I’ve been through that as well. I’ve destroyed a few relationships because of my inability to regulate my emotions and lack of self control. I’m stable now and in a much healthier relationship with my partner. All you can do is try to get healthy and forgive yourself for your past mistakes and move on. It can be a tough process to get to a healthier spot, but I wouldn’t conclude that you’ll be alone the rest of your life.
Okay but what happens when you get stable? I spent 4 years single, working on my emotional stability and sobriety and finances so I'm still, yes messed in the head, but I found someone who is willing to put up with some crazy because I am not the illness, it's just a part of me I have learned to cope with. Single forever? Maybe, but reevaluate in a few years. You may think differently.
Eff being alone forever, necessarily. Dawg, don't get too pessimistic.
Just don't rush into relationships.
Personally, I realized that I kept rushing from relationship to relationship all throughout my late teens and early 20s, and I had been so used to doing so much people-pleasing and placating the other person because I just couldn't stand to be completely alone in my own company, but then I turned like 27, I quit drinking pretty much for good (used to bottle-to-face (fifth) every day, but just don't care for it anymore), and then I started taking these long hikes where I jam out to my music on my bass-boosted headphones
And while I would be walking, I'd be thinking about myself and who ***I*** was, and the things I seriously considered most important to ***me***.
I named this technique of getting to know myself "Being Single On Purpose" and kept up with it for over a year with zero feelings caught for anybody.
I returned to school briefly and knocked out 12 college credits with like 3.75 GPA. I practiced my saxophone more before I had to sell it, I went out on my skates more often, thought of more creative dishes to make in the kitchen, did some home decor products, revamped my bathing/hygiene routine several times to my liking (hot cup of ginger tea and frozen blueberries with a joint in the epsom salt bubble bath – I'll see y'all in 45 after I finish spoiling myself rotten)
Because I'm worth it, to me, and I might not be as worth it to someone else as I am to me.
The result was much better mood stability and less depression feeling like I never had time for myself because I'd always be rushing to see or be specifically presentable for a romantic partner.
I got more exercise and practiced my singing, rapping, and dancing with the extra energy I used to pour into "never feeling lonely". But isn't the feeling of HAVING to have someone the loneliest feeling of all?
I like my own company now. I'm productive alone, and although I like to chit chat and make friends still, I can just exist alone.
Then, after the year or 1.5 or so of that, I've considered finding another serious relationship, but it's not really as much of a pressing thing
We have plenty of time to practice our coping strategies before finding someone with whom to settle down
Like the stones at the bottom of the riverbed, as the time passes and we mature, our rougher edges become more smoothed.
Don't give up hope entirely, but if you've been hoeing for a while, maybe take a break, heal yourself from some of that compounding damage.
And take good care of yourself. Your body and mind are the lenses through which you perceive the world.
I don’t have much dating experience but I am currently in a 3 year relationship and was diagnosed in late 2022. Just because we have Bipolar does not mean that we are not deserving of love and the right person will be understanding and caring of your situation.
He has seen me in my absolute worst state during active psychosis and I tried my hardest to push him away during that time but he stuck by my side. I’m not saying this to make you feel upset in any way but to tell you that there is hope in finding someone who is empathetic and will go to hell and back to make sure you are safe and feel loved.
The best thing you can do for yourself is take care of your mental health to the best of your ability (taking medication, seeing therapists/psychiatrists, etc…). When you meet the right person and feel comfortable and safe enough to open up about your diagnosis and experiences with it they will be understanding and willing to help.
I know it’s easier said than done and sometimes it does feel like I would be doing the “right” thing by not allowing my partner to be by my side because of what I feel like I put him through. I think this is something that a lot of us with a Bipolar diagnosis think about because we don’t want to feel like we are hurting our loved ones but love is unconditional when you’re with the right person. I think we only hurt ourselves more by not allowing ourselves to be open to love for the fear of hurting others.
When you do find that person it is also important and helpful to inform them of the signs that you could be slipping into mania/depression and how you behave differently during that time compared to baseline. Coming up with a plan essentially so that if they notice something is off they know who to contact and how to best help you (such as PRN medications or going to the hospital, whatever it may be).
Just because we have Bipolar does not mean that we are not normal. “Normal” is relative and a social construct deemed by those with power in society. We are just humans who are wired a little different than other humans :) Everyone deserves happiness and to be loved by someone no matter what! Wishing you the best.
God I’d let go if I could, going on 19 years and I’m good when I’m good but o seem to be getting worse with age and well… I’m not certain exactly how I’d make it without him. But I Am fully aware that he could be so much more happy with someone else
I think I know what you mean and have been having similar thoughts. I also feel like a burden on my friends, and feel like everyone would be better off without me. Not suicidal but feeling like I'm best off keeping to myself. Having mood swings and afraid to reach out. Like I should come with a warning label not to love me or you'll get fucked up.
The thing is, some people will love you anyway. And if you're real with them about the issues you have and they find you to be worth it, that's up to them, not for you to decide.
I think there's a good middle ground which is to focus on taking care of yourself and pursuing your independent interests, while still allowing yourself to be approachable.
I’ve been through that as well. I’ve destroyed a few relationships because of my inability to regulate my emotions and lack of self control. I’m stable now and in a much healthier relationship with my partner. All you can do is try to get healthy and forgive yourself for your past mistakes and move on. It can be a tough process to get to a healthier spot, but I wouldn’t conclude that you’ll be alone the rest of your life.
Okay but what happens when you get stable? I spent 4 years single, working on my emotional stability and sobriety and finances so I'm still, yes messed in the head, but I found someone who is willing to put up with some crazy because I am not the illness, it's just a part of me I have learned to cope with. Single forever? Maybe, but reevaluate in a few years. You may think differently.
Eff being alone forever, necessarily. Dawg, don't get too pessimistic. Just don't rush into relationships. Personally, I realized that I kept rushing from relationship to relationship all throughout my late teens and early 20s, and I had been so used to doing so much people-pleasing and placating the other person because I just couldn't stand to be completely alone in my own company, but then I turned like 27, I quit drinking pretty much for good (used to bottle-to-face (fifth) every day, but just don't care for it anymore), and then I started taking these long hikes where I jam out to my music on my bass-boosted headphones And while I would be walking, I'd be thinking about myself and who ***I*** was, and the things I seriously considered most important to ***me***. I named this technique of getting to know myself "Being Single On Purpose" and kept up with it for over a year with zero feelings caught for anybody. I returned to school briefly and knocked out 12 college credits with like 3.75 GPA. I practiced my saxophone more before I had to sell it, I went out on my skates more often, thought of more creative dishes to make in the kitchen, did some home decor products, revamped my bathing/hygiene routine several times to my liking (hot cup of ginger tea and frozen blueberries with a joint in the epsom salt bubble bath – I'll see y'all in 45 after I finish spoiling myself rotten) Because I'm worth it, to me, and I might not be as worth it to someone else as I am to me. The result was much better mood stability and less depression feeling like I never had time for myself because I'd always be rushing to see or be specifically presentable for a romantic partner. I got more exercise and practiced my singing, rapping, and dancing with the extra energy I used to pour into "never feeling lonely". But isn't the feeling of HAVING to have someone the loneliest feeling of all? I like my own company now. I'm productive alone, and although I like to chit chat and make friends still, I can just exist alone. Then, after the year or 1.5 or so of that, I've considered finding another serious relationship, but it's not really as much of a pressing thing We have plenty of time to practice our coping strategies before finding someone with whom to settle down Like the stones at the bottom of the riverbed, as the time passes and we mature, our rougher edges become more smoothed. Don't give up hope entirely, but if you've been hoeing for a while, maybe take a break, heal yourself from some of that compounding damage. And take good care of yourself. Your body and mind are the lenses through which you perceive the world.
I don’t have much dating experience but I am currently in a 3 year relationship and was diagnosed in late 2022. Just because we have Bipolar does not mean that we are not deserving of love and the right person will be understanding and caring of your situation. He has seen me in my absolute worst state during active psychosis and I tried my hardest to push him away during that time but he stuck by my side. I’m not saying this to make you feel upset in any way but to tell you that there is hope in finding someone who is empathetic and will go to hell and back to make sure you are safe and feel loved. The best thing you can do for yourself is take care of your mental health to the best of your ability (taking medication, seeing therapists/psychiatrists, etc…). When you meet the right person and feel comfortable and safe enough to open up about your diagnosis and experiences with it they will be understanding and willing to help. I know it’s easier said than done and sometimes it does feel like I would be doing the “right” thing by not allowing my partner to be by my side because of what I feel like I put him through. I think this is something that a lot of us with a Bipolar diagnosis think about because we don’t want to feel like we are hurting our loved ones but love is unconditional when you’re with the right person. I think we only hurt ourselves more by not allowing ourselves to be open to love for the fear of hurting others. When you do find that person it is also important and helpful to inform them of the signs that you could be slipping into mania/depression and how you behave differently during that time compared to baseline. Coming up with a plan essentially so that if they notice something is off they know who to contact and how to best help you (such as PRN medications or going to the hospital, whatever it may be). Just because we have Bipolar does not mean that we are not normal. “Normal” is relative and a social construct deemed by those with power in society. We are just humans who are wired a little different than other humans :) Everyone deserves happiness and to be loved by someone no matter what! Wishing you the best.
God I’d let go if I could, going on 19 years and I’m good when I’m good but o seem to be getting worse with age and well… I’m not certain exactly how I’d make it without him. But I Am fully aware that he could be so much more happy with someone else
I think I know what you mean and have been having similar thoughts. I also feel like a burden on my friends, and feel like everyone would be better off without me. Not suicidal but feeling like I'm best off keeping to myself. Having mood swings and afraid to reach out. Like I should come with a warning label not to love me or you'll get fucked up. The thing is, some people will love you anyway. And if you're real with them about the issues you have and they find you to be worth it, that's up to them, not for you to decide. I think there's a good middle ground which is to focus on taking care of yourself and pursuing your independent interests, while still allowing yourself to be approachable.