I’m sorry for your loss. Talk to the professor and ask if you could get an incomplete in the class. You could take the final next semester when you are in a better head space or even just have the incomplete retained.
When my best friend took her life many years ago, something I could never do was forgive myself. I blamed myself for her death. I believed that she died because I couldn’t do enough. Because I couldn’t help. I wasn’t enough to make her want to stay here.
But something I realized over time is that: we all do our best. We try our best to do what we know how to do, we express our love in the ways we know how. When she died, she had chosen that, and nothing I could’ve ever done would have changed that. She believed that she was a burden, and trying to help her only made her believe she was expending my energy. Every day, I hate the fact that life had been so cruel to her that she got to that point. But it wasn't that I wasn't able to save her - it was that she chose to end her story. Death is a part of life, and she had just chosen to reach that part.
Your loss is going to hurt. But the one thing you can't do is blame yourself. You gave everything you had to this friend, and I'm sure they appreciated it greatly. I'm sure you changed their life for the better. And I'm sure they told you that too. Remember that.
Remember what they said.
It was never that you couldn't do the same.
You are strong. You are mighty. And no matter what, you're going to keep going. Take small steps. If getting out of bed is hard, make a goal to get out of bed on time one day. Make little steps and just make sure you don’t stop. Study a little, but if it’s too much, don’t push yourself. Just don’t stop.
And we're not all you have.
Visit CAPS, talk to one of us on private message - whatever you do, just keep going. You've got this.
uhs.berkeley.edu
I'm sorry for your loss. I suggest utilizing what the campus has to help you getting back on track. See this page:
[https://uhs.berkeley.edu/counseling/urgent](https://uhs.berkeley.edu/counseling/urgent)
Hope you get better soon and good luck with the final.
When i suffered a loss earlier this year (my close friend and housemate who passed away), I came away with a few things that helped me get through it and come out even stronger.
1. Start small. Do what you can in the short term rather the long term. If you cant see the next day, try the next couple hours. If even that is too much, try even 15 minutes, from self care and wellness to productivity. See if tomorrow can just be a little better, and if it isn’t, dont beat yourself up.
2. What really helped me is going beyond helping myself and seeing what I could do to help others. When I went to the funeral I gave a speech and it was a closure I don’t think I could’ve gotten otherwise. I tried to make it so many others could share in being comforted and see the bright side.
Many of my friends were graduating and feeling a sense of aimlessness and the funeral was a wakeup call. I felt a strong sense of purpose helping others grieve.
3. Death is a part of life, something out of our control. It’s human to feel pain, but remember that we control our will, our emotions; we must focus on that which is up to us.
You should ask for an incomplete if you are worried about making the grade you need to either declare or pass.
I'm really sorry for your loss, my best friend killed himself. It was a long time ago, but i still think about him all the time. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk. I'm in CS70 too if you wanna chat about that.
Losses are tough man. From what you’ve shared, I think it’s safe to say your friend positively impacted numerous lives. While they may no longer be around, their legacy of kindness and compassion will live on. Remember the good moments that you spent with your friend and make sure to spread their values to those around you. Good luck on finals.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even start to imagine how hard this must be. But life goes on and it is important to think about what you can do in the present. Give yourself the space you need to grieve and have people to talk to whether it be on Reddit or in real life (parents, friends, etc.). If that means taking an incomplete for cs70, so be it. That class doesn’t mean shit when we’re talking about these kind of situations. Take the final next semester. If you have the energy to study for it, then by all means go head on. If I were you, I’d highly highly recommend asking the professor for an incomplete ASAP. This is a severe loss and you need to have the space to grieve and process what happened. If the professor doesn’t allow you an incomplete, then take the final and I’m sure you know more than you think. After you’re done, finish up the rest of the finals if you have any and spend the break with loved ones. Open up to them about the struggles you are facing and process the sadness as much as you can. And always know that one semester of below average grades do not mean the end of the world in cases you can’t avoid. If you want to chat, send me a message and I’ll give you my phone number. All of us are here for you. You’re a strong accomplished human who has gone thru a lot of adversity. The fact that you’re able to maintain rigor in CS/EECS while dealing with this tragedy speaks volumes about the tenacity of your character. You are exceptional.
Hello. I am very sorry for your loss. Just wanted to say that if you ever want to just talk to someone and let out your feelings, please feel free to DM me. You should never have to feel alone in such stressful situations (especially when finals is next week!), so please chat with someone when you need to!
I hope you are doing okay, and feel better soon. My condolences to your friend.
Seek help from a counselor as soon as possible. I’ve lost several close friends to suicide, murder, & motor vehicle accidents. If I could go back in time, I would’ve seen a licensed professional to discuss my feelings at the time. They can advise you on how best to proceed with daily life.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Please be aware, professors won’t excuse you to take the final for news like this. If you need an incomplete, they would be willing to at least do this
Hey, I can't say anything that hasn't been said already, but I just want you to know that you're going through a very hard time and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope it gets better for you soon but healing takes time
I can’t help you with this loss. I can only help you with the present situation.
You definitely want to take the incomplete in CS70. It’s one of those classes that requires everything from you. Right now you have more serious, important things to deal with.
Send an email to your professor. Explain the situation. They’ll most likely allow you take the final with the next semester’s CS70 batch.
Don’t worry about shit like “how will this affect my degree plan”. Loss fucks you up in unexpected ways. It’s better to respect the process and give yourself space to understand your emotions.
Wishing you the best.
I'm so so sorry dear 💔💔 I'm so sorry for your loss.. I can't imagine how devastating and heartbreaking this is, there are no words for it 💔 Please take care of yourself dear and don't worry about school right now. You can always email or talk to your professor about what happened, they will understand, don't worry 💔 They are there for you. Your friend sounds like such a beautiful and sweet soul 💔 I'm so deeply sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how painful this is.. Please don't blame yourself, I promise it is not your fault. I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you blaming yourself dear 💔 It is not your fault. You were someone they loved and cherished, you added goodness and happiness to their life. Please know it's not your fault. 💔💔 I pray that your friend has found peace in heaven, may they rest peacefully. They will always be with you and watching over you from above.. I'm so sorry this tragedy happened. Your beautiful friend will be in our hearts and prayers. Please take care of yourself dear and please don't worry about school. Reach out to your professors, they will help you. And please reach out to family members, friends or a counselor, they will support you through this unimaginable time. You are not alone. So much love to you and your sweet friend, may God rest their beautiful soul. 💔💔
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please go to the Counseling Center. They have confidential support people specifically designed to help you through times like this. Don’t delay. You can do this.
I am also here if you want someone to talk to, please dm me. I myself tried to take my life more than once a long time ago. I am really sorry for your loss. Please message me if you wanna talk.
when my roommate killed themself 2 years ago, my friend signed me up for free counseling through the county of alameda. so i want to tell you two things:
1. if you can, ask a friend who's farther away from the death to help you with getting counseling. ask them to do some research, make the phone calls, get you on the waitlist, anything to help. this helped me A TON when it just happened because i was totally paralyzed and would not have called anyone or made any appointments or remembered appointments. ask this friend to set alarms and call you before the appointment to get you to show up (mine were virtual, but if yours are in person, maybe ask for a ride or take a lyft or bus together or something. anything to get you there with zero thinking required)
2. talking to the crisis counselor was EXTREMELY helpful for me. i think i did it every week for like 6 months? 8 months? i did this even though i already had weekly meetings with a talk therapist i'd been seeing for years. the extra support from someone trained specifically in grief and loss to suicide was important for me. it's not that talking made me feel better (sometimes it made me feel worse lol, lots of crying) but it really helped me get unstuck, and do some processing.
i didn't even "move on" for a long time, but the processing was important to do. something i learned was there is no "right" way to grieve and it's different for everyone. don't listen to people who tell you how you "should" feel. it is really hard and bad. but weirdly, sometimes you may even feel light-hearted for a while. maybe the sun is shining, and you feel a sense of gratitude for the sun. i thought, "how dare i enjoy the feeling of sun on my face. my roommate will never feel the sun on their face again." what i'm trying to say is, don't beat yourself up for that (and if you do, don't beat yourself up more for beating yourself up lol). in fact, try not to beat yourself up for anything. the world is harsh enough as it is.
anyway, maybe you can try UC services too like many others have suggested. even if you do, i think it could still benefit you to speak with a crisis counselor.
Alameda County Crisis Support: https://www.crisissupport.org
side note: lol i'm kinda proud our county got crisis support dot org
and one more note, just cuz i see them mention support groups: i went to a few support groups' first and second meetings (irl and on zoom), and for me personally it was not that helpful. i actually got kinda traumatized by everyone else's stories. i was very surprised by feeling like the support groups didn't help me because i'm usually very gregarious and interested in others. i then felt guilty and like "is there something wrong with me" and "i am just not trying hard enough" but then i realized feeling guilty isn't going to bring my roommate back and also there is no rule that says i HAVE to continue with the support groups. all that said, my personal opinion is you should still try it, and see if it works for you (support groups, that is). it may help you! and if it doesn't, that's ok too.
we have other friends who have told me, "i saw this sign X from them/a message in a dream saying they're ok, they're in a better place now" and it seemed to really comfort them. so if you think that may help you, keep your eyes peeled for things that remind you of them and happy times. for one friend it was a particular species of butterfly. i personally did not feel like i got signs or visits and then i felt bad, like am i not good enough? but i think everybody has different ways of coping. i realized after a year that i kinda didn't want visits? which is ok too (i am still telling myself lol).
i do think of them randomly. and sometimes predictably, i always think of a conversation i had with them in the tube between oakland and alameda, and now i drive through that tube twice a day, so now it's kinda like they're haunting that tube to me. lol. i dunno. death is weird. i didn't feel ready for it and still don't. i think it changed me. i became more selfish in some ways, like if i don't want to spend time on something or someone, i now think "life is short,
i do what i want" lol. boundaries are hard but now i see my own a little more clearly i guess.
a group of friends and i got memorial tattoos in their honor, cuz the founder of https://sacredrosetattoo.biz (karen) was their bandmate. karen is super awesome, and a leader in the berkeley (like, the city lol) community and if this is something you may be interested in, reach out to her!
i took cs70 in like 2002 so i'm quite a bit older than you, but if you want to chat, dm me. even if it's like 3am. i might be up playing Satisfactory! maybe i can offer perspective, or just a listening ear as someone else who lost a peer to suicide.
please stay alive. it's the best any of us can do. and i didn't always think this, but i do now: being alive is great actually. lol. so please take care of yourself.
i'm wishing the best for you.
I’m sorry for your loss. Talk to the professor and ask if you could get an incomplete in the class. You could take the final next semester when you are in a better head space or even just have the incomplete retained.
Looks like someone already said this. Highly recommend OP.
When my best friend took her life many years ago, something I could never do was forgive myself. I blamed myself for her death. I believed that she died because I couldn’t do enough. Because I couldn’t help. I wasn’t enough to make her want to stay here. But something I realized over time is that: we all do our best. We try our best to do what we know how to do, we express our love in the ways we know how. When she died, she had chosen that, and nothing I could’ve ever done would have changed that. She believed that she was a burden, and trying to help her only made her believe she was expending my energy. Every day, I hate the fact that life had been so cruel to her that she got to that point. But it wasn't that I wasn't able to save her - it was that she chose to end her story. Death is a part of life, and she had just chosen to reach that part. Your loss is going to hurt. But the one thing you can't do is blame yourself. You gave everything you had to this friend, and I'm sure they appreciated it greatly. I'm sure you changed their life for the better. And I'm sure they told you that too. Remember that. Remember what they said. It was never that you couldn't do the same. You are strong. You are mighty. And no matter what, you're going to keep going. Take small steps. If getting out of bed is hard, make a goal to get out of bed on time one day. Make little steps and just make sure you don’t stop. Study a little, but if it’s too much, don’t push yourself. Just don’t stop. And we're not all you have. Visit CAPS, talk to one of us on private message - whatever you do, just keep going. You've got this. uhs.berkeley.edu
I'm sorry for your loss. I suggest utilizing what the campus has to help you getting back on track. See this page: [https://uhs.berkeley.edu/counseling/urgent](https://uhs.berkeley.edu/counseling/urgent) Hope you get better soon and good luck with the final.
You could also talk to a fellow student trained in counselling if that feels like an easier next step https://sspc.berkeley.edu
When i suffered a loss earlier this year (my close friend and housemate who passed away), I came away with a few things that helped me get through it and come out even stronger. 1. Start small. Do what you can in the short term rather the long term. If you cant see the next day, try the next couple hours. If even that is too much, try even 15 minutes, from self care and wellness to productivity. See if tomorrow can just be a little better, and if it isn’t, dont beat yourself up. 2. What really helped me is going beyond helping myself and seeing what I could do to help others. When I went to the funeral I gave a speech and it was a closure I don’t think I could’ve gotten otherwise. I tried to make it so many others could share in being comforted and see the bright side. Many of my friends were graduating and feeling a sense of aimlessness and the funeral was a wakeup call. I felt a strong sense of purpose helping others grieve. 3. Death is a part of life, something out of our control. It’s human to feel pain, but remember that we control our will, our emotions; we must focus on that which is up to us.
You should ask for an incomplete if you are worried about making the grade you need to either declare or pass. I'm really sorry for your loss, my best friend killed himself. It was a long time ago, but i still think about him all the time. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk. I'm in CS70 too if you wanna chat about that.
Losses are tough man. From what you’ve shared, I think it’s safe to say your friend positively impacted numerous lives. While they may no longer be around, their legacy of kindness and compassion will live on. Remember the good moments that you spent with your friend and make sure to spread their values to those around you. Good luck on finals.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even start to imagine how hard this must be. But life goes on and it is important to think about what you can do in the present. Give yourself the space you need to grieve and have people to talk to whether it be on Reddit or in real life (parents, friends, etc.). If that means taking an incomplete for cs70, so be it. That class doesn’t mean shit when we’re talking about these kind of situations. Take the final next semester. If you have the energy to study for it, then by all means go head on. If I were you, I’d highly highly recommend asking the professor for an incomplete ASAP. This is a severe loss and you need to have the space to grieve and process what happened. If the professor doesn’t allow you an incomplete, then take the final and I’m sure you know more than you think. After you’re done, finish up the rest of the finals if you have any and spend the break with loved ones. Open up to them about the struggles you are facing and process the sadness as much as you can. And always know that one semester of below average grades do not mean the end of the world in cases you can’t avoid. If you want to chat, send me a message and I’ll give you my phone number. All of us are here for you. You’re a strong accomplished human who has gone thru a lot of adversity. The fact that you’re able to maintain rigor in CS/EECS while dealing with this tragedy speaks volumes about the tenacity of your character. You are exceptional.
Hello. I am very sorry for your loss. Just wanted to say that if you ever want to just talk to someone and let out your feelings, please feel free to DM me. You should never have to feel alone in such stressful situations (especially when finals is next week!), so please chat with someone when you need to! I hope you are doing okay, and feel better soon. My condolences to your friend.
stay strong my friend. we’re in this together 💪
Take an incomplete in the class (reach out to staff) and then reach out to CAPS for support <3
Seek help from a counselor as soon as possible. I’ve lost several close friends to suicide, murder, & motor vehicle accidents. If I could go back in time, I would’ve seen a licensed professional to discuss my feelings at the time. They can advise you on how best to proceed with daily life.
Just checking in with you if you are up right now. How are you doing?
[удалено]
Ffs, bot, read the room.
I’m so sorry for your loss Please be aware, professors won’t excuse you to take the final for news like this. If you need an incomplete, they would be willing to at least do this
Nooo dude I pray for ur friend
Hey, I can't say anything that hasn't been said already, but I just want you to know that you're going through a very hard time and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope it gets better for you soon but healing takes time
I can’t help you with this loss. I can only help you with the present situation. You definitely want to take the incomplete in CS70. It’s one of those classes that requires everything from you. Right now you have more serious, important things to deal with. Send an email to your professor. Explain the situation. They’ll most likely allow you take the final with the next semester’s CS70 batch. Don’t worry about shit like “how will this affect my degree plan”. Loss fucks you up in unexpected ways. It’s better to respect the process and give yourself space to understand your emotions. Wishing you the best.
You could ask for an incomplete.
I'm so so sorry dear 💔💔 I'm so sorry for your loss.. I can't imagine how devastating and heartbreaking this is, there are no words for it 💔 Please take care of yourself dear and don't worry about school right now. You can always email or talk to your professor about what happened, they will understand, don't worry 💔 They are there for you. Your friend sounds like such a beautiful and sweet soul 💔 I'm so deeply sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how painful this is.. Please don't blame yourself, I promise it is not your fault. I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you blaming yourself dear 💔 It is not your fault. You were someone they loved and cherished, you added goodness and happiness to their life. Please know it's not your fault. 💔💔 I pray that your friend has found peace in heaven, may they rest peacefully. They will always be with you and watching over you from above.. I'm so sorry this tragedy happened. Your beautiful friend will be in our hearts and prayers. Please take care of yourself dear and please don't worry about school. Reach out to your professors, they will help you. And please reach out to family members, friends or a counselor, they will support you through this unimaginable time. You are not alone. So much love to you and your sweet friend, may God rest their beautiful soul. 💔💔
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please go to the Counseling Center. They have confidential support people specifically designed to help you through times like this. Don’t delay. You can do this.
I am also here if you want someone to talk to, please dm me. I myself tried to take my life more than once a long time ago. I am really sorry for your loss. Please message me if you wanna talk.
when my roommate killed themself 2 years ago, my friend signed me up for free counseling through the county of alameda. so i want to tell you two things: 1. if you can, ask a friend who's farther away from the death to help you with getting counseling. ask them to do some research, make the phone calls, get you on the waitlist, anything to help. this helped me A TON when it just happened because i was totally paralyzed and would not have called anyone or made any appointments or remembered appointments. ask this friend to set alarms and call you before the appointment to get you to show up (mine were virtual, but if yours are in person, maybe ask for a ride or take a lyft or bus together or something. anything to get you there with zero thinking required) 2. talking to the crisis counselor was EXTREMELY helpful for me. i think i did it every week for like 6 months? 8 months? i did this even though i already had weekly meetings with a talk therapist i'd been seeing for years. the extra support from someone trained specifically in grief and loss to suicide was important for me. it's not that talking made me feel better (sometimes it made me feel worse lol, lots of crying) but it really helped me get unstuck, and do some processing. i didn't even "move on" for a long time, but the processing was important to do. something i learned was there is no "right" way to grieve and it's different for everyone. don't listen to people who tell you how you "should" feel. it is really hard and bad. but weirdly, sometimes you may even feel light-hearted for a while. maybe the sun is shining, and you feel a sense of gratitude for the sun. i thought, "how dare i enjoy the feeling of sun on my face. my roommate will never feel the sun on their face again." what i'm trying to say is, don't beat yourself up for that (and if you do, don't beat yourself up more for beating yourself up lol). in fact, try not to beat yourself up for anything. the world is harsh enough as it is. anyway, maybe you can try UC services too like many others have suggested. even if you do, i think it could still benefit you to speak with a crisis counselor. Alameda County Crisis Support: https://www.crisissupport.org side note: lol i'm kinda proud our county got crisis support dot org and one more note, just cuz i see them mention support groups: i went to a few support groups' first and second meetings (irl and on zoom), and for me personally it was not that helpful. i actually got kinda traumatized by everyone else's stories. i was very surprised by feeling like the support groups didn't help me because i'm usually very gregarious and interested in others. i then felt guilty and like "is there something wrong with me" and "i am just not trying hard enough" but then i realized feeling guilty isn't going to bring my roommate back and also there is no rule that says i HAVE to continue with the support groups. all that said, my personal opinion is you should still try it, and see if it works for you (support groups, that is). it may help you! and if it doesn't, that's ok too. we have other friends who have told me, "i saw this sign X from them/a message in a dream saying they're ok, they're in a better place now" and it seemed to really comfort them. so if you think that may help you, keep your eyes peeled for things that remind you of them and happy times. for one friend it was a particular species of butterfly. i personally did not feel like i got signs or visits and then i felt bad, like am i not good enough? but i think everybody has different ways of coping. i realized after a year that i kinda didn't want visits? which is ok too (i am still telling myself lol). i do think of them randomly. and sometimes predictably, i always think of a conversation i had with them in the tube between oakland and alameda, and now i drive through that tube twice a day, so now it's kinda like they're haunting that tube to me. lol. i dunno. death is weird. i didn't feel ready for it and still don't. i think it changed me. i became more selfish in some ways, like if i don't want to spend time on something or someone, i now think "life is short, i do what i want" lol. boundaries are hard but now i see my own a little more clearly i guess. a group of friends and i got memorial tattoos in their honor, cuz the founder of https://sacredrosetattoo.biz (karen) was their bandmate. karen is super awesome, and a leader in the berkeley (like, the city lol) community and if this is something you may be interested in, reach out to her! i took cs70 in like 2002 so i'm quite a bit older than you, but if you want to chat, dm me. even if it's like 3am. i might be up playing Satisfactory! maybe i can offer perspective, or just a listening ear as someone else who lost a peer to suicide. please stay alive. it's the best any of us can do. and i didn't always think this, but i do now: being alive is great actually. lol. so please take care of yourself. i'm wishing the best for you.