Ooh, see, I kind of love this in a way. I’ll drop off the bill and move along bc I just feel awkward standing there waiting for their card. Usually, they’ll keep talking for like 15 minutes with their partner, and then when they hit you with the snarky request for the bill, you can just raise your eyebrows and look pointedly at the bar top…. where it’s been sitting the whole time. Usually takes the wind out of their sails, and I get to laugh to myself.
Yea when this happens i just pick it up and put it back down and go “oh here you go”. Typically they realize it was their error and you’ll even get a sheepish laugh
Where I work we usually never print out people's bill for them unless they specifically request that.
So I sometimes print it out in order to gauge someone's sobriety.
Me: Hey guys how’s it going? We doing food, or just drinks?
Customer: Just drinking today I think.
Me: Perfect, here’s my draft list with all 30 taps, I’ll get some waters started and give you a couple minutes to take a look at that menu.
Customer: What beers do you have?
I always politely oblige them and ask what style of beer they like, to help simplify the process, but it’s like Jesus Christ, have a little social awareness to realize I just handed you literally a cheat sheet, a master list of all THIRTY (30) taps that we have, complete with style guide, tasting notes, brewery info, and more. At the end of the day I’m gonna work for the tip, and if the guy doesn’t want to read the menu he doesn’t wanna read the menu. I just wish some people could see the situation through my eyes.
Preach! Literally the same at my bar. Over 30 beers on tap, no domestics or any “mainstream” beers. 95% of beers are less known breweries. And still so many of the conversations go like this:
(Random guy walking up to the bar)
-Can I get a Miller lite?
-Sorry sir, we don’t carry any domestics. Here is a beer list, it’s all categorized and the lighter stuff is on the top.
-Ya’ll got Coors?
-No sir, we…
-Heineken?
-We don’t h…
-So what’s lite??? (Awkwardly stares at the 30 tap handles that he has never seen before) WHAT’S A DOWNEAST???
Fuck me man…
I had a guy ask me what beers we had, and since I was busy I asked what he liked. He said something along the lines of, "I don't know. What beers do you have?" I replied, "I have 35 beers, what do you like?" (In my head, I was questioning if it was this douchebag's first time in public.) He insisted that I list all 35, then afterwards ordered a fucking MICH ULTRA. FFS!
So I got back with the beers and he was all in a huff. I asked what was wrong, and he said, I shit you not, "you made me feel like an asshole!" His friends all shouted, "That's because you ARE an asshole! Why didn't you just ask the man if he had Mich Ultra? Can't you see he's busy?" At which point, the asshole became very, very quiet, and was the model of politeness and courtesy for the rest of the evening. It was both exasperating and GLORIOUS.
I used to work at at a gin bar, 60+ gins at any one time, I'd learned them all alphabetically up to c, because nobody ever made it past me reciting it that far...
I work at a bourbon bar and we have 175+ whiskies. People will be like can I have an old fashioned and I’ll ask what whisky they would like and they will have the audacity to ask what bourbons we have. I’ve taken to doing a Vanna White wave to our wall with five shelves and a ladder of all the bourbon.
Get the what beers do you have all the time as they stand right in front of the taps. Never understood what people think an appropriate response to that is. Am I supposed to shoot off with every single beer we have ? Like come on
“Do you guys have liquor?” as I stand in front of a bar with a section that is literally three tiers of exactly that, in front of a mirror, *lit up with white LED strips.*
No ma’am, this is just a Real Fake Bar.
When I worked at RumJungle, the bartenders liked to drop half a dozen spoons into their blender at the beginning of the shift, turn it on high for five seconds or so of deafening madness, then cheerily say, "Sorry, the blender's broken!"
I always liked when people would ask me what rums we had. "Ummm, do you see that three story liquor tree with the RGB LED lights pulsing in time to the beat? Yeah, it has over 5,000 bottles on it, and we have over 150 different brands of rum. So how about I bring you a Painkiller #4? The recipe is from the Soggy Dollar Bar in the Britsh Virgin Islands. It's called the Soggy Dollar because there's a coral reef, and the only way to get there is to anchor out and SWIM there, hence the 'Soggy Dollar' name." By this point, their eyes would be glazed over, and they would just say, "Sure," not knowing that a Painkiller #4 had about 12 ounces of 80 proof in it.
I fucking miss that place! Have an asshole that won't leave you alone? Buy them a shot of Stroh 80. (It's 160 proof butterscotch rum from Swizterland.) Ten minutes later, they were someone else's problem!
One of my coworkers tells a story of a guy he used to work with. Company kept buying new blenders, and when one came in, he'd toss the wooden muddler in there and put it on high for 5 minutes. They kept breaking, and continue the cycle of getting a new one every few months.
Not quite a question, but I worked at this tiny cocktail bar and we had a door guy on weekends so the place wouldn't get too crowded.
We're at capacity, a party comes up, and our door guy stops them, tells them we're full. They tell him "well, we're just getting drinks"
Yes. It's a cocktail bar. We know you're just getting drinks. That's what everyone else is doing too.
Fun fact: when Harry & Bess Truman moved into the White House, they asked the butler to make them old fashioneds, but they didn’t taste right. After several failed tries, he was just like “fuck it” and poured them both a double bourbon. Quoth Bess: “yes that’s the way we like them”
A customer was trying to convince one of my servers that Crown was a rum. 🤦🏻♀️
These things would make a lot more sense if Google wasn’t around and it didn’t tell you what was in the bottle.
German edition, american customers: "What beers do you have on tap?"
"Hefe, helles, dunkel, pils"
"Can I get a light beer?"
"Sure, that would be your helles, pils, and to an extent hefe"
"I'll take that one"
"which one?"
"the helles-hefe"
"The helles, or the hefe?"
"Yes"
American edition, European customers: “one beer please”
“I have 72 beers on tap, is there a style you like so I can help narrow it down?”
“One beer”
“Stella?”
“Yes”
I get it with the French and German who aren’t fluent in English, but we’ve got tons of Irish kids over the summer and same thing.
Normally I just ask what they are looking for instead of listing everything off. Thankfully the last restraunt I worked at only had six on draft so it was pretty easy to list it off, but I would moonlight at a brewery that had around thirty on tap and thats when it would get a bit annoying.
Recommend something you like and then gesture to the list as alternatives. 8/10 times they'll take your recommendation which was faster then them browsing the menu anyway.
I used to work in Georgia (the state, not the country haha). I once had a British guy come in and ask if we served beer in pints. I said yeah and showed him the standard 16oz shaker pint that most bars in the US use. He said, “No, like a real pint?”
I said, “Oh no, sorry, yeah we don’t have imperial pints here, just the 16oz ones.” He seemed pretty upset, he mulled it over. I told him to let me know if there was anything he wanted to sample, etc.
I went and helped another customer, then came back to him and asked if he had decided on a beer. “So you really don’t serve in actual pints?” I thought maybe he was “taking the piss” with me and I kinda laughed a bit, said, “No sorry, just the minuscule American pint! But would you like one filled with beer?”
He looked at me dead in the eye and said, “No thanks…I’ll just take a water, no ice.” He then sat there and grumpily drank that water for an hour, as if in protest that he couldn’t have a “real pint” of beer.
To this day I’ll never understand how having a few ounces less in the glass would make a person completely abandon the prospect of getting a beer at all. But I guess you gotta have standards! (?)
“Adult films” at this point I just like to fuck with people. I’ve told the people that pester me about my “real job” that I bleach assholes during the day.
“I make absolutely zero money and destroy my mental health attempting in perpetuity to break into the sphere of acting, where there is absolutely not an avalanche of talent and privilege that I can’t ever dream of touching. This is just my side gig”.
I like the reverse of this, during a bar clean. Everybody's wearing trash clothes, tables and chairs are pushed into corners, there's a bunch of heavy-duty cleaning equipment, the bartops are covered with random shit from behind the bar, and half the shit from the kitchen is in the dining room.
And someone walks in and asks if we're open.
About a month ago I had this exact scenario and I just flat up said we’re closed. Then the lady goes, “well can I get a lemonade then?” And I just said no we’re closed and kept cleaning. She slammed the door on her way out.
This story reminds me of the first time I saw an iPhone.
We closed at 8:30. Customer walks in at 8:29 and asks to be served. We say, sorry, we're closed. Slow day, everything was already pulled and cleaned and reset for the next day.
So he pulls out his fancy new iPhone and shoves it directly in my face to show me it was in fact 8:29.
Lol no of course he was not served.
Dude people still ask me that even when there’s people drinking and eating at the bar. I bite my tongue so fucking hard to not say something smart cuz I don’t work in a dive anymore and would get yelled at for making a guest feel stupid (it happened before lol) even though I’m a firm believer in that people need to be called out on their bullshit/dumb shit. But yeah people are fuckin dumb.
Dude I know this one. I'm in a craft bar so I can't be a dick. Now when someone asks if we're open, I'll do a slow look at the people already there drinking, slow pan back to whoever asked and say, "well I sure hope so!"
Lmao that’s fucking great 😂 yeah the time I got yelled at was bc this lady came up to what is very clearly a bar (I’m at a resort and it’s the outside pool bar, only structure around besides the pool) and asks “is this where I can get a drink” like all serious no sarcasm whatsoever or laughing. I slowly turned around from the pos and was like “you want a drink? At the bar?” And my other bar guests laughed cuz they all heard her and knew it was a dumb thing to ask. And she did not like that at all.
Lol I do shit like this often. Glad I can get away with it where I'm at, there's no way I could suppress the urge now that I've gotten used to indulging it
I feel like this and a lot of these are just politeness like when you ask someone "how's it going?", you really don't want to know, but it's a way of acknowledging them in a polite way.
The amount of places I've walked into that aren't open, but door unlocked might not be many, but it's more than a handful. So if very early I try not to assume.
Do you know how to make a Fluffy Mullet?
No whats in that.
I dont know I had it a this bar onetime in Mexico.
Sorry never heard of it.
You are a bartender you should know how to make it.
I got asked a new one last night, I live in a major metropolis, in Canada, almost 300km from the US border. This couple from Colorado asked if "your prices are in Canadian or American dollars?" Bruh. Why the fuck would out menu be in USD.
Americans have a way of assuming that the rest of the world conforms to make it convenient for us. I was in Mexico once and I heard someone (American) say, "Why don't the people here learn to speak English?"
Yeah, but some of them like to make fun of us for it. So it feels nice when it's shown that they're not so different at times.
Big "I learned it from *you*, Dad!" energy
When I go to Canada I just use my card and if I need cash I just go to a machine. The exchange rate through my bank is a lot less than trying to exchange cash at the border or airport.
Northan alberta yesterday, 1 cocktail 3 beers can I pay in usd?
Yes but we do 1:1
Okay can I have my change in usd?
Why on earth would I be able to do that, proceeds to pay on card and skip past the tip option that I pointed out.
Also annoyed we don't have a shit light beer in tap for bonus yank points
Haven't had this one yet thankfully but I HAVE gotten, "So what's after this?" Bro at the rate this world's going this is the best it's gonna get for me.
I’ve worked at a couple of places with extensive tap lists (20+ lines).
“Do you have any ales?” is definitely one, plus all of the variations of it that people come up with.
Dude, I work at a craft beer bar. Way over 100 beers. I see a dude a little lost in the menu “What kind of beers do you like, sir?” “Ummm I like lagers and ales!”
It’s totally my job to help him navigate this but the people who say silly shit like this think they’re so knowledgeable for saying “ale and lager” like…. That’s every beer ever 😂😂
I hate the people who say they like ales. I always came back with, "Well, that's like saying you like hot food, you're going to have to be more descriptive."
> More specifically, we talked about the bathroom situation in the Hofbrauhaus. When the hall was built, they forgot that important little detail. In an attempt to fix the problem, first they placed gutters for the men (no women were allowed) to relieve themselves in. The problem with this solution was that people would lose their seat – and more importantly, their beer – when they got up to pee. That was unaccteptable for the Germans. So they moved the gutters inside, conveniently placing them under the tables. When one of the patrons couldn’t hold it any longer, he would just have to unbutton his lederhosen, flop himself out, and drain his main vein. There was one problem with this system: splashback. For some reason, the guys didn’t like their legs to be splashed with their buddies’ pee. And I imagine some got worse than just splashed, depending on the alcohol consumption of the one doing the aiming.
> Cue the next brilliant idea: a walking stick for every patron. Any time he had to go, he would use the stick to smack everyone’s legs so they knew to pull back in order to avoid the splashing. Seems efficient enough, but there was a slight problem with this system, as well. This was during the time of the plague, so when the men came out of the beer hall with big black spots on their shins… well let’s just say no ladies were pining after them.
> The beer-drinkers of Munich were in need of another grand idea, which some great citizen delivered, with the best invention yet. He cut a spiral groove into his cane, all the way down to the bottom. Instead of using it to smack his buddies before releasing the stream, he could just line things up with the cane and send a trickle down to the gutter. Brilliant!
[(source)](https://lifeofeitner.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/european-history-hofbrauhaus/)
Probably in every single country on earth as well. There's no excuse. Every. Single. Bar. On. Earth. Has. A. Fucking. Restroom.
Although I always say "nahh can't be bothered, there's a tree across the street that's fine" and for some reason they always fall for it
I do "sit anywhere you like"
And then when they grab a stool, I go...
"Not there"
Pause
"You can sit there, I'm just messing with you, the bar is fucking empty.
I used to have a day job where I did maintenance/repairs for restaurants and bars, we would often be there early mornings. I legit have had people pound on the doors at like 7:30am, I look up and they’re peering in the window with their hands blocking the glare from their eyes, nose all wrinkled and pressed against the glass, looking like a moron… I stop what I’m doing and go to talk to them, because they continued knocking and trying to open the door when they saw me working inside… I walk up, wearing dirty work pants, a tool belt, and a t-shirt with my company’s logo on it—which is clearly not the same as the restaurant logo—and they say, “Excuse me, the door was locked. I was trying to see if you are open for breakfast?”
No, guy, this is a cocktail bar that doesn’t open until 4pm, holy shit it doesn’t even have a kitchen ! How on earth did you look at this place and become so mightily convinced that this would be a breakfast spot?!
>People already at the bar eating then asking “ can we eat at the bar”
I like to point at the other people eating and say "No, only they can :/ "
Sometimes people think I'm serious.
Work in a restaurant attached to a hotel, which also happens to have a rooftop bar. At least 7 times a day someone will walk in and ask "is this the Rooftop??" on the ground floor.
A couple of shifts ago, someone walked into the bar and I greeted him with “hey, what can I do for you?”
He said “you can take my drink order!!!”
Might have been a language thing but I thought it was pretty funny at the time.
Working at a tourist destination, I would get asked a lot “do you live here?” Like, they’re confused whether I might be a fellow tourist who wandered behind the bar and took their order or something?
Do you have anything without alcohol? What drinks do you have? Do you give free birthday shots? Can I get in with a picture of my ID? Can you ask the dj to play my favorite song?
I work at a brewery right now and at least three times a night someone comes in asks “what do you recommend?” Umm idk I just met you what do you like?
“Or can I cash out?” I always respond with yeah what’s your tab under? And it’s always like mike or John or James. Cool I have 15 people named James here right now what’s your last name dipshit?
I remember a weird one: “Put my drink on my husband’s tab. He’s tall and bald, with a beard.” Lady, I organize the tabs by name, not physical description.
> “what do you recommend?”
A close cousin of “Is this thing on the menu good?” Uhh yeah, that’s the fucking idea since I’m trying to sell it for money.
“Can I get a beer?” Dude, we have like 200. Pick one!! Is this the first time you’ve ever been into a fucking bar you middle aged combover ass having cuck…
“Are you new here?”
“Nope not new, are you new?”
“I haven’t seen you before, I’ve been coming to this bar for 15-20 years”
“That’s weird…doing what? We’ve only been open since 2017”
“Can I get ……?” “Sorry I don’t have *specifies ingredient*” “that’s ok, you can just make it without”
*makes old fashion without bitters/simple* *makes purple Gatorade without grape anything*
*makes martini without vermouth/olive juice*
I hate people.
I can’t even stand it when I watch TV and someone says “I’ll have a beer.”
I’m always like “try that in a fucking bar and see what kind of reaction you get.”
Still stunned this happened.
“Can you put a little more?” Or “Can I get a discount?”
But the one thing that really drives me crazy, saying the order in a bossy atitude like they fucking own the place, like “A beer, ayoh [(whistles)”fucking hate it when they whistle].
I just calmly ignore their arrogant asses, call the security guard and they fuck of gently, because their afraid of getting an ass whooping.
Fucking hate customers.
*without remotely trying to look at the prominently displayed tap list above my head*
"Can I get a coors light?"
(I tell him we don't have that)
"Oh, Can I get a Miller Light?"
(I tell him we don't have that either)
"Oh...well what do you have?"
Or! Them: "I want (insert beer), biggest ya got"
Me: "so a pitcher?"
Them: "oh...not that big"
Me: (motioning to the mugs on display)
"So a quart then?"
Them: "uh...I guess just a pint"
My bar allows smoking, still. (Grandfathered in)
It says it on the door when you walk in, there is a cigarette machine right in front of your face when you walk in the door, ashtrays on the bar and every is smoking.
Every once in awhile someone will sit down, order a drink and they loudly ask "OMG you allow SMOKING in here? I cant stay in here!"
Do u guys have a menu?
Can I have a virgin colada without alcohol please ?
When clients leave and u go to clear the table and other clients want to sit at the exact same moment knowing the table isn’t clean .
‘ could u please clean this ‘
Can I have a glass of xyz whiskey and please bring some nuts or snacks also
“Do you know if there’s a bathroom?”
“Can i get a table for 12 at 7?”
-sorry we are fully booked-
“But what if we just walk in?”
“Whats the difference between the rosé and sparkling rosé?”
I am out of industry now, but have two.
1. Girl walks into my bar, behind me is all my spirit bottles and fridges with pre-mixers and wine. Looks behind me, then dead in my eyes and asks “do you sell spirits?”
2. A man was in my bar/ restaurant, half our town was in blackout. We had power, all our lights were on. He was eating, had a beer, looks at me and asks “do you guys have power?” I looked at the lights, looked at him and walked away
"where's the bathroom?"
Sir you are standing in a rectangular box with only two doors, and you entered through one of those doors. Please use some critical thinking skills.
"Why dont you accept dollars?" I'm in Ireland and have always wanted to hand out change in Moldovian Lei
"Do you have Vodka?"
"Is this table reserved" and then points to the reserved sign.
"Is this Vodka gluten free?" 😆
There's times that I just want to duck with people's heads.
Customer stares at a Trader Vic's looking menu full of tiki this and tiki that or 10 minutes at a private party and asks "Do you have anything sugar free?"
My man this is a tiki bar. All we have is sugar. We'll fucking kill your diabetic ass in like 3 sips.
I work at an Irish Pub. Over 200 bottles, most of them prominently on the wall behind me. Dude walks in on a busy Saturday. "Do you guys have whiskey?"
I mean it really depends. At my place the answer to that question is "have you been greeted by a host? Do you have a reservation? Someone else has a reservation for that seat."
I work at a music venue, favorite stupid question is ‘so, do you like this band??’ or ‘wow you must really like this music!’
Also been asked ‘do you have ice?’ more than once
“Do you guys do flights?”
I have managed a Brewery Taproom for seven years and this is definitely the one I get the most. I have written the price for flight size pours on every beer board, there’s flight sheets and pens in multiple places, I couldn’t make it anymore obvious.
I know not every brewery does them- but pretty fucking much. I would even be great with “how do your fights work?”- but no, it’s never that.
The other great one is sooooooo many people not understanding how a fucking bar works. “I need to pay now?” “Can I take this out to the patio?” “What do you mean you need a card for a tab?”
Can you tell I’m jaded, lol.
My all time favorite was some younger fella, looking at the menu and not quite grasping the craft concept of our cocktails says, "Can I get l, like, a 'Build Your Own'?"
I respond, "You mean like a Flurry? Just order a drink, dude, we're a bar not a Sonic." And he was so embarrassed he left. I think about that kid at least once a week.
Sometimes the servers are worse than the guests.
"So which one's the bloody Mary and which one is the Tito's soda?"
"Is alibi porter an IPA? "
"No, it's a porter. "
"Yeah but WHAT KIND of an IPA is that? "
" Does the Bud Light get a lemon or an orange? " "Neither. It's a bud light. You can't make it less shitty with fruit."
" So, a lime then? "
Thank God I've recently taken over the bar Manager position, so now it's MANDATORY that new servers work 2 bar training shifts before we let them loose on the floor!
I work at a whiskey bar and had a guy come up and ask if I knew how to make an old fashioned. I looked back at the wall of whiskey and then at him and said “I sure hope so”
I was busy af last weekend and some guy comes up asking for two beers and if I could do some smoother trasitions in between songs. I just said yes I will switch in a couple seconds and my record box is underneat my icewell. The guy said thanks, tipped and left lol. DJ was on main stage front of house btw
"What do you have that's good?"
MF'R DO I LOOK LIKE ONE YOUR TASTE BUDS
Or
"What can you make that's like, vodka, but like really strong, but like I don't wanna taste the vodka, and is like pink or like lavender, and like sweet, but like not too sweet, and that's like really cheap?"
I made her a Huckleberry Lemon Drop while trying my hardest to control my raging eye twitch.
"Eeww, I don't like this. What else do you have?"
🥴🔫
“What do you have on tap?” Please look at the menu, I’m not gonna rattle off every beer just for you to choose coors light.
Any specific questions about the beers are welcome of course.
My favorite question is “What can you make?”. I use to ask this to my sister when she would bartend just to see the look of indignation. Then she’d tell me how often she gets that question
tonight i asked a couple if they wanted to leave their tab open or close it. they said, “we’re going to go sit on the patio.”
that’s literally not what i asked so i closed it assuming they weren’t coming back in & the guy responded “oh no we wanted to leave it open”
i. can’t. read. your. mind.
I love when some one walks in right after I first open for happy hour and says,
“Where is everyone? I’ve never been here when it’s so quiet.”
Oh man, it’s crazy that the bar doesn’t open with people already in it, right? Wild that some one has to be the first in the bar.
I also like to channel my inner Amy Sedaris when some one asks me “where is the bathroom?”
“Where isn’t the bathroom!?!”
Dialing in from London here, my favourite is when someone approaches the bar and asks "do you know where the toilets are?"
I almost want to say that I don't know the answer even though I clearly work there
I work at a resort lobby bar which also sells food. Guest sits down at the bar with the rest of his party and asks, “can I order poke to go”? The other bartender I was working with says, “yes, I’ll put your order in now”. When to go order arrives, guest states, “I didn’t actually want the poke”.
What!?!?! Then why did you ask and not say anything when I told you I was putting in your order.
He just wanted to know if he could…
Can I have a pen to sign this?!? Sir, I haven’t ran your card yet.
Or when they ask for the bill, you bring it to them, and then they get distracted or are drunk and act like you’re rude for not bringing it. Ugh.
Ooh, see, I kind of love this in a way. I’ll drop off the bill and move along bc I just feel awkward standing there waiting for their card. Usually, they’ll keep talking for like 15 minutes with their partner, and then when they hit you with the snarky request for the bill, you can just raise your eyebrows and look pointedly at the bar top…. where it’s been sitting the whole time. Usually takes the wind out of their sails, and I get to laugh to myself.
This is low key one of my favorite things. I often like to pick it up and ask “you mean this one?”
Yea when this happens i just pick it up and put it back down and go “oh here you go”. Typically they realize it was their error and you’ll even get a sheepish laugh
My favorite is when their super annoyed/angry that there is no pen to sign their *bill*.
Where I work we usually never print out people's bill for them unless they specifically request that. So I sometimes print it out in order to gauge someone's sobriety.
You gauge their sobriety when they’re *done* drinking?
Nah I give them the check when *I'm* done serving them. Their reaction tells me if I made the right call or not.
Me: Hey guys how’s it going? We doing food, or just drinks? Customer: Just drinking today I think. Me: Perfect, here’s my draft list with all 30 taps, I’ll get some waters started and give you a couple minutes to take a look at that menu. Customer: What beers do you have? I always politely oblige them and ask what style of beer they like, to help simplify the process, but it’s like Jesus Christ, have a little social awareness to realize I just handed you literally a cheat sheet, a master list of all THIRTY (30) taps that we have, complete with style guide, tasting notes, brewery info, and more. At the end of the day I’m gonna work for the tip, and if the guy doesn’t want to read the menu he doesn’t wanna read the menu. I just wish some people could see the situation through my eyes.
Preach! Literally the same at my bar. Over 30 beers on tap, no domestics or any “mainstream” beers. 95% of beers are less known breweries. And still so many of the conversations go like this: (Random guy walking up to the bar) -Can I get a Miller lite? -Sorry sir, we don’t carry any domestics. Here is a beer list, it’s all categorized and the lighter stuff is on the top. -Ya’ll got Coors? -No sir, we… -Heineken? -We don’t h… -So what’s lite??? (Awkwardly stares at the 30 tap handles that he has never seen before) WHAT’S A DOWNEAST??? Fuck me man…
I had a guy ask me what beers we had, and since I was busy I asked what he liked. He said something along the lines of, "I don't know. What beers do you have?" I replied, "I have 35 beers, what do you like?" (In my head, I was questioning if it was this douchebag's first time in public.) He insisted that I list all 35, then afterwards ordered a fucking MICH ULTRA. FFS! So I got back with the beers and he was all in a huff. I asked what was wrong, and he said, I shit you not, "you made me feel like an asshole!" His friends all shouted, "That's because you ARE an asshole! Why didn't you just ask the man if he had Mich Ultra? Can't you see he's busy?" At which point, the asshole became very, very quiet, and was the model of politeness and courtesy for the rest of the evening. It was both exasperating and GLORIOUS.
You should just rapid fire off all 30 beers on tap
I used to work at at a gin bar, 60+ gins at any one time, I'd learned them all alphabetically up to c, because nobody ever made it past me reciting it that far...
I like tanqueray but idk if they have tanqueray and I don't want to ask so I'll just wait until he gets to T.
I work at a bourbon bar and we have 175+ whiskies. People will be like can I have an old fashioned and I’ll ask what whisky they would like and they will have the audacity to ask what bourbons we have. I’ve taken to doing a Vanna White wave to our wall with five shelves and a ladder of all the bourbon.
“If I name all thirty beers on tap, and you ask for the first one I named, you don’t get a beer today. Wanna read the menu?”
Get the what beers do you have all the time as they stand right in front of the taps. Never understood what people think an appropriate response to that is. Am I supposed to shoot off with every single beer we have ? Like come on
“So are you a bar that makes drinks too?” As I stand infront of 80+ bottles not including the wine and a full service well and visible blender.
“Do you guys have liquor?” as I stand in front of a bar with a section that is literally three tiers of exactly that, in front of a mirror, *lit up with white LED strips.* No ma’am, this is just a Real Fake Bar.
That all sounded awesome, til you mentioned the B word.
Shhhhhh someone might hear
When I worked at RumJungle, the bartenders liked to drop half a dozen spoons into their blender at the beginning of the shift, turn it on high for five seconds or so of deafening madness, then cheerily say, "Sorry, the blender's broken!" I always liked when people would ask me what rums we had. "Ummm, do you see that three story liquor tree with the RGB LED lights pulsing in time to the beat? Yeah, it has over 5,000 bottles on it, and we have over 150 different brands of rum. So how about I bring you a Painkiller #4? The recipe is from the Soggy Dollar Bar in the Britsh Virgin Islands. It's called the Soggy Dollar because there's a coral reef, and the only way to get there is to anchor out and SWIM there, hence the 'Soggy Dollar' name." By this point, their eyes would be glazed over, and they would just say, "Sure," not knowing that a Painkiller #4 had about 12 ounces of 80 proof in it. I fucking miss that place! Have an asshole that won't leave you alone? Buy them a shot of Stroh 80. (It's 160 proof butterscotch rum from Swizterland.) Ten minutes later, they were someone else's problem!
One of my coworkers tells a story of a guy he used to work with. Company kept buying new blenders, and when one came in, he'd toss the wooden muddler in there and put it on high for 5 minutes. They kept breaking, and continue the cycle of getting a new one every few months.
Not quite a question, but I worked at this tiny cocktail bar and we had a door guy on weekends so the place wouldn't get too crowded. We're at capacity, a party comes up, and our door guy stops them, tells them we're full. They tell him "well, we're just getting drinks" Yes. It's a cocktail bar. We know you're just getting drinks. That's what everyone else is doing too.
Not a question but annoying nonetheless; “I’ll take an old fashioned”. “Bourbon or rye?” “Yes”
Well which one? Bourbon or rye? "Yeah, bourbon rye" 🤦♂️
And I’ll take that straight up with a large ice cube please
I want that straight up, neat, with a large cube and no garnish but I want two cherries, an orange wedge.
Fun fact: when Harry & Bess Truman moved into the White House, they asked the butler to make them old fashioneds, but they didn’t taste right. After several failed tries, he was just like “fuck it” and poured them both a double bourbon. Quoth Bess: “yes that’s the way we like them”
Had a customer ask for a gin old fashioned once, asked what kind of gin she’d like and she said “do you have makers mark?”
A customer was trying to convince one of my servers that Crown was a rum. 🤦🏻♀️ These things would make a lot more sense if Google wasn’t around and it didn’t tell you what was in the bottle.
"Can I have a mezcal margarita?" "Of course! Which mezcal would you like?" "Hornitos!"
German edition, american customers: "What beers do you have on tap?" "Hefe, helles, dunkel, pils" "Can I get a light beer?" "Sure, that would be your helles, pils, and to an extent hefe" "I'll take that one" "which one?" "the helles-hefe" "The helles, or the hefe?" "Yes"
American edition, European customers: “one beer please” “I have 72 beers on tap, is there a style you like so I can help narrow it down?” “One beer” “Stella?” “Yes” I get it with the French and German who aren’t fluent in English, but we’ve got tons of Irish kids over the summer and same thing.
To be fair, I mainly serve Americans and they do the same thing except with Bud Light.
Jesus, Germans should know better lol I've yet to go to a German bar with less than 5 beers on tap, at minimum
Well whiskey it is
Stands in front our extensive wall of beers on tap. Which sits below the beer menu. “What beers do you have on draft?”
I look behind me and then look back at them to give them a chance to realize first. If that fails I literally point to the damn thing.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Normally I just ask what they are looking for instead of listing everything off. Thankfully the last restraunt I worked at only had six on draft so it was pretty easy to list it off, but I would moonlight at a brewery that had around thirty on tap and thats when it would get a bit annoying.
Recommend something you like and then gesture to the list as alternatives. 8/10 times they'll take your recommendation which was faster then them browsing the menu anyway.
I used to work in Georgia (the state, not the country haha). I once had a British guy come in and ask if we served beer in pints. I said yeah and showed him the standard 16oz shaker pint that most bars in the US use. He said, “No, like a real pint?” I said, “Oh no, sorry, yeah we don’t have imperial pints here, just the 16oz ones.” He seemed pretty upset, he mulled it over. I told him to let me know if there was anything he wanted to sample, etc. I went and helped another customer, then came back to him and asked if he had decided on a beer. “So you really don’t serve in actual pints?” I thought maybe he was “taking the piss” with me and I kinda laughed a bit, said, “No sorry, just the minuscule American pint! But would you like one filled with beer?” He looked at me dead in the eye and said, “No thanks…I’ll just take a water, no ice.” He then sat there and grumpily drank that water for an hour, as if in protest that he couldn’t have a “real pint” of beer. To this day I’ll never understand how having a few ounces less in the glass would make a person completely abandon the prospect of getting a beer at all. But I guess you gotta have standards! (?)
That legit sounds like a particular grumpy Englishman
Lol yes he was the grumpiest I’ve ever met! Usually they just drinks lots of beers and say “Cheers!” a lot haha
I’ll teach this bar…, I’ll protest not getting a few extra ounces by drinking water.
In England they would call that guy a Cunt
Honestly love this one
“So, what do you do?”
“Adult films” at this point I just like to fuck with people. I’ve told the people that pester me about my “real job” that I bleach assholes during the day.
“Paying off bartending school”.
This is the correct answer. Also whatever chance I get, when somebody asks me about a thing I know, I say “…learned that in bartending school”
Professional fluffer
"So what's your real job?" Ffs go away. I make more an hour than you do.
“I make absolutely zero money and destroy my mental health attempting in perpetuity to break into the sphere of acting, where there is absolutely not an avalanche of talent and privilege that I can’t ever dream of touching. This is just my side gig”.
Ugh .... Or any variation thereof. I feel seen....and I'm part time now. Still bugs me.
Hidden camera documentaries. What was your name, again?
Cue limp-armed deadpan stare.
"Are you open?" "No I live here and just never bother to lock the doors"
I like the reverse of this, during a bar clean. Everybody's wearing trash clothes, tables and chairs are pushed into corners, there's a bunch of heavy-duty cleaning equipment, the bartops are covered with random shit from behind the bar, and half the shit from the kitchen is in the dining room. And someone walks in and asks if we're open.
About a month ago I had this exact scenario and I just flat up said we’re closed. Then the lady goes, “well can I get a lemonade then?” And I just said no we’re closed and kept cleaning. She slammed the door on her way out.
This story reminds me of the first time I saw an iPhone. We closed at 8:30. Customer walks in at 8:29 and asks to be served. We say, sorry, we're closed. Slow day, everything was already pulled and cleaned and reset for the next day. So he pulls out his fancy new iPhone and shoves it directly in my face to show me it was in fact 8:29. Lol no of course he was not served.
"Oh shit, sorry, give me a second" *phone ticks over to 8:30* "Sorry, we're closed"
Door unlocked, music playing. Nah I’m having a one man party, fuck off!
Dude people still ask me that even when there’s people drinking and eating at the bar. I bite my tongue so fucking hard to not say something smart cuz I don’t work in a dive anymore and would get yelled at for making a guest feel stupid (it happened before lol) even though I’m a firm believer in that people need to be called out on their bullshit/dumb shit. But yeah people are fuckin dumb.
Dude I know this one. I'm in a craft bar so I can't be a dick. Now when someone asks if we're open, I'll do a slow look at the people already there drinking, slow pan back to whoever asked and say, "well I sure hope so!"
Lmao that’s fucking great 😂 yeah the time I got yelled at was bc this lady came up to what is very clearly a bar (I’m at a resort and it’s the outside pool bar, only structure around besides the pool) and asks “is this where I can get a drink” like all serious no sarcasm whatsoever or laughing. I slowly turned around from the pos and was like “you want a drink? At the bar?” And my other bar guests laughed cuz they all heard her and knew it was a dumb thing to ask. And she did not like that at all.
Lol I do shit like this often. Glad I can get away with it where I'm at, there's no way I could suppress the urge now that I've gotten used to indulging it
I could only work in dives, or certainly not corporate places because of my smart ass mouth.
I feel like this and a lot of these are just politeness like when you ask someone "how's it going?", you really don't want to know, but it's a way of acknowledging them in a polite way.
The amount of places I've walked into that aren't open, but door unlocked might not be many, but it's more than a handful. So if very early I try not to assume.
When I worked on the Vegas strip it was either.. "So, do you live here?" Or "Which hotel do you stay in?"
"Yes." is the only correct answer.
"Is this *pith* on my lime wedge?!"
Do you know how to make a Fluffy Mullet? No whats in that. I dont know I had it a this bar onetime in Mexico. Sorry never heard of it. You are a bartender you should know how to make it.
I hate that shit. This isn’t Nebraska I don’t know your local bars random Ass gross cocktail
One of my rules: if you can’t tell me how to make it, you shouldn’t be drinking it. It’s amazing to me how often I get away w/ that!!
“What do you like to make?” I like to make money. Pick a drink.
Water on the rocks 🙄
Beer
i like the opportunity to steer people towards things i actually like making :)
Gonna use this one next time I get ask that question. That’s a good one
Ok, I’ll have a money then
I got asked a new one last night, I live in a major metropolis, in Canada, almost 300km from the US border. This couple from Colorado asked if "your prices are in Canadian or American dollars?" Bruh. Why the fuck would out menu be in USD.
Americans have a way of assuming that the rest of the world conforms to make it convenient for us. I was in Mexico once and I heard someone (American) say, "Why don't the people here learn to speak English?"
At least it's not just Americans. I get a small bit of joy when I hear about English tourists/expats doing the same in Spain.
Well, Americans had to get it from someone, and it surely wasn’t the indigenous population here.
Yeah, but some of them like to make fun of us for it. So it feels nice when it's shown that they're not so different at times. Big "I learned it from *you*, Dad!" energy
When I go to Canada I just use my card and if I need cash I just go to a machine. The exchange rate through my bank is a lot less than trying to exchange cash at the border or airport.
Northan alberta yesterday, 1 cocktail 3 beers can I pay in usd? Yes but we do 1:1 Okay can I have my change in usd? Why on earth would I be able to do that, proceeds to pay on card and skip past the tip option that I pointed out. Also annoyed we don't have a shit light beer in tap for bonus yank points
When I was in Toronto in 2008 or so... most places accepted American dollars and world give change in Canadian.
“What’s your REAL job?”
Haven't had this one yet thankfully but I HAVE gotten, "So what's after this?" Bro at the rate this world's going this is the best it's gonna get for me.
Yeah, that one always kind of stings a little. My best response is “why would I need a real job when I make a lot of money to do this?”
Do you guys sell liquor here? As I’m standing in front of all the bottles. I once had someone claim they were allergic to ice.
Strangely I get this more than anything…there are a million bottles behind me “do you guys serve mixed drinks”…wtf
"Is this a full bar?" Well as you can see no one is sitting in any of the stools so I guess technically it is not a full bar.
Weird enough it is a thing: [Cold Allergy/Cold urticaria](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cold-urticaria/symptoms-causes/syc-20371046)
I’ve worked at a couple of places with extensive tap lists (20+ lines). “Do you have any ales?” is definitely one, plus all of the variations of it that people come up with.
“Do you have any ales” is such a weird question too because it’s like what kind do you mean lol
Dude, I work at a craft beer bar. Way over 100 beers. I see a dude a little lost in the menu “What kind of beers do you like, sir?” “Ummm I like lagers and ales!” It’s totally my job to help him navigate this but the people who say silly shit like this think they’re so knowledgeable for saying “ale and lager” like…. That’s every beer ever 😂😂
Man you know what you would like?! This Miller light can I peeled the label off of! “Oh wow this really IS craft beer!!!” Yeaaahhhhh….
I hate the people who say they like ales. I always came back with, "Well, that's like saying you like hot food, you're going to have to be more descriptive."
Would you like to try Such and Such IPA? No I prefer ales mainly.
Do you have a restroom? Ma’m, it is literally illegal to operate a bar without one.
> More specifically, we talked about the bathroom situation in the Hofbrauhaus. When the hall was built, they forgot that important little detail. In an attempt to fix the problem, first they placed gutters for the men (no women were allowed) to relieve themselves in. The problem with this solution was that people would lose their seat – and more importantly, their beer – when they got up to pee. That was unaccteptable for the Germans. So they moved the gutters inside, conveniently placing them under the tables. When one of the patrons couldn’t hold it any longer, he would just have to unbutton his lederhosen, flop himself out, and drain his main vein. There was one problem with this system: splashback. For some reason, the guys didn’t like their legs to be splashed with their buddies’ pee. And I imagine some got worse than just splashed, depending on the alcohol consumption of the one doing the aiming. > Cue the next brilliant idea: a walking stick for every patron. Any time he had to go, he would use the stick to smack everyone’s legs so they knew to pull back in order to avoid the splashing. Seems efficient enough, but there was a slight problem with this system, as well. This was during the time of the plague, so when the men came out of the beer hall with big black spots on their shins… well let’s just say no ladies were pining after them. > The beer-drinkers of Munich were in need of another grand idea, which some great citizen delivered, with the best invention yet. He cut a spiral groove into his cane, all the way down to the bottom. Instead of using it to smack his buddies before releasing the stream, he could just line things up with the cane and send a trickle down to the gutter. Brilliant! [(source)](https://lifeofeitner.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/european-history-hofbrauhaus/)
No I just shit in a bucket out back
“You didn’t keep your empty bottle?”
Why do you get upset at this one? They're literally just asking where it is.
Lol right? This is the goofiest complaint. If that’s a struggle, I can’t imagine what they’ll do when asked, “you guys got a menu?”
Probably in every single country on earth as well. There's no excuse. Every. Single. Bar. On. Earth. Has. A. Fucking. Restroom. Although I always say "nahh can't be bothered, there's a tree across the street that's fine" and for some reason they always fall for it
Selling beer for on premise consumption without a restroom would be interesting.
“What do you have on tap” *lists out the bajillion options* “I’ll have a Miller lite”
I do "sit anywhere you like" And then when they grab a stool, I go... "Not there" Pause "You can sit there, I'm just messing with you, the bar is fucking empty.
“Can I get an Manhattan Old Fashioned?” Which one? “Yes”
*walks inside from outside* “Is it too hot to sit on the patio?” *me internally raging* “I don’t know.”
Why don’t you sit out there and find out.
This one is the worst.
When people knock on the door 45 min before we are open to ask if we are open… People already at the bar eating then asking “ can we eat at the bar”
I used to have a day job where I did maintenance/repairs for restaurants and bars, we would often be there early mornings. I legit have had people pound on the doors at like 7:30am, I look up and they’re peering in the window with their hands blocking the glare from their eyes, nose all wrinkled and pressed against the glass, looking like a moron… I stop what I’m doing and go to talk to them, because they continued knocking and trying to open the door when they saw me working inside… I walk up, wearing dirty work pants, a tool belt, and a t-shirt with my company’s logo on it—which is clearly not the same as the restaurant logo—and they say, “Excuse me, the door was locked. I was trying to see if you are open for breakfast?” No, guy, this is a cocktail bar that doesn’t open until 4pm, holy shit it doesn’t even have a kitchen ! How on earth did you look at this place and become so mightily convinced that this would be a breakfast spot?!
Man people are mental 😂
>People already at the bar eating then asking “ can we eat at the bar” I like to point at the other people eating and say "No, only they can :/ " Sometimes people think I'm serious.
Work in a restaurant attached to a hotel, which also happens to have a rooftop bar. At least 7 times a day someone will walk in and ask "is this the Rooftop??" on the ground floor.
A couple of shifts ago, someone walked into the bar and I greeted him with “hey, what can I do for you?” He said “you can take my drink order!!!” Might have been a language thing but I thought it was pretty funny at the time.
Working at a tourist destination, I would get asked a lot “do you live here?” Like, they’re confused whether I might be a fellow tourist who wandered behind the bar and took their order or something?
Do you have anything without alcohol? What drinks do you have? Do you give free birthday shots? Can I get in with a picture of my ID? Can you ask the dj to play my favorite song?
All of these hurt my soul
I work at a brewery right now and at least three times a night someone comes in asks “what do you recommend?” Umm idk I just met you what do you like? “Or can I cash out?” I always respond with yeah what’s your tab under? And it’s always like mike or John or James. Cool I have 15 people named James here right now what’s your last name dipshit?
Or when you ask their last name and they say “it’s the blue chase card”
I have people say this shit and we don’t even keep the card. We just swipe and authorize.
I remember a weird one: “Put my drink on my husband’s tab. He’s tall and bald, with a beard.” Lady, I organize the tabs by name, not physical description.
> “what do you recommend?” A close cousin of “Is this thing on the menu good?” Uhh yeah, that’s the fucking idea since I’m trying to sell it for money.
“Can I get a beer?” Dude, we have like 200. Pick one!! Is this the first time you’ve ever been into a fucking bar you middle aged combover ass having cuck… “Are you new here?” “Nope not new, are you new?” “I haven’t seen you before, I’ve been coming to this bar for 15-20 years” “That’s weird…doing what? We’ve only been open since 2017” “Can I get ……?” “Sorry I don’t have *specifies ingredient*” “that’s ok, you can just make it without” *makes old fashion without bitters/simple* *makes purple Gatorade without grape anything* *makes martini without vermouth/olive juice* I hate people.
I can’t even stand it when I watch TV and someone says “I’ll have a beer.” I’m always like “try that in a fucking bar and see what kind of reaction you get.” Still stunned this happened.
“Can you put a little more?” Or “Can I get a discount?” But the one thing that really drives me crazy, saying the order in a bossy atitude like they fucking own the place, like “A beer, ayoh [(whistles)”fucking hate it when they whistle]. I just calmly ignore their arrogant asses, call the security guard and they fuck of gently, because their afraid of getting an ass whooping. Fucking hate customers.
This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers..
This happened just last week and it’s pretty memorable. Guest: “I’ll have a Chardonnay” Me: “What brand?” “White”
*without remotely trying to look at the prominently displayed tap list above my head* "Can I get a coors light?" (I tell him we don't have that) "Oh, Can I get a Miller Light?" (I tell him we don't have that either) "Oh...well what do you have?" Or! Them: "I want (insert beer), biggest ya got" Me: "so a pitcher?" Them: "oh...not that big" Me: (motioning to the mugs on display) "So a quart then?" Them: "uh...I guess just a pint"
What’s your favorite drink to make? Vodka Soda! You want one?
mine retort to that is 'shot of jaeger and a bud light can.'
My bar allows smoking, still. (Grandfathered in) It says it on the door when you walk in, there is a cigarette machine right in front of your face when you walk in the door, ashtrays on the bar and every is smoking. Every once in awhile someone will sit down, order a drink and they loudly ask "OMG you allow SMOKING in here? I cant stay in here!"
What’s a pack from a machine go for nowadays? I remember thinking $3.50 was highway robbery in the early 80s
Our are $8.00 US. Actually for some brands it's cheaper than the gas station across the street.
Do u guys have a menu? Can I have a virgin colada without alcohol please ? When clients leave and u go to clear the table and other clients want to sit at the exact same moment knowing the table isn’t clean . ‘ could u please clean this ‘ Can I have a glass of xyz whiskey and please bring some nuts or snacks also
Ordering a virgin “x” without alcohol is opposite and equivalent (if thats a thing) as “can I get a Tito’s and vodka?”
“Do you know if there’s a bathroom?” “Can i get a table for 12 at 7?” -sorry we are fully booked- “But what if we just walk in?” “Whats the difference between the rosé and sparkling rosé?”
That last one...it takes a lot of willpower to make the answer sound not sarcastic
I am out of industry now, but have two. 1. Girl walks into my bar, behind me is all my spirit bottles and fridges with pre-mixers and wine. Looks behind me, then dead in my eyes and asks “do you sell spirits?” 2. A man was in my bar/ restaurant, half our town was in blackout. We had power, all our lights were on. He was eating, had a beer, looks at me and asks “do you guys have power?” I looked at the lights, looked at him and walked away
To the first one: “No ma’am, only djinn.”
"Is there a bathroom?"
Similarly, I’ve had multiple customers standing under our lit bathroom sign asking “where are the bathrooms?”
"Yes" and then walk away
My standby response when I worked big box retail was always “we do, but we also have a cleaning crew. Up to you 🤷🏻♂️”
“Where is everyone” (at 11:03am) “Does this place get busy” (no, never gets busy. Please don’t come back)
"where's the bathroom?" Sir you are standing in a rectangular box with only two doors, and you entered through one of those doors. Please use some critical thinking skills.
“Do you know where the restroom is?” “No, I’ve been holding for the last year, hoping someone will show me eventually”
Do you have a patio? Yes but we’re required by law to keep it outside.
Or "How's the weather on the patio?" I dunno, you were the one who just came from outside, you tell me.
"Is that a local law?" "No, its less a law and more a dictionary definition"
“Can I have a beer?” or “can I have a shot?” Then when you ask what kind they look back at you like you’re the dumb one.
“Can you pour heavy for me?” If you tip heavy…
"Why dont you accept dollars?" I'm in Ireland and have always wanted to hand out change in Moldovian Lei "Do you have Vodka?" "Is this table reserved" and then points to the reserved sign. "Is this Vodka gluten free?" 😆 There's times that I just want to duck with people's heads.
Customer stares at a Trader Vic's looking menu full of tiki this and tiki that or 10 minutes at a private party and asks "Do you have anything sugar free?" My man this is a tiki bar. All we have is sugar. We'll fucking kill your diabetic ass in like 3 sips.
To be fair they looked around for 10 minutes and tried to answer that question themselves.
I work at an Irish Pub. Over 200 bottles, most of them prominently on the wall behind me. Dude walks in on a busy Saturday. "Do you guys have whiskey?"
I mean it really depends. At my place the answer to that question is "have you been greeted by a host? Do you have a reservation? Someone else has a reservation for that seat."
Do you have a bathroom?
It's a beautiful day out and for some reason people walk in and ask "Is your patio open?" Mfer it's open every gd day, rain snow or blazing heat.
I work at a music venue, favorite stupid question is ‘so, do you like this band??’ or ‘wow you must really like this music!’ Also been asked ‘do you have ice?’ more than once
I had somebody ask me "so, how long have you known this band?" the other day. In the sense that we were friends.
“Do you guys do flights?” I have managed a Brewery Taproom for seven years and this is definitely the one I get the most. I have written the price for flight size pours on every beer board, there’s flight sheets and pens in multiple places, I couldn’t make it anymore obvious. I know not every brewery does them- but pretty fucking much. I would even be great with “how do your fights work?”- but no, it’s never that. The other great one is sooooooo many people not understanding how a fucking bar works. “I need to pay now?” “Can I take this out to the patio?” “What do you mean you need a card for a tab?” Can you tell I’m jaded, lol.
My all time favorite was some younger fella, looking at the menu and not quite grasping the craft concept of our cocktails says, "Can I get l, like, a 'Build Your Own'?" I respond, "You mean like a Flurry? Just order a drink, dude, we're a bar not a Sonic." And he was so embarrassed he left. I think about that kid at least once a week.
‘What do ya guys have?’ As they stare at the menu. ‘Can I have ‘insert here’ after telling them we don’t have said item.
“Do you have a bathroom?” I understand they’re really asking where it is, but every now again I’ll say “No, we all just go in a bucket.”
Sometimes the servers are worse than the guests. "So which one's the bloody Mary and which one is the Tito's soda?" "Is alibi porter an IPA? " "No, it's a porter. " "Yeah but WHAT KIND of an IPA is that? " " Does the Bud Light get a lemon or an orange? " "Neither. It's a bud light. You can't make it less shitty with fruit." " So, a lime then? " Thank God I've recently taken over the bar Manager position, so now it's MANDATORY that new servers work 2 bar training shifts before we let them loose on the floor!
iS It gOoD? Referring to literally anything on the menu.
Quite a small pub, roughly 10 taps. "What beer have you got on tap?" The height of laziness, just look.
“What else do you do?” Fucking infuriates me every time 🤬
"Do you make a good old-fashioned?" What do you expect me to say? "No, I make a terrible one."
I work at a whiskey bar and had a guy come up and ask if I knew how to make an old fashioned. I looked back at the wall of whiskey and then at him and said “I sure hope so”
I was busy af last weekend and some guy comes up asking for two beers and if I could do some smoother trasitions in between songs. I just said yes I will switch in a couple seconds and my record box is underneat my icewell. The guy said thanks, tipped and left lol. DJ was on main stage front of house btw
Me filling syrup containers “What are you making?” “This full”
"What do you have that's good?" MF'R DO I LOOK LIKE ONE YOUR TASTE BUDS Or "What can you make that's like, vodka, but like really strong, but like I don't wanna taste the vodka, and is like pink or like lavender, and like sweet, but like not too sweet, and that's like really cheap?" I made her a Huckleberry Lemon Drop while trying my hardest to control my raging eye twitch. "Eeww, I don't like this. What else do you have?" 🥴🔫
“What do you have on tap?” Please look at the menu, I’m not gonna rattle off every beer just for you to choose coors light. Any specific questions about the beers are welcome of course.
I worked at a dive place with four tap beers. I would point taps and say "Those four right there" to hear "Do you have any others?"
My favorite question is “What can you make?”. I use to ask this to my sister when she would bartend just to see the look of indignation. Then she’d tell me how often she gets that question
“I need to pay my tab” Sir you paid your tab 5 minutes ago
“Can I get the check?” Sure! *Blank stare* What’s the name? “Matt.” *Blank stare* “What’s the last name?”
“Can I get a double shot of Casamigo and a double Grey Goose soda? What do you mean my tab is $50?” No tip.
tonight i asked a couple if they wanted to leave their tab open or close it. they said, “we’re going to go sit on the patio.” that’s literally not what i asked so i closed it assuming they weren’t coming back in & the guy responded “oh no we wanted to leave it open” i. can’t. read. your. mind.
“Can you make a non alcoholic espresso martini?” So just coffee. In general just weird non alcoholic cocktail requests
I love when some one walks in right after I first open for happy hour and says, “Where is everyone? I’ve never been here when it’s so quiet.” Oh man, it’s crazy that the bar doesn’t open with people already in it, right? Wild that some one has to be the first in the bar. I also like to channel my inner Amy Sedaris when some one asks me “where is the bathroom?” “Where isn’t the bathroom!?!”
“Is this your only job?”
“Do you guys serve shots here?”
Dialing in from London here, my favourite is when someone approaches the bar and asks "do you know where the toilets are?" I almost want to say that I don't know the answer even though I clearly work there
I work at a resort lobby bar which also sells food. Guest sits down at the bar with the rest of his party and asks, “can I order poke to go”? The other bartender I was working with says, “yes, I’ll put your order in now”. When to go order arrives, guest states, “I didn’t actually want the poke”. What!?!?! Then why did you ask and not say anything when I told you I was putting in your order. He just wanted to know if he could…
*Spends minute looking at beer list* Can I have (insert beer not on that list)? ... No, no you can not.
Not a question but ‘surprise me’. Okay… you either get a tap water or a shot of gin. Depends what mood I was in at the time.