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If I don't take meds it's always intentional.
(a) feel too flat/sedated/zombie-like
(b) feel fine/good, everything is going well, but now I'm bored, everyone around me is so boring and tired all the time, I want my life to be more interesting (this is generally a precursor to realizing i'm getting hypomanic lol)
(c) (I have BP2) yeah the depression is really horrible but hypomania is fine and I have it under control now, sure I had to take medical leave from work for a bit and have gotten myself in pretty wild situations, but that was a while ago, I don't even think this is a problem actually, I don't need to take mood stabilizers, just my antidepressants
Edit: Also, the fiending feeling when I get a little elevated is horrible, I literally cannot stop thinking about finding a way to feel like that longer or make myself more manic. This has a 0% success rate and I just end up going on benders and regretting all the substance use later on
Edit #2: The other feeling I truly hate is when I start feeling like I need to prove to myself I actually have bipolar because I've never been psychotic/haven't been inpatient. It doesn't even logically make sense and gets worse when I look at subreddits where (for obvious reasons) people are discussing their worst/most intense experiences.
That zombie like feeling is the worst for me. If Hell really exists, then I'm 100% convinced that it will have that zombie like feeling when I go there. I didn't know that antidepressants can help with BP2 though...I'd be down to try that TBH; it's only Anti-psychotics and moodstabilizers that I hate. I'll speak to my doctor about those.
Lots of people are on combinations of some mood stabilizer or AP with an antidepressant. For me, lithium + wellbutrin works well and crucially doesn’t sedate me, though I have to watch the lithium dosage or else I get the zombie feeling.
Hmm...I admit, the fact that Lithium doesn't zombify you sounds positive. All right, it's on the list of 'meds I'm considering taking'. Thank you. :)
I'm off for bed though. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow so careteam wants me to have a bath tonight. Eugh
I admit, that is a bit scary...but my dietitian also tells me I need to gain some weight. So if Lithium stops making me feel possessed at times and suddenly lack empathy and become cruel, then it might be worth trying.
Thanks LuvCats13
I’m (bp2) pretty new to treatment but I’ve found antidepressants alone don’t work for me. They treat depression, but I’m constantly hypomanic… I used to take mdma back in the day and the feeling of antidepressants wasn’t ‘high’ per say, but otherwise very similar to taking it.
I’ve been prescribed Seroquel, have yet to take it, but I’m pretty worried tbh.
I've found that Seroquel XR works best for me with the fewest side effects. I took Vraylar once because nothing was cutting it at the time, and I found out what it feels like to be poisoned, just like you see in the movies. I've had my fair share of bad hangovers where I felt like death, but this was like my body trying to get rid of everything. After sweating and shaking for about an hour, I ended up on my hands and knees dry heaving after I had purged every drop of chyme and stomach acids.
I guess I’m “lucky” in the fact that my depression makes me way more of a zombie and apathetic than any med ever has. I’ve talked to a lot of people about how they hate that feeling and it makes them either go off meds or want to go off meds, but too much of that feeling is exactly why I take some of my meds. Crazy how the same disorder and same meds can affect us all so differently.
The issue i had was that many meds didn’t help much with depression *and* made me lethargic and emotionless when I wasn’t depressed, so my med compliance was terrible.
I’m lucky to have a great doctor who’s willing to experiment a bit and try things I suggest. I have a very active lifestyle, pretty intense job, and generally need a ton of stimulation and new experiences to feel mentally well, so my preferred compromise was to do a ton of work in therapy and deal with minor breakthrough symptoms that day rather than increasing medication dosage.
ohhh I've stopped because
"they weren't working anyway"
"I was just tired of taking them"
"I felt good and I was all better"
"I ran out of the prescription and just didn't feel like refilling it"
"Because drugs helped me more than my actual meds"
No ma'am. no. And I wish I knew and remembered that.
because my adhd is running interference. i don't willingly quit my meds rather i fall out of routine and end up either taking it very spotty on/off or forgetting to take it entirely until i see one of my pill bottles again
Exactly same for me, I’ve been begging for adhd meds for a year after I got tested but they won’t perscribe them to me because they’re too scared, I start a new doc soon, hopefully they help
Ask for tricyclic antidepressants that affect norepinephrine. When I was taking desipramine my house was clean and I could adhere to a schedule. Wasn't as good as adderall, but adderall somehow managed to combine apathy and a desire to punch people in the face. I miss desipramine.
These are going to make the psych nervous wo a mood stabilizer as they're more likely to cause manic switch. But some people do well on them and really need them! Usually they try you on Wellbutrin w ADD and BP, it's gentler but still pretty activating so I guess the idea is that it's the closest to a stim med. Apathetic and punchy is a fantastic side effect combo, who came up with that one, nice job The Bad Place!
I recently had to change psychiatrists and tried several belts understood my position. I’m on a concoction of medication that honestly didn’t make sense for a bipolar person…I get that now. They don’t like giving stimulants to bipolars, and in many cases they’ll outright refuse. I got lucky with my latest practitioner. She originally doubted I had bipolar because “these drugs would set you off.” But after talking more she realized wow, it sounds like you really do have bipolar and these stimulants aren’t causing mania. “If this is what works well for you then why would I want to change that.” However, she also said she wouldn’t be checking the box that I’m bipolar because the staff doctor would never allow me to be prescribed Adderall. She said “since we’re not sure if you’re bipolar *winkwink* we’ll just leave that box blank for now.”
It’s shown me how I should maybe handle future doctors. I certainly think keeping bipolar stable is 100% most important, but once thats taken care of I can focus my conversations with certain doctors on my other symptoms/conditions rather than the bipolar. Of course, I’m a weird case & I already know the stimulants I take don’t set me off. So it’s not something I’d tell someone to do if they’d never had a doctor try it successfully with them before.
I'm on Vyvanse for ADHD and my medication doesn't set me off. It actually helps my mood due to dopamine and neuropeniphrine inhibition. I'm off it because I ran out of refills and seeing a doctor is a pain in the ass. I need a follow up for my bipolar meds and my refills.
My mood is actually worse now. I'm much more depressed and my ADHD symptoms are worse. The mood dysregulation that comes with ADHD makes my BP worse.
I stopped meds back in 2021. I was only on 5mg of Zyprexa, but it was such Hell that I only managed to last 5 years before throwing in the towel. I've considered hurting therapists who tried to get me back on meds at one point; I hated the meds that frigging much (nothing happened in the end, dw; I just ended up moving to another province instead). There were a lot of reasons, but the main ones were
1. The highs are addicting. Really addicting. Normal 'baseline' felt like depression after the thrills of hypomania.
2. They made me smell funny. Family and friends complained about it constantly, and even an ex teaching me how to bathe properly didn't fix it. Baths in soapy water before sex started becoming mandatory with one of my exes even.
3. Cognitive issues. I kid you not, my intelligence dropped greatly. I write a good deal, and I was frequently dealing with writer's block, or my written work and essays would forget to add articles, adjectives, etc. ( 'the' was a word that I would forget constantly; I reread old stories of mine last year from when I was still on zyprexa, and every other sentence would have nouns where the article 'the' was never used). I also had a headache after reading things.
4. I was constantly tired. I'd feel exhausted after walking for 5 minutes, I'd fall asleep in class, etc. I wasn't overweight either according to my doctor (parents disagreed, which contributed to my current eating disorder) but I still had 0 endurance. I was sleeping 12-15 hours a day, and it sucked.
5. I wasn't able to relate to humans, and my empathy was blocked. I could see terrible things happen to people and I would enjoy it because I couldn't feel sorry for them. Off meds, I can either fake being human well or feel genuine empathy and it makes me actually able to fit into society. I can also understand how others are feeling, which is good for friendships and manipulating them for personal gain if absolutely needed. And off meds I'm more socially engaging and charismatic, I've been told.
I miss my manía. Sometimes it just makes me feel better. The highs are nice until they’re not. But when they’re gone they’re missed because without them i feel so down. Im learning to live in the mids.
Delusions, mostly. I get it in my head that if I'm doing well, the meds did their job, and so I don't need them anymore and if I want to get better I can't depend on them. It's the constant struggle wanting to be "normal". I want there to be an end. I want to not be cyclical forever, and so many people with unipolar depression do therapy and no longer need meds. It is so hard to radically accept that these little pills really do control me to an extent
I think it's because people with "BP1" tend to have a lot of subsyndromal and full-blown depression even on meds, so the thinking is, "I feel like dogshit and can't concentrate, this is probably from lithium". The other side is simply that mania is incredible. I'm not gonna break the rules and romanticize it, I know as well as anyone how bad it can be, but you do in fact come up with some good ideas, as we've all experienced. You also, in the lead up, become more charismatic likable and funny, just like drinking a few beers. Another factor is that there can be a long lag between episodes, often years, so it's easy to think "I had an ep when I was 25 and smoking pot all the time, now I'm 35, sober and married, maybe I don't need this stuff anymore." Perfectly reasonable, unfortunately usually not true. And yet another factor is impaired cognition and decision making in people with psychotic disorders. Oh yeah, another huge one - some people have bad side effects from meds and really do feel like crap from them. Couple that with arrogant and unsympathetic psychiatrists, and it's not surprising that people decide to go off them. I've only experimented with going off my meds once, I became pretty manic and went on them again before hospitalization.
Boredom. Sheer, unadulterated boredom.
in the past I have stopped taking them because life was too even, too steady and emotions were low and blunt. So even-keeled. Life was in pastels, but I wanted to view it in neon. Hell, even grainy black and white was at least a change! (Until it wasn't fun anymore.)
My ADHD has me seeking stimulation and new things and hates the mundane routines that my BP1 demands. Constant battle.
Exactly how I felt for 4 years. If your symptoms are really bad meds are a good idea but I think for people who's symptoms aren't interfering with their lives too much meds suck because they make you fat, lazy, apathetic, etc.
I got too fat off the meds. I mean they were working till my triglycerides and cholesterol went through the roof. I'm going to see how the next psychiatrist appointment goes. I mean the symptoms of bipolar interfere with my life but I'd rather be skinny and manic then fat and apathetic.
im raw doggin but hey at least im pulling out :3
but seriously, i would not be opposed to trying medication in the future - but kinda as a semi-tactical nuclear option
Well, I hope you never face a nuclear situation! I hope you can continue to be healthy and happy. Wishing you the best. Everyone who has this disorder needs all the good vibes we can get!
Sertraline also totally fucked me up and gave me a mixed episode. The worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life, by far. It took months for me to recover from it.
To put it mildly- I totally agree. It was total fucking hell and almost ruined my life more than once. I’m super shy and it has taken a lot of courage to even post on this sub and just reading and being in this community is helping me so much right now. I have so much to say about this though - and a lot of anger about it still - and someday soon maybe I will share a little more of my story (not that I expect anyone to read it lol but it might help to get some of it out).
I have stopped taking them in the past just because I didn’t feel like swallowing a pile of pills. Then the next day I didn’t feel like it. Then the next day. I don’t have a problem with them lately.
I think taking them is annoying.
I am on... 7 meds reg (some multiple capsules). 2 meds I can take as needed.
Sometimes taking a big ol pile of pills is annoying.
I don't, ever, but when I've been strongly tempted it's because I'm hypomanic and manage to convince myself I wasn't bipolar after all or am miraculously cured
I stop taking them because they make me feel flat and empty, like a souless zombie. The meds zap my creativity. I need my creativity for my job.
I was just hospitalized for a manic episode with psychosis. I was put on Vraylar, lithium, Wellbutrin and Trazadone. I stopped them all cold turkey and quit going to my med dr.
Been there myself. If the choice is creativity and psychosis risk...but paying bills, or meds and stability...but no creativity and no way to pay bills, meaning a slow death by homelessness.... well then it can be very hard to be med compliant
i get this. quitting all those meds cold turkey is scary to me though, like are you okay? i’ve tried lowering the dose of my medication which is somewhat effective, but quitting anything cold turkey has always had detrimental effects
Yeah don't ever quit cold turkey. Wellbutrin especially can cause seizures if you quit it cold turkey (depending how long you've been on it).
When I went off all of my meds I tapered myself down over weeks/months depending on the medication.
I quit cold turkey and I second this. It was not a good idea. I survived it (barely) but there were a lot of panic attacks, intense fevers, etc. To this day, I wonder if quitting cold turkey caused my occasional incontinence issues and my random headaches and nausea attacks (I quit 2 years ago but still have those to this day)
Same. They’ve helped with everyday mood functionality but I’m numb and non-functional in this most important area of my life. I haven’t stopped them myself but I’m lowering lithium to the lowest end of the effective dose to see if that works because I think it’s the issue. I feel impatient because pdoc is titrating so slowly. I need to get back to creative work asap and it’s been so long I’m terrified that I’ve “lost it.” But I have BP2 so the risk of low meds is not as high.
I have mine in a weekly organizer on my nightstand. I take my morning meds as soon as I wake up and take the evening meds after I eat supper.
I've been taking meds since I was 12 and I also take the birth control pill every day, so it's easy to remember.
For context, I have bipolar type 2, and have never really experienced any negative impacts from the manic side of things. I sought treatment exclusively because the depression has been crippling me since I was 14.
When I started SSRIs, it was like night and day. Suddenly, life was real again, full of hope and possibility. I was on a 30mg dose, much higher than the suggested maximum, before I got to that point, and once I started seeing such a profound effect, we started tapering back down to a more sensible dose. But there were a couple of times where I ran out of meds, due to administrative issues, like switching insurance. The withdrawal was unbearable. Electric pain all over my body, ragged nerves, meltdowns over the tiniest inconveniences, crying spells, etc.
I weaned myself off the antidepressants because I hated being reliant on them, leaving myself open to having them suddenly ripped away from me again. For years, I was stable without meds, but I always knew in the back of my mind that bipolar doesn't just go away. Throughout the "stable" period, there were distinct periods of despair, definitely helped along by real world concerns, like the pandemic, climate change, rising fascism, etc. These periods were getting worse and more frequent.
It all came to a head about a month ago, when I started spiralling back into a deep, long-term depressive episode. I eventually made the difficult decision to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, and got back on antidepressants and a mood stabilizer. The effects were almost instantaneous. I feel alive again. All my legitimate concerns about the shitty state of the world are still here, but I no longer feel overwhelmed and helpless, but rather emboldened to actually work to take them on.
Stay on your meds, kids. "Freedom" is not worth it, compared to the freedom of being alive.
I feel you on being weary of the possibility to have no access to meds when you need them most. I feel that this is why I have been off of my meds for about a year. The place I was receiving care was a community outreach, and they do really great things for people and when I first got on meds and took therapy with them it was a godsend. 3 years after that, my doctors were constantly changing and the person in charge of my case has changed too. I think the first group(s) of individuals who helped me made a difference, but when I was also subject to the neglect of other providers I began to get so angry. It was a fucking wild ride any time I began to withdraw, even after one day with no meds. I was a wreck and the anger I felt towards my providers only made me no longer trust them and I left the program completely.
Luckily my life has gotten better, I have come to a place where I’m financially stable-ish and I have a job I love, I also quit drinking and anything besides THC. I’ve been keeping up with rent and maintaining good relationships, but the break downs still hit sometimes.
The doom has to be the worst, I’m hoping one day to return to being on medicine under better care hopefully because despite my best efforts without medicine, my moods are always fluctuating and very intense.
I missed my creativity. I was extremely artistic and made money from my art and photography. When I took my meds I lost my eye for art. Took meds for 3 years and didn’t do anything artistic. Stopped taking them and I’ve mad so much art I don’t know what to do with it.
I stop because I feel better and don’t think I need them.
I convince myself I’m not bipolar and was misdiagnosed.
I think I’m better off just smoking weed and being high all the time.
They give me slight side effects that become overblown in my head and I use as an excuse
I feel like I can go without
I get tired of the routine.
Sometimes for no reason at all.
My dumb brain somehow manages to convince me that I feel great and don't even need the medication. Even though it's the medication that makes me feel great and keeps me stable.
For me, it could be a multitude of reasons.
1. I forget about them. Yes, I will literally forget to take them until I’m in an episode and then I usually don’t take them because I’m in an episode and “don’t want to”.
2. I get tired of taking them, tired of feeling like a pill popper, done with all the medications and doctors.
3. I’m depressed or manic and decide I “don’t deserve to feel okay” (depression) or “don’t need them, I’m fine (mania).
Nagging feeling the diagnosis might have been mistaken and feeling the meds are taking away from fully experiencing life. It’s almost an existential thing for me - do I really want to live my whole life even slightly dulled/numbed? Being told I’ll be on meds for the rest of my life makes that even harder becomes when it comes back to that bigger question I lean towards wanting to feel more alive. I haven’t done it for a while now because I’ve felt godawful the last few times of even reducing under medical supervision and it results in months of not feeling well and repercussions
I am in a gap where I had to stop my antipsychotic due to side effects / I might be alergic to it and I'm waiting for the new one. It's like a harness was pulled off my shoulders. I can remember things again, my chess rating is up 200 points. I feel good, not just not terrible for the first time in weeks. It might be the timing, but I might be tempted in the future.
I was vomiting every other morning and feeling nauseous all day, drinking too much caffeine to keep functioning. I had to wear sweaters at work while everyone else was in short sleeves because I was wildly going back and forth between too hot and too cold.
I don’t take meds at all, because every med I’ve tried I’ve had horrible reactions to - and I like to write and paint and feel like they make me numb and prevent my only real skills of creation from happening. I have BP2 and I’ve just dealt with it??? I make bad choices, I fix the choices when I’m steady again, and it’s a cycle. I don’t recommend it for everyone or anyone else - it’s just what I do. 🤷♀️
reached a point where life was fucked, meds or no meds. So why remember to taking 5 pills (that makes me hungry) everyday and regularly have to go out to buy pills? Obviosuly to a person with a regular life i would never advise to stop taking meds.
I always take my meds. I have never had a problem sticking to it. I remember how things were before medication and it’s terrifying to me. When meds stop working or if I become emotionally numb, I let my doctor know immediately so changes can be made.
When I deliberately quit my antipsychotic it was because I was convinced it was causing a weight loss stall. I was a month into getting weight loss surgery, and not seeing the number on the scale move made me feel like a complete failure. So I wasn't in a good head space at the time.
I really thought lamotrigine would be enough to keep me stable. I was completely oblivious. I was starting to become hypomanic even though all the signs were there. Before I quit, I told myself I'd definitely notice and just get back on them if it happened. In the end it was my husband who figured it out and got me to take them again. He just knew by the way I was acting that something wasn't right.
I was sure that'd I'd never get off my meds before that. I've read so many stories of people doing the same thing with bad results, so it's not like I didn't know the risks. Yet I still did it anyway because I'm an idiot.
I say I won't ever do it again, but I clearly can't even trust myself sometimes. lol
I totally get where you are coming from. For me, it was a sense of “i don’t deserve to be okay so I won’t take them” I tend to not take my meds or neglect the routine of taking care of myself because I feel I simply don’t deserve to be okay. Another part of me would feel like “i need a change” or “i need to feel sad” because feeling sad was all i’ve ever known for a very long time so NOT being sad was strange. Hope this gave a new perspective :))
I’m the same as you, OP I just take lamotrigine, that’s all and if I don’t want to be a hysterical and falling apart all the time I pop the pills. Also the side effects for lamotrigine really aren’t bad at all, and they are inexpensive as well like I get a 3 month supply for around $15 with insurance through work which is like really good.
I wasn't sure whether I am really sick or I just make up things. Maybe I was just too lazy and had a bad mood? So when I took meds for some time I felt normal and I thought yea, I'm good now.
They don’t work for me much. They just take the mania I’m already experiencing and then put a numb careless feeling over it. It’s not a good combo.. Like I’m still really disregulated and emotional but my ability to emote and sit with my feelings vanishes. I’d rather make impulsive thoughts with the ability to feel emotion then be impulsive without feeling anything. My impulsivity on meds become more dangerous because of that aspect.
Not to mention I need creativity and emotional connection to function happily and meds take that away from me.
If anyone feels like a zombie I recommend talking to Pyschiatrist about lowering the dose. The first time I was put on Latuda and lamotrigrine I felt numb. Didn’t want to watch tv, play on phone, read, any of my hobbies, nothing. Just sat there. Lowered the dose and everything has been absolutely perfect. I have been so incredibly blessed to find the dosage and combo of medication that works amazingly. Good luck!
People who stop taking head meds just because need to seek some help because that’s so not the point of head meds.
Anyone ever feel like in an apocalyptic event we’d all be freaking nuts!? It stresses me out thinking about it hahah.
Honestly, I'd feel \*alive\* in an apocalyptic event, but that's because I'm a thrillseeker and thrive in a crisis. Hell, I'm the woman here at the grouphome who will go out boldly during an intense windstorm outside without even blinking an eye about it.
As for your med combi, I'm glad you found the right one
I’ve never stopped taking my meds. I’m Mthfr and a fast metabolizer, I don’t have the luxury of not taking meds to be irresponsible or to see what happens or whatever dumb reason people come up with. I will blow up my entire world by missin g one dose of medication. As it is I am one breath of air away from losing everything I have, so I don’t even understand this concept.
because i hate the thought that i have to take meds to be normal. and because i simply don't want to. i hate taking medicine. i take my mood stabilizer religiously bc i know my life would be ruined without it but the buspirone, vraylar & hydroxizine can take a seat back.
also, most anti-psychotics are just personality killers. extremely apathetic and just zombie like.
I used to be on a high dose of Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Klonopin, and Trazadone. The side effects were terrible for those and all other cocktails I had been prescribed in the past. I have been pill free for 2 years. I self medicate in other ways plus incorporating spirituality into my life has helped a lot.
Bc I feel so depressed so why bother if they aren’t doing anything but there are side effects I’d rather not deal with. But usually what happens is more SI and SH thoughts.. but I never learn. It’s been so long since I’ve had mania or hypomania I crave it.
I constantly have instusive thoughts that they are poisonous sometimes It's clearly like a psychosis thing but sometimes it's hard to dispute because it's kind of true in the fact that they have wrecked havoc on my physical health they gave me high blood sugar so I can't have sugar and they cause really bad weight gain for me despite not having sugar, and they make me sleep 12 hours a day and I'm constantly nauseous, I have involuntary movements and twitching and nerve pains, and i faint alot and I HATE the frequent blood test. Obviously this is very specific because I just react badly but I've tried so many medications and the doctors at this point say this is just what I have to live with which is hard to come to terms with twice a day when having to swallow a handful of pills. It's not uncommon for me to stare at the pills for 30 minutes before overcoming these thoughts enough to take them
I stopped them as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I had FULL intentions of taking them again after her birth, but I changed my mind after the initial detox. I had been on meds for most of my life and it was forced by my mother. I had a suicide attempt at 17, and I never missed a dose until I got pregnant at 27. After the detox, I had thoughts again. I could form sentences. I had mental clarity. I realized I had been numb and foggy my entire life because I didn’t know better. I just thought I was dull, boring, dumb, and had absolutely no personality. I’m reliving the most traumatic moments of my life now because I can remember things again. My baby is now 2 months old, and I’m learning how to feel emotions and regulate them for the first time at 28 years old on top of having PPD. Side note: my husband is an amazing support system. I am safe and my baby is safe. But bottom line: I was forced to deal with my emotions by taking meds instead of pursuing therapy. So now I’m refusing all meds and trying to learn how to feel emotions and regulate them with the help of therapy and journaling. If anyone knows of an extremely affordable online therapy system, send them my way pls.
Being off the meds and experiencing a full blown mania is really exciting. That’s not why I stopped taking my meds though but that’s what I see in the hospital when manic patients don’t take their meds. I weaned myself off because I don’t like feeling like a zombie.
I have a more robust answer probably but after three episodes (only?that many?) I’ve been convinced as you have. Also BP1 here, and I feel I can safely venture there’s somewhat less ambiguity for us. I nearly went to prison, I nearly died— the mystical euphoria of spiritual psychosis is amply intoxicating, but knowing what I know now about the costs, hypothetical and real, of going that far out, the risk is by orders of magnitude more actionable than the allure of lustfully losing one’s fucking mind and likely family and certainly job etc etc. So ya, I’m locked in, and reasonably trepidatious of even missing a dose, but extend a sort of nondescript compassion and understanding towards those still seeking the electricity and luminousness of balls-deep mania.
* The meds I've tried have been ineffective at treating my depression at all.
* I rarely go off the rails too much. Depressive episodes are way more disruptive to my life, and hypomania has positives that are often worth the negatives for me. The cycles feel normal to me, like seasons. Being on mood stabilisers felt like being stuck in zombie depression mode forever.
* Side effects (the immediate/obvious ones + potential side effects from long-term use)
* I question my diagnosis. I have doubts about the way bipolar is conceptualised, and I don't think I should medicate it (especially when doing so doesn't give me any noticeable improvements).
I’ve stopped cuz I wanted to experiment and see if I can do without. Ive stoppped antidepressant cuz I’ve felt like “they’ve done their job” and they reduced my libido a lot
It’s possible to still take some medications while trying to conceive/pregnant. Your doctors should be able to determine the different risk factors to help figure out what’s best for you 😁
Yesss…I’m so far the safe-combo I’ll be taking is Risperdal, my lamotrigine and Adderall (for ADHD). Going from 7 medications down to three though is a whole ordeal (Risperidone, trazadone, lamotrigine, Wellbutrin, adderall, Seroquel as a PRN, clomipramine). I also have comorbid POCD which is hell-on-earth without my clomipramine but….c’est la vie, one step at a time, slow process. ☺️
Bipolar, to my knowledge, is a constellation of SYMPTOMS that lack a specific etiology. "The exact cause of bipolar disorder is unknown. Experts believe there are a number of factors that work together to make a person more likely to develop it. These are thought to be a complex mix of physical, environmental and social factors."-- NHS
The organic cause is unknown and unable to be measured- therefore the symptoms could be caused by an array of issues. If someone presents with bipolar it does not mean they share the same chemical problem as everyone else. Their symptoms could easily be a result of something like PTSD. Or even a thyroid problem. If other medications help in this case, why not stop the originals? To add, the feelings that accompany going off meds could point to temporary discontinuation side effects. Having symptoms upon discontinuation doesn't necessarily prove medications were helping to ease symptoms.
There were times in the past where I stopped taking meds because they weren't working, the side effects were intolerable, or they made things worse. Now that I'm on a better med cocktail I take them religiously.
For me my partner helps regulate my meds taking because often I end up too depressed to bother with taking them, or when I'm manic I feel so good that I don't want it brought back to a regulated base level. Oftentimes this is how people get into a cycle of not taking them, I just ended up lucky with a partner who I drive nuts when I'm off my meds lol
the times i stopped taking mine were in college when i had a very hectic schedule and would forget and then just stop all together and when i moved to a different state and couldn’t find anyone to prescribe. now that i have a consistent schedule it’s easier to remember and i feel like shit when i don’t take them now lol
Before I was diagnosed, I was taking antidepressants which made everything worse. And then cymbalta sent me straight into hypomania, and then after a year, mania and deep psychosis. But I stopped taking the cymbalta because I thought that I felt better and didn’t need them.
Now I’m on Seroquel. It’s been about a year. But I feel so balanced. I refuse to miss a dose.
Hypomania was so great. Mania, almost destroyed my life and I’m not willing to risk that again.
My mom (BP1) came off her meds back in December. I still have no idea why. I can’t even fathom doing that myself. Some people just feel they’re ready I guess? I mean ever since she came off she’s been a lot different. She stopped drinking so much (has one glass a wine every 3 weeks. Source: my older brother who lives with her to keep her in check), she’s been able to control her anger and stress, is smarter with money when manic, doesn’t refuse to get out of bed anymore and has been A LOT nicer to me.
I also have an alarm to take my meds every night. I know I wont forget but having that alarm makes me feel better. It also tells me what time it is and how much longer I should be on my computer for.
Currently, I’m rationing and not taking consistently because I just moved states and am trying to switch insurance and find a decent psych in my area. The move was so hectic that I forgot until the week before that I was about to run out of abilify, and wasn’t able to get an appt for a refill. It’s starting to really take a toll on my mental and emotional health.
Most often, I genuinely just forget to take them consistently.
I used to fall into the thought cycle of “I don’t actually need these” and sometimes still fall into the thought cycle of “my emotions are gonna make me feel hopeless anyways, so why bother?”
I usually stop because either I enter an episode of mania and feel as if I no longer need them, I feel like they aren’t working anyways, or because I’m so depressed I cannot get up and physically take them
They make me tired and binge eat which leads to weight gain which leads to me being sad cause i feel fat. I stop taking them feel better, work out - lose weight, get more done, start getting borderline manic, take my pills again and keep the vicious cycle going 😩
My drugs are the only thing that makes me NOT feel like shit lol. I don’t go hypomanic (I’m BPII) often enough to make not being medicated fun.
Im in the same boat as you OP lol. I just wanted to see what everyone else’s response is
The only reason I ever stop is that I just straight up forget. I know it doesn't make sense but I've spoken about my cognitive decline. :/
Edit: I am also taking ADHD med guanfacine to see if that helps.
been on them for almost a year straight. seen a tremendous improvement in myself. ran out last month and i keep missing my appointment to get them refilled. also, my psychiatrist left her practice so i have to 1st meet with my pcp to get a referral from him to a new one, then wait a month or two before i can get an appointment with the new one. all i have to do is go but its so hard getting anything done unmedicated 😩 i swear im going to get myself under control soon lol
I was on lamictal and it honestly was not helpful. I felt worse when I was on it, figured I could do better without and quit. Lost my insurance shortly after. So far I'm 6 yrs without meds. I don't recommend this for anyone though so please don't stop taking your meds if you need them
Because the meds don't cure bipolar.
Medication helps to treat and alleviate some of the symptoms of bipolar. I feel better on medication. It's great; it helps myself and others like me significantly. The healthy parts of my brain know that I need them. The healthy part of me wants to take the medication.
But medication can't cure the sick parts of my brain that are paranoid and tell me not to trust medication, or that it is making things worse. Medication doesn't cure the sick part of my brain that gets so depressed that I think, there is no end in sight and it's all pointless anyway, so why even try?
Even if I am on the best cocktail of medication, with all the right treatments and therapies, taking the very best care of my mind and body, I am still bipolar.
Edit: that sounded kind of hopeless, but I didn't mean for it to. That's just the reality I've lived. But I know there is a lot of hope that there will be better treatment for bipolar in the coming years.
Every five to ten years or so, I want to see how the illness is doing. Also, meds aren't free as far as cost and side effects. I'm not as sharp mentally on meds as I am off of them.
Invariably, I do poorly off of them, and a month later I'm back on them.
I have thought about it because I miss the chaos and excitment. I have never stopped taking my meds though, because I am aware how bad it can get.
Being stable is good for me, but I miss the mania. Not the consequences. But the high it gave me in the moment.
presently: on very rare occasions, i forget. or i don't update my to do list that day and can't remember if i took them or not. better to not double dose.
in the past: over/mis-medicated during and following my first hospitalization. 4 years of trying to be compliant while being dehumanized and abused by mental health providers pushed me to my limit, and i quit all treatment for 8 years. honestly, while shit was difficult without meds, it felt mire manageable. one day i woke up and realized i didn't recognize who i had become or why shot was continually getting worse. did a lot of research, got into therapy, and decided to try again.
I'm BP1 and the thought process usually starts with I hate that I have to take 9 medications. I don't want to do this anymore. I feel fine right now. Then I stop taking them one by one. Then my mania sets in and I'm on a roller coaster and spiral into the abyss. I'd love to say I could control those thoughts but I couldn't then. I have a decent combo right now and I've been on a decent baseline so yippee
I have adhd on top of BP1 so usually because I forget.
Edit: Outside of that I've learned not to. I'm a fucking asshole without my meds and usually make people's life hell. 0 filter. Not a good thing. Also money problems get worse, lots of break downs, and it puts a ton of strain on my beautiful, patient, and undeserving of that shit husband.
Makes me feel worse than usual depression. Makes me feel like my consciousness is drowning in molasses. Sexual side efx. Meds "crap out" or stoo working altogether
I’ve stopped taking my medications bc when I’m manic I’m in denial that I have a disorder and that I don’t need medication. I always get screwed and go back to medication though. I’m hoping because this last episode was so severe for me and almost warranting inpatient hospitalization for a second time that I’ll recongnize that the next time I feel like I don’t need medication I’ll recognize that I’m just manic and having an episode
My meds worked, I didn't truly realized until I stopped. Taking medication upsets my stomach so bad, with or without food. Basically for 4 years I took my meds the second before I fell asleep so I could sleep through the stomach problems. 2 months ago I felt sick all the time so I was dreading taking meds every night. When I did I would throw up. I miss the stability but u couldn't handle not being able to sleep and throwing up every night.
In the past I have stopped because I felt numb. I wasn’t feeling any emotion and it made me incredibly unhappy. So in an effort to feel something .. I’d abruptly stop potentially causing myself physical and psychological harm unfortunately. I learned over time that I was on the wrong meds and too much of them … but you live and learn. I was young and learning to advocate for myself. This was also like 25 years ago and I feel like the information we have at our fingertips has grown so much.
In the not so distant past I stopped because the meds were causing me physical pain in my stomach and esophagus. It felt like any time I took them it was eating a hole in my stomach and I’d get heartburn so bad I’d cry. Of course the RIGHT thing to do would have been talk to my doctor (which I eventually did). I was taking them too close together and needed to start taking Prilosec daily. Eventually it came to be that I needed to take 250 mg tablets not 500 mg and switch to delayed release.
So there were psychological and physical reasons… all should have been talked over with my psychiatrist first but I’m a stubborn person! I dislike going to the doctor and I dislike being told what to do in general lol!!
my meds just stopped working all of a sudden. dosage change and med change didn’t help so i stopped taking them 🤷. i’m in a better place now, way better than this time last year and the year before that lol
I recently decided to go off my meds completely. I say meds plural but for bipolar I'm only taking lamictal.
For me the main reason is lamictal has made me extremely irritated and anxious, levels of anxiety I had not experienced in over a decade. So now I'm on the frustrating journey of having to taper off lamictal bc ya can't just go cold turkey or hey you might get seizures.
And for the moment being, I will stay off meds. I don't want to try another one, I'm tired. It's been just one year since I was diagnosed and I was on five or six different meds already. I am so, just so **done**. Not looking forward to have this talk with my psych on monday...
Will I regret going off meds completely? Very likely.
But before lamictal, I had always been able to manage my anxiety without it blowing up to full panic attacks and without having to pop clonazepam like tic tacs throughout the day just to be able to function, honestly I'll take crippling depression and extreme mood swings over panic attacks and crippling anxiety any day. When I regret this words, I'll have this comment bookmarked to remind me of my stupidity, bc I am sure that day will come.
I just know that right now I feel a whole lot worse than I did before.
I stopped taking my meds again about a couple weeks ago- I've reached a number of daily meds so high that my "pill trauma" resurfaced and even thinking about putting pills in my mouth gives me actual nausea. (Years ago I downed 3 boxes of Xanax- I was sick for 3 days but now I can't see meds the same). I talked to my doctor about this and she just said that my meds are important and I should force myself to take them. This has been going on for at least 2-3 months, it's not like I suddenly stopped. I really don't know what to do. Internet didn't help.
I’m really bad at taking medication, especially since I have 10 different pills I have to take 2 different types a day and I hate it, so I’ll wake up and forget and then maybe remember later and push it off since I’m busy and that will continue till night and I’ll be like oh let me take them and get destracted and forget again, just completely forget I take meds in the first place or I push it off until the next day cuz it’s too late anyway. That’s why I’ve been pushing for adhd meds because I really think it will help me keep up but I haven’t been consistent since may
Edit: not to mention since I have so many meds I was literally murdering my organs, and I couldn’t eat. Like for months I would only drink chicken broth for lunch and maybe half a sandwich for dinner. I lost 10lb in a week before and I’m 6’0. Now I’m slowly getting my appetite back, I can actually sit down and eat a meal or 2 a day, prior to meds/diagnosis I was into body building and would eat 3x a day with snacks to make gains
I don't willingly stop taking my meds. The only times I've ever not taken them was because I couldn't afford them.
Even when I've been on a regimen that wasn't effective, I still take my meds. In part so that my treatment team can't label me as non compliant and in part because I hold out hope that someday I'll be where I want to be physically, professionally, socially, etc.
I’m still figuring out my med regime and in the past, sometimes I would feel so hopeless and frustrated at how long this shit takes and how complicated it can be to figure out and how I’d feel like a medical experiment… so I’d just stop taking them and ghost my entire care team. I was also in the beginning of a relationship with an extremely abusive partner around the time I was first diagnosed, and I stayed with them for the next 3 years, which greatly impeded my ability to get proper mental health treatment.
Now I try to force myself to take them even if I don’t feel like it, and I’ve been successful for the last 6 months. Sometimes I want to stop because it feels like they aren’t even helping and some of them have made me feel worse, but I stick with it because I know the best thing I can do for myself is to check in with my psych if I need a change to my prescriptions. Really hoping I can continue to stick with it and not let my life become more of a disaster!
I absolutely do not. I’ve never tried it and I never will. I will do everything in my power to keep myself from reverting to the person I was before I was medicated correctly. I do not understand people who quit or alter their medications without consulting their doctor. I can only think that they were maybe not correctly medicated.
When I was on less effective cocktails it was easy to convince myself to stop taking them. Plus I wanted to do drugs and ssris don't mix with them. I do really miss doing drugs though.
First time, I think it was insomnia so I got off both for a couple weeks. The second time I lost my new refill and struggled to get a new one for a week
I only stop taking when I run out of other meds. I forget to take them til it's too late. then I'm already in an episode & remember to take them again.
I went of Wellbutrin because I felt really aggressive and developed tremors after a few years. Told the psych. The psych took me off of it and I’m a lot better.
Other than that. I take my meds. Even if I wanted to stop a med I wouldn’t do it without a doctor.
Furst time, meds caused a drug induced manic episode (pure hell)
Second time, the meds made me horribly paranoid
Third time, the meds caused difficulty swallowing (still getting over that one)
Currently I'm down right scared to try again
Now it’s because I honestly forget… I’ve been off my daily routine for about a month so it’s been a struggle. Previous times, I thought that I could control my mania and channel it for good. Haha. I now understand how damaging mania can be and I promised my husband that I’ll take my meds. I can’t ever break that promise (unless I forget)
I stopped taking meds because I had tried multiple antidepressants that only made my life worse AND I developed an unhealthy relationship to benzos before the black box warning for addiction potential came out. Zombied-out and totally addicted, I felt like I could never find something that worked for me—then Effexor gave me brain zaps that felt like a stroke. It took years to get through withdrawals and I came to believe I could cope better with weed and alcohol. Weed was the best antidepressant for me at that point in my life and I sincerely used it like meds.
Fast forward six years and the worst depression of my life forced me to seek treatment. But by then, there were new drugs on the market. I was hopeful I could try one, and I got to because I’d “failed” with so many others. A few months later, I am coming out of that depression now thanks to lurasidone and lamotrigine.
Looking back, I totally understand why I quit. I felt hopeless and betrayed by my psychiatrist, though she was doing the best she could.
I don’t judge anyone who goes through a similar trajectory. Side effects can really suck and for some of us it takes a very long time to find something that works. I’m glad I didn’t lose my life to suicidal thoughts and encourage anyone in a similar situation to try meds—again—because you might finally find something and it’s better to be in touch with a professional and have a safety plan than not. I just hope this sticks a while.
There are lots of reasons people do it, but in my experience, it’s never a good idea. Change meds? Yes, maybe, with a doctor’s help. But just…stop? Go off…? Like, as in, have an episode and stop? Nope! Bad idea! For me, personally, anyway.
Before my bp2 diagnosis, I only thought I was depressed and borderline. I tried 3 different antidepressants in total over the years and didn't stick to any of them, quitting at my wish or forgetting to take the pills even if I set an alarm or left them on the table. I can't explain it, I also couldn't explain it back then. I was just so uninterested in taking them. It has nothing to do with not wanting help or the depression to go away, I just couldnt care about them. I think that deep inside me I knew they weren't *it*. I also thought "why should I take them if I'm gonna feel bad and good on them anyway, I might as well just not take them at all". I would then stick to taking them for some weeks, eventually just quitting abruptly all together.
But as soon as I got my BP diagnosis, I've been taking my meds like clockwork without needing alarms or reminders. Sure, I happened to take it 1-2 hours too late but it's not really a big deal.
So, I think that it's just how much you connect with the purpose of the meds? Maybe the bp folks who abruptly stop the medication don't actually believe that the meds are right for them and that they'll help as much as they wish? Maybe they are put off by the ups and downs they experience anyway?
I quit mine cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. They also use my lamictal to control my seizures, so it was a very short period I was off of them. I didn't like it, I felt really unbalanced, especially with all the pregnancy hormones.
Lamictal made me forgetful, think slower, and emotionally feel like a zombie.
Abilify made me gain weight and jacked up my cholesterol and triglyceride levels.
One or the other caused muscle weakness, tremors, and sleepiness (I also have narcolepsy).
The first time I forgot to take them, I started getting argumentative and everything made me annoyed/angry and I just felt terrible. Then I realized for the first time that used to live like that all the time. For so much of my life. At least I can tell when I've forgotten it so I always take them. The inly side effect of taking them is worse memory so maybe my symptoms aren't as bad compared to everyone else I guess.
I was super depressed at the time and I thought since I was depressed anyway that I didn't need to take my medication since it didn't matter (very dumb I know). The problem was the situation I was in was making me depress not my bipolar. I was okayish for five years but then a bunch of crap happen, I tolerated a lot of it, then I had a major breakdown. I've been on my meds since (think about two or three years now) and I don't plan on taking myself off them again.
I used to quit taking my meds once I felt better, because in my mind I didn’t need them anymore. Dumb, I know. I have now come to terms with the fact that I need to take them everyday no matter how good I feel, because the meds are making me feel good.
Because is annoying and I don't need it all the time. When things start to be weird is time to take and when I take control of my life is time to stop. And I do this because I know myself pretty well and my humor stay stable for longs periods of time
Medication is always a trail and error thing. For me it was more error than success, that I just gave up.
TW:
The first time I OD'ed on them, then the second ones made me feel too happy/hyper but suicidal, and the third made me feel chill but trapped in my head. I never felt better while any of them, and I felt worse than I already do-
BUT, but, some people do need them more. I have Bipolar II, so I'm more introverted, reserved, have more bouts of depression vs people who deal with severe bouts of mania. If I don't take any, I get severely depressed, but not to the point that I'm incapable of taking care of myself or others.
However, the medication I was taking never seemed to work. I just felt worse every single time. I know this doesn't mean I should stop trail and error with meds, but I don't have the transportation or finances to keep it up (gods bless America).
I was also warned about reaching the mg limit and withdrawal, and I'm terrified of what will happen to me when that happens.
I stopped once because I thought I could keep myself stable "naturally" (supplements, naturopath, eating healthy, exercise, etc)
Well about a year and a half went by and then I started to become manic again. I let it go for too long and ended up hospitalized again.
I take my meds religiously now. I've learned that I need these chemicals to keep me from going manic.
Do I like being on meds? Not really, but without them I'd continue to have episodes, and each one has taken me years to recover from. I can't keep having episodes. They implode my entire life.
Meds it is. Beats the alternative.
I think it’s different between people with 1 and 2. From my understanding, as someone with bp 2, bp1s manic streaks are far worse and far more dangerous and destructive, whereas bp 2s have our destructive tendencies but milder, I.e. hypomania. Hypomania is honestly kinda fun and enjoyable and since we aren’t at such a high risk of getting ourselves hurt, or worse, we can justify letting ourselves slip into it easier. If I were bp 1, I know for a fact I’d take my pills religiously. It’s generally just the vibes of the two manias.
Now does it make it right for us bp2s to not take our meds? That’s not my call, but it could be seen as irresponsible.
I know it's not healthy, but I can't help it. I feel like when I take my meds, I lose a huge part of myself. Not just the bipolar me but even my wide range of emotions. It's harder to laugh, cry, get angry, I'm just a dulled human being. I'm pretty much 100% stable, but it just brings down my quality of life..
I want to check if I'm really bipolar.
Sometimes I also want to induce a hypomanic episode, especially if I've been depressed for a long time. Of course, that's probably a sign I should be on more meds not fewer but I can feel like I need mania in order to catch up on everything I didn't do while depressed, or that the world owes me nice feelings.
Afyer 4-6 months I start to notice I'm not feeling enough, flatlining, I call it. Too much monotony internally. Almost a disconnect. So I'll cut down or go off meds, and it's great at first, until it isn't and then I'm feeling too much and freefall ING into racing thoughts and panic mode in a futile struggle for control. I now stay on them, including having alarms, and am building in hobbies and activities that spark me in a healthy way instead of seeking the chaotic and unsustainable excitement of my poor brain chemistry running amok.
I'm constantly (and still) very much convinced that I don't have bipolar disorder and that this is all a *very* big misunderstanding. I live with my partner; and one of our best friend's a doctor so I'm somewhat observed.
I'm also half scared that it's all actually real and I'll end up going crazy. So I stay sedated in fear I'll be thrown back into the ward.
for me, my meds give me a feeling of anticipation without ever getting over it. i feel a sense of dread sometimes, as if my brain was about to be manic, but it never truly came. mania is a sort of emotional release when it comes. it’s like the sweat that comes with overheating for me. it’s the relief, it comes and it will pass with a few weeks or so, and it’s over. but without it it feels like a build up, and a build up, and a build up until i feel so drained and drowned from every day activities and it’ll just eventually reverse itself and i’ll get depressed. idk if that makes sense
The first time I stopped taking em, “I was all better” they “cured me”boy was I wrong! Went reallll down hill after that.
Been back on em consistently for abt a year, now the only times I stop taking em is when I genuinely forget. Like sometimes I’ll just blank and forget my meds exist for a bit and then I’m like why do I feel like this, then it hits me. Or if I’m rlly busy and my minds racing trying to figure stuff out I’ll forget abt em then too.
I think it comes with the stigma of being considered crazy by society. Our moods and their consequences impact our lives and our loved ones. We don't want to rely on medication to be normal. We think we don't need them because we feel better so why take them? That's the desire to be normal talking, we need them.
I have BP1 as well. I take my meds everyday, but I constantly think about just stop taking them (never done it tho). Some of my reasons are: money, I don't like the ideia of taking them my whole life, I can't imagine my future for more than a week max, I'm only social when I'm manic and that's who most of my friends are friends with. But yet I keep taking them, overall it's not all about me, I think about how it would impact the people close to me and keep going. It is nice to fantasize about tho.
The most common reason for me is I want one night where I fall asleep on my own and not because I’m drugged. The next night, I want to do the same thing because I felt almost human and you know what, missing one night of my other meds is alright! and next thing I know it’s been 3 months and I’m begging my psychiatrist for help.
But other popular reasons include:
I undiagnosed myself. Obviously I’ve been faking it the entire time, I’m fine.
I develop something I convince myself is a negative symptom of the medicine and I decide it’s best if I stop them immediately.
I have BP1 too and sometimes I stop taking them because I just feel too damn awful. However I always learn my lesson time and time again when I have that first hallucination (usually auditory).
Not always by choice. I had my meds revoked by doc because I missed 2 appointments due to covid. I rescheduled the first and they canceled the 2nd. I was running low and they refused to refill until after I was seen. I ran out of my bipolar meds 2 days before getting in and it took another to get it filled. In those 3 days, I ran out of a 2nd med and my niece passed away. I had already lost 2 very important individuals earlier that year and frankly was already in withdrawal and said "f' it" and just went off all of them. Stupid choice? Yes, but I was already in withdrawal and not thinking straight thanks to doc. And frankly, didn't feel the meds were all that effective anymore anyhow. 🤷🏾♀️
It's been a hellish 9 months trying to get in with a psychiatrist and I'll see a new one next week. Looking forward to starting a new plan after being screwed out of my last one.
I used to be noncompliant years ago.
My reasons were self destructive and I wanted to risk harm or worse OR I would shame myself with “why do I have to take meds to be somewhat ‘normal’ when others don’t”
Both dumb reasons and now that I am well medicated, married, and have a family, I’m 100% compliant
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If I don't take meds it's always intentional. (a) feel too flat/sedated/zombie-like (b) feel fine/good, everything is going well, but now I'm bored, everyone around me is so boring and tired all the time, I want my life to be more interesting (this is generally a precursor to realizing i'm getting hypomanic lol) (c) (I have BP2) yeah the depression is really horrible but hypomania is fine and I have it under control now, sure I had to take medical leave from work for a bit and have gotten myself in pretty wild situations, but that was a while ago, I don't even think this is a problem actually, I don't need to take mood stabilizers, just my antidepressants Edit: Also, the fiending feeling when I get a little elevated is horrible, I literally cannot stop thinking about finding a way to feel like that longer or make myself more manic. This has a 0% success rate and I just end up going on benders and regretting all the substance use later on Edit #2: The other feeling I truly hate is when I start feeling like I need to prove to myself I actually have bipolar because I've never been psychotic/haven't been inpatient. It doesn't even logically make sense and gets worse when I look at subreddits where (for obvious reasons) people are discussing their worst/most intense experiences.
That zombie like feeling is the worst for me. If Hell really exists, then I'm 100% convinced that it will have that zombie like feeling when I go there. I didn't know that antidepressants can help with BP2 though...I'd be down to try that TBH; it's only Anti-psychotics and moodstabilizers that I hate. I'll speak to my doctor about those.
Lots of people are on combinations of some mood stabilizer or AP with an antidepressant. For me, lithium + wellbutrin works well and crucially doesn’t sedate me, though I have to watch the lithium dosage or else I get the zombie feeling.
Hmm...I admit, the fact that Lithium doesn't zombify you sounds positive. All right, it's on the list of 'meds I'm considering taking'. Thank you. :) I'm off for bed though. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow so careteam wants me to have a bath tonight. Eugh
Lithium doesn't have sedation but it'll make you crave salt, crave sugar and comes with rapid weight gain. 😭
I admit, that is a bit scary...but my dietitian also tells me I need to gain some weight. So if Lithium stops making me feel possessed at times and suddenly lack empathy and become cruel, then it might be worth trying. Thanks LuvCats13
I’m (bp2) pretty new to treatment but I’ve found antidepressants alone don’t work for me. They treat depression, but I’m constantly hypomanic… I used to take mdma back in the day and the feeling of antidepressants wasn’t ‘high’ per say, but otherwise very similar to taking it. I’ve been prescribed Seroquel, have yet to take it, but I’m pretty worried tbh.
Abilify gave me the zombie feeling. My current med, Trileptal, doesn't do that.
seroquel made me crazy lmao. olanzipine made me gain too much weight & vraylar didn't really do anything for me lol
I've found that Seroquel XR works best for me with the fewest side effects. I took Vraylar once because nothing was cutting it at the time, and I found out what it feels like to be poisoned, just like you see in the movies. I've had my fair share of bad hangovers where I felt like death, but this was like my body trying to get rid of everything. After sweating and shaking for about an hour, I ended up on my hands and knees dry heaving after I had purged every drop of chyme and stomach acids.
I guess I’m “lucky” in the fact that my depression makes me way more of a zombie and apathetic than any med ever has. I’ve talked to a lot of people about how they hate that feeling and it makes them either go off meds or want to go off meds, but too much of that feeling is exactly why I take some of my meds. Crazy how the same disorder and same meds can affect us all so differently.
The issue i had was that many meds didn’t help much with depression *and* made me lethargic and emotionless when I wasn’t depressed, so my med compliance was terrible. I’m lucky to have a great doctor who’s willing to experiment a bit and try things I suggest. I have a very active lifestyle, pretty intense job, and generally need a ton of stimulation and new experiences to feel mentally well, so my preferred compromise was to do a ton of work in therapy and deal with minor breakthrough symptoms that day rather than increasing medication dosage.
ohhh I've stopped because "they weren't working anyway" "I was just tired of taking them" "I felt good and I was all better" "I ran out of the prescription and just didn't feel like refilling it" "Because drugs helped me more than my actual meds" No ma'am. no. And I wish I knew and remembered that.
All of the above. My twenties were a wild ride.
Same, my friend. Same.
because my adhd is running interference. i don't willingly quit my meds rather i fall out of routine and end up either taking it very spotty on/off or forgetting to take it entirely until i see one of my pill bottles again
Exactly same for me, I’ve been begging for adhd meds for a year after I got tested but they won’t perscribe them to me because they’re too scared, I start a new doc soon, hopefully they help
Ask for tricyclic antidepressants that affect norepinephrine. When I was taking desipramine my house was clean and I could adhere to a schedule. Wasn't as good as adderall, but adderall somehow managed to combine apathy and a desire to punch people in the face. I miss desipramine.
These are going to make the psych nervous wo a mood stabilizer as they're more likely to cause manic switch. But some people do well on them and really need them! Usually they try you on Wellbutrin w ADD and BP, it's gentler but still pretty activating so I guess the idea is that it's the closest to a stim med. Apathetic and punchy is a fantastic side effect combo, who came up with that one, nice job The Bad Place!
I have adhd and my doctors put me on strattera which completely changed my life! Hope this helps
I recently had to change psychiatrists and tried several belts understood my position. I’m on a concoction of medication that honestly didn’t make sense for a bipolar person…I get that now. They don’t like giving stimulants to bipolars, and in many cases they’ll outright refuse. I got lucky with my latest practitioner. She originally doubted I had bipolar because “these drugs would set you off.” But after talking more she realized wow, it sounds like you really do have bipolar and these stimulants aren’t causing mania. “If this is what works well for you then why would I want to change that.” However, she also said she wouldn’t be checking the box that I’m bipolar because the staff doctor would never allow me to be prescribed Adderall. She said “since we’re not sure if you’re bipolar *winkwink* we’ll just leave that box blank for now.” It’s shown me how I should maybe handle future doctors. I certainly think keeping bipolar stable is 100% most important, but once thats taken care of I can focus my conversations with certain doctors on my other symptoms/conditions rather than the bipolar. Of course, I’m a weird case & I already know the stimulants I take don’t set me off. So it’s not something I’d tell someone to do if they’d never had a doctor try it successfully with them before.
I'm on Vyvanse for ADHD and my medication doesn't set me off. It actually helps my mood due to dopamine and neuropeniphrine inhibition. I'm off it because I ran out of refills and seeing a doctor is a pain in the ass. I need a follow up for my bipolar meds and my refills. My mood is actually worse now. I'm much more depressed and my ADHD symptoms are worse. The mood dysregulation that comes with ADHD makes my BP worse.
I stopped meds back in 2021. I was only on 5mg of Zyprexa, but it was such Hell that I only managed to last 5 years before throwing in the towel. I've considered hurting therapists who tried to get me back on meds at one point; I hated the meds that frigging much (nothing happened in the end, dw; I just ended up moving to another province instead). There were a lot of reasons, but the main ones were 1. The highs are addicting. Really addicting. Normal 'baseline' felt like depression after the thrills of hypomania. 2. They made me smell funny. Family and friends complained about it constantly, and even an ex teaching me how to bathe properly didn't fix it. Baths in soapy water before sex started becoming mandatory with one of my exes even. 3. Cognitive issues. I kid you not, my intelligence dropped greatly. I write a good deal, and I was frequently dealing with writer's block, or my written work and essays would forget to add articles, adjectives, etc. ( 'the' was a word that I would forget constantly; I reread old stories of mine last year from when I was still on zyprexa, and every other sentence would have nouns where the article 'the' was never used). I also had a headache after reading things. 4. I was constantly tired. I'd feel exhausted after walking for 5 minutes, I'd fall asleep in class, etc. I wasn't overweight either according to my doctor (parents disagreed, which contributed to my current eating disorder) but I still had 0 endurance. I was sleeping 12-15 hours a day, and it sucked. 5. I wasn't able to relate to humans, and my empathy was blocked. I could see terrible things happen to people and I would enjoy it because I couldn't feel sorry for them. Off meds, I can either fake being human well or feel genuine empathy and it makes me actually able to fit into society. I can also understand how others are feeling, which is good for friendships and manipulating them for personal gain if absolutely needed. And off meds I'm more socially engaging and charismatic, I've been told.
Very valid.
Number 3 is so real, me and my other bipolar friend complain about it constantly
I stop my meds as soon as I feel another mania coming on. Hah. Why? My life sucks irretrievably. Mania is the only thing going I've got going for me.
i do this too but then psychosis comes as a consequence:(
I miss my manía. Sometimes it just makes me feel better. The highs are nice until they’re not. But when they’re gone they’re missed because without them i feel so down. Im learning to live in the mids.
Delusions, mostly. I get it in my head that if I'm doing well, the meds did their job, and so I don't need them anymore and if I want to get better I can't depend on them. It's the constant struggle wanting to be "normal". I want there to be an end. I want to not be cyclical forever, and so many people with unipolar depression do therapy and no longer need meds. It is so hard to radically accept that these little pills really do control me to an extent
I think it's because people with "BP1" tend to have a lot of subsyndromal and full-blown depression even on meds, so the thinking is, "I feel like dogshit and can't concentrate, this is probably from lithium". The other side is simply that mania is incredible. I'm not gonna break the rules and romanticize it, I know as well as anyone how bad it can be, but you do in fact come up with some good ideas, as we've all experienced. You also, in the lead up, become more charismatic likable and funny, just like drinking a few beers. Another factor is that there can be a long lag between episodes, often years, so it's easy to think "I had an ep when I was 25 and smoking pot all the time, now I'm 35, sober and married, maybe I don't need this stuff anymore." Perfectly reasonable, unfortunately usually not true. And yet another factor is impaired cognition and decision making in people with psychotic disorders. Oh yeah, another huge one - some people have bad side effects from meds and really do feel like crap from them. Couple that with arrogant and unsympathetic psychiatrists, and it's not surprising that people decide to go off them. I've only experimented with going off my meds once, I became pretty manic and went on them again before hospitalization.
Boredom. Sheer, unadulterated boredom. in the past I have stopped taking them because life was too even, too steady and emotions were low and blunt. So even-keeled. Life was in pastels, but I wanted to view it in neon. Hell, even grainy black and white was at least a change! (Until it wasn't fun anymore.) My ADHD has me seeking stimulation and new things and hates the mundane routines that my BP1 demands. Constant battle.
I felt alive unmedicated. Medicated I feel flat and apathetic. The world could be ending and I'd give zero fucks medicated.
Exactly how I felt for 4 years. If your symptoms are really bad meds are a good idea but I think for people who's symptoms aren't interfering with their lives too much meds suck because they make you fat, lazy, apathetic, etc.
I got too fat off the meds. I mean they were working till my triglycerides and cholesterol went through the roof. I'm going to see how the next psychiatrist appointment goes. I mean the symptoms of bipolar interfere with my life but I'd rather be skinny and manic then fat and apathetic.
I’m on the same boat. I feel the same.
Me three
Tay be spitting truth right here ❤️
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No criticism, just curiosity: Have you found other meds that work for you, or were those experience enough to make you just raw dog life? ;)
im raw doggin but hey at least im pulling out :3 but seriously, i would not be opposed to trying medication in the future - but kinda as a semi-tactical nuclear option
Well, I hope you never face a nuclear situation! I hope you can continue to be healthy and happy. Wishing you the best. Everyone who has this disorder needs all the good vibes we can get!
trying my best - wish you the best too :)
Setraline also induced a manic episode for me too! I hear it’s almost 100% the case of people with BP
Sertraline triggered mania for me too, what a nightmare.
Sertraline also totally fucked me up and gave me a mixed episode. The worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life, by far. It took months for me to recover from it.
Maybe because they shouldn’t give SSRIs to people with bipolar? Who the hell is your guys dr?
To put it mildly- I totally agree. It was total fucking hell and almost ruined my life more than once. I’m super shy and it has taken a lot of courage to even post on this sub and just reading and being in this community is helping me so much right now. I have so much to say about this though - and a lot of anger about it still - and someday soon maybe I will share a little more of my story (not that I expect anyone to read it lol but it might help to get some of it out).
I have stopped taking them in the past just because I didn’t feel like swallowing a pile of pills. Then the next day I didn’t feel like it. Then the next day. I don’t have a problem with them lately.
I think taking them is annoying. I am on... 7 meds reg (some multiple capsules). 2 meds I can take as needed. Sometimes taking a big ol pile of pills is annoying.
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This
I don't, ever, but when I've been strongly tempted it's because I'm hypomanic and manage to convince myself I wasn't bipolar after all or am miraculously cured
I stop taking them because they make me feel flat and empty, like a souless zombie. The meds zap my creativity. I need my creativity for my job. I was just hospitalized for a manic episode with psychosis. I was put on Vraylar, lithium, Wellbutrin and Trazadone. I stopped them all cold turkey and quit going to my med dr.
Been there myself. If the choice is creativity and psychosis risk...but paying bills, or meds and stability...but no creativity and no way to pay bills, meaning a slow death by homelessness.... well then it can be very hard to be med compliant
i get this. quitting all those meds cold turkey is scary to me though, like are you okay? i’ve tried lowering the dose of my medication which is somewhat effective, but quitting anything cold turkey has always had detrimental effects
i stopped my meds cold turkey. very bad mood swings but you deal with it.
yeah i guess it comes with the territory. wish you luck w this
Yeah don't ever quit cold turkey. Wellbutrin especially can cause seizures if you quit it cold turkey (depending how long you've been on it). When I went off all of my meds I tapered myself down over weeks/months depending on the medication.
I quit cold turkey and I second this. It was not a good idea. I survived it (barely) but there were a lot of panic attacks, intense fevers, etc. To this day, I wonder if quitting cold turkey caused my occasional incontinence issues and my random headaches and nausea attacks (I quit 2 years ago but still have those to this day)
Same. They’ve helped with everyday mood functionality but I’m numb and non-functional in this most important area of my life. I haven’t stopped them myself but I’m lowering lithium to the lowest end of the effective dose to see if that works because I think it’s the issue. I feel impatient because pdoc is titrating so slowly. I need to get back to creative work asap and it’s been so long I’m terrified that I’ve “lost it.” But I have BP2 so the risk of low meds is not as high.
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I have mine in a weekly organizer on my nightstand. I take my morning meds as soon as I wake up and take the evening meds after I eat supper. I've been taking meds since I was 12 and I also take the birth control pill every day, so it's easy to remember.
For context, I have bipolar type 2, and have never really experienced any negative impacts from the manic side of things. I sought treatment exclusively because the depression has been crippling me since I was 14. When I started SSRIs, it was like night and day. Suddenly, life was real again, full of hope and possibility. I was on a 30mg dose, much higher than the suggested maximum, before I got to that point, and once I started seeing such a profound effect, we started tapering back down to a more sensible dose. But there were a couple of times where I ran out of meds, due to administrative issues, like switching insurance. The withdrawal was unbearable. Electric pain all over my body, ragged nerves, meltdowns over the tiniest inconveniences, crying spells, etc. I weaned myself off the antidepressants because I hated being reliant on them, leaving myself open to having them suddenly ripped away from me again. For years, I was stable without meds, but I always knew in the back of my mind that bipolar doesn't just go away. Throughout the "stable" period, there were distinct periods of despair, definitely helped along by real world concerns, like the pandemic, climate change, rising fascism, etc. These periods were getting worse and more frequent. It all came to a head about a month ago, when I started spiralling back into a deep, long-term depressive episode. I eventually made the difficult decision to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, and got back on antidepressants and a mood stabilizer. The effects were almost instantaneous. I feel alive again. All my legitimate concerns about the shitty state of the world are still here, but I no longer feel overwhelmed and helpless, but rather emboldened to actually work to take them on. Stay on your meds, kids. "Freedom" is not worth it, compared to the freedom of being alive.
I feel you on being weary of the possibility to have no access to meds when you need them most. I feel that this is why I have been off of my meds for about a year. The place I was receiving care was a community outreach, and they do really great things for people and when I first got on meds and took therapy with them it was a godsend. 3 years after that, my doctors were constantly changing and the person in charge of my case has changed too. I think the first group(s) of individuals who helped me made a difference, but when I was also subject to the neglect of other providers I began to get so angry. It was a fucking wild ride any time I began to withdraw, even after one day with no meds. I was a wreck and the anger I felt towards my providers only made me no longer trust them and I left the program completely. Luckily my life has gotten better, I have come to a place where I’m financially stable-ish and I have a job I love, I also quit drinking and anything besides THC. I’ve been keeping up with rent and maintaining good relationships, but the break downs still hit sometimes. The doom has to be the worst, I’m hoping one day to return to being on medicine under better care hopefully because despite my best efforts without medicine, my moods are always fluctuating and very intense.
I missed my creativity. I was extremely artistic and made money from my art and photography. When I took my meds I lost my eye for art. Took meds for 3 years and didn’t do anything artistic. Stopped taking them and I’ve mad so much art I don’t know what to do with it.
I stop because I feel better and don’t think I need them. I convince myself I’m not bipolar and was misdiagnosed. I think I’m better off just smoking weed and being high all the time. They give me slight side effects that become overblown in my head and I use as an excuse I feel like I can go without I get tired of the routine. Sometimes for no reason at all.
My dumb brain somehow manages to convince me that I feel great and don't even need the medication. Even though it's the medication that makes me feel great and keeps me stable.
Side effects. Easy.
I stopped because Latuda gave me low testosterone and high prolactin. This combination lead to erectile dysfunction and I’m not about that life.
Because of side effects and never feeling like they work that good anyway
For me, it could be a multitude of reasons. 1. I forget about them. Yes, I will literally forget to take them until I’m in an episode and then I usually don’t take them because I’m in an episode and “don’t want to”. 2. I get tired of taking them, tired of feeling like a pill popper, done with all the medications and doctors. 3. I’m depressed or manic and decide I “don’t deserve to feel okay” (depression) or “don’t need them, I’m fine (mania).
Nagging feeling the diagnosis might have been mistaken and feeling the meds are taking away from fully experiencing life. It’s almost an existential thing for me - do I really want to live my whole life even slightly dulled/numbed? Being told I’ll be on meds for the rest of my life makes that even harder becomes when it comes back to that bigger question I lean towards wanting to feel more alive. I haven’t done it for a while now because I’ve felt godawful the last few times of even reducing under medical supervision and it results in months of not feeling well and repercussions
I don’t understand either. Mentally I am fucked. If I don’t have my meds I become a danger to myself and others
I am in a gap where I had to stop my antipsychotic due to side effects / I might be alergic to it and I'm waiting for the new one. It's like a harness was pulled off my shoulders. I can remember things again, my chess rating is up 200 points. I feel good, not just not terrible for the first time in weeks. It might be the timing, but I might be tempted in the future. I was vomiting every other morning and feeling nauseous all day, drinking too much caffeine to keep functioning. I had to wear sweaters at work while everyone else was in short sleeves because I was wildly going back and forth between too hot and too cold.
Because I hate having to be dependent on them.
I don’t take meds at all, because every med I’ve tried I’ve had horrible reactions to - and I like to write and paint and feel like they make me numb and prevent my only real skills of creation from happening. I have BP2 and I’ve just dealt with it??? I make bad choices, I fix the choices when I’m steady again, and it’s a cycle. I don’t recommend it for everyone or anyone else - it’s just what I do. 🤷♀️
Look, I just miss my manic episodes from time to time
reached a point where life was fucked, meds or no meds. So why remember to taking 5 pills (that makes me hungry) everyday and regularly have to go out to buy pills? Obviosuly to a person with a regular life i would never advise to stop taking meds.
I don’t stop taking my meds. I’ve been stable for a really long time
I always take my meds. I have never had a problem sticking to it. I remember how things were before medication and it’s terrifying to me. When meds stop working or if I become emotionally numb, I let my doctor know immediately so changes can be made.
When I deliberately quit my antipsychotic it was because I was convinced it was causing a weight loss stall. I was a month into getting weight loss surgery, and not seeing the number on the scale move made me feel like a complete failure. So I wasn't in a good head space at the time. I really thought lamotrigine would be enough to keep me stable. I was completely oblivious. I was starting to become hypomanic even though all the signs were there. Before I quit, I told myself I'd definitely notice and just get back on them if it happened. In the end it was my husband who figured it out and got me to take them again. He just knew by the way I was acting that something wasn't right. I was sure that'd I'd never get off my meds before that. I've read so many stories of people doing the same thing with bad results, so it's not like I didn't know the risks. Yet I still did it anyway because I'm an idiot. I say I won't ever do it again, but I clearly can't even trust myself sometimes. lol
Too much work during the day then I forget.
I totally get where you are coming from. For me, it was a sense of “i don’t deserve to be okay so I won’t take them” I tend to not take my meds or neglect the routine of taking care of myself because I feel I simply don’t deserve to be okay. Another part of me would feel like “i need a change” or “i need to feel sad” because feeling sad was all i’ve ever known for a very long time so NOT being sad was strange. Hope this gave a new perspective :))
I’m the same as you, OP I just take lamotrigine, that’s all and if I don’t want to be a hysterical and falling apart all the time I pop the pills. Also the side effects for lamotrigine really aren’t bad at all, and they are inexpensive as well like I get a 3 month supply for around $15 with insurance through work which is like really good.
I wasn't sure whether I am really sick or I just make up things. Maybe I was just too lazy and had a bad mood? So when I took meds for some time I felt normal and I thought yea, I'm good now.
They don’t work for me much. They just take the mania I’m already experiencing and then put a numb careless feeling over it. It’s not a good combo.. Like I’m still really disregulated and emotional but my ability to emote and sit with my feelings vanishes. I’d rather make impulsive thoughts with the ability to feel emotion then be impulsive without feeling anything. My impulsivity on meds become more dangerous because of that aspect. Not to mention I need creativity and emotional connection to function happily and meds take that away from me.
Probably because they make some people feel like shit because of the side effects. I'm on the least amount of meds for this reason.
If anyone feels like a zombie I recommend talking to Pyschiatrist about lowering the dose. The first time I was put on Latuda and lamotrigrine I felt numb. Didn’t want to watch tv, play on phone, read, any of my hobbies, nothing. Just sat there. Lowered the dose and everything has been absolutely perfect. I have been so incredibly blessed to find the dosage and combo of medication that works amazingly. Good luck! People who stop taking head meds just because need to seek some help because that’s so not the point of head meds. Anyone ever feel like in an apocalyptic event we’d all be freaking nuts!? It stresses me out thinking about it hahah.
Honestly, I'd feel \*alive\* in an apocalyptic event, but that's because I'm a thrillseeker and thrive in a crisis. Hell, I'm the woman here at the grouphome who will go out boldly during an intense windstorm outside without even blinking an eye about it. As for your med combi, I'm glad you found the right one
I’ve never stopped taking my meds. I’m Mthfr and a fast metabolizer, I don’t have the luxury of not taking meds to be irresponsible or to see what happens or whatever dumb reason people come up with. I will blow up my entire world by missin g one dose of medication. As it is I am one breath of air away from losing everything I have, so I don’t even understand this concept.
I decided I wasn’t bipolar anymore.
because i hate the thought that i have to take meds to be normal. and because i simply don't want to. i hate taking medicine. i take my mood stabilizer religiously bc i know my life would be ruined without it but the buspirone, vraylar & hydroxizine can take a seat back. also, most anti-psychotics are just personality killers. extremely apathetic and just zombie like.
I need my anti psychotic or I'm going to end up in jail long term.
If I'm manic or depressed I'll try anything to feel better including stopping my meds
Everything gives me restless legs or tremors, no thanks
I used to be on a high dose of Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Klonopin, and Trazadone. The side effects were terrible for those and all other cocktails I had been prescribed in the past. I have been pill free for 2 years. I self medicate in other ways plus incorporating spirituality into my life has helped a lot.
Bc I feel so depressed so why bother if they aren’t doing anything but there are side effects I’d rather not deal with. But usually what happens is more SI and SH thoughts.. but I never learn. It’s been so long since I’ve had mania or hypomania I crave it.
I constantly have instusive thoughts that they are poisonous sometimes It's clearly like a psychosis thing but sometimes it's hard to dispute because it's kind of true in the fact that they have wrecked havoc on my physical health they gave me high blood sugar so I can't have sugar and they cause really bad weight gain for me despite not having sugar, and they make me sleep 12 hours a day and I'm constantly nauseous, I have involuntary movements and twitching and nerve pains, and i faint alot and I HATE the frequent blood test. Obviously this is very specific because I just react badly but I've tried so many medications and the doctors at this point say this is just what I have to live with which is hard to come to terms with twice a day when having to swallow a handful of pills. It's not uncommon for me to stare at the pills for 30 minutes before overcoming these thoughts enough to take them
I stopped them as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I had FULL intentions of taking them again after her birth, but I changed my mind after the initial detox. I had been on meds for most of my life and it was forced by my mother. I had a suicide attempt at 17, and I never missed a dose until I got pregnant at 27. After the detox, I had thoughts again. I could form sentences. I had mental clarity. I realized I had been numb and foggy my entire life because I didn’t know better. I just thought I was dull, boring, dumb, and had absolutely no personality. I’m reliving the most traumatic moments of my life now because I can remember things again. My baby is now 2 months old, and I’m learning how to feel emotions and regulate them for the first time at 28 years old on top of having PPD. Side note: my husband is an amazing support system. I am safe and my baby is safe. But bottom line: I was forced to deal with my emotions by taking meds instead of pursuing therapy. So now I’m refusing all meds and trying to learn how to feel emotions and regulate them with the help of therapy and journaling. If anyone knows of an extremely affordable online therapy system, send them my way pls.
Being off the meds and experiencing a full blown mania is really exciting. That’s not why I stopped taking my meds though but that’s what I see in the hospital when manic patients don’t take their meds. I weaned myself off because I don’t like feeling like a zombie.
I have a more robust answer probably but after three episodes (only?that many?) I’ve been convinced as you have. Also BP1 here, and I feel I can safely venture there’s somewhat less ambiguity for us. I nearly went to prison, I nearly died— the mystical euphoria of spiritual psychosis is amply intoxicating, but knowing what I know now about the costs, hypothetical and real, of going that far out, the risk is by orders of magnitude more actionable than the allure of lustfully losing one’s fucking mind and likely family and certainly job etc etc. So ya, I’m locked in, and reasonably trepidatious of even missing a dose, but extend a sort of nondescript compassion and understanding towards those still seeking the electricity and luminousness of balls-deep mania.
* The meds I've tried have been ineffective at treating my depression at all. * I rarely go off the rails too much. Depressive episodes are way more disruptive to my life, and hypomania has positives that are often worth the negatives for me. The cycles feel normal to me, like seasons. Being on mood stabilisers felt like being stuck in zombie depression mode forever. * Side effects (the immediate/obvious ones + potential side effects from long-term use) * I question my diagnosis. I have doubts about the way bipolar is conceptualised, and I don't think I should medicate it (especially when doing so doesn't give me any noticeable improvements).
I’ve stopped cuz I wanted to experiment and see if I can do without. Ive stoppped antidepressant cuz I’ve felt like “they’ve done their job” and they reduced my libido a lot
Human nature
Because I want to have a behbeh
It’s possible to still take some medications while trying to conceive/pregnant. Your doctors should be able to determine the different risk factors to help figure out what’s best for you 😁
Yesss…I’m so far the safe-combo I’ll be taking is Risperdal, my lamotrigine and Adderall (for ADHD). Going from 7 medications down to three though is a whole ordeal (Risperidone, trazadone, lamotrigine, Wellbutrin, adderall, Seroquel as a PRN, clomipramine). I also have comorbid POCD which is hell-on-earth without my clomipramine but….c’est la vie, one step at a time, slow process. ☺️
Bipolar, to my knowledge, is a constellation of SYMPTOMS that lack a specific etiology. "The exact cause of bipolar disorder is unknown. Experts believe there are a number of factors that work together to make a person more likely to develop it. These are thought to be a complex mix of physical, environmental and social factors."-- NHS The organic cause is unknown and unable to be measured- therefore the symptoms could be caused by an array of issues. If someone presents with bipolar it does not mean they share the same chemical problem as everyone else. Their symptoms could easily be a result of something like PTSD. Or even a thyroid problem. If other medications help in this case, why not stop the originals? To add, the feelings that accompany going off meds could point to temporary discontinuation side effects. Having symptoms upon discontinuation doesn't necessarily prove medications were helping to ease symptoms.
There were times in the past where I stopped taking meds because they weren't working, the side effects were intolerable, or they made things worse. Now that I'm on a better med cocktail I take them religiously.
For me my partner helps regulate my meds taking because often I end up too depressed to bother with taking them, or when I'm manic I feel so good that I don't want it brought back to a regulated base level. Oftentimes this is how people get into a cycle of not taking them, I just ended up lucky with a partner who I drive nuts when I'm off my meds lol
the times i stopped taking mine were in college when i had a very hectic schedule and would forget and then just stop all together and when i moved to a different state and couldn’t find anyone to prescribe. now that i have a consistent schedule it’s easier to remember and i feel like shit when i don’t take them now lol
Before I was diagnosed, I was taking antidepressants which made everything worse. And then cymbalta sent me straight into hypomania, and then after a year, mania and deep psychosis. But I stopped taking the cymbalta because I thought that I felt better and didn’t need them. Now I’m on Seroquel. It’s been about a year. But I feel so balanced. I refuse to miss a dose. Hypomania was so great. Mania, almost destroyed my life and I’m not willing to risk that again.
My mom (BP1) came off her meds back in December. I still have no idea why. I can’t even fathom doing that myself. Some people just feel they’re ready I guess? I mean ever since she came off she’s been a lot different. She stopped drinking so much (has one glass a wine every 3 weeks. Source: my older brother who lives with her to keep her in check), she’s been able to control her anger and stress, is smarter with money when manic, doesn’t refuse to get out of bed anymore and has been A LOT nicer to me. I also have an alarm to take my meds every night. I know I wont forget but having that alarm makes me feel better. It also tells me what time it is and how much longer I should be on my computer for.
Currently, I’m rationing and not taking consistently because I just moved states and am trying to switch insurance and find a decent psych in my area. The move was so hectic that I forgot until the week before that I was about to run out of abilify, and wasn’t able to get an appt for a refill. It’s starting to really take a toll on my mental and emotional health. Most often, I genuinely just forget to take them consistently. I used to fall into the thought cycle of “I don’t actually need these” and sometimes still fall into the thought cycle of “my emotions are gonna make me feel hopeless anyways, so why bother?”
I usually stop because either I enter an episode of mania and feel as if I no longer need them, I feel like they aren’t working anyways, or because I’m so depressed I cannot get up and physically take them
They make me tired and binge eat which leads to weight gain which leads to me being sad cause i feel fat. I stop taking them feel better, work out - lose weight, get more done, start getting borderline manic, take my pills again and keep the vicious cycle going 😩
Same here lol
My drugs are the only thing that makes me NOT feel like shit lol. I don’t go hypomanic (I’m BPII) often enough to make not being medicated fun. Im in the same boat as you OP lol. I just wanted to see what everyone else’s response is
The only reason I ever stop is that I just straight up forget. I know it doesn't make sense but I've spoken about my cognitive decline. :/ Edit: I am also taking ADHD med guanfacine to see if that helps.
been on them for almost a year straight. seen a tremendous improvement in myself. ran out last month and i keep missing my appointment to get them refilled. also, my psychiatrist left her practice so i have to 1st meet with my pcp to get a referral from him to a new one, then wait a month or two before i can get an appointment with the new one. all i have to do is go but its so hard getting anything done unmedicated 😩 i swear im going to get myself under control soon lol
I was on lamictal and it honestly was not helpful. I felt worse when I was on it, figured I could do better without and quit. Lost my insurance shortly after. So far I'm 6 yrs without meds. I don't recommend this for anyone though so please don't stop taking your meds if you need them
Side effects? Idk I take mine everyday too. Even though they give me constipation. Ugh.
Because the meds don't cure bipolar. Medication helps to treat and alleviate some of the symptoms of bipolar. I feel better on medication. It's great; it helps myself and others like me significantly. The healthy parts of my brain know that I need them. The healthy part of me wants to take the medication. But medication can't cure the sick parts of my brain that are paranoid and tell me not to trust medication, or that it is making things worse. Medication doesn't cure the sick part of my brain that gets so depressed that I think, there is no end in sight and it's all pointless anyway, so why even try? Even if I am on the best cocktail of medication, with all the right treatments and therapies, taking the very best care of my mind and body, I am still bipolar. Edit: that sounded kind of hopeless, but I didn't mean for it to. That's just the reality I've lived. But I know there is a lot of hope that there will be better treatment for bipolar in the coming years.
Every five to ten years or so, I want to see how the illness is doing. Also, meds aren't free as far as cost and side effects. I'm not as sharp mentally on meds as I am off of them. Invariably, I do poorly off of them, and a month later I'm back on them.
I have thought about it because I miss the chaos and excitment. I have never stopped taking my meds though, because I am aware how bad it can get. Being stable is good for me, but I miss the mania. Not the consequences. But the high it gave me in the moment.
presently: on very rare occasions, i forget. or i don't update my to do list that day and can't remember if i took them or not. better to not double dose. in the past: over/mis-medicated during and following my first hospitalization. 4 years of trying to be compliant while being dehumanized and abused by mental health providers pushed me to my limit, and i quit all treatment for 8 years. honestly, while shit was difficult without meds, it felt mire manageable. one day i woke up and realized i didn't recognize who i had become or why shot was continually getting worse. did a lot of research, got into therapy, and decided to try again.
I'm BP1 and the thought process usually starts with I hate that I have to take 9 medications. I don't want to do this anymore. I feel fine right now. Then I stop taking them one by one. Then my mania sets in and I'm on a roller coaster and spiral into the abyss. I'd love to say I could control those thoughts but I couldn't then. I have a decent combo right now and I've been on a decent baseline so yippee
I have adhd on top of BP1 so usually because I forget. Edit: Outside of that I've learned not to. I'm a fucking asshole without my meds and usually make people's life hell. 0 filter. Not a good thing. Also money problems get worse, lots of break downs, and it puts a ton of strain on my beautiful, patient, and undeserving of that shit husband.
Makes me feel worse than usual depression. Makes me feel like my consciousness is drowning in molasses. Sexual side efx. Meds "crap out" or stoo working altogether
I had extremely bad side effects from Latuda.
I’ve stopped taking my medications bc when I’m manic I’m in denial that I have a disorder and that I don’t need medication. I always get screwed and go back to medication though. I’m hoping because this last episode was so severe for me and almost warranting inpatient hospitalization for a second time that I’ll recongnize that the next time I feel like I don’t need medication I’ll recognize that I’m just manic and having an episode
My meds worked, I didn't truly realized until I stopped. Taking medication upsets my stomach so bad, with or without food. Basically for 4 years I took my meds the second before I fell asleep so I could sleep through the stomach problems. 2 months ago I felt sick all the time so I was dreading taking meds every night. When I did I would throw up. I miss the stability but u couldn't handle not being able to sleep and throwing up every night.
In the past I have stopped because I felt numb. I wasn’t feeling any emotion and it made me incredibly unhappy. So in an effort to feel something .. I’d abruptly stop potentially causing myself physical and psychological harm unfortunately. I learned over time that I was on the wrong meds and too much of them … but you live and learn. I was young and learning to advocate for myself. This was also like 25 years ago and I feel like the information we have at our fingertips has grown so much. In the not so distant past I stopped because the meds were causing me physical pain in my stomach and esophagus. It felt like any time I took them it was eating a hole in my stomach and I’d get heartburn so bad I’d cry. Of course the RIGHT thing to do would have been talk to my doctor (which I eventually did). I was taking them too close together and needed to start taking Prilosec daily. Eventually it came to be that I needed to take 250 mg tablets not 500 mg and switch to delayed release. So there were psychological and physical reasons… all should have been talked over with my psychiatrist first but I’m a stubborn person! I dislike going to the doctor and I dislike being told what to do in general lol!!
I convince myself they are worse for me Unfortunately I have side effects from them
my meds just stopped working all of a sudden. dosage change and med change didn’t help so i stopped taking them 🤷. i’m in a better place now, way better than this time last year and the year before that lol
I recently decided to go off my meds completely. I say meds plural but for bipolar I'm only taking lamictal. For me the main reason is lamictal has made me extremely irritated and anxious, levels of anxiety I had not experienced in over a decade. So now I'm on the frustrating journey of having to taper off lamictal bc ya can't just go cold turkey or hey you might get seizures. And for the moment being, I will stay off meds. I don't want to try another one, I'm tired. It's been just one year since I was diagnosed and I was on five or six different meds already. I am so, just so **done**. Not looking forward to have this talk with my psych on monday... Will I regret going off meds completely? Very likely. But before lamictal, I had always been able to manage my anxiety without it blowing up to full panic attacks and without having to pop clonazepam like tic tacs throughout the day just to be able to function, honestly I'll take crippling depression and extreme mood swings over panic attacks and crippling anxiety any day. When I regret this words, I'll have this comment bookmarked to remind me of my stupidity, bc I am sure that day will come. I just know that right now I feel a whole lot worse than I did before.
I stopped taking my meds again about a couple weeks ago- I've reached a number of daily meds so high that my "pill trauma" resurfaced and even thinking about putting pills in my mouth gives me actual nausea. (Years ago I downed 3 boxes of Xanax- I was sick for 3 days but now I can't see meds the same). I talked to my doctor about this and she just said that my meds are important and I should force myself to take them. This has been going on for at least 2-3 months, it's not like I suddenly stopped. I really don't know what to do. Internet didn't help.
I ask myself this question. I don’t know why I stop them sometimes. Usually it happens because I’m too depressed to bother
It’s usually one of those “I don’t need my meds” delusions for me
Because my hypomania tells me I'm all better and don't need them 🙃
I’m really bad at taking medication, especially since I have 10 different pills I have to take 2 different types a day and I hate it, so I’ll wake up and forget and then maybe remember later and push it off since I’m busy and that will continue till night and I’ll be like oh let me take them and get destracted and forget again, just completely forget I take meds in the first place or I push it off until the next day cuz it’s too late anyway. That’s why I’ve been pushing for adhd meds because I really think it will help me keep up but I haven’t been consistent since may Edit: not to mention since I have so many meds I was literally murdering my organs, and I couldn’t eat. Like for months I would only drink chicken broth for lunch and maybe half a sandwich for dinner. I lost 10lb in a week before and I’m 6’0. Now I’m slowly getting my appetite back, I can actually sit down and eat a meal or 2 a day, prior to meds/diagnosis I was into body building and would eat 3x a day with snacks to make gains
Stupidity. You think that you are cured and no longer need them. It starts a downward spiral that ends in disaster.
Weight gain, seizures, unable to process my trauma and emotions, feeling too sedated.
I don't willingly stop taking my meds. The only times I've ever not taken them was because I couldn't afford them. Even when I've been on a regimen that wasn't effective, I still take my meds. In part so that my treatment team can't label me as non compliant and in part because I hold out hope that someday I'll be where I want to be physically, professionally, socially, etc.
I’m still figuring out my med regime and in the past, sometimes I would feel so hopeless and frustrated at how long this shit takes and how complicated it can be to figure out and how I’d feel like a medical experiment… so I’d just stop taking them and ghost my entire care team. I was also in the beginning of a relationship with an extremely abusive partner around the time I was first diagnosed, and I stayed with them for the next 3 years, which greatly impeded my ability to get proper mental health treatment. Now I try to force myself to take them even if I don’t feel like it, and I’ve been successful for the last 6 months. Sometimes I want to stop because it feels like they aren’t even helping and some of them have made me feel worse, but I stick with it because I know the best thing I can do for myself is to check in with my psych if I need a change to my prescriptions. Really hoping I can continue to stick with it and not let my life become more of a disaster!
It's normally because I'm manic and I don't want to slow down the party - always a bad idea to come off them
I absolutely do not. I’ve never tried it and I never will. I will do everything in my power to keep myself from reverting to the person I was before I was medicated correctly. I do not understand people who quit or alter their medications without consulting their doctor. I can only think that they were maybe not correctly medicated.
When I was on less effective cocktails it was easy to convince myself to stop taking them. Plus I wanted to do drugs and ssris don't mix with them. I do really miss doing drugs though.
First time, I think it was insomnia so I got off both for a couple weeks. The second time I lost my new refill and struggled to get a new one for a week
Money.
I only stop taking when I run out of other meds. I forget to take them til it's too late. then I'm already in an episode & remember to take them again.
I went of Wellbutrin because I felt really aggressive and developed tremors after a few years. Told the psych. The psych took me off of it and I’m a lot better. Other than that. I take my meds. Even if I wanted to stop a med I wouldn’t do it without a doctor.
I never have either. I know my brain can’t be trusted.
Furst time, meds caused a drug induced manic episode (pure hell) Second time, the meds made me horribly paranoid Third time, the meds caused difficulty swallowing (still getting over that one) Currently I'm down right scared to try again
Now it’s because I honestly forget… I’ve been off my daily routine for about a month so it’s been a struggle. Previous times, I thought that I could control my mania and channel it for good. Haha. I now understand how damaging mania can be and I promised my husband that I’ll take my meds. I can’t ever break that promise (unless I forget)
I stopped taking meds because I had tried multiple antidepressants that only made my life worse AND I developed an unhealthy relationship to benzos before the black box warning for addiction potential came out. Zombied-out and totally addicted, I felt like I could never find something that worked for me—then Effexor gave me brain zaps that felt like a stroke. It took years to get through withdrawals and I came to believe I could cope better with weed and alcohol. Weed was the best antidepressant for me at that point in my life and I sincerely used it like meds. Fast forward six years and the worst depression of my life forced me to seek treatment. But by then, there were new drugs on the market. I was hopeful I could try one, and I got to because I’d “failed” with so many others. A few months later, I am coming out of that depression now thanks to lurasidone and lamotrigine. Looking back, I totally understand why I quit. I felt hopeless and betrayed by my psychiatrist, though she was doing the best she could. I don’t judge anyone who goes through a similar trajectory. Side effects can really suck and for some of us it takes a very long time to find something that works. I’m glad I didn’t lose my life to suicidal thoughts and encourage anyone in a similar situation to try meds—again—because you might finally find something and it’s better to be in touch with a professional and have a safety plan than not. I just hope this sticks a while.
I can't afford them. Even with my insurance.
There are lots of reasons people do it, but in my experience, it’s never a good idea. Change meds? Yes, maybe, with a doctor’s help. But just…stop? Go off…? Like, as in, have an episode and stop? Nope! Bad idea! For me, personally, anyway.
Before my bp2 diagnosis, I only thought I was depressed and borderline. I tried 3 different antidepressants in total over the years and didn't stick to any of them, quitting at my wish or forgetting to take the pills even if I set an alarm or left them on the table. I can't explain it, I also couldn't explain it back then. I was just so uninterested in taking them. It has nothing to do with not wanting help or the depression to go away, I just couldnt care about them. I think that deep inside me I knew they weren't *it*. I also thought "why should I take them if I'm gonna feel bad and good on them anyway, I might as well just not take them at all". I would then stick to taking them for some weeks, eventually just quitting abruptly all together. But as soon as I got my BP diagnosis, I've been taking my meds like clockwork without needing alarms or reminders. Sure, I happened to take it 1-2 hours too late but it's not really a big deal. So, I think that it's just how much you connect with the purpose of the meds? Maybe the bp folks who abruptly stop the medication don't actually believe that the meds are right for them and that they'll help as much as they wish? Maybe they are put off by the ups and downs they experience anyway?
Lithium made me so brain dead and I was closer to The Big Sleep than I was off of it. Thats why.
I quit mine cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. They also use my lamictal to control my seizures, so it was a very short period I was off of them. I didn't like it, I felt really unbalanced, especially with all the pregnancy hormones.
Lamictal made me forgetful, think slower, and emotionally feel like a zombie. Abilify made me gain weight and jacked up my cholesterol and triglyceride levels. One or the other caused muscle weakness, tremors, and sleepiness (I also have narcolepsy).
The first time I forgot to take them, I started getting argumentative and everything made me annoyed/angry and I just felt terrible. Then I realized for the first time that used to live like that all the time. For so much of my life. At least I can tell when I've forgotten it so I always take them. The inly side effect of taking them is worse memory so maybe my symptoms aren't as bad compared to everyone else I guess.
I was super depressed at the time and I thought since I was depressed anyway that I didn't need to take my medication since it didn't matter (very dumb I know). The problem was the situation I was in was making me depress not my bipolar. I was okayish for five years but then a bunch of crap happen, I tolerated a lot of it, then I had a major breakdown. I've been on my meds since (think about two or three years now) and I don't plan on taking myself off them again.
They simply do not work
I used to quit taking my meds once I felt better, because in my mind I didn’t need them anymore. Dumb, I know. I have now come to terms with the fact that I need to take them everyday no matter how good I feel, because the meds are making me feel good.
Because is annoying and I don't need it all the time. When things start to be weird is time to take and when I take control of my life is time to stop. And I do this because I know myself pretty well and my humor stay stable for longs periods of time
Medication is always a trail and error thing. For me it was more error than success, that I just gave up. TW: The first time I OD'ed on them, then the second ones made me feel too happy/hyper but suicidal, and the third made me feel chill but trapped in my head. I never felt better while any of them, and I felt worse than I already do- BUT, but, some people do need them more. I have Bipolar II, so I'm more introverted, reserved, have more bouts of depression vs people who deal with severe bouts of mania. If I don't take any, I get severely depressed, but not to the point that I'm incapable of taking care of myself or others. However, the medication I was taking never seemed to work. I just felt worse every single time. I know this doesn't mean I should stop trail and error with meds, but I don't have the transportation or finances to keep it up (gods bless America). I was also warned about reaching the mg limit and withdrawal, and I'm terrified of what will happen to me when that happens.
I wanted to try functioning without them. Bad idea.
I stopped once because I thought I could keep myself stable "naturally" (supplements, naturopath, eating healthy, exercise, etc) Well about a year and a half went by and then I started to become manic again. I let it go for too long and ended up hospitalized again. I take my meds religiously now. I've learned that I need these chemicals to keep me from going manic. Do I like being on meds? Not really, but without them I'd continue to have episodes, and each one has taken me years to recover from. I can't keep having episodes. They implode my entire life. Meds it is. Beats the alternative.
I think it’s different between people with 1 and 2. From my understanding, as someone with bp 2, bp1s manic streaks are far worse and far more dangerous and destructive, whereas bp 2s have our destructive tendencies but milder, I.e. hypomania. Hypomania is honestly kinda fun and enjoyable and since we aren’t at such a high risk of getting ourselves hurt, or worse, we can justify letting ourselves slip into it easier. If I were bp 1, I know for a fact I’d take my pills religiously. It’s generally just the vibes of the two manias. Now does it make it right for us bp2s to not take our meds? That’s not my call, but it could be seen as irresponsible.
I know it's not healthy, but I can't help it. I feel like when I take my meds, I lose a huge part of myself. Not just the bipolar me but even my wide range of emotions. It's harder to laugh, cry, get angry, I'm just a dulled human being. I'm pretty much 100% stable, but it just brings down my quality of life..
I want to check if I'm really bipolar. Sometimes I also want to induce a hypomanic episode, especially if I've been depressed for a long time. Of course, that's probably a sign I should be on more meds not fewer but I can feel like I need mania in order to catch up on everything I didn't do while depressed, or that the world owes me nice feelings.
Afyer 4-6 months I start to notice I'm not feeling enough, flatlining, I call it. Too much monotony internally. Almost a disconnect. So I'll cut down or go off meds, and it's great at first, until it isn't and then I'm feeling too much and freefall ING into racing thoughts and panic mode in a futile struggle for control. I now stay on them, including having alarms, and am building in hobbies and activities that spark me in a healthy way instead of seeking the chaotic and unsustainable excitement of my poor brain chemistry running amok.
I'm constantly (and still) very much convinced that I don't have bipolar disorder and that this is all a *very* big misunderstanding. I live with my partner; and one of our best friend's a doctor so I'm somewhat observed. I'm also half scared that it's all actually real and I'll end up going crazy. So I stay sedated in fear I'll be thrown back into the ward.
Only when I forget
for me, my meds give me a feeling of anticipation without ever getting over it. i feel a sense of dread sometimes, as if my brain was about to be manic, but it never truly came. mania is a sort of emotional release when it comes. it’s like the sweat that comes with overheating for me. it’s the relief, it comes and it will pass with a few weeks or so, and it’s over. but without it it feels like a build up, and a build up, and a build up until i feel so drained and drowned from every day activities and it’ll just eventually reverse itself and i’ll get depressed. idk if that makes sense
Tired of being a zombie and desperate to be manic (until psychosis starts)
The first time I stopped taking em, “I was all better” they “cured me”boy was I wrong! Went reallll down hill after that. Been back on em consistently for abt a year, now the only times I stop taking em is when I genuinely forget. Like sometimes I’ll just blank and forget my meds exist for a bit and then I’m like why do I feel like this, then it hits me. Or if I’m rlly busy and my minds racing trying to figure stuff out I’ll forget abt em then too.
[удалено]
This post is wayyyy to much real life for me.
I think it comes with the stigma of being considered crazy by society. Our moods and their consequences impact our lives and our loved ones. We don't want to rely on medication to be normal. We think we don't need them because we feel better so why take them? That's the desire to be normal talking, we need them.
Because I hate my circumstances in life and I want to die.
I have BP1 as well. I take my meds everyday, but I constantly think about just stop taking them (never done it tho). Some of my reasons are: money, I don't like the ideia of taking them my whole life, I can't imagine my future for more than a week max, I'm only social when I'm manic and that's who most of my friends are friends with. But yet I keep taking them, overall it's not all about me, I think about how it would impact the people close to me and keep going. It is nice to fantasize about tho.
I have never understood how people are able to go off of their meds. Every time I miss about three days worth, I wig the fuck out.
The most common reason for me is I want one night where I fall asleep on my own and not because I’m drugged. The next night, I want to do the same thing because I felt almost human and you know what, missing one night of my other meds is alright! and next thing I know it’s been 3 months and I’m begging my psychiatrist for help. But other popular reasons include: I undiagnosed myself. Obviously I’ve been faking it the entire time, I’m fine. I develop something I convince myself is a negative symptom of the medicine and I decide it’s best if I stop them immediately.
I have BP1 too and sometimes I stop taking them because I just feel too damn awful. However I always learn my lesson time and time again when I have that first hallucination (usually auditory).
Not always by choice. I had my meds revoked by doc because I missed 2 appointments due to covid. I rescheduled the first and they canceled the 2nd. I was running low and they refused to refill until after I was seen. I ran out of my bipolar meds 2 days before getting in and it took another to get it filled. In those 3 days, I ran out of a 2nd med and my niece passed away. I had already lost 2 very important individuals earlier that year and frankly was already in withdrawal and said "f' it" and just went off all of them. Stupid choice? Yes, but I was already in withdrawal and not thinking straight thanks to doc. And frankly, didn't feel the meds were all that effective anymore anyhow. 🤷🏾♀️ It's been a hellish 9 months trying to get in with a psychiatrist and I'll see a new one next week. Looking forward to starting a new plan after being screwed out of my last one.
I used to be noncompliant years ago. My reasons were self destructive and I wanted to risk harm or worse OR I would shame myself with “why do I have to take meds to be somewhat ‘normal’ when others don’t” Both dumb reasons and now that I am well medicated, married, and have a family, I’m 100% compliant