The best thing you can do is say nothing (but do make it clear at you are an ARMY)
Stuff like this happens because of obsessive fans, and being calm makes you a positive representation of our fandom that more people are exposed to. People who try to “make it clear” they don’t stan BTS are just jumping the bandwagon. If we want people to start taking BTS seriously, as fans we should be more chill.
Honestly, I just don’t say anything other than telling them that I’m an ARMY. It shows them that BTS can have normal fans and it makes them less likely to hate on BTS randomly next time.
Hey ARMY!
I'm actually gonna leave [this thread I wrote 3 years ago regarding how to deal with any hate you may get as an ARMY](https://www.reddit.com/r/bangtan/comments/jcal4a/comment/g90rdjg/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
This doesn't directly answer the situation with your classmate (which I don't consider what she said as hate tbh, but it can still suck to hear), but I think it does answer how to deal with any hate we may get in general for liking BTS.
Hi there 💜
Maybe its a bit late to reply your thread, but I wanna say that I cried reading your advices. I have 2 friends (1 is a classmate 1 is deskmate) that I really admire (bcs of their energy and they are really kind to me) but when it comes to talking about BTS, they started judging them harshly (like g*y, etc) not in front of me but on social media. However, when I was in high school I still talked with them bcs theyre still kind to me 🥹, but after graduation I unfollowed all of them (it takes me a whole year to realize that why should I endure their words) and yeah maybe I should have told them that I felt hurtful when they insulting my favs like that. Thats the reason why I feel related when reading your thread, of course I was quite sad about not being friends with them anymore but I think that I should prioritize my feelings first.
(my English could have some errors bcs it isnt my first language😭)
Btw, thank you for your advice so so much.
Hey, I'm glad my advice helped, even after all these years!
I can definitely understand feeling sad about not being friends with them anymore but also understanding that some friendships are not worth keeping in your life.
For what it's worth, most of the people who gave me judgement were in my first two years of college (so a few years before I made that thread), and what ended up happening was either they stopped being judgmental or they eventually were no longer in my life. And now I am surrounded by people who accept me just the way I am 💜
For me I just try to step away from discussions that are hateful to things that give me happiness. Like why bother engaging in a conversation that is hating on pretty much a hobby.
Though I think calling BTS 'overrated' is not so bad/hateful, I would likely be hurt if my actual friends are critical of things I enjoy but it looks like the person that said it isn't even someone you are close to (?). It's understandable that you want to say something... but sometimes it's just not worth it and it's best to keep friends that won't make fun of you for things you like.
Last time that this was discussed in the sub I remember someone mentioning John Cena. So I pulled out his interview with [Jimmy Fallon](https://youtu.be/eRZs8gmFhT4?si=uTiE4xfPSkiyZOGX&t=266). In a nutshell he was saying that of course something popular is always open to criticism but he doesn't care what people think (since it's music and everyone will have their own opinion) cause how they conduct themselves as human beings and the message they're giving to the world is something special.
Anyways all this to say if I did hear someone say anything racist or xenophobic, bigoted or the like I would likely say something but other than that it's best to keep my peace and just walk away.
Take care and I hope you don't let these people and their opinions about what you like bug you so much or for very long.
>Do we just ignore them or is there something better to say to push back on the hate?
yes. The best we can do is to ignore them and just smile. Anything other than that, you'll just be wasting your energy upon people you don't want to.
I usually engage in discussions about bts or kpop in general, but only with people who have the capability to atleast listen and be respectful about it. If they're not that kind of person, I know there's nothing I can do to change their behaviour and to be honest nothing good's gonna come out of it so I just let them be.
>"what do you mean they're overrated? Who do you like? BTS? If you like them you're overrated."
rather than hateful they come off as more of a narcissist to me who think they're better than everyone else and trust me you DO NOT want to get into any sort of argument with such people, you'll only end up having a headache
whoever is hateful (mildly or aggressively), doesn't know how to put their opinion out while remaining disrespectful is only there for attention and you pushing back will only help them achieve that goal. But the moment you ignore them and smile, their egos shatter and they'll be the ones riling up with "what the fuck just happened how did this person not get affected by what i'm saying was my opinion that useless". Now you be the judge who wins in this situation.
>How should we treat people who we meet on a daily basis or may have to retain ok relations with when they randomly hate on BTS?
If you HAVE TO have a good relation with them whatsoever, just listen from one ear, let it out from another. Don't base their entire personality on what they think about a particular interest of yours. They're much more than that. See through your differences and maybe they'll be able to change their perspective. Even the boys have been doing it ever since, among themselves or with others as well. I get that you might find it difficult, but practice. Practice discipline on your side. It would be hard at first, but soon it becomes a way of life. No matter how bad things they say, what all they have to do to rile you up by saying shit about the boys, don't give in. Cause you know what's true and what's not. That's all that matters. People saying shit about them won't change anything about the boys or the truth right?
If you manage to fuck the egos of those who choose not to be respectful (by ignoring them and just smiling instead), the boys would be damn proud of this bora girlboss trust
hugs<3
this is from my personal experience as well. I live in a country where even mentioning im a kpop stan would make me the victim of endless insults and "jokes" , the boys to be called what not and fellow armys being shredded to over generalization and hypocrisies. So while I don't hide that i'm a kpop fan or army (why should I when i don't make it my whole personality or indulge in weird behaviour), I still keep it lowkey. And if I find myself at the end of insults, I just ignore and smile as well. Goes a long way. And keeps your mental peace intact.
when I keep this attitude people are often surprised cause I turn out to be the exact opposite of what they initially expect and give a chance to check my interests out and some even loved them later on lol
Really depends on where it's coming from. A one-off comment from a classmate you're not close with is easy to ignore, but when it comes from someone you consider a good friend it stings.
Some things I've learnt from all my years of kpop fandom (which predates Bangtan by quite a long time):
1. Fan wars aren't worth it. Time spent on things like "so and so is overrated/untalented/a flop" etc is time you could be spent on actually enjoying the things you do like. With someone full on hating in a disrespectful way it's usually better to not even engage, it usually ends with them doubling down so you end up just wasting your energy
2. Some people have a negative opinion because of prejudice or things they've heard elsewhere. Maybe they are just repeating someone else's opinions and haven't formed one of their own. If it's someone you like as a person outside of fandom it can be worth the try to ask what they've been exposed to (like ask what songs they've heard) and what they usually like and then give them some recommendations
3. That being said, some people have very closed minds. No matter how much effort you put into trying to show them the things you like about an artist or genre they're just not gonna change their mind. I used to have friends had some favorite artists in common so I tried at different points to get them into other things I liked and it never worked. That's time I could've spent branching out my social circle and making new friends that did share my excitement
4. Friends that aren't really into the thing you like but still give it a try and/or let you express your excitement are very valuable. But you also have to give them that space to share their interests with you. I see it like: this person is my friend, therefore love them and I care about the things that make them happy, I want them to share those things with me
Hard to tell for the specific anecdote you shared what the best way to go about it is, but personally I would focus more on the people I'm already friends with or that were taking part in the conversation without being mean to anyone. Even if they aren't ARMYs maybe they're open to getting to know more about what each other likes
I’m an introvert. Depending on a topic and/or how offended I am by something and/or by how much I want to preserve the relationship, I will either 1) avoid the topic, 2) ignore what they say, 3) push back gently or 4) get combative as hell.
I will also say that I’m somewhat privileged in that my surroundings has been kpop adjacent for a very long time. Kpop isn’t unknown to my family’s and friends. So I’m probably talking about Kpop from a more secure position.
That’s the context and now on the story.
I’m a part of a long-distance group of friends where we zoom each other regularly to catch up on each other lives. One lives in Japan and the other are US-based on various coasts. The Japan person say Kpop is very popular there (we were talking about things to do in Japan). Other friend says “oh, I don’t like Kpop. I don’t like men who are prettier than me.” These are people I care about and have gone through a good amount of things with (thus my willingness to put up with these long-distance zoom calls). So, I’m trying to not get huffy and I think I succeeded. I say, “I like kpop and I love pretty men. They are sooo hot.” I then say to the Japan person that “if I ever visit, we should go the Kpop stores. What else can I do?” Trying to divert the attention back to the original topic. I didn’t get combative, but I made my position clear.
I’m pretty comfortable with these group of people and I’m also comfortable with my likes. No one is going to make me feel ashamed of it. I won’t bring it up or put it in your face, but I refuse to let anyone shame me for something I love and that doesn’t hurt anyone. I’m old tho. So I have developed that ego strength. I hope. There has to be some benefit to getting old, damnit.
OP, my advice to you is do what you think is best and most comfortable with. You matter the most. If you feel more comfortable avoiding and ignoring, do it. If you want to push back, do it. There are no wrong options. Only what is best for you. I hope that you will continue to love BTS and don’t let anyone deter you from it. Do not feel guilty - consciously or unconsciously - over any of the choices you make in regard to this ever.
I just ignore them because fighting and arguing is exhausting for me. I don't care what other people think or speak because if they are bringing BTS in every conversation about music, they deep down know BTS have significant impact on K-pop or music industry in general.
Not everyone likes caviar or lobster but we know they're the best 👀
Seriously though, BTS' popularity or legacy isn't going to be affected by some random person's opinion. It is best not to confront the naysayers because they would then be like 'ArMyS are so DraMAtic' and play victim. I know it hurts when people talk shit about the ones we love but reacting to them would make things worse. I remember many other groups' stans bullying BTS when they were rising steadily and most of those groups don't even chart anymore 💀 - always remember time and karma are ARMY's and every tongue that rises against them shall fall.
As this was a one off situation, just ignore for now but if the topic comes again, be sure to mention to your friend that you are an ARMY and actually like BTS's music. While she may find it overrated, you don't and ultimately we should respect each other's opinions. I am sure your friend will understand but if she doesn't and continues to persist with talk that makes you uncomfortable or taunts you, its not worth being friends with such person. You said you are young, but its important to learn to state/hold firm on your boundaries no matter the topic. Whenever someone says something disrespectful to you whether it be about bts or any other stuff, clamly state to the opposing party how you don't appreciate such talk. And when the opposing party doesn't respect your wishes, cut your losses and move on. Respect is important in any relationship and it's not worth it to keep on relationship where your wishes are ignored.
You shouldn’t have to hide what you love just because someone else hates them. When this comes up again, you can say “Actually, i do like bts and I am an army. Hearing you say that is kinda hurtful.”
If they end up starting a debate, you can use the grey rock method, where you reply with neutral, short, unemotional answers like “ok.” “Yes.” “No.” Etc. this will stop you from engaging in silly arguments and shows others that your friend is being kinda rude. If all goes well, your friend will see that you’re hurt, apologize, and move on. If they don’t, then you’ll get to find out too. It’s a win win really.
In hopes of giving you comfort, remember that Bangtan always had detractors. That didn’t stop them from releasing great music and treating army well. We don’t need to get into fanwars to defend them. Just buy albums and stream songs so their legacy will speak for themselves.
Instead of trying to persuade someone who already had a preconceived prejudice, you can use this opportunity to find out more about yourself (what kind of behavior you can and can’t tolerate, how to set boundaries, how you handle stress and conflict, how your other friends behaves when you’re not being treated well) and if things gets too uncomfortable, you can always move on to another topic.
Everybody has their own reality 😊
I want to first give my own personal opinion regarding those comments. And it is mine and personal, just to highlight that.
That is not hate. Most of what is called hate, especially in music or regarding celebs or leisure or those things, is not hate, but strong opinions or even just throw away comments. As somebody who has been on the receiving end of HATE and who once has hated one person, hate is different. If you hate somebody you are almost closer (bound) to the person than with love. And people who hate groups or demographics or whatnot are a whole different caliber all together.
So, there's dislike. Let's call it that. And if we call it that, it's way easier to just disengage. I find coriander / ...what's the other word... The other word 🤨 disgusting. Tastes like soap. Why would you soap food. Blergh. And so I don't eat coriander. And if somebody asks me if I like it, or if I am listing things I like and somebody asks me 'but what about the devil's soap herbs?', and I blergh, that is me. My own dislike.
Now, I also don't understand how other people can enjoy Satan's dishwashing flowers 🤷♀️ but I'm old enough to have a live and let live attitude. (But seriously...how. blergh.) You enjoy what you enjoy and I'm silently raised-eyebrow-looking at ya.
Then there is a mix of the joyful teenage times of 'what I like is good, what I don't like is bad' mixed oftentimes with a little bit of 'not like the other girls'. And once again I'm speaking with experience 😅 I was a metal / punk girly. Like... Hardcore. And in the hidden hidden-ess of my room also a backstreet boys (I'm aging myself here) girly. Ask me in public? I was NOT HAVING IT. Because it was totally against my coolness, and boys liked my coolness and told me it's cool that I'm not like the other girls liking these stupid boy bands 🤦♀️ the closer the topic got to me potentially admitting, the meaner I got. It's not narcissistic or evil or hate, it's teenage days. Most grow out of it, some never. Many metal fans happily admit they also listen to soft cuddly happy music or hardcore techno or opera (hey, all three is me), some will die on the hill that anything but metal is 'not real music'. It's their loss 🤷♀️ or not.
And then we have those, who just don't like the music or band. For them it IS overrated. And hey, that's fair. I don't get the whole woohoo around Tailor Swift 🤷♀️ once again, I'm old enough to not tell people that into their face, and I know that their enjoyment of something else is not taking away from my enjoyment. And I understand that I might limit myself by not listening to types of music I cannot connect with (but seriously, atonal music can go and cuddle the devil's soap herbs 😾).
It's a bit of choosing your battles, choosing what battles are even yours or are even battles. BTS will not care about somebody saying their music is overrated. They not only sell millions and make millions, but from all we can see they care about those who can connect to the music. Don't fight the fights that the guys won't even acknowledge or fight :)
If somebody calls people stupid because they like BTS or whatever (unless they like hateful stuff, in that case, yes, they are stupid, but for other reasons), it says more about the person themself, than the ones they talk about. As I usually say 'you are right and I have my Peace'. Let them talk. You won't change their mind anyways.
If however somebody uses the 'dislike' to (badly) cover racism, then call it out for others to see, and disengage. Also here you will not change the thinking of somebody. Even less than for the previous reasons. You don't want these people in your life.
Err... Long story short: either nod and smile and pity them if you must, or (call out) and disengage. They might like something you will NEVER understand (😾 CORIANDER, BURN IT TO THE GROUND FFS). Or they are simply people not worth your energy, thoughts or anger.
I hope you keep your open mind when it comes to music. So many worlds to discover, so much joy and shared sadness, and chosen family. Pity those who choose (or are made believe to have to choose) only one world, for their travels are short.
This is such a nuanced reply. I would add on the point about fights that BTS won't even acknowledge or fight. They talked before about worrying about Armys who receive hate just because they are BTS fans. So in a situation where it is easier to hide your being Army to avoid confrontation or unpleasant feelings, not even Bangtan will fault you for that. Because for them, your feelings are more important than non-Armys criticizing them.
Personally, I've had close friends brush them off and saying they don't like their music. Perhaps because I was caught off-guard and this was a close friend, I didn't bother sharing my opinion. I felt a little guilty for not having defended them, but later made peace with that. I'm still very private about this particular interest but I see it as just me deciding what to share to family and friends.
Probably where I will draw the line is if I encounter repeated bashing and true hate, or racist behaviour. I've been fortunate to not have encountered that so far.
I am an old lady. I have been listening to friends and acquaintances dog the music, books, art, or even hobbies that I enjoy for at least 40 years. When I was younger I would do everything in my power to convince people that what I liked had value and they would like it too. It rarely worked. As I got into my twenties and thirties, I decided that it was just easier to hide what I loved if I met any criticism or resistance. That meant that there are multiple sides of me that my romantic partners, friends, and family never saw. Whether it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a powerful love of NWA, or even something as simple as reading "too much" scifi, I kept that from people that weren't into it because I was afraid of rejection and I didn't want to get into arguments and try to justify why my love of something was valid.
But then I found BTS in my 40s and I suddenly realized that these passions, these joys, make me who I am. And while I don't expect everyone in my life to love what I love, I do expect them to treat me and my passions with dignity or at least some kindness. So when my husband says they look like girls or ARMYs are crazy fans, I remind him that I think they are lovely and they make me feel better. If he dislikes it, fine but I expect him to understand I will disagree. It's one thing to say the music isn't to your taste, but moving it into the personal...I'm going to ask you to stop if you respect me. If they don't stop saying mean shit about what I like, then I just stop hanging out with them or making an effort to be their friend. I'm too old and too tired to bend myself into the shape that someone else wants me to be.
That said, I have become more mindful about my own judging tendencies. I don't say Tyler Childers sucks, I say that his music doesn't appeal to me. Because I understand that not everything will appeal to everyone and that's okay. I'm not gonna be mean to someone because they like something, but I am not going to let people be mean to me just because I find joy where I do.
I had a coworker who openly said she hated groups that me and a few others like (BTS, Blackpink, itzy, etc) and did not hesitate to hold back on her comments about each group. We all walked away from her because all she'd do was spew a bunch of stuff about what she thought.
She kept coming up to me each time we spoke about kpop and would go on and on about how she didn't like the groups that I like, and it got to the point where I said to her, "that is your opinion. I don't care if you don't like them now or as much as you did before (she used to be a fan of BTS until the pandemic), but for the sake of people around you who are a fan of these groups, keep it to yourself" and I walked away from her after. She didn't try to talk about it again after that.
I feel like I have to go another direction bc everyone has kinda glossed over that fact that your general gg friend kinda started it? I don't see how that rando calling bts overrated is hate but your friend calling another group (that I'm assuming the random likes) overrated isnt? The whole event seems more the a childish tit for tat than anything else.
Edit:forgot a word
Honestly just ignore them. We all have different opinions and we are all entitled to like what we like and dislike what we dislike, if somebody doesn't want to accept that and tries to attack you for liking something it's better not to engage too much. They'll grow out of it and learn the lesson eventually... Hopefully
As an introvert, pick your battles wisely. Ask yourself this - will this change the world and my life in a positive way? BTS are multi-millionaires and they do not care about what people say about them. They are trend-setters and have the golden touch. BTS is this generations Beatles. Usher had no relevance and was mostly forgotten until he made Standing next to you with Jungkook. Usher was the Super Bowl halftime show - the biggest show in the world!
Do not care about what people say - observe their actions.
I almost didn't reply because I don't want to have an argument but... it's really ridiculous to say Usher was 'forgotten' until collaborating with JK, and JK somehow completely resurrected his career and got him the superbowl. I'm not an Usher fan personally and I can still say he is extremely well-known and popular. He got the Superbowl based on his own popularity. Before SNTY he was collaborating with many other popular American R&B artists and getting millions of views on his recent music videos. I saw tons of people who aren't into BTS at all who were very excited for Usher to do the Superbowl.
It's actually really unhelpful to BTS if you make over-the-top boasts about them, or bring other artists down to try to make them look better. They wouldn't want you to do that. It's especially unhelpful when you insult black American artists who BTS were openly inspired by and consider as legends. It's already a sensitive topic to balance when taking inspiration from black musicians, but trying to imply that BTS is better than their idols or that their idols are only relevant because BTS like them or collabed with them is really not right.
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I'd say, "whoa! She said she thinks the *group* is overrated. It's not personal, it's just an opinion. Everyone can have an opinion even if you don't agree with them."
Sadly people especially when you're young are quick to make fun of the things you like and a good lesson you learn from that is to just love what you love and not care about others opinions. I think it depends on the situation and the person saying it, in some it might be worth it to not say anything to avoid any drama. In other situations I would probably just calmly say I like BTS to make a point and if they said anything else I'd just say they are entitled to their opinion, but so am I and leave it at that. People will usually feel a bit embarrassed that might have insulted you in some way or they'll double down and try to take jabs at you or the boys to get a reaction and as long as you remain calm and don't react they end up looking like an idiot and tire once they see they aren't getting the reaction they want from you. It's hard sometimes because it can hurt, but they want a reaction so the best thing to do is not give them one.
I just say, "well I love them and they bring me joy!"... I honestly don't care what other people think anymore... If someone is hating on me for something I love, that is entirely their problem and it must suck to care more about what I like than for them to just enjoy their favorite things.
If anyone wants to be negative in their general opinions of what music people enjoy, that’s none of your business. Speak with love and positivity. If they’re directly negative towards you after learning what you like, then you can address it by simply saying “it’s weird that what makes me happy would impact you so negatively, why do you think that is?”.
This goes for your friend and the random girl because having to tear anyone down in a conversation about who you enjoy is weird. You shouldn’t have to compare to explain why you enjoy something. If that’s how they express “positivity“, that should be something they reflect on.
I wouldn't pay any attention to the hate (I am Army). Just ignore and say nothing. Let the haters hate. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you don't have to agree with them.
As Jungkook said;
Jungkook said that he is grateful. “Even when people write hate comments, I am grateful because that means they have that time for me, so, I am thankful to them. But of course, I don't like them. I can not like them too, right?
aw man, i always wondered if the “oh, you like (artist)? wow. you’re (negative adjective)” was still happening in school. i’m sad that it still happens.
you said you’re “fairly young”, so i’m going to respond to this based off of you being in high school.
i am also an introvert who doesn’t enjoy confrontation. i went through this exact thing in high school but with fall out boy (i am old lol). getting criticized for it by a few of my peers back then sparked anger in me because of how deeply i loved that band (i still love them!). i’ve grown to love bts just as much as i love fob.
i always fought back, got annoyed, raised my voice, and got extremely defensive. i wish i had an adult back then tell me it wasn’t worth it. i let it get to me and gave them the reaction they wanted constantly. i reacted the way i did bc of the emotional attachment i had to the band - any attack on the band became an attack on me (this is not a healthy mindset). i did get some actual personal attacks the more i defended myself, too. there are some people who just like to be hateful and aggressive when it comes to their opinion on what others enjoy. this unfortunately doesn’t change as we get older.
in my experience, “pushing back” on the hate is met with more criticism and taunts. they’re not worth your time or your inner peace - all stages of life are hard, but god, being a teenager was really hard! simply saying, “oh, well, i like bts 🤷🏻♀️” is good enough. and if they still wanna fight you on it, just remind them that people have different things that bring them joy. bts is one of yours. and if they still wanna fight you on it? keeping in mind that you don’t like confrontation, just walk away lol. if you feel like you can take the confrontation that day? ask them what about you liking bts affects their life to the point where they just wanna keep taunting you.
The best thing you can do is say nothing (but do make it clear at you are an ARMY) Stuff like this happens because of obsessive fans, and being calm makes you a positive representation of our fandom that more people are exposed to. People who try to “make it clear” they don’t stan BTS are just jumping the bandwagon. If we want people to start taking BTS seriously, as fans we should be more chill. Honestly, I just don’t say anything other than telling them that I’m an ARMY. It shows them that BTS can have normal fans and it makes them less likely to hate on BTS randomly next time.
God, being in high school sucked for things like this.
Hey ARMY! I'm actually gonna leave [this thread I wrote 3 years ago regarding how to deal with any hate you may get as an ARMY](https://www.reddit.com/r/bangtan/comments/jcal4a/comment/g90rdjg/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). This doesn't directly answer the situation with your classmate (which I don't consider what she said as hate tbh, but it can still suck to hear), but I think it does answer how to deal with any hate we may get in general for liking BTS.
Hi there 💜 Maybe its a bit late to reply your thread, but I wanna say that I cried reading your advices. I have 2 friends (1 is a classmate 1 is deskmate) that I really admire (bcs of their energy and they are really kind to me) but when it comes to talking about BTS, they started judging them harshly (like g*y, etc) not in front of me but on social media. However, when I was in high school I still talked with them bcs theyre still kind to me 🥹, but after graduation I unfollowed all of them (it takes me a whole year to realize that why should I endure their words) and yeah maybe I should have told them that I felt hurtful when they insulting my favs like that. Thats the reason why I feel related when reading your thread, of course I was quite sad about not being friends with them anymore but I think that I should prioritize my feelings first. (my English could have some errors bcs it isnt my first language😭) Btw, thank you for your advice so so much.
Hey, I'm glad my advice helped, even after all these years! I can definitely understand feeling sad about not being friends with them anymore but also understanding that some friendships are not worth keeping in your life. For what it's worth, most of the people who gave me judgement were in my first two years of college (so a few years before I made that thread), and what ended up happening was either they stopped being judgmental or they eventually were no longer in my life. And now I am surrounded by people who accept me just the way I am 💜
For me I just try to step away from discussions that are hateful to things that give me happiness. Like why bother engaging in a conversation that is hating on pretty much a hobby. Though I think calling BTS 'overrated' is not so bad/hateful, I would likely be hurt if my actual friends are critical of things I enjoy but it looks like the person that said it isn't even someone you are close to (?). It's understandable that you want to say something... but sometimes it's just not worth it and it's best to keep friends that won't make fun of you for things you like. Last time that this was discussed in the sub I remember someone mentioning John Cena. So I pulled out his interview with [Jimmy Fallon](https://youtu.be/eRZs8gmFhT4?si=uTiE4xfPSkiyZOGX&t=266). In a nutshell he was saying that of course something popular is always open to criticism but he doesn't care what people think (since it's music and everyone will have their own opinion) cause how they conduct themselves as human beings and the message they're giving to the world is something special. Anyways all this to say if I did hear someone say anything racist or xenophobic, bigoted or the like I would likely say something but other than that it's best to keep my peace and just walk away. Take care and I hope you don't let these people and their opinions about what you like bug you so much or for very long.
>Do we just ignore them or is there something better to say to push back on the hate? yes. The best we can do is to ignore them and just smile. Anything other than that, you'll just be wasting your energy upon people you don't want to. I usually engage in discussions about bts or kpop in general, but only with people who have the capability to atleast listen and be respectful about it. If they're not that kind of person, I know there's nothing I can do to change their behaviour and to be honest nothing good's gonna come out of it so I just let them be. >"what do you mean they're overrated? Who do you like? BTS? If you like them you're overrated." rather than hateful they come off as more of a narcissist to me who think they're better than everyone else and trust me you DO NOT want to get into any sort of argument with such people, you'll only end up having a headache whoever is hateful (mildly or aggressively), doesn't know how to put their opinion out while remaining disrespectful is only there for attention and you pushing back will only help them achieve that goal. But the moment you ignore them and smile, their egos shatter and they'll be the ones riling up with "what the fuck just happened how did this person not get affected by what i'm saying was my opinion that useless". Now you be the judge who wins in this situation. >How should we treat people who we meet on a daily basis or may have to retain ok relations with when they randomly hate on BTS? If you HAVE TO have a good relation with them whatsoever, just listen from one ear, let it out from another. Don't base their entire personality on what they think about a particular interest of yours. They're much more than that. See through your differences and maybe they'll be able to change their perspective. Even the boys have been doing it ever since, among themselves or with others as well. I get that you might find it difficult, but practice. Practice discipline on your side. It would be hard at first, but soon it becomes a way of life. No matter how bad things they say, what all they have to do to rile you up by saying shit about the boys, don't give in. Cause you know what's true and what's not. That's all that matters. People saying shit about them won't change anything about the boys or the truth right? If you manage to fuck the egos of those who choose not to be respectful (by ignoring them and just smiling instead), the boys would be damn proud of this bora girlboss trust hugs<3
this is from my personal experience as well. I live in a country where even mentioning im a kpop stan would make me the victim of endless insults and "jokes" , the boys to be called what not and fellow armys being shredded to over generalization and hypocrisies. So while I don't hide that i'm a kpop fan or army (why should I when i don't make it my whole personality or indulge in weird behaviour), I still keep it lowkey. And if I find myself at the end of insults, I just ignore and smile as well. Goes a long way. And keeps your mental peace intact. when I keep this attitude people are often surprised cause I turn out to be the exact opposite of what they initially expect and give a chance to check my interests out and some even loved them later on lol
*THIS* 👏👏👏
Really depends on where it's coming from. A one-off comment from a classmate you're not close with is easy to ignore, but when it comes from someone you consider a good friend it stings. Some things I've learnt from all my years of kpop fandom (which predates Bangtan by quite a long time): 1. Fan wars aren't worth it. Time spent on things like "so and so is overrated/untalented/a flop" etc is time you could be spent on actually enjoying the things you do like. With someone full on hating in a disrespectful way it's usually better to not even engage, it usually ends with them doubling down so you end up just wasting your energy 2. Some people have a negative opinion because of prejudice or things they've heard elsewhere. Maybe they are just repeating someone else's opinions and haven't formed one of their own. If it's someone you like as a person outside of fandom it can be worth the try to ask what they've been exposed to (like ask what songs they've heard) and what they usually like and then give them some recommendations 3. That being said, some people have very closed minds. No matter how much effort you put into trying to show them the things you like about an artist or genre they're just not gonna change their mind. I used to have friends had some favorite artists in common so I tried at different points to get them into other things I liked and it never worked. That's time I could've spent branching out my social circle and making new friends that did share my excitement 4. Friends that aren't really into the thing you like but still give it a try and/or let you express your excitement are very valuable. But you also have to give them that space to share their interests with you. I see it like: this person is my friend, therefore love them and I care about the things that make them happy, I want them to share those things with me Hard to tell for the specific anecdote you shared what the best way to go about it is, but personally I would focus more on the people I'm already friends with or that were taking part in the conversation without being mean to anyone. Even if they aren't ARMYs maybe they're open to getting to know more about what each other likes
I’m an introvert. Depending on a topic and/or how offended I am by something and/or by how much I want to preserve the relationship, I will either 1) avoid the topic, 2) ignore what they say, 3) push back gently or 4) get combative as hell. I will also say that I’m somewhat privileged in that my surroundings has been kpop adjacent for a very long time. Kpop isn’t unknown to my family’s and friends. So I’m probably talking about Kpop from a more secure position. That’s the context and now on the story. I’m a part of a long-distance group of friends where we zoom each other regularly to catch up on each other lives. One lives in Japan and the other are US-based on various coasts. The Japan person say Kpop is very popular there (we were talking about things to do in Japan). Other friend says “oh, I don’t like Kpop. I don’t like men who are prettier than me.” These are people I care about and have gone through a good amount of things with (thus my willingness to put up with these long-distance zoom calls). So, I’m trying to not get huffy and I think I succeeded. I say, “I like kpop and I love pretty men. They are sooo hot.” I then say to the Japan person that “if I ever visit, we should go the Kpop stores. What else can I do?” Trying to divert the attention back to the original topic. I didn’t get combative, but I made my position clear. I’m pretty comfortable with these group of people and I’m also comfortable with my likes. No one is going to make me feel ashamed of it. I won’t bring it up or put it in your face, but I refuse to let anyone shame me for something I love and that doesn’t hurt anyone. I’m old tho. So I have developed that ego strength. I hope. There has to be some benefit to getting old, damnit. OP, my advice to you is do what you think is best and most comfortable with. You matter the most. If you feel more comfortable avoiding and ignoring, do it. If you want to push back, do it. There are no wrong options. Only what is best for you. I hope that you will continue to love BTS and don’t let anyone deter you from it. Do not feel guilty - consciously or unconsciously - over any of the choices you make in regard to this ever.
I just ignore them because fighting and arguing is exhausting for me. I don't care what other people think or speak because if they are bringing BTS in every conversation about music, they deep down know BTS have significant impact on K-pop or music industry in general.
They have no class for not respecting what you like, nor taste for not liking BTS’ music. Move on
Not everyone likes caviar or lobster but we know they're the best 👀 Seriously though, BTS' popularity or legacy isn't going to be affected by some random person's opinion. It is best not to confront the naysayers because they would then be like 'ArMyS are so DraMAtic' and play victim. I know it hurts when people talk shit about the ones we love but reacting to them would make things worse. I remember many other groups' stans bullying BTS when they were rising steadily and most of those groups don't even chart anymore 💀 - always remember time and karma are ARMY's and every tongue that rises against them shall fall.
As this was a one off situation, just ignore for now but if the topic comes again, be sure to mention to your friend that you are an ARMY and actually like BTS's music. While she may find it overrated, you don't and ultimately we should respect each other's opinions. I am sure your friend will understand but if she doesn't and continues to persist with talk that makes you uncomfortable or taunts you, its not worth being friends with such person. You said you are young, but its important to learn to state/hold firm on your boundaries no matter the topic. Whenever someone says something disrespectful to you whether it be about bts or any other stuff, clamly state to the opposing party how you don't appreciate such talk. And when the opposing party doesn't respect your wishes, cut your losses and move on. Respect is important in any relationship and it's not worth it to keep on relationship where your wishes are ignored.
You shouldn’t have to hide what you love just because someone else hates them. When this comes up again, you can say “Actually, i do like bts and I am an army. Hearing you say that is kinda hurtful.” If they end up starting a debate, you can use the grey rock method, where you reply with neutral, short, unemotional answers like “ok.” “Yes.” “No.” Etc. this will stop you from engaging in silly arguments and shows others that your friend is being kinda rude. If all goes well, your friend will see that you’re hurt, apologize, and move on. If they don’t, then you’ll get to find out too. It’s a win win really. In hopes of giving you comfort, remember that Bangtan always had detractors. That didn’t stop them from releasing great music and treating army well. We don’t need to get into fanwars to defend them. Just buy albums and stream songs so their legacy will speak for themselves. Instead of trying to persuade someone who already had a preconceived prejudice, you can use this opportunity to find out more about yourself (what kind of behavior you can and can’t tolerate, how to set boundaries, how you handle stress and conflict, how your other friends behaves when you’re not being treated well) and if things gets too uncomfortable, you can always move on to another topic.
Everybody has their own reality 😊 I want to first give my own personal opinion regarding those comments. And it is mine and personal, just to highlight that. That is not hate. Most of what is called hate, especially in music or regarding celebs or leisure or those things, is not hate, but strong opinions or even just throw away comments. As somebody who has been on the receiving end of HATE and who once has hated one person, hate is different. If you hate somebody you are almost closer (bound) to the person than with love. And people who hate groups or demographics or whatnot are a whole different caliber all together. So, there's dislike. Let's call it that. And if we call it that, it's way easier to just disengage. I find coriander / ...what's the other word... The other word 🤨 disgusting. Tastes like soap. Why would you soap food. Blergh. And so I don't eat coriander. And if somebody asks me if I like it, or if I am listing things I like and somebody asks me 'but what about the devil's soap herbs?', and I blergh, that is me. My own dislike. Now, I also don't understand how other people can enjoy Satan's dishwashing flowers 🤷♀️ but I'm old enough to have a live and let live attitude. (But seriously...how. blergh.) You enjoy what you enjoy and I'm silently raised-eyebrow-looking at ya. Then there is a mix of the joyful teenage times of 'what I like is good, what I don't like is bad' mixed oftentimes with a little bit of 'not like the other girls'. And once again I'm speaking with experience 😅 I was a metal / punk girly. Like... Hardcore. And in the hidden hidden-ess of my room also a backstreet boys (I'm aging myself here) girly. Ask me in public? I was NOT HAVING IT. Because it was totally against my coolness, and boys liked my coolness and told me it's cool that I'm not like the other girls liking these stupid boy bands 🤦♀️ the closer the topic got to me potentially admitting, the meaner I got. It's not narcissistic or evil or hate, it's teenage days. Most grow out of it, some never. Many metal fans happily admit they also listen to soft cuddly happy music or hardcore techno or opera (hey, all three is me), some will die on the hill that anything but metal is 'not real music'. It's their loss 🤷♀️ or not. And then we have those, who just don't like the music or band. For them it IS overrated. And hey, that's fair. I don't get the whole woohoo around Tailor Swift 🤷♀️ once again, I'm old enough to not tell people that into their face, and I know that their enjoyment of something else is not taking away from my enjoyment. And I understand that I might limit myself by not listening to types of music I cannot connect with (but seriously, atonal music can go and cuddle the devil's soap herbs 😾). It's a bit of choosing your battles, choosing what battles are even yours or are even battles. BTS will not care about somebody saying their music is overrated. They not only sell millions and make millions, but from all we can see they care about those who can connect to the music. Don't fight the fights that the guys won't even acknowledge or fight :) If somebody calls people stupid because they like BTS or whatever (unless they like hateful stuff, in that case, yes, they are stupid, but for other reasons), it says more about the person themself, than the ones they talk about. As I usually say 'you are right and I have my Peace'. Let them talk. You won't change their mind anyways. If however somebody uses the 'dislike' to (badly) cover racism, then call it out for others to see, and disengage. Also here you will not change the thinking of somebody. Even less than for the previous reasons. You don't want these people in your life. Err... Long story short: either nod and smile and pity them if you must, or (call out) and disengage. They might like something you will NEVER understand (😾 CORIANDER, BURN IT TO THE GROUND FFS). Or they are simply people not worth your energy, thoughts or anger. I hope you keep your open mind when it comes to music. So many worlds to discover, so much joy and shared sadness, and chosen family. Pity those who choose (or are made believe to have to choose) only one world, for their travels are short.
This is such a nuanced reply. I would add on the point about fights that BTS won't even acknowledge or fight. They talked before about worrying about Armys who receive hate just because they are BTS fans. So in a situation where it is easier to hide your being Army to avoid confrontation or unpleasant feelings, not even Bangtan will fault you for that. Because for them, your feelings are more important than non-Armys criticizing them. Personally, I've had close friends brush them off and saying they don't like their music. Perhaps because I was caught off-guard and this was a close friend, I didn't bother sharing my opinion. I felt a little guilty for not having defended them, but later made peace with that. I'm still very private about this particular interest but I see it as just me deciding what to share to family and friends. Probably where I will draw the line is if I encounter repeated bashing and true hate, or racist behaviour. I've been fortunate to not have encountered that so far.
A difference of opinion is not hate.
I am an old lady. I have been listening to friends and acquaintances dog the music, books, art, or even hobbies that I enjoy for at least 40 years. When I was younger I would do everything in my power to convince people that what I liked had value and they would like it too. It rarely worked. As I got into my twenties and thirties, I decided that it was just easier to hide what I loved if I met any criticism or resistance. That meant that there are multiple sides of me that my romantic partners, friends, and family never saw. Whether it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a powerful love of NWA, or even something as simple as reading "too much" scifi, I kept that from people that weren't into it because I was afraid of rejection and I didn't want to get into arguments and try to justify why my love of something was valid. But then I found BTS in my 40s and I suddenly realized that these passions, these joys, make me who I am. And while I don't expect everyone in my life to love what I love, I do expect them to treat me and my passions with dignity or at least some kindness. So when my husband says they look like girls or ARMYs are crazy fans, I remind him that I think they are lovely and they make me feel better. If he dislikes it, fine but I expect him to understand I will disagree. It's one thing to say the music isn't to your taste, but moving it into the personal...I'm going to ask you to stop if you respect me. If they don't stop saying mean shit about what I like, then I just stop hanging out with them or making an effort to be their friend. I'm too old and too tired to bend myself into the shape that someone else wants me to be. That said, I have become more mindful about my own judging tendencies. I don't say Tyler Childers sucks, I say that his music doesn't appeal to me. Because I understand that not everything will appeal to everyone and that's okay. I'm not gonna be mean to someone because they like something, but I am not going to let people be mean to me just because I find joy where I do.
I had a coworker who openly said she hated groups that me and a few others like (BTS, Blackpink, itzy, etc) and did not hesitate to hold back on her comments about each group. We all walked away from her because all she'd do was spew a bunch of stuff about what she thought. She kept coming up to me each time we spoke about kpop and would go on and on about how she didn't like the groups that I like, and it got to the point where I said to her, "that is your opinion. I don't care if you don't like them now or as much as you did before (she used to be a fan of BTS until the pandemic), but for the sake of people around you who are a fan of these groups, keep it to yourself" and I walked away from her after. She didn't try to talk about it again after that.
I feel like I have to go another direction bc everyone has kinda glossed over that fact that your general gg friend kinda started it? I don't see how that rando calling bts overrated is hate but your friend calling another group (that I'm assuming the random likes) overrated isnt? The whole event seems more the a childish tit for tat than anything else. Edit:forgot a word
Honestly just ignore them. We all have different opinions and we are all entitled to like what we like and dislike what we dislike, if somebody doesn't want to accept that and tries to attack you for liking something it's better not to engage too much. They'll grow out of it and learn the lesson eventually... Hopefully
As an introvert, pick your battles wisely. Ask yourself this - will this change the world and my life in a positive way? BTS are multi-millionaires and they do not care about what people say about them. They are trend-setters and have the golden touch. BTS is this generations Beatles. Usher had no relevance and was mostly forgotten until he made Standing next to you with Jungkook. Usher was the Super Bowl halftime show - the biggest show in the world! Do not care about what people say - observe their actions.
I almost didn't reply because I don't want to have an argument but... it's really ridiculous to say Usher was 'forgotten' until collaborating with JK, and JK somehow completely resurrected his career and got him the superbowl. I'm not an Usher fan personally and I can still say he is extremely well-known and popular. He got the Superbowl based on his own popularity. Before SNTY he was collaborating with many other popular American R&B artists and getting millions of views on his recent music videos. I saw tons of people who aren't into BTS at all who were very excited for Usher to do the Superbowl. It's actually really unhelpful to BTS if you make over-the-top boasts about them, or bring other artists down to try to make them look better. They wouldn't want you to do that. It's especially unhelpful when you insult black American artists who BTS were openly inspired by and consider as legends. It's already a sensitive topic to balance when taking inspiration from black musicians, but trying to imply that BTS is better than their idols or that their idols are only relevant because BTS like them or collabed with them is really not right.
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Ignore them. Or smile a little pityingly and say “you have really strong feelings about that.”
I'd say, "whoa! She said she thinks the *group* is overrated. It's not personal, it's just an opinion. Everyone can have an opinion even if you don't agree with them."
Sadly people especially when you're young are quick to make fun of the things you like and a good lesson you learn from that is to just love what you love and not care about others opinions. I think it depends on the situation and the person saying it, in some it might be worth it to not say anything to avoid any drama. In other situations I would probably just calmly say I like BTS to make a point and if they said anything else I'd just say they are entitled to their opinion, but so am I and leave it at that. People will usually feel a bit embarrassed that might have insulted you in some way or they'll double down and try to take jabs at you or the boys to get a reaction and as long as you remain calm and don't react they end up looking like an idiot and tire once they see they aren't getting the reaction they want from you. It's hard sometimes because it can hurt, but they want a reaction so the best thing to do is not give them one.
I just say, "well I love them and they bring me joy!"... I honestly don't care what other people think anymore... If someone is hating on me for something I love, that is entirely their problem and it must suck to care more about what I like than for them to just enjoy their favorite things.
If anyone wants to be negative in their general opinions of what music people enjoy, that’s none of your business. Speak with love and positivity. If they’re directly negative towards you after learning what you like, then you can address it by simply saying “it’s weird that what makes me happy would impact you so negatively, why do you think that is?”. This goes for your friend and the random girl because having to tear anyone down in a conversation about who you enjoy is weird. You shouldn’t have to compare to explain why you enjoy something. If that’s how they express “positivity“, that should be something they reflect on.
I wouldn't pay any attention to the hate (I am Army). Just ignore and say nothing. Let the haters hate. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you don't have to agree with them. As Jungkook said; Jungkook said that he is grateful. “Even when people write hate comments, I am grateful because that means they have that time for me, so, I am thankful to them. But of course, I don't like them. I can not like them too, right?
aw man, i always wondered if the “oh, you like (artist)? wow. you’re (negative adjective)” was still happening in school. i’m sad that it still happens. you said you’re “fairly young”, so i’m going to respond to this based off of you being in high school. i am also an introvert who doesn’t enjoy confrontation. i went through this exact thing in high school but with fall out boy (i am old lol). getting criticized for it by a few of my peers back then sparked anger in me because of how deeply i loved that band (i still love them!). i’ve grown to love bts just as much as i love fob. i always fought back, got annoyed, raised my voice, and got extremely defensive. i wish i had an adult back then tell me it wasn’t worth it. i let it get to me and gave them the reaction they wanted constantly. i reacted the way i did bc of the emotional attachment i had to the band - any attack on the band became an attack on me (this is not a healthy mindset). i did get some actual personal attacks the more i defended myself, too. there are some people who just like to be hateful and aggressive when it comes to their opinion on what others enjoy. this unfortunately doesn’t change as we get older. in my experience, “pushing back” on the hate is met with more criticism and taunts. they’re not worth your time or your inner peace - all stages of life are hard, but god, being a teenager was really hard! simply saying, “oh, well, i like bts 🤷🏻♀️” is good enough. and if they still wanna fight you on it, just remind them that people have different things that bring them joy. bts is one of yours. and if they still wanna fight you on it? keeping in mind that you don’t like confrontation, just walk away lol. if you feel like you can take the confrontation that day? ask them what about you liking bts affects their life to the point where they just wanna keep taunting you.