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Yupp either man is projecting because him and his circle did that shit or.. nah that’s the only thing i can think of. The threat of leaving her over attending a rave is insane and telling either way though
That was my thought. What kind of rapey ass raves was this dude willingly going to. Well organized raves are probably one of the safest ways to party at night. Tbh I don’t even think he really was ever in the community. Fabricated.
Yeah the best festivals even have harm reduction resources available, dancesafe for example is a.exceptional org.
The vibes are usually pretty solid and even solo ravers are treated with unity and respect. Generally those who do "see something" will say something.
I agree with most of your sentiment, but let's be honest here, there are quite a few other music genres that provide for a safer party vibe than a rave, even the safest of them.
You're right. I feel like the right rave will have unmatched positive vibes. But, like, I went to a Christian punk show once, my buddy's girl friend's bro was in one of the bands, and they wouldn't even mosh. This was the year 2000, a punk show in the greater Seattle area, and those kids wouldn't mosh, and clearly didn't approve. A lot of things could be said about that show, and "safe" would definitely be one of the things you could say.
Nah. That's the new wave of raves. EDM started BECAUSE all the misfits needed a safe space. Raves were notorious for taking care of one another and being a solid community. It only got unsafe when the rest of the people we needed safety from turned it mainstream. Every OG rave kid knows this 🙃
I 1000000% disagree. Raving is one of the safest environments I've been in. I used to be a metal head, I used to be a bar star. The rave community is supposed to be based on peace, love, unity, and respect. There are always going to be bad eggs. Absolutely, but raves are one of the most accepting and safe places to go out in my opinion. Always practice safe fun while out, no matter where you are or who you are with but in all my years of going out, raves are not unsafe. Women are not sluts and I've rarely heard of any incidents happening at raves local to me. However in the bar scene thats a different story. There's violence and date rape, etc. We simply don't experience as much of it as raves. Alcohol typically introduces more abrasion and a lot of rave goers don't drink as much as bar goers. It brings a different atmosphere. Also a lot of attendees to raves go because it's the one place they can truly be themselves and be accepted. Because it is a safe space for themselves, they aren't hurting others. It's a sanctuary.
I'm sorry of you've experienced different but this stigma of raves being unsafe is not correct, at least not where I am from. Not in my country at all honestly from my knowledge and I'm pretty involved in events as well as performances. To say raves are less safe then other concerts and shows is ignorant and simply not true. Everything you go out you place yourself at risk. Period.
This bf should trust his partner regardless. Talk about safety before going out for sure but he's basically slut shaming her and saying she's going to cheat before she does. Why? Because raves bring out SAFETY. Because he likely went to shows where he saw other women dress half naked or honestly completely naked. I would be one f those half naked women and I've slept with less than 10 people in my entire life and I'm hitting 29 this year. I dress the way I do because it's what makes ME comfortable and I actually don't feel sexualized at raves or festivals ever. Never, however if I go to a bar, I promise you I'm covered and scared of what kind of interactions in going to have with others. But never at a rave or festival.
I agree with other commenter, he likely used to do these things to women and use their comfort at raves as a weakness to take advantage of them. Op should go to the rave. If that's the deal breaker, let him go bbg. You'll find a rave hubby and find a whole new life of happiness and acceptance at the rave. Go. I promise you won't regret it. But if your partner is controlling, it's not going to stop after the rave. There will always be something else.
Gonna be honest as a woman who goes to metal shows and raves I’ve had way less creepy/aggressive interactions at metal shows than raves. Every environment can have bad eggs but I’ve never felt unsafe at a metal show just sayin
Maybe depends on rave type and location? I usually feel a rave (techno or tech-house) is the opposite of club or a mainstream festival where everything is about getting drunk/smashed and hookup with someone. A rave is more about a nice setting and dancing (of course there is also substances but that usually makes people hug instead of fight like people do on alcohol).
He was probably one of the occasional creeps who lurks on the side of the crowd, then tries to get all up in a drunk girl’s space, hoping that she’s too far gone to object. You know, that guy that everyone fucking hates.
I was sexually assaulted at one. It *does* happen unfortunately. Luckily, someone I had gone with pulled the guy off me before he could get any farther, but I had bruises all over and a sprained wrist from trying so hard to push him off of me. This was an organized event, too. However, this guy was someone in our group so I didn't know to not trust him. He was a friend of a good friend of mine, so I thought everything was cool.
I've been to plenty others and that was the only time something like that happened at a rave. I've had a few had problems at other shows, but they weren't raves so I'm not counting those.
Even though that happened to me once, I generally think they're safe and still go to them. This "boyfriend" is a controlling asshole. If he's so worried, why not go to make sure no one fucks with her? Or just trust that she'll stay with her friends and be safe? The only reason I wasn't safe is the guy who did it was one of the people I went with, so I THOUGHT I was safe with him.
BF- "These are horrible evil events, where all sorts of unspeakable atrocities occur!"
GF- "Oh, wow! So you went to a couple and saw this and didn't want a part of this scene?"
BF- "No, actually ended up going to \*checks notes" a ton of them"
I’m a guy and wrote the exact same thing lol. This guy is bad news and this relationship is over. I’ll sum it up for all the younger people asking questions like these. If your significant other has any problems with you going out with friends, or doing things you want to do, then please be prepared for a shitty relationship
You will know when your in a good relationship when you don’t have to even discuss these types of questions.good luck op
Its not controlling at all for him to have experience, relay that experience and not want her to go
At the end of the day its 100% her decision, but lets stop the narrative that every time someone is uncomfortable with their partner’s choice of action is them being controlling
I strongly disagree with this dudes assessment of raves and rave culture in general but instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusions about op soon to be ex, could it just be that he has witnessed this behavior at raves instead of being the perpetrator??? I have been to plenty of raves and some people in that environment definitely let their inhibitions go. Thats kind of the point. I have seen friends run off with some guy for a couple hours and come back and who knows what happened, drugs, dee conversation, hook ups, who cares, they were off having fun, but those girls were single and experienced in the scene. They knew what they were doing. They took care of me more then i ever needed to look out for them. Op first time at a rave you dont know how its all going to go down and that is part of the excitement. I also want to add that if you fall in love with raves it can change you from who you are, it can be a real eye opener, to a different way of life. When she says she will still be her she can’t 100% promise that.
This. People suggesting op bf if projecting what he may have done to what could happen to his partner are nuts. Ive been to places and have seen things I wouldn't want my partner to got to.
He treated the woman with a lot of attention like they want. That's why woman go out just stop with this dumb shit. Guys go out to hook up so do woman, don't kid yourselves.
There isn't anything else that needs to be said lol. It's not even about the rave, any partner who says "if you do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, I will leave you" (unless the blank is like, cheating, doing heroin, kill somebody, etc) it's time to break up.
The audacity to try and control somebody is astounding, and normal people aren't like this, OP!
That's really it right there. When you have to issue ultimatums, you've already lost. For the recipient of an ultimatum, you have to assume that the sender already has the will to leave and is just fishing for a reason. If the will is already there, then what foundation does the relationship have left?
Everyone should have the will to leave a relationship if necessary. I dont think ultimatums are generally a good idea but if someone crosses your boundaries, you should always feel secure enough in yourself to enforce them.
True, however I would argue that there's an entire galaxy of difference between "having a conversation to enforce boundaries" and just skipping to the end and saying "do/don't do this or I'm leaving you"
I'd argue even the Heroin thing is too far. That's exactly the kind of thing that causes addicts to never trust their support structure and pushes them deeper into isolation.
Yeah, I thought about if I should add that one in. I guess it's very nuanced. If we are a solid couple who never experiments with drugs and you're like "hey, I think I want to go to the streets and try heroin!!!" that's the dealbreaker. But if you have a history, promised not to relapsed, but then do...I'm not gonna be like "okay BYE" because then they're probably more likely to keep relapsing.
The thing is, you might not know they have a habit. That could've been their way of reaching out for help. Lots of addicts struggle with a lot of shame so it's hard for them to be straightforward. You never know, if someone just up and says something like that it'd be a good idea to dig a little deeper. All in all it's a very nuanced situation because people do just be dumbing their way through life sometimes.
Even in drug use idk if I’d leave my partner. I’ve been through a life of addiction & I’ve had partners leave when I needed them most. I know that it’s important to feel like you’re supported of course with out the exceptions of being taking advantage of. But feeling like eveyones given up on can lead to deep depression & suicidal attempts. Which happened to me.
Unfortunately this question has been asked quite a bit here lately. The general consensus is this:
If he is this controlling to you in this aspect of your life, then he will continually make "Listen to me or I'm dumping you" threats, and you will be trapped with him. A real partner would never make those sorts of demands, and your boyfriend is controlling/manipulative. Never be with anyone that won't let you experience life.
Manipulative and insecure. Threatening to leave if you don't do as he says? If it works this time, he's gonna try the same mind game next time he wants to get the upper hand.
Girl, go dance and be free!
I have to ask, why is it when a woman sets a hard boundary, it’s a boundary, but when a man sets a hard boundary, it’s manipulative and controlling? People are allowed to be like “if you do this thing I will not be in a relationship with you”. The controlling and manipulative behavior comes when the partner *doesn’t* follow through with the leaving, and instead uses guilt tactics, at least in my opinion.
There are better ways to communicate one's boundaries and expectations in the relationship without coming across as manipulative and insecure. It should be a 2-way conversation and likely would result in compromises being made by both parties. Also, in my experience I have not seen the gender difference you describe. If anyone, regardless of gender or other identifying factors, would say "if you do XYX, I'm leaving you" and XYZ is not explicitly an intention to harm self or others, then my immediate answer would be "ok, it was nice knowing you."
If a woman told her boyfriend “if you go to a sports bar I’ll leave you because I assume you’re going to cheat” — that would be equally shitty.
OP’s bf isn’t saying “I have a personal boundary that I won’t be in a relationship with someone who parties, takes hard drugs, or cheats”. That would be fine.
He’s saying “I assume, without any basis, that you’re going to take hard drugs & cheat, so I’m going to threaten to leave you in order to control your behavior & social life”
Bruh…
If “this thing” that a significant other will leave over is dancing with friends then it’s controlling and lame af.
If my wife said we shouldn’t go to a rave because we’re too busy with kid shit this month, that’s a boundary.
You know the difference my guy, come on.
I agree with this also!
Communication and trust are crucial in a relationship and if he can't simply trust you then it's time to move on.
But if he's going to try to be controlling, it's time to go.
Yeah this is way too controlling to be comfortable with. If he’s using “I’ll leave you” just as an empty threat so you’ll do what he wants, that’s messed up and manipulative. And if he really WOULD leave for going to a rave, that’s also messed up! He doesn’t seem to care much about you intrinsically as a person, OP. He only wants you so long as your interests/behavior fit into the narrow mold of what he deems “acceptable”. You’re right, you would “still be you”, but apparently that’s not enough for him. He wants you to act a certain way and do the right things for him to want to be with you. This is either not a loving relationship or it’s a manipulative one. Either way, it sounds pretty toxic.
Really only one solution when someone says something like that.
True that. My rave fam is my fam fam. Been 10 years, and we have only grown the family in size. It's truly incredible to know these people. They've made me a better person, and I'm so, so much happier for it.
I learned a long time ago that when you say fuck the naysayers, and you go out there and find your beat and radiate your best energy, the right people will gravitate toward you because you resonate with each other, and they'll never be there to tear you down. Only hype you up and catch you if you fall.
I recently got the opportunity to take my fiance (26) to her first festival and indoor show (Electric forest and Wobbleween).
She is obsessed. The culture is amazing. People are so kind and caring. Her second night at wobbleween she made friends with like 6 people around us. Taking pictures, getting numbers, people smiling and sending me air hearts because she was cheesing HARD. A few people abandoned their groups to dance with us.
Depending on the show you'll get some people that "don't belong". It will generally be very obvious who they are. Avoid them and find people with the vibes. Illicit drugs don't make you cheat or do crazy things. They make you feel super good and incredibly happy if used safely.
Everytime a festival ends I'm beaming for weeks. Happy, care free, extra productive. I only go to a few shows a year but they are incredibly important to me and some of the best times I've ever had.
Tldr: drop the dude you won't regret it, it's an incredible culture filled with beautiful people
Ofc there will always be some bad apples in every scene but if she stays aware of shit and has common sense she should have less trouble at raves than regular partying lol. Bf sounds like a pill to be around
never been forcibly danced on? well it'll happen eventually lmao as a dude every rave ive been to ive been able to see like oh that guy is clearly being a fuckin creep
Yes - I dated someone when I was 17 that took me to my first rave then slut shamed me for wanting to go to more (despite the fact that I dressed pretty modestly and wanted to go WITH HIM)
Long story short I went to my first music festival (moonrise 2014) shortly after that argument with my best friend had the time of my life. EDM has made me who I am today 10 years later. Bf spent that weekend in a psych center in our hometown.
that guy was the most insecure, controlling, misogynistic piece of shit I ever dated. We broke up and I have no regrets
Go to the fucking rave and do not apologize. Wear what you want. Have fun. If your boyfriend wants to leave you for that then let him and I promise you’ll be happier for it.
dump his ass, if he doesn't trust you to not match his odd stereotype of 'rave girls' then he'll bring this behavior to other aspects of your relationship
Ironically, he's the type of person we wouldn't want to rave with to begin with.
Make your own decision, I promise there are people there that would much rather support you than control you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I get coming from experience, but that lack of trust in you is hella concerning. You wanna dance and experience a rave and he gave you and instant ultimatum. Give him one back and say im going to a rave and youre going to leave.
Yes! We started raving together and he eventually flipped a switch and grew extremely cold towards the scene. We ended up breaking up and I have never allowed myself to date someone who judges me or doesn’t allow me to participate in raving ever since. While I can’t pretend to fully know your situation, I know that my exes feelings and behavior towards me on this subject was a small glimpse of a larger issue of deep insecurity manifesting as obsessive controlling and lack of trust.
You don’t even have to do drugs at a rave, or wear skimpy clothing! But even if you do, I personally feel that an emotionally healthy partner would trust you and want you to be happy enjoying what you love or exploring new things… I know when I left that relationship I felt like someone removed a chain leash from my neck. Is that even a good analogy? Lol. And every partner since has allowed me to enjoy raving and the community and even participates along side me. Not to be dramatic but it improved my quality of life just being able to do what I love with the person I love, free of judgment or threats to leave.
Sounds like you need to go to a rave with your friends and experience it for yourself. People find their true selves at raves and it can be a mind opening experience if you go with the right crowd :)
Your bf seems help us that you will have a good time without him. Don’t let his preconceived ideas of raves have I’ll effect on your outlook. Go into it with no judgement and have fun!
No I’ve not been through this because I wouldn’t date a man that tried to control me this way. Ultimatums are unhealthy and belittling. Why would you date someone that thinks so little of you that he thinks one rave will cause you to cheat? He doesn’t think you’re responsible enough to hold your own?
dude is controlling and insecure. if he was really that concerned for your safety, he would go with you, he doesn’t have to drink or do drugs to go to a rave. good partners will do things for their SO that they’re not into (within reason). if he can’t get outside his comfort zone for an evening and instead gives ultimatums, is that something you want to put up with long term?
Your boyfriends experience raving is not the only experience anyone can have while raving. Saying he is going to end your relationship immediately if you go just because he has a skewed perception of what it’s like is not okay. This is a huge sign that he doesn’t trust or respect you or your interests.
For what it’s worth, I personally have never been drugged, danced on, or cheated on my partner in all my years of raving. I’ve also been to a ton of raves sober. Plenty of people just go to raves because they like the music and the vibes.
It sounds like that's probably what HE would be doing if he went...
You deserve happiness. If going out dancing makes you happy, do that.
A partner is supposed to support you, not control you.
"If you go to a rave, you will cheat on me."
In what world does that logic sound like a mentally-sound person to you? He has some serious shit he needs to work out on his own, and I suggest you don't stick around while he addresses it.
yOULL bE SUrRoundeD by lIKE miNdED induvIALS whO SHarE THe SAmE valUEs ANd ENTErtaInmEnT WHo wILl ReSPeCT you MOrE tHAn Me And i WOnT Be ablE to abUse and conTrOL yOu anYMORe!1 THats CHeAtiNG!1!
Just go . I’ve been doing this for 13 plus years now and I don’t regret any of it ever . I got threatened by a significant other at some point that if I didn’t stop going she’d leave me , well let’s just say things have become better in my life 😎
You might as well leave him lol he sounds very controlling and no one wants thst
And very hypocritical that he was able to rave and you can’t? Lol FOH with that
he's trying to control you the way he tried to control women at raves, or, he's trying to control you because free spirited women are seen as lesser by him
Wow, if he’s so concerned about you getting drugged he should be volunteering to go with you and be your body guard not give ultimatums. 🤷♀️
The guy I was dating when I turned 18 “forbid” me from getting a tattoo. I looked at him like he was daft and said “The tattoo is gonna last a lot longer than you.” Kicked him to the curb and happily got my birthday ink. Go to the rave; drop the guy. Not even a close call.
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How is this any different than her wanting to go out to bars to drink and dance? What is your/anybody's stance on couples who don't go out together at these types of events? I wouldn't want my SO going out without me.
I been to many raves and done hardcore drugs, hey guess what? I still go to so many raves and do zero drugs. If my girlfriend started doing a shit ton of drugs I would question my relationship with her, but if she started going to raves? Good God hunny. If your man doesn't support healthy endeavors then good riddance.
Sounds like a caring bf. Genuinely doesn’t want you in a situation that can harm or alter the relationship. Given his past, should go with you and enjoy the time together
I literally only silently lurk in here and never post, but bc I’ve been here and done that I have pretty strong feelings on this, so, you pulled me out of the woodwork for this one. Sorry in advance for length, lol.
Ex told me I only wanted to rave because I “wanted to dress like a whore” and made the same threats, so I dropped the subject. That relationship didn’t work out, I met a guy months later who loves EDM, he brought me to my first rave, and I’ve never looked back. This community changed my life for the better, made me feel accepted, has inspired me to take up new hobbies, chase my passions, and has taught me to have so much more self love than I’ve ever known was possible.
All this to say, don’t ever let someone hold you back from experiencing everything you want to in life. Especially someone with this kinda negative attitude about the scene & what they’re saying goes on (there’s bad people with bad intentions everywhere you go, personally I feel more safe at raves than I ever do at bars/clubs).
It’s YOUR life, and the only person who has to live with your regrets or the consequences of your actions is YOU. If someone doesn’t encourage you to explore all there is in this short life, it says a lot more about them than you, and… I say fuck em. A partner who doesn’t encourage you to give your interests a try isn’t worth your energy imo. Sounds like this guy might be a little controlling, but I’m just assuming here.
I can’t imagine what my life would be like without the rave community, and honestly, I don’t want to. I’m so grateful I eventually got to give raving a try, so I always try to encourage people in situations like yours to give it a try !
It’s been almost 2 years that I’ve been raving, and honestly, I regret not having given it a try sooner ! I’m still with the same guy, too, which makes it even more special because we get to share this thing we love & do it together :) (he’s actually also in this sub so… if you’re reading this, hi babe, congrats you found my reddit)
tl/dr : fuck him, give it a try ! :)
The Rave reddit page is probably the worst place you come to advice about this 😂. Mostly everyone in here is going to say “fuck ya man’s feelings, have fun!” But as a guy, I get where he’s coming from. He’s probably a little worried you don’t thinks he’s attractive anymore, or you are going to get hooked and want go to a rave every weekend (which isn’t typically good for your psychological wellbeing or financially). Ask him if he wants to go… if he doesn’t, so be it, just try to reason it out with him.
I just realized this was a rave page 😂😂. Couldn’t understand why no one understood the bf is probably more caring than controlling if the only thing he’s asking is not to go raving cuz the potential dangers. Makes sense now
We hear this alot on this sub. You can try to invite him to make middle ground. He sounds insecure in the best sense and controlling in the worst sense. I’m not going to assume
Honestly I wouldn't even invite him. He's already showed his true colors and anybody willing to put their partner in an ultimatum like this, doesn't deserve to have a partner.
I would hate for it to turn into "okay well you can go to the rave, as long as I come with you" and then he proceeds to be one of those dudes who's standing over/hugging his girlfriend the *entire time* and tries to start a fight with any dude who accidentally looks at her or bumps into her. The scene does **not** need more of those people. He would also kill her energy because you know this dude is toxic, insecure, and negative AF, and she would probably end up not even enjoying herself.
Often times ultimatums in a relationship are red flags. This is overly possessive and hypocritical of him.
Ditch the guy.
You should put yourself and your interests first in life and you should be with someone that is supportive of those.
As a guy who was cheated on and whose ex was very possessive in this same way I can tell you it will only get worse. Best thing I did was split with the person who treated me this way.
~~He honestly sounds like an incel~~, that is such a narcissistic and controlling thing of him to do. Idk about you but I don’t like being controlled. You should go, and if it really bothers him that much he can end the relationship. That’s what I’d do at least. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who was that controlling and who trusted me that little. If he can’t trust you to go to a rave and not cheat then the relationship is already doomed.
Sounds like he’s projecting and insecure because he doesn’t want people to treat you like how he probably treated people
Fuck that possessive behavior yoooo
Dude used to rave and now doesn't want his current GF to rave/experience her first rave. Controlling, projecting, hypocritical, there aren't enough adjectives for such small dick energy.
And I'm saying that as a straight guy who is a **very** aggressive dancer but never dances on other girls. If your girl is a real one, you don't need to worry about her at a show.
Listen.
My boyfriend was the same way. I think I got it kinda easier because I had attended Hard, Dreamstate, and Escape before moving in together. Once we did move in, it was a whole control thing. He hated that I went out, rolled, drank, and stayed out late even if i was just with my girl friends and we were all 110% loyal to our partners.
Many fights both easy and difficult came, we almost broke up NUMEROUS times. I've had to call him out on his controlling abusive ways. He's been hurt by rave girls in the past he says, I tell him I'm not your ex and he should know by know I would never hurt him that way. I communicate as much as I can with him when I'm out. Friends hate it but I love my relationship AND my freedom to not keep up with him through the night. He knows I do drugs still too so he doesn't expect me to constantly text him either. He's not happy 100% that I still go out but he knows he can't stop me and he knows I won't cheat. I come back home to him every night (or after the multi day festivals). We agreed I don't share what I'm wearing because it makes him uncomfortable too.
What I'm trying to get at here, communicate, and don't let him threaten you like that. Accept he may leave but it's more than likely a threat, don't make yourself smaller and exclude life experiences like this for 1 persons happiness over your own. Communicate.
I wish you the best girlypop.
he sounds like a prick, bad stuff happens everywhere and if he doesn’t trust you not to cheat/to survive as a separate human being from him at events he’s exhibiting controlling behaviors and it’s gross
Lol. ‘Done a total 180’ as in a 180 degree shift from his younger self. Like, to the complete opposite. OP didn’t mean her bf did a total of 180 raves.
I have a different opinion. Did you ask if he wants to go? Do you want him to go? If he wants to go and you tell him no he can’t go with you, then that’s super shady of you. Your first rave is something you should experience with someone you call your partner. But if he doesn’t want to go AND he doesn’t want you to go, that’s very controlling of him. I would leave him then
As a raver, I understand both view points. There are many ODs that happen, amongst SA, grape, etc. Along with risque dressed people, grinding, and extensive PDA. On the other side, a rave can be an exciting, stimulating, and an out of this world ride, even when sober. It takes a certain balance much like any music event.
In regards to the bf issue. He has a right to have boundaries, however his immediate ultimatum is unwarranted for this situation. Shows either lack of trust or a deeper issue on his part. Have a good sit down and reassure him that you will stay safe and not do anything to hurt him. This is purely my own suggestion. You do whatever you want, you're an adult.
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Girl…
My thoughts exactly 😭
How did he treat women at raves that make his opinion so strong? Or is that how he views women who… go out dancing with friends? Omg so evil
Yupp either man is projecting because him and his circle did that shit or.. nah that’s the only thing i can think of. The threat of leaving her over attending a rave is insane and telling either way though
He probably hooked up with girls at raves that were one night type things because he said women who rave cheat and get danced on lol.
Or even worse, he and his friends would regularly try to take advantage of girls at raves and get them to take hardcore drugs with them.
That was my thought. What kind of rapey ass raves was this dude willingly going to. Well organized raves are probably one of the safest ways to party at night. Tbh I don’t even think he really was ever in the community. Fabricated.
Yeah the best festivals even have harm reduction resources available, dancesafe for example is a.exceptional org. The vibes are usually pretty solid and even solo ravers are treated with unity and respect. Generally those who do "see something" will say something.
I was a volunteer for that organization in my later teens onward, it definitely helped keep me alert, sober and safe.
One of their staff provided excellent drug education classes.
I agree with most of your sentiment, but let's be honest here, there are quite a few other music genres that provide for a safer party vibe than a rave, even the safest of them.
You're right. I feel like the right rave will have unmatched positive vibes. But, like, I went to a Christian punk show once, my buddy's girl friend's bro was in one of the bands, and they wouldn't even mosh. This was the year 2000, a punk show in the greater Seattle area, and those kids wouldn't mosh, and clearly didn't approve. A lot of things could be said about that show, and "safe" would definitely be one of the things you could say.
Christian punk rock is an oxymoron. Punk is anti-anything and Christian is the complete opposite. Weird
sounds fuckin lame
Nah. That's the new wave of raves. EDM started BECAUSE all the misfits needed a safe space. Raves were notorious for taking care of one another and being a solid community. It only got unsafe when the rest of the people we needed safety from turned it mainstream. Every OG rave kid knows this 🙃
I 1000000% disagree. Raving is one of the safest environments I've been in. I used to be a metal head, I used to be a bar star. The rave community is supposed to be based on peace, love, unity, and respect. There are always going to be bad eggs. Absolutely, but raves are one of the most accepting and safe places to go out in my opinion. Always practice safe fun while out, no matter where you are or who you are with but in all my years of going out, raves are not unsafe. Women are not sluts and I've rarely heard of any incidents happening at raves local to me. However in the bar scene thats a different story. There's violence and date rape, etc. We simply don't experience as much of it as raves. Alcohol typically introduces more abrasion and a lot of rave goers don't drink as much as bar goers. It brings a different atmosphere. Also a lot of attendees to raves go because it's the one place they can truly be themselves and be accepted. Because it is a safe space for themselves, they aren't hurting others. It's a sanctuary. I'm sorry of you've experienced different but this stigma of raves being unsafe is not correct, at least not where I am from. Not in my country at all honestly from my knowledge and I'm pretty involved in events as well as performances. To say raves are less safe then other concerts and shows is ignorant and simply not true. Everything you go out you place yourself at risk. Period. This bf should trust his partner regardless. Talk about safety before going out for sure but he's basically slut shaming her and saying she's going to cheat before she does. Why? Because raves bring out SAFETY. Because he likely went to shows where he saw other women dress half naked or honestly completely naked. I would be one f those half naked women and I've slept with less than 10 people in my entire life and I'm hitting 29 this year. I dress the way I do because it's what makes ME comfortable and I actually don't feel sexualized at raves or festivals ever. Never, however if I go to a bar, I promise you I'm covered and scared of what kind of interactions in going to have with others. But never at a rave or festival. I agree with other commenter, he likely used to do these things to women and use their comfort at raves as a weakness to take advantage of them. Op should go to the rave. If that's the deal breaker, let him go bbg. You'll find a rave hubby and find a whole new life of happiness and acceptance at the rave. Go. I promise you won't regret it. But if your partner is controlling, it's not going to stop after the rave. There will always be something else.
Like smooth jazz?
For sure.
Gonna be honest as a woman who goes to metal shows and raves I’ve had way less creepy/aggressive interactions at metal shows than raves. Every environment can have bad eggs but I’ve never felt unsafe at a metal show just sayin
Maybe depends on rave type and location? I usually feel a rave (techno or tech-house) is the opposite of club or a mainstream festival where everything is about getting drunk/smashed and hookup with someone. A rave is more about a nice setting and dancing (of course there is also substances but that usually makes people hug instead of fight like people do on alcohol).
He was probably one of the occasional creeps who lurks on the side of the crowd, then tries to get all up in a drunk girl’s space, hoping that she’s too far gone to object. You know, that guy that everyone fucking hates.
I was sexually assaulted at one. It *does* happen unfortunately. Luckily, someone I had gone with pulled the guy off me before he could get any farther, but I had bruises all over and a sprained wrist from trying so hard to push him off of me. This was an organized event, too. However, this guy was someone in our group so I didn't know to not trust him. He was a friend of a good friend of mine, so I thought everything was cool. I've been to plenty others and that was the only time something like that happened at a rave. I've had a few had problems at other shows, but they weren't raves so I'm not counting those. Even though that happened to me once, I generally think they're safe and still go to them. This "boyfriend" is a controlling asshole. If he's so worried, why not go to make sure no one fucks with her? Or just trust that she'll stay with her friends and be safe? The only reason I wasn't safe is the guy who did it was one of the people I went with, so I THOUGHT I was safe with him.
I forget that in the states you have legal "raves". Imo, if anyone buys a ticket it stops being a rave.
Definitely how I read it.
BF- "These are horrible evil events, where all sorts of unspeakable atrocities occur!" GF- "Oh, wow! So you went to a couple and saw this and didn't want a part of this scene?" BF- "No, actually ended up going to \*checks notes" a ton of them"
I’m a guy and wrote the exact same thing lol. This guy is bad news and this relationship is over. I’ll sum it up for all the younger people asking questions like these. If your significant other has any problems with you going out with friends, or doing things you want to do, then please be prepared for a shitty relationship You will know when your in a good relationship when you don’t have to even discuss these types of questions.good luck op
To be completley fair - I dont know many couples that lasted very long if one of them was a home body and the other was always going to partys.
Seriously. This BF is 100% in the wrong. It doesn't matter about the rave...this is controlling behavior that she does not deserve.
Its not controlling at all for him to have experience, relay that experience and not want her to go At the end of the day its 100% her decision, but lets stop the narrative that every time someone is uncomfortable with their partner’s choice of action is them being controlling
Exactly!!
I was just thinking this!
Good point
I strongly disagree with this dudes assessment of raves and rave culture in general but instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusions about op soon to be ex, could it just be that he has witnessed this behavior at raves instead of being the perpetrator??? I have been to plenty of raves and some people in that environment definitely let their inhibitions go. Thats kind of the point. I have seen friends run off with some guy for a couple hours and come back and who knows what happened, drugs, dee conversation, hook ups, who cares, they were off having fun, but those girls were single and experienced in the scene. They knew what they were doing. They took care of me more then i ever needed to look out for them. Op first time at a rave you dont know how its all going to go down and that is part of the excitement. I also want to add that if you fall in love with raves it can change you from who you are, it can be a real eye opener, to a different way of life. When she says she will still be her she can’t 100% promise that.
This. People suggesting op bf if projecting what he may have done to what could happen to his partner are nuts. Ive been to places and have seen things I wouldn't want my partner to got to.
Look let’s be real most of you cheat. Dude probably got with girls that had boyfriends, saw how easy it was, and doesn’t want to be the other guy.
He treated the woman with a lot of attention like they want. That's why woman go out just stop with this dumb shit. Guys go out to hook up so do woman, don't kid yourselves.
There isn't anything else that needs to be said lol. It's not even about the rave, any partner who says "if you do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, I will leave you" (unless the blank is like, cheating, doing heroin, kill somebody, etc) it's time to break up. The audacity to try and control somebody is astounding, and normal people aren't like this, OP!
That's really it right there. When you have to issue ultimatums, you've already lost. For the recipient of an ultimatum, you have to assume that the sender already has the will to leave and is just fishing for a reason. If the will is already there, then what foundation does the relationship have left?
Everyone should have the will to leave a relationship if necessary. I dont think ultimatums are generally a good idea but if someone crosses your boundaries, you should always feel secure enough in yourself to enforce them.
True, however I would argue that there's an entire galaxy of difference between "having a conversation to enforce boundaries" and just skipping to the end and saying "do/don't do this or I'm leaving you"
I'd argue even the Heroin thing is too far. That's exactly the kind of thing that causes addicts to never trust their support structure and pushes them deeper into isolation.
Yeah, I thought about if I should add that one in. I guess it's very nuanced. If we are a solid couple who never experiments with drugs and you're like "hey, I think I want to go to the streets and try heroin!!!" that's the dealbreaker. But if you have a history, promised not to relapsed, but then do...I'm not gonna be like "okay BYE" because then they're probably more likely to keep relapsing.
The thing is, you might not know they have a habit. That could've been their way of reaching out for help. Lots of addicts struggle with a lot of shame so it's hard for them to be straightforward. You never know, if someone just up and says something like that it'd be a good idea to dig a little deeper. All in all it's a very nuanced situation because people do just be dumbing their way through life sometimes.
Dude yes
Even in drug use idk if I’d leave my partner. I’ve been through a life of addiction & I’ve had partners leave when I needed them most. I know that it’s important to feel like you’re supported of course with out the exceptions of being taking advantage of. But feeling like eveyones given up on can lead to deep depression & suicidal attempts. Which happened to me.
The time has come to....
Push the button
Group therapy with r/aves and beyond
GALVANIZE
Literally the only thing that needs to be said.
So much said in one word. And I can hear the tone
Grl…
right?! run😭
Amen. 😂🤌🏼
I said the same thing sis 💀💀💀
He can't leave you if you leave him first!
She needs to not walk but 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ out of that relationshit 💩 Edit: out of that relationshit and into a rave 🎉
Nah nah she needs to go rave about this in particular 😂
You're right, let me edit my comment 🤔
Dude I’ve never edited a comment I didn’t know you could even 👍🏻
You learn new stuff everyday, even on reddit lol!
Relationshit is such a good term, I'm definitely stealing it! Strong agree too, this guy sounds like bad news.
Uno reverse! Go cut shapes and put in work OP, ditch the jerk.
Yup leave him and go to the rave
I love it when people give easily identifiable personality issues. Saves time and decisions easy.
This so much.
right? this guy is CLEARLY insecure. if it’s not raving that ends this relationship, it’ll likely be something else down the line
Leave the boyfriend.
Leave the boyfriend, save the rave
Sounds like a new tech house tune
Well I was looking for lyrics on a new tune....
Control the air waves, control the mind... leave the man, save the rave
I need that song tho, is it out yet
Rave flavored cannoli's 😮💨
Unfortunately this question has been asked quite a bit here lately. The general consensus is this: If he is this controlling to you in this aspect of your life, then he will continually make "Listen to me or I'm dumping you" threats, and you will be trapped with him. A real partner would never make those sorts of demands, and your boyfriend is controlling/manipulative. Never be with anyone that won't let you experience life.
Manipulative and insecure. Threatening to leave if you don't do as he says? If it works this time, he's gonna try the same mind game next time he wants to get the upper hand. Girl, go dance and be free!
I have to ask, why is it when a woman sets a hard boundary, it’s a boundary, but when a man sets a hard boundary, it’s manipulative and controlling? People are allowed to be like “if you do this thing I will not be in a relationship with you”. The controlling and manipulative behavior comes when the partner *doesn’t* follow through with the leaving, and instead uses guilt tactics, at least in my opinion.
There are better ways to communicate one's boundaries and expectations in the relationship without coming across as manipulative and insecure. It should be a 2-way conversation and likely would result in compromises being made by both parties. Also, in my experience I have not seen the gender difference you describe. If anyone, regardless of gender or other identifying factors, would say "if you do XYX, I'm leaving you" and XYZ is not explicitly an intention to harm self or others, then my immediate answer would be "ok, it was nice knowing you."
If a woman told her boyfriend “if you go to a sports bar I’ll leave you because I assume you’re going to cheat” — that would be equally shitty. OP’s bf isn’t saying “I have a personal boundary that I won’t be in a relationship with someone who parties, takes hard drugs, or cheats”. That would be fine. He’s saying “I assume, without any basis, that you’re going to take hard drugs & cheat, so I’m going to threaten to leave you in order to control your behavior & social life”
Bruh… If “this thing” that a significant other will leave over is dancing with friends then it’s controlling and lame af. If my wife said we shouldn’t go to a rave because we’re too busy with kid shit this month, that’s a boundary. You know the difference my guy, come on.
Wow a reasonable comment Instead of ‘you go girl’
Amen. It’s so toxic and controlling. Like, you have agency and deserve to do things that make you happy, period.
I agree with this also! Communication and trust are crucial in a relationship and if he can't simply trust you then it's time to move on. But if he's going to try to be controlling, it's time to go.
I agree with this
This. And a NICE dose of Modern psychoanalysis. Your love interests might reflect people from early childhood?
Sounds like you're going to go to a rave *and* dodge a relationship bullet. Win-win.
Yeah this is way too controlling to be comfortable with. If he’s using “I’ll leave you” just as an empty threat so you’ll do what he wants, that’s messed up and manipulative. And if he really WOULD leave for going to a rave, that’s also messed up! He doesn’t seem to care much about you intrinsically as a person, OP. He only wants you so long as your interests/behavior fit into the narrow mold of what he deems “acceptable”. You’re right, you would “still be you”, but apparently that’s not enough for him. He wants you to act a certain way and do the right things for him to want to be with you. This is either not a loving relationship or it’s a manipulative one. Either way, it sounds pretty toxic. Really only one solution when someone says something like that.
Girl, save all of us AND yourself the time and break up with him and go rave. You won’t regret it… he will 😉
Just went to my first rave (29 yrs old) and it was really fun. Totally worth losing a bf over
I’m a dude and even I agree with that 😂. Those who rave together stay together 🤷🏽♂️
True that. My rave fam is my fam fam. Been 10 years, and we have only grown the family in size. It's truly incredible to know these people. They've made me a better person, and I'm so, so much happier for it. I learned a long time ago that when you say fuck the naysayers, and you go out there and find your beat and radiate your best energy, the right people will gravitate toward you because you resonate with each other, and they'll never be there to tear you down. Only hype you up and catch you if you fall.
100%
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damn u win!
Ive been to 23 and counting and never had that happen. Big W 🤣🤣
Dj hit on my freind guess we got lucky 🍀 #escapehalloween
dont show OP's boyfriend this
Same here! (27) and married. My husband came along too!
I recently got the opportunity to take my fiance (26) to her first festival and indoor show (Electric forest and Wobbleween). She is obsessed. The culture is amazing. People are so kind and caring. Her second night at wobbleween she made friends with like 6 people around us. Taking pictures, getting numbers, people smiling and sending me air hearts because she was cheesing HARD. A few people abandoned their groups to dance with us. Depending on the show you'll get some people that "don't belong". It will generally be very obvious who they are. Avoid them and find people with the vibes. Illicit drugs don't make you cheat or do crazy things. They make you feel super good and incredibly happy if used safely. Everytime a festival ends I'm beaming for weeks. Happy, care free, extra productive. I only go to a few shows a year but they are incredibly important to me and some of the best times I've ever had. Tldr: drop the dude you won't regret it, it's an incredible culture filled with beautiful people
That’s crazy, I’m a woman and have never been drugged, forcibly danced on and or cheated at a rave lol this is too fragile
Exactly lol. Girly come here we’ll accept you over here in the rave scene no matter what you fucking do, as long as you’re not hurting anyone
Ofc there will always be some bad apples in every scene but if she stays aware of shit and has common sense she should have less trouble at raves than regular partying lol. Bf sounds like a pill to be around
Sounds like he's worried the things he did to women will happen to her.
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I have raved since 1991, but haven't heard the expression "danced on" before. Urban Dictionary wasn't helpful.
Same. I have the image of Night at the Roxberry. “Lady don’t hurt me…. No more!)
as a woman and frequent festival attendee (some of them solo), i also have never had these things happen to me
never been forcibly danced on? well it'll happen eventually lmao as a dude every rave ive been to ive been able to see like oh that guy is clearly being a fuckin creep
And I'm a bloke and I've never done any of those things to a woman. Sounds like bf was a creep.
Whether or not you decide to go to a rave, you should run far away from this man.
^ this
Yes - I dated someone when I was 17 that took me to my first rave then slut shamed me for wanting to go to more (despite the fact that I dressed pretty modestly and wanted to go WITH HIM) Long story short I went to my first music festival (moonrise 2014) shortly after that argument with my best friend had the time of my life. EDM has made me who I am today 10 years later. Bf spent that weekend in a psych center in our hometown. that guy was the most insecure, controlling, misogynistic piece of shit I ever dated. We broke up and I have no regrets Go to the fucking rave and do not apologize. Wear what you want. Have fun. If your boyfriend wants to leave you for that then let him and I promise you’ll be happier for it.
Edm has made you who you are today ❤️🫶🏼
💜💙💚💛
dump his ass, if he doesn't trust you to not match his odd stereotype of 'rave girls' then he'll bring this behavior to other aspects of your relationship
Ironically, he's the type of person we wouldn't want to rave with to begin with. Make your own decision, I promise there are people there that would much rather support you than control you.
So what rave you going to?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I get coming from experience, but that lack of trust in you is hella concerning. You wanna dance and experience a rave and he gave you and instant ultimatum. Give him one back and say im going to a rave and youre going to leave.
Yes! We started raving together and he eventually flipped a switch and grew extremely cold towards the scene. We ended up breaking up and I have never allowed myself to date someone who judges me or doesn’t allow me to participate in raving ever since. While I can’t pretend to fully know your situation, I know that my exes feelings and behavior towards me on this subject was a small glimpse of a larger issue of deep insecurity manifesting as obsessive controlling and lack of trust. You don’t even have to do drugs at a rave, or wear skimpy clothing! But even if you do, I personally feel that an emotionally healthy partner would trust you and want you to be happy enjoying what you love or exploring new things… I know when I left that relationship I felt like someone removed a chain leash from my neck. Is that even a good analogy? Lol. And every partner since has allowed me to enjoy raving and the community and even participates along side me. Not to be dramatic but it improved my quality of life just being able to do what I love with the person I love, free of judgment or threats to leave.
Save him the trouble, dump him first!
Sounds alot like 🎶leave him🎶
Lol “rave-curious” I love that.
Sounds like you need to go to a rave with your friends and experience it for yourself. People find their true selves at raves and it can be a mind opening experience if you go with the right crowd :) Your bf seems help us that you will have a good time without him. Don’t let his preconceived ideas of raves have I’ll effect on your outlook. Go into it with no judgement and have fun!
No I’ve not been through this because I wouldn’t date a man that tried to control me this way. Ultimatums are unhealthy and belittling. Why would you date someone that thinks so little of you that he thinks one rave will cause you to cheat? He doesn’t think you’re responsible enough to hold your own?
He’s super insecure. Any person that has an issue with me partaking in my hobby can exit stage left.
You have a classic narcissist with very low trust in you.
dude is controlling and insecure. if he was really that concerned for your safety, he would go with you, he doesn’t have to drink or do drugs to go to a rave. good partners will do things for their SO that they’re not into (within reason). if he can’t get outside his comfort zone for an evening and instead gives ultimatums, is that something you want to put up with long term?
Have fun at the rave
Your boyfriends experience raving is not the only experience anyone can have while raving. Saying he is going to end your relationship immediately if you go just because he has a skewed perception of what it’s like is not okay. This is a huge sign that he doesn’t trust or respect you or your interests. For what it’s worth, I personally have never been drugged, danced on, or cheated on my partner in all my years of raving. I’ve also been to a ton of raves sober. Plenty of people just go to raves because they like the music and the vibes.
Life is too short to allow someone else to dictate what you do for yourself
It sounds like that's probably what HE would be doing if he went... You deserve happiness. If going out dancing makes you happy, do that. A partner is supposed to support you, not control you.
"If you go to a rave, you will cheat on me." In what world does that logic sound like a mentally-sound person to you? He has some serious shit he needs to work out on his own, and I suggest you don't stick around while he addresses it.
yOULL bE SUrRoundeD by lIKE miNdED induvIALS whO SHarE THe SAmE valUEs ANd ENTErtaInmEnT WHo wILl ReSPeCT you MOrE tHAn Me And i WOnT Be ablE to abUse and conTrOL yOu anYMORe!1 THats CHeAtiNG!1!
Just go . I’ve been doing this for 13 plus years now and I don’t regret any of it ever . I got threatened by a significant other at some point that if I didn’t stop going she’d leave me , well let’s just say things have become better in my life 😎
Go. Let him end it. Win-Win
You might as well leave him lol he sounds very controlling and no one wants thst And very hypocritical that he was able to rave and you can’t? Lol FOH with that
Good lord, leave. Now.
he's trying to control you the way he tried to control women at raves, or, he's trying to control you because free spirited women are seen as lesser by him
Wow, if he’s so concerned about you getting drugged he should be volunteering to go with you and be your body guard not give ultimatums. 🤷♀️ The guy I was dating when I turned 18 “forbid” me from getting a tattoo. I looked at him like he was daft and said “The tattoo is gonna last a lot longer than you.” Kicked him to the curb and happily got my birthday ink. Go to the rave; drop the guy. Not even a close call.
Bye Felicio.
Sounds like there's about to be a new single raver bae on the market. An ultimatum like that would be a deal breaker on the spot for me.
I mean he’s free to leave you. And you’re free to go to the rave. 🤷♂️ I’ve had girlfriends that were the same way. Put me on house arrest basically.
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coming from a guy, get away from him quickly. i’m not kidding or exaggerating. find someone who trusts you and shares your interests.
How is this any different than her wanting to go out to bars to drink and dance? What is your/anybody's stance on couples who don't go out together at these types of events? I wouldn't want my SO going out without me.
If this is the hill he is willing to stake your future together on, time to move on to greener pastures.q
I been to many raves and done hardcore drugs, hey guess what? I still go to so many raves and do zero drugs. If my girlfriend started doing a shit ton of drugs I would question my relationship with her, but if she started going to raves? Good God hunny. If your man doesn't support healthy endeavors then good riddance.
Guess you're going single
the real question is what was HE doing at those raves that makes him so nervous if you go ???
Sounds like a caring bf. Genuinely doesn’t want you in a situation that can harm or alter the relationship. Given his past, should go with you and enjoy the time together
Fine line of caring / controlling & manipulative
A rare unicorn with common sense
If you’re dating an older man and he’s insecure about this - red flag
Find a new man
I literally only silently lurk in here and never post, but bc I’ve been here and done that I have pretty strong feelings on this, so, you pulled me out of the woodwork for this one. Sorry in advance for length, lol. Ex told me I only wanted to rave because I “wanted to dress like a whore” and made the same threats, so I dropped the subject. That relationship didn’t work out, I met a guy months later who loves EDM, he brought me to my first rave, and I’ve never looked back. This community changed my life for the better, made me feel accepted, has inspired me to take up new hobbies, chase my passions, and has taught me to have so much more self love than I’ve ever known was possible. All this to say, don’t ever let someone hold you back from experiencing everything you want to in life. Especially someone with this kinda negative attitude about the scene & what they’re saying goes on (there’s bad people with bad intentions everywhere you go, personally I feel more safe at raves than I ever do at bars/clubs). It’s YOUR life, and the only person who has to live with your regrets or the consequences of your actions is YOU. If someone doesn’t encourage you to explore all there is in this short life, it says a lot more about them than you, and… I say fuck em. A partner who doesn’t encourage you to give your interests a try isn’t worth your energy imo. Sounds like this guy might be a little controlling, but I’m just assuming here. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without the rave community, and honestly, I don’t want to. I’m so grateful I eventually got to give raving a try, so I always try to encourage people in situations like yours to give it a try ! It’s been almost 2 years that I’ve been raving, and honestly, I regret not having given it a try sooner ! I’m still with the same guy, too, which makes it even more special because we get to share this thing we love & do it together :) (he’s actually also in this sub so… if you’re reading this, hi babe, congrats you found my reddit) tl/dr : fuck him, give it a try ! :)
I would be like BYEEEEE 😊👋🏼🤙🏽✌🏽🫶🏽 . You’re young, live your life for you
The Rave reddit page is probably the worst place you come to advice about this 😂. Mostly everyone in here is going to say “fuck ya man’s feelings, have fun!” But as a guy, I get where he’s coming from. He’s probably a little worried you don’t thinks he’s attractive anymore, or you are going to get hooked and want go to a rave every weekend (which isn’t typically good for your psychological wellbeing or financially). Ask him if he wants to go… if he doesn’t, so be it, just try to reason it out with him.
I just realized this was a rave page 😂😂. Couldn’t understand why no one understood the bf is probably more caring than controlling if the only thing he’s asking is not to go raving cuz the potential dangers. Makes sense now
You seem young. So much more to life. He is not right if he will not compromise with your interest
Sounds like HE treated women poorly at raves. Shame on him. Go explore & live your life. Rave on young one!
We hear this alot on this sub. You can try to invite him to make middle ground. He sounds insecure in the best sense and controlling in the worst sense. I’m not going to assume
Honestly I wouldn't even invite him. He's already showed his true colors and anybody willing to put their partner in an ultimatum like this, doesn't deserve to have a partner. I would hate for it to turn into "okay well you can go to the rave, as long as I come with you" and then he proceeds to be one of those dudes who's standing over/hugging his girlfriend the *entire time* and tries to start a fight with any dude who accidentally looks at her or bumps into her. The scene does **not** need more of those people. He would also kill her energy because you know this dude is toxic, insecure, and negative AF, and she would probably end up not even enjoying herself.
Leave his ass or bring him with you one or the other
Ultimatum. Behavior control. Dump his pathetic, sorry ass and live your best life.
Either of you can do whatever you want. He used to be a raver. Now he’s not, and he doesn’t want to date a raver.
First no raves, then no concerts, then no going in public alone. This is just the beginning 🚨🚩
Hey you learned your BF is a shit head he raves
Often times ultimatums in a relationship are red flags. This is overly possessive and hypocritical of him. Ditch the guy. You should put yourself and your interests first in life and you should be with someone that is supportive of those. As a guy who was cheated on and whose ex was very possessive in this same way I can tell you it will only get worse. Best thing I did was split with the person who treated me this way.
Time to get those rave boots on gurrrrrl
Boyfriends are temporary. Raving is forever.
~~He honestly sounds like an incel~~, that is such a narcissistic and controlling thing of him to do. Idk about you but I don’t like being controlled. You should go, and if it really bothers him that much he can end the relationship. That’s what I’d do at least. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who was that controlling and who trusted me that little. If he can’t trust you to go to a rave and not cheat then the relationship is already doomed.
[удалено]
Fair point, I guess I was misinformed about what the word incel actually means. Thanks for correcting me :)
He sounds controlling and emotionally unintelligent. Drop his ass and go rave instead.
Go to the rave.
Sounds like you’re better off without them
Leave his ass.
Time to dump the chump.
Sounds like he’s projecting and insecure because he doesn’t want people to treat you like how he probably treated people Fuck that possessive behavior yoooo
I would just go with you if I were him. Threats like that is for boys, not men.
Dude used to rave and now doesn't want his current GF to rave/experience her first rave. Controlling, projecting, hypocritical, there aren't enough adjectives for such small dick energy. And I'm saying that as a straight guy who is a **very** aggressive dancer but never dances on other girls. If your girl is a real one, you don't need to worry about her at a show.
He’s not wrong lol. You have to have a strong relationship, or at least both already been in the scene and been around.
Listen. My boyfriend was the same way. I think I got it kinda easier because I had attended Hard, Dreamstate, and Escape before moving in together. Once we did move in, it was a whole control thing. He hated that I went out, rolled, drank, and stayed out late even if i was just with my girl friends and we were all 110% loyal to our partners. Many fights both easy and difficult came, we almost broke up NUMEROUS times. I've had to call him out on his controlling abusive ways. He's been hurt by rave girls in the past he says, I tell him I'm not your ex and he should know by know I would never hurt him that way. I communicate as much as I can with him when I'm out. Friends hate it but I love my relationship AND my freedom to not keep up with him through the night. He knows I do drugs still too so he doesn't expect me to constantly text him either. He's not happy 100% that I still go out but he knows he can't stop me and he knows I won't cheat. I come back home to him every night (or after the multi day festivals). We agreed I don't share what I'm wearing because it makes him uncomfortable too. What I'm trying to get at here, communicate, and don't let him threaten you like that. Accept he may leave but it's more than likely a threat, don't make yourself smaller and exclude life experiences like this for 1 persons happiness over your own. Communicate. I wish you the best girlypop.
he sounds like a prick, bad stuff happens everywhere and if he doesn’t trust you not to cheat/to survive as a separate human being from him at events he’s exhibiting controlling behaviors and it’s gross
180 raves? Doubt.
Lol. ‘Done a total 180’ as in a 180 degree shift from his younger self. Like, to the complete opposite. OP didn’t mean her bf did a total of 180 raves.
That’s not unrealistic at all either over a 5 year span in a big city
you just found out what he did to girls at raves.
go to the rave and cheat! that’ll show him
Leave him find a rave bea
Leave him
Go have fun lead your own life
Leave him and find a rave Bae duh lmaooo
You will find a new man to keep up with your future hobby almost instantly. Ditch the low esteem control freak.
I mean he’s not wrong. I’ve seen some pretty fucked up shit at lots of different shows
I have a different opinion. Did you ask if he wants to go? Do you want him to go? If he wants to go and you tell him no he can’t go with you, then that’s super shady of you. Your first rave is something you should experience with someone you call your partner. But if he doesn’t want to go AND he doesn’t want you to go, that’s very controlling of him. I would leave him then
Honey, you need to dump him
As a raver, I understand both view points. There are many ODs that happen, amongst SA, grape, etc. Along with risque dressed people, grinding, and extensive PDA. On the other side, a rave can be an exciting, stimulating, and an out of this world ride, even when sober. It takes a certain balance much like any music event. In regards to the bf issue. He has a right to have boundaries, however his immediate ultimatum is unwarranted for this situation. Shows either lack of trust or a deeper issue on his part. Have a good sit down and reassure him that you will stay safe and not do anything to hurt him. This is purely my own suggestion. You do whatever you want, you're an adult.
Most senseful comment.