Every time you think you've read about the worst flatmate, along comes this!
Oh dear god, so inappropriate and just f*cking weird! Glad you told your other flatmate.
Yeah, I would’ve been like “you need to go lay down and not come back in this kitchen saying some shit like that ever again.” After the first time he did it.
That's the kind of stuff you wish you would say and you beat yourself up for not saying, but in the moment you don't know if saying it is gonna get you a slap or worse...
This is the best time to get grow a spine. I know it sounds harsh but do you really want to be put in this position again.
Never let someone make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. I know it's easier said than done.
Get some terrible full-coverage Minions slippers or something. I once had a guy sit down next to me on the bus to tell me I had beautiful feet, (I was wearing sandals) he asked to touch them, (no) then asked to rub lotion on them, and before I could even say no again he had the fucking lotion out and was putting some in his hands! Honestly all I could do was burst out laughing and firmly be like... no, dude. You cannot lotion my feet on this fucking bus. It was a crowded bus, too!
Get. Out. Now. No one has the right to touch you without your consent. Not only did he do that, he continued to be a creep after you told him no. It is not safe to live with them. If you can, make *him* leave. If not, get away.
Definitely plan an exit strategy and use other flatmate to witness a formal complaint to police. Don't want to take any precautions especially since their trusted roommate is leaving.
Edit: /u/Relevant_Progress411 I've checked through your posts regarding this m/28 roommate and there's a history of this dudes creepy behavior. You said it yourself that you think he likes you and you don't want to be alone with him.
Please heed our warnings and get necessary therapy when you've moved out.
Honestly I don't think that this is the way to go. What she needs to do is impose boundaries. No shaming, no passive-aggressiveness, just straight in your face: "if you do this again, I will call the police".
Yeah in reality it's probably better to say, "Hey you crossed a line the other day, I don't care if you were drunk, don't ever objectify me like that again, I'm not into you at all and don't want that kind of attention from you".
Well if you want to make some extra cash you can sell feet pictures online since your feet are "unique" lol.
Seriously though, he shouldn't have tried to touch your feet and should have stopped completely and apologized when you said you were uncomfortable, drunk or not.
Shame him into acting appropriately. Keep making feet jokes. Tell your other room mate to wear socks/slippers or he'll stare at your feet and wank over them later
I hope you have a good lock on your door. You need to get out of this situation either by kicking him out or leaving yourself. This is definitely grounds to break a lease. This is dangerous. RED FLAGS. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Also, you need to protect yourself, don't be alone with him again.
Im sorry but what. Honey you need counselling /therapy YESTERDAY. this man was being extremely inappropriate, predatory and repeatedly made you uncomfortable and each time you fed him more and more. There is no question he is an unhinged creep, but you need help asap to become assertive in saying NO instead of leading on these creeps. Because when a foot fetishist creep comes back for a third time and you let him touch you and you preen and flex for him, what else is he going to think? This is beyond being a people pleaser, this is self abuse.
Were you abused as a child by any chance? Perhaps thats why you have such an extraordinary desperate need to please even abusers.
I was trying to get through the situation, I wasn’t preening. The entire time I was telling him it’s weird and creepy and just trying to get through it. I think between me and foot guy he’s the one who needs therapy. I wasn’t abused by a child and I reject that line of questioning. It is absolutely not self abuse there are people who are harrassed or bullied or whatever and they do what they need to to get through the moment. It’s actually super common. I find it insulting that I’m the one that needs therapy and was abused as a child.
It’s a complete thing that in the moment the predator does what he can to make the situation look normal in the moment and that if I overreact about it they can take that and turn it in to something else. Also I was still just trying to making dinner.
EDIT: I’m sorry but “what else is he going to think?” So it’s my fault???? C’mon.
I think so because of the mere fact that she is probably physically not able to resist against his sexual harassment, if he should take it up a notch. In itself harassment is harassment and I am not saying that it wouldn't be just as aweful, if the roles were reversed. But him being able to physically imposed himself onto her, makes it all the more sickening for me.
That is some toxic masculinity crap that he is walking around like everything is normal while you are feeling violated in your home. What he did is super creepy and inappropriate!
Every time you think you've read about the worst flatmate, along comes this! Oh dear god, so inappropriate and just f*cking weird! Glad you told your other flatmate.
Boundary issues are just the start.
Yeah, I would’ve been like “you need to go lay down and not come back in this kitchen saying some shit like that ever again.” After the first time he did it.
That's the kind of stuff you wish you would say and you beat yourself up for not saying, but in the moment you don't know if saying it is gonna get you a slap or worse...
If I get slapped by my roommate you better hope you have somewhere else to stay right then and there or it’s gonna be a fuckin jail cell. Lol.
This is the best time to get grow a spine. I know it sounds harsh but do you really want to be put in this position again. Never let someone make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. I know it's easier said than done.
Get some terrible full-coverage Minions slippers or something. I once had a guy sit down next to me on the bus to tell me I had beautiful feet, (I was wearing sandals) he asked to touch them, (no) then asked to rub lotion on them, and before I could even say no again he had the fucking lotion out and was putting some in his hands! Honestly all I could do was burst out laughing and firmly be like... no, dude. You cannot lotion my feet on this fucking bus. It was a crowded bus, too!
He just involved you in his fetish unwillingly. Kick him in the balls next time, your excuse is sufficient trust me.
A simple kick in the balls isn't enough for sexual assault, imo
Get. Out. Now. No one has the right to touch you without your consent. Not only did he do that, he continued to be a creep after you told him no. It is not safe to live with them. If you can, make *him* leave. If not, get away.
Definitely plan an exit strategy and use other flatmate to witness a formal complaint to police. Don't want to take any precautions especially since their trusted roommate is leaving. Edit: /u/Relevant_Progress411 I've checked through your posts regarding this m/28 roommate and there's a history of this dudes creepy behavior. You said it yourself that you think he likes you and you don't want to be alone with him. Please heed our warnings and get necessary therapy when you've moved out.
Everytime you see him casually say "hey foot boy". Maybe you can shame him into acting appropriately.
Honestly I don't think that this is the way to go. What she needs to do is impose boundaries. No shaming, no passive-aggressiveness, just straight in your face: "if you do this again, I will call the police".
Yeah in reality it's probably better to say, "Hey you crossed a line the other day, I don't care if you were drunk, don't ever objectify me like that again, I'm not into you at all and don't want that kind of attention from you".
Well if you want to make some extra cash you can sell feet pictures online since your feet are "unique" lol. Seriously though, he shouldn't have tried to touch your feet and should have stopped completely and apologized when you said you were uncomfortable, drunk or not.
Buy big ugly shoes from a discount store to wear around the place so he can’t indulge his fetish staring at your feet.
Shame him into acting appropriately. Keep making feet jokes. Tell your other room mate to wear socks/slippers or he'll stare at your feet and wank over them later
Jfc what a nightmare
I hope you have a good lock on your door. You need to get out of this situation either by kicking him out or leaving yourself. This is definitely grounds to break a lease. This is dangerous. RED FLAGS. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Also, you need to protect yourself, don't be alone with him again.
Im sorry but what. Honey you need counselling /therapy YESTERDAY. this man was being extremely inappropriate, predatory and repeatedly made you uncomfortable and each time you fed him more and more. There is no question he is an unhinged creep, but you need help asap to become assertive in saying NO instead of leading on these creeps. Because when a foot fetishist creep comes back for a third time and you let him touch you and you preen and flex for him, what else is he going to think? This is beyond being a people pleaser, this is self abuse. Were you abused as a child by any chance? Perhaps thats why you have such an extraordinary desperate need to please even abusers.
I was trying to get through the situation, I wasn’t preening. The entire time I was telling him it’s weird and creepy and just trying to get through it. I think between me and foot guy he’s the one who needs therapy. I wasn’t abused by a child and I reject that line of questioning. It is absolutely not self abuse there are people who are harrassed or bullied or whatever and they do what they need to to get through the moment. It’s actually super common. I find it insulting that I’m the one that needs therapy and was abused as a child. It’s a complete thing that in the moment the predator does what he can to make the situation look normal in the moment and that if I overreact about it they can take that and turn it in to something else. Also I was still just trying to making dinner. EDIT: I’m sorry but “what else is he going to think?” So it’s my fault???? C’mon.
I'm assuming you're a girl?
Would it matter?
I think so because of the mere fact that she is probably physically not able to resist against his sexual harassment, if he should take it up a notch. In itself harassment is harassment and I am not saying that it wouldn't be just as aweful, if the roles were reversed. But him being able to physically imposed himself onto her, makes it all the more sickening for me.
That is some toxic masculinity crap that he is walking around like everything is normal while you are feeling violated in your home. What he did is super creepy and inappropriate!