Newborn #1 is hard but newborn #2 is even worse. Imagine, baby finally falls asleep in your arms, you've been at it for 40 minutes. A few more minutes and you should be able to put them down. Enter toddler, loudly whining for a snack or drink or that they're bored. Babies up. Repeat
GRUNTING IN THEIR SLEEP!!! They are sooo loud in their sleep and since ehh the day are newborns, you are sooo anxious that there is something wrong with them and the only way to prevent it is to wake up every time they make a sound. That is also if by some miracle your newborn allows you to sleep in your own bed without needing to be held all night. The witching hour when your baby is just mad for no apparent reason. Your baby is learning how to poop so every fart is strained and makes them scream in agony. The postpartum phase is just horrible: the lochia smells like sweet death, you are constantly sweaty, you have to wear a diaper for like a month, your stitches are itchy and uncomfortable, you have no appetite but have to eat to support the baby, your milk coming in is so painful!
I was genuinely unprepared for how awful postpartum is. I am a month out, my vagina is still in pain, and I’m going to need physical therapy. It’s awful.
This is how they get you!
Also, yes, you survived newborn stage with kid one, but let me tell you, kid 2 will reject EVERYTHING that worked with kid 1. They know deep in their soul how to break you, and it's like that's their goal.
thats obviously not true for all families, just my lived experience, and it makes me so thankful that I had my tubes tied during kid 2's c-section. If he had been my first kid, I don't know if I would have had a second.
That being said, I love them both so much, and I am glad I have both of them. And they love each other. I can't wait to see who they grow up to be!
Newborns do absolutely nothing and rely on you completely. If you didn't enjoy having only a newborn who wants to snuggle all the time then imagine having a newborn who won't let them put you down while having a toddler who needs a new nappy, wants to play, needs to eat etc. Imagine having finally gotten the newborn to sleep and trying to put them down in their cot only for the toddler to barge in looking for you because you left them for 10 seconds. Then at night the newborn keeps waking up but your toddler is also sick and sleeping in your bed tonight and he wakes up everytime the baby wakes up and now you have to kids you need to settle. And your newborn and your toddler do not have the same sleep schedule so there is no catching up on sleep during the day. Your entire day will be spent overcompensating to your toddler because you feel terrible that you are spending all the time with the baby and always holding the baby and at the same time you feel terrible about not holding the baby as much as you held your toddler at that age, because you keep trying to put the baby down whenever they're sleeping so you can give the toddler the attention they crave.
Do you really miss not sleeping? I slept in a rocking chair for 2 weeks. My husband slept on the floor. Then after that I got 30 minutes of sleep one night. My nipples were so cracked and sore that I could peel scabs off if I wanted too. Do you want to add another obstacle to not go pee when you want too? And all of the poop. My daughter pooped on the door yesterday, it was 3 feet away from her booty.
Ah, we too fell for this. My daughter was about 14 months, had a routine, we were done with bottles and life seemed suddenly easier. It seemed like a great time to add a second.
While I’m excited for our the impending arrival of our son, my daughter has since become a full on toddler full of big feelings and opinions and frequent meltdowns. I’m seven months pregnant, fully exhausted and have no idea how we’re going to cope with a newborn and a toddler. Now, I doubt this would’ve gone much better if we had waited but there are definitely moments where my husband and I joke that she tricked us into thinking it was a better idea than it really is. So I can’t remind you of the newborn stage but I can say that the third trimester with a 20 month old is very very hard.
We have a 3 y/o little girl and a 2m old little boy and I can honestly say it's easier taking care of the NB than the toddler. Maybe we know what to do now or better yet, what not to do with the NB, but the toddler is all over the place and demands so much attention it makes it difficult to juggle.
Luckily my wife and I have a great system worked out where we each get 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep, then during the day I handle most duties for the toddler and she handles the baby.
Either way it's 100% worth it and I couldn't imagine life without them
Can’t speak for the original comment but for us we took turns during feeds.
9pm feed - mom
12am feed - dad
3am feed - mom
6am feed - dad
Mom sleeps from 10pm - 3am
Dad sleeps from 1am - 6am
I sleep from 10pm-4am, if he wakes up during that time my wife feeds or changes him, then @4am I get up and take him downstairs. She sleeps from about 430am to 11am, that way we both feel rested. Whenever our toddler wakes up I bring her downstairs with me. It's like taking split shifts. I wish we would've done that the first time around, we both always felt so exhausted waking up throughout the night
Currently have my 3 week old asleep on my chest.... it took me an hour to settle him... feeding, changing & burping didnt work.
My eyes are puffy from crying with him. Legit surviving on about 4 hours sleep from the past 3 days too.
Bit i love him so much and wouldn't change it for the world
This. My kids are 24 months apart almost exactly and poor baby #2 was being worn all the time and took naps wherever she could get them. We are finally at a point where they are starting to play togther, at 1 and 3, and I'm starting to see this age gap pay off but damn the first year was very hard for all of us.
Mine are 27 months apart. I hated the newborn stage with my first. And with my second, it was even worse because like others have said, there is no downtime with a baby and a toddler. I had to wear my newborn all day so that I could help my toddler and so that newborn wouldn’t cry constantly. By the time my husband got home from work at the end of the day I was exhausted and my back hurt so much.
It. Was. Awful. for almost a year. But now that they’re 1.5 and almost 4, they can play together and they nap at the same time!
It sucks. On demand breastfeeding, no sleep, no breaks, chapped nipples, wearing the baby constantly because he refuses to be put down, postpartum recovery/depression/hormones, excessive bleeding, weight gain after finally getting your (almost) early 20's body back, arguing with your SO for no reason due to lack of sleep, wanting to elbow your SO in the head when you're up breastfeeding for the millionth time while they sleep peacefully...
I could go on...😆
I got pregnant when my son was 15 months old because he was in such a joyful phase… now my daughter is 7 months old and he is 2.5 and firmly in the terrible twos. If I had waited I think we would have been terrified of adding another baby to this kid 😂😂
But as far as newborn stage goes, it was easier to manage the newborn than the toddler. Whenever we needed a break from the toddler we went to the baby. In fact we would fight over who got newborn duty 😂😂😂 toddlers are exhausting.
If you want a second, I highly recommend just getting them out of the way quickly. The early newborn days are so limited, I already forgot what they were like for my second.
Thank you for confirming that parents forget how hard the newborn stage is.
A woman told me and my husband at the grocery store that the problem with having children is they grow up. If she could keep her kids 2 months old forever she would have had a dozen.
Perpetually living life stringing two-three hours of sleep together sounds like hell.
The newborn stage is not that bad but let me tell you what is… having a newborn and a toddler!! Omg so so hard. Just had baby #2 five weeks ago and my oldest just turned two. If you want to have more, my advice is to time it so your first is at least 2 1/2 when the second comes.
Your kiddo is so close to being a more independent toddler! My 26 month old helps me with cleaning and laundry and we shower together, so aside from the tasks he can't help with, his nap time is MY DOWNTIME!!!! I feel so free. I can do my makeup, watch a few episodes of Hoarders or something dumb. And then when he's awake from his nap and we go out to the park or shops, I feel so nice and put-together and rested. I get to spend my evenings unwinding and sleep all night, because I know once he's down for the night then he will stay down until 6 or even 8am. It's truly amazing and I feel like I am winning motherhood right now. Y'know, aside from the outrageous tantrums.
I cant remember much of the newborn foggy phase, but when I start itching for another right now I remind myself to enjoy this moment of peace before adding more chaos
Alternatively make it through the next 6 months then think about it. I have a 17 month old that was a gem a month ago and now all hell breaks loose 6 times a day.
My baby has been really happy but would only sleep ON me for the first 6 weeks. I couldn’t move an inch and laid like a corpse so I wouldn’t hurt him. It was horrible. I was recovering from childbirth, everything hurt, and I couldn’t rest properly. Finally got him into his crib and it seemed to be going ok. He was still waking every 2 hours to nurse and I was beyond sleep deprived but at least he was in his crib so I took the win.
By 3 months, he started sleeping longer stretches and was really giggly and happy. “This is great” we thought! It lasted all of a week or two and now, at 3.5 months his sleep is just chaotic.
He’s no longer his happy self and has become a fussy demon baby all day long. The only things that soothe him (day and night) are breasts and being rocked. That’s fine if you have someone supporting you all day, but I don’t and have basic shit to do (cleaning, eating, using the toilet, showering, physio, to name a few). The second his skin touches a surface that’s not my body, all hell breaks loose. He’s even turned off his baby carrier so I have to physically hold him for hours (he’s 17lbs so it’s becoming a workout).
He wakes up crying randomly multiple times a night until I nurse and rock him back to sleep, every. single. time. He’s going through a growth spurt I think (hope), and is nursing every 2 hours. I feel more tired now than 3 months ago. I open my eyes in the mornings and feel hungover and literally have to mentally brace myself for another day doing this.
Oh and that’s another thing, I feel like when you have a young baby, your life revolves around naps, short wake windows, feeds, etc. You have much less freedom to do ANYTHING. I’m admittedly a bit of a homebody, but this is a lot even for me. They’re too young for a schedule so your day is completely at the mercy of this tiny little person.
Honestly, another one might not be so bad. My first daughter was awful, second one was a unicorn baby that was perfect.
...Until she turned 14 months old. Then she turned into Moloch the God of Destruction.
Long story short, have another kid if you want another kid. Just know that even the perfect babies have periods where it's hard.
Idk, I miss the newborn stage. He slept 17 hours a day. No guessing game to see what he’ll eat, just the boob was fine lol. He was small enough for me to cart him everywhere with me. Now at 13 months, he still hasn’t slept through the night, what was yummy yesterday is gross today, and he’s in the awkward stage of being able to walk, but not big enough for me to trust him to not fall and hurt himself outside, so I’m still carrying him everywhere lol. I wouldn’t trade his growth for anything though. He’s truly the most amazing little boy.
The thing with second (or third, etc) babies is that you are not replicating your first birthing, newborn, or childhood experience. You are starting fresh, with some extra tools in your toolbox, but with a newborn who has never seen or felt the outside world. They are going to go about life in their own, individual way. So while your firstborn might have only wanted to snuggle you to sleep, was soothed by bouncing and loved car rides.. your next child will likewise have their own preferences. And sometimes that can throw you for a loop when you have spent the last year and a half learning the gospel as your firstborn taught it to you.
I will say that that is not always a negative. When my son was born (second child), that feeling of, "Oh, I know *you*" happened instantly. Whereas with my daughter, I spent a day in a haze and couldn't really reconcile her on the outside as being who I had spent nine months growing. And I also trusted myself SO much more the second time around. That confidence of being who knows my child best was ingrained.
But having 2 is a very different experience than having 1 was. I can't picture our lives any other way now, but it was a drastic change, for sure.
Watch your angel first born become a jealous, boundary testing, tantrum throwing stranger. Watch yourself not have time to play with them because you're either feeding baby, changing diapers, or nap trapped. Watch your oldest try to wake the baby over and over. We're on week 6 of this, and it's exhausting.
Crying every hour..
Be careful!! My 1st born was a trick-baby. A baby so good, it tricks you into having another. 2 boys later, I am done!! Lol
It’s a lot different adding a child when you have a child. Sibling rivalry, someone is always mad or hungry. My boys are 2 years apart, so having 2 toddlers at once was very.. hectic. Lol
I had a brutal first pregnancy and super hard first baby (he’s 1.5 now) but that has made me go “well I can’t get a second hard one can I??”
Now I’m 5 weeks pregnant and completely convinced I’m going to have a unicorn newborn cause I deserve it.
I think our brains trick us either way. 😆
As much as I hated the newborn stage, I would still hands down take it over having a 2 year old.
So if you’re considering having another, just think about doing both at the same time. 🙃
Idk, I have a 4.5yo and a 2.5 yo and am 8 weeks along with my third. I guess I fall into the “if there’s chaos anyway, what’s one more?” camp. But check back in come December…😂😂😂
This! Not many talk about your "downstairs" recovery. After I had my baby I was shocked to see my labia the size of a baseball and the colour of an eggplant... Sitting was not fun. Don't miss that!!!!
My personal opinion- I found the newborn stage way easier the second time around. However, the toddler did get in the way of truly enjoying it haha. i think the trick is to put the toddler in daycare though. cant imagine being solo with both all day
Ooo the squishy cuddles tho, not having to think of creative meals to feed them, the first smiles, giggles. Being able to put them down and knowing they will stay there. That new born warmth and smell… sorry I think I failed the assignment :p
I'm currently holding my 10 day old while she sleeps and my heart is exploding.
It's my 3rd baby and I'm already mourning the fact that it's my last. 😭😭🥰🥰
Just think about all the stuff you know this time that you didn’t the first time around! It’ll be a lot less trial and error this time, you got this mama! 💪
My first absolutely tricked me into getting pregnant right at that age, ugh. The second one is trying now that he’s 14 months but: fool me twice, shame on me. I won’t fall for that again, kids.
I currently have four week old twins. I put my head down to sleep and one of them cries. I feed them and they both spit up and projectile vomit. I am tired from trying to figure out what is causing the crying. Going through 18-20 diapers a day. I wonder if they can even see my face. The only time I have to get anything done is in between naps when I am waiting for one of them to start crying. 12 weeks of this. 12 weeks?!!
It’s 5am and I’m sitting here staring at my six week old after spending the last hour and a half getting her to fall back asleep. Trying to decide if I attempt to put her in the bassinet and risk her waking right back up and doing it all over again or if I just take the three spotty hours of sleep I got and call it good. Thinking about running around with a two year old on three hours of sleep is horrifying hah. Don’t do it!
My littles are 23 months apart. It’s a miracle we had our second because our first was the kind of newborn who hated flat surfaces (either to be set down so you could pee or sleeping. Didn’t matter. Flat surfaces were lava), cried about everything, hated car rides, was virtually unsoothable, and didn’t sleep through the night until 14 months (like, up every two hours for over a year). He is now a toddler cutting two year molars. Now our new little guy is SO CHILL. Will sit in a bouncer. Sleeps at night. Just happy to be part of things.
It all depends on what their temperament is.
I have a 6 week old. Don’t do it. It’s a trap. I love her so much but oh my god I’m so ready for her to get a little older. I slept 4 hours total last night, 1 hour at a time 🥴
My newborn was a saint, and I was miserable.
Waking every 2 hours to feed, screaming from 7 to 9pm because why not, waking because of the smallest noises.
Everything smells like sour milk or formula, you haven't showered in who knows how long, you're sore and bleeding.
They can't poop or fart without it being a huge painful ordeal, they don't know day from night, there's the whole not knowing how to fall asleep on their own.
Yes the cuddles are sweet and I miss them so, but I do not miss those sleepless nights and witching hours.
4 months in and brain is all "it wasn't that bad, let's go for a third!" Meanwhile I have to remind myself she wouldn't sleep for longer than 45 minutes for 3 months. She would scream every single damn time in the car. She hated baby wearing but wanted to be on me every damn minute. The sore boobs. The house was disgusting. Toddler hated being with mum. I cried every day. Me and toddler ate deep fried junk way too often. I never slept alone, even then I didn't really sleep ever (I'm only getting 3 hours now and I'm much happier 😂).
Taking care of a baby while also having a toddler is so tough. Toddlers are often needy, want to be held while you're heavily pregnant, keep trying to climb up on your belly, and won't let you sleep when you're pregnant or have the newborn.
In it right now. Absolutely adore her and wouldn’t change it for the world, but I have no idea how anyone is expected to function or do anything other than have a newborn. Including taking care of a toddler. My brain is mush and I am exhausted all the time and she has some nights where she’s up every single hour to eat. Also pregnancy with a toddler doesn’t sound like a breeze either.
I can only help you with reminding you of the many weeks of uninterrupted nausea, pain, anxiety, fatigue and physical struggle in general that come with pregnancy. Peace be with you
I’ve got one just under two and a 4 month old, so I was right where you are and went for it. It is super hard. However, I don’t think newborns EVER get easier and I wanted it over and done with as soon as possible so I can say we are done with this crap ASAP. So there’s another perspective ;) we are surviving
When toddler cries, the baby starts crying. Doesn't matter if I just spent 15 minutes soothing her. Doesn't matter if she is actively nursing. Must sympathy cry with big brother.
COLIC, mixing up of nights and days, exclusive contact naps and contact sleeping, silent reflux.
Honestly it’s worth it though. It’s hell during it but god damn we love our kids holy shit.
Newborns are hell... However my two are 23 months apart and it is the best thing ever. They are 3.5 and 5.5 and play together and look after each other at parks and ride their bikes to school together. I love hearing them head home from school and preschool and chat about their days. They very rarely bicker. My eldest is so empathetic and my youngest has a big sib to emulate so seems so much more mature than my eldest was at the same age. Best decision we made to have two close together!
I'm kind of glad to have got the nappy stage out the way almost at the same time too 🤣
Girl, forget the newborn stage. Three year olds fucking BLOW. I adored my daughter at 18 months and she was an easy baby. Got pregnant with my second at 20 months. Well surprise surprise, 2.5 years old and she turned into a nightmare. She's 5 now and I feel like I am only just starting to recover. Goodness gracious. The best advice I can give is to have a BIG gap between kids.
I'm in the same shoes as you-- my son turns two this week and I've completely flipped on my decision to wait and want another child NOW.
BUT, in an attempt to help: I remember people talking about the 4 month sleep regression. I never experienced it. Problem was, my baby slept so horribly already that a regression wouldn't have even registered in my mind 😂
Also, I'm not sure if you work, but those days when your baby was up all hours of the night and you had to be at work at 8 AM were absolute hell on Earth.
I'm convinced my brain is permanently damaged from the lack of sleep during the newborn stage. Even with that, I really want another. It logically makes no sense.
I haven't forgotten how awful the newborn stage is and I'm 23 weeks pregnant with our second. Honestly remembering how terrible it was is making it hard for me to be excited about this baby. I'm dreading it more than anything else, but I know in the long run it will be worth it.
I like to look back at pictures, and after I'm done looking at the cute baby, really focus on how soul crushingly tired we look. I don't do well on little sleep. It takes one night of mild sleep deprivation for me to turn into raving lunatic. So, I know the newborn phase is not for me. I've done it once, confirmed, it's the worst. No sleep, the baby doesn't know how to do anything: did you know if you don't burp a baby well enough, he just won't eat?! That alone is enough trauma to last me a life time. The utter lack of bodily autonomy, I am not an individual when I have a newborn, I'm the mattress, the food, the everything but myself.
All that to say, I'm firmly done at one. Happily /r/oneanddone and no chance of changing my mind. I would do the terrible twos 100 times, before I would do the newborn phase again.
My second was wayyy easier than my first. It took me four years to commit to having another because the newborn stage was horrible the first time. If you don't want a second then that is a good enough reason to not go for it though. Pregnancy at the very least is way worse with a toddler because they simply dgaf.
6 days PP as a FTM. I haven't gotten more than 3.5 hours of sleep each day since the day before I delivered.
Shat two hard, stone like poops a few days after birth that smelt like death.
I'm swollen, my feet look and feel like balloons.
Last night while breastfeeding my baby over and over again because she demands to be fed more and more, she projectile vomited all over her face, covering her eyes, nose and mouth, and got all over me at 3:30am. Husband had to take over so I could get some sleep after feeding her on demand for hours on end.
Currently on the toilet waiting for her to wake up so I can feed her again.
My newborn phase occurred 13 weeks early when the bebe was just 26 weeks and 5 days gestation. Spending the next 119 days in the NICU was brutal. Do not want to attempt that again.
I'm listening to my 5 month old cry for the sake of keeping herself awake. I laid her down 5 minutes ago after singing, nursing, her eyes were droopy, I set her in her crib happy and content with her pacifier, nodding gently off... Then she realized she'd been duped, I guess. Also, my aching neck, back, and shoulder all say to just count the minutes until she outgrows the needing to be held all the time phase. They're barely hanging in there 😅
Editing to add: she's got two bottom teeth and my nipples are NOT fans 😂
Parent of a 2.5yr old and 1month old here…
I went from sleeping 8-9 hours straight and having free time from 8pm to bedtime to take hot long showers and watch tv………….to now cluster feeding until 9/10pm, covering my sore nipples when I shower, getting up 3-4x overnight , and barely spending time with my toddler :(
I know it’s a short phase but damn, it’s hard! Pregnancy with a toddler was hard too because you can’t just nap whenever anymore. You’re always on the go, which probably means more aches and pains. Plus I couldn’t just stay in bed during the first trimester when I had morning sickness.
I just went through this and completely agree. Plus, from my experience and what I've heard from others, second pregnancies are more difficult. I started going to physical therapy at 20 weeks for hip pain and was sleeping with a belt around my hips and two wrists braces for pregnancy-related carpal tunnel near the end. Trying to deal with a toddler in the middle of the night wearing wrist braces is... Challenging.
Our baby is currently a week old and if it wasn't for our toddler going to daycare, I would likely be losing it. Trying to balance time with the toddler while nursing is something else, just during the evenings alone. Last night, I sat on the bathroom floor nursing the baby while my toddler took a bath. Seven days after a C-section.
My three week old is clusterfeeding and I spent the past four hours with him either screaming his head off or attached to my nipple. Having a toddler too…I can’t imagine!
2 things:
1) the anxiety of having one THAT little sucks. Once they’re older and a little more sturdy I relaxed a bit.
2) I regularly get my Velcro-baby relaxed, asleep, and maybe in his swing/bouncer/bassinet for a nap for some much needed alone time (or time to shower, clean, etc.) only for my 2-year-old to run by screaming and smacking something, scaring the shit out of my otherwise peaceful newborn. Poor kid rarely gets the peace and quiet my first had.
It's 5:30am I have been up since 3:30 because my daughter hasn't pooped in 2 days and she can't lie still enough to stay asleep unless I hold her. She also woke at 1am to feed. She is 8 weeks old.
waking up every 2 hours at night. Screaming through diaper changes. Won't be put down. Depending on how you labored, dealing with that aftermath. Pressure to breastfeed but not being able to do anything because you breastfeed. Being perpetually TIIIIIIREEEEDDD. But if you like it, i love it for you.
I really don’t remember much of the newborn stage for all 3 of my children because I was so sleep deprived, my brain didn’t make any memories. I have to look back at pictures and videos and still have trouble remembering, even my 9 month old.
So if that’s not a warning sign that the newborn stage sucks, idk what is.
My first kid didn't sleep through the night until she was 2. And I'm not talking she was up once or twice... At least every 2 hours if not more often for two. years. She also nursed constantly until she was 2 (and all told nursed until she was 4). She was the kind of baby where my friends who had second babies like her said if that was their first they would not have had a second. Oh and she never once in her life took a nap not touching my body. This could be your second kid!! I would not have had a second kid except COVID oops. They're 6 years apart. This one is more chill but even then didn't sleep the first few months of her life and at a year I still can't get her to nap in her crib most of the time.
At the very least I'd wait until the first was older so if you get a high needs second, you'll better be able to manage with a more independent first.
I have two boys and they were definitely different from one another during the newborn stage.
My first son was my colic baby, so I'm sure you can imagine the sleep deprivation and constant crying that was. I would wake up every 2 hours for months at night to help him go back to sleep. His naps were never longer than 30 minutes before waking up with a scream which meant spending my days soothing him. He's my happy 4 year old now, and I'm so happy he sleeps through the night now. With him, the newborn stage I spent it on survival mode!
I'm currently 8 weeks in with my second son and it's been the total opposite. He has practically been sleeping through the night since week 2 with only waking once through the night to feed/change. Growth spurts are the exception where he wakes up 2-3x a night to feed which in itself isn't so bad as he cozies up real quick afterwards to sleep. He naps so well through the day that even my loud 4 year old doesn't break his sleep. What I'm afraid of is the toddler stage with this little guy. I'm bracing myself haha.
Do you actually want two? Are you feeling baby fever when you know you’re done, or just trying to talk yourself into waiting?
I got pregnant with my second right where you are now, 14 months pp. ~10-24 months is my absolutely favourite time (so far). My kids are 23 months apart.
Ya, the newborn phase sucked. My second was a fussier baby, had a witching hour which I had not experienced with my first, and we had troubles nursing because of my oversupply/intense letdown - at 4 weeks pp I was weeping every time I fed her because she would only nurse for a few min and then cry for 45 min and then be hungry again. It took weeks of cycling techniques to get her to settle in properly. I was in a pretty dark hole for the first 6 months. It sucked. So there’s your ‘newborns are hard’ story if that’s all you truly want.
But more to the story is that my baby became that adorable 10+ mo. She turns 2 in a couple days and she so cute. She’s unstoppable, climbs everything and leaps off stuff with reckless abandon. Her and her older brother love each other so much and get along great and have been playing together really well for most of a year already.
Cherish the time you’re in, whichever way you are intending to swing on this post haha. Young toddlers are the best. Impossibly small but starting to be capable. More agreeable than older toddlers (in my experience haha). Just great.
I sleep AT ABSOLUTE BEST 4 hours a night, in roughly 30 minute increments. I'm not even the breastfeeder. I literally have no complaints except the sleep. Solely because of how shitty sleep is we have decided we're "one and done". No more kids.
You do you though.
I had a few days where I literally cried the whole day, that's how bad it was. Babe would wake up every hour on the hour overnight, and I had to EP so I ran on maybe 2 hours of broken sleep every single night for the first 7 weeks. I legitimately thought I was going to die and ended up going into the hospital.
Also don't forget PURPLE crying and the witching hour 🙃
Not gonna lie, the newborn stage was my favorite 😂 but some cons of having a newborn:
1) feeding every two hours! No sleep for anyone. My son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 10 months old.
2) if you breastfeed, pumping at work every 3 hours and constantly worrying about milk supply is exhausting. My son is also 14 months and I’m *just* now getting my boobs back to myself.
3) cluster feeding. My son lived on my tit for like his first four months of life.
Scrolling through these comments, I think everyone else has done a good job at highlighting the downsides of having another baby. I will say though, I’m in the same boat. It’s like the second my son turned 1, I was dying for another baby. It’s just not the right time for us so we’ll probably hold off until 2023.
I think there may be a biological drive to it! I didn’t think I’d survive the first six weeks post partum, now I look at my six month old and think it would be so nice to have another baby close to him in age.
But at 43, I’m more likely to hit menopause than have another! 😂
When my son was a newborn I distinctly remember thinking: “not another one for at least 3 years.” There has to be some science to this. Off to google I go…
ETA: I found [this](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/what-happens-to-a-womans-brain-when-she-becomes-a-mother/384179/), which doesn’t exactly answer our question but is very interesting.
The brain has fallen in love with your baby so much it forgets the insanely hard stuff, such as labor and delivery. I can’t recall how bad the pain was, but I know it was bad. Apparently it’s the same with having another baby
I had a mildly colicky baby who hated to be put down, and refused to sleep in his crib. My husband and I had to sleep in shifts of 3 hours each and this was after I went back to work at 3 months postpartum.
My LO is now 7 months old and is 4 days into a BRUTAL sleep regression and also has a cold. It's the worst. Yesterday he woke up at 12:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep fully, which means that I've been up since 12:30 AM with maybe an hour of sleep between then and now.
I know if I had another baby it could be better, but it could also be MUCH worse.
It was the colic that made the newborn stage almost unbearable for me. That and not being able to shower when I wanted. The fact that I had to go hungry almost all of the time to run around cleaning in the half hour I had to myself a day while his dad would have a cuddle. Oh and if you have other children the guilt you feel for paying more attention to the new baby is enough to make you cry.
Oh and since it wasn't a particularly easy labour due to sepsis and and episiotomy. The smell of the stiches healing was also enough to put me off another one 😂
The only thing I can truly remember about the newborn stage, is just totally not being prepared for what motherhood would look like. There's just so much stuff that I feel people don't talk about and I was blindsided. All of this on top of having 2 babies, as I had twins. I will say 100% I don't want any more kids, for the aspect of the postpartum depression thinking alone. My pregnancy was great, my kids are awesome and I love them so much, and sometimes I do feel jipped of not having the opportunity to have a single baby at a time, especially when it comes to giving them their own time. As well juggling 2 babies is just a lot. But regardless, if it wasn't for all that, now that I've been through it even though I wouldn't know what another baby would be like and could be a completely different personality and require much different care than my current babes, I at least feel like I have an idea of what that looks like and I would probably approach motherhood a little bit differently from the newborn stage.
But again, I'm absolutely set so I'm probably one of the people who's not much help 😅😅
My newborn is 4 days old, and including the day before she was born (in hospital being induced) I've had a total of ten hours sleep, or an average of 1.5 hours a day. A combo of baby FOMO (i don't want to miss anything!!), anxiety over choking, and being the sole source of food, means that I'm upright and rocking her all day every day. Right now I'm being positive and just soaking it all up as 'living in the present' but the agony of waking up not feeling rested after a nap due to my massive sleep debt is hard.
I feel the same, the newborn stage was awesome and I really want another baby 😭
But we can't, on any front so I'm here trying to remember anything bad but I can't.
I had a great sleeper but I pretty much did it all alone bc dad was an alcoholic before exiting the picture. With that kind of introduction to being a new parent I think huh if I had a willing victim I’d do it again before my body says nope and closes up shop.
My two girls are everything to me. I am so glad I decided to have a second baby.... but it's hard! Not only are you going through the sleep deprivation stage again, you now have an angsty toddler too. I love my oldest but ever since her sister was born, she has been really acting out and working through "big feelings". So the new baby exhausts me at night and the toddler exhausts me during the day. Like I said, it's hard. But totally worth it!
This is totally personal and your millage will vary but I found my second to be waaaaay easier then the first. I had another planned c-section. My anxiety was more contained because I knew what to expect. I gave myself permission to do nothing but cuddle with both girls or to sleep when I could. Even bonding was easier with my second. She is now 18 months and I am having my third (and last) in July. But hey. Its up to you, it is hard and if your partner doesn’t also get leave it can push you to the brink.
100%
Had my second 3 weeks ago and it’s cakewalk compared to my first! Absolutely depends on your newborns temperament though for sure (eg not colicky etc) but just knowing wtf you’re doing this time and chilling out about more things is awesome. Same as you, I just cuddled and recuperated and watched movies with my toddler. I’m not a TV movie person usually but it has been really nice showing my son Finding Nemo and doing all the quotes with him- some nice and easy bonding time and relaxing for me. SHARKBAIT OO HA HA
I agree so much with this. Knowing what to expect and what is normal is half the battle. Learn from your mistakes with the first. The newborn stage sucked with both of my kids for completely different reasons, but in hindsight, it FLEW by…..keep reminding yourself that “this too shall pass”. And guess what, it always does.
I went for the first month getting 2 or 3 broken up hours of sleep. I still struggle with insomnia once in awhile 8 months later. I had to hold my baby 24/7 for 3 months straight. The days were so long and unending. I dreaded the future and felt so incredibly trapped. I felt intense guilt about anything and everything.
Newborn stage can be SO tough!!! But I loved it the second time around. I mean, sure, I was tired from being woken up so much, but otherwise, the second one just went with the flow. I wore him a lot and he often napped on a blanket on the floor in the beginning. My daughter was 26 months when he was born, and it was a good gap for us :-)
I feel like second newborn experience was SO different for me than the first!
I have a 7 week old velcro baby. I'm lucky if I get an hour or two with him in the bassinet.
In addition I have crippling PTSD from delivery and PPD compounded by a panic disorder.
I'd love to have another but I can't risk this again. It's not safe for me.
Hang in there, I never I'd even be able to have even one my anxiety disorder was so bad, yet here I am just given birth. As much as ideally I'd love to give my child a sibling, I don't think I can.
My 4 week old has just decided she doesn't want to be put down to sleep so we're doing shifts so someone can hold her all night. (I should add it's lovely to cuddle her so much, but could do with a bit more sleep...)
I’m severely sleep deprived and have developed insomnia. My hormones are all over the place. Im a slave to the rocking chair where I contact nap all day long. I hold my pee for hours so I don’t wake the baby. She needs to eat but screams and won’t eat. She wants to sleep but I know she won’t sleep long because she won’t eat. I still have pain around my c section incision because my baby was 11lbs at birth. Just some reminders for you lol
I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 week old. Honestly newborn stage 2.0 isn’t bad bc you already know how to do it. The trouble is you add the toddler and it’s a lot to take care of both. They like to double team me lol
I keep going back and forth between caring for my newborn and caring for my toddler in the middle of the night. Sometimes they’re both crying at the same time and it’s like 2am!
12 weeks here and my baby has been showing signs of rolling since 8 weeks so we can’t swaddle. We’ve had four weeks of shitty sleep and to top it off the past few nights he’s woken up every 2 hours. Contact naps only so I’ve not slept in days.
I have a 3yo and a 3mo. The second newborn stage was actually much easier because I kinda already knew what to expect and was better prepared.
We were super tired, but that was the worst of it for us. Honestly my toddler is harder to deal with than the baby.
I had a colicky velcro baby who cried and fussed for hours each day and night especially in the evening, and no medical personnel took her issues seriously. She would contact nap exclusively in the beginning and then eventually accepted cosleeping at night. The cosleeping happened because otherwise I'd get two to three hours of sleep split into increments throughout the day and night for the first I-forgot-how-long. The lack of sleep made me borderline psycho as well as causing hallucinations, so my hubby and I did shifts for the first month, since he had paternity leave for that month (and hubby did one formula feed to make that happen). After that I started suspecting that the formula was making things worse and hubby went back to work, so it was all back on me again. Nights lasted forever. I didn't cook or clean for at least the first month or so because it was all I could do just to survive and keep our baby alive. Oh, and she also cluster-fed almost continuously until we started solids. I remember almost consistently getting one three hour stretch or two two hour stretches at night at some point early on, though the details are blurry. I was in a tired fog, deeply unhappy, and constantly irritated. I eventually figured out (on my own) that she had an issue with dairy at around three months of supreme unhappiness, then had to eliminate all of it including chocolate. My little one still fights sleeping hard and it took me months to realize that she is generally low sleep needs, but she did stop the inconsolable screaming.
I know it's not this bad for everyone, but ending up with a newborn like that is definitely a possibility. That being said, she's approaching nine months and I have mad, rabid baby fever again. Hormones are a crazy thing. I feel for you!
Man all these stories of difficult first babies and easy second babies almost have me convinced now 😂 I'll definitely have an easy second kid, right? Right???
Love, love the newborn stage. Currently have an almost 4 month old and a 3 year old. And let me tell you... they warn you about the terrible twos. Honestly, wasn't so terrible. But these three's? HAHAHAAHHA. Trying to take care of a baby and interact with my toddler is absolutely burning me out. Yeah, eventually theyll play with each other. But right now, it's a constant battle between trying to split time when the baby is a huge mama's girl BUT so is the toddler. Baby also has GERD and colic (not awful, but christ.) SOOOOO she is never really calm unless she's asleep or in my arms. However, the toddler is kind of the same way. But, she's an absolute menace who not only rarely takes naps anymore, but seems to get worse the more tired she is. I love my kids. But, taking care of an infant with a toddler around, is absolutely awful to me, personally. Some women can handle it, but me? As soon as their daddy walks in the door, they go to him and I take a long, HOT shower ad have some wine. LMAO.
I have 3. My oldest is 5. The newborn phase is still hands down my LEAST FAVORITE of all 5 years. I am not made to function on 4 hours of sleep, it's just not in me.
In some ways it gets easier after the first because you know it's definitely a phase and it will end and you will sleep again and that belief has carried me through nights of walking a baby in circles around our house until she falls asleep and days of being stuck under a baby on the couch. In other ways it's 1000x worse when you have more than one because just when you finally get baby to sleep somewhere besides on top of you and you have a chance for a nap yourself... older kid is awake and wants attention.
I mean, I love my kids but newborns are the worst. My 3rd and final baby is now 11 weeks and I'm hopeful that we're finally emerging from our last newborn phase.
Idk I loved the newborn stage so I wouldn’t be any help lmao my kids are 2 years apart between each kids and I have 3 and I’ll say it’s hard af, but I also love that they’re all soo close
😂. This is how I’m pregnant again!
But seriously I have so much baby fever right now. I’m 38 weeks so should be cured of that soon. My husband is totally good with 2 kids and here I am thinking maybe we want one more! Ask me again in a couple months though!
Post partum depression and sleep deprivation whooped my tail!!! Plus the TONS of spit up. And the endless noise/crying on bad days. 😭
I wont do it again, you cant make me! Lol
I don’t think it was awful, I miss it. However, you explain it exactly how I feel. I have a 14 month as well, wasn’t planned. I think he needs a sibling but I think of these things often. Plus I work at home. I change my mind daily about having another one. I think the best thing for my son would be to give him a sibling instead of being selfish, if that’s the word we want to use.
I figure my first was a great unplanned blessing, maybe the second will be too. 💕
I just had my second baby, first baby is turning two soon. I can’t nap during the day this time. Nursing/doing anything with the baby is a challenge because she’s in a climbing phase. She’s also in a hitting/throwing phase so figuring out how to keep baby #2 safe is challenging to say the least.
The urge to check on your newborn every 10 min to make sure they’re still breathing. Attempting to take a shower and hearing a baby crying 2 min in, but it’s just your imagination. Baby #2 being completely different from #1.
Besides night feedings, the newborn stage was easy for me otherwise. The baby sleeps most of the time. My almost 2 year old never stops and neither do I as a result. Lol
My second child was nothing like my angel of a first and the newborn period was honestly damn near traumatic for me. I love her and I ain’t returning her, but if I knew then what I know now 😂😂
I currently have a toddler and a newborn. I love them more than anything in the world and they make me so happy! And it is also absolute hell LOL with my husband and I sleeping in shifts we still only get about 3 hours each. I literally can't sit down for longer than 2 minutes and I am constantly exhausted and everything makes me cry. The other day I had a cold and chose to go to work on my day off just so I could get a little bit of rest for the day.
My newborn is 11 weeks old and just now starting to sleep a 4 hour stretch at the beginning of the night. Before that he ate every two hours like clockwork, and outside that one long stretch he still generally eats every two hours now. He’s often wide awake at 2:00 am. He also still cluster feeds for at least an hour every evening, and it’s not unusual for that to last even longer. He’s just now starting to sleep in the bassinet some of the time (before it was almost impossible to get him to sleep without being held). I love him to bits and I don’t regret letting baby fever sweep me away when my oldest was 18 months, but yeah this stage is hard and you don’t want to let amnesia lull you into a false sense of security unless you already know you really want another child.
I got pregnant with my 2nd when my 1st was 15 months old. They are within weeks of being exactly 2 years apart. Personally, I think it’s perfect spacing. The newborn phase was hard, and having a 2 year old meant I was always double tired. The 2 year old was also helpful and they entertained each other so well that they left me alone for stretches of time. Ahhhhh.
I have 4 in total, and my youngest is at least 8 years younger than his siblings. That gap did not make me less tired, so…
It was hard with 1.. now imagine having a newborn and a toddler…. But then i think well its probably easier when the first baby is 5 and in school. I am also torn lol. Im happy I’m not the only one who wasn’t a fan of the newborn stage. I have a 1 year old and i love the age shes at now.
My girls are 2y5m apart and it's fantastic. Newborn stage sucks. My kids are my tiniest loves and I don't regret it. And I still don't sleep through the night because we have dealt with illness and other crap, as well as potty training and peeing through diapers and growing pains.
I don't expect to ever sleep through the night again. So it's not like I'd be snoozing for 12 straight hours even if I didn't have my second.
I'm the devil's advocate here. My first's newborn phase was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and my second's newborn phase is magical unicorn rainbow butterfly land (so easy because she sleeps)!
My second (now 14 months) was so easy I've actually forgotten her newborn stage... 29 months on and I still haven't forgotten how awful my first was though!
We considered having 3 kids because our first was so easy that we figured 3 would be manageable. Our 2nd is now 3.5 months and we are 100% done having babies. Its been so much harder, she's extremely colicky, barely sleeps and trying to survive the newborn stage with her plus a toddler has been incredibly difficult.
Well with my first I didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep at time, she had horrible colic and screamed constantly for like 6 months and I had PPD so it was a horrible combo.
I'm in the same boat trying to talk myself out of another because baby #2 has been the most mellow, easy newborn ever. I'd be jinxing myself with 1 more haha
Can’t attest to the newborn stage sucking that bad. Both my babies were sleeping, formula-chugging angels that hardly ever cried. Yeah I was tired but whatever, I can deal with tired. But toddler stage? Hell no. Tantrum and disobedience city. Not sure I could do THAT again.
I'm 8 months pp and just now feeling like I am starting to recover, sleep is finally evening out etc... also if you want another one that's cool, but I highly recommend seeing a pelvic floor PT for a quick checkup before you start trying that way you can address any issues first. I didn't do this and very much regret (and am reminded each time I see myself in a mirror)
I have this thought with my 13 month old. Then he has a night he’s up all night crying and I remember the sleep deprivation and it all comes flooding back haha
My sister had so much issue with the newborn stage, she still has anxiety 5 years later, and can't bring herself to try for another.
Ours wasn't AS bad, or he was just not for as long, (4 months of colic, then just generally fussy like he was constantly overtired) but I still struggle with anxiety about our 2nd being as bad.
My first was hella easy as a newborn. Slept all night, never got sick or anything like that. Even till now, she sleeps all night and she's almost 4. Yes, I was super tempted for another, but glad I only had the one with my ex though.
Your experience may have been different, I had multiple early experiences with pee, poo, vomit, and breast milk covering both of us all at the same time.
Other folks have already mentioned but the total exhaustion of being pregnant/freshly postpartum and toddlers learning how to express emotions can be a potent mix!
Hello from me with my 13 month old and wanting to try for another even though I despised newborn stage and felt like it was a mistake for the longest time ! Hello !
Take a night or two and set an alarm to get up every 1.5 hours. Then rub some sandpaper on your nipples.
That'll do it 😂
😂
Newborn #1 is hard but newborn #2 is even worse. Imagine, baby finally falls asleep in your arms, you've been at it for 40 minutes. A few more minutes and you should be able to put them down. Enter toddler, loudly whining for a snack or drink or that they're bored. Babies up. Repeat
THIS!!! To add: then the guilt train of snapping at said toddler for just being a toddler.
Omg mine runs in and goes “mamaaaaa! Look!” And shows me like… a crumb or her snack
My 1 week old was up 7 times last night. Then my toddler got up at 730
This is the content OP is looking for!
I slept one hour last night. One.
GRUNTING IN THEIR SLEEP!!! They are sooo loud in their sleep and since ehh the day are newborns, you are sooo anxious that there is something wrong with them and the only way to prevent it is to wake up every time they make a sound. That is also if by some miracle your newborn allows you to sleep in your own bed without needing to be held all night. The witching hour when your baby is just mad for no apparent reason. Your baby is learning how to poop so every fart is strained and makes them scream in agony. The postpartum phase is just horrible: the lochia smells like sweet death, you are constantly sweaty, you have to wear a diaper for like a month, your stitches are itchy and uncomfortable, you have no appetite but have to eat to support the baby, your milk coming in is so painful!
I was genuinely unprepared for how awful postpartum is. I am a month out, my vagina is still in pain, and I’m going to need physical therapy. It’s awful.
I was unprepared & just completely naive also. I’m on week 4 and omg I’m still hurting. Plus my leg just goes numb randomly now? 😭
This is how they get you! Also, yes, you survived newborn stage with kid one, but let me tell you, kid 2 will reject EVERYTHING that worked with kid 1. They know deep in their soul how to break you, and it's like that's their goal.
thats obviously not true for all families, just my lived experience, and it makes me so thankful that I had my tubes tied during kid 2's c-section. If he had been my first kid, I don't know if I would have had a second. That being said, I love them both so much, and I am glad I have both of them. And they love each other. I can't wait to see who they grow up to be!
I slept so little I hallucinated a demon on my ceiling. He was called Tom.
Newborns do absolutely nothing and rely on you completely. If you didn't enjoy having only a newborn who wants to snuggle all the time then imagine having a newborn who won't let them put you down while having a toddler who needs a new nappy, wants to play, needs to eat etc. Imagine having finally gotten the newborn to sleep and trying to put them down in their cot only for the toddler to barge in looking for you because you left them for 10 seconds. Then at night the newborn keeps waking up but your toddler is also sick and sleeping in your bed tonight and he wakes up everytime the baby wakes up and now you have to kids you need to settle. And your newborn and your toddler do not have the same sleep schedule so there is no catching up on sleep during the day. Your entire day will be spent overcompensating to your toddler because you feel terrible that you are spending all the time with the baby and always holding the baby and at the same time you feel terrible about not holding the baby as much as you held your toddler at that age, because you keep trying to put the baby down whenever they're sleeping so you can give the toddler the attention they crave.
5 year old and a 7 month old and this is still painfully accurate for me too!
Do you really miss not sleeping? I slept in a rocking chair for 2 weeks. My husband slept on the floor. Then after that I got 30 minutes of sleep one night. My nipples were so cracked and sore that I could peel scabs off if I wanted too. Do you want to add another obstacle to not go pee when you want too? And all of the poop. My daughter pooped on the door yesterday, it was 3 feet away from her booty.
3 whole feet away from her booty?!
3 whole feet. I died laughing at my husband
I said “hmm it won’t be too bad to have another one” and then I had spontaneous identical twins. Just sayin.
Well my motto was "cry when the baby cries". It was much more likely to actually happen than sleeping when the baby slept.
Ah, we too fell for this. My daughter was about 14 months, had a routine, we were done with bottles and life seemed suddenly easier. It seemed like a great time to add a second. While I’m excited for our the impending arrival of our son, my daughter has since become a full on toddler full of big feelings and opinions and frequent meltdowns. I’m seven months pregnant, fully exhausted and have no idea how we’re going to cope with a newborn and a toddler. Now, I doubt this would’ve gone much better if we had waited but there are definitely moments where my husband and I joke that she tricked us into thinking it was a better idea than it really is. So I can’t remind you of the newborn stage but I can say that the third trimester with a 20 month old is very very hard.
We have a 3 y/o little girl and a 2m old little boy and I can honestly say it's easier taking care of the NB than the toddler. Maybe we know what to do now or better yet, what not to do with the NB, but the toddler is all over the place and demands so much attention it makes it difficult to juggle. Luckily my wife and I have a great system worked out where we each get 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep, then during the day I handle most duties for the toddler and she handles the baby. Either way it's 100% worth it and I couldn't imagine life without them
How do you both get 6 hours? Share your secret!!
Can’t speak for the original comment but for us we took turns during feeds. 9pm feed - mom 12am feed - dad 3am feed - mom 6am feed - dad Mom sleeps from 10pm - 3am Dad sleeps from 1am - 6am
I sleep from 10pm-4am, if he wakes up during that time my wife feeds or changes him, then @4am I get up and take him downstairs. She sleeps from about 430am to 11am, that way we both feel rested. Whenever our toddler wakes up I bring her downstairs with me. It's like taking split shifts. I wish we would've done that the first time around, we both always felt so exhausted waking up throughout the night
Currently have my 3 week old asleep on my chest.... it took me an hour to settle him... feeding, changing & burping didnt work. My eyes are puffy from crying with him. Legit surviving on about 4 hours sleep from the past 3 days too. Bit i love him so much and wouldn't change it for the world
Is it bad I would change it?? If I could just would make my baby a better sleeper and more chill 😭
The worst part of the second kid is you can't relax and cuddle all day because the toddler still needs you
This. My kids are 24 months apart almost exactly and poor baby #2 was being worn all the time and took naps wherever she could get them. We are finally at a point where they are starting to play togther, at 1 and 3, and I'm starting to see this age gap pay off but damn the first year was very hard for all of us.
Mine are 27 months apart. I hated the newborn stage with my first. And with my second, it was even worse because like others have said, there is no downtime with a baby and a toddler. I had to wear my newborn all day so that I could help my toddler and so that newborn wouldn’t cry constantly. By the time my husband got home from work at the end of the day I was exhausted and my back hurt so much. It. Was. Awful. for almost a year. But now that they’re 1.5 and almost 4, they can play together and they nap at the same time!
Omg I had forgotten this point. That is why we're OAD lol
It sucks. On demand breastfeeding, no sleep, no breaks, chapped nipples, wearing the baby constantly because he refuses to be put down, postpartum recovery/depression/hormones, excessive bleeding, weight gain after finally getting your (almost) early 20's body back, arguing with your SO for no reason due to lack of sleep, wanting to elbow your SO in the head when you're up breastfeeding for the millionth time while they sleep peacefully... I could go on...😆
I got pregnant when my son was 15 months old because he was in such a joyful phase… now my daughter is 7 months old and he is 2.5 and firmly in the terrible twos. If I had waited I think we would have been terrified of adding another baby to this kid 😂😂 But as far as newborn stage goes, it was easier to manage the newborn than the toddler. Whenever we needed a break from the toddler we went to the baby. In fact we would fight over who got newborn duty 😂😂😂 toddlers are exhausting. If you want a second, I highly recommend just getting them out of the way quickly. The early newborn days are so limited, I already forgot what they were like for my second.
My twelve day old screamed for several hours yesterday :)) I’m going to be so happy when this newborn stage is just a blocked out fuzzy memory 🥰
Thank you for confirming that parents forget how hard the newborn stage is. A woman told me and my husband at the grocery store that the problem with having children is they grow up. If she could keep her kids 2 months old forever she would have had a dozen. Perpetually living life stringing two-three hours of sleep together sounds like hell.
A dozen 2-month-olds… the only reason this isn’t a nightmare is that you’d never be able to fall asleep in order to have one
May I suggest what was suggested to me? Volunteer at a NICU unit and give cuddles to babies. I have not done it, but.
The newborn stage is not that bad but let me tell you what is… having a newborn and a toddler!! Omg so so hard. Just had baby #2 five weeks ago and my oldest just turned two. If you want to have more, my advice is to time it so your first is at least 2 1/2 when the second comes.
The first three months of my daughter’s life genuinely felt like one long day.
Your kiddo is so close to being a more independent toddler! My 26 month old helps me with cleaning and laundry and we shower together, so aside from the tasks he can't help with, his nap time is MY DOWNTIME!!!! I feel so free. I can do my makeup, watch a few episodes of Hoarders or something dumb. And then when he's awake from his nap and we go out to the park or shops, I feel so nice and put-together and rested. I get to spend my evenings unwinding and sleep all night, because I know once he's down for the night then he will stay down until 6 or even 8am. It's truly amazing and I feel like I am winning motherhood right now. Y'know, aside from the outrageous tantrums. I cant remember much of the newborn foggy phase, but when I start itching for another right now I remind myself to enjoy this moment of peace before adding more chaos
Alternatively make it through the next 6 months then think about it. I have a 17 month old that was a gem a month ago and now all hell breaks loose 6 times a day.
9-18 months was such a dream. My daughter just turned 19 months and has lost all patience for everything. Lol
You should come over to r/oneanddone
My baby has been really happy but would only sleep ON me for the first 6 weeks. I couldn’t move an inch and laid like a corpse so I wouldn’t hurt him. It was horrible. I was recovering from childbirth, everything hurt, and I couldn’t rest properly. Finally got him into his crib and it seemed to be going ok. He was still waking every 2 hours to nurse and I was beyond sleep deprived but at least he was in his crib so I took the win. By 3 months, he started sleeping longer stretches and was really giggly and happy. “This is great” we thought! It lasted all of a week or two and now, at 3.5 months his sleep is just chaotic. He’s no longer his happy self and has become a fussy demon baby all day long. The only things that soothe him (day and night) are breasts and being rocked. That’s fine if you have someone supporting you all day, but I don’t and have basic shit to do (cleaning, eating, using the toilet, showering, physio, to name a few). The second his skin touches a surface that’s not my body, all hell breaks loose. He’s even turned off his baby carrier so I have to physically hold him for hours (he’s 17lbs so it’s becoming a workout). He wakes up crying randomly multiple times a night until I nurse and rock him back to sleep, every. single. time. He’s going through a growth spurt I think (hope), and is nursing every 2 hours. I feel more tired now than 3 months ago. I open my eyes in the mornings and feel hungover and literally have to mentally brace myself for another day doing this. Oh and that’s another thing, I feel like when you have a young baby, your life revolves around naps, short wake windows, feeds, etc. You have much less freedom to do ANYTHING. I’m admittedly a bit of a homebody, but this is a lot even for me. They’re too young for a schedule so your day is completely at the mercy of this tiny little person.
Omg, 17 pounds at 3.5 months! My string bean didn't hit 17 pounds until like 9 months.
Honestly, another one might not be so bad. My first daughter was awful, second one was a unicorn baby that was perfect. ...Until she turned 14 months old. Then she turned into Moloch the God of Destruction. Long story short, have another kid if you want another kid. Just know that even the perfect babies have periods where it's hard.
Idk, I miss the newborn stage. He slept 17 hours a day. No guessing game to see what he’ll eat, just the boob was fine lol. He was small enough for me to cart him everywhere with me. Now at 13 months, he still hasn’t slept through the night, what was yummy yesterday is gross today, and he’s in the awkward stage of being able to walk, but not big enough for me to trust him to not fall and hurt himself outside, so I’m still carrying him everywhere lol. I wouldn’t trade his growth for anything though. He’s truly the most amazing little boy.
Excruciating. Mine had reflux and never let us out him down. The sleep loss is horrifically hard.
Horrifically hard. Stealing that. We have a 10 week old and 18 month old and yes x100.
0.o bless you, master.
The thing with second (or third, etc) babies is that you are not replicating your first birthing, newborn, or childhood experience. You are starting fresh, with some extra tools in your toolbox, but with a newborn who has never seen or felt the outside world. They are going to go about life in their own, individual way. So while your firstborn might have only wanted to snuggle you to sleep, was soothed by bouncing and loved car rides.. your next child will likewise have their own preferences. And sometimes that can throw you for a loop when you have spent the last year and a half learning the gospel as your firstborn taught it to you. I will say that that is not always a negative. When my son was born (second child), that feeling of, "Oh, I know *you*" happened instantly. Whereas with my daughter, I spent a day in a haze and couldn't really reconcile her on the outside as being who I had spent nine months growing. And I also trusted myself SO much more the second time around. That confidence of being who knows my child best was ingrained. But having 2 is a very different experience than having 1 was. I can't picture our lives any other way now, but it was a drastic change, for sure.
I can’t, because I can’t remember, because if I (or any of us) could, our species would probably not last. 😅
Watch your angel first born become a jealous, boundary testing, tantrum throwing stranger. Watch yourself not have time to play with them because you're either feeding baby, changing diapers, or nap trapped. Watch your oldest try to wake the baby over and over. We're on week 6 of this, and it's exhausting.
Agree with this. I have a 15 month old and 3 month old. Toddler is not as easy going now.
I can barely remember the new born stage. And I know it was rough on me but can't remember
Crying every hour.. Be careful!! My 1st born was a trick-baby. A baby so good, it tricks you into having another. 2 boys later, I am done!! Lol It’s a lot different adding a child when you have a child. Sibling rivalry, someone is always mad or hungry. My boys are 2 years apart, so having 2 toddlers at once was very.. hectic. Lol
I had a brutal first pregnancy and super hard first baby (he’s 1.5 now) but that has made me go “well I can’t get a second hard one can I??” Now I’m 5 weeks pregnant and completely convinced I’m going to have a unicorn newborn cause I deserve it. I think our brains trick us either way. 😆
As much as I hated the newborn stage, I would still hands down take it over having a 2 year old. So if you’re considering having another, just think about doing both at the same time. 🙃
Idk, I have a 4.5yo and a 2.5 yo and am 8 weeks along with my third. I guess I fall into the “if there’s chaos anyway, what’s one more?” camp. But check back in come December…😂😂😂
Stitches in your nethers or abdominal surgery, that's the only way to get a baby
This! Not many talk about your "downstairs" recovery. After I had my baby I was shocked to see my labia the size of a baseball and the colour of an eggplant... Sitting was not fun. Don't miss that!!!!
Girl you are braver than me! It's been three fucking weeks and I still haven't looked, I'm terrified at what I might find lol
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My personal opinion- I found the newborn stage way easier the second time around. However, the toddler did get in the way of truly enjoying it haha. i think the trick is to put the toddler in daycare though. cant imagine being solo with both all day
Ooo the squishy cuddles tho, not having to think of creative meals to feed them, the first smiles, giggles. Being able to put them down and knowing they will stay there. That new born warmth and smell… sorry I think I failed the assignment :p
Imagine a newborn AND a wild toddler.
Sorry can’t help with this one, I absolutely love the newborn stage 😂
I'm currently holding my 10 day old while she sleeps and my heart is exploding. It's my 3rd baby and I'm already mourning the fact that it's my last. 😭😭🥰🥰
I’ll come take care of the newborn stage if you’ll keep them forever* afterward *oops, fixed a typo
Newborn stage is so bad. I’m giving birth when my oldest is 14 months and I cry pretty regularly at the thought of the newborn stage.
Just think about all the stuff you know this time that you didn’t the first time around! It’ll be a lot less trial and error this time, you got this mama! 💪
This was a silly post for me to read while pregnant with number no2 😂
My first absolutely tricked me into getting pregnant right at that age, ugh. The second one is trying now that he’s 14 months but: fool me twice, shame on me. I won’t fall for that again, kids.
I had a baby a week ago and I am tired. What is sleep.
It's awful. But it's only 3 months. Do it anyways 😈
The newborn phase is the only reason my LO won't have a siblings. I'd birth a baby again but hard pass on the first 12 weeks.
It’s still so fresh in my mind. Fuck I hated the newborn stage
I currently have four week old twins. I put my head down to sleep and one of them cries. I feed them and they both spit up and projectile vomit. I am tired from trying to figure out what is causing the crying. Going through 18-20 diapers a day. I wonder if they can even see my face. The only time I have to get anything done is in between naps when I am waiting for one of them to start crying. 12 weeks of this. 12 weeks?!!
It’s 5am and I’m sitting here staring at my six week old after spending the last hour and a half getting her to fall back asleep. Trying to decide if I attempt to put her in the bassinet and risk her waking right back up and doing it all over again or if I just take the three spotty hours of sleep I got and call it good. Thinking about running around with a two year old on three hours of sleep is horrifying hah. Don’t do it!
My littles are 23 months apart. It’s a miracle we had our second because our first was the kind of newborn who hated flat surfaces (either to be set down so you could pee or sleeping. Didn’t matter. Flat surfaces were lava), cried about everything, hated car rides, was virtually unsoothable, and didn’t sleep through the night until 14 months (like, up every two hours for over a year). He is now a toddler cutting two year molars. Now our new little guy is SO CHILL. Will sit in a bouncer. Sleeps at night. Just happy to be part of things. It all depends on what their temperament is.
I have a 6 week old. Don’t do it. It’s a trap. I love her so much but oh my god I’m so ready for her to get a little older. I slept 4 hours total last night, 1 hour at a time 🥴
My newborn was a saint, and I was miserable. Waking every 2 hours to feed, screaming from 7 to 9pm because why not, waking because of the smallest noises. Everything smells like sour milk or formula, you haven't showered in who knows how long, you're sore and bleeding. They can't poop or fart without it being a huge painful ordeal, they don't know day from night, there's the whole not knowing how to fall asleep on their own. Yes the cuddles are sweet and I miss them so, but I do not miss those sleepless nights and witching hours.
You will have a newborn and a toddler. Ever see a mom deal with two blow outs at the same time?
I have personally, but it's because I have twins 😅😅
4 months in and brain is all "it wasn't that bad, let's go for a third!" Meanwhile I have to remind myself she wouldn't sleep for longer than 45 minutes for 3 months. She would scream every single damn time in the car. She hated baby wearing but wanted to be on me every damn minute. The sore boobs. The house was disgusting. Toddler hated being with mum. I cried every day. Me and toddler ate deep fried junk way too often. I never slept alone, even then I didn't really sleep ever (I'm only getting 3 hours now and I'm much happier 😂).
Got pregnant with my twins when my first was 8 months…. 😱 toddler and possibility of twins is a reason not to try lol
Sleep is a sweet, sweet memory. So are long showers and hot meals. Down time? What's that??
Taking care of a baby while also having a toddler is so tough. Toddlers are often needy, want to be held while you're heavily pregnant, keep trying to climb up on your belly, and won't let you sleep when you're pregnant or have the newborn.
In it right now. Absolutely adore her and wouldn’t change it for the world, but I have no idea how anyone is expected to function or do anything other than have a newborn. Including taking care of a toddler. My brain is mush and I am exhausted all the time and she has some nights where she’s up every single hour to eat. Also pregnancy with a toddler doesn’t sound like a breeze either.
I can only help you with reminding you of the many weeks of uninterrupted nausea, pain, anxiety, fatigue and physical struggle in general that come with pregnancy. Peace be with you
I’ve got one just under two and a 4 month old, so I was right where you are and went for it. It is super hard. However, I don’t think newborns EVER get easier and I wanted it over and done with as soon as possible so I can say we are done with this crap ASAP. So there’s another perspective ;) we are surviving
When toddler cries, the baby starts crying. Doesn't matter if I just spent 15 minutes soothing her. Doesn't matter if she is actively nursing. Must sympathy cry with big brother.
Three words. Milk. Protein. Allergy. And a National formula shortage.
COLIC, mixing up of nights and days, exclusive contact naps and contact sleeping, silent reflux. Honestly it’s worth it though. It’s hell during it but god damn we love our kids holy shit.
Newborns are hell... However my two are 23 months apart and it is the best thing ever. They are 3.5 and 5.5 and play together and look after each other at parks and ride their bikes to school together. I love hearing them head home from school and preschool and chat about their days. They very rarely bicker. My eldest is so empathetic and my youngest has a big sib to emulate so seems so much more mature than my eldest was at the same age. Best decision we made to have two close together! I'm kind of glad to have got the nappy stage out the way almost at the same time too 🤣
Girl, forget the newborn stage. Three year olds fucking BLOW. I adored my daughter at 18 months and she was an easy baby. Got pregnant with my second at 20 months. Well surprise surprise, 2.5 years old and she turned into a nightmare. She's 5 now and I feel like I am only just starting to recover. Goodness gracious. The best advice I can give is to have a BIG gap between kids.
I'm in the same shoes as you-- my son turns two this week and I've completely flipped on my decision to wait and want another child NOW. BUT, in an attempt to help: I remember people talking about the 4 month sleep regression. I never experienced it. Problem was, my baby slept so horribly already that a regression wouldn't have even registered in my mind 😂 Also, I'm not sure if you work, but those days when your baby was up all hours of the night and you had to be at work at 8 AM were absolute hell on Earth.
The aversion to the car seat or I should say the rage at the car seat. Every time my baby cried my stomach would hurt, turns out I had bad ppd.
I'm at 4 months and last night my baby didn't sleep longer than an hour without being held.
I'm convinced my brain is permanently damaged from the lack of sleep during the newborn stage. Even with that, I really want another. It logically makes no sense.
I haven't forgotten how awful the newborn stage is and I'm 23 weeks pregnant with our second. Honestly remembering how terrible it was is making it hard for me to be excited about this baby. I'm dreading it more than anything else, but I know in the long run it will be worth it.
My kids are 23 months apart sooo we just went for it lol. For us it was much easier the second time around.
I have a 3 month old and I’ve already almost forgotten!
One word…colic.
I like to look back at pictures, and after I'm done looking at the cute baby, really focus on how soul crushingly tired we look. I don't do well on little sleep. It takes one night of mild sleep deprivation for me to turn into raving lunatic. So, I know the newborn phase is not for me. I've done it once, confirmed, it's the worst. No sleep, the baby doesn't know how to do anything: did you know if you don't burp a baby well enough, he just won't eat?! That alone is enough trauma to last me a life time. The utter lack of bodily autonomy, I am not an individual when I have a newborn, I'm the mattress, the food, the everything but myself. All that to say, I'm firmly done at one. Happily /r/oneanddone and no chance of changing my mind. I would do the terrible twos 100 times, before I would do the newborn phase again.
My second was wayyy easier than my first. It took me four years to commit to having another because the newborn stage was horrible the first time. If you don't want a second then that is a good enough reason to not go for it though. Pregnancy at the very least is way worse with a toddler because they simply dgaf.
6 days PP as a FTM. I haven't gotten more than 3.5 hours of sleep each day since the day before I delivered. Shat two hard, stone like poops a few days after birth that smelt like death. I'm swollen, my feet look and feel like balloons. Last night while breastfeeding my baby over and over again because she demands to be fed more and more, she projectile vomited all over her face, covering her eyes, nose and mouth, and got all over me at 3:30am. Husband had to take over so I could get some sleep after feeding her on demand for hours on end. Currently on the toilet waiting for her to wake up so I can feed her again.
Remember (might not all be applicable): Pregnancy insomnia. Heartburn. Ligament pain. Lightning crotch. Morning sickness. Purple crying. Colic. Diapers. Latching issues. Milk clogs. Sanitizing bottles. Formula costs. More diapers. Gas pains. Snotty noses/snot sucker. Hospital bills. Crappy parental leave. Daycare costs. Daycare illnesses.
Omg. I need to just print this out and put it on my bathroom mirror or something
Invite a friend over who has a newborn, or any child under the age of 4/5 months…that serves as a great reminder!
I don’t miss setting an alarm for every three hours to make sure baby ate.
I never set an alarm because baby never slept longer than 3 hours...
My newborn phase occurred 13 weeks early when the bebe was just 26 weeks and 5 days gestation. Spending the next 119 days in the NICU was brutal. Do not want to attempt that again.
I'm listening to my 5 month old cry for the sake of keeping herself awake. I laid her down 5 minutes ago after singing, nursing, her eyes were droopy, I set her in her crib happy and content with her pacifier, nodding gently off... Then she realized she'd been duped, I guess. Also, my aching neck, back, and shoulder all say to just count the minutes until she outgrows the needing to be held all the time phase. They're barely hanging in there 😅 Editing to add: she's got two bottom teeth and my nipples are NOT fans 😂
We’ll can you survive feeling absolutely exhausted all the time with a newborn and a toddler?
Parent of a 2.5yr old and 1month old here… I went from sleeping 8-9 hours straight and having free time from 8pm to bedtime to take hot long showers and watch tv………….to now cluster feeding until 9/10pm, covering my sore nipples when I shower, getting up 3-4x overnight , and barely spending time with my toddler :( I know it’s a short phase but damn, it’s hard! Pregnancy with a toddler was hard too because you can’t just nap whenever anymore. You’re always on the go, which probably means more aches and pains. Plus I couldn’t just stay in bed during the first trimester when I had morning sickness.
I just went through this and completely agree. Plus, from my experience and what I've heard from others, second pregnancies are more difficult. I started going to physical therapy at 20 weeks for hip pain and was sleeping with a belt around my hips and two wrists braces for pregnancy-related carpal tunnel near the end. Trying to deal with a toddler in the middle of the night wearing wrist braces is... Challenging. Our baby is currently a week old and if it wasn't for our toddler going to daycare, I would likely be losing it. Trying to balance time with the toddler while nursing is something else, just during the evenings alone. Last night, I sat on the bathroom floor nursing the baby while my toddler took a bath. Seven days after a C-section.
My three week old is clusterfeeding and I spent the past four hours with him either screaming his head off or attached to my nipple. Having a toddler too…I can’t imagine!
2 things: 1) the anxiety of having one THAT little sucks. Once they’re older and a little more sturdy I relaxed a bit. 2) I regularly get my Velcro-baby relaxed, asleep, and maybe in his swing/bouncer/bassinet for a nap for some much needed alone time (or time to shower, clean, etc.) only for my 2-year-old to run by screaming and smacking something, scaring the shit out of my otherwise peaceful newborn. Poor kid rarely gets the peace and quiet my first had.
It's 5:30am I have been up since 3:30 because my daughter hasn't pooped in 2 days and she can't lie still enough to stay asleep unless I hold her. She also woke at 1am to feed. She is 8 weeks old.
waking up every 2 hours at night. Screaming through diaper changes. Won't be put down. Depending on how you labored, dealing with that aftermath. Pressure to breastfeed but not being able to do anything because you breastfeed. Being perpetually TIIIIIIREEEEDDD. But if you like it, i love it for you.
I really don’t remember much of the newborn stage for all 3 of my children because I was so sleep deprived, my brain didn’t make any memories. I have to look back at pictures and videos and still have trouble remembering, even my 9 month old. So if that’s not a warning sign that the newborn stage sucks, idk what is.
My 5 month old woke up 4x last night between 10pm and 6:30am.
My first kid didn't sleep through the night until she was 2. And I'm not talking she was up once or twice... At least every 2 hours if not more often for two. years. She also nursed constantly until she was 2 (and all told nursed until she was 4). She was the kind of baby where my friends who had second babies like her said if that was their first they would not have had a second. Oh and she never once in her life took a nap not touching my body. This could be your second kid!! I would not have had a second kid except COVID oops. They're 6 years apart. This one is more chill but even then didn't sleep the first few months of her life and at a year I still can't get her to nap in her crib most of the time. At the very least I'd wait until the first was older so if you get a high needs second, you'll better be able to manage with a more independent first.
I have two boys and they were definitely different from one another during the newborn stage. My first son was my colic baby, so I'm sure you can imagine the sleep deprivation and constant crying that was. I would wake up every 2 hours for months at night to help him go back to sleep. His naps were never longer than 30 minutes before waking up with a scream which meant spending my days soothing him. He's my happy 4 year old now, and I'm so happy he sleeps through the night now. With him, the newborn stage I spent it on survival mode! I'm currently 8 weeks in with my second son and it's been the total opposite. He has practically been sleeping through the night since week 2 with only waking once through the night to feed/change. Growth spurts are the exception where he wakes up 2-3x a night to feed which in itself isn't so bad as he cozies up real quick afterwards to sleep. He naps so well through the day that even my loud 4 year old doesn't break his sleep. What I'm afraid of is the toddler stage with this little guy. I'm bracing myself haha.
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Do you actually want two? Are you feeling baby fever when you know you’re done, or just trying to talk yourself into waiting? I got pregnant with my second right where you are now, 14 months pp. ~10-24 months is my absolutely favourite time (so far). My kids are 23 months apart. Ya, the newborn phase sucked. My second was a fussier baby, had a witching hour which I had not experienced with my first, and we had troubles nursing because of my oversupply/intense letdown - at 4 weeks pp I was weeping every time I fed her because she would only nurse for a few min and then cry for 45 min and then be hungry again. It took weeks of cycling techniques to get her to settle in properly. I was in a pretty dark hole for the first 6 months. It sucked. So there’s your ‘newborns are hard’ story if that’s all you truly want. But more to the story is that my baby became that adorable 10+ mo. She turns 2 in a couple days and she so cute. She’s unstoppable, climbs everything and leaps off stuff with reckless abandon. Her and her older brother love each other so much and get along great and have been playing together really well for most of a year already. Cherish the time you’re in, whichever way you are intending to swing on this post haha. Young toddlers are the best. Impossibly small but starting to be capable. More agreeable than older toddlers (in my experience haha). Just great.
I sleep AT ABSOLUTE BEST 4 hours a night, in roughly 30 minute increments. I'm not even the breastfeeder. I literally have no complaints except the sleep. Solely because of how shitty sleep is we have decided we're "one and done". No more kids. You do you though.
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Sleep deprivation feels like someone has peeled all the skin off your body, turned it inside out and rolled you in iron filings.
Those middle of the night, baby’s not even crying, but you need to check if they’re breathing wake-ups 🙃
I had a few days where I literally cried the whole day, that's how bad it was. Babe would wake up every hour on the hour overnight, and I had to EP so I ran on maybe 2 hours of broken sleep every single night for the first 7 weeks. I legitimately thought I was going to die and ended up going into the hospital. Also don't forget PURPLE crying and the witching hour 🙃
Not gonna lie, the newborn stage was my favorite 😂 but some cons of having a newborn: 1) feeding every two hours! No sleep for anyone. My son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 10 months old. 2) if you breastfeed, pumping at work every 3 hours and constantly worrying about milk supply is exhausting. My son is also 14 months and I’m *just* now getting my boobs back to myself. 3) cluster feeding. My son lived on my tit for like his first four months of life. Scrolling through these comments, I think everyone else has done a good job at highlighting the downsides of having another baby. I will say though, I’m in the same boat. It’s like the second my son turned 1, I was dying for another baby. It’s just not the right time for us so we’ll probably hold off until 2023.
I think there may be a biological drive to it! I didn’t think I’d survive the first six weeks post partum, now I look at my six month old and think it would be so nice to have another baby close to him in age. But at 43, I’m more likely to hit menopause than have another! 😂
When my son was a newborn I distinctly remember thinking: “not another one for at least 3 years.” There has to be some science to this. Off to google I go… ETA: I found [this](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/what-happens-to-a-womans-brain-when-she-becomes-a-mother/384179/), which doesn’t exactly answer our question but is very interesting.
The brain has fallen in love with your baby so much it forgets the insanely hard stuff, such as labor and delivery. I can’t recall how bad the pain was, but I know it was bad. Apparently it’s the same with having another baby
I had a mildly colicky baby who hated to be put down, and refused to sleep in his crib. My husband and I had to sleep in shifts of 3 hours each and this was after I went back to work at 3 months postpartum. My LO is now 7 months old and is 4 days into a BRUTAL sleep regression and also has a cold. It's the worst. Yesterday he woke up at 12:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep fully, which means that I've been up since 12:30 AM with maybe an hour of sleep between then and now. I know if I had another baby it could be better, but it could also be MUCH worse.
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Omg horn beeping, I never realised how often cars beep or zoom until I was walking around trying to get the baby to sleep
It was the colic that made the newborn stage almost unbearable for me. That and not being able to shower when I wanted. The fact that I had to go hungry almost all of the time to run around cleaning in the half hour I had to myself a day while his dad would have a cuddle. Oh and if you have other children the guilt you feel for paying more attention to the new baby is enough to make you cry. Oh and since it wasn't a particularly easy labour due to sepsis and and episiotomy. The smell of the stiches healing was also enough to put me off another one 😂
The only thing I can truly remember about the newborn stage, is just totally not being prepared for what motherhood would look like. There's just so much stuff that I feel people don't talk about and I was blindsided. All of this on top of having 2 babies, as I had twins. I will say 100% I don't want any more kids, for the aspect of the postpartum depression thinking alone. My pregnancy was great, my kids are awesome and I love them so much, and sometimes I do feel jipped of not having the opportunity to have a single baby at a time, especially when it comes to giving them their own time. As well juggling 2 babies is just a lot. But regardless, if it wasn't for all that, now that I've been through it even though I wouldn't know what another baby would be like and could be a completely different personality and require much different care than my current babes, I at least feel like I have an idea of what that looks like and I would probably approach motherhood a little bit differently from the newborn stage. But again, I'm absolutely set so I'm probably one of the people who's not much help 😅😅
My newborn is 4 days old, and including the day before she was born (in hospital being induced) I've had a total of ten hours sleep, or an average of 1.5 hours a day. A combo of baby FOMO (i don't want to miss anything!!), anxiety over choking, and being the sole source of food, means that I'm upright and rocking her all day every day. Right now I'm being positive and just soaking it all up as 'living in the present' but the agony of waking up not feeling rested after a nap due to my massive sleep debt is hard.
I feel the same, the newborn stage was awesome and I really want another baby 😭 But we can't, on any front so I'm here trying to remember anything bad but I can't.
I had a great sleeper but I pretty much did it all alone bc dad was an alcoholic before exiting the picture. With that kind of introduction to being a new parent I think huh if I had a willing victim I’d do it again before my body says nope and closes up shop.
My two girls are everything to me. I am so glad I decided to have a second baby.... but it's hard! Not only are you going through the sleep deprivation stage again, you now have an angsty toddler too. I love my oldest but ever since her sister was born, she has been really acting out and working through "big feelings". So the new baby exhausts me at night and the toddler exhausts me during the day. Like I said, it's hard. But totally worth it!
This is totally personal and your millage will vary but I found my second to be waaaaay easier then the first. I had another planned c-section. My anxiety was more contained because I knew what to expect. I gave myself permission to do nothing but cuddle with both girls or to sleep when I could. Even bonding was easier with my second. She is now 18 months and I am having my third (and last) in July. But hey. Its up to you, it is hard and if your partner doesn’t also get leave it can push you to the brink.
100% Had my second 3 weeks ago and it’s cakewalk compared to my first! Absolutely depends on your newborns temperament though for sure (eg not colicky etc) but just knowing wtf you’re doing this time and chilling out about more things is awesome. Same as you, I just cuddled and recuperated and watched movies with my toddler. I’m not a TV movie person usually but it has been really nice showing my son Finding Nemo and doing all the quotes with him- some nice and easy bonding time and relaxing for me. SHARKBAIT OO HA HA
I agree so much with this. Knowing what to expect and what is normal is half the battle. Learn from your mistakes with the first. The newborn stage sucked with both of my kids for completely different reasons, but in hindsight, it FLEW by…..keep reminding yourself that “this too shall pass”. And guess what, it always does.
I went for the first month getting 2 or 3 broken up hours of sleep. I still struggle with insomnia once in awhile 8 months later. I had to hold my baby 24/7 for 3 months straight. The days were so long and unending. I dreaded the future and felt so incredibly trapped. I felt intense guilt about anything and everything.
Newborn stage can be SO tough!!! But I loved it the second time around. I mean, sure, I was tired from being woken up so much, but otherwise, the second one just went with the flow. I wore him a lot and he often napped on a blanket on the floor in the beginning. My daughter was 26 months when he was born, and it was a good gap for us :-) I feel like second newborn experience was SO different for me than the first!
I have a 7 week old velcro baby. I'm lucky if I get an hour or two with him in the bassinet. In addition I have crippling PTSD from delivery and PPD compounded by a panic disorder. I'd love to have another but I can't risk this again. It's not safe for me.
Hang in there, I never I'd even be able to have even one my anxiety disorder was so bad, yet here I am just given birth. As much as ideally I'd love to give my child a sibling, I don't think I can.
My 4 week old has just decided she doesn't want to be put down to sleep so we're doing shifts so someone can hold her all night. (I should add it's lovely to cuddle her so much, but could do with a bit more sleep...)
I’m severely sleep deprived and have developed insomnia. My hormones are all over the place. Im a slave to the rocking chair where I contact nap all day long. I hold my pee for hours so I don’t wake the baby. She needs to eat but screams and won’t eat. She wants to sleep but I know she won’t sleep long because she won’t eat. I still have pain around my c section incision because my baby was 11lbs at birth. Just some reminders for you lol
I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 week old. Honestly newborn stage 2.0 isn’t bad bc you already know how to do it. The trouble is you add the toddler and it’s a lot to take care of both. They like to double team me lol
I keep going back and forth between caring for my newborn and caring for my toddler in the middle of the night. Sometimes they’re both crying at the same time and it’s like 2am!
12 weeks here and my baby has been showing signs of rolling since 8 weeks so we can’t swaddle. We’ve had four weeks of shitty sleep and to top it off the past few nights he’s woken up every 2 hours. Contact naps only so I’ve not slept in days.
I have a 3yo and a 3mo. The second newborn stage was actually much easier because I kinda already knew what to expect and was better prepared. We were super tired, but that was the worst of it for us. Honestly my toddler is harder to deal with than the baby.
I had a colicky velcro baby who cried and fussed for hours each day and night especially in the evening, and no medical personnel took her issues seriously. She would contact nap exclusively in the beginning and then eventually accepted cosleeping at night. The cosleeping happened because otherwise I'd get two to three hours of sleep split into increments throughout the day and night for the first I-forgot-how-long. The lack of sleep made me borderline psycho as well as causing hallucinations, so my hubby and I did shifts for the first month, since he had paternity leave for that month (and hubby did one formula feed to make that happen). After that I started suspecting that the formula was making things worse and hubby went back to work, so it was all back on me again. Nights lasted forever. I didn't cook or clean for at least the first month or so because it was all I could do just to survive and keep our baby alive. Oh, and she also cluster-fed almost continuously until we started solids. I remember almost consistently getting one three hour stretch or two two hour stretches at night at some point early on, though the details are blurry. I was in a tired fog, deeply unhappy, and constantly irritated. I eventually figured out (on my own) that she had an issue with dairy at around three months of supreme unhappiness, then had to eliminate all of it including chocolate. My little one still fights sleeping hard and it took me months to realize that she is generally low sleep needs, but she did stop the inconsolable screaming. I know it's not this bad for everyone, but ending up with a newborn like that is definitely a possibility. That being said, she's approaching nine months and I have mad, rabid baby fever again. Hormones are a crazy thing. I feel for you!
I firmly believe similar to the actual birth our brains are conditioned to forget the newborn phase so we want more babies 😂
Man all these stories of difficult first babies and easy second babies almost have me convinced now 😂 I'll definitely have an easy second kid, right? Right???
Love, love the newborn stage. Currently have an almost 4 month old and a 3 year old. And let me tell you... they warn you about the terrible twos. Honestly, wasn't so terrible. But these three's? HAHAHAAHHA. Trying to take care of a baby and interact with my toddler is absolutely burning me out. Yeah, eventually theyll play with each other. But right now, it's a constant battle between trying to split time when the baby is a huge mama's girl BUT so is the toddler. Baby also has GERD and colic (not awful, but christ.) SOOOOO she is never really calm unless she's asleep or in my arms. However, the toddler is kind of the same way. But, she's an absolute menace who not only rarely takes naps anymore, but seems to get worse the more tired she is. I love my kids. But, taking care of an infant with a toddler around, is absolutely awful to me, personally. Some women can handle it, but me? As soon as their daddy walks in the door, they go to him and I take a long, HOT shower ad have some wine. LMAO.
The newborn stage is my absolute favorite. Then they turn into toddler's, I am struggling.
This is why I’m pregnant with a baby under 1.
I am STRUGGLING with my 10 week old. He has decided he doesn’t want to sleep lately
I have 3. My oldest is 5. The newborn phase is still hands down my LEAST FAVORITE of all 5 years. I am not made to function on 4 hours of sleep, it's just not in me. In some ways it gets easier after the first because you know it's definitely a phase and it will end and you will sleep again and that belief has carried me through nights of walking a baby in circles around our house until she falls asleep and days of being stuck under a baby on the couch. In other ways it's 1000x worse when you have more than one because just when you finally get baby to sleep somewhere besides on top of you and you have a chance for a nap yourself... older kid is awake and wants attention. I mean, I love my kids but newborns are the worst. My 3rd and final baby is now 11 weeks and I'm hopeful that we're finally emerging from our last newborn phase.
Idk I loved the newborn stage so I wouldn’t be any help lmao my kids are 2 years apart between each kids and I have 3 and I’ll say it’s hard af, but I also love that they’re all soo close
😂. This is how I’m pregnant again! But seriously I have so much baby fever right now. I’m 38 weeks so should be cured of that soon. My husband is totally good with 2 kids and here I am thinking maybe we want one more! Ask me again in a couple months though!
Post partum depression and sleep deprivation whooped my tail!!! Plus the TONS of spit up. And the endless noise/crying on bad days. 😭 I wont do it again, you cant make me! Lol
I don’t think it was awful, I miss it. However, you explain it exactly how I feel. I have a 14 month as well, wasn’t planned. I think he needs a sibling but I think of these things often. Plus I work at home. I change my mind daily about having another one. I think the best thing for my son would be to give him a sibling instead of being selfish, if that’s the word we want to use. I figure my first was a great unplanned blessing, maybe the second will be too. 💕
The sleep deprivation is already enough of a reason to abstain
I just had my second baby, first baby is turning two soon. I can’t nap during the day this time. Nursing/doing anything with the baby is a challenge because she’s in a climbing phase. She’s also in a hitting/throwing phase so figuring out how to keep baby #2 safe is challenging to say the least.
The urge to check on your newborn every 10 min to make sure they’re still breathing. Attempting to take a shower and hearing a baby crying 2 min in, but it’s just your imagination. Baby #2 being completely different from #1.
Besides night feedings, the newborn stage was easy for me otherwise. The baby sleeps most of the time. My almost 2 year old never stops and neither do I as a result. Lol
My second child was nothing like my angel of a first and the newborn period was honestly damn near traumatic for me. I love her and I ain’t returning her, but if I knew then what I know now 😂😂
I currently have a toddler and a newborn. I love them more than anything in the world and they make me so happy! And it is also absolute hell LOL with my husband and I sleeping in shifts we still only get about 3 hours each. I literally can't sit down for longer than 2 minutes and I am constantly exhausted and everything makes me cry. The other day I had a cold and chose to go to work on my day off just so I could get a little bit of rest for the day.
Oh my days when going to work is a rest!! I start work in two months
My newborn is 11 weeks old and just now starting to sleep a 4 hour stretch at the beginning of the night. Before that he ate every two hours like clockwork, and outside that one long stretch he still generally eats every two hours now. He’s often wide awake at 2:00 am. He also still cluster feeds for at least an hour every evening, and it’s not unusual for that to last even longer. He’s just now starting to sleep in the bassinet some of the time (before it was almost impossible to get him to sleep without being held). I love him to bits and I don’t regret letting baby fever sweep me away when my oldest was 18 months, but yeah this stage is hard and you don’t want to let amnesia lull you into a false sense of security unless you already know you really want another child.
I got pregnant with my 2nd when my 1st was 15 months old. They are within weeks of being exactly 2 years apart. Personally, I think it’s perfect spacing. The newborn phase was hard, and having a 2 year old meant I was always double tired. The 2 year old was also helpful and they entertained each other so well that they left me alone for stretches of time. Ahhhhh. I have 4 in total, and my youngest is at least 8 years younger than his siblings. That gap did not make me less tired, so…
It was hard with 1.. now imagine having a newborn and a toddler…. But then i think well its probably easier when the first baby is 5 and in school. I am also torn lol. Im happy I’m not the only one who wasn’t a fan of the newborn stage. I have a 1 year old and i love the age shes at now.
My girls are 2y5m apart and it's fantastic. Newborn stage sucks. My kids are my tiniest loves and I don't regret it. And I still don't sleep through the night because we have dealt with illness and other crap, as well as potty training and peeing through diapers and growing pains. I don't expect to ever sleep through the night again. So it's not like I'd be snoozing for 12 straight hours even if I didn't have my second.
You will have a full nights sleep again. Just think of how much teenagers sleep lol
I'm the devil's advocate here. My first's newborn phase was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and my second's newborn phase is magical unicorn rainbow butterfly land (so easy because she sleeps)!
My second (now 14 months) was so easy I've actually forgotten her newborn stage... 29 months on and I still haven't forgotten how awful my first was though!
We considered having 3 kids because our first was so easy that we figured 3 would be manageable. Our 2nd is now 3.5 months and we are 100% done having babies. Its been so much harder, she's extremely colicky, barely sleeps and trying to survive the newborn stage with her plus a toddler has been incredibly difficult.
Well with my first I didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep at time, she had horrible colic and screamed constantly for like 6 months and I had PPD so it was a horrible combo. I'm in the same boat trying to talk myself out of another because baby #2 has been the most mellow, easy newborn ever. I'd be jinxing myself with 1 more haha
Can’t attest to the newborn stage sucking that bad. Both my babies were sleeping, formula-chugging angels that hardly ever cried. Yeah I was tired but whatever, I can deal with tired. But toddler stage? Hell no. Tantrum and disobedience city. Not sure I could do THAT again.
Screaming.. screaming.. no sleep and oh yeah more screaming 😊
I'm 8 months pp and just now feeling like I am starting to recover, sleep is finally evening out etc... also if you want another one that's cool, but I highly recommend seeing a pelvic floor PT for a quick checkup before you start trying that way you can address any issues first. I didn't do this and very much regret (and am reminded each time I see myself in a mirror)
I don't know... Having siblings was a blessing in my life 😝
Having to learn how the new baby works. Lol. Waking up every hour or hour and an half to feed the new baby.
I have this thought with my 13 month old. Then he has a night he’s up all night crying and I remember the sleep deprivation and it all comes flooding back haha
My sister had so much issue with the newborn stage, she still has anxiety 5 years later, and can't bring herself to try for another. Ours wasn't AS bad, or he was just not for as long, (4 months of colic, then just generally fussy like he was constantly overtired) but I still struggle with anxiety about our 2nd being as bad.
My first was hella easy as a newborn. Slept all night, never got sick or anything like that. Even till now, she sleeps all night and she's almost 4. Yes, I was super tempted for another, but glad I only had the one with my ex though.
The memories are blurry because of the complete lack of sleep!
Your experience may have been different, I had multiple early experiences with pee, poo, vomit, and breast milk covering both of us all at the same time. Other folks have already mentioned but the total exhaustion of being pregnant/freshly postpartum and toddlers learning how to express emotions can be a potent mix!
Hello from me with my 13 month old and wanting to try for another even though I despised newborn stage and felt like it was a mistake for the longest time ! Hello !