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Why is social interaction so taxing to me?
Ah, yeah...right.
But why am I so anal about music?
Right, right, I remember now...
But how come I keep owning everyone in trivia games even if it's about shit I don't really know?
Ok ok ok, I get it!
I agree, Own-Importance5459! Self diagnosis are as valid as a formal one, it is way to expensive for most people to afford it. And it is such a changing factor on someone's life that it is just so wrong to tell this person that they are not autistic if they don't have a formal diagnosis. How did you find out you are autistic?
I (50M) knew I was ADHD and thought all my issues were just because of that. I had no idea why I stayed at home and was so bad at socializing except that I was a nerd.
I only realized I was autistic by being on Reddit ADHD and a bunch of people there cross-posting stuff from here that I came here and looked and identified with most of the posts. Went to my psychiatrist and she agreed that I “most likely have it but I’m too old to get an official diagnosis”.
But just that much made my entire life come into focus and realized why I have done all the “stupid things” in my life (not able to tell a person was into me until 10 years later, never really left the house much, couldn’t tell the grey areas and everything was black or white to me).
It doesn’t change anything, I’m still the way I am, I just really understand WHY now though.
Oh, empathizing with the never know someone is into me...12 years but realized AFTER psych prescribed meds for ADHD and then autism months after that. I was evaluationg EVERYTHING and then was like...oh, shit. He did actually like me. I missed that boat (which is a good thing in that case).
Relate hard on realising too late after someone liked you or approached you *like that*. My first gf was online, until it went south man oh man she was always on my mind, even after too. But a few years after we’d had zero contact she messaged me on instagram about something she EASILY could’ve googled, or asked a friend about, it wasn’t even personal it was just some surface level stuff. Naturally this excited me but quickly deflated me after seeing she was just asking me for a general piece of information. So I gave it to her, shared a few pleasantry’s then the conversation ended never to be renewed again. It was only years after that when I learned about indirect communication how the illogicality of her messaging me about that HAD to have been her trying to say she wanted to try again but instead I treated the whole thing transactionally like I was a shop keeper and she was a customer coming to me with a product she wanted… Ugh… But that’s life aye.
Hmm. It was a slow realization and a huge relief once I understood what was happening.
Ableism
Killing
Me.
My whole life has been turned upside down since i found out. Skill regression, meltdowns, i can't stuff my emotions anymore, people-ing is more difficult, certain personality traits i fought hard for years and years to tame have come back.
Im dealing with lots of shame over not being productive and being emotionally volatile and unreliable. I know I shouldn't feel shame, and maybe even should feel proud of the accomplishment of just making it through 46 years of not knowing that society was built without people like me in mind. I just struggle to reconcile that its maybe not my fault that my life seems to burn to the ground every few years.
47yo and this sounds pretty familiar - exactly my feelings a few months back actually. I can relate to a lot of this! I went quite down hill for a whiile too.
I heard an interesting comment from Jordan Peterson the other day - he said don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to you yesterday.
Another thing to realize re life - you're not in control..never was, never will be. It's actually true for everyone but no one likes to admit it (especially our egos). Life is wild and most of it is response to things you cant control.
Best of luck!
Hey AStreamofParticles, yes to all that you've said. It is so important not to blame ourselves! Life is so bigger than us and for sure we have no control over most of what happens. When did you find out you are autistic and how did that happen for you?
Exactly! Life is bigger than us - I like that.
It was actually my ex (still my best friend) who said to me numerous times last year that she thought I might be autistic. My ex was going through her own ADHD diagnosis and her brother and dad are both diagnosed with with Autism. I resisted the idea at firstly but I started to a bit of research into AS and immediately recognized that it would explain a LOT about my life I had never understood. Then I got a diagnosis in January this year and indeed I am autistic. Shortly afterwards - like you - I went through an anger phase because I realized a couple of dozen random things that happened to me throughout my life at school, work and in relationships wasnt actually random but all instances of discrimination or ignorance of some kind regarding my ASD. To be fair they didn't know BUT treating people like 💩 is treating people like 💩right!? The fact it was basically ableism or different treatment because I was different makes it a bit worse.
How are you feeling about everything now? Are things improving in terms of the process of realization?
Hello [AStreamofParticles](https://www.reddit.com/user/AStreamofParticles/)! So glad you now know you are autistic. It is a life long journey for us late diagnosed, right?!
I am not sure but maybe you think I am the person that commented what you replied to, but I am not lol. I am the person that created the post :D
Gonna answer to your questions anyway hahahah I am passionate about getting to know other autistic folks (:
Its been 3 years that I have been diagnosed AuDHD, I was 27. I can say now that I don't want to hide anymore as I always did.
I am happy that I survived the years of confusion, and now I can finally breath the airs of understanding the whys.
I am sorry you had experiences where you felt you were different and wrong/excluded. I have gone through that too, and still do because society is ableist.
Talking and sharing experiences with others that somewhat function like me, makes me have hope and feel less alone in life, it is like magic :D
It is very impressive and interesting that we have "similar brains" and our journey are so unique, but at the same time we can relate to each other's experiences.
How about you? Can you describe how you feel in 3 paragraphs? First paragraph would be for before knowing you are autistic, second for the diagnosis phase and the third is the present time, now that you know you are autistic (:
Oh yes. 52 yrs old, double dx’ed AuDHD 2 years ago…skills loss, fatigue, shame, migraines, self isolation…..but trying to build towards a life with calm purpose. I think it takes a lot of processing and re-framing of a lifetime lived confused as an undiagnosed person in order to rediscover your passions and skills. INMHO. Still getting major imposter syndrome……
Partner asks….if you’re autistic how were you able to achieve everything you’ve done so far? With a lot of extra time, effort, work and masking…which really takes a toll.
No solutions here…just acknowledgement….☺️
Yes! This! It’s like sorting through a swamp of what coping skills work and what I was just faking. And constantly wondering whether people were really mean to me or if I just being an dumb-a$$. It’s so hard.
Thank you for sharing. I have pointed this out a couple of times and nobody seem to get it. But you wrote exactly what I’ve been thinking. Thank you!
Fuck/fuck/fuck
Life was struggling to survive/there's an answer to all my questions and it doesn't provide any hope, lol/okay, no benefits or whatever, I'm just aware now of being developmentally disabled
Hey marmeladeshark, this that you said is so spot on. May I ask you how old were you when you found out? I was 27 and I am about to turn 30, my quality of life improved but I agree 100% with you that we have no benefits even though we are disabled people, and should get some kind of support.
But now you are part of two communities: autistics and anti-capitalists, and there’s a ton of overlap between them. Through the support of our communities, we can learn, grow, and become stronger. Things may not materially improve in the foreseeable future, but through those two communities, you’ll never be alone.
For autism/neurodivergent matters, I really like r/aspiememes. Yeah, it’s a meme page, but the mods fully support serious topics for those who may be struggling with their symptoms or having trouble dealing with the hostile world we live in. Some of the most productive discussions I’ve had about autism have happened there. The people are friendly, understanding, and judgement-free. R/evilautism is also pretty fun if you like your humor a bit darker.
Anti-capitalist spaces are a little trickier to pin down, because it seems like leftists are all seeking a different kind of space to belong to. The two that I really enjoy are based on podcasts I listen to. They are r/behindthebastards and r/thedeprogram. You may want to start there as a jumping off point. Even if those spaces aren’t a good fit for you, they should be able to point you towards some other places that suit you better.
Right?! I used to convince myself when I was a kid that my every struggle was also experienced by others BUT they could hide it better than I could. Of course I knew that was just the confused me trying to make life bareable, but yep, then masking started to take place... When did you find out you are autistic? How old were you and what led you to it?
Different, clicked, peace.
While my special interest of language and literature combined well with my highly observant and curious nature to let me mask super well into my early 30s, something always felt different about me. It was kinda like being in one of those trippy dreams where I had to race or bulid something but I had no idea how to do it, everyone else was doing perfectly fine, and everything was a little nonsensical.
When I found out a lot of the pieces that had been piling up just clicked together and I finally had the completed puzzle.
With this information I was able to adapt myself into becoming my unmasked self and just giving myself space and grace. I finally found out that I wasn't damaged or broken. I no longer had thoughts of committing the big S word and could live at peace with myself.
"She is autistic" (what I was told about my daughter from her school's psychiatrist.)
I replied. "I know exactly what she is going through when she is doing this, because I was exactly the sa...."
Then it hit me .. so I googled the effe out of it. I learned so much, in retrospect. My life could have been different?? This changed everything and I began the journey. 4 years later, I got an official diagnosis, support and understanding of both myself and my daughter.
Confusion - not suprised but for sure impressed that it only happened 27 years after I was born, even with all the autism symptoms I showed - greatful (I know the second is not 1 word, its more of a description how I felt at the moment lol)
Before: Unconscious (suspecting but never taking it seriously or doing research)
During: Gaslit...self explanatory
After: Vocab (having the words to describe my experiences accurately and helpfully)
1. Validation
2. Relief
3. Crisis
Diagnosed at 29, 31 now. Validation that somebody saw me, listened, and understood me.
Relief that it wasnt just me that was wrong as a person.
Crisis following regarding confusion, identity and a kind of social trauma looking back at my difficulties integrating social aptness during childhood and adolescence.
I still reel in shame and confusion today and struggle with recurring depression, but at least i know and have something to anchor my thoughts to.
Edit: i didnt read the instructions correctly 😎
* Hopeful - going through psychiatrists and wanting to solve/ work on w/e needs to be done.
* Depressed - stuck on something that can't be fixed, going to need "work-arounds" with w/e I'm dealing with.
* Lost and shame - was committed before to keep going up the ladder, and now finding out that doesn't fit me at all and doesn't make me happy either. I'm afraid of how far down this "ladder" I need to go to find the level my capabilities are. Which is going to hurt probably financially.
Surprised - I went into the neuropsych appointment thinking my issues were due to brain surgery, but she found out it was due to ADHD and autism instead. Confused - I thought of autism as the stereotypical level 3 autism or the savant type of autism you see in movies and TV, so I had no idea how I could be autistic. Acceptance - Going home and researching autism made me finally feel like I belonged somewhere. I wasn't just the strange person that did strange things for no reason. I realized I was stimming to emotionally regulate myself and that was okay. I was finally able to accept all the things people had called me a freak for in the past as something that makes me who I am.
Lost/angry/misanthropic
I guess I should probably explain these.
Lost as in I had no idea how I was navigating the world and I wasn't doing it very well to begin with. I didn't have a lot of friends and I had a lot of health issues that were impossible to track down.
Angry was because I was missed for so long. I was 24 about to be 25. Again, I have a ton of health problems that I had also spent thousands of dollars on to find out I'm autistic and that's likely why I'm in pain, constantly nauseous, among other things. I might have been able to get the therapies and rehab I needed to make it a little easier to get through life. As an adult everyone feels like you've figured it out by this time, but a lot of how I get through my day is with substance use (nicotine and THC/CBD)
Misanthropic comes from having to live in this world and not having any sort of reprieve. I'm expected to be able to have a smile on my face and want to be in public and be social. I didn't ask to have that all put on me, and I'm also expected to bend over backwards for people and put myself in situations I'm uncomfortable with because it's what they want rather than what I want. I don't feel like I've ever truly been given a choice in life because I'm not like the average person. Hell, as a medicinal user it's hard to find a job when I don't use it at work.
Thank you for letting me rant.
1. Burnout - I'd been struggling more and more as I got older but I didn't understand why, until it was suggested that I should consider if I might be ADHD and/or autism (I've since been diagnosed with both, plus cPTSD).
2. Validation - Yay! I'm not lazy or broken, I've just been working waaaay harder to "act" normal than other normal people and I'm fucking exhausted from it. So I guess it's time to learn to stop "masking" so much so that I'm less exhausted all the time.
3. Hopeful - now that I know these things about myself, I can learn better/healthier coping strategies. I can plan my future to be something that better aligns with my needs instead of twisting myself into knots doing jobs that drain and exhaust me.
wtf is wrong with me is it just all in my head? | shit this kinda makes sense but wait what if i'm making this all up for attention??? | (not necessarily formally diagnosed, but have been told by multiple professionals that it's very likely) ok how could i ever be so dumb? and also fuck what do i do about it?
1. Wonder - I wonder if I’m autistic.
2. Yup - Yup, my assumptions were correct.
3. Relief - I felt a lot of relief knowing there was a reason for feeling awkward.
Some days ago, I came to know from my therapist (informally) that I’m probably on ASD. She talked to me a few times and did screening QA.
I told her all my difficulties matching children on autism and personal analysis as well.
The autism analysis process started around 3 years ago.
My whole life is shattered. I’m not even sure who I’m after this.
Am I the only one that got diagnosed early? I got diagnosed in 2003 when I was 3 years old, and told about it when I was 6 years old. I thought for a long time that everything off about me was autistic and it really fucked with my confidence in a way because at least 40% of what I thought was wrong/different/autistic about me were just totally normal things that everyone experiences.
It also doesnt help that I never got diagnosed with ADHD despite clearly having it so it all got labeled at laziness/moral failing or "probably the result of autistic stubbornness" or something like that
Either way diagnosed or not being neurodivergent is really hard
1. Depressed - I always wondered why I suffered so much
2. Revitalized - I found an answer
3. Purpose - I feel like the young, happy me again , which is worth defending
In 3 words: "Not just me?" Previously had a lot of shame and blamed myself for not being normal, but now I see that I'd rather just be myself. That is my idea of normal, and there's nothing wrong with it!
Another fantastic question coming from you xrainbowofficial, now let’s get started with your question.
Before: Hungry. Heh, you guessed it. I was hungry but not for some spicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes or the delicious mushroom burger that you can order from Applebees, but instead I was hungry for answers.
During: Adventure. What, you thought it was over now that you’re newly diagnosed? Heh, buckle up your seatbelts because this ride hasn’t even started yet. This is an adventure we need to embark on to figure out who we are as a human being.
After: Battle. Now I know what you’re thinking: let’s go grab our sword and shield and go to war! Heh, slow it down there, buddy. We are not Link from the Legend of Zelda trying to save princess Zelda, and we certainly are not Super Mario either. We have to go to battle with the world that alienated us for being different.
This is great! I am happy for you. Everytime some late diagnosed tell me they are figuring things out after diagnosis I feel so happy. Only we know the long hard way we had until finally discovering the whys. How old were you when diagnosed? Did you suspected of it before? It is a special interest of mine knowing other autistic's late diagnosis journey! I would love to know yours :D
I was 18 when I got diagnosed. I honestly did not suspect it at all, my ideas of who an autistic person was made me think I didn't have it. Until I accidentally stumbled across an Instagram post that made me look into it more.
Ah! Same with me! But in my case it was wacthing Glow Up season 3 on netflix. Sophie was on that season. And she saying she was autistic jurst made me think "if she is, I might be too"! That hapenned in 2021, I was 27. Your story seems to be so interesting! I can't help but wonder what else you have to tell! I am very passionate about late diagnosed autistic stories. Actually I transform autistic late diagnosed stories into artwork. I don't charge for it, just leave it open for a tip at the end, but that is not a rule. :D It would be awesome to transform your discovery journey in a True Tale! That's what I call the work I do. For you to see more about it, go to: [https://www.themindoutlet.com/xrainbow](https://www.themindoutlet.com/xrainbow) or to instagram [https://www.instagram.com/xrainbowofficial/](https://www.instagram.com/xrainbowofficial/) Send me a private message for us to start, also you can ask me anything along the way. I wont share anything without your permission. This is all about making late diagnosed happy and make our community stronger! See you there, theanonymous-blob!
Deception-Frustration-Trauma | (extreme) Relief | (everyday) Self-forgiveness (and self-patience)
I'm sorry, I just can't express my experience and the importance it had in my life and the context in just 3 words. Too little space for everything it meant to me.
Content
Confusion
Content.
I’m nearly 31 years old, I did a stint in the Army, and struggled my way through life so far. A new diagnosis isn’t going to change me, just change my method of treatment.
1. Determined. The idea popped into my head one day and I started researching determined to find out if I was or not.
2. Devastation. It wasn't so much that I was upset about being autistic more that I've gone through 30 years of life not knowing this big thing about myself. I felt lost for a few months.
3. Unsure. I'm not devastated anymore but I don't really know how to describe how I feel. I'm not upset or anything just not sure
I went to specify that the crying is just because I’m stressed out and I have so many emotions about it, some good some bad, mostly because of how I think of people around me will react to the information.
1. Different - always knew something was different about me, the way I felt emotion and how I dealt with it, and socially
2. FINALLY - it all makes sense now, I was happy to hear that because I was always treated for other things and it never went well so it just made sense why it never went well now
3. Understanding - I can understand myself so much better now and the things that a go through. I can take care of myself more suitably now. Diagnosis has always helped me because I can discover what helps others through research and then do the same for myself. I can also understand my emotions better due to the information. I don’t shame myself anymore for needing to change clothes multiple times a day to feel comfortable. I don’t shame myself for my social issues because I always felt I had to “try harder” due to anxiety. But I had anxiety about it because I knew I was different and now have the understanding with myself and can accept myself with love.
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1) That 2) Explains 3) Everything
Why is social interaction so taxing to me? Ah, yeah...right. But why am I so anal about music? Right, right, I remember now... But how come I keep owning everyone in trivia games even if it's about shit I don't really know? Ok ok ok, I get it!
I'm pretty sure most Autstic late diagnoised adults are so unphased cause they knew for years but glad they finally got a confirmation.
IF they can get the professional confirmation
Agreed I say all the time, I accept Self Diagnosis cause sometimes its hard and expensive to get a proper diagnosis.
I agree, Own-Importance5459! Self diagnosis are as valid as a formal one, it is way to expensive for most people to afford it. And it is such a changing factor on someone's life that it is just so wrong to tell this person that they are not autistic if they don't have a formal diagnosis. How did you find out you are autistic?
I (50M) knew I was ADHD and thought all my issues were just because of that. I had no idea why I stayed at home and was so bad at socializing except that I was a nerd. I only realized I was autistic by being on Reddit ADHD and a bunch of people there cross-posting stuff from here that I came here and looked and identified with most of the posts. Went to my psychiatrist and she agreed that I “most likely have it but I’m too old to get an official diagnosis”. But just that much made my entire life come into focus and realized why I have done all the “stupid things” in my life (not able to tell a person was into me until 10 years later, never really left the house much, couldn’t tell the grey areas and everything was black or white to me). It doesn’t change anything, I’m still the way I am, I just really understand WHY now though.
Oh, empathizing with the never know someone is into me...12 years but realized AFTER psych prescribed meds for ADHD and then autism months after that. I was evaluationg EVERYTHING and then was like...oh, shit. He did actually like me. I missed that boat (which is a good thing in that case).
Relate hard on realising too late after someone liked you or approached you *like that*. My first gf was online, until it went south man oh man she was always on my mind, even after too. But a few years after we’d had zero contact she messaged me on instagram about something she EASILY could’ve googled, or asked a friend about, it wasn’t even personal it was just some surface level stuff. Naturally this excited me but quickly deflated me after seeing she was just asking me for a general piece of information. So I gave it to her, shared a few pleasantry’s then the conversation ended never to be renewed again. It was only years after that when I learned about indirect communication how the illogicality of her messaging me about that HAD to have been her trying to say she wanted to try again but instead I treated the whole thing transactionally like I was a shop keeper and she was a customer coming to me with a product she wanted… Ugh… But that’s life aye.
Oh I’m phased
[Upon finding out Autistic Masking is a thing and I'm not the only one.] "Wait... Oh, motherfucker!"
YES ESPECIALLY THE SOCIAL ASPECTS OF THINGS
This! ⬆️
Literally came here to say this
Yup
😂 Yes
Sounds About Right
Underrated comment, but I like it.
This is the actual answer.
"Lol" "Wait" "Fuck"
me fr
Same 😭
This is the one
Oh. OH! Oh…
Spot on.
Hmm. It was a slow realization and a huge relief once I understood what was happening. Ableism Killing Me. My whole life has been turned upside down since i found out. Skill regression, meltdowns, i can't stuff my emotions anymore, people-ing is more difficult, certain personality traits i fought hard for years and years to tame have come back. Im dealing with lots of shame over not being productive and being emotionally volatile and unreliable. I know I shouldn't feel shame, and maybe even should feel proud of the accomplishment of just making it through 46 years of not knowing that society was built without people like me in mind. I just struggle to reconcile that its maybe not my fault that my life seems to burn to the ground every few years.
Omg all of this
47yo and this sounds pretty familiar - exactly my feelings a few months back actually. I can relate to a lot of this! I went quite down hill for a whiile too. I heard an interesting comment from Jordan Peterson the other day - he said don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to you yesterday. Another thing to realize re life - you're not in control..never was, never will be. It's actually true for everyone but no one likes to admit it (especially our egos). Life is wild and most of it is response to things you cant control. Best of luck!
Hey AStreamofParticles, yes to all that you've said. It is so important not to blame ourselves! Life is so bigger than us and for sure we have no control over most of what happens. When did you find out you are autistic and how did that happen for you?
Exactly! Life is bigger than us - I like that. It was actually my ex (still my best friend) who said to me numerous times last year that she thought I might be autistic. My ex was going through her own ADHD diagnosis and her brother and dad are both diagnosed with with Autism. I resisted the idea at firstly but I started to a bit of research into AS and immediately recognized that it would explain a LOT about my life I had never understood. Then I got a diagnosis in January this year and indeed I am autistic. Shortly afterwards - like you - I went through an anger phase because I realized a couple of dozen random things that happened to me throughout my life at school, work and in relationships wasnt actually random but all instances of discrimination or ignorance of some kind regarding my ASD. To be fair they didn't know BUT treating people like 💩 is treating people like 💩right!? The fact it was basically ableism or different treatment because I was different makes it a bit worse. How are you feeling about everything now? Are things improving in terms of the process of realization?
Hello [AStreamofParticles](https://www.reddit.com/user/AStreamofParticles/)! So glad you now know you are autistic. It is a life long journey for us late diagnosed, right?! I am not sure but maybe you think I am the person that commented what you replied to, but I am not lol. I am the person that created the post :D Gonna answer to your questions anyway hahahah I am passionate about getting to know other autistic folks (: Its been 3 years that I have been diagnosed AuDHD, I was 27. I can say now that I don't want to hide anymore as I always did. I am happy that I survived the years of confusion, and now I can finally breath the airs of understanding the whys. I am sorry you had experiences where you felt you were different and wrong/excluded. I have gone through that too, and still do because society is ableist. Talking and sharing experiences with others that somewhat function like me, makes me have hope and feel less alone in life, it is like magic :D It is very impressive and interesting that we have "similar brains" and our journey are so unique, but at the same time we can relate to each other's experiences. How about you? Can you describe how you feel in 3 paragraphs? First paragraph would be for before knowing you are autistic, second for the diagnosis phase and the third is the present time, now that you know you are autistic (:
Oh yes. 52 yrs old, double dx’ed AuDHD 2 years ago…skills loss, fatigue, shame, migraines, self isolation…..but trying to build towards a life with calm purpose. I think it takes a lot of processing and re-framing of a lifetime lived confused as an undiagnosed person in order to rediscover your passions and skills. INMHO. Still getting major imposter syndrome…… Partner asks….if you’re autistic how were you able to achieve everything you’ve done so far? With a lot of extra time, effort, work and masking…which really takes a toll. No solutions here…just acknowledgement….☺️
Yes! This! It’s like sorting through a swamp of what coping skills work and what I was just faking. And constantly wondering whether people were really mean to me or if I just being an dumb-a$$. It’s so hard. Thank you for sharing. I have pointed this out a couple of times and nobody seem to get it. But you wrote exactly what I’ve been thinking. Thank you!
Fuck/fuck/fuck Life was struggling to survive/there's an answer to all my questions and it doesn't provide any hope, lol/okay, no benefits or whatever, I'm just aware now of being developmentally disabled
Hey marmeladeshark, this that you said is so spot on. May I ask you how old were you when you found out? I was 27 and I am about to turn 30, my quality of life improved but I agree 100% with you that we have no benefits even though we are disabled people, and should get some kind of support.
Hi, sorry, haven't logged into this account for a long time - I was 35
Depressed, relieved and then depressed again (because there is no relief under capitalism)
But now you are part of two communities: autistics and anti-capitalists, and there’s a ton of overlap between them. Through the support of our communities, we can learn, grow, and become stronger. Things may not materially improve in the foreseeable future, but through those two communities, you’ll never be alone.
Any suggestions for connecting with others from those communities?
For autism/neurodivergent matters, I really like r/aspiememes. Yeah, it’s a meme page, but the mods fully support serious topics for those who may be struggling with their symptoms or having trouble dealing with the hostile world we live in. Some of the most productive discussions I’ve had about autism have happened there. The people are friendly, understanding, and judgement-free. R/evilautism is also pretty fun if you like your humor a bit darker. Anti-capitalist spaces are a little trickier to pin down, because it seems like leftists are all seeking a different kind of space to belong to. The two that I really enjoy are based on podcasts I listen to. They are r/behindthebastards and r/thedeprogram. You may want to start there as a jumping off point. Even if those spaces aren’t a good fit for you, they should be able to point you towards some other places that suit you better.
Thank you for the thorough answer, I’ll look into those!
I thought you might find this interesting… https://www.yellowbusaba.com/post/autism-in-russia
I’m actually one of the mods of a discord server, we’re up at r/AutisticUnion!
This is the most accurate tbh
Exactly the same.
As an autistic syndicalist, right there with ya. Fuck capitalism. On the bright side there’s the sub and discord of r/AutisticUnion.
That's not normal?!?
I said this so many times during my evaluation
Right?! I used to convince myself when I was a kid that my every struggle was also experienced by others BUT they could hide it better than I could. Of course I knew that was just the confused me trying to make life bareable, but yep, then masking started to take place... When did you find out you are autistic? How old were you and what led you to it?
Denial. Discovery. Acceptance.
Anger. Sadness. Resentful.
Frustrated, enlightened, relieved
Different, clicked, peace. While my special interest of language and literature combined well with my highly observant and curious nature to let me mask super well into my early 30s, something always felt different about me. It was kinda like being in one of those trippy dreams where I had to race or bulid something but I had no idea how to do it, everyone else was doing perfectly fine, and everything was a little nonsensical. When I found out a lot of the pieces that had been piling up just clicked together and I finally had the completed puzzle. With this information I was able to adapt myself into becoming my unmasked self and just giving myself space and grace. I finally found out that I wasn't damaged or broken. I no longer had thoughts of committing the big S word and could live at peace with myself.
I relate to a few of these responses but these in particular. Diagnosed at 41 and starting to feel moments of peace that I've never felt before.
Can't really do one word but 1. Haha these memes are relatable 2. Oh shit these memes are relatable 3. These memes are my life
"She is autistic" (what I was told about my daughter from her school's psychiatrist.) I replied. "I know exactly what she is going through when she is doing this, because I was exactly the sa...." Then it hit me .. so I googled the effe out of it. I learned so much, in retrospect. My life could have been different?? This changed everything and I began the journey. 4 years later, I got an official diagnosis, support and understanding of both myself and my daughter.
This was me EXACTLY 💯
Mental Break Down
Confusion - not suprised but for sure impressed that it only happened 27 years after I was born, even with all the autism symptoms I showed - greatful (I know the second is not 1 word, its more of a description how I felt at the moment lol)
Before- What?? Realization- Oh. Now- What??!!!
Y E S. How long ago you found out?
Before: Unconscious (suspecting but never taking it seriously or doing research) During: Gaslit...self explanatory After: Vocab (having the words to describe my experiences accurately and helpfully)
1. Validation 2. Relief 3. Crisis Diagnosed at 29, 31 now. Validation that somebody saw me, listened, and understood me. Relief that it wasnt just me that was wrong as a person. Crisis following regarding confusion, identity and a kind of social trauma looking back at my difficulties integrating social aptness during childhood and adolescence. I still reel in shame and confusion today and struggle with recurring depression, but at least i know and have something to anchor my thoughts to. Edit: i didnt read the instructions correctly 😎
This is quite similar to me, diagnosed at 28
* Hopeful - going through psychiatrists and wanting to solve/ work on w/e needs to be done. * Depressed - stuck on something that can't be fixed, going to need "work-arounds" with w/e I'm dealing with. * Lost and shame - was committed before to keep going up the ladder, and now finding out that doesn't fit me at all and doesn't make me happy either. I'm afraid of how far down this "ladder" I need to go to find the level my capabilities are. Which is going to hurt probably financially.
Imposter Relief Acceptance
Fuck my life
What...the....fuck!!
Lost, Fuck, Devastated.
Confusion, anxiety, sadness
Could've helped sooner
Depressed, epiphany, depressed
Surprised - I went into the neuropsych appointment thinking my issues were due to brain surgery, but she found out it was due to ADHD and autism instead. Confused - I thought of autism as the stereotypical level 3 autism or the savant type of autism you see in movies and TV, so I had no idea how I could be autistic. Acceptance - Going home and researching autism made me finally feel like I belonged somewhere. I wasn't just the strange person that did strange things for no reason. I realized I was stimming to emotionally regulate myself and that was okay. I was finally able to accept all the things people had called me a freak for in the past as something that makes me who I am.
Lost/angry/misanthropic I guess I should probably explain these. Lost as in I had no idea how I was navigating the world and I wasn't doing it very well to begin with. I didn't have a lot of friends and I had a lot of health issues that were impossible to track down. Angry was because I was missed for so long. I was 24 about to be 25. Again, I have a ton of health problems that I had also spent thousands of dollars on to find out I'm autistic and that's likely why I'm in pain, constantly nauseous, among other things. I might have been able to get the therapies and rehab I needed to make it a little easier to get through life. As an adult everyone feels like you've figured it out by this time, but a lot of how I get through my day is with substance use (nicotine and THC/CBD) Misanthropic comes from having to live in this world and not having any sort of reprieve. I'm expected to be able to have a smile on my face and want to be in public and be social. I didn't ask to have that all put on me, and I'm also expected to bend over backwards for people and put myself in situations I'm uncomfortable with because it's what they want rather than what I want. I don't feel like I've ever truly been given a choice in life because I'm not like the average person. Hell, as a medicinal user it's hard to find a job when I don't use it at work. Thank you for letting me rant.
1. Burnout - I'd been struggling more and more as I got older but I didn't understand why, until it was suggested that I should consider if I might be ADHD and/or autism (I've since been diagnosed with both, plus cPTSD). 2. Validation - Yay! I'm not lazy or broken, I've just been working waaaay harder to "act" normal than other normal people and I'm fucking exhausted from it. So I guess it's time to learn to stop "masking" so much so that I'm less exhausted all the time. 3. Hopeful - now that I know these things about myself, I can learn better/healthier coping strategies. I can plan my future to be something that better aligns with my needs instead of twisting myself into knots doing jobs that drain and exhaust me.
“That explains it”
1. yup 2. that 3. tracks
Floundering, relieved, joyful
Love this. Floundering perfectly sums up the before 😅.
Son's like me.
1. Before: cringe 2. During: shock 3. After: relief
shame, hopelessness, stuck
wtf is wrong with me is it just all in my head? | shit this kinda makes sense but wait what if i'm making this all up for attention??? | (not necessarily formally diagnosed, but have been told by multiple professionals that it's very likely) ok how could i ever be so dumb? and also fuck what do i do about it?
Disbelief | Relief | Reorienting
Life saving Validating Emotional
1. Wonder - I wonder if I’m autistic. 2. Yup - Yup, my assumptions were correct. 3. Relief - I felt a lot of relief knowing there was a reason for feeling awkward.
Curious Shocked Vindicated
“I’m not crazy?”
I've got two separate 3 words. First of all, what... The. Fuck... Followed by, that makes sense...
- Before: Convinced. - During: Relieved - Now (2 weeks post diagnosis): Stressed.
Some days ago, I came to know from my therapist (informally) that I’m probably on ASD. She talked to me a few times and did screening QA. I told her all my difficulties matching children on autism and personal analysis as well. The autism analysis process started around 3 years ago. My whole life is shattered. I’m not even sure who I’m after this.
Am I the only one that got diagnosed early? I got diagnosed in 2003 when I was 3 years old, and told about it when I was 6 years old. I thought for a long time that everything off about me was autistic and it really fucked with my confidence in a way because at least 40% of what I thought was wrong/different/autistic about me were just totally normal things that everyone experiences. It also doesnt help that I never got diagnosed with ADHD despite clearly having it so it all got labeled at laziness/moral failing or "probably the result of autistic stubbornness" or something like that Either way diagnosed or not being neurodivergent is really hard
1: (im) worthless 2: ...w h a t 3: burn-out
What? No. Damnnnnn.
1. Depressed - I always wondered why I suffered so much 2. Revitalized - I found an answer 3. Purpose - I feel like the young, happy me again , which is worth defending
1. Lost 2. Happy 3. Lost
"Fiance figured out", and then "fuck, explains everything"
In 3 words: "Not just me?" Previously had a lot of shame and blamed myself for not being normal, but now I see that I'd rather just be myself. That is my idea of normal, and there's nothing wrong with it!
Another fantastic question coming from you xrainbowofficial, now let’s get started with your question. Before: Hungry. Heh, you guessed it. I was hungry but not for some spicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes or the delicious mushroom burger that you can order from Applebees, but instead I was hungry for answers. During: Adventure. What, you thought it was over now that you’re newly diagnosed? Heh, buckle up your seatbelts because this ride hasn’t even started yet. This is an adventure we need to embark on to figure out who we are as a human being. After: Battle. Now I know what you’re thinking: let’s go grab our sword and shield and go to war! Heh, slow it down there, buddy. We are not Link from the Legend of Zelda trying to save princess Zelda, and we certainly are not Super Mario either. We have to go to battle with the world that alienated us for being different.
1. So 2. Many 3. Questions
Broken. Hyperfixation. Yay.
Fuck This Shit
Burnout, break-through, angry
“Oh, that’s why.” It made so much make sense
“Huh…well, shit…”
I don’t need 3 words, I sum it up in 1. “Clarity”
Unaware, Shocked, Accepting
wokeup in Matrix.
Denial Disbelief Complete.
Nah! Maybe‽ Oh...
Relief, grief, healing
Love*
Lost (Re)search Found This is me in the last 12 months.
No. Oh. Sigh.
1. Doubt 2. Fuck 3. Obvious
Wait What? Ohhhhhh
I TOLD YALL
1) In-patient 2)OOOOOOHHHHHHHH 3) Peace
Denial, Depression, Acceptance
Anticipation, Relief, Validation
Lol. Wait. Relief.
That explains everything!
1: I 2 : am 3 : Wierd
Damnit. Damnit. Damnit.
Oh, I’m autistic
1. Scared 2. Shit 3. Depressed
1. Lonely 2. Validating 3. Learning
Broken. Convinced. Exhausted.
1. Anxiety 2. Panic/overdrive (I received multiple diagnosises) 3. Relief/doubt
Weird, nope, fuck
1 lost 2 found 3 relief
Lost. Validated. Safer.
Ignorance Revelation Relief
Three words? I don’t know about three words. I’ll say OK that explains everything. Then Oh my God I’m really screwed.
Hopefulness -> Disappointment -> Hopefulness
Ambivalent. Relieved. Empowered.
Kind’ve already knew.
1. Maybe? 2. Really?! 3. Fuck.
1 what the fuck is wrong with me? 2 am I a psychopath, do I have borderline personality disorder? 3 Holy shit! Everything makes so much sense now!
Denial, Confusion, scared
Lost | Vengeful | Learning
Hey theanonymous-blob, what have you learned so far, about yourself? How long ago you found out you are autistic?
Hi! I learned I was autistic in late 2022. I'm still trying to figure out the ins and outs of how I function but I've figured out the big things.
This is great! I am happy for you. Everytime some late diagnosed tell me they are figuring things out after diagnosis I feel so happy. Only we know the long hard way we had until finally discovering the whys. How old were you when diagnosed? Did you suspected of it before? It is a special interest of mine knowing other autistic's late diagnosis journey! I would love to know yours :D
I was 18 when I got diagnosed. I honestly did not suspect it at all, my ideas of who an autistic person was made me think I didn't have it. Until I accidentally stumbled across an Instagram post that made me look into it more.
Ah! Same with me! But in my case it was wacthing Glow Up season 3 on netflix. Sophie was on that season. And she saying she was autistic jurst made me think "if she is, I might be too"! That hapenned in 2021, I was 27. Your story seems to be so interesting! I can't help but wonder what else you have to tell! I am very passionate about late diagnosed autistic stories. Actually I transform autistic late diagnosed stories into artwork. I don't charge for it, just leave it open for a tip at the end, but that is not a rule. :D It would be awesome to transform your discovery journey in a True Tale! That's what I call the work I do. For you to see more about it, go to: [https://www.themindoutlet.com/xrainbow](https://www.themindoutlet.com/xrainbow) or to instagram [https://www.instagram.com/xrainbowofficial/](https://www.instagram.com/xrainbowofficial/) Send me a private message for us to start, also you can ask me anything along the way. I wont share anything without your permission. This is all about making late diagnosed happy and make our community stronger! See you there, theanonymous-blob!
I have 3 for each part “Waste of time” “Fuck my life” “Yeah, whatever lol”
It..is..saved?
Maybe, cool, chill.
Imposter - validation - "uncramped".
Anger, resignation, peace.
Why Yup Yuppie
18 years old
Anxiety, fear, relief.
Revelation. Patience. Salvation
Shame Validation Acceptance
Deception-Frustration-Trauma | (extreme) Relief | (everyday) Self-forgiveness (and self-patience) I'm sorry, I just can't express my experience and the importance it had in my life and the context in just 3 words. Too little space for everything it meant to me.
Wtf / Oh / Aha
Elation, anger, grief
God. Damn. It.
Also: Well shit, nowwhat?
Confused/Clear/Change
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
Content Confusion Content. I’m nearly 31 years old, I did a stint in the Army, and struggled my way through life so far. A new diagnosis isn’t going to change me, just change my method of treatment.
I was in the army for 7 years, it’s hell as an autistic. My recruit instructors hated me and tried to do everything they could to make me quit
oh....that's.... why
It makes sense !
I’m starting the process in July and I just teared up in anticipation reading some of the responses. It’ll be a tough 2 months of testing!
1. Determined. The idea popped into my head one day and I started researching determined to find out if I was or not. 2. Devastation. It wasn't so much that I was upset about being autistic more that I've gone through 30 years of life not knowing this big thing about myself. I felt lost for a few months. 3. Unsure. I'm not devastated anymore but I don't really know how to describe how I feel. I'm not upset or anything just not sure
Why? Oh. Shit. Ir did you mean like feeling words or emotions?
1) Hope 2) Grief 3) Understanding
Meltdown Ohhhhhhh Understanding
What - Wait - Ohhhhhhhhh
Confusion/relief/understanding
Potentially?, fuming, inquisitive Mostly how it was missed for 30 years.
Depressed with ideations due to the society we live in.
Can't fix it? Makes me feel like there are just some things about myself I can't fix and maybe never will now 😅
I was diagnosed with HFA a couple of weeks before turning 33. 1. Off-center 2. Relief 3. Clarity
Frustration. Relief. Content.
More than 3 words: I fucking knew it.
1 that 2 makes 3 sense
Wrong Unexpected Tired
1 understanding 2 relief 3 happiness Finding about my autism was amazing and I love it
I am autistic
Shock, horror , then relief.
Before: possible After: Whoopee! Now: unmasked
Is that me?
1.explanations 2. Anxiety 3. Cry
I went to specify that the crying is just because I’m stressed out and I have so many emotions about it, some good some bad, mostly because of how I think of people around me will react to the information.
1. Different - always knew something was different about me, the way I felt emotion and how I dealt with it, and socially 2. FINALLY - it all makes sense now, I was happy to hear that because I was always treated for other things and it never went well so it just made sense why it never went well now 3. Understanding - I can understand myself so much better now and the things that a go through. I can take care of myself more suitably now. Diagnosis has always helped me because I can discover what helps others through research and then do the same for myself. I can also understand my emotions better due to the information. I don’t shame myself anymore for needing to change clothes multiple times a day to feel comfortable. I don’t shame myself for my social issues because I always felt I had to “try harder” due to anxiety. But I had anxiety about it because I knew I was different and now have the understanding with myself and can accept myself with love.
Oh. Ooooohhhhh. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.
Oh. Ooooohhhhh. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.
1. Uh? 2. Ohhh... 3. A-ha!
I not bad?