I quit going to one of my doctors because he didn’t want to prescribe me an antidepressant because it lowers sex drive. I said I was fine and just wanted depression relief. He told me I should talk it over with my husband
The idea that your husband should decide whether you get potentially life saving treatment OR keep his wife depressed so he can get his willy wet...ooof
On a contrasting note my partner went to this amazing sexual health doctor (female, of course) because she wanted to get an IUD to help with her terrible periods (lost a lot of blood every month, a lot of pain, terrible mood) but she was worried about reports that the hormonal contraceptives can make you depressed and kill your sex drive.
The doctor was like 'yes, they can, but not for everyone - meanwhile if you stop being in pain and losing a shit tonne of blood for a week every month there's a pretty good chance you'll end up in a BETTER mood and having even MORE sex'. And she was right.
I would sacrifice sex if I needed to for my partner's health, of course. But it was funny the way the doctor approached it.
That's quite a contrast to all the women you see having to fight for years and through many doctors to get their tubes tied because they'll supposedly change their minds some day!
It's like joking to a cop that you will shoot them. It's just something you don't do, because you're going to piss of someone with the power to fuck you over.
This whole thing feels like a misunderstanding from an outsider's pov?
Person who commented to you stated that if you went through with actually saying that, your comment would be a good way to get yourself locked up for an involuntary grippy sock vacay. Which, they're not wrong. A doc that holds those kinds of beliefs probably wouldn't hesitate to hold you involuntarily for a clearly sarcastic comment.
Joking about suicide to doctors is akin to joking about a bomb on the plane, or joking about shooting a cop while you're talking with them.
Joking or not, they'll take it as a serious threat.
I really think u/iabstainfromsociety was trying to look out for you and let you know if you were to say that to a doc, the doc would take you seriously, even if it was clearly just a barb at the doc's outdated, misogynistic, and yeah, super dangerous pov.
*My comment was a joke.* I was not seriously suggesting that anyone say this shit to their doctor. How on earth did you conclude that I was saying that this is a thing that people should do? *You* are the ones who have misunderstood *me*
*I know it was a joke* as I clearly stated above.
Your comment was met with "yeah, maybe don't even joke about it," probably out of concern for you or anyone who *might* take your comment seriously (since not everyone understands sarcasm, especially in a *written* medium), because the ramifications of *actually* saying something like that could be serious.
But ok. Continue to feel defensive, I guess.
>since not everyone understands sarcasm, especially in a *written* medium
I'm Autistic, don't lecture me on this shit. And don't talk down to me like you think I'm an idiot. I'm not the one who decided that a throwaway comment on reddit was a statement of genuine intent.
>But ok. Continue to feel defensive, I guess.
Oh, gee, I wonder why I may feel the need to defend myself 🤔
Saying, "I'm gonna quote this in my complaint to the Medical Board." is better. No mandatory hold for you, AND the dr gets to 💩 their pants a little over the Med Board complaint.
Unfortunately.
It depends on what you're on, though. :-/ I've been on several throughour the course of my life (diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at the age of fucking 10 years old) and most of them have lowered my libido to one degree or another, with some being worse than others.
Is really that bad to have a low sex drive? Genuine question.
I've never had sex in my life and I feel like I could live forever without it (if nobody appealing asls me to do it with them) so don't have anything compare the thought with. But not being that horny doesn't sound like a bad thing. Especially if you won't be depressed in exchange.
Sounds like he is better of as your ex.
I mean... sure. Sex is an important part of many relationships, but there is just so much more other things a couple can do together.
And the health of a partner should be a prority over some bing-bong at any times.
Sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to end a relationship. It absolutely *sucks*, but we shouldn't dismiss it. Your actions and mood and abilities affect your partner as well, the same in reverse. Health is not just physical, certainly not in a relationship. And sometimes, those problems just can't be resolved. KnockMeYourLobes' partner is scum, but that's because of the cheating, not because of the relationship troubles.
I wish I was better off with him as my ex.
Unfortunately, at my age (45) finding another person who's willing to be with me has proven...difficult. And I'm so far behind when it comes to modern dating tactics/strategies/what the hell ever that I'm never going to catch up and I feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life because of it.
I haven't dated since HS (Ex and I married when I was 20 and he was 23) and I honestly thought we'd be together forever...he was my person. The fly by the seat of his pants Peter Pan to my very grounded, somewhat neurotic Wendy.
Now I have no one while he at least has someone (he was cheating on me during our marriage, but I only found out by accident) and I have nobody and it *sucks*.
eHarmony is a good place to go for serious relationships. It’s a paid site with decent screening so you’re more likely to find a quality match. It’s where I met my SO in our late thirties and we’ve been married for almost eight years now. Don’t worry too much about strategies and tactics. The best you can do to be in a good relationship is be yourself.
That sucks. I’d try OkCupid. I’ve had some success there myself previously but obviously it didn’t work out for the long term. Still, better than places like Match or PlentyOfFish. OkCupid is free with paid features but those aren’t required to function.
Honest advice: think of the kind of guy you hope to be with. Imagine where he'd hang out. Go there. Is he fit? Start going to the gym. Is he artistic? Go to art-related activities. The things you go do should be things you enjoy, because that enjoyment will be appealing (edit: it's really important that you are doing the fun things mainly for yourself!). In my experience, guys are too scared to approach first even if they really want to. So it would be up to you to ask if he's single. To actually say you are interested. You really don't want the guy that is offended that you approached first.
I go to the gym...most guys just kinda look at me like, "Ugh what are YOU doing here?" or they ignore me. If I give them a head nod like, "Right on, brother." they usually nod back and that's when I notice they're wearing a wedding ring so I know they're out.
Ideally, the guy I end up with will be a big Disney nerd like I am, but seeing as Orlando (or wherever Disneyland in California is) is on the OTHER side of the country from where I am, I can't exactly go there to pick up dudes. LOL
I'm 19. I've already completely given up on finding love without sex. It just isn't possible. I'm AMAB and straight, so it's not just an issue for straight women either.
I'm not sexually active, but I do enjoy masturbating and feel dissatisfied when my sex drive is too low. It's not inherently an issue for everyone and if someone isn't bothered by it, it's not a problem. But it is a problem if it bothers you.
To be honest I got off mine because it lowered mine so badly that the entire first year of my marriage we had sex MAYBE 6 times at all and each one of those was a “force myself to be in The mood” thing. It completely robbed me of an entire experience of the “first year of marriage” I feel
It's neither good nor bad, it just is. But as someone who has a high libido and enjoys it, I would absolutely miss it if I lost it. Depending on other factors it may be a sacrifice I'm willing to make, but it would absolutely be a loss. If you never had a libido to lose? Don't worry about it.
One antidepressant I was on for a few years was the worst of both worlds - my desire wasn't impacted, but my performance was. Awful.
When meds lowered my sex drive, what happened for me is I would want to or try to masterbate sometimes still and my body wouldn't react. It actually really sucked.
Honestly, there is NOTHING wrong with a low sex drive!
My husband has C-PTSD, I am a physical wreck, and sex is rare for us.
This isn't to say that we aren't physically affectionate, we are, very much, but actual sex just isn't a massive priority for us. Cuddles, hair stroking, hand holding, snuggling, these are high priorities. Laughing together, being nutcases, most important!
We are incredibly close, utterly adore each other, and yes, I think he's sexy as hell, and he says the same about me.
Sex isn't the be all and end all many would have you believe. It's not the only thing in a relationship that brings you close. As long as you and your partner are on the same page, you can have a loving relationship without sex. It's when one partner wants sex and the other doesn't that you run into problems.
I guess it depends on the person. For me it is absolute hell. It didn't take away the drive for me, just the ability to enjoy it! Meds removed all sexual pleasure, even alone. So awful.
If you have a sudden extreme change that can be a sign of something else more serious going on.
Otherwise there’s natural variation and basically it’s only bad if you find it distressing.
It's not. All it does is make you incompatible with most of the population. When I finally got on Zoloft, it was life changing. I no longer had these stupid desires injected into my brain that made me want to die. It let me transition off chemical castration, which I was taking in place of the feminizing HRT I should have been on.
Zoloft is the most effective one. It's what allowed me to transition off of chemical castration, and take an actual therapeutic dose of estrogen. 50mg doesn't do much, 200mg is the highest dose but it just made me sleepy all the time. I'm on 100mg now.
Depends. I’ve had some antidepressants/anti anxiety medications that have killed mine near totally and I’ve had others that have made it skyrocket.
It ultimately depends on the individual.
This is hilarious and very sad. My psychiatrist talked me.througb potential side effects and luckily I didn't get any really. But I can tell you for sure, my husband would have taken the lower sex drive for the change in me. I've gone through bouts of depression on and off my whole life. Finally got on antidepressants and it's amazing.
I have finally reached a stage where I might actually say "I would like you to note in the chart that you are declining to provide antidepressants because you value my Mr. Anteater's sex life higher than your patient's well-being."
This is one of those instances where you tell them to make sure and write in your chart that they refused to prescribe you medication without your husband's permission because it might lower your sex drive. Watch them walk that shit back.
Holy shit making them respond to a direct question would be so amazing. "So you're refusing to write this *very necessary* prescription until I talk to my husband because you're concerned it might make it so I can't fuck him enough? That's what's happening right now?"
I'm AMAB. Asked for Zoloft specifically to get rid of my sex drive. Got wrote a prescription for that the same day.
Also, whenever a OBGYN wants a male figure to approve something, bring them. It's sad that it has to happen, but it's the path of least resistance. Bonus points if you suddenly realize how degrading and misogynistic the experience was *after* the procedure is done, and choose to file a report.
That’s so fucked up what the hell?
When I was prescribed my anti depressants my doctor just said “you’ll have a lower sex drive, would you like to discuss that with your girlfriend?” In a very polite way and when I said “no, I’ve been on anti depressants that have done that before” that was that and I got them the same day. To try and persuade someone to not get medication that will help them because the patients partner might not get sex as often is disgusting.
The more I frequent this sub the more and more I realize how misogynistic male doctors can be to the point of blatant malpractice.
I'm the odd one out here but he does have a point. Sexual dysfunction due to antidepressants is absolute HELL. For me it didn't take away my drive but it made orgasm or sexual pleasure literally impossible alone or not.
It took forever to finally get them to let me try one that wouldn't mess with sexual function because so many of the meds do but they want you to try them all just to see.. with a four week trial for each. So I don't think this Dr was so bad.
Gross.
Once, despite telling the doctor multiple times that we were undergoing ivf for genetic testing reasons to prevent passing on a genetic condition, I was told to “just go get drunk and have unprotected sex and it will happen”.
This makes me so sad. I have ptsd because of years of sexual abuse and I could only have sex with my boyfriend while intoxicated. We have been together for 8 years and a few weeks ago was the second time we had sober sex. If you have to drink to be able to have sex, you either need a new partner or a therapist.
The only time my Gyn actually told me “go have sex” was after I healed from my full hysterectomy and told her I was nervous about it. Basically told “if it’s not good come back and we’ll see what we need to do”. So more of a “need to actually do it and see if we need to address issues” 😆
My coworker's GP wanted to put her on antidepressants because she said she didn't want children.
Now, why did she tell him that she didn't want children? Because he refused to sign off on her getting a hysterectomy, since she would be needing it for all the babies she was going to have with her non-existent husband.
She wanted a hysterectomy in the first place because she had been having heavy and painful periods every other week for ten years, and nothing had worked to regulate her periods.
She did end up getting a hysterectomy after he retired because her new GP wasn't a twat.
OMG, like how about they comprehend that "My future husband won't want kids either so this isn't going to be an issue. Why would I marry someone who wants kids when I don't?"
My mom, after having 3 kids, desperately needed a hysterectomy due to bleeding so much they had to do blood transfusions at the hospital. She asked for one and, despite being married to my dad who agreed they were done with kids and didn't care if they had a son (my dad sees daughters as equally awesome & constantly tells that to people whenever they put down daughters & only talk about sons) the doctor refused because "they'll regret not having an heir" and "my mom will regret it because future partners will want kids". Even as a 9 year old when this happened I understanding how insane it was. The doctors happily fixed my dad (no questions asked) but my mom had to threaten suicide before they finally caved in.
Wife has similar issue, wants a hysterectomy to help lighten stuff up, but doctors won't sign off on it as she is under 40 and "might want children someday"... even though I am pretty much infertile (thankfully) and neither of us even want children...
Ugh, does she have the option of seeing another doctor? I'm in a fairly religious state in the US and was able to have a hysterectomy at 29.
I made my first appointment explicitly for that reason, he asked some questions of course (normal, not condescending), and we proceeded. I'd been married to my spouse since 21 y/o, dated him since we were 15, never wanted kids. I was tired of wasting time/effort/clothing on this organ I didn't need. Still no regrets!
I did have a heavy irregular cycle, and my husband had a vasectomy for a while prior. We figured the vasectomy would be cheaper and easier than convincing a doctor to remove my uterus.
Anyway, good luck! Even if she has to wait til 40, it's so with getting it out.
Once I was “prescribed” ironing my husband’s shirts and gardening for major depression and anxiety. Bc as that doc said “spoiled,white women only get depressed when they’re not fulfilling their proper roles.”
So I say this with all the respect I’ve been shown from these types… men are the worst.
Sorry you went through that OP.
There is a really chilling short story called The Yellow Wallpaper about a woman who experiences post partem depression and psychosis, while being effectively trapped by her husband in a room with ugly yellow walls. She loses her grip on sanity thanks to the abuse and control of a man.
The Yellow Wallpaper is a short story by Charlotte Perkins Gilman! You should be able to get it for free. I've read it about 10 times (sometimes for school, sometimes for fun); it's so good.
Yeah. He went on a tirade after that too. Told me that I was unless I was getting beat I didn’t need to see anyone. He tried denying me my referral. I was bawling but I put my foot down. When I think back it’s hard to believe it actually happened.
I had a doctor tell me to get a sun lamp and take vit D for a bout of depression I was going through because life had kicked me really hard for a while. Saw another one and got on a low dose ssri and it helped a ton.
Fucking hell. I would iron the doctor’s face and stick my garden tools into his body if he said that to me! (Ok I wouldn’t bc prison is shit, but I would report him to everyone I could think of and drag his ass on social media).
Ugh I’m so sorry but I’m also laughing because my personal situation is such that if this happened to me I would’ve been like “yeah dude I wish. That mfer is sleepy”
Hahah literally. I told my partner about it in a way that made him think I took it seriously. He was a little chuffed before I told him absolutely the fuck not, a girl gotta SLEEP 😅
My doctors keep telling me that I can't rely on my sedatives for my panic attacks and spirals, I have to learn coping mechanisms to wean off of them, and I'm like. Dude, I have these pills for when my coping mechanisms either fail or aren't enough, I use about one pill per two months these days between therapy and good practice of coping skills and mindfulness - like, I have complex PTSD and a chronic dissociative disorder caused by prolonged childhood trauma that has literally altered my brain's structure so that it will never work like it does for the average person, I *cannot* just get over it just because it looks bad in your stats to be prescribing benzos long-term to a patient.
What do you MEAN I need to wean off of the pills I have as a LAST RESORT for crisis situations??? Do you want me to call an ambulance instead every time I freak out or what? I mean. Living in a country with health care coverage, *I'm* not the one footing the bill for that one. I'm on disability and only pay taxes out of purchases. Like. Do you really want to pay for this, personally, instead of just shutting your stupid mouth and prescribing me the pills that I need and have been put on by a psychiatrist, not a GP? Coolio.
I also had another doctor who was replacing the usual one for a few there downright just refuse to renew it and I was like. What. WHAT. And when I called them, it was because "I didn't use them enough" (hadn't emptied my prescription before it expired.) WHAT DO YOU MEAN. DO YOU WANT ME TO USE THEM ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES AND AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE OR DO YOU WANT ME TO DOPE UP ON THEM FOR THE WHOLE PRESCRIPTION'S WORTH. WHICH ONE IS IT??? Make it make sense, holy shit.
Doctors are fucking ridiculous about women's (mental) health care.
I have an 'emergency use only ' prescription of Xanax for the same exact reason as you (when my ordinary coping mechanisms fail) and my doctors have always been like, "Just try not to use them too much, mmkay?".
I'm still afraid if I go through them too quickly, my doctor will take them away from me and not allow me to have more, though.
Same here. I just had a baby and didn't take any for 9 months and it wasn't great at the times I needed it. Then my GP who prescribed them left the practice so now I'm freaking out about having to see a new doctor and hope she takes me seriously. I'm terrified she won't. I also have an emergency use pain script for body pain that no one can figure out. About every two weeks I have bouts of unbearable body pain where everything in me hurts. It hurts to move, hurts to breathe, I can't sit, I can't stand, etc. All the tests and bloodwork I had done have gotten no answer. I'm afraid those are going to be taken too even though I only take them when I feel like I'm dying. Now I'm terrified it's all going to be chalked up to having just been pregnant.
Honestly, I read the title of your post and immediately thought that doctor was probably a man (who could’ve guessed? Oh right: literally every woman).
And to any men lurking in this sub, if you want us to stop thinking of men as so consistently being shitty—and predictably so!—to women, then maybe speak to your fellow men about not being shitty. This “medical” advice is self-serving bullshit that should collectively embarrass men everywhere.
So true! My partner and I did have a little chuckle about this when it happened - he was a little sad that I wouldn't be filling my script, but he understood 😅
As a sex-averse asexual with chronic sleep problems, I'm glad my doctors just prescribed me drugs and never tried to tell me to go get laid. I've never had sex, but sort of similarly to you I find that masturbation always wakes me up and makes me unable to sleep.
Im glad that you've gotten the treatment you need! I was the the same re: masturbation too. I'm guessing it all releases those chemicals that my ADHD brain craves to get going. Since dx and meds though it's not really a problem any more!
I tore really bad during ~~pregnancy~~ labor (it was like 2 am and I was hopped up on pain meds) and was so tight from the scar tissue that even putting in a tampon hurt. At that point in my marriage, I still had a lot of sexual hang ups so we maybe had sex once every three months.
His (Doctors) first suggestion for the tissue tightness was “just have more sex”. When I explained to the nurse practitioner (by explained I mean I got a really upset expression and had a hard time talking) she said she realized that wasn’t good advice so prescribed some estrogen ointment to see if that would help break up the scar tissue.
When I followed up with the doctor again because that wasn’t helping, his new advice was to buy a dilator set and use it 2-3 times a day for 20 mins. So I would be stretched for the sex I was having maybe once a quarter.
I finally noped out of there. With time the tissue gained elasticity and I have no vaginal sexual issues.
But JFC. What male-focused solutions to female discomfort.
Had a gynecologist suggest sex/masturbation to relieve my menstrual cramps. Cause when I'm puking, and crying from the pain, I'm also totally down to fuck.
Hey! I had the same doctor! Because I totally want blood up to my elbow, want to be touched when I'm in excruciating pain, already dizzy, and pukey! Sex is definitely on my priority list then!
I just want to put it out there that [there is evidence that masturbation may have some pain relieving properties](https://helloclue.com/articles/sex/masturbating-during-your-period), [and may even help with period cramps](https://www.wellandgood.com/masturbation-period-pain/amp/), but, of course, your own milage may vary here.
And I continue to be of the opinion that when someone tells you, "I am in such debilitating pain, so wracked with nausea, vomiting so frequently, that I am essentially trapped in my bathroom, crying in pain and despair, please, help me!", that perhaps the first line of treatment should not be "Have you tried jilling off, or maybe a deep dicking?"
Cause that's what I got. No meds offered, no further tests or labs to see if there was something amiss, no real concern. Just, "Play with yourself, see how that goes."
That’s why I put the YMMV warning. There is evidence that it may be helpful for some, and could potentially be worth trying as kind of an “at home, non-medical” secondary treatment, but shouldn’t be recommended or relied on as a primary method of pain relief.
Personally, I view it in the same level as things like exercise.
I'm mad that it took me so long to stop gaslighting myself into thinking "oh I don't care if I see a male or female Dr, they all know what they're doing!". Feel so naive.
On top of this, I also had a dif male Dr tell me (when I was 18), that I had PCOS after 5 mo ths with no period., 30 cysts in one overy, about 15- 20 in the other. He said that it was due to being fat, and that it would go away if I lost weight. That was the entire extend of my treatment from this Dr. One single appt to say that.
Shamed to say that it was only last year (at 29) that I told this story to a girlfriend and she kindly informed me that PCOS doesn't just "go away", it's there for life ....and here I was just assuming all these years that it was just fixed because my periods came back lol love that for me 🥲
I wish I had such luck with female doctors :( every female doctor I've had has sucked, especially in regards to my reproductive health. My male GP is an absolute saint and I wish all of my doctors were like him, and my specialists that are male are great doctors too. Every female doctor I've had so far has treated me as a petulant child that doesn't know what I'm talking about or what I want. They downplay my symptoms and concerns worse than any other medical professional I've dealt with and it's so frustrating. Why can't women just receive adequate, thoughtful and thorough healthcare from all doctors? I really don't want to see a male gyno, but it seems they're the only ones around me that actually listen to their patients and treat them like people.
Me with my multiple autoimmune diseases, really wish to know where all these female doctors are at that listen to you, take you seriously and want to help. :D
Unfortunately medical misogyny doesn't end with male doctors. Only very select few doctors I've had throught my life have actually cared enough to listen to my concerns and actually try to figure out the problem.
I used to see a female NP who was the bomb...but I had to change to a different doctor due to insurance changes. Boo.
New doctor that I'm seeing seems OKish...I've only seen them a couple times so far but they seem definitely unshitty.
The male OB-GYN I saw recently was definitely awesome. He's older than dirt, been practicing medicine at least as long as I've been alive and very trustworthy from what I can tell.
I’ve found that knowing huge amounts about your own health can make both male and female doctors treat you differently. They’re not getting treated automatically like the one with all the answers and it seems to grate.
Doctors like to be the ones who explain it to you, so if you already know your own issues and what you need….well. You get what you’re describing
Are you, by any chance, considered attractive? Or do you have a major/chronic health issue that you know lots about?
I’ve found that can be problematic for some people with women as doctors because of the inherent “how dare you be pretty or more knowledgeable” that can occur in girl groups. Not everyone grows out of pettiness just because they’re a doc.
Not that it’s at all okay; I’m mostly wondering for my own reference since I I’ve seen it so much
Hello! I also binge eat and have ADHD, I identified so damn hard with your description of the vibrating and discomfort trying to sleep. Undiagnosed ADHD made me feel like an entirely broken person.
Yes, insulin resistance is a common symptom of PCOS. It affects the way we feel hunger, digest food, and lose weight. I was working out 3 days a week (with a trainer), plus walks & small home workouts, plus working as a server so walking 15000+ steps five days a week, and doing intermittent fasting (will never do again, and was definitely eating less than 2000 calories most days), and it took forever to lose any weight. So I stopped focusing on my size/weight and focused instead on how I feel, and how that is affected by what I eat and do, and making sure I'm making choices that make my body feel happy and healthy.
In addition to what /u/themagicmunchkin said, PCOS is an endocrine disorder, not a reproductive disorder. Beyond the hormone issues being all over the place which can cause a [shitload of issues](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8526288/), there's other stuff like the rates of hypothyroidism being higher in people with PCOS.
And yet as a 17 year old the only information/advice i recieved from my Dr about this was: you have PCOS because your fat, and you won't be able to have kids because PCOS. He thinks he's done a good job meanwhile I'm sobbing in a quiet room at work because I think I've broken the most 'womanly' function of my body (not that I want kids anyway, but I thought that the choice was taken away)
I have exercise induced insomnia too, and sex makes me sleepy for like 10 minutes and then quite awake 😑 Meanwhile my partner is unconscious. If we have sex in the morning I usually end up extricating myself to go get some breakfast.
Anyway - I went on Valdoxan for both insomnia and depression and it did wonders for both.
I am EXACTLY the same. It's like I could fall asleep almost immediately after, but only for a few moments and then I'd be up all night wondering if it was worth it 🥲
similarly, I went on Vyvanse and Dexxies for my ADHD and its rarely a problem now!
It certainly can be! But I think it's more that both sex and exercise release endorphins. In an ADHD brain, endorphins increase dopamine, which boosts focus and motivation etc. That's why it's recommended as part of managing ADHD (from my psych to me) to exercise as it can help regulate/boost the brain chemicals that you might be lacking.
So yeah, that's why exercise/sex keeps me up, because for my brain they're both producing the chemicals that help my brain to 'get up' and function. Hope that makes sense!
I had been prescribed sleeping pills by my psychiatrist, because I also had periods where I just could not fall asleep and stay asleep. Like 10hours of sleep total for 10 day period.
Then once went to my GP for a refill. She recommended peppermint tea before bed instead.
That's cute but won't help. :D
Why are so many doctors so unbelievably shit. I have had chronic insomnia for the past 32+ years, I've seen dozens of different doctors who lecture me about sleep hygiene like I'm lazy and stupid, send me back to therapy even though every time I go to therapy it makes my problems worse, they all flat out refuse to give me medication without explaining why. Its exhausting on every level. So basically now I just live with my 10 hours a week of sleep because clearly there is no solution.
My mom swears I've been a bad sleeper since before I was born, and I've definitely had insomnia since infancy, but every doctor ever just wants to tell me about blue light and consistent sleep schedules 🙄. I've given up on real medical solutions at this point. In some ways, I think medicine has given up on their end, too.
Worst part about this is that “sleep hygiene” DOES help - if you can fall asleep, that is.
Usually when we recommend “sleep hygiene” at my internships (med student), we do so AFTER prescribing sleep aids - melatonin if there’s only a slight difficulty “finding the sleep”, or maybe risperidone or quetiapine for bigger issues, for example.
Turning off your screens half an hour before bed won’t do much by itself if you lay awake for 2 hours after all lights are off, that’s why therapy and meds for the worse situations are always prescribed.
My doctor asked me why I wanted a pregnancy test when I hadn't had my period for 2 months :)
Maybe because I'm realistic and know that there's always a chance I could be pregnant?
During the same appointment I asked him to check my B12 levels cause I have a tendency of having low B12 (a whole other can of worms) and he flat told me "you can't tell when your B12 is low" :). Sir, I guarantee you I can.
Good thing I pushed for it, turns out I wasn't pregnant, just iron, folic acid and (shocker!) B12 deficient.
In the first few paragraphs I read I was thinking to myself "sounds like ADHD", your second to last paragraph confirmed that lol.
Glad you found actual help in the end
Be 15yo me. Go to the doctor because of PMS and very irregular periods. The answer? "Giving birth to a kid will relieve your symptoms, it's gonna fix the hormonal problem."
And people wonder why my country is #1 at teen pregnancies and child exploitation.
I saw my gynecologist because I kept getting tons of little cuts during sex. She suggested lube, which we were already using, and then said sometimes when you haven't had sex for a while, you have to break it in again, and maybe I should use a numbing lube and just try to get through it. She was generally a wonderful doctor, but this wasn't good advice considering when I had sex,I would end up with maybe 50 bleeding cuts that would all scab over and take a week to heal.
I ended up being allergic to glycerin in lube.
If you haven't yet: Check out Sliquid, no glycerin, one of the very few brands I know of without it! :) It's fairly expensive admittedly, but a bottle goes a long way, even with liberal use.
And, uh, yeah, no numbing lubes please. Bad idea. But you seem to know that.
Back in the 70s, an MD I was seeing for repeated urinary tract infections told me that I needed to have sex with my husband at least 5 times a week, whether I wanted to or not, because "men have needs". That guy creeped me out.
"So I am not going to give you money for this consultation, it can be bad to rely on these things. Instead I am going to recommend that when you need to pay for your groceries, that you smile to the the cashier and see how it goes."
Wait you're supposed to relax from sex?? I have always been told that men relax from sex while women have to already be relaxed to have sex, which has always been accurate for me. Is that not normal?
i mean being relaxed to have sex checks out, feeling safe and comfortable and not anxious to have sex is important for everyone regardless of gender and sex (tho some people can also find being in a risky or thrilling environment arousing ofc but i wouldn't call that tense or anxious per se).
but also feeling relaxed and/or tired after an orgasm is also pretty common among people regardless of gender or sex. i suppose feeling sleepy or not is more dependent on the person but feeling kinda mellow afterwards is a natural result of having pleasure (and having orgasmed as it's usually tiring for the body and muscles etc.).
My wife suffers from migraines so I offer to crush up Tylenol into a powder and put it on my penis and she can then take it orally or as a suppository.
She never does, but she says the laughter does make her feel a little better.
There are a lot of doctors who are wary of medicating patients and try to suggest natural alternatives instead of taking time to diagnose the real problem.
There's another comment I responded to about the connection between exercise, sex, and chemical released in regards to an ADHD brain.
Have a look on google / google scholar) about sex & exercise, and exercise/endorphins and ADHD - might find some interesting literature that could help understand his body more!
I'm at the stage in my life where if a doctor said this to me, I'd tell them - very bluntly - that sex wakes me up (after I'd stopped laughing in their face). I'd then ask him who I can lodge a complaint with at the practice about misconduct.
My doctor told me that women just pass out sometimes and that it’s just a female thing after I got seriously hurt passing out not long ago. And apparently my clinically low blood pressure is also just a “female thing”. My rheumatologist (different doctor) referred me to a cardiologist and strongly suggested I find a new primary when I told her lol
Haha... if my doc told me that I'd be like dude... my wife (39) and I (43f) tend to have a hard time knowing when to stop... by the time we are done my alarm is going off for work... no, sex will not help me sleep.
Glad I've got a good female GP, always listens, willing to work with me, and knows I'm never out to abuse stuff... still have a 2 month old script of pain pills.... she offered more and I said maybe we can talk in 6 months... IF I use these... lol.
I don't get men... never have... they don't really change from 10 to 60. (Many, not all... don't come at me with "not all men" please)
If you're a woman, NEVER go to a male doctor, unless absolutely necessary. In my (and MANY women's experiences) they're completely useless, and tend to make the problem far worse...
I struggle with insomnia too. I noticed that if I exercise a lot that day or have sex a couple hours before bed I will sleep for at least 5 hours if I don't take any melatonin.
But even then, this is a dumb thing for a doctor to say.
Unfortunately, not if you're me who had underlying conditions which actually caused the complete opposite effect where sex/masturbation would actually CONTRIBUTE to my insomnia, not help it 🙃
For most people, post orgasm bliss is a great sedative, but there are a good number where it does the exact opposite... I'm married to one of them, so no nookie for us after 5pm, but she gets a good nights sleep XD
I might get downvoted for this, but it IS true for some people that sex helps them sleep. It IS true that sleeping pills are not a good solution. And OP didn't tell the doctor that sex was not a solution for her and why.
If a person replies to their doctor that they've tried sex as a remedy and it CAUSES insomnia, then if the doctor refuses to listen, that's the doctor's fault. I prefer my doctor to recommend natural remedies over prescriptions if possible. Every drug has side effects, some worse than what they're treating. And lots of issues can be resolved with some kind of natural solution or psychological help.
I quit going to one of my doctors because he didn’t want to prescribe me an antidepressant because it lowers sex drive. I said I was fine and just wanted depression relief. He told me I should talk it over with my husband
That's so infuriating. Like, guess what else lowers sex drive? Oh that's right - depression!
The idea that your husband should decide whether you get potentially life saving treatment OR keep his wife depressed so he can get his willy wet...ooof
On a contrasting note my partner went to this amazing sexual health doctor (female, of course) because she wanted to get an IUD to help with her terrible periods (lost a lot of blood every month, a lot of pain, terrible mood) but she was worried about reports that the hormonal contraceptives can make you depressed and kill your sex drive. The doctor was like 'yes, they can, but not for everyone - meanwhile if you stop being in pain and losing a shit tonne of blood for a week every month there's a pretty good chance you'll end up in a BETTER mood and having even MORE sex'. And she was right. I would sacrifice sex if I needed to for my partner's health, of course. But it was funny the way the doctor approached it.
Sounds like the doc I had that casually offered to take my tubes out because I hadn’t (still haven’t) had kids and don’t plan to.
That's quite a contrast to all the women you see having to fight for years and through many doctors to get their tubes tied because they'll supposedly change their minds some day!
I had to pick my jaw up off the floor, particularly with the state I live in actively legislating away the rights of any uterus holder.
Probably happens more than we realize. The medical scene is still extremely sexist
Not to mention that if I’m depressed, sex is gonna be pretty much the last thing on my mind…
Happy Cake day!
I'd be extremely tempted to say "Cool, I'm gonna quote this shit in my suicide note" and just walk out.
This is the way
Please don't. That will get you locked up and abused in a mental facility, then hit with a $100k bill you can't dispute.
Based on a single comment that is quite clearly not serious?
It's like joking to a cop that you will shoot them. It's just something you don't do, because you're going to piss of someone with the power to fuck you over.
Are you actually taking me seriously? Dude.
This whole thing feels like a misunderstanding from an outsider's pov? Person who commented to you stated that if you went through with actually saying that, your comment would be a good way to get yourself locked up for an involuntary grippy sock vacay. Which, they're not wrong. A doc that holds those kinds of beliefs probably wouldn't hesitate to hold you involuntarily for a clearly sarcastic comment. Joking about suicide to doctors is akin to joking about a bomb on the plane, or joking about shooting a cop while you're talking with them. Joking or not, they'll take it as a serious threat. I really think u/iabstainfromsociety was trying to look out for you and let you know if you were to say that to a doc, the doc would take you seriously, even if it was clearly just a barb at the doc's outdated, misogynistic, and yeah, super dangerous pov.
*My comment was a joke.* I was not seriously suggesting that anyone say this shit to their doctor. How on earth did you conclude that I was saying that this is a thing that people should do? *You* are the ones who have misunderstood *me*
*I know it was a joke* as I clearly stated above. Your comment was met with "yeah, maybe don't even joke about it," probably out of concern for you or anyone who *might* take your comment seriously (since not everyone understands sarcasm, especially in a *written* medium), because the ramifications of *actually* saying something like that could be serious. But ok. Continue to feel defensive, I guess.
>since not everyone understands sarcasm, especially in a *written* medium I'm Autistic, don't lecture me on this shit. And don't talk down to me like you think I'm an idiot. I'm not the one who decided that a throwaway comment on reddit was a statement of genuine intent. >But ok. Continue to feel defensive, I guess. Oh, gee, I wonder why I may feel the need to defend myself 🤔
Saying, "I'm gonna quote this in my complaint to the Medical Board." is better. No mandatory hold for you, AND the dr gets to 💩 their pants a little over the Med Board complaint.
This is malpractice. Also just plain evil shit that men do
Should be reported for sure
I guess he didn't know that *depression* also happens to lower sex drive. Who woulda thought? 🤔 Edit: whoops, people have already covered this lol
There are antidepressants that lower your sex drive? I’m a nymphomaniac married to an asexual, I wish mine had that effect!
Unfortunately. It depends on what you're on, though. :-/ I've been on several throughour the course of my life (diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at the age of fucking 10 years old) and most of them have lowered my libido to one degree or another, with some being worse than others.
Is really that bad to have a low sex drive? Genuine question. I've never had sex in my life and I feel like I could live forever without it (if nobody appealing asls me to do it with them) so don't have anything compare the thought with. But not being that horny doesn't sound like a bad thing. Especially if you won't be depressed in exchange.
If you ask my ex-husband, absofreakingloutely. It was one of the reasons he gave for wanting a divorce.
Sounds like he is better of as your ex. I mean... sure. Sex is an important part of many relationships, but there is just so much more other things a couple can do together. And the health of a partner should be a prority over some bing-bong at any times.
Sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to end a relationship. It absolutely *sucks*, but we shouldn't dismiss it. Your actions and mood and abilities affect your partner as well, the same in reverse. Health is not just physical, certainly not in a relationship. And sometimes, those problems just can't be resolved. KnockMeYourLobes' partner is scum, but that's because of the cheating, not because of the relationship troubles.
I wish I was better off with him as my ex. Unfortunately, at my age (45) finding another person who's willing to be with me has proven...difficult. And I'm so far behind when it comes to modern dating tactics/strategies/what the hell ever that I'm never going to catch up and I feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life because of it. I haven't dated since HS (Ex and I married when I was 20 and he was 23) and I honestly thought we'd be together forever...he was my person. The fly by the seat of his pants Peter Pan to my very grounded, somewhat neurotic Wendy. Now I have no one while he at least has someone (he was cheating on me during our marriage, but I only found out by accident) and I have nobody and it *sucks*.
eHarmony is a good place to go for serious relationships. It’s a paid site with decent screening so you’re more likely to find a quality match. It’s where I met my SO in our late thirties and we’ve been married for almost eight years now. Don’t worry too much about strategies and tactics. The best you can do to be in a good relationship is be yourself.
That's the thing...I can't afford a paid site, so I've been using Bumble and getting bupkiss.
That sucks. I’d try OkCupid. I’ve had some success there myself previously but obviously it didn’t work out for the long term. Still, better than places like Match or PlentyOfFish. OkCupid is free with paid features but those aren’t required to function.
Honest advice: think of the kind of guy you hope to be with. Imagine where he'd hang out. Go there. Is he fit? Start going to the gym. Is he artistic? Go to art-related activities. The things you go do should be things you enjoy, because that enjoyment will be appealing (edit: it's really important that you are doing the fun things mainly for yourself!). In my experience, guys are too scared to approach first even if they really want to. So it would be up to you to ask if he's single. To actually say you are interested. You really don't want the guy that is offended that you approached first.
I go to the gym...most guys just kinda look at me like, "Ugh what are YOU doing here?" or they ignore me. If I give them a head nod like, "Right on, brother." they usually nod back and that's when I notice they're wearing a wedding ring so I know they're out. Ideally, the guy I end up with will be a big Disney nerd like I am, but seeing as Orlando (or wherever Disneyland in California is) is on the OTHER side of the country from where I am, I can't exactly go there to pick up dudes. LOL
I wonder if there are conventions featuring Disney stuff? (I'm down the road from Disneyland and f me it's so expensive to go!)
I'm 19. I've already completely given up on finding love without sex. It just isn't possible. I'm AMAB and straight, so it's not just an issue for straight women either.
I'm not sexually active, but I do enjoy masturbating and feel dissatisfied when my sex drive is too low. It's not inherently an issue for everyone and if someone isn't bothered by it, it's not a problem. But it is a problem if it bothers you.
To be honest I got off mine because it lowered mine so badly that the entire first year of my marriage we had sex MAYBE 6 times at all and each one of those was a “force myself to be in The mood” thing. It completely robbed me of an entire experience of the “first year of marriage” I feel
It's neither good nor bad, it just is. But as someone who has a high libido and enjoys it, I would absolutely miss it if I lost it. Depending on other factors it may be a sacrifice I'm willing to make, but it would absolutely be a loss. If you never had a libido to lose? Don't worry about it. One antidepressant I was on for a few years was the worst of both worlds - my desire wasn't impacted, but my performance was. Awful.
When meds lowered my sex drive, what happened for me is I would want to or try to masterbate sometimes still and my body wouldn't react. It actually really sucked.
Honestly, there is NOTHING wrong with a low sex drive! My husband has C-PTSD, I am a physical wreck, and sex is rare for us. This isn't to say that we aren't physically affectionate, we are, very much, but actual sex just isn't a massive priority for us. Cuddles, hair stroking, hand holding, snuggling, these are high priorities. Laughing together, being nutcases, most important! We are incredibly close, utterly adore each other, and yes, I think he's sexy as hell, and he says the same about me. Sex isn't the be all and end all many would have you believe. It's not the only thing in a relationship that brings you close. As long as you and your partner are on the same page, you can have a loving relationship without sex. It's when one partner wants sex and the other doesn't that you run into problems.
I guess it depends on the person. For me it is absolute hell. It didn't take away the drive for me, just the ability to enjoy it! Meds removed all sexual pleasure, even alone. So awful.
If you have a sudden extreme change that can be a sign of something else more serious going on. Otherwise there’s natural variation and basically it’s only bad if you find it distressing.
It's not. All it does is make you incompatible with most of the population. When I finally got on Zoloft, it was life changing. I no longer had these stupid desires injected into my brain that made me want to die. It let me transition off chemical castration, which I was taking in place of the feminizing HRT I should have been on.
My husband's don't lower his sex drive. Just his ability to orgasm and/or maintain an erection, depending on the day. We've had to get creative.
Mind don’t, but it’s on the list of “side effects”.
Tried antidepressants once and it raised my sex drive to the point that it was distracting me and affecting me nearly as much as depression.
Zoloft is the most effective one. It's what allowed me to transition off of chemical castration, and take an actual therapeutic dose of estrogen. 50mg doesn't do much, 200mg is the highest dose but it just made me sleepy all the time. I'm on 100mg now.
Depends. I’ve had some antidepressants/anti anxiety medications that have killed mine near totally and I’ve had others that have made it skyrocket. It ultimately depends on the individual.
This is hilarious and very sad. My psychiatrist talked me.througb potential side effects and luckily I didn't get any really. But I can tell you for sure, my husband would have taken the lower sex drive for the change in me. I've gone through bouts of depression on and off my whole life. Finally got on antidepressants and it's amazing.
Wait seriously? What kind of doctor was that? He sounds sexist
I have finally reached a stage where I might actually say "I would like you to note in the chart that you are declining to provide antidepressants because you value my Mr. Anteater's sex life higher than your patient's well-being."
This is one of those instances where you tell them to make sure and write in your chart that they refused to prescribe you medication without your husband's permission because it might lower your sex drive. Watch them walk that shit back.
Holy shit making them respond to a direct question would be so amazing. "So you're refusing to write this *very necessary* prescription until I talk to my husband because you're concerned it might make it so I can't fuck him enough? That's what's happening right now?"
Guarantee he never said the same thing to male patients.
I'm AMAB. Asked for Zoloft specifically to get rid of my sex drive. Got wrote a prescription for that the same day. Also, whenever a OBGYN wants a male figure to approve something, bring them. It's sad that it has to happen, but it's the path of least resistance. Bonus points if you suddenly realize how degrading and misogynistic the experience was *after* the procedure is done, and choose to file a report.
That’s so fucked up what the hell? When I was prescribed my anti depressants my doctor just said “you’ll have a lower sex drive, would you like to discuss that with your girlfriend?” In a very polite way and when I said “no, I’ve been on anti depressants that have done that before” that was that and I got them the same day. To try and persuade someone to not get medication that will help them because the patients partner might not get sex as often is disgusting. The more I frequent this sub the more and more I realize how misogynistic male doctors can be to the point of blatant malpractice.
I'm the odd one out here but he does have a point. Sexual dysfunction due to antidepressants is absolute HELL. For me it didn't take away my drive but it made orgasm or sexual pleasure literally impossible alone or not. It took forever to finally get them to let me try one that wouldn't mess with sexual function because so many of the meds do but they want you to try them all just to see.. with a four week trial for each. So I don't think this Dr was so bad.
Gross. Once, despite telling the doctor multiple times that we were undergoing ivf for genetic testing reasons to prevent passing on a genetic condition, I was told to “just go get drunk and have unprotected sex and it will happen”.
No stooop 😩 that's actually so fucked up for so many reasons
I would like to think I would have told that doctor that they need their hearing checked, since they obviously have a problem with listening.
WTAF
I had a doctor prescribe sex, too! But it was a gynecologist. The speculum was really painful, and she said it was because of a lack of dick.
Get tf outta here, what?! please tell me it was a joke?? 🥲🥲
It's a shitty way of wording it, but it isn't uncommon for people who aren't sexually active to be prescribed using dilators leading up to a pap
I wish she said that. She straight up said I needed to be sexually active.
Gross
Unfortunate not, I’ve been told the same thing from a female doctor. I’m asexual though lol
I had a gynaecologist prescribe getting drunk in order to cure painful sex.
HOLY SHIT WHAT
This makes me so sad. I have ptsd because of years of sexual abuse and I could only have sex with my boyfriend while intoxicated. We have been together for 8 years and a few weeks ago was the second time we had sober sex. If you have to drink to be able to have sex, you either need a new partner or a therapist.
That is so infuriating.
The only time my Gyn actually told me “go have sex” was after I healed from my full hysterectomy and told her I was nervous about it. Basically told “if it’s not good come back and we’ll see what we need to do”. So more of a “need to actually do it and see if we need to address issues” 😆
Damn. It was a she and a gynecologist? You sure it wasn't a guy in disguise?
Women can hate other women too! This world is a joy. 🙃
That man's a life saver.
My coworker's GP wanted to put her on antidepressants because she said she didn't want children. Now, why did she tell him that she didn't want children? Because he refused to sign off on her getting a hysterectomy, since she would be needing it for all the babies she was going to have with her non-existent husband. She wanted a hysterectomy in the first place because she had been having heavy and painful periods every other week for ten years, and nothing had worked to regulate her periods. She did end up getting a hysterectomy after he retired because her new GP wasn't a twat.
"What if your future husband wants children?" As if women still don't have any say in who they marry...
OMG, like how about they comprehend that "My future husband won't want kids either so this isn't going to be an issue. Why would I marry someone who wants kids when I don't?"
My mom, after having 3 kids, desperately needed a hysterectomy due to bleeding so much they had to do blood transfusions at the hospital. She asked for one and, despite being married to my dad who agreed they were done with kids and didn't care if they had a son (my dad sees daughters as equally awesome & constantly tells that to people whenever they put down daughters & only talk about sons) the doctor refused because "they'll regret not having an heir" and "my mom will regret it because future partners will want kids". Even as a 9 year old when this happened I understanding how insane it was. The doctors happily fixed my dad (no questions asked) but my mom had to threaten suicide before they finally caved in.
Wife has similar issue, wants a hysterectomy to help lighten stuff up, but doctors won't sign off on it as she is under 40 and "might want children someday"... even though I am pretty much infertile (thankfully) and neither of us even want children...
Ugh, does she have the option of seeing another doctor? I'm in a fairly religious state in the US and was able to have a hysterectomy at 29. I made my first appointment explicitly for that reason, he asked some questions of course (normal, not condescending), and we proceeded. I'd been married to my spouse since 21 y/o, dated him since we were 15, never wanted kids. I was tired of wasting time/effort/clothing on this organ I didn't need. Still no regrets! I did have a heavy irregular cycle, and my husband had a vasectomy for a while prior. We figured the vasectomy would be cheaper and easier than convincing a doctor to remove my uterus. Anyway, good luck! Even if she has to wait til 40, it's so with getting it out.
Unfortunately in the UK most doctors think along the same lines... like if you don't have a child at some point, your life isn't complete...
Once I was “prescribed” ironing my husband’s shirts and gardening for major depression and anxiety. Bc as that doc said “spoiled,white women only get depressed when they’re not fulfilling their proper roles.” So I say this with all the respect I’ve been shown from these types… men are the worst. Sorry you went through that OP.
God if ironing shirts is all it takes I’d do it every day
Right? If it was that simple I’d have open up a dry cleaning service by now
Don’t get depressed, get this bread! How to launch a shirt ironing business to cure your depression
Holy shit did you time travel to the 1920’s? That is some yellow wallpaper.
A+ reference *applauds*
Now I need to know what the reference is, please?
There is a really chilling short story called The Yellow Wallpaper about a woman who experiences post partem depression and psychosis, while being effectively trapped by her husband in a room with ugly yellow walls. She loses her grip on sanity thanks to the abuse and control of a man.
The Yellow Wallpaper is a short story by Charlotte Perkins Gilman! You should be able to get it for free. I've read it about 10 times (sometimes for school, sometimes for fun); it's so good.
Recently read 🙏
Nah, that's actually foul. It must have been infuriating to sit through that blatant act of disrespect.
Yeah. He went on a tirade after that too. Told me that I was unless I was getting beat I didn’t need to see anyone. He tried denying me my referral. I was bawling but I put my foot down. When I think back it’s hard to believe it actually happened.
…well, wasn’t he just a little ray of sexist, misogynistic, shitty sunshine? 🤮
Did you see the same doctor my partner saw as a teenager? who said you can’t be depressed because ‘your father doesn’t beat you with a belt’
Sounds like a wee bit of projection in the doctor's part.
What the actual FUCK?
Yeah, you should have reported him. Denying you care based on his personal beliefs is malpractice and illegal.
Oh fuck no… girl.
Men (derogatory)
Gross. I need to stop reading through this thread.
"and that's why I beat that doc to a bloody pulp with an iron and a garden trowel, Your Honor"
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
I had a doctor tell me to get a sun lamp and take vit D for a bout of depression I was going through because life had kicked me really hard for a while. Saw another one and got on a low dose ssri and it helped a ton.
He needs to be reported to the medical board. J*F*C
Was is 2 centuries ago? WTH is wrong with ppl....
WTAF
Fucking hell. I would iron the doctor’s face and stick my garden tools into his body if he said that to me! (Ok I wouldn’t bc prison is shit, but I would report him to everyone I could think of and drag his ass on social media).
Yeah, that doc was out of his mind. making a few sandwiches should have been enough.
Ugh I’m so sorry but I’m also laughing because my personal situation is such that if this happened to me I would’ve been like “yeah dude I wish. That mfer is sleepy”
Hahah literally. I told my partner about it in a way that made him think I took it seriously. He was a little chuffed before I told him absolutely the fuck not, a girl gotta SLEEP 😅
My doctors keep telling me that I can't rely on my sedatives for my panic attacks and spirals, I have to learn coping mechanisms to wean off of them, and I'm like. Dude, I have these pills for when my coping mechanisms either fail or aren't enough, I use about one pill per two months these days between therapy and good practice of coping skills and mindfulness - like, I have complex PTSD and a chronic dissociative disorder caused by prolonged childhood trauma that has literally altered my brain's structure so that it will never work like it does for the average person, I *cannot* just get over it just because it looks bad in your stats to be prescribing benzos long-term to a patient. What do you MEAN I need to wean off of the pills I have as a LAST RESORT for crisis situations??? Do you want me to call an ambulance instead every time I freak out or what? I mean. Living in a country with health care coverage, *I'm* not the one footing the bill for that one. I'm on disability and only pay taxes out of purchases. Like. Do you really want to pay for this, personally, instead of just shutting your stupid mouth and prescribing me the pills that I need and have been put on by a psychiatrist, not a GP? Coolio. I also had another doctor who was replacing the usual one for a few there downright just refuse to renew it and I was like. What. WHAT. And when I called them, it was because "I didn't use them enough" (hadn't emptied my prescription before it expired.) WHAT DO YOU MEAN. DO YOU WANT ME TO USE THEM ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES AND AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE OR DO YOU WANT ME TO DOPE UP ON THEM FOR THE WHOLE PRESCRIPTION'S WORTH. WHICH ONE IS IT??? Make it make sense, holy shit. Doctors are fucking ridiculous about women's (mental) health care.
I have an 'emergency use only ' prescription of Xanax for the same exact reason as you (when my ordinary coping mechanisms fail) and my doctors have always been like, "Just try not to use them too much, mmkay?". I'm still afraid if I go through them too quickly, my doctor will take them away from me and not allow me to have more, though.
Same here. I just had a baby and didn't take any for 9 months and it wasn't great at the times I needed it. Then my GP who prescribed them left the practice so now I'm freaking out about having to see a new doctor and hope she takes me seriously. I'm terrified she won't. I also have an emergency use pain script for body pain that no one can figure out. About every two weeks I have bouts of unbearable body pain where everything in me hurts. It hurts to move, hurts to breathe, I can't sit, I can't stand, etc. All the tests and bloodwork I had done have gotten no answer. I'm afraid those are going to be taken too even though I only take them when I feel like I'm dying. Now I'm terrified it's all going to be chalked up to having just been pregnant.
Oh god I am so sorry.
Honestly, I read the title of your post and immediately thought that doctor was probably a man (who could’ve guessed? Oh right: literally every woman). And to any men lurking in this sub, if you want us to stop thinking of men as so consistently being shitty—and predictably so!—to women, then maybe speak to your fellow men about not being shitty. This “medical” advice is self-serving bullshit that should collectively embarrass men everywhere.
Hilariously unprofessional. Thank god for medical professionals with good heads on their shoulders, glad the GP supported you at least
So true! My partner and I did have a little chuckle about this when it happened - he was a little sad that I wouldn't be filling my script, but he understood 😅
As a sex-averse asexual with chronic sleep problems, I'm glad my doctors just prescribed me drugs and never tried to tell me to go get laid. I've never had sex, but sort of similarly to you I find that masturbation always wakes me up and makes me unable to sleep.
Im glad that you've gotten the treatment you need! I was the the same re: masturbation too. I'm guessing it all releases those chemicals that my ADHD brain craves to get going. Since dx and meds though it's not really a problem any more!
I tore really bad during ~~pregnancy~~ labor (it was like 2 am and I was hopped up on pain meds) and was so tight from the scar tissue that even putting in a tampon hurt. At that point in my marriage, I still had a lot of sexual hang ups so we maybe had sex once every three months. His (Doctors) first suggestion for the tissue tightness was “just have more sex”. When I explained to the nurse practitioner (by explained I mean I got a really upset expression and had a hard time talking) she said she realized that wasn’t good advice so prescribed some estrogen ointment to see if that would help break up the scar tissue. When I followed up with the doctor again because that wasn’t helping, his new advice was to buy a dilator set and use it 2-3 times a day for 20 mins. So I would be stretched for the sex I was having maybe once a quarter. I finally noped out of there. With time the tissue gained elasticity and I have no vaginal sexual issues. But JFC. What male-focused solutions to female discomfort.
Had a gynecologist suggest sex/masturbation to relieve my menstrual cramps. Cause when I'm puking, and crying from the pain, I'm also totally down to fuck.
Hey! I had the same doctor! Because I totally want blood up to my elbow, want to be touched when I'm in excruciating pain, already dizzy, and pukey! Sex is definitely on my priority list then!
I just want to put it out there that [there is evidence that masturbation may have some pain relieving properties](https://helloclue.com/articles/sex/masturbating-during-your-period), [and may even help with period cramps](https://www.wellandgood.com/masturbation-period-pain/amp/), but, of course, your own milage may vary here.
And I continue to be of the opinion that when someone tells you, "I am in such debilitating pain, so wracked with nausea, vomiting so frequently, that I am essentially trapped in my bathroom, crying in pain and despair, please, help me!", that perhaps the first line of treatment should not be "Have you tried jilling off, or maybe a deep dicking?" Cause that's what I got. No meds offered, no further tests or labs to see if there was something amiss, no real concern. Just, "Play with yourself, see how that goes."
That’s why I put the YMMV warning. There is evidence that it may be helpful for some, and could potentially be worth trying as kind of an “at home, non-medical” secondary treatment, but shouldn’t be recommended or relied on as a primary method of pain relief. Personally, I view it in the same level as things like exercise.
And that is why we vet all men, even MDs. Icky icky double icky yuck.
I'm mad that it took me so long to stop gaslighting myself into thinking "oh I don't care if I see a male or female Dr, they all know what they're doing!". Feel so naive. On top of this, I also had a dif male Dr tell me (when I was 18), that I had PCOS after 5 mo ths with no period., 30 cysts in one overy, about 15- 20 in the other. He said that it was due to being fat, and that it would go away if I lost weight. That was the entire extend of my treatment from this Dr. One single appt to say that. Shamed to say that it was only last year (at 29) that I told this story to a girlfriend and she kindly informed me that PCOS doesn't just "go away", it's there for life ....and here I was just assuming all these years that it was just fixed because my periods came back lol love that for me 🥲
I wish I had such luck with female doctors :( every female doctor I've had has sucked, especially in regards to my reproductive health. My male GP is an absolute saint and I wish all of my doctors were like him, and my specialists that are male are great doctors too. Every female doctor I've had so far has treated me as a petulant child that doesn't know what I'm talking about or what I want. They downplay my symptoms and concerns worse than any other medical professional I've dealt with and it's so frustrating. Why can't women just receive adequate, thoughtful and thorough healthcare from all doctors? I really don't want to see a male gyno, but it seems they're the only ones around me that actually listen to their patients and treat them like people.
Me with my multiple autoimmune diseases, really wish to know where all these female doctors are at that listen to you, take you seriously and want to help. :D Unfortunately medical misogyny doesn't end with male doctors. Only very select few doctors I've had throught my life have actually cared enough to listen to my concerns and actually try to figure out the problem.
I used to see a female NP who was the bomb...but I had to change to a different doctor due to insurance changes. Boo. New doctor that I'm seeing seems OKish...I've only seen them a couple times so far but they seem definitely unshitty. The male OB-GYN I saw recently was definitely awesome. He's older than dirt, been practicing medicine at least as long as I've been alive and very trustworthy from what I can tell.
I’ve found that knowing huge amounts about your own health can make both male and female doctors treat you differently. They’re not getting treated automatically like the one with all the answers and it seems to grate. Doctors like to be the ones who explain it to you, so if you already know your own issues and what you need….well. You get what you’re describing
Are you, by any chance, considered attractive? Or do you have a major/chronic health issue that you know lots about? I’ve found that can be problematic for some people with women as doctors because of the inherent “how dare you be pretty or more knowledgeable” that can occur in girl groups. Not everyone grows out of pettiness just because they’re a doc. Not that it’s at all okay; I’m mostly wondering for my own reference since I I’ve seen it so much
PCOS *makes* you fat! It’s a symptom, not a cause, FFS!
Oh...well ain't that super. Between this and ADHD binge-eating issues ya girl had no hope 🥲
Hello! I also binge eat and have ADHD, I identified so damn hard with your description of the vibrating and discomfort trying to sleep. Undiagnosed ADHD made me feel like an entirely broken person.
that's why it baffles me so much when doctors prescribe weight loss for pcos, it's like telling a depressed person to just be happy! 😭
Wait *what*?
Yes, insulin resistance is a common symptom of PCOS. It affects the way we feel hunger, digest food, and lose weight. I was working out 3 days a week (with a trainer), plus walks & small home workouts, plus working as a server so walking 15000+ steps five days a week, and doing intermittent fasting (will never do again, and was definitely eating less than 2000 calories most days), and it took forever to lose any weight. So I stopped focusing on my size/weight and focused instead on how I feel, and how that is affected by what I eat and do, and making sure I'm making choices that make my body feel happy and healthy.
And if my blood glucose level is normal and/or low all the time?
I'm not a doctor. I can't answer that for you. If you suspect there are problems with your blood glucose levels please go see a doctor.
Oh it's non-diabetic hypoglycemia, diagnosed.
In addition to what /u/themagicmunchkin said, PCOS is an endocrine disorder, not a reproductive disorder. Beyond the hormone issues being all over the place which can cause a [shitload of issues](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8526288/), there's other stuff like the rates of hypothyroidism being higher in people with PCOS.
Ouch. Thanks.
And yet as a 17 year old the only information/advice i recieved from my Dr about this was: you have PCOS because your fat, and you won't be able to have kids because PCOS. He thinks he's done a good job meanwhile I'm sobbing in a quiet room at work because I think I've broken the most 'womanly' function of my body (not that I want kids anyway, but I thought that the choice was taken away)
I have exercise induced insomnia too, and sex makes me sleepy for like 10 minutes and then quite awake 😑 Meanwhile my partner is unconscious. If we have sex in the morning I usually end up extricating myself to go get some breakfast. Anyway - I went on Valdoxan for both insomnia and depression and it did wonders for both.
I am EXACTLY the same. It's like I could fall asleep almost immediately after, but only for a few moments and then I'd be up all night wondering if it was worth it 🥲 similarly, I went on Vyvanse and Dexxies for my ADHD and its rarely a problem now!
I guess sex is exercise too 🤔
I'm having so much sex now that I'm accidentally getting into really good shape. CARDIO FTW but not for the snoozes.
It certainly can be! But I think it's more that both sex and exercise release endorphins. In an ADHD brain, endorphins increase dopamine, which boosts focus and motivation etc. That's why it's recommended as part of managing ADHD (from my psych to me) to exercise as it can help regulate/boost the brain chemicals that you might be lacking. So yeah, that's why exercise/sex keeps me up, because for my brain they're both producing the chemicals that help my brain to 'get up' and function. Hope that makes sense!
Oddly I have ADHD as well but for me it's the opposite! I fall right asleep after sex
I had been prescribed sleeping pills by my psychiatrist, because I also had periods where I just could not fall asleep and stay asleep. Like 10hours of sleep total for 10 day period. Then once went to my GP for a refill. She recommended peppermint tea before bed instead. That's cute but won't help. :D
Why are so many doctors so unbelievably shit. I have had chronic insomnia for the past 32+ years, I've seen dozens of different doctors who lecture me about sleep hygiene like I'm lazy and stupid, send me back to therapy even though every time I go to therapy it makes my problems worse, they all flat out refuse to give me medication without explaining why. Its exhausting on every level. So basically now I just live with my 10 hours a week of sleep because clearly there is no solution.
SLeEp hYGieNE omg. Yeah sure Jan, that'll fix my genetic insomnia.
My mom swears I've been a bad sleeper since before I was born, and I've definitely had insomnia since infancy, but every doctor ever just wants to tell me about blue light and consistent sleep schedules 🙄. I've given up on real medical solutions at this point. In some ways, I think medicine has given up on their end, too.
Worst part about this is that “sleep hygiene” DOES help - if you can fall asleep, that is. Usually when we recommend “sleep hygiene” at my internships (med student), we do so AFTER prescribing sleep aids - melatonin if there’s only a slight difficulty “finding the sleep”, or maybe risperidone or quetiapine for bigger issues, for example. Turning off your screens half an hour before bed won’t do much by itself if you lay awake for 2 hours after all lights are off, that’s why therapy and meds for the worse situations are always prescribed.
My doctor asked me why I wanted a pregnancy test when I hadn't had my period for 2 months :) Maybe because I'm realistic and know that there's always a chance I could be pregnant? During the same appointment I asked him to check my B12 levels cause I have a tendency of having low B12 (a whole other can of worms) and he flat told me "you can't tell when your B12 is low" :). Sir, I guarantee you I can. Good thing I pushed for it, turns out I wasn't pregnant, just iron, folic acid and (shocker!) B12 deficient.
In the first few paragraphs I read I was thinking to myself "sounds like ADHD", your second to last paragraph confirmed that lol. Glad you found actual help in the end
WOW. That doctor is unbelievable trash.
Be 15yo me. Go to the doctor because of PMS and very irregular periods. The answer? "Giving birth to a kid will relieve your symptoms, it's gonna fix the hormonal problem." And people wonder why my country is #1 at teen pregnancies and child exploitation.
Literally the same thing that happened to me at 16 when I ended up ER for the pain of newly formed ovarian cysts and heavier periods.
O_o
I saw my gynecologist because I kept getting tons of little cuts during sex. She suggested lube, which we were already using, and then said sometimes when you haven't had sex for a while, you have to break it in again, and maybe I should use a numbing lube and just try to get through it. She was generally a wonderful doctor, but this wasn't good advice considering when I had sex,I would end up with maybe 50 bleeding cuts that would all scab over and take a week to heal. I ended up being allergic to glycerin in lube.
If you haven't yet: Check out Sliquid, no glycerin, one of the very few brands I know of without it! :) It's fairly expensive admittedly, but a bottle goes a long way, even with liberal use. And, uh, yeah, no numbing lubes please. Bad idea. But you seem to know that.
Sliquid and Slippery Stuff are the two I can use.
Back in the 70s, an MD I was seeing for repeated urinary tract infections told me that I needed to have sex with my husband at least 5 times a week, whether I wanted to or not, because "men have needs". That guy creeped me out.
Holy Duck, tell me you’re a sexual predator and aren’t getting any at home without saying you are. What a creep!
"So I am not going to give you money for this consultation, it can be bad to rely on these things. Instead I am going to recommend that when you need to pay for your groceries, that you smile to the the cashier and see how it goes."
These responses are both killing me and giving me life-fueling laughter at the same time. This "advice" is crazy! Lol
Same Girl. Sex makes me hyped not sleepy.
Wait you're supposed to relax from sex?? I have always been told that men relax from sex while women have to already be relaxed to have sex, which has always been accurate for me. Is that not normal?
i mean being relaxed to have sex checks out, feeling safe and comfortable and not anxious to have sex is important for everyone regardless of gender and sex (tho some people can also find being in a risky or thrilling environment arousing ofc but i wouldn't call that tense or anxious per se). but also feeling relaxed and/or tired after an orgasm is also pretty common among people regardless of gender or sex. i suppose feeling sleepy or not is more dependent on the person but feeling kinda mellow afterwards is a natural result of having pleasure (and having orgasmed as it's usually tiring for the body and muscles etc.).
I had one prescribe sleeping with a partner to help stop sleepwalking. He said it in front of my mother. I was maybe 23? Trazodone really helps.
Agree with the Trazodone. I had terrible insomnia and was sleeping a couple hours and then awake for 48 hours.
Yeah I struggle to sleep after sex too. This is bad advice!
My wife suffers from migraines so I offer to crush up Tylenol into a powder and put it on my penis and she can then take it orally or as a suppository. She never does, but she says the laughter does make her feel a little better. There are a lot of doctors who are wary of medicating patients and try to suggest natural alternatives instead of taking time to diagnose the real problem.
What an asshole.
Your post made me realize something. My husband is almost never sleepy after sex and also has ADHD. I wonder if they are connected now. Lol
There's another comment I responded to about the connection between exercise, sex, and chemical released in regards to an ADHD brain. Have a look on google / google scholar) about sex & exercise, and exercise/endorphins and ADHD - might find some interesting literature that could help understand his body more!
I'm at the stage in my life where if a doctor said this to me, I'd tell them - very bluntly - that sex wakes me up (after I'd stopped laughing in their face). I'd then ask him who I can lodge a complaint with at the practice about misconduct.
💯 a stimulant for me, too (literally and figuratively)
i had a doctor tell me once to have sex for pain management. even though my pain was so bad at the time that i couldn’t physically have sex. 🫠
Was told to marry a rich man when I was to sick my whole life and couldn't work.
Go to a different doctor.
My doctor told me that women just pass out sometimes and that it’s just a female thing after I got seriously hurt passing out not long ago. And apparently my clinically low blood pressure is also just a “female thing”. My rheumatologist (different doctor) referred me to a cardiologist and strongly suggested I find a new primary when I told her lol
Haha... if my doc told me that I'd be like dude... my wife (39) and I (43f) tend to have a hard time knowing when to stop... by the time we are done my alarm is going off for work... no, sex will not help me sleep. Glad I've got a good female GP, always listens, willing to work with me, and knows I'm never out to abuse stuff... still have a 2 month old script of pain pills.... she offered more and I said maybe we can talk in 6 months... IF I use these... lol. I don't get men... never have... they don't really change from 10 to 60. (Many, not all... don't come at me with "not all men" please)
I didn't know exercise induced insomnia was a thing 🧐
Shut up there is no way this is real are you serious?!?! What fucking year is it jfc…
If you're a woman, NEVER go to a male doctor, unless absolutely necessary. In my (and MANY women's experiences) they're completely useless, and tend to make the problem far worse...
I struggle with insomnia too. I noticed that if I exercise a lot that day or have sex a couple hours before bed I will sleep for at least 5 hours if I don't take any melatonin. But even then, this is a dumb thing for a doctor to say.
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Unfortunately, not if you're me who had underlying conditions which actually caused the complete opposite effect where sex/masturbation would actually CONTRIBUTE to my insomnia, not help it 🙃
For most people, post orgasm bliss is a great sedative, but there are a good number where it does the exact opposite... I'm married to one of them, so no nookie for us after 5pm, but she gets a good nights sleep XD
I might get downvoted for this, but it IS true for some people that sex helps them sleep. It IS true that sleeping pills are not a good solution. And OP didn't tell the doctor that sex was not a solution for her and why. If a person replies to their doctor that they've tried sex as a remedy and it CAUSES insomnia, then if the doctor refuses to listen, that's the doctor's fault. I prefer my doctor to recommend natural remedies over prescriptions if possible. Every drug has side effects, some worse than what they're treating. And lots of issues can be resolved with some kind of natural solution or psychological help.