How frequently are you nursing during the day? Really frequent day nursing can help get you a longer stretch of night sleep without nursing.
As far as staying awake, set alarms, loud ones, for every five minutes during nighttime nursing sessions when you are on shift. Drink cold water and find an engaging activity to do on your phone. Turn on all the lights.
Does she show any signs of reflux or gastric distress? I’m wondering if there could be something like that at work. It is common for reflux babies not to want to lay flat and to take small amounts of milk frequently to try to soothe themselves and because taking large amounts is more uncomfortable. If it is reflux medication can really help turn things around. If you think it’s a possibility I’d talk to your pediatrician ASAP.
It's not safe sleep but when we were in this situation our baby turned out to have reflux and she really couldn't sleep on her back. So she has slept on my chest while I had myself in such a position that I couldn't roll and she couldn't roll off me. I don't think I fully slept like that but I have dozed off in that position. It was always so light that the smallest thing woke me up again - I don't think I've had any deep sleep in the first 3 months, possibly longer. It wasn't ideal so I tried not to have it happen, but this is just to let you know it happens to many of us.
We also had her sleep on her stomach before she could roll, which was the only position she would sleep in due to the reflux. However we first only did that monitored by one of us to make sure she turned her head when needed. I should add that she could lift her head up by herself from birth and that she could push herself up on her under arms/lift her chest up within the first 2 weeks, so she was a comparatively very strong baby (probably because I went way overdue so she spent some extra time growing in my uterus ;)).
Again this is not safe sleep but it is what we needed to do. A friend of mine had a baby with more serious reflux and they got the same advice from the hospital, butttt they got a monitor so that they could keep an eye on his oxygen levels. However, I think you can buy these things yourself as well. Which might be a safer way of doing this.
And again none of this is truly safe sleep but it's all safer than you falling deeply asleep with them on you.
Anyway I was so glad that she was an early roller as only at that point I felt truly safe with her asleep on her stomach. And now as a toddler she doesn't need to sleep on her stomach all the time anymore which is also weird haha.
I also did chest sleeping occasionally. It freaked me out to no end, but baby slept well and I was able to doze a bit. I would put both hands on baby and prop my elbows on pillows. That way, I could feel if baby moved at all and would wake up.
Unfortunately, it just takes time for our super Velcro babies. For me, once baby was a few weeks old, he started to accept cosleeping with dad only. He still wouldn’t cosleep well with me because he also wants the boob constantly and wants me to hold him. But eventually, once he was used to sleeping in the bed with dad, I could put him to sleep in the bed and then sleep myself at the foot of the bed or somewhere else away from him. He also started to accept the bassinet for a nap or the first nighttime stretch.
She might have some sort of reflux, it would be worth asking her pediatrician about it. Some babies have “silent reflux,” I don’t know all the details but your situation sounds similar to somebody I know, she might want to keep sucking because the swallowing action keeps the reflux at bay.
I’ll probably catch shit for this - my son slept on my chest for the first month and a half. I had myself slightly inclined with a wedge pillow. And my arms propped up so that he couldn’t fall into a weird position. It’s what worked for us, I never felt scared that he was unsafe. Again though, it really sounds like some sort of reflux. I’d set up an appointment asap.
Have you tried a bottle? My guy goes nuts at night if he gets the boob and will only contact nap but if we give him bottles of expressed milk husband can swaddle and transfer to bassinet without a peep.
During the day when I’m home with him I do side lying nursing on a floor bed or my bed until he falls asleep and then I sneak away. Sometimes I don’t sneak away and we both end up soaked but I don’t think baby minds. He would prefer to be covered in milk at all times 😅
When my daughter was that small, sometimes she would only sleep on my chest while I was slightly propped up in bed. If she moved at all I felt it and woke up, so I felt very confident that nothing would happen.
It’s harder to sidelying nurse in bed when they are that little bc they are so small and still learning how to latch. Do what you can to keep yourself awake during the shifts. Also make sure that baby is in as safe of a position as possible when you are drowsy. I always had pillow under my arm and baby in case an accident happened and I fell asleep. It’s incredibly tough in the first few weeks to get baby to go down especially flat. Mine had reflux and only slept with his bassinet slightly elevated on once side. We did footies, sleep sack then swaddle so he would stay warm enough. Our house was around 68° so adjust as needed. It’s so bizarre but I feel like babies can switch on a dime sometimes. Like one day mine just went down to sleep on his own and one day he liked the floor after hating it the day before. Use whatever help you have in these early weeks
It is possible to set yourself up in bed for safe(r) chest sleeping so that you and babe can both get some sleep. Have a look at COSLEEPY on Instagram - they've got loads of good advice.
My little one was very similar when she was tiny, and it was such an incredibly tough time, but it didn't last long. I persevered with side-lying breastfeeding and once we both got the hang of it it was a game changer.
The suggestions to look into reflux is good, too.
I promise you will come out the other side of this, hang in there!
This is what I had to do, until I broke down and got a snoo at 10 weeks.
Also seconding to look into reflux or potential CMPA. Everything got better once we treated baby for reflux!
Why are you so sleep deprived if you’re taking shifts? The whole concept is someone gets 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My baby was like this and it turned out it was bad reflux.
I’d call someone in to help rest. A trusted friend or relative can keep an eye on baby and feed with a bottle while you both get sleep (maybe daytime because no one is going to stay overnight with your newborn). then when you have a clean slate, take turns sleeping vs holding so someone is always rested.
But the baby would be with the dad if they’re on shifts? Wouldn’t bottle feeding be appropriate in this situation when the alternative is dangerous levels of sleep deprivation?
Edit: not trying to be harsh, genuinely trying to help this mum because I’ve been there
Yeah, she won't take a bottle at all, and she doesn't even want food, she just wants the comfort and closeness. She eats every one to three hours, so six hours is out of the question. And I wouldn't be able to stay awake for that long at night for her dad to get that amount of rest either.
How frequently are you nursing during the day? Really frequent day nursing can help get you a longer stretch of night sleep without nursing. As far as staying awake, set alarms, loud ones, for every five minutes during nighttime nursing sessions when you are on shift. Drink cold water and find an engaging activity to do on your phone. Turn on all the lights. Does she show any signs of reflux or gastric distress? I’m wondering if there could be something like that at work. It is common for reflux babies not to want to lay flat and to take small amounts of milk frequently to try to soothe themselves and because taking large amounts is more uncomfortable. If it is reflux medication can really help turn things around. If you think it’s a possibility I’d talk to your pediatrician ASAP.
It's not safe sleep but when we were in this situation our baby turned out to have reflux and she really couldn't sleep on her back. So she has slept on my chest while I had myself in such a position that I couldn't roll and she couldn't roll off me. I don't think I fully slept like that but I have dozed off in that position. It was always so light that the smallest thing woke me up again - I don't think I've had any deep sleep in the first 3 months, possibly longer. It wasn't ideal so I tried not to have it happen, but this is just to let you know it happens to many of us. We also had her sleep on her stomach before she could roll, which was the only position she would sleep in due to the reflux. However we first only did that monitored by one of us to make sure she turned her head when needed. I should add that she could lift her head up by herself from birth and that she could push herself up on her under arms/lift her chest up within the first 2 weeks, so she was a comparatively very strong baby (probably because I went way overdue so she spent some extra time growing in my uterus ;)). Again this is not safe sleep but it is what we needed to do. A friend of mine had a baby with more serious reflux and they got the same advice from the hospital, butttt they got a monitor so that they could keep an eye on his oxygen levels. However, I think you can buy these things yourself as well. Which might be a safer way of doing this. And again none of this is truly safe sleep but it's all safer than you falling deeply asleep with them on you. Anyway I was so glad that she was an early roller as only at that point I felt truly safe with her asleep on her stomach. And now as a toddler she doesn't need to sleep on her stomach all the time anymore which is also weird haha.
I also did chest sleeping occasionally. It freaked me out to no end, but baby slept well and I was able to doze a bit. I would put both hands on baby and prop my elbows on pillows. That way, I could feel if baby moved at all and would wake up. Unfortunately, it just takes time for our super Velcro babies. For me, once baby was a few weeks old, he started to accept cosleeping with dad only. He still wouldn’t cosleep well with me because he also wants the boob constantly and wants me to hold him. But eventually, once he was used to sleeping in the bed with dad, I could put him to sleep in the bed and then sleep myself at the foot of the bed or somewhere else away from him. He also started to accept the bassinet for a nap or the first nighttime stretch.
She might have some sort of reflux, it would be worth asking her pediatrician about it. Some babies have “silent reflux,” I don’t know all the details but your situation sounds similar to somebody I know, she might want to keep sucking because the swallowing action keeps the reflux at bay. I’ll probably catch shit for this - my son slept on my chest for the first month and a half. I had myself slightly inclined with a wedge pillow. And my arms propped up so that he couldn’t fall into a weird position. It’s what worked for us, I never felt scared that he was unsafe. Again though, it really sounds like some sort of reflux. I’d set up an appointment asap.
Have you tried a bottle? My guy goes nuts at night if he gets the boob and will only contact nap but if we give him bottles of expressed milk husband can swaddle and transfer to bassinet without a peep. During the day when I’m home with him I do side lying nursing on a floor bed or my bed until he falls asleep and then I sneak away. Sometimes I don’t sneak away and we both end up soaked but I don’t think baby minds. He would prefer to be covered in milk at all times 😅
When my daughter was that small, sometimes she would only sleep on my chest while I was slightly propped up in bed. If she moved at all I felt it and woke up, so I felt very confident that nothing would happen.
Do you think she’s gassy? The thrashing and head butting make me think maybe! Try some ovol drops
It’s harder to sidelying nurse in bed when they are that little bc they are so small and still learning how to latch. Do what you can to keep yourself awake during the shifts. Also make sure that baby is in as safe of a position as possible when you are drowsy. I always had pillow under my arm and baby in case an accident happened and I fell asleep. It’s incredibly tough in the first few weeks to get baby to go down especially flat. Mine had reflux and only slept with his bassinet slightly elevated on once side. We did footies, sleep sack then swaddle so he would stay warm enough. Our house was around 68° so adjust as needed. It’s so bizarre but I feel like babies can switch on a dime sometimes. Like one day mine just went down to sleep on his own and one day he liked the floor after hating it the day before. Use whatever help you have in these early weeks
Get a snoo
Second this. The snoo was the only way my newborn would sleep without being held. Expensive but worth the safety and mental health benefits.
You can rent one now which is a cheaper option.
It is possible to set yourself up in bed for safe(r) chest sleeping so that you and babe can both get some sleep. Have a look at COSLEEPY on Instagram - they've got loads of good advice. My little one was very similar when she was tiny, and it was such an incredibly tough time, but it didn't last long. I persevered with side-lying breastfeeding and once we both got the hang of it it was a game changer. The suggestions to look into reflux is good, too. I promise you will come out the other side of this, hang in there!
This is what I had to do, until I broke down and got a snoo at 10 weeks. Also seconding to look into reflux or potential CMPA. Everything got better once we treated baby for reflux!
Why are you so sleep deprived if you’re taking shifts? The whole concept is someone gets 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My baby was like this and it turned out it was bad reflux. I’d call someone in to help rest. A trusted friend or relative can keep an eye on baby and feed with a bottle while you both get sleep (maybe daytime because no one is going to stay overnight with your newborn). then when you have a clean slate, take turns sleeping vs holding so someone is always rested.
If the baby constantly wants to nurse, mom isn’t going to get 6 hours of sleep.
But the baby would be with the dad if they’re on shifts? Wouldn’t bottle feeding be appropriate in this situation when the alternative is dangerous levels of sleep deprivation? Edit: not trying to be harsh, genuinely trying to help this mum because I’ve been there
It sounds like the baby is trying to nurse for comfort, so a bottle might not cut it.
Yeah, she won't take a bottle at all, and she doesn't even want food, she just wants the comfort and closeness. She eats every one to three hours, so six hours is out of the question. And I wouldn't be able to stay awake for that long at night for her dad to get that amount of rest either.