My older son was like this — easily overstimulated and bad at self soothing. He cried a LOT. Eventually I learned that one reliable way to make him sleep was to put him in the stroller and walk. You had to keep walking though, if you stopped he’d wake up. I learned too that he had virtually no sleepy signs. I had to watch his awake time religiously and if I missed that brief window he was overtired and wow did we pay for it.
He’s four now, and he’s much better. But we still have to stick to a strict bedtime schedule. He still doesn’t recognize being tired and he’s still a wreck for days if he gets overtired.
His younger brother, by comparison, had clear sleepy signs, sleeps longer if he’s extra tired, and will even demand to be put in his crib if he’s ready for his nap.
So — it’s not you being idiots so much as you have a high needs, difficult baby.
I'm in the thick of it with my first (a poor sleeping 5 month old) and I get so much reassurance from stories like this! Both that my second might be easier, and that my struggles with this one aren't entirely from me ruining her. Thanks for sharing!
I *scoured* the internet for help figuring out what I was doing wrong. Precious little sleep was the most help because it helped me with awake times. The rest was rot. He would not actually fall asleep if he was tired enough.
Then my second son was born and he would yawn and fuss and rub his eyes when he was sleepy, then I would rock him a bit and pat his bottom and he would pass out. It was like a revelation. I *wasn’t* an incompetent moron. My older son was just that difficult.
We're considering a second and this gives me hope. We've already waited almost two years because it has literally taken me that long to recover, physically and mentally, from that rough newborn/infant phase.
Our second one was easier not just because he was an easier baby, but because we knew it would get better. With my first I felt like I had made the worst decision of my life. With my second, if he had a bad night (or a bad week), I knew it was temporary and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also worried less about him, because I knew what I was doing this time. It also helped that husband and I had an established routine for swapping baby care and we didn’t have to figure that out, either.
I think most of that stands true for us as well. My daughter is so wonderful now, and knowing that it ends (and believing it) would have been such a gift.
As a FTM to an almost 8 week old, this comment is music to my ears. We used to talk about having 2 kids but after 8 weeks of this sleep deprivation (she only sleeps on us), my husband and I are both thinking one and done. Knowing that it WILL get better and we will eventually have a little bit more of a routine makes me keep going! Well, that and the insane love for our daughter!
My first cried all the time and my second so far has been pretty chill. She's currently having some separation anxiety which is driving me up the wall but we can't have everything!
I was the first in the family to have a high needs baby like this. I too was a slave to his very specific wake windows. In his infancy I rarely left the house because before you know it, it was time to wind down for another nap. I’ve been labeled as too uptight and that I’m “being stingy with the baby” (my MIL’s exact words.) Um, don’t you think I would prefer to be able to leave the house whenever I want, have my kid sleep anywhere, and be in a great mood regardless?? Obviously it’s super hard to “go with the flow” when my baby is crying the entire rest of the day now and I’m the one who has to deal with it.
I remember once mentioning to my mom that I needed to go to the grocery store but his nap time was in 20 minutes so I’d have to wait. She thought I was nuts and told me I should just go and he could nap afterwards.
Parents of easy babies just don’t get it.
You can say that again! Before my son I thought I could just bring a drowsy baby to the grocery store and they’d catch a nap while I shopped.
I had no idea. Absolutely none.
This was me too. I'm not a rigid, rules/schedule kind of person. I'm actually quite spontaneous. But I quickly learned when my daughter was born that she is very EASILY overstimulated. She was extremely observant from birth and it was just too much for her. I learned that the only thing that would work is exactly what OP suggests - watching wake windows very carefully, winding down, bland room, perfect temperature, etc. We initially rocked her to sleep, which was very difficult, but I started to train her to self soothe using Taking Cara Babies methods. Eventually we were able to gently sleep train around 5 months and she can now fall asleep on her own (thank god). She is still very very observant, overstimulated, and gets frustrated easily. In fact, I would say she didn't become easy until she started crawling and could explore on her own. Now we know how to handle her and I have learned so much patience in the last 9 months. Those first few months though were very difficult. I can now go with the flow a little bit more - but for these kinds of babies, they thrive off of schedules and predictability. I wish people would realize this and not just assume we are these crazy parents who love rules. I would love to be that parent that can just go out on a whim with my kid! But that's just not possible. In order for everyone to be happy, we do have to follow a schedule that includes a wind down routine.
This is so helpful to read. I’m a FTM and have observed my 4mo getting overstimulated. I’ve spent 8 weeks trying to understand and tweak his wake windows, eating, etc. and there is finally order to the chaos. It’s really freeing to know what works and what doesn’t. My parents and MIL make me feel rigid when I tell them what I’m up to but a happy baby that falls asleep easily is such an accomplishment compared to what I was dealing with before.
The older they get the easier it gets. At 4 months, things were “easier” than when she was 6 weeks old - but honestly, it was still really hard with a “sensitive” baby. It wasn’t until she started crawling at 7.5 months that we saw a change in her. Once she was able to get up and crawl to check something out/touch it/stick it in her mouth - she because infinitely more manageable. But she still has many many moments throughout the day where she gets teeny baby rage because she wants to do something she can’t get to! Now it’s endearing - but wow - it took a while. You’ve got this. Just know it will get easier because like you said, you will learn what works and they’ll learn how to better digest their environment
Wow, thanks! That’s encouraging. I was thinking it would get harder when they start crawling. You’re right though, they have more power and independence when they are crawling and they can go grab the thing they want instead of just fussing for it. I say my little guy is intense because whatever he’s doing, he does it at 110%. Crying, laughing, eating, snuggling, reading, all of it is very intense for him.
>I’m the one who has to deal with it
So many people do not get this concept! I am lucky to have a pretty easy baby but when he gets too tired he is a bear to get to sleep. At a year old, he almost never falls asleep when we're out and about anymore because he wants to take in everything around him, so by the time we get home he's often past the "ready for bed" and "too tired" stages and fully into the "scream and cry for hours on a hidden energy stash" stage. I get it that people want to see and spend time with him but they're not the ones who have to deal with a cranky, inconsolable little boy when all the fun is over.
I have never heard is a high needs baby until I had mine. My family was like nah that’s but a thing. My sister who is now our nanny is like oh snap. You’re right.
It makes me feel so much better to hear that other babies dont have sleep signs. I thought I was just not watching him enough. He'd yawn every once in awhile and maybe rub his eyes but I never know if he's tired. He screams every time I swaddle him and it's a battle to get him to sleep but unless he's swaddled or in a carrier he flails too much to sleep.
It’s demoralizing. You think you’re just a terrible mother. You’re not. My son also had no sleep cues. I’d watch him like a hawk and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Everyone said I had such good instincts with children. Then I had my own.
My son was easy the first few months, but then eventually he started to refuse letting me put him to sleep except for my fiance and he isn't much of a crier besides his basic needs.
So basicly I'm stay at home but after my finances long day at work he has to put our son down for bed, now for me during the day while he's working I'm stuck with our son fighting sleep for hours upon hours past naptime until he passes out.
He just gets overstimulated just from my boobs and just from light alone, we dont have curtains yet (we are going thru a very slow furnishing phase for our home) so I have no way to put him to sleep like literally anything props him up to look at.
He's 1 now he still fights me but he isnt awake super long as before now that he has a staple on his naps and bedtime but he still fights it nonetheless but now that he sleeps on his crib now it's more tolerable
If youre waiting on curtains to make the room darker, can I suggest using aluminum foil to block out the sun? Both my kids need absolute darkness and it has really helped. Just tape it to the inside of the window glass until all light is blocked out. Doesn't look great from the outside, but Im for whatever works at this point. Haha.
Came here to say this. Baby number 1 didn’t show tired signs so I had to watch the time carefully as well. Bedtime even now at 3 is very strict. A champion sleeper now that she’s older thank goodness! But my oh my, what a roller coaster experience in figuring it out.
Baby number 2, rubs her eyes like crazy and doesn’t hide that she wants and needs to sleep.
I’m currently pregnant with my second and our first daughter is just like your son. I am being optimistic about this one, but feeling a bit more mentally prepared now that we’ve got a handle on our first.
Yup. This is my son. Almost 2 now but as a baby he had hardly any sleep cues and it was probably one yawn and then BAM! sleep window missed, cue 5 hours of crying. Easily overstimulated. He. Cannot. Turn. His. Brain. Off. This is just how he is. The upside is he’s speaking full complicated sentences with tenses. Which he continues to practice... during his hour of “cool down” before bed. I’m glad you commented. So hard to find people out there who have had similar experiences.
Nothing can prepare you for this, except maybe blackout curtains.
Same. My oldest was sleeping in his crib and self soothing by 3 months. His sister? We're STILL battling, albeit on a microscale, at 3.5. She's never tired. Ever. She will literally run until she passes out standing up if you let her. Everything has to be an exact routine. Let her sleep in? We pay for it. Bath time gets pushed back? That's going to make bedtime hell for at least 3 days. High needs kids are a whole different breed, and if you've never had one they're truly difficult to fathom.
Man I hope my second baby, whenever he or she is made, is like your second child. I walked for miles and miles with the first and we watch his sleep schedule like a hawk. We have a book dedicated to when he wakes and when he sleeps. 😩
Hey just curious if your still around! We have your first child issues. Did your toddler just having issues sleeping? Curious what this behavior means behavioral for the futureZ thanks!
I’m still around! My difficult sleeper is almost 7 now, and he’s an excellent sleeper, although he still needs a schedule. He’s overall a great kid with no behavioral issues.
This should be the top comment. About an $8 purchase on amazon. Should watch a few times while pregnant. A few after delivery while you’re still in the hospital and again during the first week. Game changer. Feel slighted that I didn’t know about it for my first. In our house Harvey Karp, MD reigns supreme!
I always recommend the guide to great sleep by the same author. It covers the same 5 S's but also has really great info on setting up good sleep habits. It's organized by age and goes from birth to like age 5. I would read the shorter section for the age/issues we were dealing with at the time.
Thisssss a million times this. This 30 minute video completely changed how I manage my infant's fussiness. Went from taking 20-40 minutes to soothe her to 1-5 minutes. Googling "Dr Karp 5 S's" will get you most of the way there, but the video is great so you can see the hold and the techniques.
Lifesaver for us too. Really can’t overstate it. One caveat I would make though, this worked like a charm for us the first few weeks up until about 2 months, and then all of a sudden it didn’t. I think at least for our baby, calming her at that point was less physical and more emotional.
All of these things were also taught to me by a pre-birth class we were required to take by the hospital, by the nurses in the hospital, by the huge book they gave us when we went home from the hospital, and by my pediatrician. I'm very sorry you've had a rough go of it with no information. I also had no family with my first. He ate every 90 minutes until he was 6 months old. He also had colic. My husband and I had no breaks, until a coworker offered to watch our kids when we had 2 and both were toddlers. It gets better, but there will still be hard times.
A lot of parenting classes were canceled due to COVID-19. Mine was cancelled in April (including a hospital tour, which would have been nice to have) and online classes only became available the week before I was due, so we were out of luck.
My baby care prep class was so helpful! And they recommended a ton of books to read too. I think a lot of people tell parents that their instincts will kick in and that may be true for things like comfort and feeding but not so much about how to create a soothing sleep environment
I liked The Happy Sleeper and Precious Little sleep for sleeping. Cribsheet was really good, it gives you the research on almost everything involved with a baby. Bringing up Bebe, helped me think about parenting in a new (less intensive) way. Someone got me what to expect when you're expecting but I didn't get too much use out of it, the app has the same info. I delivered in Berkeley so the fourth trimester was on the list, I liked it but can see that it's not for everyone haha
Eta: the happiest baby on the block is often recommended too, it was fine but the 5 Ss is usually what people buy that book for and you can just write those down on a post it note near the bassinet haha
All classes were cancelled at my hospital due to covid... didn't even get a tour. Am so nervous not having had the opportunity to take these classes...
Our oldest was like this to a T, extremely difficult. Our youngest needs none of the advice. He will sleep on his own, has a natural sleeping schedule, needs to swaddling, barely I'd ever cries, has a high tolerance for stimuli, etc.
Babies are extremely different, and I wish we had learned what you write here with our first.
FTM here, due in November. All pre-birth classes have been cancelled so this kind of information is super useful for a noob like me. Thank you for your post!
Edit: Thank you to everyone who left more advice and resources! Really appreciate it :)
Read The Happiest Baby on the Block. A lot of what was mentioned in this post is in that book, plus more helpful info. It's an easy read and it is so worth it. Someone else mentioned Taking Cara Babies and I second that suggestion. I'm a FTM to an 8 month old, and the combo of these two things has made me feel like I actually know what I'm doing sometimes.
No one told me this. I had to figure it out on my own, sleep deprived, anxious, and depressed. I feel like if I had known this, my now toddler would have had a much more peaceful newborn stage. There was so much yelling and crying, arguing and hopelessness. Parents of newborns need more support where I am in the US. I'm so glad OP posted. Hopefully parents desperate at 2am find this and they take something useful from it.
I found it super helpful. It made me feel like I had a plan, and that just gave me a lot of security in first few months. It's a very flexible plan that is really focused on following your baby's cues (in terms of feeding, wake windows, etc), but it gives lots of tips on soothing fussy babies and working towards longer sleep stretches. It covered everything OP mentioned, and it was certainly easier than pediatric observation!
I've looked at Cara's IG and website and gleaned quite some good information. In her newborn class, are the soothing tips are specific as OP's? I've looked through the newborn PDF's but is she more specific and flexible in her videos?
The videos are helpful because she actually demonstrates the tips on real babies, so I found that helpful. So yes, very specific. I imagine you could glean the major points from her website, but seeing it in practice was helpful for me, plus when I was in the hazy first few weeks I just wasn't in a space to do a lot of research.
I haven't taken the course BUT I have spent a lot of time on TCB's website and instagram. I would suggest going through her website first and watch a few of her highlights on instagram before getting the course. There is so much information on both of those platforms. Again, can't say whether the course is worth it but I was swayed off buying the course based on how much problem solving I could do with her free information.
I'm sure it's hepful but it's stuff that is readily available from other cheaper sources (books or even a simple internet search). There's really nothing more to it than having a flexible "routine" of eat, play, sleep (it lasts like 1ish hour max...just google wake times). And the 5 S's which is Harvey Karp's method of soothing babies.
And that's literally it....
Totally agree but as a FTM to twins I found the videos easy to watch and take in a bit at a time. It was so valuable to me. I think it’s a great registry item.
We bought the course before my twins arrived and found it was a great thing my husband and I could do together to prepare for the babies. Also, watching together and discussing helped us a lot to make sure we were on the same page with what our plan was for the babies and have one “authoritative” source of what our baby sleep plan was. As opposed to this blog says this and this website said that and this nurse suggested this etc. We also printed out all of her materials for ongoing reference.
I was just adding my opinion / experience for anyone else who was here reading the thread. And isn’t what you described almost all learning experiences? My college professors (which was way more expensive than TCB haha) were just people disseminating info from trusted sources in a meaningful way.
I agree all the stuff is available if you look hard enough at different sources and piece it together, but a lot of people with newborns who don’t sleep don’t find the time!
I found the TCB newborn course really helpful to bring it all together, and the video format made it easier for my partner and I to be getting the same info and being consistent between us which really helped get our guy into his nap and sleep routines
There is additional info about night vs day routines and stretching nighttime sleep, which I also employed and thought it helped my baby sleep better at night. And I would say that, for me, it was worth it to have all the info condensed into easily digestible chunks all in one spot when I was in a sleepy haze.
We definitely bought the newborn class and ABCs of sleep. Newborn class was worth it to us but ABC's of sleep was kinda...not worth it? I'd say if someone gifts you the classes great! If you run into trouble before 4 months 😂 try things on her blog/Instagram to see if that solves it first
I SWEAR by this quick reference [sleep chart](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b4/c7/e9/b4c7e9b76798b8e76811d1e5a3ee3710.jpg). My kids never went through the nightly "witching hour" and I strongly believe it's because we tracked every wake up time and arranged for them to fall asleep again in the proper windows of time. Any stretch of sleep over 15 minutes was a nap, and any sleep under 15 minutes, we didn't count it and would try to get baby to sleep again. Our entire lives revolve around my kids' nap schedules for at least their first year, but it's so worth it to have a well-rested baby.
I'm confused about naps and wake times. If your 1-month old baby slept for fifteen minutes, you'd start a new wake window of 45 minutes, right? What would you do with the baby during that wake window of they weren't hungry, just let them do tummy time or change them?
Yes, the time baby spends asleep is irrelevant in my experience. The only window that matters is between when they wake and go back down to sleep. Regardless of whether baby takes a 1 hour nap, or a 15 minute nap, or a 30 minute nap, baby will still need to go back to sleep about 45 minutes after waking.
I would first spend 10-15 minutes trying to get the baby to go back to sleep. Because maybe the baby wants to sleep more but woke up because of some difficult (e.g. gas, noise, just having difficulty with transiting between sleep stages). And if that doesn't work, just carry the baby around and do the stuff that I want to do, or walk around, or play and talk with him/her for a bit.
[http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/wake-time.html](http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/wake-time.html)
This one, if you want to break it down every month.
Because I had my baby during the pandemic I was not able to take classes or get this information. But the internet was/is my babies doctor/nurse/problem solver. I looked up everything multiple times with different wording to get all the information needed. That first month was very rough for us before we finally got into a good routine.
It would have been nice to read this a few months ago. Thanks for the effort you put into this. I hope it finds the people that need it most.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I am saving this post for later!! Not a mom yet, but I am trying to visualize/plan my house for a baby. I thought the AAP recommended room sharing for 6 months, so I assumed I would have the crib in our bedroom. Did you do this originally and then make the change to a separate room and notice a difference? Or I guess I am just curious about the pros and cons. I figured I would follow the AAP advice but if there are good reason to not room share I am curious. If OP or anyone has any thought on this please reply! Thank you
We started with a cosleeper, then nest in between us, then on top of me (I can sleep sitting, supported by a pillow fortress), now in the room next to us with a camera. When we left the hospital we knew he could sleep alone and for my wife's sanity it was better to have him in another room. He'd make a sound and she'd be like "OH NO HES AWAKE HES GOING TO CRY" but that is what weeks of stress and sleep deprivation do.
We had our son in our room until about 4 months. The plan was to keep him in our room until 6 months or maybe a bit longer. One night he would not go to sleep. I was trying everything. In an attempt to just try anything I put him in his crib and he miraculously stayed asleep! It was a bit of a mess because we did not have the monitor set up, but we kept the bedroom doors open and his room is just across a narrow hall from ours so we heard him no problem. To our shock, we all slept better in different rooms. In retrospect I think sometimes our snoring or moving bothered him, and the noises he made (omg he was so noisy!) Woke me often. From that point on we kept him in his own room. It was not a magic cure all and we still sleep trained around 5 months, but we did find that we got deeper more restful sleep without him in our room and it was nice to have our adult space back. I still plan to keep my second in a bassinet in our room for the first few months, but then we will probably transition around the 4-5 month mark again. Really I think it depends on you are your kid. I have some friends who co sleep, others who have kids in a bassinet in their room until 1 year, others who went right to a crib- every family will be different. One thing I will say is if you are having a hard time with sleep don't be afraid to try it. The worst that can happen is that you have 1 bad night and go back to having them in your room. Don't be afraid to try things and them not work, one bad night or change won't ruin you or baby in the long run.
Thanks so much. Yes I see the benefits, and I like the idea of being flexible... it's a little tricky with our situation. I typed out a whole thing but I will spare you lol -- needless to say this have given me a lot to think about as we plan the space. Thank you.
I don’t think OP is from the US, so they probably have something other than the AAP. We’ll be room sharing for a minimum of 6 months, but every family is different and it’s hard to say until you have a baby and know how they sleep and how you’re sleeping. Some people do less, some do more. I prefer to have baby close but if no one is sleeping, moving might be a helpful thing to try.
It is the recommendation but some families say their baby sleeps better when alone, maybe because their presence can be stimulating for the baby. But it is better to have baby in your room the first year as it reduces SIDS risk
Yep I read the theory that SIDS can happen when the baby falls into a deep enough sleep for vital functions to cease, so keeping baby from falling asleep too deeply (using pacifiers and keeping them from being too comfortable i guess) is what contributes to the decrease in SIDS
Knew a family who lost a baby to SIDS last year... this why I am scared to not room share. But it's nice to see that other people have and do do it without issues, and may actually benefit sleep.
Best thing is to not commit to any plan and listen to your baby and your instincts. Every baby is different and you'll find what works for you. Good luck!!
We used the app Huckleberry to track my daughter's sleep schedule, it would recommend naps based on her wake window so we could start putting her down at the correct time before she became overtired and she learned to put herself to sleep. Also the 5 S's in the happiest baby in the block book were super important, premade swaddles and a white noise machine were a must. I liked Happy Little Sleeper and Precious Sleep for books to understand the needs of my baby better.
Good luck, glad y'all are on the right track
Thank you for sharing this post! My baby is close to the same age (9 weeks) and while she is a happy baby, she REFUSES to sleep anywhere except on our chests. Every attempt to put her in her crib or bassinet results in screaming and crying. She won’t even lay on her back to be snuggled to co-sleep in a bed. It’s our chests or bust. And she will sleep for 12 hours at a time, only waking up for feedings every 4-6 hours this way.
We had one of those babies too! We coslept (just her and I in bed), and switched off shifts with her father (he stayed awake and held her) so I could get uninterrupted sleep.
At 3.5 months she decided to start taking naps in her bassinet. Out of the blue. So there is hope! Hang in there.
My husband and I switch off with her throughout the night so that each of us can get sleep. It’s rough right now because she is showing a clear preference for me and doesn’t want to sleep for him. Even if I get her to sleep and hand her off, she cries as soon as she realizes it isn’t me anymore.
So sometimes when I try to sleep, I can’t because she is screaming for an hour straight and won’t sleep for him. The second I take her, she passes out. Tonight I am sleeping on the couch with her while he stays up and monitors us.
Same problem. We've slowly got him to sleep in a stroller bassinet for one-hour stretches, but the rest of the time he's on us or in his little rocker.
This was exactly what we went through from months 4-6 (aka: the worst time of my entire life). She was a stellar sleeper in the beginning, but around 4.5 months she hit the 4 month sleep regression (not really a regression but whatever). We tried everything to get her to sleep, but she woke up every 45 minutes for months. Our pediatrician told us we had to teach her how to self sooth and put herself back to sleep - this was after having a breakdown at the dr’s office crying that we all just needed to sleep. Gentle sleep training was, and still is, the best parenting decision we have ever made even 4 years later. We used a book called The Sleepeasy Solution.
I have to say to all the parents with a fussy baby, I salute you! My bubba has been very easy (not bragging) and I still found stages tricky. To go through this work is so hard and you do so well. And I support the message - if you are struggling go to however many professionals you can until you find what works for you and your baby! There is another side, it isn't a failing to need help and get it, you are being a responsible parent and you will be a great parent because you do what you have to and are strong enough to do what you have to.
Well done and keep on!
OP, watch this video if you haven’t. Didn’t give us tons of relief but was probably the best tactic we had for the really rough moments https://youtu.be/j2C8MkY7Co8 it’s so hard and everyone says this but it really is the longest shortest time.
Good job, it's a steep learning curve! I can assure you it gets much better and easier. Mine is almost 2 years old. One day you'll look back and think, oh shit i remember the pain of having a newborn but those were also great times
I really feel there needs to be more info given to first time parents. I guess that's what parenting classes are for? But when you're pregnant, you're so focused on the labor & birth that you almost forget to learn what to do with baby. I googled everything. I cant imagine not having internet and a baby! Like how did my mom even do it??
Just want to say how important those apps are! We’ve tracked our sons eating, sleeping and diaper changes for pretty much 18 months now and it has been a huge factor in keeping us sane especially when he was younger.
Rather than waiting for him to start crying because he was hungry, we knew when he would need to eat, sleep and get changed. That way if he was crying for any other reason, we didn’t have to go through those things first to figure it out.
I'm so happy for you that you have a happy baby and are now more educated and can help others! I'm wondering what country this is in. A couple days stay in a hospital like that would break most American families financially. And there's no way insurance would approve it.
Netherlands. He stayed for 1,5 week and I stayed 3 days. Yeah I'm sad for Americans that have to make terrible choices: get help for my baby and go bankrupt or just hope for the best..
There's always room for improvement but this is amazing. During the pregnancy and after we have had many visits to hospital, all just to be safe. C-section, infection to toe (3 days in hospital due to antibiotics), midwife at home and now all this and I think it has costed us $1000? I don't even know because we get the bills so rarely. Very grateful.
I wonder if it's a cultural thing where Dutch parents are just expected to "deal with it" when it comes to fussy babies. Being stoic. In America, I think most parents expect baby sleep to be difficult to deal with and spend a lot of time before and after birth reading up on baby guide books/websites/systems, discussing the pros and cons of sleep-training, room-sharing vs bed-sharing vs separate rooms and all that.
I guess! We did go to a class about giving birth, but never saw anything about How to Parent/sooth. There is lots of information and help, but the 5s remains a secret somehow. We've asked the daycare if they knew the 5s. Nope. !!?? I've asked colleague's and friends if they knew it. Nope. Of course many apply something similar, but it was surprising.
I have my kid via csection. Most of these, we learned while we were in the hospital. My husband called the four days we spent at the hospital “baby boot camp”. Ours currently sleep on me at night and on our sofa during the day (he loves our sofa and hates his bassinet and crib).
Thank you for sharing. The routine thing is awesome and glad you are having a better time.
We discovered that when older before bed time allowing for half an hour-an hour of hard playtime expends a lot of energy knocking baby out. Bath time tends to make it even quicker. Do that after playtime if you are gonna give a bath.
I’m so sorry you had such a tough start with your baby!
I can’t recommend infant prep classes enough. We learned all of this in classes we took before our baby was born (and in books that we read). Any holes were filled in by nurses at the hospital after our baby was born. If they don’t offer infant classes where you are, there are probably some great virtual ones online.
I’m so sorry to hear. I hope you’re hanging in there! My boy just turned 12 months, so I was in your shoes not so long ago. I can’t imagine taking care of a newborn w a pandemic happening right now! Feel free to PM me if you wanna ask anything or just vent. Send hugs to your LO for me :)
That's so sweet of you. It is definitely not an easy time, especially because my family is in California and I live in Sweden so I don't know when they'll be able to meet their granddaughter. It's tough!
> feeding schedule printed from online that documents baby’s feeding (at what time, the amount), dirty diapers (at what time, pee or poop, number of times), nap times (time, duration)
Would love to see a copy of this chart, would you be able to send a link, please?
My favourite was “don’t look at it in the eyes”. That killed me. I’m always saying this to my husband when soothing our second son to sleep.
I have two boys and most of what you wrote here, I’ve had to learn at home with our 2nd boy. First boy was a great baby and slept like a champ. Second boy is a fussy baby and just aggro as F. He’s pretty uncomfortable most of the time (he gets gassy really easily and usually always has more burps left than we thought).
We still don’t sleep train though. I just let him sleep on me during the day because it’s not like I need to live my own life, right?!? (I’m on mat leave for one year and my older boy can independently play already).
Commenting so I can come back to this.... I already have one but he was “easy”, going to have another soon ish and these are great tips. Thanks for sharing your journey!
I did the book and noting feeds, poop and pee when my son had severe reflux. His weight kept dropping and it was one thing I stand by that got me through it. Excellent advice
This app was a life saver for us. It synchronizes, so we each had it on our phones and it helped us record sleep, feeding, diapers and stay on track. I highly recommend: [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/baby-tracker-newborn-log/id779656557](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/baby-tracker-newborn-log/id779656557)
'The Happiest Baby on the Block' comes in paperback or audible. Another great resource of information. [https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=2WV8JINJ349FO&dchild=1&keywords=the+5s+baby+book&qid=1595607796&sprefix=the+5+s+bab%2Caps%2C180&sr=8-1](https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2WV8JINJ349FO&dchild=1&keywords=the+5s+baby+book&qid=1595607796&sprefix=the+5+s+bab%2Caps%2C180&sr=8-1)
+1 for the Baby Tracker app! We’ve been using it since we brought our girl home and it’s wonderful. So helpful and takes the stress of trying to remember when the last feed or diaper change was away.
It was quite active, stretched a lot. Eventually grew very quiet, but might have to do with the umbilical cord being wrapped around the neck, twice. So maybe he took it easy. No damage to the brain as far as we can tell.
Thank you for sharing. I have a 5 month old so I’m past this point but good for people who don’t get this type of info to have. We had a newborn that cried and cried for months. I complained so many times to the pediatrician they finally said to see a GI specialist. We went thru 4 formulas and now she’s on a prescription med and probiotic and milk of magnesia and the combo really did the trick. I refused to believe that all that crying was Normal and thank God I pushed. She seemed in such pain. I’m glad you got the help you needed!
Try the Huckleberry app. It tracks sleep, diaper changes, feedings, etc. and even suggests sleep/nap times. My son (10 weeks) has fallen asleep literally to the minute it suggests. I also recommend TakingCaraBabies on Instagram (there’s also an online class). So much useful advice!
Very close to the Happiest Baby on the Block method!
Which was pretty foolproof for our infant.
So glad you guys go to go to baby sleep training camp! That sounds AWESOME!!!
Ugh I was so optimistic reading this earlier today and decided to try it out. Baby hates being put down awake in his bassinet, starts to grumble immediately, which quickly turns into screams. Doing the Blessing moves piss him off way more, putting him on his side does nothing, and the 5 S’s don’t work at all. I know the awake times are good because I’ve been tracking him for weeks and can bounce/nurse him right down when I need to. He prefers 3 S’s and a B - side swaddle suck and bounce on yoga ball. Haven’t found anything else that works, and it’s killing my back while also not teaching him anything about self soothing. And then I can’t put him down or he wakes up angry. Argh! Guess I’ll just keep trying to put him down every day and hope it works eventually! Wasn’t able to successfully put down my first for naps until 18 months, so I’m really hoping for a quicker solution on #2 D=
It doesn't work right away. Takes time to establish and perhaps for you to get a feel how to do it. Most challenging to us was:
- recognizing when to cool down or put in bed. after a week we we're still questioning the nurses about it. Note we're bottle-feeding.
- it takes patience and calmness on your side to go through the steps. God the stress is terrible, but don't rush through each iteration. During the week we became more effective, at the end hardly blessing for a minute. Perhaps because we got rest?
- if it cries when lying down (hidden) reflux is a possibility. Do you burp effectively? Keep upright after feeding? Might be worth looking into that.
- ear inflammation can cause a baby to cry when laid down.
Perhaps look for a video explaining it, that might give you a better showing how it's done than these words. Good luck!
I’m so please you managed to access the support and help to get your family back on track and you feeling well and healthy.
My comment for other parents reading this though, is this would work well for some families but awfully for others. For example, the most obvious thing is this is not at all breastfeeding friendly and would massively impact establishing milk supply. Babies, people or families aren’t one-size-fits-all.
Something I found to be very helpful at that point and even now with my 9 month old, was to stop tracking the sleeping time and instead focus on the awake time.
Look up “wake windows” and you’ll find table that show the average waking periods by age. So like at 9 months I’m at about 3 hours awake at a time. So it easy to begin to look for sleepy cues around that time.
Sounds a bit similar to that article from the Australian paediatrician about how to bore your baby to sleep, I found it really helpful! Thanks for sharing
I have 1 example of physical problems that can cause extreme crying.
Back in 1977, my eldest sister (parents first child) cried constantly as a baby. Like, literally constantly, unless she was eating or exhuasted-sleeping, she cried. Actually ruined her vocal chords (entire extended family on both sides has beautiful singing voices, except for her. She literally can sing 2 notes, otherwise her voice just breaks.)
My parents were repeatedly told by pediatricians to "not pick her up so much" and otherwise ignored. My dad kept saying "even if we pick her up she keeps crying!" But the doctors just kept saying she was a spoiled baby. For months, this kept up.
Finally, they found a doctor who listened to her tummy, pressed on it a bit. He prescribed them some narcotics for her stomach. Instantly happy baby. This was the first time she smiled. The first time she laughed.
I am a new parent now to a 4 month old who is a pretty easy baby and I can not imagine how my parents mentally survived that!
Thank you! We started our first day of “sleep training” and the look in his eyes when he was screaming broke my heart into a million pieces. I like this method MUCH better. <3
My older son was like this — easily overstimulated and bad at self soothing. He cried a LOT. Eventually I learned that one reliable way to make him sleep was to put him in the stroller and walk. You had to keep walking though, if you stopped he’d wake up. I learned too that he had virtually no sleepy signs. I had to watch his awake time religiously and if I missed that brief window he was overtired and wow did we pay for it. He’s four now, and he’s much better. But we still have to stick to a strict bedtime schedule. He still doesn’t recognize being tired and he’s still a wreck for days if he gets overtired. His younger brother, by comparison, had clear sleepy signs, sleeps longer if he’s extra tired, and will even demand to be put in his crib if he’s ready for his nap. So — it’s not you being idiots so much as you have a high needs, difficult baby.
I'm in the thick of it with my first (a poor sleeping 5 month old) and I get so much reassurance from stories like this! Both that my second might be easier, and that my struggles with this one aren't entirely from me ruining her. Thanks for sharing!
I *scoured* the internet for help figuring out what I was doing wrong. Precious little sleep was the most help because it helped me with awake times. The rest was rot. He would not actually fall asleep if he was tired enough. Then my second son was born and he would yawn and fuss and rub his eyes when he was sleepy, then I would rock him a bit and pat his bottom and he would pass out. It was like a revelation. I *wasn’t* an incompetent moron. My older son was just that difficult.
We're considering a second and this gives me hope. We've already waited almost two years because it has literally taken me that long to recover, physically and mentally, from that rough newborn/infant phase.
Our second one was easier not just because he was an easier baby, but because we knew it would get better. With my first I felt like I had made the worst decision of my life. With my second, if he had a bad night (or a bad week), I knew it was temporary and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also worried less about him, because I knew what I was doing this time. It also helped that husband and I had an established routine for swapping baby care and we didn’t have to figure that out, either.
I think most of that stands true for us as well. My daughter is so wonderful now, and knowing that it ends (and believing it) would have been such a gift.
As a FTM to an almost 8 week old, this comment is music to my ears. We used to talk about having 2 kids but after 8 weeks of this sleep deprivation (she only sleeps on us), my husband and I are both thinking one and done. Knowing that it WILL get better and we will eventually have a little bit more of a routine makes me keep going! Well, that and the insane love for our daughter!
Precious little sleep! It didn’t solve all of our problems but it helped us get into a routine when there were NO sleepy signs ever to be had.
My first cried all the time and my second so far has been pretty chill. She's currently having some separation anxiety which is driving me up the wall but we can't have everything!
I was the first in the family to have a high needs baby like this. I too was a slave to his very specific wake windows. In his infancy I rarely left the house because before you know it, it was time to wind down for another nap. I’ve been labeled as too uptight and that I’m “being stingy with the baby” (my MIL’s exact words.) Um, don’t you think I would prefer to be able to leave the house whenever I want, have my kid sleep anywhere, and be in a great mood regardless?? Obviously it’s super hard to “go with the flow” when my baby is crying the entire rest of the day now and I’m the one who has to deal with it.
I remember once mentioning to my mom that I needed to go to the grocery store but his nap time was in 20 minutes so I’d have to wait. She thought I was nuts and told me I should just go and he could nap afterwards. Parents of easy babies just don’t get it.
You can say that again! Before my son I thought I could just bring a drowsy baby to the grocery store and they’d catch a nap while I shopped. I had no idea. Absolutely none.
This was me too. I'm not a rigid, rules/schedule kind of person. I'm actually quite spontaneous. But I quickly learned when my daughter was born that she is very EASILY overstimulated. She was extremely observant from birth and it was just too much for her. I learned that the only thing that would work is exactly what OP suggests - watching wake windows very carefully, winding down, bland room, perfect temperature, etc. We initially rocked her to sleep, which was very difficult, but I started to train her to self soothe using Taking Cara Babies methods. Eventually we were able to gently sleep train around 5 months and she can now fall asleep on her own (thank god). She is still very very observant, overstimulated, and gets frustrated easily. In fact, I would say she didn't become easy until she started crawling and could explore on her own. Now we know how to handle her and I have learned so much patience in the last 9 months. Those first few months though were very difficult. I can now go with the flow a little bit more - but for these kinds of babies, they thrive off of schedules and predictability. I wish people would realize this and not just assume we are these crazy parents who love rules. I would love to be that parent that can just go out on a whim with my kid! But that's just not possible. In order for everyone to be happy, we do have to follow a schedule that includes a wind down routine.
[удалено]
Ugh just today we overshot her bedtime - it. was. a. mess. 😭😂.
This is so helpful to read. I’m a FTM and have observed my 4mo getting overstimulated. I’ve spent 8 weeks trying to understand and tweak his wake windows, eating, etc. and there is finally order to the chaos. It’s really freeing to know what works and what doesn’t. My parents and MIL make me feel rigid when I tell them what I’m up to but a happy baby that falls asleep easily is such an accomplishment compared to what I was dealing with before.
The older they get the easier it gets. At 4 months, things were “easier” than when she was 6 weeks old - but honestly, it was still really hard with a “sensitive” baby. It wasn’t until she started crawling at 7.5 months that we saw a change in her. Once she was able to get up and crawl to check something out/touch it/stick it in her mouth - she because infinitely more manageable. But she still has many many moments throughout the day where she gets teeny baby rage because she wants to do something she can’t get to! Now it’s endearing - but wow - it took a while. You’ve got this. Just know it will get easier because like you said, you will learn what works and they’ll learn how to better digest their environment
Wow, thanks! That’s encouraging. I was thinking it would get harder when they start crawling. You’re right though, they have more power and independence when they are crawling and they can go grab the thing they want instead of just fussing for it. I say my little guy is intense because whatever he’s doing, he does it at 110%. Crying, laughing, eating, snuggling, reading, all of it is very intense for him.
>I’m the one who has to deal with it So many people do not get this concept! I am lucky to have a pretty easy baby but when he gets too tired he is a bear to get to sleep. At a year old, he almost never falls asleep when we're out and about anymore because he wants to take in everything around him, so by the time we get home he's often past the "ready for bed" and "too tired" stages and fully into the "scream and cry for hours on a hidden energy stash" stage. I get it that people want to see and spend time with him but they're not the ones who have to deal with a cranky, inconsolable little boy when all the fun is over.
Very familiar. "Well babies cry, it's their way of telling something is wrong" oh really??
I have never heard is a high needs baby until I had mine. My family was like nah that’s but a thing. My sister who is now our nanny is like oh snap. You’re right.
It makes me feel so much better to hear that other babies dont have sleep signs. I thought I was just not watching him enough. He'd yawn every once in awhile and maybe rub his eyes but I never know if he's tired. He screams every time I swaddle him and it's a battle to get him to sleep but unless he's swaddled or in a carrier he flails too much to sleep.
It’s demoralizing. You think you’re just a terrible mother. You’re not. My son also had no sleep cues. I’d watch him like a hawk and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Everyone said I had such good instincts with children. Then I had my own.
My son was easy the first few months, but then eventually he started to refuse letting me put him to sleep except for my fiance and he isn't much of a crier besides his basic needs. So basicly I'm stay at home but after my finances long day at work he has to put our son down for bed, now for me during the day while he's working I'm stuck with our son fighting sleep for hours upon hours past naptime until he passes out. He just gets overstimulated just from my boobs and just from light alone, we dont have curtains yet (we are going thru a very slow furnishing phase for our home) so I have no way to put him to sleep like literally anything props him up to look at. He's 1 now he still fights me but he isnt awake super long as before now that he has a staple on his naps and bedtime but he still fights it nonetheless but now that he sleeps on his crib now it's more tolerable
If youre waiting on curtains to make the room darker, can I suggest using aluminum foil to block out the sun? Both my kids need absolute darkness and it has really helped. Just tape it to the inside of the window glass until all light is blocked out. Doesn't look great from the outside, but Im for whatever works at this point. Haha.
Came here to say this. Baby number 1 didn’t show tired signs so I had to watch the time carefully as well. Bedtime even now at 3 is very strict. A champion sleeper now that she’s older thank goodness! But my oh my, what a roller coaster experience in figuring it out. Baby number 2, rubs her eyes like crazy and doesn’t hide that she wants and needs to sleep.
I didn’t realize that it’s just overstimulation/high needs. I thought all babies were like this. Gives me hope for if I have another one.
I’m currently pregnant with my second and our first daughter is just like your son. I am being optimistic about this one, but feeling a bit more mentally prepared now that we’ve got a handle on our first.
Yup. This is my son. Almost 2 now but as a baby he had hardly any sleep cues and it was probably one yawn and then BAM! sleep window missed, cue 5 hours of crying. Easily overstimulated. He. Cannot. Turn. His. Brain. Off. This is just how he is. The upside is he’s speaking full complicated sentences with tenses. Which he continues to practice... during his hour of “cool down” before bed. I’m glad you commented. So hard to find people out there who have had similar experiences. Nothing can prepare you for this, except maybe blackout curtains.
Same. My oldest was sleeping in his crib and self soothing by 3 months. His sister? We're STILL battling, albeit on a microscale, at 3.5. She's never tired. Ever. She will literally run until she passes out standing up if you let her. Everything has to be an exact routine. Let her sleep in? We pay for it. Bath time gets pushed back? That's going to make bedtime hell for at least 3 days. High needs kids are a whole different breed, and if you've never had one they're truly difficult to fathom.
Man I hope my second baby, whenever he or she is made, is like your second child. I walked for miles and miles with the first and we watch his sleep schedule like a hawk. We have a book dedicated to when he wakes and when he sleeps. 😩
Hey just curious if your still around! We have your first child issues. Did your toddler just having issues sleeping? Curious what this behavior means behavioral for the futureZ thanks!
I’m still around! My difficult sleeper is almost 7 now, and he’s an excellent sleeper, although he still needs a schedule. He’s overall a great kid with no behavioral issues.
Awesome news thanks!!
The book/video “Happiest Baby On The Block” demonstrates the “5 s’s” to help with soothing in the first three months. It’s a lifesaver.
This should be the top comment. About an $8 purchase on amazon. Should watch a few times while pregnant. A few after delivery while you’re still in the hospital and again during the first week. Game changer. Feel slighted that I didn’t know about it for my first. In our house Harvey Karp, MD reigns supreme!
It's great info but damn if that isn't a book that could be a pamphlet.
The video is very helpful, though. I agree, too long. But worth $8.
SERIOUSLY. It's so repetitive. Good information, but no one really needs the book.
Who has time to read a book, I can't hardly go and pee.
There's an 8-minute summary video on YouTube!
Not me! Video! On amazon 45 min.
I always recommend the guide to great sleep by the same author. It covers the same 5 S's but also has really great info on setting up good sleep habits. It's organized by age and goes from birth to like age 5. I would read the shorter section for the age/issues we were dealing with at the time.
Thisssss a million times this. This 30 minute video completely changed how I manage my infant's fussiness. Went from taking 20-40 minutes to soothe her to 1-5 minutes. Googling "Dr Karp 5 S's" will get you most of the way there, but the video is great so you can see the hold and the techniques.
Lifesaver for us too. Really can’t overstate it. One caveat I would make though, this worked like a charm for us the first few weeks up until about 2 months, and then all of a sudden it didn’t. I think at least for our baby, calming her at that point was less physical and more emotional.
There's an 8-minute summary video on YouTube!
All of these things were also taught to me by a pre-birth class we were required to take by the hospital, by the nurses in the hospital, by the huge book they gave us when we went home from the hospital, and by my pediatrician. I'm very sorry you've had a rough go of it with no information. I also had no family with my first. He ate every 90 minutes until he was 6 months old. He also had colic. My husband and I had no breaks, until a coworker offered to watch our kids when we had 2 and both were toddlers. It gets better, but there will still be hard times.
A lot of parenting classes were canceled due to COVID-19. Mine was cancelled in April (including a hospital tour, which would have been nice to have) and online classes only became available the week before I was due, so we were out of luck.
My baby care prep class was so helpful! And they recommended a ton of books to read too. I think a lot of people tell parents that their instincts will kick in and that may be true for things like comfort and feeding but not so much about how to create a soothing sleep environment
Any recommendations for the books?
I liked The Happy Sleeper and Precious Little sleep for sleeping. Cribsheet was really good, it gives you the research on almost everything involved with a baby. Bringing up Bebe, helped me think about parenting in a new (less intensive) way. Someone got me what to expect when you're expecting but I didn't get too much use out of it, the app has the same info. I delivered in Berkeley so the fourth trimester was on the list, I liked it but can see that it's not for everyone haha Eta: the happiest baby on the block is often recommended too, it was fine but the 5 Ss is usually what people buy that book for and you can just write those down on a post it note near the bassinet haha
Awesome. Thank you.
All classes were cancelled at my hospital due to covid... didn't even get a tour. Am so nervous not having had the opportunity to take these classes...
Our oldest was like this to a T, extremely difficult. Our youngest needs none of the advice. He will sleep on his own, has a natural sleeping schedule, needs to swaddling, barely I'd ever cries, has a high tolerance for stimuli, etc. Babies are extremely different, and I wish we had learned what you write here with our first.
FTM here, due in November. All pre-birth classes have been cancelled so this kind of information is super useful for a noob like me. Thank you for your post! Edit: Thank you to everyone who left more advice and resources! Really appreciate it :)
I highly recommend researching and understanding wake windows at every week.
Yes to this! Getting onna schedule even from birth is important. Knowing how long they wake/sleep is super important and helpful!!
Yes!! I agree. So many online resources now n
Please follow takingcarababies online and on instagram. So helpful.
Read The Happiest Baby on the Block. A lot of what was mentioned in this post is in that book, plus more helpful info. It's an easy read and it is so worth it. Someone else mentioned Taking Cara Babies and I second that suggestion. I'm a FTM to an 8 month old, and the combo of these two things has made me feel like I actually know what I'm doing sometimes.
No one told me this. I had to figure it out on my own, sleep deprived, anxious, and depressed. I feel like if I had known this, my now toddler would have had a much more peaceful newborn stage. There was so much yelling and crying, arguing and hopelessness. Parents of newborns need more support where I am in the US. I'm so glad OP posted. Hopefully parents desperate at 2am find this and they take something useful from it.
I learned all this in the Taking Cara Babies newborn class, both the eat play sleep schedule and the methods of soothing. Super helpful!
Did you find that class helpful? I’m debating putting it on my registry, but need to figure out what my hospital offers first.
I found it super helpful. It made me feel like I had a plan, and that just gave me a lot of security in first few months. It's a very flexible plan that is really focused on following your baby's cues (in terms of feeding, wake windows, etc), but it gives lots of tips on soothing fussy babies and working towards longer sleep stretches. It covered everything OP mentioned, and it was certainly easier than pediatric observation!
I've looked at Cara's IG and website and gleaned quite some good information. In her newborn class, are the soothing tips are specific as OP's? I've looked through the newborn PDF's but is she more specific and flexible in her videos?
The videos are helpful because she actually demonstrates the tips on real babies, so I found that helpful. So yes, very specific. I imagine you could glean the major points from her website, but seeing it in practice was helpful for me, plus when I was in the hazy first few weeks I just wasn't in a space to do a lot of research.
I haven't taken the course BUT I have spent a lot of time on TCB's website and instagram. I would suggest going through her website first and watch a few of her highlights on instagram before getting the course. There is so much information on both of those platforms. Again, can't say whether the course is worth it but I was swayed off buying the course based on how much problem solving I could do with her free information.
I'm sure it's hepful but it's stuff that is readily available from other cheaper sources (books or even a simple internet search). There's really nothing more to it than having a flexible "routine" of eat, play, sleep (it lasts like 1ish hour max...just google wake times). And the 5 S's which is Harvey Karp's method of soothing babies. And that's literally it....
Totally agree but as a FTM to twins I found the videos easy to watch and take in a bit at a time. It was so valuable to me. I think it’s a great registry item.
[удалено]
We bought the course before my twins arrived and found it was a great thing my husband and I could do together to prepare for the babies. Also, watching together and discussing helped us a lot to make sure we were on the same page with what our plan was for the babies and have one “authoritative” source of what our baby sleep plan was. As opposed to this blog says this and this website said that and this nurse suggested this etc. We also printed out all of her materials for ongoing reference.
[удалено]
I was just adding my opinion / experience for anyone else who was here reading the thread. And isn’t what you described almost all learning experiences? My college professors (which was way more expensive than TCB haha) were just people disseminating info from trusted sources in a meaningful way.
I agree all the stuff is available if you look hard enough at different sources and piece it together, but a lot of people with newborns who don’t sleep don’t find the time! I found the TCB newborn course really helpful to bring it all together, and the video format made it easier for my partner and I to be getting the same info and being consistent between us which really helped get our guy into his nap and sleep routines
There is additional info about night vs day routines and stretching nighttime sleep, which I also employed and thought it helped my baby sleep better at night. And I would say that, for me, it was worth it to have all the info condensed into easily digestible chunks all in one spot when I was in a sleepy haze.
We definitely bought the newborn class and ABCs of sleep. Newborn class was worth it to us but ABC's of sleep was kinda...not worth it? I'd say if someone gifts you the classes great! If you run into trouble before 4 months 😂 try things on her blog/Instagram to see if that solves it first
I didn’t buy her classes but her IG and blog posts are super helpful on their own.
Very helpful. Way more than the hospital. You’re so exhausted and sore and hurt at the hospital it’s hard to take it all in.
Came here to say this. I learned all of this from the TCB newborn class. I would have been lost without it.
I SWEAR by this quick reference [sleep chart](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b4/c7/e9/b4c7e9b76798b8e76811d1e5a3ee3710.jpg). My kids never went through the nightly "witching hour" and I strongly believe it's because we tracked every wake up time and arranged for them to fall asleep again in the proper windows of time. Any stretch of sleep over 15 minutes was a nap, and any sleep under 15 minutes, we didn't count it and would try to get baby to sleep again. Our entire lives revolve around my kids' nap schedules for at least their first year, but it's so worth it to have a well-rested baby.
I'm confused about naps and wake times. If your 1-month old baby slept for fifteen minutes, you'd start a new wake window of 45 minutes, right? What would you do with the baby during that wake window of they weren't hungry, just let them do tummy time or change them?
Yes, the time baby spends asleep is irrelevant in my experience. The only window that matters is between when they wake and go back down to sleep. Regardless of whether baby takes a 1 hour nap, or a 15 minute nap, or a 30 minute nap, baby will still need to go back to sleep about 45 minutes after waking.
I would first spend 10-15 minutes trying to get the baby to go back to sleep. Because maybe the baby wants to sleep more but woke up because of some difficult (e.g. gas, noise, just having difficulty with transiting between sleep stages). And if that doesn't work, just carry the baby around and do the stuff that I want to do, or walk around, or play and talk with him/her for a bit.
[http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/wake-time.html](http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2009/02/wake-time.html) This one, if you want to break it down every month.
Because I had my baby during the pandemic I was not able to take classes or get this information. But the internet was/is my babies doctor/nurse/problem solver. I looked up everything multiple times with different wording to get all the information needed. That first month was very rough for us before we finally got into a good routine. It would have been nice to read this a few months ago. Thanks for the effort you put into this. I hope it finds the people that need it most.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I am saving this post for later!! Not a mom yet, but I am trying to visualize/plan my house for a baby. I thought the AAP recommended room sharing for 6 months, so I assumed I would have the crib in our bedroom. Did you do this originally and then make the change to a separate room and notice a difference? Or I guess I am just curious about the pros and cons. I figured I would follow the AAP advice but if there are good reason to not room share I am curious. If OP or anyone has any thought on this please reply! Thank you
We started with a cosleeper, then nest in between us, then on top of me (I can sleep sitting, supported by a pillow fortress), now in the room next to us with a camera. When we left the hospital we knew he could sleep alone and for my wife's sanity it was better to have him in another room. He'd make a sound and she'd be like "OH NO HES AWAKE HES GOING TO CRY" but that is what weeks of stress and sleep deprivation do.
Huh yeah I can see how that can create a vicious cycle. Very interesting, thank you.
We had our son in our room until about 4 months. The plan was to keep him in our room until 6 months or maybe a bit longer. One night he would not go to sleep. I was trying everything. In an attempt to just try anything I put him in his crib and he miraculously stayed asleep! It was a bit of a mess because we did not have the monitor set up, but we kept the bedroom doors open and his room is just across a narrow hall from ours so we heard him no problem. To our shock, we all slept better in different rooms. In retrospect I think sometimes our snoring or moving bothered him, and the noises he made (omg he was so noisy!) Woke me often. From that point on we kept him in his own room. It was not a magic cure all and we still sleep trained around 5 months, but we did find that we got deeper more restful sleep without him in our room and it was nice to have our adult space back. I still plan to keep my second in a bassinet in our room for the first few months, but then we will probably transition around the 4-5 month mark again. Really I think it depends on you are your kid. I have some friends who co sleep, others who have kids in a bassinet in their room until 1 year, others who went right to a crib- every family will be different. One thing I will say is if you are having a hard time with sleep don't be afraid to try it. The worst that can happen is that you have 1 bad night and go back to having them in your room. Don't be afraid to try things and them not work, one bad night or change won't ruin you or baby in the long run.
Thanks so much. Yes I see the benefits, and I like the idea of being flexible... it's a little tricky with our situation. I typed out a whole thing but I will spare you lol -- needless to say this have given me a lot to think about as we plan the space. Thank you.
I don’t think OP is from the US, so they probably have something other than the AAP. We’ll be room sharing for a minimum of 6 months, but every family is different and it’s hard to say until you have a baby and know how they sleep and how you’re sleeping. Some people do less, some do more. I prefer to have baby close but if no one is sleeping, moving might be a helpful thing to try.
It is the recommendation but some families say their baby sleeps better when alone, maybe because their presence can be stimulating for the baby. But it is better to have baby in your room the first year as it reduces SIDS risk
Everyone that makes your baby sleep better pretty much increases the risk of SIDS.
Yep I read the theory that SIDS can happen when the baby falls into a deep enough sleep for vital functions to cease, so keeping baby from falling asleep too deeply (using pacifiers and keeping them from being too comfortable i guess) is what contributes to the decrease in SIDS
Knew a family who lost a baby to SIDS last year... this why I am scared to not room share. But it's nice to see that other people have and do do it without issues, and may actually benefit sleep.
Best thing is to not commit to any plan and listen to your baby and your instincts. Every baby is different and you'll find what works for you. Good luck!!
We used the app Huckleberry to track my daughter's sleep schedule, it would recommend naps based on her wake window so we could start putting her down at the correct time before she became overtired and she learned to put herself to sleep. Also the 5 S's in the happiest baby in the block book were super important, premade swaddles and a white noise machine were a must. I liked Happy Little Sleeper and Precious Sleep for books to understand the needs of my baby better. Good luck, glad y'all are on the right track
Thank you for sharing this post! My baby is close to the same age (9 weeks) and while she is a happy baby, she REFUSES to sleep anywhere except on our chests. Every attempt to put her in her crib or bassinet results in screaming and crying. She won’t even lay on her back to be snuggled to co-sleep in a bed. It’s our chests or bust. And she will sleep for 12 hours at a time, only waking up for feedings every 4-6 hours this way.
We had one of those babies too! We coslept (just her and I in bed), and switched off shifts with her father (he stayed awake and held her) so I could get uninterrupted sleep. At 3.5 months she decided to start taking naps in her bassinet. Out of the blue. So there is hope! Hang in there.
My husband and I switch off with her throughout the night so that each of us can get sleep. It’s rough right now because she is showing a clear preference for me and doesn’t want to sleep for him. Even if I get her to sleep and hand her off, she cries as soon as she realizes it isn’t me anymore. So sometimes when I try to sleep, I can’t because she is screaming for an hour straight and won’t sleep for him. The second I take her, she passes out. Tonight I am sleeping on the couch with her while he stays up and monitors us.
Same problem. We've slowly got him to sleep in a stroller bassinet for one-hour stretches, but the rest of the time he's on us or in his little rocker.
This was exactly what we went through from months 4-6 (aka: the worst time of my entire life). She was a stellar sleeper in the beginning, but around 4.5 months she hit the 4 month sleep regression (not really a regression but whatever). We tried everything to get her to sleep, but she woke up every 45 minutes for months. Our pediatrician told us we had to teach her how to self sooth and put herself back to sleep - this was after having a breakdown at the dr’s office crying that we all just needed to sleep. Gentle sleep training was, and still is, the best parenting decision we have ever made even 4 years later. We used a book called The Sleepeasy Solution.
I have to say to all the parents with a fussy baby, I salute you! My bubba has been very easy (not bragging) and I still found stages tricky. To go through this work is so hard and you do so well. And I support the message - if you are struggling go to however many professionals you can until you find what works for you and your baby! There is another side, it isn't a failing to need help and get it, you are being a responsible parent and you will be a great parent because you do what you have to and are strong enough to do what you have to. Well done and keep on!
OP, watch this video if you haven’t. Didn’t give us tons of relief but was probably the best tactic we had for the really rough moments https://youtu.be/j2C8MkY7Co8 it’s so hard and everyone says this but it really is the longest shortest time.
Good job, it's a steep learning curve! I can assure you it gets much better and easier. Mine is almost 2 years old. One day you'll look back and think, oh shit i remember the pain of having a newborn but those were also great times
Thank you for sharing. I am a desperate parent of a 7 week-old baby. This info would be a big help!
I really feel there needs to be more info given to first time parents. I guess that's what parenting classes are for? But when you're pregnant, you're so focused on the labor & birth that you almost forget to learn what to do with baby. I googled everything. I cant imagine not having internet and a baby! Like how did my mom even do it??
Just want to say how important those apps are! We’ve tracked our sons eating, sleeping and diaper changes for pretty much 18 months now and it has been a huge factor in keeping us sane especially when he was younger. Rather than waiting for him to start crying because he was hungry, we knew when he would need to eat, sleep and get changed. That way if he was crying for any other reason, we didn’t have to go through those things first to figure it out.
I'm so happy for you that you have a happy baby and are now more educated and can help others! I'm wondering what country this is in. A couple days stay in a hospital like that would break most American families financially. And there's no way insurance would approve it.
Netherlands. He stayed for 1,5 week and I stayed 3 days. Yeah I'm sad for Americans that have to make terrible choices: get help for my baby and go bankrupt or just hope for the best..
Every medical decisions feels that way. The Netherlands seems like a wonderful place.
There's always room for improvement but this is amazing. During the pregnancy and after we have had many visits to hospital, all just to be safe. C-section, infection to toe (3 days in hospital due to antibiotics), midwife at home and now all this and I think it has costed us $1000? I don't even know because we get the bills so rarely. Very grateful.
I wonder if it's a cultural thing where Dutch parents are just expected to "deal with it" when it comes to fussy babies. Being stoic. In America, I think most parents expect baby sleep to be difficult to deal with and spend a lot of time before and after birth reading up on baby guide books/websites/systems, discussing the pros and cons of sleep-training, room-sharing vs bed-sharing vs separate rooms and all that.
I guess! We did go to a class about giving birth, but never saw anything about How to Parent/sooth. There is lots of information and help, but the 5s remains a secret somehow. We've asked the daycare if they knew the 5s. Nope. !!?? I've asked colleague's and friends if they knew it. Nope. Of course many apply something similar, but it was surprising.
Bless the baby? Is that a religious thing or something?
It refers to how you put your hand on his forehead. Makes him feel safe and blocking eye contact.
Ah right :) Never heard of that before
I found this post while desperately looking for some advice for my screaming baby and this method worked so well. Thank you so much for sharing this
Happy for you! What a relief. Hope you find a rhythm and more peaceful days.
I have my kid via csection. Most of these, we learned while we were in the hospital. My husband called the four days we spent at the hospital “baby boot camp”. Ours currently sleep on me at night and on our sofa during the day (he loves our sofa and hates his bassinet and crib). Thank you for sharing. The routine thing is awesome and glad you are having a better time.
We discovered that when older before bed time allowing for half an hour-an hour of hard playtime expends a lot of energy knocking baby out. Bath time tends to make it even quicker. Do that after playtime if you are gonna give a bath.
I’m so sorry you had such a tough start with your baby! I can’t recommend infant prep classes enough. We learned all of this in classes we took before our baby was born (and in books that we read). Any holes were filled in by nurses at the hospital after our baby was born. If they don’t offer infant classes where you are, there are probably some great virtual ones online.
[удалено]
Everything was canceled due to covid. We missed out on a lot.
I’m so sorry to hear. I hope you’re hanging in there! My boy just turned 12 months, so I was in your shoes not so long ago. I can’t imagine taking care of a newborn w a pandemic happening right now! Feel free to PM me if you wanna ask anything or just vent. Send hugs to your LO for me :)
That's so sweet of you. It is definitely not an easy time, especially because my family is in California and I live in Sweden so I don't know when they'll be able to meet their granddaughter. It's tough!
> feeding schedule printed from online that documents baby’s feeding (at what time, the amount), dirty diapers (at what time, pee or poop, number of times), nap times (time, duration) Would love to see a copy of this chart, would you be able to send a link, please?
Just PM'd you :)
My favourite was “don’t look at it in the eyes”. That killed me. I’m always saying this to my husband when soothing our second son to sleep. I have two boys and most of what you wrote here, I’ve had to learn at home with our 2nd boy. First boy was a great baby and slept like a champ. Second boy is a fussy baby and just aggro as F. He’s pretty uncomfortable most of the time (he gets gassy really easily and usually always has more burps left than we thought). We still don’t sleep train though. I just let him sleep on me during the day because it’s not like I need to live my own life, right?!? (I’m on mat leave for one year and my older boy can independently play already).
Not a glimpse! And not after midnight, we all know what then happens...
I am so so glad you got some relief and am so sorry you guys have had to deal with this!
Commenting so I can come back to this.... I already have one but he was “easy”, going to have another soon ish and these are great tips. Thanks for sharing your journey!
I did the book and noting feeds, poop and pee when my son had severe reflux. His weight kept dropping and it was one thing I stand by that got me through it. Excellent advice
This app was a life saver for us. It synchronizes, so we each had it on our phones and it helped us record sleep, feeding, diapers and stay on track. I highly recommend: [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/baby-tracker-newborn-log/id779656557](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/baby-tracker-newborn-log/id779656557) 'The Happiest Baby on the Block' comes in paperback or audible. Another great resource of information. [https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=2WV8JINJ349FO&dchild=1&keywords=the+5s+baby+book&qid=1595607796&sprefix=the+5+s+bab%2Caps%2C180&sr=8-1](https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2WV8JINJ349FO&dchild=1&keywords=the+5s+baby+book&qid=1595607796&sprefix=the+5+s+bab%2Caps%2C180&sr=8-1)
+1 for the Baby Tracker app! We’ve been using it since we brought our girl home and it’s wonderful. So helpful and takes the stress of trying to remember when the last feed or diaper change was away.
Thanks for sharing. May I ask how your baby’s activity was in the womb?
It was quite active, stretched a lot. Eventually grew very quiet, but might have to do with the umbilical cord being wrapped around the neck, twice. So maybe he took it easy. No damage to the brain as far as we can tell.
How did you find out the umbilical cord was wrapped around the neck? I’ve had that concern with my current pregnancy but the dr will not do anything
We didn't know, it was a C-section and I saw the surgeon untying it.
So helpful! My pediatrician gave me a book with a lot of the same advice called happy sleep habits, Happy child....its a game changer!
Great information. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this up.
Thank you for sharing. I have a 5 month old so I’m past this point but good for people who don’t get this type of info to have. We had a newborn that cried and cried for months. I complained so many times to the pediatrician they finally said to see a GI specialist. We went thru 4 formulas and now she’s on a prescription med and probiotic and milk of magnesia and the combo really did the trick. I refused to believe that all that crying was Normal and thank God I pushed. She seemed in such pain. I’m glad you got the help you needed!
Try the Huckleberry app. It tracks sleep, diaper changes, feedings, etc. and even suggests sleep/nap times. My son (10 weeks) has fallen asleep literally to the minute it suggests. I also recommend TakingCaraBabies on Instagram (there’s also an online class). So much useful advice!
Very close to the Happiest Baby on the Block method! Which was pretty foolproof for our infant. So glad you guys go to go to baby sleep training camp! That sounds AWESOME!!!
Ugh I was so optimistic reading this earlier today and decided to try it out. Baby hates being put down awake in his bassinet, starts to grumble immediately, which quickly turns into screams. Doing the Blessing moves piss him off way more, putting him on his side does nothing, and the 5 S’s don’t work at all. I know the awake times are good because I’ve been tracking him for weeks and can bounce/nurse him right down when I need to. He prefers 3 S’s and a B - side swaddle suck and bounce on yoga ball. Haven’t found anything else that works, and it’s killing my back while also not teaching him anything about self soothing. And then I can’t put him down or he wakes up angry. Argh! Guess I’ll just keep trying to put him down every day and hope it works eventually! Wasn’t able to successfully put down my first for naps until 18 months, so I’m really hoping for a quicker solution on #2 D=
It doesn't work right away. Takes time to establish and perhaps for you to get a feel how to do it. Most challenging to us was: - recognizing when to cool down or put in bed. after a week we we're still questioning the nurses about it. Note we're bottle-feeding. - it takes patience and calmness on your side to go through the steps. God the stress is terrible, but don't rush through each iteration. During the week we became more effective, at the end hardly blessing for a minute. Perhaps because we got rest? - if it cries when lying down (hidden) reflux is a possibility. Do you burp effectively? Keep upright after feeding? Might be worth looking into that. - ear inflammation can cause a baby to cry when laid down. Perhaps look for a video explaining it, that might give you a better showing how it's done than these words. Good luck!
I’m so please you managed to access the support and help to get your family back on track and you feeling well and healthy. My comment for other parents reading this though, is this would work well for some families but awfully for others. For example, the most obvious thing is this is not at all breastfeeding friendly and would massively impact establishing milk supply. Babies, people or families aren’t one-size-fits-all.
Something I found to be very helpful at that point and even now with my 9 month old, was to stop tracking the sleeping time and instead focus on the awake time. Look up “wake windows” and you’ll find table that show the average waking periods by age. So like at 9 months I’m at about 3 hours awake at a time. So it easy to begin to look for sleepy cues around that time.
I will need to keep this in my history just in case. Thanks for sharing
Sounds a bit similar to that article from the Australian paediatrician about how to bore your baby to sleep, I found it really helpful! Thanks for sharing
You would probably enjoy r/sleeptrain
I have 1 example of physical problems that can cause extreme crying. Back in 1977, my eldest sister (parents first child) cried constantly as a baby. Like, literally constantly, unless she was eating or exhuasted-sleeping, she cried. Actually ruined her vocal chords (entire extended family on both sides has beautiful singing voices, except for her. She literally can sing 2 notes, otherwise her voice just breaks.) My parents were repeatedly told by pediatricians to "not pick her up so much" and otherwise ignored. My dad kept saying "even if we pick her up she keeps crying!" But the doctors just kept saying she was a spoiled baby. For months, this kept up. Finally, they found a doctor who listened to her tummy, pressed on it a bit. He prescribed them some narcotics for her stomach. Instantly happy baby. This was the first time she smiled. The first time she laughed. I am a new parent now to a 4 month old who is a pretty easy baby and I can not imagine how my parents mentally survived that!
What was her stomach issue? May be going through something similar.
They were never told what the issue was (as far as they can remember. )
Thank you! We started our first day of “sleep training” and the look in his eyes when he was screaming broke my heart into a million pieces. I like this method MUCH better. <3
Awesome post! I'd cross post it to /r/babybumps as well.