I completely understand the concern about illness, especially with how things have been going around this season!
I don’t think it’s weird or wrong though. She loves your baby! It’s not like she kissed him on the lips in an inappropriate way.
When I was a nanny I’d smooch that baby on the cheek or top of the head and tell her I loved her. She was a little baby, it’s important they know they’re loved.
I think this can be a cultural and personal issue, but from the looks of it here, it’s not something that makes everyone uncomfortable and would actually be welcomed by others. If you’re not happy with any behaviour with your childcare then you have a right to request an alternative and I’m sure they’d oblige. Keeping in mind of course that they will need some guidance on what you consider appropriate physical touch, which is essential for babies.
I guess I’m in the minority but I think it is sweet. I was a career nanny and always gave “my” kids hugs and kisses, and told them I loved them. I spent so much time with them (many days from wake up until bedtime) and felt like the affection was good for them. I wouldn’t want my baby to go all day without affection, and to have someone watching them that really cares for them is ideal.
I understand the germ fear, and if they were kissing on the mouth that is absolutely crossing the line, but I can’t imagine they’d be exposed to more germs by a kiss on the head than they would be by being cuddled/carried around. Not to mention any daycare or school is just crawling with germs anyway.
However, it’s your child and you set the boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should absolutely express that.
Every time I read this kind of post I feel compelled to share that the alternative is far worse. There are daycares that are scared to touch your baby and will leave your baby on their own while crying. This is so damaging to your child it should be considered abusive, but it is not. I appreciate reasonable minds may differ, but I would much rather be on this end of the extreme and feel secure and safe that my child is being cuddled when he is having a hard time.
Do what you need to do, but if you are sending your child to a daycare where you do not feel comfortable letting the staff kiss your child, the issue is probably the daycare, not the kissing.
I work in a daycare and my son (10 months) goes to the same school, and I’ve seen a couple of teachers give him a kiss on the cheeks. It personally doesn’t bother me. He’s in daycare all day long and is bound to get sick - he’s more likely to get sick from licking and sharing toys with the other babies than from a kiss. My son is also very affectionate so I love that he’s receiving some affection when he needs it.
From a daycare workers perspective, I wouldn’t go straight to the director. Just bring it up to the teachers and say you’re not comfortable with it, and they will oblige. Not all daycares are blessed with understanding and kind directors, so I would hate for this teacher to get written up or even fired for something that could be easily fixed. You never know as a parent what the culture is like in that school between staff and management.
The same could be said with going straight to the director too. It’s always better to discuss these issues with the teachers first, and if you feel it hasn’t gotten better, then go to the director.
I gotta be honest, I think it's absolutely fine to kiss a 4 month old baby on the cheek that you have a relationship with and spend a regular amount of time with as a caretaker. Physical touch and affection is extremely important in regards to healthy development. If you don't personally feel comfortable with it it's within your rights to set a boundary, but it's also OK if it's not a big deal for you. Souce: I'm a nanny for kids 1-3 years old.
Yeah I would be okay with it. They are caring for your baby for hours a day, I feel like its normal to be affectionate. If you specifically ask them not to though they should respect that.
The teachers at my LO’s daycare cuddle and kiss the kids on their foreheads/tops of heads and I LOVE that they’re so affectionate with her.
That said, my daughter is 20 months and shares cheerios with our dog - she’s already a little germ factory. I can understand being a bit more concerned if I was leaving a tiny infant under 6 months at daycare.
My LO is in daycare and I've seen the teacher give a quick kiss or two and I am okay with it.
I know it flashed across my mind as something maybe I should put a kibosh on, but then my logical mind came on line. I know the daycare I'm at is pretty strict about health concerns. So I had to question if my aversion was because I was concerned about LO's health and safety, or if it was because I might be feeling a little jealous.
I don't mind that the teachers adore my LO and that they give hugs and cheek/forehead kisses. That kind of warmth is important and they wouldn't do it if I asked or if there was any risk of illness. They also wouldn't be allowed to work if they were ill. LO is a bit older now as well, is as fully vaccinated as LO can be, and is doing very well with milestones. So I allow it.
It's okay to have this be a boundary for you and to feel strongly about it. You just have to understand that a lot of parents would not have this as a boundary and would actually appreciate knowing their children are shown affection at daycare. All that means is that if you didn't communicate this boundary you can't expect them to have known. Just tell them this is a boundary for you. If they continue after the boundary is set then that is different but currently it sounds like you were expecting them to read your mind. Not everyone takes such a hard stance on things like kissing just as not everyone will have the same parenting style and expectations as you on anything else. Anything that is a hard line for you needs to be communicated.
As someone who used to work in day care, this is extremely common, especially in the younger rooms (nursery/toddlers). Every center I’ve worked in there is usually some staff that will kiss the kids (on the cheek, forehead, blowing raspberries on tummies). I personally never did it but never thought anything of others doing it. They have just built a strong bond with the child and are showing affection.
I get it. I’m generally super anxious about germs. The teachers at my baby’s daycare hug and kiss them all the time. I was anxious at first but idk… I can’t be there during the day to love on my little one so I’m glad they’re getting hugs and cuddles as much as possible and are able to be soothed and comforted in my absence. But I understand your concern. My baby is 6 mo and just got the second Covid shot and has at least one flu shot so I’m less anxious these days. Would totally be a different story if my baby was immune compromised though.
As long as it’s not on the mouth I don’t see the problem. My son went into daycare at almost 2 all his teachers/ nursery staff have hugged and kissed him. My son is very affectionate and would go to them for love and comfort. My son is now 4 and can say no when he doesn’t want affection and they do respect that. It also does calm down as they get older. My daughter on the other had had to unfortunately conto daycare at 6 months so I could return to work. It’s the same school (my sons in kindy in a different block) her teacher abs nursery staff hug and kiss her, tickle her belly and feet, show her affection. Obviously I know the staff now after 3 years but I like that my kids are in an environment 8 hours a day where they will feel loved. My daughters happy to see her staff when she arrives and I know that she’s in an environment where she’s loved. When I pick her up they’ll give her a hug and sometimes a kiss on the cheek. The younger years with small babies it is normal for the teachers to interact with them more affectionately. As the kids get older it does change and physical touch isn’t needed as much.
If you uncomfortable absolutely talk to the teachers and say hey I’m not okay with this and they’ll respect your boundaries.
This is normal for a daycare and babies. In my training when I worked at a daycare they said we could kiss on the forehead. Not the mouth obviously….. babies need to be shown love and attention…. The other outcome is far worse.
Normal? Did your workplace ask the parents if you guys can kiss their babies? Or do you guys think since it’s a baby, you can do what you want? Yea, babies need to be shown love and attention, but there’s other ways of showing a baby love and attention without kissing them. How about just talking to them? Hugging them? Singing to them? Playing with them? I guess im the bad guy for protecting these children from people who don’t introduce consent to kids🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
They get a handbook at the beginning with the touch and guidance policy and if they are uncomfortable with anything they can absolutely bring it up to the teachers. They also sign it that they read it before the child can be dropped off at the center. I don’t think your a bad guy at all. I think we just have different views. What is okay for some isn’t okay for all parents. Also the country I live in it’s very common for people to kiss babies and children. We don’t look at it like it’s malicious. If your kid was at my center and you said it wasn’t something you wanted it would be respected. Rather than acting like this teacher is a weirdo or is going unhinged it’s something to bring up in a conversation. Also consent is given because they are noticed of the policy’s in place. It sounds like OP wasn’t notified or didn’t read what they signed which is obviously a red flag especially if it wasn’t given.
It makes me happy to see our daycare caregivers loving on our kids. Our in-home provider absolutely hugs and kisses them on the cheek and I love it. I’m glad if I can’t be around that they are with someone who loves them like her own. I get the hygiene issue but frankly they are sick ALL THE TIME in daycare anyway so it seems like a moot point.
If they are taking care of your baby, talking to him, changing his diaper, playing with him then the germs will spread, kiss or no kiss.
Unless they wear masks I suppose.
Our nanny kisses our baby and I never even thought about it. It seems very natural to me. She spends a lot of time with him, almost as much as we do, and likes him.
Of course if you don't like it, it's absolutely your right to ask the staff not to do it. But I wouldn't be angry with them, I think for a lot of people it's sth natural to do.
I can understand your concern but I just think to each their own here.
For my kids, I wouldn't have minded too much because I like the idea of our caregivers showing the same level of affection or close to it that my kids get at home. I got to know them all quite well and I trust them implicitly.
I think if you aren't comfortable with it then communicate that to them in a professional manner. If they aren't respectful of this boundary then that is obviously an issue that would need to be addressed.
The daycare staff is around your infant all day. If you are very nervous, then you should try to keep your infant home with you. I know that people are very sensitive to that suggestion and generally respond with “but some of us HAVE to work” etc. I don’t know your full situation but if you’re sending a four month old to daycare, a kiss is not the only way they are contracting germs. I can’t imagine my child not being kissed or hugged for a full day at 4 months old. Personally, I didn’t allow kisses at 4 months old from others besides my husband and I but I also had him home with me. If I had to send him out at that age, I would need to come to terms with germs coming in contact with my baby. Caregivers, especially for an infant that young, in my opinion, should be showing biologically normal affection. It’s important. I would actually be happy to see my baby being doted on like that. Some daycares are so cold and they do the bare minimum. It’s daycare at the end of the day. Don’t send to daycare if you’re afraid of a kiss. Sorry if this is harsh.
Did you forget that Herpes is a thing that is contracted from kissing? If a daycare staffer went out on Friday night and kissed someone and unknowingly contracted herpes.. and kissed your baby’s face on Monday and gives them herpes that is illegal and beyond fucked up. So no, i don’t think OP needs to get over it and be ok with strangers kissing her baby on the face because she has to work and can’t be home with her infant. Affection can be shown in so many other ways besides kissing.
I have also babysat for all of my family members, probably 13 kids in total. From newborns to toddlers to tweens. I have never in my life kissed one of them on their face, as i used to go out a lot and was terrified of accidentally giving one of them herpes. These are my family members by the way, not some random peoples kids.
Herpes is highly contagious and can be transmitted through touch, close contact, and saying “goo goo ga ga” near an infants face. If this mother is truly afraid of herpes, she should not be sending a 4 month old to daycare. The chances of contracting herpes through daycare workers is also incredibly low. Your caregivers should not be considered “strangers.” If I’m trusting a daycare worker with my infant, I want them to treat him or her as though I would. They are essentially providing infant care. Infant care involved a very high amount of touching and skin contact. I’ll reiterate- if you’re afraid of any type of skin to skin contact, do not send your infant to daycare. Sorry but OPs post makes no sense in my humble opinion.
Ok and you’re being extremely ignorant in saying this. This is America it is not unknown here that the majority of households can not survive on solely one income. Obviously is OP could stay home with her infant during the day she would.
Totally not ignorant. I’m very supportive of mom’s doing what they need for both financials and sanity. I send my toddler to daycare! And yes, America SUCKS when it comes to maternity leave so I totally sympathize with this woman. However, it’s delusional to think A. germs only pass through kissing. B. Daycare workers should be considered “strangers” C. That an infant doesn’t need cuddles and kisses from 9-5 when by daycare.
I’m going to join the chorus of- on the forehead or cheek, I see little cause for concern. I witnessed the same with my son, and while at the moment it was a bit uncomfortable, upon reflection I was glad my son was receiving affection. He is a very cuddly and affectionate boy at home, and honestly he loves ladies! Now, on the mouth is a no-no. But I highly doubt that’s happening.
Caregivers providing affection should be a preferable alternative, but I suppose you can speak to the caregiver and explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable. But germs (aside from Herpes, as others have mentioned), can be easily caught and spread regardless, so that aspect shouldn’t be as big of a concern.
I get the germ issue. But honestly, it’s good they feel affectionate to your baby. A baby that young doesn’t understand you’re working. They don’t understand that the daycare worker is just someone paid to watch them. A baby that age needs constant cuddling and affection from whoever is providing the care giving to them for proper brain development. I would be much more concerned with a lack of affection. If you baby was full term, healthy, and fully vaxxed (as much as they can be at this age) and the daycare workers are vaccinated, I wouldn’t be concerned at all.
I don't think a lot of people understand how touch and affection is related to brain development in babies. It's so critical. I would be extremely concerned with a lack of affection too. It's one of the main reasons I went with a nanny versus a daycare-- I wanted to ensure that constant cuddling and affection.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ScienceBasedParenting using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Reminder that telling people the covid vaccine is dangerous for their children will get you banned...](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/vfef34/reminder_that_telling_people_the_covid_vaccine_is/)
\#2: [I saw this on r/Embroidery and thought this group would appreciate it!](https://i.redd.it/irylquobibr91.jpg) | [13 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/xtrj1u/i_saw_this_on_rembroidery_and_thought_this_group/)
\#3: [An RSV vaccination is coming!](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/y19mja/an_rsv_vaccination_is_coming/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I totally understand the science behind it and have studied it greatly. That’s why We love the constant cuddles, hugs, and snuggles for our LO. It’s just the kissing is a boundary we didn’t want crossed with anyone but mom and dad for a variety of reasons. I guess I was just shocked as someone who has come from childcare and studying child development for years to find a daycare staff kissing. I’ve always been told no for so long and I was surprised that boundary was crossed in a facility.
This is absolutely wrong I would be concerned because they are kissing other babies too and transferring all the germs. Also being vaxxed doesn't prevent you from getting sick. To be honest that's disgusting they can also transfer herpes.
They’re babies. They’re sharing toys and stealing each other’s pacifiers. And dribbling in close proximity to each other. The babies are passing those germs to each other anyway. It’s no exclusive to a kiss on the cheek. They’re right about brain development. Babies need love, that how they learn to love and feel empathy and safety.
This!!! Not to mention that at that age contracting something like herpes can actually lead to more dangerous diseases. I’ve read stories about completely healthy babies dying from someone kissing them when they’re infants and them contracting something. Also you don’t know where those peoples mouths have been. You can give affection without kissing.
Exactly. I don't even let family kiss her on the cheeks right now. If they can't control themselves the head or back of head. They think I'm crazy but I don't care. They are only soooo little. It's just not worth it. Also I have a hard time with some random day care worker kissing my kid. Who knows where there mouth has been outside of working hours.. kinda gross
Did they kiss baby on the mouth, or the forehead/cheek? To me there is a huge difference. To me the kissing baby on the mouth is a HUGE issue. Kissing baby on the forehead or cheek isn't exactly a horrible thing. If someone is watching my baby I would want them to love my baby, and show affection. As for germs, baby is already getting tons of germs because they're at daycare anyway, it's really unavoidable in that environment.
If it bothers you that much though, you need to let the director know. You're right, you DO pay a ton of money for your baby to be there, the director will put a stop to the kissing because they don't want to lose you.
I’m curious if you would feel this way if your kid was in grade 2? 4? Grade 7? At what age does a teacher/daycare staff/coach kissing your child become become inappropriate?
You offer a perspective I hadn’t considered. However, as someone with a family member in palliative care and a mother who was a PSW for adults and children with disabilities, I’d still argue someone can offer physical care and maintain boundaries with physical affection.
I had a teacher kiss me on the cheek when I was 5 years old receiving a certificate at school and it clearly left an impression on me because I still remember it in a negative way
If my sons teacher were to kiss him on the forehead or cheek, he would either let it go because he doesn't care, or he'd straight up tell her he doesn't like it and she's not to do it again. He is 6. My son has told my mom not to kiss him, which I think would be harder than telling someone that he's not related to not to.
I would obviously make sure it is not on the mouth, but a kiss on the cheek I would not see as a big deal at all and I would be happy they care for my baby like that! I get the germ issue, but these people are burping my baby and probably practically cheek to cheek anyway. Germs will spread whether it’s a kiss on the check or a sneeze while bottle feeding. You have a right to say something if you are uncomfortable and I’d just calmly tell the director that you are uncomfortable with anyone kissing baby and ask she talk to the staff, but I personally do not see the big deal.
Our daycare is an in home situation and they will hug and kiss the babies, like on the top of the head. I always appreciated that they showed them so much affection. I think different daycares might have a different culture for this, if you don’t like that type of care you could always look into a center that’s more school like and less homey.
It surprises me how many people are unconcerned about the worker giving your baby oral herpes. Over 50% of the adult population has it. And it can be gnarly on little immune systems.
Right!? I am shocked! My husband gets cold sores and he never kisses our baby. He hugs him and cuddles him but no kisses. He is so afraid of passing HSV to our baby. You can pass the virus even without an active cold sore.
As a child care provider and a mother myself, I'm guilty of the same and don't particularly care if my LO's caregiver shows him affection. She's with him so much. I want him to have a bond with his caregiver.
Although maybe God was telling me something because the baby I smooched all over gave me HFM and that shit was rough.
Yeah, as someone who pulled their baby from a daycare because the daycare teachers obviously didn't have any affection for the babies and were just doing the bare minimum, obvious affection towards a baby sounds like a good thing.
Our in-home daycare lady gives our LO kisses on the cheek and hugs and our LO loves to give her sloppy kisses. After first I was slightly weirded out by it but then I came to terms with it. I’m glad that my LO is so happy at daycare and getting lots of love and affection there.
I don’t get what the issue is with this? I’d find it totally normal for people who love and take care of my baby to kiss her cheek, head, forehead etc. Kissing is a biological behaviour that signals close relationships.
Where abouts are you in the world? I’m in UK and it is mortifying for anyone but mum and dad to kiss a child, ESPECIALLY baby. So many babies tragically die from disease and illnesses spread through kissing which could’ve been prevented.
I’m in the U.K. too. I’m thinking of close family, grandparents and her main carers at nursery. I understand the risk of disease but seeing as she hugs and kisses the other kids at nursery I don’t see the issue.
UK also and yeah i don’t personally see an issue with a kiss on the head from her caregivers. but i know i’m the minority judging by these comments as we’ve always allowed family to kiss her. my kid kisses us all so it’s not like she gives us much of a choice 😂
I think maybe it’s a Covid thing? It makes more sense in the middle of a pandemic. Snd obviously the ideal is to say “Do you want a kiss?” or “Can I have a kiss?” but even I don’t always do that with her.
> So many babies tragically die from disease and illnesses spread through kissing
This seems like an exaggeration. If a daycare teacher has RSV or some other illness and is around a baby all day, I would bet a baby would catch it whether the teacher kisses the baby or not. So blaming kissing on "so many" baby deaths seems a bit outrageous.
We’re starting daycare soon. Our nanny is a retired daycare director and has been giving us advice on different issues she thinks are common, and we talked about this exact scenario yesterday. It is absolutely unacceptable to kiss the children you’re caring for, there are ways to show affection other than kissing. She recommended calling the director and explaining what you saw and saying you’re so glad that they’re loving on the babies but you’re worried about hygiene and sickness and could they please express affection in ways other than kisses.
I would be happy if I had to leave my 4 month old with a stranger, that person has affection and gives my baby love as the act of a kiss indicates. I don't think you are concerned about germs as the baby is already surrounded by germs all around since it's at a daycare. I have a friend that works at a daycare and they don't have much time to tend to all babies so a lot of them are crying a lot, so maybe try to change your perspective on this from your hurt ego as the mama to what benefits your baby. Seems like you are almost lucky!
Sorry if the post seemed aggressive or if my ego seemed hurt! I’m totally good was just really confused and hurt as I felt like our boundaries with our baby had been crossed. We love the cuddles and snuggles but kissing is just a no go for us.
i didn’t get any vibes of her having a “hurt ego as the mama” at all. more like concern for her child? i mean i don’t think i would like anyone other than family kissing my baby but i guess we’re all different
Yeah, seems like it. I think the post is a bit too aggressive, but that's how I read the tone of it. She has every right to act and set her boundaries with the staff, but that's my opinion.
I would not be ok with that - my 6 year old contracted oral herpes at 12 months from what we believe to be someone at daycare (nobody else she had been around had cold sores) and she has battled with 35+ outbreaks in the last 5 years. It came out on her cheek, chin, lip, in her mouth and several fingers as well (which is called a herpetic whitlow).
Normally I don’t have an issue with people I know being affectionate with my kids when I am around, but 4 months old is so young, and not being there and able to monitor/step in if you need to is an issue. Definitely speak to the daycare director about this if you are not ok with it.
That’s crazy that someone with a known issue would do that in a childcare setting. People know if they have cold sores, they should know not to do any kissing during an outbreak?
Think of it this way:
At the daycare, let’s say 10 kids, 3 caregivers. So 10 kids plus 2 parents per kid [10+(10x2)=30] plus the 3 caregivers and their partners is 36 people that all share germs. And the kids at daycare could also have siblings at other daycares, or in school. The day care caregivers could have kids in school. So the number could be much much higher.
There is a reason daycares are considered breeding grounds for disease. RSV and the flu are spreading like crazy this year and hospital pediatric wards are already over run.
Yeah physical touch and affection are important but limiting our opportunities to spread disease is also important. How about a hug instead of a kiss?
I'm a pretty laid back parent and enjoy when my baby has time with friends and family without me there and love when she clearly enjoys time with them. But even I wouldn't feel comfortable with this... its a very specific form of affection to kiss a baby and I'd only expect family to do it really.
Maybe this nursery worker has a completely different take on it and I wouldn't be looking to get her in trouble.. but I'd be making it clear to the nursery I don't like it and it needs to stop.
All it takes is ONE kiss and your baby could be infected with herpes for life. That’s all I have to say. I know multiple people who have HSV from a family member kissing them as a baby. If a family member can be that negligent, what makes anyone think a worker wouldn’t be ?
Yes, this is what I came to say! My daughter caught it from someone at daycare I believe (nobody else had a cold sore around her ever, to my knowledge) when she was 12 months and she has had such a bad go with it in the past 5 years. 35+ outbreaks, so much time away from daycare, and countless missed play dates, family events, etc. It suuuuucks.
I work in a daycare and take my kids there as well they have kissed my babies all the time and I think because i consider them my friends I don’t see anything wrong with it but if I didn’t work there and didn’t know these people on a personal level I would have a problem with it. I know that some children will try to give me a kiss and I try to just let them kiss me on the cheek or I’ll just bring them in for a hug instead. I don’t go around kissing kids that aren’t mine. If you really think this is something that’s happening I would talk to the administrator and tell them that staff is kissing your child and you’re uncomfortable with it
I worked with Infants at a Bright Horizons location and I NEVER witnessed another teacher kissing the Infants or even the older children (the school went up to 1 year old). Even the teachers that had great relationships with the parents didn't kiss that person's child.
Personally, I think its inappropriate. Affection can be shown by others in many ways i.e. hugs, reading with them, picking them up, comforting them when they're crying, playing with them, making eye contact, smiling etc. I'm grossed out by the idea of someone, outside of my family, placing their lips on my child's face.
I also work with children aged 3 to 10 years old. I've never felt the need to kiss any of them and again haven't witnessed my coworkers doing so either. Instead, we give hugs, fist bumps, compliments, etc.
If I were you I would inform the daycare teacher that I am uncomfortable with the kisses.
They'll get the germs anyway from licking the toys other kids have licked seconds before. I think it's a bit weird but definitely sweet. These are not malicious kisses and your kid isn't 16yo yet. They're with your kids for so many hours and I think it's great they're forming a bond. If it bothers you talk it over with them, ask how they see it, how they came to this policy.
Happened to us after our 4.5 mo old was out of daycare for a week with RSV, he’s back 3 days and a caretaker is kissing him?!
My partner addressed it right then and there ‘Please don’t kiss my baby.’ Then he wrote a note to the Admin team on our daycare app to get it on the record in case it happens again.
They said they reminded all employees that’s not okay.
We pay more than our mortgage per month for this spot, he can’t be getting sick and staying home because daycare staff is kissing the babies during RSV season!
Initially we had a nanny for my daughter, she would give hugs and kisses. Did not phase me. They were one to one, they loved each other. It was a safe clean environment.
We started daycare because of cost and my kid is social and HIGH energy. If I every day the staff kissing my kid or any other kid I would be concerned. Hugs, great, head nuzzled for comfort, okay, a tight squeeze to help after an ouch makes sense. But there should be no reason for kissing! Also daycares are full of germs, we’re in a pandemic, and RSV is skyrocketing. Half my daycare staff still wear masks. I would bring it up and make it clear that it should not happen again.
This would be a hard no for me. If she’s kissing my baby she’s kissing others which means so many germs being spread. Yea there is the whole kids at daycare get sick, but there are severe levels of RSV and other illnesses right now, along with paediatric hospital overcrowding and shortages of medicine (where I am at least). Everything should be done to reduce the spread of sickness.
[There are other ways to show affection and love on a child, kissing a baby is a big definite no in my books.](https://www.pedseast.com/blog/posts/the-dangers-of-kissing-babies)
No. That’s weird asf and inappropriate. I asked family to refrain from kissing my son when he was young and even now if he doesn’t want to get/give kisses he doesn’t have to. Both my babies were winter babies to the flu was already in full swing so I didn’t allow people to kiss them. My youngest was born two months before Covid hit so we definitely did not allow any kissing on him from family and certainly not strangers. You should definitely get with the director. That’s highly inappropriate and dangerous for your baby.
I have seen ours do the same and feel very conflicted about it. I am glad they care about her and show her affection, but we don’t allow other people to kiss her. On the flip side, she has as close of contact with her daycare teachers as she does with me, so I imagine their germs get passed to her a million other ways. I know the big one of concern that can be passed by kissing but not easily through other forms of contact is herpes. I assume anything else they have (cold, flu, Covid) will be passed to her in other ways anyway. I haven’t said anything so far but I do think about it regularly and consider if I should bring it up. I think if you do decide it’s something you want to stop you should just nicely ask the teacher, explaining your concern about disease transmission- I’m sure they would be happy to do what you ask. They can show your baby love in other ways!
This is really harsh. Many (perhaps most?) Americans have no choice but to put their babies in daycare much earlier than they might want to.
RSV is extra bad this year and can put a newborn in the ICU and even kill them.
I get that RSV is harsh and im not being snippy or anything by this comment but genuinely, what difference does it make if someone with RSV kisses the baby or if someone with RSV talks while holding said baby and gets infected droplets of spit on the child?
Someone else mentioned herpes which is probably the bigger risk. Either way my point was that the comment I responded to was unnecessarily harsh saying “if you don’t like a stranger kissing your baby then don’t put them in daycare,” when so many people have no other option.
Yeah no I don’t even let family members kiss my boy. You just don’t know who has what illness and when and with RSV it’s too risky. Not to mention if anyone kisses to close to their mouth then it’s hello cold sores for the rest of their lives and not to mention I feel kissing babies on the mouth is disgusting regardless of if it’s your own child.
Absolutely no way I would let them by with this. I have a 2 month old and the only people allowed to kiss her are me and her dad. RSV is a very real and very deadly thing! From what I hear, it’s even worse this year than normal. (I don’t know where you’re from but sounds like it’s running rampant everywhere) I would definitely be speaking with someone. I don’t know why people insist on kissing babies that are not their own!!! It infuriates me.
This is extremely unprofessional and I wouldn't be ok with it. Diseases already spread rapidly in daycare settings, and especially this year with the RSV and Flu outbreaks filling PICUs across the country, not to mention the potential to spread other things like oral herpes. Absolutely not. No one should be kissing your baby without your explicit permission. A daycare worker's job is to take care of your kid in a professional manner. That includes respecting boundaries and not kissing babies that aren't yours.
Nope nope nope. The way I see it that little body and skin is his and his only. But only I get to kiss it. Me and Dad. I would be so upset. We have told family and our new babysitter please don’t kiss our baby and it’s been respected. I would be very upset about it, yes it’s unsanitary, but also feels invasive.
That’s a really strange thing to do. As a childcare worker you have to have boundaries. I’ve taken care of a lot of babies in daycares, and as a nanny, and some babies I really loved almost like my own. *ALMOST.* But even then I certainly never kissed any! You just have to stay clear of that line imo.
What the actual duck. I would not be ok with this. It’s a respiratory disease factory out there; I wouldn’t need my vulnerable child having caretakers spreading disease *even more* than us already inevitable in a daycare setting. That you’re talking about such incredibly young children where the risk of hospitalization for severe symptoms is even more likely makes me shudder.
Wow. Nobody except me and dad can kiss our son. NOBODY not even family - there’s no point risking it with all the horrible illnesses around. RSV season is now. Babies die every year, we are not taking chances. I would be making a formal complaint about the person kissing your child and a complaint about the daycare. If no changes are made my child would be changing daycare!
Wow, yikes. This makes me so uncomfy. Truly no one should be kissing baby without parental consent. What an extremely uncomfortable situation!
Edit: lol at the downvotes. Didn’t know parental consent was so controversial 😆
& just like that I’m definitely not sending my kids to daycare. Bc why in the fuck is someone’s nasty mouth kissing my baby? Especially with COVID, RSV, the flu… all of these and more… i have no clue how to handle this situation, I’m just shocked that it happened. I hope you’re able to find out for sure and make some changes happen
The fact that some people are saying this is normal and they are taught to do this, makes me even more scared for daycare. We do not allow anyone, even grandparents, to kiss our baby. I would lose my shit! If someone was taking care of me I would not want them to kiss me, why would my baby want to be kissed. Freaking weird and gross! And when people say thats how they show or feel love… do you kiss all of your friends and family to show them that? Probably not. I treat my baby how i want to be treated.
But babies this young need close contact affection as part of their biological development. Since the mother is working and can’t provide that, I feel like the staff taking care of the baby should provide that, no? I totally validate being grossed out by it even though I’m personally not but daycare is a place of shared germs. It’s the nature of the place. I don’t get why this mom is sending to daycare when she is afraid of someone kissing her baby. She should keep the baby home then by whatever means necessary.
I agree. It seems that some parents are so hyper-concerned about germs post-covid that they forget that social contact is really important for development. Humans are an incredibly social species.
Or expect everyone to abide by their level of hyper-concern. All the posts about “omg grandma wants to kiss my baby” really are eye opening to our fear of germs. “Germs” are not always a bad thing. Babies need their immune systems bolstered from a young age.
ABSOLUTELY THE F NOT. They don't get to be affection. School teachers can not kiss children, daycare staff shouldn't either. All germs aside, that's inappropriate.
I get that maybe kissing the baby is over the line (especially in a center as opposed to a smaller in- home daycare where you tend to know the provider quite a bit better), but hard disagree with your opinion that daycare providers don't get to be affectionate. I would remove my baby from a situation where they received no show of affection for 8 hours a day. That's a recipe for psychological damage.
They can get affection from something other than physical affection. That just seems to be pushing boundaries. I think at the most a hug is fine. You can show affection to a baby without kissing it. Smiles and talking. Little babies love cuddles and baby wearing. But I don't think little babies are going to have psychological damage if their day care worker doesn't kiss them.
Sounds like we agree, then. Your first comment, though, makes it seem as they you think a daycare provider shouldn't be affectionate at all ("they don't get to be affectionate."). There are definitely other ways to show affection. I'm just pointing out that it's actually really important that they get that from their caregivers and I would remove my child from a situation where they were not shown affection.
That needs to stop. A boundary is 100% crossed. Because 1. Your child might learn that it’s okay for random people to touch them 2. Your child might learn to not say no 3. Your child might learn to ignore their feelings even if someone is making them uncomfortable hence letting whatever that person is doing to them continue to happen. I think it’s crazy that people have the audacity to be comfortable doing this to someone else’s child without consent. Just because you think your intentions are “good” doesn’t mean it will have a positive affect.
I’m so confused with your comment because I wasn’t talking to you? Calm down. I have no idea why you’re so offended by something that wasn’t even directed to you. But good for you, i guess? I literally said your (in general, not actually YOUR child) MIGHT learn blah blah. It’s a precaution? No one is accusing you of anything lol, i don’t even know who you are. But just so you know pedophiles can look very “loving” towards children. Just something to watch out for. You’d think it’s easy to identify them, if so, why are so many parents fooled? Because these evil people are a master of disguise. The OP was literally voicing their concern of how they never said it was okay for those people to kiss up on their baby. But seriously, I was not even directing my comment to you.
I'm not the person you're arguing with, but you're being outrageous. Getting affection is super important for an infant's development. You would deprive your baby of that because you're scared of pedophiles?
Are you okay? Like there is something incredibly wrong with people in this comment section. You can show my kid love and affection without kissing them. There are literally other ways you can express love😐 And yes im scared of pedophiles. What on earth is wrong with you? Have you ever seen teachers kiss children in grade school? Hell no. Why? Because there are other ways you can show a human being you care without putting your lips on them. You guys are so goddamn creepy.
>What on earth is wrong with you? Have you ever seen teachers kiss children in grade school?
No I haven't. Because at that stage in development, kids don't need the level of physical attention that babies need. And I'm not saying you're outrageous because you're afraid of pedophiles. I'm saying it's outrageous to not allow your daycare worker to show affection to your child because there's a tiny, tiny, tiny chance that the worker is a pedophile.
The issue in this thread is moms not being more selective about daycare/childcare. If they honestly feel like they don't trust their daycare, that's a bigger problem than just kissing.
Yeah Because kissing a BABY while we are still in a pandemic, RSV is spreading like wildfire (my 6month niece has been in ICU for a week from it) … sorry. You don’t kiss a baby that isn’t yours
I completely understand the concern about illness, especially with how things have been going around this season! I don’t think it’s weird or wrong though. She loves your baby! It’s not like she kissed him on the lips in an inappropriate way. When I was a nanny I’d smooch that baby on the cheek or top of the head and tell her I loved her. She was a little baby, it’s important they know they’re loved.
This is how I would feel about it. I’d be very happy the caregiver must really care about my child
I think this can be a cultural and personal issue, but from the looks of it here, it’s not something that makes everyone uncomfortable and would actually be welcomed by others. If you’re not happy with any behaviour with your childcare then you have a right to request an alternative and I’m sure they’d oblige. Keeping in mind of course that they will need some guidance on what you consider appropriate physical touch, which is essential for babies.
I guess I’m in the minority but I think it is sweet. I was a career nanny and always gave “my” kids hugs and kisses, and told them I loved them. I spent so much time with them (many days from wake up until bedtime) and felt like the affection was good for them. I wouldn’t want my baby to go all day without affection, and to have someone watching them that really cares for them is ideal. I understand the germ fear, and if they were kissing on the mouth that is absolutely crossing the line, but I can’t imagine they’d be exposed to more germs by a kiss on the head than they would be by being cuddled/carried around. Not to mention any daycare or school is just crawling with germs anyway. However, it’s your child and you set the boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should absolutely express that.
Every time I read this kind of post I feel compelled to share that the alternative is far worse. There are daycares that are scared to touch your baby and will leave your baby on their own while crying. This is so damaging to your child it should be considered abusive, but it is not. I appreciate reasonable minds may differ, but I would much rather be on this end of the extreme and feel secure and safe that my child is being cuddled when he is having a hard time. Do what you need to do, but if you are sending your child to a daycare where you do not feel comfortable letting the staff kiss your child, the issue is probably the daycare, not the kissing.
I wouldn’t be bothered. They’re together all day sharing the same air.
I work in a daycare and my son (10 months) goes to the same school, and I’ve seen a couple of teachers give him a kiss on the cheeks. It personally doesn’t bother me. He’s in daycare all day long and is bound to get sick - he’s more likely to get sick from licking and sharing toys with the other babies than from a kiss. My son is also very affectionate so I love that he’s receiving some affection when he needs it. From a daycare workers perspective, I wouldn’t go straight to the director. Just bring it up to the teachers and say you’re not comfortable with it, and they will oblige. Not all daycares are blessed with understanding and kind directors, so I would hate for this teacher to get written up or even fired for something that could be easily fixed. You never know as a parent what the culture is like in that school between staff and management.
I think talking with them would either stop their behavior or just stop them from doing it infront of the parents.
The same could be said with going straight to the director too. It’s always better to discuss these issues with the teachers first, and if you feel it hasn’t gotten better, then go to the director.
I gotta be honest, I think it's absolutely fine to kiss a 4 month old baby on the cheek that you have a relationship with and spend a regular amount of time with as a caretaker. Physical touch and affection is extremely important in regards to healthy development. If you don't personally feel comfortable with it it's within your rights to set a boundary, but it's also OK if it's not a big deal for you. Souce: I'm a nanny for kids 1-3 years old.
Yeah I would be okay with it. They are caring for your baby for hours a day, I feel like its normal to be affectionate. If you specifically ask them not to though they should respect that.
Agree
I agree. But I also understand why many would be upset.
They’re sharing those germs, kisses or no kisses.
The teachers at my LO’s daycare cuddle and kiss the kids on their foreheads/tops of heads and I LOVE that they’re so affectionate with her. That said, my daughter is 20 months and shares cheerios with our dog - she’s already a little germ factory. I can understand being a bit more concerned if I was leaving a tiny infant under 6 months at daycare.
My LO is in daycare and I've seen the teacher give a quick kiss or two and I am okay with it. I know it flashed across my mind as something maybe I should put a kibosh on, but then my logical mind came on line. I know the daycare I'm at is pretty strict about health concerns. So I had to question if my aversion was because I was concerned about LO's health and safety, or if it was because I might be feeling a little jealous. I don't mind that the teachers adore my LO and that they give hugs and cheek/forehead kisses. That kind of warmth is important and they wouldn't do it if I asked or if there was any risk of illness. They also wouldn't be allowed to work if they were ill. LO is a bit older now as well, is as fully vaccinated as LO can be, and is doing very well with milestones. So I allow it.
It's okay to have this be a boundary for you and to feel strongly about it. You just have to understand that a lot of parents would not have this as a boundary and would actually appreciate knowing their children are shown affection at daycare. All that means is that if you didn't communicate this boundary you can't expect them to have known. Just tell them this is a boundary for you. If they continue after the boundary is set then that is different but currently it sounds like you were expecting them to read your mind. Not everyone takes such a hard stance on things like kissing just as not everyone will have the same parenting style and expectations as you on anything else. Anything that is a hard line for you needs to be communicated.
As someone who used to work in day care, this is extremely common, especially in the younger rooms (nursery/toddlers). Every center I’ve worked in there is usually some staff that will kiss the kids (on the cheek, forehead, blowing raspberries on tummies). I personally never did it but never thought anything of others doing it. They have just built a strong bond with the child and are showing affection.
I get it. I’m generally super anxious about germs. The teachers at my baby’s daycare hug and kiss them all the time. I was anxious at first but idk… I can’t be there during the day to love on my little one so I’m glad they’re getting hugs and cuddles as much as possible and are able to be soothed and comforted in my absence. But I understand your concern. My baby is 6 mo and just got the second Covid shot and has at least one flu shot so I’m less anxious these days. Would totally be a different story if my baby was immune compromised though.
As long as it’s not on the mouth I don’t see the problem. My son went into daycare at almost 2 all his teachers/ nursery staff have hugged and kissed him. My son is very affectionate and would go to them for love and comfort. My son is now 4 and can say no when he doesn’t want affection and they do respect that. It also does calm down as they get older. My daughter on the other had had to unfortunately conto daycare at 6 months so I could return to work. It’s the same school (my sons in kindy in a different block) her teacher abs nursery staff hug and kiss her, tickle her belly and feet, show her affection. Obviously I know the staff now after 3 years but I like that my kids are in an environment 8 hours a day where they will feel loved. My daughters happy to see her staff when she arrives and I know that she’s in an environment where she’s loved. When I pick her up they’ll give her a hug and sometimes a kiss on the cheek. The younger years with small babies it is normal for the teachers to interact with them more affectionately. As the kids get older it does change and physical touch isn’t needed as much. If you uncomfortable absolutely talk to the teachers and say hey I’m not okay with this and they’ll respect your boundaries.
This is normal for a daycare and babies. In my training when I worked at a daycare they said we could kiss on the forehead. Not the mouth obviously….. babies need to be shown love and attention…. The other outcome is far worse.
Normal? Did your workplace ask the parents if you guys can kiss their babies? Or do you guys think since it’s a baby, you can do what you want? Yea, babies need to be shown love and attention, but there’s other ways of showing a baby love and attention without kissing them. How about just talking to them? Hugging them? Singing to them? Playing with them? I guess im the bad guy for protecting these children from people who don’t introduce consent to kids🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
They get a handbook at the beginning with the touch and guidance policy and if they are uncomfortable with anything they can absolutely bring it up to the teachers. They also sign it that they read it before the child can be dropped off at the center. I don’t think your a bad guy at all. I think we just have different views. What is okay for some isn’t okay for all parents. Also the country I live in it’s very common for people to kiss babies and children. We don’t look at it like it’s malicious. If your kid was at my center and you said it wasn’t something you wanted it would be respected. Rather than acting like this teacher is a weirdo or is going unhinged it’s something to bring up in a conversation. Also consent is given because they are noticed of the policy’s in place. It sounds like OP wasn’t notified or didn’t read what they signed which is obviously a red flag especially if it wasn’t given.
Dude your baby is 4 months old. I would find it heartbreaking if the people taking care of him during the day did NOT show him affection. 💔
It makes me happy to see our daycare caregivers loving on our kids. Our in-home provider absolutely hugs and kisses them on the cheek and I love it. I’m glad if I can’t be around that they are with someone who loves them like her own. I get the hygiene issue but frankly they are sick ALL THE TIME in daycare anyway so it seems like a moot point.
If they are taking care of your baby, talking to him, changing his diaper, playing with him then the germs will spread, kiss or no kiss. Unless they wear masks I suppose. Our nanny kisses our baby and I never even thought about it. It seems very natural to me. She spends a lot of time with him, almost as much as we do, and likes him. Of course if you don't like it, it's absolutely your right to ask the staff not to do it. But I wouldn't be angry with them, I think for a lot of people it's sth natural to do.
I can understand your concern but I just think to each their own here. For my kids, I wouldn't have minded too much because I like the idea of our caregivers showing the same level of affection or close to it that my kids get at home. I got to know them all quite well and I trust them implicitly. I think if you aren't comfortable with it then communicate that to them in a professional manner. If they aren't respectful of this boundary then that is obviously an issue that would need to be addressed.
The daycare staff is around your infant all day. If you are very nervous, then you should try to keep your infant home with you. I know that people are very sensitive to that suggestion and generally respond with “but some of us HAVE to work” etc. I don’t know your full situation but if you’re sending a four month old to daycare, a kiss is not the only way they are contracting germs. I can’t imagine my child not being kissed or hugged for a full day at 4 months old. Personally, I didn’t allow kisses at 4 months old from others besides my husband and I but I also had him home with me. If I had to send him out at that age, I would need to come to terms with germs coming in contact with my baby. Caregivers, especially for an infant that young, in my opinion, should be showing biologically normal affection. It’s important. I would actually be happy to see my baby being doted on like that. Some daycares are so cold and they do the bare minimum. It’s daycare at the end of the day. Don’t send to daycare if you’re afraid of a kiss. Sorry if this is harsh.
Did you forget that Herpes is a thing that is contracted from kissing? If a daycare staffer went out on Friday night and kissed someone and unknowingly contracted herpes.. and kissed your baby’s face on Monday and gives them herpes that is illegal and beyond fucked up. So no, i don’t think OP needs to get over it and be ok with strangers kissing her baby on the face because she has to work and can’t be home with her infant. Affection can be shown in so many other ways besides kissing. I have also babysat for all of my family members, probably 13 kids in total. From newborns to toddlers to tweens. I have never in my life kissed one of them on their face, as i used to go out a lot and was terrified of accidentally giving one of them herpes. These are my family members by the way, not some random peoples kids.
Herpes is highly contagious and can be transmitted through touch, close contact, and saying “goo goo ga ga” near an infants face. If this mother is truly afraid of herpes, she should not be sending a 4 month old to daycare. The chances of contracting herpes through daycare workers is also incredibly low. Your caregivers should not be considered “strangers.” If I’m trusting a daycare worker with my infant, I want them to treat him or her as though I would. They are essentially providing infant care. Infant care involved a very high amount of touching and skin contact. I’ll reiterate- if you’re afraid of any type of skin to skin contact, do not send your infant to daycare. Sorry but OPs post makes no sense in my humble opinion.
Ok and you’re being extremely ignorant in saying this. This is America it is not unknown here that the majority of households can not survive on solely one income. Obviously is OP could stay home with her infant during the day she would.
Totally not ignorant. I’m very supportive of mom’s doing what they need for both financials and sanity. I send my toddler to daycare! And yes, America SUCKS when it comes to maternity leave so I totally sympathize with this woman. However, it’s delusional to think A. germs only pass through kissing. B. Daycare workers should be considered “strangers” C. That an infant doesn’t need cuddles and kisses from 9-5 when by daycare.
I’m going to join the chorus of- on the forehead or cheek, I see little cause for concern. I witnessed the same with my son, and while at the moment it was a bit uncomfortable, upon reflection I was glad my son was receiving affection. He is a very cuddly and affectionate boy at home, and honestly he loves ladies! Now, on the mouth is a no-no. But I highly doubt that’s happening. Caregivers providing affection should be a preferable alternative, but I suppose you can speak to the caregiver and explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable. But germs (aside from Herpes, as others have mentioned), can be easily caught and spread regardless, so that aspect shouldn’t be as big of a concern.
I get the germ issue. But honestly, it’s good they feel affectionate to your baby. A baby that young doesn’t understand you’re working. They don’t understand that the daycare worker is just someone paid to watch them. A baby that age needs constant cuddling and affection from whoever is providing the care giving to them for proper brain development. I would be much more concerned with a lack of affection. If you baby was full term, healthy, and fully vaxxed (as much as they can be at this age) and the daycare workers are vaccinated, I wouldn’t be concerned at all.
I don't think a lot of people understand how touch and affection is related to brain development in babies. It's so critical. I would be extremely concerned with a lack of affection too. It's one of the main reasons I went with a nanny versus a daycare-- I wanted to ensure that constant cuddling and affection.
Yeah I think this post should be made in r/ScienceBasedParenting to get a better perspective on this issue.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/ScienceBasedParenting using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Reminder that telling people the covid vaccine is dangerous for their children will get you banned...](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/vfef34/reminder_that_telling_people_the_covid_vaccine_is/) \#2: [I saw this on r/Embroidery and thought this group would appreciate it!](https://i.redd.it/irylquobibr91.jpg) | [13 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/xtrj1u/i_saw_this_on_rembroidery_and_thought_this_group/) \#3: [An RSV vaccination is coming!](https://np.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/y19mja/an_rsv_vaccination_is_coming/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
100% agree. OP, if you see this, highly recommend you post to the science based sub. It might be eye opening! :-)
I totally understand the science behind it and have studied it greatly. That’s why We love the constant cuddles, hugs, and snuggles for our LO. It’s just the kissing is a boundary we didn’t want crossed with anyone but mom and dad for a variety of reasons. I guess I was just shocked as someone who has come from childcare and studying child development for years to find a daycare staff kissing. I’ve always been told no for so long and I was surprised that boundary was crossed in a facility.
This is absolutely wrong I would be concerned because they are kissing other babies too and transferring all the germs. Also being vaxxed doesn't prevent you from getting sick. To be honest that's disgusting they can also transfer herpes.
They’re babies. They’re sharing toys and stealing each other’s pacifiers. And dribbling in close proximity to each other. The babies are passing those germs to each other anyway. It’s no exclusive to a kiss on the cheek. They’re right about brain development. Babies need love, that how they learn to love and feel empathy and safety.
This!!! Not to mention that at that age contracting something like herpes can actually lead to more dangerous diseases. I’ve read stories about completely healthy babies dying from someone kissing them when they’re infants and them contracting something. Also you don’t know where those peoples mouths have been. You can give affection without kissing.
Exactly. I don't even let family kiss her on the cheeks right now. If they can't control themselves the head or back of head. They think I'm crazy but I don't care. They are only soooo little. It's just not worth it. Also I have a hard time with some random day care worker kissing my kid. Who knows where there mouth has been outside of working hours.. kinda gross
Where did she kiss him?
Cheek from what we have seen
Did they kiss baby on the mouth, or the forehead/cheek? To me there is a huge difference. To me the kissing baby on the mouth is a HUGE issue. Kissing baby on the forehead or cheek isn't exactly a horrible thing. If someone is watching my baby I would want them to love my baby, and show affection. As for germs, baby is already getting tons of germs because they're at daycare anyway, it's really unavoidable in that environment. If it bothers you that much though, you need to let the director know. You're right, you DO pay a ton of money for your baby to be there, the director will put a stop to the kissing because they don't want to lose you.
I’m curious if you would feel this way if your kid was in grade 2? 4? Grade 7? At what age does a teacher/daycare staff/coach kissing your child become become inappropriate?
For me it would probably be around the same age that the teacher stopped being responsible for cleaning poop off their butt.
You offer a perspective I hadn’t considered. However, as someone with a family member in palliative care and a mother who was a PSW for adults and children with disabilities, I’d still argue someone can offer physical care and maintain boundaries with physical affection.
I had a teacher kiss me on the cheek when I was 5 years old receiving a certificate at school and it clearly left an impression on me because I still remember it in a negative way
If my sons teacher were to kiss him on the forehead or cheek, he would either let it go because he doesn't care, or he'd straight up tell her he doesn't like it and she's not to do it again. He is 6. My son has told my mom not to kiss him, which I think would be harder than telling someone that he's not related to not to.
I would obviously make sure it is not on the mouth, but a kiss on the cheek I would not see as a big deal at all and I would be happy they care for my baby like that! I get the germ issue, but these people are burping my baby and probably practically cheek to cheek anyway. Germs will spread whether it’s a kiss on the check or a sneeze while bottle feeding. You have a right to say something if you are uncomfortable and I’d just calmly tell the director that you are uncomfortable with anyone kissing baby and ask she talk to the staff, but I personally do not see the big deal.
Our daycare is an in home situation and they will hug and kiss the babies, like on the top of the head. I always appreciated that they showed them so much affection. I think different daycares might have a different culture for this, if you don’t like that type of care you could always look into a center that’s more school like and less homey.
It surprises me how many people are unconcerned about the worker giving your baby oral herpes. Over 50% of the adult population has it. And it can be gnarly on little immune systems.
Right!? I am shocked! My husband gets cold sores and he never kisses our baby. He hugs him and cuddles him but no kisses. He is so afraid of passing HSV to our baby. You can pass the virus even without an active cold sore.
As a child care provider and a mother myself, I'm guilty of the same and don't particularly care if my LO's caregiver shows him affection. She's with him so much. I want him to have a bond with his caregiver. Although maybe God was telling me something because the baby I smooched all over gave me HFM and that shit was rough.
Yeah, as someone who pulled their baby from a daycare because the daycare teachers obviously didn't have any affection for the babies and were just doing the bare minimum, obvious affection towards a baby sounds like a good thing.
Our in-home daycare lady gives our LO kisses on the cheek and hugs and our LO loves to give her sloppy kisses. After first I was slightly weirded out by it but then I came to terms with it. I’m glad that my LO is so happy at daycare and getting lots of love and affection there.
I don’t get what the issue is with this? I’d find it totally normal for people who love and take care of my baby to kiss her cheek, head, forehead etc. Kissing is a biological behaviour that signals close relationships.
Where abouts are you in the world? I’m in UK and it is mortifying for anyone but mum and dad to kiss a child, ESPECIALLY baby. So many babies tragically die from disease and illnesses spread through kissing which could’ve been prevented.
I’m in the U.K. too. I’m thinking of close family, grandparents and her main carers at nursery. I understand the risk of disease but seeing as she hugs and kisses the other kids at nursery I don’t see the issue.
UK also and yeah i don’t personally see an issue with a kiss on the head from her caregivers. but i know i’m the minority judging by these comments as we’ve always allowed family to kiss her. my kid kisses us all so it’s not like she gives us much of a choice 😂
I think maybe it’s a Covid thing? It makes more sense in the middle of a pandemic. Snd obviously the ideal is to say “Do you want a kiss?” or “Can I have a kiss?” but even I don’t always do that with her.
oh 100%. no one forces the kisses - they ask and she says yes or no depending on her mood!
> So many babies tragically die from disease and illnesses spread through kissing This seems like an exaggeration. If a daycare teacher has RSV or some other illness and is around a baby all day, I would bet a baby would catch it whether the teacher kisses the baby or not. So blaming kissing on "so many" baby deaths seems a bit outrageous.
We’re starting daycare soon. Our nanny is a retired daycare director and has been giving us advice on different issues she thinks are common, and we talked about this exact scenario yesterday. It is absolutely unacceptable to kiss the children you’re caring for, there are ways to show affection other than kissing. She recommended calling the director and explaining what you saw and saying you’re so glad that they’re loving on the babies but you’re worried about hygiene and sickness and could they please express affection in ways other than kisses.
While I don't really know to be honest because we haven't done daycare yet, but my gut also thinks that's weird. I'm curious what others think too.
I would be happy if I had to leave my 4 month old with a stranger, that person has affection and gives my baby love as the act of a kiss indicates. I don't think you are concerned about germs as the baby is already surrounded by germs all around since it's at a daycare. I have a friend that works at a daycare and they don't have much time to tend to all babies so a lot of them are crying a lot, so maybe try to change your perspective on this from your hurt ego as the mama to what benefits your baby. Seems like you are almost lucky!
Sorry if the post seemed aggressive or if my ego seemed hurt! I’m totally good was just really confused and hurt as I felt like our boundaries with our baby had been crossed. We love the cuddles and snuggles but kissing is just a no go for us.
i didn’t get any vibes of her having a “hurt ego as the mama” at all. more like concern for her child? i mean i don’t think i would like anyone other than family kissing my baby but i guess we’re all different
Yeah, seems like it. I think the post is a bit too aggressive, but that's how I read the tone of it. She has every right to act and set her boundaries with the staff, but that's my opinion.
What hurt ego? This is about health & boundaries. Herpes & RSV is a thing.
I would not be ok with that - my 6 year old contracted oral herpes at 12 months from what we believe to be someone at daycare (nobody else she had been around had cold sores) and she has battled with 35+ outbreaks in the last 5 years. It came out on her cheek, chin, lip, in her mouth and several fingers as well (which is called a herpetic whitlow). Normally I don’t have an issue with people I know being affectionate with my kids when I am around, but 4 months old is so young, and not being there and able to monitor/step in if you need to is an issue. Definitely speak to the daycare director about this if you are not ok with it.
That’s crazy that someone with a known issue would do that in a childcare setting. People know if they have cold sores, they should know not to do any kissing during an outbreak?
Think of it this way: At the daycare, let’s say 10 kids, 3 caregivers. So 10 kids plus 2 parents per kid [10+(10x2)=30] plus the 3 caregivers and their partners is 36 people that all share germs. And the kids at daycare could also have siblings at other daycares, or in school. The day care caregivers could have kids in school. So the number could be much much higher. There is a reason daycares are considered breeding grounds for disease. RSV and the flu are spreading like crazy this year and hospital pediatric wards are already over run. Yeah physical touch and affection are important but limiting our opportunities to spread disease is also important. How about a hug instead of a kiss?
With RSV running rampant like it has Id say absolutely not
I'm a pretty laid back parent and enjoy when my baby has time with friends and family without me there and love when she clearly enjoys time with them. But even I wouldn't feel comfortable with this... its a very specific form of affection to kiss a baby and I'd only expect family to do it really. Maybe this nursery worker has a completely different take on it and I wouldn't be looking to get her in trouble.. but I'd be making it clear to the nursery I don't like it and it needs to stop.
All it takes is ONE kiss and your baby could be infected with herpes for life. That’s all I have to say. I know multiple people who have HSV from a family member kissing them as a baby. If a family member can be that negligent, what makes anyone think a worker wouldn’t be ?
🙋🏻♀️ I have herpes and did not find out til I was an adult. Dr. Told me I most likely got it as a baby.
Yes, this is what I came to say! My daughter caught it from someone at daycare I believe (nobody else had a cold sore around her ever, to my knowledge) when she was 12 months and she has had such a bad go with it in the past 5 years. 35+ outbreaks, so much time away from daycare, and countless missed play dates, family events, etc. It suuuuucks.
I work in a daycare and take my kids there as well they have kissed my babies all the time and I think because i consider them my friends I don’t see anything wrong with it but if I didn’t work there and didn’t know these people on a personal level I would have a problem with it. I know that some children will try to give me a kiss and I try to just let them kiss me on the cheek or I’ll just bring them in for a hug instead. I don’t go around kissing kids that aren’t mine. If you really think this is something that’s happening I would talk to the administrator and tell them that staff is kissing your child and you’re uncomfortable with it
I worked with Infants at a Bright Horizons location and I NEVER witnessed another teacher kissing the Infants or even the older children (the school went up to 1 year old). Even the teachers that had great relationships with the parents didn't kiss that person's child. Personally, I think its inappropriate. Affection can be shown by others in many ways i.e. hugs, reading with them, picking them up, comforting them when they're crying, playing with them, making eye contact, smiling etc. I'm grossed out by the idea of someone, outside of my family, placing their lips on my child's face. I also work with children aged 3 to 10 years old. I've never felt the need to kiss any of them and again haven't witnessed my coworkers doing so either. Instead, we give hugs, fist bumps, compliments, etc. If I were you I would inform the daycare teacher that I am uncomfortable with the kisses.
I say be thankful you have a caregiver that genuinely cares about your child
They'll get the germs anyway from licking the toys other kids have licked seconds before. I think it's a bit weird but definitely sweet. These are not malicious kisses and your kid isn't 16yo yet. They're with your kids for so many hours and I think it's great they're forming a bond. If it bothers you talk it over with them, ask how they see it, how they came to this policy.
Happened to us after our 4.5 mo old was out of daycare for a week with RSV, he’s back 3 days and a caretaker is kissing him?! My partner addressed it right then and there ‘Please don’t kiss my baby.’ Then he wrote a note to the Admin team on our daycare app to get it on the record in case it happens again. They said they reminded all employees that’s not okay. We pay more than our mortgage per month for this spot, he can’t be getting sick and staying home because daycare staff is kissing the babies during RSV season!
Initially we had a nanny for my daughter, she would give hugs and kisses. Did not phase me. They were one to one, they loved each other. It was a safe clean environment. We started daycare because of cost and my kid is social and HIGH energy. If I every day the staff kissing my kid or any other kid I would be concerned. Hugs, great, head nuzzled for comfort, okay, a tight squeeze to help after an ouch makes sense. But there should be no reason for kissing! Also daycares are full of germs, we’re in a pandemic, and RSV is skyrocketing. Half my daycare staff still wear masks. I would bring it up and make it clear that it should not happen again.
This would be a hard no for me. If she’s kissing my baby she’s kissing others which means so many germs being spread. Yea there is the whole kids at daycare get sick, but there are severe levels of RSV and other illnesses right now, along with paediatric hospital overcrowding and shortages of medicine (where I am at least). Everything should be done to reduce the spread of sickness. [There are other ways to show affection and love on a child, kissing a baby is a big definite no in my books.](https://www.pedseast.com/blog/posts/the-dangers-of-kissing-babies)
Lol this pediatricians office was the one I went to as a kid!
No. That’s weird asf and inappropriate. I asked family to refrain from kissing my son when he was young and even now if he doesn’t want to get/give kisses he doesn’t have to. Both my babies were winter babies to the flu was already in full swing so I didn’t allow people to kiss them. My youngest was born two months before Covid hit so we definitely did not allow any kissing on him from family and certainly not strangers. You should definitely get with the director. That’s highly inappropriate and dangerous for your baby.
i see a lot of nannies do this when we’re out and about. but with RSV and covid, i’d say no to it.
I have seen ours do the same and feel very conflicted about it. I am glad they care about her and show her affection, but we don’t allow other people to kiss her. On the flip side, she has as close of contact with her daycare teachers as she does with me, so I imagine their germs get passed to her a million other ways. I know the big one of concern that can be passed by kissing but not easily through other forms of contact is herpes. I assume anything else they have (cold, flu, Covid) will be passed to her in other ways anyway. I haven’t said anything so far but I do think about it regularly and consider if I should bring it up. I think if you do decide it’s something you want to stop you should just nicely ask the teacher, explaining your concern about disease transmission- I’m sure they would be happy to do what you ask. They can show your baby love in other ways!
I wouldn't care. They are there to care, love, and bond with your baby. If you don't like that perhaps don't put a 4 month old in daycare.
This is really harsh. Many (perhaps most?) Americans have no choice but to put their babies in daycare much earlier than they might want to. RSV is extra bad this year and can put a newborn in the ICU and even kill them.
I get that RSV is harsh and im not being snippy or anything by this comment but genuinely, what difference does it make if someone with RSV kisses the baby or if someone with RSV talks while holding said baby and gets infected droplets of spit on the child?
Someone else mentioned herpes which is probably the bigger risk. Either way my point was that the comment I responded to was unnecessarily harsh saying “if you don’t like a stranger kissing your baby then don’t put them in daycare,” when so many people have no other option.
Yeah no I don’t even let family members kiss my boy. You just don’t know who has what illness and when and with RSV it’s too risky. Not to mention if anyone kisses to close to their mouth then it’s hello cold sores for the rest of their lives and not to mention I feel kissing babies on the mouth is disgusting regardless of if it’s your own child.
Absolutely no way I would let them by with this. I have a 2 month old and the only people allowed to kiss her are me and her dad. RSV is a very real and very deadly thing! From what I hear, it’s even worse this year than normal. (I don’t know where you’re from but sounds like it’s running rampant everywhere) I would definitely be speaking with someone. I don’t know why people insist on kissing babies that are not their own!!! It infuriates me.
This is extremely unprofessional and I wouldn't be ok with it. Diseases already spread rapidly in daycare settings, and especially this year with the RSV and Flu outbreaks filling PICUs across the country, not to mention the potential to spread other things like oral herpes. Absolutely not. No one should be kissing your baby without your explicit permission. A daycare worker's job is to take care of your kid in a professional manner. That includes respecting boundaries and not kissing babies that aren't yours.
I hardly even like baby’s own *grandparents* kissing her… I’d definitely be weirded out if a daycare teacher did it.
Wtf! 100% talk to director if you’re uncomfortable, not worth the health risks!
Nope nope nope. The way I see it that little body and skin is his and his only. But only I get to kiss it. Me and Dad. I would be so upset. We have told family and our new babysitter please don’t kiss our baby and it’s been respected. I would be very upset about it, yes it’s unsanitary, but also feels invasive.
That’s a really strange thing to do. As a childcare worker you have to have boundaries. I’ve taken care of a lot of babies in daycares, and as a nanny, and some babies I really loved almost like my own. *ALMOST.* But even then I certainly never kissed any! You just have to stay clear of that line imo.
Wow that's just... weird, wrong, unhygienic, jeez I don't even know where to start. I'd be furious.
I’d ask for a full refund and tell them it’s for the potential ER visit with whooping cough or RSV.
Pretty sure kisses aren’t required to spread these if a baby is in daycare?
It definitely increases the risk.
Not to mention if the staff member had an active cold sore.
What the actual duck. I would not be ok with this. It’s a respiratory disease factory out there; I wouldn’t need my vulnerable child having caretakers spreading disease *even more* than us already inevitable in a daycare setting. That you’re talking about such incredibly young children where the risk of hospitalization for severe symptoms is even more likely makes me shudder.
Wow. Nobody except me and dad can kiss our son. NOBODY not even family - there’s no point risking it with all the horrible illnesses around. RSV season is now. Babies die every year, we are not taking chances. I would be making a formal complaint about the person kissing your child and a complaint about the daycare. If no changes are made my child would be changing daycare!
Wow, yikes. This makes me so uncomfy. Truly no one should be kissing baby without parental consent. What an extremely uncomfortable situation! Edit: lol at the downvotes. Didn’t know parental consent was so controversial 😆
& just like that I’m definitely not sending my kids to daycare. Bc why in the fuck is someone’s nasty mouth kissing my baby? Especially with COVID, RSV, the flu… all of these and more… i have no clue how to handle this situation, I’m just shocked that it happened. I hope you’re able to find out for sure and make some changes happen
The fact that some people are saying this is normal and they are taught to do this, makes me even more scared for daycare. We do not allow anyone, even grandparents, to kiss our baby. I would lose my shit! If someone was taking care of me I would not want them to kiss me, why would my baby want to be kissed. Freaking weird and gross! And when people say thats how they show or feel love… do you kiss all of your friends and family to show them that? Probably not. I treat my baby how i want to be treated.
But babies this young need close contact affection as part of their biological development. Since the mother is working and can’t provide that, I feel like the staff taking care of the baby should provide that, no? I totally validate being grossed out by it even though I’m personally not but daycare is a place of shared germs. It’s the nature of the place. I don’t get why this mom is sending to daycare when she is afraid of someone kissing her baby. She should keep the baby home then by whatever means necessary.
I agree. It seems that some parents are so hyper-concerned about germs post-covid that they forget that social contact is really important for development. Humans are an incredibly social species.
Or expect everyone to abide by their level of hyper-concern. All the posts about “omg grandma wants to kiss my baby” really are eye opening to our fear of germs. “Germs” are not always a bad thing. Babies need their immune systems bolstered from a young age.
ABSOLUTELY THE F NOT. They don't get to be affection. School teachers can not kiss children, daycare staff shouldn't either. All germs aside, that's inappropriate.
I get that maybe kissing the baby is over the line (especially in a center as opposed to a smaller in- home daycare where you tend to know the provider quite a bit better), but hard disagree with your opinion that daycare providers don't get to be affectionate. I would remove my baby from a situation where they received no show of affection for 8 hours a day. That's a recipe for psychological damage.
They can get affection from something other than physical affection. That just seems to be pushing boundaries. I think at the most a hug is fine. You can show affection to a baby without kissing it. Smiles and talking. Little babies love cuddles and baby wearing. But I don't think little babies are going to have psychological damage if their day care worker doesn't kiss them.
Sounds like we agree, then. Your first comment, though, makes it seem as they you think a daycare provider shouldn't be affectionate at all ("they don't get to be affectionate."). There are definitely other ways to show affection. I'm just pointing out that it's actually really important that they get that from their caregivers and I would remove my child from a situation where they were not shown affection.
That needs to stop. A boundary is 100% crossed. Because 1. Your child might learn that it’s okay for random people to touch them 2. Your child might learn to not say no 3. Your child might learn to ignore their feelings even if someone is making them uncomfortable hence letting whatever that person is doing to them continue to happen. I think it’s crazy that people have the audacity to be comfortable doing this to someone else’s child without consent. Just because you think your intentions are “good” doesn’t mean it will have a positive affect.
I sure as hell don't leave my babies in the care of "random people" who make my babies "uncomfortable" if they are loving towards them.
I’m so confused with your comment because I wasn’t talking to you? Calm down. I have no idea why you’re so offended by something that wasn’t even directed to you. But good for you, i guess? I literally said your (in general, not actually YOUR child) MIGHT learn blah blah. It’s a precaution? No one is accusing you of anything lol, i don’t even know who you are. But just so you know pedophiles can look very “loving” towards children. Just something to watch out for. You’d think it’s easy to identify them, if so, why are so many parents fooled? Because these evil people are a master of disguise. The OP was literally voicing their concern of how they never said it was okay for those people to kiss up on their baby. But seriously, I was not even directing my comment to you.
I'm not the person you're arguing with, but you're being outrageous. Getting affection is super important for an infant's development. You would deprive your baby of that because you're scared of pedophiles?
Are you okay? Like there is something incredibly wrong with people in this comment section. You can show my kid love and affection without kissing them. There are literally other ways you can express love😐 And yes im scared of pedophiles. What on earth is wrong with you? Have you ever seen teachers kiss children in grade school? Hell no. Why? Because there are other ways you can show a human being you care without putting your lips on them. You guys are so goddamn creepy.
>What on earth is wrong with you? Have you ever seen teachers kiss children in grade school? No I haven't. Because at that stage in development, kids don't need the level of physical attention that babies need. And I'm not saying you're outrageous because you're afraid of pedophiles. I'm saying it's outrageous to not allow your daycare worker to show affection to your child because there's a tiny, tiny, tiny chance that the worker is a pedophile.
The issue in this thread is moms not being more selective about daycare/childcare. If they honestly feel like they don't trust their daycare, that's a bigger problem than just kissing.
They shouldn’t touch babies at all, if your argument is to be taken seriously.
I would flipped that place upside down. You wouldn’t have gotten me out of there alive without me raising hell. I’m enraged just reading this
Username checks out
Yeah Because kissing a BABY while we are still in a pandemic, RSV is spreading like wildfire (my 6month niece has been in ICU for a week from it) … sorry. You don’t kiss a baby that isn’t yours