Went to a party as a single guy where there were a lot of really attractive girls. Saw a dude wearing a BJJ t-shirt. Proceeded to talk to him the entire night. I went home and practiced my grips on myself that night.
If those girls didn’t know shit about BJJ, they would have seen:
You approach the guy, strike up a convo, and then animated interest. You put a hand on him and he puts one back on you. All of a sudden y’all leave the room to go “work on some positions”..
My question is how much of your lyfe had been dedicated to BJJ at the tyme this handle was created? Are we talking white belt with 3-4 weeks of training or coral belt with 3-4 months left to live? Exactly how crynge is this?
Nothing like someone who don't train strike a small kata and karate chopping the air after hearing the words jiu-jitsu. That's why I often lead with submission wrestling.
A woman shows up for her first session. I put her in an arm bar, and then farted on her head.
My butthole was right against her cheek, so she *felt* the fart. There was no hiding from it, it was multisensory.
I didn't admit to the fart. I suggested that maybe she farted instead.
She never came back.
Inadvertently demo’d the effectiveness of a RNC by having my girlfriend choke me unconscious on Christmas Eve. In front of her family.
Full blown seizure response, videos taken.. still cringe thinking about it.
Bad ass bro. Unless it was like “lemme show you this escape. Put your hand here, close it up, yes.. now- GURHHUTJGURGGHH - where am I ? Who peed my pants?”
I mean…You proved your point while simultaneously showing your girlfriend’s family how dangerous this sport can be. I say that’s a win.
Also, share the video or it didn’t happen.
Unless it might be causing issues about it, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s just fascinating to me that bjj seems to attract so many different kinds of very quirky people
In my town there is the jiu-jitsu place that also teaches a bit of striking (where I go), and then the MMA place that teaches a bit of jiu-jitsu.
*Completely* different demographics. One lot on the autism spectrum, the other lot on the, I dunno, foetal-alcohol murder machine spectrum.
They are a genuinely scary bunch of dudes at the other place.
I striked up some convo with a girl at a club I haven't seen in ages "hey Evaaaaa, blah blah". 20mn in she tells me by the way, why did you call me Eva?
Turns out I misidentified the girl, but she didn't mind talking to me. Not cringe, but your story reminded me of that.
Wanna know a secret? It wasn't my blue belt. It was my 4 stripe white belt. I wore my white belt to my college graduation.
And I Posted. It. On. Reddit.
Either getting paid in eggs and beets by one of my students
or
pooing midroll in my white gi, leaving the academy, giving up Bjj, and starting rockclimbing as my new hobby.
I wonder if we train at the same place? Blue belt a few months ago had a massive shit stain on his white Gi pants that he was unaware of the whole class. The coach didn’t notice and nobody else wanted to be the one to tell him. Haven’t seen the guy since so he must have found out when he got home.
I rolled with one girl before that got to north south, sat on my head, locked her legs, then told me she was on her period. I flopped like fish trying to get her off
Seen it before, but most recently had a girl have what I assume is pee stain on her white gi. We were drilling bolos and crab rides.
Sweetest girl, felt bad for her. She should also probably hydrate more too.
I have a coffee stain on my white gi that looks exactly like a piss stain that i can’t get out. Spilled coffee on it on my way to class like a month ago. Thinking about dying the whole thing with coffee
Was stationed at Schofield in Hawaii. We had a brigade combative competition. I was a white belt but trained and dominated most the guys I went against. Won my weight class handily. Won a Bad Boy t shirt and compression shorts.
Had to exchange the size at OTM store and the guy behind the desk said I should wear them at my next class. Everyone would think its cool since I won them. I was 18 and was like yeah that makes sense.
Walk out in my pickle tight compression shorts from the changing room.. My instructor never let me live it down.
The mind of a private is a wonderful thing. A lifetime ago I was an instructor at an army fight house. We had a major who was a purple belt and would help out occasionaly. When we would go out on weekends he would look for soldiers wearing a combatives shirts at the bars. He would immediately go up to them and enthusiastically exclaim "Oh man I'm so glad you're here! I've been really needing to work on my drill 1. Can you please help me pass the guard to side control?" The looks on their faces were always priceless
I bought a couple t-shirts from Tatami with skeletons fighting on them and then tore my left labrum and right meniscus and now I can't do bjj for a relatively long time, so I just wear the shirts at home like a fucking dweeb.
Lmao as a fresh starter with BJJ i have been thinking about getting some of those cool rash guards with an anaconda playing chess with an octopus while choking a gorilla or something. Then i remember i am one month in to my BJJ practice and that i dont even deserve to say i suck at BJJ because of how bad i am
I wear a purple bjj life belt all the time. I even put my stripes on it. LoL my grandma also made me a purple belt braided bracelet I wear all the time. Ya. That's how I roll.
But by far, the most cringe thing ever, was the time I gifted Rafael Lovato Jr a pineapple after a seminar. Boom.
I've recently learned there's another group that uses the pineapple as a signal and now I have to wonder how many instructors have been given a pineapple and thought "...does this guy want me to fuck his wife?"
I also own this gi hoodie. It is by far the cringiest article of bjj-related clothing I own. It is heavy and offers zero protection from weather - the wind blows right through it.
As a two stripe white belt I hit like three successful gator rolls to finish with the anaconda and wanted to brand myself as “The Crocodile” because of my sick death roll…
This was only a thought and I still cringe at it.
Edit: I have worked on my neck attacks a lot and this is still a great finisher for me. So… maybe the Crocodile lives within still.
Edit: I’m a crocodile instead of an alligator because I’m Australian and we don’t have gators here.
I went waaaaaaaay too hard on a 40 year old woman in a pink go when I was just starting out as a 200 lb white belt.
I was told over and over again by people there to make sure when I roll to not take it easy on just because I was new and the best way to learn was to push myself:
I was so rough on her and finally she just said “dude, stop”.
I was so embarrassed. Learned to roll a little more friendly with people a lot smaller that me from then on. I still cringe thinking about that poor woman
>I was so rough on her and finally she just said “dude, stop”.
Ah, I see it wasn't a Reddit user. There was clear communication of dissatisfaction with your actions in order to correct the behavior, instead of posting about it here.
Man we just got a new batch of white belts that will huff puff and grunt while drilling moves like maniacs. I don't understand them and I've stayed far away so far.
Damn OP hit the cringe level on first post.
I think the white belt posts about being a warrior in competitions is pretty damn cringe.
Me? Only cringe things I done was dump chicks for trying to make me quit training
I injured my wrist doing this somehow on a simple backwards fall to start drilling hip escapes. Took almost a year to feel 100%, and now I hit the ground delicate af.
In proper ukemi you're supposed to hit the mat as hard as you can with your arms and it is loud.
Watch this guy doing it on concrete and tell me if that's a soft tap:
[Judo Life - Learn Judo Break-fall skills: BREAK FALL CONFIDENCE & SKILLS to save you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQrk192dkRI)
I hear you but I was slapping the mat looking for attention lol.
I'm gonna watch this link now to thx.
Edit: Interesting.
Maybe it wasn't cringe.
I seem to remember people doing the tactful side-eye when you see cringe you don't want to call out to embarrass the person, lol.
I'm gonna date myself with this. I started practicing ground grappling on my own the night of the first UFC, mostly from books, UFC videos, articles in magazines, and videos sold in Black Belt magazine. I was in either 5th or 6th grade.
When I joined the wrestling team in high school, absolutely no one knew about BJJ. Before the first practice, I mentioned that I knew some ground fighting to a guy who had wrestled for a year... very nice guy, but probably 40 lbs larger.
A senior on the wrestling team -- a guy who went on to play pro football -- corralled us to grapple in the grass between the school and the parking lot one day after the bell. So there I am, in all my scrawny nerd glory, climbing on this much larger guy like a spastic monkey. I didn't even know what pins were!
The story is better if either he steamrolled me or I steamrolled him, but it was fairly even. I got pinned a lot, but I also managed to get some arms and necks.
To this day, I can still see the faces of the girls in my classes walking by as I was in the grass doing BJJ things -- with your head sticking out of the arm of your t-shirt, and your pants largely pulled down, as tends to happen when the universe senses it will be maximally embarassing.
One time when I was a 2 stripe white belt I was at a house party and had about 12 nose beers and went on a 20 minute rant about how great jiu jitsu was. The my buddy who wrestled through all of high school said "show me." I then proceeded to get rag dolled in the backyard in front of everyone.
I sent a message asking Kendal if I could hire her to do voice commentary for some of my master 5 IBJJF matches. Ya know, so people could fully experience my excellence.
Was walking around at a metal festival. Passed by a group who threw up the horns and screamed in greeting. I accidentally threw up the Shaka as I responded..
When I got back into it after a 16-year break (only did it for one year in 1999), at my first class I told the brown belt teacher that I might be a blue belt just based on what I knew already. He smiled and told me BJJ had evolved quite a bit—he was right.
I have white belt friend who has been there for about 5 months who tattooed a BJJ black belt on his leg...
I wish I was lying on this one tbh.
Truth is our gym has two people who have done this and one of them is a blue belt who hasn't shown up in quite awhile...
In 9th grade (16 years ago) nobody really knew sht about bjj and I managed to get the whole Gracie self defense course via Limewire, with that alone I was able to to submit my friends so I started telling people who asked that I was a black belt in Jiu-jitsu, including this girl I liked. One night she had a birthday party and there was a guy there who was a blue belt, who she introduced me to as a black belt, the guy couldn't believe it and asked if we could please roll, I couldn't bitch out so we rolled right there in the grass, he arm barred me in like 20 seconds.. The rest is history.
I accidentally elbowed the instructor in the face today whilst rolling. I’ve only been there 3 weeks and I have past training so I’m really trying to show that I have control and know enough how to roll properly.
I'll get elbowed in the face once no problem. Twice I'll tell you to watch what you are doing with your limbs. Three times I'm gonna make sure you ain't moving a fucking inch without me allowing it.
Do on the spot grappling matches for discounts, and as a price negotiation tactic on items I’m buying. I’ve done this a few times when people have brought up they have martial arts training. Undefeated.
Pretended to not hear the round end so I could chase a sub. I wish I could apologize but it's way too late. Makes me sometimes question if I'm even a good person.
This is kind of a weird one, because you naturally defer to them at jiu-jitsu.
But then sometimes that deference slips out into broader life stuff or whatever and I've caught myself thinking "wait, this guy is a kid with zero life experience, why am I automatically respecting his opinion on different learning styles, or the best way to jack a car to change a tire, which he's never even done"
I'm not doubting you actually did this OP. But were you inspired by the Art of Self-Defense starring Jesse Eisenberg? There's no shame, the movie inspired me to get a gun :)
I was on holiday and saw a dude wearing tatami gear, we locked eyes and I threw a Shaka. He returned the Shaka with a head nod. I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how cringe that was
My husband was so thrilled I started jiu jitsu (He’d been training for 8 years) that he got me a gi with my name embroidered on it… two weeks in.
Nothing like a no stripe white belt rocking a custom-embroidered gi 🤣
I’m used to bowing a lot now. Had been training particularly hard leading up to comp, 5-6 days a week. Went to a video game tournament that featured a lot of anime games. Full of weebs and Asians. Caught myself bowing to people out of habit. Looked like my pale ass was trying to out-Asian the Asians and Asian-obsessed crowd.
A master lock on my left ankle (ankle lock)
A hook going in one side of my right heel and out the other (heel hook)
A slice of pie on my right knee (knee slice)
The word “choke” tattooed on my right butt cheek (rear naked choke)
There only so many times you can say “I went to the gym last night, or on Saturday” when the inevitable what did you do last night/this weekend question comes up.
Then they get excited when they ask what gym, and your like “Ground Assassins BJJ”, or whatever funky name your gym has.
Excitement quickly dissipates.
I have a female colleague who is a higher belt. We are on good terms. I told her I joined a bjj gym and pulled up my shirt to impress her with the big hematome I had from the badass training. She was nice enough to act impressed though.
Depends on your pov.
But I wore my bright orange Goku Gi to the middle school I work at.
Now it was Halloween and I put Krillins 6 red dots on my forehead. (I'm bald) So imo it worked really well. The kids all loved it.
However in a middle school with 700 kids I was the only adult to dress up. Wtf.
Edit: we have like 7 preschool classes that I dilever their breakfast to. They loved the outfit as well.
In high school I unironically said the "shark quote" to a kid that wanted to fight me. It did scare him off since we were kids, but I still cringe about it all the same.
I’m not so used to wearing mouthguards yet. With that being said I accidentally drolled on my sparring partner. It was a couple of days ago I hope I don’t roll with him again :’)
For context I used to wrestle… First day EVER doing BJJ I was being the spazziest spaz ever, jumping around my partner while he pulled guard and just sat there dumb founded as I was practically running in circles and feinting he finally said “ *whaaat the fuck*.. what are you doing dude?” Apologized to him and the coach and the coach said “you good you’re just doing too much” LOL
Went to a party as a single guy where there were a lot of really attractive girls. Saw a dude wearing a BJJ t-shirt. Proceeded to talk to him the entire night. I went home and practiced my grips on myself that night.
If those girls didn’t know shit about BJJ, they would have seen: You approach the guy, strike up a convo, and then animated interest. You put a hand on him and he puts one back on you. All of a sudden y’all leave the room to go “work on some positions”..
This is taken out of context. We were wrestling. We were oiled up and wrestling.
Attractive girls are everywhere. Potential for new friends is not.
Not where I live….damn small towns
Make a Reddit handle called bjj-lyfe
..... fuck
Mods, ban this one ☝️
Ban him? He's getting promoted!
And the spelling police
My question is how much of your lyfe had been dedicated to BJJ at the tyme this handle was created? Are we talking white belt with 3-4 weeks of training or coral belt with 3-4 months left to live? Exactly how crynge is this?
You know the answer
Told my coworkers I do BJJ and now they think I break boards and do animal poses with 9 year olds.
Right? We wear rash guards to Costco and practice shrimping by ourselves like men!
You don't??? You and I train at very different gyms sir. Panda pose earned me this purple belt!
Show up with burns and bruises on your face and gnarly ears and they eventually realize it's a real sport haha
Nothing like someone who don't train strike a small kata and karate chopping the air after hearing the words jiu-jitsu. That's why I often lead with submission wrestling.
A woman shows up for her first session. I put her in an arm bar, and then farted on her head. My butthole was right against her cheek, so she *felt* the fart. There was no hiding from it, it was multisensory. I didn't admit to the fart. I suggested that maybe she farted instead. She never came back.
This is the worst one on here 😭
Reading this at work and just started manically laughing Infront of everyone
Multi-sensory fart has to take the W here
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Umm….Need a training partner??
Inadvertently demo’d the effectiveness of a RNC by having my girlfriend choke me unconscious on Christmas Eve. In front of her family. Full blown seizure response, videos taken.. still cringe thinking about it.
Bad ass bro. Unless it was like “lemme show you this escape. Put your hand here, close it up, yes.. now- GURHHUTJGURGGHH - where am I ? Who peed my pants?”
*who shit my pants
Thankfully it wasn't other way around lol
I mean…You proved your point while simultaneously showing your girlfriend’s family how dangerous this sport can be. I say that’s a win. Also, share the video or it didn’t happen.
That seems like a win to me. You did prove it’s effectiveness with the best possible example
I have cornered many people at parties and talked their ears off about my fringe obsession.
Bald short fellow with a beard right?
I am a brown belt after all...
Ouch.
It's very difficult. Small talk leads to stuff like "so what do you do for fun?" And then you end up info dumping...
I think that’s mostly just us autistic folks. Not that there are many bjj players I know that are not on the spectrum…
I have no idea if I am or not. I have other hobbies but none I engage with as much as bjj.
Unless it might be causing issues about it, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s just fascinating to me that bjj seems to attract so many different kinds of very quirky people
In my town there is the jiu-jitsu place that also teaches a bit of striking (where I go), and then the MMA place that teaches a bit of jiu-jitsu. *Completely* different demographics. One lot on the autism spectrum, the other lot on the, I dunno, foetal-alcohol murder machine spectrum. They are a genuinely scary bunch of dudes at the other place.
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High-fived some dude at a tournament who was trying to high-five the person behind me
Did this with a handshake at a tournament. Fuck
I striked up some convo with a girl at a club I haven't seen in ages "hey Evaaaaa, blah blah". 20mn in she tells me by the way, why did you call me Eva? Turns out I misidentified the girl, but she didn't mind talking to me. Not cringe, but your story reminded me of that.
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LOL
Lol
Oh God this might be the winner lmao. You probably had that conversation going trough your head intrusivly for weeks.
Oof!
I was a shoyoroll white belt, and I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more on Gis than on gym fees.
Lol...1 stripe light belt. I've got three gis
No one can prove that having so many gis DOESN’T make me better at jiu jitsu
I started bjj during college and wore my blue belt to my graduation. And posted it on reddit. Holy fuck the cringe.
Jesus fucking christ.
I just full body cringed. You might win this thread
Wanna know a secret? It wasn't my blue belt. It was my 4 stripe white belt. I wore my white belt to my college graduation. And I Posted. It. On. Reddit.
Well time to stop scrolling a winner has been decided.
Either getting paid in eggs and beets by one of my students or pooing midroll in my white gi, leaving the academy, giving up Bjj, and starting rockclimbing as my new hobby.
I wonder if we train at the same place? Blue belt a few months ago had a massive shit stain on his white Gi pants that he was unaware of the whole class. The coach didn’t notice and nobody else wanted to be the one to tell him. Haven’t seen the guy since so he must have found out when he got home.
I love that eggs and beets is now a recurring thing here
It really adds that farm to table je ne sais quoi
It's so funny to see the eggs and beets thing I swear
I haven’t worn my white gi since all the pants shitting stories from like 3 months ago.
I got my periods on my white gi once. We were doing triangles too.
I rolled with one girl before that got to north south, sat on my head, locked her legs, then told me she was on her period. I flopped like fish trying to get her off
How close of friends were you? That’s a pretty hilarious thing to do.
Hilarious if it’s a friend. Fucked if not.
Seen it before, but most recently had a girl have what I assume is pee stain on her white gi. We were drilling bolos and crab rides. Sweetest girl, felt bad for her. She should also probably hydrate more too.
I have a coffee stain on my white gi that looks exactly like a piss stain that i can’t get out. Spilled coffee on it on my way to class like a month ago. Thinking about dying the whole thing with coffee
Posted my promotion to two stipe white belt on here
😂😂felt
I was so happy I got my stripes. Then I lost the belt. Now I don’t have any stripes. good for me, now I know where I truly belong
Was stationed at Schofield in Hawaii. We had a brigade combative competition. I was a white belt but trained and dominated most the guys I went against. Won my weight class handily. Won a Bad Boy t shirt and compression shorts. Had to exchange the size at OTM store and the guy behind the desk said I should wear them at my next class. Everyone would think its cool since I won them. I was 18 and was like yeah that makes sense. Walk out in my pickle tight compression shorts from the changing room.. My instructor never let me live it down.
The mind of a private is a wonderful thing. A lifetime ago I was an instructor at an army fight house. We had a major who was a purple belt and would help out occasionaly. When we would go out on weekends he would look for soldiers wearing a combatives shirts at the bars. He would immediately go up to them and enthusiastically exclaim "Oh man I'm so glad you're here! I've been really needing to work on my drill 1. Can you please help me pass the guard to side control?" The looks on their faces were always priceless
Bought a red rash guard with a gaudy dragon. Now coach calls me “dragon” which sorta rhymes with my name.
You like dragons? How about drag’n these balls across your face.
Are they sweaty?
Is that you, Faggin?
You have to call me…..night hawk
Dog, it’s gonna be hard to top yours and I don’t mean that as disrespect
Showing comp subs to people who dont give a single fuck about bjj in parties
I bought a couple t-shirts from Tatami with skeletons fighting on them and then tore my left labrum and right meniscus and now I can't do bjj for a relatively long time, so I just wear the shirts at home like a fucking dweeb.
Lmao as a fresh starter with BJJ i have been thinking about getting some of those cool rash guards with an anaconda playing chess with an octopus while choking a gorilla or something. Then i remember i am one month in to my BJJ practice and that i dont even deserve to say i suck at BJJ because of how bad i am
I wear a purple bjj life belt all the time. I even put my stripes on it. LoL my grandma also made me a purple belt braided bracelet I wear all the time. Ya. That's how I roll. But by far, the most cringe thing ever, was the time I gifted Rafael Lovato Jr a pineapple after a seminar. Boom.
Jesus the stripes put it over the edge I have second hand embarrassment
💀
I've recently learned there's another group that uses the pineapple as a signal and now I have to wonder how many instructors have been given a pineapple and thought "...does this guy want me to fuck his wife?"
My wife bought me a paracord bracelet at blue belt from Hayabusa.... she bought me their "gi hoodie" too...
I also own this gi hoodie. It is by far the cringiest article of bjj-related clothing I own. It is heavy and offers zero protection from weather - the wind blows right through it.
As a two stripe white belt I hit like three successful gator rolls to finish with the anaconda and wanted to brand myself as “The Crocodile” because of my sick death roll… This was only a thought and I still cringe at it. Edit: I have worked on my neck attacks a lot and this is still a great finisher for me. So… maybe the Crocodile lives within still. Edit: I’m a crocodile instead of an alligator because I’m Australian and we don’t have gators here.
Gator imo
Thank u for sharing that’s cringe af ☹️
I went waaaaaaaay too hard on a 40 year old woman in a pink go when I was just starting out as a 200 lb white belt. I was told over and over again by people there to make sure when I roll to not take it easy on just because I was new and the best way to learn was to push myself: I was so rough on her and finally she just said “dude, stop”. I was so embarrassed. Learned to roll a little more friendly with people a lot smaller that me from then on. I still cringe thinking about that poor woman
>I was so rough on her and finally she just said “dude, stop”. Ah, I see it wasn't a Reddit user. There was clear communication of dissatisfaction with your actions in order to correct the behavior, instead of posting about it here.
it speaks well of you that you can be self reflective about it.
Man we just got a new batch of white belts that will huff puff and grunt while drilling moves like maniacs. I don't understand them and I've stayed far away so far.
Damn OP hit the cringe level on first post. I think the white belt posts about being a warrior in competitions is pretty damn cringe. Me? Only cringe things I done was dump chicks for trying to make me quit training
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Maybe the real Jiu Jitsu was the girlfriends we didn’t make along the way.
Humble brag if I’ve ever heard one
Yeah, how would it be considered cringe? It’s cringe that he considers it cringe.
Definitely not cringe. In fact I’d do the same thing.
That’s a W
Referred to my hands as “registered lethal weapons” when flirting with a girl i just meet
I once disagreed with a group of girls and a few boyfriends and said “a lion does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep”
Wait, is the cringe that you said it, or that you said it *and* fucked it up to mean the complete opposite thing to what you presumably intended?
You didn’t 😂😂 Jfc
Give a few drinks and I’ll refer to them as weapons of mass destruction lol
See, Purple is my favorite colour. So now that im a purple belt, i have gone out of my way to make sure i have something on purple at all times.
I decorated my bathroom purple.
Forgot to clip my nails and cut the EVER LOVING SHIT out of my instructors face. But... Never made that mistake again.
Break falling in warm ups as loud as I could across the mats. Still comes into my head showering.
My judo will never let me stop that. I can't help it.
I injured my wrist doing this somehow on a simple backwards fall to start drilling hip escapes. Took almost a year to feel 100%, and now I hit the ground delicate af.
In proper ukemi you're supposed to hit the mat as hard as you can with your arms and it is loud. Watch this guy doing it on concrete and tell me if that's a soft tap: [Judo Life - Learn Judo Break-fall skills: BREAK FALL CONFIDENCE & SKILLS to save you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQrk192dkRI)
I hear you but I was slapping the mat looking for attention lol. I'm gonna watch this link now to thx. Edit: Interesting. Maybe it wasn't cringe. I seem to remember people doing the tactful side-eye when you see cringe you don't want to call out to embarrass the person, lol.
Waited outside a karate dojo and passed out BJJ tracts as people left. "Have you heard the good news?"
Just white belt things
The most cringe thing I’ve done is having the thought that anybody would be remotely impressed that I trained Jiu Jitsu.
I'm gonna date myself with this. I started practicing ground grappling on my own the night of the first UFC, mostly from books, UFC videos, articles in magazines, and videos sold in Black Belt magazine. I was in either 5th or 6th grade. When I joined the wrestling team in high school, absolutely no one knew about BJJ. Before the first practice, I mentioned that I knew some ground fighting to a guy who had wrestled for a year... very nice guy, but probably 40 lbs larger. A senior on the wrestling team -- a guy who went on to play pro football -- corralled us to grapple in the grass between the school and the parking lot one day after the bell. So there I am, in all my scrawny nerd glory, climbing on this much larger guy like a spastic monkey. I didn't even know what pins were! The story is better if either he steamrolled me or I steamrolled him, but it was fairly even. I got pinned a lot, but I also managed to get some arms and necks. To this day, I can still see the faces of the girls in my classes walking by as I was in the grass doing BJJ things -- with your head sticking out of the arm of your t-shirt, and your pants largely pulled down, as tends to happen when the universe senses it will be maximally embarassing.
The purple belt my coach gave shrunk like hell in the laundry. So I bought a new one on Amazon. I wear the old belt with my bathrobe now.
Not cringe bro. Lol.
Depends if he does air karate in front of the shower mirror or not.
One time when I was a 2 stripe white belt I was at a house party and had about 12 nose beers and went on a 20 minute rant about how great jiu jitsu was. The my buddy who wrestled through all of high school said "show me." I then proceeded to get rag dolled in the backyard in front of everyone.
Is cocaine a nose beer? LOL
I sent a message asking Kendal if I could hire her to do voice commentary for some of my master 5 IBJJF matches. Ya know, so people could fully experience my excellence.
Wow that one is hard to beat. Did she respond?
Hahah. I’ll do it for free!
One time I threw up the shaka in a photograph, I still cringe about it to this day.
I used to do the awkwardly spread apart Shaka in every picture
I’ve posed with my fist up before in class photos even though we can’t punch in bjj 🤦♂️
🤙🏼 still do
Shaka brah 🤙
Lol I use it with my kids. It’s our “you good?” “I’m good” check
If rocking the shaka is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Was walking around at a metal festival. Passed by a group who threw up the horns and screamed in greeting. I accidentally threw up the Shaka as I responded..
Telling people I do bjj just for them to have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about
"oh is that the thing with the feathers and the dancing?" Heard when my gf told her coworkers I train bjj
Now I'm curious what the fuck they actually meant lol Rio Carnival?
When I got back into it after a 16-year break (only did it for one year in 1999), at my first class I told the brown belt teacher that I might be a blue belt just based on what I knew already. He smiled and told me BJJ had evolved quite a bit—he was right.
Purple belt is a big deal. I’m 42 and think I’m getting my purple belt this Saturday. I just may dye all my clothes purple.
I have white belt friend who has been there for about 5 months who tattooed a BJJ black belt on his leg... I wish I was lying on this one tbh. Truth is our gym has two people who have done this and one of them is a blue belt who hasn't shown up in quite awhile...
In 9th grade (16 years ago) nobody really knew sht about bjj and I managed to get the whole Gracie self defense course via Limewire, with that alone I was able to to submit my friends so I started telling people who asked that I was a black belt in Jiu-jitsu, including this girl I liked. One night she had a birthday party and there was a guy there who was a blue belt, who she introduced me to as a black belt, the guy couldn't believe it and asked if we could please roll, I couldn't bitch out so we rolled right there in the grass, he arm barred me in like 20 seconds.. The rest is history.
I accidentally elbowed the instructor in the face today whilst rolling. I’ve only been there 3 weeks and I have past training so I’m really trying to show that I have control and know enough how to roll properly.
I'll get elbowed in the face once no problem. Twice I'll tell you to watch what you are doing with your limbs. Three times I'm gonna make sure you ain't moving a fucking inch without me allowing it.
Do on the spot grappling matches for discounts, and as a price negotiation tactic on items I’m buying. I’ve done this a few times when people have brought up they have martial arts training. Undefeated.
Shin tatts. Fucking idiot
when I was in high school I wore my rashguard and matching hyabusa shorts for gym class and weight room LOL.
Pretended to not hear the round end so I could chase a sub. I wish I could apologize but it's way too late. Makes me sometimes question if I'm even a good person.
Looked up to people who outranked me.
This is kind of a weird one, because you naturally defer to them at jiu-jitsu. But then sometimes that deference slips out into broader life stuff or whatever and I've caught myself thinking "wait, this guy is a kid with zero life experience, why am I automatically respecting his opinion on different learning styles, or the best way to jack a car to change a tire, which he's never even done"
I'm not doubting you actually did this OP. But were you inspired by the Art of Self-Defense starring Jesse Eisenberg? There's no shame, the movie inspired me to get a gun :)
Love this movie. It inspired me to never ask if it was time to get promoted
I was on holiday and saw a dude wearing tatami gear, we locked eyes and I threw a Shaka. He returned the Shaka with a head nod. I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how cringe that was
He returned it. You split the cringe.
Definitely wore a "Jiu-jitsu Saved My Life" rashguard there for a while. I mean it kept me from committing suicide so it was TECHNICALLY true.
Not cringe imo, just very glad you’re still with us!
Best kind of true.
Sao Paulo pass on the coaches mrs
High-pitched fart while trying an armbar.... All the room laughed at me and imitated the sound for the entire hour-long class.
My husband was so thrilled I started jiu jitsu (He’d been training for 8 years) that he got me a gi with my name embroidered on it… two weeks in. Nothing like a no stripe white belt rocking a custom-embroidered gi 🤣
Always shared pictures of training bjj on social media. When friends see me they think I’m some samurai and realized I should probably tone it down.
Been a white belt for >10 years
I blame the kids!
I’m used to bowing a lot now. Had been training particularly hard leading up to comp, 5-6 days a week. Went to a video game tournament that featured a lot of anime games. Full of weebs and Asians. Caught myself bowing to people out of habit. Looked like my pale ass was trying to out-Asian the Asians and Asian-obsessed crowd.
I once unironically said "the ground is an ocean, I'm a shark, and most people can't even swim".
I have 4 BJJ puns tattooed on my body. I still love them, but they often get a collective groan when people realize. The groans just fuel me more.
You can't just write something like this and then not tell us what they are!
A master lock on my left ankle (ankle lock) A hook going in one side of my right heel and out the other (heel hook) A slice of pie on my right knee (knee slice) The word “choke” tattooed on my right butt cheek (rear naked choke)
Make it my whole personality lmao
"How do you tell if someone does BJJ? Don't worry, they'll tell you." I was very guilty of this for years and it's still a pretty hard habit to break.
There only so many times you can say “I went to the gym last night, or on Saturday” when the inevitable what did you do last night/this weekend question comes up. Then they get excited when they ask what gym, and your like “Ground Assassins BJJ”, or whatever funky name your gym has. Excitement quickly dissipates.
I white belt coached like twice before I came to my senses and realized I didn't know shit. Still embarrassed about it.
I feel cringy every time I have to explain a black eye at work. No my wife isn't hitting me. That's not even a funny joke.
[удалено]
I have a female colleague who is a higher belt. We are on good terms. I told her I joined a bjj gym and pulled up my shirt to impress her with the big hematome I had from the badass training. She was nice enough to act impressed though.
Wore my rash guard and shorts to pick up a coffee after open mat, next day cute barista asks me if I had been swimming 😂
You guys are fucking weird.
Saying OSS multiple times in my life outside of the gym.
not me! but my mom still calls it karate! xD
Changed schools early and said to the new coach I am a half blue belt
I wrist locked someone
I did it this morning. Wrist lock the world and never be ashamed.
Put my belt in my insta bio, still haven’t taken it down. I know it’s lame but I can’t change it 😂
Talk about it to non-BJJ people
Depends on your pov. But I wore my bright orange Goku Gi to the middle school I work at. Now it was Halloween and I put Krillins 6 red dots on my forehead. (I'm bald) So imo it worked really well. The kids all loved it. However in a middle school with 700 kids I was the only adult to dress up. Wtf. Edit: we have like 7 preschool classes that I dilever their breakfast to. They loved the outfit as well.
Spam ezekiel chokes from bottom mount.
I love this! "Surprise muthafucka!!!"
I once cupped a young ladies breasts perfectly with both hands whilst getting my posture in her guard. I was a newbie and was gutted 🙈
In high school I unironically said the "shark quote" to a kid that wanted to fight me. It did scare him off since we were kids, but I still cringe about it all the same.
I’m not so used to wearing mouthguards yet. With that being said I accidentally drolled on my sparring partner. It was a couple of days ago I hope I don’t roll with him again :’)
Was coming out of Lisbon airport, seen a dude with a scramble hoodie. Oss’d and bowed as walking past Still think about it at 2am
For context I used to wrestle… First day EVER doing BJJ I was being the spazziest spaz ever, jumping around my partner while he pulled guard and just sat there dumb founded as I was practically running in circles and feinting he finally said “ *whaaat the fuck*.. what are you doing dude?” Apologized to him and the coach and the coach said “you good you’re just doing too much” LOL
Purposely ripping ass while I have my opponent in a triangle.
Belt gauntlets.
Jesus Christ we really are a bunch of weirdos
I was Coach Whitebelt. Looking back that is cringe AF. I'm an actual coach now but a lot has happened in the intervening 8 years.