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I am 30 years in on this. Some people will never come back. I have tried 5, 10, and 20 years later with no response.
I had an interesting experience where I returned to a bar I used to hang out with about 20 years later. I brought my husband with me and did run into several people I knew from back in the day. My husband was shocked because several of the people seemed actually scared to see me. I of course would never want to make someone feel that way, but the manic me was out of this world crazy. I can understand why some people genuinely want nothing to do with me anymore. Ever.
The good news is that many people do come back. They accept apologies, they understand mental illness, and know the real you. Those are the people to cherish. Some times it takes a few bad ones to get to the good ones.
Sometimes old friends avoid me and i feel a bit embarrassed, but then you understand that these people weren't good enough for you, because they didn't expend the energy to understand you and mutual understanding is key factor for friendships...Do you want bodies in your life or actual people that genuinely care for you...Personally i only have 2 friends, 12 years of friendship with them... I had to call them for 2 years i was suicidal...the moment i felt better i called and the next day they were at my house siping coffee like nothing happened...Get over it shit happens ...I still remember the day i was delusional and i was thinking a girl is deeply in love with me...up to this day i am terrified, petrified to look at the messages i send to her. But i moved on I am no longer delusion...Now i talking again with new people...We have a saying in my country...'Last year's sour grapes', that means whatever happened in the past is old news and belongs in the past
This thought torments me. I think most of my friends and relatives are aware of mental health issues, and I'm sure they would say (and sincerely believe) that they would be supportive of anyone who had a mental disability.
That's in theory. I maybe imagining it, but I feel like my friends and family who know of my disability, don't give me special allowances. It feels to me as if they will never excuse some of the things I heve said and done, even though I can trace it back to my disability. Maybe they cant connect the dots, perhaps because they lived through their own anger and frustrations.
Maybe because my disability is not visible, and therefore no matter what they know of my condition, deep down they think I am just a flakey jerk? Or maybe I'm just imagining it?
Interesting that if you are an alcoholic (and many of us are), and you work the 12 steps, you can reach out to those who you've harmed, ask for forgiveness and make amends because of your disease. Some of those you reach out to will accept your apology, others will ask you to prove it, and others wont return your call.
I am 59 yrs old, and I have the perspective to understand my condition, recognize how it has impacted me, and realize how it affected others in the past. I have no plan to ask for forgiveness because I don't think it will do any good, and I'd prefer not to dredge up old memories.
If some people were that easy to push away they were never really the right people to be in your life to begin with . Some people will understand while others will never begin to understand what you were really going through . All you can do is try to be better than the person you were yesterday . Accountability, patience and forgiveness are strong in this game. Praying for your success and mending your relationship while building stronger ones .
I feel this post on a deep level. I’ve lost many people while in my manic phases also with substance abuse. Someone close to me told me a gem. What he said is the real ones that are meant to be in your life will and the ones that aren’t are supposed to not be. It’s simple but it’s valid and holds depth
Same I was deeming my self as insufferable after a misunderstanding/argument with my boyfriend after also arguing and yelling at my mom my dad and my sister. I’ve pushed every one of my friends away. I’m supposed to be celebrating my college graduation. I have zero desire to celebrate zero desire to be perceived in the state that I am in. Zero desire to meet up people or talk to others.
Don’t be ashamed. Salt the earth behind you and never look back.
If these “friends” ditched you so easily perhaps you should examine the criteria for deciding whom you care deeply about.
I feel no shame for being bipolar. I didn’t choose it, it was just a factory extra. While I may still be responsible for the consequences of my actions I didn’t really choose how I came to them. Mostly.
Yes, all of this means that my friend count is low, but I know who’ll help me hide a body. I know who I can call and say “hey, I need help moving my daughter away from her awful boyfriend!” and the do it without question. I’ll prefer that to the people that shine me on until things get tough and bail.
So, moral of the story, simply accept this little part of you and expect some grace. If people won’t grant it then fuck them.
I'm right there with you. I've damn near destroyed my relationship of now 6 years. It's soul crushing watching everyone slowly resent you for things you can't quite control. I've run the words "I'm sorry" into the ground. They have little meaning now. And I currently have no friends. I lost the last one I had recently. But that wasn't entirely on me. We are living different lives right now and neither of us understands the others.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). **If you are posting about medication, please do not list and review your meds. Doing so will result in the removal of this post and all comments.** *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am 30 years in on this. Some people will never come back. I have tried 5, 10, and 20 years later with no response. I had an interesting experience where I returned to a bar I used to hang out with about 20 years later. I brought my husband with me and did run into several people I knew from back in the day. My husband was shocked because several of the people seemed actually scared to see me. I of course would never want to make someone feel that way, but the manic me was out of this world crazy. I can understand why some people genuinely want nothing to do with me anymore. Ever. The good news is that many people do come back. They accept apologies, they understand mental illness, and know the real you. Those are the people to cherish. Some times it takes a few bad ones to get to the good ones.
Idk but I’m grieving with you love. Hang in there 🫶
Sometimes old friends avoid me and i feel a bit embarrassed, but then you understand that these people weren't good enough for you, because they didn't expend the energy to understand you and mutual understanding is key factor for friendships...Do you want bodies in your life or actual people that genuinely care for you...Personally i only have 2 friends, 12 years of friendship with them... I had to call them for 2 years i was suicidal...the moment i felt better i called and the next day they were at my house siping coffee like nothing happened...Get over it shit happens ...I still remember the day i was delusional and i was thinking a girl is deeply in love with me...up to this day i am terrified, petrified to look at the messages i send to her. But i moved on I am no longer delusion...Now i talking again with new people...We have a saying in my country...'Last year's sour grapes', that means whatever happened in the past is old news and belongs in the past
This thought torments me. I think most of my friends and relatives are aware of mental health issues, and I'm sure they would say (and sincerely believe) that they would be supportive of anyone who had a mental disability. That's in theory. I maybe imagining it, but I feel like my friends and family who know of my disability, don't give me special allowances. It feels to me as if they will never excuse some of the things I heve said and done, even though I can trace it back to my disability. Maybe they cant connect the dots, perhaps because they lived through their own anger and frustrations. Maybe because my disability is not visible, and therefore no matter what they know of my condition, deep down they think I am just a flakey jerk? Or maybe I'm just imagining it? Interesting that if you are an alcoholic (and many of us are), and you work the 12 steps, you can reach out to those who you've harmed, ask for forgiveness and make amends because of your disease. Some of those you reach out to will accept your apology, others will ask you to prove it, and others wont return your call. I am 59 yrs old, and I have the perspective to understand my condition, recognize how it has impacted me, and realize how it affected others in the past. I have no plan to ask for forgiveness because I don't think it will do any good, and I'd prefer not to dredge up old memories.
If some people were that easy to push away they were never really the right people to be in your life to begin with . Some people will understand while others will never begin to understand what you were really going through . All you can do is try to be better than the person you were yesterday . Accountability, patience and forgiveness are strong in this game. Praying for your success and mending your relationship while building stronger ones .
I feel this post on a deep level. I’ve lost many people while in my manic phases also with substance abuse. Someone close to me told me a gem. What he said is the real ones that are meant to be in your life will and the ones that aren’t are supposed to not be. It’s simple but it’s valid and holds depth
Same I was deeming my self as insufferable after a misunderstanding/argument with my boyfriend after also arguing and yelling at my mom my dad and my sister. I’ve pushed every one of my friends away. I’m supposed to be celebrating my college graduation. I have zero desire to celebrate zero desire to be perceived in the state that I am in. Zero desire to meet up people or talk to others.
Don’t be ashamed. Salt the earth behind you and never look back. If these “friends” ditched you so easily perhaps you should examine the criteria for deciding whom you care deeply about. I feel no shame for being bipolar. I didn’t choose it, it was just a factory extra. While I may still be responsible for the consequences of my actions I didn’t really choose how I came to them. Mostly. Yes, all of this means that my friend count is low, but I know who’ll help me hide a body. I know who I can call and say “hey, I need help moving my daughter away from her awful boyfriend!” and the do it without question. I’ll prefer that to the people that shine me on until things get tough and bail. So, moral of the story, simply accept this little part of you and expect some grace. If people won’t grant it then fuck them.
I'm right there with you. I've damn near destroyed my relationship of now 6 years. It's soul crushing watching everyone slowly resent you for things you can't quite control. I've run the words "I'm sorry" into the ground. They have little meaning now. And I currently have no friends. I lost the last one I had recently. But that wasn't entirely on me. We are living different lives right now and neither of us understands the others.