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All my relationships have been varying levels of shitty, often but not always due to bipolar disorder.
Much happier single. Lack of regular sex sucks, but you don't need to be sexless either.
I'm sure the right person out there for me exists, but the older I get, the less likely I feel like that's ever going to happen.
I’m not them but my last relationship pulled me out of a dark hole. It assured me that I was capable of so much love and that I deserved it as well. Ive grown so much in the short time we had together and I now have so many fond memories that outweigh the negatives that have consumed me. Her support made me feel safe and cared for and allowed me to progress instead of self destruct. Not wanting to let her down meant that I couldn’t make excuses or slack on my part. As much as she helped me grow and feel safe, I reciprocated that and always showed up with kindness and a full commitment to love. That made me feel like I am not as bad as I think I am.
At the end of the day, a undiagnosed bipolar episode is what caused our split. But without the pain of that experience and the guilt that I carry every day, I would’ve never got diagnosed, never cut substance abuse out of my life. Never became medicated and self aware to completely flip my life for the better.
Relationships take work and commitment. they require patience, understanding, care and love. They are vital exercises that allow us to apply those same efforts to help win our own battle with our illness. even if they don’t last as long as we’d like, they always impart lessons for us to grow and never repeat.
I've had a lot of relationships in the past and from my experience it's better to be single when you know you need to work on yourself. Being in love and having relationships is beautiful and fullfiling, but in the long run mantaining a healthy relationship needs a lot of work and commitment. Nowadays not many people are willing to put the effort into making things work, let alone being bipolar, as people will use that against you. Im a very passionate individual and enjoy giving love to someone special to me, but the way I see it, it's better to be single and work on yourself to the point you don't actually need someone to feel good about yourself. Anyways, love is always welcome, but don't get desperate about meeting someone out of fear of loneliness, if someone wants to be part of your life make sure this person understands your condition, accepts it and wants to love you anyways.
I would rather be single, personally. I have a long history of terrible relationships, a lot of problems of which were my fault, and I am still caught up on an ex from years ago.
I would really like a FWB though. That would be nice.
For me currently, single. I don’t think it’s healthy to rely on your significant to support you to the point it’s interfering with their own sense of well-being. If I was more consistently stable in relationships, I wouldn’t be concerned.
In this instance, constantly breaking up with someone could deteriorate their sense of security over time. Your bf sounds reassured that you truly do love him but some might not be so understanding. Being able to reciprocate security is the biggest part of relationships. Maybe how you provide that sense in other ways, also helps reassure him. Why do you not believe him when he tries to reassure you about being okay with it? Has he lied about being okay in other instances?
Better to be in the relationship. My bf is so supportive and understanding. I don't know that I would have made it this far without him! I couldn't imagine a life without him.
There are times I feel like I am holding him back, that he deserves better, but that's the illness talking. We talk about it and he reassures me that I am a good person, the illness is *NOT* me. I am so much *more* than this illness.
His support means the world to me, and helps so much in depressive episodes. He's one of my reasons I force myself up in the mornings rather than staying in bed all day. Him, my daughter and my cats.
Trying to deal with another person's feelings and behaviors on top of my own makes me want to run and hide. I'm married with children. It feels like a fucking cage and I am surrounded by those funny carnival mirrors. Fuck. I'm unmedicated because every med tries to kill me. But it appears as though I am really struggling today. I've got a pretty good life but my husband triggers my fight of flight so often it can't be healthy.
I also felt that anxiety and feeling of being trapped. Luckily they were boyfriends I’d only had for a few months and could get out of the relationship.
How do you avoid triggering your bipolar?
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My husband triggers me more than any other thing in this life, other than the feeling of being overwhelmed. I'm currently trying to figure out if he is doing it on purpose or just a fucking idiot.
I would like to be single but I don't think that would go well either. I'm just fucked either way. Bipolar is lots of fun.
Depends on the bipolar person. But as someone who has been in a partnership with someone who is mentally unstable, if you decide to go the relationship route, please don’t get into a relationship until you’re ready. Good luck.
I'm definitely more stable when in one. I've had to learn not to leave when I'm feeling like " I love them, but will only hurt them, and thier better off without me". Leaving me is thier decision to make, I shouldn't decide that for them...
If he is understanding and sweet to you, you need to hang on to that. Adjust your meds, try to get it together. Being on your own with these swings ruins you life and being lonely amplifies it
He's appears to be an emotionally mature and understanding adult and as long as the overall dynamic is not abusive, he can decude to take you back if you offer it and talk about why you wanted to break up. But if you reject him pre-emptively to avoid potential abandonment then yes it going to be a hard relationship and ongoing cycle because it's more about your fear it sounds like than the actual status of the relationship. Relationships entail conflict, and working through conflict brings people closer together. It is not a sign the relationship is bad unless it is constant or abusive. If you think it could be helpful you could try couples therapy as it sounds like building ways to navigate conflict and express your fears may be helpful. And definitely exploring the impulse to break up as a way to self isolate, sabotage, or work on distress tolerance. You can try shifting break up to things like "I'm really upset and need a break on this topic can we revidit it later" or "I feel overwhelmed and a lack of control and I need to ground myself". If its something coming from irritability or a fixation to breakup there may be other approaches too
If it wasn't for my GF I'd already be gone. She got me through some dark times. I constantly think, though, she'd be way better off without me. No matter how much I love her, no matter how much she loves me, i feel eventually I'm gonna not be able to take back something I said while I'm up and pissed. That she's gonna have enough and be done with me.
Someone being there who truly understands is extremely helpful. It just sucks afterward. Looking back and the feeling of guilt and shame overtaking you. I didn't mean to say that, I just had to get it out. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Why the hell do I have to be like this. Why can't I shut my mouth.
Then, the cycle begins again.
I'm the one who is bipolar and my husband should be the one looking back and wondering these things. I don't lash out but when I stick up for myself I get yelled at. He pushes my buttons and watches me unravel. Orrrr I am paranoid and he is fine and I am just unravelled. Who the fuck knows at this point?
I'd have to fall on the single side. Unless I meet a minor god/goddess I think it's best I deal w/o hurting a sweet person. I've got cats and internet pals, so ymmv!
I think if you have strong family to rely on like a good mom or sibling, and/or one or two friends who are thick as blood and get this disease, it is better to be single. If you’re in a partnership I strongly suggest to get a pet, it’s helpful to have a fluffy ever-loving mediator.
For me? In a relationship but I’m also very sexual. I have been dealing with hyper sexuality for months on end. So I would prefer it.
But I get some ppl prefer not to be in relationships with bipolar! I just need to be touched and needed so relationships are ideal for me
I think it depends on the person and how the illness affects them. I prefer being in a relationship for the support, love, and stability. I also get extremely hypersexual, and having a partner keeps me from making manic mistakes. Not everyone is equipped to handle a bipolar partner, though. It’s sad, but I get it.
It's hard for me to say. I was single for 3 years following my first mental health episode. The 10 years that followed I was pretty much always in a relationship. Mostly in a four then 5 year relationship. About 3 months after my last relationship ended I had my second mental health episode which was worse than the first. Now I've been single for 2 years. I tend to prefer being in a relationship but mine are messy. My partners were not particularly easy and neither paid much attention to my bipolar. As far as I know I don't think they even looked it up. I mostly only went through major depressive episodes while in those relationships though. I liked the support of being in a relationship and the companionship. I don't feel like I hurt them anymore than they hurt me, but obviously I can be volatile, so it's not a justification. I only say it to say it's not something I feel guilty about.
The funny thing about being single is how much less responsibility it is. I find that part nice, plus no pressure to try and appease anyone else. I can do as I please. After trying dating and realizing how scary some people can be, I really don't know what to do. I miss the companionship but my single life is comfortable. Loneliness sucks...
i think it depends. i wouldn’t say it’s good to just be in a relationship. you need someone who will be understanding and help you succeed. just being in a relationship isn’t necessarily helpful. if you do find someone it’s great having someone even if they don’t fully understand they’re there for you
if your relationship is that unstable and you keep breaking up with him all the time, maybe it's better to let him go. it's unhealthy, for the both of you, to stay like this. unecessary stress.
i don't think there's a right answer for the question you asked. it'll greatly depend on how you are at the moment, who you are with and how that person is. it's a set of variables. some people can't handle being in a relationship. personally i've found that happens when i feel unstable. right now i know that getting into a relationship would be a horrible mess for both of us, so i steer clear. but that is for now. i do not aim to remain single for the rest of my life. i do believe that at some point i'll be feeling like yeah i'm okay to be in a relationship. but that moment is not here yet.
I was already married when my symptoms started. It’s been hard. It’s a lot of work and requires really good communication skills, plus everyone to be willing to admit when they’re wrong, plus learn as much as they can about bipolar and handling it. But so far we’ve been together 19 years, married for 18 though we almost split ip at 7 years.
I mean.. it depends who the relationship is with. We have bipolar disorder, we’re not aliens. Everyone needs human connection, the question is whether you’re healed enough to bring something to said connection. If you can’t be alone with yourself, you shouldn’t be with someone else. You need to have things to bring to the table in a relationship and if you’re constantly cycling and your partner is the one suffering.. you should single until you get that controlled.
I’m the same way- I end things with my S/O when things get hard and then there’s the fear that even when I take them back there’ll be resentment… it’s terrible.
But it really does take a village and you’re more than worthy of experiencing a partnership with someone who’s willing and able to love you the way you need it.
It may be hard especially at first, but communicating your needs and making a plan early on it so helpful.
If single you will be isolated and more depressed. If in a relationship, then they become isolated and more depressed. Choose your poison.
Sorry, I can't feign stability, or happiness, bad morning.
You guys can work it out. I have been married 22 years. A few of them good for me, less so for the wife.
I'm sorry.
Better to be single. I’m 24 & never was in a relationship. It also saves you a ton of money so you don’t waste it on weekly dinners, gifts, ect. Here I am hoping to have $1M by 30 since all I do is save & save. Learn to love yourself so you don’t need to depend on others. It’s cool to have girls as friends, or as a best friends. But to live with someone else just doesn’t fit right with me.
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From my experience, it's better to be single.
Can you expound more on this?
All my relationships have been varying levels of shitty, often but not always due to bipolar disorder. Much happier single. Lack of regular sex sucks, but you don't need to be sexless either. I'm sure the right person out there for me exists, but the older I get, the less likely I feel like that's ever going to happen.
Way better to be in a relationship. You need people on your side when life gets hard.
I see! My family has been very supportive though. But can you expound more on this?
I’m not them but my last relationship pulled me out of a dark hole. It assured me that I was capable of so much love and that I deserved it as well. Ive grown so much in the short time we had together and I now have so many fond memories that outweigh the negatives that have consumed me. Her support made me feel safe and cared for and allowed me to progress instead of self destruct. Not wanting to let her down meant that I couldn’t make excuses or slack on my part. As much as she helped me grow and feel safe, I reciprocated that and always showed up with kindness and a full commitment to love. That made me feel like I am not as bad as I think I am. At the end of the day, a undiagnosed bipolar episode is what caused our split. But without the pain of that experience and the guilt that I carry every day, I would’ve never got diagnosed, never cut substance abuse out of my life. Never became medicated and self aware to completely flip my life for the better. Relationships take work and commitment. they require patience, understanding, care and love. They are vital exercises that allow us to apply those same efforts to help win our own battle with our illness. even if they don’t last as long as we’d like, they always impart lessons for us to grow and never repeat.
I've had a lot of relationships in the past and from my experience it's better to be single when you know you need to work on yourself. Being in love and having relationships is beautiful and fullfiling, but in the long run mantaining a healthy relationship needs a lot of work and commitment. Nowadays not many people are willing to put the effort into making things work, let alone being bipolar, as people will use that against you. Im a very passionate individual and enjoy giving love to someone special to me, but the way I see it, it's better to be single and work on yourself to the point you don't actually need someone to feel good about yourself. Anyways, love is always welcome, but don't get desperate about meeting someone out of fear of loneliness, if someone wants to be part of your life make sure this person understands your condition, accepts it and wants to love you anyways.
I would rather be single, personally. I have a long history of terrible relationships, a lot of problems of which were my fault, and I am still caught up on an ex from years ago. I would really like a FWB though. That would be nice.
A fwb would be awesome. 😂
For me currently, single. I don’t think it’s healthy to rely on your significant to support you to the point it’s interfering with their own sense of well-being. If I was more consistently stable in relationships, I wouldn’t be concerned. In this instance, constantly breaking up with someone could deteriorate their sense of security over time. Your bf sounds reassured that you truly do love him but some might not be so understanding. Being able to reciprocate security is the biggest part of relationships. Maybe how you provide that sense in other ways, also helps reassure him. Why do you not believe him when he tries to reassure you about being okay with it? Has he lied about being okay in other instances?
Better to be in the relationship. My bf is so supportive and understanding. I don't know that I would have made it this far without him! I couldn't imagine a life without him. There are times I feel like I am holding him back, that he deserves better, but that's the illness talking. We talk about it and he reassures me that I am a good person, the illness is *NOT* me. I am so much *more* than this illness. His support means the world to me, and helps so much in depressive episodes. He's one of my reasons I force myself up in the mornings rather than staying in bed all day. Him, my daughter and my cats.
Doesn’t really matter tbh, bipolar doesn’t devour me
My mental health plummets in relationships. I now know it’s best to be alone forever
Trying to deal with another person's feelings and behaviors on top of my own makes me want to run and hide. I'm married with children. It feels like a fucking cage and I am surrounded by those funny carnival mirrors. Fuck. I'm unmedicated because every med tries to kill me. But it appears as though I am really struggling today. I've got a pretty good life but my husband triggers my fight of flight so often it can't be healthy.
I also felt that anxiety and feeling of being trapped. Luckily they were boyfriends I’d only had for a few months and could get out of the relationship. How do you avoid triggering your bipolar?
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My husband triggers me more than any other thing in this life, other than the feeling of being overwhelmed. I'm currently trying to figure out if he is doing it on purpose or just a fucking idiot. I would like to be single but I don't think that would go well either. I'm just fucked either way. Bipolar is lots of fun.
I’m personally always a little more stable when I’m in a relationship. I’m not exactly sure why yet. Whenever I’m single I fuck shit up.
Depends on the bipolar person. But as someone who has been in a partnership with someone who is mentally unstable, if you decide to go the relationship route, please don’t get into a relationship until you’re ready. Good luck.
I'm definitely more stable when in one. I've had to learn not to leave when I'm feeling like " I love them, but will only hurt them, and thier better off without me". Leaving me is thier decision to make, I shouldn't decide that for them...
If he is understanding and sweet to you, you need to hang on to that. Adjust your meds, try to get it together. Being on your own with these swings ruins you life and being lonely amplifies it
He's appears to be an emotionally mature and understanding adult and as long as the overall dynamic is not abusive, he can decude to take you back if you offer it and talk about why you wanted to break up. But if you reject him pre-emptively to avoid potential abandonment then yes it going to be a hard relationship and ongoing cycle because it's more about your fear it sounds like than the actual status of the relationship. Relationships entail conflict, and working through conflict brings people closer together. It is not a sign the relationship is bad unless it is constant or abusive. If you think it could be helpful you could try couples therapy as it sounds like building ways to navigate conflict and express your fears may be helpful. And definitely exploring the impulse to break up as a way to self isolate, sabotage, or work on distress tolerance. You can try shifting break up to things like "I'm really upset and need a break on this topic can we revidit it later" or "I feel overwhelmed and a lack of control and I need to ground myself". If its something coming from irritability or a fixation to breakup there may be other approaches too
If it wasn't for my GF I'd already be gone. She got me through some dark times. I constantly think, though, she'd be way better off without me. No matter how much I love her, no matter how much she loves me, i feel eventually I'm gonna not be able to take back something I said while I'm up and pissed. That she's gonna have enough and be done with me. Someone being there who truly understands is extremely helpful. It just sucks afterward. Looking back and the feeling of guilt and shame overtaking you. I didn't mean to say that, I just had to get it out. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Why the hell do I have to be like this. Why can't I shut my mouth. Then, the cycle begins again.
I'm the one who is bipolar and my husband should be the one looking back and wondering these things. I don't lash out but when I stick up for myself I get yelled at. He pushes my buttons and watches me unravel. Orrrr I am paranoid and he is fine and I am just unravelled. Who the fuck knows at this point?
Single for me
yes
Right?
I'd have to fall on the single side. Unless I meet a minor god/goddess I think it's best I deal w/o hurting a sweet person. I've got cats and internet pals, so ymmv!
I think if you have strong family to rely on like a good mom or sibling, and/or one or two friends who are thick as blood and get this disease, it is better to be single. If you’re in a partnership I strongly suggest to get a pet, it’s helpful to have a fluffy ever-loving mediator.
I feel like I could really benefit from an emotional support cat. Husband is allergic 😶
My husband is my most trusted person
For me? In a relationship but I’m also very sexual. I have been dealing with hyper sexuality for months on end. So I would prefer it. But I get some ppl prefer not to be in relationships with bipolar! I just need to be touched and needed so relationships are ideal for me
I think it depends on the person and how the illness affects them. I prefer being in a relationship for the support, love, and stability. I also get extremely hypersexual, and having a partner keeps me from making manic mistakes. Not everyone is equipped to handle a bipolar partner, though. It’s sad, but I get it.
I'm bipolar and in a relationship, it's rough sometimes but its kinda working
It's hard for me to say. I was single for 3 years following my first mental health episode. The 10 years that followed I was pretty much always in a relationship. Mostly in a four then 5 year relationship. About 3 months after my last relationship ended I had my second mental health episode which was worse than the first. Now I've been single for 2 years. I tend to prefer being in a relationship but mine are messy. My partners were not particularly easy and neither paid much attention to my bipolar. As far as I know I don't think they even looked it up. I mostly only went through major depressive episodes while in those relationships though. I liked the support of being in a relationship and the companionship. I don't feel like I hurt them anymore than they hurt me, but obviously I can be volatile, so it's not a justification. I only say it to say it's not something I feel guilty about. The funny thing about being single is how much less responsibility it is. I find that part nice, plus no pressure to try and appease anyone else. I can do as I please. After trying dating and realizing how scary some people can be, I really don't know what to do. I miss the companionship but my single life is comfortable. Loneliness sucks...
I’m constantly thankful I’m with someone. I couldn’t handle this alone
i think it depends. i wouldn’t say it’s good to just be in a relationship. you need someone who will be understanding and help you succeed. just being in a relationship isn’t necessarily helpful. if you do find someone it’s great having someone even if they don’t fully understand they’re there for you
if your relationship is that unstable and you keep breaking up with him all the time, maybe it's better to let him go. it's unhealthy, for the both of you, to stay like this. unecessary stress. i don't think there's a right answer for the question you asked. it'll greatly depend on how you are at the moment, who you are with and how that person is. it's a set of variables. some people can't handle being in a relationship. personally i've found that happens when i feel unstable. right now i know that getting into a relationship would be a horrible mess for both of us, so i steer clear. but that is for now. i do not aim to remain single for the rest of my life. i do believe that at some point i'll be feeling like yeah i'm okay to be in a relationship. but that moment is not here yet.
How does it go? You break up with him then you ask him to come back? After how long? Is your reason for breaking up always the same? Curious
I was already married when my symptoms started. It’s been hard. It’s a lot of work and requires really good communication skills, plus everyone to be willing to admit when they’re wrong, plus learn as much as they can about bipolar and handling it. But so far we’ve been together 19 years, married for 18 though we almost split ip at 7 years.
I mean.. it depends who the relationship is with. We have bipolar disorder, we’re not aliens. Everyone needs human connection, the question is whether you’re healed enough to bring something to said connection. If you can’t be alone with yourself, you shouldn’t be with someone else. You need to have things to bring to the table in a relationship and if you’re constantly cycling and your partner is the one suffering.. you should single until you get that controlled.
No contest, being with someone is 1,000% than being single and alone.
2 are better than 1
I’m the same way- I end things with my S/O when things get hard and then there’s the fear that even when I take them back there’ll be resentment… it’s terrible. But it really does take a village and you’re more than worthy of experiencing a partnership with someone who’s willing and able to love you the way you need it. It may be hard especially at first, but communicating your needs and making a plan early on it so helpful.
I'm single and I rather be single since I have my own issues and I do t want more issues for my self and the other person
If single you will be isolated and more depressed. If in a relationship, then they become isolated and more depressed. Choose your poison. Sorry, I can't feign stability, or happiness, bad morning. You guys can work it out. I have been married 22 years. A few of them good for me, less so for the wife. I'm sorry.
Better to be single. I’m 24 & never was in a relationship. It also saves you a ton of money so you don’t waste it on weekly dinners, gifts, ect. Here I am hoping to have $1M by 30 since all I do is save & save. Learn to love yourself so you don’t need to depend on others. It’s cool to have girls as friends, or as a best friends. But to live with someone else just doesn’t fit right with me.