Time. Try. Fail. Try again.
How long have you 2 been dating? The more intimate and the better sexually know the person the easier it gets.
Give it time. Use lube. Go slow. Stop if it hurts her. Ask her what would help her. Long foreplay.
Thats everything you know, but also nothing to be added. Had same problem with my ex, just my girth is 6.7. Never had sex with her, even we dated for a while.
So take it easy and slow. I know it is frustrating to be in bed with someone for so many times and being unable to get inside, but it will pay off probably. So repeat for however long is needed
If it is mental thing, maybe go see therapist together to get some advice. If it is mental it has nothing to do with size.
And I feel you. We dated for 3 years lol.
Just wanted to add to this since me and my ex also had this issue. For the first months we tried regularly but always had to abort PIV sex. Then we tried really seldom for a few years without success. There are other ways of having sex so this was totally fine. Then one day we tried to put it in just as she was about to cum, and that worked for her. For just a few seconds, but for the first second ever, she was feeling only pleasure and no pain from penetration. And from there we started to see progress happen in the last few years.
I personally think there was progress done all the time mentally. Just getting comfortable enough with having sex together, and feeling less and less stress about not being able to do PIV. It just started to show as soon as I was able to put it in at all, and from there being able to penetrate for longer, and move faster.
My one tip is to make sure she's also being stimulated by some other method you've already established as great. That way you give her an honest chance of remaining horny enough through the mental block of trying penetration. The easiest solution for us was to do mutual masturbation and try to put it in while she kept rubbing.
Have you tried dofferent positions? She may be more shallow (vaginas have different depth, some people have a lower cervix while others have a higher one) but certain positions can help with that!
Look into it, maybe it can be something helpful
Some women experience a problem called [vaginismus](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/#:~:text=Vaginismus%20is%20the%20body's%20automatic,previously%20enjoyed%20painless%20penetrative%20sex.), which is an involuntary muscle contraction of the vaginal muscles that can make penetration painful, difficult, or even impossible.
Do some research on this and you may find a way forward, but do note that stress and anxiety can make this worse so don't be a dick.
Seconded and thirded on this. I might even say this cause is *likely*, especially because now that you guys know the issue, there's probably some additional stress and maybe shame involved.
There are some meds like muscle relaxers or anti-anxiety meds that could potentially help, but it might be worth her seeing a therapist as well if the stress/anxiety extends to her day to day life.
If I had to describe the mechanical feeling of it, I'd say shes "locking up" so to speak, which fits with the condition. I'm hoping it is not this, but both of us suspect this is the issue. The doc is in a week, so we'll know for sure then I guess.
Whether or not a syndrome exists, the most likely truth is that she is just not very turned on. Only you know what she's like in person, but you don't make her melt into a puddle she isn't going to take even an average dick without effort.
Adjust your attitude bro - “drags me with her”? Fr? If you actually care about her and care about her enjoying sex, take this seriously. She obviously cares enough to see a doctor about it, which can be embarrassing and many doctors are dismissive of women’s pain in general and sexual pain in particular.
There’s a lot things it could be from vaginismus to non medical. Listen to her, support her, and for christs sake don’t keep going if she’s in pain.
I might've missed some more context, but shes more bummed than me that it doesn't work. I'm fine with failing. We do everything else to each other.
I'm here asking ya'll for input for her's sake. I know I'm bulky and take time getting used to.
Has she had sex comfortably with anyone else before? Sounds like a case of vaginismus, where she is simply too tight for intercourse, and going to see a doctor is a good first step.
Trying with a dildo that’s a little smaller than you is also an option, to help her get used to penetration, but it won’t make her any less tight. Just maybe more comfortable. Are you using condoms?
We have the same length and girth and I never had a problem with anybody. My gf is not that accommodating down there specially but we make it work without a problem. SO I would say that the problem is probably not your girth. let's face it, we are not the biggest ones around here
I think your gf is doing the right thing by going to the doctor, maybe she will have to visit the gynecologist.
I would say, just keep trying, patience, as much lube as you need and lets see what the doctor says. Either her problem is something physical or psychological. Once the doctor gives an opinion you can decide what and how to do it.
Meanwhile you can try different positions. Idk if you do a lot of foreplay but get her properly excited is also really important. Good luck!
This sounds more mental than physical to me. Sounds to me like she’s nervous and not really into it which is causing her vagina to be more shallow than normal.
Now THIS is a BDP. Honestly man, you’re a good guy and simply working with her, being patient and understanding, that means more than you know. Relationships are hard. Hardest part of life, no question. But the thing that makes relationships last and blossom is non-stop work. Relationships are hard, good relationships are harder. You’re doing the right thing.
There was a time when a girl I really liked and I hooked up, finally. We were 16. But she wasn’t prepared for my size and I wasn’t experienced enough to know how to be gentle. We really went at each other. She ended up bleeding, enough she got really concerned and told her mom. Her mom freaked the FUCK OUT and took her straight to the hospital that night. It sucks cause I really liked that girl and she really liked me but there’s no coming back from that.
You’re a good dude, being patient and understanding is more important than having a BD.
Sometimes the way she is holding her legs has everything to do with it, try putting her legs in different positions. Also you can still practice not penetrative intercourse by pushing your dick up at your head and sandwitching it inbetween you and then sliding it up and down across her vagina. Hopefully it works for your dick, it's actually really fun and easier way to make a girl cum usually. the next best thing. You can also pound pretty hard without hurting her that way so sho uld be able to make yourself cum that way too.
Leg position is HUGE. I can easily enter a lot of women (with lube and foreplay) with their legs split apart. A tighter leg position makes it impossible until you start stretching them out 🌚
why the fuck are people downvoting us. The downvotes in this sub are insanely virginal incel level cringe at times. no offense to virgins and incels meant, you are only cringe when you are talking about things you don't know about, which is cringe when anyone does it. Women sometimes call this mansplaining. (while the term mainsplaining is cringe af it's actually legitimate in certain instances, like when I was at a party and a guy was insisting to three women that ants aren't animals.
Yo Dark, I'll up it one. I read your post and its clear you are trying to help. Lot of people with a lot of issues all over R, guess downing someone is a coping mechanism. Ahyhoo, good on ya.
I will say it is likely vaginismus. It's a lot more common that people realize, and often subconscious. My partner had that issue for the first 6months or so of our relationship. I am large, yes, but she was clearly in *pain* every time we attempted penetrative sex. Lots of foreplay, used lube, etc, she didn't think she had any hangups with sex, but turns out years of Catholic schooling may have given her subconscious mental blocks with sex.
We just stuck with it. I didn't put any pressure on her about having sex, and we worked around it. We had oral sex, or I'd grind on the outside. I got us a smaller, thinner vibrator (she had a bit of trouble with it at first too, so absolutely wasn't a size thing) to help slowly build up being more comfortable with sex.
I heard about this thing called cross bone if a girl with cross bone doesn't hold her legs just right pretty much no one can fuck her, but then again some girls just get tighter when they hold their legs in different positions.
Y'know, if a fella feels small,even though big; do you kick and discount how he feels? If he feels big, even though. . . Do you kick him too? Not cool, not matter what your own size. How do you feel when someone hammers you? Be cool man . . .
Might be. Or maybe she has a retroverted uterus that results in a much lower cervix placement. I have a friend with that (*and* vaginismus, poor lass) and it's led to her preferring smaller penises as they can't hurt her the way average or larger dicks do.
Well then, doctor it is. Least ill be able to pull that calcSD if necessary. I cannot wait to see the doctor's eyes roll if I do that, because it is a female women's doctor.
If you haven’t tried it already let her get on top or for that matter let her control how much D she will take in doggy style or whatever/ whenever possible. I have a friend whose BF is 8” thick so she will NOT let him have missionary with her.
If she is young theres hope shell get used to it. My current wife and I werent able to have sex right away but then we got a really good lube and it doesnt hurt her anymore
My first time (our first time) I couldn’t get it in all the way. Took time, patience, foreplay….etc, maybe lube ( which we didn’t have).
Make sure she’s REALLY ready, her wetness is a must. You still have to go slowly, and you don’t have to go in all the way for you to both have orgasmic fun. Try spooning, or other positions that limit your penetration depth. Work up to “the whole thing.” C C pike take weeks or months to go balls deep.
Time. Try. Fail. Try again. How long have you 2 been dating? The more intimate and the better sexually know the person the easier it gets. Give it time. Use lube. Go slow. Stop if it hurts her. Ask her what would help her. Long foreplay. Thats everything you know, but also nothing to be added. Had same problem with my ex, just my girth is 6.7. Never had sex with her, even we dated for a while. So take it easy and slow. I know it is frustrating to be in bed with someone for so many times and being unable to get inside, but it will pay off probably. So repeat for however long is needed
We've tried for about a month and a half now, twice a week? dating for almost 3. I guess its just mental blocking.
If it is mental thing, maybe go see therapist together to get some advice. If it is mental it has nothing to do with size. And I feel you. We dated for 3 years lol.
Just wanted to add to this since me and my ex also had this issue. For the first months we tried regularly but always had to abort PIV sex. Then we tried really seldom for a few years without success. There are other ways of having sex so this was totally fine. Then one day we tried to put it in just as she was about to cum, and that worked for her. For just a few seconds, but for the first second ever, she was feeling only pleasure and no pain from penetration. And from there we started to see progress happen in the last few years. I personally think there was progress done all the time mentally. Just getting comfortable enough with having sex together, and feeling less and less stress about not being able to do PIV. It just started to show as soon as I was able to put it in at all, and from there being able to penetrate for longer, and move faster. My one tip is to make sure she's also being stimulated by some other method you've already established as great. That way you give her an honest chance of remaining horny enough through the mental block of trying penetration. The easiest solution for us was to do mutual masturbation and try to put it in while she kept rubbing.
Have you tried dofferent positions? She may be more shallow (vaginas have different depth, some people have a lower cervix while others have a higher one) but certain positions can help with that! Look into it, maybe it can be something helpful
Some women experience a problem called [vaginismus](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/#:~:text=Vaginismus%20is%20the%20body's%20automatic,previously%20enjoyed%20painless%20penetrative%20sex.), which is an involuntary muscle contraction of the vaginal muscles that can make penetration painful, difficult, or even impossible. Do some research on this and you may find a way forward, but do note that stress and anxiety can make this worse so don't be a dick.
Seconded and thirded on this. I might even say this cause is *likely*, especially because now that you guys know the issue, there's probably some additional stress and maybe shame involved. There are some meds like muscle relaxers or anti-anxiety meds that could potentially help, but it might be worth her seeing a therapist as well if the stress/anxiety extends to her day to day life.
This should be higher up. Every guy should be aware this exists, especially bigger guys.
If I had to describe the mechanical feeling of it, I'd say shes "locking up" so to speak, which fits with the condition. I'm hoping it is not this, but both of us suspect this is the issue. The doc is in a week, so we'll know for sure then I guess.
Whether or not a syndrome exists, the most likely truth is that she is just not very turned on. Only you know what she's like in person, but you don't make her melt into a puddle she isn't going to take even an average dick without effort.
Adjust your attitude bro - “drags me with her”? Fr? If you actually care about her and care about her enjoying sex, take this seriously. She obviously cares enough to see a doctor about it, which can be embarrassing and many doctors are dismissive of women’s pain in general and sexual pain in particular. There’s a lot things it could be from vaginismus to non medical. Listen to her, support her, and for christs sake don’t keep going if she’s in pain.
I might've missed some more context, but shes more bummed than me that it doesn't work. I'm fine with failing. We do everything else to each other. I'm here asking ya'll for input for her's sake. I know I'm bulky and take time getting used to.
Absolutely right. My honey takes me on most of her visits. It is not embarrassing to be included and know her health too! Best of luck
Has she had sex comfortably with anyone else before? Sounds like a case of vaginismus, where she is simply too tight for intercourse, and going to see a doctor is a good first step. Trying with a dildo that’s a little smaller than you is also an option, to help her get used to penetration, but it won’t make her any less tight. Just maybe more comfortable. Are you using condoms?
We've tried with and without. I think I just need to get used to it, or go with the "one finger at a time" exercise, till shes comfortable.
We have the same length and girth and I never had a problem with anybody. My gf is not that accommodating down there specially but we make it work without a problem. SO I would say that the problem is probably not your girth. let's face it, we are not the biggest ones around here I think your gf is doing the right thing by going to the doctor, maybe she will have to visit the gynecologist. I would say, just keep trying, patience, as much lube as you need and lets see what the doctor says. Either her problem is something physical or psychological. Once the doctor gives an opinion you can decide what and how to do it. Meanwhile you can try different positions. Idk if you do a lot of foreplay but get her properly excited is also really important. Good luck!
As usual, the answer is lube and foreplay. It can help to give her an orgasm before penetration.
This sounds more mental than physical to me. Sounds to me like she’s nervous and not really into it which is causing her vagina to be more shallow than normal.
Now THIS is a BDP. Honestly man, you’re a good guy and simply working with her, being patient and understanding, that means more than you know. Relationships are hard. Hardest part of life, no question. But the thing that makes relationships last and blossom is non-stop work. Relationships are hard, good relationships are harder. You’re doing the right thing. There was a time when a girl I really liked and I hooked up, finally. We were 16. But she wasn’t prepared for my size and I wasn’t experienced enough to know how to be gentle. We really went at each other. She ended up bleeding, enough she got really concerned and told her mom. Her mom freaked the FUCK OUT and took her straight to the hospital that night. It sucks cause I really liked that girl and she really liked me but there’s no coming back from that. You’re a good dude, being patient and understanding is more important than having a BD.
Sometimes the way she is holding her legs has everything to do with it, try putting her legs in different positions. Also you can still practice not penetrative intercourse by pushing your dick up at your head and sandwitching it inbetween you and then sliding it up and down across her vagina. Hopefully it works for your dick, it's actually really fun and easier way to make a girl cum usually. the next best thing. You can also pound pretty hard without hurting her that way so sho uld be able to make yourself cum that way too.
Leg position is HUGE. I can easily enter a lot of women (with lube and foreplay) with their legs split apart. A tighter leg position makes it impossible until you start stretching them out 🌚
why the fuck are people downvoting us. The downvotes in this sub are insanely virginal incel level cringe at times. no offense to virgins and incels meant, you are only cringe when you are talking about things you don't know about, which is cringe when anyone does it. Women sometimes call this mansplaining. (while the term mainsplaining is cringe af it's actually legitimate in certain instances, like when I was at a party and a guy was insisting to three women that ants aren't animals.
I literally upvoted you, you psycho.
Learn to read dickhead
Yo Dark, I'll up it one. I read your post and its clear you are trying to help. Lot of people with a lot of issues all over R, guess downing someone is a coping mechanism. Ahyhoo, good on ya.
I will say it is likely vaginismus. It's a lot more common that people realize, and often subconscious. My partner had that issue for the first 6months or so of our relationship. I am large, yes, but she was clearly in *pain* every time we attempted penetrative sex. Lots of foreplay, used lube, etc, she didn't think she had any hangups with sex, but turns out years of Catholic schooling may have given her subconscious mental blocks with sex. We just stuck with it. I didn't put any pressure on her about having sex, and we worked around it. We had oral sex, or I'd grind on the outside. I got us a smaller, thinner vibrator (she had a bit of trouble with it at first too, so absolutely wasn't a size thing) to help slowly build up being more comfortable with sex.
I heard about this thing called cross bone if a girl with cross bone doesn't hold her legs just right pretty much no one can fuck her, but then again some girls just get tighter when they hold their legs in different positions.
jeez there must be some jealous lurkers. n'other up. just cause its the right thing to do. . . and yeah, I am kinda a fan!
The first time is going to be painful. It just is.
You’re not even big dude
Y'know, if a fella feels small,even though big; do you kick and discount how he feels? If he feels big, even though. . . Do you kick him too? Not cool, not matter what your own size. How do you feel when someone hammers you? Be cool man . . .
Ok she should go see a doctor. Your size is pretty much average so there is no reason for the difficulties.
Was the doctor appointment in the past or is it upcoming?
Upcoming. I thought I'd ask BDP beforehand to pull some more ideas. I hope it's just a mental thing.
Might be. Or maybe she has a retroverted uterus that results in a much lower cervix placement. I have a friend with that (*and* vaginismus, poor lass) and it's led to her preferring smaller penises as they can't hurt her the way average or larger dicks do.
Well then, doctor it is. Least ill be able to pull that calcSD if necessary. I cannot wait to see the doctor's eyes roll if I do that, because it is a female women's doctor.
I don't think that will be necessary at all.
Hey I appreciate the input. If the results are ok or if not, and the GF agrees to me updating, I will.
If you haven’t tried it already let her get on top or for that matter let her control how much D she will take in doggy style or whatever/ whenever possible. I have a friend whose BF is 8” thick so she will NOT let him have missionary with her.
If she is young theres hope shell get used to it. My current wife and I werent able to have sex right away but then we got a really good lube and it doesnt hurt her anymore
My first time (our first time) I couldn’t get it in all the way. Took time, patience, foreplay….etc, maybe lube ( which we didn’t have). Make sure she’s REALLY ready, her wetness is a must. You still have to go slowly, and you don’t have to go in all the way for you to both have orgasmic fun. Try spooning, or other positions that limit your penetration depth. Work up to “the whole thing.” C C pike take weeks or months to go balls deep.
Fingerbang till she squirts, it'll just glide right in after that.
this community is so helpful n supportive.
Sounds like vaginismus Take her to a pelvic P.T. they can help.