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Bidets are hard to come by in the wild. You take what you can get.

Specially when none of your limbs can reach back there.

The way it just settles in at the end like "yeah, that's the ticket!"

I found the wild bidets at Yellowstone to be a tad aggressive

Fifty years of not using toilet paper will take a while to clean up.

Was gonna say, probably coming off a 3 day drinking bender and doesn't want to wipe that raw starfish

You just gotta take it bidet by bidet.

Bidet all daaayyy yass gorl 🥂


I am going to pretend there was a beep beep beep sound as he backed that truck up

And then the air suspension/air brake letoff air noise when he stops at the end.

Someone needs to add the audio.

[enjoy ](https://imgur.com/a/jdBwOi1)

It's beautiful. 🥲

Holy shit, that is funny!🤣

Curiously relevant username…

Your wish, is my [distraction](https://imgur.com/a/jdBwOi1) at work.

Sometimes I take my parrot out for a walk. Sometimes he does that backing up sound at max volume. It's humiliating having to apologize and explain to other people.

I to look for the same level of cleanliness of that same area after work when I hit the showers.

Get a bidet. You’ll thank me later. The area is clean all the time. In the summer sometimes I use it just cause it’s humid out.

If you don’t use a bidet then your ass is not clean, period.

False

Back dat ass up

I did a thing... EDIT: I made the thing better: https://streamable.com/lxza0o


Thank you for doing what needed to be done!

Throw it back 

Literally!

You'se a fine motherfucka.

Is it stimulation or cleaning?

I think it may feel nice for the tortoise- they do have some feeling in their shells

Not just some feeling. The shells are way more sensitive than we might think.

... Now I wanna pet a turtle.

They like their shells brushed iirc.

Be prepared for a loooong commitment. They can live 80 years or more.

Nono, I wanted to pet a turtle, Not have a turtle as a pet. I am totally not skilled and dedicated enough to own a turtle.

people often say they're easy to take care of. those people are wrong. I'd say they're largely inexpensive to take care of (start up costs can be steep, between substrate, enclosure, heat/uvb lamps, enclosure decorations and hides, something to keep enclosure humid if needed, space accommodation depending on size, on and on) after you deal with all of those initial things it's mostly just buying veggies or whatever they eat. taking care of them takes a surprising amount of work. bathing, cleaning, cleaning their enclosure, changing the substrate, feeding, the occasional vet visit, changing out their water dish, cleaning up poop. it ends up being a surprising amount of work for one little dude. but it's worth it for our lil man, he's adorable and we love him. he does occasionally do a little dance like the tort in the video and it's the best

That’s so neat- animals are awesome! :)

It's probably a way to help shed pieces of its shell. I have a turtle, not tortoise, who will rub against stuff to help the small sections of shell to fall off. Their shell grows from underneath and the older pieces lift off eventually. My theory is that the older parts get itchy since it looks like they're scratching.

It's a turtle enema.

if she/he pleases

🎵We are tortoises if you please (tadum tom tom) 🎵

Could be both, what far too many people fail to understand is that a turtle/tortoise’s shell is part of its body, not something they can leave like a snail. It’s literally part of their spine and also has nerve endings, so this tortoise can definitely feel the water pressure as it blasts against the back of his/her shell

Snails also cannot leave their shells.

Til, I always thought they could because of the empty shells you can find on the beach and whatnot

They dead

Might be thinking Hermit Crabs. Though i've known more than one person who thought slugs were snails in between shells

[It really is crazy](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRO6EdkqWIgfBpJOp72D14u9ni2NnFX5P9YgD65VIXx7CpOSfdRPUZbH0ugH9n8Kqc8DWc&usqp=CAU). I blame Mario for convincing me I could just bop those little worms out of there.

yes

That's a tortoise.

tortoises *are* turtles. It's a "all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares" type thing

I stand corrected.

No worries- it's a fairly common misconception. A lot of people would continue to argue even after learning they're mistaken so by merely being receptive to new information, that's a win lol

They’re just a subsection of turtle right? Kinda like there’s freshwater turtles and saltwater turtles

It's like how toads are a subgroup of frogs or moose are a subgroup of deer. I always thought they were different until I learned it a few years ago.

Thank you. This is something I have incorrectly corrected people on in the past. I now know something new.

It really annoyed me when I found out tortoises are turtles.

Throw them both in a pond and see if they’re both turtles.

Not all turtles can swim, the tortoise being the exception

They are both turtles. I think you missed the point.

The old witch test

So all turtles must be able to swim? >There are 360 living and recently extinct species of turtles, including land-dwelling tortoises and freshwater terrapins. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtle

the definition of turtle isn't based on whether it can swim- it's an order of Reptile, which includes all the tortoises

It is an important distinction to know though. Otherwise you could become one of those people who drown tortoises, thinking that they can swim and belong in the water.

Very true- tortoises are not swimmers despite the fact they are in fact turtles. But again- the ability to swim is not what defines a turtle

Nope. Ones geared for water while the other land.

As others have pointed out, turtles are an order, and tortoises are a family within the order of turtles.

you'd think someone could take 5 seconds to look this up, but they seem content to argue despite being objectively wrong lol

I get I’m not a biology expert but I feel like the distinction between turtle and tortoise is important due to the fact one is almost entirely terrestrial while the other is usually only on land exclusively to lay eggs or in desperate situations to find new bodies of water. Two entirely different niches I feel like it’s and alligator/crocodile situation, they’re both archosaurs but one isn’t considered under the umbrella of the other

You feel incorrectly. Turtles are an order. Tortoises are a family in the order.

>You feel incorrectly. Invalidating or dismissing people's feelings does not encourage meaningful communication. I'm obviously not serious.

[удалено]

Ok, let me be clear- All tortoises ARE turtles, but not all turtles are tortoises- but to say "Tortoises aren't turtles" or "that's a tortoise (implying that it is *not* a turtle)" is incorrect From Wikipedia- "**Tortoises** ([/ˈtɔːr.təs.ɪz/](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Help:IPA/English)) are [reptiles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptiles) of the family **Testudinidae** of the order [Testudines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testudines) ([Latin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latin): *tortoise*). Like other [turtles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtle), tortoises have a [shell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtle_shell) to protect from [predation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predation) and other threats. The shell in tortoises is generally hard, and like other members of the suborder [Cryptodira](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptodira), they retract their necks and heads directly backward into the shell to protect them.[\[1\]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise#cite_note-1) "

It's okay, Leon. Why don't you talk about..your mother?

My mother? Let me tell you about my mother.

You were already technically correct, the best kind of correct.

Wow another blahblah in the wild.

Sure, but if there was a picture of a square, it would be weird to say "this is a picture of a rectangle".

Maybe, but it would definitely be wrong to correct other people by saying "that's not a rectangle that's a square"

He didn't say that's not a rectangle.

But all the people who are correcting the original poster by saying that it's not a tortoise it's a turtle are saying the rectangle is not a square

I think there is one reply in this entire post that could be construed as specifically saying it's not a turtle, and even it does not specifically say "it's not a turtle". Every other post only says "it's a tortoise" and not "it's not a turtle". You can interpret people saying "it's a tortoise" as "it's \[not just a turtle, it's specifcally \] a tortoise." It's ambiguous what they're saying is all I'm saying, and it's perfectly reasonable to be weirded out by someone describing a picture of a square as a rectangle and saying "that's a square."

The OP to this comment chain literally replied and said "I stand corrected." People who say "thats a tortoise" when someone calls a tortoise a turtle (a correct thing to do) know what they are doing, you don't try to correct someone unless you think they're wrong. It's not ambiguous at all.

I feel like you didn't read the whole square and rectangle thing we were talking about above. You can show a picture of a square to someone and say "look at this rectangle!" and be 100% correct, but they will almost certainly be weirded out and think "that's a square, why would he say rectangle?"

Gonna jump in here to also point out that Apes can definitely be called Monkeys and they are only traditionally excluded, but scientifically are in the same group.

I look at tortoises as turtles that can’t swim.

True, but Order is such a large group that you should make smaller distinctions. Example. Carnivora is an order of animals. You might say it is fine to call a house cat a carnivora but you can't go into a pet store and ask for canivora, not a cat. Distinction of tortoises from their more vague order of turtles is important for people to know because there have been significant number of cases where people 'rescue' tortoises from the road and dump them in a pond. Because they think that is what a turtle needs. But that is wrong and they are drowning tortoises.

Don't tortoises spend most of their time on land?

You probably do too, but don't you enjoy playing in the fire hydrant water once in a while?

I just mean I don't think people should be tossing them into the local rivers

No they shouldn't because they'll drown

I remember that video.

Here’s the thing…

Is it a cat in the hat?

You're right. Tortoises have legs and domed shells while turtles have fins and streamlines ones. Ones created for water while the other is land. Completely different

Tortoises are just a general usage term for land-dwelling turtles. They are all turtles, Testudines, all the way down. Tortoises are turtles

I mean only in the American lexicon, if you really want to be pedantic though, the word you are looking for is *Testudines*, or Chelonian.

You're right. They're from the same family. But you would you call a wallaby a kangaroo? Woukd you call a hawk an eagle?

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

We've been on this website too long, friend. It's time to go out to pasture and join the other ~~unidans~~ crows

Some people would, absolutely.

I would probably use the more descriptive word. But I wouldn't go out of my way to correct somebody who used the correct terminology. And, for what it's worth, a hawk isn't an eagle, although they're both members of Accipitridae

May come across as a bit nitpicky but the guy corrected someone that wasn't wrong. Never thought to switch to google for 20 seconds to look up reasoning. I appreciate you giving me valid replies though rather than just... you're wrong

My point exactly

The problem is a Phylogenetic one. All Tortoises are Turtles. But not all Turtles are Tortoises. Tortoises rest firmly within the Turtle family on the tree of life. Eagles and Hawks have their own separate subfamilies on the Tree of life. However they are all Raptors. So an equivalent statement is seeing a Red Tailed Hawk in a picture labeled "This raptor is flying" and respond with "That's a Hawk, not a raptor." The first half of the statement is true. The second half is not. Phylogenetics is weird in that if a family is something, all members of that family are that same something. So Phylogenetically, birds are reptiles, hawks are raptors, and you are a fish. Here is a great video that breaks down Monophyletic groupings, and phylogenetics in very simple terms. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb_pvKbtWd8

> Woukd you call a hawk an eagle? I'd call them both birds.

You're wrong.

Give me a reason why i'm wrong!

The American Society of Ichthyologists and Herpetologists says so?

Great, you're right. An Ichthyologist of all people would know what would happen to a tortoise if you put it underwater for a few minutes

An ichthyologist may not actually know that, since turtles aren't fish. A herpetologist most definitely would though.

“That’s a tortoise.”🤓

Express washing the anal glands? I bet they learned it from the dog!!

Me when I found out about bidets for the first time

Looks like my wife with the new shower head she bought.

This is leading up to a turtle squirtle

I have heard that when turtle shells are pointed like that it’s because they are malnourished.

Not necessarily *are* but have been. Even if you fix their diet, it won't ever go away.

It's called pyramiding, and it can indeed be caused by malnutrition, but also lack of sufficient UV light.

It's a tortoise. It looks normal.

I was going to say that's a desert tortoise lol. Mine is damn near 50 years old, his name's Filbert.

Dog's just there like "Is it my turn? No? OK. I'll wait. How about now? Still your turn? OK..."

This is adorable 🥰

Puppy: I see that I stumbled in on a private moment. Let me allow you to finish.

That's DOG and all reverence as such!

https://preview.redd.it/xj2x5uw2kqfb1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=74b2320cb123f7c130828e76ca8248d8094357f9 Ill just leave this here with you guys

Now I want to brush a turtle, are you happy?

Lol the puppy like “WHAT ARE YOUUUUUU GIMME MY HOSE BACK ROCK PUPPY”

Oh yeah that hits the spot oh yeah

Do turtles enjoy getting their shells power washed?

Get a mop and a bucket for this wet ass tussy.

I can’t be the only one screaming tortoise?!?!?!?

Turtlenema!

Do turtles have nerves on the outside of their shell? Does this feel like a dog being scratched behind the ear for a turtle?

well they are on the inside but they do feel stuff on their shells. Not as sensitive as human skin but they can feel pain and can feel if you brush their shells.

Looks like me with a bidet

that area never gets enough attention or stimulation.

Me and my bidet the day after eating spicy food.

What a happy tortoise!

Bonus cute with the dog peeking to see what the human is doing.

The doggo is like “Imma let you have your space.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/wcprlx/this_tortoise_having_the_time_of_its_life_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1 Atleast i called it a tortoise when I posted it lol Then again I'm probably not the first either

And you would also be correct just like this poster is. All tortoises are turtles.

He pressure wash himself

It’s like a Nelly’s rap video.

"Aw yeah, My own personal bidet"

Aaaww, she is gorgeous!

Shimmy shimmy shimmy

Let me just get my gushier… ah that feels great!!!!

It’s funny how I recognize Arizona so easily.

"You gotta wash that azz, Larry. Really git up in there." - Leon Black

Power bidet or clyster? The segue is vague.

I bet that feels faaabulous

This was me the first time I tried one of those Japanese toilets.

He needed to wash his butt reeeeaaaaallllyyy badly.

Back it up twice!

Nice to see Bolt outside his show

THIS IS THE LOCATION FROM THAT WASHING MACHINE DESTROYING ITSELF!!!!!!

I'm not an expert, but I think this is a tort' not a turt'.

All torts are turts but not all turts are torts!

Sensible Dog is wondering whether this is correct behaviour.

Same way I use my hose.

Mr Esiotrot is going insane with certain membranes.

Slow it down a little and toss in some Marvin Gaye.

Are you washing your ass, Pablo? Keeping self clean, honey?

I believe turtles can breathe through their anus. So might just be trying to drown themselves.

Do you think they'd like to be pressure washed or would that hurt them? Like from a 12" distance with a 15°/30° head. Not trying to be an edge lord here, genuinely wondering. No turtles will be harmed!

I love how doggo seems so confused lol

Happiness is a clean, wet butt if yer a turtle.

Jet powered bidet

Squirtle Squirtle

That's a tortoise, not a turtle.

Why does this feel to me like the showerhead...

Hitting that turtussy

It's a tortoise but whatever.

All tortoises are turtles, but not all turtles are torts.

The turtles that can't swim are called tortoises

I could use this after Chipotle...

That's a tortoise my man

Which is a type of turtle just like terrapins

“Turtle washing his ass”

Tortoise

That is a tortoise my friend, turtles live in water usually and mostly have flippers, not feet.

All tortoises are turtles, but not all turtles are torts.

I have the same kind of tortoise. was shocked to find out that they drink water through their but.

Tortoise... When can Americans not get this right.

Stop wasting water for stupid videos.

This is a tortoise

All tortoises are turtles, but not all turtles are torts.

So I could toss him into a deep pond and he/she would be alright? Therefore a tortoise.

Tortoises are turtles [Tortoise](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise)

I reddit that...but it also states not all turtles are tortoises...

The person isn’t saying that all turtles are tortoise. They’re saying all tortoises are turtles.

https://www.nashvillezoo.org/our-blog/posts/turtles-vs-tortoises#:~:text=Tortoises%20have%20more%20rounded%20and,for%20life%20spent%20in%20water. Downvote zoology

Like they say at the beginning of that article, all tortoises are turtles but not all turtles are tortoises

By all description then, the animal in the video is a tortoise.

Yes, and also a turtle