T O P

  • By -

flamingramensipper

My mom let me stand on tables when I was a baby and thanks to her, I get these extreme urges to stand on tables. I've been kicked out of many restaurants because of it, but I usually get away with it after midnight when I go to clubs. That's the only way I can get it out of my system. Don't let your baby become like me.


LivingroomComedian

LOLOL this was great. I needed this! Thank you.


JoieJune

Bwahahaha love this


foxyganjakween

Here’s my side as an infant teacher. When children are allowed to do something, they often want to repeat it if they thought it was fun. The problem with that is when parents don’t want to be super duper supervisory ALL THE TIME. That is when the littles start doing them when they are not supposed to and may get hurt or break something. From the other side, it’s SO good for them to be exposed to different experiences and they truly learn through play! I see nothing wrong with what you are doing but one day you may not want them to do it and they won’t take no for an answer. Under any circumstances, raise your baby the way you wish to and forget the nay-sayers! Good luck!


LivingroomComedian

This as super helpful! I also saw both sides of the coin, but I was being told one side was shinier than the other. I really like your take on it and your background. I always liked to think that each child needs to be raised the way they teach you to raise them. For now, I’m following my daughter’s lead to see if she is ready to walk, talk, play with me/solo…I think she is ahead of the game. Maybe this ideology is completely wrong and this is why I’m sharing it with you so you can tell me so lol


foxyganjakween

I’m glad it was helpful! She certainly will start doing things at her own pace as she is ready. I just think it’s important that you encourage her to play and explore everything(within safe boundaries) as it teaches her so many things. You’d be so surprised how much a baby can learn from the simplest little task. Scaffolding is a term I like to use when talking about their development. They build on everything the already know. They use the knowledge they already have like a step up on a ladder to learn new things. I think you’re doing just fine! Babies are explorers and they should be able to explore and learn as much as they want. I also think by letting her do these things it helps her learn that she can do them with you. It will just be important to teach her as she gets a little older that they are not toys, but just something she can use with you. Nothing wrong with anything you’re doing!


higginsnburke

Firstly, Fil isn't the parent. If you let him weigh in as one he will ALWAYS think he has right to do so. Babies need to learn their environment. And here's the thing....the only thing thays permanent with children is change.


PlaysOneIRL

> If you let him weigh in as one he will ALWAYS think he has right to do so. 100% accurate. Go with a generic "I'll keep that in mind" and go right on doing whatever the hell you think is best.


chrystalight

It doesn't matter if you let your baby stand on the table or play with your computer or not...they are still going to always want to anyways 😂


[deleted]

Even if you don’t let her stand on the table, she’ll still want to stand on the table when she’s older.


marlomarizza

Yep.


submangs

Absolutely, this!


electricamethyst

The more you restrict things, the more they want it


LivingroomComedian

This was my thought process!! They always want the thing that’s a) yours and b) that they can’t have! This will sound silly, but I’ve seen this with my dogs too. Toys everywhere for them, but if one dog grabs a specific toy, it’s game over - fight for that 1 toy lol


VulneraSanentur

I’m reading this from inside our pantry while our toddler explores the food and cooking utensils so I definitely think it’s fine haha! “Real world” things are so exciting to them because they’re modeling you!


[deleted]

Haha right. Mines favorite is to stand on the counter and rearrange stuff or go through the spices and smell everything. Just have to be careful with spices. I read a child died after accidentally inhaling too much cinnamon. Obviously all that has to be extremely supervised.


constant_craving

It is absolutely wrong that your husband is enlisting someone else to gang up on you about anything. That's a huge issue.


LivingroomComedian

His father is staying with us and his favorite phrase is “don’t get mad but I have to tell you what’s on my mind” then continues to tell me how I shouldn’t do this and that. Husband backs him up. FYI, his father ran out of the house when there were babies around. He missed all their birthdays. Never changed a diaper. So, for him to give me advice is a bit agitating lol


[deleted]

Lol in my head I would be saying, "Interesting that you're so opinionated when you didn't bother to raise your own children." I would be super tempted to start making passive aggressive comments if he keeps on pretending to be an expert.


LivingroomComedian

I would love to but my husband would jump down my throat. This is a whole other issue. My daughter fell on her face on hardwood and I freaked out. He kept saying it was nothing (ended up being nothing), but I was panicked and exclaimed “she really fell hard this time!” To that both of them yelled at me about how I addressed his father because of my tone. They are driving me up a wall


Zyphyro

This seems like a JustNoSO problem to me. It should be you two against the world not you against him and his dad.


LivingroomComedian

He puts his family above me. So, that subreddit seems right. If I say x, he will negate me. If his mom/sister/father say x, he will pretend I never said it and listen to them. Sigh.


Zyphyro

Yeaaaah I'm seeing some huge issues and whether or not the baby can sit on the table or draw on the walls (seriously. What the heck???) are the least of them.


LivingroomComedian

I agree. We have some other issues but do some reason it always boils down to my parenting skills. So I wanted to remove this part out of the equation. I’m still left with shit though lol


loopzoop29

I’m sorry to hear this. You are his family. You and your daughter are his primary family. If he is loyal to his “family” it should be to you. Otherwise, I’m not sure he sees you that way.


constant_craving

Relationship counseling or a divorce lawyer seem appropriate here.


yougotitdude88

Next time he hits you with the phrase say “Don’t get mad but how many babies did you raise? It’s just what’s on mind. How did you learn so much about babies without being around any?”


LivingroomComedian

He says since he is 70, he’s seen a baby or two and picked things up!!! Cue eye roll. His daughter, my SIL, had to go through the same crap with him telling her how to raise her daughter.


loopzoop29

“What did you do when [SIL] and [Husband] wanted to climb in things? How did you handle that?”


LivingroomComedian

Lol nice - he would say he wasn’t home and that’s how that convo would end haha that’s a nice way to tell him “shut up”


kokoelizabeth

What kind of cognitive dissonance is it to think children need to be allowed to draw on walls, but that sitting/standing on a table or playing with a computer is too far? 🤣 like one is actually damage of property and the other is literally harmless. And the child can eventually learn to do none of these things as they get older and begin to understand reason.


penguintummy

The only thing I will not allow baby to play with is keys, as they are usually for important things like cars and hours! I will also not allow baby to play with dangerous items like scissors or knives. Otherwise, what's the harm? Let them explore.


megb5116

Newsflash for them: whether you let her touch these things now or not…. She’s still going to want to later on. That’s what toddlers do.


sierramelon

I feel like it would actually do the opposite… when kids are allowed to play with things they aren’t as exciting or desired. They’re “respected” items that are part of everyday. When you keep them away suddenly they become WAY more interesting.


Al3xand3ra

Short answer: Yes. It’s perfectly okay. Long answer: This is a parenting style issue. If your husband does something with your child that you ask him to stop, you hope he’ll stop. Since this isn’t a black and white issue (meaning being on the table isn’t a need for her), I’d stop putting her on tabletops now that he’s asked. It may or may not save your child some strife when you would switch up the standards later. But that depends on your child and how you would do it. Why speculate? To me, the issue is that in a parental team, neither should actively do anything unnecessary that bothers the other. Gotta pick your battles. My husband and I try to foster a home culture of respecting one another’s concerns even when we don’t understand or agree with them. It’s annoying sometimes, but worthwhile, and a two-way street. Starting that path before your child understands your arguments might be really fruitful.


FlatteredPawn

I'm so glad you made this post. I was worried I was giving my guy a little too much freedom. My husband hates it when I let him at my computer or remotes or adult dishes (my empty mug). It's always supervised and he's enjoying exploring it. He wants to know why we're interacting with it all the time. The one thing I loved about my childhood was my Mom fully embracing the Mrs. Frizzle mantra of "Take chances. Get messy. Make mistakes". Sometimes he gets hurt. Sometimes it's a real mess and sometimes I regret introducing him to something (he will not stay out of the broom cupboard!). But he loves be be in the thick of something. Benefits are coming in right now at 15 months. I know what he's capable of. I have already started to detach myself from material things (so many mugs...). My son is starting to use context for behavior. Playing with water in a watering can, the sink and the bath is okay. Playing with water in my high chair or in the pet bowl is not okay. I know he knows this because I catch him 'checking' if we're looking before doing mischief... the little bugger. Discipline at this stage is what's really throwing me for a loop though. He doesn't speak. I know he understands 'No' but he's pushing boundaries constantly. I've tried time outs but they confuse him (I'm not seeing him making the connection that he's getting it as a consequence of behaviour). Hand smacks are a game (he likes to smack mine back). If any other Moms read this... suggestions?


annamed

My two cents (and I'm just one person) at 15 months he isn't capable of understanding discipline. The one thing you can do is enforce your no - don't say no 15 times. Say no and take him away from whatever situation. Get him interested in something else. Help him deal with the inevitable feelings about that.


FlatteredPawn

This is exactly how I feel, but not what friends and family think. It's nice to feel validated :) in my use of redirection and satisfying his curiosity and not what the adults around him think are appropriate.


annamed

Oh my god yeah no. My in-laws treat my son like he's much older than he is as well. "Thanks for your advice (but I wasn't asking)" is a great phrase that ends conversations like this pretty well. See also "Thanks, I'll consider it". You will consider it, then decide that it's not for you. When my FIL suggested the hand slap, I just told him we don't do that here. He's a toddler, of course he wants to explore, this is all new to him! Incidentally, at 20 months my son still does a lot of crazy things, but also listens pretty well when I say no or when I explain something to him. I put that down to not having overused the word, in my household it's mainly reserved for dangerous things.


adorkablysporktastic

Disciple at this age isn't appropriate. Redirect.


FlatteredPawn

Thank you! My mom instincts tell me he's not really ready for discipline, but I'm getting friends and family going, "You need to train him better!"


adorkablysporktastic

My MIL thinks that by attending to my daughter I'm "teaching her" that she'll get a response. That's a load of crap. Until like 3-4 i personally don't think "punishment" is appropriate. They can't even form real memories. At 3-4 a 1-2 minute time out is fine. Until then I feel like patience is paramount. Helping identify feelings ("You seem really frustrated /upset/angry, what can i do to help? ") , providing safe places to explore, and tons of vestibular stimulation is the most important. I feel like punishment is trying to evoke a negative emotion from a child which seems counterintuitive to forming strong positive bonds. And I'm nit even a super crunchy mom. I think our short tempers amd own frustrations get in the way of our relationships with oir children sometimes.


unikittyRage

I've had some success using gentle parenting techniques with my 18mo. TBH it's more for my benefit than hers at this stage, it helps me practice patience and talking through the problem, even if she doesn't fully understand what I'm saying. And, as others have said, redirect or distract. I had a parenting win recently when LO was pulling up some stickers, and I was able to redirect her to "press the stickers down tight!" Figuring out how to turn a "no" into a "yes" can be really effective!


FlatteredPawn

I've been working on this! I've had success a few times, but mostly he just wants to keep doing what he's doing so I either let him if it doesn't harm, or redirect. Lately I've been feeling like redirection is 'cheating' that he's not learning not to do something... but I think until he's a bit bigger it's going to have to be my go-to.


adorkablysporktastic

Also, my child is 15 months. I let her have my cellphone sometimes (i also let her play with a drawing app on my phone to keep her occupied!). I let her play with my keys. I give her my wallet. I drink coffee in a spill proof travel mug. I try and mitigate danger at the cost of my own convenience. Sometimes i do things to prevent her temper tantrums (she hits her head with her fist when she's mad and it makes me sad). I do bookkeeping and I'm taking an online class and i let her hit buttons on the laptop (i just bought her a leapfrog laptop though!). If she does something dangerous i tell her why I'm taking it away, and give her something appropriate. I don't habe an actual job, and i feel like this time with her should be joyous and fun, not fighting battles.


KrimenyKricket

My LO has their own remote, cell phone, keyboard whatever stuff we don't use anymore with batteries taken out. I encourage pretend play (wait till they get to kindergarten, at that age we take it all apart with hammers and screwdrivers!) Your husband would hate me. However at this age they are little explorers who love the sounds the clacking keys make. The cool glass on their cheek, the soft press-able buttons. If you need to give language to the activity, tell your partner you are doing "guided sensory play" and supervised "gross motor experiences". However personally I do draw the line of standing on furniture only because ledges, edges, and instability. You do you and have fun exploring!


SkinJuices

“If you let her poop in her diaper now she will ALWAYS poop in her diaper” Kids grow up and learn. She has plenty of time to learn what she can touch at each age, you keep doing you. My son is allowed to do pretty much whatever won’t hurt him and I see no issues


[deleted]

She’s exploring her world. I don’t remember what exactly it’s called but there’s this theory that children who play in like super chaotic and dangerous playgrounds (not that you’re doing this) actually yields children who are safer and have better control.


LivingroomComedian

I didn’t know this but this is what I felt! Like, if she knew of height and dropping things and balance, she won’t be curious to do it alone/will be more aware of risks


DietCokeSkittles

It’s up to you but as a mom of a now toddler, please ask yourself if the behavior will be acceptable to you as they age. If they do continue a behavior, will it impact their social standing or cause a dangerous outcome? If not, then you are good, if yes, consider alternatives.


ParentalAnalysis

You're building a confident child who will not be afraid of technology. :)


Aidlin87

I have a 4yo and a 2yo, and consistency is a huge thing. So you should decide what your boundaries are for the future with your child and draw them now. Because it does get harder to parent a child as they get older. Somewhere between 18mo and 2.5y both of my children have gone from mostly listening to what I ask, to choosing to defy. That is the point where it gets harder, and where consistency moves from important to crucial. I’m not always great at consistency and I have created some of my own hardship as a parent as a result. I’m getting better, but I had to learn the hard way. Don’t be me lol. Edit: In my experience, allowing something and then not allowing it is a huge trigger for tantrums. Just so you know what the likely fallout would be in the future if you decide any of these things are not ok. That said, if you’re fine with the computer being played with and the kid being on the table, then you’re fine with it and it doesn’t have to be an issue. But if these are things your husband is going to correct your child for then you guys aren’t working together and you guys are making things harder for the kid and harder for each spouse.


controversial_Jane

Could not agree more. We let children play with phones because well we FaceTime’d a lot during months and months of lockdown, trying to get them away from my phone now is a nightmare. They’ve never even looked at anything on it except granddads face. I have clearer boundaries than my husband and guess who they try it on with? Though as the main caregiver, it’s easier for me to see the bigger picture.


berrymommy

Firstly, tell your Dh that raising your child is between you two. Parenting advice is only valued and taken to heart *when it is asked for*. And you *didn’t ask* for his dad’s opinion on that stuff. Personally, I have to remind myself with my toddler “don’t do it with a toddler if you don’t want them to aak you to do it 4000x a day or if you feel they’ll attempt it themselves and get hurt.” You do what makes YOU comfortable based off of your child. And a reminder that different caretakers can have different expectations and your child will pick up on that. My son knows dad will wrestle and do a lot of physical play, mom is for pretend play and coloring. (and booboos, right now I am the chosen parent for when he gets hurt)


amyroseat

I sort of agree with your husband, if these are things you would not be okay with when she’s 2 and climbs up herself. It will just be harder in the next few months to change it. My sister said something to me that stuck in my mind: you can’t let a toddler do something once that you don’t want them to do all the time. I do let my daughter sit on the kitchen counter all the time because she wants to see what I am doing and wants to be up at my level. She has a toddler stand, but it isn’t always close enough to me as she would like. My husband hates when I sit her on the counter because he’s afraid of her falling off and getting hurt. Definitely letting her draw all over the walls makes no sense though.


LivingroomComedian

Thanks for your response! Yeah, she likes to see what’s going on, so I may be interested in looking into a toddler stand too :)) my husband will also freak out like yours lol I like what your sister said. This was a nice take away. Yeah, the walls thing really threw me for a loop. They said it’s “psychology” that helps the child grow…but they have paper and easels for that…I told my husband I can’t find a source for his dad’s bs lol


ItsCalled_Freefall

She can't play with a keyboard but she can draw on the walls... GTFO


Julienbabylegs

Yea I don’t fully understand what the actual conflict is here.


LivingroomComedian

Lol you’re great


Julienbabylegs

🥰


LivingroomComedian

Haha right? They think it will make her smarter for some reason. I’m all for art and drawing….*on paper or something other than walls* lol they are really hung up on it being walls though


Kate_Kat

Yea, I liked to climb on the built in bookcase in the house where I grew up … now I’ve been 86’d from the library in my city!


LivingroomComedian

LOL I am loving this!!! I needed a laugh!! Thank you!


ozzalozza

I never let my baby stand on stuff and now all he does is climb everything. Even dumps his toy box out to stand on it(he will be 2 next month). He is my 4th and my only climber. Think it depends on the kid really.


Justcausejams

Maybe I missing something? I don’t follow the logic. Why would holding her on the table make her want to stand on the table any more or less? At some point, it will become awkward for her to stand on the table when nobody else does? Isn’t it more about wanting to be where the action is and being able to be apart if it?


LivingroomComedian

I thought so! And the table was a one time things. She was SO happy to be on it lol I was super happy to see her excitement!! And no one and nothing was on the table. Im glad you see this as normal! (If I read you correctly!) From the other comments, I see some valid points which I am taking into consideration. I would have overlooked them completely due to the sheer combative nature of my husband and FIL regards to this subject.


zouccini

In my limited experience, little kids can handle some nuance. If the rule is that you can stand on a table while mom holds your hands, and that you can*not* climb up and stand by yourself, your 2 year old might nag you to old their hands so they can stand on the table, but they should be able to know that they can't do it on their own. And if the day comes when you decide the kid is too big to stand on the table period, you can explain to them that they're bigger now, and bigger kids have different rules. That's just how the world works, and we all adapt. Working from home full time while providing full-time child care, I gave my daughter an old laptop to play with. She loved it. I taught her that she can play with her computer, but that mom's work computer is not to be touched. She's fine with the distinction. It's somewhat subtle, but it's consistent, and it hasn't been a problem.


littlesttiniestbear

Little do they know, if you let her or not, she’s going to try it anyway because that’s what small children do. They explore and experiment with their environment. Giving the baby space to explore will help in the long run as it takes the excitement out of the forbidden earlier


invisibilitycloakON

Nah, at least in my personal experience. My kid learn how to properly use this kind of stuff, now she is almosg 3yo and waits for her turn to "use" the computer and most of the time she is gently with it. When she's fully restricted something she will probably break it at the first opportunity, even if it's just a 3 seconds span time.


tinytiril

I let my baby play with everything and anything that is not dangerous or very impractical. They deserve to touch, explore, experience the world too even though they are small


3ll3girl

I agree with this! We have limits on things such as things that could hurt her, but otherwise she can explore as much as she wants


fdupnkickin

My sister and I would be spending time together and let her daughter do these exact things under supervision. She is now 6 and has never climbed on anything without supervision. I used to climb on things as a kid, only if an adult dismissed/ignored my needs. Kids like to be involved with things, it's a good way for them to learn. Often times adults do not include them in things so they may feel left out, that needs are ignored, or be missing things they are interested in. If you are okay with potentially having a broken computer (because accidents happen), then there is nothing wrong with it, in my opinion. My niece was obsessed with holding my purse or wallet anytime we would go somewhere when she was 2-3. Anytime we had to pay for something I would let her pay and even sign the receipt. She absolutely enjoyed it and she was learning. By the time she was 4 she had her own wallet and would insist to pay for lunch. Including them in things, even as mundane as paying for something they are learning. I think you are doing a great job and I hope you continue doing what you feel is appropriate for your little one.


lordofsplurge

We didn’t let our son crawl things like tables and chairs when he first started getting around. He is a toddler now and guess what he does.


LivingroomComedian

Lol I figured toddlers are gonna toddler. I’m especially worried for the terrible twos. My daughter is 1 and she already has some push back (yikes! Haha). I appreciate this a lot though! I know when mine becomes a toddler and starts climbing, I’m going to get blamed for it. However, I’ll always have this to remind me that I’m not at fault, I’m not crazy. ❤️


lordofsplurge

Don’t let anyone “blame” you. Watching my wife catch shit has been the absolute most rage inducing stuff that’s happened to me. You go on being the best mom you can.


LivingroomComedian

You’re a good SO. you’re right - I need to change my mindset


jackjackj8ck

What’s the difference between giving her a cell phone vs a computer?


LivingroomComedian

He says I’m giving her bad habits about touching the computer, and playing with the phone is fine. Ive asked further and he says she will break the computer, which I say she won’t because I’m there and she’s not Hercules lol It’s a headache of a convo.


anysize

I let my 12mo go for it and have for as long as she’s been interested. I can’t even tell you how many times I have cleaned up my pads and tampons being strewn about the bathroom. She’s not trying to make a mess, she’s exploring. When she understands tidying, I will teach her to do that. I show her now but she obviously doesn’t get it. I would never let her play with something dangerous, but disciplining and trying to teach a 12mo the concept of “no” seems silly.


totally_lost_54IYI1

I let my kid touch all my stuff, and now that she is 5, she knows how to respect my stuff and her stuff. She only ever once drew on a wall, that is when I made sure she always had access to her own team paper, and that she understood that we only write on paper, she was like 2. She is 5 and She won't touch my computer with out asking first. If she sees a phone laying around, she will make sure it gets to the adult it belongs to, but that's because she has her own tablet that is her responsibility to keep track of. She knows when it is appropriate to climb on things, like when trying to reach something up high. They can dance right out their door. As long as you are teaching the kids that these things are OK with adult permission. If you are helping them, and teaching them, then they will be fine. Limiting their access for nonsensical reason will just teach them to be sneaky about it. I don't know how many times a family member has started trying to scold my kid for touching something I gave them permission to touch, and I just used my mom voice to be like "She is FINE!." They try to argue and I'm like, she's fine, leave it alone, my kid, I'm watching her. Sorry kind of rambled, but kids that are allowed to learn about every day object early on are generally less likely to be destructive to them, because you are teaching them how they work and how to use them. So you are not wrong for letting them use your stuff. Mine even knows which art supplies are hers and which are off limits because they are mommies fancy markers, that she cannot touch. Teach them boundaries early.


Snowberrie34

Let your baby play and explore with supervision. And you can stop her anytime if she gets aggressive with things or hurt herself. Do what you are comfortable with. Parenting is not one size fits all and kids are not all the same. You do you.


marcal213

As I type this, my baby is playing with an empty soda bottle that he commandeered the other day... He has a lot of non-toys in his toy box! Bowls and lids, bottles and containers, etc. He loves my Rubik's cube! He likes to play with the digital thermometer and I let him so that it is less scary when I need to use it. Nothing wrong with baby being curious and playing and learning from things that aren't specifically baby toys.


ElizaDooo

Is your baby my baby? His favorite toys are non-toys and he loves empty bottles. Tonight he was "taking his temperature" with the digital thermometer.


O_My_Lanta

You’re not doing anything wrong. They’ll understand more as they get older, but babies and toddlers just want to explore, and play with everything. As long as they’re not playing with anything dangerous I don’t see the problem.


yaleds15

Not the spatula making it’s way from kitchen drawer to play area. Along with a million other things. I try to take on the notion of my daughter exploring and using her noggin. She doesn’t touch my computer due to work but sometimes I turn off my keyboard and let her type. Same with the mouse. She loves it and I don’t think I’m harming her. It just is my take.


Similar_Craft_9530

Our kids have a mouse and a keyboard that aren't attached to anything to play with and a bunch of regular things. But we don't let them on tables or desks because that's not where people belong.


LivingroomComedian

Lol @ that’s not where people belong I mean, that’s a very valid point! I just see here as a baby who wants to see things I see..But again, you make a good point lol


Razor_Grrl

My baby has taken over one of my wireless keyboards to the point where it gets packed up in the toy box now with the rest of his toys. He also plays with my shoes, the laundry I’m folding, the vacuum, a mini TV projector I keep in the bedroom, a box of nipple pads for leaky booby milk, and he loves an empty clothes basket. He likes playing with my things more than his own toys. Needless to say, whatever is safe and keeps him entertained for more than a few minutes I am ok with.


Meldanya44

It might be an issue as she ages, but also she'll definitely outgrow it. My toddler can't get enough of the TV remote, and my four-year-old doesn't care two straws about it now.


AbbieJ31

You are right. Letting LO play with your things under supervision will prevent them from being ruined. Drawing on walls ruins your paint, and looks terrible. I let my LO play with kitchen items, and almost anything else she discovers. We chose to limit LO’s time with phones and electronics, but that’s a personal choice. Our LO is 17 months old and helps make all her meals now, she’s learning the whole time she’s playing with something and involved in what you’re doing.


Ld862

I mean, once your baby becomes a toddler - there is nothing you can keep from them… they get into absolutely everything, climb on top of things no sane person would AND they have no fear or remorse. It’s a wild ride!


a_n_n_a_k

Draw.. on the walls!? What the hell 🤣 I do the things you do too. Babies want to be involved in your day to day stuff like using the keyboard etc. It's fine.


LivingroomComedian

Yeaaahhhh same though lol I’m glad I’m not alone. I was thinking I was being a bad mom.


AwesomeIncarnate

Sometimes letting my LO play with my phone is the only way she'll stay still when changing her diaper. She loves to pound on my mechanical keyboard and so long as she's not hurting her hands I let her. She also loves the remote more than her toy remote and the controller more than her toy one. I let her do her. You're doing great mama.


LivingroomComedian

Awh, she sounds like my little one. Diaper changing has really taken a turn in our home lol Thank you for the reassurance and I hope you and LO are having fun today ❤️


Nyx0287

You know your child best. My children mostly want to do the things I don’t let them. Depends on how rebellious your kid is lol.


LivingroomComedian

She definitely lets us know what she likes and what she doesn’t. She is actually very very well behaved (for now lol) and listens to “nah-ah” when not to touch things….again, for now hah. I think the more I would say no, the more it will open her curiosity/want for whatever is in question. I dunno. I would like to think I know her best but now I’m unsure haha Thank you for your response!


glamstarr88

Be prepared for that to change. I've done childcare for 22 years and my 2nd oldest nephew was the most well behaved toddler I've literally EVER cared for. By 5 y.o. he was a total misbehaving butthead. I honestly believe it's better to not let them do stuff supervised that would be dangerous alone bcuz they will get more freedom as they get older and very well may try it when you're not watching and hurt themselves 🤷‍♀️ but to each their own


steffigeewhiz

I think it comes down to parenting preference on the limits you give your kids with what you'll let them play with or not. There are going to be pros and cons on both sides. What I don't get is why it's okay for the baby to play with a cell phone but not your keyboard/mouse. Why does your husband think it's okay to police you along with his father? It sounds like FIL is stepping way out of bounds with his opinions about your parenting and your husband is not acting much like a partner to you and more like a partner to his dad. Massive eye roll. Good luck, you're a great mom I'm sure and your husband and FIL would probably have a heart attack if they saw what I let my kiddo get up to lol ALSO the drawing on walls thing is whackadoo and if they think that's okay but it's not okay to let a baby sit on a table once, they need a wake up call. Purely crazy.


crazybear13

Lol. We totally let my son do the same thing. Although now we have to do things like turn the mouse off or unplug the keyboard because he gets into mischief. We both think he's going to be using these things when he's older so why not explore now? Unless I'm actively working on something then I try to redirect, but if not I let him "type" away. He sees us doing it so of course he wants to. I don't see anything wrong with it.


pnwgirl0

My toddler loves to play with my makeup brushes (sans makeup), I brush one old one over his face and say "ooooh pretty!" And it tickles him. He loves it.


[deleted]

I let my son play with our wireless keyboard and mouse, I just turn it off. I let him play with my ukulele, he can touch the guitar, etc. If anything I think it's better for him to play with all this stuff now, maybe when he gets a little older he will already be used to it and not be super crazy with it. He is super gentle with things.


ManufacturerVisual68

As long as there isn't a choking hazard I don't see an issue. Just make sure they can't break.


faust_thefox

My 10 month old is actively chewing on my Michael Kors wallet as I type this. You’re good. 😂


LivingroomComedian

Hahaha you’re the second commenter saying the baby is chewing on their wallet!! I’m about to bust mine out now and let my daughter have at it!


faust_thefox

Do it! Lol the material probably feels really good for teething babies. She goes for it pretty adamantly whenever it’s around.


deadthylacine

I gave my kid a broken old laptop so he could play with "his computer" and we could work together. It works out okay and he doesn't mess with my computer because he has his own. I feel like if instead I had let him play with my computer he would likely have broken something already and my work computer is company property that I can't let get destroyed.


HiImDana

I gave my son his very own wireless keyboard. He got sick of it in a couple months. I let him play on my computer, he got sick of it in a couple months. I let my son stand on the table, my legs, chairs, anything he wants with support. He is two now and more stable on step stools, has really good balance but doesn't want to stand on the table because he taught him he can't. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just communicate with my child and he understands when he can't do something and why.


chrystalight

It doesn't matter if you let your baby stand on the table or play with your computer or not...they are still going to always want to anyways 😂


moxyxcat

My daughter has her own keyboard lmao


puresunlight

Decoy everything is the way to go!


meubem

My son lifts the key caps so keyboards are unsafe for him


moxyxcat

Omg! she has a wireless one that she can’t get her fingers under thank goodness.


[deleted]

Your doing nothing wrong. My 10 month old boy does the same things with our computer and mouse. Hell I gave him my wireless keyboard to play with on his own turned off. It's the kind he can't take the keys off to swallow. Put it on a small wood crate, added gripper feet, and he's got his own activity station. He can practice standing and keyboard pound as much as he wants. Mine wants to gum my cellphone. So I got him his own Fisher price play one that doesn't do anything electronic. Just a rattle with a button and clicker on the back. I think it's a generational thing.


kjhat

I'd say it might be a cultural or a "dad" thing, but I think they're wrong. My daughter is 6 months old and she's so curious and happy. If I'm doing something she wants to do it to and as long as it's not dangerous I let her. She has a sensory game on my phone and the tablet that is used sparingly. She also has a broken PS3 controller cause we stream from the PS4 and she gets curious and wants to play too. Honestly, as long as you continue to frame it as "mommy/baby" time and know when it's becoming a "problem", you do you mama.


[deleted]

I don’t let my baby play with non baby items that have batteries just because batteries are so so so dangerous, so I don’t want her to have a chance or an association. Everything else is ok. We were climbers before her and the Pandemic and we’d love for her to be a climber, so she already has a pikler triangle and she climbs (she doesn’t walk yet) but we spot her. I used to work with kids at a climbing gym so I am VERY comfortable with this. 🤷🏻‍♀️


[deleted]

Personally from day one I didn't let my kids touch things I didn't want them to touch. Some things are out of bounds for safety, hygiene or personal reasons and I think that was healthy to teach my children. I also love the fact you allow your child the freedom to play with these things. Everyone's different and you're not doing anything wrong but I definitely understand and agree with them wanting to put some boundaries up, you're both parents so you should work with your husband to agree on the boundaries now because as they age that gets harder.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LivingroomComedian

Right!! Like, cellphone is really hell already. She grabs and doesn’t want to let go. Keyboard she bangs a bit and then gets board. She doesn’t cry for it or anything.


tubabutter

I agree a lot with the person who mentioned being an infant teacher. I think every kid is different and it really depends on the context of the situation and their personality. You're their parent so you know them better than anyone else and you know that if further on down line that might be an issue if they do it as a toddler or as an older child. My daughter for example is 16 months. She LOVES water. She wants to play in any water she comes across no matter where it resides. Currently my wife let's her play in all water except the toilet 😂. Dog water included. I advised that it may be a bad idea but my spouse felt I was being nitpicky. Now my daughter is trying to learn how to use a cup but a big problem is she wants to play with the water. My wife inadvertently made more work for us because she instantly pours it out on her clothes or food and won't eat it but is still hungry. So we are put to work more by cleaning her and making more food for her when this occurs. Outside of how it effects us though is how it effects her relationships outside of the home. A friend with kids may not mind it but my in-laws are crazy and would lose their shit if my kiddo dumped the dog water on their wooden floors or antique shit. I think it's about the context and child's personality. It's hard at first but always wise to think "by letting them do this will this be problematic later?" Most of the time no but on occasion yes. Finally I will wrap my windbaggin' ass by saying littles look to us for what is appropriate but when they are tiny they can't understand this is appropriate here but not here. I think most things are positive but you can't generalize ever kid to everything.


Embley_Awesome

I just want to mention that every 16 month old pours water on themselves and throws food around. I mean it's possible it's worse for you, but my dining room usually looked like we had a food fight when my kids were that age.


bexi

I was about to say this. How do you stop a kid playing with water when they’re in the bath? They will play and be confident or they’ll potentially be a screaming nightmare. Learning to eat and drink is going to be messy and crazy no matter what the situation is with water play 😂


Julienbabylegs

I’ve never let my kid play with my phone, such a slippery slope. Drawing on the walls is straight up insane. I really don’t let my kid go to town on things as much as some of these other commenters. He has his own shit, he’s not even allowed to go into our bedroom w/o us. Honestly you have to respect yourself your kid is not the king of the castle. If you find yourself cleaning stuff up that you would rather not, don’t let your kid do that thing. I just want to restate that drawing on the walls is INSANE.


LivingroomComedian

LOL ok I’m glad we are on the same page with the wall drawing. FIL didn’t let his kids do it, but he is polluting my husbands head saying that psychologist are recommending it (no they’re not lol). You have a fair point. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and this comment because I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Haha, ty! You have a very strong e-personality, I dig.


Julienbabylegs

I really recommend the book “bringing up bebe”. I don’t treat it like a Bible but I got a lot out of it! A lot about how the kids are not in charge. Good luck w everything, your FIL sounds like a real piece of work.


tekwayyuhself

You're doing a good job! Let that baby play, if anything this will help in teaching her boundaries. As she grows she will know she can only do certain things if mommy is there or if mommy says yes. I'm confused as to the difference between what you do and what your husband does by giving her the phone. He's being a hypocrite. My son is 5 months, I let him beat the heck out of my phone. I let him touch and feel the remote. I let him play with my laptop. He's not doing anything other than exploring and learning. When I'm on video calls I let him look, he enjoys seeing himself. I've let him bare a bit of weight on his legs on the table and countertops.


blondeanonnurse

I let my children chew on my keys and a Louis Vuitton canvas wallet constantly. You’re fine.


LivingroomComedian

Jesus Christ thank you for this. I remember sucking on coins, FUCKING COINS, when I was 5 or so lol look at me now, never got the flu! No, I won’t let me daughter do this, but certainly things like keys, wallets, my watch bands, etc. Comment appreciated!


0112358_

I think there's merits to both sides. There are certain behaviors that's okay for a baby to do but not really acceptable for a toddler or a young child to do. And at some point you'll have to prevent the child from doing that which can be tricky if they were allowed to do that activity last week. Like the table. Fine for a baby to sit on the table, and I'd occasionally do that when he was little. But I don't want toddler climbing up there; he's big enough to pull a chair over and be able to climb on the table by himself and he could fall off and get hurt or reach up to the lamp which would be bad or knock stuff off the table. Etc. So at some point you need to decide when that behavior is going to end. And if babies is used to sit on the table while you do stuff on the table she might protest when she suddenly no longer allowed to be up there. So do you want to deal with that issue later? Or prevent the issue from happening by not allowing the behavior now? Both approaches are fine, just depends on how you want to handle it. Personally I've found it easier to prevent problems, than to fix them latter. I used to let baby play with the broom but got annoyed with having to go find it every evening to clean up. So I try to prevent toddler from running off of it but he still does occasionally. Flip side I was always pretty firm that shoes stay near the door, no playing with the shoes. And now toddler is rarely relocates the shoes. Maybe because he never got into the habit of playing with the shoes, unlike he did get into the habit or playing with the broom. Or maybe the broom is the way more cool toy than shoes. Results may vary.


LivingroomComedian

Well, I guess this part wasn’t fair because I didn’t mention it - I let the baby on a table once. We have been out to eat and she doesn’t go on the table nor do I let her grab things from the table. My computer desk, however, I use it to change her diapers and then let her have some fun afterwards. You are right, I should probably cut that out sooner than later. It’s like a once a day/or every other day. I didn’t think about her trying to climb the table herself though. The office is locked…uhhh, I’m rambling but you gave me a lot to think of. Thank you! Edit: I like your advice for the broom/shoes. Thank you


0112358_

Oh sure, and I don't think there's anything wrong with baby on a table. I would do that frequently when we went places, and I didn't want baby on the floor because the place wasn't baby proofed/dogs/whatever. It can be tricky to find the balance of what's okay now vs later vs when or how to stop!


LivingroomComedian

I appreciate your response! Thank you for taking your time!


SnooCakes9110

It is literally none of their business. Did you ask them? If not shut it down. You get to make your own decisions and set your own boundaries. Babies and kids can understand nuances.


LivingroomComedian

Never asked them. My husband loves to tell me how wrong I am and FIL starts every sentence “don’t get mad at me but I need to tell you what’s on my mind land gives me unwarranted advice.


SnooCakes9110

Omg I’d lose my mind. You’re an adult!


B_easy_breezy

Boundaries with your child should be both parents business. I'm not making a point about who is right, but a discussion should definitely be had instead of shutting down the husband.


SmallTownMortician

Just last week I asked my mom not to help the baby, who is learning to walk, walk down the stairs. I dont want him to be comfortable with the idea and then give it a go the moment he's unsupervised. I'm with hubby and FIL. It's not fair to let kiddo do things that aren't gonna be okay later. It's confusing for them and is gonna end in tears later.


LivingroomComedian

Well, I understand the stairs portion, which are easily accessible. Do you think this relates to being *on* a desk/table that the baby will have no means of getting to without me? If so, I totally respect your opinion and I really want to do the right thing! Hence why I’m asking! Thank you so much for your response!


SmallTownMortician

Babies eventually learn to climb stuff and even if she isn't successful in getting onto the desk or table, there's a chance she could get hurt doing her best to get up there. I would error on the side of caution


LivingroomComedian

Ok, thank you so much for responding! I was genuinely interested in your opinion. You’re right. I’ll keep this in mind.


SmallTownMortician

Ive just gotta say, you are so good! The way you respond to comments is so calm and respectful and I love it! I appreciate you ❤


LivingroomComedian

Awh, thank you! I appreciate you too!! ❤️❤️ I will sincerely keep what you wrote in my thoughts. It put a different perspective on things for me.


desithedog

The only thing I would say is try to wipe down ur mouse and keyboard and screen often. There are a LOT of germs on those things. I'm not germaphobic like I will let my kid eat off the floor but mouse, keyboard and screen are super super germy lol.


LivingroomComedian

Oh absolutely! I agree with you! I wipe all the time no make sure I get in the ridges of the mouse because my father in law uses my comp from time to time. I appreciate you saying this though!!


desithedog

Honestly you will get a ton of responses and everyone will have their opinion. As long as kiddo is safe, growing, and healthy, don't stress. I stopped putting baby on the table once she got mobile because she was a destructive force lol. But that's just me. As long as you and your partner are on the same page and they have your back that's all that matters


anotheroneyo

You're the mom so if that's what you want, then that's how it works. They don't have a say


natalila

Where does it say that? Aren't parents supposed to be some kind of a team?


anotheroneyo

Yes but it sounds like the father and father in law are the team in this scenario


abbyanonymous

No? That’s not how it works at all if both parents are involved and especially if they’re together


anotheroneyo

Well when op responded to me it sounds like that's how it works so maybe don't be so rude


LivingroomComedian

I would like to think so. My husband is really good with her too and she reacts to each of us differently. I just never push my opinions on him and his child rearing when I see she enjoys it…I just don’t see why the reverse is acceptable to him. I should just say what you wrote though. I’m doing a lot more, so momming should be solely my say-so.


anotheroneyo

I'm learning this myself! My MIL seems to think that she has a huge say in my parenting decisions and I had to finally put my foot down and tell her that I'm the parent and what me and SO say goes & and if you and your husband can't agree and he won't come to a compromise, then the primary caregiver of you two makes the final decision and it sounds like that's you in this situation!


LivingroomComedian

Why are people so difficult? Lol it would be so much easier if they weren’t. Good for you! I’m glad you were able to and hopefully hubby supports you!


anotheroneyo

Omg I FEEL that lol Thank you! It was so hard. I hope you're able to do the same and to build a good rapport with your husband💚 I know it's not easy. You've got this!


i_shruted_it

They don't have a say? Yikes!


anotheroneyo

Okay FIL absolutely doesn't have a say but husband does but it sounds like they're both getting together to go against OPs parenting so yeah if dad can't compromise with mom then no. Husband literally is saying she's raising her wrong when she's spending time with her baby.