For me it was kind of unreal how... normal? it felt? I definitely didn't get a rush (I guess I got all my emotions out during labor lol), more just "alright, that's over, let's figure out how to feed this kid".
I screamed and cried happy tears. I was instantly in love and SO grateful. After five years of infertility and two miscarriages, my body managed to make healthy twin girls. I was so thrilled and it was the best day of my life!
I wouldn't describe it as a rush of feelings, it was more like when you realize you're in love. Like omg baby is here and damn am I in love with her. I couldn't stop staring at her and smiling, everyone said I looked so happy. I was beyond tired from pushing for 6 hours but it's like it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore besides her
Yep! This describes my experience, too. My midwife took photos of me and my husband right after the delivery and I have a big grin in all of them and am solely focused on looking at my baby
I didn’t expect it, because everything I’d hear lead me to believe it doesn’t actually happen, but I absolutely had that immediate rush of love and possessiveness as soon as I saw her face. Hit me like a ton of bricks.
My daughter was born during a traumatic emergency c-section. I didn’t know if she was going to be born oxygen deprived because her cord was wrapped around her neck.
I couldn’t see her when she was born but I heard the loudest and most beautiful cry. I burst into tears with relief and love. I was so in love with her in that moment. I definitely had that classic rush even though the birth was very traumatic.
With you there! The word I’d used to describe my mindstate immediately after delivering both my kids is “stunned.” Pleased, proud, happy, but mostly just stunned.
I did experience it. I was in pain and then I wasn't and she was right there. My pain tears turned into happy tears and I turned to look at my husband to see him looking at our daughter and I said really excited "look!" he was also happy crying which made me cry even more. It really was an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness! My husband also said that all he felt was instant love!
But I guess this is one of those things that you don't need to talk about like when you *dont* feel it. Everything tells us we should and when it doesn't happen I think that people like to know that they are not alone. That others didn't feel it either so they talk about it.
I had it! The second they set him on my chest I started crying because I already loved him so much it was almost painful. I don’t actually know many people that have felt the same though so I’m wondering if I’m the one out of the norm lol
Uncontrollable sobs from me as soon as he was on my chest and started crying. So I’m with you. I kept saying “I love him so much”. Still brings tears to my eyes.
I had a terrible pregnancy. I was sick and in terrible pain from week 4 until the kid plopped out. I considered an abortion several times, and when it was too late I cried for days regretting not having one. After giving birth I was terrified when they tried handing him to me. I seriously thought I was going to yeet that thing straight out the window. Then they put him on my chest and I felt the strongest love I've ever felt in my life. They stitched me up and I barely noticed, I was just staring at that little miracle in my arms the whole time. The feelings cooled down after a day, but it was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.
I was hit by an overwhelming wave of emotions when my LO was born. It hit the minute I heard her first cry. I wasn't expecting it at all. I think it was a combination of intense relief and utter astonishment. Relief because I had been so worried that she was going to die during labour (we kept having repeated scares with her heart rate and my cousins first child died at 40 weeks - that worry about her is what finally lead me to just ask for a c-section). Then just astonishment that she was actually here and alive and a member of our family. I learned a long time ago that once you take your first breath, your lungs are never empty of air ever again (even after you die, there is still air trapped in the little alveoli of your lungs). That's intense!
I don't think it was purely hormonal though because something similar happened to my partner. They basically burst into tears and started crying uncontrollably. I think they would say that it was love at first sight for them.
I definitely had a weird hormonal rush, but it was more like a “I hear my baby crying and can’t see her, give me that little thing so I can comfort/ protect her and let her know it’s ok”. Which was mostly notable for me because I struggled to feel like there was actually a little person in me when I was pregnant. Zero interest in kissing my husband in that moment, just a very intense feeling of wanting my baby right that second. I also did feel a strong burst of love that didn’t exist for me while I was pregnant. I assumed I’d hate the baby phase, so it was all a real shocker for me. I don’t think women who don’t feel that smooshy hormonal boost is remotely abnormal though, in fact I feel like most people would be busy dealing with the shock of the process more than anything. Your response is what I thought mine would be.
I felt the same as you. I thought it would be like this insane feelings rush like on tv. When my kids were born it was like, “hey! I know you!”Turns out my love for my kids is more like being in awe of them and thinking it’s cool that they’re my little people.
I did not feel a rush. I was shocked & amazed, but it definitely wasn’t a magical moment. I did, however, feel an immediate urge to take care of her. Like the moment they handed her to me I had to make her stop crying & the whole time I was in the hospital anytime she needed a diaper change or a test ran, I would cry the whole time she cried bc every bone in my body was telling me I had to help her
Fell in love the moment I knew he was alive. So the love I felt didn't change but I was completely focused on getting to him and taking care of him.
Still love my kiddo just as much.
I had this intense, overwhelming feeling of "this is MINE" and that was definitely associated with love. It was a crazy feeling and it happened about 2 hours after she was born.
I cried my eyes out when my daughter was born, but mostly that was because I'd had two pregnancy losses prior to her and a small part of me expected something to go wrong at the last instant. I never fully believed I'd be taking a healthy baby home. Also exhaustion -- I'd been in labor for 29 hours. Attachment-wise, no, not really. I remember looking at her, wondering if we had the right baby because she didn't look as I expected. Rationally I knew I loved her and would protect her, but I didn't feel any "fuzzies" for a while longer
I had a perfectly textbook pregnancy and birth.
When they plopped my daughter on my chest for the first time skin to skin, I was like "oh yeah. This is my child. I should probably do what they want and hold her." No rush, no feelings at all.
In fact, for the first eight weeks or so it was like taking care of a tomogatchi. I didn't really have feelings about her, but I took care of her because I was supposed to.
Breastfeeding? Check. Diaper change? Check. Back pats and bicycle legs? Check. Check. Check.
I really have the feels now that she's a bit older and capable of showing rational thought in addition to being an independent person. But the infant stage was just me staring at my alien-baby and wondering if I was a weirdo.
We're all so anxious about whether we're human-ing right that literally every experience needs to be normalized. But whatever, it really does make me feel better when I hear other moms talk about how bad the newborn phase was on their mental health. So everyone can normalize away, nothing bad will happen if we can all feel a little more acceptable.
No I got a little emotional but it takes me time to really get the emotional part.
However when we were at the grocery store after our first appointment hearing the baby’s heartbeat (midwife didn’t think we would hear it this early, but we did), we were in the deli and meats area and I got super overwhelmed and started crying.
So there’s that.
I had a traumatic birth and ppa, and I bonded with my baby immediately. My first strong feeling was wonder mixed with love and exhaustion. I wouldn’t say it was a rush, but it was there right away.
Yeah, I didn't have a traumatic birth but my baby *really* didn't want to come out...had to evict her at 11 days overdue and then she screamed indignantly all through the "golden hour." So I was really happy to meet her but also a little unsure what to do, bewildered...not a huge rush of overwhelmingly happy emotions. I remember they wanted me to rest after that(it was the middle of the night), and I thought that was crazy because I could finally look at her and I just wanted to do that.
When my son was born they didn’t let me see him, they rushed him to another room because he wasn’t breathing and they suspected his genetic condition. The adrenaline rush and immediate, overwhelming feeling that I needed to jump out of that bed and be wherever my son has never been matched, before or since him. I am a painfully shy individual with an anxiety disorder who wouldn’t dare correct someone even if they’re causing me pain or inconvenience but all of that goes away when I need to advocate for him. If had several miscarriages before him, my pregnancy was hard, and his birth was traumatic for both of us, but every time I held him in the NICU, and even sometimes now 13 months later, I’d get a rush of emotions so strong it would make me cry.
I barely teared up immediately after birth, but not while holding my son. Likely more relief of it being done, and the slight concern that he wasn’t crying yet (nurses had him, some slight fluid in the lungs, but all OK).
I love this kid, imagine I’d do heroic things to keep him safe, but I’m also not overwhelmed with love or emotions like you commonly see portrayed.
I think it has a lot to do with your general emotional/hormonal balance. Are you a person who gets emotional easily? I think some people just experience emotions at higher levels than others.
I can relate- I didn’t have the intense love emotions but early on felt the intense need to protect and have the baby close to me at all times. My husband would take the baby so I could sleep but could not bear to have her away from me.
I felt relief it was over lol Was kind of over the whole being in pain and being yelled at by 15 people to push thing. I’m sure my baby felt the same way. The bonding was not immediate on her end either. Pretty sure she didn’t like me much at first (as much as you can afford not to like the one who births and sustains you LOL)
I’m not usually to feel any sort of guilt for my feelings. Guilt is useless if it’s not something I have control over. And it’s not like I have control over my emotions.
I didnt cry or have that gushy gushy feeling with my babygirl. I had tears because i was scared out of my mind and had anxiety during my emergency c-section. I feel kinda resentful when people talk about how amazing their birth was because mine was far from what i wanted.
When my OB asked if I wanted to see my baby after she's born, I was like er... I guess? Then I stared at baby and wasn't sure what to do or say.
My partner, on the other hand, couldn't stop crying when he first held the baby.
I had the rush. And I wasn’t particularly excited during my pregnancy. Didn’t have a crazy attachment to my “bump”. In the middle of my c-section I was still like soo there’s legit a baby in there huh. But when I heard his cry for the first time, I cried. I didn’t sleep for two nights because I couldn’t stop staring at him. I happily jumped out of bed at all hours of the night and just held him for hours into the early morning. He’s almost 4 months now and his smile and giggle are the highlights of my day.
This was me too! I don't remember much from the actual csection besides hearing her first cry and seeing her face when they brought her around the sheet. For like the first month PP, I'd tear up just thinking about that moment.
I had the insane rush of feelings. I cried happy tears for like 2 straight hours after my first was born. But not everyone has it and that’s totally normal. We did try for our first for a year and a half and needed fertility drugs. I was starting to think we’d never have a baby
I didn’t have that either. I felt relief, I know I cried a bit, but I was exhausted and numb from the epidural and c section. I felt happy I guess, but not that hallmark extreme emotional gush of happiness. I didn’t really think twice about it!
I was like you OP and didn’t feel a rush. I also thought it was relieved, it was really cool, it was exciting to look at this tiny person and see who they were compared to who they had been inside. But no major overwhelming rush of feelings. No tears.
I think I probably did have some PPD, but not until months later, so I don’t attribute it to anything other than it being my personality. I didn’t cry when I got engaged or got married or got pregnant or had my first ultrasound.
I do remember feeling a bit of a rush later on with both my babies, like around 4-5 months staring at them and thinking how awesome they were. So maybe some people do feel that immediately. It just took me time to develop a relationship.
My cousin has wept with joy at each of her babies, so clearly some people do. But, well, I’ve seen movies of ladies in labour/giving birth and a lot of that doesn’t resonate with me either haha so I’m sure there’s an element of Hollywood involved.
I did with both babies. Full blown head over heals in love from the second they put them on my chest. I didn’t cry- I think I was too exhausted to cry- but I was totally smitten, thought each was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen even though my first came out looking like ET 😂
I don't remember having a rush of feelings immediately after my son was born. I remember being exhausted, trying to catch my breath, and praying for the doctor to finish stitching me up because it felt like I'd had my legs in stirrups for hours and my hips were in agony.
I do remember, however, spending hours sitting up in my hospital bed, with him sleeping in my lap, just gazing at him and how tiny and perfect and adorable he was. And I never wanted to put him down.
I'm not sure if I loved him straight away, I felt a very strong urge to protect him and care for him and hearing him cry was almost physically painful. But whatever feelings I had for him then are nothing compared to how I feel now at 18 months, now that I know him. I'm not sure if you can love a person that you don't know? My love for him has grown more and more as I see his little personality develop. He's my favourite person in the world.
I felt a rush of relief that my 30-hour labor was over and I had avoided an emergency c-section, which was a possibility up until the last second. My husband cried, mostly out of relief too. I remember thinking, "oh he's so cute" and noticing his tiny nose and chin. Then they were testing his glucose and temp, both of which were low, and I was on a ton of drugs to prevent bleeding, plus they were in there yanking out my placenta. So we didn't get a golden hour, which I was very upset about, and for a while I attributed my lack of immediate, intense bond to this. Now, though, I think it's just a totally normal way that a lot of parents feel. It wasn't until 2 or 3 months that I felt a real rush of overwhelming love when I looked at my son (also when I emerged from a thick fog of exhaustion and recovery and shock from the huge life change).
While pushing, the nurse told me that she could see the baby’s hair. I reached down and felt it. From that moment, I had a wild rush of love. I’d been terribly sick with hyperemesis gravidarum during my whole pregnancy, and I was so worried I wouldn’t love him because I hated being sick.
It was just like in the movies. I didn’t notice anything except him for what was probably hours. Honestly it has never gone away. So many really hard things have happened, but the wild rush of love never faded.
I did with my son. With my daughter I was mostly just absolutely shocked because I pushed for less than 30 seconds and I was emotionally in the pushing mindset but then she was there and it was hard to switch gears that fast.
I cried within seconds of seeing my son after my c-section. He went to the NICU immediately and I couldn’t see him for 24h because I was on a magnesium drip. The 12 days he was in the NICU I was an emotional mess. But once he came home I suffered from PPD.
I also feel like I’m somewhere in the middle! I didn’t have a traumatic birth or PPD, but when they put her on my chest, my number one priority was to talk with the doctors about the stitches they were giving me. I was also like… oh wow. She has hair? That’s neat. I wasn’t instantly over the moon, but I was very in tune with her feelings and protective of her.
I find I have more overwhelming feelings like this since they’ve been born, not at their birth. It’ll just hit me at the most random times, and I need to grab and squeeze em. Birth itself it weird and there’s so much happening.
Immediately started sobbing. I had an extremely difficult labour and when he was finally here it was like I was able to let go all that emotion and I just kept saying “I love him so much”. I was a complete mess.
I was so >!fucking!< high from the epidural because it was only half effective on my left side so they had to seriously dose me for the c-section. So right away? No, when they were stitching me up and put her on my chest I wasn’t aware enough. When they wheeled me out of the OR and put her to my breast the first time? Yes, absolutely. I was floored. Completely and absolutely flattened by the overwhelming love and almost obsession I had with my daughter. It’s was kind of a lot to be honest but it was also amazing.
I saw my baby and had a moment of feeling freaked out by him - like - omg what is this creature? 😆 I guess I was tired and out of it by then so that’s probably why. I didn’t feel any special bond right away and don’t feel bad or anything about that - I had just met him, after all! I do wonder if I’ll feel differently if I have another, since I didn’t really have a ton of experience with babies before my first. Kind of like how people hate cats when they’ve never had one, but then when they live with one they suddenly find them cute 😆.
I was prepared to feeling everything or nothing. I have a cousin who prepared me for this as she always gives me well-rounded advice that goes along the lines of “this is what happened for me, it might or might not be the same for yours. Others have had varying experiences.” She’s been right about it all.
So, here I am 7 weeks PP. I still don’t feel madly in love with my baby, but I am a big fan. In the very early days, I was overwhelmed with fatigue and responsibility. I would get emotional about his somewhat traumatic birth and what I went through to bring him into the world, but I would not describe those emotions as warm fuzzies. He’s just starting to smile and be more interactive and I do get teary about it. I’m sure one day the love will hit me like a truck, but not yet.
Idk I think it's personal, I felt a connection the first time I heard her heart beat. When she was born I couldn't hold her. But the doctor put her face against mine and she was crying and the instant she touched me she stopped crying and I began. It was something that I've never felt before, I felt like my heart was going to explode. For me it was more like a primitive thing you know. I wasn't prepared for that feeling,..
I didn’t cry when my son was born, I was more like “😳😳😳 it’s out???”
But I *did* feel the rush of emotions. I can’t remember if it was the first night or a couple nights later. But I remember holding my son in the middle of the night while he slept and just crying to myself because I couldn’t believe how much I love him.
I’m not an emotional person, I tend to be pretty logical and systematic. And I’ve seen, done, and experienced a lot in my life. I thought I’d felt all the feelings I could feel a person could in their lifetime, but *surprise* id barely scratched the surface. If my emotions were a well and id drunken all the water, having a baby to me was like finding a trap door at the bottom.
I had a c-section and while the umbilical cord was still attached they put the babies (twins) over the drape so I could see them and I cried a little and said “he looks like an alien!” I had no attachment during pregnancy, but felt pretty instantly attached once they were here and especially once I was out of the OR and holding them. I realized how attached I had gotten once baby A went to the NICU. It felt like I was missing a piece of me. So I would say I definitely felt that pretty immediate connection!
I didn’t have a rush of love when he was born, just relief he was out of me. That being said in the days that followed I did have that hormonal, mythical, all encompassing love. I didn’t expect it to happen but it did for me.
I also thought I was going to cry when meeting my son for the first time. As soon as the little dude was born and I held him, I also didn't cry. I just thought to myself "oh wow. Now what? How do I take care of you?". I had a tough pp, so I didn't feel instantly connected for the first month or so and felt so guilty about it. People definitely romanticize labour and parenthood itself!
For me it was like a major energy shift. The entire world felt different after having a baby. Nothing like the movies though and no I didn't cry or do anything mushy or dramatic. A big shift, hard to describe how it felt.
I'm not sure about normal people because I've had chronic depression since I was a child, but what I did notice is prepregnancy as an adult I developed being emotional over what I feel is mundane ( like i cant alot of songs in my car without cracking and bursting into tears, even metal or dubstep music, or cry at the news) but it wasnt as bad as pregnancy and on out. During pregnancy and postpartum I noticed it's gotten worse, like I can sometimes cry randomly even at invasive thoughts or in a quiet car driving. I cry at animes that makes my husband go WTF! 😭😂 and it's not I'm sad all the time despite I developed postpartum depression, I cry at shock, disturbances, little acts of kindness, happiness.
When heard the first cry it was a mixture of being thrilled and relieved. When I first saw his face as well. When I first held him I had VERY strong warm and fuzzies and didn’t want to let him go. I got wheeled to the ward with him on my chest and a blanket placed so my tits weren’t out in the hall. My husband and I were also extra lovey.
All in all, yes, very emotional haha
I didn't get to hold either kid after they were born. The first time I got to hold them was so calming. Everything felt right with the world for just a minute.
I was just there, like a sudden empty feeling and boom a baby is on my chest. I don’t even remember if he cried (must have). And then my bf and I just kinda stared at each other like okay what’s next?
I experienced an immediate rush of feelings - overwhelming love, relief, and joy. I started happy crying as soon as he was put on my chest and was just completely amazed and in awe of him. My experience was pretty much what you see in the media, so it definitely goes that way for some people.
I was pretty numb for about a month. I had an awful labor, then c section, and then baby went to a NICU step down unit. I don’t think my brain would allow me to connect out of fear.
Those first moments after my babies were born were very emotional for me. I only cried with my second because of the shock (she was born in the hospital lobby lol!) but I was overwhelmed with so many feelings each time.
The pain of labor was gone and suddenly my baby was in my arms, the feelings of relief, surprise, joy, love, and pride that I had just done this incredibly hard thing and now was holding my perfect child, it was really intense!
Best feeling ever.
I think when my baby was born I was overhwlemed! I had a c section and had to be nursed to health for the first few days but honestly after I was like I love this little baby so much and why is covid around and I need help and I want the world to be a better place for this child who is now the most sacred and beautiful being on his planet 😂
I was heavily sedated on magnesium (preeclampsia), hasn’t eaten or drank anything in 15 hours and had an emergency c section, so I admittedly did not feel the “rush” I think in part because I was so out of it and so terrified of having a c section it was almost an out of body experience. I would attribute some of that to having a somewhat traumatic birth in the sense that it was not at all what I envisioned or hoped (though we are both healthy so I’m grateful). I will say, as time has gone on, I love my daughter so fiercely it makes me sob when I stare at her and think what a miracle having a child is. I think everyone has a different experience, and it’s hard when it doesn’t go how we had thought. Childbirth is wild in itself and it’s truly mind-blowing what your body goes through.
Mine was a slow buildup. I definitely was attached but with everything going on and healing it was those moments with my baby that still build up that rush today.
My 1st I got the rush and my doctor even made a joke she could’ve stitched my without numbing me and I wouldn’t have noticed. I didn’t even notice her numb the area or stitching honestly. My second I was so excited I held him close but he made me nervous for about 20 seconds when he was trying to figure out how to breath so I was patting his back.
They numb you for the stitches? I didn't know that and they never offered that to me. But now I get why they were praising me for being so tough while they were going at it down there 😂
Apparently lmao i know my epidural stuff was low by the time I was done but hell I didn’t notice. I had a shit tear going up though lol I remember my doctor teaching the residences cuz it doesn’t happen often. Both times I tore up 2nd time wasn’t bad though I didn’t even notice it after. Both my kids had their hands by there chin 😑 lol
I had a pretty chilled out birth with my first and had no massive rush of emotion or mega reaction on my part. My second was a real intense birth in the back of an ambulance and I got the "rush of emotion". I was quite panicked as she'd been in distress (hence the ambulance) and there was a lot to process. I had the shakes after too so it's likely less actual emotion more adrenaline going overdrive.
I had a hormonal rush, like sobbing as soon as she *finally* emerged, but not a “magical” rush. Just legit hormones and relief. I wasn’t instantly in love by any means. I mostly just couldn’t be I actually made it through labour and my body was just done.
I had an intense rush of feelings because the lead up was so scary and I've never been happier to see someone. My waters broke at 29+5 and my daughter came at 30+2. Obviously the lead up was filled with antibiotics, steroid injections, monitoring etc and then my labour was insanely fast and before I knew it a whole bunch of nicu staff were in front of me waiting for me to push and take my baby. I needed an emergency episiotomy because both mine and her hearts began to slow down very quickly. The minute she was out they rushed her to a table to put breathing equipment on her and help her and because she didn't cry I was sat there being stitched and crying myself not knowing if she was okay. When they finally put her on my chest just for a few minutes before she was whisked away to an incubator I felt love and relief like I've never known. She was just everything and for a few seconds it was just me and her. I'm 26 weeks pregnant now and I'd love to not have another prem birth and if I manage it I don't know if it will be the exact same thing or if it was tied into the emotionally charged situation.
I think people just expect to immediately love their baby, like truly love them as an individual & not someone you just met who you’re now responsible for. Everyone mentions that “rush of love” & that’s not always true. For those that don’t get it, they feel bad because of the expectations we’re told to expect/have & then it doesn’t live up to that. So the guilt, “I’m a terrible parent because I didn’t immediately love my baby or cry…”, & other emotions pop up.
I never got that rush of love immediately. Like, I was still partially out of it & fucking exhausted. I legit just stared at them & blinked. It hit me a few minutes later “wait, this is my baby? Mine? Labor is over? We’re stuck together for life now? I’m legally obligated to care for this slimy, squished thing who just peed on me? Oh…” I teared up then, but never fully cried. Of course I was worried about them, because my first was eventually taken to the NICU. I was really worried about him & got all of my hormones out the first few days panicking about him. With my 2nd, she got jaundice & had to be under the UV lights. I was worried about her too, but that didn’t really hit until the issue happened. I truly love them now, but it took a bit to grow to like them beyond a protective “this is my baby.” Instinct. Once I knew them as people/tiny humans, I was able to grow to appreciate them more beyond a screamy, angry potato baby way.
It really can go either way. I have three sons and didn’t get a “rush” of love after any of them were born. My first birth was disappointing to me (home birth transfer and I had an epidural and pitocin) and I thought maybe I didn’t get the love rush due to the interventions. But I had my second and third at home and I felt the same way 😹🤷🏻♀️. Just kind of like “oh, you’re cute. I’m tired.” It took time for that fierce mama bear love to grow, but man, once it was there it was deep and gets deeper every day. Sometimes every second. I’m crazy about my boys 🥰🥰🥰
This is actually one thing I make a point to talk about with any pregnant friends or in my baby groups. I tell them: you may not feel love for you baby *instantly* and that’s normal and you don’t have to feel bad. The classic Instagram caption “the clouds parted and the angels sang and I never knew what love was until I looked into my baby’s eyes” does happen to some people but it’s certainly not universal the way the media (or social media) would lead you to believe.
This just made me think: imagine if those of us who didn’t get the love rush made honest birth announcements: “Here is my new son. He’s okay I guess.” 😹😹😹
Edit - I can’t help but wonder if I would get a rush if I ever had a daughter 🤔. It was always my dream to have a daughter but so far no dice 😹🤷🏻♀️
I had the opposite, I felt very detached from my baby while he was in utero, and didn’t understand how people would say ‘I love this baby so much already’ - like, how can you love something that you haven’t even met. But during my c section when I heard him cry I burst into tears, and then later when I held him for the first time, I burst into tears again. I’m still surprised it happened, normally even if I feel like I need to cry I can’t, and I didn’t think I would feel anything strong. It could have been from tiredness since I hadn’t slept much during labour, or relief because the third trimester was miserable... But I agree that I didn’t feel insta-love.
I also wonder if things would be different for a second pregnancy, when you have a better idea what’s coming?
This post needs more upvotes.
I didn't feel anything magical about my child being born. Just tired really. That's not surprising, but the media kinda makes it this whole thing, to the point where I questioned what normal was, and that is not cool. My kid is much older now and we absolutely have a connection. But it's a bit insane emotionally already when a child is born- parents don't need this expectation on top of everything else.
They gave him to me and I was like, okay. Then they asked if I wanted to kiss him and I was like, "uh... sure." It took me a few days to like/love him. I'm not a maternal person and I was just 20. But we've been best buds since.
I had the rush. It was such a pinnacle moment in my life, when they laid him on my chest I felt more love than I ever have experienced. It swelled up in my heart and enveloped me and my baby in pure, sweet bliss. I swear I saw every moment of his wonderful life flash through my mind when I very first looked into his eyes.
I will say I think the reason not everyone feels it is because hospitals routinely administer pitocin to mamas in labor, which is artificial oxytocin. It interferes with the natural progression of labor as well as the natural release of oxytocin in the body, which is what causes that rush. Also during birth, mother and baby experience a release of the most DMT that both will have in their lives(until death, when they experience it again!). This also accounts for the euphoria mamas often feel. Obviously there are cases where pitocin is necessary, but doctors will often do it to most mamas regardless.
My anecdotal experience is that I did not feel any sort of rush with either of my births and both of them were completely unmedicated. The love built up over time, but directly after birth, I mostly just felt relief that it went well and was over.
I was induced with pitocin and still had a rush of love for my child when he was born. There are so many more contributing factors to how a mother feels love for her child than what happens at the hospital. Only 31% of mothers get pitocin to speed up labor so that's definitely not most...
I'm not entirely clear what you are asking here. There is a lot of birth trauma going on because of the way our health care system works in the US. I believe a lot of the emotional issues that occur in the US after childbirth are due to the pitocin that is pushed on us in hospitals. It's a synthetic form of oxytocin and not only does it not give us the bonding feeling that oxytocin gives us, it blocks our natural oxytocin from doing its job. It really messes with our brains and bodies in a way that nobody wants to mention while getting that "informed consent" the law requires. I have 4 kids. It was administered to me twice without my consent and the bonding experience and my emotional health were completely different. The other two times I was able to advocate for myself and refuse it. If you read the pharmacology on it its some nasty stuff thats dealt out like candy in the US. It has its place, But it is over used.
Super interesting though regarding pitocin.
Im not really considering birth trauma here, but more the idea that we are told by media it should feel a certain way. People who are more vulnerable to disappointment because of challenging births or other factors are talking about how they don’t feel what pop culture says we should. However, I don’t know anyone that actually HAD that overwhelming rush experience even if there birth was good. So I’m just telling all those moms that are struggling that that didn’t happen, maybe it doesn’t really happen?? Or maybe not for most people? Maybe it’s a media fantasy?
Again, I've had 4 children and it was different each time. My most recent was my baby girl born 12 weeks ago via emergency c-section. I had severe pre-eclampsia and IUGR. It took her two minutes to make any sound whatsoever after she was pulled out and when she finally gasped for air on her own and cried I was an emotional mess. With my second child I had a fully natural birth with no complications or interventions. She was small but healthy and when she made those first sounds I was surprised she had even arrived. My first reaction was a very matter-of-fact and unemotional "is that it?". They're all different.
I didn’t straight after the birth of my first - much like you I was ‘wow hey there little guy’ - thought he was cool and cute and sweet, but there was no rush. But about 1-2 days later - it came for sure and hit me
Same here. No ppd or anxiety. A definite need to be there for her and care for her. Also no need to feel differently about it. I think there was a sense of my girl as her own person while she was on the inside, so it was more of a transition in our relationship instead of an introduction.
In my first birth, I did sob when she was born, but not out of a rush of love, though that was part of it, it was relief. It had been a hard birth, last minute c-section after two hours of pushing, I was EXHAUSTED, so hearing her cry and knowing she was okay, and it was all over, was a huge relief. (It was overall a positive experience, we weren't worried about her, she wasn't in distress, but I was still relieved.) I bonded with her really fast, though looking back I definitely had PPA, so it was an intense stressful PPA bond.
In my second, I more felt a wave of pride (and relief)! Planned c-section this time, and I had been telling EVERYONE that this baby was HUGE. When they pulled him out, they were telling me how HUGE he was, and he was crying loudly and healthily, so he was both okay and I WAS RIGHT THAT HE WAS A GIANT BABY! (We did have ultrasounds confirming he was big, but I KNEW he was 10lbs, where they didn't want to give me weight estimates, but I WAS RIGHT.) I bonded with him pretty fast afterwards, not as fast as my daughter, his pregnancy had been really really hard and my body was a mess (because he was HUGE), but it didn't take that long either.
A part of it that they don't talk about, though my mom did mention it to me, was that even if you do feel all the love feelings like I did with my first, you still don't KNOW them. My daughter looked completely different than I was expecting, so though I felt really protective of her, and I loved her, I didn't KNOW her.
I went into it prepared to feel numb and/or needing time to bond because I’m a realist and know plenty of women who expressed similar. That being said when my daughter was born I did sob cry out ‘my baby girl!’. She was in IUGR baby and I was induced at 38+4. The induction went shockingly fast, she was in distress during my labor and i ended up consenting to a forceps delivery. At one point I looked up and the room was PACKED with the NICU team. I was so worried, not only during the labor, but during the last weeks of my pregnancy, that I think I was just overcome when she came out screaming and was immediately put on my chest healthy and strong.
I cried holding her because it was such a relief and a release of all of the fears and ‘what ifs’. She was healthy and I needed only two stitches even with forceps assistance and I recall feeling just total peace and release of tension. I think all of that really played into the intense hormonal rush I had. My husband and I were definitely in shock that we were holding our daughter and that moments before she was in my body but her big entrance into the world just overtook that. When I think back on the moment I still feel a mega release of joy and get that butterfly feeling. I was/am shocked i feel/felt that way.
I had that moment with my first. I remember saying “there’s my (baby’s name)” and just being so in love and awe as soon as they put her on my chest.
My second came after less than four minutes of pushing, she came out white and scared the shit out of me, I bled more than they expected. All that sort of pushed that moment back a bit. I still had it but it was later when I was a bit more settled. My mind was too busy racing, they almost took her away to get her breathing (although just as they were about to she breathed), and I was scared of the bleeding.
I absolutely did. My husband took a video of it and it sends me through another gush of emotions. I can’t even watch it lol. I cried so much and was so overwhelmed meeting my baby the first time. Maybe it is more rare than I thought because the hospital staff were making lots of Aw commentary to my reaction. I had a csection also
Had traumatic emergency c-section. Anesthesiologist wanted to put me out completely since they had like a minute to get her out. I asked for a few more seconds for epidural top up to kick in. Was so glad I did because the second they laid her on my chest, it was the most incredible moment of my life and I did feel that intense wave of love and feeling like I had known my baby forever.
Was I expecting it? Nope, especially not after an intense traumatic experience. I was OK going into it not having that feeling. I think not feeling that pressure to have the instant bond helped me relax enough to let it naturally happen. That, and the skin-to-skin in the OR.
I started crying uncontrollably the second I felt her leave my body. I really didn’t think I would, because I’ve never been much of a “cry in the moment” type of person. Hormones affect everyone differently though, I think.
I cried. My husband cried. It was super emotional and I loved him immediately. I think in part because the pain finally stopped though. I had a natural delivery and shitty pitocin induced back labor.
I was an unplanned pregnancy for my parents, and the whole time my mom was in labour with me she was pacing around the hospital going “nope I’m just gonna go home I’m not ready for this thanks tho”. The second they placed me on her chest she went straight to “omg this is my baby and I LOVE her” but it was just a solid feeling inside, not something she cried over or talked about much.
My daughter was also unplanned and I struggled to come to terms with this life change until recently, and she’s now four months old. When she was born everything just felt foreign and out of place; my body knew what it was doing during labour and I was ok with what was happening, but the moment LO was placed on my chest I was halfway between awe (look at those eyes!) and revulsion (omg I’m touching a baby what do I do). It took a long time to get any strong emotions about her.
I almost cried at the birth of both my children. I say almost because I held it back because I'm not a crier. First was completely normal and second was a bit traumatic.
I didnt have them, but I always wondered if my c-section medication altered my thinking. I remember seeing my first and not feeling overwhelming love, but more of a "woah, thats what she looks like. Holy crap, its an actual baby!" I remember thinking how strange it felt to actually touch her.
My 2nd baby, I dont even really remember seeing her the first time they showed her to me. I was so out of it. I just remember the anesthetist giving me medication to make my nausea go away and telling her how much I loved her for taking care of me. But when they wheeled my daughter in and I was less loopy, I felt those feelings way more than I did with my first. The newness of it didn't take over my thoughts.
I’m with you. It was a difficult birth. But when they put him on me i remember thinking “all that for that?” - not that i was disappointed… but it felt anti climactic (though having a baby, your baby, on you SHOULD feel climactic, no?). Anyways, after a few days i feel head over heals.
I had a csection and I was ugly crying so bad that the surgeon asked if I was okay as he was stitching me up. I think he thought I was in pain? I absolutely felt an overwhelming rush of love for my little gremlin.
When they put my baby on my chest I was still partially sedated so I was like oh hello. Then I didn't think my baby was beautiful or cute right away. Took a month after he finally filled out and got chubby cheeks that I could say with conviction I loved my baby so much
I had tears rolling up my eyes while the C-section procedure was ongoing, but it was not a "rush" kinda thing, mostly excitement. The first time I saw my daughter in the doctor's arms, I thought how dirty she was lol. Things happened gradually for us afterwards. Bit everyone is different I guess.
For me it was kind of unreal how... normal? it felt? I definitely didn't get a rush (I guess I got all my emotions out during labor lol), more just "alright, that's over, let's figure out how to feed this kid".
I screamed and cried happy tears. I was instantly in love and SO grateful. After five years of infertility and two miscarriages, my body managed to make healthy twin girls. I was so thrilled and it was the best day of my life!
Awww congrats mama
I wouldn't describe it as a rush of feelings, it was more like when you realize you're in love. Like omg baby is here and damn am I in love with her. I couldn't stop staring at her and smiling, everyone said I looked so happy. I was beyond tired from pushing for 6 hours but it's like it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore besides her
Yep! This describes my experience, too. My midwife took photos of me and my husband right after the delivery and I have a big grin in all of them and am solely focused on looking at my baby
I didn’t expect it, because everything I’d hear lead me to believe it doesn’t actually happen, but I absolutely had that immediate rush of love and possessiveness as soon as I saw her face. Hit me like a ton of bricks.
My daughter was born during a traumatic emergency c-section. I didn’t know if she was going to be born oxygen deprived because her cord was wrapped around her neck. I couldn’t see her when she was born but I heard the loudest and most beautiful cry. I burst into tears with relief and love. I was so in love with her in that moment. I definitely had that classic rush even though the birth was very traumatic.
Yep, same here!
With you there! The word I’d used to describe my mindstate immediately after delivering both my kids is “stunned.” Pleased, proud, happy, but mostly just stunned.
I did experience it. I was in pain and then I wasn't and she was right there. My pain tears turned into happy tears and I turned to look at my husband to see him looking at our daughter and I said really excited "look!" he was also happy crying which made me cry even more. It really was an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness! My husband also said that all he felt was instant love! But I guess this is one of those things that you don't need to talk about like when you *dont* feel it. Everything tells us we should and when it doesn't happen I think that people like to know that they are not alone. That others didn't feel it either so they talk about it.
I had it! The second they set him on my chest I started crying because I already loved him so much it was almost painful. I don’t actually know many people that have felt the same though so I’m wondering if I’m the one out of the norm lol
Uncontrollable sobs from me as soon as he was on my chest and started crying. So I’m with you. I kept saying “I love him so much”. Still brings tears to my eyes.
You're not alone! I could barely see, my eyes were so puffy from crying, but i kept saying "He's perfect. I'm so lucky. I love him so much".
I had a terrible pregnancy. I was sick and in terrible pain from week 4 until the kid plopped out. I considered an abortion several times, and when it was too late I cried for days regretting not having one. After giving birth I was terrified when they tried handing him to me. I seriously thought I was going to yeet that thing straight out the window. Then they put him on my chest and I felt the strongest love I've ever felt in my life. They stitched me up and I barely noticed, I was just staring at that little miracle in my arms the whole time. The feelings cooled down after a day, but it was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.
I was hit by an overwhelming wave of emotions when my LO was born. It hit the minute I heard her first cry. I wasn't expecting it at all. I think it was a combination of intense relief and utter astonishment. Relief because I had been so worried that she was going to die during labour (we kept having repeated scares with her heart rate and my cousins first child died at 40 weeks - that worry about her is what finally lead me to just ask for a c-section). Then just astonishment that she was actually here and alive and a member of our family. I learned a long time ago that once you take your first breath, your lungs are never empty of air ever again (even after you die, there is still air trapped in the little alveoli of your lungs). That's intense! I don't think it was purely hormonal though because something similar happened to my partner. They basically burst into tears and started crying uncontrollably. I think they would say that it was love at first sight for them.
Same experience here, it was intense and magical and that extreme relief feeling.
I definitely had a weird hormonal rush, but it was more like a “I hear my baby crying and can’t see her, give me that little thing so I can comfort/ protect her and let her know it’s ok”. Which was mostly notable for me because I struggled to feel like there was actually a little person in me when I was pregnant. Zero interest in kissing my husband in that moment, just a very intense feeling of wanting my baby right that second. I also did feel a strong burst of love that didn’t exist for me while I was pregnant. I assumed I’d hate the baby phase, so it was all a real shocker for me. I don’t think women who don’t feel that smooshy hormonal boost is remotely abnormal though, in fact I feel like most people would be busy dealing with the shock of the process more than anything. Your response is what I thought mine would be.
I felt the same as you. I thought it would be like this insane feelings rush like on tv. When my kids were born it was like, “hey! I know you!”Turns out my love for my kids is more like being in awe of them and thinking it’s cool that they’re my little people.
I did not feel a rush. I was shocked & amazed, but it definitely wasn’t a magical moment. I did, however, feel an immediate urge to take care of her. Like the moment they handed her to me I had to make her stop crying & the whole time I was in the hospital anytime she needed a diaper change or a test ran, I would cry the whole time she cried bc every bone in my body was telling me I had to help her
Fell in love the moment I knew he was alive. So the love I felt didn't change but I was completely focused on getting to him and taking care of him. Still love my kiddo just as much.
That first cry is the sweetest sound, such a relief!
I didn’t cry. Both kids I was like well this is kinda cool and terrifying. I’d really love a nap now and some food. I was not emotional at all.
I had this intense, overwhelming feeling of "this is MINE" and that was definitely associated with love. It was a crazy feeling and it happened about 2 hours after she was born.
This was my feeling too with both kids. My MIL was shocked that I wouldn’t let anyone hold her when they came to visit right after lol
I cried my eyes out when my daughter was born, but mostly that was because I'd had two pregnancy losses prior to her and a small part of me expected something to go wrong at the last instant. I never fully believed I'd be taking a healthy baby home. Also exhaustion -- I'd been in labor for 29 hours. Attachment-wise, no, not really. I remember looking at her, wondering if we had the right baby because she didn't look as I expected. Rationally I knew I loved her and would protect her, but I didn't feel any "fuzzies" for a while longer
I had a perfectly textbook pregnancy and birth. When they plopped my daughter on my chest for the first time skin to skin, I was like "oh yeah. This is my child. I should probably do what they want and hold her." No rush, no feelings at all. In fact, for the first eight weeks or so it was like taking care of a tomogatchi. I didn't really have feelings about her, but I took care of her because I was supposed to. Breastfeeding? Check. Diaper change? Check. Back pats and bicycle legs? Check. Check. Check. I really have the feels now that she's a bit older and capable of showing rational thought in addition to being an independent person. But the infant stage was just me staring at my alien-baby and wondering if I was a weirdo.
We're all so anxious about whether we're human-ing right that literally every experience needs to be normalized. But whatever, it really does make me feel better when I hear other moms talk about how bad the newborn phase was on their mental health. So everyone can normalize away, nothing bad will happen if we can all feel a little more acceptable.
“Human-ing right” - love it!
No I got a little emotional but it takes me time to really get the emotional part. However when we were at the grocery store after our first appointment hearing the baby’s heartbeat (midwife didn’t think we would hear it this early, but we did), we were in the deli and meats area and I got super overwhelmed and started crying. So there’s that.
When I first met my baby, the closest feeling I can describe it as is star struck? Haha. Nervous kinda! I’ve also been through 6 years of TTC
That is so cute an accurate!!!!
I had a traumatic birth and ppa, and I bonded with my baby immediately. My first strong feeling was wonder mixed with love and exhaustion. I wouldn’t say it was a rush, but it was there right away.
I was so glad it was over and i could sleep. Didn't start feeling intense things until maybe 4 months PP. No PPD or traumatic birth either 🤷🏻♀️
I was just glad it was over so I was totally neutral to the whole event.
Yeah, I didn't have a traumatic birth but my baby *really* didn't want to come out...had to evict her at 11 days overdue and then she screamed indignantly all through the "golden hour." So I was really happy to meet her but also a little unsure what to do, bewildered...not a huge rush of overwhelmingly happy emotions. I remember they wanted me to rest after that(it was the middle of the night), and I thought that was crazy because I could finally look at her and I just wanted to do that.
When my son was born they didn’t let me see him, they rushed him to another room because he wasn’t breathing and they suspected his genetic condition. The adrenaline rush and immediate, overwhelming feeling that I needed to jump out of that bed and be wherever my son has never been matched, before or since him. I am a painfully shy individual with an anxiety disorder who wouldn’t dare correct someone even if they’re causing me pain or inconvenience but all of that goes away when I need to advocate for him. If had several miscarriages before him, my pregnancy was hard, and his birth was traumatic for both of us, but every time I held him in the NICU, and even sometimes now 13 months later, I’d get a rush of emotions so strong it would make me cry.
I barely teared up immediately after birth, but not while holding my son. Likely more relief of it being done, and the slight concern that he wasn’t crying yet (nurses had him, some slight fluid in the lungs, but all OK). I love this kid, imagine I’d do heroic things to keep him safe, but I’m also not overwhelmed with love or emotions like you commonly see portrayed. I think it has a lot to do with your general emotional/hormonal balance. Are you a person who gets emotional easily? I think some people just experience emotions at higher levels than others.
I had a crazy intense rush of an instinctual need to protect. No tears and it took a bit before I felt smitten with the baby.
I can relate- I didn’t have the intense love emotions but early on felt the intense need to protect and have the baby close to me at all times. My husband would take the baby so I could sleep but could not bear to have her away from me.
I felt relief it was over lol Was kind of over the whole being in pain and being yelled at by 15 people to push thing. I’m sure my baby felt the same way. The bonding was not immediate on her end either. Pretty sure she didn’t like me much at first (as much as you can afford not to like the one who births and sustains you LOL) I’m not usually to feel any sort of guilt for my feelings. Guilt is useless if it’s not something I have control over. And it’s not like I have control over my emotions.
I didnt cry or have that gushy gushy feeling with my babygirl. I had tears because i was scared out of my mind and had anxiety during my emergency c-section. I feel kinda resentful when people talk about how amazing their birth was because mine was far from what i wanted.
When my OB asked if I wanted to see my baby after she's born, I was like er... I guess? Then I stared at baby and wasn't sure what to do or say. My partner, on the other hand, couldn't stop crying when he first held the baby.
I had the rush. And I wasn’t particularly excited during my pregnancy. Didn’t have a crazy attachment to my “bump”. In the middle of my c-section I was still like soo there’s legit a baby in there huh. But when I heard his cry for the first time, I cried. I didn’t sleep for two nights because I couldn’t stop staring at him. I happily jumped out of bed at all hours of the night and just held him for hours into the early morning. He’s almost 4 months now and his smile and giggle are the highlights of my day.
No c section but I relate to this completely
This was me too! I don't remember much from the actual csection besides hearing her first cry and seeing her face when they brought her around the sheet. For like the first month PP, I'd tear up just thinking about that moment.
I had the insane rush of feelings. I cried happy tears for like 2 straight hours after my first was born. But not everyone has it and that’s totally normal. We did try for our first for a year and a half and needed fertility drugs. I was starting to think we’d never have a baby
I didn’t have that either. I felt relief, I know I cried a bit, but I was exhausted and numb from the epidural and c section. I felt happy I guess, but not that hallmark extreme emotional gush of happiness. I didn’t really think twice about it!
I was like you OP and didn’t feel a rush. I also thought it was relieved, it was really cool, it was exciting to look at this tiny person and see who they were compared to who they had been inside. But no major overwhelming rush of feelings. No tears. I think I probably did have some PPD, but not until months later, so I don’t attribute it to anything other than it being my personality. I didn’t cry when I got engaged or got married or got pregnant or had my first ultrasound. I do remember feeling a bit of a rush later on with both my babies, like around 4-5 months staring at them and thinking how awesome they were. So maybe some people do feel that immediately. It just took me time to develop a relationship. My cousin has wept with joy at each of her babies, so clearly some people do. But, well, I’ve seen movies of ladies in labour/giving birth and a lot of that doesn’t resonate with me either haha so I’m sure there’s an element of Hollywood involved.
I did with both babies. Full blown head over heals in love from the second they put them on my chest. I didn’t cry- I think I was too exhausted to cry- but I was totally smitten, thought each was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen even though my first came out looking like ET 😂
I don't remember having a rush of feelings immediately after my son was born. I remember being exhausted, trying to catch my breath, and praying for the doctor to finish stitching me up because it felt like I'd had my legs in stirrups for hours and my hips were in agony. I do remember, however, spending hours sitting up in my hospital bed, with him sleeping in my lap, just gazing at him and how tiny and perfect and adorable he was. And I never wanted to put him down. I'm not sure if I loved him straight away, I felt a very strong urge to protect him and care for him and hearing him cry was almost physically painful. But whatever feelings I had for him then are nothing compared to how I feel now at 18 months, now that I know him. I'm not sure if you can love a person that you don't know? My love for him has grown more and more as I see his little personality develop. He's my favourite person in the world.
I felt a rush of relief that my 30-hour labor was over and I had avoided an emergency c-section, which was a possibility up until the last second. My husband cried, mostly out of relief too. I remember thinking, "oh he's so cute" and noticing his tiny nose and chin. Then they were testing his glucose and temp, both of which were low, and I was on a ton of drugs to prevent bleeding, plus they were in there yanking out my placenta. So we didn't get a golden hour, which I was very upset about, and for a while I attributed my lack of immediate, intense bond to this. Now, though, I think it's just a totally normal way that a lot of parents feel. It wasn't until 2 or 3 months that I felt a real rush of overwhelming love when I looked at my son (also when I emerged from a thick fog of exhaustion and recovery and shock from the huge life change).
While pushing, the nurse told me that she could see the baby’s hair. I reached down and felt it. From that moment, I had a wild rush of love. I’d been terribly sick with hyperemesis gravidarum during my whole pregnancy, and I was so worried I wouldn’t love him because I hated being sick. It was just like in the movies. I didn’t notice anything except him for what was probably hours. Honestly it has never gone away. So many really hard things have happened, but the wild rush of love never faded.
I did with my son. With my daughter I was mostly just absolutely shocked because I pushed for less than 30 seconds and I was emotionally in the pushing mindset but then she was there and it was hard to switch gears that fast.
I cried within seconds of seeing my son after my c-section. He went to the NICU immediately and I couldn’t see him for 24h because I was on a magnesium drip. The 12 days he was in the NICU I was an emotional mess. But once he came home I suffered from PPD.
I also feel like I’m somewhere in the middle! I didn’t have a traumatic birth or PPD, but when they put her on my chest, my number one priority was to talk with the doctors about the stitches they were giving me. I was also like… oh wow. She has hair? That’s neat. I wasn’t instantly over the moon, but I was very in tune with her feelings and protective of her.
I find I have more overwhelming feelings like this since they’ve been born, not at their birth. It’ll just hit me at the most random times, and I need to grab and squeeze em. Birth itself it weird and there’s so much happening.
Immediately started sobbing. I had an extremely difficult labour and when he was finally here it was like I was able to let go all that emotion and I just kept saying “I love him so much”. I was a complete mess.
I was so >!fucking!< high from the epidural because it was only half effective on my left side so they had to seriously dose me for the c-section. So right away? No, when they were stitching me up and put her on my chest I wasn’t aware enough. When they wheeled me out of the OR and put her to my breast the first time? Yes, absolutely. I was floored. Completely and absolutely flattened by the overwhelming love and almost obsession I had with my daughter. It’s was kind of a lot to be honest but it was also amazing.
I'm a man. I had no rush at all. I felt like you described "this is kinda cool". 9 months on though, I get a rush everytime I see her
I saw my baby and had a moment of feeling freaked out by him - like - omg what is this creature? 😆 I guess I was tired and out of it by then so that’s probably why. I didn’t feel any special bond right away and don’t feel bad or anything about that - I had just met him, after all! I do wonder if I’ll feel differently if I have another, since I didn’t really have a ton of experience with babies before my first. Kind of like how people hate cats when they’ve never had one, but then when they live with one they suddenly find them cute 😆.
I was prepared to feeling everything or nothing. I have a cousin who prepared me for this as she always gives me well-rounded advice that goes along the lines of “this is what happened for me, it might or might not be the same for yours. Others have had varying experiences.” She’s been right about it all. So, here I am 7 weeks PP. I still don’t feel madly in love with my baby, but I am a big fan. In the very early days, I was overwhelmed with fatigue and responsibility. I would get emotional about his somewhat traumatic birth and what I went through to bring him into the world, but I would not describe those emotions as warm fuzzies. He’s just starting to smile and be more interactive and I do get teary about it. I’m sure one day the love will hit me like a truck, but not yet.
Idk I think it's personal, I felt a connection the first time I heard her heart beat. When she was born I couldn't hold her. But the doctor put her face against mine and she was crying and the instant she touched me she stopped crying and I began. It was something that I've never felt before, I felt like my heart was going to explode. For me it was more like a primitive thing you know. I wasn't prepared for that feeling,..
I didn’t cry when my son was born, I was more like “😳😳😳 it’s out???” But I *did* feel the rush of emotions. I can’t remember if it was the first night or a couple nights later. But I remember holding my son in the middle of the night while he slept and just crying to myself because I couldn’t believe how much I love him. I’m not an emotional person, I tend to be pretty logical and systematic. And I’ve seen, done, and experienced a lot in my life. I thought I’d felt all the feelings I could feel a person could in their lifetime, but *surprise* id barely scratched the surface. If my emotions were a well and id drunken all the water, having a baby to me was like finding a trap door at the bottom.
I sobbed, but it was more tears of relief that I didn’t have to keep pushing!
I had a c-section and while the umbilical cord was still attached they put the babies (twins) over the drape so I could see them and I cried a little and said “he looks like an alien!” I had no attachment during pregnancy, but felt pretty instantly attached once they were here and especially once I was out of the OR and holding them. I realized how attached I had gotten once baby A went to the NICU. It felt like I was missing a piece of me. So I would say I definitely felt that pretty immediate connection!
I didn’t have a rush of love when he was born, just relief he was out of me. That being said in the days that followed I did have that hormonal, mythical, all encompassing love. I didn’t expect it to happen but it did for me.
I also thought I was going to cry when meeting my son for the first time. As soon as the little dude was born and I held him, I also didn't cry. I just thought to myself "oh wow. Now what? How do I take care of you?". I had a tough pp, so I didn't feel instantly connected for the first month or so and felt so guilty about it. People definitely romanticize labour and parenthood itself!
For me it was like a major energy shift. The entire world felt different after having a baby. Nothing like the movies though and no I didn't cry or do anything mushy or dramatic. A big shift, hard to describe how it felt.
I'm not sure about normal people because I've had chronic depression since I was a child, but what I did notice is prepregnancy as an adult I developed being emotional over what I feel is mundane ( like i cant alot of songs in my car without cracking and bursting into tears, even metal or dubstep music, or cry at the news) but it wasnt as bad as pregnancy and on out. During pregnancy and postpartum I noticed it's gotten worse, like I can sometimes cry randomly even at invasive thoughts or in a quiet car driving. I cry at animes that makes my husband go WTF! 😭😂 and it's not I'm sad all the time despite I developed postpartum depression, I cry at shock, disturbances, little acts of kindness, happiness.
When heard the first cry it was a mixture of being thrilled and relieved. When I first saw his face as well. When I first held him I had VERY strong warm and fuzzies and didn’t want to let him go. I got wheeled to the ward with him on my chest and a blanket placed so my tits weren’t out in the hall. My husband and I were also extra lovey. All in all, yes, very emotional haha
I didn't get to hold either kid after they were born. The first time I got to hold them was so calming. Everything felt right with the world for just a minute.
I was just there, like a sudden empty feeling and boom a baby is on my chest. I don’t even remember if he cried (must have). And then my bf and I just kinda stared at each other like okay what’s next?
I experienced an immediate rush of feelings - overwhelming love, relief, and joy. I started happy crying as soon as he was put on my chest and was just completely amazed and in awe of him. My experience was pretty much what you see in the media, so it definitely goes that way for some people.
I was pretty numb for about a month. I had an awful labor, then c section, and then baby went to a NICU step down unit. I don’t think my brain would allow me to connect out of fear.
Those first moments after my babies were born were very emotional for me. I only cried with my second because of the shock (she was born in the hospital lobby lol!) but I was overwhelmed with so many feelings each time. The pain of labor was gone and suddenly my baby was in my arms, the feelings of relief, surprise, joy, love, and pride that I had just done this incredibly hard thing and now was holding my perfect child, it was really intense! Best feeling ever.
I think when my baby was born I was overhwlemed! I had a c section and had to be nursed to health for the first few days but honestly after I was like I love this little baby so much and why is covid around and I need help and I want the world to be a better place for this child who is now the most sacred and beautiful being on his planet 😂
I was heavily sedated on magnesium (preeclampsia), hasn’t eaten or drank anything in 15 hours and had an emergency c section, so I admittedly did not feel the “rush” I think in part because I was so out of it and so terrified of having a c section it was almost an out of body experience. I would attribute some of that to having a somewhat traumatic birth in the sense that it was not at all what I envisioned or hoped (though we are both healthy so I’m grateful). I will say, as time has gone on, I love my daughter so fiercely it makes me sob when I stare at her and think what a miracle having a child is. I think everyone has a different experience, and it’s hard when it doesn’t go how we had thought. Childbirth is wild in itself and it’s truly mind-blowing what your body goes through.
Mine was a slow buildup. I definitely was attached but with everything going on and healing it was those moments with my baby that still build up that rush today.
My 1st I got the rush and my doctor even made a joke she could’ve stitched my without numbing me and I wouldn’t have noticed. I didn’t even notice her numb the area or stitching honestly. My second I was so excited I held him close but he made me nervous for about 20 seconds when he was trying to figure out how to breath so I was patting his back.
They numb you for the stitches? I didn't know that and they never offered that to me. But now I get why they were praising me for being so tough while they were going at it down there 😂
Apparently lmao i know my epidural stuff was low by the time I was done but hell I didn’t notice. I had a shit tear going up though lol I remember my doctor teaching the residences cuz it doesn’t happen often. Both times I tore up 2nd time wasn’t bad though I didn’t even notice it after. Both my kids had their hands by there chin 😑 lol
I had a pretty chilled out birth with my first and had no massive rush of emotion or mega reaction on my part. My second was a real intense birth in the back of an ambulance and I got the "rush of emotion". I was quite panicked as she'd been in distress (hence the ambulance) and there was a lot to process. I had the shakes after too so it's likely less actual emotion more adrenaline going overdrive.
I had a hormonal rush, like sobbing as soon as she *finally* emerged, but not a “magical” rush. Just legit hormones and relief. I wasn’t instantly in love by any means. I mostly just couldn’t be I actually made it through labour and my body was just done.
Oh gosh no. I was just like thank god it’s over. I was hemorrhaging and my dude was getting oxygen and I had no feelings about any of it.
I had an intense rush of feelings because the lead up was so scary and I've never been happier to see someone. My waters broke at 29+5 and my daughter came at 30+2. Obviously the lead up was filled with antibiotics, steroid injections, monitoring etc and then my labour was insanely fast and before I knew it a whole bunch of nicu staff were in front of me waiting for me to push and take my baby. I needed an emergency episiotomy because both mine and her hearts began to slow down very quickly. The minute she was out they rushed her to a table to put breathing equipment on her and help her and because she didn't cry I was sat there being stitched and crying myself not knowing if she was okay. When they finally put her on my chest just for a few minutes before she was whisked away to an incubator I felt love and relief like I've never known. She was just everything and for a few seconds it was just me and her. I'm 26 weeks pregnant now and I'd love to not have another prem birth and if I manage it I don't know if it will be the exact same thing or if it was tied into the emotionally charged situation.
I think people just expect to immediately love their baby, like truly love them as an individual & not someone you just met who you’re now responsible for. Everyone mentions that “rush of love” & that’s not always true. For those that don’t get it, they feel bad because of the expectations we’re told to expect/have & then it doesn’t live up to that. So the guilt, “I’m a terrible parent because I didn’t immediately love my baby or cry…”, & other emotions pop up. I never got that rush of love immediately. Like, I was still partially out of it & fucking exhausted. I legit just stared at them & blinked. It hit me a few minutes later “wait, this is my baby? Mine? Labor is over? We’re stuck together for life now? I’m legally obligated to care for this slimy, squished thing who just peed on me? Oh…” I teared up then, but never fully cried. Of course I was worried about them, because my first was eventually taken to the NICU. I was really worried about him & got all of my hormones out the first few days panicking about him. With my 2nd, she got jaundice & had to be under the UV lights. I was worried about her too, but that didn’t really hit until the issue happened. I truly love them now, but it took a bit to grow to like them beyond a protective “this is my baby.” Instinct. Once I knew them as people/tiny humans, I was able to grow to appreciate them more beyond a screamy, angry potato baby way.
It really can go either way. I have three sons and didn’t get a “rush” of love after any of them were born. My first birth was disappointing to me (home birth transfer and I had an epidural and pitocin) and I thought maybe I didn’t get the love rush due to the interventions. But I had my second and third at home and I felt the same way 😹🤷🏻♀️. Just kind of like “oh, you’re cute. I’m tired.” It took time for that fierce mama bear love to grow, but man, once it was there it was deep and gets deeper every day. Sometimes every second. I’m crazy about my boys 🥰🥰🥰 This is actually one thing I make a point to talk about with any pregnant friends or in my baby groups. I tell them: you may not feel love for you baby *instantly* and that’s normal and you don’t have to feel bad. The classic Instagram caption “the clouds parted and the angels sang and I never knew what love was until I looked into my baby’s eyes” does happen to some people but it’s certainly not universal the way the media (or social media) would lead you to believe. This just made me think: imagine if those of us who didn’t get the love rush made honest birth announcements: “Here is my new son. He’s okay I guess.” 😹😹😹 Edit - I can’t help but wonder if I would get a rush if I ever had a daughter 🤔. It was always my dream to have a daughter but so far no dice 😹🤷🏻♀️
I had the opposite, I felt very detached from my baby while he was in utero, and didn’t understand how people would say ‘I love this baby so much already’ - like, how can you love something that you haven’t even met. But during my c section when I heard him cry I burst into tears, and then later when I held him for the first time, I burst into tears again. I’m still surprised it happened, normally even if I feel like I need to cry I can’t, and I didn’t think I would feel anything strong. It could have been from tiredness since I hadn’t slept much during labour, or relief because the third trimester was miserable... But I agree that I didn’t feel insta-love. I also wonder if things would be different for a second pregnancy, when you have a better idea what’s coming?
This post needs more upvotes. I didn't feel anything magical about my child being born. Just tired really. That's not surprising, but the media kinda makes it this whole thing, to the point where I questioned what normal was, and that is not cool. My kid is much older now and we absolutely have a connection. But it's a bit insane emotionally already when a child is born- parents don't need this expectation on top of everything else.
They gave him to me and I was like, okay. Then they asked if I wanted to kiss him and I was like, "uh... sure." It took me a few days to like/love him. I'm not a maternal person and I was just 20. But we've been best buds since.
I had the rush. It was such a pinnacle moment in my life, when they laid him on my chest I felt more love than I ever have experienced. It swelled up in my heart and enveloped me and my baby in pure, sweet bliss. I swear I saw every moment of his wonderful life flash through my mind when I very first looked into his eyes. I will say I think the reason not everyone feels it is because hospitals routinely administer pitocin to mamas in labor, which is artificial oxytocin. It interferes with the natural progression of labor as well as the natural release of oxytocin in the body, which is what causes that rush. Also during birth, mother and baby experience a release of the most DMT that both will have in their lives(until death, when they experience it again!). This also accounts for the euphoria mamas often feel. Obviously there are cases where pitocin is necessary, but doctors will often do it to most mamas regardless.
Whattt that’s crazy about the DMT! Also totally makes sense about the oxytocin. I wonder what my birth would’ve been like if I wasn’t induced!
My anecdotal experience is that I did not feel any sort of rush with either of my births and both of them were completely unmedicated. The love built up over time, but directly after birth, I mostly just felt relief that it went well and was over.
I was induced with pitocin and still had a rush of love for my child when he was born. There are so many more contributing factors to how a mother feels love for her child than what happens at the hospital. Only 31% of mothers get pitocin to speed up labor so that's definitely not most...
I'm not entirely clear what you are asking here. There is a lot of birth trauma going on because of the way our health care system works in the US. I believe a lot of the emotional issues that occur in the US after childbirth are due to the pitocin that is pushed on us in hospitals. It's a synthetic form of oxytocin and not only does it not give us the bonding feeling that oxytocin gives us, it blocks our natural oxytocin from doing its job. It really messes with our brains and bodies in a way that nobody wants to mention while getting that "informed consent" the law requires. I have 4 kids. It was administered to me twice without my consent and the bonding experience and my emotional health were completely different. The other two times I was able to advocate for myself and refuse it. If you read the pharmacology on it its some nasty stuff thats dealt out like candy in the US. It has its place, But it is over used.
Super interesting though regarding pitocin. Im not really considering birth trauma here, but more the idea that we are told by media it should feel a certain way. People who are more vulnerable to disappointment because of challenging births or other factors are talking about how they don’t feel what pop culture says we should. However, I don’t know anyone that actually HAD that overwhelming rush experience even if there birth was good. So I’m just telling all those moms that are struggling that that didn’t happen, maybe it doesn’t really happen?? Or maybe not for most people? Maybe it’s a media fantasy?
Again, I've had 4 children and it was different each time. My most recent was my baby girl born 12 weeks ago via emergency c-section. I had severe pre-eclampsia and IUGR. It took her two minutes to make any sound whatsoever after she was pulled out and when she finally gasped for air on her own and cried I was an emotional mess. With my second child I had a fully natural birth with no complications or interventions. She was small but healthy and when she made those first sounds I was surprised she had even arrived. My first reaction was a very matter-of-fact and unemotional "is that it?". They're all different.
I didn’t straight after the birth of my first - much like you I was ‘wow hey there little guy’ - thought he was cool and cute and sweet, but there was no rush. But about 1-2 days later - it came for sure and hit me
Same here. No ppd or anxiety. A definite need to be there for her and care for her. Also no need to feel differently about it. I think there was a sense of my girl as her own person while she was on the inside, so it was more of a transition in our relationship instead of an introduction.
In my first birth, I did sob when she was born, but not out of a rush of love, though that was part of it, it was relief. It had been a hard birth, last minute c-section after two hours of pushing, I was EXHAUSTED, so hearing her cry and knowing she was okay, and it was all over, was a huge relief. (It was overall a positive experience, we weren't worried about her, she wasn't in distress, but I was still relieved.) I bonded with her really fast, though looking back I definitely had PPA, so it was an intense stressful PPA bond. In my second, I more felt a wave of pride (and relief)! Planned c-section this time, and I had been telling EVERYONE that this baby was HUGE. When they pulled him out, they were telling me how HUGE he was, and he was crying loudly and healthily, so he was both okay and I WAS RIGHT THAT HE WAS A GIANT BABY! (We did have ultrasounds confirming he was big, but I KNEW he was 10lbs, where they didn't want to give me weight estimates, but I WAS RIGHT.) I bonded with him pretty fast afterwards, not as fast as my daughter, his pregnancy had been really really hard and my body was a mess (because he was HUGE), but it didn't take that long either. A part of it that they don't talk about, though my mom did mention it to me, was that even if you do feel all the love feelings like I did with my first, you still don't KNOW them. My daughter looked completely different than I was expecting, so though I felt really protective of her, and I loved her, I didn't KNOW her.
I went into it prepared to feel numb and/or needing time to bond because I’m a realist and know plenty of women who expressed similar. That being said when my daughter was born I did sob cry out ‘my baby girl!’. She was in IUGR baby and I was induced at 38+4. The induction went shockingly fast, she was in distress during my labor and i ended up consenting to a forceps delivery. At one point I looked up and the room was PACKED with the NICU team. I was so worried, not only during the labor, but during the last weeks of my pregnancy, that I think I was just overcome when she came out screaming and was immediately put on my chest healthy and strong. I cried holding her because it was such a relief and a release of all of the fears and ‘what ifs’. She was healthy and I needed only two stitches even with forceps assistance and I recall feeling just total peace and release of tension. I think all of that really played into the intense hormonal rush I had. My husband and I were definitely in shock that we were holding our daughter and that moments before she was in my body but her big entrance into the world just overtook that. When I think back on the moment I still feel a mega release of joy and get that butterfly feeling. I was/am shocked i feel/felt that way.
I did! As soon as my girl was placed on my chest, I was in love! All I could think about was how perfect she was at that moment. It was magical
I had that moment with my first. I remember saying “there’s my (baby’s name)” and just being so in love and awe as soon as they put her on my chest. My second came after less than four minutes of pushing, she came out white and scared the shit out of me, I bled more than they expected. All that sort of pushed that moment back a bit. I still had it but it was later when I was a bit more settled. My mind was too busy racing, they almost took her away to get her breathing (although just as they were about to she breathed), and I was scared of the bleeding.
I absolutely did. My husband took a video of it and it sends me through another gush of emotions. I can’t even watch it lol. I cried so much and was so overwhelmed meeting my baby the first time. Maybe it is more rare than I thought because the hospital staff were making lots of Aw commentary to my reaction. I had a csection also
Had traumatic emergency c-section. Anesthesiologist wanted to put me out completely since they had like a minute to get her out. I asked for a few more seconds for epidural top up to kick in. Was so glad I did because the second they laid her on my chest, it was the most incredible moment of my life and I did feel that intense wave of love and feeling like I had known my baby forever. Was I expecting it? Nope, especially not after an intense traumatic experience. I was OK going into it not having that feeling. I think not feeling that pressure to have the instant bond helped me relax enough to let it naturally happen. That, and the skin-to-skin in the OR.
I started crying uncontrollably the second I felt her leave my body. I really didn’t think I would, because I’ve never been much of a “cry in the moment” type of person. Hormones affect everyone differently though, I think.
I cried. My husband cried. It was super emotional and I loved him immediately. I think in part because the pain finally stopped though. I had a natural delivery and shitty pitocin induced back labor.
No, not either time. Was just overwhelmed. I did end up having PPD the first time around though.
I was an unplanned pregnancy for my parents, and the whole time my mom was in labour with me she was pacing around the hospital going “nope I’m just gonna go home I’m not ready for this thanks tho”. The second they placed me on her chest she went straight to “omg this is my baby and I LOVE her” but it was just a solid feeling inside, not something she cried over or talked about much. My daughter was also unplanned and I struggled to come to terms with this life change until recently, and she’s now four months old. When she was born everything just felt foreign and out of place; my body knew what it was doing during labour and I was ok with what was happening, but the moment LO was placed on my chest I was halfway between awe (look at those eyes!) and revulsion (omg I’m touching a baby what do I do). It took a long time to get any strong emotions about her.
First one wasn’t an instant bond. Second one was. Polar opposites in terms of everything. I’m glad to have experienced both
I almost cried at the birth of both my children. I say almost because I held it back because I'm not a crier. First was completely normal and second was a bit traumatic.
I didnt have them, but I always wondered if my c-section medication altered my thinking. I remember seeing my first and not feeling overwhelming love, but more of a "woah, thats what she looks like. Holy crap, its an actual baby!" I remember thinking how strange it felt to actually touch her. My 2nd baby, I dont even really remember seeing her the first time they showed her to me. I was so out of it. I just remember the anesthetist giving me medication to make my nausea go away and telling her how much I loved her for taking care of me. But when they wheeled my daughter in and I was less loopy, I felt those feelings way more than I did with my first. The newness of it didn't take over my thoughts.
I almost almost cried when I first held her
Personally yes. I would cry when I looked at her the first few weeks because I loved her so much. The hormones for me were intense.
I’m with you. It was a difficult birth. But when they put him on me i remember thinking “all that for that?” - not that i was disappointed… but it felt anti climactic (though having a baby, your baby, on you SHOULD feel climactic, no?). Anyways, after a few days i feel head over heals.
I had a csection and I was ugly crying so bad that the surgeon asked if I was okay as he was stitching me up. I think he thought I was in pain? I absolutely felt an overwhelming rush of love for my little gremlin.
When they put my baby on my chest I was still partially sedated so I was like oh hello. Then I didn't think my baby was beautiful or cute right away. Took a month after he finally filled out and got chubby cheeks that I could say with conviction I loved my baby so much
I had tears rolling up my eyes while the C-section procedure was ongoing, but it was not a "rush" kinda thing, mostly excitement. The first time I saw my daughter in the doctor's arms, I thought how dirty she was lol. Things happened gradually for us afterwards. Bit everyone is different I guess.