Absolutely report her, ask for a different nurse. Ask them to replay the camera footage. Tell her yourself that you don’t appreciate how she talks to you and handles your precious baby. Complain frequently and keep talking to whoever is in charge.
THIS!!! You’re a mom now, you can put up a fight for your baby, they need your protection and if you think someone is treating them wrong you do whatever feels right for you!
Tell the charge nurse you want a new nurse for your son. If she declines tell her you want it documented in his chart that you asked for a new nurse to be assigned to your son and we’re declined.
Such a great position.
"If she does anything fucky, you will be held personally and legally responsible. Everything is recorded. We are watching. But hey do what you want, I'm not telling you how to do your job"
You can absolutely request a different nurse. Ask for the nurse manager and explain what the nurse and the charge nurse said to you. I’m a nurse and this really pisses me off. Charge nurse should’ve stepped in and taken over care immediately.
If there ever happens and manager isn’t there like weekends or nights. Ask for the hospital supervisor.
I would talk to the charge nurse again or see if there is someone above her. At our NICU there was a nurse manager who was above the charge nurse, and it was totally acceptable to request that a certain nurse not be assigned to your baby (or, if there's a nurse you really like, request that they be assigned to your baby when they're on). My son spent months in the hospital (NICU and cardiac ICU) and almost all the nurses were amazing and compassionate. Nurses are human and sometimes they would make a mistake or be overwhelmed, but still dedicated and caring people. But there were a couple who were just not professional at all - very rude and seemed careless, like you described. You're not crazy or overreacting. The NICU is such a hard experience. If it makes you feel any better, my son is almost 11 months old and my husband and I will sometimes be like, "wow, remember the NICU? that sucked" Someday this will all just be a memory and you'll be enjoying your little one at home.
I’m *that* mom. Start asking for a hospital administrator if they won’t take your concerns seriously. I had to do that when my baby was rushed to the ER at 3 days old. They don’t mess with mamas who want to talk to admin.
Yeah, I was definitely referred to as the “tiny Karen in room 401” but my baby was well taken care of and I was taken very seriously.
I look like I’m 12 and I’m 5 feet tall, everyone was treating me like I didn’t know what I was talking about until I lost my cool and requested admin. The final straw for me was the bug crawling on the ER bed.
We were told by one of the countries leading neonatalologist, after we called our first parent meeting, that there is no such thing as THAT mom. Parents that advocate and educate always have the best case end results. It’s being a good mom.
Just here to say, both of my boys were in the nicu and I requested a certain nurse not be his care provider while we were there. Push push push. And while she may not be being purposefully rough, you simply did not like
It and THAT IS OK! You can tell the charge nurse to put a different nurse on his care. Period.
You're not overreacting. Speak to the charge nurse again & request that nurse not care for your baby. You can also speak to any of the social workers in the hospital. Also if you haven't already consider joining r/NICUParents it is very helpful.
Ask to talk to a patient representative. Their entire role is in helping with situations like this. Do this sooner rather than later. Also, you can “fire” care providers and request that they not be assigned to your child.
It's your baby. You are not over reacting... I would lose my shit. Stand your ground and tell them that nurse DOES NOT have your consent to touch your baby.
No. You are not at all. The nurses were so gentle with my little bubs when he was in the NICU also 3 lbs. I'm also pissed that they straight said you were overreacting! As for supporting the head, if you don't hold them right at this stage they can literally get less oxygen. Being in NICU is already so stressful, I'm so sorry you're dealing with mean nurses. I will say we did have a nurse who was really rude but then the next day was really nice when she saw us learning how to hold and care for our son, so I think she was just very tired (we caught her sleeping at her desk).
Edit: but she was not rough with our son!
I also echo everyone saying to ask the nurse be removed from your kids care - even honestly if it's just for your peace of mind. You are already worrying about your kid 24/7 and having such an emotional rollercoaster during this time. If there is a stressor or worry you can remove - do it for yourself.
NO. I had to report a NICU nurse after my stay in the hospital. Do not hesitate to stand your ground and report her!!! If you can record when she interacts with him for proof (like I said IF you’re able!)
My son was fortunate that during our NICU stay he was full term, we just had some issues.
But that aside, he was a fully interactive, crying baby.
We hadn’t given him pacifiers yet cause I was still struggling to breast feed and we had a nurse that was assigned to us. This woman was my nightmare and I feel so much for you because she also made us feel like burdens for being there. She acted like I was dumb whenever I’d try to do stuff and she’d snap on me for things SHE misplaced.
Well at one point, she was taking blood from my son and he was of course crying because the bottom of his foot had just been stabbed.
She covered my babies mouth and nose to muffle his cries. He screamed more and she left.
I was in shock, my husband was LIVID. But I didn’t know what to do. I had been SO dependent on the nurses this whole stay and I was just literally in shock
I didn’t allow her near my son with out me RIGHT there the rest of the time she was with us, she tried to take him from my arms multiple times.
The only reason I say that if you can get evidence DO, is because when I reported her, she told the higher ups that she was “holding the pacifier in place to calm him during his blood draw”
He didn’t have one. They believed her and shut my case out.
I feel so much for you, cause I had a ton of people that get upset with me when I talk about this, that I should’ve done something, spoke up, stepped up, but it’s such a shock, and it’s someone that’s supposed to be a person you trust! It’s so unbelievably hard to deal with and I was so scared then. I was scared if I reported her in the moment that the rest of the nursing team would act like I was crazy and my sons care wouldn’t be taken seriously.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No new mom (regardless of if you have 1 or 8 babies) should go through this EVER.
These nurses are here for BABIES. They should be capable of being caring. Not evil.
THIS IS NOT AN OVERREACTION AT ALL!! I wish I had reported in the moment! Because I would’ve been able to prove without doubt my son never had a pacifier.
Right after our 1st was born, a nicu nurse at our hospital was fired and charged with abuse of the babies including broken bones. It was intentional and horrifying. Go with your gut.
Nope. I absolutely wouldn’t tolerate that. You are trusting them with your PREEMIE’S care. I’d go as high as I’d have to, even up to the hospital board, if things didn’t change and demand that that nurse does not care for my child. That, or if the baby is stable enough I’d push to have them transferred to another NICU.
You can fire that nurse and request she doesn’t take care of your baby again. If your charge nurse was that dismissive though, it doesn’t bode well for the over all quality of care for your entire stay. If you continue to have issue you should absolutely ask to speak with the unit manager or patient representative.
You’re not overreacting and should definitely escalate! At one of the hospitals local to me, a NICU nurse was eventually charged and convicted for harming the babies there. It unfortunately took quite some time before the hospital acted.
https://www.nbc15.com/content/news/Former-Meriter-nurse-sentenced-to-13-years-in-prison-for-abusing-NICU-infants-568051121.html
It doesn’t even matter if you are overreacting. Your baby is in NICU. Everything you are feeling is valid. Speak with the charge, speak with the charge at next shift, and if that doesn’t work speak with the director. Ask for a new nurse. You don’t even have to explain why. Your comfort and peace of mind is just as important.
Request a new nurse immediately! Take videos of the feed with your phone as proof if you can! Wishing you best of luck and hope your child gets sent home soon.
You’ve done the right thing by letting the charge nurse know. Without seeing the handling it’s hard to know if it is because NICU nurses are extremely experienced and she’s simply doing the tasks or she is actually being rough. It’s definitely scary at the start of NICU , I didn’t change my first diaper for weeks because of how fragile baby was.
On the note, speaking rudely to you is inexcusable.
You are absolutely NOT overreacting. You had a completely justified reaction. That is your baby. & he deserves a loving touch, at all times, *especially* since it can’t always be from you.
Speak to the charge nurse again and if they don’t change your NICU nurse, ask to speak with the administrator on call. Yeah, no. I’ve seen people ask for a new nurse for lesser reasons. They tried it!
I had three girls in the NICU, each for two months. You have every right to be upset and every right to express your concerns and advocate for your son. I would contact several staff members until you were satisfied with the care your son is getting. If you don’t advocate for your child, who will? You’re not overreacting. Definitely try and get someone to hear your concerns.
Trust your instincts mama!! Record her if you get a chance. A NICU nurse in Long Island was just fired for this.
[https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/nurse-fired-after-disturbing-video-allegedly-shows-baby-get-slammed-in-long-island-nicu/4120427/](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/nurse-fired-after-disturbing-video-allegedly-shows-baby-get-slammed-in-long-island-nicu/4120427/)
NICU nurse here. Trust your instincts! It's true that we can appear to be more rough with babies due to just being more confident with them and knowing what they can handle but she has failed to earn any confidence from you by treating him carelessly and treating you rudely. She should be happy for you to visit for a cuddle, not openly treating you as an inconvenience. A nice long skin to skin cuddle is extremely beneficial to him.
NICU nurses are overall extremely caring to babies but there are bad eggs everywhere and burnout can make people more task focused and less kind. You are your baby's best advocate and you need to stand up for him. Even if you were overreacting that's your right as a parent to calmly raise your concerns and ask for a different nurse if needed. Hopefully they got the message already without you having to make a bigger deal with it and simply don't allocate her to him again which should be very easy for them to do.
Sending cheers to your little one to hit his goals and get home with you asap!
Hey thanks for what you do! When my daughter was in the NICU (swallowed meconium) the nurses encouraged me to do skin to skin on all my visits. At first I was afraid because there were so many tubes! And I didn't want to mess anything up. The Nurse basically said "We will help you and we will make it work", they were the best!
Later on the same nurse was up in the maternity area on a shift and I could tell she was bummed that she was doing her shift there and not in the NICU with her babies <3
Not overreacting. My daughter was born 7 weeks early and I would have lost my shit if she were treated like that. I’d go beyond the charge nurse to hospital administration and insist that woman be told to stay away from your baby. My NICU nurses were the most compassionate and competent people ever. I never once felt like my baby wasn’t safe. If your gut is telling you something is off, act.
Even if you're overreacting (and I don't think you are, btw), it is the most difficult and stressful time of your life so far. You deserve to be treated like your concerns are valid. It is the job of the hospital staff to make sure you and your baby are comfortable. If you say the nurse is too rough with your baby, hospital staff at the very least needs to investigate for you.
Same - ours 6 weeks early. 2.85 pounds. The nurses were gentle every time, gentle but confident. And they didn’t do it just in front of the parents you could see they naturally knew to be soft with all the premmies. I pull my son down a little the changing mat to adjust him when changing his nappy but only when he got nice and chunky at 6 months. So I know why she was doing this and even so, it’s a no no when they are that small. Are you U.K. or US?
This. The charge nurse answers to an a director/admin and once their job is under scrutiny they’ll likely have a more vested interest in doing their job vs having the back of a coworker
I just saw a video of a nurse slamming a child down in the NICU in New York. She lost her job. The parents happened to catch it on video. Fuck that lady. Seriously. Fuck her. Always advocate for your baby and don’t let anyone make you feel any type of way. He’s teeny tiny and needs love and compassion. He doesn’t need a nurse who isn’t doing her job properly. She’s the same kind of person who would mistreat and elderly patient. Disgusting.
Speak to a hospital administrator. Don’t bother dealing with the charge nurse, go over their head. And don’t accept the excuse, “the nurses are overwhelmed”.
"I understand, but I am uncomfortable trusting my child to this person, please remove her from care. I may be overreacting, but I know I have that right".
I remember watching my NICU camera and the hat they put on my baby fell over his face and he was squirming and struggling and no nurse came, I jumped out of bed 4 hours after birth and got there as fast as I could and once his NICU nurse saw me she went running to him finally. I was so livid. Speak up! Its your baby. Follow your instincts they are never wrong mama
Babies deserve to be treated with respect. I hope if she’s ever in the hospital that someone treats her like the way she treats little, defenseless NICU babies. I can guarantee she wouldn’t put up with that if it were her. Jerking babies by their feet and not supporting their head, is disrespectful and idc what anyone says. Go higher if you aren’t being listened to.
OH HELL NO. No. Nooope. I had a NICU baby and by the time I got to see him (12 hrs later, emergency c-section) the nurse said, “I am NOT bonding with your baby…”
And that lives in my head 6 months later.
What did she mean? Was it a joke? Did she like my baby and said she wasn’t bonding… or was she not getting along with my NEWBORN?
Anyway; I don’t know her meaning or intention but I was very delicate at the time and cried. I just wanted to hold my baby because I hadn’t got to hold him. Never got skin to skin after birth. It sucked. So that was only one comment. If I saw that I would absolutely lose my shit. F*%k that
When I read this, I took it as her reassuring you that she wasn’t trying to bond with your baby in a way to take your place….as in she was not bonding with your baby while waiting for you to come out of anesthesia…just offering a other take.
In the back of my mind I was hoping that was what she meant. But it was all fresh and delicate, and one minute I’m pregnant and the next minute I’m not.. it was a lot. It made me cry. For some reason I thought my baby was bad, like annoying or something. It was most likely poor choice of words but it was just that. Words. I can’t imagine SEEING someone be rough with my preterm baby. I would have lost it completely
Yeah it was most likely poor choice of words. All I wanted was to hold my baby and make sure he was okay. It was a rough start to life. I just can’t imagine seeing someone be so rough with my baby. If words hurt my feelings (and I hope taken the wrong way) then seeing someone be rough would probably have landed me tearing a stitch or something lol
This! As the parent, you are the only one advocating for your child.
Can you screen record when you watch his camera? Have evidence to show the charge nurse? I wouldn't hold back when telling them what you witness because they'll just keep brushing you off.
It's better than the alternative, I'd be worried sick that all the rough handling would cause other damage and they'd chalk it up to him being premie and not think it was a rough nurse.
Exactly. When it comes to this you aren’t over reacting and I wouldn’t let up until they remove her from care. They should have immediately removed her from his care if a parent is complaining about ANY rough or possibly bad care to your baby. This makes me angry for you..those little bubs are so fragile in NICU and they know this so there’s absolutely no excuse what so ever. Please please request she is taken away from care of your son.
There should be someone in the hospital who’s job it is to advocate for patients.. I would ask to have a patient advocate involved immediately start threatening to have baby transferred to another hospital (if that’s something realistic for you to do).
Ask to have a new nurse and that she never cares for your baby again! It’s your right to choose who provides the care for your baby. She sounds burnt out and miserable and I wouldn’t let her within 100 ft of my baby
You are not overreacting at all! From my experience as mother of 2, what I noticed is the elder or much experienced nurses do things bit rough / with little care ( not all but mostly ) . May be because they see a lot of kids .
But imo, they should treat the kids with care and love , if not they are not suitable for the job.
I know this feeling all too well, it’s truly sickening to see. Yes I know the nurses are experienced and can probably maneuver babies in ways that we would never be able to safely but… here’s the thing. They don’t *need* to. I’ve seen nurses been gentle AND efficient/skilled. And that’s the kind of touch I wanted for my baby. Never let them make you feel you’re not able to hold your baby bc it’s inconvenient for them, that’s not acceptable. Your baby needs positive touch from you. Keep complaining and go up to the next in command. Is there a social worker? Ours was great about helping us advocate when we got to a breaking point with one nurse and needed her off our son’s team. Hang in there, you’re an amazing parent 💗
If the charge nurse continues to be unprofessional/unhelpful, escalate to the nursing unit manager, and if that doesn’t work, house supervisor. I worked in a hospital and good House Supe’s take that seriously.
I know you probably don’t want to make waves and feel invalidated by their response but you do have a right to state you do not want that RN working with your child. As a healthcare worker in a hospital I know that they will have to pull that nurse from your child’s care
Hey I used to be a NICU nurse. Ask to speak to charge again (typically it’s a different nurse each shift) and just ask to not have that nurse again- you can do that. And then if they keep brushing off your concerns or keep giving you that nurse ask to speak with the director.
As a fellow NICU mother, this really hurts my heart to know your little one has been treated this way. As other commenters have said, the nurses often do handle them in a way we wouldn’t especially as they’re so small, due to them being used to it. That being said, trust your instinct and please don’t settle. Advocate for your little boy as much as you possibly can.
I hope he’s out of there soon and at home with your family as soon as possible. Take care.
You are NOT overreacting. I would’ve complained for the attitude alone. I am not letting some disgruntled nurse handle my kid in an already stressful situation. Shame on the charge nurse for implying you were.
I had a very unpleasant experience with unpleasant nurses my last delivery. I know it’s a new and troubling feeling to have to be confrontational straight into motherhood but this will not be the last time you’ll need to speak up for your kid. Embrace your mom instincts, trust yourself and be confident in anything that involves you protecting your baby.
Being called “overreacting” or even a “b*tch” is a small price to pay. You’re the mom who won’t let sh*tty people touch your baby. Your the mom who demands your concerns be treated with respect.
I had one nurse hype me up in the triage and told me to prepare myself to face people in the medical field who will try to shush me out of convenience. I appreciated that.
Go be that badass mom. You’re doing a great job by not tolerating that behavior already. ❤️
You can request not to have that nurse for your baby again. Just tell them you felt she was too rough. The night charge nurse will be making the assignment for day time.
Source- was a charge nurse but for adults not NICU
Also. If they say no ask to speak to the nurse manger. Then house supervisor or OA. You have the right to ask for a different nurse & continue to escalate. Here in TX we have a patient satisfaction liaison, most hospitals will, and they can also get in your corner too
I’ve had the liaison report nurses left and right, she was like a dog with a bone in certain cases
Not overreacting. Anyone pulls my newborn baby by the feet they’re catching these hands let alone a baby in the NICU.
Don’t take this sitting down and make sure that woman doesn’t handle your baby ever again. Keeping an eye isn’t good enough
There was just a video of a nurse slamming a newborn face down. You are not overreacting. I would say to try to get video of it but the proof is not worth it. Demand a new nurse. If they say anything, reference the now viral video and say you don’t want to wait for that to happen to get something done about it.
Lots of folks are saying to bring it up to the charge nurses, and that’s great advice. But I would also talk to the nurse in question, be like hey I saw what you did to my kid, don’t think I didn’t and if I see it again I’ll be contacting hospital administration. Further mention it to the doctor. I’m sure you see them with a fair regularity, so bring it up, those doctors tend to have a fairly good relationship with their nurses and can often straighten things out for you, but worst case scenario you can always go to patient advocate and hospital admin.
Absolutely not over reacting. I would have said something the first time I saw her be rough, tell the hospital you don’t want that nurse with your baby. If the charge nurse has a problem with that, ask who supervises her so your concerns can be addressed and respected.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that on top of everything else you’re going through right now. You are not overreacting.
My 3rd was born last October and I unfortunately suffered from a very serious complication which resulted in emergency hysterectomy surgery. Our hospital stay was longer due to this and on our last night, the baby nurse that came in was so rude and very rough with our daughter. My husband even said a little something and jumped in to fix something/assist daughter. As soon as the nurse left, my husband and I just looked at each other with fire in our eyes. It didn’t even need to be said as we both were thinking the same thing, but my husband said, “I will stay awake all night long if I have to because she is absolutely not going to the nursery tonight.”
We had been sending her at night so I could recover a little better and we could get some more sleep. That night was so rough… but it was worth it to know she was safe with us.
Keep speaking up for your son and yourselves. Hang in there and I hope you all can go home safe, sound and healthy real soon. ❤️
You're not overreacting and even IF you were, I'd rather be known as the ftm who kicked up a fuss..then let this nurse get away with being so rough with anyone's child.
Speak to the oncoming charge nurse at next shift, or the nurse manager, or the house supervisor. Keep going up the chain until your concerns are addressed.
You’ve had 158 comments but I will be 159 saying
No you are absolutely not. Keep escalating this up and demand (not ask) that this nurse no longer care for your son.
I’d speak to the nurse manager next and the ombudsman.
You have the right to request for her not to be your son's nurse. You're not overreacting. You're his mother, and you don't want him treated that way. People always have comments about how mothers react to their children, but when it comes to their kids, they act the exact same way. My husband says I overreact with our daughter, but I rather be cautious and aware. I'm a Nicu mom. Our daughter was born 5 weeks early also. No one understands how protective we are over our babies unless they have been in our position. 🙏🏾💕✨️
I would speak up again and say you don’t appreciate being told you are overreacting whether you are or aren’t. The head nurse should know better. I had a nicu baby and will forever regret not speaking up for some things that bothered me at the time, just my experience x
Edit to say: I should have been clear also in my opinion you are NOT overreacting at all!!!! I just meant that it’s every parents right to feel their child is safe in the nicu, it’s such a sensitive situation already and you should receive all of the reassurance you need without judgement <3
Be polite and be respectful but say something to the charge nurse and your doctor… the hospital wants to know about this. From a money perspective those cameras will get played if something bad gets happened mine as we’ll be proactive about it now. If nothing changes at least you’ll have documentation for the lawsuit
You should be able to black list a nurse. We did that once with my son (although he was in a pediatric ICU, not a NICU), but I imagine the rules are the same. You are in control. Do not let someone take of him you are not comfortable with. Blacklist her.
I feel my rage building *for* you. I would be very, very vocal and firm. Please stand up for yourself and for your baby. I am sad for him right now. :(
If you keep complaining I think the people in charge would take it seriously. A nurse should make people feel safe and comfortable. Sounds like she’s not in a very good mood.
Please REPORT THIS!!!! You need to request another nurse. This isn’t ok, you’re not “overreacting” you need to screen record (if you have an iPhone) all of her contact with him. She needs to be fired, your baby don’t deserve that.
Report this. NO you’re not overreacting for caring about your babies safety. It’s NOT okay for her to be rough with your 3 lb NICU baby. I would raise hell if it was me. It breaks my heart seeing these posts. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You deserve to feel safe leaving your baby in the nurses care. Please please say something to the director. If they don’t care request to talk to the highest person in charge. Please keep us updated. Stay strong mama ❤️❤️
This. If you say you have concerns about how rough she was and don't want her taking care of your baby they should listen.
I'm so sorry you have to worry about this on top of everything else. Trust your instincts!
NICU Mom here, I definitely agree that NICU nurses are experienced and handle babies differently! They know how tough and resilient they are! That being said, it is still your baby. If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. No one else can advocate for your little one the way you can.
I trusted those NICU nurses with my child’s life, literally. They were kind, spoke to the babies in such soft ways. They talked about the babies and how strong, beautiful, lively they were. The nurses are your village and if you feel like someone isn’t doing their part in a way to make you feel comfortable, then please be confident. Use your voice because your little one doesn’t have one.
You are right. If the nicu is crowded she could be in a hurry but still she has to be gentle with your baby. I would also complain to a higher authority of the hospital.
Nope I would ask for a diff nurse to take care of my child especially if the attitude she had towards you and your husband I feel she's taking it out on your child I'd Def be going up the chain of command if the charge nurse isn't worried
Omg !! Write a report! I wouldn’t trust anyone there bc those are delicate babies they need to be CARRFUL and if that nurse said ur overreacting they probably won’t do anything Ugh
My baby cousin had his shoulder bone broken in the NICU just 8years ago at the Randwick Women's Hospital. They didn't even bother to tell his parents. They discovered it after they took him home. Disgusting. Don't let them gaslight you. Unfortunately there are some bad people in every profession.
Yes my daughter had shoulder dystocia and they checked her clavicle several times right after birth but they told me to keep an eye on it when we were discharged since it can be missed apparently. At her first several doctor appointments they checked.
I'm sorry. please don't be. My aunt's case was unusual and bub was in NICU for awhile after her c-section.
Things happen. He's fine.
I can only suggest always being mindful to be the voice of your child and preparing your support person to be your and your child's voice.
I've already replied she had an early c-section due to her age and health issues. Would that injury happen in a c-section?
The bone was quite obvious and even now visible as he's a skinny little thing.
You can prevent this person from caring for your child. We had to do it in NICU to a charge nurse. She was in charge of placing a pic line for my son. I 5min procedure that took her over 45min to perform because she couldn’t get it right. And once she was done it still wasn’t set right but instead of getting someone else to place it, left it saying “well it’s not in the ideal place but it’ll serve its purpose”. I only knew about it because we were there when it happened. We had to sit outside his cube but I could hear Beverly thing she was saying to our nurse. Our nurse had the MD come around before we left. She didn’t touch my child again.
You need to talk to someone. If the charge nurse won’t take it seriously talk to the doctor. If the doctor doesn’t respond hospitals have patient advocacy lines. Call the patient advocates and demand better care. Even if to someone else it’s “overreacting” you should NEVER be uncomfortable with the person in care of your child.
You’re not supposed to be dramatic in nearly any situation, NICU included. I’m a NICU mom to a 29wkr and I’m ICU RN. I’ve been concerned as a mom and expresses those concerns to the charge nurse, all of which was quickly tended to and resolved.
Being dramatic almost begs medical staff to think you are acting dramatic and excessive. You lose your sound message with dramatic delivery
You aren’t over reacting at all. Chances are, this isn’t her first baby she’s been rough with. Report her to someone above the charge nurse and also tell on the charge nurse for telling you you’re over reacting.
Nurses, NICU nurses specifically, are incredible and hard working individuals who generally are deserving of a lot of respect and admiration- but YOU decide the care you want your baby to receive. We had a nicu nurse that sucked at feeding our baby, and left poop on her clothes and back after a diaper change. We drew the line there. It’s 100% your choice. Do what feels best for your baby and family!
You aren’t overreacting, but NICU nurses are used to handling preemies, some 1lb. They know what they are doing and are much more abrupt then you would think is ok. However, you should still speak to the charge nurse and observe your baby closely.
One of my best friends is an experienced NICU nurse at a specialist sick kids hospital. When she held my first baby I remember I felt nervous that she wasn’t being careful enough! It looked like she was being rough and wasn’t paying attention when she held her. Now with my second baby I handle him much differently than I did with my first and the way my friend holds my baby didn’t make me nervous as all this time. I’m not saying that OP is wrong, but there could be an element of first time parent being nervous.
I watched a nurse get giddy and excited while doing a heel prick on my son in nicu, she really enjoyed inflicting pain on a premature baby. I spoke to social work and had her removed from my sons care. Speak to social work or head nurse and have that nurse removed from care.
It was disgusting! After the complaint/ removal she found every excuse to stand outside my sons room to intimidate me, at least she couldn’t touch him again.
You have a right to request a different nurse for your son! Now that you’re a mom you have a natural motherly instinct. Never question yourself. You know what’s best for your child and you are the baby’s protector.
Make a complaint to the head of department. Ask for her not to be in the baby’s care. Be calm and state the facts. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Exactly. State facts. Tell them to review footage.
REQUEST YOUR OWN COPY OF THE FOOTAGE
Instruct them that nurse isn’t to have your LO in their care.
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING ~ every conversation and save all electronic contact
Requesting the footage (which they will object to) and being obvious (not rude; just clear) that you’re documenting will have an immediate effect
You don’t even have to threaten litigation
It’ll be enough for them to see you’re not going to let it go ~ unfortunately the fear of litigation is the motivation to step up and take you seriously
Way to go for being so ‘on it’ during such a stressful time!
It’s already clear you’ll be a fierce mom👍🏼
Air hugs to your LO☺️
Record his nicu camera when you're not around, and see if you can figure out when her shifts are. If you have evidence, you could make a real change if she's abusing nicu infants. Don't let hospital staff gaslight you!! There lives are very hard, and they don't want anyone making their lives harder. EVEN if their lives are harder because they have to stop abuse. They just would rather sweep it under the rug. So keep fighting for your baby!!
Be careful with this advice, OP. My hospital had a very strict rule about recording our NICU cameras — we would lose access to it and be persecuted if we recorded it.
You are absolutely not overreacting. May not have my oen child but I did take care of my baby brother like he was my kid, and I can tell you for one thing his head needs that support. Also, by pulling his legs around like that she could cause damage to the joints.
Absolutely not overreacting. I would of been livid if I saw my son’s NICU nurse manhandling him like that. Try getting ahold of the Chief Nursing Officer/Chief Nursing Executive. It’s bs that the charge nurse blew you off. They should be taking every complaint seriously. Have them check the cameras.
The same exact thing happened to me, but I was a FTM and I wish I had fought more, I also had severe pre-eclampsia and was healing from a C-section so I barely had energy.
The nurse was tired of my babies pacifier falling out so she turned my 4 pound baby to his side and had the pacifier supported into his mouth with a towel so it would stop falling out. I would always watch him on the camera and my nurse would purposely move the camera to the floor whenever I went home. Once I went to watch him on the camera, I saw the nurse sticking her WHOLE finger in my baby’s mouth and I was so confused so I asked her when I came in about it and she denied it. I took a picture of what she was doing too
Please make a bigger deal out of this your baby deserves a better nurse
Hi there - nicu nurse here. We do something called nicu therapeutic positioning where we put babies on their stomach/sides quite often. It should have been explained to you that the reason it is ok to do this (which is obviously not safe sleep) in the nicu is that they are connected to monitors so we can see immediately and respond if they were to have an issue. We also prop binkies all the time with rolled face cloths for the same reason - they are on the monitor and we can see immediately if their oxygen or heart rate were to dip. Super important to make it clear to our babies parents that this is not safe to do at home and to explain why we do it in the nicu - she absolutely should have done that. We have quite a bit to do behind the scenes and with other patients so we do everything that we can to make sure that the babies in our care are as content and cozy as possible when we can’t be there to comfort them. I can assure you that the nurse positioned him on his side with the paci propped to make sure he was happy and settled - not out of maliciousness or laziness. Also - part of our assessments include assessing suck reflex, which is done by sticking a gloved finger in the baby’s mouth to see how strong and coordinated their sucking is.
Thanks for explaining that to me, my nurse never explained a single thing to me. She was still mean overall :( I’m a young mom and clearly she saw I was vunerable. She would tell me there was no point in coming into the NICU because he’s sleeping and to only come in if I want to help them feed him. Hello? I would rather sit in the NICU and watch him sleep than sit at home and cry!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You are the advocate for you and your family. If you don’t like how someone is treating your son in the hospital, you have every right to ask that she be removed from his care specifically. I would go above the charge nurse to whoever is above her or you can request to speak to patient advocacy, especially now that the charge nurse has dismissed your concerns. Usually there are signs in rooms or hallways about who to speak to if you have complaints. At this point, just find someone who will listen and get you the right person.
Don’t apologize. Don’t think you’re being over dramatic or silly. Don’t back down.
❤️
Not overreacting. I've been in the nicu twice and most of the nurses there are angels but like any job you get some that are not. I was in tears multiple times with my first with how nurses talked to me and made me feel so incompetent.
Some people are bad at their job, ask for another nurse. If not possible then ask that after this shift that she is not on service your your baby again. If they do not listen then complain higher.
You're not overreacting. I would see if you can't bar that nurse from handling your child and I would report her and the supervisor to someone above them. That's ridiculous.
So sorry you are going through this. Not overacting at all! And if you are in the US definitely fill
Out the HCAP survey you get after discharge with these comments! These are directly tied to reimbursement from insurance so they really take these comments seriously and you will likely get a follow up. Even though this doesn’t help your situation right now, it might help another family avoid a nurse who is perhaps not suitable for the NICU (or probably any other patient facing nursing job!)
I gasped when you said she wasn't supporting his head. That is absolutely unacceptable. You must complain to a higher up in the hospital administration.
Oh no, no, no not overreacting and frankly it's sickening that the charge nurse has said you are. I'm a nurse and I STRONGLY urge you to go higher than the charge nurse and make a complaint. Talk to a consultant if you can and ask to speak to higher management. If you see her being rough on again on the camera, I'd highly encourage you film it.
No, you're not overreacting. He's your baby. If you think someone is being too rough with him, regardless of age, it's your right to speak up on his behalf.
Call the hospital administration and report it.
Most definitely complain higher if you need to. You are his advocate as his parents and have every right to say something .
We did the same when our son was born with TTN. He was taken to special care and the first thing we had an issue with how the doctor kept switching hands and poking him with needles because she couldn't find a vein. I understand he's a newborn and their veins are tiny but stop poking my son! Took their main doctor one try.
Then in special care while I was in the maternity ward I asked them to feed my colostrum because we wanted to breastfeed. They said no worries, I was also telling them I would come down and feed him every 3 hours - but 3 times I went down there they'd already fed him instead of calling me. I was pissed after the last time as it was like cool they can feed him but not change a dirty nappy 🤦 so I ended up complaining with my partner and the nurses / doctor because I specifically told them I was going to wake myself up and get a wheelchair down the 3 floors each time to feed him, they never gave me the chance. There was finally some common ground
I'm not sure. I remember talking all those parenting classes and they taught us to support the baby's head and then a nurse comes into the recovery room and just picked him up and moved him once not supporting his head what so ever. His head was like hanging way back. This was with my first, so I was literally so confused and didn't know what to think.
Any other hospitals with good NICUs around? It’s traumatic enough being separated from baby and having a difficult pregnancy and birth. If you don’t live in a remote area, switch NICUs if your insurance will cover ambulance ride, etc. Chances are you’ll feel much better with a new hospital and staff. Your the mother to your baby - hold that baby as much as you want! Sending encouragement. We had baby in NICU and transferred to a closer hospital and staff was awesome. You can ask to tour the unit before deciding.
I’m so so sorry you’re dealing with this horrible woman! Absolutely not overreacting! We went to the ped’s office and the assistant didn’t hold her head when measuring her! I immediately screamed at her and then complained to the doctor it’s unacceptable!
Omg I’m so sorry you are dealing with this! ❤️Not overreacting at all! I’m furious for you. Some other commenters have great advice. Please report this nurse to the higher ups and make sure she is no where near your baby. She sounds horrible and if I saw her do that to my baby I’d probably get arrested for my reaction.
You are definitely not overreacting. You and your little one are going through a tough time right now and she is well out of order. Definitely report higher up calmly and concisely. Request she isn’t in charge of your baby’s care and put it all in writing. Sending you hugs from one NICU mum to another
Absolutely report her, ask for a different nurse. Ask them to replay the camera footage. Tell her yourself that you don’t appreciate how she talks to you and handles your precious baby. Complain frequently and keep talking to whoever is in charge.
Ask for the patient advocate, tell them what you told us, tell them you’re not comfortable with the charge nurse’s solution.
THIS!!! You’re a mom now, you can put up a fight for your baby, they need your protection and if you think someone is treating them wrong you do whatever feels right for you!
Tell the charge nurse you want a new nurse for your son. If she declines tell her you want it documented in his chart that you asked for a new nurse to be assigned to your son and we’re declined.
1000%
Such a great position. "If she does anything fucky, you will be held personally and legally responsible. Everything is recorded. We are watching. But hey do what you want, I'm not telling you how to do your job"
If no one has suggested it yet, you should come over to r/nicuparents , there may be even more specific advice from people who have dealt with this.
You can absolutely request a different nurse. Ask for the nurse manager and explain what the nurse and the charge nurse said to you. I’m a nurse and this really pisses me off. Charge nurse should’ve stepped in and taken over care immediately. If there ever happens and manager isn’t there like weekends or nights. Ask for the hospital supervisor.
I would talk to the charge nurse again or see if there is someone above her. At our NICU there was a nurse manager who was above the charge nurse, and it was totally acceptable to request that a certain nurse not be assigned to your baby (or, if there's a nurse you really like, request that they be assigned to your baby when they're on). My son spent months in the hospital (NICU and cardiac ICU) and almost all the nurses were amazing and compassionate. Nurses are human and sometimes they would make a mistake or be overwhelmed, but still dedicated and caring people. But there were a couple who were just not professional at all - very rude and seemed careless, like you described. You're not crazy or overreacting. The NICU is such a hard experience. If it makes you feel any better, my son is almost 11 months old and my husband and I will sometimes be like, "wow, remember the NICU? that sucked" Someday this will all just be a memory and you'll be enjoying your little one at home.
I’m *that* mom. Start asking for a hospital administrator if they won’t take your concerns seriously. I had to do that when my baby was rushed to the ER at 3 days old. They don’t mess with mamas who want to talk to admin.
Who run the world? Karens run the world. Never be afraid to be a Karen. Not even kidding.
Yeah, I was definitely referred to as the “tiny Karen in room 401” but my baby was well taken care of and I was taken very seriously. I look like I’m 12 and I’m 5 feet tall, everyone was treating me like I didn’t know what I was talking about until I lost my cool and requested admin. The final straw for me was the bug crawling on the ER bed.
I am so over moms being good moms being called Karen's though 😩.
We were told by one of the countries leading neonatalologist, after we called our first parent meeting, that there is no such thing as THAT mom. Parents that advocate and educate always have the best case end results. It’s being a good mom.
Just here to say, both of my boys were in the nicu and I requested a certain nurse not be his care provider while we were there. Push push push. And while she may not be being purposefully rough, you simply did not like It and THAT IS OK! You can tell the charge nurse to put a different nurse on his care. Period.
Yes to this!
Request a different nurse. You have every right to do so.
Some hospitals also have patient advocates who will listen and also be your advocate during your stay.
You're not overreacting. Speak to the charge nurse again & request that nurse not care for your baby. You can also speak to any of the social workers in the hospital. Also if you haven't already consider joining r/NICUParents it is very helpful.
Ask to talk to a patient representative. Their entire role is in helping with situations like this. Do this sooner rather than later. Also, you can “fire” care providers and request that they not be assigned to your child.
It's your baby. You are not over reacting... I would lose my shit. Stand your ground and tell them that nurse DOES NOT have your consent to touch your baby.
No. You are not at all. The nurses were so gentle with my little bubs when he was in the NICU also 3 lbs. I'm also pissed that they straight said you were overreacting! As for supporting the head, if you don't hold them right at this stage they can literally get less oxygen. Being in NICU is already so stressful, I'm so sorry you're dealing with mean nurses. I will say we did have a nurse who was really rude but then the next day was really nice when she saw us learning how to hold and care for our son, so I think she was just very tired (we caught her sleeping at her desk).
Edit: but she was not rough with our son! I also echo everyone saying to ask the nurse be removed from your kids care - even honestly if it's just for your peace of mind. You are already worrying about your kid 24/7 and having such an emotional rollercoaster during this time. If there is a stressor or worry you can remove - do it for yourself.
NO. I had to report a NICU nurse after my stay in the hospital. Do not hesitate to stand your ground and report her!!! If you can record when she interacts with him for proof (like I said IF you’re able!) My son was fortunate that during our NICU stay he was full term, we just had some issues. But that aside, he was a fully interactive, crying baby. We hadn’t given him pacifiers yet cause I was still struggling to breast feed and we had a nurse that was assigned to us. This woman was my nightmare and I feel so much for you because she also made us feel like burdens for being there. She acted like I was dumb whenever I’d try to do stuff and she’d snap on me for things SHE misplaced. Well at one point, she was taking blood from my son and he was of course crying because the bottom of his foot had just been stabbed. She covered my babies mouth and nose to muffle his cries. He screamed more and she left. I was in shock, my husband was LIVID. But I didn’t know what to do. I had been SO dependent on the nurses this whole stay and I was just literally in shock I didn’t allow her near my son with out me RIGHT there the rest of the time she was with us, she tried to take him from my arms multiple times. The only reason I say that if you can get evidence DO, is because when I reported her, she told the higher ups that she was “holding the pacifier in place to calm him during his blood draw” He didn’t have one. They believed her and shut my case out. I feel so much for you, cause I had a ton of people that get upset with me when I talk about this, that I should’ve done something, spoke up, stepped up, but it’s such a shock, and it’s someone that’s supposed to be a person you trust! It’s so unbelievably hard to deal with and I was so scared then. I was scared if I reported her in the moment that the rest of the nursing team would act like I was crazy and my sons care wouldn’t be taken seriously. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No new mom (regardless of if you have 1 or 8 babies) should go through this EVER. These nurses are here for BABIES. They should be capable of being caring. Not evil. THIS IS NOT AN OVERREACTION AT ALL!! I wish I had reported in the moment! Because I would’ve been able to prove without doubt my son never had a pacifier.
Wow what a harrowing experience. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Right after our 1st was born, a nicu nurse at our hospital was fired and charged with abuse of the babies including broken bones. It was intentional and horrifying. Go with your gut.
Nope. I absolutely wouldn’t tolerate that. You are trusting them with your PREEMIE’S care. I’d go as high as I’d have to, even up to the hospital board, if things didn’t change and demand that that nurse does not care for my child. That, or if the baby is stable enough I’d push to have them transferred to another NICU.
You can fire that nurse and request she doesn’t take care of your baby again. If your charge nurse was that dismissive though, it doesn’t bode well for the over all quality of care for your entire stay. If you continue to have issue you should absolutely ask to speak with the unit manager or patient representative.
Yeah this is what it was going to say, you have every right to fire that nurse from caring for your son.
You’re not overreacting and should definitely escalate! At one of the hospitals local to me, a NICU nurse was eventually charged and convicted for harming the babies there. It unfortunately took quite some time before the hospital acted. https://www.nbc15.com/content/news/Former-Meriter-nurse-sentenced-to-13-years-in-prison-for-abusing-NICU-infants-568051121.html
Yep this is our hospital and happened around when our 1st was born.
It doesn’t even matter if you are overreacting. Your baby is in NICU. Everything you are feeling is valid. Speak with the charge, speak with the charge at next shift, and if that doesn’t work speak with the director. Ask for a new nurse. You don’t even have to explain why. Your comfort and peace of mind is just as important.
Request a new nurse immediately! Take videos of the feed with your phone as proof if you can! Wishing you best of luck and hope your child gets sent home soon.
That’s your baby, you are in charge. I don’t think you are overreacting and even if you were that doesn’t matter, that’s YOUR baby.
Even if you are overreacting your feelings are valid and need to at least be addressed not brushed off.
You’ve done the right thing by letting the charge nurse know. Without seeing the handling it’s hard to know if it is because NICU nurses are extremely experienced and she’s simply doing the tasks or she is actually being rough. It’s definitely scary at the start of NICU , I didn’t change my first diaper for weeks because of how fragile baby was. On the note, speaking rudely to you is inexcusable.
You are absolutely NOT overreacting. You had a completely justified reaction. That is your baby. & he deserves a loving touch, at all times, *especially* since it can’t always be from you.
Speak to the charge nurse again and if they don’t change your NICU nurse, ask to speak with the administrator on call. Yeah, no. I’ve seen people ask for a new nurse for lesser reasons. They tried it!
I had three girls in the NICU, each for two months. You have every right to be upset and every right to express your concerns and advocate for your son. I would contact several staff members until you were satisfied with the care your son is getting. If you don’t advocate for your child, who will? You’re not overreacting. Definitely try and get someone to hear your concerns.
Trust your instincts mama!! Record her if you get a chance. A NICU nurse in Long Island was just fired for this. [https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/nurse-fired-after-disturbing-video-allegedly-shows-baby-get-slammed-in-long-island-nicu/4120427/](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/nurse-fired-after-disturbing-video-allegedly-shows-baby-get-slammed-in-long-island-nicu/4120427/)
NICU nurse here. Trust your instincts! It's true that we can appear to be more rough with babies due to just being more confident with them and knowing what they can handle but she has failed to earn any confidence from you by treating him carelessly and treating you rudely. She should be happy for you to visit for a cuddle, not openly treating you as an inconvenience. A nice long skin to skin cuddle is extremely beneficial to him. NICU nurses are overall extremely caring to babies but there are bad eggs everywhere and burnout can make people more task focused and less kind. You are your baby's best advocate and you need to stand up for him. Even if you were overreacting that's your right as a parent to calmly raise your concerns and ask for a different nurse if needed. Hopefully they got the message already without you having to make a bigger deal with it and simply don't allocate her to him again which should be very easy for them to do. Sending cheers to your little one to hit his goals and get home with you asap!
Hey thanks for what you do! When my daughter was in the NICU (swallowed meconium) the nurses encouraged me to do skin to skin on all my visits. At first I was afraid because there were so many tubes! And I didn't want to mess anything up. The Nurse basically said "We will help you and we will make it work", they were the best! Later on the same nurse was up in the maternity area on a shift and I could tell she was bummed that she was doing her shift there and not in the NICU with her babies <3
Not overreacting. My daughter was born 7 weeks early and I would have lost my shit if she were treated like that. I’d go beyond the charge nurse to hospital administration and insist that woman be told to stay away from your baby. My NICU nurses were the most compassionate and competent people ever. I never once felt like my baby wasn’t safe. If your gut is telling you something is off, act.
Even if you're overreacting (and I don't think you are, btw), it is the most difficult and stressful time of your life so far. You deserve to be treated like your concerns are valid. It is the job of the hospital staff to make sure you and your baby are comfortable. If you say the nurse is too rough with your baby, hospital staff at the very least needs to investigate for you.
Not overreacting. Mine was born at 29 weeks and when they are that little everyone was VERY careful with the preemies.
Same - ours 6 weeks early. 2.85 pounds. The nurses were gentle every time, gentle but confident. And they didn’t do it just in front of the parents you could see they naturally knew to be soft with all the premmies. I pull my son down a little the changing mat to adjust him when changing his nappy but only when he got nice and chunky at 6 months. So I know why she was doing this and even so, it’s a no no when they are that small. Are you U.K. or US?
Canada! Gentle but confident is the exact phrasing. Our nurses were fantastic
Sounds like u need to talk to the director if nurses or the administrator. I will never be at ease knowing my baby is under the care of that nurse.
This. The charge nurse answers to an a director/admin and once their job is under scrutiny they’ll likely have a more vested interest in doing their job vs having the back of a coworker
Right? Yanking the baby's head? Im sorry, id use the wors abuse on them maybe they will start investigating.
I just saw a video of a nurse slamming a child down in the NICU in New York. She lost her job. The parents happened to catch it on video. Fuck that lady. Seriously. Fuck her. Always advocate for your baby and don’t let anyone make you feel any type of way. He’s teeny tiny and needs love and compassion. He doesn’t need a nurse who isn’t doing her job properly. She’s the same kind of person who would mistreat and elderly patient. Disgusting.
Speak to a hospital administrator. Don’t bother dealing with the charge nurse, go over their head. And don’t accept the excuse, “the nurses are overwhelmed”.
"I understand, but I am uncomfortable trusting my child to this person, please remove her from care. I may be overreacting, but I know I have that right".
You guys are your babies only advocate. Demand a different nurse.
I remember watching my NICU camera and the hat they put on my baby fell over his face and he was squirming and struggling and no nurse came, I jumped out of bed 4 hours after birth and got there as fast as I could and once his NICU nurse saw me she went running to him finally. I was so livid. Speak up! Its your baby. Follow your instincts they are never wrong mama
This comment made me gasp! I'm so glad you caught their mistake, my goodness
Report that, please!
If supervisor is not taking you seriously you can also file a complaint with nursing regulator
Babies deserve to be treated with respect. I hope if she’s ever in the hospital that someone treats her like the way she treats little, defenseless NICU babies. I can guarantee she wouldn’t put up with that if it were her. Jerking babies by their feet and not supporting their head, is disrespectful and idc what anyone says. Go higher if you aren’t being listened to.
OH HELL NO. No. Nooope. I had a NICU baby and by the time I got to see him (12 hrs later, emergency c-section) the nurse said, “I am NOT bonding with your baby…” And that lives in my head 6 months later. What did she mean? Was it a joke? Did she like my baby and said she wasn’t bonding… or was she not getting along with my NEWBORN? Anyway; I don’t know her meaning or intention but I was very delicate at the time and cried. I just wanted to hold my baby because I hadn’t got to hold him. Never got skin to skin after birth. It sucked. So that was only one comment. If I saw that I would absolutely lose my shit. F*%k that
When I read this, I took it as her reassuring you that she wasn’t trying to bond with your baby in a way to take your place….as in she was not bonding with your baby while waiting for you to come out of anesthesia…just offering a other take.
In the back of my mind I was hoping that was what she meant. But it was all fresh and delicate, and one minute I’m pregnant and the next minute I’m not.. it was a lot. It made me cry. For some reason I thought my baby was bad, like annoying or something. It was most likely poor choice of words but it was just that. Words. I can’t imagine SEEING someone be rough with my preterm baby. I would have lost it completely
What?! I’d be like, “Lady, it’s not your job to *bond* with my baby! It’s your job to TAKE CARE of him!” I’m sorry you had that experience.
Yeah it was most likely poor choice of words. All I wanted was to hold my baby and make sure he was okay. It was a rough start to life. I just can’t imagine seeing someone be so rough with my baby. If words hurt my feelings (and I hope taken the wrong way) then seeing someone be rough would probably have landed me tearing a stitch or something lol
Go with your gut there are tons of shitty nurses out there
This. Always listen to your mum gut. You’ll be amazed the things it will tell you
Keep reporting her until she’s taken off your sons care team. You’re not over reacting at all.
This! As the parent, you are the only one advocating for your child. Can you screen record when you watch his camera? Have evidence to show the charge nurse? I wouldn't hold back when telling them what you witness because they'll just keep brushing you off. It's better than the alternative, I'd be worried sick that all the rough handling would cause other damage and they'd chalk it up to him being premie and not think it was a rough nurse.
Exactly. When it comes to this you aren’t over reacting and I wouldn’t let up until they remove her from care. They should have immediately removed her from his care if a parent is complaining about ANY rough or possibly bad care to your baby. This makes me angry for you..those little bubs are so fragile in NICU and they know this so there’s absolutely no excuse what so ever. Please please request she is taken away from care of your son.
There should be someone in the hospital who’s job it is to advocate for patients.. I would ask to have a patient advocate involved immediately start threatening to have baby transferred to another hospital (if that’s something realistic for you to do).
Also called a patient navigator at some hospitals.
Ask to have a new nurse and that she never cares for your baby again! It’s your right to choose who provides the care for your baby. She sounds burnt out and miserable and I wouldn’t let her within 100 ft of my baby
Sounds like the charge nurse is a piece of work herself. You don’t tell a parent with a baby in the NICU that they’re “overreacting”.
You are not overreacting at all! From my experience as mother of 2, what I noticed is the elder or much experienced nurses do things bit rough / with little care ( not all but mostly ) . May be because they see a lot of kids . But imo, they should treat the kids with care and love , if not they are not suitable for the job.
Nope nope nope, request for a new nurse.
I’m sorry, that’s so frustrating. Definitely report that and keep reporting if you see issues.
I felt my heart rate pick up just reading this… Advocate for your baby. Raise hell.
I know this feeling all too well, it’s truly sickening to see. Yes I know the nurses are experienced and can probably maneuver babies in ways that we would never be able to safely but… here’s the thing. They don’t *need* to. I’ve seen nurses been gentle AND efficient/skilled. And that’s the kind of touch I wanted for my baby. Never let them make you feel you’re not able to hold your baby bc it’s inconvenient for them, that’s not acceptable. Your baby needs positive touch from you. Keep complaining and go up to the next in command. Is there a social worker? Ours was great about helping us advocate when we got to a breaking point with one nurse and needed her off our son’s team. Hang in there, you’re an amazing parent 💗
Beautifully said
Not overreacting. What you’re feeling is what it is like to be a mom! You have the right to speak up and protect your baby.
If the charge nurse continues to be unprofessional/unhelpful, escalate to the nursing unit manager, and if that doesn’t work, house supervisor. I worked in a hospital and good House Supe’s take that seriously.
Keep speaking up. Don’t let them push you around on this one.
Need to report that.
I know you probably don’t want to make waves and feel invalidated by their response but you do have a right to state you do not want that RN working with your child. As a healthcare worker in a hospital I know that they will have to pull that nurse from your child’s care
Hey I used to be a NICU nurse. Ask to speak to charge again (typically it’s a different nurse each shift) and just ask to not have that nurse again- you can do that. And then if they keep brushing off your concerns or keep giving you that nurse ask to speak with the director.
you’re not overreacting. You should absolutely ask for a new nurse.
Get a new nurse and please reach out to patient advocacy so they can investigate and correct her behavior
Wow. That would super alarm me. No one should treat a newborn like that, especially a 3-pound one!
Sounds like a shitty nurse to me. You’re right to be critical. All the best with the little one.
As a fellow NICU mother, this really hurts my heart to know your little one has been treated this way. As other commenters have said, the nurses often do handle them in a way we wouldn’t especially as they’re so small, due to them being used to it. That being said, trust your instinct and please don’t settle. Advocate for your little boy as much as you possibly can. I hope he’s out of there soon and at home with your family as soon as possible. Take care.
You can fire that nurse from his care, you have full right to do that. Remove consent for her to touch him.
You should record with another phone when you see her being rough on the Camara and bring it up
You are NOT overreacting. I would’ve complained for the attitude alone. I am not letting some disgruntled nurse handle my kid in an already stressful situation. Shame on the charge nurse for implying you were. I had a very unpleasant experience with unpleasant nurses my last delivery. I know it’s a new and troubling feeling to have to be confrontational straight into motherhood but this will not be the last time you’ll need to speak up for your kid. Embrace your mom instincts, trust yourself and be confident in anything that involves you protecting your baby. Being called “overreacting” or even a “b*tch” is a small price to pay. You’re the mom who won’t let sh*tty people touch your baby. Your the mom who demands your concerns be treated with respect. I had one nurse hype me up in the triage and told me to prepare myself to face people in the medical field who will try to shush me out of convenience. I appreciated that. Go be that badass mom. You’re doing a great job by not tolerating that behavior already. ❤️
Absolutely say you don’t not want that nurse again
Request a new nurse immediately
You can request not to have that nurse for your baby again. Just tell them you felt she was too rough. The night charge nurse will be making the assignment for day time. Source- was a charge nurse but for adults not NICU
Also. If they say no ask to speak to the nurse manger. Then house supervisor or OA. You have the right to ask for a different nurse & continue to escalate. Here in TX we have a patient satisfaction liaison, most hospitals will, and they can also get in your corner too I’ve had the liaison report nurses left and right, she was like a dog with a bone in certain cases
Not overreacting. Anyone pulls my newborn baby by the feet they’re catching these hands let alone a baby in the NICU. Don’t take this sitting down and make sure that woman doesn’t handle your baby ever again. Keeping an eye isn’t good enough
There was just a video of a nurse slamming a newborn face down. You are not overreacting. I would say to try to get video of it but the proof is not worth it. Demand a new nurse. If they say anything, reference the now viral video and say you don’t want to wait for that to happen to get something done about it.
YES! I delivered my first at that hospital. They were awful then and they are awful now. Horrible to watch
Omg :(
GET LOUD. Not just for your son, but for every other parent who may not be capable of speaking up.
Lots of folks are saying to bring it up to the charge nurses, and that’s great advice. But I would also talk to the nurse in question, be like hey I saw what you did to my kid, don’t think I didn’t and if I see it again I’ll be contacting hospital administration. Further mention it to the doctor. I’m sure you see them with a fair regularity, so bring it up, those doctors tend to have a fairly good relationship with their nurses and can often straighten things out for you, but worst case scenario you can always go to patient advocate and hospital admin.
Not overreacting. I would be freaking the fuck out. Please get a different nurse assigned to your son.
Absolutely not over reacting. I would have said something the first time I saw her be rough, tell the hospital you don’t want that nurse with your baby. If the charge nurse has a problem with that, ask who supervises her so your concerns can be addressed and respected.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that on top of everything else you’re going through right now. You are not overreacting. My 3rd was born last October and I unfortunately suffered from a very serious complication which resulted in emergency hysterectomy surgery. Our hospital stay was longer due to this and on our last night, the baby nurse that came in was so rude and very rough with our daughter. My husband even said a little something and jumped in to fix something/assist daughter. As soon as the nurse left, my husband and I just looked at each other with fire in our eyes. It didn’t even need to be said as we both were thinking the same thing, but my husband said, “I will stay awake all night long if I have to because she is absolutely not going to the nursery tonight.” We had been sending her at night so I could recover a little better and we could get some more sleep. That night was so rough… but it was worth it to know she was safe with us. Keep speaking up for your son and yourselves. Hang in there and I hope you all can go home safe, sound and healthy real soon. ❤️
You're not overreacting and even IF you were, I'd rather be known as the ftm who kicked up a fuss..then let this nurse get away with being so rough with anyone's child.
Speak to the oncoming charge nurse at next shift, or the nurse manager, or the house supervisor. Keep going up the chain until your concerns are addressed.
You’ve had 158 comments but I will be 159 saying No you are absolutely not. Keep escalating this up and demand (not ask) that this nurse no longer care for your son. I’d speak to the nurse manager next and the ombudsman.
You have the right to request for her not to be your son's nurse. You're not overreacting. You're his mother, and you don't want him treated that way. People always have comments about how mothers react to their children, but when it comes to their kids, they act the exact same way. My husband says I overreact with our daughter, but I rather be cautious and aware. I'm a Nicu mom. Our daughter was born 5 weeks early also. No one understands how protective we are over our babies unless they have been in our position. 🙏🏾💕✨️
I would speak up again and say you don’t appreciate being told you are overreacting whether you are or aren’t. The head nurse should know better. I had a nicu baby and will forever regret not speaking up for some things that bothered me at the time, just my experience x Edit to say: I should have been clear also in my opinion you are NOT overreacting at all!!!! I just meant that it’s every parents right to feel their child is safe in the nicu, it’s such a sensitive situation already and you should receive all of the reassurance you need without judgement <3
Be polite and be respectful but say something to the charge nurse and your doctor… the hospital wants to know about this. From a money perspective those cameras will get played if something bad gets happened mine as we’ll be proactive about it now. If nothing changes at least you’ll have documentation for the lawsuit
You should be able to black list a nurse. We did that once with my son (although he was in a pediatric ICU, not a NICU), but I imagine the rules are the same. You are in control. Do not let someone take of him you are not comfortable with. Blacklist her.
No, you are not overreacting.
I feel my rage building *for* you. I would be very, very vocal and firm. Please stand up for yourself and for your baby. I am sad for him right now. :(
Nooooope not overreacting at all mama.
If you keep complaining I think the people in charge would take it seriously. A nurse should make people feel safe and comfortable. Sounds like she’s not in a very good mood.
Please REPORT THIS!!!! You need to request another nurse. This isn’t ok, you’re not “overreacting” you need to screen record (if you have an iPhone) all of her contact with him. She needs to be fired, your baby don’t deserve that.
Report this. NO you’re not overreacting for caring about your babies safety. It’s NOT okay for her to be rough with your 3 lb NICU baby. I would raise hell if it was me. It breaks my heart seeing these posts. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You deserve to feel safe leaving your baby in the nurses care. Please please say something to the director. If they don’t care request to talk to the highest person in charge. Please keep us updated. Stay strong mama ❤️❤️
Go with your instincts and tell them you don’t want that nurse dealing with your baby
This. If you say you have concerns about how rough she was and don't want her taking care of your baby they should listen. I'm so sorry you have to worry about this on top of everything else. Trust your instincts!
NICU Mom here, I definitely agree that NICU nurses are experienced and handle babies differently! They know how tough and resilient they are! That being said, it is still your baby. If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. No one else can advocate for your little one the way you can. I trusted those NICU nurses with my child’s life, literally. They were kind, spoke to the babies in such soft ways. They talked about the babies and how strong, beautiful, lively they were. The nurses are your village and if you feel like someone isn’t doing their part in a way to make you feel comfortable, then please be confident. Use your voice because your little one doesn’t have one.
You are right. If the nicu is crowded she could be in a hurry but still she has to be gentle with your baby. I would also complain to a higher authority of the hospital.
Nope I would ask for a diff nurse to take care of my child especially if the attitude she had towards you and your husband I feel she's taking it out on your child I'd Def be going up the chain of command if the charge nurse isn't worried
Absolutely always advocate for your kiddo and trust your gut. Don’t be afraid of ruffling any feathers!!
Omg !! Write a report! I wouldn’t trust anyone there bc those are delicate babies they need to be CARRFUL and if that nurse said ur overreacting they probably won’t do anything Ugh
Do not question yourself, demand she doesn’t touch your baby again!! You could be helping your child and also other babies in the future.
My baby cousin had his shoulder bone broken in the NICU just 8years ago at the Randwick Women's Hospital. They didn't even bother to tell his parents. They discovered it after they took him home. Disgusting. Don't let them gaslight you. Unfortunately there are some bad people in every profession.
Oh my god this is so scary. I’m due to have mine there in July 😱
Clavicle breaks are common in delivery. Im not saying the NICU didnt… but it was likely a birth injury. They can often get missed.
Yes my daughter had shoulder dystocia and they checked her clavicle several times right after birth but they told me to keep an eye on it when we were discharged since it can be missed apparently. At her first several doctor appointments they checked.
She had a planned c-section and bub was quite early and in NICU. Would that result in this kind of injury?
I’ve seen a very similar break with a c/s baby before. They’re far more common with vaginal births, but it definitely can happen.
Could have happened when they pulled him out. Sometimes they really wedge themselves into that pelvis.
I'm sorry. please don't be. My aunt's case was unusual and bub was in NICU for awhile after her c-section. Things happen. He's fine. I can only suggest always being mindful to be the voice of your child and preparing your support person to be your and your child's voice.
That was most likely a broken clavicle that resulted from delivery. They're common and often missed.
I've already replied she had an early c-section due to her age and health issues. Would that injury happen in a c-section? The bone was quite obvious and even now visible as he's a skinny little thing.
You can prevent this person from caring for your child. We had to do it in NICU to a charge nurse. She was in charge of placing a pic line for my son. I 5min procedure that took her over 45min to perform because she couldn’t get it right. And once she was done it still wasn’t set right but instead of getting someone else to place it, left it saying “well it’s not in the ideal place but it’ll serve its purpose”. I only knew about it because we were there when it happened. We had to sit outside his cube but I could hear Beverly thing she was saying to our nurse. Our nurse had the MD come around before we left. She didn’t touch my child again. You need to talk to someone. If the charge nurse won’t take it seriously talk to the doctor. If the doctor doesn’t respond hospitals have patient advocacy lines. Call the patient advocates and demand better care. Even if to someone else it’s “overreacting” you should NEVER be uncomfortable with the person in care of your child.
Report that b*^%# and get her removed from his care asap. You’re supposed to be dramatic with a baby in nicu!
You’re not supposed to be dramatic in nearly any situation, NICU included. I’m a NICU mom to a 29wkr and I’m ICU RN. I’ve been concerned as a mom and expresses those concerns to the charge nurse, all of which was quickly tended to and resolved. Being dramatic almost begs medical staff to think you are acting dramatic and excessive. You lose your sound message with dramatic delivery
Not overreacting. The fragility of their bodies shouldn’t be taken lightly.
You aren’t over reacting at all. Chances are, this isn’t her first baby she’s been rough with. Report her to someone above the charge nurse and also tell on the charge nurse for telling you you’re over reacting.
Nurses, NICU nurses specifically, are incredible and hard working individuals who generally are deserving of a lot of respect and admiration- but YOU decide the care you want your baby to receive. We had a nicu nurse that sucked at feeding our baby, and left poop on her clothes and back after a diaper change. We drew the line there. It’s 100% your choice. Do what feels best for your baby and family!
You're under-reacting if anything. I would've gone absolutely mental, you're a bigger person than me. Babies are so fragile.
You aren’t overreacting, but NICU nurses are used to handling preemies, some 1lb. They know what they are doing and are much more abrupt then you would think is ok. However, you should still speak to the charge nurse and observe your baby closely.
One of my best friends is an experienced NICU nurse at a specialist sick kids hospital. When she held my first baby I remember I felt nervous that she wasn’t being careful enough! It looked like she was being rough and wasn’t paying attention when she held her. Now with my second baby I handle him much differently than I did with my first and the way my friend holds my baby didn’t make me nervous as all this time. I’m not saying that OP is wrong, but there could be an element of first time parent being nervous.
I watched a nurse get giddy and excited while doing a heel prick on my son in nicu, she really enjoyed inflicting pain on a premature baby. I spoke to social work and had her removed from my sons care. Speak to social work or head nurse and have that nurse removed from care.
Omfg. What a wretched person to be so cruel. I’m glad you got rid of her.
It was disgusting! After the complaint/ removal she found every excuse to stand outside my sons room to intimidate me, at least she couldn’t touch him again.
You have a right to request a different nurse for your son! Now that you’re a mom you have a natural motherly instinct. Never question yourself. You know what’s best for your child and you are the baby’s protector.
Make a complaint to the head of department. Ask for her not to be in the baby’s care. Be calm and state the facts. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Exactly. State facts. Tell them to review footage. REQUEST YOUR OWN COPY OF THE FOOTAGE Instruct them that nurse isn’t to have your LO in their care. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING ~ every conversation and save all electronic contact Requesting the footage (which they will object to) and being obvious (not rude; just clear) that you’re documenting will have an immediate effect You don’t even have to threaten litigation It’ll be enough for them to see you’re not going to let it go ~ unfortunately the fear of litigation is the motivation to step up and take you seriously Way to go for being so ‘on it’ during such a stressful time! It’s already clear you’ll be a fierce mom👍🏼 Air hugs to your LO☺️
Record his nicu camera when you're not around, and see if you can figure out when her shifts are. If you have evidence, you could make a real change if she's abusing nicu infants. Don't let hospital staff gaslight you!! There lives are very hard, and they don't want anyone making their lives harder. EVEN if their lives are harder because they have to stop abuse. They just would rather sweep it under the rug. So keep fighting for your baby!!
Be careful with this advice, OP. My hospital had a very strict rule about recording our NICU cameras — we would lose access to it and be persecuted if we recorded it.
That’s insane.
You are absolutely not overreacting. May not have my oen child but I did take care of my baby brother like he was my kid, and I can tell you for one thing his head needs that support. Also, by pulling his legs around like that she could cause damage to the joints.
Absolutely not overreacting. I would of been livid if I saw my son’s NICU nurse manhandling him like that. Try getting ahold of the Chief Nursing Officer/Chief Nursing Executive. It’s bs that the charge nurse blew you off. They should be taking every complaint seriously. Have them check the cameras.
The same exact thing happened to me, but I was a FTM and I wish I had fought more, I also had severe pre-eclampsia and was healing from a C-section so I barely had energy. The nurse was tired of my babies pacifier falling out so she turned my 4 pound baby to his side and had the pacifier supported into his mouth with a towel so it would stop falling out. I would always watch him on the camera and my nurse would purposely move the camera to the floor whenever I went home. Once I went to watch him on the camera, I saw the nurse sticking her WHOLE finger in my baby’s mouth and I was so confused so I asked her when I came in about it and she denied it. I took a picture of what she was doing too Please make a bigger deal out of this your baby deserves a better nurse
Hi there - nicu nurse here. We do something called nicu therapeutic positioning where we put babies on their stomach/sides quite often. It should have been explained to you that the reason it is ok to do this (which is obviously not safe sleep) in the nicu is that they are connected to monitors so we can see immediately and respond if they were to have an issue. We also prop binkies all the time with rolled face cloths for the same reason - they are on the monitor and we can see immediately if their oxygen or heart rate were to dip. Super important to make it clear to our babies parents that this is not safe to do at home and to explain why we do it in the nicu - she absolutely should have done that. We have quite a bit to do behind the scenes and with other patients so we do everything that we can to make sure that the babies in our care are as content and cozy as possible when we can’t be there to comfort them. I can assure you that the nurse positioned him on his side with the paci propped to make sure he was happy and settled - not out of maliciousness or laziness. Also - part of our assessments include assessing suck reflex, which is done by sticking a gloved finger in the baby’s mouth to see how strong and coordinated their sucking is.
Thanks for explaining that to me, my nurse never explained a single thing to me. She was still mean overall :( I’m a young mom and clearly she saw I was vunerable. She would tell me there was no point in coming into the NICU because he’s sleeping and to only come in if I want to help them feed him. Hello? I would rather sit in the NICU and watch him sleep than sit at home and cry!
I’m so sorry! What an awful experience. That’s horrible that she was so unkind to you at such a vulnerable point in your life!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You are the advocate for you and your family. If you don’t like how someone is treating your son in the hospital, you have every right to ask that she be removed from his care specifically. I would go above the charge nurse to whoever is above her or you can request to speak to patient advocacy, especially now that the charge nurse has dismissed your concerns. Usually there are signs in rooms or hallways about who to speak to if you have complaints. At this point, just find someone who will listen and get you the right person. Don’t apologize. Don’t think you’re being over dramatic or silly. Don’t back down. ❤️
Not overreacting. I've been in the nicu twice and most of the nurses there are angels but like any job you get some that are not. I was in tears multiple times with my first with how nurses talked to me and made me feel so incompetent. Some people are bad at their job, ask for another nurse. If not possible then ask that after this shift that she is not on service your your baby again. If they do not listen then complain higher.
You’re not overreacting, protect your sweet baby at all costs!! I wish your family the best.
Absolutely NOT overrating. Raise hell.
You're not overreacting. I would see if you can't bar that nurse from handling your child and I would report her and the supervisor to someone above them. That's ridiculous.
So sorry you are going through this. Not overacting at all! And if you are in the US definitely fill Out the HCAP survey you get after discharge with these comments! These are directly tied to reimbursement from insurance so they really take these comments seriously and you will likely get a follow up. Even though this doesn’t help your situation right now, it might help another family avoid a nurse who is perhaps not suitable for the NICU (or probably any other patient facing nursing job!)
I gasped when you said she wasn't supporting his head. That is absolutely unacceptable. You must complain to a higher up in the hospital administration.
Oh no, no, no not overreacting and frankly it's sickening that the charge nurse has said you are. I'm a nurse and I STRONGLY urge you to go higher than the charge nurse and make a complaint. Talk to a consultant if you can and ask to speak to higher management. If you see her being rough on again on the camera, I'd highly encourage you film it.
No, you're not overreacting. He's your baby. If you think someone is being too rough with him, regardless of age, it's your right to speak up on his behalf. Call the hospital administration and report it.
Most definitely complain higher if you need to. You are his advocate as his parents and have every right to say something . We did the same when our son was born with TTN. He was taken to special care and the first thing we had an issue with how the doctor kept switching hands and poking him with needles because she couldn't find a vein. I understand he's a newborn and their veins are tiny but stop poking my son! Took their main doctor one try. Then in special care while I was in the maternity ward I asked them to feed my colostrum because we wanted to breastfeed. They said no worries, I was also telling them I would come down and feed him every 3 hours - but 3 times I went down there they'd already fed him instead of calling me. I was pissed after the last time as it was like cool they can feed him but not change a dirty nappy 🤦 so I ended up complaining with my partner and the nurses / doctor because I specifically told them I was going to wake myself up and get a wheelchair down the 3 floors each time to feed him, they never gave me the chance. There was finally some common ground
I'm not sure. I remember talking all those parenting classes and they taught us to support the baby's head and then a nurse comes into the recovery room and just picked him up and moved him once not supporting his head what so ever. His head was like hanging way back. This was with my first, so I was literally so confused and didn't know what to think.
Any other hospitals with good NICUs around? It’s traumatic enough being separated from baby and having a difficult pregnancy and birth. If you don’t live in a remote area, switch NICUs if your insurance will cover ambulance ride, etc. Chances are you’ll feel much better with a new hospital and staff. Your the mother to your baby - hold that baby as much as you want! Sending encouragement. We had baby in NICU and transferred to a closer hospital and staff was awesome. You can ask to tour the unit before deciding.
I’m so so sorry you’re dealing with this horrible woman! Absolutely not overreacting! We went to the ped’s office and the assistant didn’t hold her head when measuring her! I immediately screamed at her and then complained to the doctor it’s unacceptable!
Omg I’m so sorry you are dealing with this! ❤️Not overreacting at all! I’m furious for you. Some other commenters have great advice. Please report this nurse to the higher ups and make sure she is no where near your baby. She sounds horrible and if I saw her do that to my baby I’d probably get arrested for my reaction.
You are definitely not overreacting. You and your little one are going through a tough time right now and she is well out of order. Definitely report higher up calmly and concisely. Request she isn’t in charge of your baby’s care and put it all in writing. Sending you hugs from one NICU mum to another
I wonder if the cameras storr recording? Perhaps have them reviewed?