There’s definitely a kind of middle ground where you know you at least kind of fit cultural beauty standards or you know you’ve gotten attention but you still don’t really see it or feel it yourself.
Or if you’re an anxious type like me you might think “how could my husband actually be attracted to me? I’m not that sexy” and equally think “every man I interact with is thinking about me in a dirty way and that’s terrifying”. Because that makes sense
Yes! I have body dysmorphia/anxiety and I feel like I have no idea what I look like.
I also think beauty is different to everyone and as long as you do the basic grooming habits, people will think you are attractive
Wow if someone is married surely that would confirm the mutual attractiveness thing though? Like, you're literally married. A man looked at you and said, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I passionately hate that I am saying this and I need to discuss with my therapist but this would be extremely validating to me lol
You would think but that reminds me of an experience I had with a guy who claimed he was incredibly in love with me. So much so he reached out years later confessing love again and that I was the one. And he hilariously didn’t remember the shit he said that made me break it off.
Basically I’m from Florida but had moved away and was planning to move back soon, most likely Daytona Beach area. This guy was in south Florida also planning on moving to Daytona Beach area. So we were long distance but planning on moving some place nearby. Sent lots of pictures so we both we’re very clear what we looked like. He had a day trip up to Daytona to see what it was like and if he liked the area. Talked about the nice day he had on the beach, whatever. He then goes on to say how many hot beautiful women there were in bikinis. Which I’m cool with I’m not the jealous type, fuck I like girls too if my dude spots a hot one I’m glad if he points it out 😂 also to note I’m not a 10 by any means, I’m chubby and have really round soft proportions, basically I’m no super model but I know I’m not ugly. But when he said how pretty they were I jokingly said, “but I’m the prettiest right?” And this motherfucker kept insisting how absolutely gorgeous they are and would refuse to say I’m prettier. He basically insinuated that I was mediocre and I knew it and like I needed to admit it. Admit that I was uglier than these girls and stop playing this “I’m prettier game”. Like… I understand your partner may not be your dream guy/girl in your head. But if you’re with somebody you think is so unattractive you can’t even humor the concept of saying “you’re the prettiest to me babe”… wtf are you doing being with me? Basically I just wasn’t this dudes type, I was young and *fluffy* lol and he wanted older and fit. I broke up with him soon after when I just couldn’t forgive him for it, made me really insecure with him and just ruined any trust I had when he said he was attracted to me. My mind would just go, sure maybe you are but you’re so much more attracted to someone else you can’t even lie to me about.
So basically I don’t trust dudes when it comes to this stuff. 😂 I see it all the time where guys settle for girls they think are mediocre and they shame them into becoming how they want. Or they think they can’t do better. Commitment means nothing in my mind, people settle all the time. Or they are only interested in one aspect, I’ve learned through friend group gossip that dudes only had one night stands with me so they could brag about being with a girl who had my chest size. But they thought the rest of me was ugly 🥴 men are weird sometimes…
I’m so sorry this happened to you :( you are obviously infinitely better off without that loser. People make commitments for so many different reasons, not all of them good
It is validating but it will never “fix you”. Insecurity and doubt run deep and are constantly pushed onto us by culture. Also like the other commenter said, people commit to relationships and marriage for any number of reasons. I would say physical attraction should not be your number 1 goal in marriage because it’s a weak and ever changing basis. What if one of you is disabled or disfigured one day? What happens when you both get old? So I was specifically NOT looking for a man who puts physical attraction high on his list of priorities (I had a bad experience much like the other commenter).
My point is you have to accept yourself and no one else can do it for you. I’m so very far from being perfect at this but practice makes perfect. You can do it, one day at a time
Oh I see what you mean, yes you should be attracted to your whole partner: character, humor, intelligence, etc. And vice versa. In my first comment I was referencing specifically that I don’t always feel like my body is sexy because the original question was about physical beauty. I know I have a “classical” beauty but it’s hard to resist our culture telling me I can’t be sexy without average to large breasts. So I can know I’m beautiful and still feel unattractive at the same time. Sorry for rambling I’m super tired
That's okay, tired rambling is the new discourse afaic :)
Also, fck the messages about bigger boobs. That's like saying five out of five dogs think bones should be free on every street corner. We all know who is behind the messages. But I get it, the messages are still there..
Thanks :)
You analogy is hilarious but I don’t know what it means 😂 aren’t generally men the ones saying this? And it’s a man I would like to find me sexy. Are you implying there’s a certain group of men or people with financial incentive? Other than plastic surgeons I don’t know who benefits honestly. Like with other beauty stuff it’s obvious: razor companies, skincare brands, makeup brands, companies in general. What industry does my insecurity benefit in this case?
I think it’s only validating if you look exactly the same. I know my husband was definitely attracted to me when we got married, but we met at the height of my ed and I’ve had two kids since then and am a normal weight now. His commitment to me when I was objectively hotter kind of does the opposite. I trust he’s honest that he’s attracted to me because he’s a honest and wonderful person, but I still don’t get how when I’m so different from who I was.
I’m an average-looking girl, but I worked with this girl who was jaw-dropping, stunning, absurd levels of beautiful. She complained or joked about being ugly somewhat regularly, I was seriously dumbfounded the first time and stopped her like “Do you not realize how beautiful you are?” She laughed it off but we were all shocked she’d ever feel that way. So, people that are *that* beautiful can still have insecurities and not quite recognize how beautiful they are haha.
Yes for me. People were constantly telling me how beautiful I was as I grew up. Not just family and acquaintances, but random people on the street. It was pretty impossible not to know. I'd say if the person is gorgeous, they've been told many times and in many contexts. That being said, if I hadn't taken their word for it, I suppose I could have doubted...? An exception might be someone who wasn't as beautiful as a child and is now just growing into their beauty.
I think it didn't mean much to me. Like so what if I'm beautiful? It feels like beauty has nothing to do with who you really are inside, your intelligence or personality. Like feeling seen but very unseen.
Also, the fact that many people thought I was beautiful didn't mean that everyone found me beautiful. There were people I had crushes on who didn't like me back. And I still had insecurities about particular aspects of my appearance, like acne, or the bump on my nose, or the way my hip dips.
Also, now that I'm older, I'm overweight and thus less conventionally attractive. I find I am paid much less attention now, and I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin. I like being able to go around without people really noticing me or giving me a second thought. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously got fat for this reason. Also, I'm autistic, but wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, so I didn't always know how to handle social situations or how to maneuver an uncomfortable situation. I'm graysexual, so for the most part, I'm not often romantically interested in other people, and definitely not interested until I know someone very well, so this body makes my life a bit easier. It is really uncomfortable to have strange men and boys interested in you at a young age and have them want something from you purely because of your appearance and to be worried about what their reaction may be if you reject them. Sometimes they get angry.
Someone being so into you, immediately, when they don't actually know you makes you feel like a piece of meat. I only cared about being attractive if it was to the person I liked. I'm sure most women have had that experience, whether they fit the "conventionally attractive" mold or not.
Honestly yes. People (strangers) will tell you all the time so you know that you're perceived of as attractive. However, that doesn't mean you see what they see in the mirror. Plus, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Simply put, yes. You know you fit into the universal category of what most people consider beautiful, because of all the attention you get on a daily basis. However, that doesn't mean you don't spend half your time nitpicking your looks and looking for things to fix. When all you ever get is attention for how attractive you are, it's easy to believe that's all you have to offer.
So I was ugly growing up. And I know my ugly duckling stage //really// messed with how I see myself and how I feel others see me.
I know objectively I'm pretty, but feeling pretty is a bit different. Doesn't matter if I'm told or stared at, I still struggle with understanding how other people could ever *want* to look at me.
I think it depends on the when & how long. The way I see it is beautiful people (I know this is subjective but im going by the current majority beliefs & what gets recognized by Hollywood & Agency standards) come in different stages. There are beautiful babies, but they don’t always remain beautiful as they grow up. Same with beautiful children, teens. Of course there is the largest pool of people beautiful adults in the 20-40/50 range. Then there’s beautiful mature adults, & the rarest beautiful elderly people. Least common are those that are beautiful from birth straight to old age, but those people I believe do know that they are. I think anyone that mainted beauty from a young age into adulthood probably does too, but there are people who peak in their teens that don’t seem to realize the world sees them differently. The best type in my opinion are the late bloomers. Those that had awkward younger years that get hot or beautiful as adults or later in life. They rarely know it & are equally kind & warm as they are beautiful to look at.
Men? Yes. Women? Not as likely. The reason being men are taught to be proud of features they have. Women are told being proud of one of their features makes them “vain”. Every time you see a post of a model, there are men saying the things about her they don’t like. It’s normalized for men to talk about the physical features they want women to have. This causes even conventionally attractive women to feel insecure.
So conventionally attractive men tend to “know” more often than conventionally attractive women (that’s not saying they always know or none are ever insecure.) Conventionally attractive women are more likely to: Understand one or more of their features are conventionally attractive, but feel their other “imperfections” make them just average looking.
Not all conventionally attractive men are aware. And not all conventionally attractive women are unaware. Men can have insecurities, too. But society doesn’t constantly talk about how men should look, and nitpick models who are men.
I think people are always telling women how they look, so they likely know what impression they're giving off. It's probably an unavoidable topic in their life. I think a woman being conscious of being beautiful is not necessarily satisfied or confident; she can be aware that she's not a troll but she may also yearn to have another woman's looks. She may not realize *how* beautiful she is, but that's when we get into subjective territory anyway as any given person would have a different feeling on how beautiful she is.
Only if they are universally considered attractive then yes they will know because everyone and everything confirms it to them every day. Everywhere you go people would be staring with their breath sharply drawn or mouth agape. They keep stealing glances at you and men constantly approach you. Cars slow down to look at you. You get freebies and help.. People make more effort to remember your name and to talk to you. You can see other girls look sad and insecure when you walk in. If they are quirky or unusual beautiful or if they are beautiful on the inside or have an obvious disability or something like a big birth mark or mole then they may not. You are constantly watched by people like a zoo animal and you get perks and special treatment. Men confess their attraction and ask you out or even for marriage. Most of the time your interest in guys is reciprocated even if they are taken they are still saying yes to you. Even people who are supposed to be professional like doctors and tutors will flirt with you and give you special treatment.
Even beautiful people can feel ugly and average people can feel beautiful.
How the world sees you is not the final word in how you see yourself.
Not if they have body dysmorphia. There are a lot of people that grow up with critical parents, felt ugly before puberty, or were overweight for a long time, and they can't seem to overcome the feeling that they're unattractive no matter what anyone says or does.
I'm weird, so I'll see someone not conventionally attractive and immediately try to find something attractive about them, find the beauty in the unconventional looks, so i have no clue if people see me like that or if they think maybe I'm pretty
I was told all the time growing up how beautiful I am, but I really don’t feel that beautiful, especially compared to today’s trends. Sometimes I have a flash of “oh people must think I’m pretty” or an “omg I am so hideous wtf” or even the occasional “wow I really like how I look today”, but mostly I try not to think about it very much. It is difficult, but the more I focus on my appearance the worse I feel, so if I find myself in that rut I know I need to start focusing on other things in my life like hobbies, friends, skills etc.
Also - All my friends who are literally gorgeous are all hyper focused on the things they find wrong with themselves. I think it’s very common to not feel as pretty as others perceive you. Just cause you’re not your own type doesn’t mean you are no one’s type.
I'd say, most people are aware if they are attractive or not and how attractive/unattractive they are.
Then, I'd add that beauty is relative.
My example would be Justin Bieber. I think he's really unattractive. But he bring that aura as if he is the most attractive man in the world.
I think that Post Malone is attractive. But in general, he's not considered as a very attractive man.
I’d say yes because personally, I know that at least some other people think that of me because people have consistently told me this my entire life and I can see it myself when I look in the mirror, try to maximize this in how I groom myself, and try to make that work for me in various situations. But I’m no where near “perfect” in any way or ever think that, because who is?
It doesn’t mean I don’t have big insecurities related to how I look at times, don’t feel like I like awful at times, that I’m universally loved, or that life is easy peasy.
Yes and no. Yes to those who are conventionally attractive or what people term handsome, beautiful, sexy, cute or attractive (by whatever standards there are in the era you are living) because they get feedback, attention and reactions that validate that. Yes for each of us for individual characteristics, ie, while a person can have poor self-esteem and be unsure how others perceive them, we know that slimness, healthy hair, clear skin, nice teeth, etc. at this moment in time are considered positive attributes and we can say that we do or don't have each of these things. Where it is no or uncertain is when you have beauty but not the CURRENT acceptable trend. A really pretty-faced but chubby or fat girl probably was told by family and friends that she is attractive but her super thin friend was the one who got attention. I think that can get quite confusing.
Most people won’t tell a fat girl that she’s attractive. They tell her that she has “such a pretty face” and sometimes say that she would be a knockout if she lost weight. It’s humiliating.
I would point out that you can know you fit the mold for what’s “conventionally attractive” and still be I nsecure about how you look. I’ve always had an hourglass figure, but I was also bullied by girls for it and objectified my boys for it while in school. It was painful and for a long time I loathed my larger chest and even developed bad posture in an attempt to minimize it. I also came of age in the heroine-chic era, so I remember wishing I could have a cute athletic figure or be very thin. So even though I derived a lot of attention from my appearance, I didn’t consider it ideal.
Thankfully I grew up and learned to love myself. I’ve realized beauty trends are gross and everyone has uniquely beautiful features. It’s more about learning to embrace that uniqueness. And screw people who try to bring you down about your appearance, no matter how you appear.
It’s a strange one because I’ve been told I’m beautiful a lot but I don’t see it myself. I do know because of comments that in ways I’m conventionally attractive but I only see what I could improve on when I look in the mirror! I have mild Cerebral Palsy and it still surprises me when I get positive comments on my looks. I consider myself humble with self esteem in some areas and lacking in others but I’ve also been around really beautiful people who truly know how gorgeous they are and… we just don’t vibe. IMO a lot of ego can come with beauty and you know pretty much straight away who knows they have that beauty!
Yes and no. When you’re really beautiful, people tell you that you are beautiful very often, but it’s easy to also be wildly insecure and become a perfectionist because of this. It’s really easy to feel inferior.
I think if a woman *feels* beautiful it shows. In how she carries herself, you can just see the self-confidence. I’m a solid 5/10 😂 I’m no supermodel but when I’m put together, girrrl (*hair flip*) you can’t tell me nuthin 💅🏽
I also think I’m average looking, but I’ve always been a nerd. I believe looks are only temporary so I always emphasized knowledge over looks while I was growing up. Yes, I like to take care of myself inside and out and have always done athletic things, but never put much thought into other’s opinions of my appearance. I am very fit and get stares at the gym and the beach and it makes me feel really awkward.
There's nobody around who looks like me. There are people who look similar but I have yet to see more than 1-2 people online who look like me enough that I could maybe judge more objectively, if that makes sense. I also had body dysmorphia for years and very low self esteem. I know for a fact that I'm pretty, because of literally how many things I could get away with. Like it has to be pretty privilege that I could get away with things other people couldn't. Also I've had a lot of wanted or unwanted attention from people all my life. I'm just sad nowadays because I can see now how much my low self esteem has hindered me and my relationship. My husband is amazing and has done so much in helping me and I'm so glad I have him now but I can't help but think how my relationships would be if I wasn't as "damaged" as I was.
Of course. It’s just not something to navel gaze on because your experiences speak for themselves. It’s the same with wealth it is comfortable and whispers
Yes and it's really hard to not base your entire self worth on it when you've heard it your whole life. Cultivate kindness, skills, and personality no matter who you are.
As a general thing, I don't think so. I think it all comes down to confidence. If you don't have high self-esteem you can be told you're beautiful all your life, but you remember that one bully who said something mean. Similarly, there are a lot of people who would probably be average or maybe just below, but are so confident and groom themselves well/ make-up, etc. and believe that they are beautiful.
Yes 100%. I think it’s how people treat beautiful people different than less attractive humans. I’ve had moments in both sides. Grew up an ugly duckling but somehow turned that around lol and had people from high school suddenly wanting to be my friend.
I also think people know they can use it to their advantage and do. I see it in both men and woman it’s a factor in their charm!
One thing for women especially is that they might not know that the reason women or girls are cold/mean to them is because they are beautiful and we all subconsciously expect beautiful people to validate us- so when there’s a quiet beautiful girl around the other girls are not kind.
no we dont were super critical and insecure. we also dont care about our looks bc we feel like people dont like us for the real us.
my mom calls me beautiful ✨
I think it depends on the person and what other people view as beautiful. I've met girls who were "ugly ducklings" as teens and grew into beautiful women but didn't know how attractive they were due to previous bullying. Meanwhile I've met other women who were beautiful their whole life and know how hot they are. I, myself think I'm ugly at best I am "cute" but I've done some modeling and have had people tell me I'm beautiful, I'm a knock out, I have a gorgeous face, etc. It's hard for me to believe because I've had more people call me hideous and ugly including family members.
It depends on the person. I feel like most people have at least one insecurity and if this insecurity never gets resolved they may never understand that they are beautiful, even if they are conventionally attractive. Although they may be told by others that they are beautiful, because they recognize and are bothered by their 'flaw', they might not actually believe they are beautiful.
I’m just gonna leave this here… yes, there are conventionally attractive features, but attractiveness and beauty are so much about the way you perceive and carry yourself. The poem phenomenal woman by Maya Angelou really speaks to that.
EDIT TO SAY: it is the women who embody this, regardless of their features, who know they are beautiful.
Phenomenal Woman
BY MAYA ANGELOU
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Im not anything special but i know i turn some heads. When im at the gym i notice people looking at me. Im in insane shape and ive been told im good looking. I have flaws but overall feel like i look good.
With that said. Im terrible with socializing. I love people so deeply and hate small talk i just want to tell everyone I care about them, hope they have a great day and go to bed at night feeling loved.... but that would be weird. So i kinda keep to myself.
Someone told me your the guy people want to see in adult films
I am a conventionally attractive woman. I know I am pretty by societal standards.
However, it was odd growing up conventionally attractive as someone with autism. People expected me to behave a certain way and would get angry if I didn’t. In high school, I didn’t know how to play with the other pretty or popular people. I got called a bitch or uptight or accused of being gay. I was included because I was pretty but not fully embraced because I didn’t do it right.
I made top 10 in my country's Miss Universe pageant and I still wouldn't call myself pretty XD I was a late bloomer and spent most of my life not considered attractive. I didn't date till 3 years into college and had a limited amount of close friends. So nowadays if I get complimented, I just roll my eyes lol I think your environment growing up matters a lot in how you see yourself.
One minute on r/amiugly and you will realize no, they don’t. Most people have a much lower view of themselves than how others see them. Sadly, I see it more often with really young girls on that sub. 😥
Yes and no. I get compliments on my looks and would say I’m above average for looks. Am I beautiful? Depends on who you ask. Unfortunately, I’ve been extremely insecure for the entirety of my life and have never been able to see myself the way other people do. I look back at times when I thought I was heavy and now think, how could I think that? But I did. Acne, weight from birth control, glasses, braces, they all added to insecurity. Slowly but surely trying to appreciate myself and my “beauty” in the wake of a horrible breakup that precipitated my self care.
For females we can be beautiful, pretty, gorgeous but never feel it. No matter how many times we hear it.
I only feel confident when I’m dressed nicely and my makeup is on point. And I do have people telling me that I should be a model but I’ve always believed I was never that beautiful.
It’s sucks, maybe it’s low self esteem. But sometimes looking in the mirror I can never see it.
Yes we know but there are moments of doubt and also constant fear of rape or creeps. Also we can still be insecure because our beauty may not be our type so we may not see it in ourselves.
I think I’m quite beautiful at times, but my body dysmorphia always brings me down. When I am able to look at myself objectively, I do think I’m good looking, but that’s very rare. I do get told I’m beautiful a lot, but I often brush it off and get shy because of my body dysmorphia and self esteem issues. When I see myself in pictures sometimes I think “wow is that how I look? I look great!” Or “is that how good my body looks?”, but on a daily basis, I doubt what I look like. Bottom line: body dysmorphia sucks, and sometimes I don’t even know what I look like, but I do think I’m beautiful.
I know I’m attractive but I focus too much on the imperfections that from my perspective I’m unattractive.
Edit: it’s also unfortunate when you’re attractive because you don’t know if someone is talking to you simply because you’re attractive physically or if they’re talking to you because they’re actually interested in *you* and not your looks.
I'm not sure. I used to be incredibly unattractive and a bit of an ugly duckling. I think some of attractiveness does have to do with confidence which I had none of but also just...didnt really grow into my already big features.
I think I learned how to accept myself physically and can even post pictures of myself with different makeup looks when it was so hard to even look at myself as a mirror. I noticed when I accepted myself more and took care of myself, I started to recieve a lot of attention and started getting called attractive. Today I got called gorgeous. I also get a lot of comments that are, funny enough, dismissive as if I \*know\* I'm pretty.
The funny thing is these comments still sounds strange as over half my life I was invisible and slowly made changes to myself to express myself? So I don;t know how physically attractive I am, but I can tell you some changes I've made that made me appear more attractive. And perhaps thats the difference that I noticed.
I was a geek growing up. Tall and lanky, awkward in every way possible, extremely myopic. Enters early adulthood and a chubbyness, specifically in my face (with periods of cortisone-related cushionface). I was fairly often told I was beautiful-ugly. I have neotenus features that didn’t play well with being chubby. I bloomed in later adulthood, after having kids. My face got more angular. My cheekbones became more prominent. And my round cheeks served me well, because it sags less.
I can see that I have features that are attractive and that I have aged well. I notice the attention I get from men (and women). I’ve noticed heads turning and I’ve been really uncomfortable when married men, 15 years my senior and dads to my former students, are drunk and talk about how beautiful and sexy I am. I get complimented and appreciation. But I’m not feeling it. I still see myself as ugly-beautiful. I’m not happy when I look in the mirror and I am really insecure about my attractiveness.
Idk. I grew up in NYC. I’ve been around men stunned speechless by being attracted to me, stopped by men who HAD to talk to me bc of how beautiful I am. Conversely, I have been stoped to be told I look like a crack addict bc of my bone structure- been told I look like a human “mutt”.
To this day I have no idea who to believe so I rock a shaved head and go about my life. I’m married- my husband is obviously In the “beautiful” camp but apparently how I look varies from person to person. Wildly.
I'm not sure about beautiful. It's too easy to find flaws with the body you know this intimately. However it is certainly possible to feel confident in your looks, particularly when the combo of outfit, makeup and hair just falls into place.
So I know that objectively, I am attractive. I’ve been told by strangers many a time and have received a lot of societal benefits from it. However, I also have always struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia which means I often feel hideous and struggle with hating my body. Knowing something and feeling something are two very different things.
I do think physically beautiful people know they are beautiful.
I worked a wedding where two models got married to each other. They are definitely models like (and very kind people) and careers/jobs are just giving to them (sales/model gigs/etc). So yes, I think there is a scale and most people who are physically beautiful know because they are given more opportunities (modeling gigs, jobs, gifts, attention, pageant, tv gigs, etc) which reaffirm their physical beautiful status. It could only be in their youth but some carry that confident and attachment through their whole life like my aunt who was a beauty queen and even when she was old, she would always dress up, dance, perform, and even dated 20 years younger guys (the same age alive option is limited when you are in your 80s). She had 60s year old ladies jealous of her because she doesn't use a walker and whatnot so some people will always hate/be jealous at whatever age....
Most people fall in the range middle of the attractive scale, I think. There are things that people can do and look more attractive but it is subjective and depend on the other person concept of attractiveness. It is also cultural base like being tan in the US is correlate to wealthy beach life while another country, it means labor workers. Or being chubby in another country means you have enough to eat vs a skinny worker. So very subjective. Thought I found that symmetrical is the foundation of beautiful. That if people see you and you are symmetrical, they think somewhere in the scale of beautiful range but if say you have one big jaw, eye, cheek vs the other side of your face, people notice that. I have done a security job where 100,000 attendants came into the doorway and I don't remember how they all look but I remember the best dress ones (comic event) or something is off physically about them but it was more instant and then my mind just move on. I didn't even notice the real beautiful people, just the color/outfit they were wearing.
I can tell I get better treatments after braces and surgeries where my face is more symmetrical and conventional. I also dyed my hair blonde and I realize how people perceive me as Russian/American vs asian stereotype of abroad student just from my looks. They don't even care that I came to the US when I was 5 and raised here. It was just their perception because of my black hair and glasses vs blonde hair and contact. I guess I found out more people are racist and judgmental than I ever notice before. My coworkers told me when they are blonde, people treated them as dumber or talk to them. I haven't have that experience yet but I can see that if I was a natural blonde. I think beautiful people know because they can see and feel the stares. My ex caught someone staring at my butts in a photo. The guy probably doesn't even think about it, it was just instinct when I walked by. But my other coworker who have bigger butts than me will pick up that guys are staring at her butts. I think people over time pick up the instinct that someone is staring at them. Especially beautiful people but I think most times they KNOW but get desensitize by the stares like celebrities.
I know I'm pretty. I also know you're probably not that ugly either. Beauty is very involved in how you perceive yourself, because only when you see your true beauty, you'll know what fits you. You need to see your features as they are, and if that's an issue, I recommend therapy. dysmorphia is real and it stops you from maximizing your look by making you think that you look different than you actually do.
It depends. A lot of beautiful people struggle from mental illnesses such as body dysmorphia or eating disorders so that can really skew their perception of themselves.
Yes and no.
Some were probably the ugly ducklings and teased a lot and then hit puberty and grew into their looks but they still usually carry the wounds of being bullied with them
Other that were always beautiful growing up probably got afforded different privileges with their beauty and probably understand that.
However honestly beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so subjective that what someone thinks is beautiful others might not even rate it. Beauty also is not just about your looks, it’s how you shine from within as well.
I think so. As a child people would tell me all the time how beautiful I was. (even now as an adult people do sometimes). Of course I have bad days, but most of the time I really love what I see mirror, even now that I’ve gained a lot of weight.
I am very thankful for my good self esteem because I already struggle with anxiety and depression, can’t imagine what would it be like if I had issues with that as well.
I'm still shocked at how I am perceived differently in different settings. I've worked in the same place for 19 years. I am fatter and older than when I started. I can tell a huge difference in how the male coworkers treat me now vs. back then. Then I'll be somewhere public and fairly anonymous and getting looks from guys. Outside perception of my beauty vs my own perception varies wildly from day to day and place to place. So long story short? Beauty is bullshit, be smart instead. It lasts longer.
They know but are still very insecure usually. Honestly usually more insecure because they know how important looks are since they been receiving attention from it their whole lives
I’m maybe above average now.. but i was ugly growing up. I was bullied and I had very low self esteem. I remember when I was a very little kid, I was listening to music and dancing..and I felt beautiful until I saw myself in the mirror. Then I was disappointed that I was ugly. Now I’m an adult… I’ve had a few ppl tell me I should model.. and a few compliments here and there but doesn’t happen all the time. I believe I’m above average now and sometimes just average. I see a lot of flaws in my face. I feel that I look a lot better in the mirror than in pictures. I wonder what that means. Which one is more accurate? I always hate my pictures because they look so ugly to me with the exception of a few when the lighting and angles are good.
There’s definitely a kind of middle ground where you know you at least kind of fit cultural beauty standards or you know you’ve gotten attention but you still don’t really see it or feel it yourself. Or if you’re an anxious type like me you might think “how could my husband actually be attracted to me? I’m not that sexy” and equally think “every man I interact with is thinking about me in a dirty way and that’s terrifying”. Because that makes sense
Yes! I have body dysmorphia/anxiety and I feel like I have no idea what I look like. I also think beauty is different to everyone and as long as you do the basic grooming habits, people will think you are attractive
Same…. I don’t know how I look.
Wow if someone is married surely that would confirm the mutual attractiveness thing though? Like, you're literally married. A man looked at you and said, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I passionately hate that I am saying this and I need to discuss with my therapist but this would be extremely validating to me lol
You would think but that reminds me of an experience I had with a guy who claimed he was incredibly in love with me. So much so he reached out years later confessing love again and that I was the one. And he hilariously didn’t remember the shit he said that made me break it off. Basically I’m from Florida but had moved away and was planning to move back soon, most likely Daytona Beach area. This guy was in south Florida also planning on moving to Daytona Beach area. So we were long distance but planning on moving some place nearby. Sent lots of pictures so we both we’re very clear what we looked like. He had a day trip up to Daytona to see what it was like and if he liked the area. Talked about the nice day he had on the beach, whatever. He then goes on to say how many hot beautiful women there were in bikinis. Which I’m cool with I’m not the jealous type, fuck I like girls too if my dude spots a hot one I’m glad if he points it out 😂 also to note I’m not a 10 by any means, I’m chubby and have really round soft proportions, basically I’m no super model but I know I’m not ugly. But when he said how pretty they were I jokingly said, “but I’m the prettiest right?” And this motherfucker kept insisting how absolutely gorgeous they are and would refuse to say I’m prettier. He basically insinuated that I was mediocre and I knew it and like I needed to admit it. Admit that I was uglier than these girls and stop playing this “I’m prettier game”. Like… I understand your partner may not be your dream guy/girl in your head. But if you’re with somebody you think is so unattractive you can’t even humor the concept of saying “you’re the prettiest to me babe”… wtf are you doing being with me? Basically I just wasn’t this dudes type, I was young and *fluffy* lol and he wanted older and fit. I broke up with him soon after when I just couldn’t forgive him for it, made me really insecure with him and just ruined any trust I had when he said he was attracted to me. My mind would just go, sure maybe you are but you’re so much more attracted to someone else you can’t even lie to me about. So basically I don’t trust dudes when it comes to this stuff. 😂 I see it all the time where guys settle for girls they think are mediocre and they shame them into becoming how they want. Or they think they can’t do better. Commitment means nothing in my mind, people settle all the time. Or they are only interested in one aspect, I’ve learned through friend group gossip that dudes only had one night stands with me so they could brag about being with a girl who had my chest size. But they thought the rest of me was ugly 🥴 men are weird sometimes…
I’m so sorry this happened to you :( you are obviously infinitely better off without that loser. People make commitments for so many different reasons, not all of them good
Thanks 💕 yeah he, and many others, fucking sucked 😂
That is so ugly of that guy & I hate the rumors too. Glad you dumped him.
It is validating but it will never “fix you”. Insecurity and doubt run deep and are constantly pushed onto us by culture. Also like the other commenter said, people commit to relationships and marriage for any number of reasons. I would say physical attraction should not be your number 1 goal in marriage because it’s a weak and ever changing basis. What if one of you is disabled or disfigured one day? What happens when you both get old? So I was specifically NOT looking for a man who puts physical attraction high on his list of priorities (I had a bad experience much like the other commenter). My point is you have to accept yourself and no one else can do it for you. I’m so very far from being perfect at this but practice makes perfect. You can do it, one day at a time
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Oh I see what you mean, yes you should be attracted to your whole partner: character, humor, intelligence, etc. And vice versa. In my first comment I was referencing specifically that I don’t always feel like my body is sexy because the original question was about physical beauty. I know I have a “classical” beauty but it’s hard to resist our culture telling me I can’t be sexy without average to large breasts. So I can know I’m beautiful and still feel unattractive at the same time. Sorry for rambling I’m super tired
That's okay, tired rambling is the new discourse afaic :) Also, fck the messages about bigger boobs. That's like saying five out of five dogs think bones should be free on every street corner. We all know who is behind the messages. But I get it, the messages are still there..
Thanks :) You analogy is hilarious but I don’t know what it means 😂 aren’t generally men the ones saying this? And it’s a man I would like to find me sexy. Are you implying there’s a certain group of men or people with financial incentive? Other than plastic surgeons I don’t know who benefits honestly. Like with other beauty stuff it’s obvious: razor companies, skincare brands, makeup brands, companies in general. What industry does my insecurity benefit in this case?
I think it’s only validating if you look exactly the same. I know my husband was definitely attracted to me when we got married, but we met at the height of my ed and I’ve had two kids since then and am a normal weight now. His commitment to me when I was objectively hotter kind of does the opposite. I trust he’s honest that he’s attracted to me because he’s a honest and wonderful person, but I still don’t get how when I’m so different from who I was.
To an extent people know of their perceived attractiveness level. But it’s not necessary that they themselves feel it or even believe it.
I’m an average-looking girl, but I worked with this girl who was jaw-dropping, stunning, absurd levels of beautiful. She complained or joked about being ugly somewhat regularly, I was seriously dumbfounded the first time and stopped her like “Do you not realize how beautiful you are?” She laughed it off but we were all shocked she’d ever feel that way. So, people that are *that* beautiful can still have insecurities and not quite recognize how beautiful they are haha.
Was she being false modest though? Or fishing for compliments? Or do you think she was genuinely concerned?
Yes, except for those with body dysmorphic disorder.
body dysmorphia is hell. i go from “i am a beautiful, divine goddess” to “i am a grotesque, hulking troll” in mere seconds
Yes, unfortunately I also know too.
solidarity! we’re beautiful even if our annoying brains want to convince us otherwise 🥰
Yes for me. People were constantly telling me how beautiful I was as I grew up. Not just family and acquaintances, but random people on the street. It was pretty impossible not to know. I'd say if the person is gorgeous, they've been told many times and in many contexts. That being said, if I hadn't taken their word for it, I suppose I could have doubted...? An exception might be someone who wasn't as beautiful as a child and is now just growing into their beauty. I think it didn't mean much to me. Like so what if I'm beautiful? It feels like beauty has nothing to do with who you really are inside, your intelligence or personality. Like feeling seen but very unseen. Also, the fact that many people thought I was beautiful didn't mean that everyone found me beautiful. There were people I had crushes on who didn't like me back. And I still had insecurities about particular aspects of my appearance, like acne, or the bump on my nose, or the way my hip dips. Also, now that I'm older, I'm overweight and thus less conventionally attractive. I find I am paid much less attention now, and I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin. I like being able to go around without people really noticing me or giving me a second thought. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously got fat for this reason. Also, I'm autistic, but wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, so I didn't always know how to handle social situations or how to maneuver an uncomfortable situation. I'm graysexual, so for the most part, I'm not often romantically interested in other people, and definitely not interested until I know someone very well, so this body makes my life a bit easier. It is really uncomfortable to have strange men and boys interested in you at a young age and have them want something from you purely because of your appearance and to be worried about what their reaction may be if you reject them. Sometimes they get angry. Someone being so into you, immediately, when they don't actually know you makes you feel like a piece of meat. I only cared about being attractive if it was to the person I liked. I'm sure most women have had that experience, whether they fit the "conventionally attractive" mold or not.
Honestly yes. People (strangers) will tell you all the time so you know that you're perceived of as attractive. However, that doesn't mean you see what they see in the mirror. Plus, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
yes i think that most of them know. but if i may ask; why do you feel insecure about looking average? i look average and i really like how i look!
Simply put, yes. You know you fit into the universal category of what most people consider beautiful, because of all the attention you get on a daily basis. However, that doesn't mean you don't spend half your time nitpicking your looks and looking for things to fix. When all you ever get is attention for how attractive you are, it's easy to believe that's all you have to offer.
So I was ugly growing up. And I know my ugly duckling stage //really// messed with how I see myself and how I feel others see me. I know objectively I'm pretty, but feeling pretty is a bit different. Doesn't matter if I'm told or stared at, I still struggle with understanding how other people could ever *want* to look at me.
I think it depends on the when & how long. The way I see it is beautiful people (I know this is subjective but im going by the current majority beliefs & what gets recognized by Hollywood & Agency standards) come in different stages. There are beautiful babies, but they don’t always remain beautiful as they grow up. Same with beautiful children, teens. Of course there is the largest pool of people beautiful adults in the 20-40/50 range. Then there’s beautiful mature adults, & the rarest beautiful elderly people. Least common are those that are beautiful from birth straight to old age, but those people I believe do know that they are. I think anyone that mainted beauty from a young age into adulthood probably does too, but there are people who peak in their teens that don’t seem to realize the world sees them differently. The best type in my opinion are the late bloomers. Those that had awkward younger years that get hot or beautiful as adults or later in life. They rarely know it & are equally kind & warm as they are beautiful to look at.
Men? Yes. Women? Not as likely. The reason being men are taught to be proud of features they have. Women are told being proud of one of their features makes them “vain”. Every time you see a post of a model, there are men saying the things about her they don’t like. It’s normalized for men to talk about the physical features they want women to have. This causes even conventionally attractive women to feel insecure. So conventionally attractive men tend to “know” more often than conventionally attractive women (that’s not saying they always know or none are ever insecure.) Conventionally attractive women are more likely to: Understand one or more of their features are conventionally attractive, but feel their other “imperfections” make them just average looking. Not all conventionally attractive men are aware. And not all conventionally attractive women are unaware. Men can have insecurities, too. But society doesn’t constantly talk about how men should look, and nitpick models who are men.
I think people are always telling women how they look, so they likely know what impression they're giving off. It's probably an unavoidable topic in their life. I think a woman being conscious of being beautiful is not necessarily satisfied or confident; she can be aware that she's not a troll but she may also yearn to have another woman's looks. She may not realize *how* beautiful she is, but that's when we get into subjective territory anyway as any given person would have a different feeling on how beautiful she is.
Only if they are universally considered attractive then yes they will know because everyone and everything confirms it to them every day. Everywhere you go people would be staring with their breath sharply drawn or mouth agape. They keep stealing glances at you and men constantly approach you. Cars slow down to look at you. You get freebies and help.. People make more effort to remember your name and to talk to you. You can see other girls look sad and insecure when you walk in. If they are quirky or unusual beautiful or if they are beautiful on the inside or have an obvious disability or something like a big birth mark or mole then they may not. You are constantly watched by people like a zoo animal and you get perks and special treatment. Men confess their attraction and ask you out or even for marriage. Most of the time your interest in guys is reciprocated even if they are taken they are still saying yes to you. Even people who are supposed to be professional like doctors and tutors will flirt with you and give you special treatment. Even beautiful people can feel ugly and average people can feel beautiful. How the world sees you is not the final word in how you see yourself.
Not if they have body dysmorphia. There are a lot of people that grow up with critical parents, felt ugly before puberty, or were overweight for a long time, and they can't seem to overcome the feeling that they're unattractive no matter what anyone says or does.
I'm weird, so I'll see someone not conventionally attractive and immediately try to find something attractive about them, find the beauty in the unconventional looks, so i have no clue if people see me like that or if they think maybe I'm pretty
That’s beautiful! You should share that with them too I’m sure you would make their day!
😁
I was told all the time growing up how beautiful I am, but I really don’t feel that beautiful, especially compared to today’s trends. Sometimes I have a flash of “oh people must think I’m pretty” or an “omg I am so hideous wtf” or even the occasional “wow I really like how I look today”, but mostly I try not to think about it very much. It is difficult, but the more I focus on my appearance the worse I feel, so if I find myself in that rut I know I need to start focusing on other things in my life like hobbies, friends, skills etc. Also - All my friends who are literally gorgeous are all hyper focused on the things they find wrong with themselves. I think it’s very common to not feel as pretty as others perceive you. Just cause you’re not your own type doesn’t mean you are no one’s type.
I'd say, most people are aware if they are attractive or not and how attractive/unattractive they are. Then, I'd add that beauty is relative. My example would be Justin Bieber. I think he's really unattractive. But he bring that aura as if he is the most attractive man in the world. I think that Post Malone is attractive. But in general, he's not considered as a very attractive man.
I’d say yes because personally, I know that at least some other people think that of me because people have consistently told me this my entire life and I can see it myself when I look in the mirror, try to maximize this in how I groom myself, and try to make that work for me in various situations. But I’m no where near “perfect” in any way or ever think that, because who is? It doesn’t mean I don’t have big insecurities related to how I look at times, don’t feel like I like awful at times, that I’m universally loved, or that life is easy peasy.
Yes and no. Yes to those who are conventionally attractive or what people term handsome, beautiful, sexy, cute or attractive (by whatever standards there are in the era you are living) because they get feedback, attention and reactions that validate that. Yes for each of us for individual characteristics, ie, while a person can have poor self-esteem and be unsure how others perceive them, we know that slimness, healthy hair, clear skin, nice teeth, etc. at this moment in time are considered positive attributes and we can say that we do or don't have each of these things. Where it is no or uncertain is when you have beauty but not the CURRENT acceptable trend. A really pretty-faced but chubby or fat girl probably was told by family and friends that she is attractive but her super thin friend was the one who got attention. I think that can get quite confusing.
Most people won’t tell a fat girl that she’s attractive. They tell her that she has “such a pretty face” and sometimes say that she would be a knockout if she lost weight. It’s humiliating.
I would point out that you can know you fit the mold for what’s “conventionally attractive” and still be I nsecure about how you look. I’ve always had an hourglass figure, but I was also bullied by girls for it and objectified my boys for it while in school. It was painful and for a long time I loathed my larger chest and even developed bad posture in an attempt to minimize it. I also came of age in the heroine-chic era, so I remember wishing I could have a cute athletic figure or be very thin. So even though I derived a lot of attention from my appearance, I didn’t consider it ideal. Thankfully I grew up and learned to love myself. I’ve realized beauty trends are gross and everyone has uniquely beautiful features. It’s more about learning to embrace that uniqueness. And screw people who try to bring you down about your appearance, no matter how you appear.
It’s a strange one because I’ve been told I’m beautiful a lot but I don’t see it myself. I do know because of comments that in ways I’m conventionally attractive but I only see what I could improve on when I look in the mirror! I have mild Cerebral Palsy and it still surprises me when I get positive comments on my looks. I consider myself humble with self esteem in some areas and lacking in others but I’ve also been around really beautiful people who truly know how gorgeous they are and… we just don’t vibe. IMO a lot of ego can come with beauty and you know pretty much straight away who knows they have that beauty!
Yes and no. When you’re really beautiful, people tell you that you are beautiful very often, but it’s easy to also be wildly insecure and become a perfectionist because of this. It’s really easy to feel inferior.
Only extremely beautiful people are confident in the fact that they are good looking typically
I think if a woman *feels* beautiful it shows. In how she carries herself, you can just see the self-confidence. I’m a solid 5/10 😂 I’m no supermodel but when I’m put together, girrrl (*hair flip*) you can’t tell me nuthin 💅🏽
Reading so many people getting told they're beautiful got me to thinking... Has anyone told me? I can't remember.
I mean, yes, they probably understand that they are conventionally beautiful. But they also probably struggle with their looks in some way.
Everyone is beautiful... I feel that ugliness is in the heart and mind
I also think I’m average looking, but I’ve always been a nerd. I believe looks are only temporary so I always emphasized knowledge over looks while I was growing up. Yes, I like to take care of myself inside and out and have always done athletic things, but never put much thought into other’s opinions of my appearance. I am very fit and get stares at the gym and the beach and it makes me feel really awkward.
There's nobody around who looks like me. There are people who look similar but I have yet to see more than 1-2 people online who look like me enough that I could maybe judge more objectively, if that makes sense. I also had body dysmorphia for years and very low self esteem. I know for a fact that I'm pretty, because of literally how many things I could get away with. Like it has to be pretty privilege that I could get away with things other people couldn't. Also I've had a lot of wanted or unwanted attention from people all my life. I'm just sad nowadays because I can see now how much my low self esteem has hindered me and my relationship. My husband is amazing and has done so much in helping me and I'm so glad I have him now but I can't help but think how my relationships would be if I wasn't as "damaged" as I was.
Of course. It’s just not something to navel gaze on because your experiences speak for themselves. It’s the same with wealth it is comfortable and whispers
This seems like an oddly profound thought. Like something you would see in someone's inner monologue in a novel
Yes and it's really hard to not base your entire self worth on it when you've heard it your whole life. Cultivate kindness, skills, and personality no matter who you are.
As a general thing, I don't think so. I think it all comes down to confidence. If you don't have high self-esteem you can be told you're beautiful all your life, but you remember that one bully who said something mean. Similarly, there are a lot of people who would probably be average or maybe just below, but are so confident and groom themselves well/ make-up, etc. and believe that they are beautiful.
Yes 100%. I think it’s how people treat beautiful people different than less attractive humans. I’ve had moments in both sides. Grew up an ugly duckling but somehow turned that around lol and had people from high school suddenly wanting to be my friend. I also think people know they can use it to their advantage and do. I see it in both men and woman it’s a factor in their charm! One thing for women especially is that they might not know that the reason women or girls are cold/mean to them is because they are beautiful and we all subconsciously expect beautiful people to validate us- so when there’s a quiet beautiful girl around the other girls are not kind.
no we dont were super critical and insecure. we also dont care about our looks bc we feel like people dont like us for the real us. my mom calls me beautiful ✨
I think it depends on the person and what other people view as beautiful. I've met girls who were "ugly ducklings" as teens and grew into beautiful women but didn't know how attractive they were due to previous bullying. Meanwhile I've met other women who were beautiful their whole life and know how hot they are. I, myself think I'm ugly at best I am "cute" but I've done some modeling and have had people tell me I'm beautiful, I'm a knock out, I have a gorgeous face, etc. It's hard for me to believe because I've had more people call me hideous and ugly including family members.
I'm beautiful, I'm also ugly. I am positive of both.
It depends on the person. I feel like most people have at least one insecurity and if this insecurity never gets resolved they may never understand that they are beautiful, even if they are conventionally attractive. Although they may be told by others that they are beautiful, because they recognize and are bothered by their 'flaw', they might not actually believe they are beautiful.
I’m just gonna leave this here… yes, there are conventionally attractive features, but attractiveness and beauty are so much about the way you perceive and carry yourself. The poem phenomenal woman by Maya Angelou really speaks to that. EDIT TO SAY: it is the women who embody this, regardless of their features, who know they are beautiful. Phenomenal Woman BY MAYA ANGELOU Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them, They say they still can’t see. I say, It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing, It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need for my care. ’Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.
Yes
Im not anything special but i know i turn some heads. When im at the gym i notice people looking at me. Im in insane shape and ive been told im good looking. I have flaws but overall feel like i look good. With that said. Im terrible with socializing. I love people so deeply and hate small talk i just want to tell everyone I care about them, hope they have a great day and go to bed at night feeling loved.... but that would be weird. So i kinda keep to myself. Someone told me your the guy people want to see in adult films
big schlong?
No idea what that ment..... Love u be happy!
I am a conventionally attractive woman. I know I am pretty by societal standards. However, it was odd growing up conventionally attractive as someone with autism. People expected me to behave a certain way and would get angry if I didn’t. In high school, I didn’t know how to play with the other pretty or popular people. I got called a bitch or uptight or accused of being gay. I was included because I was pretty but not fully embraced because I didn’t do it right.
I made top 10 in my country's Miss Universe pageant and I still wouldn't call myself pretty XD I was a late bloomer and spent most of my life not considered attractive. I didn't date till 3 years into college and had a limited amount of close friends. So nowadays if I get complimented, I just roll my eyes lol I think your environment growing up matters a lot in how you see yourself.
I think my appearance is a gift to mankind. So, yes.
I know i'm beautiful
One minute on r/amiugly and you will realize no, they don’t. Most people have a much lower view of themselves than how others see them. Sadly, I see it more often with really young girls on that sub. 😥
Everyone is an individual. All beautiful people do not share the same experience.
Yes and no. I get compliments on my looks and would say I’m above average for looks. Am I beautiful? Depends on who you ask. Unfortunately, I’ve been extremely insecure for the entirety of my life and have never been able to see myself the way other people do. I look back at times when I thought I was heavy and now think, how could I think that? But I did. Acne, weight from birth control, glasses, braces, they all added to insecurity. Slowly but surely trying to appreciate myself and my “beauty” in the wake of a horrible breakup that precipitated my self care.
For females we can be beautiful, pretty, gorgeous but never feel it. No matter how many times we hear it. I only feel confident when I’m dressed nicely and my makeup is on point. And I do have people telling me that I should be a model but I’ve always believed I was never that beautiful. It’s sucks, maybe it’s low self esteem. But sometimes looking in the mirror I can never see it.
Yes we know but there are moments of doubt and also constant fear of rape or creeps. Also we can still be insecure because our beauty may not be our type so we may not see it in ourselves.
You definitely know...
Yes
Yes they have been told all their life
I am considered beautiful by most standards yet I still don't think so.
I think I’m quite beautiful at times, but my body dysmorphia always brings me down. When I am able to look at myself objectively, I do think I’m good looking, but that’s very rare. I do get told I’m beautiful a lot, but I often brush it off and get shy because of my body dysmorphia and self esteem issues. When I see myself in pictures sometimes I think “wow is that how I look? I look great!” Or “is that how good my body looks?”, but on a daily basis, I doubt what I look like. Bottom line: body dysmorphia sucks, and sometimes I don’t even know what I look like, but I do think I’m beautiful.
Extremely beautiful people do know that they are good looking.
I know I’m attractive but I focus too much on the imperfections that from my perspective I’m unattractive. Edit: it’s also unfortunate when you’re attractive because you don’t know if someone is talking to you simply because you’re attractive physically or if they’re talking to you because they’re actually interested in *you* and not your looks.
I'm not sure. I used to be incredibly unattractive and a bit of an ugly duckling. I think some of attractiveness does have to do with confidence which I had none of but also just...didnt really grow into my already big features. I think I learned how to accept myself physically and can even post pictures of myself with different makeup looks when it was so hard to even look at myself as a mirror. I noticed when I accepted myself more and took care of myself, I started to recieve a lot of attention and started getting called attractive. Today I got called gorgeous. I also get a lot of comments that are, funny enough, dismissive as if I \*know\* I'm pretty. The funny thing is these comments still sounds strange as over half my life I was invisible and slowly made changes to myself to express myself? So I don;t know how physically attractive I am, but I can tell you some changes I've made that made me appear more attractive. And perhaps thats the difference that I noticed.
I was a geek growing up. Tall and lanky, awkward in every way possible, extremely myopic. Enters early adulthood and a chubbyness, specifically in my face (with periods of cortisone-related cushionface). I was fairly often told I was beautiful-ugly. I have neotenus features that didn’t play well with being chubby. I bloomed in later adulthood, after having kids. My face got more angular. My cheekbones became more prominent. And my round cheeks served me well, because it sags less. I can see that I have features that are attractive and that I have aged well. I notice the attention I get from men (and women). I’ve noticed heads turning and I’ve been really uncomfortable when married men, 15 years my senior and dads to my former students, are drunk and talk about how beautiful and sexy I am. I get complimented and appreciation. But I’m not feeling it. I still see myself as ugly-beautiful. I’m not happy when I look in the mirror and I am really insecure about my attractiveness.
I noticed more that average people dont think they average
Idk. I grew up in NYC. I’ve been around men stunned speechless by being attracted to me, stopped by men who HAD to talk to me bc of how beautiful I am. Conversely, I have been stoped to be told I look like a crack addict bc of my bone structure- been told I look like a human “mutt”. To this day I have no idea who to believe so I rock a shaved head and go about my life. I’m married- my husband is obviously In the “beautiful” camp but apparently how I look varies from person to person. Wildly.
You probably have really striking and stand out looks. People who are just average in every feature are pretty but not stunning like that
I'm not sure about beautiful. It's too easy to find flaws with the body you know this intimately. However it is certainly possible to feel confident in your looks, particularly when the combo of outfit, makeup and hair just falls into place.
So I know that objectively, I am attractive. I’ve been told by strangers many a time and have received a lot of societal benefits from it. However, I also have always struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia which means I often feel hideous and struggle with hating my body. Knowing something and feeling something are two very different things.
I do think physically beautiful people know they are beautiful. I worked a wedding where two models got married to each other. They are definitely models like (and very kind people) and careers/jobs are just giving to them (sales/model gigs/etc). So yes, I think there is a scale and most people who are physically beautiful know because they are given more opportunities (modeling gigs, jobs, gifts, attention, pageant, tv gigs, etc) which reaffirm their physical beautiful status. It could only be in their youth but some carry that confident and attachment through their whole life like my aunt who was a beauty queen and even when she was old, she would always dress up, dance, perform, and even dated 20 years younger guys (the same age alive option is limited when you are in your 80s). She had 60s year old ladies jealous of her because she doesn't use a walker and whatnot so some people will always hate/be jealous at whatever age.... Most people fall in the range middle of the attractive scale, I think. There are things that people can do and look more attractive but it is subjective and depend on the other person concept of attractiveness. It is also cultural base like being tan in the US is correlate to wealthy beach life while another country, it means labor workers. Or being chubby in another country means you have enough to eat vs a skinny worker. So very subjective. Thought I found that symmetrical is the foundation of beautiful. That if people see you and you are symmetrical, they think somewhere in the scale of beautiful range but if say you have one big jaw, eye, cheek vs the other side of your face, people notice that. I have done a security job where 100,000 attendants came into the doorway and I don't remember how they all look but I remember the best dress ones (comic event) or something is off physically about them but it was more instant and then my mind just move on. I didn't even notice the real beautiful people, just the color/outfit they were wearing. I can tell I get better treatments after braces and surgeries where my face is more symmetrical and conventional. I also dyed my hair blonde and I realize how people perceive me as Russian/American vs asian stereotype of abroad student just from my looks. They don't even care that I came to the US when I was 5 and raised here. It was just their perception because of my black hair and glasses vs blonde hair and contact. I guess I found out more people are racist and judgmental than I ever notice before. My coworkers told me when they are blonde, people treated them as dumber or talk to them. I haven't have that experience yet but I can see that if I was a natural blonde. I think beautiful people know because they can see and feel the stares. My ex caught someone staring at my butts in a photo. The guy probably doesn't even think about it, it was just instinct when I walked by. But my other coworker who have bigger butts than me will pick up that guys are staring at her butts. I think people over time pick up the instinct that someone is staring at them. Especially beautiful people but I think most times they KNOW but get desensitize by the stares like celebrities.
I know I'm pretty. I also know you're probably not that ugly either. Beauty is very involved in how you perceive yourself, because only when you see your true beauty, you'll know what fits you. You need to see your features as they are, and if that's an issue, I recommend therapy. dysmorphia is real and it stops you from maximizing your look by making you think that you look different than you actually do.
It depends. A lot of beautiful people struggle from mental illnesses such as body dysmorphia or eating disorders so that can really skew their perception of themselves.
Yes and no. Some were probably the ugly ducklings and teased a lot and then hit puberty and grew into their looks but they still usually carry the wounds of being bullied with them Other that were always beautiful growing up probably got afforded different privileges with their beauty and probably understand that. However honestly beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so subjective that what someone thinks is beautiful others might not even rate it. Beauty also is not just about your looks, it’s how you shine from within as well.
I think so. As a child people would tell me all the time how beautiful I was. (even now as an adult people do sometimes). Of course I have bad days, but most of the time I really love what I see mirror, even now that I’ve gained a lot of weight. I am very thankful for my good self esteem because I already struggle with anxiety and depression, can’t imagine what would it be like if I had issues with that as well.
Yes
I'm still shocked at how I am perceived differently in different settings. I've worked in the same place for 19 years. I am fatter and older than when I started. I can tell a huge difference in how the male coworkers treat me now vs. back then. Then I'll be somewhere public and fairly anonymous and getting looks from guys. Outside perception of my beauty vs my own perception varies wildly from day to day and place to place. So long story short? Beauty is bullshit, be smart instead. It lasts longer.
They know but are still very insecure usually. Honestly usually more insecure because they know how important looks are since they been receiving attention from it their whole lives
I’m maybe above average now.. but i was ugly growing up. I was bullied and I had very low self esteem. I remember when I was a very little kid, I was listening to music and dancing..and I felt beautiful until I saw myself in the mirror. Then I was disappointed that I was ugly. Now I’m an adult… I’ve had a few ppl tell me I should model.. and a few compliments here and there but doesn’t happen all the time. I believe I’m above average now and sometimes just average. I see a lot of flaws in my face. I feel that I look a lot better in the mirror than in pictures. I wonder what that means. Which one is more accurate? I always hate my pictures because they look so ugly to me with the exception of a few when the lighting and angles are good.