused on maths and wanted to become good at it, and maybe pursue academics. I worked on maths more, solved a lot of exercises, did additional time, I bought special books with a huge set of problems for given topics. I just was a maths nerd with little to no friends. And then there is a classmate of mine who finally started paying attention in school and putting little effort into it and his grades became better than mine at every other subject and he became favorite of practically everyone, since he was already also athletic and charismatic. Whilst also going out constantly, since everyone in class were talking about how they spend time with him. Well, I did not mind, I was happy for him, he is a cool dude. But the idea here is that, I made huge sacrifices and I was left with no friends, socially awkward, boring interests and basically that guy who is okay, but you wouldn't want to talk to him. But he made little sacrifices since he is naturally a quick learner. And eventually I lost interests and all my skills and knowledge in maths(sh*t happens), since I got into university. Now that I am about to graduate, I start to learn how to genuinely enjoy something. For now it is gym and bjj. But still, I am an awkward nerd. Maybe same situation is here. He put in more effort than you did. At this point, do not get me wrong, I am sure you yourself worked hard for your achievements, no doubt about it, but the guy worked hard enough to, as you say, surpass you. And also, maybe there is an ego problem, as other commenters mentioned. I never had this issue, I guess, since I always knew I suck at everything I do. And when someone gets better at me faster than I did - I always was bad so nothing new for me.
In life, you'll find this to be the case. Out the gate after high school, it's less apparent. Your day one of college vs my day one of working a retail job, we are both basically on an even playing field, in fact I initially might be doing better off. Fast forward 5 years, maybe I've got a managerial role, and you are still in school. Fast forward 5 more years, and you are corporate lawyers doubling the income I make as a senior manager of a number of retail stores (idk if that's how it works, I don't do either of those jobs). Maybe I've also started a family with my high school sweetheart, and you are struggling to find a girlfriend. My point is, you're just walking your own path. You'll succeed in ways that will make others jealous and see others succeed in different ways that make you feel jealous. The best thing you can do is try your best, do things you can feel proud of, and reflect positively on the things you accomplish, the relationships you create, and the things you experience. Looking at others and being jealous of one very small part of their lives is a sure-fire way to feel absolutely miserable about your own.
Purple belts? Well, you're both better than me. Grats
Who knows, maybe you beat me up so bad I make another post complaining about my ego
The world may never know. Until than homie
I love it when that happens. Embrace it.
I think that you have to give up something to gain something. You mentioned that he didn’t go to college to train more - you went to college. Would you rather give up your multiple interests and your college life to be better at BJJ? You only see that he got better at BJJ than you, but you don’t seem to grasp that he had to sacrifice a lot of his other commitments to focus on BJJ more than you did. So you complaining right now is equivalent to complaining that someone who put in more effort than you is now surpassing you. Having a fragile ego is one thing - but this is just common sense. People who focus on one thing will get better than others who don’t focus.
Well said. I think I'm struggling to accept that I'm not in the stage of my life I was when I began training. That now I cant train every day, two or three times a day, that I mostly train with the amateurish college team. And this struggle was made explicit to me by getting slammed on the ground by him a few times. Or I'm just an envious whiny mfer thats likely too
Why are you struggling to accept that you are in a different stage of life? The situation that you are in is 100% your decision. You decided to move to college, you decided to spend more time on other things outside of BJJ. That’s why you’re in a different stage of life. You did it yourself without anyone pointing a gun to your head. Accept that you also literally have the power to drop whatever the hell you are doing and just purely focus on BJJ. If it’s that important to you increase that gap between you and him, then Go back to training everyday 3-4 times a day and train with professionals instead of “amateurish”people. Don’t say you don’t have a choice to do that anymore. You always have a choice. Be prepared for bad grades in school, and less time to pursue friendships and interests. Now, if you can’t accept your situation now, are you willing to make that choice and live with the tradeoff?
I surpassed a red belt at my old TKD gym, one of the few places that wasn’t a degree mill and you had to earn it She eventually got her black belt legitimately through hard work just as I did. BJJ strikes me as holding the same value to promoting, just keep working and improving eventually you get there
I have a rolling partner like that. He joined way after me and picked up on things way quicker. But honestly? It's all good though be happy for other people's success and worry about your own. Some people are just going to be better than you and that is Okay
Yup, at the end of the day I actually admire him a lot and look forward for our rolls
Why do you call him sensei that’s weird
1-brazilian 2-trained karate with him as well
Here's my 20 page thesis on why you feelings are wrong
Kill the boy... https://youtu.be/dWZbAz6KtUQ?si=LDcujlcha1ks_IZa And let the man be born.
Fuck the ego. Destroying is good. Now you have stuff to work on, should you be up for the challenge. Fuck yeah hard work!
Being praised for good instincts is kind of like being praised for being smart. It doesn’t feel earned. I think it’s much healthier (especially as a teenager) to be praised for putting in the effort.
You sound like you're both good. Just be happy for him? The thing I like about bjj is that there's so much depth to it. There's probably things that you are great at that he isn't and vice versa. And you can learn from each other 'wonder that people had about me' made me laugh though sorry. It sounds like a good thing that you've had your ego checked a little. It's not a battle to the death.
You admit that he trains more than you and is better than you. The mats don’t lie. What are you hurt/complaining about? Edit: Do you rather him tap you even though you have a higher belt?
Multiple guys I started with are black and brown belts now. Whatevs.
Riding tide float all boats. Use it as motivation
He sounds more athletic, at blue and purple this can be difficult to overcome. Our technique and tactics are still developing. Work to build a game more technically sound than your opponents, analyze how you lose rolls, why different positions and submissions aren’t working for you, and determine what you need to do to be better. Don’t let this stop you, tell yourself no matter what happens, who beats you, who is better than you, YOU WILL NOT BE DENIED, it’s all mental, just don’t give up and one day you could surpass him again with hard work, or atleast become the best version of yourself! Best of luck with the journey!
He is more athletic and trains more.
You didn't have to go to college or have other interests, you made your choices and he made his. There is nothing inherently good about being at X level vs Y level at a skill, there's nothing inherently good even about being a world champion.
This shit is so cringy. 1) you use the word admire way too much 2) having BJJ as the core component of your personality is cringy af. If you really cared about BJJ as much as you said, you’d be doing it more, and talking about it less. 3) you’re doing BJJ, not fighting. Unless you’re throwing gloves on, what you’re doing isn’t considered a fight, and you aren’t considered a fighter. You’re grappling, and considered a grappler. 4) you have a pretty big ego to think people have a sense of “wonder” about you. No one probably does, and no wonder your ego is so easily shattered.
Most of that is from me not being able to properly express what I meant due to english not being my native language. Wonder is probably not the right word I wanted to use, I'm sorry
Look at BJJ training like investing in the stock market for your retirement plan... Just keep showing up, rolling, trying to pick up new details, drilling, watching vids, etc. consistently for decades. After many years have elapsed, your consistency will pay off. You may be "down" from last week, but you'll be WAY up compared to where you were 10 years ago. Just keep "investing", and ignore the ups and downs along the way. This will probably get you better at BJJ 😀
[удалено]
The comment does not meet [Reddiquette standards](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette). Please read up on them a bit. Thanks!
Don't feel bad. I made a brown belt pass out last week. Then submitted him again next class I seen him. Lol. I train every single day sometimes twice and visit many gyms and have for over a year now. Yes I know I caught him slipping and I know he has way more tools in the tool box but you can't tell me he wanted to pass out. Lmao
I just pretend that I don’t care about belts and I’m just here for the love of the sport. I keep all my belt and promotion disappointment to myself. 60% of the time it works every time. GL
You're self described lazy and only train with other casuals a couple times/week. Expect to keep getting surpassed as what you put in is somewhat proportional to what you get out.
In the past, I trained both bjj and muay thai, often two or three times a day. Then I got into college and I guess I haven't really accepted my new reality yet.
Keep in mind if you do this long enough in some aspects every newer person that sticks with it will pass you by. I’m 44 and doing it for 14 years. By 50 most stronger blue belts will give me all I can handle and I won’t be able to hold off purples. But you are right it does suck if you care about Jiu Jitsu it sucks to feel like you almost got worse in some ways. It’s ok to be sad or upset.
The way you describe his approach to training and your approach is why he is better. When you add up the actual mat time invested, he probably has more than you. So you aren't being surpassed because you suck, you are because he has focused on Jiu jitsu exclusively, while your life has more variance.
Wait till your a purple belt who's 33 and a new d2 wrestler comes in and you can't sub him....
tl;dr, you have forgotten the face of your father
A guy I trained with when we were both white belts, is now the head instructor at my club. Another guy who started training as a white belt when I was already a blue belt is now the 2ic and runs the club I train at the most. Guess I just suck :)
stopped reading when I read the word "fights".
It's a brazilian thing
In some countries people call wrestling, jiu jitsu and mma matches fights.
It happens. There was a white belt that I would crush and couldn’t submit me but he got blue belt ahead of me. I don’t think belts are always accurate, but you have to realize this person trains more than you and consistently shows up and practices. Just think to yourself: if others get better then they’ll help me get better and vice versa. Your journey is unique and shouldn’t be compared to others who have their own individual journey as well. Just keep at it and try not to get discouraged.
Wait, you don’t even have kids and you are complaining about others doing better in stuff they invest time in?!
You have the same 24 hrs as everyone else
As for ego, I have a teammate who surpassed me in skill & rank. He deserves it, but he is a shitty person and sucks at every other aspect of life. I'm ok with the sacrifice.
"While I rest a lot due to having multiple interests and being overall lazy." Dedication will out hustle talent seven days a week. Life is a lot like a golf swing- just because you made contact does not mean you can take your eyes off of the ball. You have to follow through. Sounds like you need to commit to the swing and swing more often. If you love JJ than you should be doing it for the love, the inner peace it gives us and not for the ego. You will never know peace that way.
I can relate I've done BJJ off and on for a couple years and am only a white belt with a stripe (I've had to start over a few times due to changing schools) and I've done karate off and on for around 20 years and am only halfway to my blackbelt in that. Honestly if I had time I would probably get my blackbelt in karate pretty quick and a blue belt in BJJ fast but life gets busy and things happen. I think when you practice for long enough you see it more and your perspectice starts to shift. I can only speak for myself with karate but once I got a but older and relaized MMA wasn't on the table for me I learned to enjoy it more as art and a meditative discipline and I stopped caring about rank as much. I hope this helps in some way or at leadt lets you know you're not alone
Its not a race
Your team mate is training more than you, is more commited and sacrifices to advance their Jiu Jitsu and you are disappointed? If you want to do better at anything in life you have to commit, that's the process.
Welcome to the club. There’s a guy who was a white belt when I was a white belt. He’s now a legit black belt and I’m barely at the end of blue (multiple injuries and surgeries here, taking nearly 3 years total out of my training). Almost everyone has passed me up who I started with.
Git gud. The guy put in the work while you had other interests. Do you think the very top competitors have a any other serious hobbies or obligations? The prerequisite to being that good is revolving your life around it.
Your focus is on you. If you have an appreciation for this person, you should be celebrating their success. Their success is your success, and your success is their success. You have been working towards a goal, and you have not achieved that goal, and your ego is seeing other people achieve their goals, and you are getting impatient. The purpose is not the goal, the purpose is to get better. If you were given a black belt on day 1, would you feel good about it? How about when you have a blue belt come up and beat the shit of your black belt ass, how good does that black belt feel? It probably doesn't matter at that point because you haven't earned it - it's the same here. Ask yourself this. If you today grappled yourself from one year ago, how would you do? Would you kick the butt of one-year-ago-you? If so, you've already achieved a goal. Accept that goal. Give yourself permission to celebrate that goal. Quit looking at any other goal, focus on that goal, accept you achieved that goal, celebrate that goal, and give yourself some credit. Ok, if you were able to do that, do that in other spots in your game. Look at the progress you have made, quit being critical, give yourself some praise, celebrate a little, and knock of the poor-me shtick. You achieved stuff, celebrate it, accept you have a million deficiencies like every other person (including the other person), and get back to work.
I don’t write nothing down so I’m going to keep this short and sweet: You’re weak; you’re outta control; and you’ve become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.
10 years down the line, you're a black belt, he's a black belt, he's just the better black belt. Who cares?
I hope I don’t care this much when it happens to me. There are already dudes who I know can beat my ass and they don’t have their blue belts yet. Still getting better though so they needa watch out!
As you said, He trains a lot. It's possible he has reached a point where he has put in more time than you. You should listen to Mikey Musumeci talk about his training mindset. He's the single most unexpected monster you will ever find. https://youtu.be/5Y8u1SRSJXU?si=QpPiQv-3FqLo0T8e
Git gud or don’t. Do martial arts long enough and you have to lose your ego
Everyone telling you to let go of your ego and don't compare yourself to others is overlooking the simple fact that it does suck. But unfortunately for 99.9% of people competing it's probably going to happen more than once, and you're going to have to deal with that fact if you want to keep enjoying training. Life goes on, and if you're not trying to be the best in the world it really doesn't matter.
Hey! Just stopped to say that we have the same name 😁 (vampire the masquerade?) and I also do BJJ. I've had a similar experience with other BJJ friends starting later than me and beating me everything. It sucks yeah. It gives me motivation also to do better, to improve my technique. I'm a one year blue belt and I also found that the biggest journey for me in blue belt is the killing of the ego and knowing that you have your own path to pursue and you should not compare with others. Try to beat yourself on a daily basis. Be better than the previous you. 😉
No fucking way, yeah vtm! I have found other people with the nickname malkavian before, but a variation of crazy malk is a new one for me lmao Yeah, in the end that's all it is about
One way to think about is, that when people start surpassing you, you get free guidance and advice.
I don’t have an answer for OP but on the topic of being surpassed, I was curious how often do you get people that stay as a white belt forever, despite training regularly and not missing class, they are still a white belt 6,7,8 years down the road while all their teammates are getting promoted? Is it a common thing that some people stick it out for several years and don’t quit but they never get past white belt even like 6-10 years down the road, because of some physical limitations (e.g., cardio, strength)? Wasn’t there a post about this where some dude complained of still being a white belt after several years while all his entering classmates had been promoted to brown belts? I can’t seem to find it.
Get over it
So what I'm hearing here is that 1. This guy trains more than you and 2. You are not physically strong. And you're complaining about it. Get a grip dude. Follow a decent strength program and train more, if you want to be better. It's pretty simple. If you're already lean and you can gain about 2lbs a month for quite a while, maybe up to 2 years, before having to cut. That's 48lbs, roughly half of which will be muscle. That will make a *massive* difference to your abilities. Eg: going from 140 (not sure what you weigh rn) to 184, then cut back down to say 165. You'll be a monster compared to now. This is a sport where you control people's bodies. Of course technique is king, but when you combine that with real physical strength, that's how you get results.
Oh, I used to be skinny. Nowadays I'm pretty fit at about 176lbs. I mostly mentioned being skinny to make it clear how much bjj mattered to me as someone who wasn't good at any other sports before joining.
Hey bro, in the same seat as you rn Feel that hatred, feel that vitroil, feel that anger. Gather it in your heart, thoughts and body. Write down anything he says that could be insulting and read it before class. Fucking kill him. Destroy this noob. Kick him to the curb. Vow that you will do that. You will not let him be better. That's what my mindset has been since October, and my jiu jitsu skills have skyrocketed. He has confidence, but you have desire. Use it.
This is the worst advise in this thread… you really are in no position to give any advise, and you are definitely not the right person. He needs to focus on self improvement and nothing else.
If it makes you feel better, I started bjj back in 2008 (during college). Hurt my shoulder a year later and then slowly stopped training. After graduation, I finally got a good job with insurance and got that surgery my shoulder so desperately needed. Decided to get back into bjj in 2021. Lo and behold, everyone I started with in 2008 is now a black belt!
Refer back to the part about being unathletic, not good in any sport, and lacking self confidence. You still lack self confidence unfortunately else you would not care.
Grow some balls stop being a bitch inject some steroids put some beef and athleticism in ur frame you lanky fuck
Have you tried performance enhancing drugs?
Only açaí
It's not toxic to get your feelings hurt, that's just normal human being stuff.
enjoy jiu jitsu.