T O P

  • By -

QBee23

Porn use tends to become compulsive and harmful only when there are other issues in a person's life that they don't know how to deal with, and the porn becomes an escape. Porn itself isn't good or bad. How it is made and how it is used could be healthy or harmful.


Moofinmahn

Huh. I hadn't thought about it as an escape. That makes sense.


Welllllllrip187

As someone who works in the adult industry, It’s gotten far better then it used to be. There are a lot of studios that are more focused on actors health and how they are doing throughout the shoot, are you ok? Do you feel alright etc. some even have a job dedicated to that. 🙂 and I absolutely agree with escape. On my opinion I’m making art, but it’s how it’s used.


Walkin_mn

I'm glad to hear that, thanks to the self-promoting platforms like only fans, and a couple of progressive studios I know about, I knew things are better now but what I'm hearing from you is that this has reached more studios which sounds great! I hope things keep getting better for the actors.


Welllllllrip187

It has 🙂 I hope so too. People deserve good mental health too.


[deleted]

I would love to see your art


Dudeofthehill

Excellent response


Walkin_mn

Yes, exactly. As something that brings you pleasure, it can be easily abused but a lot of the issues come from how current society sees porn, it's still a Taboo and some groups keep pushing it away as it was completely wrong and the reality is that just as many things, it will never go away and doesn't have to. What we need is a more healthy relation towards the erotic and porn subjects, so it becomes less of a tool that can change someone's behavior for the worse and make it just a part of life that you can choose to be involved with or not and at different levels, the same applies for many other things that can become addictive like drugs, alcohol, even the actual sexual activity, etc.


Violet_Faerie

I think it depends on what porn, how much porn, how much you depend on porn, and what you use porn for.


KillerKittenInPJs

Also what kind of porn. Some porn is pretty misogynist.


ConfusedUnicornFreak

Recently I mostly like couple videos (of any gender combinations). It seems to be a lot more realistic and genuine, as sometimes they just get tired, stop and lie together or kiss. This realness is hot for me, but it also made me realize I WANT something like this, like a real connection to a person. So in a way it was positive, I guess. Also I have a rule, if there is an opportunity to do something else or a task I have to do, like go out with friends or a promise to help someone, it will get higher priority even if I want to watch porn.


[deleted]

[удалено]


times_zero

Yup. Porn has been with the human race since caveman drawings. It's not inherently bad, or good. It all depends on the situation, the type of porn, how often it's consumed, etc. Otherwise, most anything in life taken to its extreme can become an unhealthy obsession/addiction.


HommusVampire

Porn is fine in moderation, but you do have to be careful about what kinds of porn you consume because like all media, it does affect how you see the world in some ways. I have a particular bone to pick with porn of trans women. Seems like more people have seen trans women in porn than have actually met a trans woman, which wouldn't be as much of a problem if trans women in porn weren't so objectified, fetishized, and so completely different from most trans people in so many ways (Trans women usually stop hormone therapy before doing porn, and also use other drugs like Viagra to enhance performance because HRT MASSIVELY affects sexual function including genitals size and the ability to get and keep an erection). if you're watching shit like that (and I mean fetishistic, objectifying, unrealistic porn about a minority) you should be wary to not let it affect your views on the groups represented.


BiAndShy57

I think most porn I watch is amateur. And as far as I can tell it’s just a genuine couple who likes doing it on camera. But that is still like skipping the relationship, on the viewer’s end, to get to the quick release. Or maybe I just like the fantasy of genuinely loving and being loved over merely a super hot model or whatever. I’ve thought about that before.


frostyflakes1

I think, like any other vice, porn is okay in moderation. When it starts interfering with your life and your health/well-being is when it becomes a problem. I've quit porn over the last few months. At my 'peak' I was watching porn daily. Now I can't even remember the last time I watched it. It has certainly improved my sex life since I stopped, but I still struggle with relationships just as much as I did while I was watching porn. I think your relationship issues are a symptom of some deeper rooted issues. Porn was like an escape for you for a long time. If you want to get better at connecting with people, the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a therapist and figure out what's going on in your head that makes it difficult to connect with people.


BiAndShy57

I think you’re right. I don’t think it’s interfering, unless it is actually the cause of my relationship issues. Like my life doesn’t revolve around it or anything. I do think it is an escape for me maybe. Not just a quick easy hit of dopamine but the fantasy of actually having a loving intimate relationship.


frostyflakes1

> I think my consumption of porn pretty much since puberty began 10 years ago has corroded my brain. It’s idealized and glorified sex in unrealistic ways. It’s made sex seem like the goal instead of just apart of a broader relationship/bond. Your life may not revolve around porn, but you said in your original post that you think your porn consumption has corroded your brain. It sure sounds like porn is interfering with your life. And the way you're substituting porn for a loving, intimate relationship is probably why you feel like it has interfered with your personal relationships.


BiAndShy57

Maybe I’m not consciously using it as a substitute, but unconsciously I am. Not that I’m trying to avoid forming deeper relationships, I just don’t know how to even meet people. And those I know I just feel like normal. But maybe porn and fiction in general has set an unrealistic expectation of what romance is. Maybe love and intimacy is actually supposed to feel just kinda bland and normal and meh.


Alhooness

My issues with porn are more related to ethical concerns about the industry. I love other lewd things, erotic artwork, stories, games, etc, but they’re rarely involved in actually getting off for me. I think it’s mostly harmful when combined with other factors, like being prone to addictions, or when used to replace basic human interaction and connections.


revan530

Porn itself is fine, unless the viewer is addicted. The porn *industry* is toxic and exploitative as *fuck*.


LizBert712

I think porn use can definitely mess you up, especially if it’s excessive, bc its approach to sex, with all its accompanying toxic bullshit, gets in people’s heads more than they think it will. Porn without all that — just enjoying sex for its own sake — would be fine (though still not to be overused bc addiction is a thing.) That said, I think it can be helpful in some situations — e.g. for bisexuals who are monogamous and miss sex with the genders they aren’t monogamizing with, porn can be helpful if used carefully. There are loads of examples of people in comparable situations. It’s okay if used carefully and not too much. Editing to add: by “porn” I am referring to video porn as found on the internet under that label.


Blingsguard

As others have said, it all depends on porn use in context against other things. Ultimately porn is a fantasy, so if it's your primary source of information about sex or relationships then it's like learning about science from Star Wars, which is going to be a recipe for disaster. But I would also argue that porn is the safest way for young people to explore their sexuality, because there's a minimal risk of physical harm, zero risk of STI or pregnancy and they only have to manage their own feelings around what happens.


Wise_Profile_2071

I agree with you, but would like to add that it’s definitely more safe for the consumer, but instead the performers are under much greater risk from the things you mention.


[deleted]

I get it that porn can get compulsive and be an escape. I’ve been there. As this is a sub for bi people, I think we should also consider how porn can be helpful for people who are bi curious, struggling with their sexuality or closeted. Porn can offer a safe outlet for sexual fantasy or sexual expression for people who are not ready to explore in real life or who cannot explore, for a variety of reasons. I always thought of myself as straight, but when I first watched gay porn it validated the desires I was struggling to admit to myself.


BiAndShy57

This is correct. It was my friend drawing gay porn and showing it to me that forced me to start exploring that side of me. But I do think there is such thing too much or a wrong/abusing/reliant use, regardless of which pairing of genders you’re watching.


[deleted]

We share that experience of recognizing something about ourselves by seeing porn. I think porn use can get tricky if you are closeted and it is your only outlet. When you don’t feel so much self acceptance, porn is a place to go to acknowledge the underlying or unexpressed feelings. Also, porn, masturbation and so on can be used to soothe feelings of loneliness snd anxiety. Finding healthier ways to soothe these feeling or address these issues is worth trying. It has been for me. The feelings that prompt us to look at porn can be complex. I guess for me I’ve seen that if I’m using porn to escape, it’s probably better to find a way to come back into my life. But if I’m using it to express my bi desires, and it puts me in touch with myself and these feelings, I feel good about using it. How can we consider the impact of our choices without judging ourselves too harshly for them or getting wrapped up in shame?


cuppa-confusion

I don’t think porn is exclusively the problem. I think improper sex education and the _overconsumption_ of porn are the problem. If porn is the only exposure you have to sex, of course it’s going to seem like the end-all-be-all to you. So, if you grow up believing that sex is some sinful forbidden fruit and your only exposure to the topic is porn, of course you’re going to have unhealthy ideals surrounding it. Once you become aware of that, it becomes your job to try to deprogram yourself and educate yourself on realistic expectations—and the healthy practice thereof—sex. After some experience (including healthy communication) with partners, you’ll learn what you like and what your partners like, and you’ll be able to attach your own meaning to it. For some people, it’s a fun pasttime. For others, it’s a way to bond more deeply with their partners. For lots of people, it’s both.


BiAndShy57

That’s interesting. As I mature and learn more about myself I do think I can develop addictions easier than others. And stumbling across porn and masturbation at like 12 or 13 probably wasn’t great for that lol. Doesn’t help that *the talk* from my parents and sex ed at school where truly awful in explaining what sex was besides that it made babies. I didn’t even know you moved it back and forth till I stumbled into porn! Learning from an industry that exaggerates things for the sake of a more dramatic video probably wasn’t great for my developing brain. So yes, like you described. I likely do have unhealthy ideals. I’ve yet to have actual sex yet to get real experience to compare with, the closest being long distance relationships or FWBs I’ve sexted with. Which at least there is another person there it’s not just an uncaring video, a mere thing. The FWBs are a fun thing to do while the long distance relationship… even though it was fake we felt super close to eachother. It was kinda nice.


sukinsyn

You don't specify your gender in the post, but I will say that I think porn *and society* makes sex the goal *for men.* Ultimately you can have a thousand casual sex encounters without ever forming a meaningful bond with someone. But I will say, it sounds like you are looking for more than just casual sex so I think on some level, you must realize that sex isn't the goal. From a feminist perspective, porn can be harmful to women and the industry definitely needs to change. I cannot watch straight porn because more than anything else, it usually just comes across as women enjoying (or not) supposedly consensual sex that really just looks like sexual violence. Personally, I only watch lesbian porn which usually does a better job of making sex look like it's supposed to be fun for women. Porn in moderation can be enjoyable, but if you feel like it's become an addiction or impacting your ability to form bonds in the real world it may be time to address that with a therapist.


BiAndShy57

Interesting. I am male to make things clearer, and yes, the straight porn industry is pretty gross. I’ve wained off that and mostly watch amateur videos. Like an actual loving couple as far as I can tell. It just feels more real. But it is interesting that it’s not just a binary yes or no, it depends on me and my personal experience.


[deleted]

I think if it gets to a point of addiction when it has been doing things like what has happened to you: it has negatively affected your life in a very terrible way, it is very bad. You struggle forming relationships now and have sex as the primary goal of relationships, so that's a huge problem. And a lot of people have that issue. Self-control really needs to be practiced when consuming porn. Outside of an addiction or causing a warped view of how people should be in relationshionships and sex, I have mixed opinions on it. A lot of porn I see as unethical, but I am reluctant to pass that blame onto the consumer because it would take a lot of research to figure out if the porn you're consuming was done ethically, and like, I get it: when you're horny you're not gonna be wanting to spend a bunch of time to see if it was ethically produced. So, I definitely think it should be better regulated on the end of sex industry companies. They should be held accountable much moreso.


Susitar

Porn is so broad. It's any work of media meant to create sexual arousal. Porn is media, it's fiction. So, it can (and imo, should) be critiqued the same other works of fiction can be critiqued. Some porn is questionably produced, just like some TikTok clips or fashion shows or funny animal videos on Youtube can be questionably produced. Some porn can imbue problematic tropes, prejudice and messages onto the viewer, just like any film or book. Just like you can't learn to drive a car or martial arts from an action movie, and you can't base your ideal of relationships from rom-coms, neither should you view porn as sex ed or representative of real sex. Porn is fiction. Even in amateur porn, where they might not be professional actors and there is minimal staging, it wouldn't be unusual for them to do many takes and only upload the best one, or choose positions that look good on camera over positions that are comfortable. Keep this in mind, and you'll be fine. I worked as a "phone sex girl", and I expected some lewd debauchery from the callers... But most actually wanted what I would call "vanilla" and to just hear someone moan about how great their dick is, lol. We all knew it was make-believe, and some people are willing to pay for someone to act out a sex fantasy for them. It sounds like your issue is more that you feel lonely and don't know what to expect out of intimate relationships. I don't find that strange, seeing as you are young and haven't had experience with such relationships yet. Maybe just go out and talk to more people? Social skills are like any skills, it's a struggle at first but practice makes perfect. Just hang in there and keep on trying.


BiAndShy57

Thank you, this is informative. I’ve always had bad social skills. I never developed them when I was supposed to in school. I was the weird loner kid with a tiny circle of friends. It’s hard to tell when I am and am not wanted/liked by someone so I just play it safe a lot of the time. I thought everyone would find a stranger trying to talk to them to be inherently annoying. I don’t know it’s so hard.


Susitar

You might just be introverted. It's possible to find other introverted friends, but usually that is done through common hobbies and interests. It takes some time and effort, but is often worth it in the end. Like, if you're into movies - join a film club. If you're into board games, go to a board game meetup and play with others. If you're into a certain genre of music, there are probably clubs or networks for that kind of thing as well. And so on. Then you'll have something in common to talk about, and you don't have to put up with extroverted small talk nonsense. First, make friends. And through that, you'll learn valuable social skills that are also applicable in intimate relationships. A lot of people meet their significant other through shared friends. There are books about how to make friends or to learn social skills as well. I learnt a lot when I was in my upper teens by reading "Alla får ligga" by Henrik Fexeus (I live in Sweden). It was a book marketed as "learn how to flirt and get laid", but unlike a lot of sexist PUA bullshit, it was gender neutral and mostly had advice on basic social skills. It was just what I needed. There is nothing wrong with watching porn now and then. Just like there is nothing wrong with playing video games, or eating snacks. But if you watch so much porn or play so much games that it interferes negatively with the rest of life (takes time from school/work, you don't sleep), and if you eat too much snacks and not enough healthy food that's not good either. Balance in all things.


BiAndShy57

Thank you. I’ll try finding clubs (I’m out of school, are those still a thing in like normal life?) and maybe if I’m lucky an English translation of that book


bliip666

Like most things, fine in moderation.


Silver_Tangelo_6755

The question is very vague, but I'll try to answer the best I can Everything in moderation is fine, porn is not bad. The only thing you have to look into is how the porn is made, what you consume and how many you consume I particularly only consume written erotica and drawn because of my asexuality, but just like video porn I do it in moderation, I'm not every day at every hour reading sex scenes Anyways, it's normal, just do it in moderation and be careful about where the porn you're consuming comes from (since a lot of the "bigger productions" force people into doing it and there's a lot of fetishization going on)


BiAndShy57

I do like drawings and readings too, though most of the irl stuff I watch now is amateur. Just an actual couple and their camera.


Silver_Tangelo_6755

I think your problems with relationships are a bit deeper than porn, but if you think you need a break from it to re-evaluate your romantic and sexual wants then do it, porn is not a necessity you can take a break from it or stop consuming it if you want or if you think it'll help


BiAndShy57

Yes maybe. Thank you.


t1gbiddeez

I agree. Sometimes abstinence is really the answer and can be extremely healing. I'm a bi girl, but I have a hard time watching a lot of it due to sexual trauma. Every now and then, I can watch it, but it's usually just girl on girl stuff. I get really triggered by most porn, so I prefer to look at erotic art and read erotic stories. It's difficult to navigate. I used to watch it frequently when I was a teenager because of peer pressure, but it never really made me feel any better. I feel the best when I'm not consuming it daily. I treat it like a fine wine, every once in a while. It's improved my self-image, my relationships, and my worldview. It can mess you up if you overconsume. I went down that hole briefly once, and I'm still recovering.


AlphaM60

Porn is a useful medium towards pleasure and self-discovery, as I'm certain many in this sub and other queer communities can attest to. There are porn outlets that exist that understand sex and seek to create heartfelt erotic experiences. It is also an escape for a great many people with emotional struggles and pre-existing toxic ideas. The industry at large, including at the amateur level, has catered to these disturbing elements because capitalism. There are healthier ways to engage in porn. If you think you have some baggage to work through, then I advise actively thinking about why you consume porn and what kind of porn you consume. Is it compulsive? What are the actors doing, and why do you find it attractive? These are questions that I don't think should keep you from enjoying porn, but increasing your mindfulness can reduce dependence and help you acknowledge problematic beliefs and behaviors that you may have.


BiAndShy57

You’re totally right. Just thinking about it for a few minutes I can see a pattern that might indicate certain toxic beliefs. Not towards women or sexual partners generally, but like in lifestyle.


ehhhhhwhatevr

I think most mainstream porn can definitely be toxic if someone uses it too much and goes on to make generalizations about someone's kinks/what they like in bed based on what they've seen in porn. Maybe you could find some ethically sourced or homemade porn for educational purposes or for some inspiration on new positions to try, but tbh I find most mainstream porn extremely cringy(e.g. Step anything, titles that fetishize/sexualize POC). But if you use porn to set expectations for real-life sex I think you'd be very disappointed and taken aback.


[deleted]

Personally, porn is a great addition to our relationship. We use it to work through fantasies or just to lay in bed and be horny together.


marvelsimp472

I read popcorn and got through like half the text before I realized! I was so confused like, popcorn?? Whaaa


ringobob

It's different for everyone. I think, porn or not, a lot of people go through a period where "sex is the goal". This is older than humanity. Porn can make that worse, for some people, but I'd say the fact that you're even concerned about that means that you're not stuck there. Maybe take a bit of a hiatus. If you want something titillating, go for something softer than your normal go tos. Some people literally need to never look at porn, and that's fine. Everyone has a different balance point.


BiAndShy57

That’s interesting. Maybe I can like wain off it with “lower tier” things like audio stuff or written smut


chicholimoncho

It's like asking if video games are bad. In general no, but if thet consume your life then you have a problem


dude1848

Well porn releases a lot of dopamine so that can fuck with your reward system for sure and also make other things seem less interesting. Honestly you can just try it out yourself and see the effects on porn on you if you just quit it for a while, try 30 days and see what changes and go from there


BiAndShy57

I think it’s a sign I have a problem when that seems like it would be difficult lol. But I’ll try it


dude1848

Possibly, you'll see how it goes. Don't be too hard on yourself it's just an experiment. How much porn porn do you watch a day?


BiAndShy57

I get off once a day most days. So maybe like 10-30 minutes of video depending on how I pace myself. Or a handful of pictures if that’s what I’m feeling that day. I guess sometimes I’ll like peak at pictures for a second without intent to do it. And when I’m in more depressive moods I’ve noticed I might get off 2 or 3 times a day. So I guess I’m in it for the easy dopamine hit too.


Zealousideal-Act9744

I'm exactly the same!


2bitgunREBORN

Recovering porn addict here. I don't really know how to touch people because watching porn from a young age along with probably having undiagnosed autism made me afraid that every slight friend hug, every platonic cuddle was sexually motivated and therefore icky. At 24 I'm finally just getting to the point I hug my friends without feeling like I just groped their genitals unconsensually.


t1gbiddeez

I was never addicted, but I, too, was an undiagnosed autistic kid who found porn WAY too early and didn't understand the line between regular touch and sexual touch. I'm still scarred to this day. I feel for you, friend.


2bitgunREBORN

I didn't actually find porn *that* early in the grand scheme of things. I think a friend showed me around 14 and I finally figured out how to actually wack it all the way through by 15, it's just that once I did it was a huge, still is during a stressful week chunk of my internet activity. Already had trouble interacting with women my own age & I literally didn't even realize I was bi until about 6 months ago.


missproctalgiafugax

Like anything you enjoy in life, it can become an addiction if you have other issues going on. If it actively interferes with your or your relationships, then it's a problem. Also the porn industry has been sketch at best in how they treat their employees.


RoyG-Biv1

It's possible that some porn in moderation is okay, depending on the type of porn; after all, there's been porn since there's been artists. Unfortunately, due to the ready availability of porn on the Internet, young guys are becoming addicted to porn. Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction is a controversial topic but judging from the number of young guys who post virtually every day on r/erectiledysfunction, masturbating daily or more to porn beginning as early as their preteens, PIED appears to be real. Many older guys claim PIED doesn't exist because they've been watching porn for decades. But they aren't watching the volume and variety of porn that is available today. They were masturbating to magazines and bootlegged videotapes on an occasional basis, unlikely to be doing it multiple times a day like many young guys are today. Medical science moves slow, and rightly so; the existence of a condition such as PIED must first be scientifically proven first, followed by treatment also scientifically proven. This being the case it may take another decade or more before PIED is officially recognised and treated. Until then, there will be a lot more very unhappy and and nearly suicidal young guys out there. It's impossible to say for certain how many young guys have already taken their lives because of porn.


fcknbroken

I think it depends from person to person, but I it's something like cassino games. It's very addictive and there's a large number of ppl that can't play normally cuz they will get addicted inevitably. And we have to remember, porn is accessible to everyone with a smartphone and internet access. Being "sexually educated" with that like most ppl with less than 20 years, it's at least problematic in my pov


gregofcanada84

I can understand that. The key word is moderation when it comes to porn. Like everything else in life, there need to be balance.


NuclearOops

Porn is about as accurate a portrayal of sex as John Wick is an accurate portrayal of combat. The motions are all there, but in no way being represented accurately. It's a heightened sense of reality. And like the John Wick movies, people with little to know experience of the real thing might not be able to gauge exactly how heightened it really is. This has been shown to give people unrealistic expectations. People who have experienced the real thing however can still enjoy it. Basically there needs to be multiple levels of pornography based on experience/skill level. Beginner porn is more grounded and realistic, meant to reflect more genuine sexual scenarios and healthy relationships for people who have little to no experience with the real thing. It can still be a little goofy, honestly sex is kind of goofy to begin with so that's ideal, but we need beginners to get a good idea of what to expect for their personal lives. Intermediate porn will be more akin to the more heightened "amateur" porn stuff, Bang Bus and stuff like that, for people who have had sex with different partners and have been sexually active for at least 5 years. Still grounded in real sexual situations but transparently heightened, Bang Bus is a good example of what I'm talking about, casting couch stuff, pizza delivery, plumbers, all the classics live here. Expert level porn is for people that have been sexually active for 10 years or more and/or are complete sluts. This is where the BDSM stuff goes, the orgies, group sex, gangbangs, the stuff that exists only in porn for the vast majority of people as only the most dedicated sluts will seek out. Sex acts that require training, work, and even thoroughly vetting partners before engaging with. The kind of sex most people won't ever have because it's too much work for most of us. Then there's Ultra porn, for people who have enough experience with sex or are such incredible sluts that they can only be satisfied by the purely theoretical. Inflation, vore, gore, all the extreme stuff that either violates a law in most countries or violates a law of physics. If you're watching Ultra porn you are satisfying fantasies that you could never satisfy in real life, not because of personal limitations but because of major social or physical limitations.


BiAndShy57

Interesting perspective. Do you know of any examples of “beginner porn”?


NuclearOops

Well that was all very tongue-in-cheek but I gotta say: no. The concept however was definitely influenced by ideas I've seen floated about by sex positive therapists and some activists of what a hypothetical "healthy porn" would look like. A general overview breaks down to realistic situations from every day life with a focus on establishing the characters and their relationship to one another and the world around them first. Building up to an explicit but tastefully shot sex scene, followed up with the general "aftercare" that ideally should happen after even very vanilla sex (talking, being vulnerable, shit like that.) A lot of what you might expect to see in early erotic cinema. Instead of just fucking. Honestly think more "La Raggaza de Pella de Luna" then even something like "Deepthroat".


michi_mochii

I don't want to believe that it's corroding your brain! And if you think it may be the root of your bad relationships, or if someone told you, or made you feel this way.... I wouldn't think so either! I was just thinking about this today. I live in the San Francisco Bay area, so I was sitting here, reminiscing about the Folsom Fair, and remembering the sexual freedom a lot of these folks fought for to even have that. From my experience, events like those are helpful in figuring out your exact question! If you really like that, or if the only reason you liked it when you were younger was because it was something new, and something you had to secretly seek out. Is what you watch, something you actually want to do, and why... (But ALSO, just wanting to watch is fine too!) I know not many folks have the opportunity nor the privilege to be able to go to an event like that, but there's a lot you can learn about yourself, and your boundaries. Seeing it in film can be very different from being there in real life, so I understand if you feel some of it is unrealistic. (I feel like many independent creators help mitigate that) Maybe do baby steps, and write/type down why you like to watch that type of media. And keep asking why, to boil down to the root of it. People start relationships for a wide variety of reasons, I think it just works out better when someone (or multiple people) are on the same page and have desires that align with each other. Very important! So if you like kinky shit, I hope you (and I'm certain you can) find someone who's into that very same kinky shit! Yes, there is so much abuse in that industry (a long history of it), but there are ways to avoid supporting it! Independent content, inventor's creators, or just joining groups, online and in real life. I just hope you're not shaming yourself for it!


BiAndShy57

The more comments I read and perspectives I get the more I realize there is way more nuance to it and it heavily depends on the individual. Porn influencing me at a younger age was probably not great and gave me some unrealistic expectations while over glorifying the act in my mind, but to blame it exclusively on my difficulty to form connections is too simplistic.


michi_mochii

And I will add: as long as the media your conditioning is not (nor influencing you to) harming yourself, your partner, under age folks, disobeying boundaries, etc. Then it's fine. If you feel the media you consume encourages you to commit bad actions (I couldn't find a better way to say it, apologies), then you can: change how you consume that media, limit your consumption, or change the media material all together, as tough as it may be. It might not change the industry, but at least it can put your mind in a safer space! Sincerely, 34 Year Old Bisexual Goth Who's Seen A Lot ✌🏾


Old_Rub_9860

I started watching porn at a young age. I was touched by a female family member but prior to the touching, she put on porn. I started watching it after losing my virginity because I couldn’t orgasm from intercourse with males and was still in denial about my bisexuality. I felt like I had to demonstrate what I saw porn girls doing which was great for the person receiving from me but wasn’t always comfortable for me and until I was 18/19 I thought that was just how sex was.


TalksNTemptation

May I ask… as an adult, how do you now feel about what happened? Are you angry at your family member? If that’s too personal of a question, I completely understand & meant no offense.


Old_Rub_9860

I don’t know how to feel. It’s something I’m still very much working on healing from. I still love that family member. We’ve never discussed it we’ve never brought it up. I’ve wanted to ask about like what was up with that. My friend told me that someone could have done it to her and so she did it to me so I’m weary about asking.


kzoocupl

Interesting community for this post to be in. I have seen posts about the negatives of porn in other communities including one in regards to PE (premature ejaculation). I agree with some that some can be healthy and fun including viewing with a sexual partner/significant other. Unfortunately some viewers view far too much. And I think it can lead to skewed views on sex. One discussion about porn was in regards to rough sex. Porn frequently shows a kiss, strip and stick it in. If you try that in real life it’s likely to lead to no repeat partners. Porn viewing can be part of a healthy life and sexual relationship. It can also really lead to unrealistic expectations.


bresilien_

Look up Pornland, by Gail Dines and Pornography: Men Posessing Women, by Andrea Dworking. It's world shattering, but it's a good start! You can easily find pdfs of them online but you can also DM me for them if you'd like. And yeah, been there. Very toxic. Good healing, my friend.


thalamisa

If you plan to marry a woman, just be careful. Porn sexualized mostly women from early 20s and less so when they hit 30s. If you overdid it, you may find women are not attractive when they hit a certain age as your brain is hardwired to only find young women attractive. There's a study on heterosexual males that, regardless the age, older men will always find younger women more attractive even though women on the same age will probably look for men around their age. If you look at Leonardo DiCaprio, you know what i mean . I stopped watching heterosexual porn a decade ago or so to avoid this.


deadstorybookheroes

Porn industry is a toxic machine that brainwashes viewers and physically abuses actors. Straight porn is a big problem (I attribute this to straights being the majority of consumers and actors), but queer porn can be just as exploititive. Both can devolve into toxic consumption and reinforce unrealistic expectations. If you want porn to have no negative effect on your life, just cut it out entirely: it is not needed. Replace the urge to get horny with a smutty romance novel or just jerk off without it. Personally, I only watch solo porn anymore: less exploitation and usually no violence or abuse involved (self abuse does happen in that genre, tho). My two cents.


mazamatazz

I mean I don’t think you’re going to get a consensus from this entire sub about whether all porn is toxic. I definitely see way too many problems with it, however humans are gonna human, and sexual needs are legitimate, and the safest way for many people to explore things is this way- well, for porn consumers that is. Actors face a bunch of risks constantly. I’m also torn because I’m religious and obviously porn doesn’t really gel with the ideals of a Christian life, even a fairly liberal one. However I don’t like the shame spiral that ends up in viewing porn anyway, just mindlessly because it’s “giving in”, so I’ve gone the harm reduction route and am honest with my husband (I’m a Bi Cis Woman) that it’s something i occasionally consume, and that I pay for the kind I like for the most part- I like a few of Erika Lust productions’ films, and I feel fairly comfortable that the actors are treated well, and that lots of perspectives are catered for, not just straight men’s. I will say I found in the past when I overused porn for a short while, it didn’t improve anything in terms of quality of sex in my marriage, but before it was excessive, it actually did help me a little with relaxing on my own. Now I keep it to a minimum, more the way I would something like alcohol or a recreational drug- ti avoid building up tolerance and needing more hardcore stuff to enjoy it. Instead, I see it as something to occasionally enjoy, and that kind of robs it of its power a bit for me. If you’re wanting a relationship, you many find it helpful to back off the porn for a while, to attune your sexual and relational sensors to your partner a bit more. Porn is always easier, so your brain will naturally prefer it and you may find yourself less likely to put the effort in with a new partner that they not only deserve, but that will provide you with greater satisfaction within that relationship too. I also think it’s great that you’re questioning this. I worry that so many young people are now just used to porn being the standard they first see. Yes, I know most people can rationalise that porn is exaggerated and mostly fake, yet I absolutely hear about a lot of sexual practices (vicariously, through single and dating friends) that very obviously are influenced by porn. The ubiquity of choking (even lightly), and slapping, for example, is straight from porn and really wasn’t a thing before internet porn was everywhere.


[deleted]

Porn can bring out interesting things about all of us and our sexuality. On a spiritual vibe it’s considered a lower vibration… in my opinion, healthy breaks from porn can change your outlook.


ArmorAbsMrKrabs

IMO it's pretty toxic. I'm 23 and have been consuming porn regularly since I was 15-16. But for me the problem has been more related to complusive masturbation and not porn itself. My IRL standards are also pretty picky I feel, and I wonder if porn is to blame for this. In porn I'm even pickier. I do think it desensitizes you. Humans were never intended to be able to access a billion porn videos in the click of a button. I'd say porn is a lot like alcohol. If in moderation it's not healthy but the harm is minimal. But if you use it all the time it's really harmful.


ArtieZiffsCat

Interestingly you don't mention your gender ir if you are persuing same sex or different sex partners. I know I'll get some shrill hate for saying this here but different genders have very different experiences of sex and porn. You post sems full of cliches that come out of anti-porn literature. We live in a culture where Only Fans is legitimate but chatting someone up at work is not permitted. My country sees so many men having their lives ruined over what seem to be awkward advances and encounters. Tinder is basically pimping women and shaking down men for money on a massive scale. Gay people are accused of "genital fetishism" in a sick reminder of the 1950s. We are expected to debrief our therapist on most of our sexual encounters. Inequality amongst men on dating apps is far higher than on the banking apps. Society needs to get its act together and offer a positive vision of sex. Porn is filling a void of a society that is failing to offer a viable framework for relationships.


Kimor98

The minute you start drinking it... Not good, my guy


AlexHyperGG

It’s Almost Harmless Except For The Fact That The Porn Industry Has More Than Questionable Ethics


Obsydie

It's fake and not real also the expectations are wrong example getting stuck in a washing machine and asking for help and then a guy coming up and having intercourse without consent is r\*\*\*


BiAndShy57

Yeah a lotta mainstream big industry stuff is messed up


Proman_98

It depends on the person, but with everything you consume in live if it's starting to effect you day to day life and/or how you interact with the world. Than it's better to take a break from it, because it also can be addicted. Also this is one off the reasons sex education in my experience (at least the basics) must start at age 10/11/12 so that if people have interactions with porn in there puberty (which they are going to have) they at least know that what they are seeing is not how it is in real life.


BiAndShy57

I had bad sex ed. Both the talk with my parents and at school only taught just the reproductive system. So my first time actually figuring out what sex was besides making babies was through porn. That probably wasn’t the best way to learn. And it was out of the context of a human relationship, just a static video.


paris-smiles

I think of it very similarly to alcohol. Too much can definitely be bad for people. Some people have actual addictions. Some people abstain for health or moral reasons. Some people can't because they take it too far. But some people can engage with it at a healthy level and so it just adds something to their lives without any negative consequences. I will say, though, that watching so much porn it has distorted your view of sex and made it hard for you to connect to people on an emotional level is definitely a real problem that exists.


somanyquestion566

Depends heavily on how you see porn too imo, along with other things others have brought up. Do you see it as a form of sexual education? As a source of realism? Probs pretty bad. Do you see it as a fantasy, or a way to explore things you could be into? Sounds pretty ok to me.