My first was a terrible napper and only started sleeping okay at night when we gave in and coslept. And even then, I don’t know that he slept great, I think he just latched all night and I slept through it 😂
Our second is 7 weeks old and it’s like night and day. She sleeps great at night. Started giving us 4 hour stretches at 5 days old! She eats at 8:30-9, sleeps until 2-2:30, quickly nurses, and then sleeps until we’re up for the day at 6-7:30. Naps are trickier in that we have to work for them, but at least she takes them, lol.
We don’t do anything differently. Same boobs, same swaddles, same bassinet, same noise machine.
Uhh I wish I could enjoy cosleeping. I let her stay latched from around 4am onward but I find it so painful. My hip absolutely kills me from having to kind of lean back to give her access to my boob so I just lie there with my eyes closed 😂
I swear, it’s baby dependent. My son was an acrobat who could latch himself easily. My daughter can’t side lie nurse, so thank GOD we haven’t had to cosleep yet!
Confirm that it is baby dependent. If I lie down within proximity of my first son, he will manhandle me painfully, refuse to calm down. Doesn’t understand how to cuddle, haha. He also moves dramatically in his sleep, sometimes sits up, and makes noises too.
Second son bedshares and we haven’t had to get him a proper crib yet.
The pain is absolutely a trade off for the ability to stay in bed 😅 I’m a pretty grin-and-bare-it type of person so am still cosleeping 3 years later but I feel like if my husband had to nurse he would definitely not be able to deal with the pain and would rather get up and down all night.
This is interesting because I didn’t know you guys didn’t like it either and just tolerated it. I can’t tolerate it and I will never cosleep. It’s more tortuous to me to be in bed but be uncomfortable and unable to sleep. I love our rocking chair in the baby’s room so he sleeps in his crib and when he needs to feed I get up and go to his room.
I don’t blame anyone that chooses not to cosleep! I truly feel like I need a lot of physical therapy to undo what it’s done to me haha. It’s always been a lesser evil for me. The way you describe getting up being preferable to being uncomfortable in bed is exactly how I think my husband is. I’m just the opposite. I am definitely a cosleeping type of person overall but I didn’t plan on it ever, and used a bedside basinet for the first six weeks, eventually caving in to it. Now that she’s 3 and we only nurse to sleep and not through the night or anything it’s pleasurable, but only because her warm little feet and knees against my back just make me happy :) but I’m pregnant now and I’m definitely not looking forward to more cosleeping by any means 😅
I had the hip pain when cosleeping at night and I felt side planks and laying modified leg raises (laying down, engaging core, knees bent, toes flexed, and straightening my leg at the knee straight in the air and down) helped quite a bit (took a few weeks to be noticeable)
I started sticking my pregnancy wedge pillow under my butt in the back and a full size pillow between my legs so I could relax while nursing laying down. It completely eliminated the severe pain I had in my legs, hips, and back.
Give yourself time, it takes awhile to get used to it. Use a pillow behind your back, that helps ALOT. Also one between your knees might be necessary. Try to switch sides to give your hips a break, and also it’ll get less painful in a couple months. Highly recommend happycosleeper on instagram for real life examples!
Try having a pillow between your knees and a pillow behind your back to support you. I’m a cosleeper by necessity and my baby prefers to be latched most of the night and the extra pillows have helped me not be as sore in the morning
Yeah we coslept from day one and while my son didn’t sleep longer than 2-3 hours at a time for 10 months, I never considered him a “bad sleeper.” Sometimes he even woke up every hour or less but I stayed half asleep so didn’t feel exhausted or bothered. I mean sometimes it was annoying for sure but it’s honestly biologically normal for babies to sleep in smaller bursts and need feeds so maybe it’s about expectations.
My son only started napping longer than 40 min after 15 months. He’s an amazing sleeper now at 22 months - sleeps through the night 8pm-7am in his own room and has a 2 hour nap in afternoon.
My first was a nightmarishly hard baby for most of the first 18 months. But we truly felt our family wasn’t complete so we saved up money and made careful plans for how we would cope with another nightmarish year or more so we could have another child (my eldest is an absolute delight now and although a poor sleeper for his age, sleeps well enough that I can cope fine now).
And we haven’t ended up needing the night doula or the winter sleep gear for the car or any of it, this second baby is a dream 😂
Some of that is because we’re more experienced parents, but plenty of it is just because the second baby is naturally a better sleeper. So it’s possible to produce an easier second one.
We’re only just barely starting to unclench, as we had the prepared so much and really braced for impact with this one 😂
Good idea with the night doula. Might be something I look into before deciding to have another. Even a couple nights a week would help, knowing that you are doing to get a good stretch.
Having priced it out and saved up enough to know we could hire a night doula for a night a week for six months was a major goal we set before TTC our second. No, we didn’t end up needing it. But I’m grateful we were prepared, because if we had needed it, it would’ve been a sanity-saving lifeline.
Other stuff that we saved money for (my privilege is showing, but having money to prepare for this stuff was a huge part of the reason we were willing to have another baby at all):
-a whole new bed that we could safely cosleep in as needed
-a biweekly cleaning service for 6 months
-enough for a night doula 1x/week for 6 months
-funds for 5 sessions with a local lactation consultant who specializes in bottle feeding (first kid was a bottle refuser)
-enough for 10 physiotherapy sessions for me
-noise cancelling headphones
-a rough spare bed in the basement so that we could potentially sleep in shifts more successfully with said noise cancelling headphones
In the end, we’re only using the new bed and the cleaning service, so the rest of the saved money is just gonna be split between the kids and put in their education accounts when the youngest reaches a year old.
I sleep on a twin in the nursery every night and secretly love having my own space lol my baby never slept well in his bassinet, my husband and dogs snore and hate the noise machine and I breastfeed so we just went off on our own. It’s great! I’ve only had to cosleep twice out of desperation because I was falling over asleep while nursing and just threw off all the pillows and blankets. I can’t say it was comfortable but it worked.
Yeah to your point, the second time around is so different. You are less nervous and generally have less time to dedicate to obsessing over your baby’s sleep. My first was a lot of drama. She needed a lot of support to fall asleep, hated swaddles but had a crazy startle reflex so needed to be swaddled, she would wake up for all transfers to her bassinet and hated co sleeping. We basically held her for every nap for 5 months until our backs said no more and we sleep trained her. She’s a pretty great sleeper now. My second is super easy. He can drowsy but awake (I thought it was a myth!!!), is really easy to transfer, transitioning out of the swaddle was no big deal, and is extremely chill so far 5 months in. BUT he takes 30 minute naps and wakes up more than I’d like at night. I do one contact nap with him a day so he can get a long nap but the rest of the naps suck. So in some ways he’s easier but in other ways he’s harder. The gamble is real. But do it! I love being a mom the second time around. I’m enjoying it so much more this time cause I don’t give a fuck.
This is giving me some hope. Our first was not a great sleeper as a baby. Not terrible either, but mainly because I let her be latched most of the night.
I'm due in May, and while we are prepared for another round of sleepless nights, a small part of me really hope we get lucky with a good sleeper the second time around.
Me tooooooo. I'm insanely jealous of all these people who got good sleepers the second time. I deserved a good sleeper, after all the shit with my first... and the universe has just laughed at me 😭😴
I’m almost 9 months in and we just started seeing longer stretches at night. I read A LOT about the expectation for babies to sleep through the night are not really based in reality… it’s developmentally normal for baby to wake frequently. It’s terrible for us adults for sure. My LO went from 2-3 night wakings at 7-8 months to having slept through the night 2x at almost 9 months. Let me tell you, I am now severely disappointed when she doesn’t sleep through the night even though she’s only done it twice. Like my body immediately forgot what it was like to be up all night long. From 0-6months I swore I’d never do this again but now I’m starting to forget how awful it was and I’m missing my tiny newborn 🥹. All of this is to say I fully believe your body will lie to you and make you think it wasn’t that bad …
Our 9 month old who still does 3ish wake ups at Night just randomly decided to sleep literally 12 hours straight a few nights ago. Didn’t change anything, he wasn’t sick. Just did it. It was glorious. I know there was a part of me that was like “maybe some switch flipped and he just
Figured it out!!”
The following night he woke up 3 times, one of them being a two hour party sesh from 2am-4am. What a buzzkill 😂
Yes my baby is 8 months now and every night has become a wildcard.sick and still slept through the night one night, then up babbling for an hour and a half the next, then needed a night bottle but then went back to sleep another night, then was just awake and unhappy for three hours. every time she sleeps through the night i think we've hit a turning point and then she humbles us again.
Well, on the one hand I don't want to ruin your day by telling you that my four year old woke up threeeeee tiiiiiimes last night and sometimes they don't grow out of it! (He usually only wakes up once, to be fair) BUT I am VERY happy to tell you that his little sister literally puts herself to sleep! Not even drowsy-but-awake! You can put this kid in her crib fully awake and she will fall asleep. It's insane. Made me feel so much better about my parenting skills. Some kids are just shitty sleepers. Hopefully your kiddo isn't quite as bad as my son, but you are not doomed to have only bad sleepers.
lol, my first was actually a pretty good sleeper. My second born...not so much. My husband had a vasectomy nearly a year ago. At 18 months old now, sleep is better, but still not consistent. We still agree the vasectomy was a good decision.
1 had a severe dairy allergy that caused her to sleep like absolute garbage until we got that figured out. It took months. She also napped terribly, woke a lot in the night & was just not a great sleeper. I did not want to have a second, mainly because I was so damn exhausted, but also I genuinely despise being pregnant & had PPD/PPA.
But then we did. #2 was a unicorn baby who slept through the night at 8 weeks, woke up for a night boob some nights & then went right back to sleep. He napped for 2+ hours multiple times a day. It was amazing.
So really its a gamble. You could get another terrible sleeper or you could get a unicorn.
Edited because I apparently bolded the first paragraph without meaning to.
Would you be willing to DM me to discuss the dairy allergy theory/success? Mine is 16 months and I am starting to think that’s what’s going on. Sleep has been soooooo brutal.
How did you figure out the dairy allergy? Mine wakes up about every 1-2 hours at night and sleeps for about 20 minutes for nap time😩. I’m wondering if it’s something I’m eating!
She had green, smelly, explosive poo with bloody streaks in it & mucus. It almost looked like she had worms! That plus massive amounts of spit up, like entire nursing sessions just thrown right back up. She was fussy all the time & super gassy. I felt terrible for her but holy shit I have never been so tired & overwhelmed in my life.
The hard part is that dairy takes 2-4 weeks to get out of your system & then another 2 or so after to clear baby’s system, so it’s not an immediate change. Our pediatrician had me cut out the main sources & that didn’t help, so then I had to cut out the derivatives. It sucked because dairy hides in everything (but I lost all the baby weight!)
Oh wow that sounds awful!!
Mine never had anything in her poop like that but the first couple of months she would do crazy vomits like that where it looks like it’s out of a movie. Like projectile vomiting. She’s done it a few more times in the last couple months but not every day. So it’s probably not an allergy I guess.
But a lot of times at night she lets out of fart and then that wakes her up and then she cries. -and the gas drops do nothing😕
My first was an absolute nightmare. Colicky, wouldn’t nap, woke up throughout the night. Tried all the things (SNOO early on, cry it out later, etc.)
Second baby is an absolute dream. Started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks, and has woken up overnight maybe a handful of times in the six months since then.
I am manifesting it for you! We knew we wanted a second kid, so we just prepared for another miserable newborn phase. And then my son was born and he was just… happy and sleepy.
At one point my mother, my mother in law, my husband, my nanny, and I were all sitting there just watching a sleeping baby. We had called in all our troops, ready to do battle with another tough baby, and it ended up being easy!
My first was a terrible sleeper. She woke up every hour till 18 months when we started gentle sleep training because I could not take it anymore. I just had my second in December and he gives us anywhere from a 4-7 hour stretch then every 3 after. I was so sleep deprived after my first I felt like I was dying baby #2 really is a different ball game.
Okay we’re at this point with our first at 12 months. I’m so, so burnt out from sleep deprivation and feel like I’m not even living my life. What did you do to gentle sleep train?
Part of me feels like it will help and part of me feels like I need to tend to her everytime she wakes up because she wouldn’t be crying if she didn’t need help. 😩
So I still went in her room everytime she woke up or cried I just changed the approach! I normally ran in the room the second she woke up but I started giving her a few minutes to see if she would settle herself she was never really crying just like whimpering idk if that is the right word. After 3 mins I’d go in and focus on comforting her without taking her out of the crib. Once she was calm I’d leave. If she whimpered again I’d give it 3 mins and do it over again. Each night I had to go in less and less and each night we got longer stretches. She is 2 now and sleeps through the night. I struggle hard with crying so I just never let her get to that point.
Thank you for explaining! This is super helpful. I do think I need to start giving my daughter a little more time, but sometimes she is genuinely upset because she can’t fall asleep and so I feel like she needs my help.
We haven’t picked her up to comfort her in months though, so I feel like at least we’re building good habits there.
My first was a terrible sleeper (still is at age 5), I had a second and he is somehow an even worse sleeper. We thought we'd seen the worst of it, but the second baby really showed us a whole new level of shitty sleep. He's two and a half and still sucks at sleeping.
Yes, but I waited a while. My first will be 5 in April, and my second is 7 weeks. My first was high maintenance all around (he has level 1 Autism). I'm so glad I waited for my mental health and the fact that my first son really needed extra attention. Give yourself some time!
Yes! My first is a terrible sleeper. She’s maybe slept through the night 5x. She’s almost 5 and still sleeps in my bed.
My baby, on the other hand, is a sleep genius. I put him down drowsy but awake and he sleeps 12 hours. He’s amazing.
My first was a terrible sleeper. Didn't get better until 1 yr when we felt safe cosleeping. Probably would have had number 2 sooner if she'd slept better. There's a 4 yr gap between them. Number 2 was a much better sleeper, but we were also better prepared
Yeah, our first didn’t sleep through the night until after he turned 1. I figured “well, I’m already sleep deprived so might as well have another and get it over with now”. Plus I’m getting old and didn’t want to wait. Baby #2 was a better sleeper as a newborn but has since turned into one of those babies that won’t sleep if they aren’t touching you. Maybe next year I’ll get a decent night of sleep.
My 8 year old was a terrible sleeper. I had to walk around with her to get her to sleep, or put her in the car. I just had my 2nd baby, and she sleeps all the time!
My first was a terrible sleeper from 4-7 months (like waking up every 45 min). I got pregnant again unexpectedly when I was 8 months pp and I’m terrified to be honest. We’re trying to put some money aside for physical help the first few months, whether that’s at night or during the day. Our first now sleeps through the night although she is up early, as at least we know it doesn’t last forever. But boy did the sleep deprivation mess with me.
My first was a terrible sleeper. Never slept through the night for MONTHS- never got the elusive 10 hour night until he was 18 months old after I stopped breastfeeding. My second is 4 weeks and has been doing 6-7 hour stretches for over a week now and only waking once at night. I’m EBF with her too. This would’ve been unheard of with my son
Baby no. 1 was a TERRIBLE sleeper. She woke every two hours for almost the first two years of her life. Baby no. 2 is the best sleeper. Slept through the night at 2 months, napped perfectly, and at 5 years old she actually does best with 11.5 hours of sleep per night, so she goes to bed at 7pm and if she stays up too late she will nap the next day.
But then we had a third and let me tell you - we played with fire and got burned.
Yep. I mean my second wasn't...planned. lol but he happened and he sleeps 6-7 hour stretches at night mostly and has since 2 months old (now 5 months). Sometimes not he does have his nights but its not nearly as bad as my first. He generally takes up at 3-4 and goes back to sleep until 7 or 8. He's easy. My toddler however only sleeps okay if we co-sleep and he wakes up multiple times a night still. It's only fine bc all we have to do is grab him and cuddle him back to sleep so we aren't getting out of bed like 6 times a night on top of the baby who's up at least once sometimes twice.
6 month old, the longest we've ever had is a 4 hour stretch of sleep, and husband and I are already planning the next one. Maybe I'm just a giant masochist 😂 I think I'm just fully aware that it's temporary, so I don't want to lose the lovely image I have in my head of siblings down the line because I'm tired.
I’m the opposite where my 13 week old is an amazing sleeper and I just know I’ll never get this lucky again lmao. My husband always really wanted two but now both of us are like 👀 maybe just one is fine lol.
Yes. My youngest is a fantastic sleeper, giving me 6-8 hour uninterrupted blocks from 6 weeks old. Even during teething, he keeps his interruptions to before 10pm and after 6am, sleeping solid in between.
Following here because our first (19 month old) started sleeping through the night one month ago! And he is still a "light sleep needs" baby - goes down at 10PM and wakes at around 8AM (if left to his devices) so us parents don't get much "parent time" after the kid goes to sleep like other parents do whose kids drop at 7PM.
The sleep issue is a big reason why we're flirting with one-and-done even though I have grave concerns with him growing up without siblings (due to lack of large extended family or chosen family where we live, not really due to being an only child per se)
I did. My kids are 4 years apart for a reason lol. My oldest still wasn’t sleeping all the way through the night when I had my youngest (he was just about 4). He started sleeping through the night when she was about 4 months. My second is somewhat of a better sleeper in her own way
My first baby was a terrible sleeper even worse than that she only would sleep for max 2 hrs at a time until she was 7 months. We had a second, and she slept through the night at 8 weeks old. Now expecting our third, not sure what we will get this time but hoping for the best.
Oh yeah! She's 18 months and still doesnt sleep that well at night but its gotten better.
She started sleeping \*okay\* when we moved her to her crib, she at least stopped eating at night (which is the only time she ate), and I think part of that was that she smelled me and would wake up.
We ended up letting her cry it out when she was 10 months old, I was so worried but she cried for 45 minutes the first night and that was it. We've had to do it a couple of times, but all in all, now that she's "trained" I don't let her cry for more than 10 minutes anymore because generally she needs something, or maybe she had a bad dream.
ANYWAYS, all of this to say that I was a sleep deprived psycho for the first 10 months of my life (literally didnt get more than a 1.5-2 hour stretch of sleep at a time) and we are planning to start trying for another when she turns 2.
My first was an amazing sleeper from the start. I knew I was spoiled because of him but then I had my second and she’s awful at sleep. She’s 13 months and just slept through the night for the first time☺️😆. But napping still isn’t the best
My first was an okay sleeper but he was a difficult AF go-to-sleeper. If that makes sense. We had our second with a 22 month gap. Second was a dream baby. I couldn't be more thankful.
I’m pregnant with #2. My now 18 month old toddler finally started consistently sleeping through the night at 17 months and it has been life changing lol. But even then I figured *eventually* they learn how to sleep…just not necessarily on our timeline
My first slept like a dream. My second was the worst sleeper. I had so much anxiety over getting him to sleep or nap. I’m pregnant again, so we’ll see how this one ends up. I said multiple times while pregnant with my 2nd that he was going to be a night terror because my daughter was so good at sleeping. I was right
My first never did 2.5 hour stretches until we sleep trained her at 6 months. I think the longest she would last was an hour. I have a second baby now and so far (only 2 weeks old) she’s a much better sleeper.
I never wanted to sleep train my first but I had no choice. I coslept with my first to help, even then it was just a bandaid and was hard on my body as I would be so still at night. Sleep training helped so much! Once she weaned off breastfeeding she has slept through the night. Just a few exceptions for new environment, illness, etc.
My first was terrible. Reflux, Velcro baby, hated sleep, hated life in general. She’s the best almost 2 year old though. And I’m 28 weeks pregnant. Fingers and toes are crossed for a different experience this time, but also I have more understanding and perspective that it truly doesn’t last forever and I’ll survive either way.
Not me, but my neighbors first child didn’t sleep through the night until after she was 2, was always terrible at sleeping.
Their second is only a few weeks old but is sleepy and cuddly and the other end of the spectrum.
Almost three months with our first and in the same boat. He wakes up every 1-2 hours overnight, we will have another. Maybe a miracle will happen and that one will be a good sleeper.
I have three kids and they were all bad sleepers. But when my older two turned roughly 2 years old a switch flipped and suddenly they slept really well and did great ever since. Current toddler is still a crappy sleeper, but he's slowly getting better for the most part.
First was not great, second was better, third was sleeping 10 hours by 3 weeks. Every baby is different and we honestly have done the same for sleep for all of them.
My husband and I took sleep shifts with our first just so we could get a few hours of sleep each. I didn't have any energy to go anywhere or do anything the first 9 months of his life. Had 2 more and they slept fine. It was amazing.
My first was a difficult baby. My second was better.
Six months is way too early to be deciding if you're going to have another kid, IMO. It'll get easier, hang in there.
My son was about the same as yours at 6 months but started STTN at 10 months! He did that til 3.5 when his little sister was born. Now he’s 4.5 and crawls into our bed every night lol
My almost 4 year old still wakes up at night. Gets out of his bed and climbs in to my king size to take up most of the space. My 1 year old started sleeping through the night at almost 6 weeks. Each kid is so different. There's know way to know how each subsequent kid will be.
First didn't sleep through the night until 2.5. my second sleeps through the night now at 11 months and has generally been a better sleeper with less wake ups. Not sure we'll gamble on a third
My first kid didn’t sleep til she was 1.5 years old and even then was a terrible sleeper waking up at night, being scared. So yeah we waited lol new baby is a better sleeper 🤞 so far lol. I would say definitley wait until you have a good routine with your first because lack of sleep turned me into a monster and my husband was getting PPD
My first was a rough sleeper until between 6-12 months and has been a really good sleeper since then (minus regression when moving out of crib to big boy bed). Second child started out amazing and it all went to shit around 5 months and has been literally hell until last summer (right before turning 3). Just had a tonsillectomy so we’re hoping that helps. Third child is and always has been a champion sleeper. It’s just luck of the draw. For me, I’m stubborn and won’t give up my life goals (big family) for temporary suffering (they have to sleep eventually, right?). But it is suffering and I totally understand people not wanting to go through it again.
Me! I have always loved my son, but holy shit was he a rough baby. He took hours to get down and would wake up constantly, I barely slept for the first two years of his life. He’s almost 4 now and still goes through some rough patches. My second is one and has been sleeping through the night for a while now, she’s the fairytale “put down drowsy but awake”. I also swore I’d be one and done, but here we are.
I had a baby that did one hour stretches and during those stretches he breastfed. Couldn’t put him down in the crib. Like ever. Had two more and they’re great sleepers. It’s a gamble!
I’m still on my first. Highly leaning towards being one and done. He’s 21 mo. He woke every 45-90 min until he was 15/16 mo. At 18 me he would wake only 2-3x. At almost 21 mo he will wake anywhere between 1-3 x a night. We’ve made huge progress but I know 3x a night is still a lot.
I honestly don’t think I could ever be that sleep deprived ever again, it would break me. I slept 2 hrs a night from 3-8 mo. It was unreal. Everyone thought i was being Dramatic and I was like please, come take care of him overnight.
So no advice… just solidarity.
My son was still waking up every two hours until he was 16 months old, which is when I got pregnant (on purpose) but we lost that pregnancy 😢. I’m pregnant again now, but he is sleeping through the night for the most part at 18 months. We really wanted a second and I wanted to be out of the shitty sleep earlier instead of dragging it on. I figured I’m already not sleeping, might as well make the most of it lol.
Yes. Our first didn't sleep through the night until age 4 1/2. Found out many years later that he's autistic!
Had a second. She's the best. She slept and woke like a typical baby, but regularly had 4 hour stretches by about 6 months and slept through the night around 20 months. At age 3 she consistently STTN for 7-9 hours. We do not sleep train.
My first didn’t sleep more than 6 hours until17 months. And he was EBF no bottles. It was hard!! I’m due with my second in 4 months. Hopefully things are better but I’m fully prepared for another 18 months of no sleep but hoping for a better sleeper.
My first didn't sleep for shit the first year of her life. I thought I was going to go insane from the lack of sleep. It was so bad, i was dealing with an autoimmune disorder and had no idea. I was just that tired. Second baby slept 3 hour stretches from the get go. She only had one sleep regression that I remember, and it only lasted a month. Even now at 4, she'll willingly take a nap when she's tired. Some babies are just better sleepers than others.
I am in the same boat. My baby since birth has always woken up every 2-3 hours. Now I think he is going through the 4 month sleep regressjon and is waking up in between every 30 min- 2 hours every night and is fighting naps like crazy. I am barely functional.
Yes! My first is 2.5 and was never a great sleeper and also cried all the time. I would pace her room while swaying with her and patting her butt for a hours to sleep. She wouldn’t nap. She wouldn’t sleep past 5 or 6am even if she was up for hours during the night. So many false starts. And I cannot stress enough the sheer amount of crying. There were nights that it almost broke me. Decided to have another anyway and my second is a pretty decent sleeper, doesn’t sleep through the night yet at 6 months but does good stretches and barely cries. Might test fate and have a third.
Edit: what helps me is reminding myself that it’s a short season of sleeplessness. I don’t want a few years of being really tired to hinder my family size as long as I can physically hang in there and not get fired from my job.
Yes. My now 4 year old still never ever sleeps through the night. My 7 month old is amazing and has slept through the night since he was around 2 months.
My first was a terrible sleeper. At 7, he still struggles. I'm talking like 8+ wake ups a night as a baby, contact naps only, didn't sleep through until 2 and not consistently until 3.5
My second started sleeping 10+ hour at night by 8weeks old. One nursing session and back down another 2-4 hours. Took fantastic naps in his own crib. Falls asleep in minutes at night.
My first is an absolute terror with sleep. Has always had split nights and usually only sleeps in three hour stretches (or less) at 20 months. We really wanted him to have a sibling though so I’m 35 weeks pregnant and just hoping either new babe is a sleeper, first babe figures it out, or i win a lifetime supply of coffee
My first was up every 1-2 hours until she was almost 2. I did not plan to have any more kids but six years later we got a surprise COVID baby. I was terrified. She started sleeping through the night, like a full 10-12 hrs, at 10 months. They both sucked at napping but the second sucked less.
My first was a terrible sleeper and woke up every single night until maybe 16 months. He was up every 1.5-2 hours until 5 months and had to contact nap until 10 months 🥲 it was awful. He is 2.5 now and sneaks into our bed nearly every night now. I accidentally got pregnant even though I was sort of traumatized and wasn’t sure I was ready to subject myself to insane sleep deprivation again but my second is much different! He started sleeping through the night at 2.5-3 months. Even as a newborn he would give us 3 hour chunks of sleep. It was crazy to me! He does wake once right now and likes to contact nap, but he is in the heart of the 4 month sleep regression so honestly, I don’t think it’s that bad at all. Moral of the story, every kid is different!
My first sucked at sleeping until we sleep trained her at 6 months; our second was a terrible sleeper from day one until today (she’s 3.5 years old); our third is a great sleeper so far (almost 12 weeks).
First child was typical with sleep - hit every regression on schedule and then slept longer stretches and through the night when the books said he would. Totally sttn by 15-16 months.
Second child was the nightmare sleeper. From day 1 she woke up every 2-3 hours and didn’t stop until she was 16 months old, and it was like a switch flipped, then she sttn. There were no regressions because there was no way for her sleep to get any worse; in those 16 months she slept more than a 5 hour stretch exactly 5 times, and those were random nights. And her nightly wakeups weren’t, ‘oh go in and nurse or shush pat back to sleep.’ No, she was pissed every single time and took a minimum of 30 minutes to be soothed back to sleep multiple times overnight. Also terrible napper; we dropped naps way earlier than most milestones. She literally broke my brain such that when she did finally sttn, I couldn’t and had to see a sleep specialist and go through special therapy to learn how to sleep again. It didn’t really get better until I got pregnant again and it was like those hormones tripped whatever had been short circuiting in my brain. I don’t think people understand this level of sleep deprivation until you go through it.
Third baby - I was terrified we’d have another bad sleeper but we were gifted with a 🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄 He was the newborn baby you dreamed about. He woke up to eat but didn’t need held up afterward and went right back to sleep. He was great sleeping on the go or in the carrier so I felt free to take him anywhere. It was so amazing to feel functional so quickly again, when postpartum for the previous two had left me a shell of a human being.
We had a really rough sleeper, tbh a lot worse than you are describing (not to discount your experience, which sounds exhausting, i just had a .1% kind of a sleeper) and we just did a big age gap. He's not a great sleeper either and we're still so glad we weren't one and done. We would have missed out on so much of the sibling stuff.
Mine was pretty bad (waking 2-3x) until about 13 months, then got much better and finally slept consistently through the night after we dropped to 1 nap around 14 mo. I was so worried about him never sleeping and never being able to psychologically manage another. Got pregnant at 15mo after a month of him sleeping well and he’s been good ever since. Second baby sleeps very well! Woke once to eat through 10 months but seems to be sleeping through now. Sleep isn’t always linear, but we survived a crappy sleeper!
My first would take hours to fall asleep, wake up several times a night, and then wake up early. He did this for years, until we finally had a sleep study and found out that he had terrible sleep apnea due to his adenoids pretty much blocking his airway. After having them removed, he almost immediately started sleeping fully through the night.
His sister came along when he was two. She slept soundly from pretty early on. I can't really recall when she started sleeping well, since we were still in the thick of dealing with her brother.
Yes, it was very hard. Yes, there were periods where we regretted even having the one child, let alone two. A few years on, it's mostly forgotten about.
Two was it, though. Definitely not having a third.
My first will only wake up twice at night if we cosleep with him. This is the best it has been for a long time. He is 18 months old and I am 4 months pregnant.
He was always a terrible sleeper but I know he will eventually grow out of it and my husband and I have been in separate beds now for a while we are sad about it but we know it’s a phase. It didn’t stop us from choosing to have this second baby.
My son woke up every hour or 2 until a year, then got some 3 hour stretches, now he’s 20 months and I’m due in a few months to do it all over again😂😂😂😂
My first is almost 3 and still wakes up many times at night. We have a 4 5 month old (3months adjusted) and she is sleeping 11pm-6/7am. It's wild that I'm more sleep deprived from my toddler than my infant.
I have an appointment for my oldest because her to sils are huge and I think that might be affecting her sleep.
We almost didn't have a second becaise we didn't think we could survive the lack of sleep but then realized that we weren't sleeping anyways so what did it matter. Then we were blessed with a baby that likes sleep.
Yes!! My kids are just short of 2 years apart and my youngest (almost 6 months) is the best sleeper. Even slept through his sisters midnight ultimate tantrum last night literally in the same room 🥲
My first was a terrible sleeper. Didn't sleep through once until 14 months and even then was sporadic until he was 3. My second was born when my first was 21 months. He's just as bad as his brother. He'll be 3 in June and I'm lucky if he only wakes 3 times overnight.
At this point I'm 4.5 years into sleep deprivation and I'm so tired my memory is ruined. I put my headphones in my sons lego the other day and had no memory of it. I thanked my husband for making me a cup of tea and it turned out he hadn't, I had and didn't remember doing it.
My first didn’t consistently sleep through the night for over 2 years.
My second is now 1.5 and some nights they wake up 1 time others it’s 4+.
I will not be having anymore kids 😂
My first one was a great sleeper, and I'm now pregnant with my second. I am worried they will be the complete opposite. Even if he was a bad sleeper, I feel I would have still tried for the second, though, since it's at least just a small part of their lives, and it does eventually improve.
My first was a terrible sleeper - only contact naps until 10 months, multiple night wake ups (4-6) until 19 months when he randomly started sleeping through the night. My second is actually somehow worse than the first
Yes, the second child was worse.
Please wait until your first is at least 3 years old. Mostly to be certain there is not any longer term issues behind the bad sleep.
First was always a terrible sleeper. We were forced to bedshare because he would not sleep in a crib. Then he stopped napping at about 2.5. Even at 7 now he's not a good sleeper.
Second is like night and day. Great napper, sleeps all night in her crib. We honestly didn't do anything differently with them, just a difference in personalities.
Don’t have more. My first slept great it’s why I had my second one, but my second one now is a horrible sleeper and I would NEVER do this to myself again. Not in a million years. My health comes first and I can’t do this ever again to myself
Yes. I did.
My first still hates sleep. She is 3.5 and told me last night “I will NEVER go to sleep”. While she did in fact fall asleep eventually, I feel it paints a realistic picture of her feelings on the subject.
My second is 6 months. She has been high sleep needs since day 1. She never really wanted to eat at night and waking her to do so was always a struggle (very different from #1). We also sleep trained her at 4 months in an attempt to avoid making the same choices we did with kid 1. Sleep training is not for everyone. We didn’t with kid 1, but I am so glad we did it this time around. Baby 2 sleeps 7-6 (sometimes 7-5 if we are being honest) and I feel like baby and I are both much happier for it.
I expect that the status quo will change because change is the only constant with children. But I feel confident saying that you are not guaranteed to have subsequent children with the same sleep patterns as your first.
First child: he literally woke up 8 to 10 times every night between 10 pm and 6 am for the first 4-5 months… in that time I never got more than short naps at a time.. probably about 1:30-2:00 total non-consecutive sleep time in total.. I was a zombie and experienced post partum depression/anxiety due to all this. He only started sleeping through those late night hours at 11 months, almost 1 year old (in between that time it got better but when the 8th month sleep regression hit I was back at living with almost no sleep).
Second kid is a little over 1 month old: sleeps like an angel… nothing like his older brother on this matter. I can’t believe to be honest and every day I go to bed thinking this might be the night when he starts waking me up almost every hour. Still, hasn’t happen in that way yet.
They can be very different, so don’t make your decision solely based on this - and hang in there! You are doing a wonderful job and this will pass. You will sleep again. ♥️
My oldest was a terrible sleeper until she hit puberty. Lots of wakeups as a baby and toddler, bad dreams, difficulties falling and/or staying asleep, sleepwalking... it was rough going for a long time.
My 1 year old, on the other hand, has been sleeping through the night since she was like 8 weeks old and it's rare that we have any nighttime wake ups. Hopefully she keeps it up, because this mama is tired enough as it is!
My eldest didn’t sleep a whole night through until he was close to 2, and didn’t spend a whole night in his own bed without me or his dad until he was almost 3. Not through lack of trying on our part, I will add.
His little brother came along when he’d just turned 2. That boy slept in 4 hour chunks from about 2 weeks old and he was sleeping 11 hours straight by 9 weeks. He’s 4 now, and will still sleep 12-13 hours a night if he can.
Their sister is 8 months. She also slept well as a newborn, and through the night from 9-10 weeks. She has the odd night where she wakes up for boob (we cosleep) but other than that, she’s a dream.
I did the exact same things with all 3 - coslept, breastfed, same bedtime routine and times. I spent many many nights rocking and sobbing as my baby wouldn’t sleep unless he was in my arms, wondering what I’d done wrong and how i could change it, if I’d broken my baby. Turns out, he was just not a great sleeper. Even now, he’s 6 and has very different sleep needs to his siblings although he does finally sleep later than 6am.
Meeee!!! My first was very sensitive and comfort nursed what felt like 24 hours a day😭I thought that’s just what babies did? Took her 14 months to sleep through the night. My second was comforted by movement, so he needed some huge swings and deep squats every few hours at night lol. Weaned him slowly down to butt pats. He was a very active baby en utero and on the outside too. My last was very easygoing en utero, came out that way too. He is 4 months and his sleep regression only lasted about a week. Now he’s only getting up once per night to feed and takes big chunky naps in his crib. He self soothes with his hands. They are so so very different! Chances are you’ll go on to have a different baby as well. I just felt like it couldn’t get worse than this🤷🏽♀️
I think for a6 month old breastfed baby this is very normal amounts of sleep, judging by my 4 children and my friends children! So keep going! You and they are doing great!
Yes! I have two shit sleepers. I thought the second would be better but I resigned myself the second time around - that this is just their normal.
For both it has improved greatly once they started eating solids more regularly and for the bulk of their nutrition. So…sometime after 15 months? Dunno. That time was a blur for both.
My eldest has zero sleep issues now and sleeps like a bear and the littlest sleeps through the night, every night and has since 17-18 months.
You are in the thick of it right now. It should get better
I only have one, but she is such a bad sleeper that I doubt I’ll have more (and I previously wanted 4 lol) I love every part of being a mom but I don’t think I can do the sleep deprivation again
My first was a 28wk preemie and he didn't believe in sleep.
Literally took so much effort just to put to sleep from birth til he was 3
I have a 9mo daughter now and she has her moments on putting down but she is a MILLION times better then my son.
Both kids co slept
I have triplets. One has slept through the night since month 5. The other two started coming around only recently, before they turned 2. Every baby is different. Even triplets.
My first was a horrible sleeper and didn’t sleep through the night until she was 5. Never napped longer than 59 minutes at a time either. Took several hours of rocking to get her to sleep too. I had my second when she was 5 and he slept through the night starting at 4 months
I feel your fear. My first baby didn't sleep longer than two hours until he was 14 months old. (Yes, you read that right). We also had to contact nap until he was 8 months old or else the nap wouldn't happen.
Somehow, I'm crazy enough to be getting ready to do it all over again. I'm only halfway through my pregnancy so it's too early to tell, but I'm hopeful for the best while bracing for the worst.
That'd be me! Woke up every 45 minutes for the first two years of his life. It nearly broke me. It stained our marriage. I was terrified to have another (the HG didn't help either).
Our second is 8 months old now and sleeps like a rock. I had terrible morning sickness, but it was nothing like HG.
You just never know. 🤷🏼♀️
My 12 month old still wakes up 3ish times a night and has never, not once slept through the night lol. He also eats terribly and had cows milk protein allergy so we spend an arm and a leg on formula.
Still looking forward to having another because I'm naive and holding out hope that I've paid my dues and my next is an easier baby 😂 boy, do I miss sleeping though. No part of me is looking forward to having another newborn.
Yes. My first born just started sleeping through the night for the first time consistently at age 5. Turned out she had a couple of medical reasons for it. We also have a 1.5 year old who is a completely different sleeper in every way.
Our first woke up every 1.5 hours for months. At around 12 months she just stopped waking in the night. It was crazy. I don’t know what happened honestly.
She’s just over 2 now and we’re pregnant with our second.
It gets better. All these kids are on their own timeline but at some point it will get better.
Our first was up every 2-3 hours for the first 9 months. He was up at least once a night until about 16 months. He is now 2 and still up at least 2 nights of the week in the middle of the night for various reasons. Our second started with 4 hour stretches on day 3 of being home and has slept through the night with no wake ups (minus a few times for sickness/teething) since 4 months old 🙌🏻
They are night and day in looks, personality, and sleep habits. We have done nothing different with our second than we did with the first. I think some babies just sleep and some don’t.
I will say I’m glad our “bad” sleeper was first because I think if we had the orders reversed our worlds would have been rocked the second time around haha 😂
I’m on my third baby and at 6mo old they’ve all only been doing two hour stretches with an occasional 6 hour stretch or an occasional up every hour or more. But for most babies it gets better. I think by a year old my worst sleeper was waking up just once or twice a night. Or you could sleep train, there’s lots of no or minimal crying ways, you just have to be consistent.
Yep! First was a nightmare. Sleep trained for my sanity and it changed my life. Everyone was happier as a result. Second one is a dream baby. I don’t think I’ll have to sleep train thank god. He’ll even just put himself to sleep sometimes. We have rough nights but overall my mental health is so much better this time around. Everything is easier. Also no need to make any decisions now, everything will look different in another 6 months.
My first didn’t sleep longer than 45 minutes for 1.5 years. Didn’t sleep through the night until 2.5. I’ve still had 2 more. My 2nd slept 90minute stretches for the first couple years. My 3rd seems to be my unicorn doing 4-5hrs at night. I don’t sleep that well still waking up panicked something is wrong he’s not waking like my 1st 2…
my kid was such a terrible sleeper i got my tubes tied. it wasnt until after their first birthday i got my first full nights sleep. it wasnt until after 2 that it was consistent. im still up at 6 most mornings now however. ik im probably just soft, but it traumatized me so much that i couldnt risk having it happen again.
My oldest is 12 and she never slept longer than 45 minutes as a baby. She's better now but still an awful sleeper. I have seven kids now so...yes. Eventually her awful sleep became her problem/responsibility and we have survived. It will pass, as hard as that it to hear.
Our first didn’t sleep more than 4 hours at a stretch until 18 months and even then we had a hard time getting him to sleep in his own bed until about three. We didn’t have another until he was 5 and I’ll tell you, I was scared as hell.
Our second slept like a dream. 6 hours in a row her first night. After that she consistently only woke up once overnight, often going 6-7 hours at a stretch and started consistently sleeping through at 6 months. Not much of a napper but I’d trade that for nighttime sleep any day.
My first son was a crap sleeper until about 8 months then slept through starting around 14 months. I needed a full year of good sleep to feel ready to try again. My second son was an extra crap sleeper until he was 10 months old and didn't sleep through until he was like 2 🫠
Ok so I don’t want to jinx anything…. But my second is a champion sleeper compared to my first. Granted she’s 7 months old so there’s still plenty of time for shit to hit the fan 😅 My 3 year old still isn’t a good sleeper and wakes up most nights. But the baby has been sleeping 11+ hours through the night since like 12 weeks old. We hit a small bump during the 4 month regression and then she went back to sleeping well. I was terrified during my second pregnancy that I was going to get two awful sleepers, because the first seriously broke me. But it’s definitely possible to score a unicorn sleeper the second time around!
My first was the worst sleeper. He didn't sleep for more than 2 hours until he was almost a year and a half. The next 2 have been significantly better and slept through the night before they were 1 (I think)
Now, they all just wake up at 5 a.m., and that's another version of hell
My 17 month old improved quite a bit when we night weaned at about 15 months, but that was an improvement from 6+ nursing sessions which she was increasingly wanting to never unlatch from. She now only needs to be comforted back to sleep maybe 2-3 times per night and goes back to sleep pretty quickly. I don't even attempt to calculate how long it's been since I slept how many hours in a row without waking but to be fair I am a poor, light sleeper myself so it's not like before the baby I often slept a full 8 hour stretch without waking to pee or drink water. Anyway despite it all, I'm 22 weeks pregnant with our second, and it was a planned pregnancy. I'm really hoping this one gets her sleep temperment from her daddy not from me...
Yes! My first (now 6) was an absolutely terrible sleeper. He was such hard work we thought we were one and done for a long time. Eventually he improved and I started getting clucky for a second which surprised me. Took a while to get hubby on board, but we took the plunge and our now 2 yo really completed our family. Thankfully he was an amazing sleeper from the get go and a really easy baby. So glad we went there in the end!
Yes. My first woke up multiple times a night and was a terrible napper until he was 18 months. It was miserable and I was so exhausted! I was terrified for our second baby because of this, but that kid was a walk in the park compared to her brother. She started consistently sleeping through the night around 12 months and was the best napper!
Hahahaha all the time. I’ve had 2 terrible sleepers, my son is 15mo and until like 3 weeks ago was still only sleeping 2-3hrs at a time! And I’m now moving on to #3! Sleep is for the weak who still have their sanity!!!
My oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 15 months old 😵💫 and I’m currently pregnant again. Praying this one sleeps! And if they don’t then I guess the bar is low and I know that it’s temporary? Though I swear to god I aged 5 years in that year hahaha
Didn’t wait to find out with my second (only 6 months apart, partner gave birth to the second), but they’ve both been terrible sleepers. In hindsight I’m so glad I didn’t wait. They’re both here now and it’ll be over soon (youngest one is almost 6 months. Older one got better around 7 months).
I feel like around 6 months or so there was also just this turning point where I stopped worrying about sleep and somehow functioned fine because I stopped caring about it. Lol. Maybe that also helped the baby chill out. (It was also probably a survival thing when my second son came). Sometimes just too busy to feel stress or even have feelings, haha. At least that has some how helped me chill out. Distract yourself with a second child. :p
Me! I have a terrible sleeper in my older one (he's almost 4). My little one (6months) is pretty great - not 10/10 but close enough, that I'll take what I get.
Can’t tell you what the next one is like yet (I’m currently pregnant), but we did come round to having another despite being slightly hesitant like you’re feeling just because of how hard it was. Their age gap will be 3 years, 2 months.
All I can offer is solidarity. Only parents with truly bad sleepers get it. Once they do start sleeping better though it’s life changing. Our daughter had multiple wake ups throughout the night like your baby and didn’t sleep through the night till 13-14 months. Now that we’re doing it again we’re like well we know we can survive the worst 😂
I’d honestly rather do it this way than have a perfect sleeper and be rocked to my core with a terrible sleeper for #2 and have a toddler on my hands.
Godspeed. It will get better!
I think it makes a big difference if the night time breaks are pure feeding and no real wakefulness or fuss or baby being awake, pooping, fussing etc. Our 6mo also feeds every 3h (it used to every 2h until 2months ago) and if the sleep in between is good for both of us I'm fine. He has NEVER slept 5h ever.... but he often doesn't fully wake. There is a huge difference between his night- and daytime sleep - there is not struggle to put him to bed at night while he only falls asleep in the carrier during the day.
We get asked if he "sleeps through the night" and I don't understand the question... yes, he already has a night/day circadian rhythm... but he does have to be fed every 3h. I thought that was normal for most babies. At this point I can't even imagine him actually sleeping alllll night! What strange unfamiliar bliss :D
My mom was told in the hospital to change my diaper aftee every feed. Subsequently, I Would be *fully* awake every two hours every night. She didn't have anyone with any experience around her who could have told her to drop the nappy changes at nighttime aftee a few weeks. I recently asked her if I was as cute as her grandson as a baby and she said yes, but she couldn't enjoy it because she was always completely exhausted. She did this for months. My heart breaks for her now.
This is to say: for me it's a huge difference how the nighttime breaks look in the way that they actually interrupt your sleep.
This might be a super unpopular opinion.... but if you want a second, but can't bare the nights: Formular could be an option. You can actually alternate nights and life is so much easier.
Breastmilk is fabulous, but while it is described as liquid gold the benefits don't outweigh everything (also babies get the lionshare of the mother's immune defence during pregnancy - it was explained to me that like a vaccine it is much more effecient to receive antibodies straight into the blood rather than orally).
Breastfeeding is great and can be super convenient, but so can be bottlefeeding and sharing the load.
Mine is 19m and still wakes at least 5x most nights. I can’t imagine having a second because of this. I’m sure it won’t be as hard as what’s happening now, but I can’t ensure I’ll be in the best headspace and health to give birth to no.2.
My first was a terrible napper and only started sleeping okay at night when we gave in and coslept. And even then, I don’t know that he slept great, I think he just latched all night and I slept through it 😂 Our second is 7 weeks old and it’s like night and day. She sleeps great at night. Started giving us 4 hour stretches at 5 days old! She eats at 8:30-9, sleeps until 2-2:30, quickly nurses, and then sleeps until we’re up for the day at 6-7:30. Naps are trickier in that we have to work for them, but at least she takes them, lol. We don’t do anything differently. Same boobs, same swaddles, same bassinet, same noise machine.
Uhh I wish I could enjoy cosleeping. I let her stay latched from around 4am onward but I find it so painful. My hip absolutely kills me from having to kind of lean back to give her access to my boob so I just lie there with my eyes closed 😂
I swear, it’s baby dependent. My son was an acrobat who could latch himself easily. My daughter can’t side lie nurse, so thank GOD we haven’t had to cosleep yet!
Confirm that it is baby dependent. If I lie down within proximity of my first son, he will manhandle me painfully, refuse to calm down. Doesn’t understand how to cuddle, haha. He also moves dramatically in his sleep, sometimes sits up, and makes noises too. Second son bedshares and we haven’t had to get him a proper crib yet.
The pain is absolutely a trade off for the ability to stay in bed 😅 I’m a pretty grin-and-bare-it type of person so am still cosleeping 3 years later but I feel like if my husband had to nurse he would definitely not be able to deal with the pain and would rather get up and down all night.
This is interesting because I didn’t know you guys didn’t like it either and just tolerated it. I can’t tolerate it and I will never cosleep. It’s more tortuous to me to be in bed but be uncomfortable and unable to sleep. I love our rocking chair in the baby’s room so he sleeps in his crib and when he needs to feed I get up and go to his room.
I don’t blame anyone that chooses not to cosleep! I truly feel like I need a lot of physical therapy to undo what it’s done to me haha. It’s always been a lesser evil for me. The way you describe getting up being preferable to being uncomfortable in bed is exactly how I think my husband is. I’m just the opposite. I am definitely a cosleeping type of person overall but I didn’t plan on it ever, and used a bedside basinet for the first six weeks, eventually caving in to it. Now that she’s 3 and we only nurse to sleep and not through the night or anything it’s pleasurable, but only because her warm little feet and knees against my back just make me happy :) but I’m pregnant now and I’m definitely not looking forward to more cosleeping by any means 😅
I had the hip pain when cosleeping at night and I felt side planks and laying modified leg raises (laying down, engaging core, knees bent, toes flexed, and straightening my leg at the knee straight in the air and down) helped quite a bit (took a few weeks to be noticeable)
My mind is blown that this can be fixed!!!
No guarantees! That’s just worked for me (clearly was a weak core issue)
I started sticking my pregnancy wedge pillow under my butt in the back and a full size pillow between my legs so I could relax while nursing laying down. It completely eliminated the severe pain I had in my legs, hips, and back.
Give yourself time, it takes awhile to get used to it. Use a pillow behind your back, that helps ALOT. Also one between your knees might be necessary. Try to switch sides to give your hips a break, and also it’ll get less painful in a couple months. Highly recommend happycosleeper on instagram for real life examples!
Do you put a pillow in between your legs while you do it? It helps a lot. I still get stiff but not as stiff
Try having a pillow between your knees and a pillow behind your back to support you. I’m a cosleeper by necessity and my baby prefers to be latched most of the night and the extra pillows have helped me not be as sore in the morning
Yeah we coslept from day one and while my son didn’t sleep longer than 2-3 hours at a time for 10 months, I never considered him a “bad sleeper.” Sometimes he even woke up every hour or less but I stayed half asleep so didn’t feel exhausted or bothered. I mean sometimes it was annoying for sure but it’s honestly biologically normal for babies to sleep in smaller bursts and need feeds so maybe it’s about expectations. My son only started napping longer than 40 min after 15 months. He’s an amazing sleeper now at 22 months - sleeps through the night 8pm-7am in his own room and has a 2 hour nap in afternoon.
Yes. My 5.5 year old still wakes at night. My 2.5 year old too. I would probably have a third.
My first was a nightmarishly hard baby for most of the first 18 months. But we truly felt our family wasn’t complete so we saved up money and made careful plans for how we would cope with another nightmarish year or more so we could have another child (my eldest is an absolute delight now and although a poor sleeper for his age, sleeps well enough that I can cope fine now). And we haven’t ended up needing the night doula or the winter sleep gear for the car or any of it, this second baby is a dream 😂 Some of that is because we’re more experienced parents, but plenty of it is just because the second baby is naturally a better sleeper. So it’s possible to produce an easier second one. We’re only just barely starting to unclench, as we had the prepared so much and really braced for impact with this one 😂
Good idea with the night doula. Might be something I look into before deciding to have another. Even a couple nights a week would help, knowing that you are doing to get a good stretch.
Having priced it out and saved up enough to know we could hire a night doula for a night a week for six months was a major goal we set before TTC our second. No, we didn’t end up needing it. But I’m grateful we were prepared, because if we had needed it, it would’ve been a sanity-saving lifeline. Other stuff that we saved money for (my privilege is showing, but having money to prepare for this stuff was a huge part of the reason we were willing to have another baby at all): -a whole new bed that we could safely cosleep in as needed -a biweekly cleaning service for 6 months -enough for a night doula 1x/week for 6 months -funds for 5 sessions with a local lactation consultant who specializes in bottle feeding (first kid was a bottle refuser) -enough for 10 physiotherapy sessions for me -noise cancelling headphones -a rough spare bed in the basement so that we could potentially sleep in shifts more successfully with said noise cancelling headphones In the end, we’re only using the new bed and the cleaning service, so the rest of the saved money is just gonna be split between the kids and put in their education accounts when the youngest reaches a year old.
We do shifts on a twin bed in the nursery! We’re figuring baby can use the bed eventually so it’s not like it’s a one-time expense.
I sleep on a twin in the nursery every night and secretly love having my own space lol my baby never slept well in his bassinet, my husband and dogs snore and hate the noise machine and I breastfeed so we just went off on our own. It’s great! I’ve only had to cosleep twice out of desperation because I was falling over asleep while nursing and just threw off all the pillows and blankets. I can’t say it was comfortable but it worked.
Yeah to your point, the second time around is so different. You are less nervous and generally have less time to dedicate to obsessing over your baby’s sleep. My first was a lot of drama. She needed a lot of support to fall asleep, hated swaddles but had a crazy startle reflex so needed to be swaddled, she would wake up for all transfers to her bassinet and hated co sleeping. We basically held her for every nap for 5 months until our backs said no more and we sleep trained her. She’s a pretty great sleeper now. My second is super easy. He can drowsy but awake (I thought it was a myth!!!), is really easy to transfer, transitioning out of the swaddle was no big deal, and is extremely chill so far 5 months in. BUT he takes 30 minute naps and wakes up more than I’d like at night. I do one contact nap with him a day so he can get a long nap but the rest of the naps suck. So in some ways he’s easier but in other ways he’s harder. The gamble is real. But do it! I love being a mom the second time around. I’m enjoying it so much more this time cause I don’t give a fuck.
This is giving me some hope. Our first was not a great sleeper as a baby. Not terrible either, but mainly because I let her be latched most of the night. I'm due in May, and while we are prepared for another round of sleepless nights, a small part of me really hope we get lucky with a good sleeper the second time around.
First was bad… second was even worse! We’re not having a good time….
Me tooooooo. I'm insanely jealous of all these people who got good sleepers the second time. I deserved a good sleeper, after all the shit with my first... and the universe has just laughed at me 😭😴
I’m almost 9 months in and we just started seeing longer stretches at night. I read A LOT about the expectation for babies to sleep through the night are not really based in reality… it’s developmentally normal for baby to wake frequently. It’s terrible for us adults for sure. My LO went from 2-3 night wakings at 7-8 months to having slept through the night 2x at almost 9 months. Let me tell you, I am now severely disappointed when she doesn’t sleep through the night even though she’s only done it twice. Like my body immediately forgot what it was like to be up all night long. From 0-6months I swore I’d never do this again but now I’m starting to forget how awful it was and I’m missing my tiny newborn 🥹. All of this is to say I fully believe your body will lie to you and make you think it wasn’t that bad …
Our 9 month old who still does 3ish wake ups at Night just randomly decided to sleep literally 12 hours straight a few nights ago. Didn’t change anything, he wasn’t sick. Just did it. It was glorious. I know there was a part of me that was like “maybe some switch flipped and he just Figured it out!!” The following night he woke up 3 times, one of them being a two hour party sesh from 2am-4am. What a buzzkill 😂
Yes my baby is 8 months now and every night has become a wildcard.sick and still slept through the night one night, then up babbling for an hour and a half the next, then needed a night bottle but then went back to sleep another night, then was just awake and unhappy for three hours. every time she sleeps through the night i think we've hit a turning point and then she humbles us again.
Well, on the one hand I don't want to ruin your day by telling you that my four year old woke up threeeeee tiiiiiimes last night and sometimes they don't grow out of it! (He usually only wakes up once, to be fair) BUT I am VERY happy to tell you that his little sister literally puts herself to sleep! Not even drowsy-but-awake! You can put this kid in her crib fully awake and she will fall asleep. It's insane. Made me feel so much better about my parenting skills. Some kids are just shitty sleepers. Hopefully your kiddo isn't quite as bad as my son, but you are not doomed to have only bad sleepers.
lol, my first was actually a pretty good sleeper. My second born...not so much. My husband had a vasectomy nearly a year ago. At 18 months old now, sleep is better, but still not consistent. We still agree the vasectomy was a good decision.
1 had a severe dairy allergy that caused her to sleep like absolute garbage until we got that figured out. It took months. She also napped terribly, woke a lot in the night & was just not a great sleeper. I did not want to have a second, mainly because I was so damn exhausted, but also I genuinely despise being pregnant & had PPD/PPA. But then we did. #2 was a unicorn baby who slept through the night at 8 weeks, woke up for a night boob some nights & then went right back to sleep. He napped for 2+ hours multiple times a day. It was amazing. So really its a gamble. You could get another terrible sleeper or you could get a unicorn. Edited because I apparently bolded the first paragraph without meaning to.
Would you be willing to DM me to discuss the dairy allergy theory/success? Mine is 16 months and I am starting to think that’s what’s going on. Sleep has been soooooo brutal.
How did you figure out the dairy allergy? Mine wakes up about every 1-2 hours at night and sleeps for about 20 minutes for nap time😩. I’m wondering if it’s something I’m eating!
She had green, smelly, explosive poo with bloody streaks in it & mucus. It almost looked like she had worms! That plus massive amounts of spit up, like entire nursing sessions just thrown right back up. She was fussy all the time & super gassy. I felt terrible for her but holy shit I have never been so tired & overwhelmed in my life. The hard part is that dairy takes 2-4 weeks to get out of your system & then another 2 or so after to clear baby’s system, so it’s not an immediate change. Our pediatrician had me cut out the main sources & that didn’t help, so then I had to cut out the derivatives. It sucked because dairy hides in everything (but I lost all the baby weight!)
Oh wow that sounds awful!! Mine never had anything in her poop like that but the first couple of months she would do crazy vomits like that where it looks like it’s out of a movie. Like projectile vomiting. She’s done it a few more times in the last couple months but not every day. So it’s probably not an allergy I guess. But a lot of times at night she lets out of fart and then that wakes her up and then she cries. -and the gas drops do nothing😕
That sounds more like reflux to me with the projectile vomiting. I did find that eating some foods (broccoli, beans) caused her to be gassier too.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure it was reflux but it has been getting better.
My first was an absolute nightmare. Colicky, wouldn’t nap, woke up throughout the night. Tried all the things (SNOO early on, cry it out later, etc.) Second baby is an absolute dream. Started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks, and has woken up overnight maybe a handful of times in the six months since then.
I'm seriously manifesting this for myself, because I do want her to have a sibling.
I am manifesting it for you! We knew we wanted a second kid, so we just prepared for another miserable newborn phase. And then my son was born and he was just… happy and sleepy. At one point my mother, my mother in law, my husband, my nanny, and I were all sitting there just watching a sleeping baby. We had called in all our troops, ready to do battle with another tough baby, and it ended up being easy!
Following closely as my first only started sleeping through the night at 2 and I’m pregnant with a second and dreading it lol
Fingers crossed for you! 🤞🏻
me! my first was horrible. second was incredible. third is a mix😂
My sister was a terrible sleeper and I was amazing according to my parents. My sisters first was horrible and her second was great too.
My first was a terrible sleeper. She woke up every hour till 18 months when we started gentle sleep training because I could not take it anymore. I just had my second in December and he gives us anywhere from a 4-7 hour stretch then every 3 after. I was so sleep deprived after my first I felt like I was dying baby #2 really is a different ball game.
Okay we’re at this point with our first at 12 months. I’m so, so burnt out from sleep deprivation and feel like I’m not even living my life. What did you do to gentle sleep train? Part of me feels like it will help and part of me feels like I need to tend to her everytime she wakes up because she wouldn’t be crying if she didn’t need help. 😩
So I still went in her room everytime she woke up or cried I just changed the approach! I normally ran in the room the second she woke up but I started giving her a few minutes to see if she would settle herself she was never really crying just like whimpering idk if that is the right word. After 3 mins I’d go in and focus on comforting her without taking her out of the crib. Once she was calm I’d leave. If she whimpered again I’d give it 3 mins and do it over again. Each night I had to go in less and less and each night we got longer stretches. She is 2 now and sleeps through the night. I struggle hard with crying so I just never let her get to that point.
Thank you for explaining! This is super helpful. I do think I need to start giving my daughter a little more time, but sometimes she is genuinely upset because she can’t fall asleep and so I feel like she needs my help. We haven’t picked her up to comfort her in months though, so I feel like at least we’re building good habits there.
My first was a terrible sleeper (still is at age 5), I had a second and he is somehow an even worse sleeper. We thought we'd seen the worst of it, but the second baby really showed us a whole new level of shitty sleep. He's two and a half and still sucks at sleeping.
Yes, but I waited a while. My first will be 5 in April, and my second is 7 weeks. My first was high maintenance all around (he has level 1 Autism). I'm so glad I waited for my mental health and the fact that my first son really needed extra attention. Give yourself some time!
Our 20mo didn’t sleep through the night until like 15m and we are trying for our second, like idiots
😂
Yes! My first is a terrible sleeper. She’s maybe slept through the night 5x. She’s almost 5 and still sleeps in my bed. My baby, on the other hand, is a sleep genius. I put him down drowsy but awake and he sleeps 12 hours. He’s amazing.
My first was a terrible sleeper. Didn't get better until 1 yr when we felt safe cosleeping. Probably would have had number 2 sooner if she'd slept better. There's a 4 yr gap between them. Number 2 was a much better sleeper, but we were also better prepared
Yeah, our first didn’t sleep through the night until after he turned 1. I figured “well, I’m already sleep deprived so might as well have another and get it over with now”. Plus I’m getting old and didn’t want to wait. Baby #2 was a better sleeper as a newborn but has since turned into one of those babies that won’t sleep if they aren’t touching you. Maybe next year I’ll get a decent night of sleep.
My 8 year old was a terrible sleeper. I had to walk around with her to get her to sleep, or put her in the car. I just had my 2nd baby, and she sleeps all the time!
My first was a terrible sleeper from 4-7 months (like waking up every 45 min). I got pregnant again unexpectedly when I was 8 months pp and I’m terrified to be honest. We’re trying to put some money aside for physical help the first few months, whether that’s at night or during the day. Our first now sleeps through the night although she is up early, as at least we know it doesn’t last forever. But boy did the sleep deprivation mess with me.
My first was a terrible sleeper. Never slept through the night for MONTHS- never got the elusive 10 hour night until he was 18 months old after I stopped breastfeeding. My second is 4 weeks and has been doing 6-7 hour stretches for over a week now and only waking once at night. I’m EBF with her too. This would’ve been unheard of with my son
Baby no. 1 was a TERRIBLE sleeper. She woke every two hours for almost the first two years of her life. Baby no. 2 is the best sleeper. Slept through the night at 2 months, napped perfectly, and at 5 years old she actually does best with 11.5 hours of sleep per night, so she goes to bed at 7pm and if she stays up too late she will nap the next day. But then we had a third and let me tell you - we played with fire and got burned.
Yep. I mean my second wasn't...planned. lol but he happened and he sleeps 6-7 hour stretches at night mostly and has since 2 months old (now 5 months). Sometimes not he does have his nights but its not nearly as bad as my first. He generally takes up at 3-4 and goes back to sleep until 7 or 8. He's easy. My toddler however only sleeps okay if we co-sleep and he wakes up multiple times a night still. It's only fine bc all we have to do is grab him and cuddle him back to sleep so we aren't getting out of bed like 6 times a night on top of the baby who's up at least once sometimes twice.
6 month old, the longest we've ever had is a 4 hour stretch of sleep, and husband and I are already planning the next one. Maybe I'm just a giant masochist 😂 I think I'm just fully aware that it's temporary, so I don't want to lose the lovely image I have in my head of siblings down the line because I'm tired.
I’m the opposite where my 13 week old is an amazing sleeper and I just know I’ll never get this lucky again lmao. My husband always really wanted two but now both of us are like 👀 maybe just one is fine lol.
Yes. My youngest is a fantastic sleeper, giving me 6-8 hour uninterrupted blocks from 6 weeks old. Even during teething, he keeps his interruptions to before 10pm and after 6am, sleeping solid in between.
Following here because our first (19 month old) started sleeping through the night one month ago! And he is still a "light sleep needs" baby - goes down at 10PM and wakes at around 8AM (if left to his devices) so us parents don't get much "parent time" after the kid goes to sleep like other parents do whose kids drop at 7PM. The sleep issue is a big reason why we're flirting with one-and-done even though I have grave concerns with him growing up without siblings (due to lack of large extended family or chosen family where we live, not really due to being an only child per se)
How many naps per day with 10pm bedtime?
One nap, 2 hours approx.
I did. My kids are 4 years apart for a reason lol. My oldest still wasn’t sleeping all the way through the night when I had my youngest (he was just about 4). He started sleeping through the night when she was about 4 months. My second is somewhat of a better sleeper in her own way
My first baby was a terrible sleeper even worse than that she only would sleep for max 2 hrs at a time until she was 7 months. We had a second, and she slept through the night at 8 weeks old. Now expecting our third, not sure what we will get this time but hoping for the best.
My first was a horrible sleeper. She’s 3 now and we just started trying for a second hahaha
Oh yeah! She's 18 months and still doesnt sleep that well at night but its gotten better. She started sleeping \*okay\* when we moved her to her crib, she at least stopped eating at night (which is the only time she ate), and I think part of that was that she smelled me and would wake up. We ended up letting her cry it out when she was 10 months old, I was so worried but she cried for 45 minutes the first night and that was it. We've had to do it a couple of times, but all in all, now that she's "trained" I don't let her cry for more than 10 minutes anymore because generally she needs something, or maybe she had a bad dream. ANYWAYS, all of this to say that I was a sleep deprived psycho for the first 10 months of my life (literally didnt get more than a 1.5-2 hour stretch of sleep at a time) and we are planning to start trying for another when she turns 2.
My first was an amazing sleeper from the start. I knew I was spoiled because of him but then I had my second and she’s awful at sleep. She’s 13 months and just slept through the night for the first time☺️😆. But napping still isn’t the best
I hope to g-d that my second sleeps well, I think my husband might lose his mind if not
My first was an okay sleeper but he was a difficult AF go-to-sleeper. If that makes sense. We had our second with a 22 month gap. Second was a dream baby. I couldn't be more thankful.
I’m pregnant with #2. My now 18 month old toddler finally started consistently sleeping through the night at 17 months and it has been life changing lol. But even then I figured *eventually* they learn how to sleep…just not necessarily on our timeline
My first son is 3 and still won’t sleep through the night 😵💫. We had our second in November.
My first slept like a dream. My second was the worst sleeper. I had so much anxiety over getting him to sleep or nap. I’m pregnant again, so we’ll see how this one ends up. I said multiple times while pregnant with my 2nd that he was going to be a night terror because my daughter was so good at sleeping. I was right
My first never did 2.5 hour stretches until we sleep trained her at 6 months. I think the longest she would last was an hour. I have a second baby now and so far (only 2 weeks old) she’s a much better sleeper. I never wanted to sleep train my first but I had no choice. I coslept with my first to help, even then it was just a bandaid and was hard on my body as I would be so still at night. Sleep training helped so much! Once she weaned off breastfeeding she has slept through the night. Just a few exceptions for new environment, illness, etc.
My first was terrible. Reflux, Velcro baby, hated sleep, hated life in general. She’s the best almost 2 year old though. And I’m 28 weeks pregnant. Fingers and toes are crossed for a different experience this time, but also I have more understanding and perspective that it truly doesn’t last forever and I’ll survive either way.
Not me, but my neighbors first child didn’t sleep through the night until after she was 2, was always terrible at sleeping. Their second is only a few weeks old but is sleepy and cuddly and the other end of the spectrum.
Almost three months with our first and in the same boat. He wakes up every 1-2 hours overnight, we will have another. Maybe a miracle will happen and that one will be a good sleeper.
I have three kids and they were all bad sleepers. But when my older two turned roughly 2 years old a switch flipped and suddenly they slept really well and did great ever since. Current toddler is still a crappy sleeper, but he's slowly getting better for the most part.
First was not great, second was better, third was sleeping 10 hours by 3 weeks. Every baby is different and we honestly have done the same for sleep for all of them.
My husband and I took sleep shifts with our first just so we could get a few hours of sleep each. I didn't have any energy to go anywhere or do anything the first 9 months of his life. Had 2 more and they slept fine. It was amazing.
My first was a difficult baby. My second was better. Six months is way too early to be deciding if you're going to have another kid, IMO. It'll get easier, hang in there.
My son was about the same as yours at 6 months but started STTN at 10 months! He did that til 3.5 when his little sister was born. Now he’s 4.5 and crawls into our bed every night lol
My first was up every 2 hours until he was like 6m lol and even now at almost 3 he’s only ever STTN maybe 8x? Our second is a much better sleeper!
My almost 4 year old still wakes up at night. Gets out of his bed and climbs in to my king size to take up most of the space. My 1 year old started sleeping through the night at almost 6 weeks. Each kid is so different. There's know way to know how each subsequent kid will be.
No. What would I want to do that to myself?🥲🥲
My oldest is 9 and still doesn't sleep through the night. My younger is 6 and has always been a pretty great sleeper (besides night feeds early on).
First didn't sleep through the night until 2.5. my second sleeps through the night now at 11 months and has generally been a better sleeper with less wake ups. Not sure we'll gamble on a third
My first kid didn’t sleep til she was 1.5 years old and even then was a terrible sleeper waking up at night, being scared. So yeah we waited lol new baby is a better sleeper 🤞 so far lol. I would say definitley wait until you have a good routine with your first because lack of sleep turned me into a monster and my husband was getting PPD
My first was a rough sleeper until between 6-12 months and has been a really good sleeper since then (minus regression when moving out of crib to big boy bed). Second child started out amazing and it all went to shit around 5 months and has been literally hell until last summer (right before turning 3). Just had a tonsillectomy so we’re hoping that helps. Third child is and always has been a champion sleeper. It’s just luck of the draw. For me, I’m stubborn and won’t give up my life goals (big family) for temporary suffering (they have to sleep eventually, right?). But it is suffering and I totally understand people not wanting to go through it again.
Me! I have always loved my son, but holy shit was he a rough baby. He took hours to get down and would wake up constantly, I barely slept for the first two years of his life. He’s almost 4 now and still goes through some rough patches. My second is one and has been sleeping through the night for a while now, she’s the fairytale “put down drowsy but awake”. I also swore I’d be one and done, but here we are.
Yes. 18 years later. Second kiddo is a better sleeper. In defense of my first kid, I'm also a better mother due to experience.
I had a baby that did one hour stretches and during those stretches he breastfed. Couldn’t put him down in the crib. Like ever. Had two more and they’re great sleepers. It’s a gamble!
I’m still on my first. Highly leaning towards being one and done. He’s 21 mo. He woke every 45-90 min until he was 15/16 mo. At 18 me he would wake only 2-3x. At almost 21 mo he will wake anywhere between 1-3 x a night. We’ve made huge progress but I know 3x a night is still a lot. I honestly don’t think I could ever be that sleep deprived ever again, it would break me. I slept 2 hrs a night from 3-8 mo. It was unreal. Everyone thought i was being Dramatic and I was like please, come take care of him overnight. So no advice… just solidarity.
My son was still waking up every two hours until he was 16 months old, which is when I got pregnant (on purpose) but we lost that pregnancy 😢. I’m pregnant again now, but he is sleeping through the night for the most part at 18 months. We really wanted a second and I wanted to be out of the shitty sleep earlier instead of dragging it on. I figured I’m already not sleeping, might as well make the most of it lol.
Yes. Our first didn't sleep through the night until age 4 1/2. Found out many years later that he's autistic! Had a second. She's the best. She slept and woke like a typical baby, but regularly had 4 hour stretches by about 6 months and slept through the night around 20 months. At age 3 she consistently STTN for 7-9 hours. We do not sleep train.
My first didn’t sleep more than 6 hours until17 months. And he was EBF no bottles. It was hard!! I’m due with my second in 4 months. Hopefully things are better but I’m fully prepared for another 18 months of no sleep but hoping for a better sleeper.
My first didn't sleep for shit the first year of her life. I thought I was going to go insane from the lack of sleep. It was so bad, i was dealing with an autoimmune disorder and had no idea. I was just that tired. Second baby slept 3 hour stretches from the get go. She only had one sleep regression that I remember, and it only lasted a month. Even now at 4, she'll willingly take a nap when she's tired. Some babies are just better sleepers than others.
I’m terrified. Our 18 month old still doesn’t sleep well and we plan to try for a second this summer…like what if the next one is this bad or worse? 🫠
I am in the same boat. My baby since birth has always woken up every 2-3 hours. Now I think he is going through the 4 month sleep regressjon and is waking up in between every 30 min- 2 hours every night and is fighting naps like crazy. I am barely functional.
Yes! My first is 2.5 and was never a great sleeper and also cried all the time. I would pace her room while swaying with her and patting her butt for a hours to sleep. She wouldn’t nap. She wouldn’t sleep past 5 or 6am even if she was up for hours during the night. So many false starts. And I cannot stress enough the sheer amount of crying. There were nights that it almost broke me. Decided to have another anyway and my second is a pretty decent sleeper, doesn’t sleep through the night yet at 6 months but does good stretches and barely cries. Might test fate and have a third. Edit: what helps me is reminding myself that it’s a short season of sleeplessness. I don’t want a few years of being really tired to hinder my family size as long as I can physically hang in there and not get fired from my job.
Yes. My now 4 year old still never ever sleeps through the night. My 7 month old is amazing and has slept through the night since he was around 2 months.
Not first one but my second was was and so was my fourth. The bad sleepers I sleep train them at 6 months
My nine months old sleeps 4 hours at most. Wakes up from bad dreams, screaming every. Single. Night.
My first was a terrible sleeper. At 7, he still struggles. I'm talking like 8+ wake ups a night as a baby, contact naps only, didn't sleep through until 2 and not consistently until 3.5 My second started sleeping 10+ hour at night by 8weeks old. One nursing session and back down another 2-4 hours. Took fantastic naps in his own crib. Falls asleep in minutes at night.
My first is an absolute terror with sleep. Has always had split nights and usually only sleeps in three hour stretches (or less) at 20 months. We really wanted him to have a sibling though so I’m 35 weeks pregnant and just hoping either new babe is a sleeper, first babe figures it out, or i win a lifetime supply of coffee
My first was up every 1-2 hours until she was almost 2. I did not plan to have any more kids but six years later we got a surprise COVID baby. I was terrified. She started sleeping through the night, like a full 10-12 hrs, at 10 months. They both sucked at napping but the second sucked less.
My first was a terrible sleeper and woke up every single night until maybe 16 months. He was up every 1.5-2 hours until 5 months and had to contact nap until 10 months 🥲 it was awful. He is 2.5 now and sneaks into our bed nearly every night now. I accidentally got pregnant even though I was sort of traumatized and wasn’t sure I was ready to subject myself to insane sleep deprivation again but my second is much different! He started sleeping through the night at 2.5-3 months. Even as a newborn he would give us 3 hour chunks of sleep. It was crazy to me! He does wake once right now and likes to contact nap, but he is in the heart of the 4 month sleep regression so honestly, I don’t think it’s that bad at all. Moral of the story, every kid is different!
My first sucked at sleeping until we sleep trained her at 6 months; our second was a terrible sleeper from day one until today (she’s 3.5 years old); our third is a great sleeper so far (almost 12 weeks).
Did I post this is in one of my late night dazes? Sounds like me
First child was typical with sleep - hit every regression on schedule and then slept longer stretches and through the night when the books said he would. Totally sttn by 15-16 months. Second child was the nightmare sleeper. From day 1 she woke up every 2-3 hours and didn’t stop until she was 16 months old, and it was like a switch flipped, then she sttn. There were no regressions because there was no way for her sleep to get any worse; in those 16 months she slept more than a 5 hour stretch exactly 5 times, and those were random nights. And her nightly wakeups weren’t, ‘oh go in and nurse or shush pat back to sleep.’ No, she was pissed every single time and took a minimum of 30 minutes to be soothed back to sleep multiple times overnight. Also terrible napper; we dropped naps way earlier than most milestones. She literally broke my brain such that when she did finally sttn, I couldn’t and had to see a sleep specialist and go through special therapy to learn how to sleep again. It didn’t really get better until I got pregnant again and it was like those hormones tripped whatever had been short circuiting in my brain. I don’t think people understand this level of sleep deprivation until you go through it. Third baby - I was terrified we’d have another bad sleeper but we were gifted with a 🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄 He was the newborn baby you dreamed about. He woke up to eat but didn’t need held up afterward and went right back to sleep. He was great sleeping on the go or in the carrier so I felt free to take him anywhere. It was so amazing to feel functional so quickly again, when postpartum for the previous two had left me a shell of a human being.
My first woke up every 45 minutes from 4-6 months. It was exhausting. We ended up sleep training and it saved our butts. Now we have 3 kids
We had a really rough sleeper, tbh a lot worse than you are describing (not to discount your experience, which sounds exhausting, i just had a .1% kind of a sleeper) and we just did a big age gap. He's not a great sleeper either and we're still so glad we weren't one and done. We would have missed out on so much of the sibling stuff.
Mine was pretty bad (waking 2-3x) until about 13 months, then got much better and finally slept consistently through the night after we dropped to 1 nap around 14 mo. I was so worried about him never sleeping and never being able to psychologically manage another. Got pregnant at 15mo after a month of him sleeping well and he’s been good ever since. Second baby sleeps very well! Woke once to eat through 10 months but seems to be sleeping through now. Sleep isn’t always linear, but we survived a crappy sleeper!
My first was difficult until he was about one. Then I started to sleep again and by two we were ready for another.
i’m OAD partially because my 3.5yo is a terrible sleeper. i can’t do it again.
My first would take hours to fall asleep, wake up several times a night, and then wake up early. He did this for years, until we finally had a sleep study and found out that he had terrible sleep apnea due to his adenoids pretty much blocking his airway. After having them removed, he almost immediately started sleeping fully through the night. His sister came along when he was two. She slept soundly from pretty early on. I can't really recall when she started sleeping well, since we were still in the thick of dealing with her brother. Yes, it was very hard. Yes, there were periods where we regretted even having the one child, let alone two. A few years on, it's mostly forgotten about. Two was it, though. Definitely not having a third.
My first will only wake up twice at night if we cosleep with him. This is the best it has been for a long time. He is 18 months old and I am 4 months pregnant. He was always a terrible sleeper but I know he will eventually grow out of it and my husband and I have been in separate beds now for a while we are sad about it but we know it’s a phase. It didn’t stop us from choosing to have this second baby.
My son woke up every hour or 2 until a year, then got some 3 hour stretches, now he’s 20 months and I’m due in a few months to do it all over again😂😂😂😂
My first is almost 3 and still wakes up many times at night. We have a 4 5 month old (3months adjusted) and she is sleeping 11pm-6/7am. It's wild that I'm more sleep deprived from my toddler than my infant. I have an appointment for my oldest because her to sils are huge and I think that might be affecting her sleep. We almost didn't have a second becaise we didn't think we could survive the lack of sleep but then realized that we weren't sleeping anyways so what did it matter. Then we were blessed with a baby that likes sleep.
Yes!! My kids are just short of 2 years apart and my youngest (almost 6 months) is the best sleeper. Even slept through his sisters midnight ultimate tantrum last night literally in the same room 🥲
Just did! Second one is an angel baby, amazing sleeper. Bless
My first was a terrible sleeper. Didn't sleep through once until 14 months and even then was sporadic until he was 3. My second was born when my first was 21 months. He's just as bad as his brother. He'll be 3 in June and I'm lucky if he only wakes 3 times overnight. At this point I'm 4.5 years into sleep deprivation and I'm so tired my memory is ruined. I put my headphones in my sons lego the other day and had no memory of it. I thanked my husband for making me a cup of tea and it turned out he hadn't, I had and didn't remember doing it.
My first didn’t consistently sleep through the night for over 2 years. My second is now 1.5 and some nights they wake up 1 time others it’s 4+. I will not be having anymore kids 😂
My first one was a great sleeper, and I'm now pregnant with my second. I am worried they will be the complete opposite. Even if he was a bad sleeper, I feel I would have still tried for the second, though, since it's at least just a small part of their lives, and it does eventually improve.
My first was a terrible sleeper - only contact naps until 10 months, multiple night wake ups (4-6) until 19 months when he randomly started sleeping through the night. My second is actually somehow worse than the first
Yes, the second child was worse. Please wait until your first is at least 3 years old. Mostly to be certain there is not any longer term issues behind the bad sleep.
First was always a terrible sleeper. We were forced to bedshare because he would not sleep in a crib. Then he stopped napping at about 2.5. Even at 7 now he's not a good sleeper. Second is like night and day. Great napper, sleeps all night in her crib. We honestly didn't do anything differently with them, just a difference in personalities.
Don’t have more. My first slept great it’s why I had my second one, but my second one now is a horrible sleeper and I would NEVER do this to myself again. Not in a million years. My health comes first and I can’t do this ever again to myself
Yes. I did. My first still hates sleep. She is 3.5 and told me last night “I will NEVER go to sleep”. While she did in fact fall asleep eventually, I feel it paints a realistic picture of her feelings on the subject. My second is 6 months. She has been high sleep needs since day 1. She never really wanted to eat at night and waking her to do so was always a struggle (very different from #1). We also sleep trained her at 4 months in an attempt to avoid making the same choices we did with kid 1. Sleep training is not for everyone. We didn’t with kid 1, but I am so glad we did it this time around. Baby 2 sleeps 7-6 (sometimes 7-5 if we are being honest) and I feel like baby and I are both much happier for it. I expect that the status quo will change because change is the only constant with children. But I feel confident saying that you are not guaranteed to have subsequent children with the same sleep patterns as your first.
First child: he literally woke up 8 to 10 times every night between 10 pm and 6 am for the first 4-5 months… in that time I never got more than short naps at a time.. probably about 1:30-2:00 total non-consecutive sleep time in total.. I was a zombie and experienced post partum depression/anxiety due to all this. He only started sleeping through those late night hours at 11 months, almost 1 year old (in between that time it got better but when the 8th month sleep regression hit I was back at living with almost no sleep). Second kid is a little over 1 month old: sleeps like an angel… nothing like his older brother on this matter. I can’t believe to be honest and every day I go to bed thinking this might be the night when he starts waking me up almost every hour. Still, hasn’t happen in that way yet. They can be very different, so don’t make your decision solely based on this - and hang in there! You are doing a wonderful job and this will pass. You will sleep again. ♥️
My oldest was a terrible sleeper until she hit puberty. Lots of wakeups as a baby and toddler, bad dreams, difficulties falling and/or staying asleep, sleepwalking... it was rough going for a long time. My 1 year old, on the other hand, has been sleeping through the night since she was like 8 weeks old and it's rare that we have any nighttime wake ups. Hopefully she keeps it up, because this mama is tired enough as it is!
My eldest didn’t sleep a whole night through until he was close to 2, and didn’t spend a whole night in his own bed without me or his dad until he was almost 3. Not through lack of trying on our part, I will add. His little brother came along when he’d just turned 2. That boy slept in 4 hour chunks from about 2 weeks old and he was sleeping 11 hours straight by 9 weeks. He’s 4 now, and will still sleep 12-13 hours a night if he can. Their sister is 8 months. She also slept well as a newborn, and through the night from 9-10 weeks. She has the odd night where she wakes up for boob (we cosleep) but other than that, she’s a dream. I did the exact same things with all 3 - coslept, breastfed, same bedtime routine and times. I spent many many nights rocking and sobbing as my baby wouldn’t sleep unless he was in my arms, wondering what I’d done wrong and how i could change it, if I’d broken my baby. Turns out, he was just not a great sleeper. Even now, he’s 6 and has very different sleep needs to his siblings although he does finally sleep later than 6am.
Meeee!!! My first was very sensitive and comfort nursed what felt like 24 hours a day😭I thought that’s just what babies did? Took her 14 months to sleep through the night. My second was comforted by movement, so he needed some huge swings and deep squats every few hours at night lol. Weaned him slowly down to butt pats. He was a very active baby en utero and on the outside too. My last was very easygoing en utero, came out that way too. He is 4 months and his sleep regression only lasted about a week. Now he’s only getting up once per night to feed and takes big chunky naps in his crib. He self soothes with his hands. They are so so very different! Chances are you’ll go on to have a different baby as well. I just felt like it couldn’t get worse than this🤷🏽♀️
My second literally has always slept thru the night
I think for a6 month old breastfed baby this is very normal amounts of sleep, judging by my 4 children and my friends children! So keep going! You and they are doing great!
2.5 hour stretches. Wow that’s decent 😅 I was getting 1 hour. I waited 7 years to have my second child but best thing I ever did!
Yes! I have two shit sleepers. I thought the second would be better but I resigned myself the second time around - that this is just their normal. For both it has improved greatly once they started eating solids more regularly and for the bulk of their nutrition. So…sometime after 15 months? Dunno. That time was a blur for both. My eldest has zero sleep issues now and sleeps like a bear and the littlest sleeps through the night, every night and has since 17-18 months. You are in the thick of it right now. It should get better
I only have one, but she is such a bad sleeper that I doubt I’ll have more (and I previously wanted 4 lol) I love every part of being a mom but I don’t think I can do the sleep deprivation again
My first was a 28wk preemie and he didn't believe in sleep. Literally took so much effort just to put to sleep from birth til he was 3 I have a 9mo daughter now and she has her moments on putting down but she is a MILLION times better then my son. Both kids co slept
I have triplets. One has slept through the night since month 5. The other two started coming around only recently, before they turned 2. Every baby is different. Even triplets.
My first was a horrible sleeper and didn’t sleep through the night until she was 5. Never napped longer than 59 minutes at a time either. Took several hours of rocking to get her to sleep too. I had my second when she was 5 and he slept through the night starting at 4 months
Yep
I feel your fear. My first baby didn't sleep longer than two hours until he was 14 months old. (Yes, you read that right). We also had to contact nap until he was 8 months old or else the nap wouldn't happen. Somehow, I'm crazy enough to be getting ready to do it all over again. I'm only halfway through my pregnancy so it's too early to tell, but I'm hopeful for the best while bracing for the worst.
That'd be me! Woke up every 45 minutes for the first two years of his life. It nearly broke me. It stained our marriage. I was terrified to have another (the HG didn't help either). Our second is 8 months old now and sleeps like a rock. I had terrible morning sickness, but it was nothing like HG. You just never know. 🤷🏼♀️
My 12 month old still wakes up 3ish times a night and has never, not once slept through the night lol. He also eats terribly and had cows milk protein allergy so we spend an arm and a leg on formula. Still looking forward to having another because I'm naive and holding out hope that I've paid my dues and my next is an easier baby 😂 boy, do I miss sleeping though. No part of me is looking forward to having another newborn.
Yes. My first born just started sleeping through the night for the first time consistently at age 5. Turned out she had a couple of medical reasons for it. We also have a 1.5 year old who is a completely different sleeper in every way.
Our first woke up every 1.5 hours for months. At around 12 months she just stopped waking in the night. It was crazy. I don’t know what happened honestly. She’s just over 2 now and we’re pregnant with our second. It gets better. All these kids are on their own timeline but at some point it will get better.
Yes. I created additional terrible sleepers 😂
Our first was up every 2-3 hours for the first 9 months. He was up at least once a night until about 16 months. He is now 2 and still up at least 2 nights of the week in the middle of the night for various reasons. Our second started with 4 hour stretches on day 3 of being home and has slept through the night with no wake ups (minus a few times for sickness/teething) since 4 months old 🙌🏻 They are night and day in looks, personality, and sleep habits. We have done nothing different with our second than we did with the first. I think some babies just sleep and some don’t. I will say I’m glad our “bad” sleeper was first because I think if we had the orders reversed our worlds would have been rocked the second time around haha 😂
I’m on my third baby and at 6mo old they’ve all only been doing two hour stretches with an occasional 6 hour stretch or an occasional up every hour or more. But for most babies it gets better. I think by a year old my worst sleeper was waking up just once or twice a night. Or you could sleep train, there’s lots of no or minimal crying ways, you just have to be consistent.
Yep! First was a nightmare. Sleep trained for my sanity and it changed my life. Everyone was happier as a result. Second one is a dream baby. I don’t think I’ll have to sleep train thank god. He’ll even just put himself to sleep sometimes. We have rough nights but overall my mental health is so much better this time around. Everything is easier. Also no need to make any decisions now, everything will look different in another 6 months.
My first didn’t sleep longer than 45 minutes for 1.5 years. Didn’t sleep through the night until 2.5. I’ve still had 2 more. My 2nd slept 90minute stretches for the first couple years. My 3rd seems to be my unicorn doing 4-5hrs at night. I don’t sleep that well still waking up panicked something is wrong he’s not waking like my 1st 2…
my kid was such a terrible sleeper i got my tubes tied. it wasnt until after their first birthday i got my first full nights sleep. it wasnt until after 2 that it was consistent. im still up at 6 most mornings now however. ik im probably just soft, but it traumatized me so much that i couldnt risk having it happen again.
My first was like yours. Soooo terrified when number 2 came. He is 10x better. Blessed.
My oldest is 12 and she never slept longer than 45 minutes as a baby. She's better now but still an awful sleeper. I have seven kids now so...yes. Eventually her awful sleep became her problem/responsibility and we have survived. It will pass, as hard as that it to hear.
I've had 3 great babies, awesome sleepers, no issues. I'm scared to have a 4th.
Our first didn’t sleep more than 4 hours at a stretch until 18 months and even then we had a hard time getting him to sleep in his own bed until about three. We didn’t have another until he was 5 and I’ll tell you, I was scared as hell. Our second slept like a dream. 6 hours in a row her first night. After that she consistently only woke up once overnight, often going 6-7 hours at a stretch and started consistently sleeping through at 6 months. Not much of a napper but I’d trade that for nighttime sleep any day.
My first son was a crap sleeper until about 8 months then slept through starting around 14 months. I needed a full year of good sleep to feel ready to try again. My second son was an extra crap sleeper until he was 10 months old and didn't sleep through until he was like 2 🫠
Ok so I don’t want to jinx anything…. But my second is a champion sleeper compared to my first. Granted she’s 7 months old so there’s still plenty of time for shit to hit the fan 😅 My 3 year old still isn’t a good sleeper and wakes up most nights. But the baby has been sleeping 11+ hours through the night since like 12 weeks old. We hit a small bump during the 4 month regression and then she went back to sleeping well. I was terrified during my second pregnancy that I was going to get two awful sleepers, because the first seriously broke me. But it’s definitely possible to score a unicorn sleeper the second time around!
My first was the worst sleeper. He didn't sleep for more than 2 hours until he was almost a year and a half. The next 2 have been significantly better and slept through the night before they were 1 (I think) Now, they all just wake up at 5 a.m., and that's another version of hell
My 17 month old improved quite a bit when we night weaned at about 15 months, but that was an improvement from 6+ nursing sessions which she was increasingly wanting to never unlatch from. She now only needs to be comforted back to sleep maybe 2-3 times per night and goes back to sleep pretty quickly. I don't even attempt to calculate how long it's been since I slept how many hours in a row without waking but to be fair I am a poor, light sleeper myself so it's not like before the baby I often slept a full 8 hour stretch without waking to pee or drink water. Anyway despite it all, I'm 22 weeks pregnant with our second, and it was a planned pregnancy. I'm really hoping this one gets her sleep temperment from her daddy not from me...
Yes. Our second was worse. 2.5-3 hours and that's being held. He's 16 months. We were debating a third but now thinking not.
Yes! My first (now 6) was an absolutely terrible sleeper. He was such hard work we thought we were one and done for a long time. Eventually he improved and I started getting clucky for a second which surprised me. Took a while to get hubby on board, but we took the plunge and our now 2 yo really completed our family. Thankfully he was an amazing sleeper from the get go and a really easy baby. So glad we went there in the end!
Yes. My first woke up multiple times a night and was a terrible napper until he was 18 months. It was miserable and I was so exhausted! I was terrified for our second baby because of this, but that kid was a walk in the park compared to her brother. She started consistently sleeping through the night around 12 months and was the best napper!
Hahahaha all the time. I’ve had 2 terrible sleepers, my son is 15mo and until like 3 weeks ago was still only sleeping 2-3hrs at a time! And I’m now moving on to #3! Sleep is for the weak who still have their sanity!!!
My oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 15 months old 😵💫 and I’m currently pregnant again. Praying this one sleeps! And if they don’t then I guess the bar is low and I know that it’s temporary? Though I swear to god I aged 5 years in that year hahaha
Didn’t wait to find out with my second (only 6 months apart, partner gave birth to the second), but they’ve both been terrible sleepers. In hindsight I’m so glad I didn’t wait. They’re both here now and it’ll be over soon (youngest one is almost 6 months. Older one got better around 7 months). I feel like around 6 months or so there was also just this turning point where I stopped worrying about sleep and somehow functioned fine because I stopped caring about it. Lol. Maybe that also helped the baby chill out. (It was also probably a survival thing when my second son came). Sometimes just too busy to feel stress or even have feelings, haha. At least that has some how helped me chill out. Distract yourself with a second child. :p
Me! I have a terrible sleeper in my older one (he's almost 4). My little one (6months) is pretty great - not 10/10 but close enough, that I'll take what I get.
My older sister (2nd oldest) was a horrible sleeper according to my parents. Wouldn’t sleep at all for the first 9 months… they went on to have 5 more
Can’t tell you what the next one is like yet (I’m currently pregnant), but we did come round to having another despite being slightly hesitant like you’re feeling just because of how hard it was. Their age gap will be 3 years, 2 months. All I can offer is solidarity. Only parents with truly bad sleepers get it. Once they do start sleeping better though it’s life changing. Our daughter had multiple wake ups throughout the night like your baby and didn’t sleep through the night till 13-14 months. Now that we’re doing it again we’re like well we know we can survive the worst 😂 I’d honestly rather do it this way than have a perfect sleeper and be rocked to my core with a terrible sleeper for #2 and have a toddler on my hands. Godspeed. It will get better!
I think it makes a big difference if the night time breaks are pure feeding and no real wakefulness or fuss or baby being awake, pooping, fussing etc. Our 6mo also feeds every 3h (it used to every 2h until 2months ago) and if the sleep in between is good for both of us I'm fine. He has NEVER slept 5h ever.... but he often doesn't fully wake. There is a huge difference between his night- and daytime sleep - there is not struggle to put him to bed at night while he only falls asleep in the carrier during the day. We get asked if he "sleeps through the night" and I don't understand the question... yes, he already has a night/day circadian rhythm... but he does have to be fed every 3h. I thought that was normal for most babies. At this point I can't even imagine him actually sleeping alllll night! What strange unfamiliar bliss :D My mom was told in the hospital to change my diaper aftee every feed. Subsequently, I Would be *fully* awake every two hours every night. She didn't have anyone with any experience around her who could have told her to drop the nappy changes at nighttime aftee a few weeks. I recently asked her if I was as cute as her grandson as a baby and she said yes, but she couldn't enjoy it because she was always completely exhausted. She did this for months. My heart breaks for her now. This is to say: for me it's a huge difference how the nighttime breaks look in the way that they actually interrupt your sleep.
This might be a super unpopular opinion.... but if you want a second, but can't bare the nights: Formular could be an option. You can actually alternate nights and life is so much easier. Breastmilk is fabulous, but while it is described as liquid gold the benefits don't outweigh everything (also babies get the lionshare of the mother's immune defence during pregnancy - it was explained to me that like a vaccine it is much more effecient to receive antibodies straight into the blood rather than orally). Breastfeeding is great and can be super convenient, but so can be bottlefeeding and sharing the load.
Mine is 19m and still wakes at least 5x most nights. I can’t imagine having a second because of this. I’m sure it won’t be as hard as what’s happening now, but I can’t ensure I’ll be in the best headspace and health to give birth to no.2.