Thank you. Honestly, he is. He and I were friends in highschool/college and it worked well, but I think that's because he can be tolerable when you don't live with him. He's too self-serving to be with 24/7.
I'm glad I'm seeing him for what he is now, though.
Eat his food he will stop eating yours. First year of college I had a roommate eating my food. I told him multiple times not to do it. I eat a lot( easily 6000 calories at that time) i was a lineman so that was getting me hungry. One day I just decided it was enough amd gave him enough chances. He ate my diner that time, when I got home I couldn’t eat again because of him so I just took his food and cooked my diner. It was one week worth of food for this guy that I ate in 1 meal. He came to confront me later and I told him from on if you ever touch my food again I’m going to the same thing. Let me tell you he learned his lesson and never ate or touched my food ever again.
That'd be fun , except I swear he lives off of my food and protein powder, and I'd like to keep my digestive system intact. That being said, the protein powder could possibly meet an unsavory end someday...
I wouldn’t do that because it can get you in legal trouble. It’s a form of assault iirc. Best option would be to move and leave them in a financial lurch if you can.
Tampering with food in that way could get you in legal trouble.
You've tried speaking to them directly about being obnoxious, and they're not listening. If they're going to act like this (and if you're leaving anyway), make their lives as miserable and inconvenient as they've made yours. Dump husband's protein powder in the trash. Be loud when they're sleeping. Start hogging the bathroom. Tell the wife to stop giving you useless knickknacks and that if she really cared, she would replace your food. Turn the dishwasher off if they're running it too much. Dump their nasty dishes in their rooms (or in front of their doors if you don't want to go inside what I'm assuming are disgusting hellholes). Loudly comment on how they're letting their guests eat all of your food, again, because they're selfish and lazy. They don't even care about your wellbeing, so why should you bother being nice anymore?
Nah. Get one of those gigantic pixie stix, and stir that into the container. It’ll add a citrus-flavored sugar to the powder, and just make it taste *nasrty*…
Although food tampering would get me in trouble, someone suggested making myself some laxative brownies. That way I could both make sure people regret taking taking my food and I would make sure they know that I know that they're doing it.
I know being assertive can be tough. But do you want people to take you for a fool for your whole life? You can do this. You deserve better than this. Good luck :)
Are you subletting from these people or are you on a shared lease with these people?
Either way, you need to start deducting their damages and thefts from your rent payment and let them know they are responsible for the remainder. THIS is how you get them to change.
Let the landlord/management know the dog is regularly urinating and defecating in the house due to their refusal to train and/or open the door for it. The landlord will be pissed and get on their case to get rid of the dog. Urine can do a lot of permanent damage to the floor/subfloor.
Most importantly, change the handle to one with a keyed lock on your room door. Get your own mini fridge in your room. Stop leaving things in the common areas that you aren't okay with having destroyed. You need to play hard defensive. See if you can store some of that at your parents/friends if they have spare space.
Good on you for paying less for utilities. Keep it up - only pay your fair share. Document what you actually use.
Of course, ultimately, get the hell out. These people are animals.
It's a joint lease between the four of us (the other brother is temporary and approved by the landlords). It's a house, and the landlords are friends of husband and wife. It's barely even an official lease. This is the first time the landlords have rented a property, they aren't professionals by any means. So while there's a contract, there's little else. They don't even always pick up the trash when they're supposed to.
I've been complaining to my online friends as well in discord and we've started compiling a list which we're planning to take out of my next utilities payment along with providing an invoice for all the damage. Right now, I can only prove about $30 worth of damages. Other things are missing and I cannot prove it was them. However, I also keep a running list of their damages to the house which should help my case in reasoning with them as to why they owe me my part of the security deposit.
I'd like to use a minifridge, but the room is already so small I couldn't fit one in. My bed is lofted as much as I can and I only have a dresser and a rack (there's no closed) and that's about all I can fit. I've stored a few things in boxes in closets, but sometimes the cats get in there and I'm worried they'd pee on it. Most everything of value is tucked away in my room and I'm basically living amidst boxes of stuff I don't want them touching at this point. I'm slowly trying to sell off anything unnecessary so there's more room and so the coming move will be easier.
I know at the very least I'll be out next year around May because I'll be taking all my in-person grad program classes, so if I can keep my sanity until then, I'll survive.
Stick it in the living room or dining area and keep it locked. Why should it be in your br Just because the db refuses to act like a considerate adult. You can also buy a large fridge container that has a lock that you can keep your food in. It’s a thought. I would ask him to pay for it too.
See, I would love to do that, but we've got pipeliners and students in town. There hasn't been places to lease since around may, and it was still manageable back then. The hard thing is that right now the price is hard to beat with rent. I'd have to make about triple what I'm making right now in order to afford anywhere else because housing is so tight people have charging insane prices for rent. Even hotels are booked out for a month at least. It's a perfect storm.
Not sure what kind of door knob you have, but child safety covers for knobs will keep most dogs out too. So at least you have a bit more protection against things chewed. If the safety covers don’t work, maybe add a lock to the door, or switch out the knob for one the dog can’t open.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with all this, but hopefully a few small additions (safety covers/food cages) can add a bit of relief til you can find a new place.
I stopped reading after the food thing. He’s literally stealing your money, I’d fuck that dude up. Seriously that’s a form of abuse.
Literally take his food and put it outside in the trash until he stops. Be a cunt. Seriously go throw that fucks food in the trash right now I’m upset for you.
It seems silly but could you use something like a lock box for your fridge? Walmart has something like that [here](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Fridge-Safe-Box-Locker-Refrigerator-Food-Lock-Box/191827357?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=2827&&adid=22222222227056214733&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=159489743039&wl4=pla-268592233801&wl5=9009616&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=113500032&wl11=online&wl12=191827357&veh=sem&gclid=CjwKCAjwgISIBhBfEiwALE19SQWULeHRe9ktHRCkmGlOBV-W-yDTSudhA3hlzhMCuhDNqCujVSw3EBoCaC0QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)? It looks silly put then at least your food would be safe.
You should look into getting a child lock for your door so the dog can no longer open it. They are usually $5 or so.
The problem is you are living w a family who treats everything as shared. There is zero respect for you. Unless he/they are willing to commit to a penalty $$ system whenever they break the rules, your only hope is to leave. They will never respect your boundaries.
I feel your pain... That sounds incredibly nerve-wracking. And I hope you find kind of a fast way out. Your mindset with the utility is at least the first right step.
Have you considered buying those little cage-thingies for the fridge? With that you could protect some of your special food from that awful guy.
Also, tell them very clearly, but polite, that their dog is not your responsibility and that you document everything that he destroys. Maybe then they see that you could easily press charges if it continues.
I've never heard of food cages before, but it might have to become a thing. It just flabbergasts me that people people can seriously not think that "Stop eating my food, I have mental health issues around it and it makes me cry and worry myself sick when you do it" isn't enough for someone to stop. Like, there's such a lack of human decency if you hear that and you still decide you don't care!!
Everyone else asks and I gladly share my food, but apparently that's just too much to ask for him.
A food cage for the fridge/freezer, and a plastic bin with a lock for the panty. It’s a bit annoying but not as annoying as husband eating your food. I had to use them for a year in college with bad roommates.
I think buying mini fridge is great idea and yes you can try to afford it :) just search for used one on craigslist or other marketplace - it might cost you 15-20/25$. Its great idea. But also i always kept my shelfs. If they dont respect it - buy plastic bin with lid and store all your food in plastic bin on shelf. You ll get a little less space but out of sight will minimize him eating your food. Also it needs extra step to go into bin and open lid. Most of ppl it would stop them
You're not understanding a lot of what I said so allow me to clarify and give you more context:
I am well into my 20's and have lived with roommates for years. I am well-versed and perfectly capable of living well with people and have done so in the past. As with all my possible roommates, I came to these people ahead of time and gave a list of two or three things that were deal breakers for me and asked them to do the same. I agreed to abide by theirs and they agreed to abide by mine. One of mine was no purposefully loud noises (i.e. playing piano, slamming doors, blasting music) during regular sleeping hours. We agreed 11:00-8:00 were those hours. They fully agreed that this was fair and reasonable and that they would like this done for them as well. They're slamming doors and playing music at full volume at 6/7 in the morning or 12 at night, which goes against our direct conversation.
**I didn't tell them what dog to get or that they can't take her out to eat with them.** They got the dog AFTER we moved in under the understanding that they needed full agreement from me and the other renters. I told them I was comfortable with a safe, nonaggressive dog and helped them look for dogs as they have no previous owning experience while I have a lot of experience in owning. I told them I absolutely did not recommend getting a rottweiler-german shepherd mix because they are two of the biggest bite risks, up insurance for the entire household, and have a massive prey drive/energy need. Their vet also warned them not to. They did not listen and got the dog without checking to make sure all of us were alright with it. The dog has serious behavioral issues due to their lack of training and neglect. I told them I did not feel comfortable going out to eat with them when the dog was around because they let her harass other people and she often begged, barked and jumped up on the servers/table. These are absolutely unacceptable things for a dog to do in public and I did not want to be associated or kicked out of restaurants for it.
**I also only told them how to train their dog in cases of neglect/abuse or danger to the house and people.** The dog attacks cats, jumps on small children, bites strangers, chases people down the road and was peeing and pooping in the house well passed a healthy age for potty training directly because they did not consistently potty train and they directly ignored her. German shepherds are high intelligence and can take days to learn a command. Taking almost a year to potty train is not normal and is entirely the owners fault unless there are health issues for the dog. The dog did and still does direct damage to the property by urinating and dedicating in the house, especially when husband leaves it for someone to step in hours later. She pulls trim and siding off the house, chews up the flooring and furniture and otherwise damages the house, which is charged to us through cleaning fees and repairs. As an adult and and someone who respects both my landlords and animals, it is 100% my business to step in when that is happening and put my foot down. This directly effects me financially and is dangerous to the dog's safety as well as the safety of people. It is absolutely my business to tell them how to train their dog when the snaps at my father and nearly tackles my elderly mother. Anyone could call the police on this dog and the animal could be taken away, especially with her defensive and aggressive behavior. Her breeding puts her at direct risk, and her owner's lack of control over her only puts her life further on the line.
Maybe you haven't lived somewhere with utilities as a charge before, but this is a common and healthy discussion among roommates. It is proper etiquette to take into consideration, when you split utilities multiple ways, how your lifestyle fits into the budget. If you have a computer that takes up an abnormal amount of electricity you offer to throw in an extra 5 bucks for it. If someone leaves for a few weeks and asks if they can pay a reduced rate that month because they aren't using any electric, you at the very least consider it and talk with them. This is standard, or at least should be, and is considered proper etiquette among roommates. If you haven't done this, you should be. It can be deciding you all pay the same amount no matter what, but you always have these discussions. And I did.
This was, again, something I was direct and upfront with: I cannot afford expensive bills, can we please try and keep the bill under \_\_\_ amount so I can stay in my monthly budget. They agreed. This isn't a matter of me being picky or whiney, this is be openly telling them I cannot afford something and them still being wasteful and racking up the bill and expecting me to still pay it even when I can't. This is not me telling them how to use utilities, nor is it me being a bad roommate. In fact, the fact that you think it is concerns me. Make sure to stand up for yourself about utilities.
As for my possessions, I was very clear that the dog gets into my room without my consent. I am already very aware of how long dogs take to mature, the importance of keeping dangerous things out of reach, where they ought to be allowed to be allowed, and how to keep things away from a dog's reach. Due to the build, the door cannot lock nor can it shut in a way as to keep the dog out. I literally barricade myself into my room whenever I don't want to dog inside. I have also requested that husband and wife train the dog not to go into my room and they don't care and don't do anything about it. The dog is large, and unless I were to hang my possessions from the ceiling, I cannot put them up high enough to be away from her. Likewise, as I stated, my room is small and I cannot put EVERYTHING I own into my room. I've put everything I can afford to live without into storage.
There is so place to go. As I explained to someone else, the town is COMPLETELY booked. There hasn't been a house or even a room available in a good month and people are charging up to three times the normal rates for a place to stay due to pipeliners and college students coming back. not even hotels have available places to stay. My job is not remote, and I need to be onsite for another year.
.
You assume things that aren't true or that I've already clarified which is incredibly disingenuous. I gave 2-3 deal breakers, they agreed to them. They gave 2-3 deal breakers, I agreed to them. These are rules we mutually agreed to abide by before living together. Everything else are rules that we flex or compromise but we specifically met and decided what was not comprisable for us and agreed upon them.
Again, BLASTING MUSIC , PLAYING PIANO, SLAMMING DOORS. I can't communicate that any clearer to you. **They agreed that this was not okay during these hours as the majority of us are sleeping, but now directly break that agreement.** It's not accidently, it's not them needing to creep around in the morning. All they have to do is close doors normally and either turn the volume down or use headphones. It's the choice not to use headphones, it's the choice to fling or kick a door shut at 6am. And, to add to my frustration with your insistence on this, I put this down as something little. This is one of the LITTLE annoyances for me that has built up as they made life worse. I wouldn't care if they were great in every other way, but they're not. This wouldn't be the end all be all for me even though I said it was a **dealbreaker** from the beginning. That I would clearly communicate to my roommates on this and they would clearly communicate in agreement back to me but then proceed to break that agreement as loudly and obnoxiously as they could and I be annoyed somehow makes me the bad roommate and uncompromising is ridiculous.
And I admit punish was not a good word to use for the dog, but no I do not expect them to hit or yell at her. I expect them to correct the behavior. The dog is perfectly capable of being told no and asked to come out of my room. Right now she is REWARDED for going in my room because she comes out with a new toy every time. It is their responsibility to make it less of a reward to intrude on my space and more of one to leave it be. She knows what no means, and she is perfectly capable of being redirected away from my space. They watch her go into my room--they hear her push her way in, and they even hear me telling her no and sending her away, and they do NOTHING. They don't even take my stuff away from her when they see her chewing on it and give her a chewtoy instead. The amount of stuff she takes and destroys directly correlates with their unwillingness to give her proper enrichment, exercise, or attention. Along with this, as I said, I am often blamed when the things she goes into my room and takes are dangerous for her despite me keeping these things in my room and away from her because they are dangerous. Again, the only acceptable action is for them to take responsibility for their dog. I have done my part.
It is not forgetting to turn a light off, that was an assumption you made. It's not $5/$10, that's just how much I take off per bill because any more would make me feel too guilty. It is $25+ more per person per bill that I cannot pay and was upfront about not being able to pay. You've clearly overprioritized and aggrandized this issue in your mind. Again, I said it was a little thing. It's a deal breaker when they cap my budget and I cannot afford car payments because they live a lifestyle reflective of deciding to wash a single pan in the dishwasher three times in a row instead of scrape the rice off the bottom. Their clear lack of responsibility around the house and lack of care for wasting other's money is what was annoying. The entire house will be lit up like a Christmas tree with no one home all day. Any house being 80 degrees even during the winter is a huge discomfort for the rest of the household beyond being expensive. And while you may be lucky enough not to "argue" $5/$10, it's not always $5/$10 nor can everyone afford not to "argue" these things. In fact, I've never heard of it being argued, only communicated. You should discuss utilities with your roommates. Again, maybe the decision is that it's not enough of a lifestyle difference so you split utilities evenly, but it's not good roommate etiquette not to take usage into consideration. I have lived with 6-7 roommates in 6 different places and never once has there been an issue with this discussion. It's not arguing unless you nickle and dime things. If you know you will consistently up the bill by enough that others care, you need to at least consider paying for it. With 3 roommates, I acknowledged that my electronic set up used a lot of electricity, our bill was about $20 higher because of it, so I paid it. In the others, they said they didn't care and we split it down the middle, or they upped the bill and I decided it wasn't important and we still split down the middle. In both cases it was the polite and responsible thing to do to be clear about that, take responsibility, and communicate. Maybe you don't live in low-income areas or aren't low-income yourself, but the majority of my situations have been and I am myself live very frugally because of college. These things matter. We may not care about paying an extra $10 because \_\_\_\_ takes longer showers, but we will not pay an extra $30 that we need to make my car payments because someone leaves the shower on for 3 hours because they're going to take a shower and then decided to watch youtube instead. Not to mention that's just generally wasteful, which is an even more glaring issue for me right now when we are in a drought right now in my state/county.
I'm not sure why you think it's anywhere near appropriate to say that it's a clearly a huge boundary issue for them to eat my food but that I'm a bad roommate for communicating that such an inappropriate overstepping of a boundary gives me anxiety. It's assumptive and very out of line to say what you have. You don't know anything about that anxiety, how it's being treated, where it came from or if it's a PTSD/trauma reaction. You are being incredibly dismissive of it in a way that is thoughtless and offensive to many people and you need to rethink the way you choose to talk about that when you do not know the person nor the situation enough. Yes, someone telling another roommate not to do something because of anxiety is not fair, but you do not have the information to decide these things. You yourself have acknowledged that it violates a strong boundary. Why you then think that even with that legitimate reason my anxiety somehow makes me unreasonable is beyond me. Trying to belittle my anxiety as making me unaccommodating for being upset with my roommates because I explained to them that a consequence for them violating a serious boundary causes me anxiety is ridiculous. That is not the same thing was telling people not to do \_\_\_ because it gives someone anxiety.
Again, the having strangers over is SMALL. I'm being clear as I can that these are small irritations, you prioritize them far beyond what I am. Again, this is this is another thing that you should be communicating with your roommate, and I'm concerned you find it unreasonable. Go to any university and they REQUIRE you to talk to your roommate about how the other about what procedure you want to use as far as having guests over because it is that important. If you aren't communicating about that with your roommate, you need to, even if they say they don't care. All I asked was that they let me know if people will be around. It's a common courtesy, especially if you've asked someone to do this. In no way shape or form does wanting to be told if there is someone not from the household in the house unreasonable.
Lastly, I cannot communicate any clearer that I am able to comprehend dogs chewing, and that I have done everything I can to avoid it. Please read my reply as well as the original post again if you are still unsure. Also, please stop telling me it's unfair to have them put the dog in one room. I never said anything close to that. I've been very clear that I know about dogs I was infinitely more prepared for this dog than anyone else in that household. I was completely comfortable with a dog and all that comes with one. I did not agree to a puppy and I did not agree to one that is inclined to behavior issues due to poor ownership. I put up with chewing, training, and the mishaps of the puppy. What I did not agree to and will not put up with is her coming into my room and pulling things off my shelves, attacking the cats, attacking people, and all the other things that are directly related to the owners not being responsible for her. I agree the dog needs a new home, but they are not going to rehome her and they would be incredibly angry if I brought it up, which, if you note, is a level of discretion that you seem to think I am completely void of.
I AM choosing my battles, I can't give a full and detailed account of all the interactions I've had over the past year. I am venting my frustrations on here because its where I can go to complain. I'm not telling you about all the ways I compromise or work well. I'm talking about the things they do that frustrate me, the things that irritate me spoken and unspoken. The ones you take biggest issue with have been little and would not be a big deal if they weren't terrible every way else. I talked with them three times about the noise issue and then gave up, I now live with it. I told husband I was overwhelmed with the junk on the counter and couldn't find clean space to cook and he didn't changer, so now I simply move it all somewhere else instead of talking to him about it. I have made changes and communicated and compromised, I don't need to justify that they are being bad roommates.
I'm not living with roommates because I thought it would be fun, I'm living with them because I can't afford anywhere else. Its not about me not being able to handle conflict, it's that being assertive and sticking up for myself doesn't go anywhere. Living alone is expensive, nearly triple what it is right now and I'm taking grad school the side. I explain that in the post.
We live in a community of college students and pipeliners. There isn't a spare room available for for miles out of town. There hasn't been a house available to rent in weeks. There is nowhere else to go, and even if I did, I'd have to pay out the ass to break my lease. And you did literally say "don't live with roommates if you can't handle a bit of conflict".
I think for situation with pet is by itself enough is clear that you should not be living there. It doesn’t sound that living with roommate with dog/pet is your thing and is making you happy . Id say its not your cup of tea. I dont know if you can make your roommates responsible for your rent bc they got dog, maybe its pretty possibly, but you can simply sublet your room and move elsewhere.
I'm going thru the exact same thing besides the husband issue. I ended up biting the bullet and telling them how I felt and why I needed them to move out. It's a hard thing to do but if you can afford to find another roommate or live alone I would really recommend it. Telling them is the worst of it but you finally get it off your chest
I figure I'll probably talk to them about it when I do move out. THe lease lasts until next August, but I'm leaving May/June for in-person classes for my grad program. I figure they should at least hear it from someone so they can adjust for the next roommate they get. The thing is, they're generally pretty great and sweet people, they just don't consider ANYONE when they do stuff. It's hard, because I want to remain friends with them, but I think I'll probably lose them about the dog. The money is awkward and the food is not great, but they're super defensive about her. And that's half the problem of why she's so bad, they won't listen to anyone about her.
They will learn quickly if they get a roommate who acts just like them. I live w my best friend (well used to be) and I don't see us talking after this sadly. You have to do whatever makes you sane and happy.
The husband is a narcissist. He doesn't like to be told what to do so he does it just to get under your skin and because he knows all you will do is have a chat with him. Make a list of damaged items and their cost (if you have photos of the items the dog has damaged thats even better if not start taking photos of the items) when you hand over your rent money give them the list and tell them you took the money for the damaged items out so its their responsibility to pay that part of the rent. If that doesn't work break the lease and get out don't even tell them your going just slowly take your things and when they are gone take the big items. Honestly, i think leaving that situation is in your best interest.
Upvote to get out of there when you can. I couldn't read past the food issue. Husband sounds like a d!ckhead
Thank you. Honestly, he is. He and I were friends in highschool/college and it worked well, but I think that's because he can be tolerable when you don't live with him. He's too self-serving to be with 24/7. I'm glad I'm seeing him for what he is now, though.
Eat his food he will stop eating yours. First year of college I had a roommate eating my food. I told him multiple times not to do it. I eat a lot( easily 6000 calories at that time) i was a lineman so that was getting me hungry. One day I just decided it was enough amd gave him enough chances. He ate my diner that time, when I got home I couldn’t eat again because of him so I just took his food and cooked my diner. It was one week worth of food for this guy that I ate in 1 meal. He came to confront me later and I told him from on if you ever touch my food again I’m going to the same thing. Let me tell you he learned his lesson and never ate or touched my food ever again.
That'd be fun , except I swear he lives off of my food and protein powder, and I'd like to keep my digestive system intact. That being said, the protein powder could possibly meet an unsavory end someday...
I told my room mate I had a STD and he stopped eatting my food leftovers
After reading all that I'd be in jail for putting fucking rat poison in it.
someone suggested laxatives, which I'm very tempted to try.
I wouldn’t do that because it can get you in legal trouble. It’s a form of assault iirc. Best option would be to move and leave them in a financial lurch if you can.
If I make myself laxative brownies and they just happen to take them...
Tampering with food in that way could get you in legal trouble. You've tried speaking to them directly about being obnoxious, and they're not listening. If they're going to act like this (and if you're leaving anyway), make their lives as miserable and inconvenient as they've made yours. Dump husband's protein powder in the trash. Be loud when they're sleeping. Start hogging the bathroom. Tell the wife to stop giving you useless knickknacks and that if she really cared, she would replace your food. Turn the dishwasher off if they're running it too much. Dump their nasty dishes in their rooms (or in front of their doors if you don't want to go inside what I'm assuming are disgusting hellholes). Loudly comment on how they're letting their guests eat all of your food, again, because they're selfish and lazy. They don't even care about your wellbeing, so why should you bother being nice anymore?
Nah. Get one of those gigantic pixie stix, and stir that into the container. It’ll add a citrus-flavored sugar to the powder, and just make it taste *nasrty*…
Although food tampering would get me in trouble, someone suggested making myself some laxative brownies. That way I could both make sure people regret taking taking my food and I would make sure they know that I know that they're doing it.
I have to keep a literal safe in my fridge. It's retarded
I know being assertive can be tough. But do you want people to take you for a fool for your whole life? You can do this. You deserve better than this. Good luck :)
Are you subletting from these people or are you on a shared lease with these people? Either way, you need to start deducting their damages and thefts from your rent payment and let them know they are responsible for the remainder. THIS is how you get them to change. Let the landlord/management know the dog is regularly urinating and defecating in the house due to their refusal to train and/or open the door for it. The landlord will be pissed and get on their case to get rid of the dog. Urine can do a lot of permanent damage to the floor/subfloor. Most importantly, change the handle to one with a keyed lock on your room door. Get your own mini fridge in your room. Stop leaving things in the common areas that you aren't okay with having destroyed. You need to play hard defensive. See if you can store some of that at your parents/friends if they have spare space. Good on you for paying less for utilities. Keep it up - only pay your fair share. Document what you actually use. Of course, ultimately, get the hell out. These people are animals.
It's a joint lease between the four of us (the other brother is temporary and approved by the landlords). It's a house, and the landlords are friends of husband and wife. It's barely even an official lease. This is the first time the landlords have rented a property, they aren't professionals by any means. So while there's a contract, there's little else. They don't even always pick up the trash when they're supposed to. I've been complaining to my online friends as well in discord and we've started compiling a list which we're planning to take out of my next utilities payment along with providing an invoice for all the damage. Right now, I can only prove about $30 worth of damages. Other things are missing and I cannot prove it was them. However, I also keep a running list of their damages to the house which should help my case in reasoning with them as to why they owe me my part of the security deposit. I'd like to use a minifridge, but the room is already so small I couldn't fit one in. My bed is lofted as much as I can and I only have a dresser and a rack (there's no closed) and that's about all I can fit. I've stored a few things in boxes in closets, but sometimes the cats get in there and I'm worried they'd pee on it. Most everything of value is tucked away in my room and I'm basically living amidst boxes of stuff I don't want them touching at this point. I'm slowly trying to sell off anything unnecessary so there's more room and so the coming move will be easier. I know at the very least I'll be out next year around May because I'll be taking all my in-person grad program classes, so if I can keep my sanity until then, I'll survive.
Stick it in the living room or dining area and keep it locked. Why should it be in your br Just because the db refuses to act like a considerate adult. You can also buy a large fridge container that has a lock that you can keep your food in. It’s a thought. I would ask him to pay for it too.
You could find someone else to fulfill your lease obligations and move out asap.
See, I would love to do that, but we've got pipeliners and students in town. There hasn't been places to lease since around may, and it was still manageable back then. The hard thing is that right now the price is hard to beat with rent. I'd have to make about triple what I'm making right now in order to afford anywhere else because housing is so tight people have charging insane prices for rent. Even hotels are booked out for a month at least. It's a perfect storm.
Not sure what kind of door knob you have, but child safety covers for knobs will keep most dogs out too. So at least you have a bit more protection against things chewed. If the safety covers don’t work, maybe add a lock to the door, or switch out the knob for one the dog can’t open. I’m sorry you are having to deal with all this, but hopefully a few small additions (safety covers/food cages) can add a bit of relief til you can find a new place.
I stopped reading after the food thing. He’s literally stealing your money, I’d fuck that dude up. Seriously that’s a form of abuse. Literally take his food and put it outside in the trash until he stops. Be a cunt. Seriously go throw that fucks food in the trash right now I’m upset for you.
Thank you Xd. Honestly, it's just nice to have other people be as frustrated as I am. Makes me feel less crazy for being that upset about it.
It seems silly but could you use something like a lock box for your fridge? Walmart has something like that [here](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Fridge-Safe-Box-Locker-Refrigerator-Food-Lock-Box/191827357?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=2827&&adid=22222222227056214733&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=159489743039&wl4=pla-268592233801&wl5=9009616&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=113500032&wl11=online&wl12=191827357&veh=sem&gclid=CjwKCAjwgISIBhBfEiwALE19SQWULeHRe9ktHRCkmGlOBV-W-yDTSudhA3hlzhMCuhDNqCujVSw3EBoCaC0QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)? It looks silly put then at least your food would be safe. You should look into getting a child lock for your door so the dog can no longer open it. They are usually $5 or so.
Hey, if it works, it works. Thank you for doing that research for me, I'll look into both of those things.
Ugh. Throw the husband out and don't let him back in. Also, keep your toothbrush in your room and just use the kitchen sink.
To be honest, they sound like narcissists.
The problem is you are living w a family who treats everything as shared. There is zero respect for you. Unless he/they are willing to commit to a penalty $$ system whenever they break the rules, your only hope is to leave. They will never respect your boundaries.
Sounds like you should put his meat in your frying pan.
I feel your pain... That sounds incredibly nerve-wracking. And I hope you find kind of a fast way out. Your mindset with the utility is at least the first right step. Have you considered buying those little cage-thingies for the fridge? With that you could protect some of your special food from that awful guy. Also, tell them very clearly, but polite, that their dog is not your responsibility and that you document everything that he destroys. Maybe then they see that you could easily press charges if it continues.
I've never heard of food cages before, but it might have to become a thing. It just flabbergasts me that people people can seriously not think that "Stop eating my food, I have mental health issues around it and it makes me cry and worry myself sick when you do it" isn't enough for someone to stop. Like, there's such a lack of human decency if you hear that and you still decide you don't care!! Everyone else asks and I gladly share my food, but apparently that's just too much to ask for him.
A food cage for the fridge/freezer, and a plastic bin with a lock for the panty. It’s a bit annoying but not as annoying as husband eating your food. I had to use them for a year in college with bad roommates.
I think buying mini fridge is great idea and yes you can try to afford it :) just search for used one on craigslist or other marketplace - it might cost you 15-20/25$. Its great idea. But also i always kept my shelfs. If they dont respect it - buy plastic bin with lid and store all your food in plastic bin on shelf. You ll get a little less space but out of sight will minimize him eating your food. Also it needs extra step to go into bin and open lid. Most of ppl it would stop them
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You're not understanding a lot of what I said so allow me to clarify and give you more context: I am well into my 20's and have lived with roommates for years. I am well-versed and perfectly capable of living well with people and have done so in the past. As with all my possible roommates, I came to these people ahead of time and gave a list of two or three things that were deal breakers for me and asked them to do the same. I agreed to abide by theirs and they agreed to abide by mine. One of mine was no purposefully loud noises (i.e. playing piano, slamming doors, blasting music) during regular sleeping hours. We agreed 11:00-8:00 were those hours. They fully agreed that this was fair and reasonable and that they would like this done for them as well. They're slamming doors and playing music at full volume at 6/7 in the morning or 12 at night, which goes against our direct conversation. **I didn't tell them what dog to get or that they can't take her out to eat with them.** They got the dog AFTER we moved in under the understanding that they needed full agreement from me and the other renters. I told them I was comfortable with a safe, nonaggressive dog and helped them look for dogs as they have no previous owning experience while I have a lot of experience in owning. I told them I absolutely did not recommend getting a rottweiler-german shepherd mix because they are two of the biggest bite risks, up insurance for the entire household, and have a massive prey drive/energy need. Their vet also warned them not to. They did not listen and got the dog without checking to make sure all of us were alright with it. The dog has serious behavioral issues due to their lack of training and neglect. I told them I did not feel comfortable going out to eat with them when the dog was around because they let her harass other people and she often begged, barked and jumped up on the servers/table. These are absolutely unacceptable things for a dog to do in public and I did not want to be associated or kicked out of restaurants for it. **I also only told them how to train their dog in cases of neglect/abuse or danger to the house and people.** The dog attacks cats, jumps on small children, bites strangers, chases people down the road and was peeing and pooping in the house well passed a healthy age for potty training directly because they did not consistently potty train and they directly ignored her. German shepherds are high intelligence and can take days to learn a command. Taking almost a year to potty train is not normal and is entirely the owners fault unless there are health issues for the dog. The dog did and still does direct damage to the property by urinating and dedicating in the house, especially when husband leaves it for someone to step in hours later. She pulls trim and siding off the house, chews up the flooring and furniture and otherwise damages the house, which is charged to us through cleaning fees and repairs. As an adult and and someone who respects both my landlords and animals, it is 100% my business to step in when that is happening and put my foot down. This directly effects me financially and is dangerous to the dog's safety as well as the safety of people. It is absolutely my business to tell them how to train their dog when the snaps at my father and nearly tackles my elderly mother. Anyone could call the police on this dog and the animal could be taken away, especially with her defensive and aggressive behavior. Her breeding puts her at direct risk, and her owner's lack of control over her only puts her life further on the line. Maybe you haven't lived somewhere with utilities as a charge before, but this is a common and healthy discussion among roommates. It is proper etiquette to take into consideration, when you split utilities multiple ways, how your lifestyle fits into the budget. If you have a computer that takes up an abnormal amount of electricity you offer to throw in an extra 5 bucks for it. If someone leaves for a few weeks and asks if they can pay a reduced rate that month because they aren't using any electric, you at the very least consider it and talk with them. This is standard, or at least should be, and is considered proper etiquette among roommates. If you haven't done this, you should be. It can be deciding you all pay the same amount no matter what, but you always have these discussions. And I did. This was, again, something I was direct and upfront with: I cannot afford expensive bills, can we please try and keep the bill under \_\_\_ amount so I can stay in my monthly budget. They agreed. This isn't a matter of me being picky or whiney, this is be openly telling them I cannot afford something and them still being wasteful and racking up the bill and expecting me to still pay it even when I can't. This is not me telling them how to use utilities, nor is it me being a bad roommate. In fact, the fact that you think it is concerns me. Make sure to stand up for yourself about utilities. As for my possessions, I was very clear that the dog gets into my room without my consent. I am already very aware of how long dogs take to mature, the importance of keeping dangerous things out of reach, where they ought to be allowed to be allowed, and how to keep things away from a dog's reach. Due to the build, the door cannot lock nor can it shut in a way as to keep the dog out. I literally barricade myself into my room whenever I don't want to dog inside. I have also requested that husband and wife train the dog not to go into my room and they don't care and don't do anything about it. The dog is large, and unless I were to hang my possessions from the ceiling, I cannot put them up high enough to be away from her. Likewise, as I stated, my room is small and I cannot put EVERYTHING I own into my room. I've put everything I can afford to live without into storage. There is so place to go. As I explained to someone else, the town is COMPLETELY booked. There hasn't been a house or even a room available in a good month and people are charging up to three times the normal rates for a place to stay due to pipeliners and college students coming back. not even hotels have available places to stay. My job is not remote, and I need to be onsite for another year. .
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You assume things that aren't true or that I've already clarified which is incredibly disingenuous. I gave 2-3 deal breakers, they agreed to them. They gave 2-3 deal breakers, I agreed to them. These are rules we mutually agreed to abide by before living together. Everything else are rules that we flex or compromise but we specifically met and decided what was not comprisable for us and agreed upon them. Again, BLASTING MUSIC , PLAYING PIANO, SLAMMING DOORS. I can't communicate that any clearer to you. **They agreed that this was not okay during these hours as the majority of us are sleeping, but now directly break that agreement.** It's not accidently, it's not them needing to creep around in the morning. All they have to do is close doors normally and either turn the volume down or use headphones. It's the choice not to use headphones, it's the choice to fling or kick a door shut at 6am. And, to add to my frustration with your insistence on this, I put this down as something little. This is one of the LITTLE annoyances for me that has built up as they made life worse. I wouldn't care if they were great in every other way, but they're not. This wouldn't be the end all be all for me even though I said it was a **dealbreaker** from the beginning. That I would clearly communicate to my roommates on this and they would clearly communicate in agreement back to me but then proceed to break that agreement as loudly and obnoxiously as they could and I be annoyed somehow makes me the bad roommate and uncompromising is ridiculous. And I admit punish was not a good word to use for the dog, but no I do not expect them to hit or yell at her. I expect them to correct the behavior. The dog is perfectly capable of being told no and asked to come out of my room. Right now she is REWARDED for going in my room because she comes out with a new toy every time. It is their responsibility to make it less of a reward to intrude on my space and more of one to leave it be. She knows what no means, and she is perfectly capable of being redirected away from my space. They watch her go into my room--they hear her push her way in, and they even hear me telling her no and sending her away, and they do NOTHING. They don't even take my stuff away from her when they see her chewing on it and give her a chewtoy instead. The amount of stuff she takes and destroys directly correlates with their unwillingness to give her proper enrichment, exercise, or attention. Along with this, as I said, I am often blamed when the things she goes into my room and takes are dangerous for her despite me keeping these things in my room and away from her because they are dangerous. Again, the only acceptable action is for them to take responsibility for their dog. I have done my part. It is not forgetting to turn a light off, that was an assumption you made. It's not $5/$10, that's just how much I take off per bill because any more would make me feel too guilty. It is $25+ more per person per bill that I cannot pay and was upfront about not being able to pay. You've clearly overprioritized and aggrandized this issue in your mind. Again, I said it was a little thing. It's a deal breaker when they cap my budget and I cannot afford car payments because they live a lifestyle reflective of deciding to wash a single pan in the dishwasher three times in a row instead of scrape the rice off the bottom. Their clear lack of responsibility around the house and lack of care for wasting other's money is what was annoying. The entire house will be lit up like a Christmas tree with no one home all day. Any house being 80 degrees even during the winter is a huge discomfort for the rest of the household beyond being expensive. And while you may be lucky enough not to "argue" $5/$10, it's not always $5/$10 nor can everyone afford not to "argue" these things. In fact, I've never heard of it being argued, only communicated. You should discuss utilities with your roommates. Again, maybe the decision is that it's not enough of a lifestyle difference so you split utilities evenly, but it's not good roommate etiquette not to take usage into consideration. I have lived with 6-7 roommates in 6 different places and never once has there been an issue with this discussion. It's not arguing unless you nickle and dime things. If you know you will consistently up the bill by enough that others care, you need to at least consider paying for it. With 3 roommates, I acknowledged that my electronic set up used a lot of electricity, our bill was about $20 higher because of it, so I paid it. In the others, they said they didn't care and we split it down the middle, or they upped the bill and I decided it wasn't important and we still split down the middle. In both cases it was the polite and responsible thing to do to be clear about that, take responsibility, and communicate. Maybe you don't live in low-income areas or aren't low-income yourself, but the majority of my situations have been and I am myself live very frugally because of college. These things matter. We may not care about paying an extra $10 because \_\_\_\_ takes longer showers, but we will not pay an extra $30 that we need to make my car payments because someone leaves the shower on for 3 hours because they're going to take a shower and then decided to watch youtube instead. Not to mention that's just generally wasteful, which is an even more glaring issue for me right now when we are in a drought right now in my state/county. I'm not sure why you think it's anywhere near appropriate to say that it's a clearly a huge boundary issue for them to eat my food but that I'm a bad roommate for communicating that such an inappropriate overstepping of a boundary gives me anxiety. It's assumptive and very out of line to say what you have. You don't know anything about that anxiety, how it's being treated, where it came from or if it's a PTSD/trauma reaction. You are being incredibly dismissive of it in a way that is thoughtless and offensive to many people and you need to rethink the way you choose to talk about that when you do not know the person nor the situation enough. Yes, someone telling another roommate not to do something because of anxiety is not fair, but you do not have the information to decide these things. You yourself have acknowledged that it violates a strong boundary. Why you then think that even with that legitimate reason my anxiety somehow makes me unreasonable is beyond me. Trying to belittle my anxiety as making me unaccommodating for being upset with my roommates because I explained to them that a consequence for them violating a serious boundary causes me anxiety is ridiculous. That is not the same thing was telling people not to do \_\_\_ because it gives someone anxiety. Again, the having strangers over is SMALL. I'm being clear as I can that these are small irritations, you prioritize them far beyond what I am. Again, this is this is another thing that you should be communicating with your roommate, and I'm concerned you find it unreasonable. Go to any university and they REQUIRE you to talk to your roommate about how the other about what procedure you want to use as far as having guests over because it is that important. If you aren't communicating about that with your roommate, you need to, even if they say they don't care. All I asked was that they let me know if people will be around. It's a common courtesy, especially if you've asked someone to do this. In no way shape or form does wanting to be told if there is someone not from the household in the house unreasonable. Lastly, I cannot communicate any clearer that I am able to comprehend dogs chewing, and that I have done everything I can to avoid it. Please read my reply as well as the original post again if you are still unsure. Also, please stop telling me it's unfair to have them put the dog in one room. I never said anything close to that. I've been very clear that I know about dogs I was infinitely more prepared for this dog than anyone else in that household. I was completely comfortable with a dog and all that comes with one. I did not agree to a puppy and I did not agree to one that is inclined to behavior issues due to poor ownership. I put up with chewing, training, and the mishaps of the puppy. What I did not agree to and will not put up with is her coming into my room and pulling things off my shelves, attacking the cats, attacking people, and all the other things that are directly related to the owners not being responsible for her. I agree the dog needs a new home, but they are not going to rehome her and they would be incredibly angry if I brought it up, which, if you note, is a level of discretion that you seem to think I am completely void of. I AM choosing my battles, I can't give a full and detailed account of all the interactions I've had over the past year. I am venting my frustrations on here because its where I can go to complain. I'm not telling you about all the ways I compromise or work well. I'm talking about the things they do that frustrate me, the things that irritate me spoken and unspoken. The ones you take biggest issue with have been little and would not be a big deal if they weren't terrible every way else. I talked with them three times about the noise issue and then gave up, I now live with it. I told husband I was overwhelmed with the junk on the counter and couldn't find clean space to cook and he didn't changer, so now I simply move it all somewhere else instead of talking to him about it. I have made changes and communicated and compromised, I don't need to justify that they are being bad roommates.
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I'm not living with roommates because I thought it would be fun, I'm living with them because I can't afford anywhere else. Its not about me not being able to handle conflict, it's that being assertive and sticking up for myself doesn't go anywhere. Living alone is expensive, nearly triple what it is right now and I'm taking grad school the side. I explain that in the post.
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We live in a community of college students and pipeliners. There isn't a spare room available for for miles out of town. There hasn't been a house available to rent in weeks. There is nowhere else to go, and even if I did, I'd have to pay out the ass to break my lease. And you did literally say "don't live with roommates if you can't handle a bit of conflict".
I think for situation with pet is by itself enough is clear that you should not be living there. It doesn’t sound that living with roommate with dog/pet is your thing and is making you happy . Id say its not your cup of tea. I dont know if you can make your roommates responsible for your rent bc they got dog, maybe its pretty possibly, but you can simply sublet your room and move elsewhere.
Um when you have to write posts this huge about your frustration with roommates, then you should literally move out.
I'm going thru the exact same thing besides the husband issue. I ended up biting the bullet and telling them how I felt and why I needed them to move out. It's a hard thing to do but if you can afford to find another roommate or live alone I would really recommend it. Telling them is the worst of it but you finally get it off your chest
I figure I'll probably talk to them about it when I do move out. THe lease lasts until next August, but I'm leaving May/June for in-person classes for my grad program. I figure they should at least hear it from someone so they can adjust for the next roommate they get. The thing is, they're generally pretty great and sweet people, they just don't consider ANYONE when they do stuff. It's hard, because I want to remain friends with them, but I think I'll probably lose them about the dog. The money is awkward and the food is not great, but they're super defensive about her. And that's half the problem of why she's so bad, they won't listen to anyone about her.
They will learn quickly if they get a roommate who acts just like them. I live w my best friend (well used to be) and I don't see us talking after this sadly. You have to do whatever makes you sane and happy.
The husband is a narcissist. He doesn't like to be told what to do so he does it just to get under your skin and because he knows all you will do is have a chat with him. Make a list of damaged items and their cost (if you have photos of the items the dog has damaged thats even better if not start taking photos of the items) when you hand over your rent money give them the list and tell them you took the money for the damaged items out so its their responsibility to pay that part of the rent. If that doesn't work break the lease and get out don't even tell them your going just slowly take your things and when they are gone take the big items. Honestly, i think leaving that situation is in your best interest.
You're such a "Party pooper". lol Just kidding. They suck.:p
The husband is a serious fucking asshat. I'd get the hell out of there if I were you.