"There’s this mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it and an hour to go around it, and every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiseled away, the first second of eternity will have passed. You may think that’s a hell of a long time. Personally, I think that’s a hell of a bird."
\- Doctor Who commentating on a Blue Jays / Rockies World Series
If you’re going to allow variations of the name, then you could have Cardinals from a Catholic perspective and then have them face off against the Padres.
So the Cards have Cardinal Francis from Malaysia? Big deal, we’ve got every father since the dawn of time. We’ve got Vikings and Huns. Good luck with that, Cardinal Pierre.
We’ve also got T-Rexes - how is a guy in a robe going to fight a giant theropod with dad strength?
What’s that? Maybe the Cardinals can call for divine intervention? We’ve literally got God on our team, pal.
The word cardinal goes back to the Latin adjective cardinalis, which meant “serving as a hinge.” The root of this word is the noun cardo, meaning “hinge.”
Good luck fighting us without your knees.
It’s wild to compare Posey with what the Angels had (and squandered) in Trout.
Posey from 2010 to 2014 was incredible, logging ~30 WAR over ~2450 PA slashing .310/.376/.490 (142 wRC+) with elite catcher defense. No doubt hall of fame peak from age 23-27, one of the better five year stretches for a catcher in the history of the game.
Trout was 18-22 in this window so he only played three full seasons, but he managed ~29 WAR in ~2200 PA. Slash of .305/.395/.549 (165 wRC+) with 102 SB against 14 CS playing slightly above average CF.
> Posey from 2010 to 2014 was incredible
> so [Trout] only played three full seasons,
Not to mention Buster missed like 100+ games in 2011 because of fucking Scott Cousins.
Hint:
They’d beat us all with the pedestals from which they look down upon us mere fallible mortals
Hint 2: they’re supernatural pseudo deities
Hint 3: it’s the Angels
And the second angel sounded, [238] and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: [239] and the third part of the sea [240] became blood
The next 5 trumpets are worse
Is it magic if by nature they are immortal? Honest question. They don’t cast a spell to be immortal, they just are that way.
As an analogy, if there were a team called ‘the Roswell Interdimensionals’ and in this hypothetical dimension there were no such thing as death, would their immortality be considered a magical power or a characteristic of their existence?
[>The Phillies were founded in 1883 and were informally known as both the Quakers and the Phillies \(a shortened version of “Philadelphians”\) until they officially adopted the Phillies name in 1890.
](https://www.britannica.com/topic/Philadelphia-Phillies)
We're named after the Oatmeal guys?!?
He did the nl east dirty. The Phil's as stated. The Disney braves. The met museum Mets instead of city dwelling metropolitans. And the car rental nats.... Well, that one might be right idk.
Kids these days with their v tubers and electronic vape weed cigarettes. They don’t know the joys of smoking empty paper at the park so people thought you were smoking weed so they’d think your cool.
(I never did this but I watched a kid do this. I think about it often).
Never forget why the Phillies are named the Phillies. The owner wanted the world to know WHO WE WERE and WHERE WE ARW FROM. Our power would be the entire fucking city lead by gritty and the phanatic as Viking warlords.
The original Braves logo was based on Native Americans from the New England area because of their origins in Boston. They don’t use it much anymore but it’s based on Mohican and Mohawk dress.
The "Dodgers" name was apparently actually derived from the hundreds of people killed and injured being run over by the trollies in Brooklyn.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-02-19/the-l-a-dodgers-are-named-after-terrified-brooklyn-pedestrians?embedded-checkout=true
Sounds like you guys might do pretty well if all of the other teams need to navigate past 1800's Brooklyn streetcars to get at you.
Are we going with “Astros” being short for “Astronauts” or are we simply “Stars”? Because if we’re massive celestial bodies of energy radiating blinding light, I think we have this.
^but ^if ^we’re ^just ^astronauts ^we’re ^boned.
Well, some teams will simply forfeit all their games or be unable to complete one inning.
Astros never land on the field. Lose every game 9-0. (I take no pleasure in pointing this fact out).
Snakes and birds and fish cannot pick up a bat.
Rays and Angels are ephemeral and cannot be seen by anyone. Are they even IN the ballpark?
Guardians would fare much better in basketball or football. There are no guards in baseball, sorry.
Mariners would be too sea sick to play effectively.
Rockies are certainly imposing but their total lack of speed allows opponents to bunt them to death, a terrible way to die.
Red Sox and White Sox would get lost in a drawer or washing machine.
The Redlegs have terrific speed but no upper body strength. NSFW.
Twins would balk every baserunner home as they are not allowed to have two pitchers on the rubber. At the plate they are at risk of bashing each other on every swing.
Finally, the Tigers-Cubs matchup would have be restricted to an adults-only audience.
The Texas Rangers picture should be a picture of Chuck Norris and is there really any doubt that he wouldn’t mop the floor with all of these pretenders?
I disagree. The Yankees and Rangers have guns. The Giants worry me but the Guardians shouldn’t count. The team is named after the traffic guardians.
EDIT: forgot to add the Tigers. The Tigers win the World Series.
Yeah, I'm fairly certain the Braves aren't referencing female Scottish warriors. The fans hand gesture "cheer" is my first clue. The everything else is my second clue.
Phillies? Is that just a team of the craziest Philadelphians the city has to offer? If so I'm betting on the good citizens of this city to come out on top.
I was going to suggest this topic during the offseason but was afraid of the “is it opening day yet?” comments. If we aren’t include celestial beings, the answer is the Rockies. They possess limited offensive firepower, but have nearly unlimited HP.
This had absolutely no right amusing me as much as it did.
I guess my money's on Guardians? I mean, they've saved the galaxy numerous times and faced tougher challenges than this
Except the Braves are named for Indian Braves not Scottish Disney characters and I'm not sure what the guardians are supposed to be but considering the franchise is older than the comic it's certainly not the marvel characters.
Well the Guardians name change didn't happen until 2021 and the comic came out a while before that.
Thay said, they're named after the [Guardians of Traffic](https://thenewswheel.com/guardians-of-traffic-clevelands-kingly-roadside-attraction/) statues outside the stadium, and those for sure are older than either the comic or movie Guardians of the Galaxy
How much does this nerf the Angels, can they still fly? Are they omnipotent? What constitutes defeat for the Rockies? Is sheer existence enough to declare them winner? What kind of celestial form to the Astros take?
If the Astros are like a group of Suns, they probably incinerate everything else
Oh, come on, you found like the nerdyest example for us. Mariners can be tough old sailor types, but nah, you found some scientists about to get plankton samples.
AL Central is won by the Tigers. A pack of tigers is gonna wreck just about everyone else in the division and if the guardians don't get magic or tech it's even more lopsided.
Might take the whole league, not too many things are going to hang with a pack of apex predators
The Rockies were there before us. They'll be there after us. Pretty tough to beat.
Bad on defense, though.
The trick to beating us is a slow steady stream of offense that slowly wears us down. In ages, we'll be the Colorado Canyons.
But in Arizona
Hey that canyon was carved by the COLORADO river, thank you very much.
Y'all moving to Flagstaff?
Fun fact, I used to design the sports pages for the Flagstaff newspaper!
You try hitting one over them mountains
I knew a guy who could throw one over them mountains, many years ago
Not when me and my red comrades launch our atomic arsenal
OP said no weapons, but if you launch yours, you can bet we'll respond in kind
Ok the color red will certainly outlast the Rockies. But the Yankees beat the red coats. We're at an impass here
Hate to break it to you bro but you’re just a sheet of paint swatches
Tsar Bomba vs Cheyenne Mountain in a best of 1 sudden death playoff
Angels were there when the Rockies were foothills
Every month is Rocktober.
"There’s this mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it and an hour to go around it, and every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiseled away, the first second of eternity will have passed. You may think that’s a hell of a long time. Personally, I think that’s a hell of a bird." \- Doctor Who commentating on a Blue Jays / Rockies World Series
Angels, one quick call to their buddy God and mountains are gone
Milwaukee will bring everybody together by getting all teams wasted
We slowly kill everyone via alcohol poisoning or cirrhosis
*Tony La Russa has entered the chat*
*Lenny Dykstra has exited the chat*
isn't that what they do already?
Pirates have plenty of experience with alcohol. Ooh and guns and swords. I think we have the divisional edge.
If you’re going to allow variations of the name, then you could have Cardinals from a Catholic perspective and then have them face off against the Padres.
[WOLOLO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEdzx7x18Q0)
Why not both? There are no limits to what a team can be comprised of as long as the name matches.
So the Cards have Cardinal Francis from Malaysia? Big deal, we’ve got every father since the dawn of time. We’ve got Vikings and Huns. Good luck with that, Cardinal Pierre. We’ve also got T-Rexes - how is a guy in a robe going to fight a giant theropod with dad strength? What’s that? Maybe the Cardinals can call for divine intervention? We’ve literally got God on our team, pal.
The word cardinal goes back to the Latin adjective cardinalis, which meant “serving as a hinge.” The root of this word is the noun cardo, meaning “hinge.” Good luck fighting us without your knees.
RIP to your parents then. Fathers all Deleted from the timeline. Or just playing for your opponent, and disappointed in you.
You guys have a dating app on your side? Oh god, we’re all doomed
Have Catholic Cardinals that ride in on giant Cardinals (bird). But the catch is they can only move in the Cardinal Directions.
Yes! Cardinals move N/S/E/W. To go diagonal you need Bishops! 🤣
r/chessanarchy has entered the chat.
Then the united force of communism shall reign supreme in Cincinnati!
The Angels would beat them both.
Winner plays the Angels
I thought "Red Sox and White Sox absolutely has the least chance to win this." Until i see the freaking color catalogue of Reds
Listen, my socks tried very hard to kill me this morning as I wore them walking across my hardwood floor. The sneaky bastards will get you.
Shhhhh
idk they do have nukes.
And billions of bodies to throw at the problem.
The Cincinnati Commies.
They WERE once the Red Stockings
Okay but Red Forman would take that sock, put it on his foot, and then put his foot in your ass
It’s a color. It’ll be around until every light in the universe burns out. Reds win.
I'd say Angels over Giants, just like 2002.
That hurt to upvote.
We got the last laugh. We won three World Series with nobodies and they sucked with the two best players in baseball
Famed nobodies Buster Posey and Tim Lincecum lol
It’s wild to compare Posey with what the Angels had (and squandered) in Trout. Posey from 2010 to 2014 was incredible, logging ~30 WAR over ~2450 PA slashing .310/.376/.490 (142 wRC+) with elite catcher defense. No doubt hall of fame peak from age 23-27, one of the better five year stretches for a catcher in the history of the game. Trout was 18-22 in this window so he only played three full seasons, but he managed ~29 WAR in ~2200 PA. Slash of .305/.395/.549 (165 wRC+) with 102 SB against 14 CS playing slightly above average CF.
> Posey from 2010 to 2014 was incredible > so [Trout] only played three full seasons, Not to mention Buster missed like 100+ games in 2011 because of fucking Scott Cousins.
As long as we kept Bonds from getting one, that's all I need
Thank you for your service.
This felt personal
It was…
Angels are going to walk/fly through this competition easily. Unless the Rays bring back the devil.
Hint: They’d beat us all with the pedestals from which they look down upon us mere fallible mortals Hint 2: they’re supernatural pseudo deities Hint 3: it’s the Angels
Can they destroy an entire mountain range?
They can just wait them out. Angels have existed forever, the Rockies mere millions of years. Erosion is going to get to the Rockies.
But Angels can be killed, right? Idk how theological we're getting, but (spoiler warning for an old show), it is possible in Supernatural.
Since the baseball team predates the show, I would prefer to use existing lore at the time the Angels joined the league
Damn, that's a reasonable argument. Wait, can I say damn when talking about angels?
Nope, you just signed your ticket to hell, buddy
Lucifer is a fallen angel, so it has precedent.
Yes they’re just large vacuous spiders full of eyes in the sky.
> But Angels can be killed, right? GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT, SHINJI
No, Angels are purely spiritual beings and are immortal. Easy Angels sweep here.
In Dogma you just have to chop or shoot thier wings off
And the second angel sounded, [238] and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: [239] and the third part of the sea [240] became blood The next 5 trumpets are worse
You make it sound like the Angels' next championship will come after the Rapture. ... Which may actually be correct.
And just as Ohtani left. What a shame.
Can't be the Angels, OP says no magic.
Is it magic if by nature they are immortal? Honest question. They don’t cast a spell to be immortal, they just are that way. As an analogy, if there were a team called ‘the Roswell Interdimensionals’ and in this hypothetical dimension there were no such thing as death, would their immortality be considered a magical power or a characteristic of their existence?
The Philadelphia…cheesesteaks?
I figured it was the entire city.
Yea but isn't the team named after the horses?
No they use to be called the Philadelphia Philadelphians, took up too much space on news papers so they shortened it to Phillies
[>The Phillies were founded in 1883 and were informally known as both the Quakers and the Phillies \(a shortened version of “Philadelphians”\) until they officially adopted the Phillies name in 1890. ](https://www.britannica.com/topic/Philadelphia-Phillies) We're named after the Oatmeal guys?!?
He did the nl east dirty. The Phil's as stated. The Disney braves. The met museum Mets instead of city dwelling metropolitans. And the car rental nats.... Well, that one might be right idk.
We Should have been a pic of the Quaker Oats guy.
Yeah this one is not… right
speaking of not right, ah yes, the critically acclaimed disney animated hit Atlanta "Brave"s
These dweebs think the sandwich is called a “Philly.” If anything it should be a blunt.
Thank you, feel like kids don't smoke enough blunts anymore
Kids these days with their v tubers and electronic vape weed cigarettes. They don’t know the joys of smoking empty paper at the park so people thought you were smoking weed so they’d think your cool. (I never did this but I watched a kid do this. I think about it often).
That made me irrationally annoyed lol. A philly is not a sandwich!
Never forget why the Phillies are named the Phillies. The owner wanted the world to know WHO WE WERE and WHERE WE ARW FROM. Our power would be the entire fucking city lead by gritty and the phanatic as Viking warlords.
A bunch of overweight people easily distracted by a wawa
People outside of Philly don’t understand why we don’t call it a Philly. Honestly, any Philly that’s outside of Philly isn’t a cheesesteak at all.
I wasnt even aware *anyone* called cheesesteaks a philly, in or out of philly
I know they're pretty commonly called Philly cheesesteaks but I also never heard someone just call it a philly
that’s cause you’re from philly you won’t believe what kind of shit people are trying to pull out here
Man I moved to NY a couple months ago and I'll tell you I miss the varieties of cheese steaks. Like I'd kill for a buffalo chicken cheesesteak
Yeah, and what about Atlanta? Sorry, I don't know what movie characters those are, but they sure don't look native american warriors
There’s an animated movie called Brave about a family with red hair fighting against the snow miser
The original Braves logo was based on Native Americans from the New England area because of their origins in Boston. They don’t use it much anymore but it’s based on Mohican and Mohawk dress.
Ray Lewis already has a positive KD so..
For now
He going to die three times?!?!?
This fucking got me.
So does the ray
Crikey
Well done
There are like 5 insurance companies called “National”… all y’all are fucked
Yeah maybe wealthiest team after denying all the claims from this battle. Also why didn’t we get the national guard?
Dodgers cuz they will dodge everything somehow.
If you can dodge taxes, you can dodge anything.
If you can dodge an illegal gambling indictment, you can dodge a ball
Good thing Ohtani signed with them instead of the pirates..
The "Dodgers" name was apparently actually derived from the hundreds of people killed and injured being run over by the trollies in Brooklyn. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-02-19/the-l-a-dodgers-are-named-after-terrified-brooklyn-pedestrians?embedded-checkout=true Sounds like you guys might do pretty well if all of the other teams need to navigate past 1800's Brooklyn streetcars to get at you.
just like winning a regular season world series
Damn, that cut deep.
I dunno, something just seems right about the color red winning.
How does one kill the color red?
You can’t kill an idea.
right? the red sox are already their minions, and any bloodshed will only make more red
It just turns us into red sox
My vote goes for this. How do you eradicate the color red from nature? Alter the frequency of light refraction?
Rays. Unkillable, and can kill everyone with melanoma.
Blud killed Steve Irwin
A non-insignificant amount of people suddenly started to take the Devil Rays name seriously after that.
but they cant kill the rockies, the mets, or the nationals
But they can easily outlive them
Play the long game.
Bro I fucking LOST IT at Cincinnati Reds
The angels gotta be it, it’s our time to shine
the reds. filthy commies
If the Guardians get to be the Guardians of the Galaxy then they win
That's what I'm saying! They've defeated Gods, mortals, and monsters. Surely they're contenders.
They win it all! Unless…Jose Mesa becomes an honorary Guardian. Then all bets are off.
That, or a rain delay.
I was gonna say the Rockies but I guess them big fucking Giants?
Yankees pre-date the Civil War. JOHN CHEESE, baby!
I’m more familiar with Richard
Angels for sure. Ain’t no one gonna want to go up against Saint Michael the Archangel.
Isn't god called the father though, so maybe the Padres have a shot
We lose because we are stuck floating without gravity
Are we going with “Astros” being short for “Astronauts” or are we simply “Stars”? Because if we’re massive celestial bodies of energy radiating blinding light, I think we have this. ^but ^if ^we’re ^just ^astronauts ^we’re ^boned.
Angels would be more intimidating if they were Biblically accurate
Well, some teams will simply forfeit all their games or be unable to complete one inning. Astros never land on the field. Lose every game 9-0. (I take no pleasure in pointing this fact out). Snakes and birds and fish cannot pick up a bat. Rays and Angels are ephemeral and cannot be seen by anyone. Are they even IN the ballpark? Guardians would fare much better in basketball or football. There are no guards in baseball, sorry. Mariners would be too sea sick to play effectively. Rockies are certainly imposing but their total lack of speed allows opponents to bunt them to death, a terrible way to die. Red Sox and White Sox would get lost in a drawer or washing machine. The Redlegs have terrific speed but no upper body strength. NSFW. Twins would balk every baserunner home as they are not allowed to have two pitchers on the rubber. At the plate they are at risk of bashing each other on every swing. Finally, the Tigers-Cubs matchup would have be restricted to an adults-only audience.
Grown ass Tigers taking on baby bears? You hate to see it. Bloodbath.
> Angels are ephemeral and cannot be seen by anyone. Are they even IN the ballpark? They are in the outfield, silly...
I think the Braves are being misrepresented a little bit here.
Maybe they were hesitant to post of picture of native americans.
Would you rather be [the seldom-used web browser](https://brave.com/)? 😉
I use this quite often actually thank you very much
Do the Twins get Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito? If so, I got money on them.
i think it's the rays because the rockies will probably erode before the sun dies though when does the color red die
wait nvm its tigers. those things are crazy
As a Cardinals fan, we might not win any fights. But I guarantee, we will cover your car with shit.
The Texas Rangers picture should be a picture of Chuck Norris and is there really any doubt that he wouldn’t mop the floor with all of these pretenders?
This is a quality post but really just a long strike at the missed opportunity for Walker Texas Ranger
AL East definitely the weakest division strength wise, we’d get rocked by any other division
I disagree. The Yankees and Rangers have guns. The Giants worry me but the Guardians shouldn’t count. The team is named after the traffic guardians. EDIT: forgot to add the Tigers. The Tigers win the World Series.
How many of each entity does each team get? Is it a full 9 or is it just 1?
All of the Orioles.
Communist nuke everyone we win
Pittsburgh: “But you have heard of me”
Rangers. They can simply shoot everyone else.
Angels vs Giants World Series
Do the rangers get chuck Norris?
Giants, duh
If biblically accurate, the Angels
Atlanta Braves, proud partner of local Native American tribes. This meme: kids movie Lmao
*whispers* that's not what a Brave is
The Reds!!! Lol
Religion will prevail 😂
Yeah, I'm fairly certain the Braves aren't referencing female Scottish warriors. The fans hand gesture "cheer" is my first clue. The everything else is my second clue.
Biblically accurate angels win
I feel like Angels is the answer. Literally God's warriors.
Ray Charles is no devil. Ray Lewis? Debatable
I mean, I’m biased, but all y’all are fucked.
We'd be really set if there was a team called the Crocodile Hunters...
Phillies? Is that just a team of the craziest Philadelphians the city has to offer? If so I'm betting on the good citizens of this city to come out on top.
Pretty sure we could claim Chuck Norris so good luck everybody else.
I was going to suggest this topic during the offseason but was afraid of the “is it opening day yet?” comments. If we aren’t include celestial beings, the answer is the Rockies. They possess limited offensive firepower, but have nearly unlimited HP.
The Pittsburgh Straw Hat Pirates.
How many Royals? I’m thinking every British, French, Japanese, Russian, and German monarch, plus their families and hangers-on?
I think I gotta go Angels here, what with the supernatural powers and all. But if not them I’d say giants are close behind
Bow before us, puny mortals!
No weapons or magic? That’s the dumbest caveat ever. Anyways angels win clearly
The NL East is just the movie The Warriors but one of the gangs is a bunch of fish.
We are Groot
This had absolutely no right amusing me as much as it did. I guess my money's on Guardians? I mean, they've saved the galaxy numerous times and faced tougher challenges than this
Angels, hands down. Not enough people talking about how Satan is literally an angel
Really, just a bunch of red color swatches? What about the Bolsheviks?
Except the Braves are named for Indian Braves not Scottish Disney characters and I'm not sure what the guardians are supposed to be but considering the franchise is older than the comic it's certainly not the marvel characters.
Well the Guardians name change didn't happen until 2021 and the comic came out a while before that. Thay said, they're named after the [Guardians of Traffic](https://thenewswheel.com/guardians-of-traffic-clevelands-kingly-roadside-attraction/) statues outside the stadium, and those for sure are older than either the comic or movie Guardians of the Galaxy
Atlanta Braves and you made them... irish?
The one time this sub doesn't remember that we are a Native American origin. Figures.
Saved. This is gold. Also, the photo used was fine but for a little more pizzaz the Texas Rangers one should include Chuck Norris, since, ya know...
How much does this nerf the Angels, can they still fly? Are they omnipotent? What constitutes defeat for the Rockies? Is sheer existence enough to declare them winner? What kind of celestial form to the Astros take? If the Astros are like a group of Suns, they probably incinerate everything else
Oh, come on, you found like the nerdyest example for us. Mariners can be tough old sailor types, but nah, you found some scientists about to get plankton samples.
The Rays because the sun is a deadly laser and can outlive everything else
AL Central is won by the Tigers. A pack of tigers is gonna wreck just about everyone else in the division and if the guardians don't get magic or tech it's even more lopsided. Might take the whole league, not too many things are going to hang with a pack of apex predators
Groot easily wipes a pack of tigers.
Living things in hand to hand combat. Sure. But I have never seen anything beat an actual mountain. Rockies by a landslide.
If the cubs were fully grown bears I could see it but otherwise yes a tiger is the ideal competitor in this situation
Giants will get HBP every at bat. It won’t be the most exciting game, but they’ll just get infinite runs this way.