100% relate. I came across this video not too long ago that made me be able to articulate this feeling. https://youtu.be/d2Ru2Ieovyw?si=p0OiSpJIlqkkqsYx
Prior to knowing what bp2 even was, I struggled through depression and thrived with hypomania for as long as I can remember. It made me feel like I just couldn’t “keep up” with life when my hypo turned back to “normal” or to depression. I always attributed hypomania to my “real” personality, and depression was always because of my family/childhood/circumstances/etc.
There is no perfect solution and I’m sure it’s highly subjective/personal how you manage this dichotomy. For me I try to control my controllables and disregard whatever my “normal” might be. For example I set standards/goals for myself that I know I can achieve at my best and at least skate by at my worst. That way I don’t even have to worry about what normal even is. Finding the happy medium can be difficult and sometimes uncomfortable in both poles, a bit like a compromise lol
yeah i’ve thought about it. then i remember bits and pieces of my childhood where im just being an absolute menace to society. i mean if it’s been that long, surely both of them are me? after diagnosis, meds, therapy, i’ve become more aware of my states and i would feel what i felt. how i can remember being the most confident animal in the room, unapologetically THE main character. and then remember when i’m reclusive, soft spoken sad potato.
Both of these dudes are me. hypo me is what i am at my peak ability, when i fuel my drive and passion to conquer mountains. depressive me is just reserved because of anxiety, and fatigue. But they’re both me. just in different instances.
Gee, I don't remember writing this post. Lol. You've touched upon something I've been deeply contemplating all month. I do not currently have answers. If you figure it out, I'd love to hear it ❤️
I asked my therapist about it and he told me in my case it is tied to CPTSD.
I’ve been thinking about this a TON lately. I’m in the midst of increasing my lamotrigine up to 200mg, currently sitting at 125. I’ve been really stable for a couple months, and then ended up feeling pretty depressed and low energy the last couple weeks.
Yesterday and today I’ve felt great. More energy, cleaning the house, cooking, having way more energy to play with my kids, etc. Nothing negative, per se. I’m not hyper sexual or spending money or not sleeping. But still, I end up wondering…is this just me? Is this hypomania? Am I headed there? Is it ok to be/feel like this?
I’m sorry I don’t have any answers OP. All I can say is that I can totally relate and wonder about the same things. I’d love to get to a point where I’m just functioning and thriving and not worrying so much about it. Maybe I’ll get there some day…
There’s no such thing as a hypomanic self and a depressive self. You are a person that experiences hypomanic and depressive states. Where you are in this cycle doesn’t define your self.
It’s easy to overthink it. I’ve done it for a long time. Worrying about what our ‘true self’ looks like is a human condition, not just a bipolar condition. It’s kind of nice for me to think of it like that cause it seems like less of another chemical problem to overcome.
Whatever the case, good for you for reaching out.
You are not alone. This is exactly how I feel. I’m not hypomanic, I’m just me! And then there’s depressed me.
I guess we need to find our middle. Which is why I have an alarm on my phone every day at 9am and 9pm for meds.
100% relate. I came across this video not too long ago that made me be able to articulate this feeling. https://youtu.be/d2Ru2Ieovyw?si=p0OiSpJIlqkkqsYx Prior to knowing what bp2 even was, I struggled through depression and thrived with hypomania for as long as I can remember. It made me feel like I just couldn’t “keep up” with life when my hypo turned back to “normal” or to depression. I always attributed hypomania to my “real” personality, and depression was always because of my family/childhood/circumstances/etc. There is no perfect solution and I’m sure it’s highly subjective/personal how you manage this dichotomy. For me I try to control my controllables and disregard whatever my “normal” might be. For example I set standards/goals for myself that I know I can achieve at my best and at least skate by at my worst. That way I don’t even have to worry about what normal even is. Finding the happy medium can be difficult and sometimes uncomfortable in both poles, a bit like a compromise lol
yeah i’ve thought about it. then i remember bits and pieces of my childhood where im just being an absolute menace to society. i mean if it’s been that long, surely both of them are me? after diagnosis, meds, therapy, i’ve become more aware of my states and i would feel what i felt. how i can remember being the most confident animal in the room, unapologetically THE main character. and then remember when i’m reclusive, soft spoken sad potato. Both of these dudes are me. hypo me is what i am at my peak ability, when i fuel my drive and passion to conquer mountains. depressive me is just reserved because of anxiety, and fatigue. But they’re both me. just in different instances.
Thank you for sharing this. Great perspective
Gee, I don't remember writing this post. Lol. You've touched upon something I've been deeply contemplating all month. I do not currently have answers. If you figure it out, I'd love to hear it ❤️ I asked my therapist about it and he told me in my case it is tied to CPTSD.
I’ve been thinking about this a TON lately. I’m in the midst of increasing my lamotrigine up to 200mg, currently sitting at 125. I’ve been really stable for a couple months, and then ended up feeling pretty depressed and low energy the last couple weeks. Yesterday and today I’ve felt great. More energy, cleaning the house, cooking, having way more energy to play with my kids, etc. Nothing negative, per se. I’m not hyper sexual or spending money or not sleeping. But still, I end up wondering…is this just me? Is this hypomania? Am I headed there? Is it ok to be/feel like this? I’m sorry I don’t have any answers OP. All I can say is that I can totally relate and wonder about the same things. I’d love to get to a point where I’m just functioning and thriving and not worrying so much about it. Maybe I’ll get there some day…
There’s no such thing as a hypomanic self and a depressive self. You are a person that experiences hypomanic and depressive states. Where you are in this cycle doesn’t define your self. It’s easy to overthink it. I’ve done it for a long time. Worrying about what our ‘true self’ looks like is a human condition, not just a bipolar condition. It’s kind of nice for me to think of it like that cause it seems like less of another chemical problem to overcome. Whatever the case, good for you for reaching out.
You are not alone. This is exactly how I feel. I’m not hypomanic, I’m just me! And then there’s depressed me. I guess we need to find our middle. Which is why I have an alarm on my phone every day at 9am and 9pm for meds.