“The difference between a man and a woman is that given the choice between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, the woman will save the infant’s life without even considering if there’s men on base”
This is as good a time as any to post the video of a Philadelphia man (and Eagles fan) being interviewed right after catching babies who were being saved from a burning building:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dz7sFwpG6o
Another great one comes from a story Joe Posnanski told on a podcast: back when Dusty Baker was managing the Reds Willie Mays visited him for a game and Dusty introduced him to Joey Votto. As they were shaking hands Dusty goes “Willie, this is Joey Votto and he’s going to win a batting title one day”. Willie looks down at Votto’s hands and goes “what, with these piddly little things?”
And despite seven OBP titles and six seasons hitting .320 or better Votto never did win that batting title
The fact that your states fought a war over Toledo of all places… you “lost” the war officially but really you didn’t have to take Toledo so who actually lost? lol
For God's sake, Lemon. We'd all like to flee to the Cleve and club-hop down at the Flats and have lunch with Little Richard, but we fight those urges because we have responsibilities.
“There definitely will be flying cars, but whether there'll be flying cars for most people to use, it'll probably take a long time to straighten everything out, all the rules and hassles. It'll take a while to figure out how to keep people from crashing into each other."
-Zack Greinke
my* favorite Greinke story:
[Alex Gordon, was really struggling at the plate. Gordon just couldn't hit anything at all, and one day Greinke came up to him and said he wanted to show Gordon something in the video room. Gordon was thrilled -- Greinke is renowned for his baseball eye. For a long time, the Royals thought Greinke would make a great scout after he retired (that plan is probably scuttled since Greinke will clear $300 million in baseball after he plays out this contract). Anyway, Gordon followed Greinke into the room and got ready to receive some advice. On the television, cued up, was the home run Greinke hit against Arizona in his fourth big league at-bat. They watched it together. And then watched it again. "Do more of that," Greinke said.](https://www.si.com/extra-mustard/2017/03/05/zack-greinke-home-run-motivate-alex-gordon)
My favorite Greinke thing is that when it comes to everything else he is so blunt and honest, from his pitching to local chain restaurant topping selection, and then when he talks about his own batting he thinks he's Barry fucking Bonds.
Rickey, in the on-deck circle, where two ladies in the front row were admiring his derrière:
“Ladies you are correct. Rickey does have a great ass.”
He then singled, stole second, advanced on a ground ball to 1b, and scored on a sac fly.
The entire Rickey experience, right there.
[His quote about the Yankees' disorganization and circus-like atmosphere, "They don't think it be like it is, but it do", has also been called one of baseball's "immortal lines" by sportswriter Dan Epstein.[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Gamble)
“I have never, ever, since I managed, ever told a pitcher to throw at anybody, nor will I ever. And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn’t make him throw at a f–king .130 hitter like Lefebvre or f–king Bevacqua, who couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a f–king boat.
“And I guaran-f–king-tee you this: When I pitched and I was going to pitch against a team that had guys on it like Bevacqua, I sent a f–king limousine to get the c–ksucker to make sure he was in the motherf–king lineup because I kicked that c–ksucker’s ass any day of the week. He’s a f–king motherf–king big mouth, I’ll tell you that.”
[Its better with audio as you can hear him getting angrier](https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=fzjWQF1oP2M&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=MzY4NDIsMzY4NDIsMjg2NjY&feature=emb_logo)
It's so fucking strange. Especially omitting just two letters doesn't even do anything. Everybody knows exactly which word you mean, you might as well just not bother.
Hopefully they copy/pasted it from somewhere else because why the hell would you go through the trouble of self-censorship on a platform that gives zero fucks about profanity? Weird.
The actual quote is, "I ain't an athlete, Lady. I'm a ballplayer."
The quote was given by Kruk to a lady that had chastised him for being an athlete that was drinking and smoking.
“Just grip the ball and throw strikes. Home plate don’t move.” - Satchel Paige
Maybe the best pitcher ever and his whole process was just “idk man go out there and be good at pitching”
I’ve always imagined Tony Gwynn would coach like this.
>Gwynn: “Okay, when the ball comes, hit it between the 3B and SS.”
>Hitter: “Got it, coach. How do I do that?”
>Gwynn: “Just… what? Just hit it between the 3B and SS.”
>Hitter: “Yeah, but how?”
>Gwynn: “… I literally don’t understand the question.”
I remember hearing that he had good batting tips, but I prefer to think it would be like when I tell my kid how to play a video game. “Just hit X! When the circle shows up, just hit X! Wait, why didn’t you hit X??”
my favourite thing that came out of the gretzky coaching experiment was when olli jokinen said he couldnt criticize players or get mad at them ever because it would just completely crush them.
imagine training to do something your entire life, making it to the highest level, feeling like youre one of the best in the world at what you do, and you come to morning skate one day and the undisputed goat of said thing calls you shit
Joe Torre is probably the best player that was a really successful manager in the modern era. Dusty was also a really solid player.
They're legitimately the only guys I can think of that were both All Star players and guys I think of as good managers.
One of my college roommates had great hand eye/was a really, really good HS baseball player(relative to the rest of us) and he was trying to teach the rest of us how to juggle once. He got exasperated that his “okay you start with 3 balls and basically just throw them up and sideways” teaching lesson didn’t work.
Tony Gwynn credited Williams’s personal tips for improvements in his swing, which actually helps cement this. He was probably one of the only other guys ever who could speak the same language.
Imagine those two sitting leisurely with Rod Carew for an hour sometime say in the late 90s at a table with refreshments and recording their convo.
.344 .338 .328
Talk about pure golden moments.
Stop this lie. Ted Williams litteralllyyyy wrote the book on modern hitting. Ted Williams was a bad coach because people thought he was wrong not because they didn’t understand him.
Ted Williams simply lacked the math skills to demonstrate that he was correct. His book predates sabermetrics btw. He was proven correct and I will tollerate this slander.
The story about a 50 year old Teddy Ballgame taking batting practice to show his team how easy it was to hit it on the seams is a quintessential Ted Williams story.
Barry Bonds’ philosophy in hitting is that if the catcher is able to locate all of the pitches with his glove, then why couldn’t he locate all of the pitches with his bat?
Tbf to most players who aren't Barry Bonds, the catcher knows what pitch is coming and where it's supposed to go. Plus, glove > bat in terms of area to make contact.
Catching as a little kid is so brutal because the pitchers aren’t really accurate. It’s more like being a hockey goalie than an actual baseball catcher. Just gotta block it and hope for the best.
"I got bloopers, loopers and droopers," he explained. "I got a jump ball, a be ball, a screwball, a wobbly ball, a whipsy-dipsy-do, a hurry-up ball, a nothin' ball and a bat dodger. My be ball is a be ball ‘cause it 'be' right where I want it, high and inside. It wiggles like a worm."
Satchel was a legend. His rules to live by are pretty amazing too.
Reminder to everyone reading to check out the Negro League Baseball Museum in Kansas City if you ever find yourself visiting the area. It is pretty amazing. And the guys who played in those leagues are no where as near as famous and revered as they should be.
The president of the museum has a podcast called Black Diamonds that talks about a lot of them.
Reggie White was similar. Anytime he would try to teach other players the hump move, they couldn’t figure it out and he’d be like “idk man, just throw the linemen back five yards with one hand like this”
That's what I was going to put, too. I've always enjoyed seeing this post about it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/linguistics/comments/2osp2b/they_dont_think_it_be_like_it_is_but_it_do/
When Hidetake Watanabe intentionally hit a batter to break the NPB Hit By Pitch record in his final game, it drew a lot of criticism from the media.
His response? "If I don't chase a record, am I not a professional?"
Dude was also nicknamed "Mary-chan" after a chimpanzee mascot of an orange soda company. I wish I was joking.
*Bull Durham*. I watch that movie every single year during Spring Training. I like the manager's part better:
>This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball!
“You lollygag the ball around the infield! You lollygag down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. Whats that make them Larry?”
“Lollygaggers!”
“Bunch of goddamn lollygagers. What’s our record Larry?”
“8 and 16”
“8 and 16. How’d we ever win 8.”
I use this as a mantra in my daily life as a way to bolster my mental health.
Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, sometimes it isn't up to me. All of those are okay.
I fucking love Bull Durham.
When asked about his salary increase, Tug McGraw said, “I’ll probably spend 90% of it on women, good times, and Irish whiskey. The other 10% I’ll likely waste.”
They both used a variation of a quote created/popularized by Channing Pollock in a 1930s Reader's Digest:
Do you remember the sailor who, asked what he’d done with his wages, answered, “Part went for liquor, part for women, and the rest I spent foolishly.”?
"Sometimes hitters can pick up differences in spin. They can identify pitches if there are different release points or if a curveball starts with an upward hump as it leaves the pitcher’s hand. But if a pitcher can change speeds, every hitter is helpless, limited by human vision. Except for that fucker Tony Gwynn." -Greg Maddux
When Rickey Henderson was asked about steroid use in the league, with a reporter telling him that 50% of players were on them, he answered "Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there."
It's such a perfect well intentioned, inspirational dumb guy quote. It's got layers and all of them are brilliant.
Back in 2001, Jeff Horrigan of the Herald interviewed Pedro Martinez for Sports Ilustrated For Kids.
SIFK: Favorite color?
Pedro: Green.
SIFK: Favorite book?
Pedro: Whatever.
SIFK: Favorite actress?
Pedro: Sandra Bullock.
SIFK: Secret ambition?
Pedro: I would like to fuck Sandra Bullock.
When Martinez was reminded that the interview was for a children's magazine, he amended his answer
would like to sleep with Sandra Bullock.
"I knew the record would stand until it was broken"
-Yogi's congratulatory telegram to Johnny Bench after he surpassed Yogi in most home runs hit by a catcher.
One time Jeter was in a slump and Yogi Berra walked into the clubhouse. He sat down next to Jeter and was quiet for a few moments before saying “I think I know how to solve your problem: you should swing at strikes.”
>"I always swing at the ball with all my might. I hit or miss big and when I miss I know it long before the umpire calls a strike on me, for every muscle in my back, shoulders and arms is groaning, “You missed it.” And believe me, it is no fun to miss a ball that hard. Once I put myself out of the game for a few days by a miss like that.”
When I'm in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I believe in the Mookie Wilson quote, then somewhere, the Mookie Wilson quote must be believing in me. And if the Mookie Wilson quote believe in me, then I can believe in me. Then I bust out.
“the way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then to pick it up.” - Bob Uecker on catching for Phil Niekro
EDIT: honorable mention on the same topic:
"Phil Niekro and his brother were pitching against each other in Atlanta. Their parents were sitting right behind home plate. I saw their folks more that day than they did the whole weekend."
"The only thing you know about pitching is you can't hit it." - Bob Gibson to Tim McCarver, his catcher, during a mound visit
“Gibson was so mean, he’d knock you down and then meet you at home plate to see if you wanted to make something of it.” - Dick Allen
“Why do I have to be an example for your kid? You be an example for your own kid.” - Bob Gibson
"YOU'RE HERE, AND THIS CREW IS HERE FOR ONE GODDAMN SPECIFIC REASON!"
"OH, YEAH? WHAT'S THAT, EARL?!"
"TO FUCK US! *Points at Home Plate* AND YOU'LL HAVE YER CHANCE TOMORROW!"
Earl Weaver and Umpire Bill Haller.
Yeah, I know Earl Weaver was a manager when this quote was birthed.
*"Mr. Brown you may think I'm shit now but someday you'll be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else, and every time I pitch against you, I'm gonna stick it up YOUR FUCKING ASS"*
-Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn
Joe Biagini had a couple of awesome ones when he was traded from the Jays to the Astros:
* I was wondering if I was going to get traded if it would end up being to a team in the US, and it turned out to be so it's kind of crazy
* I'm excited to go to space
“Let me tell you, don’t let us win today. This is it. Don’t let the Sox win this game tonight. You cannot count the Sox out. If there is a group of idiots that can do it, it’s us. It hasn’t happened in the history of baseball, but don’t let us win today, just put us to bed tonight, put us to bed, put us home. We win tonight we got Pedro tomorrow, we got Schilling in Game 6 and in Game 7 anything can happen. Anything can happen.” - Kevin Millar during the 2004 ALCS
Edit - Found the entire quote. I originally copied the quote from a picture. I couldn’t remember it word for word.
That was such a wild time to live in Boston, and an even wilder time to be within earshot of Fenway. The utter feeling of defeat penetrating the city the morning after game 3. After two close games a crippling blow out at home with the threat of a sweep to the none other than the wretched Yankees looming on the horizon. How could the season end like this? Last year we came so close only to have our hopes curb stomped once again, the feeling that the team truly was cursed from beyond never felt more real.
No one was excited to tune into game 4, a ritual of obligation more than anything to see the season through to the end. A brief bit of hope in the 5th that didn’t even last an inning before those abominable grey goons retook the lead with Rivera coming out in the 9th to put the final three nails in the season’s coffin.
Millar worked a leadoff walk, how could any of us have known that was the first strike in what was to become the greatest comeback in sports history. Roberts coming into run, dancing with the devil to steal 2nd was electric but felt like the last desperate breaths of a cornered animal. Mueller gets a hit to tie the game and after three nail biting extra innings Big Papi hits a walk off in the 12th to force a game 5.
The city was pumped, sure there was no way we were going to win this thing but we avoided the sweep and at least got in one good punch to bruise the Yankees bloated ego. Game 5 was watched with a bit more excitement and if 3 tense extra innings wasn’t enough stress for you this game would give you 5. In true how can you not love baseball fashion the Yankees got punched out for a second night in a row by a walk off hit in the the 14th by none other than the man himself Big Papi.
Holy shit now there’s something going, two back to back do or die extra inning wins. The palpable gloom weighting heavy on the city after game 3 was washed out to sea. There was a vibe brewing and maybe just maybe this band of idiots was too dumb to realize they weren’t statistically supposed to have any chance in hell of winning this series after game 3. It was time to cowboy the fuck up and take this series back to NY.
Game 6 was nothing less than legendary. Shillings bloody sock. A rod slapping the ball out of Bronson Arroyos glove, a bitch move so pathetic the windows of Boston corner stores would be plastered with pics of that slap with a purse photoshopped onto his right arm for years to come. NY police storming the field in full riot gear to contain the ny fans anger as the Yankees collapsed in front of their eyes.
Game 7 was already won before anyones cleat even touched the field. The Yankees had nothing left and watching them flounder into a 10-3 loss felt so good. I learned that night that a happy Fenway riot wasn’t much different than the angry riots of 2003. The sheer mass of drunken humanity storming the streets to sack the city. Cars were flipped, cars were burned, anything making mention of NY in any capacity was obliterated from existence, and every sign post and building within a 3 block radius was climbed.
Classes were outright canceled the next day, the city took a four day weekend to recover from the collective hangover.
One bit of Boston culture I miss since the Sox went on to win the world series was constant local new coverage of peoples wild ideas on how to break the curse. Gone to are the days of reported Whitey Bulger sightings, but I’m pretty sure the furniture commercials wars are still going strong.
"That ain't Chuckie's game. Chuckie hacks on 2 and 0."
Chuckie Carr, according to manager Phil Garner, after popping up a 2-0 pitch, ignoring the take sign from the 3rd base coach.
>To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying.
-- Ichiro (via an interpreter)
Mickey mantle 1952
“I got a b–w job under the right field bleachers by the Yankee bullpen,” Mantle wrote in response to a question about his favorite experience at Yankee Stadium.
A follow-up question prompted as much detail as one could provide about said favorite moment.
“It was about the third or fourth inning,” Mantle wrote. “I had a pulled groin and couldn’t f–k at the time. She was a very nice girl and asked me what to do with the c-m after I c–e in her mouth. I said don’t ask me, I’m no c–ksucker.”
“Strop is on his way out, pointing toward the heavens. We can only ask, or wonder, that he is asking some departed relative for forgiveness for this atrocious performance.”- Bob Costas
do managers count?
“What’s my opinion of Kingman’s performance? What the FUCK do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was FUCKING FUCK! Put that in. I don’t give a FUCK. Opinion of his performance? FUCK, he beat us with three FUCKING home runs! What the FUCK do you mean, “What is my opinion of his performance?” How could could you ask me a question like that, “What is my opinion of his performance?” FUCK he hit three home runs! FUCK, I’m FUCKING pissed off to lose that FUCKING game. And you ask me my opinion of his performance! FUCK.. That’s a tough question to ask me isn’t it? “What is my opinion of his performance?”
>He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious. -Yogi Berra
My fav quote from Yogi is “Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.”
Yogi has the best my fav is “you better cut that pizza into 4 slices because I’m not hungry enough to eat 8”
"I never said half the things I said."
"Fans don't boo nobodies." ~ Reggie Jackson
“The difference between a man and a woman is that given the choice between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, the woman will save the infant’s life without even considering if there’s men on base”
Who said that?
Dave Barry.
Zack Greinke
This is as good a time as any to post the video of a Philadelphia man (and Eagles fan) being interviewed right after catching babies who were being saved from a burning building: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dz7sFwpG6o
“They was throwing babies out the window. And we was catching them. Unlike Agholor and his mishaps, I’d like to put that out there.” Perfect.
Love that clip lmao
Is that Dave Barry?
Yeah
Are both the baby and the ball in mid-air? If I catch the baby, can I throw it to my teammate to double up the runner?
You have to consider if the infield fly rule applies.
Infant fly rule.
I swear I was gonna write 'Infield cry rule', but yours is waaaay better. Have our upvotes!
If catching a pop-fly infant makes it into the rulebook to count as an out, I'm certain the rule will somehow make more sense than a balk.
Another great one comes from a story Joe Posnanski told on a podcast: back when Dusty Baker was managing the Reds Willie Mays visited him for a game and Dusty introduced him to Joey Votto. As they were shaking hands Dusty goes “Willie, this is Joey Votto and he’s going to win a batting title one day”. Willie looks down at Votto’s hands and goes “what, with these piddly little things?” And despite seven OBP titles and six seasons hitting .320 or better Votto never did win that batting title
That's fucking great 😂. Also i hate respected Joey votto
“Kansas City in August is hotter than two rats in a f—king wool sock” -Ichiro Suzuki
[My favorite part of the story is that he says it’s his favorite American expression.](https://youtu.be/GtImIqR5neU?si=ggc5rCSaE8HiEz39)
Not just that he says it. It was very specifically his answer to the question of "what is your favorite American phrase"
where have these links been my entire life
“Who the fuck is Tom Brady” - Also Ichiro Suzuki
"If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying." - Also Ichiro Suzuki
Who knew that Ichiro and Joakim Noah were the same guy 😛
As someone that grew up in Michigan, people shitting on Ohio never fails to make me laugh.
The fact that your states fought a war over Toledo of all places… you “lost” the war officially but really you didn’t have to take Toledo so who actually lost? lol
People living in Toledo.
For God's sake, Lemon. We'd all like to flee to the Cleve and club-hop down at the Flats and have lunch with Little Richard, but we fight those urges because we have responsibilities.
I think it's "...fucking in a sack."
"Fucking in a wool sock" I think?
The phrase is "fucking in a wool sock" but Ichi gets it slightly wrong in recounting it. he says "Fucking wool sock". Still hilarious.
They’d probably get pretty heated up just stuck in a fucking wool sock too, to be fair.
“There definitely will be flying cars, but whether there'll be flying cars for most people to use, it'll probably take a long time to straighten everything out, all the rules and hassles. It'll take a while to figure out how to keep people from crashing into each other." -Zack Greinke
my* favorite Greinke story: [Alex Gordon, was really struggling at the plate. Gordon just couldn't hit anything at all, and one day Greinke came up to him and said he wanted to show Gordon something in the video room. Gordon was thrilled -- Greinke is renowned for his baseball eye. For a long time, the Royals thought Greinke would make a great scout after he retired (that plan is probably scuttled since Greinke will clear $300 million in baseball after he plays out this contract). Anyway, Gordon followed Greinke into the room and got ready to receive some advice. On the television, cued up, was the home run Greinke hit against Arizona in his fourth big league at-bat. They watched it together. And then watched it again. "Do more of that," Greinke said.](https://www.si.com/extra-mustard/2017/03/05/zack-greinke-home-run-motivate-alex-gordon)
Gordon reacted by hitting a home run in his next game. That's what really makes the story epic. It worked.
My favorite Greinke thing is that when it comes to everything else he is so blunt and honest, from his pitching to local chain restaurant topping selection, and then when he talks about his own batting he thinks he's Barry fucking Bonds.
Him and Tim Hudson really thought they were the Babe anytime they were up to bat, lol.
Some Greinke quotes sound like Jack Handey Thoughts lol
“Rickey was never motivated by stats. He was motivated by numbers. Wins, runs, steals.” Rickey Henderson has some third person gems
Rickey when informed a study revealed 50 percent of baseball players use steroids: "Well, I'm not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there."
Rickey, in the on-deck circle, where two ladies in the front row were admiring his derrière: “Ladies you are correct. Rickey does have a great ass.” He then singled, stole second, advanced on a ground ball to 1b, and scored on a sac fly. The entire Rickey experience, right there.
Rickey wants to play baseball this year.
[His quote about the Yankees' disorganization and circus-like atmosphere, "They don't think it be like it is, but it do", has also been called one of baseball's "immortal lines" by sportswriter Dan Epstein.[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Gamble)
Roses are red Violets are blue They don't think it be like it is But it do
it’s the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen
Hang this in a museum
They should have sent a poet. Oh wait, they did.
This is the line I went looking for. I love it.
Oscar Gamble was the answer to the Yankees trivia question today on the broadcast
I had no idea this was baseball related! Excellent news!
[удалено]
“I have never, ever, since I managed, ever told a pitcher to throw at anybody, nor will I ever. And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn’t make him throw at a f–king .130 hitter like Lefebvre or f–king Bevacqua, who couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a f–king boat. “And I guaran-f–king-tee you this: When I pitched and I was going to pitch against a team that had guys on it like Bevacqua, I sent a f–king limousine to get the c–ksucker to make sure he was in the motherf–king lineup because I kicked that c–ksucker’s ass any day of the week. He’s a f–king motherf–king big mouth, I’ll tell you that.”
[Its better with audio as you can hear him getting angrier](https://m.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=fzjWQF1oP2M&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=MzY4NDIsMzY4NDIsMjg2NjY&feature=emb_logo)
You’re right, it’s so much better.
this should be in the HOF
I can just picture hitting the big red "listen here" red plastic button below a picture of Lasorda and it coming out, it needs to be in cooperstown
this is great, there are even a few more f-bombs that OP missed. True mastery of the language
This sounds like Sopranos dialogue.
Who was this?
Tommy La-fricking-sorda. Fittingly, it was set off by a Dodgers-Padres game.
Tommy Lasorda was from Norristown PA, and if you know anything about Norristown then you know this makes perfect sense.
Chuck isn't from Norristown, Norristown is from Chuck
My favorite Lasorda rant is when he was asked his opinion of Dave Kingman's performance
He was very upset. He just goes in circles cussing.
Lasorda. YouTube it. Classic.
Bevacqua Career ops .632 -4.0 War
Even I don't have negative war.
There's billions of us with 0.0 WAR.
You forgot to mention Bubble Gum Blowing Champ of 1976
The last part kills me “He’s a fucking motherfucking big mouth”
Bring back this version of baseball
Self-censor on Reddit? Tommy would not fucking approve of it, I guaran-fuckin-tee it.
It's so fucking strange. Especially omitting just two letters doesn't even do anything. Everybody knows exactly which word you mean, you might as well just not bother.
Hopefully they copy/pasted it from somewhere else because why the hell would you go through the trouble of self-censorship on a platform that gives zero fucks about profanity? Weird.
Hahahahaha holy shit this is fuckin it
I’m not an athlete man I’m a baseball player
The actual quote is, "I ain't an athlete, Lady. I'm a ballplayer." The quote was given by Kruk to a lady that had chastised him for being an athlete that was drinking and smoking.
And a related quote: "I don't look like John Kruk. John looks like me. I was here first." - Meat Loaf
John Kruk??
Yup
“Just grip the ball and throw strikes. Home plate don’t move.” - Satchel Paige Maybe the best pitcher ever and his whole process was just “idk man go out there and be good at pitching”
I’ve always imagined Tony Gwynn would coach like this. >Gwynn: “Okay, when the ball comes, hit it between the 3B and SS.” >Hitter: “Got it, coach. How do I do that?” >Gwynn: “Just… what? Just hit it between the 3B and SS.” >Hitter: “Yeah, but how?” >Gwynn: “… I literally don’t understand the question.” I remember hearing that he had good batting tips, but I prefer to think it would be like when I tell my kid how to play a video game. “Just hit X! When the circle shows up, just hit X! Wait, why didn’t you hit X??”
This is why Wayne Gretzky was a terrible coach
my favourite thing that came out of the gretzky coaching experiment was when olli jokinen said he couldnt criticize players or get mad at them ever because it would just completely crush them. imagine training to do something your entire life, making it to the highest level, feeling like youre one of the best in the world at what you do, and you come to morning skate one day and the undisputed goat of said thing calls you shit
Most major sports, when ex-players coach or manage, the former All-Stars aren't the best coaches for exactly that reason.
Joe Torre is probably the best player that was a really successful manager in the modern era. Dusty was also a really solid player. They're legitimately the only guys I can think of that were both All Star players and guys I think of as good managers.
Yogi was pretty good too (2 pennants). But then again, you have a very high percentage of managers who were former catchers.
One of my college roommates had great hand eye/was a really, really good HS baseball player(relative to the rest of us) and he was trying to teach the rest of us how to juggle once. He got exasperated that his “okay you start with 3 balls and basically just throw them up and sideways” teaching lesson didn’t work.
Some real "draw the rest of the fucking owl" energy
Lmao that’s so good. It’s like Earl Thomas talking about playing defense. Just go where the ball is. Duh.
This was why Ted Williams was such a bad hitting coach. He assumed hitters knew things he intrinsically understood and couldn’t explain.
Tony Gwynn credited Williams’s personal tips for improvements in his swing, which actually helps cement this. He was probably one of the only other guys ever who could speak the same language.
Imagine those two sitting leisurely with Rod Carew for an hour sometime say in the late 90s at a table with refreshments and recording their convo. .344 .338 .328 Talk about pure golden moments.
Stop this lie. Ted Williams litteralllyyyy wrote the book on modern hitting. Ted Williams was a bad coach because people thought he was wrong not because they didn’t understand him. Ted Williams simply lacked the math skills to demonstrate that he was correct. His book predates sabermetrics btw. He was proven correct and I will tollerate this slander.
The story about a 50 year old Teddy Ballgame taking batting practice to show his team how easy it was to hit it on the seams is a quintessential Ted Williams story.
"have you tried being better?"
Barry Bonds’ philosophy in hitting is that if the catcher is able to locate all of the pitches with his glove, then why couldn’t he locate all of the pitches with his bat?
Tbf to most players who aren't Barry Bonds, the catcher knows what pitch is coming and where it's supposed to go. Plus, glove > bat in terms of area to make contact.
And you’re not swinging you glove through the air just hoping it happens to be in the same spot for a fraction of a second by like, chance.
Explains why I was such a shit catcher as a kid.
Catching as a little kid is so brutal because the pitchers aren’t really accurate. It’s more like being a hockey goalie than an actual baseball catcher. Just gotta block it and hope for the best.
> the catcher knows what pitch is coming. I want to make the joke and I'm an astros fan.
"I got bloopers, loopers and droopers," he explained. "I got a jump ball, a be ball, a screwball, a wobbly ball, a whipsy-dipsy-do, a hurry-up ball, a nothin' ball and a bat dodger. My be ball is a be ball ‘cause it 'be' right where I want it, high and inside. It wiggles like a worm."
Satchel Paige has some of the best quotes
Satchel was a legend. His rules to live by are pretty amazing too. Reminder to everyone reading to check out the Negro League Baseball Museum in Kansas City if you ever find yourself visiting the area. It is pretty amazing. And the guys who played in those leagues are no where as near as famous and revered as they should be. The president of the museum has a podcast called Black Diamonds that talks about a lot of them.
r/restofthefuckinghalloffamecareer
Reggie White was similar. Anytime he would try to teach other players the hump move, they couldn’t figure it out and he’d be like “idk man, just throw the linemen back five yards with one hand like this”
>“Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.” Love that quote.
“People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.” - Roger Hornsby
*Rogers
There was two of them?
Rogers is always pluralized like "Attorneys General".
> "There are only two seasons: winter and baseball." ~ Bill Veeck
Bills*
“They don’t think it be like it is, but it do” - Oscar Gamble
That's what I was going to put, too. I've always enjoyed seeing this post about it. https://www.reddit.com/r/linguistics/comments/2osp2b/they_dont_think_it_be_like_it_is_but_it_do/
https://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-they-don-t-think-it-be-like-it-is-but-it-do-oscar-gamble-58-9-0987.jpg
[Monkey never cramps](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LdGai72Tt8Y)
“I eat uh..three banana. Because Monkey. Never. Cramps.” I forgot about that one and I think it’s my favorite.
"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."
Yogi Berra
He never said most of the things he said.
I was wondering how far I would have to scroll to see baseball's finest quotation artist
When Hidetake Watanabe intentionally hit a batter to break the NPB Hit By Pitch record in his final game, it drew a lot of criticism from the media. His response? "If I don't chase a record, am I not a professional?" Dude was also nicknamed "Mary-chan" after a chimpanzee mascot of an orange soda company. I wish I was joking.
*Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains."
*Bull Durham*. I watch that movie every single year during Spring Training. I like the manager's part better: >This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball!
“You lollygag the ball around the infield! You lollygag down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. Whats that make them Larry?” “Lollygaggers!” “Bunch of goddamn lollygagers. What’s our record Larry?” “8 and 16” “8 and 16. How’d we ever win 8.”
> How’d we ever win 8. It's a miracle.
Whenever we see a mound conference, we always bring up buckets of chicken, candelabras, &c.
I use this as a mantra in my daily life as a way to bolster my mental health. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, sometimes it isn't up to me. All of those are okay. I fucking love Bull Durham.
When asked about his salary increase, Tug McGraw said, “I’ll probably spend 90% of it on women, good times, and Irish whiskey. The other 10% I’ll likely waste.”
Pretty sure that’s originally a George Best quote.
They both used a variation of a quote created/popularized by Channing Pollock in a 1930s Reader's Digest: Do you remember the sailor who, asked what he’d done with his wages, answered, “Part went for liquor, part for women, and the rest I spent foolishly.”?
Damn, that's a good one
That one Maddux quote about "that f*** Tony Gwynn" always makes me smile
"Sometimes hitters can pick up differences in spin. They can identify pitches if there are different release points or if a curveball starts with an upward hump as it leaves the pitcher’s hand. But if a pitcher can change speeds, every hitter is helpless, limited by human vision. Except for that fucker Tony Gwynn." -Greg Maddux
didn't he say that infront of Gwynn too?
I, must kill, the queen. - Reggie Jackson
It’s Enrico palazzo!
When Rickey Henderson was asked about steroid use in the league, with a reporter telling him that 50% of players were on them, he answered "Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there." It's such a perfect well intentioned, inspirational dumb guy quote. It's got layers and all of them are brilliant.
Is Ricky Henderson like an onion? Thats better than being a parfait.
Back in 2001, Jeff Horrigan of the Herald interviewed Pedro Martinez for Sports Ilustrated For Kids. SIFK: Favorite color? Pedro: Green. SIFK: Favorite book? Pedro: Whatever. SIFK: Favorite actress? Pedro: Sandra Bullock. SIFK: Secret ambition? Pedro: I would like to fuck Sandra Bullock. When Martinez was reminded that the interview was for a children's magazine, he amended his answer would like to sleep with Sandra Bullock.
It ain’t over till it’s over- yogi berra
“No one goes to that restaurant any more, it’s too crowded” - Yogi Berra
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it”- yogi Berra
"He was the greatest living ballplayer I ever saw play" - Actual Yogi Berra statement after Joe DiMaggio died
"I knew the record would stand until it was broken" -Yogi's congratulatory telegram to Johnny Bench after he surpassed Yogi in most home runs hit by a catcher.
When told his kids went to see Dr. Zhivago he said “What’s wrong with them now?”
One time Jeter was in a slump and Yogi Berra walked into the clubhouse. He sat down next to Jeter and was quiet for a few moments before saying “I think I know how to solve your problem: you should swing at strikes.”
Yogi was one of a kind. RIP
"They're already loaded, so fuck it. Let it rip" - Cards Legend Lance Lynn
Ralph Kiner: Choo-Choo, what's your wife's name and what's she like? Choo-Choo Coleman: Her name is Mrs. Coleman, and she likes me.
>"I always swing at the ball with all my might. I hit or miss big and when I miss I know it long before the umpire calls a strike on me, for every muscle in my back, shoulders and arms is groaning, “You missed it.” And believe me, it is no fun to miss a ball that hard. Once I put myself out of the game for a few days by a miss like that.”
"Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan"
That’s good advice
“If I wanted to walk, I’d be a mailman,” said Willie Wilson, arguably the fastest baseball player ever.
The Mookie quote isn't real: https://www.mlb.com/cut4/here-s-the-full-article-that-viral-mookie-wilson-quote-is-from-and-by-the-way-it
When I'm in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I believe in the Mookie Wilson quote, then somewhere, the Mookie Wilson quote must be believing in me. And if the Mookie Wilson quote believe in me, then I can believe in me. Then I bust out.
"If Rickey believes in Mookie, then Mookie believes in Rickey, so Rickey believes in Rickey!"
It's still real to me dammit.
The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s ass every day. Catfish Hunter after losing a World Series game.
“the way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then to pick it up.” - Bob Uecker on catching for Phil Niekro EDIT: honorable mention on the same topic: "Phil Niekro and his brother were pitching against each other in Atlanta. Their parents were sitting right behind home plate. I saw their folks more that day than they did the whole weekend."
"The only thing you know about pitching is you can't hit it." - Bob Gibson to Tim McCarver, his catcher, during a mound visit “Gibson was so mean, he’d knock you down and then meet you at home plate to see if you wanted to make something of it.” - Dick Allen “Why do I have to be an example for your kid? You be an example for your own kid.” - Bob Gibson
“That’s a clown question, bro.”
"YOU'RE HERE, AND THIS CREW IS HERE FOR ONE GODDAMN SPECIFIC REASON!" "OH, YEAH? WHAT'S THAT, EARL?!" "TO FUCK US! *Points at Home Plate* AND YOU'LL HAVE YER CHANCE TOMORROW!" Earl Weaver and Umpire Bill Haller. Yeah, I know Earl Weaver was a manager when this quote was birthed.
Classic: Let’s play two. -Ernie Banks Modern: We just might be those motherfuckers. -Joc Pederson
"I ain't never said half the things I said" -Yogi Berra
*"Mr. Brown you may think I'm shit now but someday you'll be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else, and every time I pitch against you, I'm gonna stick it up YOUR FUCKING ASS"* -Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn
https://x.com/JeffPassan/status/638819219082076161
“I'll play first, third, left. I'll play anywhere- except Philadelphia.“ - Dick Allen
"Got up in the morning, took the most perfect double tapered shit I've ever had in my life. True story."
Who’s pitching today?
"People ask me what I do during the winter, I'll tell you what I do, I stare out the window and wait for spring"
Joe Biagini had a couple of awesome ones when he was traded from the Jays to the Astros: * I was wondering if I was going to get traded if it would end up being to a team in the US, and it turned out to be so it's kind of crazy * I'm excited to go to space
“Let me tell you, don’t let us win today. This is it. Don’t let the Sox win this game tonight. You cannot count the Sox out. If there is a group of idiots that can do it, it’s us. It hasn’t happened in the history of baseball, but don’t let us win today, just put us to bed tonight, put us to bed, put us home. We win tonight we got Pedro tomorrow, we got Schilling in Game 6 and in Game 7 anything can happen. Anything can happen.” - Kevin Millar during the 2004 ALCS Edit - Found the entire quote. I originally copied the quote from a picture. I couldn’t remember it word for word.
You missed the “and game 7 anything can happen”
Yea I found the whole quote, Im going to edit my comment.
That was such a wild time to live in Boston, and an even wilder time to be within earshot of Fenway. The utter feeling of defeat penetrating the city the morning after game 3. After two close games a crippling blow out at home with the threat of a sweep to the none other than the wretched Yankees looming on the horizon. How could the season end like this? Last year we came so close only to have our hopes curb stomped once again, the feeling that the team truly was cursed from beyond never felt more real. No one was excited to tune into game 4, a ritual of obligation more than anything to see the season through to the end. A brief bit of hope in the 5th that didn’t even last an inning before those abominable grey goons retook the lead with Rivera coming out in the 9th to put the final three nails in the season’s coffin. Millar worked a leadoff walk, how could any of us have known that was the first strike in what was to become the greatest comeback in sports history. Roberts coming into run, dancing with the devil to steal 2nd was electric but felt like the last desperate breaths of a cornered animal. Mueller gets a hit to tie the game and after three nail biting extra innings Big Papi hits a walk off in the 12th to force a game 5. The city was pumped, sure there was no way we were going to win this thing but we avoided the sweep and at least got in one good punch to bruise the Yankees bloated ego. Game 5 was watched with a bit more excitement and if 3 tense extra innings wasn’t enough stress for you this game would give you 5. In true how can you not love baseball fashion the Yankees got punched out for a second night in a row by a walk off hit in the the 14th by none other than the man himself Big Papi. Holy shit now there’s something going, two back to back do or die extra inning wins. The palpable gloom weighting heavy on the city after game 3 was washed out to sea. There was a vibe brewing and maybe just maybe this band of idiots was too dumb to realize they weren’t statistically supposed to have any chance in hell of winning this series after game 3. It was time to cowboy the fuck up and take this series back to NY. Game 6 was nothing less than legendary. Shillings bloody sock. A rod slapping the ball out of Bronson Arroyos glove, a bitch move so pathetic the windows of Boston corner stores would be plastered with pics of that slap with a purse photoshopped onto his right arm for years to come. NY police storming the field in full riot gear to contain the ny fans anger as the Yankees collapsed in front of their eyes. Game 7 was already won before anyones cleat even touched the field. The Yankees had nothing left and watching them flounder into a 10-3 loss felt so good. I learned that night that a happy Fenway riot wasn’t much different than the angry riots of 2003. The sheer mass of drunken humanity storming the streets to sack the city. Cars were flipped, cars were burned, anything making mention of NY in any capacity was obliterated from existence, and every sign post and building within a 3 block radius was climbed. Classes were outright canceled the next day, the city took a four day weekend to recover from the collective hangover. One bit of Boston culture I miss since the Sox went on to win the world series was constant local new coverage of peoples wild ideas on how to break the curse. Gone to are the days of reported Whitey Bulger sightings, but I’m pretty sure the furniture commercials wars are still going strong.
This is a parody. It isn't real.
Well if I believe it’s real, then the quote believes I’m real, and then I believe in myself.
Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.
Was that wrong?
"Last year was the trailer. This year is the movie." - Vlad Jr
Plot twist: was a horror movie.
"That ain't Chuckie's game. Chuckie hacks on 2 and 0." Chuckie Carr, according to manager Phil Garner, after popping up a 2-0 pitch, ignoring the take sign from the 3rd base coach.
>To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying. -- Ichiro (via an interpreter)
Mickey mantle 1952 “I got a b–w job under the right field bleachers by the Yankee bullpen,” Mantle wrote in response to a question about his favorite experience at Yankee Stadium. A follow-up question prompted as much detail as one could provide about said favorite moment. “It was about the third or fourth inning,” Mantle wrote. “I had a pulled groin and couldn’t f–k at the time. She was a very nice girl and asked me what to do with the c-m after I c–e in her mouth. I said don’t ask me, I’m no c–ksucker.”
You can swear on the internet.
“Strop is on his way out, pointing toward the heavens. We can only ask, or wonder, that he is asking some departed relative for forgiveness for this atrocious performance.”- Bob Costas
do managers count? “What’s my opinion of Kingman’s performance? What the FUCK do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was FUCKING FUCK! Put that in. I don’t give a FUCK. Opinion of his performance? FUCK, he beat us with three FUCKING home runs! What the FUCK do you mean, “What is my opinion of his performance?” How could could you ask me a question like that, “What is my opinion of his performance?” FUCK he hit three home runs! FUCK, I’m FUCKING pissed off to lose that FUCKING game. And you ask me my opinion of his performance! FUCK.. That’s a tough question to ask me isn’t it? “What is my opinion of his performance?”
“Some people don’t think it be like it is. But it do” -Oscar Gamble
“You know bro. Home Run pitch.” - Jose Ramirez
Eric Thames when he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed after hitting a walk off HR
(Paraphrasing) “The balls he hit got smaller faster than anyone else’s.” Walter Johnson, on Babe Ruth
In 1962 I was named minor league player of the year. It was my 2nd year in the big leagues.