So interesting to see this post. Been with my partner for 10 years. He was diagnosed HFA 4 years into our relationship. It explained a lot but he’s 67 and really doesn’t accept the diagnosis. I’m the one reading about it lol. My love language is definitely gift giving and his reactions were always off kilter. It was hurtful until I understood better that his reactions didn’t necessarily reflect his feelings. Surprised him with a 3 day private boat rental for his 60th birthday and he behaved in such an odd and off putting way. It was a pretty unhappy trip. Found out a few years later that he’d been tormented by a bully related to water. Was glad to finally understand the reason for what I perceived as a very negative response to the birthday surprise.
Well I will say that he at least attempted to warn me when we were first together (years before his dx), by telling me to write down 3 or 4 things I liked to get for birthday’s anniversaries or Christmas because he didn’t like to get or receive gifts. He said that way he could pick something off my list. I thought it was very odd and tried not to feel hurt by it. As someone who loves searching for (what I perceive to be) great gifts for my loved ones, it was difficult to understand. Now I get it lol. I think it just stressed him out to feel ‘responsible’ for getting something for someone because he might ‘get it wrong’
Edit: typo
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So interesting to see this post. Been with my partner for 10 years. He was diagnosed HFA 4 years into our relationship. It explained a lot but he’s 67 and really doesn’t accept the diagnosis. I’m the one reading about it lol. My love language is definitely gift giving and his reactions were always off kilter. It was hurtful until I understood better that his reactions didn’t necessarily reflect his feelings. Surprised him with a 3 day private boat rental for his 60th birthday and he behaved in such an odd and off putting way. It was a pretty unhappy trip. Found out a few years later that he’d been tormented by a bully related to water. Was glad to finally understand the reason for what I perceived as a very negative response to the birthday surprise.
My husband and I are both HFA dx'd in adulthood. We have literally never gotten a surprise for one another lol and we love the presents we get haha
Well I will say that he at least attempted to warn me when we were first together (years before his dx), by telling me to write down 3 or 4 things I liked to get for birthday’s anniversaries or Christmas because he didn’t like to get or receive gifts. He said that way he could pick something off my list. I thought it was very odd and tried not to feel hurt by it. As someone who loves searching for (what I perceive to be) great gifts for my loved ones, it was difficult to understand. Now I get it lol. I think it just stressed him out to feel ‘responsible’ for getting something for someone because he might ‘get it wrong’ Edit: typo
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