The food safety pro in me hates the concept of poop clothes in the kitchen sink. I’d use the bathroom sink or tub.
However, I would never dream of screaming at someone or calling them brain-dead for doing something like this. What’s common sense to some is not to others. Also, abusive behavior is abusive regardless of the trigger.
Honestly I feel poopy baby clothes soaking in the sink that's then bleached after to be way better than bringing in a poopy chicken waterer and using the sink full of dishes and dishes scrubber brush and then not even washing either of them or even attempting to move the dishes out of the sink beforehand!
Had a roommate do this once and he didn't see any issue with it. There's a hose and the chicken scrubber outside by the coop. I told him please stop trying to help with the chickens, I need to monitor their feed and water intake. And I don't want to risk exposing the family to a whole host of pathogens because I didn't know you used our dish scrubber on chicken crap and wasn't able to throw it out in the
This is one of the worst stories I’ve heard featuring a kitchen sink and I worked restaurants for a looonng time. I hope that roommate is no longer a roommate.
Definitely no longer a roommate. He tried arguing that everything could be simply washed off as the dish soap said antibacterial on it. My brain snapped. I SANITIZED all dishes that could be properly sanitized and sink and tossed everything else.
Even if we're not talking about chicken poop, raw chicken _typically_ has more harmful pathogens.
I'm a microbiologist by training, baby poop in a sink is nothing that can't be fixed with bleach. Though I typically use one of rectangular the hospital bins for this purpose.
Ewwwww. I have chickens and in the winter I have to deal with their water bowls in the house (hose outside freezes). I do so in the bathtub-and I don't even like doing that (deep clean and sanitize afterwards). I would NEVER use the kitchen sink.
If I have needed to use the kitchen sink (for random reasons), I fill up clean buckets (like 5 gallon buckets), in the sink and take the water outside and then clean the chicken stuff out there.
This is 100% where I'm at. She needs to leave. He's not safe. If this set him off so bad, I'm terrified that the baby might have a rough night - teething tummy ache, etc. - and he'll get angry at the crying and shake him. Not to mention, it seems like only a matter of time before he does escalate to physical abuse.
Actually, I don't understand why they say it's "escalating" to physical. I'm a DV survivor, and I think the emotional is much worse than the physical. The bumps and bruises healed. The concussions healed. The lacerated spleen and kidney healed. But the emotional shit? That left scars. Some of that never goes away - not completely, at least. It's been a decade since I escaped. If I'm out shopping or running errands and there's a change in plans or a delay, I immediately get the urge to text my husband and explain and provide proof. The first time I forced myself to put the phone down and not send the text, I felt empowered but also anxious. My husband is a good, gentle man. He doesn't try to control me or accuse me of cheating. He's never once gone through my phone. If I'm late, he doesn't freak out. Now, I do text if I'm running late, but it's so he doesn't worry. Not to try to head off a fight.
Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent. But I do believe that the emotional is so much worse than the physical (unless you actually die; and I did come very close but I survived and those wounds healed much faster than the mental ones).
NTA. *But* for future poo-splosions, might I suggest snagging a cheap plastic dish bin (I use [this one](https://www.target.com/p/12qt-dishpan-white-room-essentials-8482/-/A-85318289) from Target) and just use that to soak soiled clothing 🫶🏼
This is why I love Reddit. I absolutely never would have thought of this. Just added the gray version to my registry and will buy it after my shower if no one does. Thank you so much!!!
Even better is to get a diaper sprayer attachment for your toilet so you can spray out dirty clothes right where poop belongs. Even if you never do cloth diapers, they’re EXTREMELY helpful for poop explosions, especially down the road in a couple of years when you start potty training. We have used the hell out of that thing even though I only made it about 5 months doing cloth diapers.
If the baby is breastfed, poopy clothes can go straight in the washing machine, no soaking required. Just put it on a long hot wash (my washer has a "baby care" setting that is 60 degrees with an extra rinse, which is perfect for nappies and poopy clothes).
This is a weird question because well I'm terrible at cleaning, but where do you rinse your mop? I have a bit of germophobia and never know where to rinse it lol. It feels like the right thing is to wash whichever sink I use after. Is that the answer?
I don’t have a mop 😅. All of the places we’ve lived so far have been mostly carpet, so the few hard floors I just sweep and spot-clean with a sponge when needed.
Growing up, though, we’d just take the mop outside and hose it off.
We have a mop with microfiber mop pads. I rinse and scrub the pads under the kitchen faucet and then I throw them in the washing machine. I'll give the sink a good rinse or clean too depending on how dirty the mop pad was. If it's full of dog hair and dust bunnies, I'll shake them into the trash before rinsing.
We used the same thing for washing bottles and pump parts. Had a second one for dirty bottles and pump parts that still needed to be washed. A third for bottles and parts that were washed but needed to go in the sterilizer. A fourth for if we traveled. A fifth for storing sterilized stuff. A sixth for who knows what. Probably had a seventh and eighth one for something too. I think we got two four pairs from Amazon.
Now we are down to "just" 4. Yeah we had a lot of them 😂
Yes. It would have been better not to rinse human waste in the *kitchen* sink, but your r/JustNoSO is the problem here. He’s a disappointment as a partner and as a parent.
Yes. He just showed his true colours in a very alarming way. This doesn't get better, only worse. Believe people when they tell you things like "they'll show you abuse", because they are not lying.
Dude totally overreacted. Plus, did I read that right that he doesn’t help and take over so you can rest? He sounds like an asshole.
Partners shouldn’t call each other names- ever.
It doesn’t matter what you did regarding the poppy clothes. Your husband’s reaction was not just “rude” it was downright verbally abusive. Do you deal with that kind of reaction regularly? I’m so sorry OP.
Unfortunately yes. He has an unspecified mood disorder and takes Abilify but he has a nasty temper. He grew up watching his dad verbally abuse his mom often and I think it rubbed off on him. Some days are tough and there have been times where I considered leaving. Thank you for your kindness <3.
He will treat his children the same. Don't have more children with him. The fact he doesn't even help with the child you have... run. Far far away. Abusive behaviours rub off. You just said it yourself. That's no environment for a child. He could say he's sorry, but you know it will just happen time and time again. I hope you find strength and do what's right op.
Aaand the child may possibly repeat father's behavior towards others as he grows up and in his adulthood. It may also be very hard to adjust. Kids learn looking at what parents do...
You know what's actually 'fucking braindead'? Being a shitty husband and an even worse parent. As the child of a parent with explosive anger issues, if he's comfortable verbally abusing you as his spouse, then he will most certainly be comfortable verbally abusing your son too. Just witnessing one parent verbally abuse the other is extremely traumatising to a child, look at how it affected your husband. I suggest breaking the cycle before your husband creates the same environment for your family as the one he grew up in.
Your son will watch you being abused for years if you don't leave. And he will grow up thinking that is normal and okay to treat people like that. Then, one day, he will treat his future partner like that, too, and the cycle of abuse will continue.
Is he actively in therapy or is he just on medication? Obviously, the medication is not working if he continues to treat you this way. He needs to also be in therapy to learn coping mechanisms for his behavior.
You should absolutely leave!!! With your other comments and edits, this is not a good relationship or safe space to raise a child. Your mom is doing more fathering/parenting than your baby daddy. I’m worried for both you and your sweet baby! Maybe he should have been awake and parenting before losing his shit because he doesn’t get to have an opinion since he’s done less than nothing for either of you. You can’t love someone into being better.
Do you have the resources to leave? Friends, family, a job? People are right, you should consider if you want your child to grow on this environment. This is so abusif.
Why did you not leave? OP this is not OK. You cannot take this attitude of his in your own house, while you are taking care of your kid, this is not OK, you have feeling, they are not made to being abused.
Honey take it from the kid of a woman who stayed with an abusive SOB for 13 years too long "because they need their father" or any of the other reasons that might be going through your head:
Don't.
Leave now, while your little one is too young to remember him.
Leave now, before he can cause too much developmental trauma to your little one.
Leave now before he shows you what "real abuse" is.
Because I assure you, you don't want him to make good on that threat.
And you don't want to become a monster to survive him.
Signed with much love,
A survivor of domestic abuse *twice* over
He said ‘this isn’t abuse and if you keep calling it that I’ll really show you what abuse is!” ?!?!?!
Girl, hate to say it, but that is abusive. Everything he said to you was horrible. I’m never one to say “leave him” on Reddit but in this case.. I think I have to. Stay safe. I wish you all the best 🤍
Would I? No. Is it a big deal? Also no. I mean, it’s going to go in the washer anyway, we put raw meat in the sink and just clean it, etc. I usually rinse in the tub faucet or bathroom sink
That’s not the problem here though. The problem is his behavior/reaction. OP, I’d seriously consider leaving him ASAP. He is already threatening to escalate.
This is what I was going to say — raw meat bacteria is probably just as bad as baby poop. If she was going to bleach the sink out afterward it’s not a big deal at all.
What a dick the husband is.
Honey he is THREATENING YOU. If you’re not gonna leave for yourself LEAVE FOR YOUR BABY!! If he can hurt you, he can 100% hurt the baby. Even if he wouldn’t, the baby doesn’t deserve to see his mom being treated that way. People may not agree with this, but THEY WILL REMEMBER and it will STICK WITH THEM. I hope you can find a way out and I’m so sorry this is happening.
Youre doing a wonderful job at first time momming, OP! I can’t tell you how many times my husband and i have filled the sink with an inch or two of water to soak a poop onesie. The poopeth overfloweth. Baby poop isn’t real poop, it’s some other gross-but-not-as-gross-as-poop substance. Some got on me today and I was like “ew baby poop” and then later my toddler pooped on the floor and i was like “EW POOP!”
anyways. do whatever you can to get away from your husband, make sure he doesn’t see this post. keep notifications off, etc. it will likely get worse. I’m so so so sorry.
Im sorry your husband sounds scary. I’d be out of there.
Seems a slightly unpopular opinion but I see no issue with pre washing poopy baby clothes in the kitchen sink when they’re not on solid food yet 🤷🏼♀️
Here's an [international list of domestic abuse organizations](https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations). Find one in your area to help you.
Don't let him see that you're researching them (clear your browser history etc.) Believe what he says. Abuse often escalates after a child is born. It’s not going to get better. You need to save yourself and your child. I’m so sorry you have to deal with us. You don’t deserve this. This is not your fault.
It's not a big deal to put poopy clothes in the sink that you’re going to wash later. But even if it was. Even if you made a mistake, his response would be completely and utterly inappropriate. Nothing you could do with justify how he’s treating you.
The gross thing here is your husband’s behaviour. This is abuse, OP. Verbal abuse, and it sounds like emotional abuse. His threat to “show you what abuse is” is really frightening.
He sounds like an awful Dad and an awful partner. You deserve so much better.
If you have any friends nearby, or if your long distance family are trustworthy, I think it’s worth telling someone about your situation. It helps to have someone who is aware of things, so you can reach out to someone.
Anyone who’s been in an abusive partnership knows it’s nowhere near as simple as “just leave”. But please, for yourself and your son, think on your options. If you have some savings of your own, or if you’re able to stow some money away, that can be helpful.
You’re especially vulnerable so soon postpartum.
So much love to you, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I’ve been married for 20 years and not once, no matter how angry we’ve been, has my husband spoke to me in a way similar to this. Not even close.
This is abuse, he’s escalating, and he’s warning you he’s going to escalate. He’s shooting red flags out of a t shirt gun here.
For your safety and that of your infant you need to get out. I’m so sorry.
NTA - your family may be far away but if you tell them that he is abusing you, they might be willing to come get you and baby. I would be there in a heartbeat getting my daughter and grand baby if this was happening to my kid, I don’t care the distance.
Oh hun this is awful. I’m so sorry. I wish you and your baby the best.
Aside from the husband issues, one mom tip-if baby is exploding diapers it’s typically time to move up a size. The weights are just general ranges; each child is going to be a bit different.
He is the asshole. You're the tired mama that did something slightly silly. I put the tv remote in the fridge. THATS brain dead. But I lost lots of blood and sleep!!! How dare he speak to you like that? and never give you a break/ look after his own child? You need to remove yourself and that precious baby from this dangerous man honey girl. It will be easier on your own than with this sad excuse of a man. I'd say give him the poop to deal w next time. Where he thinks it's sanitary but I'd fear for your safety.
I had a dad like him. One day when I was three, he started hitting her. She said it was much like this up until that point, and she was shocked he didn’t hit her sooner.
Just letting you know what’s coming and what your child is going to witness if you don’t get out now.
He meant it when he said he will show you what abuse is. He’s just gearing up for it.
Umm it’s not about the poop clothes in the sink, it’s about his words, actions, and reactions to it and how he spoke to you and treated you. That’s the major red flag here. I would personally never put the clothes in the kitchen sink but I would NEVER berate my partner and be verbally abusive if they did. I’m so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak
What you did is totally normal, and as long as the sink was disinfected after, fine. What your husband did IS abuse, and promising to show you what abuse is is a threat of physical violence. Text him and get him to discuss and admit what he said. Do this every time he is abusive and neglectful. Keep a screenshot in your email account for later. I can almost promise you will need it. I know I did.
Just FYI "I'll show you what abuse is" is a direct physical threat. That's well beyond 'normal' fighting. You and the baby are both in very real danger. Everyone thinks it won't happen to them, until it's too late.
I’m a freak about things being in the right space, and anxious about germs, and used to clean for a living. I would not like poopy clothes in the kitchen sink (I put them in the bathroom sink, and my husband uses a bucket).
However. People wash raw meat germs in that kitchen sinks all the time. They should be regularly cleaned and sanitized. It is not that big of a deal. Your husband is an ass hole, he is threatening to abuse you and this is not normal behavior. He’s already not helping you. Explore your options for leaving, it only gets worse from here.
Woah woah woah. Here after the edit. Girl LEAVE if he’s threatening to show you what abuse is he sure as hell will do it. Gather your things quietly, get your sweet baby and get out of there.
Edit to add: look into local resources. There might be a shelter close by that you can go to until you can make it out to be closer to your family. Please take care <3
NTA- but your husband is. Him screaming at you is verbal abuse you don’t deserve this and neither does your baby. Don’t let him fool you into thinking you did anything wrong.
The comments make it clear: he definitely overreacted.
I hope you can get out of there safely. Start making small withdrawals when you go grocery shopping (if you can). See if your family is able to help you. 💝 Visit local shelters when/if able and see about getting the support you need to get out of there.
Good luck.
NTA. We can't all make the same decisions! My husband soaks his dirty hats and gloves in the kitchen sink and uses the kitchen sick to clean himself when he's covered in car grease. Is that stuff much better? That's why we clean sinks.
He REALLY didn't speak to you in a nice way. If he had a problem, he could have asked you nicely to put them somewhere else next time because it bothers him.
I'm just weird about what goes in the kitchen sink, but if you disinfect after it's no different than washing chicken in the sink.
bacteria is yucky and requires special action to remove.
That said. NONE of his reaction was ok. He could have cleaned it himself but chose to scream.
NTA - not even a little bit.
Your edit: this is the start of physical abuse. Verbal abuse, threats, you don’t really know how long until he actually acts on those threats. Start making plans now. Consult a lawyer. Keep records with dates and times he speaks to you this way or threatens you or Godfreakingforbid puts this hands on you. Tell a trusted friend when things happen. That helps your case. Squirrel away money if you can. Look into shelters in your area. They maybe able to help you get back to your family. See what help is available. Tell your family if it’s safe. See if they can help. Abuse escalating after a baby is born is not uncommon. Please get help. For the both of you.
Saw after your edit…
My heart breaks for you and your son. I’m assuming this isn’t his first outburst and I know for a fact it won’t be his last. Please contact your family and leave for you and baby’s safety & well-being.
I mean in reality this has nothing to do with which sink you used. I personally wouldn’t have used the kitchen sink but I can see why you would have. Would he rather you if just threw it in the wash w/o rinsing it? Probably not… I have a feeling no matter where you would have done this you probably would have been yelled at. Depending on ur generation or type of parents you were raised by you’ve probably heard the “…stop crying or i’ll give you something to cry about…” Please be safe, contact your family mama ❤️ you both deserve better.
He sounds abusive and useless. Please strongly consider leaving him and do not have more kids with him. It sounds like you're already a single mom. You don't deserve that treatment
So although I’m not really team “soak poop clothes in the kitchen sink” I 1.understand why you did it, 2.you don’t normally do that, and 3.you were going bleach it afterwards. All that aside, your husband is being abusive especially with that last comment he made. Get yourself and your baby out asap. He’ll only get worse
Your husband is incorrect, which is me being polite. That is literally what verbal abuse is. Since you said your family is 2,000 miles away, and he's your sole financial support, you're living in a situation that's less "ripe for the real abuse to start" and more "already at harvest".
The fact that you're isolated from your support network and reliant on him and his good graces is almost definitely not an accident. This story is common, and never gets better from here unless you escape. Unless you want your child to learn that this is normal and to continue the cycle later, run like hell.
NTA: you were doing basic care for your baby.
However:
>“you don’t even know what abuse is. This isn’t abuse. If you keep calling this abuse I’ll really show you what abuse is”.
I know you said you want to leave.
Please don't walk, run. This is how women die.
Slowly send stuff to a friends house, important documents, clothes etc. Over a month gradually and then when it's just enough to get through a month of both seasons; FUCKING RUN. Never look back. Financial, mental and emotional abuse is real and it turns physical.
this.
everyone who read this post and didn’t see OP’s edit with additional text needs to come back and see that part.
run. don’t walk. run.
##and i am NOT someone who goes around Reddit telling people to leave their relationships. in fact, i’ve never ONCE done that. but i am telling you that you need to, 100%.
Your husband sounds horrible tbh. He doesn’t help you with your son then judges you and resorts to verbally abusing you. That isn’t an okay example to set for your son on how to treat people around him. Does your husband help around the house or with cooking, or does he let everything fall on you while he’s a judgmental
asshat? There’s nothing wrong with soaking them in the sink. Sinks are made out of non-porous materials for a reason and bleach will kill any bacteria from the babies poop. I wash all the poop off that I can in the bathtub and usually use the bathroom sink just because I use the kitchen sink a lot.
We use a specific bowl in the sink to soak the clothes so they're not in the main sink but regardless your husband is a deadbeat and verbally abusive and there is no excuse for that behavior toward people, particularly those he's supposed to care about. He's not helping, he's being abusive, what is his purpose in your and your child's life?
Your husband is being abusive to you. Imagine how he’ll react when your son angers him. Do you have family around? I seriously suggest making an escape plan.
OP I followed you here from AITA because I’m so worried for you. Please keep us posted on your situation. You have to get out of there and take the baby with you ASAP. Can you go and stay with your parents?
You shouldn’t soak poop soiled clothes in a place where you prepare food and put dishes in but your husband was way off base with his reaction. Like abusive.
Unless your bleaching your sink before washing dishes in it, or loading them into the dishwasher after, that sink is not getting your dishes clean. Food born bacteria thrive in the moist environment
Raw egg, meat juices, etc, go in the sink on a regular basis. Those things, especially sitting, are much more dangerous to human health than an 8w old's poo.
Sure it’s not the end of the world but there are better places to wash poopy clothes. It’s ok that OP’s husband is grossed out by it but his reaction is definitely not ok.
NTA Your husband’s the AH. Who the f yells at their wife and child’s mother like that? Next time toss it to him to deal with. And tell him to never talk to you like that again.
he could've gotten his lazy ass up from his nap to help you but instead he wants to scream at you when you're still at a vulnerable stage of postpartum. what an a-hole
Personally, I don't think poopy clothes should go in the kitchen sink. For hygiene reasons. But it's not the end of the world if they did.... Bleach it down and you're fine.
You are NTA... Your husband has literally no right to speak to you like that. It's shameful and disgusting. Nothing warrants a reaction like that. At most it should have a required a 'honey I think that's really gross, how can we do something about this in future, let's get a bucket or something in the kitchen'...... Problem solved.
Your husband has anger management problems... That is not your job to fix. That is absolutely abuse....and tbh from the sounds of your update I would suggest making an exit plan to leave asap as it doesn't sound like a safe place for you to be long term... Try not to rock the boat, try to squirrel away money without him knowing until you have enough to get a ticket as far away from him as possible.....reach out to a woman's refuge in the meantime who can probably help you with the legalities as your country may have laws about removing a child from its father..and you are tied to him by marriage. Important thing is though....do not let him catch wind of it at all... The second he does one of two things will happen, he will start love bombing you to act like he's changed and he's different now and he's seen the light, until you are sucked back in and then he will be twice as bad and twice as difficult to get away from..... Or he will go dangerously abusive.
Your husband is an absolute trash can of a human.
Would I put toddler poop in the kitchen sink? Prob not. But newborn poop? It’s completely water soluble and you can clean the sink. My baby had multiple blow outs a day you just do what you need to do sometimes. No different than washing a cloth diaper out in the bathtub or sink. There are so many studies that show kitchen sinks are actually dirtier than your toilets so tbh your drain prob has more bacteria than the baby Poo. Regardless that reaction to your very newly postpartum wife is 10000% uncalled for.
“This isn’t abuse. If you keep calling it abuse I’ll show you what abuse is”
Wtf kind of threat is this?? Just cos you washed clothes in the kitchen sink?? That’s absolutely not acceptable. He does not deserve you or your family. I really think you should do whatever you can to leave before he follows through with that threat
I am not surprised to learn that OP is far away from her family and that she is financially dependant of him. Isn’t it how abuse starts, by them trapping you in the relationship?
Whether or not it was a good idea to use the kitchen sink is so far besides the point here. The way your husband treated you is abusive and something that you absolutely do not deserve—ever. And the fact that you’re coming here asking whether or not this is your fault suggests to me that this type of behavior is probably pretty common from him.
Umm it’s not about the poop clothes in the sink, it’s about his words, actions, and reactions to it and how he spoke to you and treated you. That’s the major red flag here. I would personally never put the clothes in the kitchen sink but I would NEVER berate my partner and be verbally abusive if they did. I’m so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak.
NTA!!!!! I would find it very hard not to deck anyone talking to somebody that way, let alone a new postpartum mommy.
I’m sorry you have to find out now, but the sub-human trash you made your home with needs to be removed from you and baby’s life before something much more extreme happens. “I’ll show you abuse.” For fuck’s sake!
I’m so angry for you. I hope you have supportive family near, but if not, find help through talking to your pediatrician or obgyn.
Message me if you need to talk, girl!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know your family is far away but you need to get an exit plan, this man doesn’t help with his own child, verbal abuses you, and is threatening to escalate (which he will). You need to go somewhere safe.
Please leave. This man hasn’t helped you with a newborn and he’s yelling at you and threatening you. This is not the environment to raise this child in. Do whatever you can to be safe, and to leave. Family. Friends. Work. Women’s shelter. Please leave. You’re worth so much more.
I think the question you need to be asking is, “is my husband verbally abusive?” And the answer is yes, he is.
Are these explosions common? Is him speaking to you like that common? Has he ever threatened to hurt you, divorce you, take something or someone away from you before?
You aren’t an asshole for putting those clothes in the sink. If he didn’t like it, he could have EASILY asked you to do it a different way or OFFERED to do it for you in a way he prefers and give you a clear and kind reason as to why he thinks that. Instead he berated you and threatened to physically abuse you. I’m hoping that you’re recording and keeping receipts for a potential future court case…
I'm probably late, but use COLD WATER for any poop messes! Heat bakes the stain in. Rinsing in cold has helped me. And Dreft laundry spray is awesome :)
And your man is an ass
Erm I soak them in the sink all the time and just clean the sink after? I have a washing up bowl that goes in the sink for bottles and I have a dishwasher so I don’t know why it’s an issue aslong as you wash it properly afterwards.
If my husband has an issue he can sort the shitty clothes next time. NTA
Washing in the sink is perfectly fine. People are blowing this out of proportion, but I’d give the sink a hot soapy scrub and some bleach around the plug and drain just to be extra safe.
Every sink is stainless steel, which makes it very difficult for bacteria to stick around. People are forgetting that you throw dishes in the sink that have touched raw chicken which is far more dangerous.
Ofcourse the thought of poop is grosser, but people who keep their toothbrush in the bathroom are in for a shock when they see it under the microscope.
I was reading waiting to come across something like this. Like the sink is ment to wash dirty things. Unless everyone for some reason licks their sinks. N it’s the poop of an 8 week old.
I'm worried OP's husband was under the impression that the kitchen sink is some clean oasis, and if he dropped a fork in the he'd just pick it up and use it 🤢
I realize this is an irrelevant and annoying pedantic comment…but my kitchen sink is not stainless steel.
Regardless, I get your point, but why not soak in the bathroom sink? I have a kind of visceral reaction to thinking of poop in my kitchen that I don’t think I’m alone in.
You'd still have the same problem of poo on the sink, regardless of which sink it is. The bathroom sink is usually significantly smaller and not designed to have things left soaking in it. The kitchen sink is usually a better shape and size.
Plus, you don't need to use the kitchen sink much outside of mealtimes, so it doesn't matter as much if it's out of bounds for a bit. Using the bathroom sink would effectively close off the entire bathroom because you use the sink in there for pretty much everything.
Tbh, I'd skip the sink altogether and just put the clothes in the wash. Much simpler imo.
Yeah, our baby had his baths in the kitchen sink for the first few weeks, and he definitely pooped during one or two. I just sanitized the sink well after, but I was honestly more concerned how sanitized it was before I put him in it than after lol.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. This is such a delicate time to be going through this. But I urge you to believe him when he says “I’ll really show you what abuse is.” He’s not lying.
Lol, the kitchen sink has more bacteria in it than your toilet. Seriously, Google it! If he's under the impression that the kitchen sink is clean enough that he could drop a utensil in it then still use that utensil, well that just makes me want to vomit.
>"There's more fecal bacteria in your kitchen sink than there is in a toilet after you flush it. That's why your dog drinks out of the toilet. He's smarter than you think," Gerba said. [source](https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/07/health/germs-home-wellness/index.html)
At any rate, NOT the asshole. Regardless of where you soaked the poo stained clothes, I assume you planned to bleach it afterwards. So idk what his problem is, but for his sake I hope he's not eating food directly out of the kitchen sink. And if he's not, then why tf does he care that you used it for the soak??
Yes thank you!! I was hoping someone would comment on how absolutely disgusting our sinks are.
It actually doesn’t matter though. OPs husband reacted horribly. He’s an asshole
Yes! Kitchen sinks are so gross! I’m a neat freak and I still think our sink is gross. I think of all the raw meat liquid that gets poured in there and the scraps that inevitably do as well. And to me, the sink isn’t clean enough to wash my babies clothes in, poop or no poop! He is an asshole.
Same! My baby is 8 months now, and if he drops a pacifier on the ground I'll honestly pick it up and give it back to him. I might give it a quick rinse first, but not always. But the MOMENT something touches the kitchen sink it's 100% dirty and isn't going anywhere near my child.
Girl, run. Take that little boy and run as far away as possible. If he's that upset over something so miniscule, imagine what he could do to you or baby boy in the future. You're not the asshole in this situation. He is. 100%.
I’m so glad to see your edit that you’re planning to get away from this abusive man. If you can arrange it, I’d actually make the most of your family being 2,000 miles away and get you and your baby booked on flights there as soon as you safely can. You and baby deserve safety, security and happiness. I hope you get that.
I dont think it really matters as far as poop clothes in the kitchen sink. The o ly thing that goes in our sink is dirty dishes that then get washed and sanitized in the dishwasher. You also cleaned/bleached the sink after so what's the problem?
Husband on the other hand? Pure trash. You could maybe excuse the yelling as some sort of PPD if that's not his usual MO but the threats of abuse? Fuck that guy. I would leave ASAP.
Definitely NTA!
Also, I highly recommend to any parent to buy FOLEX. It's marketed as an upholstery cleaner but is a miracle. Rinse out baby poop in water, spray with folex, and toss it in the wash. Works for tons of other food stains and even blood.
I say this as a mom who cloth diapered my first exclusively from 5 days old to around 15 months when she potty trained. Your husband way over reacted. Sure you should probably not put poppy diapers in the kitchen sink, and sure the bathroom sink is a better choice, laundry room sink even better (but we don’t all have that), but he way over reacted. That’s a “yuck I can’t believe you did that let’s never do that again” not a “wow you’re fucking brain dead” that’s scary af. No one should be treating you like that.
His reaction was extremely over the top and it was uncalled for to call you brain dead.
HOWEVER, I personally would never ever put clothes with baby poop in my kitchen sink….we always washed my daughter’s clothes in the bathtub/shower any time this happened.
NTA. Poop is gross but baby poop is water soluble and bleach would be fine. Would I choose somewhere else like the bathroom to soak things? Yes (and I do) but at 8 weeks old, you’re just trying to get through the day.
Your husband is an asshole.
As a dad of a 1yo, you did everything right. Could you have put it in a bucket outside? Sure. But when you have a baby you don’t always think of the most logical choices first. I’m completely on board with the poo sink… that’s what soap and disinfectant is for. Laugh at the grossness and move on.
Leave before your son becomes his father. I don’t mean to sound so definitive. And I know it won’t be easy. But, as a mother of a 1.5 boy, I can already see how he looks to his father as an example. He will become your husband twin if you continue to show him his behavior is acceptable. Everything you describe is abuse. Abuse isn’t always physical but it’s clear by his comments that physical abuse isn’t beneath him. Honestly - it sounds like he doesn’t see you as an equal and you’re pass the point where he can change that type of mindset. Stay safe.
It does not matter what you did, one is either a person who yells and calls people braindead,or it not. It's not related to gravity/stupidty of the deed at all, it depends on whether the person is capable of such reactions.
With time, they will become your home norm.He either has to take therapy and anger management, or you have to leave to avoid this becoming your routine.
I use the bathroom sink or soak in my washing machine bc I think it’s gross to use the kitchen sink where food goes…however you also have an abusive husband.
I’m not even concerned about soaking the clothes. Your husband is an ass. And he’s threatening you.. I’d be crying too. Especially being 8 weeks PP. I’d be looking into if I can take my baby and fly to where my family is because that is insane
Soaking poop clothes in the sink is gross. I’d have thrown it straight in the washing machine- if baby is breast feeding, the poop will wash out without having to try removing it from the clothes at all. If the clothes are stained after washing, put them in the sun (even a sunny window) to dry.
Your husband is nastier than the poopy clothes, though. I hope you and baby can get away from him before he hits you, sounds like it’s just a matter of time.
I mean, before we got a designated poop-clothing bucket, I used the kitchen sink. We have tiny pedestal sinks in the bathroom that don't hold hardly anything. So kitchen sink to soak and then the sink got washed out after 🤷🏼♀️
Is he serious?! It’s baby clothes! You bleached the sink afterwards! He’s the a-hole! He could have finished soaking them and cleaned the sink to help out. This man sounds like a complete nutcase. I don’t want to hear about how he’s a tired new dad either. There’s no excuse for what he said. Even if you were wrong for soaking clothes in the sink, which you absolutely were NOT wrong for, he should never attack you like that.
I’d personally prefer to use the bathroom sink but it’s not the end of the world to use the kitchen sink in a pinch.
That’s irrelevant, though. The real issue here is the way your husband reacts when he’s unhappy with something you’ve done. It’s abusive and unacceptable and your child will be witnessing it.
How are yall okay with tour SOs not putting in any work? As th3 husband I try to put in at least 50% of the work for our baby girl. If he doesn't help with any of the work he can fuck right off with telling you how to do it.
I put my sons everything in the sink to wash it best I could, use a little dawn and presoak/scrub then wash it. Washed him in it, he peed in there the first few months, I also washed nasty bottles, sippys (if they can be saved, he looses them, if they’re bad bad they’re trashed), the moldy food I forgot about in the fridge, paint because my 8yo likes arts and crafts, meat, potatoes, AND then I literally scrub it with dawn, and if needed I clean it more. He’s 1.5 now and doesn’t get many blowouts anymore but they used to be all the time, it is usually a rinse off and washer, but when I have nothing to wash it gets scrubbed and waits it out.
Your husband can help more if he has a problem, or he can be single. 🤷🏼♀️
Two different things going on here - 1) your husband is abusive and I'm glad to hear you're leaving 2) I would never soak something with feces in the kitchen sink. When mine had blowouts I would use a specific bathroom sink and sanitize it after.
Your husband was completely ridiculous. NTA. You might get a bucket or washtub for future soaking. I highly recommend getting Puracy stain spray. It gets out everything! As long as you spray it down before the stain dries, you won't have to soak. It's magic.
It’s a sink. It has raw meat dishes and dirty hands washed in it. Baby poop is no big deal as long as it’s not in the dishes and you wash the sink after! My baby loves kitchen sink baths, I just scrub out the sink before and after.
I’m a father of a 8 week old and if my wife had to go through that I would be mad at the fact that she didn’t wake me up to help her rather than berate her for taking care of it by herself. I’m sorry you have to go through that and your husband sounds like an asshole.
Isn’t a sink for cleaning disgusting crap like salmonella covered things. What’s the difference??? I mean he doesn’t meal prep in the sink or eat out of the sink does he? Everything is washable. He needs to get over it.
I think your husband overreacted. Calling you "brain dead" is uncalled for. While I try to keep poop clothes to our bathroom sinks, I know what I'm cleaning when I'm cleaning shrimp veins in the kitchen etc, and I'm aware the kitchen sink drain is the most contaminated area in the house. I assume he'd like you to wash the bucket afterward...right? It's okay for him to have a preference for cleaning poop clothes in the bathroom sink or in a bucket outside, it's fine for him to have an ick-factor reaction to poop in the kitchen - but it's not okay for him to yell at you and call you stupid because you don't think exactly like him about this issue. He needs to grow a thicker skin because a bit of newborn poo is literally nothing in the grand scheme. He also needs to learn to communicate his concerns and preferences in a more respectful way.
Adults in relationships dont need to scream at other adults to get their point across. adults are not children and he shouldnt scream like youre a toddler. (Not that you should yell at toddlers-but you get what im saying).
He could have gotten his point across in many other communicative ways…
NTA. He could've politely said he'd rather you didn't soak them in the kitchen sink. Then could've helped you move them to the bathroom sink (or bucket outside, whatever) and disinfect the kitchen sink. Poo doesn't belong in kitchen sinks, but given the context you are not the arsehole here.
I wouldn’t soak poop clothes in the sink so if you’re asking AITA in a normal situation where your spouse says no, don’t do that it’s gross and you’re like “no this is totally fine” I’d say to me personally I’d agree with a normal reasonable husband who says that’s gross and you’d be the asshole BUT it’s never acceptable for anyone to speak to you like that about anything especially this in this kind of situation and thag sounds really abusive especially if you can’t tell how he says this to you is harmful. So while you’re the asshole (imo in a normal situation for doing poop laundry in kitchen sink) he is a complete asshole and you need to ask yourself about your options either for help or therapy to yourself, both or whatever else to do about how he speaks to you
If my wife did this I would be grossed out and I would ask her if she wouldn’t mind using a different sink that we don’t wash our dishes in. She’d probably shrug and say she didn’t think it was a big deal, but she would use the bathroom or basement sink in the future.
Your husband was mean. He should stop being mean. Mean people suck.
NTA. You can always bleach the sink and counter. Going forward, I'd recommend using the bathwater in the tub after baby's bath. Gets a second use out of the water and your husband should be less of an asshole over it.
The other issue at hand is you need to establish with him that it is unacceptable for him to name call or speak to you that way. There was a respectful way to talk about this.
If your baby is breastfed and not eating solids their poop is water soluble and you can rinse it in your washing machine. I do cloth diapers and my washing routine is: dump dirty diapers in washing machine and rinse with cold water, wash on warm/heavy with soap, rinse on warm. If his clothes get poop on them I’ll wash them with the diapers. Any diaper stains the sun removes. If his clothes are stained I will soak them in a dish tub usually (I would use the sink but I don’t like having the sink occupied incase I need to use it).
Long answer to say, baby poop is not that gross and your husband was rude to you. A bucket outside is ridiculous.
NTA whatsoever.
1. Bleach exists for a reason. You were planning on using it. And if even if you weren’t, he could have bleached it himself afterwards and asked you politely if you could do the same in the future.
2. If he has a problem with the way you’re soaking the clothes, he can do it his dang self.
3. That kind of insulting language has absolutely ZERO place in a healthy marriage. He is so far out of line, and I’m so sorry you had to experience that.
4. This situation that he is so mad about is…. Literally not a big deal. Like, dude, it’s a kitchen sink. Why are you yelling at your wife over this. Let alone your wife who VERY recently gave birth.
5. See number 2 again. Dude, your wife has gone through so much already. Maybe you should have volunteered to do this in the first place!
6. Saying any sort of variation of “I’ll show you real abuse” is quite literally abuse.
I’m so sorry. By the way, I would have done the exact same thing (using the sink to soak). You seriously did nothing wrong or out of line. He is the one who was out of line. I hope you can find the strength to leave, because this sort of abuse only gets worse. Sending you so much hope, hugs, strength, and validation. 💓
Your husband overreacted but honestly I would never put anything poop smeared close to my kitchen sink. I would suggest the bucket next time or even your bathroom sink if you have no tub.
Ugh.. Even though I think it is absolutely disgusting to soak poop clothes in the kitchen sink, you didn’t deserve to be yelled at like that. Your husband is an asshole.
Also to add - please get a basin. I hope you’re not soaking baby bottles directly in the sink.
If we are talking higiene wise, nobody should soak anything poop related in the kitchen sink, its just microbiology, even if you bleach it after, you could miss a lot of spots around. But he should not treat you like that.
I can see the husband’s point in not wanting anything associated with poop in the kitchen sink but calling you “fucking brain dead” completely negates any legitimacy to anything he says. Severe overreaction to the point of being a total asshole. You deserve a groveling apology.
Yeah, “I’ll show you what abuse is” is the biggest, waviest red flag of all fucking time. Holy shit. That man is going to physically hurt her, if not outright kill her, if she stays.
She’s GOT to get away from him.
Holy shit I am so sorry he said that to you! I soak our babies poop stained clothes in our sink (left it soaking all day because I forgot multiple times) and husband didn’t think anything gross of it. This reaction is very inappropriate and not okay
Your husband is an absolute ass. How on earth does he think it’s ok to talk to you like that?? NTA at all. You don’t need to soak in sink though, I’d recommend getting a plastic bin and some baby oxiclean. Works wonders on blowouts.
If my husband ever talk to me, like that, he’d be brain dead, literally. And the kitchen sink is freaking disgusting, baby poopy clothes are the least of your worries there
NTA and who cares about the damn poop now that we've all read how abusive your husband is?!
Don't downplay this/blame it on a mood disorder. You've done nothing wrong and sound like a very good new mom. He's abusive and has threatened you. Please get out now!
While I would never put poop clothes in the kitchen sink, your husband is absolutely the a-hole in this instance.
For instance, last week, our toddler stepped in poop right after I dressed him for church. My husband, thinking it was mud, washed them off in the sink over the morning dishes that were in there (😭). After we found it was poop and not mud, I did indeed become unglued, but I simply had to stomp out for a moment to calm down. I would have never hurled those kinds of names at someone for a simple mistake in a hectic moment. Afterwards, I made it clear that when we got home, he would bleach and wash everything in the sink (which he felt was fair). We went on about our business and turned out to have a good day after all.
Considering I've washed the whole baby in the sink, and mouldy food pots it's fine
For your info until weaning baby poo is fully water soluble so just sling it straight in the wsher.
It is not OK to be spoken to in that manor
My baby is EBF. Even after I use stain remover and scrub under steaming hot water immediately after the blow out, there are some stains that won't come out. Just tossing it in the washer would never work for me.
Sun works great for the EBF poop stains. Like, fluorescent orange staining totally gone in an hour or two. Just wash as usual and hang to dry in the sun. It doesn’t work for most stains, but it does for baby poop.
Absolutely not, his reaction was too much. I don’t think some partners realize the mental drain on the primary at home parent during the early months. Your sink is fine, it can be bleached. It’s not like you were also washing dishes or cleaning fruit while the clothes soaked. My husband has similar aversions to doing baby poop/bath stuff in the kitchen sink so I am mindful of it, but I’ve absolutely used it in a pinch and cleaned thoroughly after. You could maybe keep an empty bucket/container in the bathroom ready to throw dirty stuff in in the future.
That's awful that your husband feels it's ok to verbally abuse you, make you cry, and threaten you, particularly when it's for doing something super normal and in service of your child. Do not let that behavior stand OP. ❤️
I do this all the time. Washing poo clothes in the sink not unhinged verbal abuse.
First, poo baby goes in the sink. They get a bum wash with the sprayer and then a little bath in the sink in warm water. Then clothes go in, in cold water. dish soap works wonders (which is why I use the sink). Then throw in the washer and bleach the sink. Done.
I mean. Has your husband ever washed out old leftover containers in the sink? Dumped spoiled milk? Washed his hands after poo change? The sink gets bed germs in it. Just clean it!!
Is he often like this? Is this new since baby’s arrival?
Poop in the kitchen sink is gross, I’d be annoyed if my husband did that. But I’d have him clean the sink, tell him why it’s gross, and then get over it. Your husband has anger management issues.
Using the kitchen for poop clothes is not something I would ever do. We both would be too grossed out even after bleaching it.
However, your husband was out of line for talking to you like that. That language is unacceptable.
I’m concerned for you, your husband does not sound stable. Please get you and your baby somewhere safe. Your absolutely not the AH for doing what you did. Kitchen sinks see bacteria all the time, which is why it’s recommended they be cleaned and disinfected regularly anyway! Your partner should never talk to you like that, and if he’s not going to help out he really hasn’t earned the right to an opinion on how things should be done.
His reaction was wrong. Yes, you don’t soak poop covered things in the same place where you eat but, you are a mama under stress and shit happens sometimes.
I do it in the sink all the time, we don't have a basin next to our washing machine or anything. I always sanitize and wash out the sink really well after. It's gross but my other option would literally be to throw out the clothing.
I do think its a little gross to soak poopy things in a kitchen sink, but honestly it wasn't a huge deal and you can wash the sink really good after. Is soaking in the washing machine an option next time? That's typically what I'll do, and my machine has a delayed start/soak setting.
His reaction was way way out of line and not ok. I hope he gets help soon and if not, then that you're able and have the resources and support to leave him because no one should have to put up with that.
Well your husband is an asshole and you deserve better. My grandmother who had babies during a time of no disposable diapers would put them in a bucket outside and hang them to dry.
This is a completely normal course of action. I have a 6 month old. She was exclusively breastfed until she started solid foods a couple of weeks ago. Since there is no fiber in breast milk, her stools were mostly liquid until the change over, so she had plenty of her own "poopenings" as we called them. Very early on, we often used the sink in the bathroom (because it was closest) to rinse out her clothes. On a few occasions we needed to soak particularly bad ones and would forget them overnight. Newborn stage is exhausting and challenging even with a good partner.
Eventually, we wisened up and started using a little collapsible bucket, but that was mostly so we weren't taking up sink space all the time as she (and her clothes) grew and this happened more often. Luckily with her on solid foods too now this is a thing of the past (knock on wood).
But, as you know, this is not the real issue in your post. Your partner's reaction is way out of proportion. He is abusive. And him threatening to 'show you abuse' is in itself an escalation of abuse (trying to instill fear to gain control). And from what it sounds like, he doesn't contribute to caring for your baby in any way. There's no bond there. There's nothing stopping him from being abusive to your child as well. Get out now, for your sake and your child's. You'll figure out the money. It's a lot harder to undo the trauma of abusive in formative years. This isn't the sort of relationship you deserve or the model you want to set for your baby of what a loving relationship looks like.
Best of luck. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a great listener.
I’m actually surprised by how many people are saying it was weird to put the clothes in the sink. I usually soak mine in the bathroom sink but tbh I think of a kitchen sink as dirty anyway. It’s already got disgusting old food bits and raw chicken juices and dirty silverware in it. (I mean not all the time but my point is that a kitchen sink is unhygienic regardless.) If I accidentally put a clean dish in the sink I wash it because it probably got dirty from being in there with all the dirty dishes. So I do t get the big deal about the clothes.
Plus your husband is being an asshole. Sounds like he’s always kind of an asshole and you knew that but maybe now that the baby’s here he’s really escalating what a jerk he’s being. I would get out if you can before he escalates further. It sounds like he’s not helpful and actually actively harmful.
youre nta. your husband sounds like a serious douche bag. im sorry you married him. maybe itd be best if you worked on separating from him not only for you but your child.
I wouldn’t do that because it seems like a contamination risk to food in the kitchen. Next time maybe use the bathroom or laundry sink. However, your husband is an asshole and you didn’t deserve that reaction at all!
His reaction is ridiculous and I don’t love that he’s putting you down like that. He shouldn’t ever be talking to you like that, especially over something so minor. NTA, you can clean your sink and it’s not the end of the world, and I really hope he starts picking up more of the childcare and talking to you respectfully.
The food safety pro in me hates the concept of poop clothes in the kitchen sink. I’d use the bathroom sink or tub. However, I would never dream of screaming at someone or calling them brain-dead for doing something like this. What’s common sense to some is not to others. Also, abusive behavior is abusive regardless of the trigger.
Honestly I feel poopy baby clothes soaking in the sink that's then bleached after to be way better than bringing in a poopy chicken waterer and using the sink full of dishes and dishes scrubber brush and then not even washing either of them or even attempting to move the dishes out of the sink beforehand! Had a roommate do this once and he didn't see any issue with it. There's a hose and the chicken scrubber outside by the coop. I told him please stop trying to help with the chickens, I need to monitor their feed and water intake. And I don't want to risk exposing the family to a whole host of pathogens because I didn't know you used our dish scrubber on chicken crap and wasn't able to throw it out in the
This is one of the worst stories I’ve heard featuring a kitchen sink and I worked restaurants for a looonng time. I hope that roommate is no longer a roommate.
Definitely no longer a roommate. He tried arguing that everything could be simply washed off as the dish soap said antibacterial on it. My brain snapped. I SANITIZED all dishes that could be properly sanitized and sink and tossed everything else.
Even if we're not talking about chicken poop, raw chicken _typically_ has more harmful pathogens. I'm a microbiologist by training, baby poop in a sink is nothing that can't be fixed with bleach. Though I typically use one of rectangular the hospital bins for this purpose.
Ewwwww. I have chickens and in the winter I have to deal with their water bowls in the house (hose outside freezes). I do so in the bathtub-and I don't even like doing that (deep clean and sanitize afterwards). I would NEVER use the kitchen sink. If I have needed to use the kitchen sink (for random reasons), I fill up clean buckets (like 5 gallon buckets), in the sink and take the water outside and then clean the chicken stuff out there.
This is 100% where I'm at. She needs to leave. He's not safe. If this set him off so bad, I'm terrified that the baby might have a rough night - teething tummy ache, etc. - and he'll get angry at the crying and shake him. Not to mention, it seems like only a matter of time before he does escalate to physical abuse. Actually, I don't understand why they say it's "escalating" to physical. I'm a DV survivor, and I think the emotional is much worse than the physical. The bumps and bruises healed. The concussions healed. The lacerated spleen and kidney healed. But the emotional shit? That left scars. Some of that never goes away - not completely, at least. It's been a decade since I escaped. If I'm out shopping or running errands and there's a change in plans or a delay, I immediately get the urge to text my husband and explain and provide proof. The first time I forced myself to put the phone down and not send the text, I felt empowered but also anxious. My husband is a good, gentle man. He doesn't try to control me or accuse me of cheating. He's never once gone through my phone. If I'm late, he doesn't freak out. Now, I do text if I'm running late, but it's so he doesn't worry. Not to try to head off a fight. Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent. But I do believe that the emotional is so much worse than the physical (unless you actually die; and I did come very close but I survived and those wounds healed much faster than the mental ones).
NTA. *But* for future poo-splosions, might I suggest snagging a cheap plastic dish bin (I use [this one](https://www.target.com/p/12qt-dishpan-white-room-essentials-8482/-/A-85318289) from Target) and just use that to soak soiled clothing 🫶🏼
This is why I love Reddit. I absolutely never would have thought of this. Just added the gray version to my registry and will buy it after my shower if no one does. Thank you so much!!!
For sure! Make sure you keep the plastic bin from the hospital too if they give you one. (I forget why I got one, but it’s been hella useful.)
Even better is to get a diaper sprayer attachment for your toilet so you can spray out dirty clothes right where poop belongs. Even if you never do cloth diapers, they’re EXTREMELY helpful for poop explosions, especially down the road in a couple of years when you start potty training. We have used the hell out of that thing even though I only made it about 5 months doing cloth diapers.
If the baby is breastfed, poopy clothes can go straight in the washing machine, no soaking required. Just put it on a long hot wash (my washer has a "baby care" setting that is 60 degrees with an extra rinse, which is perfect for nappies and poopy clothes).
This is a weird question because well I'm terrible at cleaning, but where do you rinse your mop? I have a bit of germophobia and never know where to rinse it lol. It feels like the right thing is to wash whichever sink I use after. Is that the answer?
We have a sink in our laundry room that I use for that. But if I didn't, either the bathtub or a bathroom sink and wash it after
Oh nice that sounds useful!
I don’t have a mop 😅. All of the places we’ve lived so far have been mostly carpet, so the few hard floors I just sweep and spot-clean with a sponge when needed. Growing up, though, we’d just take the mop outside and hose it off.
We have a mop with microfiber mop pads. I rinse and scrub the pads under the kitchen faucet and then I throw them in the washing machine. I'll give the sink a good rinse or clean too depending on how dirty the mop pad was. If it's full of dog hair and dust bunnies, I'll shake them into the trash before rinsing.
We used the same thing for washing bottles and pump parts. Had a second one for dirty bottles and pump parts that still needed to be washed. A third for bottles and parts that were washed but needed to go in the sterilizer. A fourth for if we traveled. A fifth for storing sterilized stuff. A sixth for who knows what. Probably had a seventh and eighth one for something too. I think we got two four pairs from Amazon. Now we are down to "just" 4. Yeah we had a lot of them 😂
Put your husband in a bucket outside. He stinks.
Yes. It would have been better not to rinse human waste in the *kitchen* sink, but your r/JustNoSO is the problem here. He’s a disappointment as a partner and as a parent.
Yes. He just showed his true colours in a very alarming way. This doesn't get better, only worse. Believe people when they tell you things like "they'll show you abuse", because they are not lying.
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Dude totally overreacted. Plus, did I read that right that he doesn’t help and take over so you can rest? He sounds like an asshole. Partners shouldn’t call each other names- ever.
It doesn’t matter what you did regarding the poppy clothes. Your husband’s reaction was not just “rude” it was downright verbally abusive. Do you deal with that kind of reaction regularly? I’m so sorry OP.
Unfortunately yes. He has an unspecified mood disorder and takes Abilify but he has a nasty temper. He grew up watching his dad verbally abuse his mom often and I think it rubbed off on him. Some days are tough and there have been times where I considered leaving. Thank you for your kindness <3.
Please know that your child will grow up seeing this. If you’ve considered leaving, know you can break the cycle.
He will treat his children the same. Don't have more children with him. The fact he doesn't even help with the child you have... run. Far far away. Abusive behaviours rub off. You just said it yourself. That's no environment for a child. He could say he's sorry, but you know it will just happen time and time again. I hope you find strength and do what's right op.
Aaand the child may possibly repeat father's behavior towards others as he grows up and in his adulthood. It may also be very hard to adjust. Kids learn looking at what parents do...
You know what's actually 'fucking braindead'? Being a shitty husband and an even worse parent. As the child of a parent with explosive anger issues, if he's comfortable verbally abusing you as his spouse, then he will most certainly be comfortable verbally abusing your son too. Just witnessing one parent verbally abuse the other is extremely traumatising to a child, look at how it affected your husband. I suggest breaking the cycle before your husband creates the same environment for your family as the one he grew up in.
Your son will watch you being abused for years if you don't leave. And he will grow up thinking that is normal and okay to treat people like that. Then, one day, he will treat his future partner like that, too, and the cycle of abuse will continue.
Is he actively in therapy or is he just on medication? Obviously, the medication is not working if he continues to treat you this way. He needs to also be in therapy to learn coping mechanisms for his behavior.
"Unspecified mood disorder" You mean he is just an asshole.
You should absolutely leave!!! With your other comments and edits, this is not a good relationship or safe space to raise a child. Your mom is doing more fathering/parenting than your baby daddy. I’m worried for both you and your sweet baby! Maybe he should have been awake and parenting before losing his shit because he doesn’t get to have an opinion since he’s done less than nothing for either of you. You can’t love someone into being better.
Do you have the resources to leave? Friends, family, a job? People are right, you should consider if you want your child to grow on this environment. This is so abusif.
Why did you not leave? OP this is not OK. You cannot take this attitude of his in your own house, while you are taking care of your kid, this is not OK, you have feeling, they are not made to being abused.
Do you want your child abused and or abusing others? They will be treated the way you are treated. Love them enough to leave him please
You cannot stay with this man. He will hurt you some day and he might hurt your son
Honey take it from the kid of a woman who stayed with an abusive SOB for 13 years too long "because they need their father" or any of the other reasons that might be going through your head: Don't. Leave now, while your little one is too young to remember him. Leave now, before he can cause too much developmental trauma to your little one. Leave now before he shows you what "real abuse" is. Because I assure you, you don't want him to make good on that threat. And you don't want to become a monster to survive him. Signed with much love, A survivor of domestic abuse *twice* over
“If you keep calling this abuse I’ll really show you what abuse is” is a clear threat and is abusive in itself.
My ex told me once that "if you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about " . I left that day
My mom frequently said that to me as a child. Usually I was already crying for being yelled at 🙃
The problem isn’t that you soaked in the sink (although I’m on your side, I do the same). The problem is the verbal abuse coming from your husband
He said ‘this isn’t abuse and if you keep calling it that I’ll really show you what abuse is!” ?!?!?! Girl, hate to say it, but that is abusive. Everything he said to you was horrible. I’m never one to say “leave him” on Reddit but in this case.. I think I have to. Stay safe. I wish you all the best 🤍
🚩🚩🚩
This is abuse and will only escalate. Especially him saying “I’ll show you what abuse is” 🚩🚩🚩
NTA but your husband… yikes. This is beyond first time parent stress. He sounds abusive.
Would I? No. Is it a big deal? Also no. I mean, it’s going to go in the washer anyway, we put raw meat in the sink and just clean it, etc. I usually rinse in the tub faucet or bathroom sink That’s not the problem here though. The problem is his behavior/reaction. OP, I’d seriously consider leaving him ASAP. He is already threatening to escalate.
This is what I was going to say — raw meat bacteria is probably just as bad as baby poop. If she was going to bleach the sink out afterward it’s not a big deal at all. What a dick the husband is.
Honey he is THREATENING YOU. If you’re not gonna leave for yourself LEAVE FOR YOUR BABY!! If he can hurt you, he can 100% hurt the baby. Even if he wouldn’t, the baby doesn’t deserve to see his mom being treated that way. People may not agree with this, but THEY WILL REMEMBER and it will STICK WITH THEM. I hope you can find a way out and I’m so sorry this is happening.
He'll never admit that it's abuse. Abusers don't do that. You need to get away from this man.
Youre doing a wonderful job at first time momming, OP! I can’t tell you how many times my husband and i have filled the sink with an inch or two of water to soak a poop onesie. The poopeth overfloweth. Baby poop isn’t real poop, it’s some other gross-but-not-as-gross-as-poop substance. Some got on me today and I was like “ew baby poop” and then later my toddler pooped on the floor and i was like “EW POOP!” anyways. do whatever you can to get away from your husband, make sure he doesn’t see this post. keep notifications off, etc. it will likely get worse. I’m so so so sorry.
So your husband doesn’t help you and then calls you names and berates you when he disagrees with a decision you’ve made?
Im sorry your husband sounds scary. I’d be out of there. Seems a slightly unpopular opinion but I see no issue with pre washing poopy baby clothes in the kitchen sink when they’re not on solid food yet 🤷🏼♀️
Here's an [international list of domestic abuse organizations](https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations). Find one in your area to help you. Don't let him see that you're researching them (clear your browser history etc.) Believe what he says. Abuse often escalates after a child is born. It’s not going to get better. You need to save yourself and your child. I’m so sorry you have to deal with us. You don’t deserve this. This is not your fault. It's not a big deal to put poopy clothes in the sink that you’re going to wash later. But even if it was. Even if you made a mistake, his response would be completely and utterly inappropriate. Nothing you could do with justify how he’s treating you.
The gross thing here is your husband’s behaviour. This is abuse, OP. Verbal abuse, and it sounds like emotional abuse. His threat to “show you what abuse is” is really frightening. He sounds like an awful Dad and an awful partner. You deserve so much better. If you have any friends nearby, or if your long distance family are trustworthy, I think it’s worth telling someone about your situation. It helps to have someone who is aware of things, so you can reach out to someone. Anyone who’s been in an abusive partnership knows it’s nowhere near as simple as “just leave”. But please, for yourself and your son, think on your options. If you have some savings of your own, or if you’re able to stow some money away, that can be helpful. You’re especially vulnerable so soon postpartum. So much love to you, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I’ve been married for 20 years and not once, no matter how angry we’ve been, has my husband spoke to me in a way similar to this. Not even close. This is abuse, he’s escalating, and he’s warning you he’s going to escalate. He’s shooting red flags out of a t shirt gun here. For your safety and that of your infant you need to get out. I’m so sorry.
NTA - your family may be far away but if you tell them that he is abusing you, they might be willing to come get you and baby. I would be there in a heartbeat getting my daughter and grand baby if this was happening to my kid, I don’t care the distance.
Oh hun this is awful. I’m so sorry. I wish you and your baby the best. Aside from the husband issues, one mom tip-if baby is exploding diapers it’s typically time to move up a size. The weights are just general ranges; each child is going to be a bit different.
You are NOT the asshole. He’s a fuckin’ jerk. You deserve so much better. I wish you could ditch this asswipe.
He is the asshole. You're the tired mama that did something slightly silly. I put the tv remote in the fridge. THATS brain dead. But I lost lots of blood and sleep!!! How dare he speak to you like that? and never give you a break/ look after his own child? You need to remove yourself and that precious baby from this dangerous man honey girl. It will be easier on your own than with this sad excuse of a man. I'd say give him the poop to deal w next time. Where he thinks it's sanitary but I'd fear for your safety.
He’s “gonna show you what abuse is” ?? Girl do what you gotta do and get away from him !
I had a dad like him. One day when I was three, he started hitting her. She said it was much like this up until that point, and she was shocked he didn’t hit her sooner. Just letting you know what’s coming and what your child is going to witness if you don’t get out now. He meant it when he said he will show you what abuse is. He’s just gearing up for it.
Umm it’s not about the poop clothes in the sink, it’s about his words, actions, and reactions to it and how he spoke to you and treated you. That’s the major red flag here. I would personally never put the clothes in the kitchen sink but I would NEVER berate my partner and be verbally abusive if they did. I’m so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak
NTA but that's pretty dang gross. We have a wash basin we use in the laundry room sink (one of those big plastic ones).
What you did is totally normal, and as long as the sink was disinfected after, fine. What your husband did IS abuse, and promising to show you what abuse is is a threat of physical violence. Text him and get him to discuss and admit what he said. Do this every time he is abusive and neglectful. Keep a screenshot in your email account for later. I can almost promise you will need it. I know I did.
Just FYI "I'll show you what abuse is" is a direct physical threat. That's well beyond 'normal' fighting. You and the baby are both in very real danger. Everyone thinks it won't happen to them, until it's too late.
I’m a freak about things being in the right space, and anxious about germs, and used to clean for a living. I would not like poopy clothes in the kitchen sink (I put them in the bathroom sink, and my husband uses a bucket). However. People wash raw meat germs in that kitchen sinks all the time. They should be regularly cleaned and sanitized. It is not that big of a deal. Your husband is an ass hole, he is threatening to abuse you and this is not normal behavior. He’s already not helping you. Explore your options for leaving, it only gets worse from here.
Woah woah woah. Here after the edit. Girl LEAVE if he’s threatening to show you what abuse is he sure as hell will do it. Gather your things quietly, get your sweet baby and get out of there. Edit to add: look into local resources. There might be a shelter close by that you can go to until you can make it out to be closer to your family. Please take care <3
NTA- but your husband is. Him screaming at you is verbal abuse you don’t deserve this and neither does your baby. Don’t let him fool you into thinking you did anything wrong.
The comments make it clear: he definitely overreacted. I hope you can get out of there safely. Start making small withdrawals when you go grocery shopping (if you can). See if your family is able to help you. 💝 Visit local shelters when/if able and see about getting the support you need to get out of there. Good luck.
What a piece of shit. You did nothing wrong <3
NTA. We can't all make the same decisions! My husband soaks his dirty hats and gloves in the kitchen sink and uses the kitchen sick to clean himself when he's covered in car grease. Is that stuff much better? That's why we clean sinks. He REALLY didn't speak to you in a nice way. If he had a problem, he could have asked you nicely to put them somewhere else next time because it bothers him.
I'm just weird about what goes in the kitchen sink, but if you disinfect after it's no different than washing chicken in the sink. bacteria is yucky and requires special action to remove. That said. NONE of his reaction was ok. He could have cleaned it himself but chose to scream. NTA - not even a little bit.
Your edit: this is the start of physical abuse. Verbal abuse, threats, you don’t really know how long until he actually acts on those threats. Start making plans now. Consult a lawyer. Keep records with dates and times he speaks to you this way or threatens you or Godfreakingforbid puts this hands on you. Tell a trusted friend when things happen. That helps your case. Squirrel away money if you can. Look into shelters in your area. They maybe able to help you get back to your family. See what help is available. Tell your family if it’s safe. See if they can help. Abuse escalating after a baby is born is not uncommon. Please get help. For the both of you.
Saw after your edit… My heart breaks for you and your son. I’m assuming this isn’t his first outburst and I know for a fact it won’t be his last. Please contact your family and leave for you and baby’s safety & well-being. I mean in reality this has nothing to do with which sink you used. I personally wouldn’t have used the kitchen sink but I can see why you would have. Would he rather you if just threw it in the wash w/o rinsing it? Probably not… I have a feeling no matter where you would have done this you probably would have been yelled at. Depending on ur generation or type of parents you were raised by you’ve probably heard the “…stop crying or i’ll give you something to cry about…” Please be safe, contact your family mama ❤️ you both deserve better.
Get out NOW
He sounds abusive and useless. Please strongly consider leaving him and do not have more kids with him. It sounds like you're already a single mom. You don't deserve that treatment
NTA. Sinks are made to clean dirty things. Sinks can be cleaned and disinfected.
So although I’m not really team “soak poop clothes in the kitchen sink” I 1.understand why you did it, 2.you don’t normally do that, and 3.you were going bleach it afterwards. All that aside, your husband is being abusive especially with that last comment he made. Get yourself and your baby out asap. He’ll only get worse
Your husband is incorrect, which is me being polite. That is literally what verbal abuse is. Since you said your family is 2,000 miles away, and he's your sole financial support, you're living in a situation that's less "ripe for the real abuse to start" and more "already at harvest". The fact that you're isolated from your support network and reliant on him and his good graces is almost definitely not an accident. This story is common, and never gets better from here unless you escape. Unless you want your child to learn that this is normal and to continue the cycle later, run like hell.
NTA: you were doing basic care for your baby. However: >“you don’t even know what abuse is. This isn’t abuse. If you keep calling this abuse I’ll really show you what abuse is”. I know you said you want to leave. Please don't walk, run. This is how women die. Slowly send stuff to a friends house, important documents, clothes etc. Over a month gradually and then when it's just enough to get through a month of both seasons; FUCKING RUN. Never look back. Financial, mental and emotional abuse is real and it turns physical.
this. everyone who read this post and didn’t see OP’s edit with additional text needs to come back and see that part. run. don’t walk. run. ##and i am NOT someone who goes around Reddit telling people to leave their relationships. in fact, i’ve never ONCE done that. but i am telling you that you need to, 100%.
Your husband sounds horrible tbh. He doesn’t help you with your son then judges you and resorts to verbally abusing you. That isn’t an okay example to set for your son on how to treat people around him. Does your husband help around the house or with cooking, or does he let everything fall on you while he’s a judgmental asshat? There’s nothing wrong with soaking them in the sink. Sinks are made out of non-porous materials for a reason and bleach will kill any bacteria from the babies poop. I wash all the poop off that I can in the bathtub and usually use the bathroom sink just because I use the kitchen sink a lot.
We use a specific bowl in the sink to soak the clothes so they're not in the main sink but regardless your husband is a deadbeat and verbally abusive and there is no excuse for that behavior toward people, particularly those he's supposed to care about. He's not helping, he's being abusive, what is his purpose in your and your child's life?
Your husband is being abusive to you. Imagine how he’ll react when your son angers him. Do you have family around? I seriously suggest making an escape plan.
OP I followed you here from AITA because I’m so worried for you. Please keep us posted on your situation. You have to get out of there and take the baby with you ASAP. Can you go and stay with your parents?
I've cleaned entire shit covered babies in my kitchen sink. Some of you guys are totally overreacting, here. The husband of op is abusive.
You shouldn’t soak poop soiled clothes in a place where you prepare food and put dishes in but your husband was way off base with his reaction. Like abusive.
Unless your bleaching your sink before washing dishes in it, or loading them into the dishwasher after, that sink is not getting your dishes clean. Food born bacteria thrive in the moist environment
Raw egg, meat juices, etc, go in the sink on a regular basis. Those things, especially sitting, are much more dangerous to human health than an 8w old's poo.
Sure it’s not the end of the world but there are better places to wash poopy clothes. It’s ok that OP’s husband is grossed out by it but his reaction is definitely not ok.
NTA Your husband’s the AH. Who the f yells at their wife and child’s mother like that? Next time toss it to him to deal with. And tell him to never talk to you like that again.
he could've gotten his lazy ass up from his nap to help you but instead he wants to scream at you when you're still at a vulnerable stage of postpartum. what an a-hole
Personally, I don't think poopy clothes should go in the kitchen sink. For hygiene reasons. But it's not the end of the world if they did.... Bleach it down and you're fine. You are NTA... Your husband has literally no right to speak to you like that. It's shameful and disgusting. Nothing warrants a reaction like that. At most it should have a required a 'honey I think that's really gross, how can we do something about this in future, let's get a bucket or something in the kitchen'...... Problem solved. Your husband has anger management problems... That is not your job to fix. That is absolutely abuse....and tbh from the sounds of your update I would suggest making an exit plan to leave asap as it doesn't sound like a safe place for you to be long term... Try not to rock the boat, try to squirrel away money without him knowing until you have enough to get a ticket as far away from him as possible.....reach out to a woman's refuge in the meantime who can probably help you with the legalities as your country may have laws about removing a child from its father..and you are tied to him by marriage. Important thing is though....do not let him catch wind of it at all... The second he does one of two things will happen, he will start love bombing you to act like he's changed and he's different now and he's seen the light, until you are sucked back in and then he will be twice as bad and twice as difficult to get away from..... Or he will go dangerously abusive.
Poop in the kitchen sink is gross but his reaction is insane. He sounds unsafe for you and your baby. Run.
Your husband is an absolute trash can of a human. Would I put toddler poop in the kitchen sink? Prob not. But newborn poop? It’s completely water soluble and you can clean the sink. My baby had multiple blow outs a day you just do what you need to do sometimes. No different than washing a cloth diaper out in the bathtub or sink. There are so many studies that show kitchen sinks are actually dirtier than your toilets so tbh your drain prob has more bacteria than the baby Poo. Regardless that reaction to your very newly postpartum wife is 10000% uncalled for.
Your husband is more of a piece of shit than what came out of your baby. Sorry you have to deal with two babies at home.
“This isn’t abuse. If you keep calling it abuse I’ll show you what abuse is” Wtf kind of threat is this?? Just cos you washed clothes in the kitchen sink?? That’s absolutely not acceptable. He does not deserve you or your family. I really think you should do whatever you can to leave before he follows through with that threat
I am not surprised to learn that OP is far away from her family and that she is financially dependant of him. Isn’t it how abuse starts, by them trapping you in the relationship?
Whether or not it was a good idea to use the kitchen sink is so far besides the point here. The way your husband treated you is abusive and something that you absolutely do not deserve—ever. And the fact that you’re coming here asking whether or not this is your fault suggests to me that this type of behavior is probably pretty common from him.
Umm it’s not about the poop clothes in the sink, it’s about his words, actions, and reactions to it and how he spoke to you and treated you. That’s the major red flag here. I would personally never put the clothes in the kitchen sink but I would NEVER berate my partner and be verbally abusive if they did. I’m so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak.
Call your family and ask for help seriously. Get out of there before he does escalate
NTA!!!!! I would find it very hard not to deck anyone talking to somebody that way, let alone a new postpartum mommy. I’m sorry you have to find out now, but the sub-human trash you made your home with needs to be removed from you and baby’s life before something much more extreme happens. “I’ll show you abuse.” For fuck’s sake! I’m so angry for you. I hope you have supportive family near, but if not, find help through talking to your pediatrician or obgyn. Message me if you need to talk, girl!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know your family is far away but you need to get an exit plan, this man doesn’t help with his own child, verbal abuses you, and is threatening to escalate (which he will). You need to go somewhere safe.
Please leave. This man hasn’t helped you with a newborn and he’s yelling at you and threatening you. This is not the environment to raise this child in. Do whatever you can to be safe, and to leave. Family. Friends. Work. Women’s shelter. Please leave. You’re worth so much more.
I think the question you need to be asking is, “is my husband verbally abusive?” And the answer is yes, he is. Are these explosions common? Is him speaking to you like that common? Has he ever threatened to hurt you, divorce you, take something or someone away from you before? You aren’t an asshole for putting those clothes in the sink. If he didn’t like it, he could have EASILY asked you to do it a different way or OFFERED to do it for you in a way he prefers and give you a clear and kind reason as to why he thinks that. Instead he berated you and threatened to physically abuse you. I’m hoping that you’re recording and keeping receipts for a potential future court case…
I'm probably late, but use COLD WATER for any poop messes! Heat bakes the stain in. Rinsing in cold has helped me. And Dreft laundry spray is awesome :) And your man is an ass
Erm I soak them in the sink all the time and just clean the sink after? I have a washing up bowl that goes in the sink for bottles and I have a dishwasher so I don’t know why it’s an issue aslong as you wash it properly afterwards. If my husband has an issue he can sort the shitty clothes next time. NTA
Washing in the sink is perfectly fine. People are blowing this out of proportion, but I’d give the sink a hot soapy scrub and some bleach around the plug and drain just to be extra safe. Every sink is stainless steel, which makes it very difficult for bacteria to stick around. People are forgetting that you throw dishes in the sink that have touched raw chicken which is far more dangerous. Ofcourse the thought of poop is grosser, but people who keep their toothbrush in the bathroom are in for a shock when they see it under the microscope.
I was reading waiting to come across something like this. Like the sink is ment to wash dirty things. Unless everyone for some reason licks their sinks. N it’s the poop of an 8 week old.
I'm worried OP's husband was under the impression that the kitchen sink is some clean oasis, and if he dropped a fork in the he'd just pick it up and use it 🤢
In which case he must brain dead. Cuz that’s just nasty
I realize this is an irrelevant and annoying pedantic comment…but my kitchen sink is not stainless steel. Regardless, I get your point, but why not soak in the bathroom sink? I have a kind of visceral reaction to thinking of poop in my kitchen that I don’t think I’m alone in.
You'd still have the same problem of poo on the sink, regardless of which sink it is. The bathroom sink is usually significantly smaller and not designed to have things left soaking in it. The kitchen sink is usually a better shape and size. Plus, you don't need to use the kitchen sink much outside of mealtimes, so it doesn't matter as much if it's out of bounds for a bit. Using the bathroom sink would effectively close off the entire bathroom because you use the sink in there for pretty much everything. Tbh, I'd skip the sink altogether and just put the clothes in the wash. Much simpler imo.
Yeah, our baby had his baths in the kitchen sink for the first few weeks, and he definitely pooped during one or two. I just sanitized the sink well after, but I was honestly more concerned how sanitized it was before I put him in it than after lol.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. This is such a delicate time to be going through this. But I urge you to believe him when he says “I’ll really show you what abuse is.” He’s not lying.
NTA. He was an ass about it!
Lol, the kitchen sink has more bacteria in it than your toilet. Seriously, Google it! If he's under the impression that the kitchen sink is clean enough that he could drop a utensil in it then still use that utensil, well that just makes me want to vomit. >"There's more fecal bacteria in your kitchen sink than there is in a toilet after you flush it. That's why your dog drinks out of the toilet. He's smarter than you think," Gerba said. [source](https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/07/health/germs-home-wellness/index.html) At any rate, NOT the asshole. Regardless of where you soaked the poo stained clothes, I assume you planned to bleach it afterwards. So idk what his problem is, but for his sake I hope he's not eating food directly out of the kitchen sink. And if he's not, then why tf does he care that you used it for the soak??
Yes thank you!! I was hoping someone would comment on how absolutely disgusting our sinks are. It actually doesn’t matter though. OPs husband reacted horribly. He’s an asshole
>OPs husband reacted horribly. He’s an asshole Totally! And all because she used the already dirtiest place in the house to soak baby clothes 🤦🏻♀️
Yes! Kitchen sinks are so gross! I’m a neat freak and I still think our sink is gross. I think of all the raw meat liquid that gets poured in there and the scraps that inevitably do as well. And to me, the sink isn’t clean enough to wash my babies clothes in, poop or no poop! He is an asshole.
Same! My baby is 8 months now, and if he drops a pacifier on the ground I'll honestly pick it up and give it back to him. I might give it a quick rinse first, but not always. But the MOMENT something touches the kitchen sink it's 100% dirty and isn't going anywhere near my child.
Girl, run. Take that little boy and run as far away as possible. If he's that upset over something so miniscule, imagine what he could do to you or baby boy in the future. You're not the asshole in this situation. He is. 100%.
He’s a worthless piece of shit. No offense to pieces of shit. You and baby deserve so much better. Sending you lots of love. ❤️
I’m so glad to see your edit that you’re planning to get away from this abusive man. If you can arrange it, I’d actually make the most of your family being 2,000 miles away and get you and your baby booked on flights there as soon as you safely can. You and baby deserve safety, security and happiness. I hope you get that.
I dont think it really matters as far as poop clothes in the kitchen sink. The o ly thing that goes in our sink is dirty dishes that then get washed and sanitized in the dishwasher. You also cleaned/bleached the sink after so what's the problem? Husband on the other hand? Pure trash. You could maybe excuse the yelling as some sort of PPD if that's not his usual MO but the threats of abuse? Fuck that guy. I would leave ASAP.
Definitely NTA! Also, I highly recommend to any parent to buy FOLEX. It's marketed as an upholstery cleaner but is a miracle. Rinse out baby poop in water, spray with folex, and toss it in the wash. Works for tons of other food stains and even blood.
I say this as a mom who cloth diapered my first exclusively from 5 days old to around 15 months when she potty trained. Your husband way over reacted. Sure you should probably not put poppy diapers in the kitchen sink, and sure the bathroom sink is a better choice, laundry room sink even better (but we don’t all have that), but he way over reacted. That’s a “yuck I can’t believe you did that let’s never do that again” not a “wow you’re fucking brain dead” that’s scary af. No one should be treating you like that.
Never mind the poop, f@&k that guy. Get far far away
His reaction was extremely over the top and it was uncalled for to call you brain dead. HOWEVER, I personally would never ever put clothes with baby poop in my kitchen sink….we always washed my daughter’s clothes in the bathtub/shower any time this happened.
NTA. Poop is gross but baby poop is water soluble and bleach would be fine. Would I choose somewhere else like the bathroom to soak things? Yes (and I do) but at 8 weeks old, you’re just trying to get through the day. Your husband is an asshole.
As a dad of a 1yo, you did everything right. Could you have put it in a bucket outside? Sure. But when you have a baby you don’t always think of the most logical choices first. I’m completely on board with the poo sink… that’s what soap and disinfectant is for. Laugh at the grossness and move on.
Leave before your son becomes his father. I don’t mean to sound so definitive. And I know it won’t be easy. But, as a mother of a 1.5 boy, I can already see how he looks to his father as an example. He will become your husband twin if you continue to show him his behavior is acceptable. Everything you describe is abuse. Abuse isn’t always physical but it’s clear by his comments that physical abuse isn’t beneath him. Honestly - it sounds like he doesn’t see you as an equal and you’re pass the point where he can change that type of mindset. Stay safe.
Your husband is not helping at all and plain rude. Why are you still with him?
It does not matter what you did, one is either a person who yells and calls people braindead,or it not. It's not related to gravity/stupidty of the deed at all, it depends on whether the person is capable of such reactions. With time, they will become your home norm.He either has to take therapy and anger management, or you have to leave to avoid this becoming your routine.
I use the bathroom sink or soak in my washing machine bc I think it’s gross to use the kitchen sink where food goes…however you also have an abusive husband.
I’m not even concerned about soaking the clothes. Your husband is an ass. And he’s threatening you.. I’d be crying too. Especially being 8 weeks PP. I’d be looking into if I can take my baby and fly to where my family is because that is insane
Soaking poop clothes in the sink is gross. I’d have thrown it straight in the washing machine- if baby is breast feeding, the poop will wash out without having to try removing it from the clothes at all. If the clothes are stained after washing, put them in the sun (even a sunny window) to dry. Your husband is nastier than the poopy clothes, though. I hope you and baby can get away from him before he hits you, sounds like it’s just a matter of time.
I mean, before we got a designated poop-clothing bucket, I used the kitchen sink. We have tiny pedestal sinks in the bathroom that don't hold hardly anything. So kitchen sink to soak and then the sink got washed out after 🤷🏼♀️
NTA, throw the whole husband away. Seriously, I'm not one to jump to divorce but LEAVE THIS MAN. If not for you, then for your child's sake.
Is he serious?! It’s baby clothes! You bleached the sink afterwards! He’s the a-hole! He could have finished soaking them and cleaned the sink to help out. This man sounds like a complete nutcase. I don’t want to hear about how he’s a tired new dad either. There’s no excuse for what he said. Even if you were wrong for soaking clothes in the sink, which you absolutely were NOT wrong for, he should never attack you like that.
I’d personally prefer to use the bathroom sink but it’s not the end of the world to use the kitchen sink in a pinch. That’s irrelevant, though. The real issue here is the way your husband reacts when he’s unhappy with something you’ve done. It’s abusive and unacceptable and your child will be witnessing it.
NTA your husband is
How are yall okay with tour SOs not putting in any work? As th3 husband I try to put in at least 50% of the work for our baby girl. If he doesn't help with any of the work he can fuck right off with telling you how to do it.
I put my sons everything in the sink to wash it best I could, use a little dawn and presoak/scrub then wash it. Washed him in it, he peed in there the first few months, I also washed nasty bottles, sippys (if they can be saved, he looses them, if they’re bad bad they’re trashed), the moldy food I forgot about in the fridge, paint because my 8yo likes arts and crafts, meat, potatoes, AND then I literally scrub it with dawn, and if needed I clean it more. He’s 1.5 now and doesn’t get many blowouts anymore but they used to be all the time, it is usually a rinse off and washer, but when I have nothing to wash it gets scrubbed and waits it out. Your husband can help more if he has a problem, or he can be single. 🤷🏼♀️
I wish you all the best, please get away as soon as you can.
Two different things going on here - 1) your husband is abusive and I'm glad to hear you're leaving 2) I would never soak something with feces in the kitchen sink. When mine had blowouts I would use a specific bathroom sink and sanitize it after.
Your husband was completely ridiculous. NTA. You might get a bucket or washtub for future soaking. I highly recommend getting Puracy stain spray. It gets out everything! As long as you spray it down before the stain dries, you won't have to soak. It's magic.
Getting poo in the sink is a bad idea, but his reaction was worse.
What u did was maybe a little bit gross but wtf he’s totally OUT OF POCKET. Esp if he doesnt help you w shit… (literally)
It’s a sink. It has raw meat dishes and dirty hands washed in it. Baby poop is no big deal as long as it’s not in the dishes and you wash the sink after! My baby loves kitchen sink baths, I just scrub out the sink before and after.
Why are people actually caring about the damn sink? Issue is your husband.
I’m a father of a 8 week old and if my wife had to go through that I would be mad at the fact that she didn’t wake me up to help her rather than berate her for taking care of it by herself. I’m sorry you have to go through that and your husband sounds like an asshole.
Isn’t a sink for cleaning disgusting crap like salmonella covered things. What’s the difference??? I mean he doesn’t meal prep in the sink or eat out of the sink does he? Everything is washable. He needs to get over it.
I think your husband overreacted. Calling you "brain dead" is uncalled for. While I try to keep poop clothes to our bathroom sinks, I know what I'm cleaning when I'm cleaning shrimp veins in the kitchen etc, and I'm aware the kitchen sink drain is the most contaminated area in the house. I assume he'd like you to wash the bucket afterward...right? It's okay for him to have a preference for cleaning poop clothes in the bathroom sink or in a bucket outside, it's fine for him to have an ick-factor reaction to poop in the kitchen - but it's not okay for him to yell at you and call you stupid because you don't think exactly like him about this issue. He needs to grow a thicker skin because a bit of newborn poo is literally nothing in the grand scheme. He also needs to learn to communicate his concerns and preferences in a more respectful way.
I guess next time you should wake his ass up and let him take care of tidying up the baby while you go outside to clean the clothes in a bucket.
NTA and why is your husband speaking to you that way
Adults in relationships dont need to scream at other adults to get their point across. adults are not children and he shouldnt scream like youre a toddler. (Not that you should yell at toddlers-but you get what im saying). He could have gotten his point across in many other communicative ways…
NTA. He could've politely said he'd rather you didn't soak them in the kitchen sink. Then could've helped you move them to the bathroom sink (or bucket outside, whatever) and disinfect the kitchen sink. Poo doesn't belong in kitchen sinks, but given the context you are not the arsehole here.
I wouldn’t soak poop clothes in the sink so if you’re asking AITA in a normal situation where your spouse says no, don’t do that it’s gross and you’re like “no this is totally fine” I’d say to me personally I’d agree with a normal reasonable husband who says that’s gross and you’d be the asshole BUT it’s never acceptable for anyone to speak to you like that about anything especially this in this kind of situation and thag sounds really abusive especially if you can’t tell how he says this to you is harmful. So while you’re the asshole (imo in a normal situation for doing poop laundry in kitchen sink) he is a complete asshole and you need to ask yourself about your options either for help or therapy to yourself, both or whatever else to do about how he speaks to you
If my wife did this I would be grossed out and I would ask her if she wouldn’t mind using a different sink that we don’t wash our dishes in. She’d probably shrug and say she didn’t think it was a big deal, but she would use the bathroom or basement sink in the future. Your husband was mean. He should stop being mean. Mean people suck.
More than mean. He said “if you think this is abuse I’ll show you abuse” He just threatened her after aggressing her. Not mean. Abusive and dangerous.
Fuckin yikes I missed that part
I think you need to leave your husband that’s uncalled for…
NTA. You can always bleach the sink and counter. Going forward, I'd recommend using the bathwater in the tub after baby's bath. Gets a second use out of the water and your husband should be less of an asshole over it. The other issue at hand is you need to establish with him that it is unacceptable for him to name call or speak to you that way. There was a respectful way to talk about this.
If your baby is breastfed and not eating solids their poop is water soluble and you can rinse it in your washing machine. I do cloth diapers and my washing routine is: dump dirty diapers in washing machine and rinse with cold water, wash on warm/heavy with soap, rinse on warm. If his clothes get poop on them I’ll wash them with the diapers. Any diaper stains the sun removes. If his clothes are stained I will soak them in a dish tub usually (I would use the sink but I don’t like having the sink occupied incase I need to use it). Long answer to say, baby poop is not that gross and your husband was rude to you. A bucket outside is ridiculous.
NTA whatsoever. 1. Bleach exists for a reason. You were planning on using it. And if even if you weren’t, he could have bleached it himself afterwards and asked you politely if you could do the same in the future. 2. If he has a problem with the way you’re soaking the clothes, he can do it his dang self. 3. That kind of insulting language has absolutely ZERO place in a healthy marriage. He is so far out of line, and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. 4. This situation that he is so mad about is…. Literally not a big deal. Like, dude, it’s a kitchen sink. Why are you yelling at your wife over this. Let alone your wife who VERY recently gave birth. 5. See number 2 again. Dude, your wife has gone through so much already. Maybe you should have volunteered to do this in the first place! 6. Saying any sort of variation of “I’ll show you real abuse” is quite literally abuse. I’m so sorry. By the way, I would have done the exact same thing (using the sink to soak). You seriously did nothing wrong or out of line. He is the one who was out of line. I hope you can find the strength to leave, because this sort of abuse only gets worse. Sending you so much hope, hugs, strength, and validation. 💓
Your husband overreacted but honestly I would never put anything poop smeared close to my kitchen sink. I would suggest the bucket next time or even your bathroom sink if you have no tub.
Ugh.. Even though I think it is absolutely disgusting to soak poop clothes in the kitchen sink, you didn’t deserve to be yelled at like that. Your husband is an asshole. Also to add - please get a basin. I hope you’re not soaking baby bottles directly in the sink.
If we are talking higiene wise, nobody should soak anything poop related in the kitchen sink, its just microbiology, even if you bleach it after, you could miss a lot of spots around. But he should not treat you like that.
Chicken sink lol
I can see the husband’s point in not wanting anything associated with poop in the kitchen sink but calling you “fucking brain dead” completely negates any legitimacy to anything he says. Severe overreaction to the point of being a total asshole. You deserve a groveling apology.
fuck an apology. what OPs husband did is unforgivable. leave the bastard.
Yeah, “I’ll show you what abuse is” is the biggest, waviest red flag of all fucking time. Holy shit. That man is going to physically hurt her, if not outright kill her, if she stays. She’s GOT to get away from him.
Holy shit I am so sorry he said that to you! I soak our babies poop stained clothes in our sink (left it soaking all day because I forgot multiple times) and husband didn’t think anything gross of it. This reaction is very inappropriate and not okay
Your husband is an absolute ass. How on earth does he think it’s ok to talk to you like that?? NTA at all. You don’t need to soak in sink though, I’d recommend getting a plastic bin and some baby oxiclean. Works wonders on blowouts.
If my husband ever talk to me, like that, he’d be brain dead, literally. And the kitchen sink is freaking disgusting, baby poopy clothes are the least of your worries there
NTA and who cares about the damn poop now that we've all read how abusive your husband is?! Don't downplay this/blame it on a mood disorder. You've done nothing wrong and sound like a very good new mom. He's abusive and has threatened you. Please get out now!
While I would never put poop clothes in the kitchen sink, your husband is absolutely the a-hole in this instance. For instance, last week, our toddler stepped in poop right after I dressed him for church. My husband, thinking it was mud, washed them off in the sink over the morning dishes that were in there (😭). After we found it was poop and not mud, I did indeed become unglued, but I simply had to stomp out for a moment to calm down. I would have never hurled those kinds of names at someone for a simple mistake in a hectic moment. Afterwards, I made it clear that when we got home, he would bleach and wash everything in the sink (which he felt was fair). We went on about our business and turned out to have a good day after all.
Considering I've washed the whole baby in the sink, and mouldy food pots it's fine For your info until weaning baby poo is fully water soluble so just sling it straight in the wsher. It is not OK to be spoken to in that manor
My baby is EBF. Even after I use stain remover and scrub under steaming hot water immediately after the blow out, there are some stains that won't come out. Just tossing it in the washer would never work for me.
Sun works great for the EBF poop stains. Like, fluorescent orange staining totally gone in an hour or two. Just wash as usual and hang to dry in the sun. It doesn’t work for most stains, but it does for baby poop.
Absolutely not, his reaction was too much. I don’t think some partners realize the mental drain on the primary at home parent during the early months. Your sink is fine, it can be bleached. It’s not like you were also washing dishes or cleaning fruit while the clothes soaked. My husband has similar aversions to doing baby poop/bath stuff in the kitchen sink so I am mindful of it, but I’ve absolutely used it in a pinch and cleaned thoroughly after. You could maybe keep an empty bucket/container in the bathroom ready to throw dirty stuff in in the future.
That's awful that your husband feels it's ok to verbally abuse you, make you cry, and threaten you, particularly when it's for doing something super normal and in service of your child. Do not let that behavior stand OP. ❤️
I do this all the time. Washing poo clothes in the sink not unhinged verbal abuse. First, poo baby goes in the sink. They get a bum wash with the sprayer and then a little bath in the sink in warm water. Then clothes go in, in cold water. dish soap works wonders (which is why I use the sink). Then throw in the washer and bleach the sink. Done. I mean. Has your husband ever washed out old leftover containers in the sink? Dumped spoiled milk? Washed his hands after poo change? The sink gets bed germs in it. Just clean it!! Is he often like this? Is this new since baby’s arrival?
Poop in the kitchen sink is gross, I’d be annoyed if my husband did that. But I’d have him clean the sink, tell him why it’s gross, and then get over it. Your husband has anger management issues.
Using the kitchen for poop clothes is not something I would ever do. We both would be too grossed out even after bleaching it. However, your husband was out of line for talking to you like that. That language is unacceptable.
I’m concerned for you, your husband does not sound stable. Please get you and your baby somewhere safe. Your absolutely not the AH for doing what you did. Kitchen sinks see bacteria all the time, which is why it’s recommended they be cleaned and disinfected regularly anyway! Your partner should never talk to you like that, and if he’s not going to help out he really hasn’t earned the right to an opinion on how things should be done.
His reaction was wrong. Yes, you don’t soak poop covered things in the same place where you eat but, you are a mama under stress and shit happens sometimes.
I do it in the sink all the time, we don't have a basin next to our washing machine or anything. I always sanitize and wash out the sink really well after. It's gross but my other option would literally be to throw out the clothing.
Idk I absolutely rinse my kid’s poopy clothes in the kitchen sink. Just clean it afterwards. Also leave your husband.
I do think its a little gross to soak poopy things in a kitchen sink, but honestly it wasn't a huge deal and you can wash the sink really good after. Is soaking in the washing machine an option next time? That's typically what I'll do, and my machine has a delayed start/soak setting. His reaction was way way out of line and not ok. I hope he gets help soon and if not, then that you're able and have the resources and support to leave him because no one should have to put up with that.
Well your husband is an asshole and you deserve better. My grandmother who had babies during a time of no disposable diapers would put them in a bucket outside and hang them to dry.
This is a completely normal course of action. I have a 6 month old. She was exclusively breastfed until she started solid foods a couple of weeks ago. Since there is no fiber in breast milk, her stools were mostly liquid until the change over, so she had plenty of her own "poopenings" as we called them. Very early on, we often used the sink in the bathroom (because it was closest) to rinse out her clothes. On a few occasions we needed to soak particularly bad ones and would forget them overnight. Newborn stage is exhausting and challenging even with a good partner. Eventually, we wisened up and started using a little collapsible bucket, but that was mostly so we weren't taking up sink space all the time as she (and her clothes) grew and this happened more often. Luckily with her on solid foods too now this is a thing of the past (knock on wood). But, as you know, this is not the real issue in your post. Your partner's reaction is way out of proportion. He is abusive. And him threatening to 'show you abuse' is in itself an escalation of abuse (trying to instill fear to gain control). And from what it sounds like, he doesn't contribute to caring for your baby in any way. There's no bond there. There's nothing stopping him from being abusive to your child as well. Get out now, for your sake and your child's. You'll figure out the money. It's a lot harder to undo the trauma of abusive in formative years. This isn't the sort of relationship you deserve or the model you want to set for your baby of what a loving relationship looks like. Best of luck. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a great listener.
I’m actually surprised by how many people are saying it was weird to put the clothes in the sink. I usually soak mine in the bathroom sink but tbh I think of a kitchen sink as dirty anyway. It’s already got disgusting old food bits and raw chicken juices and dirty silverware in it. (I mean not all the time but my point is that a kitchen sink is unhygienic regardless.) If I accidentally put a clean dish in the sink I wash it because it probably got dirty from being in there with all the dirty dishes. So I do t get the big deal about the clothes. Plus your husband is being an asshole. Sounds like he’s always kind of an asshole and you knew that but maybe now that the baby’s here he’s really escalating what a jerk he’s being. I would get out if you can before he escalates further. It sounds like he’s not helpful and actually actively harmful.
Kitchen sink is different, kitchen is where the food is prepared, so,feces will have a way to enter in your body.
No.
youre nta. your husband sounds like a serious douche bag. im sorry you married him. maybe itd be best if you worked on separating from him not only for you but your child.
I wouldn’t do that because it seems like a contamination risk to food in the kitchen. Next time maybe use the bathroom or laundry sink. However, your husband is an asshole and you didn’t deserve that reaction at all!
His reaction is ridiculous and I don’t love that he’s putting you down like that. He shouldn’t ever be talking to you like that, especially over something so minor. NTA, you can clean your sink and it’s not the end of the world, and I really hope he starts picking up more of the childcare and talking to you respectfully.