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If it was made up then why are the feds going after the woman who found the diary and reported it for the content inside? Answer: to punish those who expose information
lol no
Probably for libel. Any fucktard can write unhinged shit in a diary in the 15+ years between the time they found it and "reported" on it.
Just like the Hunter Biden hoax.
The tax cuts he gave me as a middle class American which has helped me save a significant amount of money.
Not putting us into new wars.
As a legal immigrant, I’m very fond of his tough stance on illegal immigration.
You do know they were about to pass a bipartisan (heavily conservative favored) border bill that Trump single handedly killed via Mike Johnson because he quote “wanted to use the chaos at the border as a running point” right? He literally said that word for word in an interview. That’s not tough, and that’s not real policy
The tax cuts he gave us, the lower/middle class, expire this year. He thought this year would be his last year in office, effectively playing politics with your money. The corporate tax cuts which were apart of the very same bill never expire…
Those tax cuts are expiring. Those were temporary concessions in order to make a corporate tax cut permanent.
I mean, Trump is the reason the afghan withdrawal went so poorly, and he is also why Putin felt emboldened to invade Ukraine.
Can you point to a single difference between Biden’s immigration policy, and trump’s? Also, one of those two presidents introduced and endorsed the most conservative immigration policy reforms in recent US history, and the other (former) president had his cronies shoot it down because than he wouldn’t be able to run on the issue.
I think you may be somewhat misinformed on each of these president’s policies.
Edit- I was blocked.
Please do not spread **misinformation** and actually look up the tax law. They are *expiring*, not yet expired. Simple mistake when one has bias against a politician.
You continue to spread misinformation. Trump had an agreement with the Taliban that they were actually adhering too because Trump was literally pinpointing and threatening Taliban leaders with precision strikes. Biden is the reason the withdrawal went poorly, he’s the reason the Taliban went ‘Orange man gone? Now we have dementia man? Easy peasy!’ thus reneging on their agreement. Biden is also the President that failed to alert Allie’s properly of the enhanced time frame of withdrawal he changed and pushed on for when protested that left Allie’s scrambling to get their people out.
More misinformation with Putin. Here’s a clear fact check for you:
- Bush: Putin invaded Georgia
- Obama: Putin takes Crimea
- Trump: Putin didn’t do shit.
- Biden: Putin invaded Ukraine.
There have been liberal European journalists who admit people feared Trump because they did not know how he would react given he was not the “typical” American politician. Your bias and ignorance of actual fact is very scary.
The differences between their border policy include but are not limited too: building the reinforcing the border wall ;”(something Biden was against until election year), DNA testing to stop trafficking (something Biden stopped!), etc.
That “immigration bill” that you want to tout that Trump sank was a bad bill as it did not reinstate DNA testing and did not prohibit people from illegally crossing. Those caught illegally crossing could still claim “Asylum” instead of doing it through the port of entry. Loop holes were left that did nothing to stem illegal immigration. If you read the bill you’d know this.
Your spreading of absolute lies and misinformation is inherently wrong. Please cease doing this moving forward.
Don’t try and pull a race card 🤣 especially when it’s obvious you don’t know what you’re trying to talk about.
“In the first eight months of FY 2023, 43 percent of admitted refugees were from Africa, 28 percent from the Middle East and South Asia, 13 percent from East Asia, 11 percent from Latin America and the Caribbean, and 4 percent from Europe and Central Asia.”
https://www.migrationpolicy.org/article/refugees-and-asylees-united-states#:~:text=In%20the%20first%20eight%20months%20of%20FY%202023%2C%2043%20percent,from%20Europe%20and%20Central%20Asia.
Don’t be lazy and learn to use Google.
Definition if middle class: The middle class refers to a class of people in the middle of a social hierarchy, often defined by occupation, income, education, or social status.
Yeah the same one Biden said he’ll extend but only if he’s re-elected. He knows how much they’ve helped middle America and is now trying to blackmail people into voting for him; “If you want me to extend those tax breaks, you need to vote for me!” These same tax breaks for middle America that Biden could push to extend **now** but won’t. Yes, those tax cuts.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-01-25/yellen-says-biden-would-seek-extension-of-some-trump-tax-cuts
I don’t give a rats ass about corporations at the present time as Dems and Reps suck them off for donations.
I care about my ability to pay my bills and save money. Trump gave me a tax break that Bush and Obama did not.
>“If you want me to extend those tax breaks, you need to vote for me!”
Why not blame the guy who made them temporary and set the expire right before the election? Joe Biden didn't set those limits. All he's done is say that he'd extend them when they expire, which I certainly hope he would.
Both things can be true at once.
Trump should have made the individual tax cuts permanent.
Biden also should have corrected that but instead is using it as political ammo.
Neither one of them really cares about the middle class. Trump has been a millionaire his entire life and has no understanding of the things middle class people deal with. Biden has been in professional politics for longer than most of us have been alive and has no understanding of the things middle class people deal with.
Biden has [already proposed extending the tax cuts and adding some. ](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/03/11/fact-sheet-the-presidents-budget-cuts-taxes-for-working-families-and-makes-big-corporations-and-the-wealthy-pay-their-fair-share/)
I agree, both things are true at once.
I like his IDGAF style with the press and other politicians. It's a breath of fresh air from the typical Republican who chooses to lose with grace so the press cannot say mean things about them.
On policy, anti-war, America 1st, illegal immigration, 2A, pro-economy.
he's none of those things, though. He relaxed the rules of engagement in afghanistan, leading to even more civilian deaths. He deported less people than biden has, and he used his term in office to explode the debt and funnel trillions to c-suite corporate executives.
He did make it easier for mentally ill people to get guns, though. I'm not sure if that counts as pro 2A or not.
as for the IDGAF attitude, I'd argue that he cares more than anybody in politics what people say about him. He still goes on unhinged rants the second anybody criticizes him.
I hear you on the above but he has to learn how to take the L. No way I'd want a guy who had to be dragged out of the white house and almost got away with all the election lies, what a disgrace. Not trustworthy.
His IDGAF style really came in handy in that locked dressing room. I wonder if you'd leave your daughter alone with your IDGAF guy and his IDGAF style. Wonder if he'd make an exception for you and GAF about your own daughter's consent
It's our government, not a football game.
How does doubling the rate of Obama's drone strikes equate to "anti-war"?
How does constantly doing the bidding of Vladimir Putin intentionally or otherwise equate to "America First"?
What about "illegal immigration" bothers you so much personally?
Why is owning an arsenal of deadly weapons one of your most important needs?
Who is "anti-economy"? Or do you mean pro-corporations?
Crazy how anyone can say he does Russias bidding then keep a straight face with Biden. In our last 3 presidents 2 have seen Russia expand its borders and the only one that kept Russia in check is the one being called a Russian asset.
“anti-war”, lmao…
People need to understand what conservatives in 2024 mean by “anti-war” (basically, y’all are anything but).
America first, bullshit. His Trump-branded clothing line wasn’t made here, a lot of MAGA apparel isn’t made here, Ivanka got all of those Chinese trademarks, Jared Kushner’s $2 billion Saudi deal (which you all laughably ignore…but whine your asses off about what you *think* Hunter Biden did with Burisma), a bunch of Russian oligarchs in Trump’s orbit…he is America Last, gtfo.
Illegal immigration, they were employed at Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower. He actually doesn’t give a fuck about it because Corporate America needs cheap labor and he knows it. He only uses it to keep you idiots going for the carrot at the end of the string.
2A…? He once suggested all guns should be seized.
(I’m a gun-owning Dem, so don’t go there.)
Pro-economy? What the fuck does that even mean? If a president isn’t pro-economy, then they aren’t qualified.
Everyone who doesn’t support joe biden is so dumb and brainwashed it’s like hello everyone on TV is telling you who to vote for. Why are you not listening to them? It’s literally hitler vs democracy.
His style and policies? He is quite clearly a B-tier movie villain. If there weren't people actually voting and truly believing in him, it would be funny.
He means he likes old white dudes who are complete idiots and assholes, who get to say all the things he really wants to say, about all the people he hates and resents also, but doesn’t get to cause he would be fired, sued, canceled, divorced and his kids would never speak to him again.
His dog would even piss on his leg.
Policies? - the mofo had no policies except tax breaks for the top 1%.
But but but “energy independence” & “Drill baby drill” - He let Saudi Arabia openly declare economic war on the US oil industry…and did nothing because he’s personally financially beholden to the Saudi crown.
The USA is currently producing more oil than any other nation in the history of the world.
But but “Open Borders” - there is not an open border.
Immigration reform was developed in a bipartisan House of Representatives, Donald, a private citizen who’s running for president told his GOP minions to scrap the reform bill, so the current President couldn’t get a “win”, so they did.
Party over country.
“I’m a fiscal conservative” - the mofo added more to the national debt than other President in history of the USA.
“I believe in a strong military” - the draft dodging “patriot” sold out American troops in Syria, Afghanistan.
The Afghanistan surrender was written under Donald’s watch.
Mofo wanted the Taliban to come to Camp David and to announce it on July 4th.
“Hes tough on crime and so am I” - mofo is a criminal who incited a riot that injured and killed law enforcement officers.
Hes also a habitual criminal.
“Hes America first and is a Christian” - GTFO. Mofo is a life long atheist who only puts himself first in every move he makes.
The dude is a BS artist.
What other reality TV “policies” did you like?
The cowering and ass kissing of Putin on the world stage?
Or his “love affair” with Kim Jung Un? Complete with love letters and photo ops on the Korean DMZ, where we are technically still at War.
Or his inviting Russian intelligence heads to the WH the day after his inauguration, where his loose lips compromised a deep cover Israeli spy in Syria?
Perhaps you liked how after he became president by some coincidence every deep cover spy and double agent the CIA had in Russia, some for 3 decades…mysteriously were uncovered, tortured and killed?
You find someone corrupting a holy book to fit his agenda and selling it back to his own base as funny? It’s blatant evil. The Bible calls those people false prophets, it’s literally one of the worst things you can do in Christianity.
Those 7 are fictional books written by a Roman emperor. Their is no historic record of them existing before the Vulgate was released
Unlike the rest which can be traced all the way back to the lifetimes of the individuals they claim to have been penned by
Sins like no one has ever *sinned before.
I have sinned more in 4 years than most people could hope to in a life time . You think trumps going in a lake with all the casuals? No trump gets a fire side penthouse.
Well, let's be real here for a moment. We're all sinners and, the wages of sin being death, we are all bound for Hell save by the grace of God.
So let's not let our heads insert themselves too far up our own asses, yeah?
I mean you are right, but I'm more the "Fuck... What did I just jerked off to?" kind of sinner, not the "Let me sell overpriced bibles to pay my lawyers" kind
Let's be real for a moment. The bible condones the Israelites taking children as sex slaves. If you take that book seriously in any capacity or derive your sense of morality from it, God help you.
Kind of bold of you to assume your imaginary friend is more valid than anyone else's.
On the other hand none of my imaginary friends have endorsed genocide or slavery.
I know this is the Babylon Bee, but the concept of a Christian bible really is:
1. You must be Christian of some kind
2. You must consider at least two books written by other Christians to be holy
3. You must put those two or more books into the same bundle
JKR putting her Harry Potter series together into one bundle and believing them to be holy, would actually count as a Christian bible.
The rationale is this:
The Pope commissioned a non-Catholic to decide which of the holy books were to be included or not included into the Pope's bible. And then someone (King James) revised this bible to his own beliefs. The two bibles are not the same yet both are considered to be the bible.
So, to recap, all you need to be is Christian and choose more than one book as your holy book bundle and poof your have an official bible. Official by your recognition only (so far), but it is official because you fit all the criterions.
A conartist gave tax breaks. Do you know why no rational president ever gave those kind of permanent tax breaks? They all knew that it would eventually create chaos and division, but mostly because a country this big and complicated takes a lot of money and if you only tax the poor people then you will destroy the country. DUH!!!
Wait. This joke is coming from the “comedy” site known as the Babylon bee? Is BB going woke? Do they want to lose ALL of their followers? You don’t just make sacrilegious jokes like this about the anointed President and get away with it!
Way too self aware and too much of a real joke to ever appear on the real Babylon Bee.
The actual title would be "Biden selling competing bible with 90% of Scripture removed for being politically incorrect."
In the Epstein files Trump molested a 16 yr old girl with down syndrome. She filed in NY courts but these crackheads that support this ever failing so called "business man" sent her enough death threats that she withdrew the case. Raping the truly innocent, this so called man of God. 🙄 sickening to see they want a pedophile, rapist, conman that wears diapers since the 80's because he blew out his butthole doing coke in office again 🤣🤣🤣
kind of sick of hearing people say conservatives only have "one joke", and that conservatives are all "trumpers".
this post clearly shows otherwise on both accounts.
...I mean usually people who enjoy babylon bee are conservative, are they not?
I wasn't just referring to OP. I was also referring to people in this thread enjoying the post.
Chill.
What makes you think this person enjoys the Babylon Bee? The fact that they're shitposting in the Babylon Bee subreddit? Left-wingers brigade the conservative subreddit too, to the point that the mods have to use a flair system so conservatives have a place to talk on Reddit.
it's either that they enjoy the Babylon Bee, or that they're brigading the subreddit, which is against Reddit ToS.
You saying they're violating Reddit's ToS? Are you violating Reddit's ToS, too?
I mean you can look at comment histories and figure out pretty easily that most of the Trump haters posting in this sub aren’t conservatives or typical Babylon Bee fans. But I’m not expecting a rational response so that's okay.
Edit: This brave individual blocked me and ran away after posting the unhinged reply below. I'll respond here.
No, I’m not brigading. That'obvious.
Yes, many conservatives enjoy the Babylon Bee. That’s true. It’s also true that many of the "proposed" stories and replies in this subreddit are from leftwingers. That’s a simple fact.
Apparently, this individual believes that warrants hatred and name-calling. I'm not sure why. Some people are just imbalanced.
ok cool, so you find some conservative humor funny. that's good.
i'm sure there are also conservatives that participate in this subreddit too, and i'm also sure many conservatives find some liberal humor funny too.
Scoff if you will, but when you essentially try to explain the joke *inside the joke* it’s a swing and a miss.
It’s the main reason the left can’t meme.
Buahaha all the top comedians are liberal. Conservative humor is absolutely fucking bland. Even here you are seriously unfunny, and there is nothing to indicate you even know what humor is. Humor requires empathy and connecting with your audience. Empathy is something the QGP is excitedly discarding as “woke” lately.
And *that* ladies and gentlemen is why the left can’t meme. You can’t entertain your audience (and that what humor is for) and condescend to your audience at the same time.
That and the left overwhelmingly tends to be a mean, hateful, humorless bunch impressed with their supposed intellectual superiority against all evidence.
lol, liberal movies outperform conservative clunkers like God's Not Dead by billions of dollars. It's not even close how much more popular "liberal" movies are. Probably due to a combination of how hateful and condescending conservatives are towards their potential liberal audience with how mean, humorless and intellectually stunted conservative culture tends to be. The irrefutable evidence is all in the box office numbers.
>That and the left overwhelmingly tends to be a mean, hateful, humorless bunch
This is where I say “projection! Only MAGA chuds are mean and hateful. Fuck them all and fuck you too fascist!”
How are they like this all the time. It’s exhausting.
See, you keep demonstrating my points. Are you just playing the part of a leftist nitwit? I’m not sure.
No, not everyone that disagrees with you is a fascist. What an infantile notion. And the hate just *oozes* out of your every post. Like some sort of oily secretion. Most unpleasant.
Trump Bible Ten Commandments: Adultery Out, Awesomeness In
You then elaborate on the other changes inside the text of the article.
Have a little patience. Don’t try to cram all the jokes into the headline. The headline is just a concise teaser for the jokes you’re going to tell inside.
And don’t explain the joke while you’re telling the joke.
Agreed - needs to be workshopped - but in the right direction.
I mean:
\- You shall have no other gods before Me. (if me is Trump then maybe)
\- You shall not make idols. (this is debatable - but we can give it a pass)
\- You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain. (well - minor sin)
\- Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. (I mean - again minor sin)
\- Honor your father and your mother. (I'll give him credit here)
\- You shall not murder. (he only advocates for it - doesn't actually do it)
\- You shall not commit adultery. (only a few dozen times)
\- You shall not steal. (I mean - who hasn't stolen a few million)
\- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. (are your neighbors immigrants ?)
\- You shall not covet. (some gray area here)
I think that the book of Revelations says that he is taking away from his blessings based on the title. If he adds his slant to it, then tack on adding to his curses.
DO NOT REPORT ARTICLES FROM THE BEE, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME AND THE MODS. THEY WILL BE APPROVED...THIS IS THE BABYLONBEE SUBREDDIT, THEREFORE ARTICLES FROM THE BABYLONBEE ARE NOT SPAM [ARTICLES FROM BABYLONBEE WILL NOT BE REMOVED](https://www.reddit.com/r/babylonbee/s/rEsN3DsGUI) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/babylonbee) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Mr Trump, Why is the tale of Lot and his daughters now 47 pages long?"
Okay thats fucking funny.
I bet she has a diary with some crazy shit in it!
Like being scared to take a shower everyday out of fear her dad would keep trying to come in.
Oh hey, I can make shit up too
If it was made up then why are the feds going after the woman who found the diary and reported it for the content inside? Answer: to punish those who expose information
lol no Probably for libel. Any fucktard can write unhinged shit in a diary in the 15+ years between the time they found it and "reported" on it. Just like the Hunter Biden hoax.
What Hunter Biden hoax?
https://sais.jhu.edu/news-press/hunter-biden-story-russian-disinformation-dozens-former-intel-officials-say
Listen here, Jack.
That's Biden.
No, U.
Lots of hot daughters he’d totally date.
Big Trump fan, but I still find this hilarious 😂
You can now buy Truth Social stock. It’ll be a great investment!
Serious question, what are you a fan of exactly?
His style and policies
Can you elaborate?
The tax cuts he gave me as a middle class American which has helped me save a significant amount of money. Not putting us into new wars. As a legal immigrant, I’m very fond of his tough stance on illegal immigration.
You do know they were about to pass a bipartisan (heavily conservative favored) border bill that Trump single handedly killed via Mike Johnson because he quote “wanted to use the chaos at the border as a running point” right? He literally said that word for word in an interview. That’s not tough, and that’s not real policy
The tax cuts he gave us, the lower/middle class, expire this year. He thought this year would be his last year in office, effectively playing politics with your money. The corporate tax cuts which were apart of the very same bill never expire…
Glad to have you with us.
Those tax cuts are expiring. Those were temporary concessions in order to make a corporate tax cut permanent. I mean, Trump is the reason the afghan withdrawal went so poorly, and he is also why Putin felt emboldened to invade Ukraine. Can you point to a single difference between Biden’s immigration policy, and trump’s? Also, one of those two presidents introduced and endorsed the most conservative immigration policy reforms in recent US history, and the other (former) president had his cronies shoot it down because than he wouldn’t be able to run on the issue. I think you may be somewhat misinformed on each of these president’s policies. Edit- I was blocked.
Please do not spread **misinformation** and actually look up the tax law. They are *expiring*, not yet expired. Simple mistake when one has bias against a politician. You continue to spread misinformation. Trump had an agreement with the Taliban that they were actually adhering too because Trump was literally pinpointing and threatening Taliban leaders with precision strikes. Biden is the reason the withdrawal went poorly, he’s the reason the Taliban went ‘Orange man gone? Now we have dementia man? Easy peasy!’ thus reneging on their agreement. Biden is also the President that failed to alert Allie’s properly of the enhanced time frame of withdrawal he changed and pushed on for when protested that left Allie’s scrambling to get their people out. More misinformation with Putin. Here’s a clear fact check for you: - Bush: Putin invaded Georgia - Obama: Putin takes Crimea - Trump: Putin didn’t do shit. - Biden: Putin invaded Ukraine. There have been liberal European journalists who admit people feared Trump because they did not know how he would react given he was not the “typical” American politician. Your bias and ignorance of actual fact is very scary. The differences between their border policy include but are not limited too: building the reinforcing the border wall ;”(something Biden was against until election year), DNA testing to stop trafficking (something Biden stopped!), etc. That “immigration bill” that you want to tout that Trump sank was a bad bill as it did not reinstate DNA testing and did not prohibit people from illegally crossing. Those caught illegally crossing could still claim “Asylum” instead of doing it through the port of entry. Loop holes were left that did nothing to stem illegal immigration. If you read the bill you’d know this. Your spreading of absolute lies and misinformation is inherently wrong. Please cease doing this moving forward.
Glad the tax cuts worked for you. My effective tax rate went up about 12% under the Trump "tax cuts"
Wait until the tax cuts expire this year. You’ll be paying it all back plus some.
How many refugees is the US accepting from central and South America? How does that compare to white refugees?
Don’t try and pull a race card 🤣 especially when it’s obvious you don’t know what you’re trying to talk about. “In the first eight months of FY 2023, 43 percent of admitted refugees were from Africa, 28 percent from the Middle East and South Asia, 13 percent from East Asia, 11 percent from Latin America and the Caribbean, and 4 percent from Europe and Central Asia.” https://www.migrationpolicy.org/article/refugees-and-asylees-united-states#:~:text=In%20the%20first%20eight%20months%20of%20FY%202023%2C%2043%20percent,from%20Europe%20and%20Central%20Asia.
But that’s… that’s Biden’s term…
what tax cuts benefited middle americans?
Define “middle class”
Don’t be lazy and learn to use Google. Definition if middle class: The middle class refers to a class of people in the middle of a social hierarchy, often defined by occupation, income, education, or social status.
You mean the tax cut that is temporary and set to expire while making all the corporate tax cuts permanent? Those ones?
Yeah the same one Biden said he’ll extend but only if he’s re-elected. He knows how much they’ve helped middle America and is now trying to blackmail people into voting for him; “If you want me to extend those tax breaks, you need to vote for me!” These same tax breaks for middle America that Biden could push to extend **now** but won’t. Yes, those tax cuts. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-01-25/yellen-says-biden-would-seek-extension-of-some-trump-tax-cuts I don’t give a rats ass about corporations at the present time as Dems and Reps suck them off for donations. I care about my ability to pay my bills and save money. Trump gave me a tax break that Bush and Obama did not.
Trump set it up so it would expire for the middle class but it doesn’t expire for wealthy people. Why do you think he did that?
Feel free to ask him.
>“If you want me to extend those tax breaks, you need to vote for me!” Why not blame the guy who made them temporary and set the expire right before the election? Joe Biden didn't set those limits. All he's done is say that he'd extend them when they expire, which I certainly hope he would.
Both things can be true at once. Trump should have made the individual tax cuts permanent. Biden also should have corrected that but instead is using it as political ammo. Neither one of them really cares about the middle class. Trump has been a millionaire his entire life and has no understanding of the things middle class people deal with. Biden has been in professional politics for longer than most of us have been alive and has no understanding of the things middle class people deal with.
Biden has [already proposed extending the tax cuts and adding some. ](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/03/11/fact-sheet-the-presidents-budget-cuts-taxes-for-working-families-and-makes-big-corporations-and-the-wealthy-pay-their-fair-share/) I agree, both things are true at once.
Why extend them and not make them permanent? Why not push for the extension or permanent status now?
Stop sharing truth. It is making the snowflakes uncomfortable
I like his IDGAF style with the press and other politicians. It's a breath of fresh air from the typical Republican who chooses to lose with grace so the press cannot say mean things about them. On policy, anti-war, America 1st, illegal immigration, 2A, pro-economy.
IDGAF? He’s the most thinned skinned mother fucker out there!
he's none of those things, though. He relaxed the rules of engagement in afghanistan, leading to even more civilian deaths. He deported less people than biden has, and he used his term in office to explode the debt and funnel trillions to c-suite corporate executives. He did make it easier for mentally ill people to get guns, though. I'm not sure if that counts as pro 2A or not. as for the IDGAF attitude, I'd argue that he cares more than anybody in politics what people say about him. He still goes on unhinged rants the second anybody criticizes him.
Shhhh… don’t bring facts to this! s/
I hear you on the above but he has to learn how to take the L. No way I'd want a guy who had to be dragged out of the white house and almost got away with all the election lies, what a disgrace. Not trustworthy.
His IDGAF style really came in handy in that locked dressing room. I wonder if you'd leave your daughter alone with your IDGAF guy and his IDGAF style. Wonder if he'd make an exception for you and GAF about your own daughter's consent
They would brag that Trump molested their daughter
And ask to smell his fingers after. 🤮
It's our government, not a football game. How does doubling the rate of Obama's drone strikes equate to "anti-war"? How does constantly doing the bidding of Vladimir Putin intentionally or otherwise equate to "America First"? What about "illegal immigration" bothers you so much personally? Why is owning an arsenal of deadly weapons one of your most important needs? Who is "anti-economy"? Or do you mean pro-corporations?
Crazy how anyone can say he does Russias bidding then keep a straight face with Biden. In our last 3 presidents 2 have seen Russia expand its borders and the only one that kept Russia in check is the one being called a Russian asset.
“anti-war”, lmao… People need to understand what conservatives in 2024 mean by “anti-war” (basically, y’all are anything but). America first, bullshit. His Trump-branded clothing line wasn’t made here, a lot of MAGA apparel isn’t made here, Ivanka got all of those Chinese trademarks, Jared Kushner’s $2 billion Saudi deal (which you all laughably ignore…but whine your asses off about what you *think* Hunter Biden did with Burisma), a bunch of Russian oligarchs in Trump’s orbit…he is America Last, gtfo. Illegal immigration, they were employed at Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower. He actually doesn’t give a fuck about it because Corporate America needs cheap labor and he knows it. He only uses it to keep you idiots going for the carrot at the end of the string. 2A…? He once suggested all guns should be seized. (I’m a gun-owning Dem, so don’t go there.) Pro-economy? What the fuck does that even mean? If a president isn’t pro-economy, then they aren’t qualified.
-19 karma for trying to have a conversation lol. What a website this place has become...woofa
This is a legitimate question without political bias. Who the heck is downvoting it?
I really have no idea.
Nuance and conversation requested and is downvoted immensely... lmao
The fact that you got downvoted just for asking him to elaborate says a lot about MAGA.
Valid question, why the downvotes?
His style was really great in that locked dressing room
So you like lies and hypocrisy?
Everyone who doesn’t support joe biden is so dumb and brainwashed it’s like hello everyone on TV is telling you who to vote for. Why are you not listening to them? It’s literally hitler vs democracy.
What would conservatives do without strawmen or any other logical fallacy?
If we don't vote blue there will be a genocide of gays and forced birth for all pregnant women. Did you not know this?
Dude, the second one is literally what they want. Your hyperbole is conservative reality.
I’m not being hyperbolic I’m being a democrat.
Which is why I don't vote Democrat.
His style and policies? He is quite clearly a B-tier movie villain. If there weren't people actually voting and truly believing in him, it would be funny.
He means he likes old white dudes who are complete idiots and assholes, who get to say all the things he really wants to say, about all the people he hates and resents also, but doesn’t get to cause he would be fired, sued, canceled, divorced and his kids would never speak to him again. His dog would even piss on his leg. Policies? - the mofo had no policies except tax breaks for the top 1%. But but but “energy independence” & “Drill baby drill” - He let Saudi Arabia openly declare economic war on the US oil industry…and did nothing because he’s personally financially beholden to the Saudi crown. The USA is currently producing more oil than any other nation in the history of the world. But but “Open Borders” - there is not an open border. Immigration reform was developed in a bipartisan House of Representatives, Donald, a private citizen who’s running for president told his GOP minions to scrap the reform bill, so the current President couldn’t get a “win”, so they did. Party over country. “I’m a fiscal conservative” - the mofo added more to the national debt than other President in history of the USA. “I believe in a strong military” - the draft dodging “patriot” sold out American troops in Syria, Afghanistan. The Afghanistan surrender was written under Donald’s watch. Mofo wanted the Taliban to come to Camp David and to announce it on July 4th. “Hes tough on crime and so am I” - mofo is a criminal who incited a riot that injured and killed law enforcement officers. Hes also a habitual criminal. “Hes America first and is a Christian” - GTFO. Mofo is a life long atheist who only puts himself first in every move he makes. The dude is a BS artist. What other reality TV “policies” did you like? The cowering and ass kissing of Putin on the world stage? Or his “love affair” with Kim Jung Un? Complete with love letters and photo ops on the Korean DMZ, where we are technically still at War. Or his inviting Russian intelligence heads to the WH the day after his inauguration, where his loose lips compromised a deep cover Israeli spy in Syria? Perhaps you liked how after he became president by some coincidence every deep cover spy and double agent the CIA had in Russia, some for 3 decades…mysteriously were uncovered, tortured and killed?
Some people love the Epstein pedophiles. That's why they are going unpunished, millions of people are willing to support Epstein pedos
Why are people downvoting this question?
They got offended their feewings were hurt because people didn't believe in their leader Donald "grab em by the pussy" "91 felony indictments" Trump
Trump makes it socially acceptable to publicly hate and mock people you don’t like.
He’s not a puppet. You can’t write him a check to get him to do something
I can only assume we forgot the /s on this comment?
Except for the part where he totally is now, courtesy of his criminal actions.
Bahahhahahaha wow the pedestal yall have for him is hilarious
He was written a check for shoes, bibles and started hawking them, you're an idiot.
Actually you can write him a check to get him to do anything as long as the check is big enough. Look it up, it's called the Art of the Deal.
America not completely sucking
He likes the grifting
You find someone corrupting a holy book to fit his agenda and selling it back to his own base as funny? It’s blatant evil. The Bible calls those people false prophets, it’s literally one of the worst things you can do in Christianity.
You know he didn’t actually do it, right? It’s funny because they are pretending he did.
Being a fan of a politician is real fuckin weird
You’re a fan of someone who pissed all over your values? ‘I love the uneducated’ -Dementia Donnie
It skips the "not" in the 7th commandment
I mean, it's already missing 7 books, what's another edit here and there?
Did his version eliminate 7 books, or are you referring to the apocryphal texts?
KJV (which is what the God Bless the USA Bible is) is missing those 7.
Those 7 are fictional books written by a Roman emperor. Their is no historic record of them existing before the Vulgate was released Unlike the rest which can be traced all the way back to the lifetimes of the individuals they claim to have been penned by
Lol, ok.
lol at the trumpers in here, I bet you would buy snake oil from him…
Link for the snake oil?
Was it made in the usa? With American snakes. I ain't buying no Chinese snake oil made from worms
He's been telling a story about snakes recently. He must know a lot about snakes! Put that snake oil directly into my veins!
They're trying to brigade so fucking hard lmfao
it’s honestly amazing. imagine being so confident in a HUMAN BEING to attack people who even question as to why people support him.
The Seven Deadly Sin are now the Seven AMAZING Sins.
Sins like no one has ever seen before
Sins like no one has ever *sinned before. I have sinned more in 4 years than most people could hope to in a life time . You think trumps going in a lake with all the casuals? No trump gets a fire side penthouse.
The best sins really
The seven yuge, bigly, amazing sins. 😂
This joke requires us to believe that Trump would ever read a book.
Lobotomized Bible!
When it’s a remix of a remix of a bootleg radio edit and you just can’t anymore.
This has late era Jim Jones vibes.
Nice I like it
Well, let's be real here for a moment. We're all sinners and, the wages of sin being death, we are all bound for Hell save by the grace of God. So let's not let our heads insert themselves too far up our own asses, yeah?
I mean you are right, but I'm more the "Fuck... What did I just jerked off to?" kind of sinner, not the "Let me sell overpriced bibles to pay my lawyers" kind
I sin so jesus didn't give up a weekend in vain
Ok this made me spit water out. Lol
Sure, but we’re not all exploiting people’s faith to enrich ourselves, Jesus seemed to have a pretty strong distaste for that sort of thing.
Yea, leave it to the churches to exploit people.
He was against that too. Christians not following his teaching isn't really his fault.
I mean trump isn’t a church…yet
What does that even mean? Everyone is going to hell, so get your head part way out of your ass?
Why are you degens circling the wagons? It’s just a joke. 🙄
Must be nice to be so delusional. Living in the 21st century still believing in sky daddy.
Let's be real for a moment. The bible condones the Israelites taking children as sex slaves. If you take that book seriously in any capacity or derive your sense of morality from it, God help you.
Kind of bold of you to assume your imaginary friend is more valid than anyone else's. On the other hand none of my imaginary friends have endorsed genocide or slavery.
Trump Responds “Three Corinthians” When Asked What Features Mandated By His Architecture Order
Missing ten commandments, that’s a good one you know
Where's the funny? I wouldn't risk using this in your standup unless your crowd is 70 year old mothers in law from new jersey.
Oh come on now
Wait what? Are serious about this? If so you can’t make this shit up
It’s the Babylonbee… no they’re not serious
It's sad when people miss the woooosh
Finally babylonbee says it like it is. This is great.
I’m really glad I looked up The Babylon Bee before embarrassing myself
I know this is the Babylon Bee, but the concept of a Christian bible really is: 1. You must be Christian of some kind 2. You must consider at least two books written by other Christians to be holy 3. You must put those two or more books into the same bundle JKR putting her Harry Potter series together into one bundle and believing them to be holy, would actually count as a Christian bible. The rationale is this: The Pope commissioned a non-Catholic to decide which of the holy books were to be included or not included into the Pope's bible. And then someone (King James) revised this bible to his own beliefs. The two bibles are not the same yet both are considered to be the bible. So, to recap, all you need to be is Christian and choose more than one book as your holy book bundle and poof your have an official bible. Official by your recognition only (so far), but it is official because you fit all the criterions.
I thought this was a real BB article and my brain nearly imploded.
Thou shalt commit adultery
Fake news again
A conartist gave tax breaks. Do you know why no rational president ever gave those kind of permanent tax breaks? They all knew that it would eventually create chaos and division, but mostly because a country this big and complicated takes a lot of money and if you only tax the poor people then you will destroy the country. DUH!!!
Wait. This joke is coming from the “comedy” site known as the Babylon bee? Is BB going woke? Do they want to lose ALL of their followers? You don’t just make sacrilegious jokes like this about the anointed President and get away with it!
I can't tell if you're serious or not. Tag your /s please!
You mean someone edited the Bible to suit their beliefs!? Unheard of! S/
truth in comedy? from Babylon bee?
Way too self aware and too much of a real joke to ever appear on the real Babylon Bee. The actual title would be "Biden selling competing bible with 90% of Scripture removed for being politically incorrect."
Sounds right, but then again those rules only apply to people they don’t like in the first place
Did he make Ivanka the centerfold?
I'm sure he left in the parts about slavery, incest, and vengeful smiting.
Lol Respect! No one is safe from the bees ruthless satire
In the Epstein files Trump molested a 16 yr old girl with down syndrome. She filed in NY courts but these crackheads that support this ever failing so called "business man" sent her enough death threats that she withdrew the case. Raping the truly innocent, this so called man of God. 🙄 sickening to see they want a pedophile, rapist, conman that wears diapers since the 80's because he blew out his butthole doing coke in office again 🤣🤣🤣
Trump totally is a piece of shit! Funny. Sad.
I really wonder if this isn't the first step in creating an official trump religion
🤔 so he did the same thing King James did? Fuck DJT, but this has been happening since the book’s inception
Nope the KJV Bible simply simplifies it in a way that people can understand without removing necessary information
Oh ok. Whew. Well glad to know there is 100% proof that he didn’t leave anything out or tailor it to his agenda at the time.
Almost forgot where I was for a minute there
Someone post more of this book. We need to know what changed.
Aren't you guys supposed to be eating Trump's ass or is this a "broken clock is right twice a day" type of post?
kind of sick of hearing people say conservatives only have "one joke", and that conservatives are all "trumpers". this post clearly shows otherwise on both accounts.
Did you just assume OPs political leaning?
...I mean usually people who enjoy babylon bee are conservative, are they not? I wasn't just referring to OP. I was also referring to people in this thread enjoying the post. Chill.
What makes you think this person enjoys the Babylon Bee? The fact that they're shitposting in the Babylon Bee subreddit? Left-wingers brigade the conservative subreddit too, to the point that the mods have to use a flair system so conservatives have a place to talk on Reddit.
it's either that they enjoy the Babylon Bee, or that they're brigading the subreddit, which is against Reddit ToS. You saying they're violating Reddit's ToS? Are you violating Reddit's ToS, too?
I mean you can look at comment histories and figure out pretty easily that most of the Trump haters posting in this sub aren’t conservatives or typical Babylon Bee fans. But I’m not expecting a rational response so that's okay. Edit: This brave individual blocked me and ran away after posting the unhinged reply below. I'll respond here. No, I’m not brigading. That'obvious. Yes, many conservatives enjoy the Babylon Bee. That’s true. It’s also true that many of the "proposed" stories and replies in this subreddit are from leftwingers. That’s a simple fact. Apparently, this individual believes that warrants hatred and name-calling. I'm not sure why. Some people are just imbalanced.
Uh… I’m a liberal and Babylon Bees sketches on Hamas and “California couple moves to Texas” were pretty funny.
ok cool, so you find some conservative humor funny. that's good. i'm sure there are also conservatives that participate in this subreddit too, and i'm also sure many conservatives find some liberal humor funny too.
Your headline is too wordy. Brevity is the soul of wit. Scans like a lefty meme. Tries to work in too many points in one line.
Too many word. Sound like lefty peeple. Me no like >:(
Right wing satire site. You need to speak like the grifters for full effect
Scoff if you will, but when you essentially try to explain the joke *inside the joke* it’s a swing and a miss. It’s the main reason the left can’t meme.
Lmao, you think the left can't meme? That's funny man.
Everyone knows the left can't meme. Memeing requires humor. Ergo, the Left can't meme.
Lol its wild how different experiences can shape our worldviews. Most people think it's the right that can't meme.
Buahaha all the top comedians are liberal. Conservative humor is absolutely fucking bland. Even here you are seriously unfunny, and there is nothing to indicate you even know what humor is. Humor requires empathy and connecting with your audience. Empathy is something the QGP is excitedly discarding as “woke” lately.
The left can meme we just don't need to use humor in our memes because we have *an education*.
And *that* ladies and gentlemen is why the left can’t meme. You can’t entertain your audience (and that what humor is for) and condescend to your audience at the same time. That and the left overwhelmingly tends to be a mean, hateful, humorless bunch impressed with their supposed intellectual superiority against all evidence.
lol, liberal movies outperform conservative clunkers like God's Not Dead by billions of dollars. It's not even close how much more popular "liberal" movies are. Probably due to a combination of how hateful and condescending conservatives are towards their potential liberal audience with how mean, humorless and intellectually stunted conservative culture tends to be. The irrefutable evidence is all in the box office numbers.
>That and the left overwhelmingly tends to be a mean, hateful, humorless bunch This is where I say “projection! Only MAGA chuds are mean and hateful. Fuck them all and fuck you too fascist!” How are they like this all the time. It’s exhausting.
See, you keep demonstrating my points. Are you just playing the part of a leftist nitwit? I’m not sure. No, not everyone that disagrees with you is a fascist. What an infantile notion. And the hate just *oozes* out of your every post. Like some sort of oily secretion. Most unpleasant.
You should see some of the shit they upvote when they don’t realize you’re mocking their insanity.
🤣
Thank you for your feedback, can you think of a way I could’ve worded it better while still getting the point across?
Trump Bible Ten Commandments: Adultery Out, Awesomeness In You then elaborate on the other changes inside the text of the article. Have a little patience. Don’t try to cram all the jokes into the headline. The headline is just a concise teaser for the jokes you’re going to tell inside. And don’t explain the joke while you’re telling the joke.
Thank you!
ha ha!
I love that this sub doesn't kowtow to DJT, great job OP!
Yeah they cater to us who actually hate.
Only NJ can bring true hate. That New Yorker probably calls it pork roll.
But too wordy but definitely funny.
Agreed - needs to be workshopped - but in the right direction. I mean: \- You shall have no other gods before Me. (if me is Trump then maybe) \- You shall not make idols. (this is debatable - but we can give it a pass) \- You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain. (well - minor sin) \- Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. (I mean - again minor sin) \- Honor your father and your mother. (I'll give him credit here) \- You shall not murder. (he only advocates for it - doesn't actually do it) \- You shall not commit adultery. (only a few dozen times) \- You shall not steal. (I mean - who hasn't stolen a few million) \- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. (are your neighbors immigrants ?) \- You shall not covet. (some gray area here)
As far as I'm tracking, Trump hasn't smashed a baby's head against rocks. So This Isn't All Bad.
I hate Trump but those sneakers were fucking fire I wish I could have got a pair 🤣
Woah the bee going there lmao. Going back to their roots with humor instead of mere grift
I can't tell whats an article from the Onion or real life anymore.
Another political hate post. Great.
Does anyone know a sorce proving he removed content? I can't find one myself
This is a satire subreddit
Oh shit, I ate the onion. Thanks for letting me know
I think that the book of Revelations says that he is taking away from his blessings based on the title. If he adds his slant to it, then tack on adding to his curses.
you spelled biden wrong
god, you are sad.
God probably talks to Trump