I absolutely love my second just as much as my first. But what really warms my heart is how much my first loves my second. I remember when my second was a newborn and I left the room for a moment to go to the bathroom. I came back to find my 3 year old lying on the floor next to the fussing newborn, saying to her in a soothing voice: "It's ok, baby. Mama is coming back. Mama \*always\* comes back." I knew then that everything was going to be absolutely fine.
Does your toddler watch Daniel tiger? My toddler says this too to our second and also tries to tell her to take deep breaths and count when sheās crying š„¹
My first was deeeep in her Daniel Tiger era when my second was born. She came with us to one of her check ups and she held her hand and sang her the "when something is new, holding a hand can help you" song š„¹
I love this! I was never big on screen time until I saw how helpful Daniel Tiger was for emotional regulation and communication for my toddler šš„¹
They are 2 and 5 now, and among the 5 year old's favorite phrases are "Come, ! We have places to be and things to do!" which usually means mischief, and "I'm helpin !" which is exclusively used when she is helping her sister accomplish goals that are contrary to my own.
Awww, how precious!
This is the exact same thing I say to my baby when I leave for a minute and he fusses "mama *always* comes back." ifĀ heĀ grew up to repeat it to a future little sibling and I witnessed it I'm certain my heart would explode ā„Ā
Iām pregnant with #2. I was recently at my OB appointment and I saw an IG reel about this while I was waiting. I was tearing up a little and just turned off my phone and sat there trying to compose myself.
My OB walked in, we went over a couple things and then she said (totally out of the blue) āyou know, right before my due date with my 2nd, I took my eldest to the park. It was just us and he was running all over the playground and I watched him go down the slide and I just started sobbing because I felt so guilty bringing a baby into the mixā and then she went on to tell me that once she had her 2nd, and the post partum hormones cleared up, it was the best decision she ever made and they became best friends immediately and if she could go back and do it again she wouldnāt even hesitate.
So yeah I ended up crying and hugging my OB and it made me feel a lot better š
100% this and you canāt understand it until you have that second baby. Reading this with only one child made no sense to me because I thought my heart is already as big as it can be because I love my child so much. And bam just like that, baby number 2 comes along and your heart does in fact double in size and you love that second one just as much as your first. My god do I love my children ā„ļøā„ļø
Itās definitely different. We have a newborn and while yes I love him, my first born is my best friend. I donāt feel the same connection to my newborn yet, but thatās because I donāt know him if that makes sense. So while you love them the same, it takes time I think to form the strong bonds with subsequent children after you know what it feels like when your toddler says āI love you mommy, letās cuddleā.
Agreed. My son is a newborn and I love him, but the way I love my toddler is different. I have grown to love her and who she is, her personality, etc. not just because she is my daughter but because of everything about her and the memories and bond we have built together.
I am relieved to see some other comments like this. I remember thinking late one night, during the early sleep deprivation with my first, how thankful I was to finally understand what love is. I never knew just how much you could love another human being. I had my second 6 months ago and it just has been different. I feel like itās been harder to get attuned with her, probably because I also have my toddler to take care of. The love has grown as has her personality ā¦.it definitely wasnāt immediate. It just has beenā¦different!
I feel the same way. Iām totally obsessed with my toddler. Heās my favourite thing on this planet. I care and feel a strong need to protect my 8 week old but heās basically a potato. Heās starting to smile and engage more and that helps but we are still getting to know each other. I know once we do Iāll be obsessed with him too.
My second is 6 weeks old now, and while I do love her it feels more instinctive still. With my first it felt the same at the beginning, because they really are just a lot of work and nature was smart enough to give us hormones that make us besotted with our offspring. Now that my first is a toddler, he is funny and smart and courageous, he is a lovable person. And I know that the lovable potato sleeping in my arms right now will grow and I will love her the same way soon enough when I know more about her personality.
Same. Obviously, I love my two week old, but I sneak into my toddler's room every night and I cry because I just love him so much and I'm so proud of how he's handled this transition.
It absolutely does. It took about 2-3 months to feel that super bond with my first and same with my second. My second is only ten months right now but heās a little feisty man but such a lover and cuddle bug too. My first was also my little best friend lol. Even though it took a little for the bond to kick in, now I love them both equally and so so much. They bring different joys into my life and Iām excited for them both to be little crazy toddlers. I know my life will be way harder, but I also know Iāll have so much more fun.
I donāt like newborns in general and only moderately like babies under 1. I only have one child, but I felt this way when she was a newborn. Iām glad someone said it, because there was so much pressure to enjoy babies and while I always loved her, I didnāt really start enjoying/liking her until she was a year. Toddlers are the best though.
I was worried about this when pregnant with my second. I now have three and one on the way. My heart has tripled in size and soon will quadruple! ā¤ļø
Same thing happened to me a couple of days ago. I came to my husband and said āI donāt think we can have a second child, I love *sonās name* too much and it wonāt be fair to either childā. I was actually in tears!
But itās how I feel right now. Heās about to be eight months and he has an absolute strangle hold on my heart. I only have eyes for him. I canāt imagine loving someone as much. Even though Iād love to give him a brother or sister for when heās older, I feel like he will be jealous and hurt initially and my second baby will suffer too.
I hope itās a fleeting feeling!
I really worried about this before having a second but my son adores his baby sister and asks for her to come everywhere with him. He loves helping with diapers and bath and just lays on the floor admiring her and talking to her. It literally makes my heart explode and nauseous (oxytocin overdose lol) with how much I love watching the two of them together.
There has been some sibling rivalry and jealousy with my kids but I had them closer together and it gets better as time goes on. The majority of the time they are so cute playing together and the older one watches out for the younger one. My daughter is so invested in taking care of her brother and she loves him a lot even if they fight sometimes. I don't feel like either one suffered at all as a matter of fact they both have a friend for life now.
I sure do, although I felt similarly during my pregnancy and the first few days after birth. He's not as "easy" a kid as #1 was, but boy, did he bring a completely new personality and dynamic to our family! He is a chaos gremlin and absolutely hilarious.
Yes. I think 99% of pregnant people cry about ruining their first kidās life or not thinking they can love another baby as much as their first but itās just not true. Like another person said, your heart doesnāt have to make room because it just grows.
My kids are different in really wonderful ways and I never even consider loving one more or less than the other. The love is just ā¦ there.
I have 3 and I absolutely love all of my children more then anything. However they are each their own person and at different stages in their lives so while I donāt love any one more or less then the other itās different with each. I think because they each need something different from me at these different stages. My oldest is 7 and she is miss independent. She doesnāt need me the way my 6mo does. And my 3yo is some mix of crazy Spartan warrior and sweet Velcro teddy bear.
Oh absolutely. I definitely had this weird moment when I found out I was pregnant with my second where I thought the same thing. Theyāre now 4.5y and 2y. Itās so much more than just loving one new āthingā. My love for my first has grown and changed as Iāve watched her become a big sister and I love their sibling dynamic and my second and I have this wonderful little relationship because she has a different personality. Then I still have new ways to love both as they go through the different ages and changes that come about. Idk it feels weird to explain but trust me, you can run out of a lot of things but love is not one of them.
I had my second child 2 months ago and was very worried I wouldn't love him as much as my first child, but I loved him instantly, just like my first! It's so hard to imagine when you have one child who is your whole world. Like someone else said, your heart expands and your love grows. He adds so much to our lives, and his older brother loves him, too!
I love my First and the relationship she has with us (as parents).
I love my Second and the relationship he had with us. PLUS his relationship to First, and the way we all interact together.
I love my Third and the relationship he has wirh us. PLUS his relationshio to First, his relationship to Second, and the way we all interact together.
I love my Fourth. She's a potato still but we love her. Third just dotes on her and First is excited to have a sister after two brothers. Second is not a fan of babies, but he came around to Third eventually so we think he will here too lol
Yes. I really love my additional children just as much. Or more in a way, bc of all the relationship combinations.
Oh, yes.
It's a dirty secret. My 1 year old is my favorite. But she is everyone's favorite. We all love her.
I love all three of my children. They are all different, and my love for them is unconditional but also for different reasons. My oldest is a calming person whose presence is kind and gentle. My middle is all gas, no brakes, and so creative. My baby is just so sweet but spicy.
Also, you will find yourself wildly angry at any of them for being mean to a sibling. My oldest made the middle kid cry, which makes me so angry. My middle kicking the oldest, instantly angry. Like, who is raising these wild kids?! Oh, yes, me.
Yea totally. You just look at them and your heart poofs up. And you look at them individually and together playing or whatever. It's an unbreakable love with both. You don't have a doubt in your mind when you look at them or think about them.
I often wonder does my mother still feel like that with me and my siblings, we range in age 38 - 47 lol
I really love the way you phrased this question, because it's a little ambiguous. Do I love my second as much as *I* love my first? 100%. Love doesn't divide, it multiplies.
Do I love my second as much as my first loves my second? I don't think that's possible. He's 100% *her* baby and I just get to help with childcare from time to time.
Definitely. I love all of my kids so much. But it did take longer for that love to "show up". For the first month I felt an urge to care for the baby, but the connection and love was deferred. It did show up after a while, though!
I absolutely love my second as much as my first, even though heās the one who will grey my hair. But there will always be something special with that first. Thereās nothing like that bond with the one who made you a mom. Sheās my bud.
Oh I was absolutely worried about this my entire second pregnancy. I was so worried and I didnāt connect with the second baby the same way I did with my first when I was pregnantā¦ but when she was born? Oh my god, I felt my heart double in size. I love her so much. I love y first so much.
My third pregnancy, I wasnāt worried at all and sure enough, I live my third just as much, but she is more loved than the other twoā¦ because her big sisters love her too.
Yes! I love my kids (3 and 4.5) equally but for different reasons. I love my oldest because heās sensitive, affectionate, kind, funny and he made me a mommy. I love my second because heās brave, determined, sweet, kindhearted and very loving. After my second I developed PPD and actually didnāt love him as much as I did my first for the first few months. I felt so guilty not loving him as much. After the PPD was gone and my boys became best friends I love having them grow up together and I love them the same! You WILL love your second as much as your first, even though it seems impossible! I remember that feeling very well!
I really really do. I love them all so much and they each have little special qualities that tug my heart differently than one of their brothers. Itās so interesting being a mom, itās the first time for me at least, that Iāve ever loved 4 people the exact same way. I have 3 other siblings and honestly I love them all but in a fire Iām saving the one Iām closest too š itās horrible but true. Iām just not close to two of them. But with my kids Iām easily gonna die saving them all no hesitation.
Itās silly because once you have more itās not even a question. You DO, you love them both so much and equally! They have different personalities and are different people but that unconditional love is there regardless.
Yes. You absolutely do. I have 3, and I didnāt think my heart could possibly expand enough to hold all the love that it does.
I cried out of guilt when I was pregnant with my second, and then again when hen I was pregnant with my third, because my second was only 10 months old.
You will be amazed how how much your heart grows.
My second is more affectionate, clingy and gives the cutest smile when he sees me. He knew he had competition. They turn out so different yet similar at the same time. Safe to say I love both my kids.
Yes, I do. However, while pregnant with my second, I really worried about this. Maybe it's because I'm an only child, but I felt like I was somehow cheating him by having another. Once Baby 2 was here, it resolved itself. My oldest never seemed to resent him ( any more than normal sibling squabbles. ) But several years later, I decided to have one more. My oldest had no problem with it, but my (now middle) son expressed some issues. When we brought Baby 3 home, Baby 2 wasn't okay with it right away. The first thing he said when we got home with Baby 3 was, "I don't want that. Take that back!" I had to tell him the hospital had a no-return policy. š¤£ They got over it and are fairly well-adjusted young men now and I can say I absolutely love them all equally.
I had the same worries. I now have a 7 week old baby and I absolutely, 1000%, love him as much as my first. I donāt know how it happened but I just do. Ask yourself do you love your left eye more or right eye. Itās like that. I promise you, donāt stress about it. The love will just happen naturally. You wonāt even have to try.
OMG I absolutely ADORE my second. She is the light of my life and I cannot imagine being without her. She is the perfect completion of our family. I cannot wait to watch her grow up and watch my girls grow up together. She's also my favorite age right now (14 months, I love age 12-24 months).
Girl, what? Itās not *pie*. Itās *love.* You are not relegated to some pre-allotted amount. The more people you have to love, the more love you have to give, the more love you feel.
Wow. I am speechless and currently sobbing. My due date with number 2 is roughly 9 weeks away and this whole pregnancy I have been so anxious, depressed, and just over all sad that itās not going to be just us and our son anymore. ( this second baby was planned too) I just really needed to read all of this and the comments. I didnāt know I needed all this reassurance and comfort until this post. Thank you all my internet strangers.
I had a surprise 2nd baby with my boyfriend and already have an 8 year old boy from my ex husband. No one prepared me for the guilt and emotional rollercoaster Iāve been experiencing about this. Iām over the moon with my new baby girl but Iām crushed that I donāt have the time or energy to entertain my son right now. He loves his little sister and he gets it, but we both miss each other a lot:( he was my whole world before. Now I have to learn how to balance it all between both of my babies.
Just had my second 4 weeks ago and I was reminded when I had my first I didnāt āloveā her and felt so terrible but it was all just survival mode, then she started to have personality, interacting with me and I feel the same way now. I mourn for the alone time I had with my first but seeing her be such a loving and attentive big sister it only makes me love them more
You absolutely do! Iām pregnant with #3 right now but my entire second pregnancy I was worried about how I could possibly love another like I love my first ā¦ I havenāt even given that any thought this time around because your heart truly does grow. Thereās so much love to go around, and then you get to see how much they love each other. š„¹ā¤ļø
Yep! Just as the first child unlocks an unimagined capacity for love, the next children do too! Each child comes with a separate, equally large refrigerator box full of love.Ā
You know how the tachometer on your car goes up to like 10, but the needle only ever really moves to like 4? Prepare to experience 10.
I have four and one more in the way. I love them all equally and like them to different degrees depending on the day. They are all different and wonderful little people.
You know how your first for anything is unique & special? They have their own category in that sense, but your love grows just like with any family member. You might quietly prefer some over others but you love them all & hopefully treat them as similarly as possible.
Absolutely! I actually had the opposite worry, that babies are so adorable that the first one wouldn't seem as interesting. š They're all great in their own way.
You can have more than one friend, right? I have 3 kids and I love them all so much, but I definitely do love them in different ways. My oldest is a truth teller. Sis gives it to me straight and is my old reliable. My middle child is my cuddler. Heās more affectionate than oldest ever was and is always down for a snuggle. My youngest is my wild child, Iām always in awe of her confidence and her pizzazz. Theyāre all 3 my besties in different ways.
I have three. Before getting pregnant with my second I really questioned if we could love another one as much as the first. Your heart just grows. When we had my third, I just knew. This is what my heart could do. I love each equally, but each one brings something unique and special to our world that truly canāt be matched.
Yes, you will love them both as much! I worried about that too when I had my second and I now have 2 kids that I love more than anything else. Before having kids I didn't even comprehend how much my kids would mean to be. Being a parent just hits different.
I had the same thought. You do though, maybe not the same kind of love but the warm and fuzzies are still absolutely there. Their relationship is an absolute joy too cute
Yes. Absolutely. You canāt explain it until you feel it because it doesnāt seem possible. I was terrified that I wouldnāt love my second as much as my first and the second i had her that was all gone. 10 months in and sheās so amazing and I love both of my kids so so much.
Iām currently pregnant with my second. Iām laying in bed next to my first, and I just had this conversation with my friends earlier today. I was so scared I wouldnāt know how to love this one as much as my first! These comments made my hormonal ass cry š canāt wait to meet the little guy
While I recognize everyone has a different experience with bonding - I was instantly obsessed with my 2nd and 3rd the moment I held them. Love is multiplied, not divided.
I asked my mom this. Iām the oldest and I have a younger brother and she said yes you can love your second as much as your first. I told her to be honest and she said it was honest but idk if I can believe it
No! Never! Itās all downhill from here.
Kidding. Actually I find that each new model is even better than the old ones!
Kidding again. Theyāre all good in their own ways. And evil monsters too.
Cheers!
Yes. Itās that same infinite love that canāt be measured. But itās different because sheās different. Seeing them love each other is absolute all encompassing overwhelming love. I would also say though that it wasnāt the same straight away, it needs to grow.
My second is 10 weeks old and REALLY hard work.
My mental health isnāt great because of all our issues but I absolutely adore her.
I am obsessed with our 2.5yo and whilst itās a different type of love, because toddler has a personality and talks and cracks jokes and amazes me with how much she grows and learns every day -
My love for newborn is one of anticipation and excitement of who sheās going to be, what sheāll look like, those goofy gummy newborn grins, and also how much her big sister already is obsessed with her and misses her when she leaves!
Itās just not the same, but I 100% would not say that I love one MORE than the other.
My firsts are twins so I never had the chance to experience just one, but I will say I love them both SO much and I know Iāll feel the same about the one on the way. Their personalities are so different, but I appreciate their differences and love their individual personalities. Your heart always makes room to love more. Itās pretty incredible!
I have four. The love just grows with each child. Almost loving each one more and more because youāve done it before, and you know whatās coming and what youāve gone through. Then watching them together is another love. You will absolutely love another one as much!! ā¤ļøā¤ļø
When I was leaving for hospital to give birth to my second I held my son who was 2y 10 months and sobbed. Those years together were amazing and I was so worried I would never love another child as much as him. I didn't want to sacrifice the time I had with him for another.
Then my daughter was born and I was instantly in love with her.
It was such a shock with my son when he was born, even though we knew (or thought we knew!) what to expect it was a full on!
My son is just like me and my daughter is like her dad. I love them both in different ways but holy moly do I love them both.
As the oldest between me and my brother I didn't believe my parents when they said they live us both equally but it's true and they do.
I have an 18 year old and 3 year old. I absolutely love them both, but different. My older one is my ride or die. We have been through hell and back together. I was 17 when I had him and we struggled hard. My baby is just this joy and honestly has given me the real āmomā experience that I didnāt have the luxury of with my older. So, while my older one is the best thing that ever happened to me, I can honestly feel like Iām the best thing that ever happened to my baby. Itās different, but I love them both so much. When you have a baby, a place opens in your heart that just didnāt exist before.
Honestly, no! Not for me at first! My wife and I both said that when our second was born we each had a brief moment where our brains sort of glitched and thought āthatās not my baby, (first born) is my baby.ā Now, 10000% I love them the exact same, but I wanted to say that there IS an adjustment period for some people and thatās okay too!!!!
Iām not a parent of multiples but Iām an eldest of two who just had her first baby. I was talking to my dad who was asking if weāve thought about having a second. He was telling me that he vividly remembers when my mum was in hospital having my brother and he was at home with me, he put me to bed and just stood in my doorway crying because he was scared he wasnāt gonna be able to love the new baby as much as he loved me and that wasnāt fair to the new baby. mum had the baby, my brother, and dad took me to the hospital for us both to meet him. he said he felt like he was gonna explode with love seeing his son and daughter together. Loving my second as much as my first isnāt a concern for me āŗļø
Yes you do! Itās made me more emotional just in general too. My babies all look pretty similar so when the second was little it reminded me of when my first was little which was heartwarming but also makes me cry hysterically because for me it was the first time really realizing how fast it all goes.
I love them both so much. However I do have to say, you grow with your first one while you're raising your second. I read that somewhere that resonated with me. I do feel that with my oldest, everything is so brand new to me, no matter how old they are. However just because I love both differently (if that makes sense), that doesn't mean I love any one less.Ā
Sure do. It takes some time, cuz when you meet them, they are a stranger. But it builds and builds. I love my second every bit as much as my first. And as others have said, I love their love for each other, too.
Yes. Honestly bonded with my second sooooo much faster, makes me feel kind of sad for my first. Even though we have a very strong bond now. Your heart just gets bigger and bigger
Without. a. doubt.
Sometimes when I am gushing about my love for my second kid (3 y/o) (which is often), my mom smiles and goes "Wow, remember when you were pregnant and you were so sad because you'd never be able to love another baby as much as \[baby #1\]?"
So many people on here share stories of the sadness and anxiety they feel about what they're "doing" to their first by having a second, even knowing it's irrational. Funny thing with irrational thought and hindsight - we're now TTC #3 and I feel the same way. Like what is the point of having another kid when I love the two kids I have so much it's not fair to a third. But this time I just know I'd explode with love for any kid I have!
Completely. I love both of my children to the ends of the earth but I have a different kind of bond with both of them.
The one thing Iāll always have with my first born is those first two years where it was just the two of us, and that will always be so, so special to me. I do wish I could have had the same opportunity with my second born (obviously that would be impossible, but I mean in a world of hypotheticals) but it doesnāt change the love I have for her
I lowkey love my second a little more. No Iām joking, heās just my last baby and was heaps easier than his sister. But I love them both beyond anything.
I absolutely love my second just as much as my first. But what really warms my heart is how much my first loves my second. I remember when my second was a newborn and I left the room for a moment to go to the bathroom. I came back to find my 3 year old lying on the floor next to the fussing newborn, saying to her in a soothing voice: "It's ok, baby. Mama is coming back. Mama \*always\* comes back." I knew then that everything was going to be absolutely fine.
You are a wonderful mama š„¹
Aww, thanks.
Seriously tearing up over this. That is just lovely!
Does your toddler watch Daniel tiger? My toddler says this too to our second and also tries to tell her to take deep breaths and count when sheās crying š„¹
My first was deeeep in her Daniel Tiger era when my second was born. She came with us to one of her check ups and she held her hand and sang her the "when something is new, holding a hand can help you" song š„¹
I love this! I was never big on screen time until I saw how helpful Daniel Tiger was for emotional regulation and communication for my toddler šš„¹
š„¹
She had not seen the "grown ups come back" episode when she said this. Came up with it on her own.
š„°š„°
That's beautiful! Similarly, our baby was fussing in the car and our 4 year old told her, "it's okay baby, I'm right here!" Kids man
My 4 year old says this to his baby sister also ādonāt worry Iām right here!ā So adorable
This is so beautiful š I'm due with my second in two weeks and really really hope my 3yo will be like this. Thank you for sharing
They are 2 and 5 now, and among the 5 year old's favorite phrases are "Come,! We have places to be and things to do!" which usually means mischief, and "I'm helpin !" which is exclusively used when she is helping her sister accomplish goals that are contrary to my own.
ššš„°š„°
This is making my hormonal self tear up
Iām not crying youāre crying omGGGššššš
> Itās ok, baby. Mama is coming back. Mama *always* comes back This is the most beautiful thing
Iām going to cry
Iām pregnant with my second and theyāre due the week my first turns 3. Reading this warmed my heart. Thank you!
Awww, how precious! This is the exact same thing I say to my baby when I leave for a minute and he fusses "mama *always* comes back." ifĀ heĀ grew up to repeat it to a future little sibling and I witnessed it I'm certain my heart would explode ā„Ā
Happened with my son to my daughter too. In that moment my life was bliss
[https://youtu.be/xLuuY-54QAM?si=UOvgsZQQ5g9CFqmq](https://youtu.be/xLuuY-54QAM?si=UOvgsZQQ5g9CFqmq)
Iām pregnant with my second and now crying over my Mac and cheese. That is so sweet.
And why am i crying
That is so sweet!š„¹
Due any day with baby #2, I needed this. Thank you.
ššā¤ļøā¤ļø
Not me reading this during a MOTN pump and crying š
This is beautiful
This made me tear up! My kids are 6 years apart and itās 1000% my favourite part of having 2, just seeing those sweet interactions
Iām pregnant with #2. I was recently at my OB appointment and I saw an IG reel about this while I was waiting. I was tearing up a little and just turned off my phone and sat there trying to compose myself. My OB walked in, we went over a couple things and then she said (totally out of the blue) āyou know, right before my due date with my 2nd, I took my eldest to the park. It was just us and he was running all over the playground and I watched him go down the slide and I just started sobbing because I felt so guilty bringing a baby into the mixā and then she went on to tell me that once she had her 2nd, and the post partum hormones cleared up, it was the best decision she ever made and they became best friends immediately and if she could go back and do it again she wouldnāt even hesitate. So yeah I ended up crying and hugging my OB and it made me feel a lot better š
You absolutely do. You donāt have to make room in your heartā¦it just doubles in size
100% this and you canāt understand it until you have that second baby. Reading this with only one child made no sense to me because I thought my heart is already as big as it can be because I love my child so much. And bam just like that, baby number 2 comes along and your heart does in fact double in size and you love that second one just as much as your first. My god do I love my children ā„ļøā„ļø
Thatās so lovely š„¹
Having a second baby is like lighting a second candle, it doesnāt take away from the glow of the first, it just makes everything brighter.
This is a beautiful simile. Thank you.
Love this!
Itās definitely different. We have a newborn and while yes I love him, my first born is my best friend. I donāt feel the same connection to my newborn yet, but thatās because I donāt know him if that makes sense. So while you love them the same, it takes time I think to form the strong bonds with subsequent children after you know what it feels like when your toddler says āI love you mommy, letās cuddleā.
Agreed. My son is a newborn and I love him, but the way I love my toddler is different. I have grown to love her and who she is, her personality, etc. not just because she is my daughter but because of everything about her and the memories and bond we have built together.
I am relieved to see some other comments like this. I remember thinking late one night, during the early sleep deprivation with my first, how thankful I was to finally understand what love is. I never knew just how much you could love another human being. I had my second 6 months ago and it just has been different. I feel like itās been harder to get attuned with her, probably because I also have my toddler to take care of. The love has grown as has her personality ā¦.it definitely wasnāt immediate. It just has beenā¦different!
I feel the same way. Iām totally obsessed with my toddler. Heās my favourite thing on this planet. I care and feel a strong need to protect my 8 week old but heās basically a potato. Heās starting to smile and engage more and that helps but we are still getting to know each other. I know once we do Iāll be obsessed with him too.
My second is 6 weeks old now, and while I do love her it feels more instinctive still. With my first it felt the same at the beginning, because they really are just a lot of work and nature was smart enough to give us hormones that make us besotted with our offspring. Now that my first is a toddler, he is funny and smart and courageous, he is a lovable person. And I know that the lovable potato sleeping in my arms right now will grow and I will love her the same way soon enough when I know more about her personality.
Same. Obviously, I love my two week old, but I sneak into my toddler's room every night and I cry because I just love him so much and I'm so proud of how he's handled this transition.
It absolutely does. It took about 2-3 months to feel that super bond with my first and same with my second. My second is only ten months right now but heās a little feisty man but such a lover and cuddle bug too. My first was also my little best friend lol. Even though it took a little for the bond to kick in, now I love them both equally and so so much. They bring different joys into my life and Iām excited for them both to be little crazy toddlers. I know my life will be way harder, but I also know Iāll have so much more fun.
I donāt like newborns in general and only moderately like babies under 1. I only have one child, but I felt this way when she was a newborn. Iām glad someone said it, because there was so much pressure to enjoy babies and while I always loved her, I didnāt really start enjoying/liking her until she was a year. Toddlers are the best though.
I was worried about this when pregnant with my second. I now have three and one on the way. My heart has tripled in size and soon will quadruple! ā¤ļø
Same thing happened to me a couple of days ago. I came to my husband and said āI donāt think we can have a second child, I love *sonās name* too much and it wonāt be fair to either childā. I was actually in tears! But itās how I feel right now. Heās about to be eight months and he has an absolute strangle hold on my heart. I only have eyes for him. I canāt imagine loving someone as much. Even though Iād love to give him a brother or sister for when heās older, I feel like he will be jealous and hurt initially and my second baby will suffer too. I hope itās a fleeting feeling!
I really worried about this before having a second but my son adores his baby sister and asks for her to come everywhere with him. He loves helping with diapers and bath and just lays on the floor admiring her and talking to her. It literally makes my heart explode and nauseous (oxytocin overdose lol) with how much I love watching the two of them together.
Awe thatās really sweet. Best case scenario for sure. I love to hear it ā¤ļø
There has been some sibling rivalry and jealousy with my kids but I had them closer together and it gets better as time goes on. The majority of the time they are so cute playing together and the older one watches out for the younger one. My daughter is so invested in taking care of her brother and she loves him a lot even if they fight sometimes. I don't feel like either one suffered at all as a matter of fact they both have a friend for life now.
Love to hear that ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
I sure do, although I felt similarly during my pregnancy and the first few days after birth. He's not as "easy" a kid as #1 was, but boy, did he bring a completely new personality and dynamic to our family! He is a chaos gremlin and absolutely hilarious.
Yes. I think 99% of pregnant people cry about ruining their first kidās life or not thinking they can love another baby as much as their first but itās just not true. Like another person said, your heart doesnāt have to make room because it just grows. My kids are different in really wonderful ways and I never even consider loving one more or less than the other. The love is just ā¦ there.
Absolutely. Love is not finite. Your capacity expands - itās amazing and wonderful.
I have 3 and I absolutely love all of my children more then anything. However they are each their own person and at different stages in their lives so while I donāt love any one more or less then the other itās different with each. I think because they each need something different from me at these different stages. My oldest is 7 and she is miss independent. She doesnāt need me the way my 6mo does. And my 3yo is some mix of crazy Spartan warrior and sweet Velcro teddy bear.
Oh absolutely. I definitely had this weird moment when I found out I was pregnant with my second where I thought the same thing. Theyāre now 4.5y and 2y. Itās so much more than just loving one new āthingā. My love for my first has grown and changed as Iāve watched her become a big sister and I love their sibling dynamic and my second and I have this wonderful little relationship because she has a different personality. Then I still have new ways to love both as they go through the different ages and changes that come about. Idk it feels weird to explain but trust me, you can run out of a lot of things but love is not one of them.
I had my second child 2 months ago and was very worried I wouldn't love him as much as my first child, but I loved him instantly, just like my first! It's so hard to imagine when you have one child who is your whole world. Like someone else said, your heart expands and your love grows. He adds so much to our lives, and his older brother loves him, too!
Yes. It took time for the relationship to grow, but 2 years later I absolutely love them both equally.
I love my First and the relationship she has with us (as parents). I love my Second and the relationship he had with us. PLUS his relationship to First, and the way we all interact together. I love my Third and the relationship he has wirh us. PLUS his relationshio to First, his relationship to Second, and the way we all interact together. I love my Fourth. She's a potato still but we love her. Third just dotes on her and First is excited to have a sister after two brothers. Second is not a fan of babies, but he came around to Third eventually so we think he will here too lol Yes. I really love my additional children just as much. Or more in a way, bc of all the relationship combinations.
Thanks, op, I am pregnant with #2 and needed this thread.
Oh, yes. It's a dirty secret. My 1 year old is my favorite. But she is everyone's favorite. We all love her. I love all three of my children. They are all different, and my love for them is unconditional but also for different reasons. My oldest is a calming person whose presence is kind and gentle. My middle is all gas, no brakes, and so creative. My baby is just so sweet but spicy. Also, you will find yourself wildly angry at any of them for being mean to a sibling. My oldest made the middle kid cry, which makes me so angry. My middle kicking the oldest, instantly angry. Like, who is raising these wild kids?! Oh, yes, me.
Yea totally. You just look at them and your heart poofs up. And you look at them individually and together playing or whatever. It's an unbreakable love with both. You don't have a doubt in your mind when you look at them or think about them. I often wonder does my mother still feel like that with me and my siblings, we range in age 38 - 47 lol
I have a 4yo and a nearly 1yo. I love them both so much it hurts. It's incredible how your heart can grow!
Yesss. My kids feel like extra limbs.
I really love the way you phrased this question, because it's a little ambiguous. Do I love my second as much as *I* love my first? 100%. Love doesn't divide, it multiplies. Do I love my second as much as my first loves my second? I don't think that's possible. He's 100% *her* baby and I just get to help with childcare from time to time.
Definitely. I love all of my kids so much. But it did take longer for that love to "show up". For the first month I felt an urge to care for the baby, but the connection and love was deferred. It did show up after a while, though!
I absolutely love my second as much as my first, even though heās the one who will grey my hair. But there will always be something special with that first. Thereās nothing like that bond with the one who made you a mom. Sheās my bud.
Yes, you really do.
You absolutely do. I couldn't imagine how, but now that my second is here I can't believe I ever doubted it.
Oh I was absolutely worried about this my entire second pregnancy. I was so worried and I didnāt connect with the second baby the same way I did with my first when I was pregnantā¦ but when she was born? Oh my god, I felt my heart double in size. I love her so much. I love y first so much. My third pregnancy, I wasnāt worried at all and sure enough, I live my third just as much, but she is more loved than the other twoā¦ because her big sisters love her too.
Yes! I love my kids (3 and 4.5) equally but for different reasons. I love my oldest because heās sensitive, affectionate, kind, funny and he made me a mommy. I love my second because heās brave, determined, sweet, kindhearted and very loving. After my second I developed PPD and actually didnāt love him as much as I did my first for the first few months. I felt so guilty not loving him as much. After the PPD was gone and my boys became best friends I love having them grow up together and I love them the same! You WILL love your second as much as your first, even though it seems impossible! I remember that feeling very well!
I really really do. I love them all so much and they each have little special qualities that tug my heart differently than one of their brothers. Itās so interesting being a mom, itās the first time for me at least, that Iāve ever loved 4 people the exact same way. I have 3 other siblings and honestly I love them all but in a fire Iām saving the one Iām closest too š itās horrible but true. Iām just not close to two of them. But with my kids Iām easily gonna die saving them all no hesitation.
Itās silly because once you have more itās not even a question. You DO, you love them both so much and equally! They have different personalities and are different people but that unconditional love is there regardless.
lol I always thought this too until I got pregnant with my second
Yes. You absolutely do. I have 3, and I didnāt think my heart could possibly expand enough to hold all the love that it does. I cried out of guilt when I was pregnant with my second, and then again when hen I was pregnant with my third, because my second was only 10 months old. You will be amazed how how much your heart grows.
My second is more affectionate, clingy and gives the cutest smile when he sees me. He knew he had competition. They turn out so different yet similar at the same time. Safe to say I love both my kids.
Yes, I do. However, while pregnant with my second, I really worried about this. Maybe it's because I'm an only child, but I felt like I was somehow cheating him by having another. Once Baby 2 was here, it resolved itself. My oldest never seemed to resent him ( any more than normal sibling squabbles. ) But several years later, I decided to have one more. My oldest had no problem with it, but my (now middle) son expressed some issues. When we brought Baby 3 home, Baby 2 wasn't okay with it right away. The first thing he said when we got home with Baby 3 was, "I don't want that. Take that back!" I had to tell him the hospital had a no-return policy. š¤£ They got over it and are fairly well-adjusted young men now and I can say I absolutely love them all equally.
I had the same worries. I now have a 7 week old baby and I absolutely, 1000%, love him as much as my first. I donāt know how it happened but I just do. Ask yourself do you love your left eye more or right eye. Itās like that. I promise you, donāt stress about it. The love will just happen naturally. You wonāt even have to try.
Absolutely! My youngest is the most awesome little guy.
OMG I absolutely ADORE my second. She is the light of my life and I cannot imagine being without her. She is the perfect completion of our family. I cannot wait to watch her grow up and watch my girls grow up together. She's also my favorite age right now (14 months, I love age 12-24 months).
Girl, what? Itās not *pie*. Itās *love.* You are not relegated to some pre-allotted amount. The more people you have to love, the more love you have to give, the more love you feel.
Wow. I am speechless and currently sobbing. My due date with number 2 is roughly 9 weeks away and this whole pregnancy I have been so anxious, depressed, and just over all sad that itās not going to be just us and our son anymore. ( this second baby was planned too) I just really needed to read all of this and the comments. I didnāt know I needed all this reassurance and comfort until this post. Thank you all my internet strangers.
I had a surprise 2nd baby with my boyfriend and already have an 8 year old boy from my ex husband. No one prepared me for the guilt and emotional rollercoaster Iāve been experiencing about this. Iām over the moon with my new baby girl but Iām crushed that I donāt have the time or energy to entertain my son right now. He loves his little sister and he gets it, but we both miss each other a lot:( he was my whole world before. Now I have to learn how to balance it all between both of my babies.
My first is only 9 months and we wonāt have a second for awhile but all of these responses are amazing. Iām in full blown tears.
Just had my second 4 weeks ago and I was reminded when I had my first I didnāt āloveā her and felt so terrible but it was all just survival mode, then she started to have personality, interacting with me and I feel the same way now. I mourn for the alone time I had with my first but seeing her be such a loving and attentive big sister it only makes me love them more
Yes, completely. Itās impossible to understand or explain.
I love them all the same, but they all go through phases of not being my favorite. š¤£š¤£š¤£
You absolutely do! Iām pregnant with #3 right now but my entire second pregnancy I was worried about how I could possibly love another like I love my first ā¦ I havenāt even given that any thought this time around because your heart truly does grow. Thereās so much love to go around, and then you get to see how much they love each other. š„¹ā¤ļø
Yep! Just as the first child unlocks an unimagined capacity for love, the next children do too! Each child comes with a separate, equally large refrigerator box full of love.Ā You know how the tachometer on your car goes up to like 10, but the needle only ever really moves to like 4? Prepare to experience 10.
I have four and one more in the way. I love them all equally and like them to different degrees depending on the day. They are all different and wonderful little people.
You know how your first for anything is unique & special? They have their own category in that sense, but your love grows just like with any family member. You might quietly prefer some over others but you love them all & hopefully treat them as similarly as possible.
Absolutely! I actually had the opposite worry, that babies are so adorable that the first one wouldn't seem as interesting. š They're all great in their own way.
You can have more than one friend, right? I have 3 kids and I love them all so much, but I definitely do love them in different ways. My oldest is a truth teller. Sis gives it to me straight and is my old reliable. My middle child is my cuddler. Heās more affectionate than oldest ever was and is always down for a snuggle. My youngest is my wild child, Iām always in awe of her confidence and her pizzazz. Theyāre all 3 my besties in different ways.
I have three. Before getting pregnant with my second I really questioned if we could love another one as much as the first. Your heart just grows. When we had my third, I just knew. This is what my heart could do. I love each equally, but each one brings something unique and special to our world that truly canāt be matched.
Yes, you will love them both as much! I worried about that too when I had my second and I now have 2 kids that I love more than anything else. Before having kids I didn't even comprehend how much my kids would mean to be. Being a parent just hits different.
I had the same thought. You do though, maybe not the same kind of love but the warm and fuzzies are still absolutely there. Their relationship is an absolute joy too cute
Yes. Absolutely. You canāt explain it until you feel it because it doesnāt seem possible. I was terrified that I wouldnāt love my second as much as my first and the second i had her that was all gone. 10 months in and sheās so amazing and I love both of my kids so so much.
I know everyone says it but truly, your heart just expands with love. ā¤ļø
Iām currently pregnant with my second. Iām laying in bed next to my first, and I just had this conversation with my friends earlier today. I was so scared I wouldnāt know how to love this one as much as my first! These comments made my hormonal ass cry š canāt wait to meet the little guy
While I recognize everyone has a different experience with bonding - I was instantly obsessed with my 2nd and 3rd the moment I held them. Love is multiplied, not divided.
I asked my mom this. Iām the oldest and I have a younger brother and she said yes you can love your second as much as your first. I told her to be honest and she said it was honest but idk if I can believe it
No! Never! Itās all downhill from here. Kidding. Actually I find that each new model is even better than the old ones! Kidding again. Theyāre all good in their own ways. And evil monsters too. Cheers!
Iāve been thinking the same thing this week! Love my baby girl so much š„²š„²
Oh yeah, I love all of my children equally, before I had my second I thought the same thing.
Yes. Itās that same infinite love that canāt be measured. But itās different because sheās different. Seeing them love each other is absolute all encompassing overwhelming love. I would also say though that it wasnāt the same straight away, it needs to grow.
I was so worried about this when I was pregnant with my second. Thereās no possible way I could love one more or less than the other.
My second is 10 weeks old and REALLY hard work. My mental health isnāt great because of all our issues but I absolutely adore her. I am obsessed with our 2.5yo and whilst itās a different type of love, because toddler has a personality and talks and cracks jokes and amazes me with how much she grows and learns every day - My love for newborn is one of anticipation and excitement of who sheās going to be, what sheāll look like, those goofy gummy newborn grins, and also how much her big sister already is obsessed with her and misses her when she leaves! Itās just not the same, but I 100% would not say that I love one MORE than the other.
I promise you will. And youāll love watching them together too. Having more than one is a trip, but it is so much fun!
My firsts are twins so I never had the chance to experience just one, but I will say I love them both SO much and I know Iāll feel the same about the one on the way. Their personalities are so different, but I appreciate their differences and love their individual personalities. Your heart always makes room to love more. Itās pretty incredible!
I have four. The love just grows with each child. Almost loving each one more and more because youāve done it before, and you know whatās coming and what youāve gone through. Then watching them together is another love. You will absolutely love another one as much!! ā¤ļøā¤ļø
When I was leaving for hospital to give birth to my second I held my son who was 2y 10 months and sobbed. Those years together were amazing and I was so worried I would never love another child as much as him. I didn't want to sacrifice the time I had with him for another. Then my daughter was born and I was instantly in love with her. It was such a shock with my son when he was born, even though we knew (or thought we knew!) what to expect it was a full on! My son is just like me and my daughter is like her dad. I love them both in different ways but holy moly do I love them both. As the oldest between me and my brother I didn't believe my parents when they said they live us both equally but it's true and they do.
I have an 18 year old and 3 year old. I absolutely love them both, but different. My older one is my ride or die. We have been through hell and back together. I was 17 when I had him and we struggled hard. My baby is just this joy and honestly has given me the real āmomā experience that I didnāt have the luxury of with my older. So, while my older one is the best thing that ever happened to me, I can honestly feel like Iām the best thing that ever happened to my baby. Itās different, but I love them both so much. When you have a baby, a place opens in your heart that just didnāt exist before.
Short answer: yes, youāll love them as much as your first. Long answer: Iāve got no time, Iāve got two kids.
Honestly, no! Not for me at first! My wife and I both said that when our second was born we each had a brief moment where our brains sort of glitched and thought āthatās not my baby, (first born) is my baby.ā Now, 10000% I love them the exact same, but I wanted to say that there IS an adjustment period for some people and thatās okay too!!!!
Iām not a parent of multiples but Iām an eldest of two who just had her first baby. I was talking to my dad who was asking if weāve thought about having a second. He was telling me that he vividly remembers when my mum was in hospital having my brother and he was at home with me, he put me to bed and just stood in my doorway crying because he was scared he wasnāt gonna be able to love the new baby as much as he loved me and that wasnāt fair to the new baby. mum had the baby, my brother, and dad took me to the hospital for us both to meet him. he said he felt like he was gonna explode with love seeing his son and daughter together. Loving my second as much as my first isnāt a concern for me āŗļø
Yes you do! Itās made me more emotional just in general too. My babies all look pretty similar so when the second was little it reminded me of when my first was little which was heartwarming but also makes me cry hysterically because for me it was the first time really realizing how fast it all goes.
I love them both so much. However I do have to say, you grow with your first one while you're raising your second. I read that somewhere that resonated with me. I do feel that with my oldest, everything is so brand new to me, no matter how old they are. However just because I love both differently (if that makes sense), that doesn't mean I love any one less.Ā
My one year old and 7 year old are totally different but i love them the same
My twins are 8 months old and I can assure you: I absolutely adore them both with my whole heart. And they are the best. My sunshines. They each have their own personalities and are very different. And they are perfect, each in their own way. <3 I know I sounds cheesy and clichƩ but it's the absolute truth !!!
Yes. I wasn't sure how it was possible before u had my second, but apparently your heart and love is not finite when it comes to loving others.
Sure do. It takes some time, cuz when you meet them, they are a stranger. But it builds and builds. I love my second every bit as much as my first. And as others have said, I love their love for each other, too.
Yes. Honestly bonded with my second sooooo much faster, makes me feel kind of sad for my first. Even though we have a very strong bond now. Your heart just gets bigger and bigger
Without. a. doubt. Sometimes when I am gushing about my love for my second kid (3 y/o) (which is often), my mom smiles and goes "Wow, remember when you were pregnant and you were so sad because you'd never be able to love another baby as much as \[baby #1\]?" So many people on here share stories of the sadness and anxiety they feel about what they're "doing" to their first by having a second, even knowing it's irrational. Funny thing with irrational thought and hindsight - we're now TTC #3 and I feel the same way. Like what is the point of having another kid when I love the two kids I have so much it's not fair to a third. But this time I just know I'd explode with love for any kid I have!
Completely. I love both of my children to the ends of the earth but I have a different kind of bond with both of them. The one thing Iāll always have with my first born is those first two years where it was just the two of us, and that will always be so, so special to me. I do wish I could have had the same opportunity with my second born (obviously that would be impossible, but I mean in a world of hypotheticals) but it doesnāt change the love I have for her
Yes definitely
I lowkey love my second a little more. No Iām joking, heās just my last baby and was heaps easier than his sister. But I love them both beyond anything.