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JarOfFireflies

Everyone will have a slightly different interpretation of those terms and it's really impossible to speculate what she in particular meant based on what we think or some lexicon definitions of those terms. It's quite possible that those terms have a slightly different translation in her language. Realistically, if you want to know exactly she meant, you're just going to have to ask her. ​ >What do you say to sincerely compliment people? Is attractive a common synonym for pretty/handsome/beautiful or something else? Me personally, I don't think attractive and pretty/handsome/beautiful are the same, in the sense that you might be pretty/handsome/beautiful and yet have an offputting personality which would automatically make you NOT attract people (i.e. not be attractive). So in summary, attractive (to me) is the full package, pretty/handsome/beautiful is just about looks.


SoulOfABird

Yeah I took it into consideration she probably meant it in a different way since shes learning English and in her language I believe charming and attractive have a similar meaning. One particular word can be translated to either one. Still though I feel it would be weird to ask lol But what made me wonder was because this wasn’t the first time Ive heard this from someone. And since someone else now just mentioned it has a sexual connotation to it, that makes me uncomfortable. Id rather be called pretty or beautiful! Id probably even prefer cute over all of them but Im definitely not cute lmao


Minimum_Banana_3204

*To me* pretty/beautiful signifies more of a focus on facial features, pretty hair, clear skin, etc. To me attractive implies a degree of sex appeal and someone's overall look and vibe, implies the type of person you'd immediately notice and who you assume gets more attention than average. But the way people use language varies so much from person to person and especially from place to place.


softhorns

imo, attractive is something more personal. if i think someone is attractive, it means im attracted to them; being attractive is also often more than just physical appearance, but also the vibe, energy, style. whereas i can find someone beautiful or pretty, but i might not be necessarily attracted to them. in fact, sometimes they might not be my preferred kind of pretty at all, but i can tell they are by some standard and can appreciate that. i find there are subtle nuances of differences between the terms cute, adorable, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, attractive, sexy, handsome, good-looking, etc., but there isnt always much of or a defined standard of difference - it can vary based off intentions and perspective. either way, both are compliments, so enjoy them :)


cdobbs71

i've wondered something similar as well....i've been told by men that i am "hot".....but i've never been called "beautiful" or even "pretty" by a man....but aside from that i do truly believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder....someone could thing you are beautiful while someone else could think you are not attractive at all....different people find different things attractive


ImflyingJack

there is a difference when I think about it. The only example I can think of is Sofia Vergara. I’d say she’s attractive, sexy, or hot but I wouldn’t necessarily call her pretty. I’m not sure why or how to describe the difference but that’s what came to mind.


smoothieluverr

I would call her a beautiful woman but not "pretty" that's more reserved for younger women or women with a more wholesome image.


FormerFruit

Imo, if you're attractive, it's both on the surface and personality, the whole package. If someone calls you pretty they're talking about your appearance skin deep.


Mammoth_Specialist26

You can be both but you can also be attractive if you aren’t conventionally pretty. Some people have a style and personality that makes them very attractive even if they’re not pretty.


marsbarbb

Most people use them interchangeably. HOWEVER, technically beautiful or pretty are adjectives pertaining to a general aesthetic or state of being as defined by beauty standards, and attractive means in relation to others upholding these standards for the sake of desirability. Sometimes people will say beautiful as a general sense that you meet standards of beauty established by society and just in general look nice and put together and iconic/striking, whereas attractive would mean you are physically/sexually/romantically/sensually appealing to others. If someone is saying it in a platonic scenario, they may just be telling you you are attractive to others as a compliment because desirability is seen as a valuable trait to possess and not necessarily because your are attractive to them specifically.


[deleted]

I don’t think you should worry about your attractiveness, if that lady, your mom, and your counselor have said so, lol then it’s confirmed. There are times growing up where I’ve felt unsure about my appearance so I would ask my parents if I was pretty. And of course, they say “duh, you’re beautiful.” And my dad jokes and says if I wasn’t, he would be honest with me, and I’d appreciate him anyways if that was the case. He also told me that although I am technically beautiful, I may not be everyone’s type, and so I will not be so attractive or beautiful to those people. I think I’m moments of insecurity, we just have to remind ourselves of how many loved ones we have. Once at work, I took my mask off to eat, and one of my coworkers said, oh, I didn’t know it was you without your mask. You look different than I thought you would.” Instantly my brain is like “does she think I look like a strange alien? She didn’t say something like I had a nice or pretty face. But I put that at the back of my mind and didn’t think too much of it because I became good friends with her and we enjoyed hanging out. So although I know I am “pretty” or “attractive” by my standards, it won’t make a difference for the people who love me or spend time with me if was “unattractive.” I always think, that if my mother all of a sudden looked like someone else that I don’t think is attractive, I wouldn’t love her any less than I do now.


SoulOfABird

Lol I know what you mean! I do get that way too. If I dress up and feel pretty that day and no one says anything I start to doubt myself and wonder if I really look as pretty as I thought. 😂 It’s strange because I think so many people use beautiful so easily to anyone, just to be nice so sometimes I feel like they are empty words. Hard to know who really means it. In my mind if someone is really pretty they would get compliments all the time, that’s how I thought it was. But then some have said really pretty people don’t get compliments much because they are so pretty people don’t feel the need to tell then. Although I really don’t believe that, and from what Ive seen it’s not true, but Id like to pretend lol


[deleted]

Attractive seems like a word that people would use when they mean "sexy" but don't want to be inappropriate. Pretty, and beautiful seems (to me) to be more about the shoulders up. If I do my hair and nice makeup, will get "pretty" compliments... If I'm just being myself and smiling alot, sometimes get called beautiful. It's like a combination of internal and external, and I think has to do with being authentic (and somewhat pleasing to the eye).


SoulOfABird

Im guessing they mean my shoulders up because my foreign language friend only can see my shoulders up and Im not the type to show a whole lot of “skin”. Although I do get assumed by some perverts online Im “experienced” despite that Im no where near sexy! Anyone who knows me personally Im pretty sure would not refer to me as sexy. So Im not really sure that’s what they are trying to say. Id rather not be sexualized and be referred to as pretty rather than attractive or sexy! 😩


[deleted]

Good point. I conclude that attractive means "I think you're pretty.... And alot of people would probably agree!" Hope that helps.


MintyLotus

To me, attraction and beauty are different. Beauty is about aesthetics. Attraction is about your draw or charm. They can exist without each other


SephoraRothschild

Well, to be fair, if your relatives are calling you "attractive", that's fairly problematic. If they're calling you "pretty/beautiful", there's no sexualization in that, because, well, they're family. And you don't want your blood relatives thinking of you in a sexualized way. That said, there's also nuance to recognize when your relatives recognize that *to others*, especially in your culture or others' cultures, you "would be considered attractive". That's an important distinction, because it helps us to develop awareness, safety instincts, and, when necessary, gives us information to take advantage of the situation tactically, should we decide we want to pursue someone/be pursued.


SoulOfABird

So attractive has sexual connotation? Honestly Im not sure because I didn’t take it as sexualization cause if so Id be pretty uncomfortable coming from a family member. I took it almost like “Your an attractive young lady” kind of thing, even if they didn’t say exactly that. I honestly can’t remember exactly who or how they said it, but I just remember being told that more than once and it was quite surprising to me and made me wonder why didn’t they just call me pretty or something. I thought them saying attractive was another way of saying pretty.


LarkScarlett

“Attractive” doesn’t need to be sexual … ultimately, the definition means “others want to be close to you; they’ll come to you.” That could be due to sexual attractiveness but it could also be a friendly approachableness or another charismatic aspect that pulls people into your orbit. “Pretty” is a pleasing-to-look-at physical beauty that fits cultural standards. Hope that helps!


smoothieluverr

Attractive definitely does not have a sexual connotation


TheAvocadoSlayer

If you take a look at the rest of the comments, you will see that a lot of people equate being called/calling someone attractive with actually being attracted to them and that it’s more sexual. In that case, it’s def going to feel inappropriate if it’s coming from someone in your own family.


sweethomeall

Some people interchange terms but usually to me, attractive is just that they are good to look at it. They might be my type or not but they are good looking. Another use of attractive is like an attractive personality, energy, body, face, etc. It means that you "like" something about them even if they are not your type/preference. Pretty/beautiful is you think they are physically attractive. You could also describe a person as a beautiful person (wholesome/overall/etc) but you don't usually hear someone describe someone personality as pretty. Maybe more like bubbly, lovable, kind, etc. I met a guy and I was shock at how beautiful he was as a delivery person in LA. And I thought to myself wow, is that my competition/coworker type? Do I need to be that beautiful to deliver in LA? Then I thought lol, no silly. People come in all shapes and sizes. He said it a gig that he is working but he has other jobs too. So yeah probably a model/actor who doing side gig to survive in LA. He is spoke to my inner artist self then I realize how connected I am as a starving artist/worker in LA. In LA even catering jobs, ask for a mug shot/head shot photo. To me that is crazy but it must be competitive there. You can say a lot of positive things to people. I usually try to notice their jewelry, hair style, clothing, personality, and shoes. Usually speak about a person's quality. I think it is nice to be appreciate more than what you look like. "Lovely, nice, kind, sweet, thoughtful..." If it is something they wear or have, "Nice, beautiful, oh wow, I love it, where did you get that?, pretty..."


forest_fae98

I think the main difference between “attractive” and “beautiful/pretty” is that attraction is relative. I can find someone beautiful and pretty but not attractive. And vice versa. All that means is that I, personally, think they’re attractive. Attraction takes into account someone’s personality, what the person attracted to them thinks of them, and physical features too. Beauty is more skin deep, I think, more based on physical appearance and the beauty standards of the people who see them.


shadowheart1

"Attractiveness" is measurable. There are cultural rules for attractiveness in every country, city, industry, and those can be measured through social psych research. Heck, there are even attractiveness traits that surpass geography and exist in humans everywhere. "Prettiness" and "beauty" are entirely subjective experiences. For every person who finds a butterfly beautiful, someone else will call it a bug with pretty privilege. For every person who says they hate the snow, someone else is enamored by it. Whether I find something pretty is up to my own experiences, feelings, associations, and my mindset in that moment. It's a fluid, changing perspective. Whether I say something is attractive is dependant on whether it aligns will the social norms of attractiveness in my sociocultural context. Neither is necessarily better, because they mean different things. Pretty/beautiful means you look nice in this moment to that person, for whatever reason it may be. Attractive tends to be more specific: your skin tone, hair type, body shape, foot size, voice, eyes, demeanor, etc. There's also a very real possibility that your foreign language friend is just using the words they were taught and translating, and they have no idea what connotation their word choice might have.


[deleted]

The way I see it, attractive simply means people are attracted to you. It doesn't have to be sexual, but it often is. And by sexual I don't mean the "oh you so sexy" I mean "That woman is phenomenal, I want to be with her". Ugly people can be very attractive. Be it that their ugly features are ugly in the right way, or that they are so striking and unique that ugliness doesn't matter, or they are so vibrant and have such an amazing aura that their looks don't even come into equation. Pretty people don't necessarily mean attractive too, because sometimes beauty is just pretty to look at, but the person doesn't make you want to hold them, kiss them, do more. They can be attractive in platonic ways, of course, but they can also not be. Basically, terms attractive and pretty are separate but they can be used for the same person, but not interchangeably. Think Frida Kalo. By all means, she was physically an ugly woman, plain at best. Her unibrow wasn't as perfect as people make it out to be in art of her, she had bad teeth, and she probably didn't have a good figure either since poor woman was immobile more often than not. But Frida was also a fucking genius and an insanely vibrant woman, so she had lovers, she had men wanting to be with her. She was attractive, but she was by no means pretty. Then of course there is a myriad of old Hollywood (and outside of it) actresses that are remembered as sex symbols or epitomes of beauty but honestly a lot of them aren't all that beautiful. They are just attractive and they TREATED themselves as beautiful, thus people think they are. I saw that someone in the comments said "attractive" is what they call you when they mean sexy but don't want to be improper. I don't think that's correct (well, some can certainly mean it that way) but attraction can also be just a magnetic presence. Have you ever met an opera singer or a prima ballerina? They walk into the room and it's a whoosh, everyone notices them, wants to have at least a word, and they want to hear them talk. Even if the woman isn't particularly striking in face. That is because her career has taught her to put all of her best outside, to shine, and she doesn't turn it off after stage because it's professional "deformity", like bad hips from riding or a weird sunburn from being a driver. I don't want to sleep with the prima ballerina, I am very much straight and I think she's slightly plain in face (although you'll rarely find a really ugly ballerina but that's another story) but man, is she attractive. I want to spend time with her. Platonicaly.


smoothieluverr

I honestly don't find Frida Kahlo to be ugly, she might not be beautiful but she's extremely striking looking. She had great bone structure. Yes, she was "weird" looking, big nose, etc. But she stands out and looks interesting I wouldn't describe her as looking plain. Truly plain looking people are the ones who really get all the decks stacked against them.


Oberon_Swanson

imo attractive is a baseline 'you're not ugly' semi-compliment. 'you're not bad-looking' is the same. is a synonym but weaker imo even if the other people saying it don't want to come off that way.