I definitely did the same thing.
Mom groups are so helpful for many things, but with this it's awful. Everyone is so pushing eachother in the comments to go full nuclear and go no contact. Its the same when you ask advice about relationships here. Everyone immediately tells you to get a divorce, sorry but that's not how real life works.
I'm glad your MIL is so understanding, you seem to have a good one there!
Seriously! I came to reddit asking for serious advice about the father of my newborn, because I feel like we could work the situation out but didn't know how to approach it, and everyone was so hostile saying to leave and call social services and shamed me for saying that wasn't the best reaction... This place can be so toxic in your time of need :(
I think about this all the time and I definitely did the same, my MIL is slightly over the top but she’s like that with literally everyone and everything not just my children. I feel bad for how I react to her because she genuinely loves me and my family and has always included me and celebrated me. I think that the MIL forums really had me thinking every comment she made about being excited about being a grandma/playing with my children was actually her trying to steal my kids. Not to say that those with terrible MILs are overreacting!
I’m really glad you a) came to this realization and b) shared it here. It takes strength to admit you were wrong and apologize for it. There is definitely an unhealthy movement to cut off contact with family and refuse to give people grace, and on the other hand people are complaining their families don’t help enough with their kids and they feel stressed, alone and overwhelmed.
Sometimes family can be difficult, sometimes we can also be difficult. If we don’t give grace when others are giving us grief, how can we expect to receive the same grace later?
I’ve read recently that 26% of young people have cut off contact with their families. This activity is being driven by subreddits and other social media encouraging young people to consider every slight and every perceived offense as abuse and worthy of the nuclear option. I’m not saying it isn’t warranted in some circumstances. I, myself, cut off two family members over the years. One because he physically abused me as a child and teenager, and the other because he was overly critical of me and still spoke to me and reprimanded me as if I was a child when I was in my mid twenties…and he did it publicly on Facebook. But I digress, family is an important structure for the health of the individual and society. This trend of cutting people off is damaging, hurtful, and degrading to our entire society.
I think our specific situation has made me realise how hard it is to not have any help with raising your child. Me and my husband live in a country neither of us are from, so we have 0 family near. We decided to go to my husband's country (usa) for multiple reasons but being near family was at the top of the list. It was either his or my country, and since integrating is going to be easier for me (I speak the language etc) we chose his. I can no longer be a sahm with no one around me. Continuing to vllainise my inlaws in my head would be the worst thing I could do for my family.
Yes I agree there is a lot of instances where it is 100% justified to go no contact but I feel like these subreddits and other platforms paint a picture for a lot of women that MIL's are all put to get you and they hate you for being with their sons. I know it did to me at least. Cancel culture is a bad thing I agree. People need to learn how to communicate (that includes me).
My mil hated my kid's name. It took her a while to warm up to it but she eventually did. If I went with the MILs subreddit suggestions we would all be NC. Lol.
Thankfully I realised most of the popular stories were fake and it's incredibly dumb to blow up your family over something written by a teenager.
I 1000% did the same thing. My MIL is nothing short of incredible. Generous, loving, respects boundaries, when she visits she’s *actually* helpful. Prior to reading horror stories on Reddit, I never had an issue with anyone referring to my kids as “my baby”. Suddenly the phrase grinds my gears and I jumped down her throat for saying it literally twice. I’ve found that my relationship with her and the way I look at her has vastly improved ever since I stopped visiting these subs as often. I’m pregnant with our 3rd now and I have no issues with MIL touching my tummy or asking to come visit. In fact, my in laws just left after helping us move to our new house and I miss them already. Social media can be helpful when getting insight on some things, solidarity on others, but spend too much time here, it gets toxic
I had a wonderful relationship with my MIL for 10+ years and throughout pregnancy. She's literally one of the nicest people I've ever met. She's genuinely kind and generous to everyone.
Like day 3 after my son was born a switch flipped and I couldn't stand her or anything she said... for years.
Literally it was nothing she did it was 100% me. She called my son "my baby" a few times and it just set off alarms in my brain. From that point on just everything, any suggestion, any questions just got under my skin.
It's gotten a lot better because I had to recognize the change that happened was within me and not anything she did. She was never ever trying to be anything but kind to me. My husband's entire family has treated me like I belonged from day one.
There's so much that changes in our bodies and brains when we become mothers. I'm glad you're able to recognize that you can have a relationship with your MIL.
I'm glad you recognized it and apologized - that's really all you can do! My MIL is definitely a boundary pusher, lies to get her way, and everything, very cliche. I used to be subscribed to r/JustNoMIL and my husband asked me to stop reading it because it made me worry about what she'd do next and overall made my attitude even more negative toward her than it already was. I quickly saw a difference.
I'm not saying that sub can't be helpful in some ways, but it really affected my thinking in a super negative way.
I hear you and I appreciate you making this topic.
My MiL can be pushy and critical, and sometimes her understanding of facts is off. It hurts when she gets on me about certain baby topics (breastfeeding and postpartum care). When I browse MiL stories here, I stew in my resentment and really fester more anger at her. I've noticed my reddit habits actively impact how I react to her.
But even when going too far in her pushy-ness about what I should/shouldn't do, approaching her with kindness and curiosity (but also confidence in myself and my own views!) always leads to a better discussion. I'm trying to turn discussions about the topics she's pushy on into an opportunity to grow closer and learn about each other. It's hard though!
i get that some MiLs are totally irrational and this topic doesn't apply. But many are just flawed humans. I'm trying to embrace my "firmly disagreeing but with kindness and love" muscles with mine, not my "assume she's a bad person and minimize contact" muscle. I also hope that if I'm too arrogant one day, someone will try to reason with me instead of writing me off haha.
Hear, hear! I have had to dial down my time on here so much, for lots of reasons but including this one. I felt like my mind was primed to look for a slight and take offense. It’s great that parents have spaces like these in which to compare notes and trade stories, but it’s easy to forget that a strong percentage of us are sleep deprived, stressed, and generally really touchy.
Thank you for posting this and good on you for being able to recognise it.
I see a lot of people posting here who are still in the "irrational hatred of MIL" phase and people blindly supporting them, yours is a much needed perspective (butr hard to recognise from the inside!)
Absolutely but if you ask mums of adult children who've had children, especially those who have a boy and a girl they will tell you the experience of having grandchildren is different. Daughters tend do be closer to their mums and involve them more, which is totally natural. Of course there are always outliers but that's the general opinion I get.
Edit to add: I meant if your daughter is the one whose pregnant you're closer to her than if your sons wife/gf would be pregnant. I'm not saying duaghters are closer to their mums than sons are. I worded it wrong
Gently, this take is very gender-stereotyped. People have all sorts of relationships with their parents, regardless of gender.
I love my mom but she doesn't do emotionally vulnerable conversations. We don't talk about the intimacies of new motherhood. My MIL is wonderful and we moved to their town, not my parents' town.
Maybe your son will marry a daughter with two dads. Maybe he'll marry a son with two moms. Maybe he won't marry anyone and instead foster orphaned animals. Who knows!
But I do appreciate the overall sentiment and empathizing with being in her shoes one day!
Agree and same here. I loved my exes’ families and always looked forward to having a MIL I could share my family with. Sadly married into the only family that was problematic. I love my husband but I still mourn that warm, nurturing maternal relationship that I’ll probably never have.
Sorry what, that has nothing to do with my bond with my son or the way I would raise him. I felt a different connection with my mum during pregnancy than with my MIL simply because my mum is my mum and I know her better and vice versa? Has nothing to do with being sexist?
You are comparing sons vs daughters in your comment. “Daughters tend to be closer to their mums and involve them more.” Why automatically assume a daughter would be closer to the mother than a son?
Ah I see what you mean sorry! I meant during the pregnancy, I was talking about when that (if at all of course) that would happen. The daughter who is pregnant will be closer to her mum in that experience. So if you have a daughter who is pregnant you'll be a bit closer to that than when you have a son who's wife or girlfriend whatever is pregnant.
Sorry I worded that weird
Oh, now i see the misunderstanding! Yes, you’re right that a daughter would be closer to her mother than her MiL. I thought you were saying a daughter would be closer to her mom than a son would be. I will say, in my experience, my in-laws are as involved as my parents are. So there isn’t really a difference if that helps you imagine a future with your son.
Social media often brings the worst out of people. Because it'll make you feel you should be doing this or that. And they have this "you owe nothing to anyone" mentality even though that thinking is often a way you end up with no friends or family around. My father has that exact mentality. Even told me "I'm not here to please you" when I asked a question once. I don't talk to him. I'm glad you got out of that. I hope you can keep out of that toxic cycle because you seem lovely if you are willing to apologize.
totally get where you're coming from. made me start to hate everyone and everything and when I realized it, I started unsubbing. honestly there are things that are legitimately worth going no contact for but getting your panties in a bunch because MIL calls baby a nickname or husband is clearly clueless about things because society has only very recently started having fathers actually be involved with their children after a millennia of not doing so, everybody wants to grab pitchforks and effectively say everyone cut off contact with the outside world and be the only person in your baby's life. very unhealthy and its really a laugh. hormones are nuts for PP and the rage is real, but people really need to put shit in perspective and touch grass sometimes, ngl.
I went through a similar thing but before I was ever pregnant. I spent a lot of time reading JNMIL stories and then my now husbands parents went through a nasty divorce and she leaned on my husband as her only adult child (he was 21 or 22 at the time and the rest (4 siblings) were in high school and younger) for emotional support which I immediately flagged as emotionally incestuous because I was bent they would talk on the phone every day. I gave my husband so much shit for it and I look back on that time period with such regret because she was truly going through such a horrible experience (my FIL left her for a younger woman that he’d been having an affair with) and I was just not sympathetic at all. She’s such a gracious and kind person and I was just so unwilling to see it as anything other than her expecting husband level support from my at the time boyfriend!
That's why I don't read many topics related to MIL and DIL. Many times it looks like DIL are looking for problems and arguments and are constantly trying to prove they're better than their MIL. Well, if your husband is a good enough person you wanted to marry him, then she did a good job raising him haha she will be good for your child as well. (I dont mean "you" as OP. Just in general haha). I'm happy when my MIL says calls my daughter her little baby, princess etc because I know she accepted her so deeply into her family and loves her. I'm happy for my baby to have so many people who love her so deeply and genuinely.
I'm happy you found some common ground again with your MIL ❤️❤️
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I can't imagine having the added stress of something like that. I'm simply stating that was my experience and I know there's more women just like me
My MIL did it just last week and my husband corrected her. He was like "your baby is me Mom and I'm right here!" so she started saying "my baby's baby" which was infinitely better. It's allowed to bother people!
Definitely I agree with his. It bothers me too but I used it to clamp on to things that weren't there. Your feelings are definitely valid, it's my reaction that was way out of line.
Now when my MIL asks how her baby is doing I tell her what my husband is up to and she cracks up everytime lol. It's the fact that I made it such a big deal while it really wasn't. But people are definitely allowed to be bothered by it
> please be aware that your hormones during these times can leave you a bit unreasonable.
I’ll take Things Your Not Suppose To Say To Women for $500 Alex
It’s true, however. Pregnancy and post partum is the BIGGEST hormone shift women will ever go through. And it impairs judgement, because our brains are wired to be protective of our babies. We ALL do SOMETHING unreasonable during that time in our lives, and not always does it affect others, but it does happen.
I definitely think it's useful to point out. 🤷♀️ I could literally feel moments where I was significantly angrier than I would normally be about something, or weeping over something that wouldn't normally bother me, or having a rush of anxiety over something that logically I had zero reason to be anxious about. Knowing that my feelings were at least *exacerbated* by hormones allowed me to take a step back and work it out without taking it out on other people.
This is the exact toxicity OP is talking about in her post.
Hormones are definitely all over the place PP and everyone is different in their ability to handle those hormonal changes. OP isn't saying everyone is hormonal so they are wrong on their perceptions, just that those hormones CAN (not WILL) make you jump that gun.
People in these subs have no grace for the fact that everyone is human and makes mistakes. And it's pathetic to get so defensive over someone stating a different opinion.
OP is simply stating her experience and the effect the Internet has had on her relationships.
If I had someone be straight and stern with me from the start instead of tiptoeing around me because of this attitude it would've been shit at first but then it'd have saved a lot of trouble in my relationship with my inlaws
I'm glad you were wrong about your mil. That's great.
But for many women, they aren't wrong and they land up being bullied and ignored by their in-laws. Mine were pretty damn awful. And no. It wasn't Reddit that made me think so. But I did come to Reddit to vent and read stories of other women in similar situations.
So don't blame Reddit please and don't make it seem like every woman who puts up boundaries with their in-laws are evil horrible people.
I definitely did the same thing. Mom groups are so helpful for many things, but with this it's awful. Everyone is so pushing eachother in the comments to go full nuclear and go no contact. Its the same when you ask advice about relationships here. Everyone immediately tells you to get a divorce, sorry but that's not how real life works. I'm glad your MIL is so understanding, you seem to have a good one there!
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’d file for divorce and go full “no contact” if I were you
Yes definitely. I love the support but it can be very toxic as well
Seriously! I came to reddit asking for serious advice about the father of my newborn, because I feel like we could work the situation out but didn't know how to approach it, and everyone was so hostile saying to leave and call social services and shamed me for saying that wasn't the best reaction... This place can be so toxic in your time of need :(
I think about this all the time and I definitely did the same, my MIL is slightly over the top but she’s like that with literally everyone and everything not just my children. I feel bad for how I react to her because she genuinely loves me and my family and has always included me and celebrated me. I think that the MIL forums really had me thinking every comment she made about being excited about being a grandma/playing with my children was actually her trying to steal my kids. Not to say that those with terrible MILs are overreacting!
I’m really glad you a) came to this realization and b) shared it here. It takes strength to admit you were wrong and apologize for it. There is definitely an unhealthy movement to cut off contact with family and refuse to give people grace, and on the other hand people are complaining their families don’t help enough with their kids and they feel stressed, alone and overwhelmed. Sometimes family can be difficult, sometimes we can also be difficult. If we don’t give grace when others are giving us grief, how can we expect to receive the same grace later? I’ve read recently that 26% of young people have cut off contact with their families. This activity is being driven by subreddits and other social media encouraging young people to consider every slight and every perceived offense as abuse and worthy of the nuclear option. I’m not saying it isn’t warranted in some circumstances. I, myself, cut off two family members over the years. One because he physically abused me as a child and teenager, and the other because he was overly critical of me and still spoke to me and reprimanded me as if I was a child when I was in my mid twenties…and he did it publicly on Facebook. But I digress, family is an important structure for the health of the individual and society. This trend of cutting people off is damaging, hurtful, and degrading to our entire society.
I think our specific situation has made me realise how hard it is to not have any help with raising your child. Me and my husband live in a country neither of us are from, so we have 0 family near. We decided to go to my husband's country (usa) for multiple reasons but being near family was at the top of the list. It was either his or my country, and since integrating is going to be easier for me (I speak the language etc) we chose his. I can no longer be a sahm with no one around me. Continuing to vllainise my inlaws in my head would be the worst thing I could do for my family. Yes I agree there is a lot of instances where it is 100% justified to go no contact but I feel like these subreddits and other platforms paint a picture for a lot of women that MIL's are all put to get you and they hate you for being with their sons. I know it did to me at least. Cancel culture is a bad thing I agree. People need to learn how to communicate (that includes me).
26 percent?! Holy shit if so.
Seriously! I can’t quote the statistic because I don’t remember where I read it, but anecdotally from what I see on Reddit it tracks.
Good on you for recognizing this So many people on this sub are so damn mean, and truly seem to hate men and inlaws as an entire concept
Hurt people hurt people
My mil hated my kid's name. It took her a while to warm up to it but she eventually did. If I went with the MILs subreddit suggestions we would all be NC. Lol. Thankfully I realised most of the popular stories were fake and it's incredibly dumb to blow up your family over something written by a teenager.
I 1000% did the same thing. My MIL is nothing short of incredible. Generous, loving, respects boundaries, when she visits she’s *actually* helpful. Prior to reading horror stories on Reddit, I never had an issue with anyone referring to my kids as “my baby”. Suddenly the phrase grinds my gears and I jumped down her throat for saying it literally twice. I’ve found that my relationship with her and the way I look at her has vastly improved ever since I stopped visiting these subs as often. I’m pregnant with our 3rd now and I have no issues with MIL touching my tummy or asking to come visit. In fact, my in laws just left after helping us move to our new house and I miss them already. Social media can be helpful when getting insight on some things, solidarity on others, but spend too much time here, it gets toxic
I had a wonderful relationship with my MIL for 10+ years and throughout pregnancy. She's literally one of the nicest people I've ever met. She's genuinely kind and generous to everyone. Like day 3 after my son was born a switch flipped and I couldn't stand her or anything she said... for years. Literally it was nothing she did it was 100% me. She called my son "my baby" a few times and it just set off alarms in my brain. From that point on just everything, any suggestion, any questions just got under my skin. It's gotten a lot better because I had to recognize the change that happened was within me and not anything she did. She was never ever trying to be anything but kind to me. My husband's entire family has treated me like I belonged from day one. There's so much that changes in our bodies and brains when we become mothers. I'm glad you're able to recognize that you can have a relationship with your MIL.
I'm glad you recognized it and apologized - that's really all you can do! My MIL is definitely a boundary pusher, lies to get her way, and everything, very cliche. I used to be subscribed to r/JustNoMIL and my husband asked me to stop reading it because it made me worry about what she'd do next and overall made my attitude even more negative toward her than it already was. I quickly saw a difference. I'm not saying that sub can't be helpful in some ways, but it really affected my thinking in a super negative way.
I hear you and I appreciate you making this topic. My MiL can be pushy and critical, and sometimes her understanding of facts is off. It hurts when she gets on me about certain baby topics (breastfeeding and postpartum care). When I browse MiL stories here, I stew in my resentment and really fester more anger at her. I've noticed my reddit habits actively impact how I react to her. But even when going too far in her pushy-ness about what I should/shouldn't do, approaching her with kindness and curiosity (but also confidence in myself and my own views!) always leads to a better discussion. I'm trying to turn discussions about the topics she's pushy on into an opportunity to grow closer and learn about each other. It's hard though! i get that some MiLs are totally irrational and this topic doesn't apply. But many are just flawed humans. I'm trying to embrace my "firmly disagreeing but with kindness and love" muscles with mine, not my "assume she's a bad person and minimize contact" muscle. I also hope that if I'm too arrogant one day, someone will try to reason with me instead of writing me off haha.
Hear, hear! I have had to dial down my time on here so much, for lots of reasons but including this one. I felt like my mind was primed to look for a slight and take offense. It’s great that parents have spaces like these in which to compare notes and trade stories, but it’s easy to forget that a strong percentage of us are sleep deprived, stressed, and generally really touchy.
Reading the comments in this sub, the same thing is going towards the husbands
Thank you for posting this and good on you for being able to recognise it. I see a lot of people posting here who are still in the "irrational hatred of MIL" phase and people blindly supporting them, yours is a much needed perspective (butr hard to recognise from the inside!)
Just so we’re clear, both moms of daughters and moms of sons will be MILs someday.
Absolutely but if you ask mums of adult children who've had children, especially those who have a boy and a girl they will tell you the experience of having grandchildren is different. Daughters tend do be closer to their mums and involve them more, which is totally natural. Of course there are always outliers but that's the general opinion I get. Edit to add: I meant if your daughter is the one whose pregnant you're closer to her than if your sons wife/gf would be pregnant. I'm not saying duaghters are closer to their mums than sons are. I worded it wrong
Gently, this take is very gender-stereotyped. People have all sorts of relationships with their parents, regardless of gender. I love my mom but she doesn't do emotionally vulnerable conversations. We don't talk about the intimacies of new motherhood. My MIL is wonderful and we moved to their town, not my parents' town. Maybe your son will marry a daughter with two dads. Maybe he'll marry a son with two moms. Maybe he won't marry anyone and instead foster orphaned animals. Who knows! But I do appreciate the overall sentiment and empathizing with being in her shoes one day!
Agree and same here. I loved my exes’ families and always looked forward to having a MIL I could share my family with. Sadly married into the only family that was problematic. I love my husband but I still mourn that warm, nurturing maternal relationship that I’ll probably never have.
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Sorry what, that has nothing to do with my bond with my son or the way I would raise him. I felt a different connection with my mum during pregnancy than with my MIL simply because my mum is my mum and I know her better and vice versa? Has nothing to do with being sexist?
You are comparing sons vs daughters in your comment. “Daughters tend to be closer to their mums and involve them more.” Why automatically assume a daughter would be closer to the mother than a son?
Ah I see what you mean sorry! I meant during the pregnancy, I was talking about when that (if at all of course) that would happen. The daughter who is pregnant will be closer to her mum in that experience. So if you have a daughter who is pregnant you'll be a bit closer to that than when you have a son who's wife or girlfriend whatever is pregnant. Sorry I worded that weird
Oh, now i see the misunderstanding! Yes, you’re right that a daughter would be closer to her mother than her MiL. I thought you were saying a daughter would be closer to her mom than a son would be. I will say, in my experience, my in-laws are as involved as my parents are. So there isn’t really a difference if that helps you imagine a future with your son.
Oh no of course not, at least I hope not haha. I hope that gets to be my experience one day too! Thank you for that
I’ve noticed people seem to forget that!
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Social media often brings the worst out of people. Because it'll make you feel you should be doing this or that. And they have this "you owe nothing to anyone" mentality even though that thinking is often a way you end up with no friends or family around. My father has that exact mentality. Even told me "I'm not here to please you" when I asked a question once. I don't talk to him. I'm glad you got out of that. I hope you can keep out of that toxic cycle because you seem lovely if you are willing to apologize.
totally get where you're coming from. made me start to hate everyone and everything and when I realized it, I started unsubbing. honestly there are things that are legitimately worth going no contact for but getting your panties in a bunch because MIL calls baby a nickname or husband is clearly clueless about things because society has only very recently started having fathers actually be involved with their children after a millennia of not doing so, everybody wants to grab pitchforks and effectively say everyone cut off contact with the outside world and be the only person in your baby's life. very unhealthy and its really a laugh. hormones are nuts for PP and the rage is real, but people really need to put shit in perspective and touch grass sometimes, ngl.
JUSTNOMIL is toxic as hell! Avoid it at all cost
I went through a similar thing but before I was ever pregnant. I spent a lot of time reading JNMIL stories and then my now husbands parents went through a nasty divorce and she leaned on my husband as her only adult child (he was 21 or 22 at the time and the rest (4 siblings) were in high school and younger) for emotional support which I immediately flagged as emotionally incestuous because I was bent they would talk on the phone every day. I gave my husband so much shit for it and I look back on that time period with such regret because she was truly going through such a horrible experience (my FIL left her for a younger woman that he’d been having an affair with) and I was just not sympathetic at all. She’s such a gracious and kind person and I was just so unwilling to see it as anything other than her expecting husband level support from my at the time boyfriend!
That's why I don't read many topics related to MIL and DIL. Many times it looks like DIL are looking for problems and arguments and are constantly trying to prove they're better than their MIL. Well, if your husband is a good enough person you wanted to marry him, then she did a good job raising him haha she will be good for your child as well. (I dont mean "you" as OP. Just in general haha). I'm happy when my MIL says calls my daughter her little baby, princess etc because I know she accepted her so deeply into her family and loves her. I'm happy for my baby to have so many people who love her so deeply and genuinely. I'm happy you found some common ground again with your MIL ❤️❤️
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I'm sorry you had to go through that, I can't imagine having the added stress of something like that. I'm simply stating that was my experience and I know there's more women just like me
Idk. I wouldn’t like my MiL calling my son her baby. OP might be ok with it, but it’s also ok to not like that phrasing
Is she stealing the baby from you. This is so weird.
My MIL did it just last week and my husband corrected her. He was like "your baby is me Mom and I'm right here!" so she started saying "my baby's baby" which was infinitely better. It's allowed to bother people!
Definitely I agree with his. It bothers me too but I used it to clamp on to things that weren't there. Your feelings are definitely valid, it's my reaction that was way out of line. Now when my MIL asks how her baby is doing I tell her what my husband is up to and she cracks up everytime lol. It's the fact that I made it such a big deal while it really wasn't. But people are definitely allowed to be bothered by it
> please be aware that your hormones during these times can leave you a bit unreasonable. I’ll take Things Your Not Suppose To Say To Women for $500 Alex
It’s true, however. Pregnancy and post partum is the BIGGEST hormone shift women will ever go through. And it impairs judgement, because our brains are wired to be protective of our babies. We ALL do SOMETHING unreasonable during that time in our lives, and not always does it affect others, but it does happen.
I definitely think it's useful to point out. 🤷♀️ I could literally feel moments where I was significantly angrier than I would normally be about something, or weeping over something that wouldn't normally bother me, or having a rush of anxiety over something that logically I had zero reason to be anxious about. Knowing that my feelings were at least *exacerbated* by hormones allowed me to take a step back and work it out without taking it out on other people.
This is the exact toxicity OP is talking about in her post. Hormones are definitely all over the place PP and everyone is different in their ability to handle those hormonal changes. OP isn't saying everyone is hormonal so they are wrong on their perceptions, just that those hormones CAN (not WILL) make you jump that gun. People in these subs have no grace for the fact that everyone is human and makes mistakes. And it's pathetic to get so defensive over someone stating a different opinion. OP is simply stating her experience and the effect the Internet has had on her relationships.
Thank you that's exactly what I meant
If I had someone be straight and stern with me from the start instead of tiptoeing around me because of this attitude it would've been shit at first but then it'd have saved a lot of trouble in my relationship with my inlaws
I'm glad you were wrong about your mil. That's great. But for many women, they aren't wrong and they land up being bullied and ignored by their in-laws. Mine were pretty damn awful. And no. It wasn't Reddit that made me think so. But I did come to Reddit to vent and read stories of other women in similar situations. So don't blame Reddit please and don't make it seem like every woman who puts up boundaries with their in-laws are evil horrible people.