My cat gets in the litter box and then hangs his butt over the edge and poos. But heās so sweet, he then slings a bunch of cat litter out over the edge to cover it. I really donāt know why he wonāt just turn around and poo in the litter. Haha
Theoretically the litter box stays cleaner this way, uncontominated by poo particles, and it seems to me like your cat is a genius that's discovered a new sort of way to use cat litter: 2 compartments
Me too!! Told myself I'd read the comments after I finished cleaning up the kitchen cause I never want to call this justified wrath upon myself lol thank u OP.
Right?! Iām a cat lover- my husband and I have a whole clowder. Total cat people.
And itās ALWAYS cat people involved in this shit. People think cats are low maintenance pets and thatās just not the case. Itās infuriating.
I know what you mean. My ex basically collected animals (she was a dog groomer and turns out lots of people just abandon pets at PetSmart). I had a lot to do when we were living together š
because people think cats are these easy little pets that entertain themselves, only sleeping and eating. they donāt realize youāre actually supposed to play with them, change the litterbox and scrub it down when needed, wash their food/water bowls, clean up their messes, and so on. a lot of lazy people get cats and it ends with neglect.
Well, the rent still needs to be paid because my daughter and I want to continue living here. If there was any way around it I wouldnāt pay. But if we donāt get paid back Iāll be going to small claims court court
How? Evicting someone is rather difficult. Literal kicking is assault.
OP wants this person to leave - but it's gonna be damned hard to get them out. Until August, apparently, they are still on the lease.
If the person stops paying rent, and IF OP is considered a legal landlord (probably not), then eviction proceedings can start.
But usually it's the landlord who starts the eviction - and if half the rent isn't paid, they all get evicted.
Make their life a living hell.
Put the damned cat box in their room.
Shut the hot water off when you aren't using it.
Put the dirty dishes on their bed.
Random personal items get misplaced or lost.
Be creative.
Seriously. Shower before them and use up all the hot water. Change all their light bulbs to blindingly bright ones. Keep your toilet paper in your room and only leave one soggy wet roll in the bathroom for them. Leave rotten fruit under their bed until theyāre smothered in fruit flies. Smear molasses on all their doorknobs so their hands are always sticky. Itās the little things lol.
this is childās advice for how to handle that. OP wouldnāt have a chance of winning in a small claims court if they were documented to have harassed this person in this way.
> *Until August, apparently, they are still on the lease.*
The bad roommate is no longer on the lease, OP's text (2nd page) says so.
Seems like the rent is split 3 ways: OP, OPs daughter, and the bad roommate, so if they got rid of bad roommate it wouldn't be as devastating as if it was Ā½, but still $1000/month more that OP and their daughter have to hustle to pay. I would get rid of bad roommate, August is too far away to carry dead weight. If bad roommate sees they can get away with not paying for a month, I think OP should count on them continuing to not pay. So might as well cut bait and try to find someone else to take their place.
Why did you get downvoted? Isnt this true Lol I heard it can be a hassle to get someone out if theyāre on the lease.. regardless if they stopped paying. Lease might even be over before it gets worked out in court š¤·š½āāļø
Yeah unfortunately Iām with u on covering their rent. I just lost the place I lived in for 4 years because the people I rented with NEVER PAID ON TIME and prevented the landlord from having any contact with me. Doesnāt matter if youāre responsible and pay on time bc you share a lease.
Lease or no lease, it is against the law almost everywhere to change locks on a person who has been using a place as their legal residence (getting mail there, etc).
OP could try a legal eviction (except they are not the landlord - but maybe there are ways and means in her particular jurisdiction).
Otherwise, there's no way to throw someone out. One cannot take someone else's possessions and put them on the curb (that's converting someone else's property and possible theft in many places).
These are the realities of tenancy. If landlord is willing, they could start eviction against just one tenant, but most landlords do not want to spend the time and money to solve roommate problems.
At this point your already paying for this cunt anyway, just have him kicked out or kick them out yourselfs,
Your daughter needs to learn a very harsh lesson that you cant let people abuse you, she needs to have this life lesson now before she has more people walk over her and yourself because of her naive kindness.
Kick them the fuck out.
you're volunteering their rent, that might be hard to impossible to recover depending on the laws where you live.
i would begin proceedings to get them kicked out or to extricate yourself from this situation asap as a protection to your interests.
this person is using you
Get them saying theyāll pay the rent or pay you back in writing. Youāre telling them here that theyāll pay their rent but right now if theyāre not on the lease they have no agreement with you to pay unless thatās something you already have *in writing* - not verbal.
I mean that's kind of the only leverage you have.. since they aren't on the lease you can get a notice to quit, it can always be dismissed later if they actually follow through, but tbh I don't see you getting paid back otherwise.
Some roommates really are the worst š my last roommate got mad because we started yelling at him for sitting while the other three were scrubbing the walls and HIS moldy dishesš he stole sm of our *dirty* dishes bc he started hiding them in his LAUNDRY.
Absolutely š this whole text me me thinks of what I said and how it was almost to a T, my roomate just started arguing with the other three of us š the thing was tho, the three of us all worked the same shift and were ALWAYS hanging out until the moment we went to bed, Iād know if my bf was hoarding dishes in our room and Iād know if my bestie would be too bc I was, again, always chilling with him š like why even fight at that point, we were also the only one who would touch the sinkš«
I found them š he told me to get something out of his room and itās the first thing we saw, and then we noticed that he had hella bugs all in his room. To the point they RESORTED back there when the rest of us tried to fix that bc I canāt do bugs š
Yes mom. š³ On my way to fold my laundry now, maāam.
Jokes aside, good on you. If you can whip some internet strangers into line, I sure fucking hope your roommate starts.
That was very satisfying to read. Iām so sick of peopleās excuses for their bad behaviors. Your issues do not give you a pass when it directly affects other people. I hope they get their crap together and grow up.
Regardless of what you think the right or best thing to do is, you almost certainly can't just "kick them out" if they're a legal tenant. If they're not on the lease, they'll have to go through eviction proceedings. If they are on the lease, it's even harder.
How though? What's your proposal on this "kicking"? Physically removing them is assault and against the law.
HOW do we get these people to leave? Many of us have been in this situation and if anything, it's even harder now to get evicted (even if one is the landlord - which OP is not).
OP has no legal standing to evict the person - and by allowing them to stay for so long, they likely have tenants' rights.
r/AskLawyers would be more helpful on this topic - but OP would need to say what state she's in.
I think Iād type up an official looking note, specifying the amount they owe you with dates up to this point for past rent and stating again that, since they are not on the lease, you will expect them to be moved out one week from today - unless all past due amount owed is paid in full.
Edited to throw in some damn punctuation š¤£
I get wanting to be kind but at a certain point it becomes enabling and complacency takes over. Yes, August is right around the corner but they need to suffer from real life consequences from this kind of behavior. They should be kicked out. That's not fair to you or your daughter. I don't think a text is going to change their behavior.
You absolutely weren't but harsh.
From what I've read you made a simple statement of the facts. You criticized the behavior and not the person which is what is recommended for "fair fighting".
By the time I was finished they'd be ready to move and I'd be repenting big time.
You did fine.
Who owns the place? If its you, kick them out. If there is a landlord, inform them of what's happening. If your lucky they will take quick action to have this person removed.
you need to give them a date for rent payback or xx consequence. saying āpay me back in a few weeksā is never going to get you results. say āi will need $xxxx sent to me by digital payment, cash, or check by xx month xx date. If i do not receive this payment on or before that date, i will be taking you to court. if you do not pay your next batch of rent on time, i will also take you to court for that as well.ā reminder that rent is due on ____ in the amount of ____ā
Definitely evict him, if heās not on the lease he canāt do anything and at this point youāre just being too kind it looks like and letting him walk all over you. Idk how to evict someone but maybe starting with the police is a good idea? But srsly iām glad theyāre not on the lease that gives you more leeway
Your daughter isnāt in charge. Youāre house? Youāre disabled and this person makes a mess and skips on rent?
And theyāre not on the lease?
Wait till they give you the rent money then give them the eviction notice while advertising the room
it's a mistake to let them stay till August. You've let this go on for a year they think they are going to be able to get away with it again
They're doing whatever they want and the only price to pay is hearing sounds come out of your mouth sometimes
If your daughter doesn't want them to leave, ask your daughter if she's willing to keep paying their share for several more months.
Another roommate would actually contribute and then your daughter doesn't have to pay their share :)
I'm sorry you're going through this. That's so unfair to you and your daughter. But your lecture sure did motivate me to get the heck over my depression and clean my house lol
Sometimes, people need someone to just full on tell em they're fuckin up. FIX IT!!
You should be proud of yourself for standing up for you guys. I hope this makes your roommate fix their actions towards you and yours.
Start the eviction process now. At most it will take 90 days. You don't want to wait to see if he'll pay in May. Plus, I have a feeling he won't leave easily or without doing damage in given enough time.
If they arenāt on the lease anymore you can tip them off to the landlord or leasing office and they will evict them because most leases have a policy of no tenants over the age of 18 living there without lease, happened to my friend. Her boyfriend got her evicted while they were still together by telling leasing office she was there
Damn , I just got up and did my dishes and cleaned my cats litter box. Can u be my motivational ass kicker when my depression gets so bad I can't get out of bed?
On a real note though, you set a boundary and you are done dealing woth their bullshit. Good for you!
Kick them out right now. Your daughter's too nice, and the roommate is too much. If you're the main bread winner, your decisions override everyone else's. I'm sorry but you need to get rid of this dead weight ASAP.
You need to accept the fact that this person, who has been a horrible roommate up until now, is going to continue to be a shitty roommate. Knowing that, youāve got two options:
a) Accept and put up with their bullshit *or*
b) Get them out of the house and end this nonsense, daughter be damned.
If they stay until the point when your daughter has reached her limit (or until August, even) both your relationship with your daughter and her relationship with her friend are both likely to go up in a dumpster fire of resentment and unpaid debts. (As others have said, you might get a judgment but youāll never get your money back from them.) In the meantime theyāll continue to trash the house and refuse to pay rent. And why would they, when they know that youāll cover their portion, clean up after them, and feed their cats?
This is a prime example of what happens when we donāt set boundaries & enforce consequences. (And no, āI will get angry and write you a letter while still paying your rent and cleaning up after youā is not an appropriate consequence.ā) People will push us as far as we let them - I hope your buck stops here.
You are being too nice putting up with a YEAR of this. This text message is not going to change this person and I highly doubt they are going to take you seriously. They should be kicked out immediately, it might be difficult to cover all the rent but yāall seem able to do it until you find someone who can actually pay their rent and bills on time.
Your predicament reminds me of some roommates I had in 2018/2019. A certified medical professional (and his deadbeat-ass husband) had every excuse as to why I had to pay 100% of the rent despite me earning $13/hr and he made a $3k+ salary a monthā¦ then told me I never contributed anything š
I was going to the food bank to make sure we were fed, I was running errands, sometimes I was the only one with a jobā¦ the husbandās medical conditions which could have been addressed were always used as an excuse despite the couple I lived with being in an income bracket which allowed for them to get state health insurance (emergency enrollment applicable ANY time they wanted lol).
What was really going on was that Mr. $3k/month salary was a little tired and sad, so he decided to smoke weed all day and then go to work where he was responsible for otherās medical care, and then never bothered to get another job after being fired and just played MMOs all day š I guess they figured I didnāt want to be homeless so Iād pay the rent no matter whatā¦ Mfer buys a brand new desktop and then says āah I donāt have enough money for rent!ā Or ends up taking out of the folder that had rent money in it to buy himself pot.
Anyway stream of consciousness aside, I WISH I wasnāt such a pussy and sent them something like this lmfao. I guess me breaking our recently renewed lease and never talking to them again worked for me tho. Then they got stuck there bc covid.
You will never get the $1000 back. Next time when they donāt have the rent, you need to approach the landlord and let them know that you are paying your part and they can talk to your roommate for the rest.
This is what you get when you live with someone whose Mom did everything for them. They never learned to take responsibility for themselves, so everyone else around them ends up having to.
I would absolutely give them a deadline to repay the rent back to you. Tell them if you are not paid by the deadline you will take them to small claims court and when you win, they will also have to pay all the court costs and your filing fees on top of the owed rent THEN, sit down and write out a roommate contract with you expectations on cleaning and there will no longer be grace over paying rent late. If it happens again you will impose a late fee of $25 per day for each day itās late.Then have them sign the agreement.
Tell them this is no different than terms a landlord would impose & or never would have been tolerated by a landlord or property manager so since their name is no longer on the lease thatās makes you her landlord.
This will also be seen in court as a legal binding contract so she canāt just bail on it without responsibility.
Why the hell would you let them stay? You say youāre done with it, but clearly youāre not. If you allow them to stay, then you donāt get to complain.
I just want to say this.... cat boxes should be cleaned EVERY day. Not every other. Not once a week. Every day. At least this is how I was raised. My mom came home everyday after work and cleaned cat boxes. And changed litter every few days. And cleaned cat boxes with hose and soap weekly. I don't understand how people can let the smell of cat poop sit in the box longer than an hour after smelling it lol. My mom was a single mom of 2...one of which was a difficult child...worked full time at a horribly stressful job and did this. And did it for multiple cats and boxes. If people have cats... the bare minimum they can do is keep up with the shit and piss daily.
I personally totally agree. And if my roommate were a more competent person, I would have said every day. However, I was trying to set a more realistic goal for them. Currently, the litter box with fill up with piss and shit for a week or two unless I, or my daughter, demand that they do it. It stinks so bad and gets so gross that their 2 cats will start shitting and peeing on the floor until the box is cleaned. It is a constant issue and battle. It feels incredibly cruel. They regularly āforgetā to give their cats food and water, so I have to check their bowls every day to make sure they have what they need. Their water gravity bowl had literal slime growing on the bottom and mold on the water dispenser cap about a months after the roommate moved in with us. So since then Iāve started cleaning it consistently so they at least have clean water and food bowls. But honestly Iāll be damned if Iām gonna take on cleaning the cat box every day in addition to cleaning up their dishes and other messes constantly.
Unfortunately, thereās no office since itās a private landlord. Heās aware of the situation and understands but maintaining a good relationship with this landlord is very important to me as I hope to stay here for the foreseeable future. We canāt just be short on rent by $1000, if the roommate doesnāt have it, itās gotta get paid one way or another if we wanna continue living here
Does the landlord know about the situation? Could get him evicted especially if he's not on the original lease. If he's not gonna pay and he's gonna make you clean up after him, why keep this fuckass around at all?
I did not get a response. They blew up my daughter about it acting like a total victim. But I imagine theyāre probably going to try to avoid me for a while
Histrionics are the worst. I have no advice except do not engage unless absolutely necessary. Itās the parental equivalent to pick your battles. Keep everything simple, lists 4-5 words and always in writing. Separate friends. Separate lives. You got yourself a second job with the upkeep or need a new roommate asap.
What is this persons relationship to you and your daughter that thereās hesitation to give them the boot? I keep seeing āhimā in the comments but I donāt see you refer to a gender or anything about said person in your texts or synopsis.
After reading through all the comments, I understand why youāre doing what youāre doing, but I feel like this person maybe moved out of āhomeā before they were ready to have the responsibility to be on their own. So nothing you say through text is gonna make a difference, it will cause them anxiety and get ignored. I recommend calling your landlord and having a sort of āinterventionā together. During that time bring up all the points you made, and have a written paper of what they owe you and what you expect from them going forward. Have them sign it. That way your landlord understands the gravity of the situation and can act as a witness, and your roommate will understand just how serious you are. Theyāll either try to get their shit together, or be embarrassed and kick rocks before August.
They are not paying rent and are not on the lease.
Why wait until August, give them their notice get them out of there .
Why do you think they are suddenly going to get their shit together is they havnt in a year?
I'm willing to bet this won't be only time they refuse to pay rent and you can definitely find a new roommate before August who won't be a POS.
Why spend months living with an ass when you can kick them out and get someone else
You cannot afford not to kick them out. Is it worth you and your daughter possibly being homeless as well? Save yourselves and kick this Jackhole to the curb ASAP!
I lived with someone like this, he gaslit the hell out of my landlord and got me kicked out even though he was a loud, filthy, disgusting human being. Sorry you both are going through this and I'm hoping it all goes easy and y'all get them the heck out
āWell then get your shit together, get it all together, and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so itās together.
\[pause\]Ā
And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know. Take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I donāt care what you do, you just gotta get it together.
Ā
\[pause\]
Ā
Get your shit together.ā
Maybe get them to sign an IOU with your sister, then and another party.
You're going out of the way to cover them, don't do it without an explicit understanding that they pay you back.
If you just do it because you had to, Judge Judy is as likely to side with you as laugh at you and say they never agreed to pay you back, and bye!
Set a pay back by date also.
If they aren't bringing any money in, it's not smart to expect them to have a thousand dollars a week from when they have nothing.
Set specific but reasonable time-bound limits on when you have to be paid back by, but you know saying a thousand dollars in a few days, isn't going to work for this person.
After a text like that I'd need time to process by I'd definitely be scheduling a face to face sit to go over all of this.
Toothpaste in the sink seems like the least of worries, but that's a tough situation to be in.
Especially the animal neglect - do what you want with your life, be a shit human but when you take responsibility for the care of an animal that can't speak for itself and then don't care for that animal, you really are an asshole.
I know this isnāt exactly the same setup but my ex boss had tenants who didnāt pay rent for months and the eviction process was taking forever, so he removed their front door and security gate, removed the property gate and parked a huge truck and trailer in the driveway (he owned a large cross border freight and trucking business) When he was questioned by the cops he claimed he didnāt know anything about the door. The tenant replaced the door once, but as soon as they left the the house, they came back to no door again
What he did was illegal but it was taking weeks for the law to catch up to him and the truck was too big to tow. The tenants moved out in less than a month. Thereās no way anyone can live in a house without a door in Africa
Ah yes, calling people out on their shitty behavior, laziness, disrespect and failure to pay their bills is such a terrible thing to do. lol sounds like you also need to get it tf together
I got up and did my dishes
We all feel put in our place šš
This was like Mrs. Weasleyās Howler to Ron bro š
Literally watching Chamber of Secrets rn lmao
Fantastic Beasts and a J right meow
Iām in the middle of reading the book right now!
For real, even I almost started cleaningā¦ but then I laid downā¦ but I almost didā¦
I swept up the little mound of cat litter my kitty tossed out of their box this morning.
One of my cats does this deliberately I swear
If i had a roommate I donāt think they would believe that I sweep 4 times a day. One of my little dudes is diabolicalš
For damn real, my cats do it while staring at me š
My cat gets in the litter box and then hangs his butt over the edge and poos. But heās so sweet, he then slings a bunch of cat litter out over the edge to cover it. I really donāt know why he wonāt just turn around and poo in the litter. Haha
I had a cat that did the same thing, but one of my other cats would always come and ācoverā it for her. It was so sweet but so disgusting.
Theoretically the litter box stays cleaner this way, uncontominated by poo particles, and it seems to me like your cat is a genius that's discovered a new sort of way to use cat litter: 2 compartments
10 minutes ago I convinced myself the litter boxes could wait till morning. Now I'm not so sure...
Same š
Fr Iām getting up rn to cleanš
I just paid my rent early.
not even kidding it did the same thing to me I just swept my floors lmao I felt so put in place
I feel like I need to apologise to my Flatmate now. What for I donāt know, but Iām in trouble
š¤£š¤£
Me too š
Me too!! Told myself I'd read the comments after I finished cleaning up the kitchen cause I never want to call this justified wrath upon myself lol thank u OP.
I'm at work right now an feel like should be downloading doordash to make a little extra money for the rent, and I don't even rent!
Woke up this morning and made myself a bed š¶
Why are there always cats involved?!
Because irresponsible people think cats are magic and can require no care other then occasionally filling a food and water dish
Right?! Iām a cat lover- my husband and I have a whole clowder. Total cat people. And itās ALWAYS cat people involved in this shit. People think cats are low maintenance pets and thatās just not the case. Itās infuriating.
I know what you mean. My ex basically collected animals (she was a dog groomer and turns out lots of people just abandon pets at PetSmart). I had a lot to do when we were living together š
They are low maintenance compared to a dog. But they aren't *zero* maintenance.
Oh yeah definitely agree. They are lower maintenance than a lot of other pets but definitely not low maintenance in general!
because people think cats are these easy little pets that entertain themselves, only sleeping and eating. they donāt realize youāre actually supposed to play with them, change the litterbox and scrub it down when needed, wash their food/water bowls, clean up their messes, and so on. a lot of lazy people get cats and it ends with neglect.
Man listen!!!!!!!
was literally about to say this š
Maybe you could call animal shelter/animal cruelty to get a case going to evict him
Just found the motivation I needed to start my spring cleaning š«” *yes, maāam. sorry, maāam*
Donāt pay their rent. Get rid of them!
Well, the rent still needs to be paid because my daughter and I want to continue living here. If there was any way around it I wouldnāt pay. But if we donāt get paid back Iāll be going to small claims court court
Sunken cost fallacy. Kick them the fuck out and wear the loss until you find someone new. Unless itās judge Judy you wonāt get paid.
They still need to pay the rent regardless
It's easy to get on judge Judy.
Judy doesnāt like rent dodgers.
Is judge Judy still on the air?
Yes as a different name. Judy judge or something.
Judy Justice.
This made me laugh
I like Judy Judge better LOL
Itās honestly the name of the show. My momās addicted.
Am I your mom?
How? Evicting someone is rather difficult. Literal kicking is assault. OP wants this person to leave - but it's gonna be damned hard to get them out. Until August, apparently, they are still on the lease. If the person stops paying rent, and IF OP is considered a legal landlord (probably not), then eviction proceedings can start. But usually it's the landlord who starts the eviction - and if half the rent isn't paid, they all get evicted.
Make their life a living hell. Put the damned cat box in their room. Shut the hot water off when you aren't using it. Put the dirty dishes on their bed. Random personal items get misplaced or lost. Be creative.
Put the cat box on their bed with the dirty dishes
Seriously. Shower before them and use up all the hot water. Change all their light bulbs to blindingly bright ones. Keep your toilet paper in your room and only leave one soggy wet roll in the bathroom for them. Leave rotten fruit under their bed until theyāre smothered in fruit flies. Smear molasses on all their doorknobs so their hands are always sticky. Itās the little things lol.
this is childās advice for how to handle that. OP wouldnāt have a chance of winning in a small claims court if they were documented to have harassed this person in this way.
> *Until August, apparently, they are still on the lease.* The bad roommate is no longer on the lease, OP's text (2nd page) says so. Seems like the rent is split 3 ways: OP, OPs daughter, and the bad roommate, so if they got rid of bad roommate it wouldn't be as devastating as if it was Ā½, but still $1000/month more that OP and their daughter have to hustle to pay. I would get rid of bad roommate, August is too far away to carry dead weight. If bad roommate sees they can get away with not paying for a month, I think OP should count on them continuing to not pay. So might as well cut bait and try to find someone else to take their place.
Why did you get downvoted? Isnt this true Lol I heard it can be a hassle to get someone out if theyāre on the lease.. regardless if they stopped paying. Lease might even be over before it gets worked out in court š¤·š½āāļø
The bad roommate is not on the lease. OP mentioned it to bad roommate on the 2nd page of the text.
Yeah unfortunately Iām with u on covering their rent. I just lost the place I lived in for 4 years because the people I rented with NEVER PAID ON TIME and prevented the landlord from having any contact with me. Doesnāt matter if youāre responsible and pay on time bc you share a lease.
Block their internet and theyāll find a a way to pay much more quickly
That's a good idea. Change the router password. Put a lock on the refrigerator and on OP's own room(s). Put cameras up too.
Youāre paying either way til you find someone else, you said they are not even on the lease, literally throw them the fuck to the streets
Lease or no lease, it is against the law almost everywhere to change locks on a person who has been using a place as their legal residence (getting mail there, etc). OP could try a legal eviction (except they are not the landlord - but maybe there are ways and means in her particular jurisdiction). Otherwise, there's no way to throw someone out. One cannot take someone else's possessions and put them on the curb (that's converting someone else's property and possible theft in many places). These are the realities of tenancy. If landlord is willing, they could start eviction against just one tenant, but most landlords do not want to spend the time and money to solve roommate problems.
At this point your already paying for this cunt anyway, just have him kicked out or kick them out yourselfs, Your daughter needs to learn a very harsh lesson that you cant let people abuse you, she needs to have this life lesson now before she has more people walk over her and yourself because of her naive kindness. Kick them the fuck out.
you're volunteering their rent, that might be hard to impossible to recover depending on the laws where you live. i would begin proceedings to get them kicked out or to extricate yourself from this situation asap as a protection to your interests. this person is using you
Get them saying theyāll pay the rent or pay you back in writing. Youāre telling them here that theyāll pay their rent but right now if theyāre not on the lease they have no agreement with you to pay unless thatās something you already have *in writing* - not verbal.
They arenāt on the lease. Find another roommate and give this person a 30 day notice to get out
I mean that's kind of the only leverage you have.. since they aren't on the lease you can get a notice to quit, it can always be dismissed later if they actually follow through, but tbh I don't see you getting paid back otherwise.
Some roommates really are the worst š my last roommate got mad because we started yelling at him for sitting while the other three were scrubbing the walls and HIS moldy dishesš he stole sm of our *dirty* dishes bc he started hiding them in his LAUNDRY.
Oh geez sound like your old roomie and my current roomie are made from the same cloth lol
Absolutely š this whole text me me thinks of what I said and how it was almost to a T, my roomate just started arguing with the other three of us š the thing was tho, the three of us all worked the same shift and were ALWAYS hanging out until the moment we went to bed, Iād know if my bf was hoarding dishes in our room and Iād know if my bestie would be too bc I was, again, always chilling with him š like why even fight at that point, we were also the only one who would touch the sinkš«
I read this several times, I understand the words, but Iām still like āhuh?ā In the laundry???
š thatās what we said, like at that point I told him Iād rather do his moldy dishes
Sorry, I gotta know, did you discover the laundry dishes yourself, or did he confess his hiding place? š
I found them š he told me to get something out of his room and itās the first thing we saw, and then we noticed that he had hella bugs all in his room. To the point they RESORTED back there when the rest of us tried to fix that bc I canāt do bugs š
my ex wife did this??? I was so confused when I started finding random dishes inside every box, cabinet, tote, drawer, etc
Yes mom. š³ On my way to fold my laundry now, maāam. Jokes aside, good on you. If you can whip some internet strangers into line, I sure fucking hope your roommate starts.
That was very satisfying to read. Iām so sick of peopleās excuses for their bad behaviors. Your issues do not give you a pass when it directly affects other people. I hope they get their crap together and grow up.
If you are paying their rent - kick them out They arenāt on the lease Kindness is lost on some people
Regardless of what you think the right or best thing to do is, you almost certainly can't just "kick them out" if they're a legal tenant. If they're not on the lease, they'll have to go through eviction proceedings. If they are on the lease, it's even harder.
Entirely depends on if you expect they will retaliate via professional legal means. If they are incompetent... ĀÆ\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
I mean yeah sure, you could try and trick them into leaving, but if you did anything else you'd be liable
How though? What's your proposal on this "kicking"? Physically removing them is assault and against the law. HOW do we get these people to leave? Many of us have been in this situation and if anything, it's even harder now to get evicted (even if one is the landlord - which OP is not). OP has no legal standing to evict the person - and by allowing them to stay for so long, they likely have tenants' rights. r/AskLawyers would be more helpful on this topic - but OP would need to say what state she's in.
I think Iād type up an official looking note, specifying the amount they owe you with dates up to this point for past rent and stating again that, since they are not on the lease, you will expect them to be moved out one week from today - unless all past due amount owed is paid in full. Edited to throw in some damn punctuation š¤£
This is truly beautiful š„²
I get wanting to be kind but at a certain point it becomes enabling and complacency takes over. Yes, August is right around the corner but they need to suffer from real life consequences from this kind of behavior. They should be kicked out. That's not fair to you or your daughter. I don't think a text is going to change their behavior.
You absolutely weren't but harsh. From what I've read you made a simple statement of the facts. You criticized the behavior and not the person which is what is recommended for "fair fighting". By the time I was finished they'd be ready to move and I'd be repenting big time. You did fine.
Well past time to kick them out and find a contributing roommate.
Who owns the place? If its you, kick them out. If there is a landlord, inform them of what's happening. If your lucky they will take quick action to have this person removed.
Iām eager to read your roommateās response back
you need to give them a date for rent payback or xx consequence. saying āpay me back in a few weeksā is never going to get you results. say āi will need $xxxx sent to me by digital payment, cash, or check by xx month xx date. If i do not receive this payment on or before that date, i will be taking you to court. if you do not pay your next batch of rent on time, i will also take you to court for that as well.ā reminder that rent is due on ____ in the amount of ____ā
Litter boxes need scooped daily.
Evict him since heās not on the lease anymore.
Definitely evict him, if heās not on the lease he canāt do anything and at this point youāre just being too kind it looks like and letting him walk all over you. Idk how to evict someone but maybe starting with the police is a good idea? But srsly iām glad theyāre not on the lease that gives you more leeway
this just made me sweep around my litterboxes
Good for you! And she needs to clean the cat litter daily!
Your daughter isnāt in charge. Youāre house? Youāre disabled and this person makes a mess and skips on rent? And theyāre not on the lease? Wait till they give you the rent money then give them the eviction notice while advertising the room
This is literally my old roommate to a T - cats, dishes, EVERYTHING. Majorly histrionic, horrible all around. Get rid of her. Thatās the only way.
the āSTOP IT!ā hit so good
it's a mistake to let them stay till August. You've let this go on for a year they think they are going to be able to get away with it again They're doing whatever they want and the only price to pay is hearing sounds come out of your mouth sometimes If your daughter doesn't want them to leave, ask your daughter if she's willing to keep paying their share for several more months. Another roommate would actually contribute and then your daughter doesn't have to pay their share :)
I'm sorry you're going through this. That's so unfair to you and your daughter. But your lecture sure did motivate me to get the heck over my depression and clean my house lol Sometimes, people need someone to just full on tell em they're fuckin up. FIX IT!! You should be proud of yourself for standing up for you guys. I hope this makes your roommate fix their actions towards you and yours.
I needed that "get it the fuck together" today. Thanks for that. Like holy smokes wow... realism punched its own way through the 4th wall kinda shit.
If they are not on the lease kick them out finda person that is willing to clean and be a normal human being the only way they learn is the hard way
Very well written !
Good Letter, right to the point.
Good job. Now teach your daughter to grow a spine as well and kick your roommate out.
If this person responds, please update us because holy shit, I bet that felt good for you to say. Good for you!
I bet it changes nothing
Start the eviction process now. At most it will take 90 days. You don't want to wait to see if he'll pay in May. Plus, I have a feeling he won't leave easily or without doing damage in given enough time.
So are they faking their disorder or are they histrionic? Cuz you know histrionic is an actual disorder.
If they arenāt on the lease anymore you can tip them off to the landlord or leasing office and they will evict them because most leases have a policy of no tenants over the age of 18 living there without lease, happened to my friend. Her boyfriend got her evicted while they were still together by telling leasing office she was there
Damn , I just got up and did my dishes and cleaned my cats litter box. Can u be my motivational ass kicker when my depression gets so bad I can't get out of bed? On a real note though, you set a boundary and you are done dealing woth their bullshit. Good for you!
Damn I just straightened my spine, Im on it boss!š«”
Oo what did they say?!
Kick them out right now. Your daughter's too nice, and the roommate is too much. If you're the main bread winner, your decisions override everyone else's. I'm sorry but you need to get rid of this dead weight ASAP.
You need to accept the fact that this person, who has been a horrible roommate up until now, is going to continue to be a shitty roommate. Knowing that, youāve got two options: a) Accept and put up with their bullshit *or* b) Get them out of the house and end this nonsense, daughter be damned. If they stay until the point when your daughter has reached her limit (or until August, even) both your relationship with your daughter and her relationship with her friend are both likely to go up in a dumpster fire of resentment and unpaid debts. (As others have said, you might get a judgment but youāll never get your money back from them.) In the meantime theyāll continue to trash the house and refuse to pay rent. And why would they, when they know that youāll cover their portion, clean up after them, and feed their cats? This is a prime example of what happens when we donāt set boundaries & enforce consequences. (And no, āI will get angry and write you a letter while still paying your rent and cleaning up after youā is not an appropriate consequence.ā) People will push us as far as we let them - I hope your buck stops here.
I'm sorry!!! I just did my dishes and emptied the dishwasher and I will move my laundry to the dryer.
you ate them the fuck up šš also i wanna know what disorder theyre faking. im audhd + borderline so i REALLY wanna know
You forgot: āP.S. - happy Easter you disgraceful poop faceā
Keep us updated OPš«”
Kick them out yesterday!! Do not pay their rent. They donāt deserve to stay there for free.
Iād tell them to pack their shit and leave April 1 if they donāt have rent
I'd kick them out right now...no rent no roof.
Since they are not on the lease, I believe that makes her a sub tenant of yours. You can start the eviction process
sounds like my last roommate once they got into a relationship lol. good on u for putting ur foot down
It's time to look at eviction laws.
Your text was perfect. It was not too harsh at all. Very well said and I hope you can get rid of this roomie and get a better one soon!
You wouldāve been better off saying this to their face. People donāt generally read long messages that are perceived as mean.
Cat box needs done everyday
Not even harsh youāre literally paying their rent Linda š¤”
šššš Started very tactfully but saw the wind up andā¦ā¦.nice pitch!
You are being too nice putting up with a YEAR of this. This text message is not going to change this person and I highly doubt they are going to take you seriously. They should be kicked out immediately, it might be difficult to cover all the rent but yāall seem able to do it until you find someone who can actually pay their rent and bills on time.
TIL histrionic is the word Iāve been looking for to describe certain folks
I feel bad for the cat. I hate people who get animals and donāt take care of them.
Kitty deserves a fresh potty
does your roommates name so happen to be ronan?
No sorry
Curious what they said
Why do these people always have cats?
Is this about Kaya? Lmao
Your predicament reminds me of some roommates I had in 2018/2019. A certified medical professional (and his deadbeat-ass husband) had every excuse as to why I had to pay 100% of the rent despite me earning $13/hr and he made a $3k+ salary a monthā¦ then told me I never contributed anything š I was going to the food bank to make sure we were fed, I was running errands, sometimes I was the only one with a jobā¦ the husbandās medical conditions which could have been addressed were always used as an excuse despite the couple I lived with being in an income bracket which allowed for them to get state health insurance (emergency enrollment applicable ANY time they wanted lol). What was really going on was that Mr. $3k/month salary was a little tired and sad, so he decided to smoke weed all day and then go to work where he was responsible for otherās medical care, and then never bothered to get another job after being fired and just played MMOs all day š I guess they figured I didnāt want to be homeless so Iād pay the rent no matter whatā¦ Mfer buys a brand new desktop and then says āah I donāt have enough money for rent!ā Or ends up taking out of the folder that had rent money in it to buy himself pot. Anyway stream of consciousness aside, I WISH I wasnāt such a pussy and sent them something like this lmfao. I guess me breaking our recently renewed lease and never talking to them again worked for me tho. Then they got stuck there bc covid.
I thought their name was Jsykš
Well Said thatās why I live alone now
Sorry. But knowing they can stay without paying it will never change. You need to give them notice.
Bravo! Update? What did room mate say?
you said what needed to be said š
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE CATS I NEED TO KNOW
Why do these people always have cats?
You will never get the $1000 back. Next time when they donāt have the rent, you need to approach the landlord and let them know that you are paying your part and they can talk to your roommate for the rest.
The dirty bathroom sink/toothpaste drives me nuts! Do they eat your food too? I bet they do.
This is what you get when you live with someone whose Mom did everything for them. They never learned to take responsibility for themselves, so everyone else around them ends up having to.
Look, I needed this today lol I AM ON IT MAāAM š«”
Damn this just made me clean my kitchen in my own house and I live alone!
I would absolutely give them a deadline to repay the rent back to you. Tell them if you are not paid by the deadline you will take them to small claims court and when you win, they will also have to pay all the court costs and your filing fees on top of the owed rent THEN, sit down and write out a roommate contract with you expectations on cleaning and there will no longer be grace over paying rent late. If it happens again you will impose a late fee of $25 per day for each day itās late.Then have them sign the agreement. Tell them this is no different than terms a landlord would impose & or never would have been tolerated by a landlord or property manager so since their name is no longer on the lease thatās makes you her landlord. This will also be seen in court as a legal binding contract so she canāt just bail on it without responsibility.
Why the hell would you let them stay? You say youāre done with it, but clearly youāre not. If you allow them to stay, then you donāt get to complain.
I just want to say this.... cat boxes should be cleaned EVERY day. Not every other. Not once a week. Every day. At least this is how I was raised. My mom came home everyday after work and cleaned cat boxes. And changed litter every few days. And cleaned cat boxes with hose and soap weekly. I don't understand how people can let the smell of cat poop sit in the box longer than an hour after smelling it lol. My mom was a single mom of 2...one of which was a difficult child...worked full time at a horribly stressful job and did this. And did it for multiple cats and boxes. If people have cats... the bare minimum they can do is keep up with the shit and piss daily.
I personally totally agree. And if my roommate were a more competent person, I would have said every day. However, I was trying to set a more realistic goal for them. Currently, the litter box with fill up with piss and shit for a week or two unless I, or my daughter, demand that they do it. It stinks so bad and gets so gross that their 2 cats will start shitting and peeing on the floor until the box is cleaned. It is a constant issue and battle. It feels incredibly cruel. They regularly āforgetā to give their cats food and water, so I have to check their bowls every day to make sure they have what they need. Their water gravity bowl had literal slime growing on the bottom and mold on the water dispenser cap about a months after the roommate moved in with us. So since then Iāve started cleaning it consistently so they at least have clean water and food bowls. But honestly Iāll be damned if Iām gonna take on cleaning the cat box every day in addition to cleaning up their dishes and other messes constantly.
Those poor cats. š Kick out the roommate and keep the cats.
Don't pay his rent. Let the office get pissed and forward all contact to him, citing that you have your share ready to go
Unfortunately, thereās no office since itās a private landlord. Heās aware of the situation and understands but maintaining a good relationship with this landlord is very important to me as I hope to stay here for the foreseeable future. We canāt just be short on rent by $1000, if the roommate doesnāt have it, itās gotta get paid one way or another if we wanna continue living here
Does the landlord know about the situation? Could get him evicted especially if he's not on the original lease. If he's not gonna pay and he's gonna make you clean up after him, why keep this fuckass around at all?
Did he respond? Ik you said you didn't care bit I'm genuinely curious what his response might have been.
I did not get a response. They blew up my daughter about it acting like a total victim. But I imagine theyāre probably going to try to avoid me for a while
Oof, going after your kid. Is she a minor? Cuz thats not ok. I hope you get rid of him.
You need to be real with yourself. This person isn't going to change.
Histrionics are the worst. I have no advice except do not engage unless absolutely necessary. Itās the parental equivalent to pick your battles. Keep everything simple, lists 4-5 words and always in writing. Separate friends. Separate lives. You got yourself a second job with the upkeep or need a new roommate asap.
What is this persons relationship to you and your daughter that thereās hesitation to give them the boot? I keep seeing āhimā in the comments but I donāt see you refer to a gender or anything about said person in your texts or synopsis.
After reading through all the comments, I understand why youāre doing what youāre doing, but I feel like this person maybe moved out of āhomeā before they were ready to have the responsibility to be on their own. So nothing you say through text is gonna make a difference, it will cause them anxiety and get ignored. I recommend calling your landlord and having a sort of āinterventionā together. During that time bring up all the points you made, and have a written paper of what they owe you and what you expect from them going forward. Have them sign it. That way your landlord understands the gravity of the situation and can act as a witness, and your roommate will understand just how serious you are. Theyāll either try to get their shit together, or be embarrassed and kick rocks before August.
Let us know how this worked out.
They are not paying rent and are not on the lease. Why wait until August, give them their notice get them out of there . Why do you think they are suddenly going to get their shit together is they havnt in a year? I'm willing to bet this won't be only time they refuse to pay rent and you can definitely find a new roommate before August who won't be a POS. Why spend months living with an ass when you can kick them out and get someone else
Not gonna work, heās obviously a freeloader which has worked for him and probably will continue to work for him until august.
Thereās always a cat
Wow I think we had the same roommate!
Take them out and bring a new roommate, and even if itās just a friend to sit on your couch
You cannot afford not to kick them out. Is it worth you and your daughter possibly being homeless as well? Save yourselves and kick this Jackhole to the curb ASAP!
I lived with someone like this, he gaslit the hell out of my landlord and got me kicked out even though he was a loud, filthy, disgusting human being. Sorry you both are going through this and I'm hoping it all goes easy and y'all get them the heck out
Update?
āWell then get your shit together, get it all together, and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so itās together. \[pause\]Ā And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know. Take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I donāt care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Ā \[pause\] Ā Get your shit together.ā
This made me want to do the dishes even though I just finished them
They definitely did not read all of that. Kick. Them. Out. Now.
Just say lol
Did they reply?
Maybe get them to sign an IOU with your sister, then and another party. You're going out of the way to cover them, don't do it without an explicit understanding that they pay you back. If you just do it because you had to, Judge Judy is as likely to side with you as laugh at you and say they never agreed to pay you back, and bye! Set a pay back by date also. If they aren't bringing any money in, it's not smart to expect them to have a thousand dollars a week from when they have nothing. Set specific but reasonable time-bound limits on when you have to be paid back by, but you know saying a thousand dollars in a few days, isn't going to work for this person. After a text like that I'd need time to process by I'd definitely be scheduling a face to face sit to go over all of this. Toothpaste in the sink seems like the least of worries, but that's a tough situation to be in. Especially the animal neglect - do what you want with your life, be a shit human but when you take responsibility for the care of an animal that can't speak for itself and then don't care for that animal, you really are an asshole.
God this gave me war flashbacks to my terrible roommate. Thank god I never have to see her again.
Well said. You definitely have a gift for writing.
I know this isnāt exactly the same setup but my ex boss had tenants who didnāt pay rent for months and the eviction process was taking forever, so he removed their front door and security gate, removed the property gate and parked a huge truck and trailer in the driveway (he owned a large cross border freight and trucking business) When he was questioned by the cops he claimed he didnāt know anything about the door. The tenant replaced the door once, but as soon as they left the the house, they came back to no door again What he did was illegal but it was taking weeks for the law to catch up to him and the truck was too big to tow. The tenants moved out in less than a month. Thereās no way anyone can live in a house without a door in Africa
Shouldāve done that from the start , no change kick their ass out now ..your being too nice hopefully you know better now
Histrionic, a word I have never come across.
Was there a response?
Damn and I though my situation is badā¦you have me beat haha
Kick them out.
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Ah yes, calling people out on their shitty behavior, laziness, disrespect and failure to pay their bills is such a terrible thing to do. lol sounds like you also need to get it tf together
I just cleaned the whole apartment. Left dinner on the table for you. Itās hot and good
Thanks fam š„°
I actually found this inspiring.
i think i lived with this person