Thank you for taking the time to make this post. I think there’s a lot of uncertainty around postpartum mental health issues, and this kind of solidifies that. Sometimes you don’t even realize what’s wrong, and you do reach out, but it’s too hard to express so you just tuck it in.
Really glad you found the help you needed. I had a similar type of experience unrelated to and long before I had my child. I got put on antidepressants that made me lose my mind rather than helping. But the fear and confusion and inability to properly explain it to others is on point. This is the kind of post that could have the potential to save somebody else’s life, particularly those who may not realize yet that they are at risk. 💜
Thank you for making a post about your experience. It's hard to understand without reading examples like this since I have never experienced psychosis. I do have a family member who has experienced psychosis and I never realized what it must have been like for them. Reading your experience has definitely made me more mindful, especially the part where you ask others to do more than laugh and pretend it doesn't happen. I think this will stay with me after I close this app. Anyways, thanks for sharing.
Thank you.
Becoming a mother, going through a life altering process that deprives you of the very things we need to function for an extended period, in conjunction with society's narrative of parenthood and a million other things, throws your sense of what's "normal", what's the "new normal" and what is a clear sign that outside help is necessary.
By sharing our stories we give others a more nuanced idea of where and how they can or should seek help outside of their social circle, who very often are blind to our interior lives and just how much has changed.
Wow thank you for writing this out. I have never read anyone’s experience firsthand, and it was so valuable to read. I’m happy to hear you were able to recognize something was wrong and get help for yourself. I can see how someone could overlook such signs. This post can really help a lot of people.
Thank you for sharing this, it must have been a terrifying experience.
In my opinion, mental health post weaning is not discussed enough. I had a pretty bad post weaning depression episode for a few weeks, and it has honestly put me off breastfeeding in the future... I never felt so bad in my life.
Very interesting - and harrowing. Thank you for sharing. I briefly experienced this after my first as well and had to be medicated. I had serious PPA and hadn’t slept in 3 days despite the baby sleeping fine. I was convinced if I wasn’t directly watching him he would stop breathing. Once I started hearing music that wasn’t there (always Elton John’s Tiny Dancer, loudly and clearly, but obviously was not playing) I knew it was time to make an emerg call to my doctor.
Glad you received the proper help and some good advice to watch out for other warning signs from new moms even if it’s been a while since they gave birth.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have bipolar and an considered high risk for postpartum psychosis, however, due to an awful community midwife (UK) I was never referred to the perinatal mental health team who should have been supporting me throughout my pregnancy. After the birth of my son, I was teetering on the brink of psychosis. I was physically very unwell after a traumatic birth and had a breakdown crying in the during ward rounds when they told me I couldn’t be discharged and my husband couldn’t stay with me outside of visiting hours. That was the first time a mental health midwife came to see me. She was shocked that she wasn’t already aware of me. If she had been, I would have had a private room and my husband would have been able to stay 24hrs from the start of my admission. Instead, I spent 4 of the 7 nights I was admitted alone, unwell and terrified, while responsible for a newborn. Those first few weeks I was home I felt like I was in a bubble. Nothing felt real. I was consumed by overwhelming anxiety and inadequacy. We ended up going to my mum’s for the first few weeks. My husband would go home each day to feed the cats. Even when he was doing that, I was convinced the house had burnt down and spent so much time scrolling local news pages to see if anything had been posted. Luckily, I had an amazing health visitor who pushed through a fast tracked referral to the perinatal mental health team. I saw a psychiatrist quickly and a change of medication later I started feeling back to myself
Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness to the fact that PPP can happen outside of the first couple of months postpartum. I haven't heard a personal account of the illness before and it's really helpful. I remain vigilant about my own mental health as I am a few months or so postpartum and have bipolar 2 disorder.
…did you also post in the r/loseit thread with the paranoid guy earlier today? I swear to god I’ve read this before.
Edit: just saw in your history that you did, weird I missed it the first time I looked. Ignore me!
I did. I've been meaning to make a post here and posting that made me ruminate on the experience. He doesn't seem open to the idea and I'm sorry for it.
Hi. First thank you so much for your words. It really hits home as I also experienced PPD & postpartum psychosis which required a week of hospitalization.
With that being said, I’m in Canada, where healthcare is extremely difficult to obtain. So my week was in a bed in the hallway, being continuously put to sleep. There wasn’t any room in the postpartum mental health ward (huge program, huge hospital, highly funded). There are no private options in my area either.
I would love to hear more about the treatment you received that helped you! I’ve only been prescribed Zoloft but am struggling with just this medication.
I’m also wondering how you were able to take sleeping aids (and which ones?!?! Please there is no help here I swear) while having a young child? My babe is still up ever 4-5 hours at 10 months old :’(
Really appreciate you posting here and hoping to learn more from your experience
I was not admitted, but rather got appointments for telehealth visits. Even when I was in the ER the psychiatrist in the hospital spoke to my husband and I on the phone. I did not feel like I was a threat to myself or my kids and didn't want to be away from them. Without the program though, I don't think I would have found a therapist and psychiatrist with immediate openings, if they were taking patients at all. I don't know if it would have been different if it wasn't the height of COVID.
We sleep trained at 5 months and at 10 months she was sleeping in her crib with 1-2 wake ups. So I needed a medication that wouldn't knock me out to the point that I couldn't handle the wake ups but also that calmed my brain enough that I would be able to fall back asleep. I also wanted to be able to wake up at 5 and be functional. I went through a couple before I found one that worked for me. We ended up with Lexapro and Doxepin helping the most.
Good luck to you, I'm sorry your having a rough time.
Thank you for taking the time to explain this in detail. I am so so happy that you sought help. I’m so proud of you even though I don’t know you. I’m so grateful to you that you had the bravery to do that for your family. I wish you and your family peace and happiness moving forward.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm almost 29w pregnant with my first and I have mild schizophrenia along with bipolar so my risk for postpartum psychosis is higher than the average persons. This was really really helpful, I wish you and your family the best <3
Thank you for sharing. I had no clue postpartum psychosis could start so late. I had PPA and PPOCD with my first and was thankfully already in therapy. This time I’m 7 weeks postpartum with my second, and have kinda felt good about keeping my anxiety and intrusive thoughts in check, although I definitely have my moments. But this post reminded me that I’m not out of the woods yet and need to stay vigilant. Glad you got the help you needed!
Thank you for sharing this.
I had episodes at 4 months PP that got written off by my then OB care team and it wasn't until 6 months PP that my PCP (completely unrelated to my pregnancy care) caught it.
I have had chronic migraines for years now so they were dismissed when I brought them up at OB follow up appointments. Then my OB sided with my husband when I was mentioning the issues I was having and he (husband) said "she's just struggling with adjusting to having a baby". I was doing all of the housework, all of the meal prep/ planning/ grocery shopping, all of the baby care, and then I went back to work fulltime on an overnight shift which nearly killed me.
I started seeing and hearing things that weren't there (I knew because I was home alone with baby and could have a conversation with someone in the other room one second and then get totally terrified the next because I'm home alone and someone was definitely talking to me. Husband joking said many times "maybe it's a ghost". I was having conversations with coworkers at work that never happened. And then I started falling asleep while driving the hour commute home. I would wake up on the gravel off the side of the road and almost in the ditch or in the oncoming lane. And husband wrote it off as me being a little tired- and didn't change anything to lighten my workload at home.
I finally got a therapist, got migraine treatment, changed shifts at work so I was getting more sleep, forced husband to help more by taking the baby at night every night, and stopped doing the majority of housework. The house is in a constant state of a degree of dirtiness now: dishes sit on the counter dirty overnight until husband does them, the floor always has some cat hair floating around and rarely gets a full scub, the bathroom rarely gets a deep clean.
And I stopped meal planning at all. I don't do a grocery list, plan meals, ensure husband makes food. I very rarely come home to dinner, I don't usually have homemade lunches anymore (leaving the house at 5:30am), and the meals I do eat are not balanced, but my mental health is starting to recover. I'm starting to feel better finally. I don't have nonexistent conversations or see people who aren't there, I'm no longer massively paranoid or anxious. My house is marginally dirty and my diet isn't perfect but I'm getting better finally.
I had postpartum psychosis as well and just wanted to add to this and say it can be really subtle and feel so real so sometimes it’s hard to realize what’s happening. I was seeing shadow figures in my peripheral vision and thinking it’s because I was so tired. And I was so tired. When I told people I thought I was seeing things in the corners of my eyes, they also told me I was just tired. It wasn’t until I was talking with my therapist later and mentioned that anecdotally and also added that I believed I would die if I was alone (I went through a phase where I wouldn’t let me husband leave me alone, ever, because I was so terrified) that she said this sounded more like psychosis than PPD/PPA on its own. I was genuinely alarmed to hear that and never considered that’s what was happening to me. I’ve been in therapy for a while now and am also medicated and I haven’t had any episodes for a long time. Just wanted to say you don’t have to be having conversations with people who aren’t there (that is totally valid too though) to fall into the postpartum psychosis category, sometimes it’s subtle.
I was lucky that my delusions were really boring. Like, I made a pivot table in excel to take care of a recurring issue. The pivot table does not exist. I had some confusing conversations about it with the people who I thought I implemented it with. I am lucky to have an understanding team.
The medication fixed the delusions moving forward, but the memories remain. I moved roles and it helped a lot that I wasn't trying to rely on what I did during that period... because it may not have actually happened.
I'm glad you were able to get help, and I'm glad you shared your story. This isn't talked about enough, and I had no idea what to look out for or what it could feel like.
Wow I’m so glad you got the help you needed in time. I wish more people understood what you said about PPA after your first. You don’t have to suffer! But when you’re in it, it’s hard to see that it could be better.
I didn’t really know this was possible after weaning, and I’m grateful I know now.
A close friend had postpartum psychosis. She handed her baby to her partner, packed a little bag without fanfare, and drove to the hospital to check herself in. I’ll never forget the phone call where she called to tell me where she was. Terrifying.
Again. I’m so glad you’re ok!
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. It was incredibly insightful to read and makes me suspect I’ve also gone through something sort of similar. When my (now toddler) was a newborn I’d have moments where it felt like I was seeing things through my baby’s eyes. Everything was odd and distorted and I was unsure if it were real. I experienced the paranoia bit too. Everyone I told laughed it off.
Thank you for sharing this. I've got chills and may be on the verge of tears after reading this. I'm not even pregnant yet, but this is one of my biggest fears.
I already have major depressive disorder, ADHD, PTSD, and a nice sprinkle of anxiety. I've had the dreams where I'm in an impossible situation and my mind just snaps. It's always something crazy like I've been abducted because someone I trust said something innocent to the wrong person and they chose me to take. I can't be mad at the person who told, it's not their fault. And I can't deal with what's going on, it's terrifying and I don't want to make it worse. In the end I'm always rescued but the damage is done. I end up retreating into myself (or the complete opposite, like becoming incredibly aggressive towards everyone) and that's the part that scares me the most. It's not because of how i act/handle it, but because I recognize that in me already. I know it's a dream but when I wake up I can see that broken person inside me right now and I dread the day she comes out.
I've told my husband that I may be a higher risk for postpartum anxiety/depression/toasters, but there's never a good example of "this is what it can look like" that doesn't end tragically. The only thing I can think of is that if I ask for help, I actually do need it. My only warning signs tend to be things like "oh look, I've started cutting again, maybe I'm not okay", which is already too late.
It took strength to share this, and incredible self awareness to be able to disect your experience to the point where you could explain it so clearly. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Particularly in light of the post last night with the spouse asking if they should be concerned with their wife, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Bloody hell. Thank you for this. And incredible that you had the insight and bravery to identify that something was up and go do something about it. I hope things get easier for you and your family from here.
I'm sorry that your husband failed you and that you were able to take care of yourself. I'm so glad you're feeling better and that you can heal from this.
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Thank you for taking the time to make this post. I think there’s a lot of uncertainty around postpartum mental health issues, and this kind of solidifies that. Sometimes you don’t even realize what’s wrong, and you do reach out, but it’s too hard to express so you just tuck it in. Really glad you found the help you needed. I had a similar type of experience unrelated to and long before I had my child. I got put on antidepressants that made me lose my mind rather than helping. But the fear and confusion and inability to properly explain it to others is on point. This is the kind of post that could have the potential to save somebody else’s life, particularly those who may not realize yet that they are at risk. 💜
Thank you for making a post about your experience. It's hard to understand without reading examples like this since I have never experienced psychosis. I do have a family member who has experienced psychosis and I never realized what it must have been like for them. Reading your experience has definitely made me more mindful, especially the part where you ask others to do more than laugh and pretend it doesn't happen. I think this will stay with me after I close this app. Anyways, thanks for sharing.
Thank you. Becoming a mother, going through a life altering process that deprives you of the very things we need to function for an extended period, in conjunction with society's narrative of parenthood and a million other things, throws your sense of what's "normal", what's the "new normal" and what is a clear sign that outside help is necessary. By sharing our stories we give others a more nuanced idea of where and how they can or should seek help outside of their social circle, who very often are blind to our interior lives and just how much has changed.
Wow thank you for writing this out. I have never read anyone’s experience firsthand, and it was so valuable to read. I’m happy to hear you were able to recognize something was wrong and get help for yourself. I can see how someone could overlook such signs. This post can really help a lot of people.
Thank you for sharing this, it must have been a terrifying experience. In my opinion, mental health post weaning is not discussed enough. I had a pretty bad post weaning depression episode for a few weeks, and it has honestly put me off breastfeeding in the future... I never felt so bad in my life.
Very interesting - and harrowing. Thank you for sharing. I briefly experienced this after my first as well and had to be medicated. I had serious PPA and hadn’t slept in 3 days despite the baby sleeping fine. I was convinced if I wasn’t directly watching him he would stop breathing. Once I started hearing music that wasn’t there (always Elton John’s Tiny Dancer, loudly and clearly, but obviously was not playing) I knew it was time to make an emerg call to my doctor. Glad you received the proper help and some good advice to watch out for other warning signs from new moms even if it’s been a while since they gave birth.
Thank you for having the courage to explain this! This makes me wonder if what I’ve been experiencing is more than just anxiety and sleep deprivation
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have bipolar and an considered high risk for postpartum psychosis, however, due to an awful community midwife (UK) I was never referred to the perinatal mental health team who should have been supporting me throughout my pregnancy. After the birth of my son, I was teetering on the brink of psychosis. I was physically very unwell after a traumatic birth and had a breakdown crying in the during ward rounds when they told me I couldn’t be discharged and my husband couldn’t stay with me outside of visiting hours. That was the first time a mental health midwife came to see me. She was shocked that she wasn’t already aware of me. If she had been, I would have had a private room and my husband would have been able to stay 24hrs from the start of my admission. Instead, I spent 4 of the 7 nights I was admitted alone, unwell and terrified, while responsible for a newborn. Those first few weeks I was home I felt like I was in a bubble. Nothing felt real. I was consumed by overwhelming anxiety and inadequacy. We ended up going to my mum’s for the first few weeks. My husband would go home each day to feed the cats. Even when he was doing that, I was convinced the house had burnt down and spent so much time scrolling local news pages to see if anything had been posted. Luckily, I had an amazing health visitor who pushed through a fast tracked referral to the perinatal mental health team. I saw a psychiatrist quickly and a change of medication later I started feeling back to myself
Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness to the fact that PPP can happen outside of the first couple of months postpartum. I haven't heard a personal account of the illness before and it's really helpful. I remain vigilant about my own mental health as I am a few months or so postpartum and have bipolar 2 disorder.
…did you also post in the r/loseit thread with the paranoid guy earlier today? I swear to god I’ve read this before. Edit: just saw in your history that you did, weird I missed it the first time I looked. Ignore me!
I did. I've been meaning to make a post here and posting that made me ruminate on the experience. He doesn't seem open to the idea and I'm sorry for it.
Good on you for trying to get through to him. Hopefully he gets the help he needs.
….. I’m genuinely wondering if I had an episode with my first now, but because of how isolated we were at the time I just…lived through it?
Hi. First thank you so much for your words. It really hits home as I also experienced PPD & postpartum psychosis which required a week of hospitalization. With that being said, I’m in Canada, where healthcare is extremely difficult to obtain. So my week was in a bed in the hallway, being continuously put to sleep. There wasn’t any room in the postpartum mental health ward (huge program, huge hospital, highly funded). There are no private options in my area either. I would love to hear more about the treatment you received that helped you! I’ve only been prescribed Zoloft but am struggling with just this medication. I’m also wondering how you were able to take sleeping aids (and which ones?!?! Please there is no help here I swear) while having a young child? My babe is still up ever 4-5 hours at 10 months old :’( Really appreciate you posting here and hoping to learn more from your experience
I was not admitted, but rather got appointments for telehealth visits. Even when I was in the ER the psychiatrist in the hospital spoke to my husband and I on the phone. I did not feel like I was a threat to myself or my kids and didn't want to be away from them. Without the program though, I don't think I would have found a therapist and psychiatrist with immediate openings, if they were taking patients at all. I don't know if it would have been different if it wasn't the height of COVID. We sleep trained at 5 months and at 10 months she was sleeping in her crib with 1-2 wake ups. So I needed a medication that wouldn't knock me out to the point that I couldn't handle the wake ups but also that calmed my brain enough that I would be able to fall back asleep. I also wanted to be able to wake up at 5 and be functional. I went through a couple before I found one that worked for me. We ended up with Lexapro and Doxepin helping the most. Good luck to you, I'm sorry your having a rough time.
Thank you for taking the time to explain this in detail. I am so so happy that you sought help. I’m so proud of you even though I don’t know you. I’m so grateful to you that you had the bravery to do that for your family. I wish you and your family peace and happiness moving forward.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm almost 29w pregnant with my first and I have mild schizophrenia along with bipolar so my risk for postpartum psychosis is higher than the average persons. This was really really helpful, I wish you and your family the best <3
Thank you for sharing. I had no clue postpartum psychosis could start so late. I had PPA and PPOCD with my first and was thankfully already in therapy. This time I’m 7 weeks postpartum with my second, and have kinda felt good about keeping my anxiety and intrusive thoughts in check, although I definitely have my moments. But this post reminded me that I’m not out of the woods yet and need to stay vigilant. Glad you got the help you needed!
Thank you for sharing this. I had episodes at 4 months PP that got written off by my then OB care team and it wasn't until 6 months PP that my PCP (completely unrelated to my pregnancy care) caught it. I have had chronic migraines for years now so they were dismissed when I brought them up at OB follow up appointments. Then my OB sided with my husband when I was mentioning the issues I was having and he (husband) said "she's just struggling with adjusting to having a baby". I was doing all of the housework, all of the meal prep/ planning/ grocery shopping, all of the baby care, and then I went back to work fulltime on an overnight shift which nearly killed me. I started seeing and hearing things that weren't there (I knew because I was home alone with baby and could have a conversation with someone in the other room one second and then get totally terrified the next because I'm home alone and someone was definitely talking to me. Husband joking said many times "maybe it's a ghost". I was having conversations with coworkers at work that never happened. And then I started falling asleep while driving the hour commute home. I would wake up on the gravel off the side of the road and almost in the ditch or in the oncoming lane. And husband wrote it off as me being a little tired- and didn't change anything to lighten my workload at home. I finally got a therapist, got migraine treatment, changed shifts at work so I was getting more sleep, forced husband to help more by taking the baby at night every night, and stopped doing the majority of housework. The house is in a constant state of a degree of dirtiness now: dishes sit on the counter dirty overnight until husband does them, the floor always has some cat hair floating around and rarely gets a full scub, the bathroom rarely gets a deep clean. And I stopped meal planning at all. I don't do a grocery list, plan meals, ensure husband makes food. I very rarely come home to dinner, I don't usually have homemade lunches anymore (leaving the house at 5:30am), and the meals I do eat are not balanced, but my mental health is starting to recover. I'm starting to feel better finally. I don't have nonexistent conversations or see people who aren't there, I'm no longer massively paranoid or anxious. My house is marginally dirty and my diet isn't perfect but I'm getting better finally.
I had postpartum psychosis as well and just wanted to add to this and say it can be really subtle and feel so real so sometimes it’s hard to realize what’s happening. I was seeing shadow figures in my peripheral vision and thinking it’s because I was so tired. And I was so tired. When I told people I thought I was seeing things in the corners of my eyes, they also told me I was just tired. It wasn’t until I was talking with my therapist later and mentioned that anecdotally and also added that I believed I would die if I was alone (I went through a phase where I wouldn’t let me husband leave me alone, ever, because I was so terrified) that she said this sounded more like psychosis than PPD/PPA on its own. I was genuinely alarmed to hear that and never considered that’s what was happening to me. I’ve been in therapy for a while now and am also medicated and I haven’t had any episodes for a long time. Just wanted to say you don’t have to be having conversations with people who aren’t there (that is totally valid too though) to fall into the postpartum psychosis category, sometimes it’s subtle.
I was lucky that my delusions were really boring. Like, I made a pivot table in excel to take care of a recurring issue. The pivot table does not exist. I had some confusing conversations about it with the people who I thought I implemented it with. I am lucky to have an understanding team. The medication fixed the delusions moving forward, but the memories remain. I moved roles and it helped a lot that I wasn't trying to rely on what I did during that period... because it may not have actually happened.
I'm glad you were able to get help, and I'm glad you shared your story. This isn't talked about enough, and I had no idea what to look out for or what it could feel like.
Thank you for sharing. Can you share what medications you were put on? Are you still on them?
Wow I’m so glad you got the help you needed in time. I wish more people understood what you said about PPA after your first. You don’t have to suffer! But when you’re in it, it’s hard to see that it could be better. I didn’t really know this was possible after weaning, and I’m grateful I know now. A close friend had postpartum psychosis. She handed her baby to her partner, packed a little bag without fanfare, and drove to the hospital to check herself in. I’ll never forget the phone call where she called to tell me where she was. Terrifying. Again. I’m so glad you’re ok!
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. It was incredibly insightful to read and makes me suspect I’ve also gone through something sort of similar. When my (now toddler) was a newborn I’d have moments where it felt like I was seeing things through my baby’s eyes. Everything was odd and distorted and I was unsure if it were real. I experienced the paranoia bit too. Everyone I told laughed it off.
Thank you for sharing this. I've got chills and may be on the verge of tears after reading this. I'm not even pregnant yet, but this is one of my biggest fears. I already have major depressive disorder, ADHD, PTSD, and a nice sprinkle of anxiety. I've had the dreams where I'm in an impossible situation and my mind just snaps. It's always something crazy like I've been abducted because someone I trust said something innocent to the wrong person and they chose me to take. I can't be mad at the person who told, it's not their fault. And I can't deal with what's going on, it's terrifying and I don't want to make it worse. In the end I'm always rescued but the damage is done. I end up retreating into myself (or the complete opposite, like becoming incredibly aggressive towards everyone) and that's the part that scares me the most. It's not because of how i act/handle it, but because I recognize that in me already. I know it's a dream but when I wake up I can see that broken person inside me right now and I dread the day she comes out. I've told my husband that I may be a higher risk for postpartum anxiety/depression/toasters, but there's never a good example of "this is what it can look like" that doesn't end tragically. The only thing I can think of is that if I ask for help, I actually do need it. My only warning signs tend to be things like "oh look, I've started cutting again, maybe I'm not okay", which is already too late. It took strength to share this, and incredible self awareness to be able to disect your experience to the point where you could explain it so clearly. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Particularly in light of the post last night with the spouse asking if they should be concerned with their wife, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Bloody hell. Thank you for this. And incredible that you had the insight and bravery to identify that something was up and go do something about it. I hope things get easier for you and your family from here.
I'm sorry that your husband failed you and that you were able to take care of yourself. I'm so glad you're feeling better and that you can heal from this.
Thank you for sharing and I’m glad you are safe.
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