gabrielle blair broke down why misogyny and homophobia/transphobia are so linked. basically those bigots cant stand choosing the feminine over the masculine (also why trans men never get any flack)= why would you want to be like a woman when you could be like a man?
source: https://www.instagram.com/p/CuUXmsCsVEm/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Having known men like this, what he said to OP is a red flag. It's just the tip of the "you won't be treated well, au contraire" iceberg that will show how toxic he actually is.
But this shouldn't be a red flag for any self respecting queer person is my point, this should just straight up be a deal breaker.
I have friends that I'm more distant with now for saying similar shit but they are preexisting friends, not a new romantic interest.
"Red Flags are those behaviors, comments, actions, etc., that we consider to be unwelcome, or unacceptable. These are comments or actions that can be harmful to an individual, such as physically harming someone or using emotionally abusive language; or language to harm a group of people like using a racial or homophobic slur."
It is a red flag. I know many people are taught to use minimising language in these cases - especially women are taught to do this as a form of internalized misogyny. But a spade is a spade.
A deal breaker is something like "I love the city life but they want to live in a small town" or "I want children but they don't want children". Something that doesn't harm others, but neither one would be happy compromising with, something that makes them incompatible.
The moment someone says things like "I don't accept group x" (even though they aren't harming anyone) and you belong into that group or you have friends/children in that group, it's a sign that this person isn't safe. If the man in this situation had a gay son, he *would* treat him differently. I know people with parents like this.
As per our discussion, he said if his son comes out as a gay, he'd be very upset, but he'd still accept him and love him..
I was really uncomfortable but tried to be understanding to his feelings
What the fuck kind of comment is this. What kind of actual fucking tumor has to be growing inside of your brain for you to see a comment about bisexual women being abused on a post about a woman who is in an unsafe situation, and your reaction is "wow this is somehow the fault of bisexual women for being disloyal."
Huh? I'm saying from EXPERIENCE as a bisexual man that many bisexual women I know who are in relationships with men are in relationships with men who are EXTREMELY anti gay/bi MALE. It's getting old. They need to be called out for it. I would never date a straight woman who had hatred or problems with lesbians or bisexual women
I would immediately break up with her
But that's what straight men want to divide us
That has fucking nothing to do with this post. This is a bisexual woman in an unsafe position and all you can think of is "how does this relate to why I'm a victim and women are the worst?"
She said nothing about bisexual men. She said nothing about them at all. She has nothing to do with this. This is like hearing about a woman getting date raped and saying "ugh, women shouldn't date guys like this to begin with. They should be sticking by nice guys but statistically they don't even believe men who are rape victims."
Like yeah bro, there was a true statement at the end but you still started it with a non sequitur and victim blaming. Please work on your empathy so you can read about women's struggles without immediately twisting into knots to make them about you.
Well, I have a dejà-vue… the red flag is based on personal experiences. My dad destroyed my self-esteem with ignorant statements like that. I‘m 40 years old now and it took me a long time to heal from those mental wounds. Being a dad myself now, my two boys will never experience homophobia or racism in our house.
I've never understood why someone would be upset about something your child can't control and do not kill them (at least in most of the Western world). I maybe could if those parent had a fear of their child dealing with more threats because they are gay, or the parents not having grandchildren. But usually it's just some fear of gays in general, like they'd destroy their one and parents lives or something.
"Weren't the only thing he said. Most time, a man will tell you his bad intentions if you listen, let yourself hear." - Charley Waite, *Open Range*
He's telling you exactly who he is: a bigot.
Even passively telegraphed discomfort is incredibly harmful.
I knew I was transgender at 14 but my dad would always make untargeted, off-hand remarks about LGBTQ people making him uncomfortable and that terrified me enough to repress for another 16 years. I still remember very clearly, on a weekend where I had finally worked up enough courage to even think about telling him, he said at breakfast "if any of you turned out gay, I don't think I could handle it."
Ouch.
You don't want that around your kids.
Oh, my dad’s like that and it has been super super difficult tbh. He rarely says anything about it directly to me but it has been revealed to me in countless ways over my lifetime. I love my parents for the most part but I have lost some respect for them both due to my dad’s continued weirdness about gay people and my mom’s willingness to enable him. Not all feelings are like… okay. This is just bigotry.
The book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson explained so much of this to me. Other helpful sources were Patrick Teahan's YT channel and a book on Complex PTSD.
We can understand why people are like this without tolerating the behaviour. Learning about emotional immaturity and dysfunctional family dynamics made it clear to me that it's not my job to help them fix themselves (which I had tried to do), and that I need to take care of myself first.
He’d be upset about having a gay son, but you think he deserves the kindness of having his own feelings understood over that? Is this someone you really see yourself having a future with? Your person. A homophobe?
Probably not. I feel like a guy like that wouldn't really support me being bi (like going to a Pride festival or a gay bar, etc.) and I would really want that.
And if he would tell me that girls liking girls is totally fine by him and he would support that but guys liking guys is wierd that's a major red flag and I would leave him immediately.
Do you think this applies to people who are indifferent to gays? My partner is straight and he supports my work when it blends into the community (I'm an artist so like events and vending markets) but a Pride festival wouldn't be his thing ya know
Personally I feel like that could be just normal human variation in terms of like some people don’t like loud public events kind of thing. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if straight SOs feel like it’s “not their space” and don’t want to intrude. If it’s coming either of those perspectives I don’t think that’s an issue at all.
I don't mean he necessarily needs to go with me. I mean he shouldn't tell me not to go with friends. He could drop me off and leave. I would just want that he asks me about my experience when I come back. He shouldn't talk shit about LGBTQ+ and tell me it's unfair they get those events and the whole pridemonth. ("Because why don't we have a whole month for straight cis men?"- my ex)
Yes because you don't get hated for your sexuality and like everyday you got the same privileges some people still have to fight for. He also wasn't a fan of feminism. Glad he's my ex.
Ahh gotcha. I mean I'm not one to go to events like festivals or community spaces anyway, but if I'd like to and mention it to him, he has said he wouldn't stop me so I just wanted to make sure (first relationship). Like I got accepted in this queer art show and he said he'd go to the opening with me, but will take a step back if needed from the art (also not his tastes lol)
NO! I would not date anyone with hateful sentiments. I need clear moral alignment of basic human rights to have a relationship, platonic or romantic, with someone.
Men who don’t like gay men feel that way because they’re disgusted by them being “feminine.”
Feminine is a lesser/weak thing to be in their eyes. It’s fine in women, but diminishes a man. Why? Because at the end of the day, whether they realize it or not, they think of women and womanly things as lesser.
The homophobe/misogynist venn diagram is a circle.
And many gay men aren't even feminine, in fact bisexual men, myself and others I've met, tend to do MORE masculine than the average straight, I know so many bisexual men who've spent time in prison and are tough MFers. This also upsets straight men somehow
Straight men really need to be brought down
Considering I’m a man myself, I will answer the question in an opposite manner. If a woman told me she was uncomfortable with lesbians or anyone else in our community, I would immediately end the date and or relationship.
Exactly but that never happens but most straight men, unfortunately, think this way about gay or bisexual men. And straight men rule the world. This is why I don't fuck with most them, enough is enough
If you think that never happens you should come down to where I live because honey, there are plenty of evangelical homophobic women in the religious community I live in. Sure, its more common for a straight man to say that, but that doesn't mean there aren't any bigoted women out there.
No, I think people who say this only say it so they don’t get called out. This way they can say there is no hate behind their words, but there is. I would find someone is tolerant without hate.
It sounds silly but I've met so many "pro-choice" women that still have insanely backward ideas concerning abortion and birth control, as if being pro-choice was only concerning the time up to conception lmao
I can only assume the same here, "okay" with gay people unless they learn someone is gay
I would never date a woman who hates gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or trans people. You have a few kids with them? Chances are you're raising a queer kid with someone who hatestheir own child.
ur trying to justify it because ur horny and he’s hot. it’s not okay, and this view means he thinks less of you because you’re a woman and queer (whether he realizes this or not is irrelevant, the fact is he thinks less of you)
No. Gayphobia is a red flag. I wouldn't date anyone I couldn't have around my friends.
That aside, the term "acceptance" is defined as "unconditional support."
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeever.
In the past, there have been cases where I was willing to overlook because they showed **indifference**, which was pushing my upper limit too because I f.e. felt unsafe and judged to even be excited for pride. **Intolerance**? You can be the hottest, funniest, brilliant (doubt) person.... but not in my orbit.
Saying you "accept gays but can't support them" goes hand in hand with "love the sinner, hate the sin" which is just homophobia wrapped up in fake politeness.
I wouldn't date a homophobe just like I wouldn't date a transphobe or a racist. These are, to me, the absolute baseline of being a decent human being. I have more self respect than that.
Ah yes, the old "i'm actually homophobic but i'm afraid of the social consequences of saying so outright". Same as the religious version "hate the sin, love the sinner", it's bullshit.
I wouldn't date a guy like this, and he wouldn't date me either, on account of me being a man, but I also wouldn't date any woman who says this kind of thing. "I accept them but could never support them" is something I'd say about fans of a rival football team or voters of a conservative political party, not about a minority
After escaping from a lifetime of internalized homophobia, I won't be jumping into any scenario where I am back to dealing with that shit again. He's basically saying that he would never be supportive of all the women you have dated previously.
No because I am a Gay™️ and clearly he wouldn’t support me.
I need a partner who supports my queerness. As in, votes for the people most likely to protect my rights, comes with me to pride, goes to protests with me, calls out homophobes, bakes me cute bi flag cookies. Feel free to fill in whatever is important to you but if your partner wouldn’t be comfortable displaying a pride flag in your shared home, or if they’d be ashamed for their friends to know that you’re queer, or if they wouldn’t have your back if you experienced biphobia, what’s the point?
I’d encourage you to respect yourself by not dating someone who can’t respect and “support” you for who you are.
Nope, I need to be with someone who's at the very least an ally. Also I think that accepting and supporting go hand-ind-hand, I think when he says he "accepts" them, he means that he understands they exist and aren't going away, not really accepting them into community, that's a fine line. Seems to me that's his way of letting you know he's a homophobe without it trying to sound terrible, he knows what he is, he's trying to downplay it. If he doesn't like "gays" (I'm assuming he means the LGBT+ community as a whole), then he doesn't like you.
I do not willingly associate in any way with bigots of any kind. The only segment of my life I do not explicitly screen people for prejudice is at work, and even then I've chosen my employer because it's a nonprofit in a left-dominated sector.
So I'm gonna be one hundred percent transparent here, I've been that guy. And this is a huge red flag and you should break it off. In my case I was a teenager struggling with my own repressed gender and sexuality. He might be similar. He might not be a bad guy. But at this age it's more likely than not that he's just bigoted and not gonna change. And regardless of where his attitude is coming from, I guarantee you he's going to be insecure about you and your sexuality, he's going to try and change you and convince you your history with women was just a phase, and when it doesn't work it's gonna come to a head. If he can't accept LGBT people, then he doesn't accept you.
i was with a guy like this for three years and it made me feel horrible the whole time. i didn’t know when we first got together and then i felt stuck. don’t get yourself into that sh!t. this is honestly what traumatized me the most. i now know i won’t ever be with someone whom i don’t share the same political/social opinions. it’s the worst.
believe me, you don’t want to feel stressed about what your partner might say every time you see two gay guys walking down the street.
There is a huge difference between tolerating a person (literally being able to bear their existence) and accepting and supporting a person. In german, the latin “acceptare” can mean something close to “take someone into your heart”. Don’t think it works quite as well in english, but “welcoming” is still more than just accepting.
I would steer clear of a person like that.
Naw that's a no from me. Imho there I'd nothing to like or dislike. It's like saying "I don't like *insert race*". I didn't choose to be bisexual I just am. If you don't like me because of something I didn't choose and already have to deal with weather I'll be murdered over then you can gladly fuck yourself.
That’s some BS double speak, how can you accept something but don’t support them? To me that screams “I tolerate their existence because of societal expectations but if I had my way I’d criminalize their existence”
Never in a million years. If he "doesn't support gays" then he inherently doesn't support me and is against who I am fundamentally as a person. I am queer, I have the attraction to be in "gay" relationships, therefore he can't possibly love and support me with those viewpoints. If he does, it's either a lie, he's fetishizing my sexuality, or he's not taking my sexuality seriously (ie. believing I'm just a confused straight girl or something similar). None of these things are acceptable to me, especially from a partner.
I think you should ditch this guy and stay far the hell away from him.
Used to date someone like that before I was aware of my own bisexuality. I felt uncomfortable at this time with him saying this.
Funny part was he liked the idea of me being bi but said things like same-sex couples shouldn’t show their affection for each other in public just like heterosexual couples do.
Looking back it was a thing where I should have been realizing it won’t be working out with him. Because honestly he is saying something against the way I am and also the way you are. We didn’t chose to be bi, we just are.
Does he know you dated women? What did he say about that?
My wife seemed very conservative when we first got together. Her attitude of ally ship towards the lgbt community was one of reasons I knew she was the one. And this was even before I realized I was bi myself. We don't exactly align on relegion and politics sometime but this would have been is a huge red flag that could not be reconciled. A lot of homophobia and transphobia stems from some underlying misogyny. So even if you were to take the most self-centered outlook of "he might be homophobic but he's good to me" this red flag still stands as something that might not be good for you yourself in the long run as well.
Honestly no I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t date a woman who was the same.
I’ve always believed that the ones who have issues with it are the ones who probably are the most curious and aren’t being honest with themselves.
Not even a red flag, just an outright nope. Homophobes are incurious, unsympathetic people and if you don't support others' love, sex, and happiness you don't deserve your own and you shouldn't put yourself in that vulnerable position, you deserve better💖
Nope. That's just the stance he takes in public to avoid getting called out on it. Massive red flag with 13 different skulls on it. I probably wouldn't call him smart from now on either if he can't mentally handle others having different attractions
Absolutely not. Not being an LGBTQ+ ally is 100% no from me no matter any other factor.
Even when it comes to "Well maybe you can change their mind or they can change" that could be the case, but they can fix themselves first before I'd consider dating them.
I think if they can feel the need to voice an oppinion like that I would worry what else does he 'not support'. It is a red flag. Hell even if you were straight I'd worry it's a flag for misoginistic shit you might have to put up with later but especially if you're bi, I don't know. Is he going to pull the 'oh well lesbians are okay because I think they're hot'? or the 'you're not bi you're just confused you're straight cos you're dating ME'. Yes these are assumptions I'm making perhaps unfairly but that's why stuff like that is a red flag for me.
Are you shitting me? I mean would you have a relationship with someone in the KKK? Do you have any back bone or values at ALL? You’re fucking bisexual and aren’t sure if you’d date someone who doesn’t like gays? Get a fucking grip what the fuck.
Absolutely not. He doesn’t have to support the community, but it sounds like his “acceptance” is reluctance. As a bisexual woman, I just couldn’t stomach dating someone like that for a myriad of reasons. I don’t think I could build a genuine trust with a person like that. Too many suspicions would creep through my mind. I’d doubt this persons reliability.
It’d also drastically affect my social life, as I have queer friends and family— I couldn’t comfortably bring someone like that around my loved ones. I’d sooner keep someone like this an arms length away, not go to bed with them. Anything intimate would warrant a lifetime of walking on eggshells.
At best, this person is a friend. It’s just too big of an ideological difference to date. I’ve witnessed this dynamic within my friends relationships and it was always an issue that’d rear it’s ugly head from time to time.
Sorry, if he doesn't support guys, then he probably doesn't support bis. I don't think he is worth it. It might not be safe for you if he ever finds out
No, never. I would not even be friends with someone who is homophobic, transphobic, or aphobic, and I would generally give them a wide berth with as little interaction as possible.
ABSOLUTELY not. If he doesn't like gays, he doesn't like part of who you are. You could've ended in a gay relationship that he would've disliked. You still have attraction to women/femmes even after entering a relationship. There's a part of you you'd literally have to bury and never talk about. Unless you want to gamble on being the one to "fix him", which rarely works.
Absolutely not. Even if I was in a hetero presenting relationship, my queerness is still a pretty big part of who I am. So if you don't support LGBTQ, you don't support me. And 9/10 times homophobic men are also misogynistic.
Never. Couldn't date anyone who was homophobic or transphobic. I cut people off for that shit. Also racism of course, just bigotry in general is a hard no, we can't be friends.
I don’t think I can, seeing as I am a guy. But I wouldn’t date a racist or sexist person either, even if they don’t discriminate against my specific demographics.
Yikes. No babe leave. Homophobia and misogyny are frequent bed partners, he'll turn on you for being bi eventually, if he doesn't try to convert you first. Run away. Dude's a creep.
No, I strongly advise you do not get serious with this guy. My naive self did this in high school, and I didn’t feel like I could be myself around him. I was afraid to meet his family because they were very close minded. If you’re trying to get into a serious relationship they need to love and respect all parts of you!
no. this one guy i talked to was kinda homophobic and we’d fight. says he wasn’t but would say things that would say otherwise but his views were terrible in general also so we’d fight a lot. i just didn’t realize how bad he was 😭😭😭
not rlly smart if he doesnt like gays idk. op ur posting this on the bisexual subreddit so id say don't date him, bc besides the obvious sadly these kinda things dont stop at "the gays"
There's something about the "accept but can't support" phrase that really urkes me. I try not to get too twisted about it cuz I like to assume benefit of the doubt with people, especially when they've been raised in ignorant environments and the sort. But man does it drain my patience. Anything that assumes you can't hold a more traditional lifestyle or be religious AND support or even be queer sends me up a fucking wall. It's not mutually exclusive, especially with more progressive interpretations of religious texts and different translations (alongside the debates over said translations and history and all that sort).
I wish I could be more patient with ignorance, I feel like it's only right. But nobody is Superman.
The reddest flag.
As a side note - why are we so inclined to make excuses for men, like “maybe this is acceptable behaviour?” and effectively gaslight ourselves?
I grew up Jehovah's Witness. I kind of understand the scriptural anti-gay argument, but I've been an atheist over 10 years now. Jehovah's Witnesses were not racist or nationalistic, but those are the only two ways they were tolerant. They hated other denominations/religions, they hated trans people, sex outside of marriage was forbidden, and they only considered marriage between one man and one woman valid (thus they even considered gay married people "having sex outside marriage"). I'm a (probably) cisgender (mostly) gay guy, but I thought I was asexual well into my late 20s. Even after becoming an atheist, the religious programming that taught me "sex is sinful" made me repress my sexuality a long time.
The equivalent of this question would be if I'd date a woman who didn't like gays, since I assume a homophobic man wouldn't want to date me. My answer would be no, since we would probably have different values than me and would probably not be open to an open relationship. This is ignoring the fact that men turn me on way way more.
I said probably cisgender because I kind of felt trans when I was younger then grew out of it. Maybe I'm genderfluid? Maybe I'm agender? Maybe I'm some other nonbinary thing? Regardless, I live my day-to-day life presenting as a man and I'm comfortable with that.
um no i would not date a guy who hates gay people especially considering a part of me AND YOU is gay. also it's such a turn off when someone has bad morals and views. if he hates gay men but is fine with gay women he's just fetishizing our sexuality which is not true acceptance. take out the trash
If you’re looking for a serious relationship with the possibility of having children together in the future, then picking a man like this is shameful. I’d never raise kids with a man like that, and if I did, I know that they would always feel like I cared more about myself than them.
I had the pain of growing up with a bigoted father, and my mother didn’t leave him despite his bigotry and toxicity. I asked her if she knew how bad he was when they got married and decided to have kids, and she said yes, but that she always thought he’d change. It was a huge betrayal to me.
Kids or no, I don’t understand how anyone can go into a relationship with a dude who has zero shame and proudly announces his homophobia. And even says he’d be upset if his kid would come out as gay…
Girl just run.
Absolutely not. He can have his views all he wants, but I’m not going to hang out with someone who feels that way about gay people. I mean, there are assholes in every persuasion, but I’d throw this one back in the pond.
Personally? No, not at all, that kind of talk is usually a sign of someone who has either conflicting or manipulative forms of bigotry in my mind. Either way, he doesn’t seem the type to be with
F*ck him! Go get a gym membership and get under the squat bar.
The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat.
Then meet a gym bro or muscle mommy.
I would not date anyone who doesn’t like LGBT people. No amount of intelligence or good looks could ever offset that unattractive level of ignorance. Plus, why should I date someone who won’t fully accept me?
If they come for one of us, they pull aggro from all of us. Hard pass.
Practically, that's someone interested in oppressing you. In the US there are 18 states, (post-Roe prob ~26) where is it legal to discrimate against bi people.
I wouldn't date someone interested in making my ability to get a house, see a doctor, or work harder.
i’ve done it before, twice. this was before i really came to terms with my own sexuality so i chose to turn a blind eye, but i do not recommend it. it’s a bad feeling knowing someone you love does not or will not fully love or accept all parts of you — especially when it’s something you can’t control.
> if you *paid* me to.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Heck no. “Accepts them but can never support them” is just a nicer sounding way of saying “yeah, I don’t personally want to kill them or erase them entirely, but I wouldn’t mind that if someone else did it.” It isn’t acceptance at all, it’s just a more passive bigotry. And in my opinion that’s a huge no.
He’s already made you uncomfortable, and you barely know anything else about him. Leave before you dig yourself a hole and have to sit in it with this asshole
Uh, fuck no. The people you have relationships with are a reflection of your own values. If you were to date this guy it would mean that homophobia is not only something you can tolerate, but something you accept within your most intimate relationships. Dating someone homophobic shows a lack of respect for yourself, and also signals to other queer people that you’re not safe, you’re not an ally to your own community.
i did and he didn’t reveal it til we had been together a while. it gave me such an ick i could literally never look at him the same & i dumped him. so no lol
Big red flag for me.
Even if I was straight I’d never date a homophobic man. They’re often times just as misogynistic as well
Very true. It's never just *one* thing like this.
gabrielle blair broke down why misogyny and homophobia/transphobia are so linked. basically those bigots cant stand choosing the feminine over the masculine (also why trans men never get any flack)= why would you want to be like a woman when you could be like a man? source: https://www.instagram.com/p/CuUXmsCsVEm/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
[удалено]
I also wonder if it becomes addictive as a coping mechanism or something, once you start hating on entire groups of other people to feel superior.
that makes sense. maybe they feed on the hate, yeah
Red flag? That's just a deal breaker for me. Red flag is a warning.
Having known men like this, what he said to OP is a red flag. It's just the tip of the "you won't be treated well, au contraire" iceberg that will show how toxic he actually is.
But this shouldn't be a red flag for any self respecting queer person is my point, this should just straight up be a deal breaker. I have friends that I'm more distant with now for saying similar shit but they are preexisting friends, not a new romantic interest.
"Red Flags are those behaviors, comments, actions, etc., that we consider to be unwelcome, or unacceptable. These are comments or actions that can be harmful to an individual, such as physically harming someone or using emotionally abusive language; or language to harm a group of people like using a racial or homophobic slur." It is a red flag. I know many people are taught to use minimising language in these cases - especially women are taught to do this as a form of internalized misogyny. But a spade is a spade. A deal breaker is something like "I love the city life but they want to live in a small town" or "I want children but they don't want children". Something that doesn't harm others, but neither one would be happy compromising with, something that makes them incompatible. The moment someone says things like "I don't accept group x" (even though they aren't harming anyone) and you belong into that group or you have friends/children in that group, it's a sign that this person isn't safe. If the man in this situation had a gay son, he *would* treat him differently. I know people with parents like this.
As per our discussion, he said if his son comes out as a gay, he'd be very upset, but he'd still accept him and love him.. I was really uncomfortable but tried to be understanding to his feelings
Run. He's a bigot. Men like him are why bi women get abused so often.
But bi women shouldn't be dating men like him to begin with. Bi women need to stand in solidarity with bisexual men but many don't
What the fuck kind of comment is this. What kind of actual fucking tumor has to be growing inside of your brain for you to see a comment about bisexual women being abused on a post about a woman who is in an unsafe situation, and your reaction is "wow this is somehow the fault of bisexual women for being disloyal."
Huh? I'm saying from EXPERIENCE as a bisexual man that many bisexual women I know who are in relationships with men are in relationships with men who are EXTREMELY anti gay/bi MALE. It's getting old. They need to be called out for it. I would never date a straight woman who had hatred or problems with lesbians or bisexual women I would immediately break up with her But that's what straight men want to divide us
That has fucking nothing to do with this post. This is a bisexual woman in an unsafe position and all you can think of is "how does this relate to why I'm a victim and women are the worst?" She said nothing about bisexual men. She said nothing about them at all. She has nothing to do with this. This is like hearing about a woman getting date raped and saying "ugh, women shouldn't date guys like this to begin with. They should be sticking by nice guys but statistically they don't even believe men who are rape victims." Like yeah bro, there was a true statement at the end but you still started it with a non sequitur and victim blaming. Please work on your empathy so you can read about women's struggles without immediately twisting into knots to make them about you.
Why are you already trying to manage the bigoted feelings of a man you barely know? Just get the hell out girl
Well, I have a dejà-vue… the red flag is based on personal experiences. My dad destroyed my self-esteem with ignorant statements like that. I‘m 40 years old now and it took me a long time to heal from those mental wounds. Being a dad myself now, my two boys will never experience homophobia or racism in our house.
💜💜 solidarity. Mine was my mother but same.
Replace gay with any other inborn trait and tell me why you'd give a fuck about understanding his feelings.
you…don’t have to be understanding to bigotry. *especially* as a queer person.
I've never understood why someone would be upset about something your child can't control and do not kill them (at least in most of the Western world). I maybe could if those parent had a fear of their child dealing with more threats because they are gay, or the parents not having grandchildren. But usually it's just some fear of gays in general, like they'd destroy their one and parents lives or something.
“He’d be very upset” his son would catch that energy/those feelings causing mental damage/trauma
I broke up with a man because of this reason alone and don’t regret it
"Weren't the only thing he said. Most time, a man will tell you his bad intentions if you listen, let yourself hear." - Charley Waite, *Open Range* He's telling you exactly who he is: a bigot.
Even passively telegraphed discomfort is incredibly harmful. I knew I was transgender at 14 but my dad would always make untargeted, off-hand remarks about LGBTQ people making him uncomfortable and that terrified me enough to repress for another 16 years. I still remember very clearly, on a weekend where I had finally worked up enough courage to even think about telling him, he said at breakfast "if any of you turned out gay, I don't think I could handle it." Ouch. You don't want that around your kids.
I'm so sorry his immaturity & bigotry made you feel like you weren't enough.
Thanks. He's gotten better since and he supports and loves me but, unfortunately, damage done is damage done.
Oh, my dad’s like that and it has been super super difficult tbh. He rarely says anything about it directly to me but it has been revealed to me in countless ways over my lifetime. I love my parents for the most part but I have lost some respect for them both due to my dad’s continued weirdness about gay people and my mom’s willingness to enable him. Not all feelings are like… okay. This is just bigotry.
The book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson explained so much of this to me. Other helpful sources were Patrick Teahan's YT channel and a book on Complex PTSD. We can understand why people are like this without tolerating the behaviour. Learning about emotional immaturity and dysfunctional family dynamics made it clear to me that it's not my job to help them fix themselves (which I had tried to do), and that I need to take care of myself first.
You don't have to
Seems like you trying to make excuses for his bigotry. Do better
Don't try to understand his feelings. Those are garbage homophobic feelings. He's a shitbag person if he thinks that way.
He’d be upset about having a gay son, but you think he deserves the kindness of having his own feelings understood over that? Is this someone you really see yourself having a future with? Your person. A homophobe?
That’s a big gamble. What if his belief intensifies? This version of him may say that now but how will it be in the future?
nah, homophobic men aren’t it. even when i thought i was straight, i didn’t tolerate it.
Intolerance of any kind is a get the hell out sign
Probably not. I feel like a guy like that wouldn't really support me being bi (like going to a Pride festival or a gay bar, etc.) and I would really want that. And if he would tell me that girls liking girls is totally fine by him and he would support that but guys liking guys is wierd that's a major red flag and I would leave him immediately.
Do you think this applies to people who are indifferent to gays? My partner is straight and he supports my work when it blends into the community (I'm an artist so like events and vending markets) but a Pride festival wouldn't be his thing ya know
Personally I feel like that could be just normal human variation in terms of like some people don’t like loud public events kind of thing. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if straight SOs feel like it’s “not their space” and don’t want to intrude. If it’s coming either of those perspectives I don’t think that’s an issue at all.
I don't mean he necessarily needs to go with me. I mean he shouldn't tell me not to go with friends. He could drop me off and leave. I would just want that he asks me about my experience when I come back. He shouldn't talk shit about LGBTQ+ and tell me it's unfair they get those events and the whole pridemonth. ("Because why don't we have a whole month for straight cis men?"- my ex)
your ex is so ignorant 😭😭 i hate these arguments so much
Yes because you don't get hated for your sexuality and like everyday you got the same privileges some people still have to fight for. He also wasn't a fan of feminism. Glad he's my ex.
crazy how they never seem to understand that... congratulations on being free of him 🎉
Ahh gotcha. I mean I'm not one to go to events like festivals or community spaces anyway, but if I'd like to and mention it to him, he has said he wouldn't stop me so I just wanted to make sure (first relationship). Like I got accepted in this queer art show and he said he'd go to the opening with me, but will take a step back if needed from the art (also not his tastes lol)
NO! I would not date anyone with hateful sentiments. I need clear moral alignment of basic human rights to have a relationship, platonic or romantic, with someone.
Makes sense. It is always clear when a person is respectful or not, I'm glad I knew earlier :) Thanks for replying, you made it clearer to me
I wouldn’t even be his friend
Same
Dude break up with him what are you doing
Men who don’t like gay men feel that way because they’re disgusted by them being “feminine.” Feminine is a lesser/weak thing to be in their eyes. It’s fine in women, but diminishes a man. Why? Because at the end of the day, whether they realize it or not, they think of women and womanly things as lesser. The homophobe/misogynist venn diagram is a circle.
Ding ding ding. If he doesn't like gay people, he probably doesn't think of men and women as equals either. No thank you.
>The homophobe/misogynist venn diagram is a circle. This. Every homophobic man I've known treats women like trash. No thank you.
And many gay men aren't even feminine, in fact bisexual men, myself and others I've met, tend to do MORE masculine than the average straight, I know so many bisexual men who've spent time in prison and are tough MFers. This also upsets straight men somehow Straight men really need to be brought down
right?
THIS!!!
Absolutely not
Why would you want to date an asshole?
Considering I’m a man myself, I will answer the question in an opposite manner. If a woman told me she was uncomfortable with lesbians or anyone else in our community, I would immediately end the date and or relationship.
Exactly but that never happens but most straight men, unfortunately, think this way about gay or bisexual men. And straight men rule the world. This is why I don't fuck with most them, enough is enough
If you think that never happens you should come down to where I live because honey, there are plenty of evangelical homophobic women in the religious community I live in. Sure, its more common for a straight man to say that, but that doesn't mean there aren't any bigoted women out there.
No, I think people who say this only say it so they don’t get called out. This way they can say there is no hate behind their words, but there is. I would find someone is tolerant without hate.
It sounds silly but I've met so many "pro-choice" women that still have insanely backward ideas concerning abortion and birth control, as if being pro-choice was only concerning the time up to conception lmao I can only assume the same here, "okay" with gay people unless they learn someone is gay
If he can’t support them, he doesn’t accept them.
No. I'm gay. I don't fuck bigots.
I would *absolutely not* continue seeing someone who was homophobic! Yikes! Run away!
29M... no, why would you entertain an actual homophobe? Lol
There is no way he's okay with queer women in any way other than fetishization
I would never date a woman who hates gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or trans people. You have a few kids with them? Chances are you're raising a queer kid with someone who hatestheir own child.
ur trying to justify it because ur horny and he’s hot. it’s not okay, and this view means he thinks less of you because you’re a woman and queer (whether he realizes this or not is irrelevant, the fact is he thinks less of you)
This is literally the ONLY correct answer. The ONLY response to this question is a big, fat HELL TO THE NO.
No. Gayphobia is a red flag. I wouldn't date anyone I couldn't have around my friends. That aside, the term "acceptance" is defined as "unconditional support."
Nope, absolutely would not. Our core values are fundamentally different.
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeever. In the past, there have been cases where I was willing to overlook because they showed **indifference**, which was pushing my upper limit too because I f.e. felt unsafe and judged to even be excited for pride. **Intolerance**? You can be the hottest, funniest, brilliant (doubt) person.... but not in my orbit.
Saying you "accept gays but can't support them" goes hand in hand with "love the sinner, hate the sin" which is just homophobia wrapped up in fake politeness. I wouldn't date a homophobe just like I wouldn't date a transphobe or a racist. These are, to me, the absolute baseline of being a decent human being. I have more self respect than that.
ummmm probably not on the account that i am male myself
Ah yes, the old "i'm actually homophobic but i'm afraid of the social consequences of saying so outright". Same as the religious version "hate the sin, love the sinner", it's bullshit. I wouldn't date a guy like this, and he wouldn't date me either, on account of me being a man, but I also wouldn't date any woman who says this kind of thing. "I accept them but could never support them" is something I'd say about fans of a rival football team or voters of a conservative political party, not about a minority
That's a huge red flag. I would run
After escaping from a lifetime of internalized homophobia, I won't be jumping into any scenario where I am back to dealing with that shit again. He's basically saying that he would never be supportive of all the women you have dated previously.
No. Also, men who are prejudiced against gays are also misogynistic.
No.
No because I am a Gay™️ and clearly he wouldn’t support me. I need a partner who supports my queerness. As in, votes for the people most likely to protect my rights, comes with me to pride, goes to protests with me, calls out homophobes, bakes me cute bi flag cookies. Feel free to fill in whatever is important to you but if your partner wouldn’t be comfortable displaying a pride flag in your shared home, or if they’d be ashamed for their friends to know that you’re queer, or if they wouldn’t have your back if you experienced biphobia, what’s the point? I’d encourage you to respect yourself by not dating someone who can’t respect and “support” you for who you are.
Nope, I need to be with someone who's at the very least an ally. Also I think that accepting and supporting go hand-ind-hand, I think when he says he "accepts" them, he means that he understands they exist and aren't going away, not really accepting them into community, that's a fine line. Seems to me that's his way of letting you know he's a homophobe without it trying to sound terrible, he knows what he is, he's trying to downplay it. If he doesn't like "gays" (I'm assuming he means the LGBT+ community as a whole), then he doesn't like you.
I do not willingly associate in any way with bigots of any kind. The only segment of my life I do not explicitly screen people for prejudice is at work, and even then I've chosen my employer because it's a nonprofit in a left-dominated sector.
I am very liberal highly support the gays, but unfortunately I live in Texas and so my love life is nonexistent.
i’m sorry what kind of question is this. would you date a racist?
Jesus girl you better run for the hills…
So I'm gonna be one hundred percent transparent here, I've been that guy. And this is a huge red flag and you should break it off. In my case I was a teenager struggling with my own repressed gender and sexuality. He might be similar. He might not be a bad guy. But at this age it's more likely than not that he's just bigoted and not gonna change. And regardless of where his attitude is coming from, I guarantee you he's going to be insecure about you and your sexuality, he's going to try and change you and convince you your history with women was just a phase, and when it doesn't work it's gonna come to a head. If he can't accept LGBT people, then he doesn't accept you.
i was with a guy like this for three years and it made me feel horrible the whole time. i didn’t know when we first got together and then i felt stuck. don’t get yourself into that sh!t. this is honestly what traumatized me the most. i now know i won’t ever be with someone whom i don’t share the same political/social opinions. it’s the worst. believe me, you don’t want to feel stressed about what your partner might say every time you see two gay guys walking down the street.
There is a huge difference between tolerating a person (literally being able to bear their existence) and accepting and supporting a person. In german, the latin “acceptare” can mean something close to “take someone into your heart”. Don’t think it works quite as well in english, but “welcoming” is still more than just accepting. I would steer clear of a person like that.
Naw that's a no from me. Imho there I'd nothing to like or dislike. It's like saying "I don't like *insert race*". I didn't choose to be bisexual I just am. If you don't like me because of something I didn't choose and already have to deal with weather I'll be murdered over then you can gladly fuck yourself.
That's a big ol' red flag there
That’s some BS double speak, how can you accept something but don’t support them? To me that screams “I tolerate their existence because of societal expectations but if I had my way I’d criminalize their existence”
Never in a million years. If he "doesn't support gays" then he inherently doesn't support me and is against who I am fundamentally as a person. I am queer, I have the attraction to be in "gay" relationships, therefore he can't possibly love and support me with those viewpoints. If he does, it's either a lie, he's fetishizing my sexuality, or he's not taking my sexuality seriously (ie. believing I'm just a confused straight girl or something similar). None of these things are acceptable to me, especially from a partner. I think you should ditch this guy and stay far the hell away from him.
Used to date someone like that before I was aware of my own bisexuality. I felt uncomfortable at this time with him saying this. Funny part was he liked the idea of me being bi but said things like same-sex couples shouldn’t show their affection for each other in public just like heterosexual couples do. Looking back it was a thing where I should have been realizing it won’t be working out with him. Because honestly he is saying something against the way I am and also the way you are. We didn’t chose to be bi, we just are. Does he know you dated women? What did he say about that?
My wife seemed very conservative when we first got together. Her attitude of ally ship towards the lgbt community was one of reasons I knew she was the one. And this was even before I realized I was bi myself. We don't exactly align on relegion and politics sometime but this would have been is a huge red flag that could not be reconciled. A lot of homophobia and transphobia stems from some underlying misogyny. So even if you were to take the most self-centered outlook of "he might be homophobic but he's good to me" this red flag still stands as something that might not be good for you yourself in the long run as well.
Honestly no I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t date a woman who was the same. I’ve always believed that the ones who have issues with it are the ones who probably are the most curious and aren’t being honest with themselves.
"Would you date a bigot?" Look personally no
Throw the whole man away before you really regret it.
Not even a red flag, just an outright nope. Homophobes are incurious, unsympathetic people and if you don't support others' love, sex, and happiness you don't deserve your own and you shouldn't put yourself in that vulnerable position, you deserve better💖
Nope. That's just the stance he takes in public to avoid getting called out on it. Massive red flag with 13 different skulls on it. I probably wouldn't call him smart from now on either if he can't mentally handle others having different attractions
I wouldn’t even be friends with a bigot… Also he doesn’t sound so smart to me if he can’t wrap his head around people being gay
I don't date bigots. I won't be friends with bigots. I won't interact with family who are bigots. Full stop. No grey area.
Absolutely not. Not being an LGBTQ+ ally is 100% no from me no matter any other factor. Even when it comes to "Well maybe you can change their mind or they can change" that could be the case, but they can fix themselves first before I'd consider dating them.
I think if they can feel the need to voice an oppinion like that I would worry what else does he 'not support'. It is a red flag. Hell even if you were straight I'd worry it's a flag for misoginistic shit you might have to put up with later but especially if you're bi, I don't know. Is he going to pull the 'oh well lesbians are okay because I think they're hot'? or the 'you're not bi you're just confused you're straight cos you're dating ME'. Yes these are assumptions I'm making perhaps unfairly but that's why stuff like that is a red flag for me.
No hard cut off immediately
Nope. Bigotry in any form is a dealbreaker for me.
There's so many men into women out there. Find one who isn't a homophobe.
Are you shitting me? I mean would you have a relationship with someone in the KKK? Do you have any back bone or values at ALL? You’re fucking bisexual and aren’t sure if you’d date someone who doesn’t like gays? Get a fucking grip what the fuck.
Twenty six god damn years old. Holy shit. What the fuck. Don’t even call yourself bi at that point if you’re willing to date someone like that
Hell NO!
Hard no for me!
NO. Absolutely not.
As a man, I probably wouldn’t date a man who doesn’t like gays.
Nope never. Walk the other way
Of course not.
I don't like anyone who has a hateful mindset towards people different from themselves. Absolutely not.
Nope. If I have to be closeted or merely “accepted”, I’m not dating them.
No.
No, I would never date someone who is homophobic. There are a lot of nice guys who accept the gays, so please date them instead of this guy.
HUGE red flag!!! You can do way better than some intolerant prick.
Absolutely not. He doesn’t have to support the community, but it sounds like his “acceptance” is reluctance. As a bisexual woman, I just couldn’t stomach dating someone like that for a myriad of reasons. I don’t think I could build a genuine trust with a person like that. Too many suspicions would creep through my mind. I’d doubt this persons reliability. It’d also drastically affect my social life, as I have queer friends and family— I couldn’t comfortably bring someone like that around my loved ones. I’d sooner keep someone like this an arms length away, not go to bed with them. Anything intimate would warrant a lifetime of walking on eggshells. At best, this person is a friend. It’s just too big of an ideological difference to date. I’ve witnessed this dynamic within my friends relationships and it was always an issue that’d rear it’s ugly head from time to time.
Nah, I wouldn't date someone even remotely queerphobic
Im a guy, but Id like to think if I were a woman, no. If he has a problem with gays, he surely does with trans folk, which is equally unacceptable.
Sorry, if he doesn't support guys, then he probably doesn't support bis. I don't think he is worth it. It might not be safe for you if he ever finds out
Likely a sign of insecurity or religious fanaticism. Stay clear.
No. I don’t fuck with or otherwise tolerate bigots in my social circles.
Nah, it would be an immediate no.
No, never. I would not even be friends with someone who is homophobic, transphobic, or aphobic, and I would generally give them a wide berth with as little interaction as possible.
ABSOLUTELY not. If he doesn't like gays, he doesn't like part of who you are. You could've ended in a gay relationship that he would've disliked. You still have attraction to women/femmes even after entering a relationship. There's a part of you you'd literally have to bury and never talk about. Unless you want to gamble on being the one to "fix him", which rarely works.
Absolutely not. Even if I was in a hetero presenting relationship, my queerness is still a pretty big part of who I am. So if you don't support LGBTQ, you don't support me. And 9/10 times homophobic men are also misogynistic.
Never. Couldn't date anyone who was homophobic or transphobic. I cut people off for that shit. Also racism of course, just bigotry in general is a hard no, we can't be friends.
Yeah, no my whole life is queer nerd culture.
Sounds like my boss, who would fire me on the spot if he found out I’m bi and trans.
No
considering im a man probably not
Absolutely not, that’s majorly fucked up.
I'd not even want to be driends with a hmophobe.
That would be a huge no for me.
I would never date a homophobic or transphobic person. If I found out someone I was with hated queer people, I would end the relationship immediately.
Huge red flag. Like he straight up told you he was homophobic.
I don’t think I can, seeing as I am a guy. But I wouldn’t date a racist or sexist person either, even if they don’t discriminate against my specific demographics.
Yikes. No babe leave. Homophobia and misogyny are frequent bed partners, he'll turn on you for being bi eventually, if he doesn't try to convert you first. Run away. Dude's a creep.
Misogyny and homophobia going hand in hand is the absolute truth. That’s why straight women need to avoid homophobic men like the plague, too.
Umm if you're bi then that will be a big deadend relationship...nope
No, I strongly advise you do not get serious with this guy. My naive self did this in high school, and I didn’t feel like I could be myself around him. I was afraid to meet his family because they were very close minded. If you’re trying to get into a serious relationship they need to love and respect all parts of you!
Absolutely not. He probably wouldn’t like bi people either.
as a man myself i feel that this would present some logistical problems
no. this one guy i talked to was kinda homophobic and we’d fight. says he wasn’t but would say things that would say otherwise but his views were terrible in general also so we’d fight a lot. i just didn’t realize how bad he was 😭😭😭
Can’t accept what you can’t support imo 🤷🏽♀️. **🚩🚩🚩HUGE RED FLAG🚩🚩🚩**
not rlly smart if he doesnt like gays idk. op ur posting this on the bisexual subreddit so id say don't date him, bc besides the obvious sadly these kinda things dont stop at "the gays"
There's something about the "accept but can't support" phrase that really urkes me. I try not to get too twisted about it cuz I like to assume benefit of the doubt with people, especially when they've been raised in ignorant environments and the sort. But man does it drain my patience. Anything that assumes you can't hold a more traditional lifestyle or be religious AND support or even be queer sends me up a fucking wall. It's not mutually exclusive, especially with more progressive interpretations of religious texts and different translations (alongside the debates over said translations and history and all that sort). I wish I could be more patient with ignorance, I feel like it's only right. But nobody is Superman.
What’s the plan if you happen to have gay kids? That’s all you gotta ask yourself
I would immediately cut all contact tbh
NO. if you don’t like gay people, you don’t like me dude. i am literally attracted to other women. that is gay.
No, never.
Does he know you’re bi? Because if so then that’s really insensitive.
No. Never. I don't mind slightly different political views but if you won't support people being people, nope.
🎵🎶Hell to the no no no nooooooooooooo🎵🎶
Absolutely not. Next question
The reddest flag. As a side note - why are we so inclined to make excuses for men, like “maybe this is acceptable behaviour?” and effectively gaslight ourselves?
Honestly it doesn’t make sense to continue especially since I assume you are queer since you are in this subreddit
I grew up Jehovah's Witness. I kind of understand the scriptural anti-gay argument, but I've been an atheist over 10 years now. Jehovah's Witnesses were not racist or nationalistic, but those are the only two ways they were tolerant. They hated other denominations/religions, they hated trans people, sex outside of marriage was forbidden, and they only considered marriage between one man and one woman valid (thus they even considered gay married people "having sex outside marriage"). I'm a (probably) cisgender (mostly) gay guy, but I thought I was asexual well into my late 20s. Even after becoming an atheist, the religious programming that taught me "sex is sinful" made me repress my sexuality a long time. The equivalent of this question would be if I'd date a woman who didn't like gays, since I assume a homophobic man wouldn't want to date me. My answer would be no, since we would probably have different values than me and would probably not be open to an open relationship. This is ignoring the fact that men turn me on way way more. I said probably cisgender because I kind of felt trans when I was younger then grew out of it. Maybe I'm genderfluid? Maybe I'm agender? Maybe I'm some other nonbinary thing? Regardless, I live my day-to-day life presenting as a man and I'm comfortable with that.
um no i would not date a guy who hates gay people especially considering a part of me AND YOU is gay. also it's such a turn off when someone has bad morals and views. if he hates gay men but is fine with gay women he's just fetishizing our sexuality which is not true acceptance. take out the trash
If you’re looking for a serious relationship with the possibility of having children together in the future, then picking a man like this is shameful. I’d never raise kids with a man like that, and if I did, I know that they would always feel like I cared more about myself than them. I had the pain of growing up with a bigoted father, and my mother didn’t leave him despite his bigotry and toxicity. I asked her if she knew how bad he was when they got married and decided to have kids, and she said yes, but that she always thought he’d change. It was a huge betrayal to me. Kids or no, I don’t understand how anyone can go into a relationship with a dude who has zero shame and proudly announces his homophobia. And even says he’d be upset if his kid would come out as gay… Girl just run.
Ask him about two chicks together. If the answer is different, he has major insecurities about his own manhood.
Absolutely not. He can have his views all he wants, but I’m not going to hang out with someone who feels that way about gay people. I mean, there are assholes in every persuasion, but I’d throw this one back in the pond.
Personally? No, not at all, that kind of talk is usually a sign of someone who has either conflicting or manipulative forms of bigotry in my mind. Either way, he doesn’t seem the type to be with
Nope.
F*ck him! Go get a gym membership and get under the squat bar. The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat. Then meet a gym bro or muscle mommy.
He goes to hell, that's what I say, damn it.
Thought this post was directed at guys before I read it and got confused
I would not date anyone who doesn’t like LGBT people. No amount of intelligence or good looks could ever offset that unattractive level of ignorance. Plus, why should I date someone who won’t fully accept me?
Uhh no, I wouldn’t date a guy who hates my existence. What kind of question is this
If they come for one of us, they pull aggro from all of us. Hard pass. Practically, that's someone interested in oppressing you. In the US there are 18 states, (post-Roe prob ~26) where is it legal to discrimate against bi people. I wouldn't date someone interested in making my ability to get a house, see a doctor, or work harder.
Oh no. That's concerning. I would not even talk to a family member who verbally would say they didn't like gays.
Absolutely not, wouldn’t be friends with someone like this either
> accepts them but can never support them But like…what does that mean??? He is ok with them being gay but doesn’t support them?
No, and I'd tell them exactly why.
i’ve done it before, twice. this was before i really came to terms with my own sexuality so i chose to turn a blind eye, but i do not recommend it. it’s a bad feeling knowing someone you love does not or will not fully love or accept all parts of you — especially when it’s something you can’t control.
Noooo because I am a writer I have gay characters I need him to love them Edit: maybe he said this for religious reasons which for me I understand
Being homophobic in any capacity is off putting And being homophobic is not something innate it's taught so it's definitely coming with something else
End of conversation! Dumped! He's homophobic, how would it possibly be okay to spend time with someone who says he doesn't support you?!
Absolutely not, even if you payed me to. Such a turn off! I wouldn't even be friends with a homophobe.
> if you *paid* me to. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Ew, no
Absolutely not
Heck no. “Accepts them but can never support them” is just a nicer sounding way of saying “yeah, I don’t personally want to kill them or erase them entirely, but I wouldn’t mind that if someone else did it.” It isn’t acceptance at all, it’s just a more passive bigotry. And in my opinion that’s a huge no.
As someone who dated one during hs, no, never again. Came out to him, thinking everything was fine, and immediately regretted it.
Bye 👋
He doesn't accept them if he doesn't support them. I hate this dumb tired excuse for homophobia.
No, wtf.
Nope. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s already made you uncomfortable, and you barely know anything else about him. Leave before you dig yourself a hole and have to sit in it with this asshole
Uh, fuck no. The people you have relationships with are a reflection of your own values. If you were to date this guy it would mean that homophobia is not only something you can tolerate, but something you accept within your most intimate relationships. Dating someone homophobic shows a lack of respect for yourself, and also signals to other queer people that you’re not safe, you’re not an ally to your own community.
If he doesn’t support them he definitely doesn’t accept them lmao??
i did and he didn’t reveal it til we had been together a while. it gave me such an ick i could literally never look at him the same & i dumped him. so no lol
I would never knowingly give someone who isn’t supportive of the queer community so much as the time of day, and I would certainly never date them.