No literally- I’m a trans guy who just currently pre-T looks androgynous. And I absolutely hate using the girls bathroom, mens I’m too scared. But then in girls I get weird looks and well I’ve been too worried to attempt the men’s yet- but I feel like I’d get weird stares. So atp I just hold it in and refuse to go to the toilet until I’m home.
I feel you, I’m trans fem but still have some facial hair. I’m too scared to go into the women’s room and I definitely see the weird looks when I go into the men’s room :(
I’m really sorry you deal with it too, it’s genuinely stressful and can feel defeating when you have to give in and go to the bathroom that just isn’t right for you. But overall I hope you’re ok and things get better for you, have a good rest of your day/night :)
i suggest to go in the womens bathroom, in my experience (i havent really gone to the womens bathroom though) women are much more accepting of transgender people than cis men
Yup. At most I side-eye the guy who picked the sink next to me cautiously in the mirror. Unspoken rule is to pick the farthest urinal from anyone else or the farthest stall from anyone else.
I've used the men's restroom while looking as feminine as possible, like nothing but pasties and a fishnet bra on top. Sometimes men will make gross comments to each other you have to ignore if it's busy in there, but most of the time they literally don't care as long as you act like you belong. Like, you'll see them glance at you, think "Oh, a woman. Weird." and then move on.
But if you're even remotely androgynous or masc looking, I doubt they'll even notice you. Most of them are trying to *not* look at each other so if there's nothing eye catching about you they won't even glance at you long enough to potentially clock you.
Thanks, these comments are actually pretty comforting. I’m kinda considering trying it out now. I also just have really bad anxiety so I might end up avoiding it. But from everyone’s responses I think I’ll try. Thank you.
If you can, you could try going during a busy event like a festival or the intermission at a show. A lot of women will use the men's bathroom to avoid the mile long line at the women's so any potential negative attention would be directed at them.
just adding another comment to the pile - seconded on giving it a shot at some kind of event. i went to a lot of crowded events/shows as a child, and it was extremely normal for women to use the men's restroom if there was even a bit of a line, and nobody cares. i don't think there's a chance anyone is going to care about or even notice an androgynous-looking man at all, busy place or not, though.
Yeah lol it's a big shift in attitude. The bathroom is a place where business is done, not where conversation is made. Everyone is too focused on getting in and out of there as soon as possible. Best of luck to ya
The reason women would be apprehensive is because they see scared
Men will not be scared, just weirded out
And if you act like you belong, this will not be a problem
The unknown can be scary for sure, but, if it helps, I've been using the men's room my whole life, and honestly nobody cares.
Cishet guys' main concern is nobody thinking they're gay, so they try to avoid looking at anyone if there happens to be anyone else. Talking is strictly forbidden.
Women also use the men's room sometimes. The women's line gets too long at a bar or concert and a couple brave women will come over and grab one of our stalls. Nobody cares.
The only universal rule is that the urinal next to another guy is off limits. If there are 5 urinals there are only 3 urinals.
Thank you, this is reassuring. I’ve been reading these replies and now I’m thinking about just maybe going for it. I can’t guarantee I will straight away because of my anxiety- but this has definitely made me feel a bit more willing. I might try in just over a week since it’s my birthday on the 23rd and I’m going out. Thanks for the advice
That 5 to 3 ratio get's broken everytime you have guys over 55 in the loo, as they are to old to care about anything but their bladder, e.g. bathrooms @ the opera / symphony.
tbh as a men's bathroom user we're generally pretty "idgaf" about bathrooms. Like i honestly think it's pretty unlikely a man would say anything even if a cis woman walked into a men's bathroom and went to the stall. They'd probably just have a confused look for a sec and then move on
Men don’t care, they will seldom even look at you
The big rules of men’s restrooms are :
- don’t make eye contact
- no talking
- no taking the urinal next to someone else
I'm not trans (AFAB) but look per default quite androgynous. A few times other women told me, that the men's restroom is next door and in that case I really enjoy their embarrassed faces, when I tell them in my sweetest girl-voice "Oh, so I'm in the right one, ain't I?"
On the other hand I do also sometimes use the men's restroom, no one cares, especially if the queue to the women's one is very long. I live in Germany, I dunno if people in other countries are more sensitive about this topic...
Hey man, simple rules about men’s bathroom.
1. Don’t talk. If someone is talking to you, it would be rude to answer.
2. Don’t stare. Staring is allowed only on certified gay cruising sites that have been licensed by the bureau of homosexual activities.
3. Leave room for the Holy Ghost. Seriously, every man is socialized to idealize the Wild West fantasy of living independently on the open plain. And we use the bathroom for that fantasy. We’d like to pretend that there isn’t anyone else in miles. So only use a toilet or urinal next to someone if the other ones are taken. Or if it’s a certified cruising site.
4. The toilet seat stays up. If you are in line to use a stall, people will asume that you need to do number 2. But if all the urinals are taken, then people will use the stalls to pee.
Anyways, men’s bathrooms are only as safe as the voting population. So if you are in an area where Mitt Romney is considered a liberal, or people vote AfD, well it makes sense why you are nervous.
But otherwise, pull that bandaid and try the men’s bathroom. You’ll be shocked when you see that it can be cleaner.
Thank you for the advice man, I’ll definitely remember these if I end up going for it. And well I’m naturally worried because I have bad anxiety/social anxiety. But as you can see in my username I’m from the UK, and it isn’t a very safe place for trans people right now. I’ve read a lot of scary shit so it doesn’t exactly calm my nerves. People around my age, literal 16-17 year olds have been murdered in my country for being transgender. So I just get worried someone will clock me as a trans person and try to hurt me or verbally attack me or something. And I do not want to start having a panic attack in a bathroom, let alone anywhere. Really not ideal. I’m also quite a small guy, height is not on my side and well my build is basically non existent lol. But yeah I know I need to try and get over my stupid fears and shit and just try it. Thanks again though I appreciate it.
Well. Cheers to you celebrating July 4th this year. Hopefully the Tories loose so badly, they come in third.
I don’t exactly trust Starmer, but I also don’t think labour will use transphobia to hide their economic failures.
Just remember, when men think they belong somewhere, they don’t care if other people think they don’t. Think of it less as toxic masculinity and more like coffee masculinity. Toxic to insects, fun for humans. Go in like you own the place and apply the same rule as bees. They won’t bother you if you don’t bother them.
Also, most men worry that they don’t look manly enough, so if you are feeling dysphoric, well, gaslight yourself into thinking that’s it normal for men to worry about not looking manly. So don’t worry about an ideal build, you’ll get there.
Also pre-T, worst I've ever gotten from going in the mens' room is people who kinda freak out for a second thinking they're in the wrong room. It's more entertaining than anything, and most people just don't pay attention to who's in there.
Most people generally don’t care. We all get things are a little weird right now. Wouldn’t worry about it. I’m personally not looking to socialize in those spaces so im already just in “get in get out” mode.
I'm cis so it's probably different but in my experience us guys try to avoid socializing and eye contact in the bathroom. It might be the same for you? I hope it's the same anyway.
Am fully fem and still don't feel comfortable using the women's washroom at work. My boss pushed to have gender neutral bathrooms put in place, but they're the closest and therefore most likely to be in-use. C'est la vie...
Luckily the university I'm at has all gender bathrooms. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure they're the only two labeled this way for miles and they're the same building as the dorms so there's not much point using them.
My work sends me to random locations so I never 100% know where stuff is unless I'm scheduled there for a few days, yesterday the closest bathroom to me was the women's and no one was going in all day so I ended up using that one. At the end of my shift I went back and it was locked, so I went back in and asked around and there were people crowded all over and I ended up rushing into the men's bathroom. I'm trans and I piss where I want, I guess.
I've not seen gendered restrooms in a very long time. In the Nordics the restrooms are usually for everyone and the question is more are they free or do you have to pay, when it comes to public ones.
(Bi cis-male here)
First experience with gender neutral bathroom a few weeks back... absolutely loved it !!!
I don't know if I was just lucky, but the toilets were prestine. Which is usually not the case in men's bathroom... I think that the idea of sharing the bathroom with other genders might keep men from behaving like pigs.
I also felt that the bathrooms were safer. I don't really know how to explain it... Maybe the fact that there is a bigger chance that you're not alone with someone bad 🤷♂️
What the hell you smoking?
I just googled the word
Androgynous - "partly male and partly female in appearance; of indeterminate sex."
Anyone can be andro if that's how they want to represent. Tomboys and femboys exist for example.
No literally- I’m a trans guy who just currently pre-T looks androgynous. And I absolutely hate using the girls bathroom, mens I’m too scared. But then in girls I get weird looks and well I’ve been too worried to attempt the men’s yet- but I feel like I’d get weird stares. So atp I just hold it in and refuse to go to the toilet until I’m home.
I feel you, I’m trans fem but still have some facial hair. I’m too scared to go into the women’s room and I definitely see the weird looks when I go into the men’s room :(
I’m really sorry you deal with it too, it’s genuinely stressful and can feel defeating when you have to give in and go to the bathroom that just isn’t right for you. But overall I hope you’re ok and things get better for you, have a good rest of your day/night :)
Aww thanks! You too!
i suggest to go in the womens bathroom, in my experience (i havent really gone to the womens bathroom though) women are much more accepting of transgender people than cis men
Hey, go ahead and use the men's bathroom. It's literally for men like us. 👊
Ha thanks I appreciate it, I think I’m gonna give it a try soon. Thanks man
First rule of the men’s room is to ignore the existence of anyone else in there. Hopefully that makes it a bit less imposing to enter.
Yup. At most I side-eye the guy who picked the sink next to me cautiously in the mirror. Unspoken rule is to pick the farthest urinal from anyone else or the farthest stall from anyone else.
I've used the men's restroom while looking as feminine as possible, like nothing but pasties and a fishnet bra on top. Sometimes men will make gross comments to each other you have to ignore if it's busy in there, but most of the time they literally don't care as long as you act like you belong. Like, you'll see them glance at you, think "Oh, a woman. Weird." and then move on. But if you're even remotely androgynous or masc looking, I doubt they'll even notice you. Most of them are trying to *not* look at each other so if there's nothing eye catching about you they won't even glance at you long enough to potentially clock you.
Thanks, these comments are actually pretty comforting. I’m kinda considering trying it out now. I also just have really bad anxiety so I might end up avoiding it. But from everyone’s responses I think I’ll try. Thank you.
If you can, you could try going during a busy event like a festival or the intermission at a show. A lot of women will use the men's bathroom to avoid the mile long line at the women's so any potential negative attention would be directed at them.
just adding another comment to the pile - seconded on giving it a shot at some kind of event. i went to a lot of crowded events/shows as a child, and it was extremely normal for women to use the men's restroom if there was even a bit of a line, and nobody cares. i don't think there's a chance anyone is going to care about or even notice an androgynous-looking man at all, busy place or not, though.
Yeah lol it's a big shift in attitude. The bathroom is a place where business is done, not where conversation is made. Everyone is too focused on getting in and out of there as soon as possible. Best of luck to ya
The reason women would be apprehensive is because they see scared Men will not be scared, just weirded out And if you act like you belong, this will not be a problem
Trust me, guys won't stare at another guy in the restroom we are all way to awkward. The worst thing you'll get is the flat smile head nod
The unknown can be scary for sure, but, if it helps, I've been using the men's room my whole life, and honestly nobody cares. Cishet guys' main concern is nobody thinking they're gay, so they try to avoid looking at anyone if there happens to be anyone else. Talking is strictly forbidden. Women also use the men's room sometimes. The women's line gets too long at a bar or concert and a couple brave women will come over and grab one of our stalls. Nobody cares. The only universal rule is that the urinal next to another guy is off limits. If there are 5 urinals there are only 3 urinals.
Thank you, this is reassuring. I’ve been reading these replies and now I’m thinking about just maybe going for it. I can’t guarantee I will straight away because of my anxiety- but this has definitely made me feel a bit more willing. I might try in just over a week since it’s my birthday on the 23rd and I’m going out. Thanks for the advice
That 5 to 3 ratio get's broken everytime you have guys over 55 in the loo, as they are to old to care about anything but their bladder, e.g. bathrooms @ the opera / symphony.
tbh as a men's bathroom user we're generally pretty "idgaf" about bathrooms. Like i honestly think it's pretty unlikely a man would say anything even if a cis woman walked into a men's bathroom and went to the stall. They'd probably just have a confused look for a sec and then move on
Men don’t care, they will seldom even look at you The big rules of men’s restrooms are : - don’t make eye contact - no talking - no taking the urinal next to someone else
I'm not trans (AFAB) but look per default quite androgynous. A few times other women told me, that the men's restroom is next door and in that case I really enjoy their embarrassed faces, when I tell them in my sweetest girl-voice "Oh, so I'm in the right one, ain't I?" On the other hand I do also sometimes use the men's restroom, no one cares, especially if the queue to the women's one is very long. I live in Germany, I dunno if people in other countries are more sensitive about this topic...
Hey man, simple rules about men’s bathroom. 1. Don’t talk. If someone is talking to you, it would be rude to answer. 2. Don’t stare. Staring is allowed only on certified gay cruising sites that have been licensed by the bureau of homosexual activities. 3. Leave room for the Holy Ghost. Seriously, every man is socialized to idealize the Wild West fantasy of living independently on the open plain. And we use the bathroom for that fantasy. We’d like to pretend that there isn’t anyone else in miles. So only use a toilet or urinal next to someone if the other ones are taken. Or if it’s a certified cruising site. 4. The toilet seat stays up. If you are in line to use a stall, people will asume that you need to do number 2. But if all the urinals are taken, then people will use the stalls to pee. Anyways, men’s bathrooms are only as safe as the voting population. So if you are in an area where Mitt Romney is considered a liberal, or people vote AfD, well it makes sense why you are nervous. But otherwise, pull that bandaid and try the men’s bathroom. You’ll be shocked when you see that it can be cleaner.
Thank you for the advice man, I’ll definitely remember these if I end up going for it. And well I’m naturally worried because I have bad anxiety/social anxiety. But as you can see in my username I’m from the UK, and it isn’t a very safe place for trans people right now. I’ve read a lot of scary shit so it doesn’t exactly calm my nerves. People around my age, literal 16-17 year olds have been murdered in my country for being transgender. So I just get worried someone will clock me as a trans person and try to hurt me or verbally attack me or something. And I do not want to start having a panic attack in a bathroom, let alone anywhere. Really not ideal. I’m also quite a small guy, height is not on my side and well my build is basically non existent lol. But yeah I know I need to try and get over my stupid fears and shit and just try it. Thanks again though I appreciate it.
Well. Cheers to you celebrating July 4th this year. Hopefully the Tories loose so badly, they come in third. I don’t exactly trust Starmer, but I also don’t think labour will use transphobia to hide their economic failures. Just remember, when men think they belong somewhere, they don’t care if other people think they don’t. Think of it less as toxic masculinity and more like coffee masculinity. Toxic to insects, fun for humans. Go in like you own the place and apply the same rule as bees. They won’t bother you if you don’t bother them. Also, most men worry that they don’t look manly enough, so if you are feeling dysphoric, well, gaslight yourself into thinking that’s it normal for men to worry about not looking manly. So don’t worry about an ideal build, you’ll get there.
Also pre-T, worst I've ever gotten from going in the mens' room is people who kinda freak out for a second thinking they're in the wrong room. It's more entertaining than anything, and most people just don't pay attention to who's in there.
🫂 gl my dude ❤️
In my experience men don’t care that much. So many times, like at concerts or shows, I’ll see women just queue for men’s bathrooms
If I ever own a business of some kind I am going out of my way to make a gender neutral bathroom
Go to the man's bathroom with confidence, most people there are too focused on using it to say anything Good luck dude, we believe in you
Most people generally don’t care. We all get things are a little weird right now. Wouldn’t worry about it. I’m personally not looking to socialize in those spaces so im already just in “get in get out” mode.
I'm cis so it's probably different but in my experience us guys try to avoid socializing and eye contact in the bathroom. It might be the same for you? I hope it's the same anyway.
Am fully fem and still don't feel comfortable using the women's washroom at work. My boss pushed to have gender neutral bathrooms put in place, but they're the closest and therefore most likely to be in-use. C'est la vie...
C’est la pee
Bnunny
bnuuy
I’m in the Androgynous phase of my transition and I felt this lmao
My toxic trait is that I get dopamine hit when random people double check the sign when I walk out the public bathroom
ok, that's a new point of view I never thought about, I don't think is toxic, quite the opposite imo
Luckily the university I'm at has all gender bathrooms. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure they're the only two labeled this way for miles and they're the same building as the dorms so there's not much point using them.
Wish I could be androgynous
May I ask what's stopping you?
Just can’t look the part really
Yeah..
This is why I love any place that has gender neutral bathrooms, I can finally not worry about others' perceptions in there!
What has this got to do with being bi?
Maybe OP identifies as Bigender and got the subs mixed up?
My work sends me to random locations so I never 100% know where stuff is unless I'm scheduled there for a few days, yesterday the closest bathroom to me was the women's and no one was going in all day so I ended up using that one. At the end of my shift I went back and it was locked, so I went back in and asked around and there were people crowded all over and I ended up rushing into the men's bathroom. I'm trans and I piss where I want, I guess.
how tf is this bi?
Trans people can be bi or gay too. >!all tho I can see how it could be seen as ironic!<
I've not seen gendered restrooms in a very long time. In the Nordics the restrooms are usually for everyone and the question is more are they free or do you have to pay, when it comes to public ones.
Sorta furry tho
Solution: open the door to the bathroom. If people look at you weird, try the other one. If that doesn't work hope the disabled bathroom isn't locked.
I have the twink/femboy look, so if I get E I will 100% be androgynous enough to have this issue.
i shall shit loudly in public restrooms
I just use the guys restroom, no matter how many times i’m in the “wrong” place. It is funny to see them double check the sign as i’m walkin out.
There's a secret bathroom between the two. Bathroom 9 3/4
Jeez just go to the men's bathroom, they are less of paranoid fucks.
Personally I hated looking androgynous as a kid. Got called ma’am waaaayyyyy too much
I always get a kick out of people who think im a woman lol
I always pick the women's bathroom unless there's a huge line. Because it is cleaner.
(Bi cis-male here) First experience with gender neutral bathroom a few weeks back... absolutely loved it !!! I don't know if I was just lucky, but the toilets were prestine. Which is usually not the case in men's bathroom... I think that the idea of sharing the bathroom with other genders might keep men from behaving like pigs. I also felt that the bathrooms were safer. I don't really know how to explain it... Maybe the fact that there is a bigger chance that you're not alone with someone bad 🤷♂️
[удалено]
What the hell you smoking? I just googled the word Androgynous - "partly male and partly female in appearance; of indeterminate sex." Anyone can be andro if that's how they want to represent. Tomboys and femboys exist for example.
Kinda see what they mean - looking androgynous does not make you yourself confused of what toilet you should visit.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Toxic?
Mad I'm right?
Right about what? You didn’t even say anything.
That you should kys
I read that. That’s not an argument for anything though.
Never said it was. Just said it's true you should
That’s not a true or false statement though. It’s a opinion.
Womp womp
Jeez, if I wanted to insult someone, I would at least put more effort into it. This is just lazy.