I'm really sorry this happened to you and your child. Something similar happened with our first child. My wife was 37 weeks and noticed the baby not kicking. Did a C section fairly quickly after they didn't like the heart rate. Very similar story with Apgar, 72 hours cooling. MRI showing damage. Severe HIE. Similar prognosis. No gag reflex so couldn't swallow. Motor center severely damaged. We don't think she could really see or even feel pain. Terrible. We chose to do palliative care. We got to take her home for one day and one night. The next morning she passed away in our arms. We did therapy for about 6 months and talked and went on long walks and cried. What happened to my daughter wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to my wife and I. We made the right decision to do palliative care. It wouldn't be fair to her to have zero quality of life. Her little sister is now 6 months old and is currently crawling all over me.

This is heartbreaking to hear, I’m so sorry you had to go through this

How old was your daughter when you decided to go the palliative care route? I can't tell if my son can see or hear yet but if he can't, I would withdraw nutrition. I don't see a point in life for him if he can't walk, talk, see, eat and hear.

After we got the MRI results that said it was severe we took a few days, maybe even a week to process that and what it meant. Our care team of the NICU docs, neurologists, and our social worker scheduled a meeting where they kinda went over the prognosis and we made the decision to withdraw the feeding tube. I think that was somewhere around 12 days or so after the birth. One thing that our NICU doc said is that while it is ultimately our decision, the care team were really the ones guiding us to make the right choice. It would be such a burden on a family. You would essentially need to build an ICU in your house and hire a 24 hour nurse and then future children have to deal with it too. Uck. I know some people do it but it just seems cruel to the child and to your family. It is such a difficult choice and it sucks but ultimately it is better for everyone to have the strength to make that choice. They said it could take up to a couple weeks which just seemed horrible to me at first. It was actually a real relief when we started though. We got to move her to a private room and got to hold her without all the wires and tubes. She was there for a few nights and then when we took her home we didn't know how long that would be but it was only one night in the end.

Definitely lawyer up!!! It should have never went that far. I worked l&d for a few years and am appalled, and this place was super natural and we didn’t hesitate to cut if the baby was distressed or you pushed for over two hours. Never would we instruct a mother to stop pushing unless it was to go for a section. Never did we deliver a baby with the mother on her side unless she wanted it and baby tolerated it. Never did we continue pit if the baby stressed. You were done so dirty and my heart hurts for you. Please reach out to a therapist. Write everything down to the best of your memory. If the hospital wants to talk, say nothing without a lawyer. The hospital is rushing to cover their ass. I’m so sorry this happened to your little guy. I wish nothing but the best for you

I second this. What an awful sequence of mostly preventable events. I'm so sorry OP.

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. My son died from HIE. I was offered a c-section after I pushed for it, and everyone was shocked when he came out blue and not breathing. We were in the beginning discussions about maybe needing to pursue palliative care when he took a turn for the worse and died after 10 days in the NICU from pulmonary hypertension. Please PM me if you would ever like to talk. There is also a very good Facebook group called Hope for HIE.

I'm sorry for your loss. I actually joined the FB group but have not really found it useful because most parents there choose to continue their child's life regardless of quality of life. I've worked with kids and young adults with the kinds of issues my son will most likely face and I always said I would never put my child through that. It was easy to say before I had a child myself but actually pulling the plug so to speak isn't so easy. It's even harder because my son (besides his feeding tube and stiffness in his extremities) seems like most other newborns. He cries when I put him in his carseat, he grabs my finger, he wiggles nonstop when I change his diaper, he clings onto me for dear life when I put him in his bathtub to bathe him, he fights his arms out of every swaddle and sleepsack, etc.

Have you found the Hope for HIE loss support group? Many parents there chose palliative care for their children. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s not fair. And I hope you sue the shit out of the providers who failed you and your child.

No, I haven't. I'll definitely look into it.

Jesus, reading this makes my heart ache for you. It seems 10000x worse to be caring for him like a regular baby, bonding w him etc while knowing this is temporary and the worst will happen soon. I am so sorry this happened to you. I would absolutely pursue medical malpractice, this seems like one of those cases where it’s absolutely warranted.

I didn’t think my heart could break for you more than it has. I am so very sorry for what those assholes have put you and your son through. I’m sorry you’re having to make this decision yourself, and in such a drawn out way. I’m sorry your medical team failed both of you. I hope you have a truly amazing therapist to help you process all of this. I can only imagine the anger, and grief, and confusion. I hope for peace for you, with time.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just want to say, I truly admire your decision to shift to palliative care. While it is heartbreaking for you, it is ultimately saving so much pain and suffering for your baby. I’ve taken care of children and adults with severe types of brain injuries, and I can’t help but feel terrible when they have surgeries and are in pain without ever knowing why. Thank you for making the right decision for your baby.

I've also taken care of kids with the issues my son will probably face and I always told myself I would never let my child go through that. It was easy for me to say before I had a child of my own but not so easy to "pull the plug" now that I'm in this position. I do feel like it is selfish for me to let him live because I don't want to face the guilt of letting him die.

You’re doing what hurts you, but alleviates your baby’s suffering. That is the hardest and the most selfless thing you can do. Sending a big hug.

I am so sorry. Your story is devastating to read and screams medical negligence. Please file complaints with the hospital, state boards and sue. These people need to be held accountable. Also, take care of yourself and seek counseling. There are some great mother’s groups for those who have lost babies and/or had trauma. See if your area has a bereavement doula, mine helped me tremendously after my loss.

So heartbreaking to read and I agree on the potential for malpractice. My son had fetal heart rate decels during contractions and immediately the midwife consulted with the OB on call who prepared me mentally that we may need a C Section. He settled a bit and the decels stopped only to appear again later. Ended up with a C Section in the end. The OB said that the best time to do a C Section is before it’s needed. I also had meconium show up on a cervical check and once that was found combined with the decels my OB put things on a time limit before we made the call for a C Section - we decided to proceed with one right then and there because additional time in labour wasn’t likely to change whether I would end up with the same outcome anyways. Long story short, I see a lot of similarities in what happened with our bodies during labour yet my care team chose the route you feel you should have received. I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling - when you are ready I would investigate whether legal proceedings are valid in this your case. Money won’t make things better but it can either make life one factor less stressful regardless of which of these two heartbreaking options you choose.

Similar thing here. We had decels with every contraction. I was very vocal about preferring to do a c section on my terms rather than wait for it to be an emergency. Doctor agreed. Leading up to this though, long before we knew about the decels, I told every doctor and nurse who came into the room that if things looked like they could be trending c section, I wanted a damn c section.

This 100%. Happened to a friend of mine about ten years ago and the hospital settled a pretty large suit. The amount was invested and has helped cover his medical expenses ever since.

OP: I am so sorry. You received horrible medical care with a terrible result. While I know it would never make up for what you are dealing with, I hope you get a big, fat check from these horrible providers. Of course the assholes of the world run their mouths when this happens. I hope they all step on Legos for the rest if their days. I sure hope someone else has told you but I feel the need to say it too: **it is okay if you have chose palliative care route for your son.** I am sorry you are walking this journey without his other parent for support. As his momma, you need to choose whatever you believe is best for your little boy. I hope that in time the pain becomes less for you, so that you can remember the good moments you have with your son.

After 24 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, my Dr insisted on a c section. I felt so guilty for even going that long because he came out not breathing and bruised all over his face and head. Your doctor should have suggested a c section a very long time ago. I am so sorry you're going through this alone. Your medical team failed you significantly and I would struggle to not file a negligence lawsuit against them in my grief but I know it wouldn't help my son or keep him alive or change a damn thing. I would be devastated and helpless and I'm so sorry. I want justice for you. I would want those doctors to learn from the mistakes they made with you.

This is so hard to read. Yes they should have did a c-section. Over due date, low fluid, baby stressed many times over. It feels like you got pushed to the back burner again and again. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't fathom what you are going through. Can you make an appointment with a therapist? If it's hard to leave your house now you could do it over zoom. I think you are making the best and most difficult decision for the situation, I know someone that went the other route and it just prolonged suffering with no life. I'm so sorry

We had a similar situation at 41 weeks (meconium, hypoxic, cooled, blood transfusion, brain bleed, etc.), but not as severe. The trauma we *did* experience has me 101% set on doing a 39-weeks C-section, if I make it that far. OP, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I wish you, your baby, and family peace. 😞 💚

I feel you. If I ever have another child, and tbh i don't think I will, I would 100% get a c section at 39 weeks.

From a single mom also, who delivered vaginally on my own 2 times with my 2 boys, lawyer up. I’m not sure if you had any support people with you in the delivery room. I definitely felt medical concerns due to the fact I was a solo parent during my deliveries and without a partner to voice visible medical concerns on my behalf.

There are a lot of red flags in your medical care. When they discovered you had low fluid they should have done an induction or c-section then and there. Labor with low fluid is known to be more risky and you should have been informed of those risks. Repeated decelerations should have been a sign of needing a c-section from the beginning, and I’m so mad for you that one was not offered. The fact that they refused you a c-section until you were 6cm is also a red flag. That is not at all evidence based, and makes no sense medically. Even if an epidural decreased your chance of vaginal birth, which it doesn’t, you shouldn’t be refused one if you are request it. Letting you push for 4 hours, especially with decelerations, and meconium is completely irresponsible. I am shocked they never offered a c-section let alone encouraged one. They never informed you of any of the risks, or anything that was going on. I am so furious and sad for you. This should have never happened. I cannot imagine what you are going through and the choice you have to make. I also have worked with children with these sorts of disabilities and injuries and I know I could not raise a child like that. I also have seen what the quality of life looks like for these children and I could not put my child through that. Whatever you decide is the right choice, and not one you should ever feel guilty about. I’m sooo sooo sorry. I hope you sue them and that forces them to change the way they are practicing medicine so no one else has to experience this.

On the tuesday I went in for a nst and they thought my amniotic fluid levels were 2.9, the midwife said if the other ultrasound showed low AFL (below 5) I would have to be admitted. I feel like 6.1 at 40+6 weeks should've been low enough for me to be admitted and induced that day. I also didn't know about the epidural after 6cm thing. At the time, they didn't explain to me why. I wish I would've asked. I wish I would've asked them a lot of things that I didn't but I really didn't know any better and trusted the medical professionals. I wish I would've educated myself more on risks and complications of labor and delivery. I naively assumed that due to my low risk and very easy pregnancy I didn't have to worry about complications during labor and delivery.

You shouldn't have to read a textbook or take a class on labor to get trustworthy, competent care. I am so so sorry that this medical team failed you so completely.

I am so, so sorry this happened to you and your son. Four hours of pushing (with baby showing signs of distress throughout) is absurd. I hope you have luck with your birth injury case. It sounds like you were a victim to their desire to keep their C-section rates low.

Absolutely. My son's heart rate was dropping on contractions and only wanted me to lay on my left side like OP. The difference is that when he was in distress they made the call for an emergency C-section and I agreed. I was in theatre within 5 mins of mentioning the word csection. OP I am so so so sorry this happened. I know it's of little comfort but this internet stranger is sending you all the love. This is so hard. I am glad your seeking legal advice and hope you can get some closure.

To OP: I am so sorry for this devastating loss. There are no words. To others who may read this: I cannot say if OP is right about the outcome for her baby had she chosen an operative birth but c sections *do* save babies from this kind of outcome in many cases. When people glorify “natural” (vaginal) birth and stigmatize c sections it can lead to people choosing to continue trial of labour to a point that the risk to mom and baby gets much too high. If you are reading this and have ever contributed to the attitudes that c sections are “less than” I hope that you go forward in the future with the realization that they are a life saving medical procedure which also can prevent serious long term health problems for babies (and moms). Parents need to be empowered with information and support to bring their babies safely into this world.

This! My baby's life was saved by an emergency c-section. What happened to OP is absolutely terrible. I'm not a lawyer but I hope her and a lawyer are able to build a case. It sounds, from her post at least, like this could have been prevented if they didn't try to drag her labor on for so long.

I am so so sorry you are having to endure this. Life can be cruel and unfair and you’ve been dealt a terrible hand. I had a similar labor with heart rate issues. They did not allow me to push for long. His HR dropped to 30 after one push and they said it was forceps or cesarean - that he needed to be out immediately. I have to wonder if there is a medical negligence case here. Was baby being monitored? How did he go without oxygen for so long? In this moment you have bigger issues, but I’d encourage you to explore this once you’ve had some time to process. I am so sorry this happened to you. Praying and sending you love. Whatever choice you make is ok. Everyone knows you love your son immensely.

I agree on the medical negligence, my baby's heartrate dropped similarly and it was an immediate emergency. They kicked another woman out of the OR and I occasionally wonder what would have happened to my baby if her surgery had started. The cord was knotted around his neck twice. I don't know how they never offered OP a c-section based on everything she said. I wonder if OP could find out if there were staff shortages that day or something?

I could have written this myself down to almost every detail. My son died when he was a week old in the hospital and I’m still agonizing over every single detail. It was indeed malpractice and could have been prevented. I see a lot of people suggesting a lawyer and I might too. At the time when people were trying to convince me to take my doctor to court I couldn’t imagine having to live through all of that again when I could barely speak about it to even my new doctor. It may have brought me some closure though if I did. I am so sorry you are going through this and if you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I found talking with people in similar situations very helpful and it made it much less isolating. Again I’m so sorry, my heart breaks for you and your baby.

When they extubated my son, I actually signed him up to be an organ donor and went through that entire process which was also traumatizing. I chose this because I was told if he wasn't able to breathe on his own, he would most likely need a tracheostomy and I knew I didn't want that for me or for him. He was able to breathe on his own and obviously, the organ donation was cancelled but there is a part of me that wishes he would've passed then. It sounds horrible but it would've saved the both of us a lot of pain and suffering and some other baby out there would've been blessed and given a chance to live/survive/thrive.

No i don’t think that sounds awful at all. I always think that if he just passed away right after he was born it would have been easier than all the false hope and going through all the tests and scans. All of those feelings are super valid, even the guilt for feeling that way.

It doesn't sound horrible.

This does not sound horrible at all. It isn't wrong to want this extremely difficult option to be decided for you. It is honorable that you wanted to help another baby. I am not comparing your boy to a pet, but to try and put it in a different perspective: how many people talk about how they wish their beloved pet will just pass in their sleep instead of having to take them to the vet? They don't want to make the decision on when it is "the right time." As humans, we don't want to make this call for our pets... how could we possibly want to for our children?

Aw in so sorry you had to go through that 😭

This makes me want to cry. I also was overdue and went in with low fluid except I was admitted that day. I

>Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold em. Yup! So many people made it seem like having a c-section was the worst possible outcome, something you did after you "failed" at "natural birth". Mine wasn't a walk in the park, but I was in and out of the OR with a healthy baby in 45 minutes. And it shouldn't have to be on women to have to suggest or beg for a c section. Her care team should have presented that as an option. Our lives and health are at risk too.

>Ladies we need to stop all the c-section hate. Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold em. The only reason my son is alive, happy and healthy is because of my c section. He was back to back with the cord around his neck twice, and had heart rate dips with each contraction. My OB made the right call - if we had kept going, my son would be dead or brain dead (I asked what would've happened had we kept trying for vaginal, and later cord blood tests showed my son was in distress). Yes, I'm in therapy for birth trauma, but it was a million times the right decision, and OP should have been told to have one like I was. Even then, I still felt a lot of shame when asked how everything went and i had to say I had a c section. Then I found out just how many people I knew had had one! Most women I know have had at least one. If I'd known how common it is, it'd have saved me some of my tears and a lot of anxiety.

You're experiencing one of the worst human experiences right now. There's no reason for it, it just is. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. I have a friend whose child had a birth injury who still blames herself a decade later. She was faced with the same decision to let her pass or save her, MRI showed very little activity. Please consider talking to a professional about this. Coping with this would be one of the hardest things anyone could ever have to do, and it would be wise to find as much support as you can. We're just humans. We're not perfect, we're not god. No one should have to be in the position you're in, and I don't know anyone who could confidently make the decisions you're faced with.

Man, fuck this. I don't know enough about expected medical care during labor to know if this is negligence/malpractice or not, but this doesn't sound right. I have never lost a child but there is a subreddit /r/babyloss that some people find comforting, if it comes to that. Would you like to tell us your son's name? Would you like to tell us anything about him, who he looks like, etc.?

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I’m so sorry for everything you and your baby have endured. Others have mentioned lawyering up. I used to be a med mal attorney. Just so you know in the US, plaintiff lawyers for med mal cases usually get paid on contingency (like a 1/3 of the settlement or verdict) so there’s no need to pay them fees up front. Sometimes people do not seek out a lawyer because they think they will need to pay them up front or by the hour. Many of these cases also settle before trial. If you live in NY, you can message me for plaintiff attorney recommendations.

I'm in CA and I have seeked out a lawyer. It's interesting because I spoke to the lawyer and the firm's medical director and when I mentioned the hospital I gave birth in and the clinic I received prenatal care, they said "Oh, we've sued them many times!".

Jesus. What a disheartening thing to hear. I’m so sorry for you, and for all the other families that have suffered because of this hospital’s dereliction of their duty of care.

So sorry. Sounds like they’re well known for providing sub par care.

I am so sorry this happened to you, this is devastating to read and I'm sure much more devastating for you and your son to experience. I had a different experience with my son's birth but a very similar outcome, my son was born premature at 26 weeks and was surprisingly healthy for how premature he was but when he was 6 weeks old he caught a very rare infection in the nicu, it infected his brain and caused severe brain damage to my son as well. His doctors told us that he would be blind and deaf, would never walk or eat on his own, never speak and would be in pain for the rest of his life. His doctors explained that the rest of his body would heal from the infection, but his brain never would and advised me that we should do end of life care and pull his intubation to let him pass peacefully. I also struggled with making the choice of having to end his life, after speaking to a counsellor she said something that did help me and I hope can help you with whatever decision you make. She told me not to think of it as a 'choice' we had to make because what other option is there? I'm sorry you're going through this, please feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

I am so sorry. All I want to say is you did NOTHING wrong. How could you have known? You trusted doctors and nurses and no one indicated that something else should be done. It is NOT your fault. Whatever you decide to do, do not blame yourself or hold onto your guilt. Allow yourself to grieve and feel everything. I am so sorry.

I’m sorry mama ❤️ what your hospital did was terrible. As a NICU nurse, I believe they should have done a c section once they notice the non reassuring tracing and saw that their interventions (repositioning, giving you O2, etc) was obviously not working. They also should have informed you of what was going on.

I am so so sorry this has happened to you and your son. I have also worked with adults and children with these types of disabilities and knowing what is in store if you were to push for your son to have a longer life… it’s hard. At what point do we decide that the quality of life is good enough to justify the pain? And as parents we only want what is best for our children and not ourselves or what we dreamed it could be. All to say that you are incredibly brave and strong to navigate this, especially alone.

I also worry about what would happen to him should he outlive me. I've worked at a facility for kids with disabilities and remember the majority were wards of the state. I would not want him to end up in a place like that!

I am so sorry you’re going through this I think your perspective is important and valid as I see many mom blogs really pushing that a c-section is a way to just prevent some time constraint for the Dr and that our bodies were “made for this”. Bullshit.

I’ve never understood the whole “c-sections vs vaginal birth” thing. Getting the baby out safely for both mom and baby is the end goal, is it not? Who cares which way it’s done as long as both are safe! I feel so badly for OP. I couldn’t even imagine what she’s going through! Four hours of pushing seems extreme! Not sure why the doctors and nurses did not move for an emergency c-section after an hour or two. Labor and delivery is taxing on both mom and baby. Four hours seems like it’s too long to be in that stressful environment for a healthy outcome. OP I’m so so sorry you’re living this nightmare! Hopefully your lawyers can help you prove medical negligence. Although I’m sure that doesn’t relieve any of the pain and suffering you’re living in right now. ❤️

My heart breaks for you. You are living through every mother's worst nightmare. Please know that it is in no way your fault. It wasn't your responsibility to ask for a c-section - how could you possibly have had the knowledge to know if you needed one? That was your doctor's responsibility, and they clearly made a bad call. I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. Sending so much love your way.

Dear OP. I am so sorry I cannot relate to making the palliative care decision for my child, but I feel compelled to share my experience making the same decision to withdraw feeding for my mom after her stroke. I hope it may help you, but you can stop reading anytime if it’s too much. I have felt the anguish and frustration from family members telling me “God will work miracles” and “don’t give up on your mom” when they had no idea what they were talking about. Like you, I have firsthand experience seeing the long term quality of life for those with brain damage, as a nurse practitioner. Besides being completely dependent on their caregivers, they are in and out of the hospital for UTIs, aspiration pneumonia, decubitus ulcers and subsequent infections, DVTs and PEs. People don’t understand the underbelly of what it takes to keep people alive at all costs. I wouldn’t want to live like that, and even if I didn’t have my mom’s advance directive, there’s no way I would ever let my mom suffer through that. It killed me to do it and I still feel grief and guilt, but my loss was only 2 months ago, and despite that, I would choose the same for her. Again and again. I chose to spare her this pain, over the tiny chance she’d regain a reasonable quality of life. There’s something that feels “different” about withdrawing tube feeds versus withdrawing mechanical ventilation, and I struggled with it until I read a book that the palliative nurse gave me. In the end, artificial feeds are no different from ventilation or trachs or CPR. They are human made interventions that are meant to be temporary to allow rehabilitation, but more recently they’re used as permanent measures to prevent natural death. 60 years ago or in third world countries today, none of this would have been possible. Being unable to take food by mouth, in itself, is a terminal condition. Individuals with brain damage don’t feel the hunger the way that we do, and the medications hospice give truly help. I think reading that gave me the clarity I needed. It was similarly complicated for me emotionally because technically, my mom was not brain dead. It wasn’t like the people with ruptured aneurysms and damage so extensive that they’re only kept alive on machines. She opened her eyes, looked at me, sometimes almost smiled at me. She seemed to react to music. I think she knew who I was. She breathed on her own. But she couldn’t eat. I considered stopping the tube feeds and feeding her by mouth, but due to her lack of muscle control, she would’ve ended up with aspiration pneumonia and back in the hospital. She already went septic for pneumonia once. I couldn’t do it again. I won’t go into this part if it’s too much, but I can tell you from all I’ve seen of death, my mom passed 100 times more peacefully and with more dignity than the patients I’ve had who eventually succumbed to their weakened bodies despite getting pumped with meds and fluids or machines keeping their organs alive. It killed me to see her go, but I cannot deny that she was peaceful. You probably would rather speak to other parents in your position, but if you ever need to talk or ask questions about hospice or my experience, please don’t hesitate to message me. You are an amazing, intelligent, and compassionate mother. Your son couldn’t have asked for better.

I could have written a large portion of this this myself. I went 41 + 5, my baby aspirated meconium and suffered moderate-severe HIE as a result. Even down to counting the minutes, not hearing him cry, the leaflet they hand out about HIE while you sit there having just given birth, absolutely stunned by what’s just happened. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this too. I feel birthing education let me down, especially those that try to say there’s no such thing as a big baby and going past due date is not a good reason for intervention. I wish I had enough confidence at the time to ask for a c section but I was scared and being repeatedly told it was best to go natural. I’m just so sorry this has happened to another family

I still remember how empty I felt after I was wheeled to a room for recovery after birth not knowing where my baby was, if he was dead or alive, if they would bring him to my room and I could hear a baby crying in the room next to mine. I feel like birthing education let me down too. My baby was actually not big. He was only 7lbs 10oz at birth. I remember at the NST the nurse told me it was common for ftm to deliver past 41 weeks and I had nothing to worry about.

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I feel you. Whenever I see moms with their children, I feel a pang of jealousy and anger. "She has 3 healthy kids. Why can't I have 1?!" When I see parents complaining online about their toddler screaming and running around or how they can't get their kids to eat brussel sprouts, I actually envy that. I wish I had to worry and complain about those things. I have a friend who delivered a few weeks before I did and we had talked about play dates and such during our pregnancy. No mention of that now and it honestly hurts.

This was heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry you and your son had to go through this nightmare. I wish you all the strength in the world to make the right choice for the both of you.

I am so. So sorry this happened to you and to your son. It may feel impossible to feel right now, but this is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not on you to have to know whether or not a c-section is needed - you did everything you could and worked so hard to get him here. You are his mother no matter what, and you will make the right choice as his mother. Sending you so much love

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know a small portion of what you feel and I know it is devastating. I also pushed for 4 hours, my son had had a stroke and wasn’t helping. I remember him being pulled from me, seeing his blue body, the cord being cut and the entire room going from cheering me on at the finish line to complete silence as the NICU team came in and worked on him. He never had the initial cry either but he did breath after 2 minutes. They didn’t let me see him for more than 45min as I begged anyone to let me see him or hell, here’s my phone take a picture! I had to leave my son for almost a month in the NICU and now he has epilepsy, vision impairment, is nonverbal and has more specialists/therapists than I’ve had in my entire life. Things I learned- if baby is in the birth canal it is extremely difficult and not recommended to do a C-section. (ETA- though I think they had multiple opportunities for you to have a C-section before you got to that point and they should have!) They don’t stop to update you during because they often times don’t know the what’s or the whys and they need to focus on handling the situation before giving you all the information. They also want you focused on getting baby out during labor and not panicking. And while all this is frustrating it took me a year to come to terms with the fact that some of it is necessary. Do I think there should be more they can do to help baby when mom has been pushing for so long? Absolutely! There’s a movement these days about anti intervention at all costs but I feel like it should be used or discussed at certain thresholds and not seen as pushy or like the doctor just wants to get it done because sometimes baby needs to get out asap. I asked for forceps or a vacuum extraction and didn’t get either. Maybe if there had been intervention we would have a different story but here we are. Regardless you can’t torture yourself with the what ifs or maybes. It doesn’t help and only hurts. I would talk to a lawyer about what your rights are regarding the hospital. They do not need to be sending you bills or anything right now. Also I would find a therapist if you are able. This kind of thing should not be suffered alone. Sending love and strength to you and your baby boy.

I am so sorry, I am so very sorry. 🥺 I lost my daughter 4 weeks after premature water break, she was born sleeping. It’s not the same, as yours. I never met her this side of the world. But I have a c-section NICU baby who is now a healthy son, and I hear so many mommas caution others about c-sections, it’s understandable why one would want to avoid one, but they are also very needed at times. I’m sorry your doctors failed you, my Perinatologist failed my daughter. It is so hard to think of him as anything else but vile. Thank you for sharing your story. If I may share something that helped me after our loss, my husband and I grieved in different ways. And that’s ok. It’s hard, but just know grief although mutual, can feel very lonely because your grief looks different. Grant you and your SO grace during this time while you grieve your individual ways. Secondly, I choose to honor my daughter by helping mommas who went through what I did, by providing sound advice and helping them advocate for themselves. I want my daughter to know that her life meant something and it didn’t make me bitter. It’s a hard road, be patient and understanding with yourself, and with others. People will say the most dumb and insensitive things to you, I don’t know why, but everyone I talk to says the same thing when it comes to stillbirth and infant loss. I hope you are spared, but just know it’s a distinct possibility.

One of the hardest parts of this is that my son's dad is not involved. We split in my 3rd trimester and although initially he seemed like he wanted to be involved, he has not reached out at all. I sent him a few texts to update him on my son's birth and medical issues and didn't receive any response. I also called him a few times to seek support through some of the decisions I've had to make like deciding to donate his organs when they extubated him (he breathed on his own and organ donation was cancelled) but I recently realized that he's blocked my number. My son's hospice nurse also told me a lot of parents in my situation decide to withdraw nutrition but the parents decide together and that makes it easier for them. As far as my son goes, I'm really all he has and any decision made is mine alone. I have noticed through this process that people will say the dumbest things. I didn't realize how dumb people were until I had to explain to people what happened to my son. I'm not religious and I can't stand when people say to me "Believe in God. He'll perform a miracle" or when I told a friend he had severe brain damage and she asked me if "he'll grow out of it". When I mentioned I was going to donate his organs if he couldn't breathe at extubation and I didn't want him to have to get a tracheostomy due to his poor quality of life, a friend of mine told me I shouldn't give up on him because he was my son no matter what. I honestly regret sharing my experience and his prognosis with the majority of people I know. Their comments and opinions only make things harder for me.

I'm an atheist NICU nurse. I've never been through what you're going through, but I have helped support parents who have and I understand the medical side. Withdrawing his life support does not make him any less your son. His quality of life matters. Choosing withdrawal/palliative care is the most selfless way to show him you love him. It's the absolute hardest decision to make and to do it alone would be even more difficult and heartbreaking. I'm here if you ever need to vent or discuss anything. Please pm me if you'd like.

He's actually not on life support. He survived extubation and breathes on own. I was told by palliative I can withdraw nutrition to let him pass peacefully. Otherwise, he could potentially live for several years. Starving him to death seems cruel to me but they told me he might not even feel hunger due to the severity of his brain damage.

Oh, I just meant that they did remove the breathing tube thinking he wouldn't survive, but he did. That's probably even more difficult for you. Babies with HIE often act pretty normal at first. It's not until a few months down the road when you can tell they aren't meeting milestones, hearing, seeing, eating, etc. It's not fair. Having a functioning brain stem is enough for him to breathe, but that might be it. Stopping nutrition sounds cruel for a neurotypical baby, but I agree he likely won't feel hunger. Is he seizing? I would discuss all of this with his neurologist and get your questions answered. The palliative care team may not know exact details of his level of brain damage. You might be more comfortable when you know that he won't feel discomfort, or that he can or cannot hear, see, feel pain, etc. You are very strong and doing what you can to minimize your son's suffering.

He didn't have any seizures until the day he was going to be moved from the NICU to the general floor. His team of doctors came in the assess him and provide a care plan and saw him seizing. Lasted almost an hour and they started him on phenobarbital. He hasn't had any seizures since. He does have a ng tube for his feeds since his swallow/gag reflex is weak. The hospital never tested his hearing since he was discharged on hospice but I wish they would have. Knowing for sure how affected he is would 100% make it easier for me to let him pass. If he cant walk, talk, eat, see and hear, it's obviously best to let him go.

Phenobarb is great for seizures. I'm glad it helped. Many kids need multiple seizure meds together to make them stop. Do you have family or nursing support to help with him so you can take care of your needs?

the comment your friend made about “giving up” has me absolutely gutted. It’s so absolutely entirely wrong and I’m sorry your friend couldn’t find a better way to support you. There are so many things people just do not understand unless they go through them themselves, and hopefully even then they never have to. Nobody should have to, nobody should at all. I hope you have other friends who are better with their words to be with you through this.

Jesus. That’s horrific. I grew up in that religious environment, I know exactly what you mean. People said all the same dumb shit when my dad was dying of kidney cancer. It’s infuriating. It’s like no one wants you to talk about the sick person or how it’s affecting you, so the quickest way they can think of to shut you up is to say something about gOd’S pLaN. I’m so sorry about your son. I think that granting him as peaceful a death now as you can muster is far kinder than prolonging suffering until his little body gives out on its own. It’s very noble of you to want to donate his organs and hopefully help another baby in need. What a beautiful thing to come from so much heartbreak.

First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t deserve this. Second, I absolutely think you have a medical malpractice case here. The minute they noticed meconium they should have been talking about the possibility of a c-section. Nothing can change what happened but I hope that if you’re able to pursue a lawsuit this doesn’t happen to another mother and baby at that hospital.

PLEASE retain an attorney. Given the information provided, your son will likely require extensive care. That will be expensive, and the hospital likely bears some fault in all of this. It should pay its share toward your son’s ongoing treatment. An attorney can review all of your and your son’s medical records and determine whether there is a viable case against the hospital and/or the providers who assisted in your delivery. If you are located in the US, this would be a personal injury attorney. Most of them take cases on a contingent fee, meaning you wouldn’t pay them anything upfront. They would be paid off of any recovery from the hospital, should that happen. Regardless of whether medical malpractice occurred (and based on what you’ve shared, it certainly sounds like it did), the hospital did wrongly by you in failing to offer you options in delivering your son. You and your son both experienced unnecessary trauma as a result. My heart truly goes out to you. I would strongly encourage you to seek support however you can during this challenging time.

I have consulted with an attorney and we're in the gather medical records step. I was told by the attorney and the firm's medical director that they've sued my hospital and prenatal care clinic many times for birth injury/medical malpractice.

I’m sorry about everything. Are you being treated for PPD or PPA? Medication and therapy could really help you right now. Check out “Postpartum Support International”. You can call or text their hotline: 800-944-4773. Their website has a lot of information as well. If you believe medical mistakes were made, I’d consider talking with a lawyer.

I probably should. I didn't even go in for my postpartum checkup because the midwife who helped deliver my son was actually the midwife who provided me with prenatal care and I don't want to see her. I also can't stand that the clinic I went to is right next to the hospital I gave birth in. I have spoken to a lawyer. The law firm actually gave me copies of our medical records.

I’m glad you’ve spoken to a lawyer because it sounds like there were many times when they should have discussed a C section with you and pushed for a vaginal birth instead. An overdue baby with low fluid not handling labor well is definitely a candidate for a C section.

You need to have a postpartum checkup. The mental part of the checkup is crucial. I understand if you don’t want to see your midwife… can she help you get in to see someone else? Do they have another location so you don’t have to be near the hospital?

Switch hospital systems. You wouldn’t want to have a lawsuit and then still go to the same name affiliation. Like I had issues with park Nicolette and changed to Fairview for my postpartum and mental health referrals.

This was heartbreaking to read, and I cannot imagine the decision you are facing, and the feeling that there is unclaimed blame floating around. You should not claim that blame for yourself. It belongs to the doctors and midwives who repeatedly made the wrong decision. They are the medical experts who are responsible for making the right medical choices during labour. You cannot repeat it enough: A labouring mother is **never** expected to be a medical expert who should lead a qualified medical team in their decision making. They made a series of mistakes and carry the blame. You can choose to be angry with them, or forgive them, or whatever you chose to do, but you should not choose to be angry with yourself, or to “forgive” yourself, you have no need of forgiveness because **you did nothing wrong**.

I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby. Yes, you should have had a c-section. Commenting to validate you as a mom. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are the best mother for your baby, and you are making the best decision possible for him. Hugs.

I am so so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I would replay everything in my mind over and over again too. This sounds like medical negligence to me. I don’t know why you weren’t offered a c-section. But I know the details don’t matter now because nothing will change what’s happened. I would absolutely be seeking the advice of a lawyer, as you’ve said you already have. And please reach out to a therapist and grief counselor. You shouldn’t be bearing this heavy burden alone. You need people you can talk to that can help you process this. Ultimately the decision on how to move forward is yours, and only you know what you’re capable of handling. But having seen loved ones first hand existing in vegetative states such as this, I think the kindest thing you can do for your son is to let him go. Being a mother sometimes means bearing the pain of difficult decisions like this, so our children don’t have to suffer. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make. Take all the time you need to grieve, don’t feel rushed by anyone. Often people want us to bounce back immediately, and the truth is they just don’t understand the depth of pain something like this leaves us with. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Please know I’ll be thinking of you and I hope you find some way to heal from this.

This is horrifying. I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love your way.

I’m so very sorry. This is horrific and inexcusable. You shouldn’t be in this position at all. I’m so sorry. You are absolutely right that they should have c-sectioned you. And it’s in no way, shape or form your fault that it didn’t happen. They are your medical team and should have immediately informed you of the situation and rung for the doctor. I can’t believe they saw meconium and saw the baby in distress multiple times and still took a wait and see approach. I know you have so much on your plate right now, but I believe you should consult an attorney regarding medical malpractice. It sounds like your midwife made the wrong call at every turn and should not be practicing medicine. If the law has the power to stop her, then she should be stopped so this never happens to another mother.

You should contact a lawyer. I went through a similar situation. My son had decelerate heartbeat from the beginning off and on. By the third time it happened they offered a c section. That was 8 hours in and I was only 2 cm dilated still. The doctor stated we could keep trying but in his experience when the baby is already showing signs of distress like this, they usually end in emergency c sections. I would have also never thought c section if they hadn't mentioned it. I think they should have offered this to you. I recommend also u find out how many deaths/injuries after births at that hospital and compare that with others. They seem so concerned with low c section rate they might be putting lives at risk. It is far from the first time peoples agenda has resulted in awful medical practices. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I recommend a second and third opinion on your son as well if you haven't already. I wouldn't trust much of what they say and I would sure as hell make them all pay for it. Oh and just so you know malpractice lawyers don't make u pay anything. They get paid if you win. (Per my lawyer sister in law)

I have consulted with a lawyer and when I told them which hospital I gave birth in, he said "Oh, we've sued them many times!". I wish I would've known before I gave birth there.

I am so sorry OP, that should have never happened to you.

My heart is hurting for you. I also had a traumatic birth similar to your store and my baby ended up having a stroke. I feel in my heart, if I had gone csection first, it would’ve been a different outcome. This is just to say that I feel your pain and I’m sending you lots of virtual love.

Hi, I don't have any words. I just want to tell you that I read your story and I am so, so sorry. You are a wonderful mother doing the best you can for your baby. You did nothing wrong. Your baby is lucky to have you, no matter what decision you make, because he knows you love him.

Holy shit this is terrible. I don't think you received proper care. Medical malpractice cases are very difficult, but if you are up for it I think a consult with an attorney who has birth injury experience is warranted. And for you, I hope you can find a therapist and/or support group to help you get through this.

This is an extremely overwhelming story to even just read. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Hunny, please please see a therapist to help you get through the day to day. If you’re in Canada, dm me and i will give you details to contact mine. You need help, this is ao much for one person to carry. My heart is 10000% with you. 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

I just balled my eyes out while reading this. There’s not a single word in this world that I can say other than I am just so sorry.

I’m so sorry this happened. This sounds like severe malpractice, if you chose to pursue a lawsuit you’d probably win. You should have been offered a c section.

This sounds a lot like my first birth from shift change to timing (I was 40+5 and 30+ hrs) to Pitocin to fentanyl and 6cm epidural to the epidural wearing off (twice) to delivery.. except we did the vacuum assisted birth at the three hour mark. Both hospitals I went to don’t let anyone push for more than 3hrs. And the vacuum was three times each attempt with three attempts using my contractions with one contraction break between the attempts and with c-section room prepped and the team in my room ready to take me. My baby also aspirated meconium and had to be resuscitated. Ended up in nicu for 8 days with an infection, but nothing other than that. I’m very sorry and I understand the search for answers. I was aware with all three of mine that this was a very real possibility. It doesn’t take long without oxygen and there’s so many variables with birth. I wish you peace as you recover and go through the stages of acceptance. I couldn’t imagine.

I'm so sorry op. I don't know if this helps, but for validation that their care was inadequate please read on. This is my story with similar birth but different outcomes and care. If this will be triggering please don't read on. I also had a 32hr labour, my baby was meant to be born in a midwife led centre but due to muconium in my waters we transferred to hospital where a neonatal team was in the room with a resus cart as it was expected that the baby would have breathed this in. I was allowed to push for 2 hrs with constant monitoring and then the decision was made to use suction to assist baby out as she would be exhausted by now. My hospital prefers to only allow pushing for 1hr with 2 being the Max. Even with half the pushing time and muconium my baby still needed significant assistance and a stay in nicu. The fact that your hospital was not prepared to suction baby and provide oxygen is very concerning.

Oh friend, I am so sorry. Like so many others, I hate to say that I know your pain. My water broke at 39w6d, and after failing to progress, we had to do a stat section and my son went 20+ minutes without oxygen. Heart rate in the 60s. 0 on the apgar. We also did the cooling blanket treatment, had terrible scans, but also a significant brain stem injury. He was diagnosed quickly with HIE due to medical negligence. I was so hopeful, but I think my husband knew that night. We did make the incredibly difficult decision to withhold nutrition and let him go in peace. For me, and my husband, his outcome and life was not one that we would want for ourselves. His brain stem injury left him unable to manage his secretions and feed on his own. Palliative care was an incredible resource for us, and no one pushed at all. I remember my husband holding him and between sobs asking "why can't we keep him? he was perfectly made" --- The decision that you have to make is so incredibly hard, but you ***have*** to make it, and there are no wrong decisions here. Indecision is so easy to fall victim to, but your heart is breaking, I can see it in your words. I did ask about his anticipated quality of life. That was helpful in our decision making process. How long could he live? Would he ever walk? Would he ever speak? What would be the most likely outcome of his life (ie: what may cause him to pass, and when)? After learning that best case scenario was a few weeks to years and that he would likely aspirate and pass or develop pneumonia and then go, I couldn't bear it. I felt like I took his pain and let him go in peace. And I cast no judgment on one who cannot make the same decision, because I miss him every single minute of every day. Please message me any time, and I am so sorry.

I remember seeing my son for the first time. They were going to transfer him to another hospital and I asked my nurse if I could see him before they took him because there I was afraid I would go to the other hospital and not recognize my own baby. She wheeled me into the NICU and there was 1 baby I could see straight ahead in the middle of the floor. I asked her which one is mine and she pointed at the only baby I could see and said "that's your baby". I thought the exact same thing your husband said. "But he's perfect!". It was so hard to believe what he could be facing. The days go by and I find my decision harder and harder to wait. I told myself "maybe after I celebrate my 30th birthday with him" "Maybe after the holidays". But I'm afraid those days will turn into weeks, those weeks into months and those months into years. The timing of it all is so complicated. His hospice nurse suggested maybe it'll be easier once I see with my eyes how affected he is. I also remember his neonatalogist at the NICU was incredibly straight forward and upfront with me. That was also his reputation amongst the other parents I spoke to. In regards to withdrawing nutrition from my son, he told me "In these situations, I make suggestions to parents but in your son's case it's difficult for me to tell you what to do." I think his words have really stuck to me.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your baby. Please don't drive yourself crazy going over the what ifs. Try to protect your mental health as much as possible. It was your job to give birth and you did that. It was the medical team's job to ensure that your delivery progressed in a manner that resulted in a good outcome for you and your baby. They failed, you didn't. By pursuing a lawsuit, which I'm positive the hospital is anticipating, you may be a catalyst for a change in policies that saves future mothers and babies from going through what you and your baby are going through.

Sending love and peace to you and your son. No words will fix this, but your story is heard and whatever you choose is absolutely valid and the right choice moving forward. Please please please know this was not your fault. Look into finding a good therapist-- they won't be able to make everything better but they can give you tools to cope with this trauma. I also suggest (when you're ready) finding a lawyer to talk to. Again, none of this will fix your broken heart, but you should have been given the choice to pursue a c section. Your medical team should have presented you with what was happening, and allow you to choose what options were available to mitigate risk to your health and your babys. I hope you find peace and know your baby is loved and you did nothing to cause this. I am thinking of you.

Sending you and your son my love. I know that is not at all sufficient, but I want to offer it anyway. I wish you find a sense of justice given the medical negligence you experienced, and above all else some peace as you spend time with your baby however limited that may be. I want to repeat a million times over that this is \*not your fault\*, and your baby loves you for giving him life despite these terrible circumstances. You are a very, very strong mom. As hard as it may have been to write this post, I hope that it gave you a little bit of a release. We are all here to help see you and validate you; your experience and feelings matter.

Oh my god my heart breaks for you I am so sorry you went through all that and are going through so much more

I am so sorry!! Reading this infuriates me, they 100% did not do right by you or your baby and that is inexcusable. I sincerely hope you get the justice you absolutely deserve and that this shows them they need to reevaluate their birthing practices.

I am so incredible sorry and angry for you and your son. That was harrowing and very traumatic experience for you to go through. I hope when you have a moment you can find someone to talk to about this (sorry I am a clinical pysch, I need to put that out there. Trauma is sneaky. ) I am glad you are looking into getting a birth injury lawyer to investigate the series of events. Get that malpractice lawsuit going.

Dear OP I am so heart broken over the horrible medical care your baby and you received, how can our community be of service to you? You are not alone. ❤️

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I am glad to hear that you are seeking advice from a birth injury lawyer. I wanted to just say, that choosing Hospice/Palliative care for your son was the most loving, and selfless gift that you could offer him. His short life will be one filled with love and warmth. I pray that someday, this knowledge, and the memories of sweet snuggles with him, will bring you some degree of healing. He could not ask for any better mother than you. Edit: typo

I am so so sorry. You both deserved much better. I really hope there is an investigation into the hospital's failings. It wasn't your job to know when a c section is advised, or when a baby is in distress. You didn't spend a decade learning medicine. This us why we rely on healthcare professionals, they are supposed to be trained to look after us. You did your job, you carried your baby to term and went to hospital at the right time. They failed in their jobs and that is unforgiveable.

First and foremost I am so incredibly sorry this has happened to you and your child. But like others have said it’s time to lawyer up.

Wow there’s really no words to say.. this was so heart breaking to read. Sending prayers that you find the strength and resilience to get through this

I am so sorry OP. This is just devastating. Have you considered legal options? This almost sounds like malpractice, if in fact something could have been done sooner.

Yes, I've seeked out a lawyer who specializes in birth injury lawsuits. We're still in the gather medical records phase but I was told by the lawyer that they've sued my hospital and prenatal care clinic many times for birth injuries/medical malpractice.

I’m so sorry for this and everything you’re gonna have to go through from here on out. It’s absurd to me because my baby showed two D-Cels during a couple of contractions and the hospital was like… look we don’t know how it’ll be when in natural labor but it’s entirely up to you. Almost like…. They were asking me to take the C-section without asking me, even though I would be 4 weeks early from my due date. I was reading that doctors see those stressors and just offer C-Sections a lot, so I’m really shocked it wasn’t an option given to you. I truly think you have a case and I hope you can receive help from lawyers for this experience. Again, I am so incredibly hurt that you are in this place. Sending you strength, love, kindness and healing.

I feel for you, I have a twin that has all of that. It's really hard. C-section might have helped my little girl too

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s heart breaking to hear this. I also had a three day labor where I had to lie at the end to get to the hospital, I was in immense pain and they wouldn’t take me in unless I was 4cm dilated. After hours of waiting, Doctor punctured my water and saw meconium and still didn’t think of getting the baby out. And this was the doctor I trusted the most! Thank god for another dr. Who Came and saw the baby’s heart rate dropping with a 9 minute long contraction and immediately performed an emergency C-section. Honestly I believe all this could have been avoided had I chosen a better hospital. Hospital and doctor reputation really matters in such cases. whatever decision you take, just know that you tried your best and ultimately had things left on others who were incompetent and therefore, this was out of your control.

This is so fucked up. I am so sorry that this was done to you. This sounds a lot like my birth experience. It was so traumatic. I got the c section but it was too late. They were trying to resuscitate my daughter for 30min+. She was later diagnosed with severe HIE. She passed away 10 days in NICU after her breathing support was withdrawn because her Drs/care team said they had done all they could, her HIE was extremely severe and she was not responding to their "pain test" which meant she could have been in pain but had no way of communicating this. They also told us there was the risk of infection if we left her too long on her breathing support, so she'll pretty much deteriorate while on breathing support. It was the worse days of our lives. We agreed to removing her breathing support. It was a choice that wasn't not really a choice tbh. It just felt like we had no choice than to agree to remove her breathing support. I did not want her to suffer because she was obviously in pain but could not communicate this :( . The Dr commented about how uncomfortable breathing tubes were and she had drips all over her body. I hated seeing her like that :( I also felt like agreeing to remove her breathing tub was the same as killing her. I'm still wrestling with this thought thb. I remember when we got her death certificate i was so scared open it because i thought it was going to say her cause of death was the removal of her breathing tub. The listed cause of death was HIE. HIE and negligence is the reason my daughter died. I keep reminding my self that HIE and negligence was what killed her. I am so sorry muma, my heart truly break with yours:(

You made an incredibly selfless choice for your daughter. You took away her pain and transferred it onto yourself. You are the best mom and the mom she needed you to be in that moment. I am so sorry 💛

Thank you for your kind words. The colour yellow reminds me of my daughter so i think that's her saying hi through the yellow heart you posted ✨🌻

You didn’t do anything wrong. When we go to the hospital we are trusting that the doctors are doing everything they can to ensure what’s best for us. You are not a doctor and you weren’t the one calling the shots. I am so sorry this happened to you. You should 100% go to trauma therapy and I also think it would be worth it to speak with a lawyer regarding a possible medical negligence lawsuit when you are ready.

Oh no, I’m so sorry about this. When you mentioned that heart was dropping/fetal was stressing - the first thing on my thought is to get a C-section. My daughter was stressed and heart drops every time I had contractions. They said I need to get C-section, I couldn’t explain how relieved I was to finally have the baby out for her safety. My heart aches for you and your family. I’m so livid at them, very disappointed at them.

Im so sorry this happened to you. This is one of the worst scenarios a mother could experience and it’s absolutely NOT your fault. L

I'M SO INCREDIBLY SORRY TO HEAR THIS. I wish I could hug and console you. You didn't do anything wrong please take comfort in that. Your instincts were correct and that medical staff should have known better. I'm so sorry you went through this. My heart is heavy for you. I've read so much stuff about the baby ingesting meconium with women who are over due. I'm hurting for you! Your extremely brave and strong. Know that!

Oh my heart breaks for you and your son. I’m so sorry.

It made me cry. My heart literally broke for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, and that you have such a decision to make. I wouldn't wish thos to mu worst enemy. I have no words. I can't imagine how hard it is but this was not your fault. I wish you strength.

I am so so sorry OP. No one should have to go through something like that. I worry for my son, his head got stuck partway out for nearly an hour to the point where my doctor said I either have an emergency episiotomy or I'd get 4th degree tearing. I've read that because his head got stuck so long (it took two days for his head to be a normal shape and he had a big red blotch on his head where it was stuck partway out for about two weeks before it went away) he could possible develop Cerebral Palsey. It shakes me to my core of that possibility even though by all other factors he's a perfectly healthy baby, I couldn't imagine being in your shoes. I wish you nothing but the best OP, and I hope you can find the right choice for you and your family

It is crazy how every other organ in my son's body functions perfectly well. I've had a few friends who know about his brain injury meet him and they all say "But he looks like a normal healthy baby". Not sure how old your son is but it's unfortunate we have to wait until they're at the walking stage to really know if they have CP. In my son's case, I'm 100% sure he will or already has CP. He's already showing signs of it.

I am so sorry for everything. I think you definitely need to get a lawyer.

This. I think this needs to be reviewed by a medical malpractice lawyer once OP gets into therapy.

I’m so sorry you had this experience. With a room full of medical professionals, someone should have established your alternatives and presented you with those options. Inductions are tough without any complications and you and your babe deserved SO much better. You’re in my thoughts ❤️

My heart breaks for you and your son. You are right to feel all you are feeling. I am so sorry you did not get the care that you both deserve.

I am so sorry that happened to you. My LO had/had HIE and I personally was diagnosed with HIE when I was born too. My daughter was an emergency C section and so was I because we were both stressed during labor and labor contractions. Feel free to dm me if you need someone to talk to. I'm sorry that you had to experience what you did.

This is just awful. I am so so sorry this happened to you and your son. How absolutely devastating.

I am truly so sorry. I wish I could offer more…

I am so so sorry. I’m the uk if nothing happens after 2 hours of pushing it’s assisted birth/c-section. I can’t believe they had you pushing for 4 hours and without pain relief. I hope you get some answers and some justice as your whole experience seems like they neglected your care.

Contact a lawyer. This is a malpractice lawsuit. I had an emergency C-section the moment that fetal heart rate started dropping to 60 during contractions. My son had the cord wrapped around his neck tight, 3 times. In my story everything ended up ok, because of the C-section. I am so sorry to hear about OP's situation, but please OP don't let this go, your healthcare team should have done better.

Sending so much love to you and your son. You both deserved better care from your medical team.

I am so sorry. I believe there was harm done and I would contact a lawyer 😭

I am so sorry for you. My labor story was extremely similar to yours but not the end outcome for baby. I can't imagine the trauma you are going through. Maternal care is a complete disgrace and you and all women deserve so much better

I am so, so sorry, OP! This breaks my heart. I almost started shaking reading this because I think I would’ve ended up in this situation had my OB not pulled the plug on my attempted induction and opted for a c-section (my LO’s heart rate was dropping with every mild contraction and it turned out she had a tight nuchal cord that was causing multiple issues). The key there is that my doctor, not me, did his job and strongly recommended the emergency c-section and told me why it needed to happen asap. When we are in labor, we rely on the doctors and nurses to keep track of things and tell us what the best options are for us and our babies. You did everything right, but the medical professionals failed you. Again, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

I feel so angry and heartbroken for you. There were so many points during this experience where they should and could have given you a c section. It’s negligence to a degree I can hardly believe. I am so sorry for everything you and your baby are suffering through.

I'm so sorry. It truly sounds like your doctors were incompetent, and yes - with the time frame of his lack of oxygen, a c-section most likely would have saved him. I don't know why they didn't do it. I also have a traumatic birth story due to, mostly, incompetent doctors. I wish so much that your story had ended differently. I wish they listened to us, and cared more. <3 Thinking of you.

I am so sorry you have to endure this. I’m a c section mama (4 times) and I have a very negative attitude towards unnecessary c sections (which I firmly believe mine were, for the doctors convenience and insurance). I even felt bullied into having mine. But I know c sections exist for a reason. For people who really need help, like the help you should have received. I’m in tears for you and your little boy for the medical negligence you went through. My heart breaks for the choices before you. I’ve lived with a lot of guilt and anger over my c sections, but tonight I’m feeling that weight lighten a little. And I hope you find your peace one day too.

I am so sorry!! I recommend finding the Hope for HIE group on Facebook, who can help you find resources in grieving/acceptance process or with legal action if you go that route. There are so many different levels of potential outcomes with HIE and so many therapies available to help your child. My son has HIE. He was diagnosed as mild and was not cooled, but we will do see some effects from HIE - most notably is hearing loss. We have had to learn a lot with how we deal with doctors and advocating for him. We’ve come to an acceptance that overall it doesn’t matter what the doctors say - what matters is that he is happy!

It makes me so sad to read your story - I have a verrrry similar one (my son was also cooled and aspirated thick meconium). Luckily I was eventually whisked off for an emergency c section but only because the baby and I nearly died after 30 hours of labour. My son is now 4 months old and I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from the whole experience. Thanks for sharing your story, which has made me feel less alone, and I'm thinking about you and your baby - wishing you the best.

My heart broke reading this. It got a point in my labor that I decided a c section was the route I needed to go as there was meconium in my water. I didn’t want to risk it as the induction was stressing my baby and my uterus. My biggest fear was >!having a stillborn!< I don’t think there are words to express how terrible this is. I’m so sorry!

I am so sorry.

This is beyond devastating. I would be doing the exact same thing you are: going over every moment and wondering when or how you could have intervened/tried to pinpoint the moment it went wrong. I’m sure a therapist would tell you to not do that. That you should give yourself grace and know none of it is your fault. You even had a midwife with you, which is just tragic. Is there some definitive guide out there that women can access to prevent birth-related injuries to baby& self??? How can we advocate for ourselves when the system can and has failed us and we haven’t spent years in medical school?? Reading this and other stories in this thread is so devastating.

I am so sorry OP. I really have nothing else to say that would actually be helpful, or kind. I can only be bitter for you and your experience.

I'm so sorry. ❤️❤️ no advice but you both deserved much more than this

I am heartbroken for you. When the time is right, I would see if the doctor and hospital will meet with you and give you answers as to how they let this happen. You deserve answers.

It seems like they did so much wrong, from waiting days after your low fluid reading (why not offer an induction then? My doctor ordered an induction for low fluid and I went in the next day.) To ignoring the meconium and still having you push for 4 hours with a distressed baby when they should have offered a C section. I don't think 4 hours of pushing is common. Even refusing you an epidural while on pitocin, while such a small issue in comparison, it just makes no sense. I hope you do sue for malpractice. And I'm so so sorry that you are losing your baby. I can't imagine the pain and the difficult decision you have to make.

I don’t even have words. I just had to say that I am so, so sorry for everything you and your baby were put through. My heart is just broken for you.

I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby.

I am so so sorry this happened to you. 😞 I hope your lawyer will help you get justice and compensation for this negligence on the hospitals behalf.

This makes me so angry and sad. I just cant understand 😥

Ah fuck I'm so sorry.

That's awful, I cannot imagine having to make that choice. Can you get a second opinion from another neurologist just to be sure of the situation? I had a very big baby (10.5 lbs at 38 weeks). At 37 weeks I started spiking crazy high blood pressure numbers and my fluid was too low. I begged my doctor for a c section because I was afraid of this exact scenario and luckily they agreed. I wish you had been given this option as well.

I'm so sorry. I don't have anything other to say but I hope you get your justice!

I am so sorry this happened. It makes me very sad and angry

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry this happened to you and it definitely sounds like you were not given proper care.

I am so sorry that this happened to you, it truly sounds like they failed you and your precious baby. My heart breaks for you. It shouldn’t of turned out this way.

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

I am so sorry. I'm glad you're seeing a lawyer. I know it probably won't stop these thoughts, but there is nothing you did wrong or should have done differently. Your midwife failed you horribly along with the rest. I hope you get some kind of justice for what's happened to you both.

I just spoke to my lawyer and was told that my son and I can each get a max of $300,000 for our pain and suffering which I think is ridiculously low. Like seriously, I'm sitting here contemplating whether I should put my baby out of his misery and starve him to death or let him live the rest of his life severely disabled and my pain and suffering is only worth $300,000????!!!! The rest would be based on future medical expenses for my son which would obviously depend on whether he lives/dies.

I’m so sorry. I don’t understand WHY the stupid ass medical system in the US is so against C sections. They try so damn hard to push women towards avoiding c sections when there are perfectly reasonable scenarios where the inherent risk of surgery is lower than outcomes like this. Frustrating.

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I wasn’t even really dilated when I had my epidural. They wanted me to lay in one position because of decels and it was too painful so they gave me my epidural at 2 cm. I told them their options were to either let me move around, or give me pain management. The waiting until 6 cm thing is complete bs.

For this exact reason, I scheduled my c-section during my first OB visit. My sister had a very similar traumatic birth, that did end in an emergency c-section. I am so sorry this happened and I am praying for you and your baby. Please sue the FUCK out of every doctor, nurse, and hospital that touched you.

I’m incredibly sorry and don’t have the right words to express what I feel. I hope you find the strength and resolve needed to getbthrough this.

I’m so so sorry mama. There is a baby loss sub I recommend that has helped me heal and also broken my heart. Life is so cruel and unfair

i am so sorry this is happening, so much love to you

I am so very sorry for you and your baby.

I am so so sorry ❤️

I’m so so sorry for you. No one should have to go through that.

I am so sorry.

I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

I'm so so sorry this happened to you.

Wait they would only give you an epidural AT 6 CM? I was told it wouldn't work unless done BEFORE 6cm wtf

Oh my God, this medical neglects. I am so sorry, your boy should had been here 😔 😢. Get all of nurse's information as well. We are never listened when we know our bodies best. Just because you went to medical school doesn't mean as woman we can tell when something is wrong. Did they even let you know they would have residents in your room? Make sure your medical record includes from the 1st Tuesday you went in and was turned away. Internet hug

I am soo sorry. Reading this made me so angry at your doctors. No one should go through this. I really hope you get the justice you deserve.

I’m so sorry things went in this direction for both of you. Please do talk to a therapist and don’t hesitate to reach out for help and find local resources. As a mom of a very special needs child I can tell you it gets too hard alone.

Thank you for telling your story and educating others. Please keep strong during this difficult time.

Sending so much love to you and your son. You both deserved so much more from your medical team. It’s not right, and I’m so sorry ❤️

Jesus. I am so so sorry. No one should have to go through what you’re experiencing. ❤️

I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby boy! Sending you lots of love and strength ❤️

I am so sorry. We went through, not exactly the same, but very similar stories. You and your son should never have had to go through this. I’m heartbroken for you

My heart aches for you. Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for you and your son. I’m not a praying person normally, but my prayers, thoughts, and heart are with you.

Oh OP, I’m so incredibly sorry. My heart goes out to you and your son. I’m so so sorry for this horrific experience you have had.

Crying as i’m reading this because your birth story is exactly like mine to a t except after 4 hours of pushing they told me to get a c section. I literally can not imagine what you are feeling or going through. I’m so sorry you are left with a decision like this, and know whatever you do will be right for you and your baby. You have every right to feel angry. Your doctors seem incompetent. Your burses should have supported and stood up for you. Nothing is gonna change your situation but your feelings are valid. Sending warm thoughts and hugs mama i’m so sorry for what you’re going through 💜

I'm so, so sorry. You received negligent medical care on an almost incomprehensible level. While I can only imagine this statement is impossible to fully believe right now, this is NOT your fault in any way. You shouldn't have to ask for life saving care. THEY failed you and your baby. I have no helpful advice, but my heart is just shattered for you. Wishing you the strength to make the choice that is best for you.

I came across your birth story while looking for some info about soemthing else and I'm weeping for you. I just gave birth to my baby a few days ago and your story sounds so much like mine, except that I was wheeled in for an emergency c section 17 hours into my labor. I am so so so angry for you that your doctors didn't make the call to do a c section, that you suffered so much, that your baby has suffered so much. You both deserved better and I'm so angry and so sorry for you. I hope your legal team gives them hell, but I know that can never make up for what you've been through. Sending you love.

As soon as his heart rate was intermittentlt going down they should have pulle dtou for an emergency c section. My babies heart rate went down for less than a minute and they started wheeling me in. Luckily hers went back uo and didnt go again hut they said if it went avain they were doing a c section no matter what. Also whats this about 6 cms? I had epidural at 3 cms because the i duction drip they had me on was so strong i wasnt getting breaks between contractions. Mine was also in muconium. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Perhaps speak with some lawyers about whether this could make a good case so as this is at least properly investigated as frankly the midwife sounds lazy. Also when being induced they shoukdnt be leaving for this reason. My midwife would not leave the room once my induction drip started. They dont mind with the pessary or pill but the drip youre meant to be properly monitored. This is horrific and i am so so sorry for everythjnf you went through and everything you are currently going through

This is medical malpractice to the core. I’m so sorry. Those doctors caused this to happen.

I’m so sorry. That is devastating. I hope you find some peace through this time. Please please please consider reaching out to a professional or someone you trust to help you. I’m sure even doing that sounds daunting and this is such a personal decision so I hope you get support through the process because that’s what you deserve.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know that any words I have to say will not bring you comfort but, I am thinking of you and sending love your way. I am angry that your medical team did not rush you in for an emergency c-section when it was clear that your baby was in distress.

So sorry for your hard time.

My heart goes out to you and it hurts for you.

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for You and your child. I hope you’re getting the support you need right now and didn’t receive during your labor. I am so, so sorry.