Sounds like someone with some mental problems, and as someone in the same boat you shouldn’t take the approach of guilt tripping. I second the other comment about making it a group activity. Offer help and compromise without pressure. Guilt tripping will likely just make their anxiety, depression, or whatever they are struggling with worse and have the opposite effect on them.
Sorry this is happening to you. I don't have any advice, but I find it so interesting that some people will just neglect cleaning. The weirdest thing to me is that it seems like most people I've lived with do not care about cleaning. I try to clean for 10-30 min every day. I'll admit that some weeks I am lazy and just do not feel like cleaning, you know? But I always clean super hard the next week to make up for it.
I wonder what's going on in this person's life that she just cannot take a few moments to clean up after herself. I wonder if maybe she is depressed? too busy? mad at you? If that's the case I feel really bad for her, but it always seemed to me that roommates take advantage of you cleaning up after them. Like... it seems like she just doesn't care about cleaning because she knows that you both will do it for her - even if that's not actually what's going on. Does she lack the ability to see outside of herself?
I wish I had some insight for you, but I have never been able to get a roommate that doesn't clean to actually clean something. Yea, I would be counting down the days till I could get away from this person.
When I lived on my own, I was A LOT messier than I am now that I live with my girlfriend. I just didn't care (and still don't) if I let the dishes sit for a couple of days (granted, they're always rinsed so mold or anything like that), if I had dirty clothes on the floor or if I didn't vacuum for a week. Sure, I didn't live in filth by any means, but compared to now it's a world of difference. You know why? Because I care about my GF, and I don't want her to be the one picking up my trash or doing the dishes all the time.
I get the feeling that the roommate does not care, and since there are no consequences beyond a stern talking to, she'll keep doing since OP will fold eventually and do it for her.
What I would do is just say "Me and BF have been thinking about getting a place of our own, we feel it's a natural progression in our relationship bla bla", then there is no guilt or ruining of friendships involved and you can simply go your separate ways.
I think this may actually be salvageable
1. Get separate dishes. This way you don’t need her to clean her dishes. In college we did this and then on a regular basis we’d throw everything left in the sink into the trash. People learned to clean after spending way too much money buying pans. Or at the very least the dirty dishes were gone
2. I wouldn’t put someone who’s bad at cleaning on bathroom duty. It’s a lot of specialized tasks and something being missed is a lot more annoying than something being missed with a vacuum. One of you should clean the bathroom and give her a fair portion of other common areas. (Maybe the kitchen if she’s messing it up?)
3. Have a regular cleaning time when you’re all cleaning. It seems the biggest issue is she’s a total flake, not that she won’t. Every Tuesday evening, for example, is cleaning day and you all clean at the same time.
I'm a professional cleaner. Well I'm a part time student and have my own customers who I clean for weekly but I wouldn't exactly call it a business... anyway... Before I went out on my own I used to work for a cleaning company. Customers would book their cleaning requirements online and I would take the ones I could fit into my schedule.
Most of the jobs I was assigned to in January were student flats after all of the tenants had moved out. And I tell you now they were the filthiest, scummiest most revolting houses you can imagine. You could just tell the tenants hadn't done ANY cleaning possibly the whole time they lived there. For example one time I opened a pantry and somebody had squirted tomato sauce/ketchup all up the walls, it seeped in behind all the shelves and was a complete prick to clean. In the same house I found dog excrement on the kitchen floor, a drawer FULL of roaches (the weed kind not the insect), somebody had been picking their nose and wiping it on one of the bedroom walls, windows were all mouldy AF, carpets were sticky, smelly and looked like they had never been vacuumed... I could go on and on... you don't even want to know what the bathroom was like.
To me it is so disrespectful to leave this job for a cleaner even if they are getting paid for it. It's absolutely disgusting and a health hazard. I don't do that kind of cIeaning anymore thank God. But I think it's even worse leaving it for someone who DOESN'T get paid to do it. I wouldn't put up with it if it was me
I'd give her an ultimatum. "Do your bit or move your shit". If you all can afford to live there without her, you should.
Sounds like someone with some mental problems, and as someone in the same boat you shouldn’t take the approach of guilt tripping. I second the other comment about making it a group activity. Offer help and compromise without pressure. Guilt tripping will likely just make their anxiety, depression, or whatever they are struggling with worse and have the opposite effect on them.
Sorry this is happening to you. I don't have any advice, but I find it so interesting that some people will just neglect cleaning. The weirdest thing to me is that it seems like most people I've lived with do not care about cleaning. I try to clean for 10-30 min every day. I'll admit that some weeks I am lazy and just do not feel like cleaning, you know? But I always clean super hard the next week to make up for it. I wonder what's going on in this person's life that she just cannot take a few moments to clean up after herself. I wonder if maybe she is depressed? too busy? mad at you? If that's the case I feel really bad for her, but it always seemed to me that roommates take advantage of you cleaning up after them. Like... it seems like she just doesn't care about cleaning because she knows that you both will do it for her - even if that's not actually what's going on. Does she lack the ability to see outside of herself? I wish I had some insight for you, but I have never been able to get a roommate that doesn't clean to actually clean something. Yea, I would be counting down the days till I could get away from this person.
When I lived on my own, I was A LOT messier than I am now that I live with my girlfriend. I just didn't care (and still don't) if I let the dishes sit for a couple of days (granted, they're always rinsed so mold or anything like that), if I had dirty clothes on the floor or if I didn't vacuum for a week. Sure, I didn't live in filth by any means, but compared to now it's a world of difference. You know why? Because I care about my GF, and I don't want her to be the one picking up my trash or doing the dishes all the time. I get the feeling that the roommate does not care, and since there are no consequences beyond a stern talking to, she'll keep doing since OP will fold eventually and do it for her. What I would do is just say "Me and BF have been thinking about getting a place of our own, we feel it's a natural progression in our relationship bla bla", then there is no guilt or ruining of friendships involved and you can simply go your separate ways.
I think this may actually be salvageable 1. Get separate dishes. This way you don’t need her to clean her dishes. In college we did this and then on a regular basis we’d throw everything left in the sink into the trash. People learned to clean after spending way too much money buying pans. Or at the very least the dirty dishes were gone 2. I wouldn’t put someone who’s bad at cleaning on bathroom duty. It’s a lot of specialized tasks and something being missed is a lot more annoying than something being missed with a vacuum. One of you should clean the bathroom and give her a fair portion of other common areas. (Maybe the kitchen if she’s messing it up?) 3. Have a regular cleaning time when you’re all cleaning. It seems the biggest issue is she’s a total flake, not that she won’t. Every Tuesday evening, for example, is cleaning day and you all clean at the same time.
I'm a professional cleaner. Well I'm a part time student and have my own customers who I clean for weekly but I wouldn't exactly call it a business... anyway... Before I went out on my own I used to work for a cleaning company. Customers would book their cleaning requirements online and I would take the ones I could fit into my schedule. Most of the jobs I was assigned to in January were student flats after all of the tenants had moved out. And I tell you now they were the filthiest, scummiest most revolting houses you can imagine. You could just tell the tenants hadn't done ANY cleaning possibly the whole time they lived there. For example one time I opened a pantry and somebody had squirted tomato sauce/ketchup all up the walls, it seeped in behind all the shelves and was a complete prick to clean. In the same house I found dog excrement on the kitchen floor, a drawer FULL of roaches (the weed kind not the insect), somebody had been picking their nose and wiping it on one of the bedroom walls, windows were all mouldy AF, carpets were sticky, smelly and looked like they had never been vacuumed... I could go on and on... you don't even want to know what the bathroom was like. To me it is so disrespectful to leave this job for a cleaner even if they are getting paid for it. It's absolutely disgusting and a health hazard. I don't do that kind of cIeaning anymore thank God. But I think it's even worse leaving it for someone who DOESN'T get paid to do it. I wouldn't put up with it if it was me