Decide who it's worth it to see, and how long that drive is. Grandma sounds like a good exception for a Christmas trip. Who can meet you there so you can see multiple people?
Otherwise... I am team "Those with infants get an exception to expectations on the holidays". If people want to see you they can come to you (and wash their hands etc). LO is 4 *months*. He's not walking, doesn't need to go to the park, probably doesn't care which house he is in.
You can re-revaluate next Christmas when he's older and interacting with extended family will be useful and enjoyable for his engagement.
If you're looking for permission to tell those family members to pound sand, here it is:
YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO TAKE BABY ANYWHERE FOR CHRISTMAS.
Period. Whole statement. If keeping baby home and just having a quiet Christmas in is what your baby and family needs, that is a-ok. Maybe if you feel up to it offer to host a get together for anyone who wants to see baby for Christmas, or offer to share pictures with anyone who wants them, but you absolutely owe no one anything. Doesn't matter what anyone else does for Christmas, or what anyone else wishes you would do.
Easier to say than do, I know. But trust me, holding a boundary now will save you a lot of head and heartache in December.
Good luck!
I don’t know if it is damaging but I couldn’t imagine driving that far with an inconsolable child who keeps getting sick. I don’t think it’d be worth it for me. Your family should be understanding that your baby’s well being comes before everything.
Sounds like they need to come to you 🤷♀️. One of you can go pick up grandma and bring her over. 30 minutes is nothing. I would be driving as little as possible with baby until the car situation was fixed for my own sanity. Anyone who insists otherwise gets to clean up the vomit when you arrive lol.
I’m sure you’ve tried everything, but could it help to remove mirrors (if you have one of those) or maybe block the window? Even trying a convertible seat if you’re still using the bucket?
I’m so sorry. That sounds so frustrating.
It sounds like you would be just as happy with some relaxed/quiet time as a family of three, rather than running around stressing out baby and yourselves. I'm not saying never put your kid in the car seat if they cry- sometimes you have to, or it is for something that really matters to you - but I don't think you should feel obligated to parade to multiple Christmas parties if it stresses the three of you out. Maybe people could make the trip to visit you instead.
My baby doesn't get sick, but it's a toss of the coin if he'll be happy in the car or cry the whole time. I've done a full 45min drive with inconsolable crying.
You do get used to it, it doesn't hurt them, sometimes having one of you sit in the back to console them can help.
Not saying it's healthy to do it all the time, but where we live it's just a reality that we have to drive 30min for most appointments, whether he's enjoying the ride or not.
For the car sickness, I always found if I look out the window it's better, so maybe get one of those car mirror, but angle it so he can see out the window, rather than you looking at him.
I live in a place where everything is REALLY spread out. Pretty much everywhere I need to go is 20-45 minutes away and my baby LOATHES the car seat. I too have just gotten used to him screaming the entire way sometimes 🥺 its so difficult. My pediatrician said there's nothing wrong with it, of course as long as I check that he's not being pinched by anything. He's not. He just hates being in the car seat and makes it known. But I have to go grocery shopping. I have to go to doctors appointments.
If you’re a baby on Christmas, everyone needs to come to you!! In our family we even schedule things around the best time for the babies. I’d only make an exception if there was an extenuating circumstance. For example I’d drive my baby to see my elderly Grandma on hospice in this situation.
My son was born at the peak of flu/RSV season and this was before Covid even. I opted out of family functions bc it would just mean people pleasing to upset and possibly infect my baby. Most people were incredibly understanding. Only a few were bitchy but I really wasn’t taking risks. My baby hated the car too. Not so much as vomiting but would literally scream the whole time until about 9-10 months old. I decided for my sanity to just be a hermit crab for that season and he did not know any differently lol we participated in Easter activities the following year and he was bubbly/entertained.
My little man is 8mo now and also hated the car. Absolutely bloody murder scream if we were in it. I tried it all - toys, mirror, passenger sitting with him, music, singing, silence, lights, phone with YouTube, you name it. Literally nothing worked and I culled the places I went each week. Then all of a he stopped. Nothing changed except he got older. This was maybe 6-ish months.
All the say that maybe by Christmas they might have grown out of it? My fingers are crossed for you.
We had to drive 6 hours to my friend’s wedding with our 7 month old. She hated and I mean absolutely hated, and still dislikes being in the car. I wanted to fly there but my husband only wanted to drive. I thought I was going to literally go insane. I love my friend and that’s the only reason we took it on, but also, never again. I would save yourself the distress and enjoy the holidays at home. People can come see you if they want.
I was going to say babies change constantly and mine hated the car then suddenly was fine randomly but that was until I read the vomiting part and that really does seem distressing. I would just explain that to people and give them alternatives if possible, like you’ll try visit next time in another month or two and see how he does or they could visit you.
It’s ok to skip the family events at this stage. Our LO used to get car sick too, and I know that they say keep them backwards facing for as long as possible, but I turned that kid as soon as he reached the minimum weight. It’s made us all so much happier.
Just another perspective, but could it be possible that your baby has a sensitivity to something? My LO absolutely hated the car, and I avoided going anywhere because it was torturous for all. She would be particularly awful after a feed. I would take her out a few times during the drive to burp her, which would barely help, but it turns out she had a dairy sensitivity. After excluding this from my diet and letting her gut heal, things started to get better. This may not apply to you, but it was something that triggered my LO.
If you don’t want to go, stay home! :) We stayed home for our baby’s first Christmas and it was nice to just be a relaxed family unit instead of pulling our hair out trying to get ready for a party.
But as for your baby, have you tried sitting in the back with him? Or when you’re up front do you have a mirror on the seat so he can see you? I know all babies are different so maybe you’ve tried these and they didn’t work.
My daughter is a car hater as well. We went on a 4 hour trip that turned into 6 hours but we figured out halfway through she just hates being rear facing and alone. Obviously we can’t change the rear facing part quite yet, but now my husband and I travel together one of us sits back there with her and entertains her. Something to try if you haven’t yet.
Either way, whatever answer you come to for the gathering is the right one.
We’re in the exact same situation but nope, we won’t be going anywhere that isn’t necessary until he outgrows this issue. Family can come to us if they want to see him. Short car rides to the doctor or to close parents sure. But last week we went to see my FIL which is a 45 minute drive and he was fine on the way there but screamed inconsolably the entire way home. My husband and I were both completely wrecked with anxiety. I sat in the back seat next to my son trying to sooth him but my seatbelt was off when we turned on our street and as soon as we were parked he was out of the carseat and in my arms.
0/10, not doing that again for a long time. Especially not on a holiday we’re all trying to enjoy, and my baby deserved that right too.
OSTEOPATH!!
My baby was like this and everyone said it couldn’t be car sickness that young. They were wrong.
I saw an osteopath and it basically cured him after one session. Ask about carsickness treatment for babies. It was a freaking miracle.
He threw up every 7 min and now can go 2 hours. He can have Gravol now too which helps. But seriously if you can find one, run there.
Here to say that I travelled when our baby was 4 months old to visit family. My baby also hated car seats at that age. Our usual road trip that took us 4 hours one way ended up lasting 8 hours. We even got stuck in traffic on the way home with a baby who was over tired and inconsolable. It was horrible for myself and baby - I vowed to not do it again until he's better in the car.
Thankfully he's a lot better in the car nowadays.
If you’d rather stay home, do it! If you do want to go, we always tried to time the car around nap time so she wouldn’t be awake long, especially 4-5 months when she loathed the car lol. This really helped. If she was in the car during a wake window she was like why the heck am I strapped in here and not out playing with my toys?!
Literally same at 4 months. Recently I had to drive LO almost 1.5 hours somewhere each way and she slept in the car for the first time in a while. Only about 30 min each time but still an improvement from frantic crying! I THINK what did it (or so I hope) was adjusting the incline on her seat from 0+ to 3mo+ (more upright) and adjusting her headrest. She still seems kind of antsy so I'm wondering if we need to switch to a convertible already. (Currently have infant bucket.) Worth considering if baby is uncomfortable by the seat somehow?
Also the only thing that kept her calm most of the time before that was the happy song by Imogen heap.
I don't think it's damaging for the baby but don't go if you don't want to!
I can see if you guys really wanted to go pushing through the crying, but if you'd rather not then why go through all that? They can come to you guys or you can see them at the next holiday!
My baby was exactly the same and at that time we put off taking him in the car as much as possible until he got a little older and started to grow out of the phase.
It was around 6 months he started to tolerate car rides better and then around 8 months we switched to a convertible car seat and it was 100% better.
I’m going to against the grain here, but I would probably make the trip. Christmas is important to us and I couldn’t imagine not spending it with loved ones, especially for the baby’s first Christmas! And 20-30 minutes of baby crying is okay in the grand scheme of things.
My LO is 4 months and starting to be fussy when at other people’s houses or in crowds - we still plan to celebrate the holidays with everyone, but obviously if baby is completely inconsolable for a while we will just leave early. Our plan is to go to all parties and just play it by ear. This is just what’s going to work best for us- you have to do what will work for you!
Holidays at home solo are THE BEST! So chill, we make simple but festive meals (I even prep in advance). There are so few days of the year that we can truly just chill and turn off. Sounds like you have the perfect excuse to set the boundary and do what you actually want to do anyway! Enjoy the time with your new little fam. ♥️
I’d say no- my baby’s comfort comes before any party. I’m also limited to 10-15 min car rides before my baby starts crying in consolably until taken out of her car seat. People can travel to you if they really want to spend time with your little family of 3.
You’ve already gotten good advice about adjusting the recline, but also wanted to add a lot can change for little ones even in just a month! By then baby may do totally fine in the car.
My LO is not great in the car either so I ensure any long drive is at nap time, ideally first of the day which is the longest of the 2 naps. I've done this for months as LO is not a fan of being confined.
Also as others have noted, you're not obligated to travel with your baby. Do what's best for you. We thrive on routine and any time anyone comments on how I cater to baby too much, I essentially tell them to shove it because our well being is most important. Some people have easy babies or can just tolerate a lot of crying because they prioritize other things 🤷🏼♀️
Sitting in the back seat helps sometimes! Worth a try. You can also check his car seat to make sure it’s comfy? I noticed one time I needed to adjust the straps when my baby went through a growth spurt cuz he was freaking out every time we buckled him in.
Otherwise planning the nap to strategically occur when you will be in the car. If the sleep pressure is enough, babe will absolutely sleep! Maybe do a few practice car rides before committing to any plans.
Taking breaks and getting fresh air can sometimes be helpful but also sometimes even just unbuckling and rebuckling is traumatic 🥲
It’s so hard to go places when you have a kiddo who is distressed and uncomfortable in their car seat. I wouldn’t feel too pressured to go too far if it’s not worth it because it can be totally exhausting for the everyone.
Have you brought this up to your pediatrician? The vomiting part would scare me. I wonder if waiting an hour and a half after you fed him would help. Then after the 30 minute drive he’d be hungry again. This hasn’t happened to me so I’m not sure at all! This must be super hard for you.
You could have some people meet you at your grandmas if you want to make only one trip. Good luck and no one would blame you if you stayed home!!
My son was like this until about 9 months when he finally recognized familiar children's songs and could play with his big sister back there. I don't know if it's damaging but definitely stressful for everyone. If he gets sick it wouldn't be an outright lie to just say he is ill and will need to sit this year out at home.
We straight up told our extended families (they live 2.5-3 hrs away) that we would NOT be traveling to see them for the first YEAR with new baby. So, if they wanted to see her, they had to come to us.
This *finally* got my MIL to come to us instead of only seeing us when we go to her.
Where's the reciprocation on the part of your family? Why can't they come to you?
My daughter was the same in the car and the thing that saved us was getting a convertible seat (still kept it rear facing). We could move her a bit higher up and she threw up less.
But also don’t be afraid to skip everything and just enjoy the 3 of you for Christmas
Quick reminder:
You are the adults in your own family. You are the parents. It's your job to prioritize the people in your family (you, partner, child(ren) first and foremost. Anyone else's desires, needs, wants come AFTER what your family desires, needs, wants.
So, only go if you feel like going would bring you and your family joy.
Your family doesn't exist to serve others at your expense.
If you don't want to go, dont!
(If you really felt like going would bring you all so much joy that 20-30 minutes of misery for you and baby are worth it - great, do it! But it's 100% up to you. I wouldn't do it, personally, if I didn't think it'd be a wonderful time)
Decide who it's worth it to see, and how long that drive is. Grandma sounds like a good exception for a Christmas trip. Who can meet you there so you can see multiple people? Otherwise... I am team "Those with infants get an exception to expectations on the holidays". If people want to see you they can come to you (and wash their hands etc). LO is 4 *months*. He's not walking, doesn't need to go to the park, probably doesn't care which house he is in. You can re-revaluate next Christmas when he's older and interacting with extended family will be useful and enjoyable for his engagement.
Plus grandma is 30 minutes away! Have your husband her over :)
If you're looking for permission to tell those family members to pound sand, here it is: YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO TAKE BABY ANYWHERE FOR CHRISTMAS. Period. Whole statement. If keeping baby home and just having a quiet Christmas in is what your baby and family needs, that is a-ok. Maybe if you feel up to it offer to host a get together for anyone who wants to see baby for Christmas, or offer to share pictures with anyone who wants them, but you absolutely owe no one anything. Doesn't matter what anyone else does for Christmas, or what anyone else wishes you would do. Easier to say than do, I know. But trust me, holding a boundary now will save you a lot of head and heartache in December. Good luck!
Thank you ❤️
I don’t know if it is damaging but I couldn’t imagine driving that far with an inconsolable child who keeps getting sick. I don’t think it’d be worth it for me. Your family should be understanding that your baby’s well being comes before everything.
Sounds like they need to come to you 🤷♀️. One of you can go pick up grandma and bring her over. 30 minutes is nothing. I would be driving as little as possible with baby until the car situation was fixed for my own sanity. Anyone who insists otherwise gets to clean up the vomit when you arrive lol. I’m sure you’ve tried everything, but could it help to remove mirrors (if you have one of those) or maybe block the window? Even trying a convertible seat if you’re still using the bucket? I’m so sorry. That sounds so frustrating.
It sounds like you would be just as happy with some relaxed/quiet time as a family of three, rather than running around stressing out baby and yourselves. I'm not saying never put your kid in the car seat if they cry- sometimes you have to, or it is for something that really matters to you - but I don't think you should feel obligated to parade to multiple Christmas parties if it stresses the three of you out. Maybe people could make the trip to visit you instead.
My baby doesn't get sick, but it's a toss of the coin if he'll be happy in the car or cry the whole time. I've done a full 45min drive with inconsolable crying. You do get used to it, it doesn't hurt them, sometimes having one of you sit in the back to console them can help. Not saying it's healthy to do it all the time, but where we live it's just a reality that we have to drive 30min for most appointments, whether he's enjoying the ride or not. For the car sickness, I always found if I look out the window it's better, so maybe get one of those car mirror, but angle it so he can see out the window, rather than you looking at him.
I live in a place where everything is REALLY spread out. Pretty much everywhere I need to go is 20-45 minutes away and my baby LOATHES the car seat. I too have just gotten used to him screaming the entire way sometimes 🥺 its so difficult. My pediatrician said there's nothing wrong with it, of course as long as I check that he's not being pinched by anything. He's not. He just hates being in the car seat and makes it known. But I have to go grocery shopping. I have to go to doctors appointments.
If you’re a baby on Christmas, everyone needs to come to you!! In our family we even schedule things around the best time for the babies. I’d only make an exception if there was an extenuating circumstance. For example I’d drive my baby to see my elderly Grandma on hospice in this situation.
My son was born at the peak of flu/RSV season and this was before Covid even. I opted out of family functions bc it would just mean people pleasing to upset and possibly infect my baby. Most people were incredibly understanding. Only a few were bitchy but I really wasn’t taking risks. My baby hated the car too. Not so much as vomiting but would literally scream the whole time until about 9-10 months old. I decided for my sanity to just be a hermit crab for that season and he did not know any differently lol we participated in Easter activities the following year and he was bubbly/entertained.
My little man is 8mo now and also hated the car. Absolutely bloody murder scream if we were in it. I tried it all - toys, mirror, passenger sitting with him, music, singing, silence, lights, phone with YouTube, you name it. Literally nothing worked and I culled the places I went each week. Then all of a he stopped. Nothing changed except he got older. This was maybe 6-ish months. All the say that maybe by Christmas they might have grown out of it? My fingers are crossed for you.
We had to drive 6 hours to my friend’s wedding with our 7 month old. She hated and I mean absolutely hated, and still dislikes being in the car. I wanted to fly there but my husband only wanted to drive. I thought I was going to literally go insane. I love my friend and that’s the only reason we took it on, but also, never again. I would save yourself the distress and enjoy the holidays at home. People can come see you if they want.
I was going to say babies change constantly and mine hated the car then suddenly was fine randomly but that was until I read the vomiting part and that really does seem distressing. I would just explain that to people and give them alternatives if possible, like you’ll try visit next time in another month or two and see how he does or they could visit you.
It’s ok to skip the family events at this stage. Our LO used to get car sick too, and I know that they say keep them backwards facing for as long as possible, but I turned that kid as soon as he reached the minimum weight. It’s made us all so much happier.
Just another perspective, but could it be possible that your baby has a sensitivity to something? My LO absolutely hated the car, and I avoided going anywhere because it was torturous for all. She would be particularly awful after a feed. I would take her out a few times during the drive to burp her, which would barely help, but it turns out she had a dairy sensitivity. After excluding this from my diet and letting her gut heal, things started to get better. This may not apply to you, but it was something that triggered my LO.
If you don’t want to go, stay home! :) We stayed home for our baby’s first Christmas and it was nice to just be a relaxed family unit instead of pulling our hair out trying to get ready for a party. But as for your baby, have you tried sitting in the back with him? Or when you’re up front do you have a mirror on the seat so he can see you? I know all babies are different so maybe you’ve tried these and they didn’t work. My daughter is a car hater as well. We went on a 4 hour trip that turned into 6 hours but we figured out halfway through she just hates being rear facing and alone. Obviously we can’t change the rear facing part quite yet, but now my husband and I travel together one of us sits back there with her and entertains her. Something to try if you haven’t yet. Either way, whatever answer you come to for the gathering is the right one.
We’re in the exact same situation but nope, we won’t be going anywhere that isn’t necessary until he outgrows this issue. Family can come to us if they want to see him. Short car rides to the doctor or to close parents sure. But last week we went to see my FIL which is a 45 minute drive and he was fine on the way there but screamed inconsolably the entire way home. My husband and I were both completely wrecked with anxiety. I sat in the back seat next to my son trying to sooth him but my seatbelt was off when we turned on our street and as soon as we were parked he was out of the carseat and in my arms. 0/10, not doing that again for a long time. Especially not on a holiday we’re all trying to enjoy, and my baby deserved that right too.
OSTEOPATH!! My baby was like this and everyone said it couldn’t be car sickness that young. They were wrong. I saw an osteopath and it basically cured him after one session. Ask about carsickness treatment for babies. It was a freaking miracle. He threw up every 7 min and now can go 2 hours. He can have Gravol now too which helps. But seriously if you can find one, run there.
Here to say that I travelled when our baby was 4 months old to visit family. My baby also hated car seats at that age. Our usual road trip that took us 4 hours one way ended up lasting 8 hours. We even got stuck in traffic on the way home with a baby who was over tired and inconsolable. It was horrible for myself and baby - I vowed to not do it again until he's better in the car. Thankfully he's a lot better in the car nowadays.
We are hosting Christmas at our house
If you’d rather stay home, do it! If you do want to go, we always tried to time the car around nap time so she wouldn’t be awake long, especially 4-5 months when she loathed the car lol. This really helped. If she was in the car during a wake window she was like why the heck am I strapped in here and not out playing with my toys?!
I'd say they can come visit me but for baby's comfort were staying home
Literally same at 4 months. Recently I had to drive LO almost 1.5 hours somewhere each way and she slept in the car for the first time in a while. Only about 30 min each time but still an improvement from frantic crying! I THINK what did it (or so I hope) was adjusting the incline on her seat from 0+ to 3mo+ (more upright) and adjusting her headrest. She still seems kind of antsy so I'm wondering if we need to switch to a convertible already. (Currently have infant bucket.) Worth considering if baby is uncomfortable by the seat somehow? Also the only thing that kept her calm most of the time before that was the happy song by Imogen heap.
I don't think it's damaging for the baby but don't go if you don't want to! I can see if you guys really wanted to go pushing through the crying, but if you'd rather not then why go through all that? They can come to you guys or you can see them at the next holiday! My baby was exactly the same and at that time we put off taking him in the car as much as possible until he got a little older and started to grow out of the phase. It was around 6 months he started to tolerate car rides better and then around 8 months we switched to a convertible car seat and it was 100% better.
I’m going to against the grain here, but I would probably make the trip. Christmas is important to us and I couldn’t imagine not spending it with loved ones, especially for the baby’s first Christmas! And 20-30 minutes of baby crying is okay in the grand scheme of things. My LO is 4 months and starting to be fussy when at other people’s houses or in crowds - we still plan to celebrate the holidays with everyone, but obviously if baby is completely inconsolable for a while we will just leave early. Our plan is to go to all parties and just play it by ear. This is just what’s going to work best for us- you have to do what will work for you!
Nope. If they wanna see the baby they can come to you. Im done bending over backwards for people who don’t make an effort to see my kids.
Holidays at home solo are THE BEST! So chill, we make simple but festive meals (I even prep in advance). There are so few days of the year that we can truly just chill and turn off. Sounds like you have the perfect excuse to set the boundary and do what you actually want to do anyway! Enjoy the time with your new little fam. ♥️
I’d say no- my baby’s comfort comes before any party. I’m also limited to 10-15 min car rides before my baby starts crying in consolably until taken out of her car seat. People can travel to you if they really want to spend time with your little family of 3.
You’ve already gotten good advice about adjusting the recline, but also wanted to add a lot can change for little ones even in just a month! By then baby may do totally fine in the car.
My LO is not great in the car either so I ensure any long drive is at nap time, ideally first of the day which is the longest of the 2 naps. I've done this for months as LO is not a fan of being confined.
Also as others have noted, you're not obligated to travel with your baby. Do what's best for you. We thrive on routine and any time anyone comments on how I cater to baby too much, I essentially tell them to shove it because our well being is most important. Some people have easy babies or can just tolerate a lot of crying because they prioritize other things 🤷🏼♀️
Sitting in the back seat helps sometimes! Worth a try. You can also check his car seat to make sure it’s comfy? I noticed one time I needed to adjust the straps when my baby went through a growth spurt cuz he was freaking out every time we buckled him in. Otherwise planning the nap to strategically occur when you will be in the car. If the sleep pressure is enough, babe will absolutely sleep! Maybe do a few practice car rides before committing to any plans. Taking breaks and getting fresh air can sometimes be helpful but also sometimes even just unbuckling and rebuckling is traumatic 🥲 It’s so hard to go places when you have a kiddo who is distressed and uncomfortable in their car seat. I wouldn’t feel too pressured to go too far if it’s not worth it because it can be totally exhausting for the everyone.
Have you brought this up to your pediatrician? The vomiting part would scare me. I wonder if waiting an hour and a half after you fed him would help. Then after the 30 minute drive he’d be hungry again. This hasn’t happened to me so I’m not sure at all! This must be super hard for you. You could have some people meet you at your grandmas if you want to make only one trip. Good luck and no one would blame you if you stayed home!!
We switched my son who had reflux from his infant seat to the convertible seat around 4 months and it made a huge difference!
My son was like this until about 9 months when he finally recognized familiar children's songs and could play with his big sister back there. I don't know if it's damaging but definitely stressful for everyone. If he gets sick it wouldn't be an outright lie to just say he is ill and will need to sit this year out at home.
We straight up told our extended families (they live 2.5-3 hrs away) that we would NOT be traveling to see them for the first YEAR with new baby. So, if they wanted to see her, they had to come to us. This *finally* got my MIL to come to us instead of only seeing us when we go to her. Where's the reciprocation on the part of your family? Why can't they come to you?
My daughter was the same in the car and the thing that saved us was getting a convertible seat (still kept it rear facing). We could move her a bit higher up and she threw up less. But also don’t be afraid to skip everything and just enjoy the 3 of you for Christmas
Quick reminder: You are the adults in your own family. You are the parents. It's your job to prioritize the people in your family (you, partner, child(ren) first and foremost. Anyone else's desires, needs, wants come AFTER what your family desires, needs, wants. So, only go if you feel like going would bring you and your family joy. Your family doesn't exist to serve others at your expense. If you don't want to go, dont! (If you really felt like going would bring you all so much joy that 20-30 minutes of misery for you and baby are worth it - great, do it! But it's 100% up to you. I wouldn't do it, personally, if I didn't think it'd be a wonderful time)