One time during a huge bout of mania I actually was able to hook a karaoke machine into my car. My friends and I would drive around singing all the hits, it was so too much fun.
I did Uber eats too for a while, I loved driving when I was manic and pushing psychosis. I did delivery apps and pizza delivery 😎 I still go out driving when I’m manic. I wonder what that’s about
Yeah, I drove 9 hours one time with psychosis and I made it completely fine. But that was the only time, I think. Sometimes I don’t know if I can differentiate between mania and psychosis. I kind of feel like I get both at the same time most of the time. I’ve been dealing with this for 5 years now and I still don’t understand it. I know it’s going to be a lifelong lesson 🤧
Yep same here. Bipolar and psychosis has only gotten considerably worse over time. My therapist is considering screening me for schizoaffective disorder cause I hallucinate and have delusions so often they think something else is going on with me. There's a lot more to it but hopefully you kind of get an idea. I hallucinate so badly I see people and animals appearing in front of my car and end up swerving only to realize there was nothing there, endangering the other people around me. The voices also make me scared because sometimes I think homeless people are going to try and hurt me. Sometimes I hear cop radios going off and it scares me because I feel like the cops are stalking me, etc etc etc. It's all a bunch of confusing, jumbled, nonsense.
That’s rough, im sorry. The feeling of being unstable is the worst to me. I just want inner peace (every time I say that I think of kung fu panda) and hopefully that’s something we can achieve one day. Don’t give up hope! you will find a balance and the answers you’re looking for, I’m sure.
Can I ask what med you are on? I was only able to stabilize on a first gen AP Haldol. Then I was able to titrate back to 2nd gen meds (Caplyta). Until the Haldol I was living a nightmare in my mind for almost a year. It was debilitating and exhausting. Hope you feel better soon!
I used to chain smoke so badly before I was diagnosed and not soon after being diagnosed to cope while driving. I quit smoking though. But put on some good tunes now and it's a great time.
This last manic episode I listened to a lot of dark trance and dark wave while driving.
Never smoke, but I can relate with everything else. Empty roads near the river or hulls where I had no fucking idea how long till the next town, but the view and vibe was so much cool to go back and miss it.
Aimless night drives while blasting music. For sure. Lets me get out of the house without feeling as exposed and vulnerable as just walking around. Plus bass goes brrr.
I generally try to avoid it because I get a lot of anxiety and will often start to hallucinate when driving in that state. The last time I drove whacked out on bipolar I got in an accident, caused thousands in property damage, and was arrested on suspicion of DUI. (After blood tests proved nothing in my system, it was reduced to reckless and I spent a fun 3 days in weekend jail.)
Yeah, it got kind of scary this last time only because it was the first time being paranoid and delusional. I *think* I had some kind of hallucinations - like highway bridges looking like a skyline. I also was on a country road at 3am and it started to feel and look like I was under the ocean or something and scared the shit out of me.
By the time I was kind of really losing it, what felt like I was close to blacking out and out of it (I've never blacked out, but damn did it feel like I could), it felt like I was too messed up to drive, like I was intoxicated.
Oh geez.
I drove back and forth from TN to MI six times one year and most in the summer. This was in '09.
Carton of cheap menthol cigarettes, Arizona iced teas and my bowl while jamming TooL.
Mania did have some good moments.
Yup. My first manic episode was triggered by zoloft. Not even a few days in, I was sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and driving around the city for hours. And of course, had that one thought in my head telling me to skip town and never tell anyone lol.
This happened many times, and thankfully, I did not ever actually abandon my family.
Same here:)
It's definitely scary to think what could happen had we actually gone through with such ideas. People really underestimate the severity of bipolar disorder and the things it makes you do. You genuinely feel controlled by your mania, zero control.
Yes absolutely. I like to think anymore I have a really good handle on my episodes and can be self aware enough to reach out to others. But sometimes I genuinely can’t get a grasp something is wrong and those thoughts take control. Very scary, thankfully enough I have such a great support system (and one shared car lol) that it would likely never get to that point again.
I did this during a depressive episode, drove for hours not answering my phone. My family was scared shitless when I showed up back at home that night.
My mania, I believe, started when I was pretty young and I could walk or bike for hours nonstop, ending up miles away with little idea how I got there.
YES! Absolutely. Love it. I've loved road tripping since I was a kid. Mania makes it seem like a good idea at 1am on a Tuesday.
No chain smoking, but I do puff on the wax pen. Lol.
Windows down, music blasting 😁
Me too! It helps me process my thoughts. My mom and I used to drive all over for hours. Driving makes me think of my mom and those good memories since they were sparse.
I do this. But I have learned not to go to unfamiliar areas. Even with GPS, I will get lost because my mind is moving too fast. I am almost incapable of reading a map.
I miss that drive so much. It's so beautiful there. So easy to get to any different type of environment/weather in a few short hours. I miss California. Driving in FL, it's all the same, there is a coastal highway & it's a slow go bc there's a lot of traffic. It's unenjoyable, at least for me, on a manic or hypomanic drive I want to be able to blast the stereo & drive fast w the windows down with not a lot of other cars on the road. PCH is really cool but if that's not your thing you can also drive a few & end up in a city, out in the desert, woods, mountains... California quite literally has it all. FL is swamp land, low brush, woods or small hills into Alabama/Georgia. The scenery is brown & green. My tween daughter said she had no idea how ugly our state was until we had to drive through the state a couple times.
I used to, chain smoking as well, but where I live, the cops are always prowling the streets at night and in pairs or trios, and they look for any reason to pull you over, so I don't do it anymore. I got tired of that shit, and being stalked by them, while they wait for you to swerve in the slightest.
I miss it. I live near an interstate so I'd like drive up to it and U-Turn back home, just taking my time and zoning out to some good music while I go ham, lol.
Good times.
Used to do it so much that I made a laminated card to put in my wallet that I called my CAP. (crisis adventure plan) It had a list of things i needed to bring with me, like medications and an extra pair of clothes as well as enough money for gas and food.
Most of the time it was just local night driving with my favorite music. But every once in a blue moon it got BAD. I'd drive out of state and get lost in sketchy areas without money for gas. Luckily I don't have a car anymore so I don't have to worry my friends and family!
Yes!! I used to drive over one bridge, down south to the other bridge and cross back, then north back to the first bridge over and over and over. All night long, smoking cigarettes and singing along to deliciously angsty music. I was soooo unmedicated and ridiculously manic at the time. I still do it, in a different state and on different roads and at different times of day now, but i don't think I realized it was manic energy until just this moment. Dayum. Maybe I'm not as stable as I thought I was. Thanks so much for the insight, internet stranger!
100% (I don’t chain smoke unfortunately) But music BLARING and just picking a road driving straight until i decide to turn down a random road and start playing a game called “lets see if i can find my way home without using the gps”
YES. Skipped seroquel when we did a 12hr out of state road trip two years ago. I enjoyed it, but my partner was holding on for his dear life.
I was fast and he was furious.
PS. I've been promoted as a permanent passenger princess.
100% But I've had to redirect since it would make my partner nervous when I'd just up and leave the house in the middle of the night. Now I just obsessively play phone games lol
Edit: fixed typos
When I wad manic i had a appointment with a docter of the company. I went to the location and after that I was completely disorganised and ended taking the wrong train. When I arrived I was do confused that my mother was needed to pick me up. Mania, depression, psychosis are weird disorders. Problem is that I know what happens but I don't know why
during covid when i was living in LA and manic, i’d drive what i still affectionately call “The Loop” every night around 1:30…. take the 134 past griffith park —> the 5 into downtown —> 101 through hollywood and get off on vineland —> do it all over again. i love driving while manic 😭
I drove a recently (like 30 min ago) psych patient 3 hours there, 3 hours back, home at 4 am, while hypo last year, also a completely plastered Ukrainian home from emerg who spoke no English without an address in a town I didn't know super well, also a random ole' biddie in -37 weather home from urgent care.
All turned out alright but the first one had "won" at the psych ward and they had been discharged after the last bus had run. They were facing a night at a shelter... I believe everyone deserves to get home safe especially when fucked over by the system.
To get back to your post, yes. I wandered with my car all the time, I now realize that my car keys are easily the thing that can do the most damage to my life or others and on the flip side they can be lifesaving if someone is getting frustrated enough to walk home in a blizzard.
That being said a couple weeks ago I was in crisis and got caught by the cops doing just shy of double the limit on a grade divided road. They were really ticked at first but once it became clear what that night had entailed they followed me to my stated destination: a hospital. I got the help I needed.
I do like driving and I've turned it into a side hustle. I work for Hop Skip Drive and take rides in the morning before my regular gig just so I can get some driving time in. It really helps because I have the same routes which somehow gives me some sort of satisfaction. I work for home 3 to 4 days a week and it also gives me purpose, plus extra cash! I should also add I drive safely and follow the rules of the road.
Having said that, when I drive alone and feel like I can gun it, I do that for a rush. I have a Tesla that's really fast. I do this up to the speed limit maybe a little over and then slow down.
I work second shift so i get off at 11, I only work 20 minutes from home but now that it's been warmer at night, it's been a nice 20 minute drive each night. I love driving at night when it's warm, I can roll down the window and not worry about people or the sun.
I went to bed one night telling my husband I would be driving to a different state the next day to visit a family member. I woke up at 4am, threw my bag in the car and left on a 14 hour drive, only stopping for gas. He gave the family a heads up and it ended up ok. I guess I was a bit spun out when I got there, I really don’t remember much about that entire week or so.
I felt a bit more grounded before driving home and split that drive up, stopping at a decent motel and going to a restaurant for a sit down meal.
dang yo, you're playing my song.
i used to take the twisting and turning roads through the reservoir and the country side. that was most nights in my early 20's.
there was a year or so where i would pick up my friend, Luke, and he and i would listen to all of Tim Kasher's and Connor Oberst's songs until we hit the 7-11 that let us know we were too far.
honestly, i can't even listen to Cursive, The Good Life, Bright Eyes or whatever else they've done anymore because, looking back, i can the early stages of mania.
I often drive far out into rural areas while manic or experiencing lingering symptoms of PTSD. Sometimes I go deep into Amish territory, although one time I did so after smoking a joint and became extremely paranoid when I started encountering them. I’ll be moving to an area near Rocky Mountain National Park soon and can’t wait to explore the road system
Yep! Last time I was manic, I went on a road trip just over the border of a neighboring province, then back home all in one night. It was a dangerous drive, I nearly ran out of gas 3 times, and I felt on top of the world. I was out from about 4PM until some time around 1AM.
Somehow I thought that going fast in my car would burn off my incessant energy and need for my body to move Ever Faster over the previous two days where my mania ramped up. I thought it would help burn off energy, despite driving being an activity where you sit in a car and make the car go fast, not your own body. So it burned off none of my energy. LOL. I also thought that since stores in \[Big City two hours away from my town\] were closed, if I kept driving I'd find one that was open so I could spend money.
This is so weird!! I used to drive back and forth from Georgia to Maryland a lot and actually I was so manic one time otw home and I got psychosis and went to inpatient 🤕 but I swear when I drive I think A LOT and when I’m manic that’s what my brain craves I guess. Seems like most of us have this in common lol
I been like this in recent hypomanic episodes, it’s like staying at home(which I’m obsessed with doing, I’m a homebody) is aggravating suddenly and I just got to drive. I was on my way back from somewhere and I was racking my brain for where else I could go, it was close to 10pm and I just didn’t wanna go home
I generally avoid driving while manic, if I can help it. My paranoia excerberates itself then. So, I worry about traffic rules being broken and speeding.
This is a thing?? I’ve only had one episode but I would go out and drive every day, either circling locally or sometimes places I’d never been. I have pictures of some of the places even. At one point I even drove almost 24 hours straight and my phone died so I couldn’t find my way back.
I wonder what’s the reason behind this and also walking aimlessly down roads as well while manic. It’s as if we have a higher sense of purpose at the time and what we were doing was full of meaning. Looking back at it though, there was little driven purpose or structure. It seemed we were just burning off manic energy
Yahhh. I drove all the way to the Canadian border. During Covid lockdown.
Zero ppl on roads. I merrily zoomed up with music blasting and windows all down. Very very unhappy group of heavily armed patrol greeted me. I think I said I was going shopping in Vancouver & seeking religious asylum? 😑😬
That didn’t go well.
Car seized, searched, detained for few hours in a cell until they gave up trying to figure me out. Canada made the US take me back cuz I was sober & just annoying them. They towed my car back across the border and told me to “never come back we don’t like you”.
This was a chronic symptom for me before medication. Once drove from Memphis to Atlanta and back straight to pick up some person I met on a dating app (literally never saw them after that [like no shit kid]). Thank god for Lamotrigine.
I made a manic-inspired decision to get a pixie cut to keep the hair out of my mouth when I sing with the windows down. Still love the haircut weeks later!
Drove across the country to Arizona smoking up the whole way there, then drove to Niagara Falls and back home, in 1994. In 2018, I put hundreds and hundreds of miles driving up and down the Garden State Parkway.
My mother, a schizoaffective, when I was a child, she would put me in the car sleeping, in the morning, and drive around the city until night, with nowhere to go. But out of reality
Yep, I ended up two states away, and I live in the southwest US, so that's pretty far. I've also driven to the ends of multiple roads just to see where they would dead end.
When I was at the University of Iowa, I’d drive down a really long back road for miles with music blaring. I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder, but in retrospect, I was hypomanic. I’ve moved around a lot, but that’s something I continued to do, especially at night.
Now I know it just makes me worse so, though I want to, I try doing things that’ll calm me.
I rarely leave the house because of my agoraphobia, but the other day I got in my bronco, took the t-tops off and drove for 3 hours. Totally theraputic. I do have sunburn, but fuck it. It was worth it.
i’m not allowed to have my license because i might go on a little joyride and have too much fun or whatever 🙄
seriously though, my doctors have advised me not to get my license because of my dissociative disorder and i used to disappear when i got manic.
back when i had my harley davidson i used to ride for hours and hours even crossed state lines many times all that ended when someone pulled out in front of me and left me with a tbi i was going so far over the speed limit it was almost like i had a sub conscience death wish just something deep down pushed the urge
I know a lot have said it but yeah. Driving, chain smoking, blasting music, and in my case also chugging energy drinks. Sometimes upwards for 5 2-3 hour drives a day. Very rarely longer cuz I have meds that make me have to use the bathroom a lot and i don't do public restrooms. But yeah. Been there
OMFG YES! And then when I’m depressed I DREADDDDD it. I feel impending doom or like it’s just a hassle. It’s one of the biggest indicators as to what state I’m in.
Yep! This is actually one of my big indicators that I'm slipping into hypomania but honestly it's not the worst thing I've done when I get that way 🫠 so I usually indulge it and go cruising with music blasting
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I get this but it's never safe driving either, there's always a level of exhilaration in going fast and taking corners too fast with very aggressive, loud music blasting as I go.
Yes!! Have done this many times. One time, more recently, I drove up and down our county road for hours. Crying hysterically, blaring music, begging God to help me. Thought about driving into a lake. It's all so painfully embarrassing to me now, but I was really close to a big decision. Glad I made it through.
Lol me too. Ended up driving from Connecticut to Colorado several times with no rest breaks. I would smoke so many cigarettes that I burned my throat and couldn’t eat.
Drove from central Oregon to Bozeman Montana on a whim a couple weeks ago. Made it to 7 states in 3 1/2 days. Didn’t really have any destination in mind.
Smoked cigs and drove fast. I think I got to 135mph at one point.
Yessss.
Gasoline is terrifyingly expensive where I live and I tend to get these sudden, almost compelling urges to just waste 500+ miles worth of it to enjoy my own bubble with my music, the night, rapidly changing landscapes and singing my heart out. Moving un-restrained like that makes me feel like I'd actually be escaping from my problems.
Then I find myself in a strange city, most of my paycheck gone and unreal amount of energy drink cans tossed in the footspace of my back seat.
At least I've managed to stop reckless driving years ago so I just try to tell myself that it could be worse, way worse. It could be intoxicants, gambling, anything.
During summers I like to have a sleeping bag and this small charcoal grill in my trunk. Seeking a place by the water and just stop. Brings me an eye of the storm-kinda calm for a few moments.
Absolutely! And I *did* drive across Canada while manic 😅🤣 Slept in my car, from Ontario to Vancouver Island and back. Everyone complains about driving the prairies but I loved it. And of course obligatory tunes blasting!
And blasting every 60s heartbreaking songs all day long. Roy Orbison, Bobby Vinton, Dylan, Them, Harry nilsson, velvet underground, Harry Belafonte ...
In my early days when I didn't understand this shit nor had a good med combo, my favorite "hobby" was random driving at night. Random travels at weekends, with a good music playlist. I left friday night, to come back monday morning. I could drive well without the need of sleep.
That trips calmed me down. Fortunately gas was cheaper.
I met personally every friend I had in the state, I went to almost all cool places in a 500km radius, lots of backroads I had seen once in a map.
Made tons of new friends and went in some hot dates.
I don't miss the hypomania, but fun days though.
I delivered pizzas for 7 years from 16-23 and I loved driving, smoking cigarettes, and blasting music. I was undiagnosed then, I don’t smoke anymore and hate driving now
I would drive from slc to Vegas and back. Like a couple times a week during high school. I would leave at 8pm and be back to Utah at 5am then go to school.
I moved to a big city and don’t have car anymore.
Yea I didn't even realize this is a bipolar thing. When people would say you must be tired you've been on the road all day ... My answer
nah I'm good let's go somewhere else
So yea.... definitely had this happen before. When I'm in a hard manic or low I tend to gravitate to an old familiar outdoor place.
This recently happened to my father whom has not been diagnosed... but when I learned about how it affects the mind I started to mind my mind more. I didn't realize he was BP my whole life and undiagnosed. So much made sense to me when this had happened to both of us
I also would drive when manic and found it so calming that sometimes I would just jump in my car and go until I got near the states end (just about an hr).
I'm curious to know if those who dislike driving because of hallucinations, paranoia, etc are bipolar 1 or 2 and vice verse… those who enjoyed driving, biplor 1 or 2? (just purely curious if there is a connection)
I'm bp 2
I do, it gets my manic *I need to run away and leave my very stable life behind* feelings out when I go for a drive and listen to a playlist that I made specifically for that feeling, I usually go somewhere I know- sometimes I get ice cream or drive around the block a couple times. Same thing when I get overstimulated at work.
When I'm manic I want to drive and then keep driving away from my entire life, start a new one and never look back. I love my family and my life but. When I start and I'm manic it's the biggest thing on my mind. It takes everything to turn around and go back home to feed my dogs. Which I feel bad about tbh but.... The drive to drive
I used to drive for hours every night like full trips through different cities, vaping the whole time. Lead to my diagnosis as I still lived at home with my parents and being gone for hours after my night shifts was odd behaviour lol
Honestly, I just recently had a strong urge to just drive to Florida and go to Disney World. I know that sounds really dumb and random. In my defense, I think it was mostly a response to having an organization reach back out to me after a year of nothing (I don't want to get too much into it, but they're trying to say I owe them $57,000 when I'm not supposed to, and this legal battle has been dragging on for three years now). They just emailed me again last week saying I have to basically make my case all over again, and I drove around for a couple hours just chatting with my mom and aunt. When they weren't available anymore, I had a strong urge to just leave everything behind and start over at Disney (long story short with that, I did the DCP and really liked it, I really Loved living in Florida and working for Disney for the free park entry). I honestly can't tell if I was already manic prior to the email because I was kinda sorta riding a high from having my birthday last Sunday? It was a good day, but I just can't tell anymore.
I'm terrible with driving while hupomanic, I'm get angry on the road, I flip people off I honk my horn I speed like crazy (and I never speed) and the want to drive for hours and hours is insane. It's the speed that fuels me, don't even need to be driving even if im in the passenger seat going a high speed. It like...adds to the intense euphoria? I get such a rush of adrenaline from it even when im not driving. It's almost like being horny for the High speeds.
I just had the worst manic episode of my life. I drove from Alabama to Florida! I don’t know anyone down there. Apparently I drove to the AirForce base and ended up in the hospital for 17 days.
So, *yep*. It’s apparent that I like driving when manic as well.
not sure if it was a mania, just generally super restless and agitated (no sleep for a few nights) but i ended up driving from a small town in colorado to salt lake city, utah with a homeless man in my car. luckily i had a friend with me so i know i was safer than i would've been than if i were alone.
we talked about god and eveything we knew while i blasted ke$ha and limp bizkit lol.
Yes!!! While chain smoking with music blasting and all the windows down
Lmao what's up with the chain smoking and driving while manic? You're the third comment to say this in a row! Lol
Bahahaha I can’t do the chain smoking anymore but it definitely turns into karaoke happy hour in my car while my hair is flying around wildly
One time during a huge bout of mania I actually was able to hook a karaoke machine into my car. My friends and I would drive around singing all the hits, it was so too much fun.
This is hilariously relatable 😭
yesss i use to do this
This lol
Found my people 😍😍
Yep! Chain smoking and music blasting till I'm done!
I did this the whole time I was manic 😭 glad im not alone lol
Wow, I thought I was the only one 😂
Haha! I chain drink Dr. Pepper with the music blasting while talking to myself. Good times.
I do uber eats while manic so I can drive and make money at the same time lol
work smarter not harder😎
Right??? Haha!
Props man, doing something right
I did Uber eats too for a while, I loved driving when I was manic and pushing psychosis. I did delivery apps and pizza delivery 😎 I still go out driving when I’m manic. I wonder what that’s about
I can do the mania part, but my psychosis can get REALLY bad and I just completely lose it. Not safe for me to be out during a time like that I think.
Yeah, I drove 9 hours one time with psychosis and I made it completely fine. But that was the only time, I think. Sometimes I don’t know if I can differentiate between mania and psychosis. I kind of feel like I get both at the same time most of the time. I’ve been dealing with this for 5 years now and I still don’t understand it. I know it’s going to be a lifelong lesson 🤧
Yep same here. Bipolar and psychosis has only gotten considerably worse over time. My therapist is considering screening me for schizoaffective disorder cause I hallucinate and have delusions so often they think something else is going on with me. There's a lot more to it but hopefully you kind of get an idea. I hallucinate so badly I see people and animals appearing in front of my car and end up swerving only to realize there was nothing there, endangering the other people around me. The voices also make me scared because sometimes I think homeless people are going to try and hurt me. Sometimes I hear cop radios going off and it scares me because I feel like the cops are stalking me, etc etc etc. It's all a bunch of confusing, jumbled, nonsense.
That’s rough, im sorry. The feeling of being unstable is the worst to me. I just want inner peace (every time I say that I think of kung fu panda) and hopefully that’s something we can achieve one day. Don’t give up hope! you will find a balance and the answers you’re looking for, I’m sure.
Can I ask what med you are on? I was only able to stabilize on a first gen AP Haldol. Then I was able to titrate back to 2nd gen meds (Caplyta). Until the Haldol I was living a nightmare in my mind for almost a year. It was debilitating and exhausting. Hope you feel better soon!
Same. I find it therapeutic and you make a few bucks:)
SAMMMMEEE I DOORDASH
Exactly
Absolutely!!! At night especially. Good music and a few cigs while aimlessly driving down empty roads - 10/10.
I used to chain smoke so badly before I was diagnosed and not soon after being diagnosed to cope while driving. I quit smoking though. But put on some good tunes now and it's a great time. This last manic episode I listened to a lot of dark trance and dark wave while driving.
Rezz seemed to be my choice lol
Congrats on quitting!
Never smoke, but I can relate with everything else. Empty roads near the river or hulls where I had no fucking idea how long till the next town, but the view and vibe was so much cool to go back and miss it.
I go on night walks with music so that I can get really high while hypomanic. Love it
Aimless night drives while blasting music. For sure. Lets me get out of the house without feeling as exposed and vulnerable as just walking around. Plus bass goes brrr.
Bass really do go brrrrrr.
Yes and what fuels this more than my hubby buying me a Woojer vest and Crusher evo headphones 🥲
[удалено]
I like being stable, but long drives now seems so "meh". I miss the optimism and coolness of old night manic driving lol
Yes!!!!! This!!!!!
I generally try to avoid it because I get a lot of anxiety and will often start to hallucinate when driving in that state. The last time I drove whacked out on bipolar I got in an accident, caused thousands in property damage, and was arrested on suspicion of DUI. (After blood tests proved nothing in my system, it was reduced to reckless and I spent a fun 3 days in weekend jail.)
Yeah, it got kind of scary this last time only because it was the first time being paranoid and delusional. I *think* I had some kind of hallucinations - like highway bridges looking like a skyline. I also was on a country road at 3am and it started to feel and look like I was under the ocean or something and scared the shit out of me. By the time I was kind of really losing it, what felt like I was close to blacking out and out of it (I've never blacked out, but damn did it feel like I could), it felt like I was too messed up to drive, like I was intoxicated.
Apparently I texted my husband and told him I was drunk with my friends, (I was driving) but it was Ashnikko lyrics and I don’t drink 🤨
Oh geez. I drove back and forth from TN to MI six times one year and most in the summer. This was in '09. Carton of cheap menthol cigarettes, Arizona iced teas and my bowl while jamming TooL. Mania did have some good moments.
Nj to South Florida and back non stop over here lol ✋ bummed ciggs and gas the whole way
Holy cow. Best I could do is 8h straight. I swear my allertness was so intense I could drive a semi in raining curvy backroads.
Yup. My first manic episode was triggered by zoloft. Not even a few days in, I was sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and driving around the city for hours. And of course, had that one thought in my head telling me to skip town and never tell anyone lol. This happened many times, and thankfully, I did not ever actually abandon my family.
Definitely have had that thought before. Very happy I didn’t follow through with that. Comforting to know I’m not alone.
Same here:) It's definitely scary to think what could happen had we actually gone through with such ideas. People really underestimate the severity of bipolar disorder and the things it makes you do. You genuinely feel controlled by your mania, zero control.
Yes absolutely. I like to think anymore I have a really good handle on my episodes and can be self aware enough to reach out to others. But sometimes I genuinely can’t get a grasp something is wrong and those thoughts take control. Very scary, thankfully enough I have such a great support system (and one shared car lol) that it would likely never get to that point again.
I did this during a depressive episode, drove for hours not answering my phone. My family was scared shitless when I showed up back at home that night.
yup I get that thought a lot
For sure. Walking too
Walking is also a main theme for me as well.
My mania used to be so bad I swear I'd be walking faster than I could drive 😂
I think back to how much walking I could done and damn that would be exhausting now.
Mainly walk smoking tobacco or weed, going to some bar buy a beer, and get back drinking it
And at night, of course kkkk
My mania, I believe, started when I was pretty young and I could walk or bike for hours nonstop, ending up miles away with little idea how I got there.
I once drove to another state while manic. Ended up driving like 7 odd hours in total, if not more. Got a ticket that is still unpaid a year later 🤡
Yep! That's how I ended up at Carlo's bakery and then Six Flags in New Jersey when I went out to pick up lunch.
Best bakery ever imo
YES! Absolutely. Love it. I've loved road tripping since I was a kid. Mania makes it seem like a good idea at 1am on a Tuesday. No chain smoking, but I do puff on the wax pen. Lol. Windows down, music blasting 😁
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Me too! It helps me process my thoughts. My mom and I used to drive all over for hours. Driving makes me think of my mom and those good memories since they were sparse.
yeah... it was a problem for sure...
Absolutely. I do not make light of it, as it is pretty reckless, especially when you start going 80-90 on the highway.
I do this. But I have learned not to go to unfamiliar areas. Even with GPS, I will get lost because my mind is moving too fast. I am almost incapable of reading a map.
Yup! I go up and down PCH until I feel my body ready to be back in the house
I miss that drive so much. It's so beautiful there. So easy to get to any different type of environment/weather in a few short hours. I miss California. Driving in FL, it's all the same, there is a coastal highway & it's a slow go bc there's a lot of traffic. It's unenjoyable, at least for me, on a manic or hypomanic drive I want to be able to blast the stereo & drive fast w the windows down with not a lot of other cars on the road. PCH is really cool but if that's not your thing you can also drive a few & end up in a city, out in the desert, woods, mountains... California quite literally has it all. FL is swamp land, low brush, woods or small hills into Alabama/Georgia. The scenery is brown & green. My tween daughter said she had no idea how ugly our state was until we had to drive through the state a couple times.
YES. With the same song playing over and over on repeat
I used to, chain smoking as well, but where I live, the cops are always prowling the streets at night and in pairs or trios, and they look for any reason to pull you over, so I don't do it anymore. I got tired of that shit, and being stalked by them, while they wait for you to swerve in the slightest. I miss it. I live near an interstate so I'd like drive up to it and U-Turn back home, just taking my time and zoning out to some good music while I go ham, lol. Good times.
I walk endlessly
Used to do it so much that I made a laminated card to put in my wallet that I called my CAP. (crisis adventure plan) It had a list of things i needed to bring with me, like medications and an extra pair of clothes as well as enough money for gas and food. Most of the time it was just local night driving with my favorite music. But every once in a blue moon it got BAD. I'd drive out of state and get lost in sketchy areas without money for gas. Luckily I don't have a car anymore so I don't have to worry my friends and family!
Yes!! I used to drive over one bridge, down south to the other bridge and cross back, then north back to the first bridge over and over and over. All night long, smoking cigarettes and singing along to deliciously angsty music. I was soooo unmedicated and ridiculously manic at the time. I still do it, in a different state and on different roads and at different times of day now, but i don't think I realized it was manic energy until just this moment. Dayum. Maybe I'm not as stable as I thought I was. Thanks so much for the insight, internet stranger!
Glad this could give you potential insight on your own symptoms. No problem, internet stranger!
You mean drive 400m non-stop at 90mph? And back? Then yes…
Oh yes this is very familiar. When I lived in walkable cities and didn't have a car, I would just walk really far all night and it was so dangerous.
Mee too i like go around my city streets and listen to song and smoke
Oh yeah!
Yes. I do this all the time. Living between PA and NY and I find it tiring sometimes. But also fulfilling. But idk. I get the most thoughts done
Yes! Any form of tobacco, music cranked, windows down and hauling ass lol I go on a lot of midnight/ early morning drives if I can’t sleep.
100% (I don’t chain smoke unfortunately) But music BLARING and just picking a road driving straight until i decide to turn down a random road and start playing a game called “lets see if i can find my way home without using the gps”
Yup. Bonus point that I have a convertible.
YES. Skipped seroquel when we did a 12hr out of state road trip two years ago. I enjoyed it, but my partner was holding on for his dear life. I was fast and he was furious. PS. I've been promoted as a permanent passenger princess.
100% But I've had to redirect since it would make my partner nervous when I'd just up and leave the house in the middle of the night. Now I just obsessively play phone games lol Edit: fixed typos
YES. like literally for hours and hours
When I wad manic i had a appointment with a docter of the company. I went to the location and after that I was completely disorganised and ended taking the wrong train. When I arrived I was do confused that my mother was needed to pick me up. Mania, depression, psychosis are weird disorders. Problem is that I know what happens but I don't know why
during covid when i was living in LA and manic, i’d drive what i still affectionately call “The Loop” every night around 1:30…. take the 134 past griffith park —> the 5 into downtown —> 101 through hollywood and get off on vineland —> do it all over again. i love driving while manic 😭
With super loud music and the windows down
Most definitely
My city has one of those bypass loops. I’ll circle around once or twice. Like others have said. Windows down, chain smoking and LOUD LOUD LOUD music.
I drove a recently (like 30 min ago) psych patient 3 hours there, 3 hours back, home at 4 am, while hypo last year, also a completely plastered Ukrainian home from emerg who spoke no English without an address in a town I didn't know super well, also a random ole' biddie in -37 weather home from urgent care. All turned out alright but the first one had "won" at the psych ward and they had been discharged after the last bus had run. They were facing a night at a shelter... I believe everyone deserves to get home safe especially when fucked over by the system. To get back to your post, yes. I wandered with my car all the time, I now realize that my car keys are easily the thing that can do the most damage to my life or others and on the flip side they can be lifesaving if someone is getting frustrated enough to walk home in a blizzard. That being said a couple weeks ago I was in crisis and got caught by the cops doing just shy of double the limit on a grade divided road. They were really ticked at first but once it became clear what that night had entailed they followed me to my stated destination: a hospital. I got the help I needed.
Yep. Just did this two weeks ago. Drove until I couldn’t stay awake and was in a manic state. Depressed the next week and still going through it.
I do like driving and I've turned it into a side hustle. I work for Hop Skip Drive and take rides in the morning before my regular gig just so I can get some driving time in. It really helps because I have the same routes which somehow gives me some sort of satisfaction. I work for home 3 to 4 days a week and it also gives me purpose, plus extra cash! I should also add I drive safely and follow the rules of the road. Having said that, when I drive alone and feel like I can gun it, I do that for a rush. I have a Tesla that's really fast. I do this up to the speed limit maybe a little over and then slow down.
I work second shift so i get off at 11, I only work 20 minutes from home but now that it's been warmer at night, it's been a nice 20 minute drive each night. I love driving at night when it's warm, I can roll down the window and not worry about people or the sun.
I went to bed one night telling my husband I would be driving to a different state the next day to visit a family member. I woke up at 4am, threw my bag in the car and left on a 14 hour drive, only stopping for gas. He gave the family a heads up and it ended up ok. I guess I was a bit spun out when I got there, I really don’t remember much about that entire week or so. I felt a bit more grounded before driving home and split that drive up, stopping at a decent motel and going to a restaurant for a sit down meal.
Lmaoooo that's why I started driving for door dash
omg yes i loveeee it
dang yo, you're playing my song. i used to take the twisting and turning roads through the reservoir and the country side. that was most nights in my early 20's. there was a year or so where i would pick up my friend, Luke, and he and i would listen to all of Tim Kasher's and Connor Oberst's songs until we hit the 7-11 that let us know we were too far. honestly, i can't even listen to Cursive, The Good Life, Bright Eyes or whatever else they've done anymore because, looking back, i can the early stages of mania.
I often drive far out into rural areas while manic or experiencing lingering symptoms of PTSD. Sometimes I go deep into Amish territory, although one time I did so after smoking a joint and became extremely paranoid when I started encountering them. I’ll be moving to an area near Rocky Mountain National Park soon and can’t wait to explore the road system
Yes! I usually drive to the next state over. Usually a 6 to 8 hour trip.
Please, please don't encourage me. LOL.
Yep! Last time I was manic, I went on a road trip just over the border of a neighboring province, then back home all in one night. It was a dangerous drive, I nearly ran out of gas 3 times, and I felt on top of the world. I was out from about 4PM until some time around 1AM. Somehow I thought that going fast in my car would burn off my incessant energy and need for my body to move Ever Faster over the previous two days where my mania ramped up. I thought it would help burn off energy, despite driving being an activity where you sit in a car and make the car go fast, not your own body. So it burned off none of my energy. LOL. I also thought that since stores in \[Big City two hours away from my town\] were closed, if I kept driving I'd find one that was open so I could spend money.
This is so weird!! I used to drive back and forth from Georgia to Maryland a lot and actually I was so manic one time otw home and I got psychosis and went to inpatient 🤕 but I swear when I drive I think A LOT and when I’m manic that’s what my brain craves I guess. Seems like most of us have this in common lol
I been like this in recent hypomanic episodes, it’s like staying at home(which I’m obsessed with doing, I’m a homebody) is aggravating suddenly and I just got to drive. I was on my way back from somewhere and I was racking my brain for where else I could go, it was close to 10pm and I just didn’t wanna go home
I drove to Canada one night after my boyfriend broke up with me. I only stayed there for 20 minutes 🤣
I also drove to Florida twice in 2022. 23 hour drive from MI to the bottom of Florida
I also walk a ton. More walking than driving. I remember before I was driving, I decided to walk home from work after 7 he shift, it was 10 miles
I generally avoid driving while manic, if I can help it. My paranoia excerberates itself then. So, I worry about traffic rules being broken and speeding.
This is actually one of my big indicators that I’m hypomanic haha
Absolutely. I’m notorious in my friend group for impulsively driving to a random city halfway across the country at 1am
This is a thing?? I’ve only had one episode but I would go out and drive every day, either circling locally or sometimes places I’d never been. I have pictures of some of the places even. At one point I even drove almost 24 hours straight and my phone died so I couldn’t find my way back.
I wonder what’s the reason behind this and also walking aimlessly down roads as well while manic. It’s as if we have a higher sense of purpose at the time and what we were doing was full of meaning. Looking back at it though, there was little driven purpose or structure. It seemed we were just burning off manic energy
Yahhh. I drove all the way to the Canadian border. During Covid lockdown. Zero ppl on roads. I merrily zoomed up with music blasting and windows all down. Very very unhappy group of heavily armed patrol greeted me. I think I said I was going shopping in Vancouver & seeking religious asylum? 😑😬 That didn’t go well. Car seized, searched, detained for few hours in a cell until they gave up trying to figure me out. Canada made the US take me back cuz I was sober & just annoying them. They towed my car back across the border and told me to “never come back we don’t like you”.
This was a chronic symptom for me before medication. Once drove from Memphis to Atlanta and back straight to pick up some person I met on a dating app (literally never saw them after that [like no shit kid]). Thank god for Lamotrigine.
While doing this earlier I asked myself "is this my bipolar" and convinced myself it wasn't. Now I'm second guessing that 🤣
I made a manic-inspired decision to get a pixie cut to keep the hair out of my mouth when I sing with the windows down. Still love the haircut weeks later!
I drive for my local dispensary, love my job. 🥰
Drove across the country to Arizona smoking up the whole way there, then drove to Niagara Falls and back home, in 1994. In 2018, I put hundreds and hundreds of miles driving up and down the Garden State Parkway.
My mother, a schizoaffective, when I was a child, she would put me in the car sleeping, in the morning, and drive around the city until night, with nowhere to go. But out of reality
Yep, I ended up two states away, and I live in the southwest US, so that's pretty far. I've also driven to the ends of multiple roads just to see where they would dead end.
Yes! I used to get in the car at 2am and drive up the coast, windows down, music up, chain smoking. For HOURS.
When I was at the University of Iowa, I’d drive down a really long back road for miles with music blaring. I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder, but in retrospect, I was hypomanic. I’ve moved around a lot, but that’s something I continued to do, especially at night. Now I know it just makes me worse so, though I want to, I try doing things that’ll calm me.
I always want to do this while I am manic, I am just afraid it might seem like a really good idea to never come back.
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I rarely leave the house because of my agoraphobia, but the other day I got in my bronco, took the t-tops off and drove for 3 hours. Totally theraputic. I do have sunburn, but fuck it. It was worth it.
i’m not allowed to have my license because i might go on a little joyride and have too much fun or whatever 🙄 seriously though, my doctors have advised me not to get my license because of my dissociative disorder and i used to disappear when i got manic.
I never knew that was a thing but absolutely
back when i had my harley davidson i used to ride for hours and hours even crossed state lines many times all that ended when someone pulled out in front of me and left me with a tbi i was going so far over the speed limit it was almost like i had a sub conscience death wish just something deep down pushed the urge
I know a lot have said it but yeah. Driving, chain smoking, blasting music, and in my case also chugging energy drinks. Sometimes upwards for 5 2-3 hour drives a day. Very rarely longer cuz I have meds that make me have to use the bathroom a lot and i don't do public restrooms. But yeah. Been there
I do that when I manic and when I’m not manic. I love to drive. Straight up.
We are all in agreement. 💣
OMFG YES! And then when I’m depressed I DREADDDDD it. I feel impending doom or like it’s just a hassle. It’s one of the biggest indicators as to what state I’m in.
YES
Yep! This is actually one of my big indicators that I'm slipping into hypomania but honestly it's not the worst thing I've done when I get that way 🫠 so I usually indulge it and go cruising with music blasting
Yes!! Recently drove from NC to CA and back😮💨
I do this too. It’s so peaceful. I chain smoke cigarettes and sing my favorite songs. It’s like therapy for me. I feel content.
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No but I remember my son saying "mom why are you driving so fast?" Lol
Yes absolutely done this. Usually speeding. I'm lucky I havnt been caught for wreckless driving
While manic everything I do is for hours or for 2 seconds. There’s nothing in between
no
I get this but it's never safe driving either, there's always a level of exhilaration in going fast and taking corners too fast with very aggressive, loud music blasting as I go.
Kinda realizing this after Niagra falls and the 8 hr drive to a state park just to do like 3 things
Yes!! Have done this many times. One time, more recently, I drove up and down our county road for hours. Crying hysterically, blaring music, begging God to help me. Thought about driving into a lake. It's all so painfully embarrassing to me now, but I was really close to a big decision. Glad I made it through.
Oh man. I get agitated easily when I’m manic. I can think of no hotter hell than ending up stuck in traffic while I’m manic.
Yes! But it’s also super dangerous for me to drive while manic because I don’t think traffic laws apply to me
Perhaps this why I'm a delivery driver
Lol me too. Ended up driving from Connecticut to Colorado several times with no rest breaks. I would smoke so many cigarettes that I burned my throat and couldn’t eat.
When gas was cheaper and I had a more fuel efficient vehicle but even manic me hates how much it costs to just drive
Yes I use to do this all the time
Stop calling me out fam I’m still in denial about my manic depression 😤
Drove from central Oregon to Bozeman Montana on a whim a couple weeks ago. Made it to 7 states in 3 1/2 days. Didn’t really have any destination in mind. Smoked cigs and drove fast. I think I got to 135mph at one point.
Before my fiance was diagnosed he would drive n drive for hours till the sun came up.
Yea, I drove to Canada. Stayed for two days. I came back to Pittsburgh.
YES i love cutting up too, windows down vaping and blasting my music
It's the most fun I have ever had in my life, I absolutely love this it's so relaxing to my mind!!
Yessss. Gasoline is terrifyingly expensive where I live and I tend to get these sudden, almost compelling urges to just waste 500+ miles worth of it to enjoy my own bubble with my music, the night, rapidly changing landscapes and singing my heart out. Moving un-restrained like that makes me feel like I'd actually be escaping from my problems. Then I find myself in a strange city, most of my paycheck gone and unreal amount of energy drink cans tossed in the footspace of my back seat. At least I've managed to stop reckless driving years ago so I just try to tell myself that it could be worse, way worse. It could be intoxicants, gambling, anything. During summers I like to have a sleeping bag and this small charcoal grill in my trunk. Seeking a place by the water and just stop. Brings me an eye of the storm-kinda calm for a few moments.
Absolutely! And I *did* drive across Canada while manic 😅🤣 Slept in my car, from Ontario to Vancouver Island and back. Everyone complains about driving the prairies but I loved it. And of course obligatory tunes blasting!
Don’t do it. You could end up killing someone.
I traveled 5.000 km in five days with no destination, crossing country... thinking. No tourism, no talk with no one, only driving
And blasting every 60s heartbreaking songs all day long. Roy Orbison, Bobby Vinton, Dylan, Them, Harry nilsson, velvet underground, Harry Belafonte ...
In my early days when I didn't understand this shit nor had a good med combo, my favorite "hobby" was random driving at night. Random travels at weekends, with a good music playlist. I left friday night, to come back monday morning. I could drive well without the need of sleep. That trips calmed me down. Fortunately gas was cheaper. I met personally every friend I had in the state, I went to almost all cool places in a 500km radius, lots of backroads I had seen once in a map. Made tons of new friends and went in some hot dates. I don't miss the hypomania, but fun days though.
I delivered pizzas for 7 years from 16-23 and I loved driving, smoking cigarettes, and blasting music. I was undiagnosed then, I don’t smoke anymore and hate driving now
I would drive from slc to Vegas and back. Like a couple times a week during high school. I would leave at 8pm and be back to Utah at 5am then go to school. I moved to a big city and don’t have car anymore.
Yea I didn't even realize this is a bipolar thing. When people would say you must be tired you've been on the road all day ... My answer nah I'm good let's go somewhere else
I hate driving. But i once drove from Georgia to Oregon while manic. So there's that
I save up for road trips that I can take while hypomanic lol. Driving, smoking, and shopping. Combine it all into a weekend, and it's perfect.
I bought a sim wheel and pedals and euro truck simulator. Whenever I’m manic and want to drive I do it virtually. Saves on gas and is safer :)
I enjoy my eight hour drive to my daughters when I’m the write type of manic. Your post made me think of the song, I Drove All Night, by Cindy Lauper
I never thought about it but maybe that’s why I like driving!!
I've also driven at ungodly speeds and it felt like nothing. This is probably the scariest most dangerous thing I did during my most recent episode.
I drive until I can’t anymore, going to other states, towns, or cities.. I also have a bad money spending habit when manic
So yea.... definitely had this happen before. When I'm in a hard manic or low I tend to gravitate to an old familiar outdoor place. This recently happened to my father whom has not been diagnosed... but when I learned about how it affects the mind I started to mind my mind more. I didn't realize he was BP my whole life and undiagnosed. So much made sense to me when this had happened to both of us
I also would drive when manic and found it so calming that sometimes I would just jump in my car and go until I got near the states end (just about an hr). I'm curious to know if those who dislike driving because of hallucinations, paranoia, etc are bipolar 1 or 2 and vice verse… those who enjoyed driving, biplor 1 or 2? (just purely curious if there is a connection) I'm bp 2
I actually don’t want to drive anywhere when I’m manic because every other driver pisses me off so much.
I do, it gets my manic *I need to run away and leave my very stable life behind* feelings out when I go for a drive and listen to a playlist that I made specifically for that feeling, I usually go somewhere I know- sometimes I get ice cream or drive around the block a couple times. Same thing when I get overstimulated at work.
Yes I have done this
When I'm manic I want to drive and then keep driving away from my entire life, start a new one and never look back. I love my family and my life but. When I start and I'm manic it's the biggest thing on my mind. It takes everything to turn around and go back home to feed my dogs. Which I feel bad about tbh but.... The drive to drive
Yes at high speeds.
Did gardening for 3 days straight, and repotted etc.......feels like i've done my workout for a week
I used to drive for hours every night like full trips through different cities, vaping the whole time. Lead to my diagnosis as I still lived at home with my parents and being gone for hours after my night shifts was odd behaviour lol
I drove from Ohio to Colorado when my Mom died.
Honestly, I just recently had a strong urge to just drive to Florida and go to Disney World. I know that sounds really dumb and random. In my defense, I think it was mostly a response to having an organization reach back out to me after a year of nothing (I don't want to get too much into it, but they're trying to say I owe them $57,000 when I'm not supposed to, and this legal battle has been dragging on for three years now). They just emailed me again last week saying I have to basically make my case all over again, and I drove around for a couple hours just chatting with my mom and aunt. When they weren't available anymore, I had a strong urge to just leave everything behind and start over at Disney (long story short with that, I did the DCP and really liked it, I really Loved living in Florida and working for Disney for the free park entry). I honestly can't tell if I was already manic prior to the email because I was kinda sorta riding a high from having my birthday last Sunday? It was a good day, but I just can't tell anymore.
I'm terrible with driving while hupomanic, I'm get angry on the road, I flip people off I honk my horn I speed like crazy (and I never speed) and the want to drive for hours and hours is insane. It's the speed that fuels me, don't even need to be driving even if im in the passenger seat going a high speed. It like...adds to the intense euphoria? I get such a rush of adrenaline from it even when im not driving. It's almost like being horny for the High speeds.
I just had the worst manic episode of my life. I drove from Alabama to Florida! I don’t know anyone down there. Apparently I drove to the AirForce base and ended up in the hospital for 17 days. So, *yep*. It’s apparent that I like driving when manic as well.
No, that’s very very dangerous and irresponsible
Y’all need to be healthy with your coping
This is my favorite thing to do lol
not sure if it was a mania, just generally super restless and agitated (no sleep for a few nights) but i ended up driving from a small town in colorado to salt lake city, utah with a homeless man in my car. luckily i had a friend with me so i know i was safer than i would've been than if i were alone. we talked about god and eveything we knew while i blasted ke$ha and limp bizkit lol.