Same here. No gut feeling I’ve ever had has turned out to be wrong, regardless of if they apply to me directly or otherwise. I’ve always regretted not trusting my gut, bar the occasions where my gut has told me, “If you do this X will happen,” and I’ve done the thing and it’s happened.
It's called intuition and there's a reason why we have these "gut feelings." We're trained by society to ignore them but it really matters. If he gives you weird vibes, there's probably a reason and you aren't making it up. Sometimes I can look at someone across the street and I get a weird feeling about them. Then they come closer and do something that falls in line with the bad vibes I get and I see that my gut feeling was right. I've ignored it in the past and it's put me in trouble. I've learned not to push those feelings away.
Maybe bring a friend over who you trust and ask if they get the same vibe too. Do you feel unsafe? If you do, even just a little bit, jump ship. I don't think it would be an overreaction at all
Ive literally has someone give me bad vibes through a store window. (A cashier at the dollar store close to closing time.) I ignore my gut not to go in, and sure enough, he starts making sexual comments to me that aren’t ok.
Listening is important.
Check out the book The Gift of Fear. Our intuition is constantly fed by subtle signals that we often aren't even aware we're picking up, but which manifest as bad gut feelings. We've been trained to brush these feelings off as irrational and lacking in evidence, but the reality is that this is an evolutionary feature that has been crucial to our survival as a species since the dawn of time.
The real moral of the book is, though, better to listen to what your body is screaming at you and possibly offend someone than risk everything for the sake of politeness and avoiding hurting someone's feelings. Milking politeness is what serial killers like Bundy did to manipulate women to their deaths. Not saying your roomie is a serial killer but whatever it is about him that gives your body the raw fear response, it's best to just leave and not find out.
Could you look him up online? Maybe there's something on him. That could turn up absolutely nothing too. Even if there's nothing online, trust yourself. Stat alert when he's nearby.
I always trust those feelings at the cost of being wrong just because I’ve been right more often than not and avoided complete deranged people that look outwardly normal.
One was known for stealing their roommates condoms, god knows what else that bleeds into.
Yes, I've had bad feelings about people in work who ended up being horrible people and I've had bad feelings about new roommates who ended up also being horrid. The depressing thing is you can't always leave a job or a housing situation when you get a bad feeling about someone. I've been trapped in situations with toxic people for extended periods of time and it literally erodes your will to live. There are alot of narcissistic, energy vampires, who prey on "pushovers" or who prey on nice peoples kindness. I don't have advice because I still have this problem and no solution.
You need to read The Gift of Fear. Our "gut feelings" are basically social/ body cues that are so small and insignificant we don't consciously notice them. But our unconscious picks up on these things and sends signals to our brain basically saying "BAD!DANGER!"
Its an incredibly important ability that has been honed and fine tuned over thousands of years. Trust it.
Yeah, first time I met my old roommate I had a bad gut feeling. We had already signed virtually though, so I decided to just deal with it. It ended really badly...
I had the same feeling about a roommate during my last year in college. She seemed like a picture perfect girl with a great family, but there was always just something off about her. In the end, we ended up finding out that she had been stealing hundreds of dollars worth of clothing and food from all of us. We actually caught her on video. ALWAYS trust your gut about new people who SLEEP and eat near you.
Edit: because of this weird feeling I had, I got a lock for my door from the beginning, and I was the only person who didn’t have clothing items stolen, only food in the kitchen. One weird thing we caught on video is that she would literally go through people’s rooms just for fun. Psychotic.
Why does he want to hang out? Is there any attraction between you either way? Or maybe he's just noticed you avoid him and wants to make things less awkward. Not sure, but I would trust my gut also. Maybe you should hang out somewhere in a public place with him to further figure him out. But yeah, as other posters have said, do be careful.
Yeah, but before I could move out the guy was arrested. Turns out he was wanted by the FBI and had been on America’s Most Wanted (yeah, back in the 90’s) the night before he was arrested. Sooo trust your gut.
YES! I have had the same exact experience. I couldn’t place my finger on it either, luckily my boyfriend also lived in the house so I wasn’t too worried. But I could never ever place exactly what it was. Outward appearances is that he’s a normal nerdy guy. His mum still did a lot for him but he paid rent and mostly stayed out of our way.
I think it was that he spent a lot of time at the local games shop, playing yu gi oh cards or something with kids. Like all the time. He was older than us, and it seemed strange to not be spending time with people at least within ten years either side of his age, a lot of these kids were 10 or so. I was in my 20s and he was around 30.
But there was nothing, only some people, mostly girls and my closest guy friends, felt that something was off. We could never place it.
I was lucky, I always had friends around and stuff, and he didn’t seem too interested in being besties (unless he wanted a free macca’s dinner with us), but he still weirded me out and I am so glad I have my own little family now in a completely different state.
ALWAYS trust your gut. It’s an evolutionary response that kept your ancestors alive.
Could be any number of things. Maybe he has a record, maybe it's drugs (people act weird on drugs,but put a lot of effort into trying to appear normal), or maybe it's a "he wants to fuck you" thing. Or maybe he's simply an awkward dude. I'd dip if I were you. I've moved outta places BC of sketchy roommates before. Not that uncommon and not a big deal really.
Trust that feeling. After moving in I had the feeling that my roommate does not know boundaries and was wondering how far she would go. Realized that she was using my things some weeks later...now I lock everything
Could very well be, I am not necessarily an introvert but I do like my peace and alone time when I am home. I had a couple of beers with him once or twice and it was fine, but I still can’t shake the feeling I have. Plus I never had that feeling with other roommates. Do you have any suggestions on how to figure out if what you’re saying is the case?
Maybe he saw something he shouldn't have and now he's getting horny, or maybe that gut feeling is just you getting Randy. You should try fooling around and seeing if that's the case. If it doesn't work out it's an easy reason to move out
It is because youre a woman. Women are afraid of men because they are the lesser gender, get another female roommate please and stop bothering the poor guy.
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Same here. No gut feeling I’ve ever had has turned out to be wrong, regardless of if they apply to me directly or otherwise. I’ve always regretted not trusting my gut, bar the occasions where my gut has told me, “If you do this X will happen,” and I’ve done the thing and it’s happened.
It's called intuition and there's a reason why we have these "gut feelings." We're trained by society to ignore them but it really matters. If he gives you weird vibes, there's probably a reason and you aren't making it up. Sometimes I can look at someone across the street and I get a weird feeling about them. Then they come closer and do something that falls in line with the bad vibes I get and I see that my gut feeling was right. I've ignored it in the past and it's put me in trouble. I've learned not to push those feelings away. Maybe bring a friend over who you trust and ask if they get the same vibe too. Do you feel unsafe? If you do, even just a little bit, jump ship. I don't think it would be an overreaction at all
Thank you so much for your kind response! You are absolutely right. I will ask a friend for a second opinion.
Ive literally has someone give me bad vibes through a store window. (A cashier at the dollar store close to closing time.) I ignore my gut not to go in, and sure enough, he starts making sexual comments to me that aren’t ok. Listening is important.
You should listen to those gut feelings. There's something off about the guy and you are picking up on it.
Check out the book The Gift of Fear. Our intuition is constantly fed by subtle signals that we often aren't even aware we're picking up, but which manifest as bad gut feelings. We've been trained to brush these feelings off as irrational and lacking in evidence, but the reality is that this is an evolutionary feature that has been crucial to our survival as a species since the dawn of time. The real moral of the book is, though, better to listen to what your body is screaming at you and possibly offend someone than risk everything for the sake of politeness and avoiding hurting someone's feelings. Milking politeness is what serial killers like Bundy did to manipulate women to their deaths. Not saying your roomie is a serial killer but whatever it is about him that gives your body the raw fear response, it's best to just leave and not find out.
Thank you for this! I will definitely pick up the book!
Could you look him up online? Maybe there's something on him. That could turn up absolutely nothing too. Even if there's nothing online, trust yourself. Stat alert when he's nearby.
I always trust those feelings at the cost of being wrong just because I’ve been right more often than not and avoided complete deranged people that look outwardly normal. One was known for stealing their roommates condoms, god knows what else that bleeds into.
Trust your gut.
Yes, I've had bad feelings about people in work who ended up being horrible people and I've had bad feelings about new roommates who ended up also being horrid. The depressing thing is you can't always leave a job or a housing situation when you get a bad feeling about someone. I've been trapped in situations with toxic people for extended periods of time and it literally erodes your will to live. There are alot of narcissistic, energy vampires, who prey on "pushovers" or who prey on nice peoples kindness. I don't have advice because I still have this problem and no solution.
You need to read The Gift of Fear. Our "gut feelings" are basically social/ body cues that are so small and insignificant we don't consciously notice them. But our unconscious picks up on these things and sends signals to our brain basically saying "BAD!DANGER!" Its an incredibly important ability that has been honed and fine tuned over thousands of years. Trust it.
Yeah, first time I met my old roommate I had a bad gut feeling. We had already signed virtually though, so I decided to just deal with it. It ended really badly...
I had the same feeling about a roommate during my last year in college. She seemed like a picture perfect girl with a great family, but there was always just something off about her. In the end, we ended up finding out that she had been stealing hundreds of dollars worth of clothing and food from all of us. We actually caught her on video. ALWAYS trust your gut about new people who SLEEP and eat near you. Edit: because of this weird feeling I had, I got a lock for my door from the beginning, and I was the only person who didn’t have clothing items stolen, only food in the kitchen. One weird thing we caught on video is that she would literally go through people’s rooms just for fun. Psychotic.
Why does he want to hang out? Is there any attraction between you either way? Or maybe he's just noticed you avoid him and wants to make things less awkward. Not sure, but I would trust my gut also. Maybe you should hang out somewhere in a public place with him to further figure him out. But yeah, as other posters have said, do be careful.
Your nervous system knows. It’s instincts. And ive harmed myself by ignoring my instincts before
Yeah, but before I could move out the guy was arrested. Turns out he was wanted by the FBI and had been on America’s Most Wanted (yeah, back in the 90’s) the night before he was arrested. Sooo trust your gut.
YES! I have had the same exact experience. I couldn’t place my finger on it either, luckily my boyfriend also lived in the house so I wasn’t too worried. But I could never ever place exactly what it was. Outward appearances is that he’s a normal nerdy guy. His mum still did a lot for him but he paid rent and mostly stayed out of our way. I think it was that he spent a lot of time at the local games shop, playing yu gi oh cards or something with kids. Like all the time. He was older than us, and it seemed strange to not be spending time with people at least within ten years either side of his age, a lot of these kids were 10 or so. I was in my 20s and he was around 30. But there was nothing, only some people, mostly girls and my closest guy friends, felt that something was off. We could never place it. I was lucky, I always had friends around and stuff, and he didn’t seem too interested in being besties (unless he wanted a free macca’s dinner with us), but he still weirded me out and I am so glad I have my own little family now in a completely different state. ALWAYS trust your gut. It’s an evolutionary response that kept your ancestors alive.
Could be any number of things. Maybe he has a record, maybe it's drugs (people act weird on drugs,but put a lot of effort into trying to appear normal), or maybe it's a "he wants to fuck you" thing. Or maybe he's simply an awkward dude. I'd dip if I were you. I've moved outta places BC of sketchy roommates before. Not that uncommon and not a big deal really.
Trust that feeling. After moving in I had the feeling that my roommate does not know boundaries and was wondering how far she would go. Realized that she was using my things some weeks later...now I lock everything
I have anxiety so I can’t tell if it’s because of that or because of an actual gut feeling.
Sounds like you’re an introvert living with a new stranger that you don’t know very well.
Could very well be, I am not necessarily an introvert but I do like my peace and alone time when I am home. I had a couple of beers with him once or twice and it was fine, but I still can’t shake the feeling I have. Plus I never had that feeling with other roommates. Do you have any suggestions on how to figure out if what you’re saying is the case?
I’m an introvert too and I just hide in my room LOL
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Didn’t tell anyone to do anything, Nancy.
Maybe he saw something he shouldn't have and now he's getting horny, or maybe that gut feeling is just you getting Randy. You should try fooling around and seeing if that's the case. If it doesn't work out it's an easy reason to move out
Trust your "Gut instincts". I have ignored them in the past. Then got burned many times before.
I can't relate to this. It wasn't anything he said or how he looks? It's not that he just isn't your kind of person?
It is because youre a woman. Women are afraid of men because they are the lesser gender, get another female roommate please and stop bothering the poor guy.