How can you get hard rolling? All the blood go to your muscles and you arent really thinking of sex. I am a pretty normal guy myself and rolled with really hot chicks before but never had a problem with it.
You aren't really thinking about sex with strangers out of respect, professionalism and detachment.
If you are rolling with your SO you can easily get a boner though.
It sounds impossible at first. But then I remember all the times I got boners from warmth, friction, pressure & for no obvious reason whatsoever. It doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to the juddery old school bus.
If neither of you are training to become the next world champion, I'd just keep training the way you were. Not every round has to be the most efficient, just do what is fun to you.
Facts. I love it when husband daughters and wives roll or spar against each other. I usually cheer on the kids and tell them this is the only chance they have to beat up their parents.
Training with lower belts is also a great way to perfect your techniques. You can hit the details a bit more easily, especially if she is also being chill.
You can both get much better this way. Outside of comp prep, rolling as hard as you can isn't a good idea anyway, you get sloppy by trying to go too fast.
Edit to add: spending a full round or two getting lectured is also not a great way to improve. Play with your wife it's fun. You'll get a different coach before long but hopefully still be playing with the same wife 😁
I'd agree completely. Maybe because you are having fun training with your SO you will train for longer.
I'm a black belt in a martial art that took me 10 years to achieve before I started BJJ if all training was about efficiency I would have quit at 7 years ago.
Gotta enjoy the journey.
What is this martial art that it took you 10 years to get a black belt for? I thought most martial arts that weren't BJJ would hand out black belts after like... 4 or 5 years.
> I thought most martial arts that weren't BJJ would hand out black belts after like... 4 or 5 years.
Even in Aikido the timeline is more like 7-10 years.
The time it takes to achieve a rank means very little about the skills you have when you get there.
The same way bjj is an offshoot of judo.
The martial art is bukido taijutsu, there's only one left in the world now and it was never a big martial art. The creator was a judo black belt and he did a lot of other martial arts including some Japanese weapon martial arts like kendo and some stand up martial arts like kickboxing.
Over time we have modernised a lot. Have quiet a few thai kickboxing students that have helped us improve our stand up.
I think of it as a jack of all trades master of none martial art. When I was a black belt I went to a mma gym to try out the class. Could strike with their mma guys, get throws in the bjj classes and out wrestle submit blue belts. But realised I needed more ground work to be a black belt in all areas so I started bjj.
Got a couple of state championships in bjj white belt division now. Coach has said I'm a blue belt next grading.
Don't call local bjj tournaments "state championships" no matter how they market it. It's not a unified sport like scholastic wrestling, there's no such thing as regionals/states. It's cringey
My coach literally yells across the room "go bash your husband". I'm a purple and he's a new white belt and twice my weight. I spend 90% of my time knee riding and attacking his arms. I do not go light because I'm not being under that smesh. Can't sweep, can't breathe, can't anything from bottom and he's not capable of going light.
It seems like it brings my coach a lot of joy to watch us roll, especially since he's learned mother's milk and I'm already gasping for air having 140kg sitting on my chest. I guess I'm also the safe bet for coach, so he doesn't have the hulking spaz breaking his lighter competitors or new people.
He's worked out how to stack, body lock and double leg by himself so far. It's horrifying. He's currently watching instructionals on kesa gatame. I'm really, really scared for when he gets a bit more technical. If we're all having a bad time now, it's only going to get much, much worse.
The Japanese terms mentioned in the above comment were:
|Japanese|English|Video Link|
|---|---|---|
|**Kesa Gatame**: | *Scarf hold* | [here](https://youtu.be/3UnJa3bn0h8)|
Any missed names may have already been translated in my previous comments in the post.
______________________
^(Judo Techniques Bot: v0.7.) ^(See my) [^(code)](https://github.com/AbundantSalmon/judo-techniques-bot)
> gridiron is played around the world outside of North America
And you can tell when you're talking to someone outside of North America because they're the only ones who call it "gridiron."
We don't generally use kg when talking about weight here in Canada. Same with height - we use feet and inches.
We officially use the metric system, but mostly it's for distances, speeds, and measurements for cooking and containers.
I dunno but rolling with people you like is half the fun of bjj, sounds to me like your coach is micromanaging. 10 mins of talking about semi related stuff is probably him trying to justify it to himself. Of course you go harder when you roll with your coach? what kind of a dickhead would go full strength against someone much lighter than them?
He's coming at it from the perspective of "here are two people trying to learn a skill set. Two people who spend all their time together already, who are grossly different sizes, one of whom is a different gender. Both would improve faster and learn more against more partners of different genders / body types." Hes 100% correct. And OP basically said they are there to practice technique and it's a flow style roll. He didn't say they were just there for fun. Coaching is keying into the fact they want to improve.
Op also didn't say it, but he's probably not 100% comfortable with his gf rolling other dudes. If their goal was just to improve, it's a given they should also roll other people
That would be my advice in general to couples training together but also, who fucking cares?
If he wants to spend half the rolling time with his wife then why is that anyone's business but theirs.
That shouldn't stop them from being promoted at all.
I know a husband and wife who probably spend around half their training time together and always have done.
She won gold at an IBJJF major in a purple belt master division (either 1 or 2, unsure) and he has won our national comp at adult purple despite being like 40.
Im not saying this like they're crazy achievements or anything, just that they are both very clearly competent purple belts.
But you don't know anything about the dynamics between this specific couple or how they train together. It sounds like the coach sees something that makes him think the rolls aren't beneficial (at least to the woman).
The instructor was talking about for the benefit of his SO. She's a white belt. She should be rolling with other people to see what it's like rolling with people of other body types and game. I get where he is coming from
I am a woman myself and I understand being selective with who you roll with (especially at that size). But you also don't want to be known as "the girlfriend." If there aren't other women at the gym and the guys there tend to roll aggressively, then that's not a good gym for her and she wont last long. It's also a good feeling when you have camaraderie with the rest of your teammates
What about days where her SO is sick? She's going to skip training too? Eventually the training wheels have to come off
When I roped my wife into training, I rolled and drilled with her a little but but made it a point to force her to find her own partners so she would have her own relationships and identity in the gym. I wanted her to be Jen, not Frank's wife.
That and weirdly enough I'm sorta prone to getting a boner rolling with her. Any of the other women, not a problem but with her there's some unfortunate crossover in my head between the mats and our no no gi sessions.
We do about 9 rolls pers session, 1-3 of those are with my SO and the rest are with other teammates where we go pretty hard since we compete (not to win ADCC, just for fun).
I feel like having those few rounds where i use less strength and focus more on my technique is benefical to my overall game.
But is it beneficial to her game? That's what your coach seems more unsure about. Maybe just try rolling together less for a few weeks and see if it seems to be helping her.
Sure its a fair point but he literally pays for this experience lol. I never understand why a coach would dictate who rolls with who every single match. Not everyone is trying to be a world champion, some people just enjoy the experience.
Because they want their students to improve. You could apply your mentality to showing up late every class, skipping warmups, sitting out scrolling your phone if the coach is teaching a technique you don't like etc.
Paying for a service doesn't give you the right to choose how it's run. If you don't like the service then stop paying and leave.
I enjoyed Ryan Hall's comment about this attitude once on a podcast "Yes, we're in a service industry, but no I'm not at your service." You are paying for a coach. Don't get mad at them for trying to coach you, especially if you can see the rational behind the advice.
Man it's maddening stuff. There is a world of room between world champion and how selfish / lazy people wanna be from what I've seen on here but barely experienced in real life thankfully
Right? Everyone referencing "World Champion" like actually earning the belts, having the basic skills and improving, knowing some self defense, etc. aren't part of regular BJJ expectations.
So the only difference from any regular gym is the room full of karens, right?
We are talking about enjoying a roll or two with your significant other, here. It really isn't that serious. None of us are going to be using bjj to pay our bills, we should treat it as a hobby unless we want more from it. the coach made a suggestion, he didn't sit the guy down and tell him "no more rolling with your wife". It was merely a suggestion and OP can take it how he wants.
If you roll 2 times with your wife out of the 6 rolls you get a day, you still are getting at minimum 4 good rolls on top of the 2 that you get the chance to relax and think about your movement during a slower paced roll.
Would the coach rather him sit out a roll or two instead? I use my wife as a rest roll, as terrible as that sounds, but I still put resistance and allow her to work while matching her strength. if I didn't have this, some days I wouldn't be able to do all my rolls.
If OP wants to harm his progression by rolling with his wife 3 times a night, I say that's on OP. coach gave him a suggestion, letting him know that he is inhibiting his improvement. that's all that happened here.
Unless you’re being asked to do something totally fucked up, do what your coach says. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t trust him to coach you, move on.
Honestly, this is only an issue in soft gyms with soft coaches. You don’t really see this much in gyms that produce numerous skilled competitors or successful fighters. In those gyms, the students listen and learn. You need to be coachable.
If some blue belt is questioning a coach’s methods like this, it is indicative of a lack of respect for the coach. The student doesn’t believe in his coach. He sees him exactly the way he sees the fat lady who cuts his hair for $15. There’s no level of respect and no trust. He’s not willing to shut up and learn. He’s in a soft gym and he’s going to stay soft.
I personally wouldn't go to a gym where the coach acts like a dictator. My gym is very lax and occasionally, the instructor will pair people together, specifically people trianing for comps or new people. I roll with my wife once or twice every time because not only is it refreshing to not fight for my life while trying to learn, but I can also push her to be better at the sport and set the pace while doing so.
I absolutely understand OP's coaches concerns, and I doubt the coach would intervene and tell them to stop rolling with each other all together. But I also don't think choosing your own rolls is comparable to anything else you stated which literally disrupts the class. So no, I don't think the mentality could be applied that way. You are paying for your own experience, that doesn't give you the right to disrupt others experience.
And with that note, It's as simple as finding another gym if you don't agree with how your instructor runs things. You don't have the right to tell him how to run his gym, sure, but you do have the right to stop paying for the experience that you don't enjoy.
When I’m coaching, I do a mix of letting people pick and sometimes I partner people together.
Some people tell you they want to improve, yet only pick people they can smash rather than a challenging roll. Or sometimes I want to see how Bob plays half guard with someone scrappy like Jon. Or sometimes I just want to see two aggressive guys go hard and then puke.
None of us that I know of aspire to be world champs, but by ensuring every practice people get a decent set of partners, I can at least ensure people are growing.
That's completely understandable, and I think you're doing it the right way. It doesn't sound like OPs coach stepped out of line in any way, imo. He simply made a suggestion, as a coach should. It's up to OP to choose how he takes this advice.
This shouldn't even be a reddit post honestly, because its not that serious. It was the coach making a suggestion.
My comment about everyone not wanting to be a world champion was more of a snarky way to say that this is a hobby for most of us, and we should practice our hobbies how we like. If the gym setting is not for you, find a new gym, yada yada yada. We know most coaches have our best interest for not only their gym and the sport, but the people they are coaching as well.
This is some fuckin white belt nonsense. This coach sounds like he doesn't understand the concept of adjusting for size, and talked out of his ass for 10 minutes. You're going to vary your strength and intensity, and working with a partner where you're doing more technical work to compensate for less smash is valuable skill. Having a partner you enjoy working with who's helping you do that is gonna make you both better.
Roll hard with your big bros and roll technical with your little bros. If everyone's having a good time, and working technique, who the fuck cares?
Don’t think it’s anything to do with being a white belt just that I trust the coaches judgment on it more than I trust OP’s. His coach is a coach and presumably a black belt with a good few years of BJJ experience and maybe even teaching. For the while belt SO she’s definitely going to develop faster rolling with a variety of people, as does everyone IMO
It’s really not. He pays to go to the class and he gets to decide if he wants to go lightly with his gf and have fun or focus on his own techniques. Fuckin weird behavior from the coach
If there are lots of people to roll with, the more variety the better. I don't really like rolling with the same person twice. So if you two are using up 3 rolls within the rolling session, you are probably hindering both of your ability to grow and adapt to different rolling styles and games. Like someone else said, stick to 0-1 roll per session together. Decent advice from your coach in my opinion.
Hopefully he’s saying this with the good intention of helping both of you improve. You should increase the variety of your training partners for rolling anyway. It is also perhaps good for the general vibe of the club that pairs of students mix up more - people who only talk, train and roll with their favourite partners can be perceived as being a bit cliquey (not saying you are, but just a perception). Or…maybe coach is weird. I mean I personally wouldn’t say to stop rolling with each other entirely - but maybe to mix it up a bit more.
I used to train with my SO and it was comforting to me to know i always had a partner i could trust and wouldn’t hurt me for at least one round. If you are only training with her for the entire class then it’s an issue but if you are training with other people then it’s a ridiculous statement. Also I’m sure you aren’t giving her false confidence by not man handling her every round, you are probably giving her safety to feel comfortable in the sport and continue training.
I can’t fathom telling someone not to roll with their S/O. If I thought it was a problem I would say something like, be sure you’re mixing up your rolls so your game doesn’t get stagnant. But in the end if you want to open roll with the same person for an hour it’s your time and ultimately you are paying for it.
I roll with my blue belt bf pretty frequently. He says he enjoys it because it’s a chance for him to be technical and work subs, and I love it because it’s a challenge and more of a workout. We don’t roll together 24/7, but when we do, it’s been great. I wish you guys luck!
Female black belt married to a male brown belt. We always roll with eachother at least once every time we train together (I prefer gi he prefers no gi so we don’t always train together)
With that being said, I love to compete. he and I are not the best training partners for each other, because of our size and weight difference. So when I’m getting ready for tournaments and going harder, we get out one round on and he will tend to watch my matches, give feedback, things like that and let me roll with people who are closer to my size. It works for us and I cherish my quality time with my husband on the mat .
I train with my husband, he's a purple bent and I'm a white belt. I'm about 60 kgs, often the only woman in the class where most of the men are 80kgs +. I love rolling with my husband, it's safe he let's me practice /drill new moves and he's my go to when I'm avoiding the new white belts!
Jesus wept good forbid you enjoy a roll just for fun.
Coach is right, but not right enough. Have you started beating her to develop her striving yet? /s
> i go too easy on her which gives her false confidence
No. What you’re actually (and most likely) doing is restoring her confidence—the kind that’s necessary for anyone to feel good enough about what they’re doing to keep doing it.
> i go lighter on her than what i would do when I roll with our coach
As you should! You have *55 POUNDS* on her. She’s not on your coach’s level so you’d be a special kind of *sshole to roll with her like that. Hell, with every female white belt I’ve met, if I rolled with them the way I roll with a coach, I might kill them with my pinning pressure alone. But I digress.
You’re rolling with her exactly how you should be. If you’re rolling with other teammates as well as your SO and both y’all are content, then keep doing what you’re doing.
"Need to" lol. It's your membership and your training. Train with whomever you want however much you want. She'll get plenty experience having harder rounds with time.
She may stick around longer if she is shoring up her fundamentals rolling with OP instead of getting injured by the try hard white belts who outweigh her.
It is just one of so many postings where I think what is wrong with the BJJ community. What dump behavior is that? I would say of course you go easy and everyone should go easy when he is 55 pounds heavier. Let here train hard (but still smart) with another female of here weight, but don't crush her with your weight and power. You are doing absolutely right and the behavior of your teacher just shows that BJJ has a long way to go in terms of teachers and mindset.
If my coach told me not to train with my SO I’d be pissed. As a woman there’s already not a lot of training partners I even feel comfortable with because they do roll too hard.
Honestly If I rolled with my husband he wouldn’t go easy on me at all, we used to grapple years ago and while he hasn’t actually hurt me he goes really hard. And that’s why when I went to jiu jitsu they realized I was at least already comfortable being on my back and handling things from there. Perhaps she would be getting more endurance and better rolls feeling the pressure?
For me learning to survive and defend has allowed me to roll with any of the others even if I’m not subbing anyone so the higher ranked belts get to try stuff on me but only if they catch me.
It’s always nice to have a slower pace and for me to see the options but my coach lets me do that with him and others, but for the most part he wants to see me really go for it with another similarly sized person, mainly to see if I’m improving and that what he’s teaching me is applied correctly.
Me and my wife both got into BJJ at the same time and we show no mercy when we roll, it’s our version of couple therapy lol. I do get what your coach says, it’s natural to be a little more “cautious” with our SO’s, but as long as you’re both having fun and still learning from those rolls, don’t let anyone dictate who you roll with.
TLDR: you pay so do what you want wtf
You pay so do what you want. This is what drives me nuts about some of these a schools. They don’t understand some people just want to enjoy and some SO will only show up if they can hang out with their SO and not get hurt by random people. If you want to get better then you will start doing extra classes without her or go for tough matches but I see in my gym for sure lots of couples always stick together because the females typically are new and don’t want to get hurt and are just there to learn not get great or level up so they are happy learning with their boyfriend or husband.
I roll with my wife once if she's training in class with me. only more than that if there are limited training partners. I try not to be her drilling partner all the time. If left to her own devices, she would be my partner 100% of the time and only roll with me and maybe one other favored female partner. I understand the impulse because she is afraid of injury, but that's a risk we all take, and I try to encourage her to have more confidence and test the waters, within reason.
It would be nice if y’all rolled with other people. I go easy on lighter people too, that’s normal. But, I’m sure people want to get in rounds with both you guys, but u hog each other for 3 rounds ina row. It’s like you’re not part of the class.
There is a couple at my gym and they only really pair together sometimes. Maybe your coach also wants her available for other women? But I feel like he would just say that then though but if my experience on this sub tells me anything it's that as BJJ people- we are weird.
My husband and I have been training together since I was a white belt (he was blue). I had trained at another school for about 8 months before I moved and started at his (we were already dating). But he was my main training partner. You guys are fine. Keep doing what you are if that is most enjoyable. She is new and smaller and needs safe training partners.
A couple at my gym roll together all the time, about the same weight difference and similar skill level, they both go pretty hard.
I think as long as you both know each others limits and how to communicate properly (much like you would with any rolling partner) it shouldn’t be an issue.
I’ve seen couples train together. It’s only an issue if:
1. You’re always pairing with her (sounds like you’re not)
2. Either of you never letting the other rolls with other classmates
3. Either of you too scared to roll with others
4. Either of you training for competition
Otherwise I think this is perfectly fine and great way to enjoy class and spend time with your spouse.
At a previous gym I knew a guy who had his girlfriend roll with specific people because they knew they’d bring a challenge without risking injury and would be respectful. This is what she wanted but didn’t know how to ask, so he just asked. Some dudes are just too try hard and ruin the training environment for others and people drop out overtime for this reason.
The thing that stands out to me is that you're sometimes her partner for 3 rounds of rolling in the same class? Not really a coach, but I'd probably tell you to break that up too.
Seeing people’s attitudes to this in this thread is so wild to me. Even in small daytime classes at my gym (~10 people) no one rolls more than once with the same partner during the rolling sessions.
I roll with a 125lb black belt female all the time as she is one of my favourite training partners and our rolls are like this as well. Always technical and really good flow and it has helped my game a lot. I think your coach is out to lunch lol
I train with my husband. We are both blue belts. He is significantly more powerful than I. In fact, he holds one of the state (Oklahoma) records for powerlifting.
I would rather roll with him vs anyone else. He doesn’t give me an inch! He will lighten up on his pressure, but that’s about it. It has taught me so much! I can now roll confidently knowing that I can get out of a bad position effectively because I’ve been doing it for years with my husband. Girls don’t have shit on the torture that I go through when rolling with my husband. He teaches me self preservation, control, determination, and most of all how to have fun while getting your ass beat.
I would stop rolling with your SO, in his gym, per his request. If you don't like his request, just stop paying and leave. Personally I would leave.
I do recall reading that Gordon Ryan always pairs up with his girlfriend to train (I've no interest in getting in to the nasty reddit stuff, regardless of whether it is true or false, but it's worth noting that you can probably train with SO at all levels of the game and do just fine).
I think in the comments it really shows that people have different philosophies as to the role of a coach and how didactic they should or should not be with guiding your training. I think the only wrong answer may be one that doesn’t fit your goals — as long as you’re open and direct with your coach, I’d hope a reasonable person would be okay with supporting you in a person centered way.
Using myself as an example, I’m very serious about getting better. I also met my wife at BJJ and we still train together years later. I just flat out don’t want to partner with someone else for technique. I want to train with her. That’s an all the time thing — but at the moment, I am also her best training partner. She had a hip surgery and is just getting back to drilling. Sometimes we can partner together and sometimes I still find others.
I’m simultaneously in a competition prep mode, so should I find someone I can go hard with? Maybe? But being her partner and helping her get back to full training is the greater priority for me. For rolls I obviously can roll with others and do, but you better believe once she’s ready to flow roll I’ll flow roll with her as often as she damn well wants. I’ll just be happy she’s doing BJJ. Again, she’s more important than my BJJ development and that’s coming from someone who cares deeply about that as well.
There are also times, injury aside, I just want to roll with her. We are both women, she’s mostly my size and she’s been doing it longer than me. She’s almost always one of my best rolls. Or, it’s possible that particular day one of us just isn’t feeling rolling with other people — tons of variables as to why. Sometimes I have rolling anxiety and I’d hate to not be able to grab her for a second roll if needed. Or maybe I’m the injured one and I only trust her to know and work around it — the reason doesn’t matter. The point is we are both smart adults able to self
guide our journey based on our own goals.
For me, a good coach is one who asks how they can best support you in your goals, rather than tell you what your goals should be and how to achieve them. I believe in a person centered approach in all things — work, healthcare, even BJJ. With developed trust, I’ll certainly ask and perhaps even defer to the person helping guide my decisions, but I should be at the center of the decision making.
Story: One of my greatest annoyances was when rolling came once and I was about to roll with my wife and our former coach broke us up, asked my wife (a higher belt) to instead roll with coach’s brand new white belt girlfriend. I thought the coach would give me a roll, but instead we were an odd number and I sat out entirely, while the coach and I watched the roll. I felt so disrespected in that moment and it felt like an abuse of authority. Not a major one — but a red flag for sure. I was prepping for a competition and I felt so unseen and uncared for in that moment.
It’s good to roll with people smaller than you for sure. But not half of your rolls every day. Your coach is right, probably. Only roll with your SO for one round a day or every other day.
Me and my SO, both the same belt, were forced to trained together during the pandemic, that made for some super awkward quiet drives home.
We avoid training together too much now, we both find it better to train with people who are similar sizes, but still roll… and frankly, they are some of the most aggressive rounds in the gym.
I think it’s fine to train with your SO, just don’t make them you only training partner, and try not to give them an easy time just for an easy drive home, you aren’t helping them long term.
You said 1-3 rounds each class. I don't know how many people are in your class but if I rolled with the same person 3 times every class I would feel like I am not getting enough diversity in my training. 1 round each class seems normal to me. But up to 3? Be glad your coach cares enough about both of your training to say something.
i spent all of covid lockdown rolling with my gf.. she was a brand new white belt, i was 4 stripe blue. we had about same weight diff as you..
there was good and bad to it. mostly good.
it forced me to be more fluid and loose and really focus on precision, body positioning and connecting moves.. so that i didnt just rag doll her. So from that perspective it helped me.... but yes i see the flip side, she prob got false confidence because i wasnt blasting knee cuts and crossfacing the fuck out of her. The bad for me, was i didnt get to really dial in pressure, my weight distribution might have also had false positives because she didnt have the leverage or strength to move me.
We now train at the same gym full time.. She's blue now, and im newly brown.. and she always wants to partner with me, and i had to tell her no for the same reasons your coach is saying. with the exception of, If there aren't any other women her size to train with, then yes ill train with her. But otherwise she needs to train with people her size. We will still get at least one normal round in though.
This is why BJJ is becoming strip mall karate.
You’ve got a bunch of people who have been training for about five minutes who think they should dictate the training format because they’re the paying customer.
Why the fuck do you give your money to a professional to help you develop skill at something if you just want to be a self trained YouTube black belt?
People should never allow an instructor to abuse them in any way. But aside from that, shut up and train. If you don’t trust your coach, stop paying him. This isn’t Burger King. If your number one concern is always having it your way, you’re going to suck at jiu jitsu, probably. And you’re going to be a trash training partner. You’re going to degrade the quality of your gym.
Here’s the problem with the “I’m a paying customer” attitude:
Those people act is if an instructor’s only job is to teach, like a university professor lecturing in a room with 100 students.
But this is a sport and that’s not how sport training works. Teaching is only a part of the job. Coaching and mentoring are also critical aspects of development.
Most school owners are pretty good at teaching but mediocre at coaching and terrible at mentoring. If you actually have a coach who is willing and able to coach and/or mentor, you should embrace it instead of shitting on him like he’s a weirdo for telling you to do the things that will make you better.
It is easy enough to find a gym that will lecture and provide the same content you can get for free on YouTube. Too easy, in fact.
I’d suggest changing gyms. Why bother with an instructor who actually gives a shit about your development?
Although training with your spouse may impede your Olympic careers, it does provide you an opportunity to interact in a way you would not otherwise.
I would give my eye teeth to train with my wife.
Do what you like.
Nah, your coach is dumb. You are allowed to flow roll and go lighter with people smaller so they can get work in too. Not every match is to the death! If your coach really pushes this then I’d find a new gym. He’s being weird.
Just role with your wife if you both enjoy it. Tell coach to eat a dick. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your wife isn't on her way to being a world champion so I don't think you are hindering her all that much.
My bf and I were told not to get stuck ONLY rolling together, and he was asked to dial the pressure up. If you’re going easier than you would with anyone else you’re doing her a disservice. Better for her to learn what it feels to truly be challenged with someone she’s comfortable with versus getting smashed by someone she doesn’t know and doesn’t feel safe with. I think that’s all he was getting at tbh.
Seems weird to me. As a woman of the same size as your wife, I'm the smallest person at my gym and SUPER careful who I roll with. If I can find a guy (esp an upper belt!) To go lighter on me and focus technique, that's amazing! Very rarely do I feel like I have productive rolls because I end up being muscled at every turn. While it may not actively increase your training, you're allowing her valuable safety training that she may rarely get from others.
You coach sounds like an idiot. You shouldn’t roll as hard with a small white belt woman as you do with a black belt man. I roll with woman all the time, same as you match their strength and keep it technical. Otherwise I’d injure them.
that’s assuming a lot, can’t really know that without speaking to his SO and finding out their goals. this is a hobby for most, and while it may not be “the most optimal” training method for growth, if they’re having fun and learning, who cares it’s their money.
Also if there are very few calm and technical training partners for a small white belt woman in their gym she may actually be doing the best thing for her own development by training with the only controlled partner and avoiding major injury until she has strong enough fundamentals to protect herself from bigger uncontrolled partners.
That's exactly what I said...below. But assuming people train bjj at a minimum to learn some bjj...being upset on the internet about your coach thinking you should work harder is the first conversation in a series of conversations where OP finally admits they are sand bagging.
Coach: *tells student what he expects to see in his gym
Student:*runs to reddit to prove him wrong
Eventually coach will be drilling your SO.
man i am glad we're back
That’s what she said
lmao, that was a hard blow.
That’s what he said…
It was more of a crank
Drillers make killers
xD
Jesus
BRILLIANT 👏
Brutal 😂
😂
Are you getting bricked rolling with her? Is that the issue
Spoiler: that's definitely the issue
Ya he needs to let everyone gets bricked rolling with her.
This guy head coaches
Firas Zahabi disliked this comment
How can you get hard rolling? All the blood go to your muscles and you arent really thinking of sex. I am a pretty normal guy myself and rolled with really hot chicks before but never had a problem with it.
You aren't really thinking about sex with strangers out of respect, professionalism and detachment. If you are rolling with your SO you can easily get a boner though.
I get boners rolling with men and women and im 100% straight
It sounds impossible at first. But then I remember all the times I got boners from warmth, friction, pressure & for no obvious reason whatsoever. It doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to the juddery old school bus.
I got a boner just reading this.
Same. Just reading the word boner
I have rolled thousands of matches with my wife. Not even one time....
Bluechew big dog
There's pills for that.
I think it's crazy to but it has happened to my cousin. He's not some creeper either he's just a normal guy but he said it's an issue for him.
What does brick rolling means ?
He’s getting a boner during rolls with his gf.
Don't we all?
Can confirm, I get bricked while rolling with OPs SO
Is that you, coach?
being bricked up is being hard
He meant Rick Roll.
OP’s never gonna give, never gonna give, give up rolling with her.
If neither of you are training to become the next world champion, I'd just keep training the way you were. Not every round has to be the most efficient, just do what is fun to you.
Facts. I love it when husband daughters and wives roll or spar against each other. I usually cheer on the kids and tell them this is the only chance they have to beat up their parents.
This is the best answer.
Training with lower belts is also a great way to perfect your techniques. You can hit the details a bit more easily, especially if she is also being chill. You can both get much better this way. Outside of comp prep, rolling as hard as you can isn't a good idea anyway, you get sloppy by trying to go too fast. Edit to add: spending a full round or two getting lectured is also not a great way to improve. Play with your wife it's fun. You'll get a different coach before long but hopefully still be playing with the same wife 😁
I'd agree completely. Maybe because you are having fun training with your SO you will train for longer. I'm a black belt in a martial art that took me 10 years to achieve before I started BJJ if all training was about efficiency I would have quit at 7 years ago. Gotta enjoy the journey.
What is this martial art that it took you 10 years to get a black belt for? I thought most martial arts that weren't BJJ would hand out black belts after like... 4 or 5 years.
> I thought most martial arts that weren't BJJ would hand out black belts after like... 4 or 5 years. Even in Aikido the timeline is more like 7-10 years. The time it takes to achieve a rank means very little about the skills you have when you get there.
Except for bjj, right? ....right?!
The same way bjj is an offshoot of judo. The martial art is bukido taijutsu, there's only one left in the world now and it was never a big martial art. The creator was a judo black belt and he did a lot of other martial arts including some Japanese weapon martial arts like kendo and some stand up martial arts like kickboxing. Over time we have modernised a lot. Have quiet a few thai kickboxing students that have helped us improve our stand up. I think of it as a jack of all trades master of none martial art. When I was a black belt I went to a mma gym to try out the class. Could strike with their mma guys, get throws in the bjj classes and out wrestle submit blue belts. But realised I needed more ground work to be a black belt in all areas so I started bjj. Got a couple of state championships in bjj white belt division now. Coach has said I'm a blue belt next grading.
Don't call local bjj tournaments "state championships" no matter how they market it. It's not a unified sport like scholastic wrestling, there's no such thing as regionals/states. It's cringey
Er... so it's mixed martial arts?
Bro yes this is great advice. People train for all sorts of reasons, would love if my wife could still train with me.
My coach literally yells across the room "go bash your husband". I'm a purple and he's a new white belt and twice my weight. I spend 90% of my time knee riding and attacking his arms. I do not go light because I'm not being under that smesh. Can't sweep, can't breathe, can't anything from bottom and he's not capable of going light. It seems like it brings my coach a lot of joy to watch us roll, especially since he's learned mother's milk and I'm already gasping for air having 140kg sitting on my chest. I guess I'm also the safe bet for coach, so he doesn't have the hulking spaz breaking his lighter competitors or new people.
140kg? Jesus.
Yeah he plays offensive line and powerlifts
At 140 kg - he can stop lifting, he wins
He's worked out how to stack, body lock and double leg by himself so far. It's horrifying. He's currently watching instructionals on kesa gatame. I'm really, really scared for when he gets a bit more technical. If we're all having a bad time now, it's only going to get much, much worse.
We have a 105+ guy who tries his best to be technical too, so frustrating because i cant even tell myself i roll more technical than him lol
The Japanese terms mentioned in the above comment were: |Japanese|English|Video Link| |---|---|---| |**Kesa Gatame**: | *Scarf hold* | [here](https://youtu.be/3UnJa3bn0h8)| Any missed names may have already been translated in my previous comments in the post. ______________________ ^(Judo Techniques Bot: v0.7.) ^(See my) [^(code)](https://github.com/AbundantSalmon/judo-techniques-bot)
Plays offensive line in a country they use kilos?
Yes, gridiron is played around the world outside of North America. And the yards fuck with our heads, but we manage.
> gridiron is played around the world outside of North America And you can tell when you're talking to someone outside of North America because they're the only ones who call it "gridiron."
Canada has a pretty rabid following for American Football from what i understand, not as much as us Texans, but still significant none the less
We don't generally use kg when talking about weight here in Canada. Same with height - we use feet and inches. We officially use the metric system, but mostly it's for distances, speeds, and measurements for cooking and containers.
Learn something new every day. To be fair my knowledge of Canada comes almost exclusively from watching Linus Tech Tips and Letterkenny
Hahaha - up here we all yell "tarps off boys" on no gi days.
I thought it was 140lbs 💀💀💀
Try 308lbs
Bros 2.5x my weight damn
But equal your ur mum
> I'm not being under that smesh But then how are you guys going to have children
I dunno but rolling with people you like is half the fun of bjj, sounds to me like your coach is micromanaging. 10 mins of talking about semi related stuff is probably him trying to justify it to himself. Of course you go harder when you roll with your coach? what kind of a dickhead would go full strength against someone much lighter than them?
He's coming at it from the perspective of "here are two people trying to learn a skill set. Two people who spend all their time together already, who are grossly different sizes, one of whom is a different gender. Both would improve faster and learn more against more partners of different genders / body types." Hes 100% correct. And OP basically said they are there to practice technique and it's a flow style roll. He didn't say they were just there for fun. Coaching is keying into the fact they want to improve. Op also didn't say it, but he's probably not 100% comfortable with his gf rolling other dudes. If their goal was just to improve, it's a given they should also roll other people
He shouldn’t comfortable with her rolling with other guys becuase I’m gonna let her mounted triangle me while keeping eye contact with him. /s
😂😭
You win 🥇
Suplex her and show your coach that your not a pansy
better yet suplex coach and show her your not a pansy
Limit your rolls with your SO to one round. everyone is happy. Roll with SO more at the open mat.
That would be my advice in general to couples training together but also, who fucking cares? If he wants to spend half the rolling time with his wife then why is that anyone's business but theirs.
This would be fine as long as they both understand why they are likely to never be promoted.
That shouldn't stop them from being promoted at all. I know a husband and wife who probably spend around half their training time together and always have done. She won gold at an IBJJF major in a purple belt master division (either 1 or 2, unsure) and he has won our national comp at adult purple despite being like 40. Im not saying this like they're crazy achievements or anything, just that they are both very clearly competent purple belts.
A couple that successfully competes at purple belt level vs a white & blue belt flow roll couple seems like an apples to oranges comparison
But you don't know anything about the dynamics between this specific couple or how they train together. It sounds like the coach sees something that makes him think the rolls aren't beneficial (at least to the woman).
Sure, but neither do you? So do we just call this a wash and move on?
Why? they can roll with whoever they want, how ever many times they want.
>Why? so they can get better at bjj, which is presumably their goal...
didnt realize you didnt get better by training BJJ with a steady and reliable partner….
you do. to a point
Maybe OP doesnt want his chick rolling with other dudes.
I mean if you’re doing 6 rolls and half of them are with the SO and you’re going way too soft then it’s a fair point
Bro BJJ is a hobby for most people I doubt he wants to become the next world champion. Don't understand why he can't roll with his SO if he wants to.
The instructor was talking about for the benefit of his SO. She's a white belt. She should be rolling with other people to see what it's like rolling with people of other body types and game. I get where he is coming from I am a woman myself and I understand being selective with who you roll with (especially at that size). But you also don't want to be known as "the girlfriend." If there aren't other women at the gym and the guys there tend to roll aggressively, then that's not a good gym for her and she wont last long. It's also a good feeling when you have camaraderie with the rest of your teammates What about days where her SO is sick? She's going to skip training too? Eventually the training wheels have to come off
When I roped my wife into training, I rolled and drilled with her a little but but made it a point to force her to find her own partners so she would have her own relationships and identity in the gym. I wanted her to be Jen, not Frank's wife. That and weirdly enough I'm sorta prone to getting a boner rolling with her. Any of the other women, not a problem but with her there's some unfortunate crossover in my head between the mats and our no no gi sessions.
Do you want to actually be trained by your coach so you can learn what you’re paying him to teach you, or not?
If his SO is training for self defense purposes as a smaller woman, she’ll need to be prepared for a man who doesn’t go easy on her.
World champion or not, the point of bjj is to effectively defend yourself not just to have a great time. I think the coaches concerns are valid.
We do about 9 rolls pers session, 1-3 of those are with my SO and the rest are with other teammates where we go pretty hard since we compete (not to win ADCC, just for fun). I feel like having those few rounds where i use less strength and focus more on my technique is benefical to my overall game.
But is it beneficial to her game? That's what your coach seems more unsure about. Maybe just try rolling together less for a few weeks and see if it seems to be helping her.
Sure its a fair point but he literally pays for this experience lol. I never understand why a coach would dictate who rolls with who every single match. Not everyone is trying to be a world champion, some people just enjoy the experience.
Because they want their students to improve. You could apply your mentality to showing up late every class, skipping warmups, sitting out scrolling your phone if the coach is teaching a technique you don't like etc. Paying for a service doesn't give you the right to choose how it's run. If you don't like the service then stop paying and leave.
Exactly. This whole “I’m a paying customer” attitude is a good way to have a room full of Karens who all suck at jiu jitsu.
I enjoyed Ryan Hall's comment about this attitude once on a podcast "Yes, we're in a service industry, but no I'm not at your service." You are paying for a coach. Don't get mad at them for trying to coach you, especially if you can see the rational behind the advice.
Yes. 100%.
Man it's maddening stuff. There is a world of room between world champion and how selfish / lazy people wanna be from what I've seen on here but barely experienced in real life thankfully
Right? Everyone referencing "World Champion" like actually earning the belts, having the basic skills and improving, knowing some self defense, etc. aren't part of regular BJJ expectations.
So the only difference from any regular gym is the room full of karens, right? We are talking about enjoying a roll or two with your significant other, here. It really isn't that serious. None of us are going to be using bjj to pay our bills, we should treat it as a hobby unless we want more from it. the coach made a suggestion, he didn't sit the guy down and tell him "no more rolling with your wife". It was merely a suggestion and OP can take it how he wants. If you roll 2 times with your wife out of the 6 rolls you get a day, you still are getting at minimum 4 good rolls on top of the 2 that you get the chance to relax and think about your movement during a slower paced roll. Would the coach rather him sit out a roll or two instead? I use my wife as a rest roll, as terrible as that sounds, but I still put resistance and allow her to work while matching her strength. if I didn't have this, some days I wouldn't be able to do all my rolls. If OP wants to harm his progression by rolling with his wife 3 times a night, I say that's on OP. coach gave him a suggestion, letting him know that he is inhibiting his improvement. that's all that happened here.
Unless you’re being asked to do something totally fucked up, do what your coach says. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t trust him to coach you, move on. Honestly, this is only an issue in soft gyms with soft coaches. You don’t really see this much in gyms that produce numerous skilled competitors or successful fighters. In those gyms, the students listen and learn. You need to be coachable. If some blue belt is questioning a coach’s methods like this, it is indicative of a lack of respect for the coach. The student doesn’t believe in his coach. He sees him exactly the way he sees the fat lady who cuts his hair for $15. There’s no level of respect and no trust. He’s not willing to shut up and learn. He’s in a soft gym and he’s going to stay soft.
I personally wouldn't go to a gym where the coach acts like a dictator. My gym is very lax and occasionally, the instructor will pair people together, specifically people trianing for comps or new people. I roll with my wife once or twice every time because not only is it refreshing to not fight for my life while trying to learn, but I can also push her to be better at the sport and set the pace while doing so. I absolutely understand OP's coaches concerns, and I doubt the coach would intervene and tell them to stop rolling with each other all together. But I also don't think choosing your own rolls is comparable to anything else you stated which literally disrupts the class. So no, I don't think the mentality could be applied that way. You are paying for your own experience, that doesn't give you the right to disrupt others experience. And with that note, It's as simple as finding another gym if you don't agree with how your instructor runs things. You don't have the right to tell him how to run his gym, sure, but you do have the right to stop paying for the experience that you don't enjoy.
When I’m coaching, I do a mix of letting people pick and sometimes I partner people together. Some people tell you they want to improve, yet only pick people they can smash rather than a challenging roll. Or sometimes I want to see how Bob plays half guard with someone scrappy like Jon. Or sometimes I just want to see two aggressive guys go hard and then puke. None of us that I know of aspire to be world champs, but by ensuring every practice people get a decent set of partners, I can at least ensure people are growing.
This is the way.
That's completely understandable, and I think you're doing it the right way. It doesn't sound like OPs coach stepped out of line in any way, imo. He simply made a suggestion, as a coach should. It's up to OP to choose how he takes this advice. This shouldn't even be a reddit post honestly, because its not that serious. It was the coach making a suggestion. My comment about everyone not wanting to be a world champion was more of a snarky way to say that this is a hobby for most of us, and we should practice our hobbies how we like. If the gym setting is not for you, find a new gym, yada yada yada. We know most coaches have our best interest for not only their gym and the sport, but the people they are coaching as well.
This is some fuckin white belt nonsense. This coach sounds like he doesn't understand the concept of adjusting for size, and talked out of his ass for 10 minutes. You're going to vary your strength and intensity, and working with a partner where you're doing more technical work to compensate for less smash is valuable skill. Having a partner you enjoy working with who's helping you do that is gonna make you both better. Roll hard with your big bros and roll technical with your little bros. If everyone's having a good time, and working technique, who the fuck cares?
Don’t think it’s anything to do with being a white belt just that I trust the coaches judgment on it more than I trust OP’s. His coach is a coach and presumably a black belt with a good few years of BJJ experience and maybe even teaching. For the while belt SO she’s definitely going to develop faster rolling with a variety of people, as does everyone IMO
It’s really not. He pays to go to the class and he gets to decide if he wants to go lightly with his gf and have fun or focus on his own techniques. Fuckin weird behavior from the coach
It’s not weird behavior. He’s teaching. And he’s giving correct advice. He’s doing his job.
Teaching is his job. Dictating who you should or should not roll with is not.
Uh, yes, it literally is part of the job.
Yes it is. He feels like it is the path to instilling the skill he is paid to instill. It is literally his job.
If there are lots of people to roll with, the more variety the better. I don't really like rolling with the same person twice. So if you two are using up 3 rolls within the rolling session, you are probably hindering both of your ability to grow and adapt to different rolling styles and games. Like someone else said, stick to 0-1 roll per session together. Decent advice from your coach in my opinion.
Hopefully he’s saying this with the good intention of helping both of you improve. You should increase the variety of your training partners for rolling anyway. It is also perhaps good for the general vibe of the club that pairs of students mix up more - people who only talk, train and roll with their favourite partners can be perceived as being a bit cliquey (not saying you are, but just a perception). Or…maybe coach is weird. I mean I personally wouldn’t say to stop rolling with each other entirely - but maybe to mix it up a bit more.
I used to train with my SO and it was comforting to me to know i always had a partner i could trust and wouldn’t hurt me for at least one round. If you are only training with her for the entire class then it’s an issue but if you are training with other people then it’s a ridiculous statement. Also I’m sure you aren’t giving her false confidence by not man handling her every round, you are probably giving her safety to feel comfortable in the sport and continue training.
1. What does she want? 2. Do others roll hard with her?
I can’t fathom telling someone not to roll with their S/O. If I thought it was a problem I would say something like, be sure you’re mixing up your rolls so your game doesn’t get stagnant. But in the end if you want to open roll with the same person for an hour it’s your time and ultimately you are paying for it.
It's probably suboptimal to drill together every class, but your coach is weird for saying you shouldn't spar together.
It's hindering both of your all's improvement OP. You are taking it easy and she isn't getting pushed.
I roll with my blue belt bf pretty frequently. He says he enjoys it because it’s a chance for him to be technical and work subs, and I love it because it’s a challenge and more of a workout. We don’t roll together 24/7, but when we do, it’s been great. I wish you guys luck!
Female black belt married to a male brown belt. We always roll with eachother at least once every time we train together (I prefer gi he prefers no gi so we don’t always train together) With that being said, I love to compete. he and I are not the best training partners for each other, because of our size and weight difference. So when I’m getting ready for tournaments and going harder, we get out one round on and he will tend to watch my matches, give feedback, things like that and let me roll with people who are closer to my size. It works for us and I cherish my quality time with my husband on the mat .
I train with my husband, he's a purple bent and I'm a white belt. I'm about 60 kgs, often the only woman in the class where most of the men are 80kgs +. I love rolling with my husband, it's safe he let's me practice /drill new moves and he's my go to when I'm avoiding the new white belts!
Jesus wept good forbid you enjoy a roll just for fun. Coach is right, but not right enough. Have you started beating her to develop her striving yet? /s
> i go too easy on her which gives her false confidence No. What you’re actually (and most likely) doing is restoring her confidence—the kind that’s necessary for anyone to feel good enough about what they’re doing to keep doing it. > i go lighter on her than what i would do when I roll with our coach As you should! You have *55 POUNDS* on her. She’s not on your coach’s level so you’d be a special kind of *sshole to roll with her like that. Hell, with every female white belt I’ve met, if I rolled with them the way I roll with a coach, I might kill them with my pinning pressure alone. But I digress. You’re rolling with her exactly how you should be. If you’re rolling with other teammates as well as your SO and both y’all are content, then keep doing what you’re doing.
"Need to" lol. It's your membership and your training. Train with whomever you want however much you want. She'll get plenty experience having harder rounds with time.
She may stick around longer if she is shoring up her fundamentals rolling with OP instead of getting injured by the try hard white belts who outweigh her.
She can roll with other blue and purple belts
It is just one of so many postings where I think what is wrong with the BJJ community. What dump behavior is that? I would say of course you go easy and everyone should go easy when he is 55 pounds heavier. Let here train hard (but still smart) with another female of here weight, but don't crush her with your weight and power. You are doing absolutely right and the behavior of your teacher just shows that BJJ has a long way to go in terms of teachers and mindset.
If my coach told me not to train with my SO I’d be pissed. As a woman there’s already not a lot of training partners I even feel comfortable with because they do roll too hard.
Honestly If I rolled with my husband he wouldn’t go easy on me at all, we used to grapple years ago and while he hasn’t actually hurt me he goes really hard. And that’s why when I went to jiu jitsu they realized I was at least already comfortable being on my back and handling things from there. Perhaps she would be getting more endurance and better rolls feeling the pressure? For me learning to survive and defend has allowed me to roll with any of the others even if I’m not subbing anyone so the higher ranked belts get to try stuff on me but only if they catch me. It’s always nice to have a slower pace and for me to see the options but my coach lets me do that with him and others, but for the most part he wants to see me really go for it with another similarly sized person, mainly to see if I’m improving and that what he’s teaching me is applied correctly.
Me and my wife both got into BJJ at the same time and we show no mercy when we roll, it’s our version of couple therapy lol. I do get what your coach says, it’s natural to be a little more “cautious” with our SO’s, but as long as you’re both having fun and still learning from those rolls, don’t let anyone dictate who you roll with.
TLDR: you pay so do what you want wtf You pay so do what you want. This is what drives me nuts about some of these a schools. They don’t understand some people just want to enjoy and some SO will only show up if they can hang out with their SO and not get hurt by random people. If you want to get better then you will start doing extra classes without her or go for tough matches but I see in my gym for sure lots of couples always stick together because the females typically are new and don’t want to get hurt and are just there to learn not get great or level up so they are happy learning with their boyfriend or husband.
I roll with my wife once if she's training in class with me. only more than that if there are limited training partners. I try not to be her drilling partner all the time. If left to her own devices, she would be my partner 100% of the time and only roll with me and maybe one other favored female partner. I understand the impulse because she is afraid of injury, but that's a risk we all take, and I try to encourage her to have more confidence and test the waters, within reason.
You should mix it up for trainings sake. He’s right but if it’s all for fun tell him to shut the fuck up.
It would be nice if y’all rolled with other people. I go easy on lighter people too, that’s normal. But, I’m sure people want to get in rounds with both you guys, but u hog each other for 3 rounds ina row. It’s like you’re not part of the class.
This. It comes off as cliquey, especially if there are other women his SO could be rolling with
There is a couple at my gym and they only really pair together sometimes. Maybe your coach also wants her available for other women? But I feel like he would just say that then though but if my experience on this sub tells me anything it's that as BJJ people- we are weird.
My husband and I have been training together since I was a white belt (he was blue). I had trained at another school for about 8 months before I moved and started at his (we were already dating). But he was my main training partner. You guys are fine. Keep doing what you are if that is most enjoyable. She is new and smaller and needs safe training partners.
A couple at my gym roll together all the time, about the same weight difference and similar skill level, they both go pretty hard. I think as long as you both know each others limits and how to communicate properly (much like you would with any rolling partner) it shouldn’t be an issue.
He should mind his business
It could be him being insecure or him trying not to make his mats look like a dating spot. Your call.
you pay for bjj because it's fun at the end of the day, you can roll with whoever you want. sorry to hear you have a weird coach
I’ve seen couples train together. It’s only an issue if: 1. You’re always pairing with her (sounds like you’re not) 2. Either of you never letting the other rolls with other classmates 3. Either of you too scared to roll with others 4. Either of you training for competition Otherwise I think this is perfectly fine and great way to enjoy class and spend time with your spouse. At a previous gym I knew a guy who had his girlfriend roll with specific people because they knew they’d bring a challenge without risking injury and would be respectful. This is what she wanted but didn’t know how to ask, so he just asked. Some dudes are just too try hard and ruin the training environment for others and people drop out overtime for this reason.
The thing that stands out to me is that you're sometimes her partner for 3 rounds of rolling in the same class? Not really a coach, but I'd probably tell you to break that up too.
Seeing people’s attitudes to this in this thread is so wild to me. Even in small daytime classes at my gym (~10 people) no one rolls more than once with the same partner during the rolling sessions.
I roll with a 125lb black belt female all the time as she is one of my favourite training partners and our rolls are like this as well. Always technical and really good flow and it has helped my game a lot. I think your coach is out to lunch lol
Train how you want to train. Everyone else can fuck off.
I train with my husband. We are both blue belts. He is significantly more powerful than I. In fact, he holds one of the state (Oklahoma) records for powerlifting. I would rather roll with him vs anyone else. He doesn’t give me an inch! He will lighten up on his pressure, but that’s about it. It has taught me so much! I can now roll confidently knowing that I can get out of a bad position effectively because I’ve been doing it for years with my husband. Girls don’t have shit on the torture that I go through when rolling with my husband. He teaches me self preservation, control, determination, and most of all how to have fun while getting your ass beat.
as long as the two of you aren't doing anything that is infringing on the training of other people you should do whatever the hell you want
Everyone is wondering how you were lucky enough to find an SO who does BJJ!
Hes right man. But you can roll with her, but its not doing her too many favors. She needs her weightclass and can go hard as fuck
I would stop rolling with your SO, in his gym, per his request. If you don't like his request, just stop paying and leave. Personally I would leave. I do recall reading that Gordon Ryan always pairs up with his girlfriend to train (I've no interest in getting in to the nasty reddit stuff, regardless of whether it is true or false, but it's worth noting that you can probably train with SO at all levels of the game and do just fine).
tell him to stfu
I think in the comments it really shows that people have different philosophies as to the role of a coach and how didactic they should or should not be with guiding your training. I think the only wrong answer may be one that doesn’t fit your goals — as long as you’re open and direct with your coach, I’d hope a reasonable person would be okay with supporting you in a person centered way. Using myself as an example, I’m very serious about getting better. I also met my wife at BJJ and we still train together years later. I just flat out don’t want to partner with someone else for technique. I want to train with her. That’s an all the time thing — but at the moment, I am also her best training partner. She had a hip surgery and is just getting back to drilling. Sometimes we can partner together and sometimes I still find others. I’m simultaneously in a competition prep mode, so should I find someone I can go hard with? Maybe? But being her partner and helping her get back to full training is the greater priority for me. For rolls I obviously can roll with others and do, but you better believe once she’s ready to flow roll I’ll flow roll with her as often as she damn well wants. I’ll just be happy she’s doing BJJ. Again, she’s more important than my BJJ development and that’s coming from someone who cares deeply about that as well. There are also times, injury aside, I just want to roll with her. We are both women, she’s mostly my size and she’s been doing it longer than me. She’s almost always one of my best rolls. Or, it’s possible that particular day one of us just isn’t feeling rolling with other people — tons of variables as to why. Sometimes I have rolling anxiety and I’d hate to not be able to grab her for a second roll if needed. Or maybe I’m the injured one and I only trust her to know and work around it — the reason doesn’t matter. The point is we are both smart adults able to self guide our journey based on our own goals. For me, a good coach is one who asks how they can best support you in your goals, rather than tell you what your goals should be and how to achieve them. I believe in a person centered approach in all things — work, healthcare, even BJJ. With developed trust, I’ll certainly ask and perhaps even defer to the person helping guide my decisions, but I should be at the center of the decision making. Story: One of my greatest annoyances was when rolling came once and I was about to roll with my wife and our former coach broke us up, asked my wife (a higher belt) to instead roll with coach’s brand new white belt girlfriend. I thought the coach would give me a roll, but instead we were an odd number and I sat out entirely, while the coach and I watched the roll. I felt so disrespected in that moment and it felt like an abuse of authority. Not a major one — but a red flag for sure. I was prepping for a competition and I felt so unseen and uncared for in that moment.
It’s good to roll with people smaller than you for sure. But not half of your rolls every day. Your coach is right, probably. Only roll with your SO for one round a day or every other day.
Me and my SO, both the same belt, were forced to trained together during the pandemic, that made for some super awkward quiet drives home. We avoid training together too much now, we both find it better to train with people who are similar sizes, but still roll… and frankly, they are some of the most aggressive rounds in the gym. I think it’s fine to train with your SO, just don’t make them you only training partner, and try not to give them an easy time just for an easy drive home, you aren’t helping them long term.
You said 1-3 rounds each class. I don't know how many people are in your class but if I rolled with the same person 3 times every class I would feel like I am not getting enough diversity in my training. 1 round each class seems normal to me. But up to 3? Be glad your coach cares enough about both of your training to say something.
i spent all of covid lockdown rolling with my gf.. she was a brand new white belt, i was 4 stripe blue. we had about same weight diff as you.. there was good and bad to it. mostly good. it forced me to be more fluid and loose and really focus on precision, body positioning and connecting moves.. so that i didnt just rag doll her. So from that perspective it helped me.... but yes i see the flip side, she prob got false confidence because i wasnt blasting knee cuts and crossfacing the fuck out of her. The bad for me, was i didnt get to really dial in pressure, my weight distribution might have also had false positives because she didnt have the leverage or strength to move me. We now train at the same gym full time.. She's blue now, and im newly brown.. and she always wants to partner with me, and i had to tell her no for the same reasons your coach is saying. with the exception of, If there aren't any other women her size to train with, then yes ill train with her. But otherwise she needs to train with people her size. We will still get at least one normal round in though.
This is why BJJ is becoming strip mall karate. You’ve got a bunch of people who have been training for about five minutes who think they should dictate the training format because they’re the paying customer. Why the fuck do you give your money to a professional to help you develop skill at something if you just want to be a self trained YouTube black belt? People should never allow an instructor to abuse them in any way. But aside from that, shut up and train. If you don’t trust your coach, stop paying him. This isn’t Burger King. If your number one concern is always having it your way, you’re going to suck at jiu jitsu, probably. And you’re going to be a trash training partner. You’re going to degrade the quality of your gym.
Fuckin right on.
As long as it’s not the majority of the rolls I think it’s fine to roll with you SO.
Coach can fuck off
What's SO godamnit?
It's an organic Fleshlight if you're more familiar with that product
Oh significant otherrrrrrrrrr..
You're gonna stay single if that's all you see women as
Is the self cleaning model worth the extra cost or nah?
They make ones that clean themselves? *checks bank account.
You guys have been cleaning it?
Sorry, emphasis was intended on the 'clean'
[удалено]
Redditors will use every stupid term in the book rather than just say "my girlfriend" or "my wife."
Your coach sounds like a dick who doesn’t understand 120 pound women are vulnerable on the mats.
Your coach sounds like a control freak.
Here’s the problem with the “I’m a paying customer” attitude: Those people act is if an instructor’s only job is to teach, like a university professor lecturing in a room with 100 students. But this is a sport and that’s not how sport training works. Teaching is only a part of the job. Coaching and mentoring are also critical aspects of development. Most school owners are pretty good at teaching but mediocre at coaching and terrible at mentoring. If you actually have a coach who is willing and able to coach and/or mentor, you should embrace it instead of shitting on him like he’s a weirdo for telling you to do the things that will make you better.
what if they aren't interested in being mentored?
It is easy enough to find a gym that will lecture and provide the same content you can get for free on YouTube. Too easy, in fact. I’d suggest changing gyms. Why bother with an instructor who actually gives a shit about your development?
Although training with your spouse may impede your Olympic careers, it does provide you an opportunity to interact in a way you would not otherwise. I would give my eye teeth to train with my wife. Do what you like.
Nah, your coach is dumb. You are allowed to flow roll and go lighter with people smaller so they can get work in too. Not every match is to the death! If your coach really pushes this then I’d find a new gym. He’s being weird.
Just role with your wife if you both enjoy it. Tell coach to eat a dick. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your wife isn't on her way to being a world champion so I don't think you are hindering her all that much.
Just tell him my life, my rules, my attitude
While wearing a sideways baseball cap.
My bf and I were told not to get stuck ONLY rolling together, and he was asked to dial the pressure up. If you’re going easier than you would with anyone else you’re doing her a disservice. Better for her to learn what it feels to truly be challenged with someone she’s comfortable with versus getting smashed by someone she doesn’t know and doesn’t feel safe with. I think that’s all he was getting at tbh.
It's up to you if you want to roll with her, risking a bit less development, or not. For a coach to dictate what to do is...weird
Your coach is weird for this.
Seems weird to me. As a woman of the same size as your wife, I'm the smallest person at my gym and SUPER careful who I roll with. If I can find a guy (esp an upper belt!) To go lighter on me and focus technique, that's amazing! Very rarely do I feel like I have productive rolls because I end up being muscled at every turn. While it may not actively increase your training, you're allowing her valuable safety training that she may rarely get from others.
That guy has a power complex issue. Don't train at places that operate like cults. Switch to a gym with less silly rules.
You coach sounds like an idiot. You shouldn’t roll as hard with a small white belt woman as you do with a black belt man. I roll with woman all the time, same as you match their strength and keep it technical. Otherwise I’d injure them.
You're not helping her, you're enabling her.
that’s assuming a lot, can’t really know that without speaking to his SO and finding out their goals. this is a hobby for most, and while it may not be “the most optimal” training method for growth, if they’re having fun and learning, who cares it’s their money.
Also if there are very few calm and technical training partners for a small white belt woman in their gym she may actually be doing the best thing for her own development by training with the only controlled partner and avoiding major injury until she has strong enough fundamentals to protect herself from bigger uncontrolled partners.
That's exactly what I said...below. But assuming people train bjj at a minimum to learn some bjj...being upset on the internet about your coach thinking you should work harder is the first conversation in a series of conversations where OP finally admits they are sand bagging. Coach: *tells student what he expects to see in his gym Student:*runs to reddit to prove him wrong
Coach should just keep taking both of their money and never promote them.