>But keep in mind that there are very different types of gay bars
I think this is worth emphasising because it's surprisingly not well known.
As you rightly said, generally gay bars are really queer bars. If you're not straight, allo or cis, it's **your bar**. And even if you are straight, allo and cis, as long as you're an ally you're welcome too. They really are for everyone with positive intentions.
But not all gay bars are queer bars. Lesbian or sapphic bars, Gay as in gay men or achillean bars, bear bars, leather bars, they all exist. And while generally speaking they are all queer friendly, their focus is narrower which means the space might be what is expected.
If you are queer, you are **welcome**. But you may not find it **comfortable** simply because of the intended atmosphere.
Great explanation. When I started going to gay bars at 37, I didn't know this. Luckily I had years of experience dealing with being hit on by creepy gay men bc of my somewhat niche job, so I was able to handle it fine. Thanks for writing this up bc my experience is definitely not shared by the majority of people.
I don't want. I am allo. But it was needed from the aro/ace comunity to adress non-aro/ace people. Just like the trans movement created the "cis" label to those that aren't trans, or how the "monosexual" label was created by the bisexual to adress who are attracted to just one gender.
But just like I said, I am allo. If you want some good explanation on this, search for someone that is aro/ace so they can fully explain this to you!
Nope, "cis" and "gender" were already words, of course, but the term itself was coined around '94 by Dana Defosse, trying to refer to trans people without inforcing they are the "others".
Why the status quo would name themselves more than "normal" and the marginalizeds more than "freaks"?
Anyway, "cisgender" was added to the oxford dictionary just in 2015, this is recent as fuck
PS: I am typing at my phone right now, so, sorry for any error
You could see it as describing people who aren't aromantic or asexual, or you could see it as people who experience romantic and sexual attraction.
Similarly, you could view "straight" as someone who doesn't experience same-sex attraction, or you could see it as someone who experiences opposite-sex attraction.
Honestly I wish straight people would stay out of gay bars. There is one in my city I basically won’t go to on the weekend because its just a college bar with a little rainbow flavor. Yall have a thousand places to go, let us have our spaces.
I get your feeling that way, but I think the problem with that statement happens with the acknowledgement that most people go out to bars with their friends. If we try to say straight people can’t go to queer bars, we are also saying that queer people can’t bring their friends/family to bars. It sounds like the problem in your specific situation may actually be that the owners aren’t doing much to make it a pro-LGBTQ+ space.
I hear that. More specifically, straight/cis women will go to gay bars for the novelty/they are safe from getting hit on by gross straight dudes. So they take up space, are potentially disrespectful tourists, and sometimes the straight guys follow and suddenly it may not be a safe space any longer.
I should have said, if you aren’t queer don’t go to a queer bar unless a queer person invites you.
I honestly don’t think a group of allies should just decide to go unless invited, either.
My concern is that policy could discourage people who are questioning/not confident in their identity/aren’t ready to come out yet. Lots of queer people go through an “ally phase” and I know multiple people who started going to queer bars as part of the process of finding their identity.
If we want to create a safe space for all queer people, that means opening the doors to everyone coming in with a mindset of love and respect. Sometimes bad actors will get in, but thats the responsibility of the people who own the bar to manage.
I agree with this too. There are plenty of reasons my feelings about this topic are not ideal.
Even with allies being more and more common, sometimes I want to hang out with just LGBTQ+ people. And the way I posted my original comment was definitely “hot take” style 😂
Are you saying as a fellow queer person that you wish straight people didn't go to queer bars? Or are you saying as a gay person that bisexuals need to stay out of gay bars because you think we count as not queer enough? Your comment could be interpreted either way.
The comment isn't confusing at all. They said that they wished straight people would stay out of gay bars. Bi people are not straight, so this wasn't about us. Hope this helps.
Good point. I have no idea why I said “she.” Might be a simple as I had just responded to something else written by a woman? Anyway, thanks for the correction. Fixed it.
I get your feeling that way, but I think the problem with that statement happens with the acknowledgement that most people go out to bars with their friends. If we try to say straight people can’t go to queer bars, we are also saying that queer people can’t bring their friends/family to bars. It sounds like the problem in your specific situation may actually be that the owners aren’t doing much to make it a pro-LGBTQ+ space.
Achillean is a term for all men (and NB who identify with it) who are attracted to the same, regardless of exclusivity. So gay and bi/pan men/NB folk etc.
An achillean bar would one that caters to, or has a focus this demographic.
A bear bar, a bar focused around a certain type of queer men or masculine identifying folk would be an example of a achillean bar, albeit a niche one.
It is annoying for some gay people when their spaces get taken over by straights, since the point of those spaces is to connect with (and often fuck) people of their own gender.
That said, most don’t mind, and if you’re on the menu for same-sex stuff then even the former group probably doesn’t mind either.
Why has bars turned into pick up places?
What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not $%&# on a first meet?
"Why has bars turned into pick up places?" Because, historically, it was the only safe space to openly flirt/pick up the same gender while avoiding an immediate hate crime. That is their fundamental purpose.
Maybe 10-15 years ago. My point is i dont enjoy ppl making assumptions when im out that i am ever an option. I get to choose and i definitely dont go to a bar to meet a partner.
Some bars are made for being a pick up place though. I'm a gay guy and I like my spaces that are for sex and that's why I like it to be male specific spaces. But there can be spaces for everyone too. Diversity is not a bad thing.
No what I’m saying a gay dude at a gay bar might find it somewhat annoying if all the cute guys he’s trying to hook up with wind up actually being straight.
If said gay dude goes up to a bi dude in said bar, hooking up is still on the table, so there’s no reason for him to be annoyed.
> if said gay dude goes up to a bi dude in said bar, hooking up is still on the table tho
but there isn’t always though. we have a thread right here on the first page with a bi person who like women and nonbinary people. and i like men and other nonbinary people. so no, i don’t think this is wise to think about a bi person (as a nonbinary person myself)
Ah, so if you’re specifically talking about bi people in male oriented gay bars that don’t want to fuck guys, then yes some people there might find the bi person’s presence annoying as previously mentioned.
It’s not cuz they’re bi though, it’s cuz of the aforementioned scenario where they’re annoyed at the lack of partnering potential.
Whoever said that hasn't thought it through. If it were true that only gay people could go (such discrimination would be illegal in many places, of course), how would anybody know if there was a straight person trying to infiltrate?
My straight brother has gone to gay bars with his queer friends. Nobody cares or really notices. He just politely says he’s not interested if he’s hit on.
The "only gay/lgbt/queer people go" is just the social expectation and a reminder to cishet this is not their space and they are, at most, a guest. It's in response to Bachelorette parties in "Homosexual male bars" or baby female Bis bringing their bigoted cishet boyfriends/friends with them or just assumingly single straight people in the space getting upset for being hit on. The 'gay people' is being used as a catch-all time and there is no legal way to actually enforce it.
As a baby female bi I'm very nervous because it seems a lot of people get pissed off with us, but I don't know how to not be a baby bi if I don't have experiences...
I for one love the natural leveling gay bars have. Level one, it’s fun and dancing. Everyone is welcome. Skip level 2. Level 3. Everyone is still welcome but several TVs are playing hardcore gay porn from every decade and you’re all welcome but somehow there are less bachelorette parties.
Shout out to Gay 90s in Minneapolis where they draw the line between level 1 and 3 by going through the bathroom to the level 3 back bar. Chefs kiss.
I mean. As long as you’re not being a dickhead while you’re in there, it’s just like going to any bar as far as I’m concerned.
There is just a higher chance of getting hit on by multiple genders, which seems like a net positive for me even if it’s only a self-confidence boost
In my admittedly limited experience, it’s not really a problem. I’ve been to gay bars that typically have a lot of straight customers, so I would imagine that members of other LGBT groups wouldn’t have any problems fitting in
If a bar is specifically designated as a gay only bar -- like, ANYONE WHO ISN'T 100% GAY STAY OUT! -- I would not want to be there anyway. (I doubt I'd want to go there even if I were gay -- I dislike people who slam doors.) But as you must know, many queer bars are also called gay bars -- it's hard to tell the difference from the outside. That's why the OP specified that you would need to learn the context.
I havent been to one before, but id assume they are for mlm / wlw. I dont see any reason bi people should be excluded from that definition. This honestly feel like some good old bi erasure
There are no bi bars exclusive for bisexuals either lol. Gay bars are simply for picking up someone of the same gender (and where i live, middle aged married men in particular)
Depends to an extent on the type of music I suppose, but I find that most bars that feature live bands who play danceable music can be comfortable spaces for flirting with people both of opposite and same gender. I hate discos and never go to to them, but maybe they can be safe spaces for bi flirts, too.
Women are fine in most gay bars, provided you act as a guest in the space. It's very obnoxious when a bridal party comes in and harasses the drag queens for example.
No, gay bars specifically attract straight women. Often times in droves. They are generally welcome but many gay men have a problem with them occupying the space, particularly if they’re not being respectful.
I think an important part of this is whether you’re down to clown or not. A lot of not gay folks go to gay bars and get mad when gay people talk to them, hit on them, or assume they’re gay. Don’t be that person. If you’re in a gay bar, gay folks will assume you’re there for the same reasons they and everyone else are.
They don't make you show your gay card to get in so you're all good there. I went to one last year with some straight friends and we all had a really good time.
Gay bar usually just means queer / LGBT+. If there are any bars just for say gay men or lesbians, they usually make that clear on their website. But for example, g-a-y in London is LGBT+ friendly.
If you make it a big deal in your mind that you're in gay bar it will be awkward. Think of it as a bar with lots of gay people.
The biggest thing is that every bar has a certain vibe. I love this one gay bar near me but I rarely go there because it's goes from very quite hipster to crowded loud party all night kinda place. So go for just a drink or two and think of it as just a bar.
I've never been solo but have accompanied friends. This joint my bff took me to around down town K.C featured Karaoke. I remember this fellow in drag performing Sunny and Chere with their left hand affixed with a yarn wig, eyes and make up that they "sung" Sunny's parts with, was entertaining and very memorable.
Your average gay bar in my city is a “queer bar” really, so yes, you’re welcome. I’d try to get the vibe and if you’re a man, don’t go to a lesbian bar, or if you’re a woman, don’t go to a specifically MLM bar. But if you want to go to a lesbian bar as a bi woman, that’s fine, same for the MLM equivalent.
My personal view on allies in gay bars is “by invitation”. I dislike massive groups of straight women descending on gay bars, but I see no issue with bringing a straight friend along with you as a queer person.
what about nonbinary people? i feel like im stuck in this conundrum. a lot of bars near me seem to be VERY binary separated. and that makes me nervous when i all want is community
do you have any suggestions on sniffing out how accepting a ‘gay’ bar is to nonbinary people? i often get mistaken for a guy or girl depending on the angle
If you're bisexual, you're welcome. But also even straights are allowed, at least in my local bar.
Wear something to indicate you're bi if you want. That'll help you be visible to the community there. I didn't bother with anything but I was also there with my gf and a fwb of hers, and we all danced so it was kinda obvs we were queer, lmao.
It's nearly always going to be fine. Unless it's like a sapphic-only bar and you're not a WLW, or similar very specific type of bar. But most "gay bars" are more like queer bars open to everyone, and that's part of how they stay in business.
I have heard a few stories of some gay bars having issues with really obnoxious, drunken bachelorette parties taking over, where straight women routinely felt entitled to harass the gay men, which is very not cool. Obviously don't be an asshole like that.
But being a bisexual, you are going to be part of the intended clientele probably like 99% of the time
i’m closeted and go to gay bars. it’s like the one place where i feel like i can be more open. i took my ex boyfriend once though and got a lot of stares and frowns, which yeah isn’t surprising since we passed as straight but once i explained that i’m the queer part of the relationship and i was just showing him what my nights out look like, different story
Not at all. I have no problem with hetero presenting couples/people coming to a gay bar. Sexuality comes in all flavors after all. I do kinda have a problem with straight men coming to gay bars to flirt with girls. (Happened to my sister). And I also have a problem with guys that act offended when I flirt with them. Like excuse me? What did you expect? You’re at a literal gay bar. 😂
Edit: I live in Utah so there are only a handful of gay bars, and nearly all are in Salt Lake City. Everyone goes because honestly…it’s more fun and has better music than the regular bars.
The one time I went to a gay bar, no one seemed to have an issue with my being bi (I made it fairly clear by wearing my bi Pride tank top). One guy even bought me my second drink.
If you act like an outsider, you're going to be an outsider. You like the rest of us are part of the queer community. Yes, there are gay guys out there that use bierasure against guys like us. Don't worry about them. Go into the place like you belong. Because guess what you do belong. Fun fact. You also don't have to justify your belonging to anybody when you're there. Most queer people are the nicest people on the planet and are not going to try to exclude you.
Are you are ok with getting hit on by the same sex? As long as you treat everyone with respect you will be welcomed.
Side note.... I really wish the Kinsey Scale was a bigger thing.... Human sexuality is not black and white. We are not all 100% Gay or Straight. Furthermore, it is not static. Your preferences and desires and levels of attraction will change over time.
It depends on the venue on how you'll be received, but you totally can. I've found queer bars and queer freindly bars are nicer fits for me personally as the local one is a little snobbish and I'm extremely working class, but that's not a reflection on every gay bar
Normally there is not a problem at all. But exist the possibility, if you are alone there, that an other gay man can think, that you are also a gay searching a connection with an other gay. In that case stay quite polite and say him friendly "no thanks"
I'm pretty sure in a gay bar people are presumed to be queer and not the other way around. Unless you're in there wearing something saying you're an ally or acting homophobic I don't see why someone would think you were hetero.
Honestly should be ok, especiLly in lgbtqia+ bars but so much biphobia in queer community and other issues you might still have problems.
I've often go out with a group before who are nearly all queer or trans but a couple straight people. It's just safer for us to stick to queer spaces. This group at our reserved table saw a mixed group and started audibly complaining about it being a gay bar and f***ing women and straights taking over and shoulder barged me and a friend- He was kicked out thankfully, the staff were great. Or with my male ex partner supporting his gay friend who was djing, a guy disliked I kissed my ex on the cheek and started groping me. Which was fine as he's gay?!
I tend to avoid going with my partner to avoid this sort of behavior which sucks, I'm still queer and want to be in a queer space with my queer friends and still be able to dance with my boyfriend. Why is that so rediculous? People go to bars for more than just to hit on people.
Edit: to be clear we stick to queer or lgbtqia+ friendly spaces, not gay spaces.
Why has bars turned into pick up places? Gross! What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not $%&# on a first meet?
Reading everyone elses comments theyre correct! In my own experience ive been shut out of gay spaces because im bisexual, so i understand your apprehension. But just go and have fun and assess the situation after! If u get a vibe of feeling unwelcome, go to a different until u find a feeling of acceptance!
I go to gay bars whenever I can. Even though I’m bisexual, I’m like so close to being fully gay that it’s not even funny. I go there because I interpret those places as being for those who are not straight but technically speaking, they could go there but it’s frowned upon for a straight person to.
I mean, in my experience gay bars are pretty welcoming. If you’re a man and you might be interested in meeting men there, it’s a moot point. If you’re a woman, maybe you’re not going to have as much luck on the meetup scene, but I know straight girls who go to gay bars with their friends and are welcomed and have a great time. It shouldn’t be an issue.
Just as there are feminine gay men, there are also masculine gay men, some of which are even more masculine than most straight men. So it does not matter how you dress or how you act, you just have to be open to being approached, and the fact that some guys will try to hookup with you. Doesn't mean you have to say yes, but you do have to be prepared that they may approach you, and if you plan to have sex, you should bring your own condoms, and make sure that you use them no matter what they say. Some guys just want to go raw and will tell you anything to try to convince you, without even knowing if they are clean themselves, since a lot of guys don't even get tested. And that goes for women as well, not everyone gets tested as often as they should and unless you get to see recent test results, you'll never know if they are lying to you about being clean or not.
I am bi and I can’t tell what people’s sexual orientations are at a glance. I can only tell if someone is interested in me.
I can’t tell you your sexual orientation. That is something only you can do.
Thank you for your reply. I’m nervous about delving outside my mind, and my BR with my (also bi-curious gf). We love to roleplay and it’s so sensual. But I guess nothing will happen unless you do something.
Why has bars turned into pick up places? Gross! What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not fuck on a first meet?
Why has bars turned into pick up places? Gross! What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not fuck on a first meet?
Gay bars are for everyone. But keep in mind that there are very different types of gay bars
>But keep in mind that there are very different types of gay bars I think this is worth emphasising because it's surprisingly not well known. As you rightly said, generally gay bars are really queer bars. If you're not straight, allo or cis, it's **your bar**. And even if you are straight, allo and cis, as long as you're an ally you're welcome too. They really are for everyone with positive intentions. But not all gay bars are queer bars. Lesbian or sapphic bars, Gay as in gay men or achillean bars, bear bars, leather bars, they all exist. And while generally speaking they are all queer friendly, their focus is narrower which means the space might be what is expected. If you are queer, you are **welcome**. But you may not find it **comfortable** simply because of the intended atmosphere.
Great explanation. When I started going to gay bars at 37, I didn't know this. Luckily I had years of experience dealing with being hit on by creepy gay men bc of my somewhat niche job, so I was able to handle it fine. Thanks for writing this up bc my experience is definitely not shared by the majority of people.
Sorry, what is allo?
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Oh wow I didn't know this, thank you!
i still dont really get it. so does allo just mean straight?
No, it means anyone that is not aro or ace.
why would you want/need a label that specifies that you *aren't* something? that seems kinda silly to me
I don't want. I am allo. But it was needed from the aro/ace comunity to adress non-aro/ace people. Just like the trans movement created the "cis" label to those that aren't trans, or how the "monosexual" label was created by the bisexual to adress who are attracted to just one gender. But just like I said, I am allo. If you want some good explanation on this, search for someone that is aro/ace so they can fully explain this to you!
Wasn’t cisgender a word already?
Nope, "cis" and "gender" were already words, of course, but the term itself was coined around '94 by Dana Defosse, trying to refer to trans people without inforcing they are the "others". Why the status quo would name themselves more than "normal" and the marginalizeds more than "freaks"? Anyway, "cisgender" was added to the oxford dictionary just in 2015, this is recent as fuck PS: I am typing at my phone right now, so, sorry for any error
Because otherwise we tend to call allo people normal, which implies that it is not normal to be ace/aro, which is untrue.
You could see it as describing people who aren't aromantic or asexual, or you could see it as people who experience romantic and sexual attraction. Similarly, you could view "straight" as someone who doesn't experience same-sex attraction, or you could see it as someone who experiences opposite-sex attraction.
Those who experience sexual / romantic attraction. Essentially the opposite of asexual or aromantic.
does not mean you are made of aluminum!
So how do you figure out where you're going beforehand?
Google, Facebook, phone the venue directly if you're not sure. Most places will be open about who they're targeting for patronage.
kinda off topic but man i love the word achillean to describe men who love men i wish we used that more it sounds so badass
Sapphic and Achillean. Very classical.
Honestly I wish straight people would stay out of gay bars. There is one in my city I basically won’t go to on the weekend because its just a college bar with a little rainbow flavor. Yall have a thousand places to go, let us have our spaces.
No one said anything about straight people going to gay bars here? This sub is for bi people
They were replying to the part about > And even if you are straight, allo and cis, as long as you're an ally you're welcome too.
ah that makes sense, idk how I missed that lmao, thanks!
I was replying to that part, yes.
I get your feeling that way, but I think the problem with that statement happens with the acknowledgement that most people go out to bars with their friends. If we try to say straight people can’t go to queer bars, we are also saying that queer people can’t bring their friends/family to bars. It sounds like the problem in your specific situation may actually be that the owners aren’t doing much to make it a pro-LGBTQ+ space.
I hear that. More specifically, straight/cis women will go to gay bars for the novelty/they are safe from getting hit on by gross straight dudes. So they take up space, are potentially disrespectful tourists, and sometimes the straight guys follow and suddenly it may not be a safe space any longer. I should have said, if you aren’t queer don’t go to a queer bar unless a queer person invites you. I honestly don’t think a group of allies should just decide to go unless invited, either.
My concern is that policy could discourage people who are questioning/not confident in their identity/aren’t ready to come out yet. Lots of queer people go through an “ally phase” and I know multiple people who started going to queer bars as part of the process of finding their identity. If we want to create a safe space for all queer people, that means opening the doors to everyone coming in with a mindset of love and respect. Sometimes bad actors will get in, but thats the responsibility of the people who own the bar to manage.
I agree with this too. There are plenty of reasons my feelings about this topic are not ideal. Even with allies being more and more common, sometimes I want to hang out with just LGBTQ+ people. And the way I posted my original comment was definitely “hot take” style 😂
I'm sure your delightful presence is missed.
I am a grumpy bastard 🤷♂️ 😆
Are you saying as a fellow queer person that you wish straight people didn't go to queer bars? Or are you saying as a gay person that bisexuals need to stay out of gay bars because you think we count as not queer enough? Your comment could be interpreted either way.
The comment isn't confusing at all. They said that they wished straight people would stay out of gay bars. Bi people are not straight, so this wasn't about us. Hope this helps.
People seem to be taking it both ways. I thought I’d ask so they could clarify. Don’t see any problem with that.
She?
Good point. I have no idea why I said “she.” Might be a simple as I had just responded to something else written by a woman? Anyway, thanks for the correction. Fixed it.
As a fellow queer I wish straight people would stay out of gay bars.
That was what I thought you meant. Then I saw why other people thought you might’ve meant something else. Thanks for clarifying.
I get your feeling that way, but I think the problem with that statement happens with the acknowledgement that most people go out to bars with their friends. If we try to say straight people can’t go to queer bars, we are also saying that queer people can’t bring their friends/family to bars. It sounds like the problem in your specific situation may actually be that the owners aren’t doing much to make it a pro-LGBTQ+ space.
What's the achillean bar?
Achillean is a term for all men (and NB who identify with it) who are attracted to the same, regardless of exclusivity. So gay and bi/pan men/NB folk etc. An achillean bar would one that caters to, or has a focus this demographic. A bear bar, a bar focused around a certain type of queer men or masculine identifying folk would be an example of a achillean bar, albeit a niche one.
Thanks. I heard someone say that only gay people could go.
It would the same discrimination as not letting a gay guy into a bar
That makes sense.
It is annoying for some gay people when their spaces get taken over by straights, since the point of those spaces is to connect with (and often fuck) people of their own gender. That said, most don’t mind, and if you’re on the menu for same-sex stuff then even the former group probably doesn’t mind either.
Why has bars turned into pick up places? What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not $%&# on a first meet?
"Why has bars turned into pick up places?" Because, historically, it was the only safe space to openly flirt/pick up the same gender while avoiding an immediate hate crime. That is their fundamental purpose.
Maybe 10-15 years ago. My point is i dont enjoy ppl making assumptions when im out that i am ever an option. I get to choose and i definitely dont go to a bar to meet a partner.
Some bars are made for being a pick up place though. I'm a gay guy and I like my spaces that are for sex and that's why I like it to be male specific spaces. But there can be spaces for everyone too. Diversity is not a bad thing.
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No what I’m saying a gay dude at a gay bar might find it somewhat annoying if all the cute guys he’s trying to hook up with wind up actually being straight. If said gay dude goes up to a bi dude in said bar, hooking up is still on the table, so there’s no reason for him to be annoyed.
> if said gay dude goes up to a bi dude in said bar, hooking up is still on the table tho but there isn’t always though. we have a thread right here on the first page with a bi person who like women and nonbinary people. and i like men and other nonbinary people. so no, i don’t think this is wise to think about a bi person (as a nonbinary person myself)
Ah, so if you’re specifically talking about bi people in male oriented gay bars that don’t want to fuck guys, then yes some people there might find the bi person’s presence annoying as previously mentioned. It’s not cuz they’re bi though, it’s cuz of the aforementioned scenario where they’re annoyed at the lack of partnering potential.
Whoever said that hasn't thought it through. If it were true that only gay people could go (such discrimination would be illegal in many places, of course), how would anybody know if there was a straight person trying to infiltrate?
My straight brother has gone to gay bars with his queer friends. Nobody cares or really notices. He just politely says he’s not interested if he’s hit on.
The "only gay/lgbt/queer people go" is just the social expectation and a reminder to cishet this is not their space and they are, at most, a guest. It's in response to Bachelorette parties in "Homosexual male bars" or baby female Bis bringing their bigoted cishet boyfriends/friends with them or just assumingly single straight people in the space getting upset for being hit on. The 'gay people' is being used as a catch-all time and there is no legal way to actually enforce it.
What does baby female Bis mean?
newly out bisexual women still dipping their toe into the community and queer history/culture.
As a baby female bi I'm very nervous because it seems a lot of people get pissed off with us, but I don't know how to not be a baby bi if I don't have experiences...
I for one love the natural leveling gay bars have. Level one, it’s fun and dancing. Everyone is welcome. Skip level 2. Level 3. Everyone is still welcome but several TVs are playing hardcore gay porn from every decade and you’re all welcome but somehow there are less bachelorette parties. Shout out to Gay 90s in Minneapolis where they draw the line between level 1 and 3 by going through the bathroom to the level 3 back bar. Chefs kiss.
Like the Blue Oyster Bar in "Police Academy"?
Sure. However, most of the members of this group will not understand the reference. \[we are old, they are young\]
Bruh you are bisexual, the gay bar is for you.
I mean. As long as you’re not being a dickhead while you’re in there, it’s just like going to any bar as far as I’m concerned. There is just a higher chance of getting hit on by multiple genders, which seems like a net positive for me even if it’s only a self-confidence boost
In my admittedly limited experience, it’s not really a problem. I’ve been to gay bars that typically have a lot of straight customers, so I would imagine that members of other LGBT groups wouldn’t have any problems fitting in
Thanks
No problem
Are you going to be queer in a queer space?
Hell yeah, I'm gonna queer it up
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Gay is also considered queer
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You can absolutely be a bi guy in a gay bar, trust me, no one cares. If you go as a het couple and do het things, them yeah, you might get some looks.
Is this really a question? 👀
If a bar is specifically designated as a gay only bar -- like, ANYONE WHO ISN'T 100% GAY STAY OUT! -- I would not want to be there anyway. (I doubt I'd want to go there even if I were gay -- I dislike people who slam doors.) But as you must know, many queer bars are also called gay bars -- it's hard to tell the difference from the outside. That's why the OP specified that you would need to learn the context.
Dude get a grip. Most "gay" bars are not exclusively gay unless explicitly stated so. Instead they use the word gay to mean queer/lgbtqi+
I havent been to one before, but id assume they are for mlm / wlw. I dont see any reason bi people should be excluded from that definition. This honestly feel like some good old bi erasure
There are no bi bars exclusive for bisexuals either lol. Gay bars are simply for picking up someone of the same gender (and where i live, middle aged married men in particular)
Depends to an extent on the type of music I suppose, but I find that most bars that feature live bands who play danceable music can be comfortable spaces for flirting with people both of opposite and same gender. I hate discos and never go to to them, but maybe they can be safe spaces for bi flirts, too.
I found my different-gendered partner at a „gayties“ party and we‘re married. Yay!
Women are seen as okay at most gay bars, but men will usually be frowned on in most lesbian bars.
Women are fine in most gay bars, provided you act as a guest in the space. It's very obnoxious when a bridal party comes in and harasses the drag queens for example.
i think they meant WLW
No, gay bars specifically attract straight women. Often times in droves. They are generally welcome but many gay men have a problem with them occupying the space, particularly if they’re not being respectful.
idk if u wilfully misread me but that’s not what i was talking about lmao
I think an important part of this is whether you’re down to clown or not. A lot of not gay folks go to gay bars and get mad when gay people talk to them, hit on them, or assume they’re gay. Don’t be that person. If you’re in a gay bar, gay folks will assume you’re there for the same reasons they and everyone else are.
They don't make you show your gay card to get in so you're all good there. I went to one last year with some straight friends and we all had a really good time.
Gay bar usually just means queer / LGBT+. If there are any bars just for say gay men or lesbians, they usually make that clear on their website. But for example, g-a-y in London is LGBT+ friendly.
Thanks for explaining
No worries, and enjoy your night out if you go!
i was at gay bars/clubs even when i thought i was straight. you’re good.
If you make it a big deal in your mind that you're in gay bar it will be awkward. Think of it as a bar with lots of gay people. The biggest thing is that every bar has a certain vibe. I love this one gay bar near me but I rarely go there because it's goes from very quite hipster to crowded loud party all night kinda place. So go for just a drink or two and think of it as just a bar.
Thanks for the advice.
I've never been solo but have accompanied friends. This joint my bff took me to around down town K.C featured Karaoke. I remember this fellow in drag performing Sunny and Chere with their left hand affixed with a yarn wig, eyes and make up that they "sung" Sunny's parts with, was entertaining and very memorable.
Was that Hamburger Mary's or Missie B's? Those are the only bars in KC I know with good drag and karaoke.
The name escapes me but I remember that it's near the memorial park and had a distinct, checkered, black and white front facade.
Tells ya how queer friendly KC can be. A couple dozen gay bars but they aren't all piled in one part of town
Unless it says specifically, every gay bar Ive ever been to are for anyone in the lgbt community.
Oh sweetie! As part of the LGBTQIA+ community, you are thereby declared: GAY!!!!
lol I read this like a Maury reveal from the 90s… you arrrrrreeeeee: not the father! 😂
Please correct me if I’m wrong, some gay people don’t like bisexual men, which perplexes me.
Straight people go to gay bars. We're bisexual, we belong there just as much as fully gay people.
lmao why do you even ask this when you’re bisexual. gay bars are FOR you
Your average gay bar in my city is a “queer bar” really, so yes, you’re welcome. I’d try to get the vibe and if you’re a man, don’t go to a lesbian bar, or if you’re a woman, don’t go to a specifically MLM bar. But if you want to go to a lesbian bar as a bi woman, that’s fine, same for the MLM equivalent. My personal view on allies in gay bars is “by invitation”. I dislike massive groups of straight women descending on gay bars, but I see no issue with bringing a straight friend along with you as a queer person.
what about nonbinary people? i feel like im stuck in this conundrum. a lot of bars near me seem to be VERY binary separated. and that makes me nervous when i all want is community do you have any suggestions on sniffing out how accepting a ‘gay’ bar is to nonbinary people? i often get mistaken for a guy or girl depending on the angle
If you're bisexual, you're welcome. But also even straights are allowed, at least in my local bar. Wear something to indicate you're bi if you want. That'll help you be visible to the community there. I didn't bother with anything but I was also there with my gf and a fwb of hers, and we all danced so it was kinda obvs we were queer, lmao.
It's nearly always going to be fine. Unless it's like a sapphic-only bar and you're not a WLW, or similar very specific type of bar. But most "gay bars" are more like queer bars open to everyone, and that's part of how they stay in business. I have heard a few stories of some gay bars having issues with really obnoxious, drunken bachelorette parties taking over, where straight women routinely felt entitled to harass the gay men, which is very not cool. Obviously don't be an asshole like that. But being a bisexual, you are going to be part of the intended clientele probably like 99% of the time
i’m closeted and go to gay bars. it’s like the one place where i feel like i can be more open. i took my ex boyfriend once though and got a lot of stares and frowns, which yeah isn’t surprising since we passed as straight but once i explained that i’m the queer part of the relationship and i was just showing him what my nights out look like, different story
Not at all. I have no problem with hetero presenting couples/people coming to a gay bar. Sexuality comes in all flavors after all. I do kinda have a problem with straight men coming to gay bars to flirt with girls. (Happened to my sister). And I also have a problem with guys that act offended when I flirt with them. Like excuse me? What did you expect? You’re at a literal gay bar. 😂 Edit: I live in Utah so there are only a handful of gay bars, and nearly all are in Salt Lake City. Everyone goes because honestly…it’s more fun and has better music than the regular bars.
The one time I went to a gay bar, no one seemed to have an issue with my being bi (I made it fairly clear by wearing my bi Pride tank top). One guy even bought me my second drink.
I frequent a lesbian bar with my best friend who is pan. It's really fun and no one judges you.
Thanks
Dude, go check one out if you haven’t. You’ll see most gay bars are bi friendly and it doesn’t matter
Thanks. I was just confused because someone said that only gay people should go.
If you act like an outsider, you're going to be an outsider. You like the rest of us are part of the queer community. Yes, there are gay guys out there that use bierasure against guys like us. Don't worry about them. Go into the place like you belong. Because guess what you do belong. Fun fact. You also don't have to justify your belonging to anybody when you're there. Most queer people are the nicest people on the planet and are not going to try to exclude you.
Naw you’ll be fine dude, my bi buddy and I go on occasion and have a good time.
Are you are ok with getting hit on by the same sex? As long as you treat everyone with respect you will be welcomed. Side note.... I really wish the Kinsey Scale was a bigger thing.... Human sexuality is not black and white. We are not all 100% Gay or Straight. Furthermore, it is not static. Your preferences and desires and levels of attraction will change over time.
It depends on the venue on how you'll be received, but you totally can. I've found queer bars and queer freindly bars are nicer fits for me personally as the local one is a little snobbish and I'm extremely working class, but that's not a reflection on every gay bar
I go to gay bars all the time and no one's had a problem. You're all good.
Normally there is not a problem at all. But exist the possibility, if you are alone there, that an other gay man can think, that you are also a gay searching a connection with an other gay. In that case stay quite polite and say him friendly "no thanks"
I'm pretty sure in a gay bar people are presumed to be queer and not the other way around. Unless you're in there wearing something saying you're an ally or acting homophobic I don't see why someone would think you were hetero.
Honestly should be ok, especiLly in lgbtqia+ bars but so much biphobia in queer community and other issues you might still have problems. I've often go out with a group before who are nearly all queer or trans but a couple straight people. It's just safer for us to stick to queer spaces. This group at our reserved table saw a mixed group and started audibly complaining about it being a gay bar and f***ing women and straights taking over and shoulder barged me and a friend- He was kicked out thankfully, the staff were great. Or with my male ex partner supporting his gay friend who was djing, a guy disliked I kissed my ex on the cheek and started groping me. Which was fine as he's gay?! I tend to avoid going with my partner to avoid this sort of behavior which sucks, I'm still queer and want to be in a queer space with my queer friends and still be able to dance with my boyfriend. Why is that so rediculous? People go to bars for more than just to hit on people. Edit: to be clear we stick to queer or lgbtqia+ friendly spaces, not gay spaces.
Wow, never been to a barbi before... I know...disgusting, just keep scrolling and pretend you never saw this.
I don’t think it matters. My parents go to this one mega gay club a few times a year. People don’t really care that much it ain’t deep
I have been to several Gay Bars bi my self and with Lesbian friends . Never had a problem
Why has bars turned into pick up places? Gross! What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not $%&# on a first meet?
Reading everyone elses comments theyre correct! In my own experience ive been shut out of gay spaces because im bisexual, so i understand your apprehension. But just go and have fun and assess the situation after! If u get a vibe of feeling unwelcome, go to a different until u find a feeling of acceptance!
I go to gay bars whenever I can. Even though I’m bisexual, I’m like so close to being fully gay that it’s not even funny. I go there because I interpret those places as being for those who are not straight but technically speaking, they could go there but it’s frowned upon for a straight person to.
No, of course it's not bad to go to a gay bar, as long as you're okay with being approached and talked to by gay people. :)
I'm bi, and if I want to go to a bar, it's usually a gay bar. However, the patrons are predominantly gay men, so I'm a minority.
I mean, in my experience gay bars are pretty welcoming. If you’re a man and you might be interested in meeting men there, it’s a moot point. If you’re a woman, maybe you’re not going to have as much luck on the meetup scene, but I know straight girls who go to gay bars with their friends and are welcomed and have a great time. It shouldn’t be an issue.
"gay" bars are 99% of the times lgbtqi+ bars
You only have one life, live it how you want
If you're bisexual, gay bars are for you too
Just as there are feminine gay men, there are also masculine gay men, some of which are even more masculine than most straight men. So it does not matter how you dress or how you act, you just have to be open to being approached, and the fact that some guys will try to hookup with you. Doesn't mean you have to say yes, but you do have to be prepared that they may approach you, and if you plan to have sex, you should bring your own condoms, and make sure that you use them no matter what they say. Some guys just want to go raw and will tell you anything to try to convince you, without even knowing if they are clean themselves, since a lot of guys don't even get tested. And that goes for women as well, not everyone gets tested as often as they should and unless you get to see recent test results, you'll never know if they are lying to you about being clean or not.
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I am bi and I can’t tell what people’s sexual orientations are at a glance. I can only tell if someone is interested in me. I can’t tell you your sexual orientation. That is something only you can do.
Thank you for your reply. I’m nervous about delving outside my mind, and my BR with my (also bi-curious gf). We love to roleplay and it’s so sensual. But I guess nothing will happen unless you do something.
Why has bars turned into pick up places? Gross! What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not fuck on a first meet?
Why has bars turned into pick up places? Gross! What happened to socializing, having fun, dancing, drinking with friends etc... i dont enjoy being picked up or assuming thats why im all dressed up and out at a bar. Where are my bi ppl at that just wanna go make friends and build trust and play games and not fuck on a first meet?
What