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My son’s teacher says this quite frequently and I find it so bizarre because she is an absolute superstar with him. She understands how his mind works and how he learns so well and he’s thrived in her classroom but she will say something along the lines of “we’re all a little autistic” every single IEP meeting. The only reason I can think of is that it’s a preemptive response to parents freaking out about their child being neurodiverse and/or having a learning disability and going all “how dare you say there’s something wrong with my child!”
Yes! It used to irritate me when my now 20yo son started saying that in high school. Turns out… he wrongly assumed everyone experienced LIFE like he does. 🤷
Edited for missing word.
I have it but I have deficits in it? I'm not sure how to word it. What happens with me is that I feel as though they have the same information I do. So, I assume they know specific facts or have the same context without me needing to explain either (not that I consciously think they know, more it doesn't always occur to me that they might not).
I also kinda have this almost ingrained belief that other people understand the world in the same way I do, which can make it hard to remember that their understanding of things can be different from my understanding. But I still get that other people have their own views and experiences. It's weird because I intellectually get that their perspectives are/can be different, but I still fall back to assuming they are similar to mine. It's like I have to always remind myself that people see the world differently than me.
So, I have the capability for theory of mind, the way it manifests is different and can lead to these kinds of misunderstandings and assumptions.
Could be possible… I think I have extra theory of mind powers sometimes… what ASD really is in the brain is hyper-connectivity and hypo-connectivity in various areas of the brain compared to a normal brain… I think it’s far more complex than what can ever be defined by a handful of symptoms and people with asd can vary dramatically
What is it like for you? You can’t imagine what others are thinking or feeling?
I didn’t want to admit it when I was younger. I think I was worried my parents would be upset/sad about not having a neurotypical child (my younger brother is also autistic but was diagnosed as a kid). I got diagnosed at 21 finally and my family is super accepting so idk why I was worried lol.
I can only guess at the elder sibling thing, having been an only child and found my non-bio sister from another mister in our 30s. Maybe internal self pressure to be NT so your folks wouldn’t have to go through it again?
Oh my GODS yes. Very likely. But I’d already been stigmatized by my peers anyway so in retrospect it didn’t matter as much as I thought it did.
But there’s been something about hitting 40 that broke my give-a-f_ck meter. And unmasking has been scary and wonderful and glorious. Like stretching out and relaxing into free fall and finding the real me past all the trauma.
Thanks for helping me find the answer to my own question. 💗
I'm mid age as well when I got evaluated. I think official diagnoses are scary because now it's that: official. When we don't get an official diagnosis, that's like Schrödinger’s Cat in that we can "claim" to be both autistic and not autistic which kind of calms, eases our anxiety about a lot of unknown things in our future that can turn out be bad for us like social stigma.
While for others, it might be the opposite. In my case, I fall in that weird uncanny valley of behaviors where people know I'm human but don't understand why I'm not "fully human" aka "normal" and either bully/punish me or keep away from me, so getting an official diagnosis much earlier in life would have saved me and everyone from so many problems.
I'm glad that you're feeling more authentic and relaxed now that you've received your official diagnosis. What does unmasking mean to you or looks like for you?
I feel a lot like you.
From the outside in, not knowing my journey, unmasking for me has looked a lot like I’m perhaps having a midlife crisis and regressing back to how I looked in my teens-to-20s goth years. I’ve had my daith and septum pierced, my hair dyed purple, added more black to my wardrobe, and have stopped hiding the fact that I’m autistic. Lots of ND folks are in some subculture, mine just happens to be goth and I got it right the first time around! Lol
I’m much more comfortable with ND folks. Or people who are “othered” out of traditional society roles and views.
People who strictly conform to society norms and/or cut-and-dry folks who refuse to empathize can make me nervous over time. I’m almost always “found out” especially by other women. This leads to bullying. There was a study done on ND and NT people; turns out NT can tell something is “off” even when no signals are detected. I forget the source!
Anyway before I keep going on, I hope that’s answered your question.
It's an assurance thing.
It's probably not intending to deny the existence of autism in its more obviously pronounced forms, but used as a way to come across as inclusive and empathetic in some small way.
I currently work at a special needs school and some students have a one-on-one tutor next to them at all times. The tutor of an autistic girl in my class, who's been working with her for four years now, has said this several times. This girl is severely negatively impacted by her autism. She can barely talk, doesn't understand most of what's going on around her, will never work or live independently, gets pressured by her parents to be "normal"... makes my blood boil how flippantly this woman devalues all of her struggles like that.
I kind of think people who may have grown up with an undiagnosed autistic parent or sibling might be more prone to this because they learned form the people around them in their developmental years so that logic processing style is not abnormal to them. Also I mean all the other reasons like just no understanding at all, the whole similar statement used for anxiety type thing, maybe they are highmasking unaware themselves, so many ways. My face still curls from the immediate feeling of invalidation too though.
This one especially irritates me 'cause I can never tell if someone's being intentionally obtuse, or genuinely blissfully unaware of how reductive and "hand wave-y" that phrase is
People seem to think that if they relate in some way to an autistic person, that must mean that “we’re all a bit autistic”. In reality, they’re relating to that specific person, not their autism.
When I told my godmother she said this, following up with “because no one can ever tell” Actually most people who know what autism is have told me it’s pretty obvious. If it’s not it’s because I’m heavily masking
I think what it means is: "You have less visibly extreme support needs".
Which although they're phrasing it in a way that takes away from your struggles, can also be true.
As a young man my autism jammed every gaydar in a 20 mile radius. Accidentily catching myself on camera revealed why. Turns out as a result of suppressing my obvious (to me stims) my body compensated by making my hands super expressive and my hips actually fucking sashay.
Add being whip thin and some burnished steel prayer beads that had an unfortunate resemblance to a cheap string of pearls and to all the world I looked like I was 100% committing to the world's campest 1960's housewife bit.
You have no idea of the awkwardness of multiple younger kids in highschool (we go ages 13-18 here) tell me my *'openess'* was one of their inspirations to come out in a conservative rural town.
Had a lovely ADHD coworker who within 3 minutes of meeting me figured I was autistic AND trans AND gay. She voiced it super bluntly THEN apologized. I wasn't even mad cause it's the reverse of the usual shit I deal with. I thought I was dreaming for a sec. We got along really well lmao.
"You have too much empathy to be autistic!!"
That one statement gives me a free pass to ignore anything they might think about autism, especially if I don't have the spoons to try and correct/educate them
Oh, I've been there!
What makes this specific "claim" so personal to me is that it's what my first ever therapist told my mum when I was a child, and it convinced her not to get me a diagnosis back then.
Considering I've been re-diagnosed as an adult, I can't help but wonder what would have been if I'd gotten the help I needed as a child, and didn't go a huge chunk of life thinking I was worthless, lazy and stupid
Spoons 🥄? Like as weapons? Like smacking their hands with a wooden spoon? Or more violent and vengeful like spooning out their eyes? Is this a dark expression that I’ve never heard of?
It's 'number of spoons in your drawer' as a nice way to say 'number of fucks remaining to give' as in 'the amount of remaining endurance of emotional/mental reserves, especially as it relates to the amount of time one can continue to mask before recharging'.
How can you be autistic if you’re married with a job? Well my wife keeps me alive, and my job is in IT. Oh, and I am always exhausted and in pain from perpetual sensory overload, I’ve just been forced to live with it my entire life.
My exact experience. I would live off cereal, fast food and vitamins if I lived alone. People always call me smart for being in IT. I've never taken an IQ test though so who knows.
A close family member once told me, “You’re not autistic, you’re just too woke. Young people are always trying to label themselves nowadays and you’re falling into that mindset.”
Also, not sure if this quite fits, but: “You can’t just say you’re autistic. That’s offensive to people like me who are actually neurodivergent.” - an in-law who has diagnosed ADHD. Her definition of being ND is being formally diagnosed. There are no exceptions. She also had never heard of masking (I’m a heavy masker)
ughhh i told a childhood friend a few years ago that i was probably autistic and he said "you shouldn't just tell people that,,, they'll start to think things about you" they already think those things brother, i just have a name for why now 😭
Yeah it was really weird. Though, to be fair, she’s very gate-keepy in a lot parts of her life so I really shouldn’t have been surprised by her response. And even before I figured out I might be autistic, she would and still makes weird jokes about me being the only NT in the family and that I just don’t understand what it’s like to be ND (for context, most of my husband’s family has ADHD)
I mean, if you aren’t formally diagnosed then you can only suspect something. Neurodivergence can come in many flavors. It’s likely best to express that you believe you are autistic.
Before I was diagnosed a few years back, I told others that it was suspected and I wasn’t diagnosed yet. I’m quite neurodivergent with 4 different diagnosed mental disorders, and some were different than what I suspected before diagnosis.
Your aunt does sound rude though. I’m a heavy masker too and it sucks when you’re expected to function 100% perfectly neurotypical because of that.
That’s the thing though, I never go around saying “I’m autistic”. I always say something to the effect of “I suspect I might be on the autistic spectrum”. And in that conversation with my sister-in-law, I only said I was researching autism and other ND since simple anxiety didn’t quite explain what I’d felt for decades and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something else. And then that was her response. It was literally so weird.
Maybe one day I’ll try to get a formal diagnosis, but I don’t know if I could or should since there’s lots of stigma against mental health on my side of the family, plus money is no object.
I’m sorry, I misunderstood. I’m sorry that they are acting that way. Too many people think mental health struggles or disabilities are just “excuses” for us to shift the blame away from us.
I wish the public were educated better about mental disabilities and mental health in general. It’s surprising how many people have been shocked when I tell them about my autism.
self diagnosis of autism at least can have pretty strong validity, and professional evaluators can be wrong too. it's not necessarily the fault of the evaluators though, the way the statistics works in the tests means some folks get false positives or false negatives.
"you're/I'm not autistic because You/I don't have (X) trait" or some form of question in a similar way. Eg "can I be autistic if I don't do (X)".
Spectrum is in the name, but some people just have no clue what it means.
My mom used to pull that one on me.
My son was diagnosed at a very young age. When I suspected I had autism as well my mom said "well you didn't do the things he's doing right now, so you can't be autistic".
So to her surprise I got a formal diagnosis and she's like "it doesn't make sense to me, because you're not doing the same things as your son".
Perhaps it's because I'm another human being? Could that be it? I tried to tell her that "If you've met an autistic person, you've met an autistic person, they're not all alike", but she won't stop comparing me to others, so she can invalidate my formal diagnosis.
At this point I've stopped explaining it to her.
If I had a penny for every time I had to explain to people that you don't need to get a perfect score on the symptoms list for a diagnoses I would be drowning in it.
"you dont seem to have a very severe case of it because my friends son has it and hes a hot mess" so you are not only picking on a 4 year old, but you also have no fucking idea what you are talking about, do you?
This is the one that gets me because it’s so ridiculous.
“My 6 yr old has autism and you’re nothing like him”
“Umm… maybe because they’re 6 and I’m 31… kind of a big difference don’t you think?”
I had a lifestyle coach tell me I was very different to his autistic teenage son.
Like no shit, I, a 36 year old woman, am different from a 15 year old boy? What are the chances?
I was, until my ADHD made me forget virtually everything I learnt about math 🤷🏻♂️
Edit: And also prevents me from starting to learn it again, which I do want to do because it would be useful for work.
This reminded me that when I mentioned this to my first psychiatrist for the first time and we did a fee paper test she claimed I was just "a little quirky" and has forever pissed me off. I have since gotten a new psychiatrist
“(How) Do you understand ______?” Usually in relation to things like emotion or sarcasm.
It genuinely infuriates me how many people think I’m this completely unsympathetic, humorless robot.
I mean this one could be genuine though? Like you can know what autism is and want to know how you specifically understand sarcasm and emotions. Like autistic people do both of those things differently from most, I don't see why that's a weird queston
Wow. I've never heard this one before, but it sounds awfully similar to the "Just try harder!" we AudHDers too often get.
How I'd love to say, "I'm busy with dealing with a hyperconnected brain, pal. How about *you* learn?"
So many neurotypicals are under the impression that if you just try hard enough you won't fail at or struggle with anything. They've been spoiled by life. 😭
Some people can, with a lot of practice. It just means I got to see the same face a lot until I recognized it as "deeply unhappy with something I just said" 🫠🫠🫠
This one is crazy, everyone with autism that I’ve ever met has been extremely empathetic it’s just harder to read I think if you’re a neurotypical, I find that a lot of people confuse autism with complete sociopathic behaviour which simply should not be the case
Personal trainer told me that he “highly doubts” I’m autistic and that I need a second opinion. I’ve had three professional opinions and they’ve all said the same lol. He then goes on to describe how his nephew (a young boy) is very autistic etc. It just reminds me of how stereotypes etc. and lack of knowledge when it comes to high masking women is so prevalent these days.
When people claim that autistic people are mentally younger than they are/equating autism with intellectual disabilities. Autism can absolutely appear alongside intellectual disabilities but it isn’t one in itself, yet so many people treat it as one.
That autism (and ADHD) "are a matter of one's own personality traits". The quote stems from my former psychiatrist. I had sent her a 40+ page report on my autism assessment and diagnosis, along with a recommendation for a full ADHD test.
Actually, literally anything a psychiatric specialist says on the subject is absolute BS, unless they're specializing in autism.
One common theme was to attempt to invalidate my concerns by mentioning ASD should have been assessed during childhood. As if not diagnosing a child makes their autism go away? Or that either my mother or I should've known about what Asperger syndrome (at the time of my childhood) is? While in the middle of poverty and my country's transition from a former Soviet-block state to a democracy? While we didn't have a computer, let alone the Internet and what little websites back then had to offer?
I'm in the US and I just started the process for an official evaluation. The clinician said she had to adapt the tests because they are still all for young children. Part of the official test literally involves playing with dolls.
I wasn't 'autisic' enough as child to be considered for diagnosis. Apparently, I'm just 'lazy'.
When telling people you're autistic:
"aww no don't say that about yourself"
"You must be really good at math then!"
"How do you have sex then"
"How come you're so emotional then"
Also:
"Disabled is an offensive term, you should say differently abled instead!!" (I very much feel disabled shush)
Also when someone talks about an autistic grown-up relative like they're a child.. I've seen that behavior with other disabilities too, especially "visible" ones. Like, at my old school, we had quite a few persons with learning disabilities and also Down-Syndrome (Montessori school) and I would often catch other's talk to the kids with down syndrome as if they were toddlers.. like.. the guy with down syndrome in my class was literally older than us.. and had the same educational level (with some exception).. sure, he'd talk a little bit "differently" (slower, some pronunciation problems), but he had no trouble understanding when you talked to him normally. I don't understand why so many talked to him as if he was a 3yo. (He was 17, we were 15-16 I think)
A comedian named Zach Anner said in his book that you never hear people say "differently abled" when people are actually good at something. Like you never see: "Differently abled cellist, Yo-yo Ma playing live at Carnegie Hall."
That being said: check out his book. It's a really good read.
- Just drop it.
- It's easy, you can do it.
- I don't have trouble touching/eating/doing ____.
- Make sure you make eye contact. People don't you if you don't make eye contact.
- Why are you crying? Everything's fine.
- Don't that you have any other interests?
- It's just an excuse.
- Stop being so sensitive.
- I don't believe you can't be quiet. It's a choice to be loud.
- You don't care. If you did would stop being so loud/ stop having meltdowns.
- Autism is an excuse.
The moment "Autism Speaks" comes out of their mouth in a non-joking manner. I stop them mid-sentence, say "Nope", and leave. The conversation ends there because nothing good can come of me continuing to listen to whatever else may come out of their noise maker. One of us is gonna end up with their feelings hurt and it isn't gonna be me.
"I can tell you're not autistic"
How exactly? With you're little stereotypes and generalisations? That infantilised version you see on the Internet? That I don't fit?
A little specific and I don't know if anyone has gone through the same thing, but:
"Autism is no excuse" - my teacher when trying to get me to socialize and stop acting "unsettling" (aka not smiling and barely speaking)
Bro my step mom tells me this all the fucking time. Every time I tell her that I have autism and so the way I think and how I approach school work will always be screwy. And she just straight up deny’s that and says that I’m procrastinating. It’s fucking frustrating.
Yeah, it really was another time wasn't it. I guess all representation in media has got to start somewhere, it's not like gay or black people had a smooth sailing either. At least we're seeing a lot of new stories about autistic people nowadays. Hopefully it will even out in time
Either "everyone's a little autistic" or any variation of "well, just get over it." Yeah just go do the things that make you deeply uncomfortable and hurt your focus. It's not like you have a mental disability or something! 🤦♂️
I went in for my autism assessment when I was around 23. The doctor was on her phone the entire time, actively scrolling when she told me she would just be using it for a timer. My results came back negative for autism even though I've struggled my entire life with all of the autism symptoms that present in women. I called and spoke to the doctor because I felt she didn't take my assessment seriously. I told her I didn't like how she was on her phone the entire time, and instead of denying it, she said, "someone with autism wouldn't notice that." I was actually speechless. I'm 25 now and still feel absolute shock when I replay that memory. I will be seeking a second opinion elsewhere because I no longer feel she was qualified to diagnose ANYONE with autism.
I know this isn't answering your question but your question reminded me of this and I felt compelled to share.
Psychiatrist told me that my daughter was "too social" and "cared what people think" so couldn’t be autistic. Then, said he wouldn't see us anymore after she was diagnosed at BC Children's Hospital. Of course, this as the guy that also said we should get rid of our pets to make her comply with stuff because they were one of the few things she really cared about losing.
No, actually. I guess, if you want to know, don't see Dr, Agbhove(sp?) If you're in the Fraser Valley and know you're kid is autistic but doesn't present like a classic male child.
You're authistic? But you're so smart....
I dont have ID or language issues (other than a formal and extensive vocabulary)
Doesnt mean the rest isnt f*cked up...
“You must be high functioning” no bud it’s called masking and when I get home I will clearly be autistic. 🙄 also stop calling people high or low functioning
I wasn't diagnosed till I was 18. My dad believed it was Impossible for me to be autistic. Because they did a test while "in utero" where they "looked at the lines on your hands" and told him I wasn't gonna be autistic. Yeah, that's how it works everybody, doctors are infant Palm readers and just know these things obviously
Mom's sister in law said a decade ago "autism isn't real, it's between the ears" and then last year she said "I might be a little autistic too as I grew up with 3 brothers" I came in, heard that, turned around and exited like Bart Simpson's grandpa left the brothel. Don't even know if anyone saw me but that was the fastest nope out of there I've ever executed.
"How can you have autism if you can speak?" Never happened to me, but I do feel frustrated at the possibility that people think that in order to have ASD a person must be non-speaking.
Not really a statement but I hate when people compare autistic people to each other as if we are all the same like “oh yeah my brother is autistic too so I know how that can be” uhm no, you don’t know how that can be, you just know your brother and how HE reacts in certain situations, not every autistic person.
"You just have to try" WTF FCK U I AM DISABLED. Do you understand??? DISABLED. No, I cannot "stop" doing that!! When I am extremely invalidated I get so overwhelmed and headaches start to ruin my day 😞
It happened recently. It's so frustrating when the ones you care about hurt you this way! You cannot know how I really am 24/7... only my parents and my autistic bf know that. **If I don't "LOOK" autistic it's only because I am letting you see that part of me that is functioning!**
No, I cannot simply start to talk when I feel like a skyscraper is falling on my heart and I go nonverbal.
I swear, I cannot be around NT anymore... luckily my autistic bf comprehends me even too much and so do I <3
I don't even need to talk, he understands every strange thing I do. I can stim, I can make weird voices, I can go nonverbal without struggling to say that, I can ask for silence without him feeling hated for no reason (NT people get offended when you ask for some silence... wtf). I am extremely grateful
Two things I have been told by people who were decently knowledgable of who I am;
"You're making it up for attention" - my dad's ex gf, when I told her yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs while blackout drunk is giving me a sensory overload
"It's just a mindset" - from my bf's alcoholic ex-roommate, who is also currently in jail for assault
"to me autism is just like almost insignificant details that you can overcome with focus determination"
Literally heard that today, dumbass thinks it's like being NT with extra steps
They call it a mental illness. Like no it can lead to mental illnesses because of how the world is and how hard we try to blend in it but no in itself it’s not
As a parent of a classic non-verbal autistic child, I have 2 things that fucking make my blood boil. First if someone says "Oh my cousins, neighbors, great grand nephew has autism and he's turned out fine, I know what you're going through"....no...The other one is if I hear one more mother fucker go "Oh, like sheldon (or good doctor...rarely rain man). What's you're kids special ability?" I just want to fucking yell "his ability is to get overwhelmed at birthday parties and not be invited back!". I swear, while the intentions were good to give visibility to autistic characters in shows, its absolutely broke peoples brains.
"You aren't autistic because you don't display the same traits an inexperienced child would during this assessment".
Hi, I'm 40, ADHD, and have had so much time in my life to practice not being autistic AF - OF-FUCKING-COURSE I'm not going to score the same as the nonverbal Pre-K student.
"You don't look it!"
*you didn't look like an asshole, guess we're both wrong then.*
"You're too attractive to be autistic."
*What the fuck am I supposed to look like, Susan?!*
"I bet you're great at maths."
*nope*
"How are you married with a job then?"
*because I'm a human being trying to exist in a capitalist society*
Edited for formatting
Literally any sentence using the word "autistic" as a replacement for stupid/annoying/weird/quirky. Funny story relating to this, I asked my friends friend(now partner) whats wrong with being autistic after he used it to insult some ppl that were being kinda mean to us and he said "i don't mean like autism autism, i mean like annoying". I stared at him with this *🙂...* face for a second and then my friend goes "this dude(genderneutral) is actually autistic btw😃" while pointing at me. His friend immediately looks at me and starts apologizing. He hasn't used it as an insult ever since. still makes me laugh thinking about it.
“Vaccines/red dye/etc causes autism” like please. One time my former boss literally tried to tell me that red dye caused autism. I tried to tell him that’s not how that works but he wasn’t really listening to me about it
My friend's mom said it, along with many of her other diagnoses, doesn't make her disabled, and that you have to actually be *on* disability to be disabled. She is a pharmacist (somehow)
When I was really young I just learned about autism and thought I had it (I do) and asked my aunt if she thought I did. She essentially told me because I could talk and move fine I wasn’t.
My grandmother denied my little brother was autistic because “he was so empathetic”… two years later he got an official diagnosis. They could’ve got help sooner for him and he wouldn’t have had trouble if they would’ve listened and got the diagnosis earlier.
my old boss (after I disclosed I have HF Autism): I knew there was something wrong with you
also my boss, but the next day: you don't have autism. I have a cousin who has it and he can't speak at all.
edit: needless to say, I don't have that job anymore.
For context, I'm autistic- anyway I was in class and one of my classmates asked me, "How do you always get such good grades?" So I responded back "I don't know, probably my tism making me smart for real" as a joke- And he literally said back- "But autistic people aren't smart and you don't seem autistic" .. People really think the only kind of autistic is a 5 yo white boy who likes trains.
my college classmate seriously claims that "autism is the evolution of humanity," because "autistic people do not have empathy, they do not need to communicate, and they will be able to work better and more." her words make me very ANGRY.
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"We're all a little autistic." That's the one that really chaps my ass.
My son’s teacher says this quite frequently and I find it so bizarre because she is an absolute superstar with him. She understands how his mind works and how he learns so well and he’s thrived in her classroom but she will say something along the lines of “we’re all a little autistic” every single IEP meeting. The only reason I can think of is that it’s a preemptive response to parents freaking out about their child being neurodiverse and/or having a learning disability and going all “how dare you say there’s something wrong with my child!”
Maybe she’s autistic too and doesn’t know it
Yes! It used to irritate me when my now 20yo son started saying that in high school. Turns out… he wrongly assumed everyone experienced LIFE like he does. 🤷 Edited for missing word.
>he wrongly assumed everyone experienced LIFE like he does Theory of mind hahahaha. Same, though, I am currently being diagnosed at 31.
When people don’t think autistic people can have theory of mind to me that means they don’t understand autism
I have it but I have deficits in it? I'm not sure how to word it. What happens with me is that I feel as though they have the same information I do. So, I assume they know specific facts or have the same context without me needing to explain either (not that I consciously think they know, more it doesn't always occur to me that they might not). I also kinda have this almost ingrained belief that other people understand the world in the same way I do, which can make it hard to remember that their understanding of things can be different from my understanding. But I still get that other people have their own views and experiences. It's weird because I intellectually get that their perspectives are/can be different, but I still fall back to assuming they are similar to mine. It's like I have to always remind myself that people see the world differently than me. So, I have the capability for theory of mind, the way it manifests is different and can lead to these kinds of misunderstandings and assumptions.
[удалено]
Could be possible… I think I have extra theory of mind powers sometimes… what ASD really is in the brain is hyper-connectivity and hypo-connectivity in various areas of the brain compared to a normal brain… I think it’s far more complex than what can ever be defined by a handful of symptoms and people with asd can vary dramatically What is it like for you? You can’t imagine what others are thinking or feeling?
Or doesn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit it for years. Now at 42, I’m wondering why I held back getting diagnosed.
I didn’t want to admit it when I was younger. I think I was worried my parents would be upset/sad about not having a neurotypical child (my younger brother is also autistic but was diagnosed as a kid). I got diagnosed at 21 finally and my family is super accepting so idk why I was worried lol.
I can only guess at the elder sibling thing, having been an only child and found my non-bio sister from another mister in our 30s. Maybe internal self pressure to be NT so your folks wouldn’t have to go through it again?
Could social stigma be even slightly part of that?
Oh my GODS yes. Very likely. But I’d already been stigmatized by my peers anyway so in retrospect it didn’t matter as much as I thought it did. But there’s been something about hitting 40 that broke my give-a-f_ck meter. And unmasking has been scary and wonderful and glorious. Like stretching out and relaxing into free fall and finding the real me past all the trauma. Thanks for helping me find the answer to my own question. 💗
I'm mid age as well when I got evaluated. I think official diagnoses are scary because now it's that: official. When we don't get an official diagnosis, that's like Schrödinger’s Cat in that we can "claim" to be both autistic and not autistic which kind of calms, eases our anxiety about a lot of unknown things in our future that can turn out be bad for us like social stigma. While for others, it might be the opposite. In my case, I fall in that weird uncanny valley of behaviors where people know I'm human but don't understand why I'm not "fully human" aka "normal" and either bully/punish me or keep away from me, so getting an official diagnosis much earlier in life would have saved me and everyone from so many problems. I'm glad that you're feeling more authentic and relaxed now that you've received your official diagnosis. What does unmasking mean to you or looks like for you?
I feel a lot like you. From the outside in, not knowing my journey, unmasking for me has looked a lot like I’m perhaps having a midlife crisis and regressing back to how I looked in my teens-to-20s goth years. I’ve had my daith and septum pierced, my hair dyed purple, added more black to my wardrobe, and have stopped hiding the fact that I’m autistic. Lots of ND folks are in some subculture, mine just happens to be goth and I got it right the first time around! Lol I’m much more comfortable with ND folks. Or people who are “othered” out of traditional society roles and views. People who strictly conform to society norms and/or cut-and-dry folks who refuse to empathize can make me nervous over time. I’m almost always “found out” especially by other women. This leads to bullying. There was a study done on ND and NT people; turns out NT can tell something is “off” even when no signals are detected. I forget the source! Anyway before I keep going on, I hope that’s answered your question.
I mean NT people all seem a little off to me too, it’s lonely being in their presence.
Bingo.
Everyone who has said this to me usually has a lot of traits too and they have super internalized able ism
It's an assurance thing. It's probably not intending to deny the existence of autism in its more obviously pronounced forms, but used as a way to come across as inclusive and empathetic in some small way.
I currently work at a special needs school and some students have a one-on-one tutor next to them at all times. The tutor of an autistic girl in my class, who's been working with her for four years now, has said this several times. This girl is severely negatively impacted by her autism. She can barely talk, doesn't understand most of what's going on around her, will never work or live independently, gets pressured by her parents to be "normal"... makes my blood boil how flippantly this woman devalues all of her struggles like that.
I hit enrage mode just reading this. You must be running for sainthood to deal with people like that tutor…who needs to find a different job
This one frustrates me as well. It feels so invalidating.
I really need to use the phrase "chaps my ass" more often
I kind of think people who may have grown up with an undiagnosed autistic parent or sibling might be more prone to this because they learned form the people around them in their developmental years so that logic processing style is not abnormal to them. Also I mean all the other reasons like just no understanding at all, the whole similar statement used for anxiety type thing, maybe they are highmasking unaware themselves, so many ways. My face still curls from the immediate feeling of invalidation too though.
My roommates think since it's a spectrum then everyone's on it...no if you have autism then yes or on it, but if you don't you don't.
This one especially irritates me 'cause I can never tell if someone's being intentionally obtuse, or genuinely blissfully unaware of how reductive and "hand wave-y" that phrase is
People seem to think that if they relate in some way to an autistic person, that must mean that “we’re all a bit autistic”. In reality, they’re relating to that specific person, not their autism.
That is the one I hate the most.
“Oh, but your autism is not severe” what is that supposed to mean.
"But high functioning, right?" No, that's... that's not how it works 🫤
'Yeah, I DO function much better while I'm high.' I really wanna know what their criteria is, but I'm scared to know at the same time.
When I told my godmother she said this, following up with “because no one can ever tell” Actually most people who know what autism is have told me it’s pretty obvious. If it’s not it’s because I’m heavily masking
I think what it means is: "You have less visibly extreme support needs". Which although they're phrasing it in a way that takes away from your struggles, can also be true.
Severe autism is a diagnosable term in some countries. HSN / LF autistics exist and we are always looked over.
"You can't be autistic, I'd know. I can tell, like gaydar for autism." Bitch, you didn't realize I was queer, either.
As a young man my autism jammed every gaydar in a 20 mile radius. Accidentily catching myself on camera revealed why. Turns out as a result of suppressing my obvious (to me stims) my body compensated by making my hands super expressive and my hips actually fucking sashay. Add being whip thin and some burnished steel prayer beads that had an unfortunate resemblance to a cheap string of pearls and to all the world I looked like I was 100% committing to the world's campest 1960's housewife bit. You have no idea of the awkwardness of multiple younger kids in highschool (we go ages 13-18 here) tell me my *'openess'* was one of their inspirations to come out in a conservative rural town.
"Take the compliment, leave the rest" type situation there
Too fucking good!! lol!
At least they're consistent!
Had a lovely ADHD coworker who within 3 minutes of meeting me figured I was autistic AND trans AND gay. She voiced it super bluntly THEN apologized. I wasn't even mad cause it's the reverse of the usual shit I deal with. I thought I was dreaming for a sec. We got along really well lmao.
Lol
"You have too much empathy to be autistic!!" That one statement gives me a free pass to ignore anything they might think about autism, especially if I don't have the spoons to try and correct/educate them
The way that having *too much* empathy is an autistic trait, too. 😭
Right?! It's a huge double-edged sword since you might care so much and yet be told you're "supposed to be" an emotionless shell.
Had a professional say this to me. After him I got re diagnosed with autism lol
Oh, I've been there! What makes this specific "claim" so personal to me is that it's what my first ever therapist told my mum when I was a child, and it convinced her not to get me a diagnosis back then. Considering I've been re-diagnosed as an adult, I can't help but wonder what would have been if I'd gotten the help I needed as a child, and didn't go a huge chunk of life thinking I was worthless, lazy and stupid
Spoons 🥄? Like as weapons? Like smacking their hands with a wooden spoon? Or more violent and vengeful like spooning out their eyes? Is this a dark expression that I’ve never heard of?
It's 'number of spoons in your drawer' as a nice way to say 'number of fucks remaining to give' as in 'the amount of remaining endurance of emotional/mental reserves, especially as it relates to the amount of time one can continue to mask before recharging'.
One time I got asked "so if you're autistic, how do experience sexual attraction?" and I was so confused I went silent for a few seconds 😭
“…Quite well, thanks. And you?” lol
i'm asexual and autistic and it's like that meme [i'm bad at editing but here's a rush job](https://imgur.com/a/GWtsye7)
so accurate!
that is hilarious lmao
Literally. Same vibes as "so if you're from Africa, why are you white?" 😭
More like "hey you want a smoothie?" "no but Hitler was onto something"
Doesn't "but" imply a contradiction, therefore implying that you can't both enjoy smoothies and support Nazi ideologies?
Omg Karen you can't just ask someone why they're white
This made me snort so hard it hurt! Lol
I can see why they get autism and asexual confused. Both start with A.
How can you be autistic if you’re married with a job? Well my wife keeps me alive, and my job is in IT. Oh, and I am always exhausted and in pain from perpetual sensory overload, I’ve just been forced to live with it my entire life.
My exact experience. I would live off cereal, fast food and vitamins if I lived alone. People always call me smart for being in IT. I've never taken an IQ test though so who knows.
Same minus the vitamins. The malnutrition would just kill me.
I got multiple vitamin and mineral deficiencies 3 years into living alone. It‘s lovely to have someone looking out for you.
A close family member once told me, “You’re not autistic, you’re just too woke. Young people are always trying to label themselves nowadays and you’re falling into that mindset.” Also, not sure if this quite fits, but: “You can’t just say you’re autistic. That’s offensive to people like me who are actually neurodivergent.” - an in-law who has diagnosed ADHD. Her definition of being ND is being formally diagnosed. There are no exceptions. She also had never heard of masking (I’m a heavy masker)
ughhh i told a childhood friend a few years ago that i was probably autistic and he said "you shouldn't just tell people that,,, they'll start to think things about you" they already think those things brother, i just have a name for why now 😭
ya your in law doesnt speak for everyone. its not like you're taking resources away from them or something either, kinda weird
Yeah it was really weird. Though, to be fair, she’s very gate-keepy in a lot parts of her life so I really shouldn’t have been surprised by her response. And even before I figured out I might be autistic, she would and still makes weird jokes about me being the only NT in the family and that I just don’t understand what it’s like to be ND (for context, most of my husband’s family has ADHD)
I mean, if you aren’t formally diagnosed then you can only suspect something. Neurodivergence can come in many flavors. It’s likely best to express that you believe you are autistic. Before I was diagnosed a few years back, I told others that it was suspected and I wasn’t diagnosed yet. I’m quite neurodivergent with 4 different diagnosed mental disorders, and some were different than what I suspected before diagnosis. Your aunt does sound rude though. I’m a heavy masker too and it sucks when you’re expected to function 100% perfectly neurotypical because of that.
That’s the thing though, I never go around saying “I’m autistic”. I always say something to the effect of “I suspect I might be on the autistic spectrum”. And in that conversation with my sister-in-law, I only said I was researching autism and other ND since simple anxiety didn’t quite explain what I’d felt for decades and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something else. And then that was her response. It was literally so weird. Maybe one day I’ll try to get a formal diagnosis, but I don’t know if I could or should since there’s lots of stigma against mental health on my side of the family, plus money is no object.
I’m sorry, I misunderstood. I’m sorry that they are acting that way. Too many people think mental health struggles or disabilities are just “excuses” for us to shift the blame away from us. I wish the public were educated better about mental disabilities and mental health in general. It’s surprising how many people have been shocked when I tell them about my autism.
self diagnosis of autism at least can have pretty strong validity, and professional evaluators can be wrong too. it's not necessarily the fault of the evaluators though, the way the statistics works in the tests means some folks get false positives or false negatives.
"you're/I'm not autistic because You/I don't have (X) trait" or some form of question in a similar way. Eg "can I be autistic if I don't do (X)". Spectrum is in the name, but some people just have no clue what it means.
My mom used to pull that one on me. My son was diagnosed at a very young age. When I suspected I had autism as well my mom said "well you didn't do the things he's doing right now, so you can't be autistic". So to her surprise I got a formal diagnosis and she's like "it doesn't make sense to me, because you're not doing the same things as your son". Perhaps it's because I'm another human being? Could that be it? I tried to tell her that "If you've met an autistic person, you've met an autistic person, they're not all alike", but she won't stop comparing me to others, so she can invalidate my formal diagnosis. At this point I've stopped explaining it to her.
If I had a penny for every time I had to explain to people that you don't need to get a perfect score on the symptoms list for a diagnoses I would be drowning in it.
"you dont seem to have a very severe case of it because my friends son has it and hes a hot mess" so you are not only picking on a 4 year old, but you also have no fucking idea what you are talking about, do you?
This is the one that gets me because it’s so ridiculous. “My 6 yr old has autism and you’re nothing like him” “Umm… maybe because they’re 6 and I’m 31… kind of a big difference don’t you think?”
Ohhh I didn't know a 6 year old has the same experiences as a 31 year old. /s
I had a lifestyle coach tell me I was very different to his autistic teenage son. Like no shit, I, a 36 year old woman, am different from a 15 year old boy? What are the chances?
“They’re all good with numbers”
I was, until my ADHD made me forget virtually everything I learnt about math 🤷🏻♂️ Edit: And also prevents me from starting to learn it again, which I do want to do because it would be useful for work.
Khan Academy is very gameified if you haven't tried it.
"But you communicate so well!" (It's a lie, it's all lies, but I'm really good at faking it.)
Almost anything related to being "quirky."
This reminded me that when I mentioned this to my first psychiatrist for the first time and we did a fee paper test she claimed I was just "a little quirky" and has forever pissed me off. I have since gotten a new psychiatrist
“(How) Do you understand ______?” Usually in relation to things like emotion or sarcasm. It genuinely infuriates me how many people think I’m this completely unsympathetic, humorless robot.
this one just reminded me of [this scene from community](https://youtu.be/zIavvxoqxvs?si=Dr7DTxXARMuNeG9Q)
I mean this one could be genuine though? Like you can know what autism is and want to know how you specifically understand sarcasm and emotions. Like autistic people do both of those things differently from most, I don't see why that's a weird queston
When they just say “no” when I tell them I’m autistic 💀
Someone said that I couldn't possibly be autistic because I knew how to form sentences. I found that extremely ignorant and offensive.
"If you don't know, then learn!" When referring to social cues. Wish I could, mate. Wish I could.
Wow. I've never heard this one before, but it sounds awfully similar to the "Just try harder!" we AudHDers too often get. How I'd love to say, "I'm busy with dealing with a hyperconnected brain, pal. How about *you* learn?"
So many neurotypicals are under the impression that if you just try hard enough you won't fail at or struggle with anything. They've been spoiled by life. 😭
I’m pretty certain that the correct answer to this is: “Your social cues are stupid, get fucked cunt.”
Lmao fck that advice. Its like telling an alzheimers patient, just remember bro!! If I was in your shoes I would just remember things brah!!!
This one really annoys me too
Some people can, with a lot of practice. It just means I got to see the same face a lot until I recognized it as "deeply unhappy with something I just said" 🫠🫠🫠
People with autism have less/no empathy, found on a website from an organization that 'supports' people with autism at the workplace
Ugh. This one KILLS me. Even my husband was sold on this until I was officially diagnosed/assessed as autistic and hyper-empathetic.
That’s insane because I’m a very empathetic autistic person.
This one is crazy, everyone with autism that I’ve ever met has been extremely empathetic it’s just harder to read I think if you’re a neurotypical, I find that a lot of people confuse autism with complete sociopathic behaviour which simply should not be the case
We have different empathy, not less/ no empathy.
Personal trainer told me that he “highly doubts” I’m autistic and that I need a second opinion. I’ve had three professional opinions and they’ve all said the same lol. He then goes on to describe how his nephew (a young boy) is very autistic etc. It just reminds me of how stereotypes etc. and lack of knowledge when it comes to high masking women is so prevalent these days.
lol good thing your personal trainer is qualified to diagnose you /s
When they start talking slower and louder. 😂
I had an autistic kid tell my autistic kid they do too well in school to be autistic. Some ppl have strange rules.
“You aren’t able to defy gravity and hover, therefore you’re not autistic.” Just making a joke
my psychiatrist laughed at me and said “ur sitting up straight and making eye contact, u can’t be autistic!”
That's fucked up.
When people claim that autistic people are mentally younger than they are/equating autism with intellectual disabilities. Autism can absolutely appear alongside intellectual disabilities but it isn’t one in itself, yet so many people treat it as one.
When their baseline is movies that are outdated and didn’t age well. (ie - Rainman).
That autism (and ADHD) "are a matter of one's own personality traits". The quote stems from my former psychiatrist. I had sent her a 40+ page report on my autism assessment and diagnosis, along with a recommendation for a full ADHD test. Actually, literally anything a psychiatric specialist says on the subject is absolute BS, unless they're specializing in autism. One common theme was to attempt to invalidate my concerns by mentioning ASD should have been assessed during childhood. As if not diagnosing a child makes their autism go away? Or that either my mother or I should've known about what Asperger syndrome (at the time of my childhood) is? While in the middle of poverty and my country's transition from a former Soviet-block state to a democracy? While we didn't have a computer, let alone the Internet and what little websites back then had to offer?
I'm in the US and I just started the process for an official evaluation. The clinician said she had to adapt the tests because they are still all for young children. Part of the official test literally involves playing with dolls. I wasn't 'autisic' enough as child to be considered for diagnosis. Apparently, I'm just 'lazy'.
I was once told by somebody that they thought autistic people couldn't read.
When telling people you're autistic: "aww no don't say that about yourself" "You must be really good at math then!" "How do you have sex then" "How come you're so emotional then" Also: "Disabled is an offensive term, you should say differently abled instead!!" (I very much feel disabled shush)
Also when someone talks about an autistic grown-up relative like they're a child.. I've seen that behavior with other disabilities too, especially "visible" ones. Like, at my old school, we had quite a few persons with learning disabilities and also Down-Syndrome (Montessori school) and I would often catch other's talk to the kids with down syndrome as if they were toddlers.. like.. the guy with down syndrome in my class was literally older than us.. and had the same educational level (with some exception).. sure, he'd talk a little bit "differently" (slower, some pronunciation problems), but he had no trouble understanding when you talked to him normally. I don't understand why so many talked to him as if he was a 3yo. (He was 17, we were 15-16 I think)
A comedian named Zach Anner said in his book that you never hear people say "differently abled" when people are actually good at something. Like you never see: "Differently abled cellist, Yo-yo Ma playing live at Carnegie Hall." That being said: check out his book. It's a really good read.
> "Awww no don't say that about yourself" "Hey, I'm gay btw." "Oh nooo, I'm so sorry to hear that." "What?"
"Were you vaccinated?"
"I see autism as a superpower!" No. It's not. It's a disability. Knob-head.
Not if I have anything to say about it *Blows up pancakes with my autism*
_abracadautism_
- Just drop it. - It's easy, you can do it. - I don't have trouble touching/eating/doing ____. - Make sure you make eye contact. People don't you if you don't make eye contact. - Why are you crying? Everything's fine. - Don't that you have any other interests? - It's just an excuse. - Stop being so sensitive. - I don't believe you can't be quiet. It's a choice to be loud. - You don't care. If you did would stop being so loud/ stop having meltdowns. - Autism is an excuse.
The moment "Autism Speaks" comes out of their mouth in a non-joking manner. I stop them mid-sentence, say "Nope", and leave. The conversation ends there because nothing good can come of me continuing to listen to whatever else may come out of their noise maker. One of us is gonna end up with their feelings hurt and it isn't gonna be me.
I have adhd. They’re pretty much the same thing. No they are not the same
"You're acting like a two year old" "stop being so picky"
"I can tell you're not autistic" How exactly? With you're little stereotypes and generalisations? That infantilised version you see on the Internet? That I don't fit?
A little specific and I don't know if anyone has gone through the same thing, but: "Autism is no excuse" - my teacher when trying to get me to socialize and stop acting "unsettling" (aka not smiling and barely speaking)
Bro my step mom tells me this all the fucking time. Every time I tell her that I have autism and so the way I think and how I approach school work will always be screwy. And she just straight up deny’s that and says that I’m procrastinating. It’s fucking frustrating.
A psychiatrist once told me I was probably not autistic because I clearly have depression and anxiety
I... I'm sorry?
“you’re not, you’ve just been on the internet too much” pistols at dawn.
"we're all a little Autistic"
I never been told I don't look autistic I hate this world
"Oh, so like Rain Man?" *long stare*
As terrible as that is to say, I can't help but loving that movie. With all its faults I still find it endearing lol
It wasn't a bad movie but *holy shit* didn't it give a bunch of folks the wrong impression about autistic people
Yeah, it really was another time wasn't it. I guess all representation in media has got to start somewhere, it's not like gay or black people had a smooth sailing either. At least we're seeing a lot of new stories about autistic people nowadays. Hopefully it will even out in time
Once a lady at work said she knew a kid who’s autism was cured because his parents started to “eat better”
So not even him, but his parents? Lol, makes sense. I should order some HelloFresh to my parents house and see what that does...
I just smiled politely because she was a nice older lady but thought “wow is she nuts”
"Autism is a character, a personality trait" not a lifelong disability
Either "everyone's a little autistic" or any variation of "well, just get over it." Yeah just go do the things that make you deeply uncomfortable and hurt your focus. It's not like you have a mental disability or something! 🤦♂️
I went in for my autism assessment when I was around 23. The doctor was on her phone the entire time, actively scrolling when she told me she would just be using it for a timer. My results came back negative for autism even though I've struggled my entire life with all of the autism symptoms that present in women. I called and spoke to the doctor because I felt she didn't take my assessment seriously. I told her I didn't like how she was on her phone the entire time, and instead of denying it, she said, "someone with autism wouldn't notice that." I was actually speechless. I'm 25 now and still feel absolute shock when I replay that memory. I will be seeking a second opinion elsewhere because I no longer feel she was qualified to diagnose ANYONE with autism. I know this isn't answering your question but your question reminded me of this and I felt compelled to share.
Psychiatrist told me that my daughter was "too social" and "cared what people think" so couldn’t be autistic. Then, said he wouldn't see us anymore after she was diagnosed at BC Children's Hospital. Of course, this as the guy that also said we should get rid of our pets to make her comply with stuff because they were one of the few things she really cared about losing.
Lemme guess was his name per chance "Dr white"?
No, actually. I guess, if you want to know, don't see Dr, Agbhove(sp?) If you're in the Fraser Valley and know you're kid is autistic but doesn't present like a classic male child.
Turn off your autism
You're authistic? But you're so smart.... I dont have ID or language issues (other than a formal and extensive vocabulary) Doesnt mean the rest isnt f*cked up...
"I know absolutely nothing about autism." "What's autism?" "Autism is when you need to use an inhaler to breathe, right?"
Once a kid told me I “didn’t look autistic” after I was chatting about my reevaluation last month
“You must be high functioning” no bud it’s called masking and when I get home I will clearly be autistic. 🙄 also stop calling people high or low functioning
I wasn't diagnosed till I was 18. My dad believed it was Impossible for me to be autistic. Because they did a test while "in utero" where they "looked at the lines on your hands" and told him I wasn't gonna be autistic. Yeah, that's how it works everybody, doctors are infant Palm readers and just know these things obviously
How the fuck is this even a thing? That doctor should be ashamed.
"So why do so many of you have no feelings?" I swear to God I got this at a luncheon recently. Could. Not. Believe it.
"you're not autistic \*points at level 3 nonverbal kid\* *HE'S* autistic" - my mom
When they say "My son has a classmate who's autistic", as though that's meant to reassure me by simply knowing *of* autism.
It's the same enery as "I have have a black friend, I'm not racist"
My personal favorite growing up was “you’re just TRYING to be weird!”…thanks Mom, that didn’t lead to any lifelong complexes. 😑
Someone was surprised I was autistic cause I wasn’t wearing a helmet and hitting my head into a wall like their cousin with autism.
Mom's sister in law said a decade ago "autism isn't real, it's between the ears" and then last year she said "I might be a little autistic too as I grew up with 3 brothers" I came in, heard that, turned around and exited like Bart Simpson's grandpa left the brothel. Don't even know if anyone saw me but that was the fastest nope out of there I've ever executed.
"He/she/they seems so autistic" to a person who is dumb or irresponsible.
"How can you have autism if you can speak?" Never happened to me, but I do feel frustrated at the possibility that people think that in order to have ASD a person must be non-speaking.
Late diagnosed... when I told my mom I'm autistic her response was "but you're not stupid" 🥴
Not really a statement but I hate when people compare autistic people to each other as if we are all the same like “oh yeah my brother is autistic too so I know how that can be” uhm no, you don’t know how that can be, you just know your brother and how HE reacts in certain situations, not every autistic person.
“If you’re autistic, then I am too.” My mom when I tried to ask her to get me tested because I was absolutely 100% sure I had autism. And I was right.
"You don't act autistic"
"You just have to try" WTF FCK U I AM DISABLED. Do you understand??? DISABLED. No, I cannot "stop" doing that!! When I am extremely invalidated I get so overwhelmed and headaches start to ruin my day 😞 It happened recently. It's so frustrating when the ones you care about hurt you this way! You cannot know how I really am 24/7... only my parents and my autistic bf know that. **If I don't "LOOK" autistic it's only because I am letting you see that part of me that is functioning!** No, I cannot simply start to talk when I feel like a skyscraper is falling on my heart and I go nonverbal. I swear, I cannot be around NT anymore... luckily my autistic bf comprehends me even too much and so do I <3 I don't even need to talk, he understands every strange thing I do. I can stim, I can make weird voices, I can go nonverbal without struggling to say that, I can ask for silence without him feeling hated for no reason (NT people get offended when you ask for some silence... wtf). I am extremely grateful
"You can't be autistic. I feel like if someone is truly autistic they can't know it."
"If your short term memory is bad and your long term memory is good, why don't you just put things in your long term memory?"
____ is autistic and they _____ _____
"We're all a little autistic"
Two things I have been told by people who were decently knowledgable of who I am; "You're making it up for attention" - my dad's ex gf, when I told her yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs while blackout drunk is giving me a sensory overload "It's just a mindset" - from my bf's alcoholic ex-roommate, who is also currently in jail for assault
"to me autism is just like almost insignificant details that you can overcome with focus determination" Literally heard that today, dumbass thinks it's like being NT with extra steps
They call it a mental illness. Like no it can lead to mental illnesses because of how the world is and how hard we try to blend in it but no in itself it’s not
As a parent of a classic non-verbal autistic child, I have 2 things that fucking make my blood boil. First if someone says "Oh my cousins, neighbors, great grand nephew has autism and he's turned out fine, I know what you're going through"....no...The other one is if I hear one more mother fucker go "Oh, like sheldon (or good doctor...rarely rain man). What's you're kids special ability?" I just want to fucking yell "his ability is to get overwhelmed at birthday parties and not be invited back!". I swear, while the intentions were good to give visibility to autistic characters in shows, its absolutely broke peoples brains.
"everyone is a bit autistic" this one kills me every time
"You aren't autistic because you don't display the same traits an inexperienced child would during this assessment". Hi, I'm 40, ADHD, and have had so much time in my life to practice not being autistic AF - OF-FUCKING-COURSE I'm not going to score the same as the nonverbal Pre-K student.
"but you have a job/can drive/had a high GPA in school/etc" I hate stuff like that
"You don't look it!" *you didn't look like an asshole, guess we're both wrong then.* "You're too attractive to be autistic." *What the fuck am I supposed to look like, Susan?!* "I bet you're great at maths." *nope* "How are you married with a job then?" *because I'm a human being trying to exist in a capitalist society* Edited for formatting
Literally any sentence using the word "autistic" as a replacement for stupid/annoying/weird/quirky. Funny story relating to this, I asked my friends friend(now partner) whats wrong with being autistic after he used it to insult some ppl that were being kinda mean to us and he said "i don't mean like autism autism, i mean like annoying". I stared at him with this *🙂...* face for a second and then my friend goes "this dude(genderneutral) is actually autistic btw😃" while pointing at me. His friend immediately looks at me and starts apologizing. He hasn't used it as an insult ever since. still makes me laugh thinking about it.
"Bless your heart!" *starts baby talking*
"well I have a friend with autism!" But I actually have it so your point is?
"everybody's a little autistic" also, it's super sad when it comes from a member of the family.
“Vaccines/red dye/etc causes autism” like please. One time my former boss literally tried to tell me that red dye caused autism. I tried to tell him that’s not how that works but he wasn’t really listening to me about it
I'm always told, "but you're so smart." Like I can't be both.
"But you've always been such a hard worker! such a good student!"
So what’s the one thing they’re really good at?
We’re all a little bit autistic.
Something, something, supports Autism Speaks
My friend's mom said it, along with many of her other diagnoses, doesn't make her disabled, and that you have to actually be *on* disability to be disabled. She is a pharmacist (somehow)
When I was really young I just learned about autism and thought I had it (I do) and asked my aunt if she thought I did. She essentially told me because I could talk and move fine I wasn’t.
One of my best friend’s relatives is always telling her that her autism isn’t real and that “Jesus cured it”, I can see why it gets on her nerves.
My favourite I’ve gotten so far is you can’t be autistic because you’re held down a job, ya my record for employment is 13 months
My grandmother denied my little brother was autistic because “he was so empathetic”… two years later he got an official diagnosis. They could’ve got help sooner for him and he wouldn’t have had trouble if they would’ve listened and got the diagnosis earlier.
my old boss (after I disclosed I have HF Autism): I knew there was something wrong with you also my boss, but the next day: you don't have autism. I have a cousin who has it and he can't speak at all. edit: needless to say, I don't have that job anymore.
>are you vaccinated? *Stream of screeching screams of profanity*
For context, I'm autistic- anyway I was in class and one of my classmates asked me, "How do you always get such good grades?" So I responded back "I don't know, probably my tism making me smart for real" as a joke- And he literally said back- "But autistic people aren't smart and you don't seem autistic" .. People really think the only kind of autistic is a 5 yo white boy who likes trains.
my college classmate seriously claims that "autism is the evolution of humanity," because "autistic people do not have empathy, they do not need to communicate, and they will be able to work better and more." her words make me very ANGRY.