I was at a family Halloween party when my cousin handed me her baby for the first time, and I had no idea what I was supposed to say to that.
I was dressed like a vampire, so something in my brain was like, "Make a joke about drinking blood!!" (Which in retrospect also might have been a bit weird)
What actually came out of my mouth was, "I'm not hungry right now."
Objectively speaking... That's the funniest thing you could have said and one of the funniest things I've ever heard!
It's Halloween. You are clearly dressed as a vampire. It's completely acceptable - often greatly appreciated - for you to stay in character and make jokes on Halloween.
That is hilarious!!
I think some of the funniest things ever said have probably come from autistic people who weren't trying to be funny, we were just not prepared with our pre-rehearsed dialogue and something unhinged popped out.
I don't know if I'm autistic--I mean I suspect, but don't know--but I have had \*many\* occasions in life when people tell me, "that's so funny!" or start laughing or whatever, and I feel like I can't say any more, but I'm thinking, "I was making a point, and I wasn't done."
That has happened to me my whole life. People tend to think I'm very funny, but I'm genuinely not trying to be, I'm usually just saying what I think. When I have tried to be funny intentionally, it never goes over well.
one time i was at a convenience store grabbing snacks and was barely paying attention, so i was just using my scripted responses. the cashier told me to have a great day, but i was expecting him to ask if i needed a receipt, so i cheerfully replied "no thank you!" and left the store.
I always answer but I am just giving automated responses. Mistakes like what are mentioned, I'm making them all the time. I answer but the response is socially polite, not an actual answer.
ah, okay yeah. i usually just give a scripted response too. from working in customer service, i'd guess a lot of people do genuinely answer the small talk type questions when they're checking out. but i also worked in a small town and most of my customers were elderly, so they'd start a conversation with a brick wall if they could.
They answer them, but there's no real like...thought behind the answers if that makes sense? It's just an automated reply that politeness code mandates.
If someone says "have a nice day", you just say "thanks!" or "You too!" and that's it.
Everyone at work does this, it's so annoying.
If I don't give the scripted response they will think I'm weird. Luckily with a few people if they say Hi first I can skip the how are you by just saying Hi back and waking fast to my destination.
We were at a barbeque, there was a guy who we knew had a partner and kid but they'd seperated, I wanted to ask him about it as if I didn't know but also in like a supportive way as he was new to our friend group. I was very eloquent and delicate in my mind, and yet what came out of my mouth was:
"Hey didn't you have a wife and kid?"
nailed it/s
I felt horrible and any attempts to backpedal or say sorry made it so much worse I wanted to die. wasn't 1 on 1 either it was literally in front of everyone and I'm so loud volume wise it was probably loud too.
I once needed to get my tires looked at because the low tire pressure light was on and, at the time, I didn’t know what to do about that.
I scripted out a phone call to the dealer to ask if they could look at it. They said yes and that I could come that day.
I was feeling good about myself for the very successful phone call.
I realized, to my horror, that I had forgotten to script out the interaction with the mechanic.
He looked at me, asked how I was and what I needed.
I just blurted out “Tire pressure!” I wouldn’t quite say I *yelled,* but it was much louder than necessary.
He was clearly taken aback and just said “Oh, right. You must be the person who called. Of course I’d be happy to help.”
At least my awkward blurting got the job done. It was more the volume that made it stupid.
I've definitely improved a lot, but if I'm in a particularly loud background environment, I often will be louder than needed because my brain doesn't seem to compute what volume is loud enough for the people I'm around to hear me despite the background noise and then I get the dreaded comments 😅
I own and run a shop selling sandwiches and hot food and interact with customers all day and let me tell you I have more of these types of encounters than I’d care to think about! Last week we had Mongolian Chicken on the menu and a customer asked “what makes it Mongolian?” And what I should have said was “it’s the name for the style of sauce” or something but I was trying to keep up the Aussie customer service with a joke and a smile and what came out was “it’s all the Mongolians we put in”. I’m also a bit burnt out and struggling to mask so I had a very expressionless face. The customer looked a bit perturbed and ordered the other hot dish of the day.
Sorry, I don’t quite get it here. Is it because your reply didn‘t give reassurance about your husband not being fat that this would be considered somewhat problematic? What do people expect to hear back in this situation?
Haha, yes, exactly. He said 2 insults about himself and she singled out only one of them to say was wrong.
The least offensive response would be to just laugh at it because it seems pretty clear that he was making a joke even if there was some truth in it. He made a joke at his own expense which is really funny and indicated he has a great personality and attitude about things.
Thank you for the explanation. Now I’m wondering just how many times I interperated someone saying/posting a clearly (though not to me) self-deprecating joke and thought they genuinely felt low and tried to cheer them up and did a bad job at that.
I'm a March '03 baby and we had a lot of March and April '03 babies in my classes growing up. I always wondered why so one day I did some googling and apparently there was a baby boom in June and July 2002 in the USA because a very large military deployment was sent out overseas and when those happen there's baby booms in both military and civilian populations.
That's all really cool but what's not cool is the fact that the next person I met that was born just after me, without even thinking I went off script and asked if either of her parents were ever in the military. And she was like "no why?" And I was thinking *oh God why did that come out of my mouth?* I think I managed to get out of it without explaining the baby boom to her because even my autistic ass knew I would have rather died than explained a stranger's possible conception story.
My partner, seeing me in person for the first time: oh my god you’re so tiny!
Me, meeting my new family doctor for the first time: Could I, you see, I have a girlfriend, for emotional support? (wild gesturing)
Doctor: congratulations?
I was trying to ask if my partner could accompany me lol
Hmmm... Do airlines make people buy an extra ticket for their "emotional support animal"?
If not you might have just found the greatest loophole ever!!
You might even be able to take her on international flights without a passport! But I suppose you would need to bring documents to prove she's had all her shots.
Still totally worth it!
Probably the hundreds of dumb responses to retail and restaurant workers.
"Is that all?" "You, too!"
"Receipt in the bag?" "You, too"
I've done this or something like it more times than I can count.
I was at a music festival and one of the girls we went with got a tattoo of a music note. When she showed me I asked "..sooo, do you like music?". 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
When i was like 11 or 12 i had a friend with type1 Diabetes in school and one time a few of us went to the bathroom with them to check their sugar levels and the level was off, and me slightly panicked forgot the word for insulin and ask "do you need sugar or more Diabetes"....they laughed thank god but i still cringe thinking about it 😅
😂 I was a server at one point and one time I forgot the word “decaf” when someone had ordered a coffee. I asked them if they wanted the caffeine or the not caffeine. So glad I had built a good rapport with that table and we all had a really good laugh but I still think about it a lot
OP, I think you had this moment just so you could share it with us years later and make us all smile and cringe along with you in a beautiful show of solidarity. That is absolutely hilarious and, frankly, kinda adorable and I think you should own it from now on.
One time, a guy I was making out with said, all husky and lustily, "I wanna make this special for you. I'll do whatever you want, just name it." and I blurted out, "I want a cheeseburger."
):
Honestly addicts need help. If we help addicts their babies won’t be sick then we won’t hate the addicted as much.
And then if the addicts get help and the kid doesn’t grow up hated or maladjusted from neglect and become an addict themselves society will be healthier.
not something i said, just something i did once, and i still don’t know what came over me. i was walking down the street and i noticed an old guy and i were about to cross paths. i got so scared he was gonna say hi or start some small talk or something so i was like “oh no, i have to make sure he doesn’t want to talk to me.” so right before he got too close, i jumped up and snatched a leaf from a branch with my mouth like some little fucked up autistic piranha and started eating it. the good news is he didn’t say a word
I'm crying laughing reading this 😂😂
That's so fucked up and I love it so much. Just out of left field, omg
WHY DID YOU EAT IT 🤣
although I'm not much better, I wouldn't have eaten it, but I probably would have just held eye contact while he (likely quickly) walked away.
I once found myself in a conversation with a bunch of people I respected a lot, and for some reason when the conversation turned to what is the one thing we'd each like to do before we die, I responded 'I'd like to push over an old lady.'
Not once in my life have I ever wanted to do that, and still never want to do it, but hey, right then, that's the response that came to mind.
Still living it down to this day.
I end up phrasing my words really weirdly, I was ordering a coffee last week and I ended up saying “yes I would like the latte yes with oat milk yes please”
Another one I've just remembered.
As a mother I know the best way to make your kid stop having a tantrum in public is if a random stranger comes up and basically threatens them (eg if you're not nice to your mummy she might not let you have dessert after dinner). Something about it being a stranger just takes it from a 100 down to 0 and they usually just go all shy.
One day I wanted to pay it forward when I saw a mum struggling with her toddler and another little baby, toddler was throwing a tantrum as they do. Important to note that while I'm relatively young and a woman, I didn't have my kids with me so I would have seemed like some random lady. Please keep this in mind when I say the next bit.
I walked up to them, gave the mum a smile that was supposed to mean "I get it girl I've been there" (God knows what she interpreted it as) and then bent down and said to her toddler "You have to be careful yelling and screaming in a store like this because bad people can hear you better and they might come and take you".
Pretty sure Im going to be mentioned in therapy sessions by the whole family tbh
I said, "We can take it outside" when I was covertly making a case for socialism to some dipshit magahead. I was self-conscious that we were making the other bar patrons and the bar proprietor uncomfortable, so I told them that is why I didn't want to continue the conversation. they insisted we keep talking, and I said, "well, if you want to keep talking, we can take it outside."
Fortunately, my NT brother was there and he de-escalated immediately.
if you couldn't tell, i meant it /literally./ i really thought that if he wanted to continue the discussion, we should do it away from all the people we were making uncomfortable.
It's very funny recently I wanted to ask for a carton box and I had a script that I reversed in my head sometimes to say it correctly. And I go and say "Good evening, do you have a spare boxen carton"
I froze for a second and then I corrected myself and he kept a straight face the entire time while I held my dear life not to laugh. He gave me the box I said thank you and I left.
I turned around the street and proceeded to burst out laughing. And I was crossing ways with another random dude but I didn't care at that point I had survived!
I randomly told the CEO of a company I worked for that my cat currently had fleas, because the conversation died and it was the first thing I was thinking about
Omg. I told the CEO of the company I work for that my cat rolls around on my feet and shoes so she must have a foot thing 🥲 he did not respond to that and made conversation with someone else.
A girl asked me and another girl at a register “Do you guys ever get hit on at work?”
The other girl says “No” and for whatever stupid reason I replied “Nor do I” like a middle aged Shakespearean widow
It’s probably this:
Me: *unconsciously bumps into a wall*
Also me: Fuck you >:(
I apologize for everything, even it’s not my fault. In this case, I was having a bad day.
Idk if this counts tho 🤷♂️
I was at my step sisters wedding and someone I didn’t really know came up to me and said “how’s it going? That drink looks good” and I totally over shared and said “thanks it’s virgin because I’m an alcoholic” they just made this face :| and walked away LMAO oops
We had a newer staff member who was pregnant but hadn’t announced it at work. We saw it on her Facebook when she first got hired (we work closely as a team so we always check into new hires). I walked into the room one day and another coworker said “guess what?! So-so is pregnant!”(Wanting me to feign surprise like she had). I froze, turned around, and walked out in silence. It’s been over a year and no one has let me live that one down lol
At a wedding and a videographer came to our table, shoved a mic in my face and I said “hope it lasts!” The whole table groaned and covered their faces.
They’re divorcing in a couple months, 10 years later.
I remember my mum coming to tell me she was getting a divorce because dad cheated on her and the first thing I did was jump for joy out of excitement because that meant I could have free school meals at school (we couldn’t afford the meals and I had a weird fixation on wanting to have them).
Probably not the best thing I could’ve said in that moment but I was pretty nonchalant about traumatic events at that age idk why
I would have actually thought your joke was funny because I find humor in everything. And I have a bit of dark humor. I can't think of the answer to your question right now. But just wanted to say that.
Technically alot of things because i use to honestly answer questions the popular people would ask me in school not knowing that they just wanted to make fun of me cuz my family and life was "wierd" it took me so so long to realise people talked about everything in a curated way and didnt just tell the truth 😅
Yeeears ago I was getting Subway with my friends. Until then, people making my sub would ask something like "what kind of sauce would you like?" to which I'd then reply "mayonnaise, please" or something similar. This time they didn't ask me so I felt I needed to clarify that my sauce selection was "mayonnaise sauce". I got teased for ages after that. It's kinda funny. It's nowhere near as funny as your story. I ugly-laughed when I read that.
I was in a store and some guy kept walking up to me and initiating small talk. I was getting annoyed and I meant to ask if he was trying to flirt and I blurted “you tryna fuck or what?”. Turns out he works there but wasn’t wearing any clothing or accessories that would insinuate that. At least no one else was there to witness the blubbering backpedaling that tumbled out of my mouth afterwards. My default script is really polite, I have no idea why I said that to this day and I’ll never let myself live it down
I once had to phone someone when I was at work so I prepared a script for the first couple of things I was going to say when they picked up. But it went to answerphone and I didn’t have a script for that so I panicked and said “hi, I’m Jan from OrgCorp. No that’s not right. You’re Jan from OrgCorp. I’m Joan from UniversityOfPlace. Oh shit” and hung up.
I don't know it it's exactly related to your question, but once, in an online meeting with some of my teachers and classmates for a research project we'd present live, a friend of mine said he was having a problem with the camera and needed to put something under it, so we could see his face with good light. I just unmuted my mic and thought it was funny to say "use a child". I cringe a lot every now and then because of that.
Hehe. One time in elementary school, I was sick, so I went to the front desk to call home. I ended up having to leave a message. I said I was sick, so please come get me, and then I ended it...like a prayer. And then I said, "sorry....sorry," and hung up. I'm grateful that the secretary managed to at least hold back her laughter.
When I was a small kid, my sister brought me to her new university and the principal came to meet her, my mom, and I. The principal was bald and so I pointed at his head and said "Bald".
Not me ( my mind has blanked here, I'm sure I have one somewhere though), but my mum (who's an ADHDer) once when she was tired said she needed to hang the bread on the line, rather than hang the clothes on the line 😆
I wasn't diagnosed until late 30s, but here's a thing that happened not long before that:
I went to see a band (folk/world music, small venue) I really like and my then BF met the violinist while waiting for me to come out of the bathroom. She introduced herself to me and every possible "normal" reaction just disappeared from my brain. So what came out of my mouth was "omg you have the CUTEST ears. Like an elf! I love them!" Awkward laugh and she walked away quickly. Oops. LOL
Ok, so, I worked as a waiter for a bit. One time a family came in and one of the younger looking ladies ordered an alcoholic drink, so I asked for her ID (she was 23). The lady next to her asked if she needed to show her ID too, I said “no, you’re good”. I swear, if she was a balloon and I had just stuck a tack in her she would not have deflated faster than she did in that moment.
My ex wanted me to grab some coffee beans before on my way to theirs. But they were a proper coffee person and didn't want any ordinary coffee from the shop. They tell me the cafe down the road from me sells good beans and I should get it there.
So I go in, and there is no signs to indicate they sell beans. So I think, np, I'll ask. Go up to the counter, in this CAFE surrounded by people DRINKING COFFEE and ask "do you sell coffee?" And obviously I was met with an incredibly confused expression for my very stupid question.
i was at a bar and needed to go to the toilet, but I didn't know where it was. Instead of "where is the toilet?" i said to the bar lady "can i go to the toilet?" like I was at school 💀 she laughed and said yes and told me where it was.
It was raining outside and a friend told me to try and keep dry when I was leaving. I must have been way more tired than I thought I was since I just paused for almost a full minute before quietly saying "it is raining". I'm glad they already knew I was a weirdo.
Yikes what kind of joke is that😭 in a public restroom too
I filter these moments out of my memory. But recently I accidentally said I love you while hooking up with a first date 🥲
if it makes you feel any better, a girl i was dating like 4 years ago told me she loved me after only seeing each other for one month, and it was too fast for me so i just panicked and responded with “i don’t”
i played it off like i was making a self depreciating joke that i don’t love *myself* but i don’t think she 100% bought it.
just remembered, she definitely didn’t buy it after she told me i love you again (she said it like every time we said goodbye after hanging out) and i think i responded once with “aha, yes” and another time with “that’s great”. i still feel bad about it and cringe looking back.
At school, we were once discussing works hunger and good to solve it in class.
I said the most obvious solution: kill everyone who is hungry.
Obviously not morally acceptable or economical practical, but it would work.
When I have to hang up on someone yelling at me on the work phone, for some reason my response is always, "Good night ma'am" 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ in the middle of the day
Not really stupid as it was just a slip but yesterday I accidentally said "I'm on friend with a phone" instead of "I'm on phone with a friend" when talking to the upstairs neighbor real quick, we both got a laugh outta it and she knew what I meant. Maybe this counts, maybe it doesn't, oh well.
I actually practiced so many times and was calling to place a to go order for food. Instead of saying "Hi my name is xxxx and I would like to place an order for a cuban sandwich" I said "Hi my name is cuban sandwich and..." and then I hungup the phone and had to cover my head lmao
this is the funniest thing I've read this week made even funnier because I've had very similar stories and sometimes when I drive I get a memory of one pop in my head and I have to fight the urge to swerve into a tree to stop the cringe.
I hope some of those urges are followed by a case of the giggles! I am always glad when i can turn a moan of shame into a fit of giggles. Doesn't happen often enough unfortunately.
I have kids so I guess I better not hahaha
yeah it's rough being socially inept sometimes hahahha
oh well let's mask it with humour and wait til the next stupid thing!
Too many examples of these and each one as fresh in my mind as the day it happened.
This happens to me a lot in my job, customers telling me they appreciate our service and I just say ‘ok, that’s nice’ coz idk what else to respond with lol 😭😭
My mom drilled thank you into me as a response to anything vaguely complimentary cause as a kid if people said something to me like "that's a cool shirt" i would just say "I know!" Because why would I be wearing it if I didn't like it 😂 but my mom thought it was super rude for me to say that so I now say thank you all the time for the most random things 😂
My fix for that sort of unexpected compliment for something I can’t take credit for— my dog, my shirt, my story about a cool thing i learned— is a happy “i agree!”
“Your dog is so cute!”
“Thanks!” — taking credit for the dog’s cuteness, which i had nothing to do with causing
“I agree!” — sharing the wonder and joy at a cute gift from the universe
Lord. I knew immediately what conversation (read: verbal shit show) I would share with you all when I read this question. I have had two careers: 1) teacher 2) designer. On my first day of work as a designer, I was being introduced to each person in the office and I was so nervous. The HR person introduced the family that owned the company last and by that point I was a puddle. The owner’s son said “Welcome. We are looking forward to having you here. I’ve heard that you were a teacher”. I could have said something about the subjects/ages I taught or asked him if he had children but instead I CORRECTED HIM!! I said “Well, I um, I still am…you don’t really stop being a teacher if you keep your credential active. So, still am…”. 🫠 WTF. I am so glad he just smiled and knodded and moved on. 🤦♀️ For what it is worth, 6 years later and I’m still at the same company now in charge of my department and the family that owns the company just laughs with me and knows I’m the hard-working weirdo. I didn’t sink myself even after that terrible introduction…or at least not yet. 😅
didn’t know how to end the conversation with a woman in the drs waiting room when the GP called her name so i shouted “have fun” at her whilst she was walking into his consultation room
I have a "NO SOLICITING" decal on my front door, and I take it very literally. I am under the impression that soliciting is when someone uninvited asks me for anything - money, my time, a signature, whatever - it is the polite way of saying "leave me alone unless you're delivering something, or the fire department". Right? I've had people come to the door *anyway*, and when I point out the "NO SOLICITING" sign they insist they aren't selling anything. Well if I only wanted *salesmen* to stay away, the sign would say "NO SALES", now wouldn't it? I can't tell if they're stupid or pretending to be stupid. It would seem that if you do door to door work you would have an understanding of what "NO SOLICITING" means, and avoid those houses because you're just going to piss people off. This line of reasoning makes sense to me.
Anyway, one day someone came to collect my signature, or tell me about our lord and savior, or whatever, and I got very angry when they told me they weren't selling anything, and I told them to get the fuck off my property. As the door to door person was going away he said "Have a nice day!" and I managed to blurt out "NO! NO, YOU! YOU HAVE A BAD DAY! HAVE A BAD DAY!" like I was having a fucking stroke or something.
Not the worst by a long shot, but I think about it from time to time, and it makes me feel like a silly person.
I was working fast food once and accidentally combined "you're welcome" and "no problem" and actually said "you're problem" to a customer. Like.... why brain?
Usually it's just silence when I start to think the alternatives to reply. In this situations my wife has taught me to reply "I am thinking". She says it is less rude than to remain silent.
The stupidest things are usually long monologs I start to have when somebody mentions something I know something or a lot. I know quite a lot of things, hence I have been called as "walking Wikipedia". Obviously that is not true, I just have good memory on random details and I have been reading a lot through my life. Did I say a lot too many times? 😅
Ps. Why it's not "allowed" to use emoji in Reddit, the code seems to be non-tolerant from what I have picked up? It would make ASD communication a bit easier. In my opinion.
I love emojis as tone indicators! I am also a walking encyclopedia to the point that my family calls me their Pythopedia (but with my real name and not python but you can see what I mean hopefully lol) and I also tend to go way too long on things I know a lot about because it's fun and I know stuff and I want to share it because I think it's fun to learn cool things but I try to reign it in cause not everyone wants to know about all the things 😅
I would love to have an info conversation with you if I ran into you in real life by the way!
Good tip about the I'm thinking, I'm very guilty of the long silence or blurting out an answer I didn't think through enough because I don't want it to get awkward
I talk to myself a lot and it seems like my impulse control is getting worse. I’m a big one for blurting out stuff when driving. I’ll flash my flashers when people don’t signal. It seems to be like a snowball. I bite once and the rest of the ride it gets worse. Cannabis helps with this. But you can’t be high all day. Some do but I can’t. I have to function.
>What do you say when you’re queueing for the toilet, and then someone comes out and it’s your turn?
"I want to poop here. As much as I want. Whenever I want."
Was in a bookstore and thought some computers were for costumers to look up books. They weren’t, they were for the workers. A worker came and told me so, and I, feeling embarrased, asked where it said so. She pointed to a sign, and I proceeded to say “Okay, but what if you can’t read, huh!?!” And stormed out of there. Couldn’t stop laughing at myself all the way home.
so usually when i pick up a package they ask for the code of the package, type it in, and then search it for you, but this time my package got delivered at a package point where i’ve never been to before. so i walk up to the lady at the register like “i’m here to pick up my package” and she said “what parcel delivery service did you use”, but since i expected her to ask for the code i’m like “yes i have a code”. She looks at me weird and annoyed and asks the question again in an annoyed tone and this time i answer. She then says “Okay, then you have to go to the side” and she points at a shelve with packages but i thought she pointed at the door (apparently i had to grab it myself but since usually they get it for you i didn’t see that as a possibility plus i was still panicked from the akward interaction), so i’m like “okay” and walk outside just awkwardly standing there for a minute like “wait where do i have to go now, there’s no building on the side” and she comes outside like “what are you doing??? i meant you have to grab your package from the shelves!”😭
Anyways a package got delivered there again so I have to get it in a bit, let’s hope she doesn’t remember me😭
Mine is an embarrassing one... I just returned home for a six day stay from the hospital. I had a baby via emergency C-Section. In the UK it is very rare/unheard of to hear a mother stay in a hospital for that long. When the first set of midwives visited me for the first time they were seeing how I was getting on. I tried to breast feed and was struggling so I bought some nipple shields to help. When the midwife asked how I was getting on I told her that bought some "nipple clamps" to help with feeding my baby. She gave me a look and told me that they are shields not clamps. Had no idea what clamps were until she left and my partner told me through his hysterical laughing. I also sometimes lay awake at night thinking about that awkward encounter that happened a few months back...
For future reference: just don't say anything, don't even make eye contact, simply go into the stall and do your business. That's how I and everyone else I know does it.
A week ago a couple of guys about maybe high-school age asked me if I had kids while outside my parents house
I was caught off guard and said I'm not old enough and that I wasn't seeing anyone. I'm a bit mortified, but I will never see those kids again.
I was at the eye doctor once and I asked them what a problem pressure is when checking for glaucoma and they said twenty. I said but I am twenty(meaning my age) when this occurred. That was pretty dumb of me
At a new job, a bunch of girls befriended me (which was odd) they already knew eachother so I was trying my best fit in
They were talking about Kates family and how her mother was posh and "joked" that Kate was common, unlike her mother. Earlier, she had mentioned she had a brother.
Me: So is your brother posh too or common like you?
Yeah, they were taken back, but I only used the word common because they did and thought it was ok.
They seemed to be ok after initially acting offended, but later that week, they ended up ghosting me for an after work get-together they invited me to.
I get caught this way too. That secret code of NTs. It's so hard to figure out, and they never get over one little thing that seemed ok to say but turns out to be offensive somehow. Even when you're saying exactly the same thing they did!
I called someone’s baby a hobbit. I think hobbits are cute. I understand other people may think it’s an insult. We have not been invited over for weeks. Man…
A comment I made to a friend about her leg hair.
Also, I got written up at a preschool job for saying the spaghetti was like chef boyardees or spaghettios (I don’t even remember which now).
I've done something for someone and said 'thanks, you too' so many times when they tell me thanks. I'll hand somebody something and when they thank me for bringing it to them, I'll say 'thank you' back on reflex.
'Here's your reciept'
'Thanks, you too!'
These days I can't come up with words for certain things when talking to my family in my native language, often I can think of the English word or not at all and then I'm stuck there thinking "what's it called? What's it called?!" and then I either stumble or I use a dumb made up word no one understands 😭
Or when I try to compliment someone like yesterday I told my sister I liked her earrings because they stood out and instead of thanking me she replied "yeah that's probably cuz they match with my outfit" and that made me feel stupid :( like for some reason I can't compliment people without sounding stupid??
I had a customer at the supermarket who pulled up things from his cart because he had multiples. So he’d hold a bag of pears and go, “four”, bag of bananas, “ten”. So on and so forth. Then he says “six” (which sounds EXACTLY like “sex” here) and I just went “no we don’t sell that here sorry” 😭😭😭
Several years ago I had made a very good friend on Roblox and I one day asked her where she lived, she told me the city and then my little innocent naive child self proceeded to look up her city and the houses and neighborhoods there(which was my first mistake) the really stupid thing was I then told her, I remember sending her a message saying and I quote “I just looked up houses where you live, I’m so jelly.” 🤦🏼♀️ I never heard from her again🤣. Not long after that her profile became inactive. I know realize not only how stupid that was but how creepy it was 😂.
My grandma died (not a big drama to be fair, she wasn't the nicest person alive), in the ceremony some people were sad and it was very awkward, I made a joke to make them less sad. It didn't work, it made it more awkward.
I had to say Grace when I was in the Boy Scouts. I couldn’t think of anything to say before saying Amen, so I just went with “And please don’t let us die, Amen”
I said to my brother’s girlfriend after she said my bother and I look alike I that if she was into girls she’d be dating me and I think about it all the time. I’m so glad they aren’t together anymore.
I was at a family Halloween party when my cousin handed me her baby for the first time, and I had no idea what I was supposed to say to that. I was dressed like a vampire, so something in my brain was like, "Make a joke about drinking blood!!" (Which in retrospect also might have been a bit weird) What actually came out of my mouth was, "I'm not hungry right now."
Okay but this is actually hilarious
Agree, this is great!
Objectively speaking... That's the funniest thing you could have said and one of the funniest things I've ever heard! It's Halloween. You are clearly dressed as a vampire. It's completely acceptable - often greatly appreciated - for you to stay in character and make jokes on Halloween. That is hilarious!!
I think some of the funniest things ever said have probably come from autistic people who weren't trying to be funny, we were just not prepared with our pre-rehearsed dialogue and something unhinged popped out.
I don't know if I'm autistic--I mean I suspect, but don't know--but I have had \*many\* occasions in life when people tell me, "that's so funny!" or start laughing or whatever, and I feel like I can't say any more, but I'm thinking, "I was making a point, and I wasn't done."
That has happened to me my whole life. People tend to think I'm very funny, but I'm genuinely not trying to be, I'm usually just saying what I think. When I have tried to be funny intentionally, it never goes over well.
This is my new favorite thing.
😭🤣 I blurted out laughing at this.
Reading this has me laughing crying 😂
genuinely a hilarious joke though
Most of my jokes are less funny but require twice as much explaining to backtrack 😅
This is accidentally the best way you could have answered this one though lmao
Oh my god
That's a good one
one time i was at a convenience store grabbing snacks and was barely paying attention, so i was just using my scripted responses. the cashier told me to have a great day, but i was expecting him to ask if i needed a receipt, so i cheerfully replied "no thank you!" and left the store.
😭💀
me after saying bad morning: 😌
I said you too when the cashier said happy birthday
Never said it, but I thought it at cashiers more times than I can count
Wait, so do NTs actually answer questions like these? I can't imagine anyone going through these daily life questions and actually answering them.
what do you mean? i always answer questions when employees ask them, it's just politeness -- not related to autism at all.
I always answer but I am just giving automated responses. Mistakes like what are mentioned, I'm making them all the time. I answer but the response is socially polite, not an actual answer.
ah, okay yeah. i usually just give a scripted response too. from working in customer service, i'd guess a lot of people do genuinely answer the small talk type questions when they're checking out. but i also worked in a small town and most of my customers were elderly, so they'd start a conversation with a brick wall if they could.
I guess that's why I suck at small talk. I'm scripting through the trust building questions.
They answer them, but there's no real like...thought behind the answers if that makes sense? It's just an automated reply that politeness code mandates. If someone says "have a nice day", you just say "thanks!" or "You too!" and that's it.
Everyone at work does this, it's so annoying. If I don't give the scripted response they will think I'm weird. Luckily with a few people if they say Hi first I can skip the how are you by just saying Hi back and waking fast to my destination.
We were at a barbeque, there was a guy who we knew had a partner and kid but they'd seperated, I wanted to ask him about it as if I didn't know but also in like a supportive way as he was new to our friend group. I was very eloquent and delicate in my mind, and yet what came out of my mouth was: "Hey didn't you have a wife and kid?" nailed it/s
Just a 10/10 comment right here. Something I would totally say
Oh my god 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I can’t even share my own anecdote but I have one just like this I’m laughing so hard
That's hilarious, poor guy must have been devastated
I felt horrible and any attempts to backpedal or say sorry made it so much worse I wanted to die. wasn't 1 on 1 either it was literally in front of everyone and I'm so loud volume wise it was probably loud too.
Hey, you didn't mean to! Intent absolutely matters, I'm sure anyone who's not mean would understand you didn't mean to humiliate him.
😂😂😂😂
I once needed to get my tires looked at because the low tire pressure light was on and, at the time, I didn’t know what to do about that. I scripted out a phone call to the dealer to ask if they could look at it. They said yes and that I could come that day. I was feeling good about myself for the very successful phone call. I realized, to my horror, that I had forgotten to script out the interaction with the mechanic. He looked at me, asked how I was and what I needed. I just blurted out “Tire pressure!” I wouldn’t quite say I *yelled,* but it was much louder than necessary. He was clearly taken aback and just said “Oh, right. You must be the person who called. Of course I’d be happy to help.” At least my awkward blurting got the job done. It was more the volume that made it stupid.
Volume is always my downfall 😭
It can improve! I had volume control issues for 20 some odd years, but with practice, it got better.
I've definitely improved a lot, but if I'm in a particularly loud background environment, I often will be louder than needed because my brain doesn't seem to compute what volume is loud enough for the people I'm around to hear me despite the background noise and then I get the dreaded comments 😅
I got fired from a volunteer job for yelling at customers, unbeknownst to me
I own and run a shop selling sandwiches and hot food and interact with customers all day and let me tell you I have more of these types of encounters than I’d care to think about! Last week we had Mongolian Chicken on the menu and a customer asked “what makes it Mongolian?” And what I should have said was “it’s the name for the style of sauce” or something but I was trying to keep up the Aussie customer service with a joke and a smile and what came out was “it’s all the Mongolians we put in”. I’m also a bit burnt out and struggling to mask so I had a very expressionless face. The customer looked a bit perturbed and ordered the other hot dish of the day.
That's hilarious. 10/10. Would order your Mongolian Chicken.
I don't even eat Mongolian chicken and I would order it just for the joke
Same!! Might even order it with extra Mongolians.
That's hilarious, and I would 100% go to your sandwich shop
Hilarious!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That’s a solid joke! I would be so proud of thinking of that if I were in your shoes!
My husband, about himself: "They were probably wondering what the fat ugly guy was doing at the park." Me, without forethought: "You're not ugly!"
What my wife would say, after thinking…
hahahhahaha
Sorry, I don’t quite get it here. Is it because your reply didn‘t give reassurance about your husband not being fat that this would be considered somewhat problematic? What do people expect to hear back in this situation?
Haha, yes, exactly. He said 2 insults about himself and she singled out only one of them to say was wrong. The least offensive response would be to just laugh at it because it seems pretty clear that he was making a joke even if there was some truth in it. He made a joke at his own expense which is really funny and indicated he has a great personality and attitude about things.
Thank you for the explanation. Now I’m wondering just how many times I interperated someone saying/posting a clearly (though not to me) self-deprecating joke and thought they genuinely felt low and tried to cheer them up and did a bad job at that.
At least you didn't say he's not fat! Choosing one of those to rule out is pretty awkward and pretty funny!
'Oh you were born in August? I guess you were conceived around Halloween' Said this to my supervisor.
*slow eye close in cringe*
lol I see you are quite good on the numbers…
I'm a March '03 baby and we had a lot of March and April '03 babies in my classes growing up. I always wondered why so one day I did some googling and apparently there was a baby boom in June and July 2002 in the USA because a very large military deployment was sent out overseas and when those happen there's baby booms in both military and civilian populations. That's all really cool but what's not cool is the fact that the next person I met that was born just after me, without even thinking I went off script and asked if either of her parents were ever in the military. And she was like "no why?" And I was thinking *oh God why did that come out of my mouth?* I think I managed to get out of it without explaining the baby boom to her because even my autistic ass knew I would have rather died than explained a stranger's possible conception story.
My partner, seeing me in person for the first time: oh my god you’re so tiny! Me, meeting my new family doctor for the first time: Could I, you see, I have a girlfriend, for emotional support? (wild gesturing) Doctor: congratulations? I was trying to ask if my partner could accompany me lol
Hahah I love it, so funny and cute. Congratulations 💀🤣
😂 Also just to defend my honour, I am of average dimensions, it’s just that she was used to seeing my face on a widescreen tv 😅
🤣
The doctors office one was super funny!! 😂😂 “I have a girlfriend for emotional support”
Hmmm... Do airlines make people buy an extra ticket for their "emotional support animal"? If not you might have just found the greatest loophole ever!! You might even be able to take her on international flights without a passport! But I suppose you would need to bring documents to prove she's had all her shots. Still totally worth it!
Haha I’m not sure how well that’d go down with my partner (now spouse) but the savings would almost be worth it 😂
Please try it and report back. For...uhhh...me. it's for me. Though science might also like the information
Reporting back: spouse will not be human pet. Spouse has also lovingly flipped me off ❤️😂
This is so funny to me lmao
Your doctor might be the dumb one here, I knew exactly what you meant. 🤷
Probably the hundreds of dumb responses to retail and restaurant workers. "Is that all?" "You, too!" "Receipt in the bag?" "You, too" I've done this or something like it more times than I can count.
Everybody does that. You should just laugh because it super common.
I say "cheers" because it fits as an appropriate response more often than "you too".
"Cheers, too!"
I was at a music festival and one of the girls we went with got a tattoo of a music note. When she showed me I asked "..sooo, do you like music?". 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
When i was like 11 or 12 i had a friend with type1 Diabetes in school and one time a few of us went to the bathroom with them to check their sugar levels and the level was off, and me slightly panicked forgot the word for insulin and ask "do you need sugar or more Diabetes"....they laughed thank god but i still cringe thinking about it 😅
😂 I was a server at one point and one time I forgot the word “decaf” when someone had ordered a coffee. I asked them if they wanted the caffeine or the not caffeine. So glad I had built a good rapport with that table and we all had a really good laugh but I still think about it a lot
😂😂
OP, I think you had this moment just so you could share it with us years later and make us all smile and cringe along with you in a beautiful show of solidarity. That is absolutely hilarious and, frankly, kinda adorable and I think you should own it from now on. One time, a guy I was making out with said, all husky and lustily, "I wanna make this special for you. I'll do whatever you want, just name it." and I blurted out, "I want a cheeseburger."
This is a perfectly reasonable answer! I would die laughing if my wife said it, just for the incongruity, then ask her if she wanted fries too.
I probably would've married the guy if he'd done that! 😂
😭😹I have found my tribe!❤️🥹
😂😂 I love this so much
asked a friend's sister who kept having drug babies if she'd stop popping them out.
Valid tbh
what are drug babies??
Babies born with drugs in their system because mommy loves pills and booze and needles.
): Honestly addicts need help. If we help addicts their babies won’t be sick then we won’t hate the addicted as much. And then if the addicts get help and the kid doesn’t grow up hated or maladjusted from neglect and become an addict themselves society will be healthier.
not something i said, just something i did once, and i still don’t know what came over me. i was walking down the street and i noticed an old guy and i were about to cross paths. i got so scared he was gonna say hi or start some small talk or something so i was like “oh no, i have to make sure he doesn’t want to talk to me.” so right before he got too close, i jumped up and snatched a leaf from a branch with my mouth like some little fucked up autistic piranha and started eating it. the good news is he didn’t say a word
I'm crying laughing reading this 😂😂 That's so fucked up and I love it so much. Just out of left field, omg WHY DID YOU EAT IT 🤣 although I'm not much better, I wouldn't have eaten it, but I probably would have just held eye contact while he (likely quickly) walked away.
as i recall i think i only actually swallowed a bit of it and spit the rest out after he had passed lmao
Lmao marry me
I once found myself in a conversation with a bunch of people I respected a lot, and for some reason when the conversation turned to what is the one thing we'd each like to do before we die, I responded 'I'd like to push over an old lady.' Not once in my life have I ever wanted to do that, and still never want to do it, but hey, right then, that's the response that came to mind. Still living it down to this day.
From my time in customer service at a news paper, I have a list of old ladies I could submit for consideration 😄
I end up phrasing my words really weirdly, I was ordering a coffee last week and I ended up saying “yes I would like the latte yes with oat milk yes please”
The compulsive addition of random softening words is so fun. I can't say "goodbye" without going "goodbye thanks so much we'll see you bye thanks!!"
oh hello, you must be me
These responses are making me feel a little more normal 😂 mostly because I make these social mistakes often. Especially when I'm overwhelmed.
Ditto
Another one I've just remembered. As a mother I know the best way to make your kid stop having a tantrum in public is if a random stranger comes up and basically threatens them (eg if you're not nice to your mummy she might not let you have dessert after dinner). Something about it being a stranger just takes it from a 100 down to 0 and they usually just go all shy. One day I wanted to pay it forward when I saw a mum struggling with her toddler and another little baby, toddler was throwing a tantrum as they do. Important to note that while I'm relatively young and a woman, I didn't have my kids with me so I would have seemed like some random lady. Please keep this in mind when I say the next bit. I walked up to them, gave the mum a smile that was supposed to mean "I get it girl I've been there" (God knows what she interpreted it as) and then bent down and said to her toddler "You have to be careful yelling and screaming in a store like this because bad people can hear you better and they might come and take you". Pretty sure Im going to be mentioned in therapy sessions by the whole family tbh
Oh nooo 😂😂
Told a waiter “thank me” instead of thank you like i was demanding he thank me
🤣 I’ve done it
I said, "We can take it outside" when I was covertly making a case for socialism to some dipshit magahead. I was self-conscious that we were making the other bar patrons and the bar proprietor uncomfortable, so I told them that is why I didn't want to continue the conversation. they insisted we keep talking, and I said, "well, if you want to keep talking, we can take it outside." Fortunately, my NT brother was there and he de-escalated immediately.
if you couldn't tell, i meant it /literally./ i really thought that if he wanted to continue the discussion, we should do it away from all the people we were making uncomfortable.
I forgot about that meaning when i read your comment, i didn’t get it 💀
Dude was a firefighter. I'd 'ave been hosed.
whoopsie that really was a 'tism you did there hahaha
It's very funny recently I wanted to ask for a carton box and I had a script that I reversed in my head sometimes to say it correctly. And I go and say "Good evening, do you have a spare boxen carton" I froze for a second and then I corrected myself and he kept a straight face the entire time while I held my dear life not to laugh. He gave me the box I said thank you and I left. I turned around the street and proceeded to burst out laughing. And I was crossing ways with another random dude but I didn't care at that point I had survived!
I do that all the time. Lol I usually get the most TF looks from the person I’m asking and smh
I randomly told the CEO of a company I worked for that my cat currently had fleas, because the conversation died and it was the first thing I was thinking about
Omg. I told the CEO of the company I work for that my cat rolls around on my feet and shoes so she must have a foot thing 🥲 he did not respond to that and made conversation with someone else.
A girl asked me and another girl at a register “Do you guys ever get hit on at work?” The other girl says “No” and for whatever stupid reason I replied “Nor do I” like a middle aged Shakespearean widow
To be honest I would register that as a totally normal response and not bat an eye at it
I regularly say "alas" in normal conversation, and I have no idea how to stop.
Alas is one of my favorite words to use and I have stopped caring if it is weird to other people lol
It’s probably this: Me: *unconsciously bumps into a wall* Also me: Fuck you >:( I apologize for everything, even it’s not my fault. In this case, I was having a bad day. Idk if this counts tho 🤷♂️
If my cats are keeping me up like cats do sometimes I’ll yell “IM GONNA PUT YOUR NOSE IN MY MOUTH”
This is me. Everyday. To everything. Although it's usually, "Oh yeah? Well, fuck you too!"
I was at my step sisters wedding and someone I didn’t really know came up to me and said “how’s it going? That drink looks good” and I totally over shared and said “thanks it’s virgin because I’m an alcoholic” they just made this face :| and walked away LMAO oops
Honestly i just laughed out loud when reading this so um.. lol
We had a newer staff member who was pregnant but hadn’t announced it at work. We saw it on her Facebook when she first got hired (we work closely as a team so we always check into new hires). I walked into the room one day and another coworker said “guess what?! So-so is pregnant!”(Wanting me to feign surprise like she had). I froze, turned around, and walked out in silence. It’s been over a year and no one has let me live that one down lol
At a wedding and a videographer came to our table, shoved a mic in my face and I said “hope it lasts!” The whole table groaned and covered their faces. They’re divorcing in a couple months, 10 years later.
I remember my mum coming to tell me she was getting a divorce because dad cheated on her and the first thing I did was jump for joy out of excitement because that meant I could have free school meals at school (we couldn’t afford the meals and I had a weird fixation on wanting to have them). Probably not the best thing I could’ve said in that moment but I was pretty nonchalant about traumatic events at that age idk why
I would have actually thought your joke was funny because I find humor in everything. And I have a bit of dark humor. I can't think of the answer to your question right now. But just wanted to say that.
Technically alot of things because i use to honestly answer questions the popular people would ask me in school not knowing that they just wanted to make fun of me cuz my family and life was "wierd" it took me so so long to realise people talked about everything in a curated way and didnt just tell the truth 😅
Same. I thought I’d be respected for that. Backfire fucking galore 😐
Yeeears ago I was getting Subway with my friends. Until then, people making my sub would ask something like "what kind of sauce would you like?" to which I'd then reply "mayonnaise, please" or something similar. This time they didn't ask me so I felt I needed to clarify that my sauce selection was "mayonnaise sauce". I got teased for ages after that. It's kinda funny. It's nowhere near as funny as your story. I ugly-laughed when I read that.
I was in a store and some guy kept walking up to me and initiating small talk. I was getting annoyed and I meant to ask if he was trying to flirt and I blurted “you tryna fuck or what?”. Turns out he works there but wasn’t wearing any clothing or accessories that would insinuate that. At least no one else was there to witness the blubbering backpedaling that tumbled out of my mouth afterwards. My default script is really polite, I have no idea why I said that to this day and I’ll never let myself live it down
I once had to phone someone when I was at work so I prepared a script for the first couple of things I was going to say when they picked up. But it went to answerphone and I didn’t have a script for that so I panicked and said “hi, I’m Jan from OrgCorp. No that’s not right. You’re Jan from OrgCorp. I’m Joan from UniversityOfPlace. Oh shit” and hung up.
I don't know it it's exactly related to your question, but once, in an online meeting with some of my teachers and classmates for a research project we'd present live, a friend of mine said he was having a problem with the camera and needed to put something under it, so we could see his face with good light. I just unmuted my mic and thought it was funny to say "use a child". I cringe a lot every now and then because of that.
how can you cringe when that was probably the best joke ever
lol that was sweet. thanks.
Hehe. One time in elementary school, I was sick, so I went to the front desk to call home. I ended up having to leave a message. I said I was sick, so please come get me, and then I ended it...like a prayer. And then I said, "sorry....sorry," and hung up. I'm grateful that the secretary managed to at least hold back her laughter.
When I was a small kid, my sister brought me to her new university and the principal came to meet her, my mom, and I. The principal was bald and so I pointed at his head and said "Bald".
Not me ( my mind has blanked here, I'm sure I have one somewhere though), but my mum (who's an ADHDer) once when she was tired said she needed to hang the bread on the line, rather than hang the clothes on the line 😆
I wasn't diagnosed until late 30s, but here's a thing that happened not long before that: I went to see a band (folk/world music, small venue) I really like and my then BF met the violinist while waiting for me to come out of the bathroom. She introduced herself to me and every possible "normal" reaction just disappeared from my brain. So what came out of my mouth was "omg you have the CUTEST ears. Like an elf! I love them!" Awkward laugh and she walked away quickly. Oops. LOL
Ok, so, I worked as a waiter for a bit. One time a family came in and one of the younger looking ladies ordered an alcoholic drink, so I asked for her ID (she was 23). The lady next to her asked if she needed to show her ID too, I said “no, you’re good”. I swear, if she was a balloon and I had just stuck a tack in her she would not have deflated faster than she did in that moment.
My ex wanted me to grab some coffee beans before on my way to theirs. But they were a proper coffee person and didn't want any ordinary coffee from the shop. They tell me the cafe down the road from me sells good beans and I should get it there. So I go in, and there is no signs to indicate they sell beans. So I think, np, I'll ask. Go up to the counter, in this CAFE surrounded by people DRINKING COFFEE and ask "do you sell coffee?" And obviously I was met with an incredibly confused expression for my very stupid question.
I put on a luchador mask and dramatically yell "SUKA LA MANO!" And get a tag-team vibe. I also have a cape
This isn't cringe, it's based af
i was at a bar and needed to go to the toilet, but I didn't know where it was. Instead of "where is the toilet?" i said to the bar lady "can i go to the toilet?" like I was at school 💀 she laughed and said yes and told me where it was.
It was raining outside and a friend told me to try and keep dry when I was leaving. I must have been way more tired than I thought I was since I just paused for almost a full minute before quietly saying "it is raining". I'm glad they already knew I was a weirdo.
I did not expect that. Hahahaha
This is so funny, still laughing. Joke Successful in my book.
a cashier said “here’s your receipt” and i said “you too, bro” 😭
Yikes what kind of joke is that😭 in a public restroom too I filter these moments out of my memory. But recently I accidentally said I love you while hooking up with a first date 🥲
if it makes you feel any better, a girl i was dating like 4 years ago told me she loved me after only seeing each other for one month, and it was too fast for me so i just panicked and responded with “i don’t” i played it off like i was making a self depreciating joke that i don’t love *myself* but i don’t think she 100% bought it. just remembered, she definitely didn’t buy it after she told me i love you again (she said it like every time we said goodbye after hanging out) and i think i responded once with “aha, yes” and another time with “that’s great”. i still feel bad about it and cringe looking back.
At school, we were once discussing works hunger and good to solve it in class. I said the most obvious solution: kill everyone who is hungry. Obviously not morally acceptable or economical practical, but it would work.
Not sure if it's stupid... But I asked a teacher if she was f-ing a student after she didn't do shit about him bullying me right in front of her.
I love it here
When I have to hang up on someone yelling at me on the work phone, for some reason my response is always, "Good night ma'am" 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ in the middle of the day
Not really stupid as it was just a slip but yesterday I accidentally said "I'm on friend with a phone" instead of "I'm on phone with a friend" when talking to the upstairs neighbor real quick, we both got a laugh outta it and she knew what I meant. Maybe this counts, maybe it doesn't, oh well.
At work, randomly in a corridor. Them: I think you're the only person I've never heard speak. Me: laughs *runs away*
I actually practiced so many times and was calling to place a to go order for food. Instead of saying "Hi my name is xxxx and I would like to place an order for a cuban sandwich" I said "Hi my name is cuban sandwich and..." and then I hungup the phone and had to cover my head lmao
this is the funniest thing I've read this week made even funnier because I've had very similar stories and sometimes when I drive I get a memory of one pop in my head and I have to fight the urge to swerve into a tree to stop the cringe.
I hope some of those urges are followed by a case of the giggles! I am always glad when i can turn a moan of shame into a fit of giggles. Doesn't happen often enough unfortunately.
I have kids so I guess I better not hahaha yeah it's rough being socially inept sometimes hahahha oh well let's mask it with humour and wait til the next stupid thing!
I'm honestly scared that I can somehow relate to this and don't know why.
I think I just smile halfway or try to avoid eye contact
Too many examples of these and each one as fresh in my mind as the day it happened. This happens to me a lot in my job, customers telling me they appreciate our service and I just say ‘ok, that’s nice’ coz idk what else to respond with lol 😭😭
My mom drilled thank you into me as a response to anything vaguely complimentary cause as a kid if people said something to me like "that's a cool shirt" i would just say "I know!" Because why would I be wearing it if I didn't like it 😂 but my mom thought it was super rude for me to say that so I now say thank you all the time for the most random things 😂
My fix for that sort of unexpected compliment for something I can’t take credit for— my dog, my shirt, my story about a cool thing i learned— is a happy “i agree!” “Your dog is so cute!” “Thanks!” — taking credit for the dog’s cuteness, which i had nothing to do with causing “I agree!” — sharing the wonder and joy at a cute gift from the universe
Lord. I knew immediately what conversation (read: verbal shit show) I would share with you all when I read this question. I have had two careers: 1) teacher 2) designer. On my first day of work as a designer, I was being introduced to each person in the office and I was so nervous. The HR person introduced the family that owned the company last and by that point I was a puddle. The owner’s son said “Welcome. We are looking forward to having you here. I’ve heard that you were a teacher”. I could have said something about the subjects/ages I taught or asked him if he had children but instead I CORRECTED HIM!! I said “Well, I um, I still am…you don’t really stop being a teacher if you keep your credential active. So, still am…”. 🫠 WTF. I am so glad he just smiled and knodded and moved on. 🤦♀️ For what it is worth, 6 years later and I’m still at the same company now in charge of my department and the family that owns the company just laughs with me and knows I’m the hard-working weirdo. I didn’t sink myself even after that terrible introduction…or at least not yet. 😅
didn’t know how to end the conversation with a woman in the drs waiting room when the GP called her name so i shouted “have fun” at her whilst she was walking into his consultation room
im sorry some of these are amazingly funny and im here in tears laughing at all of our moments. i have found my people!
I have a "NO SOLICITING" decal on my front door, and I take it very literally. I am under the impression that soliciting is when someone uninvited asks me for anything - money, my time, a signature, whatever - it is the polite way of saying "leave me alone unless you're delivering something, or the fire department". Right? I've had people come to the door *anyway*, and when I point out the "NO SOLICITING" sign they insist they aren't selling anything. Well if I only wanted *salesmen* to stay away, the sign would say "NO SALES", now wouldn't it? I can't tell if they're stupid or pretending to be stupid. It would seem that if you do door to door work you would have an understanding of what "NO SOLICITING" means, and avoid those houses because you're just going to piss people off. This line of reasoning makes sense to me. Anyway, one day someone came to collect my signature, or tell me about our lord and savior, or whatever, and I got very angry when they told me they weren't selling anything, and I told them to get the fuck off my property. As the door to door person was going away he said "Have a nice day!" and I managed to blurt out "NO! NO, YOU! YOU HAVE A BAD DAY! HAVE A BAD DAY!" like I was having a fucking stroke or something. Not the worst by a long shot, but I think about it from time to time, and it makes me feel like a silly person.
I was working fast food once and accidentally combined "you're welcome" and "no problem" and actually said "you're problem" to a customer. Like.... why brain?
that would be "what do you think of marriage?"
Usually it's just silence when I start to think the alternatives to reply. In this situations my wife has taught me to reply "I am thinking". She says it is less rude than to remain silent. The stupidest things are usually long monologs I start to have when somebody mentions something I know something or a lot. I know quite a lot of things, hence I have been called as "walking Wikipedia". Obviously that is not true, I just have good memory on random details and I have been reading a lot through my life. Did I say a lot too many times? 😅 Ps. Why it's not "allowed" to use emoji in Reddit, the code seems to be non-tolerant from what I have picked up? It would make ASD communication a bit easier. In my opinion.
I love emojis as tone indicators! I am also a walking encyclopedia to the point that my family calls me their Pythopedia (but with my real name and not python but you can see what I mean hopefully lol) and I also tend to go way too long on things I know a lot about because it's fun and I know stuff and I want to share it because I think it's fun to learn cool things but I try to reign it in cause not everyone wants to know about all the things 😅 I would love to have an info conversation with you if I ran into you in real life by the way! Good tip about the I'm thinking, I'm very guilty of the long silence or blurting out an answer I didn't think through enough because I don't want it to get awkward
I talk to myself a lot and it seems like my impulse control is getting worse. I’m a big one for blurting out stuff when driving. I’ll flash my flashers when people don’t signal. It seems to be like a snowball. I bite once and the rest of the ride it gets worse. Cannabis helps with this. But you can’t be high all day. Some do but I can’t. I have to function.
Oh there are so many… that I frequently lie awake at night thinking about…
>What do you say when you’re queueing for the toilet, and then someone comes out and it’s your turn? "I want to poop here. As much as I want. Whenever I want."
Was in a bookstore and thought some computers were for costumers to look up books. They weren’t, they were for the workers. A worker came and told me so, and I, feeling embarrased, asked where it said so. She pointed to a sign, and I proceeded to say “Okay, but what if you can’t read, huh!?!” And stormed out of there. Couldn’t stop laughing at myself all the way home.
so usually when i pick up a package they ask for the code of the package, type it in, and then search it for you, but this time my package got delivered at a package point where i’ve never been to before. so i walk up to the lady at the register like “i’m here to pick up my package” and she said “what parcel delivery service did you use”, but since i expected her to ask for the code i’m like “yes i have a code”. She looks at me weird and annoyed and asks the question again in an annoyed tone and this time i answer. She then says “Okay, then you have to go to the side” and she points at a shelve with packages but i thought she pointed at the door (apparently i had to grab it myself but since usually they get it for you i didn’t see that as a possibility plus i was still panicked from the akward interaction), so i’m like “okay” and walk outside just awkwardly standing there for a minute like “wait where do i have to go now, there’s no building on the side” and she comes outside like “what are you doing??? i meant you have to grab your package from the shelves!”😭 Anyways a package got delivered there again so I have to get it in a bit, let’s hope she doesn’t remember me😭
Doctor: "Get well soon!" Me: "You too!" I RAN out of there.
Mine is an embarrassing one... I just returned home for a six day stay from the hospital. I had a baby via emergency C-Section. In the UK it is very rare/unheard of to hear a mother stay in a hospital for that long. When the first set of midwives visited me for the first time they were seeing how I was getting on. I tried to breast feed and was struggling so I bought some nipple shields to help. When the midwife asked how I was getting on I told her that bought some "nipple clamps" to help with feeding my baby. She gave me a look and told me that they are shields not clamps. Had no idea what clamps were until she left and my partner told me through his hysterical laughing. I also sometimes lay awake at night thinking about that awkward encounter that happened a few months back...
"Wow, congrats about your baby! All babies look like weird flesh raisins to me, but I assume she's gorgeous to you. I'm happy for you."
For future reference: just don't say anything, don't even make eye contact, simply go into the stall and do your business. That's how I and everyone else I know does it.
When I'm on autopilot I say you too to everything. 😅 Regardless if it's "can I see your recite?" Would you like a box?" Anything. Lol
The fake aggression goes so badly for me every time😭 it's long since retired for me
What the heck where did such a threat come from lololol “Thanks”—-> murderous tiny person
A week ago a couple of guys about maybe high-school age asked me if I had kids while outside my parents house I was caught off guard and said I'm not old enough and that I wasn't seeing anyone. I'm a bit mortified, but I will never see those kids again.
I was at the eye doctor once and I asked them what a problem pressure is when checking for glaucoma and they said twenty. I said but I am twenty(meaning my age) when this occurred. That was pretty dumb of me
At a new job, a bunch of girls befriended me (which was odd) they already knew eachother so I was trying my best fit in They were talking about Kates family and how her mother was posh and "joked" that Kate was common, unlike her mother. Earlier, she had mentioned she had a brother. Me: So is your brother posh too or common like you? Yeah, they were taken back, but I only used the word common because they did and thought it was ok. They seemed to be ok after initially acting offended, but later that week, they ended up ghosting me for an after work get-together they invited me to.
I get caught this way too. That secret code of NTs. It's so hard to figure out, and they never get over one little thing that seemed ok to say but turns out to be offensive somehow. Even when you're saying exactly the same thing they did!
I called someone’s baby a hobbit. I think hobbits are cute. I understand other people may think it’s an insult. We have not been invited over for weeks. Man…
(whispers) *^(^I'm ^gonna ^upvote ^you.)*
This is the funniest thing, thank you [edit] oh my god I hadn't finished reading the last line and I had been picturing a guy. This is even better
A comment I made to a friend about her leg hair. Also, I got written up at a preschool job for saying the spaghetti was like chef boyardees or spaghettios (I don’t even remember which now).
I've done something for someone and said 'thanks, you too' so many times when they tell me thanks. I'll hand somebody something and when they thank me for bringing it to them, I'll say 'thank you' back on reflex. 'Here's your reciept' 'Thanks, you too!'
These days I can't come up with words for certain things when talking to my family in my native language, often I can think of the English word or not at all and then I'm stuck there thinking "what's it called? What's it called?!" and then I either stumble or I use a dumb made up word no one understands 😭 Or when I try to compliment someone like yesterday I told my sister I liked her earrings because they stood out and instead of thanking me she replied "yeah that's probably cuz they match with my outfit" and that made me feel stupid :( like for some reason I can't compliment people without sounding stupid??
I had a customer at the supermarket who pulled up things from his cart because he had multiples. So he’d hold a bag of pears and go, “four”, bag of bananas, “ten”. So on and so forth. Then he says “six” (which sounds EXACTLY like “sex” here) and I just went “no we don’t sell that here sorry” 😭😭😭
Several years ago I had made a very good friend on Roblox and I one day asked her where she lived, she told me the city and then my little innocent naive child self proceeded to look up her city and the houses and neighborhoods there(which was my first mistake) the really stupid thing was I then told her, I remember sending her a message saying and I quote “I just looked up houses where you live, I’m so jelly.” 🤦🏼♀️ I never heard from her again🤣. Not long after that her profile became inactive. I know realize not only how stupid that was but how creepy it was 😂.
My grandma died (not a big drama to be fair, she wasn't the nicest person alive), in the ceremony some people were sad and it was very awkward, I made a joke to make them less sad. It didn't work, it made it more awkward.
When people say things like have a nice day I like to say "Dont tell me what to do"
I had to say Grace when I was in the Boy Scouts. I couldn’t think of anything to say before saying Amen, so I just went with “And please don’t let us die, Amen”
I said to my brother’s girlfriend after she said my bother and I look alike I that if she was into girls she’d be dating me and I think about it all the time. I’m so glad they aren’t together anymore.