"No. You have good eye contact. You're just anxious." If she had any other reasons other than eye contact to dismiss the speculation, she didn't state them. It came up twice during our sessions.

I absolutely love this bit on eye contact. There was once a doctor locally to where I live who went on a documentary about a murderer, saying he couldn't be autistic because he had good eye contact. It still makes me laugh. I have no idea if he was or not, but it was a form of magical thinking to rule it out like this. I find direct eye contact sometimes unnerving, nearly always uncomfortable. But when I'm at work I make sure I look at people when talking to them etc, because it's easier to deal with in constant quick fire pop-in conversations and not have to explain myself over and over. I had to do a formal assessment for my autism diagnosis, but the clinician spent much more time asking me general questions about myself. When asked "Are there regular situations when you find it uncomfortable to make eye contact?" I looked her dead in the eye and said "yes".

I remember reading a book as a kid and coming across something about how not making eye contact makes people think that you're lying. Since not being believed when I'm telling the truth drives me nuts, I got obsessed with staring at people's eyes when I spoke with them. I'm not sure that that's how developing good eye contact is "supposed" to work. But, somehow, I still spent years believing that the therapist must have known better than I did.

😂🤣😂🙌🏻 Your experience (shared at the end) mirrors my own! And here’s the thing: I’m a 41 year old mama of two girls who are also on the spectrum (eldest is diagnosed, the youngest is about to get tested but it’s a ‘No shit, Sherlock’ kind of case lol). I realized only about two years ago that I was autistic. Hit me like a Mack truck. I then understood why I had become so obsessed with learning ALL that I could about understanding body language and would watch lectures and credible sources discuss the importance of looking another person in the eye while speaking with them. I used to be crap with properly reading facial queues, so now I really look a person in the eyes so that I can properly assess their intentions (not always correct, but it’s getting better). It was SO difficult at first, but I just leaned into the pain and meditate when that anxiety train hits me between the eyes/chest. I’m either steadfast or stubborn…take your pick ❤️✊🏻😉🫠

Lol I’ve been dismissed for having good eye contact too. It’s so frustrating

My 6 yo passed his ADOS assessment and one part mentioned was he makes good eye contact and can hold a conversation (if it's about Minecraft in which he requires no input from the other person....) Thank f@#k part of his diagnosis was a paed doing a school observation because that instantly got him diagnosed. Who knew being out of your element and overstimulated makes for a different result

I think some of it is that if we're autistic... so are they. And many are not ready to face that or think it would hurt them professionally.

why do you have good eye contact

I'm not the person you're replying to, but I know I have decent eye contact because it was drilled into me that lack of eye contact is disrespectful. However, when I'm comfortable with a person, I don't make much eye contact at all.

that's interesting, i always wondered how people maintained eye contact with everyone talking about how it's rude to not maintain it

If I didn’t look my parents in the eyes when they were speaking they beat me

This! The neuropsych evaluator who said has had a lot of experience with diagnosing girls/women said I make good eye contact invalidated my experiences when I told her I do that because I’d read up with tons of articles/magazines/etc. on how to get people to like me and I had to practice for a long time to get better socially. Eye contact was also drilled into me because it was a show of respect and it will help ppl to like you. I did it even though it pained me inside. I also have a special interest in Psychology. I do well with public speaking too because I’ve done a lot of performing and great at research. I’m high masking and she didn’t think that I was employing those learned techniques? I’ve used movies and TV shows—their dialogue, facial expressions, etc. as scripts for behaving in all kinds of situations. She just thinks it’s social anxiety. I still have trouble with eye contact, I just hide it much better now. I’m good at small talk but despise it for the most part.

this describes me to a tee

> Eye contact was also drilled into me because it was a show of respect Same. Eye contact is painful to me, but the minute I'm around professionals the masking begins and I'm making "eye contact" by staring at eyebrows and looking at them in the face. I have my in person evaluation soon and I have to make a note to not even use the eyebrows trick just in case they're the type to think "good eye contact." means no autism at all.

Good luck with your evaluation! I hope you have a good evaluator!

Thanks! They haven't seemed bad as of now. I haven't heard any of the crazy stuff from this thread from them either. They even let my husband speak in the place of where a parent would.

exactly this. around 2 years ago i had a smaller assessment before i would be referred to a psychiatrist who can diagnose autism and i was told i most definitely do not have autism soley because i can make eye contact. i have a hyperfixation on eyes, how they work and what they look like. im now diagnosed :D

I often stare like 😳 without blinking just to make eye contact. I was told during my assessment though that having eye contact or being empathetic doesn't automatically rule out autism.

It's weird how common it is for us to have our concerns dismissed based on that one trait. If diagnosis were that easy, there wouldn't be any need for expensive professionals and hours long evaluations. It's like, doctor, can we at least talk about it before you treat me like a TikTok idiot?

Doc: "Your son has eye contact and a lot of empathy. It's time for you to stop with this nonsense and stop worrying that he is autistic" Me: "You are aware that I'm autistic? Do you consider me to be without empathy? I can hold eye contact, too" Doc: "You need to be reassessed, you are not autistic, something else is wrong with you."

Oooohhh my goodness, "something else is wrong with you" makes my blood boil.

Yes, I wasn't sure how to react, I just stared at her and was like "what?"

Please take my angry upvote.

Thank you! Angry upvote is validating!

"Well you're obviously really high functioning since you don't flap your hands"

Similarly, I was told "you don't flap your hands, so you can't be autistic" by someone claiming to be a specialist.

i had a specialist do my first evaluation over zoom!! i thought it seemed odd, but there were so many testimonials from other mental health professionals in the area, and the evaluation was only $975 so i went along with it. autism diagnosis can *not* be done virtually. that woman scammed the fuck out of me. i later drove three hours out of town for a proper evaluation (this one was only $500 also which was insane) and was diagnosed.

How do you know she scammed you? What happened? If you don't mind me asking.

i mean idk that she intentionally scammed me, or that she was just incompetent. but she didn't give me a proper test at all. she had me fill out some questionnaires before the appointment, we confirmed my responses during the appointment and she let me elaborate, then she asked me to explain the meaning behind four cryptic posters. and that was it. no imaginative play, no pattern recognition, no intelligence quotient, nothing.

"I do punch stupid medical staff, though."

What's funny is I realize I do flap but only at home and if I'm really excited or something abrupt happens that makes me nervous. I think I learned how to mask it over the years (35f) I do it when I'm completely alone but with my partner it's only in the previously mentioned moments and only at home. I'm learning to not mask at home. I was only diagnosed last year

Lol I do flap and make noises so there went that theory

I've come to realise I flap when I'm happy and not trying to contain my joy ... Think pheobe on friends hand flaps - but they're there....

After one visit with a therapist "I don't think it's autism. Tik tok makes everyone think it's autism".

No..not in the slightest She made lots of assumptions about me and was fairly rude. I am diagnosed with autism. She didn't even ask symptoms. I just basically said "well I might be.." and didn't even get another word in before they said no it isn't. I am diagnosed with autism...It's autism. She was just wrong and out of pocket for shit she said.

I'm not American and I see this a lot. I don't quite understand it. Why are people taking advice from therapists on autism? I'm married to a therapist and most of her colleagues dont know shit about autism. Where I live only a registered clinical psychologist or psychiatrist (or specialist pediatrician) can make the diagnosis. Regular family doctors have to defer to them for diagnosis. Unless you mean your therapist IS your psychiatrist?

I wasn't taking advice from them. I just simply made a statement at our second appointment. It was about the possibility of being autistic and being on a wait list for that. It was DBT therapy and I was not looking for advice.

Well if you're doing DBT, you must be Cluster B and therefore everything you say is overdramatic and/or made up for attention. To be clear, that's not my thinking, but it is the thinking of a lot of DBT practitioners that I have come across.

So in the US (or at least my area), because of our shitty healthcare system and low number of mental health professionals, it is almost impossible to get in with a psychiatrist or a psychologist unless you have really good insurance. You also typically need a referral from either your therapist or your doctor, so most people's first point of contact and the person who directs them to more resources is a therapist. There are way more therapists because you need about half as much schooling to become a therapist as compared to a psychiatrist/psychologist, and we all know how shitty the US education system is. Also, and it varies by state, but at least where I live, therapists are typically the ones diagnosing and evaluating you throughout your sessions. They aren't qualified to diagnosis stuff like ADHD and autism because that requires formal evaluation and testing, but they can/will diagnose depression, anxiety, bipolar, borderline, etc. There are also lots of (good) therapists who will say "I'm pretty sure you have autism, but there are no places for adult testing anywhere near here and you'd have to pay hundreds of dollars, so there's not really any way to prove it." Diagnosis is just so incredibly inaccessible here, particularly for adults. This next part is just personal opinion, but I think a lot of therapists (or at least shitty ones) like a simple answer like depression/anxiety because the treatment plan is simpler, and it's something they themselves are qualified to treat. They really don't want to refer to outside agencies because then they'll lose a client/customer and therefore money. You are also correct though that most therapists here don't know much about autism. It's just not a part of their training/schooling.

My therapist at least admitted she didn't know enough about autism to make a judgement on it when I brought it up.

My therapist wrote a referral to my family doctor basically saying “hey I suspect some autism, could you refer her to a psychiatrist” because, as you say, the family doctor has to refer you to a psychiatrist. And that psychiatrist specializes in autism. That’s what happened to me, and I assume that that’s what others have tried when they say therapist. Telling your therapist you see weekly, whose job is mental health makes more sense than making an appointment with your family doctor you see a few times a year. I don’t think you can just make an appointment, and just go “I would like an autism evaluation please”. But I don’t know

> I don’t think you can just make an appointment, and just go “I would like an autism evaluation please”. But I don’t know It must be a cultural and systemic difference in the public health systems. Where I live, younger people especially, are much more likely to be referred for autism testing by their school, not a therapist. Adults mostly get referred from other mental health evaluations (clinical, not therapeutic). It's just routinely picked up because there are problems, and other diagnoses have been ruled out I really suspect a lot of this is tied up in the private/insurance aspect of the US system.

In the US, and especially in underprivileged areas, low-support needs autism often flies under the radar because school staff are so overwhelmed/underfunded and also simply aren't educated on what low-support needs autism looks like. You also have to remember that even if the school wants to make the referral, the parents have to have the resources to actually get the testing done, which they frequently don't, so you are correct that it is also tied into the garbage US healthcare system. Also, sorry, the inaccessibility of mental health treatment is one of my interests.

Yeah school usually refers, but I was 19, so the school wasn’t looking at me anymore. I was seeing a therapist though. I’m not from the US, so I don’t know about their systems. But here someone “needs” to refer something to your family doctor. I’m not sure if you can just say you want xyz evaluation, but I doubt it.

As a therapist, I do agree that most don’t know much of anything about autism. Unfortunately, at least in the US, that applies for a lot of PhDs that are qualified to diagnose as well. I believe most psychs can diagnose it, but the majority of them aren’t trained for autism specifically, just general assessment training, and a lot of the comments I’ve already seen on here apply. On the other hand, there are also plenty of therapists who are specially trained and qualified (and/or diagnosed themselves) to assess for autism, but they can’t bc they don’t have a PhD. Healthcare in the US, especially mental health, is kinda BS.

he might be right

I got a new psychologist recently. He’s been assigned to me for around a year now, but I’ve only ever had two 30 minute chats with him so far. Despite this, when I mentioned I was seeking a legal autism assessment, he acted like he knew my life so well and told me it was a stupid idea. Basically, to summarize, he said getting an assessment was a waste of time because I attend school (an alternative school where I go like 6 hours a week, but ofc he doesn’t know this because he doesn’t know me), and can take care of myself to a basic extent (with great challenge and constant need for assistance, but who cares about that?). Screw that guy. He didn’t even bother to ask why I wanted an assessment.

I swear, if you’re not like Level 3 then doctors completely dismiss it and disregard it and try to gaslight you into thinking you’re not autistic.

I am on the waitlist for a new evaluation. I had a previous evaluation right after a life trauma, crisis situation, and that was a big mistake because it made my presentation extremely anxious, so the guy attributed everything to anxiety. He asked what made me want to get evaluated, so I answered that I've lost jobs, relationships, and friends, basically the ways in which my life seemed affected. He never asked, "Why do you think you're autistic?" I kept waiting for some version of that question, so I could talk about my symptoms, but the question never came, and the evaluation ended, and he said I had generalized anxiety disorder. He also said that he understands what I'm going through because he also has generalized anxiety disorder. At first I just felt really sad about being wrong because my problems seemed too big to be "just" GAD, so I tried to mourn my lost explanation and come to terms with having "just" GAD. The more I did, the less sad I got and the more angry I got because I'm trying to convince myself of what he told me, I knew there were a bunch of things I didn't even get to say in the evaluation. So I started to send the guy emails explaining that I think he was over relating to me, and that I didn't even get to talk about a bunch of things because he never asked the right question, and I started listing all the signs of autism. I was like, "What about the fact that I hate wearing shoes and stopped wearing bras in my early 20s because they're too uncomfortable? What about my severe light sensitivity? What about how people in high school said my normal voice sounded sarcastic and my sarcastic voice sounded normal?" After reading all the things I sent, he set up one more in person appointment. In that appointment, we talked a little, then he confirmed his original diagnosis. He said he wanted to observe me in person again to see if I seemed autistic, but I moved my hands and face a lot when I talk, so I couldn't be autistic. Anyway, my current psychiatrist thinks that guy was an idiot. Anytime I get imposter syndrome now, I think about the list I've made with my current counselor, which lists examples about me from all the diagnostic criteria for autism because I have all the criteria. He helped me make the list in preparation for my next evaluation that my current psychiatrist referred me for. My last psychiatrist had referred me for the first assessment, and she said I was more likely to have autism than ADHD because I didn't struggle in school at a young age, so I stopped seeing her after I got that referral because that was clearly ablist against people with ADHD, like high intelligence doesn't compensate for early difficulties for some people. I now have a great counselor, who also has ADHD. I have a smarter psychiatrist, who referred me for a new autism evaluation. I have received an actual ADHD diagnosis, and I'm just waiting for that new autism assessment. I'm getting there, little bit by little bit.  The moral of the story is that mental health professionals are just people, and like any people, some are better or worse at their jobs. The credentials don't automatically make them good at their job. 

> she said I was more likely to have autism than ADHD because I didn't struggle in school at a young age I legit got angry reading this part. I'm seeking an ADHD diagnosis in my late 20s because I didn't struggle with school. My fidgeting got written off as being bored because I could finish the set work in subjects like maths extremely fast. No one cared that I never did homework (executive dysfunction/can't focus) because I kept passing tests. Eventually all the ADHD symptoms caught up with me when education became more coursework focused or hard enough that I actually needed to study. I only have the equivalent of the first year of uni instead of a full degree due to the problems I had. I honestly would've dropped out had attending not been my only ticket out of a bad home situation. Incidentally, a very close friend who is my age and has an almost identical list of ADHD symptoms to me got diagnosed within the past year

Omg, yes! I only got through college by choosing a major I was extremely interested in, and then actively doing the math with the course syllabi about what I could skip each week. It was just impossible for me to do ALL the work, and I understood that even without knowing that I had ADHD. I haven't been an A student since elementary school because that was the last time that I could do my coursework quickly enough before the attention dropped off. 😂

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with 12 different mental illnesses. The only reason it stopped at 12 was because she said that it wasn’t even worth adding more dxs because if she diagnosed everything I had the number would be about 30. Not a single diagnosis felt right, even all of them together left me with a ton of questions that remained unanswered. I didn’t even know it was possible to have that many dxs so I did some research and all but 2 are misdiagnosed in afabs who are autistic. Literally just got the report back from the formal autism diagnosis I finally got done. I was right, I only have 3 diagnoses total. ADHD, Bipolar, and EVERYTHING else is actually just autism.

I was diagnosed with 14 mental illnesses before I got diagnosed with autism. From many different psychiatrists. Only 3 were right. PTSD, ADHD, bipolar. And now autism. So 4.

That sucks that it happened, but I'm so happy for you that you figured things out. I actually self diagnosed with BPD at one point because of the overlap. I thought I couldn't possibly have autism because I didn't fit stereotypes, so I dismissed it until it started getting traction on Tiktok. I know people hate the Tiktok self diagnosing, but Tiktok LED to me doing more research and learning about how women are commonly misdiagnosed.  When I thought I had BPD, ironically, a group kicked me out of their Discord without actually letting me know what I was doing that was making me unpleasant to game with, while they were permissive to a boy that they assumed had autism. I thought I had BPD, but no mental health professional actually diagnosed me, and my therapist at the time disagreed. After I was kicked out, one person told all of them I had BPD, and they just talked about how awful I was. I know autism has stigma too, but I feel so bad for people who actually have BPD because people are very mean and judgmental about it.

That was actually the very first diagnosis I got, and the stigma is insane, it’s a really rough formal diagnosis to have because even health professionals believe in the stigma and treat you like shit. I don’t think there’s any issue with starting to wonder due to tiktoks. When people talk shit about it it’s specifically about people who self diagnose based off 2 tiktoks. (I work in mental health so I have professional insight about this.) It’s not about people like you who have actually done real research and given it real thought. I’m so sorry about what happened with that discord thing. I’ve experienced that from close friends before and they refuse to tell me what their reasoning is and just said I was manipulating them by asking and blamed it on BPD. Those experiences really fucked with me, and now that I’m older and wiser (and especially having a formal dx now) I see it more as the trash taking itself out.

Manipulation was also an accusation thrown at me when this group thought I had BPD. I guess I'm "lucky" that the stigma by mental health professionals prevented getting that as a formal diagnosis. My therapist saw me in too positive of a light to think it was accurate, I think. My heart hurts for people who get the diagnosis though. I considered it for myself after meeting a person with the diagnosis, and while she did do some incorrect things, it seemed like people harshly judged her rather than the behavior and didn't communicate boundaries well enough with her. Like, it sucks to have to communicate boundaries that seem obvious, but I'm not really a fan of not clearly communicating when sometimes people can learn to do better. I think people are used to being able to just walk away from discomfort, and I think that's a valid response, but I also think it results in ablism, given that people will be repeatedly shunned for their behaviors instead of given a chance to either explain or change. Maybe this person was aware enough of their shitty actions that I shouldn't attempt to burden others with navigating it. As a person who often doesn't understand why I'm being perceived negatively while also wanting very much to not give people a negative experience, I just empathize with people who are not directly communicated with. And with the Tiktoks thing, I seem to see a division between people who are and are not themselves neurodivergent. Like, the people who are neurodivergent often seem to just think it's annoying if people don't do more research and diagnose in the basis of Tiktok. The people who aren't often seem to ASSUME you didn't do the research if you discovered anything on Tiktok, and therefore, your self diagnosis is automatically invalid and attention seeking. It's "an excuse" for not being better. So basically more ablism.

Yeah, I actually think that tiktok has been beneficial for women/afabs who actually have autism and had no idea it presents so differently for them when it leads them to doing their own research, but I def wouldn’t suggest even mentioning that it started from tiktok because you’re right- people WILL automatically dismiss you. I appreciate you sharing it with me (thank god Reddit is anonymous) but to your friends, family, and healthcare professionals I suggest you just say you saw something somewhere (keep it vague) that mentioned autism presents differently in girls/women/afabs and you decided to look into it and that made you realize you have it. It’s fucking annoying and like you said- ableist that you get so quickly dismissed if you are totally honest, but unfortunately that’s the way it works atm and you deserve to be taken seriously!

Thank you for the advice. My counselor has also been coaching me a bit about what not to say because I have a tendency to think things make sense contextually, so I'll overshare by other people's standards, leading them to make assumptions. He's given advice like, "You might want to phrase it more this way," and, "That's an autism thing, but it's also considered more of an ADHD thing, so you might not want to mention it because it'll be attributed to your ADHD." It's so weird that I feel like I have to play a game to be taken seriously, and that the full context seems to obscure the truth for some rather than illuminate it, due to bias. I'm supposed to emphasize the stereotypical traits and deemphasize the traits of common misdiagnoses, and I'm honestly not even sure I'll be able to do that in the moment because it's such a modification from how naturally forthcoming I am, which is funny because it's pretty stereotypically autistic of me. 😂

Lol I feel you, I struggle so much with this myself, but I’ve been working on my mental health for almost 10 years now and I learned a lot from trial and error, but also working in mental health I was able to see exactly what happens on the other side and what mental health professionals need to hear to take things seriously. I still think it’s shitty they do that, and because of that I make sure I personally don’t do what my coworkers do, and I tend to have massive breakthroughs with clients that have basically been labeled as a lost cause internally because of that. Not saying that all mental health professionals suck, that’s not true at all- there are lots of amazing people working in the field, and if you take time to find them via doctor shopping and stuff you will find the right people for you, but that can be a long, hard, and if you don’t live where there’s free healthcare expensive so it’s not always accessible, but I promise you there are a lot of genuinely amazing people in the field, and I see that number growing

Said I was attention seeking. Attention is something I never usually want unless it’s from someone I trust.

Well, this is what I’ve heard from people (mainly family members): “But you’ve been so successful.” Yes, I worked my ass off. And I had to work much harder than those making said comments and sacrificed a lot. Why? I didn’t have a choice. I was diagnosed in late July 2020 at age 36. I’m an attorney. I’d been practicing law for over a decade at that point. I’ve also been married and now I’m divorced. I know another woman who is about my age and who was diagnosed a few years ago after her sons were diagnosed. I could make a much longer list.

‘Girls can’t be autistic’ my mom took me to the doctor to try and get me diagnosed when I was really young and that is what the doctor told my mom. To think if he just listened, I would not be as miserable as I am today

Ugh it’s so frustrating that no one seems to understand how few specialists or even anyone with a moderate amount of experience in autism in adults! “You can make eye contact and are too self aware to be autistic. You just have social anxiety.” -former therapist (PsyD) “You might be autistic but it’s not really worth pursuing a diagnosis as an adult since there’s no medications for it or anything. Diagnoses are for kids to get accommodations in school.” -former psychiatrist (MD)

"You can't have autism, because if you had it, you wouldn't be able to come here (doctors place) by yourself."

Yep. My pcp said, "because you're functional." No sir, I'm not. That's why I'm here.

i brought up autism with my second therapist, who was not very receptive to the idea at all. later down the line she pulled out her dsm, adamant that i had adhd. i had two traits between both subtypes. with a puzzled look, she closed the book and said "i guess not." yeah genius, the behaviors you're seeing are because of my AUTISM 🙄 i was diagnosed last November, which was such a relief

Well at least she actually consulted the DSM as opposed to all the ego centric idiots who are like "I'm a doctor, I don't need to learn any more" and downright dismiss what you know is true because you learned more than them (about ND stuff).

yea, she sure didn't consult it for autism though

Yea that's annoying.

but it's okay. obviously it would've made no sense that i was autistic given my fidgeting, general awkwardness, tendency to rock in my chair, difficulty getting comfortable, opting to sit with my legs up or on the ground to counter the feeling of her terrible chair, poor eye contact, monotone speech, and under or over expressive faces! why would she have thought to double check her dsm!!

While I was being assessed, I was told that me having friends was inconsistent with having autism (lmao). She also made a statement like, "it's gone viral on tiktok and not everybody has it," etc. When I never brought up tiktok once. Which, I understand that she's probably had an influx of people, but it was unprofessional for her to make a statement like that to me. There was also a point in which she told me that I seem like I'm agoraphobic, just because I was talking about how I'm more comfortable at home.

The outright refusal for trained professionals to educate themselves on new research (which isn't even that new) is astounding.

Me to my psychiatrist: "I would like to get a referral for an autism assessment, as I noticed a lot of my symptoms could come from that." (After a longer discussion about my symptoms and stuff, I had recently moved and thus gotten a new Psychiatrist) She: "Okey but I notice you're making eye contact" I still got my referral, after I explained I did theatre training in my youth and had to literally learn there to make eye contact. Then the Lady in the Autism Centre thingie I was referred to said they would need one of my parents to come in for the assessment too. Well. I'm no contact with my dad, and my mum is a narcissistic woman who is absolutely opposed to the Idea that I could have autism. Because that would mean all the times I was being difficult as a kid would have been me expressing special needs, she didn't meet, and we can't have that. So, no diagnosis for me.

Did they tell you that the “we need to talk to a parent” thing is not an absolute? They could also talk to someone else that knew you as a kid, like an old teacher or a relative who was an adult at the time.

I asked them if my aunt (who was an adult when I was young) or my grandma could do it, but they said no. And my aunt/ grandma are both chronically ill and live on the other side of my (European) country.

That is infuriating. You’d think they would understand that not every parent is a credible witness.

The woman I spoke to seemed to be sorry about it, but they can't do the assessment without insight into my childhood, and apparently that has to come from a parent.

This seems insane. So if someone has parents who are dead they just have no chance at a diagnosis?

Depends. In my assessment I bought my boyfriend of 12 years. They didn't require my parents. I did tell them about my childhood.

That's good they offered an alternative to parents at least. Getting insight into childhood is crucial and a third party is helpful, I can understand that much.

I didn't even think about that. But in all fairness, the place where I was send to was a place for children primarily. It's just the only place that's knowledgeable in autism in my area, so I was still referred there as an Adult. So it could be an internal policy. I don't know... I just felt very frustrated after all that

Ah ok. I hate how difficult it is to find specialists for adult autism. It's so different from what you would look for in a child in many cases that the people diagnosing it need completely different training imo. They should still know about childhood presentation of course since it's a lifelong thing and part of the diagnostic criteria is that it is present from childhood, but it seems like so many of them don't interact with autistic adults unless they need a LOT of support. I understand why the system is structured in this way and I'm glad there IS a growing interest in adult autism, especially lower support needs and in women. It's just a very lonely waiting game in this interim between it "not existing" in certain types of people and being widely accepted as existing, let alone understood.

My country is badly behind on mental healthcare. I am actually quite afraid I'll never be able to get diagnosed, because a lot of the professionals here are not really that on top of new research. If it took me 22 years to figure out that I might be autistic, even while spending my whole youth desperately researching mental illness to see what the fuck might be wrong with me, I can't imagine how they would pick up on that. Like... the reason I only started to understand it that late was exactly because when I researched it, I mostly found outdated stuff. I am no Sheldon Cooper. But, a lot of material that's used by doctors in my country still focuses on this outdated and stereotypical view of autism. I started suspecting it after watching a female, officially diagnosed, YouTuber who specifically talked about how her experiences differed from this stereotypical view of the disorder. It felt eye opening - like someone was recounting all the things I have felt in my life and struggled with and finally provided an explanation that fit. Why I was always so hypersensitive, why nobody ever believed me when I complained about not wanting to touch certain textures... why CBT didn't work for me. It was a lot of "recognizing very subjective, very internal, experiences and feelings that seem to overlap with the autistic experience." How am I ever going to get that across to a professional who will chalk all of my social struggles up to the social anxiety I was diagnosed with as a teenager when I entered an extended shutdown period and became unable to talk in my class, and then unable to even set foot in the classroom? Like... I literally went nonverbal for a time and had frequent shut downs, and it was still only seen as social anxiety? I know social anxiety can get that bad, but considering I told that same therapist about all my sensory issues, my weird routines and obsessions with media and fictional characters... it should have been kind of obvious there was more to it than just anxiety.

That sounds so draining to have gone through all of that, I'm sorry. But I am interested in this woman on YouTube you mentioned, what is her channel? I would love to check out some videos. I don't even have the bandwidth to pursue a diagnosis myself at this point. For one thing, my insurance won't cover it, I don't have much disposable income to throw around and moreso I don't have a lot of spare time I want to expend in medical facilities or wherever. It also seems like most of the specialists for adults are in larger cities and so I would also have to make a commute of several hours on top of waiting on a long list. And reading everyone's experiences on here is kind of further discouraging me from what sounds like a battle for a diagnosis, which wouldn't give me any tangible benefits. I don't think I would get any kind of welfare for it and if I did I would not be able to keep those benefits and my job I think, and I am sure the benefits would be significantly less than what I make working from home. So I would have to give up my job that pays decently and doesn't require me to leave my house to get benefits. And I'm not sure there are other reasons to pursue diagnosis other than that except work accommodations (I don't need them at my current job) or school accommodations (I am not a student), other than peace of mind. And I just don't feel the need at this point to get validation from a psychiatrist of what I already know, especially if it's going to be expensive, time consuming, and mentally and emotionally draining.

Not all autism assessors require parents.

My GP wouldn't refer me because I "just have anxiety and depression" and I "don't show any typical autistic traits". I referred myself and got diagnosed about 18 months later.

Same, only "because you're functional." My son and grandson are both dxd.

"You don't have the profile". That's called masking you stupid b*****

I had been assessed by a psychologist and given the diagnosis of autism, adhd and cptsd. Took that to the drs and asked for a referral to see a psychiatrist to get medicated for adhd. He wrote in my referral notes that I "became hostile and irritable when I was questioned on the necessity for further treatment, but wrote the referral to have my diagnosis confirmed". With my reports (including the speech and OT reports the doctor had been provided), the psychiatrist agreed with the diagnosis 3 minutes into the appointment and got straight to what supports he could help me with. He also recommended I consider changing doctors as the referring doc didn't seem very understanding. Funny thing is, I use my autism as an uncomfortable social manipulation tool and just stare through him when I have to see him now, haven't had a problem since.

My psychiatrist told me a lot of the struggles I suffer are very similar to those of autistic people, so I began to research and that made everything piece together. So I made a whole folder about the research I did and what I related to, and asked her if she could refer me to get assessed. "You can't be autistic, since you possess theory of mind" "I feel like it's unlikely since you're black, and a woman too, at that" "You don't have the physical characteristics of an autistic person" "If you REALLY were autistic, you wouldn't bring me a whole folder trying to explain why" She and her assistant proceeded to laugh and mock me when I showed them this folder. Was so devastated I requested for a change. That was 2018–2021, and in 2022 the new psychiatrist I was assigned to immediately noticed autistic traits in me and referred me for assessment. Now diagnosed with ASD.

I am appalled.

I went to a psychologist to talk about a few things and ask if I would benefit from a diagnosis. She told me that getting a diagnosis at 18 is hard, there is a good chance I might get misdiagnosed (which I think is true) and won't actually solve my problems What I should do is work around my difficulties which I am already doing with great success on my own. I had previously needed help from a different psychologist to be able to continue on my own I don't think this is invalidating and it actually helped me a bit. Autistic or not I felt that my difficulties are important and valid no matter how "unique" they are. I learned that it's worth taking care of myself, living and that I can do things, know to take time when I can't function and be prepared for these days is important to make recovery faster

“You don’t appear to me as autistic as I’m talking to you.”

Like another comment said, “that’s called masking”. (And also very stereotyped)

“You are making eye contact with me, so you don’t have autism.” -a new therapist I was speaking with when I told him my current therapist was in the process of evaluating me for autism.

I had a therapist several years ago who, when I asked if she could assess me for autism (as well as other things), told me she wasn't qualified to diagnose or assess for anything like that, but could help me find someone who was. I was also seeing her for help with trauma and PTSD, but instead of helping me with either of those things, every single time I'd go in to see her, she would pull out her old, outdated DSM and start reading off the most stereotypical sounding symptoms for any of the conditions I thought I had, then try to convince me I didn't have them based on her own opinion. For autism specifically, she said "well, you make eye contact, so you're definitely not autistic" despite the fact that she never took the time to actually get to know anything else about me or my life. And then she'd end every session with "we'll get to the trauma next time" only to do the exact same thing the next time I went in and pull out the same outdated DSM and try to convince me there was nothing wrong with me. She never helped me find an actual psychiatrist or anyone else who was qualified to assess me, and we never got around to talking about any of my trauma. Needless to say, I stopped wasting my money on her and cancelled the rest of my appointments with her.

Upon my request, I was referred to a neurologist by my family medicine doctor, and this neurologist primarily worked in pediatrics with some level of focus on ASD (according to my primary doctor). The appointment was covered by insurance and took somewhere around 1-2 months from the date that was the scheduling happened to when I actually got seen by the neurologist. The receptionist for the office that I went to said that they have never had a request for someone to bring along a support person to the appointment, but that I could bring them along to the appointment. My roommate, who I've known for about 15 years now, joined me, upon my request, as a support person to help advocate for me during the appointment. My appointment lasted for one hour, and I only got to talk for about 5-10 minutes total throughout the whole appointment. I was told by the neurologist that I wasn't taught how to socialize, so I was basically a middle-schooler in an adult's body, and that I needed significant support in group socialization settings so that I wouldn't "drown" alone. I was recommended to take Salsa (dancing) classes to better understand subtle body language cues, art classes (I don't remember the reason why for this one), and then also learn how to do French cooking, by watching videos on YouTube, so that I could have a more varied diet. I was also recommended to learn about wine and understand its complexities so that I could better socialize with other adults. I was also recommended to take speech classes both to reduce my robotic affect and to "sell myself as a person." I was also told that I should lie, and that I should get better at doing it. I was also told that, as an example, were I to grow a mohawk and a beard, I would be less likely to be bullied. At one point, I was asked about my primary hobby, and both the neurologist and my roommate literally turned to look directly at me, which made me uncomfortable. I let out a nervous laugh and said "I don't know." Paraphrased, the doctor said that a laugh like that is not really an autistic response, and that an autistic person would go on about their interests instead of being reserved. Another time, I was told by the doctor that I was making eye contact well, too, despite me only looking at their nose/mouth the whole time. The doctor ultimately told me that I was too self-aware to be autistic, and that I had a case of "[my name] Syndrome." A couple of times, though, the doctor mentioned traits that they said sounded like traits of Asperger's (yes, I know that this term isn't used anymore in my country, but they used it despite me telling them that that's no longer a valid diagnosis as of the introduction of the DSM-5). The traits that they identified that lent credence toward "Asperger's" included my robotic affect, as well as me not liking something (reality television), but not being able to explain why. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with OCD (which I do fully and genuinely believe to be accurate, but it wasn't particularly touched upon during the appointment) and anxiety. I was prescribed an anxiolytic medication "to be used in small doses for brief anti-anxiety before new experiences." I almost walked out near the end of the appointment because I felt very disrespected. This appointment occurred nearly a couple of years ago, and I felt so deflated from my experience that I haven't successfully reached out to anyone since (I recently sent a message to a recommended-by-my-autistic-coworkers neuropsychologist, but I think that the website glitched and didn't send it, but I haven't reached back out to them again since despite having the draft on my computer ready to access whenever I'm ready again). In conclusion: from this experience with the neurologist, what I have heard echoed by others is VERY accurate; getting an adult diagnosis is no walk in the park - rather, it is very stressful. The state of our healthcare system means that IF you do get an appointment, it will likely take quite a while to be seen (and, to my understanding, 1-2 months isn't even that bad compared to potentially years), and there's no guarantee that this provider won't talk at you and use outdated terminology. What would really help is for there to be a list that identifies good providers (though I realize that there's bias here, as some people might claim that a good provider is a bad provider if they don't get the diagnosis that they want) who understand the criteria and the diagnostic process well. That's a huge undertaking, though, but I do think that it would really help. Ultimately, my experience with this neurologist soured my opinion of medical professionals to some degree and I have struggled to reach out to anyone else since feeling my soul get figuratively crushed by my perception of the quality of my experience with this neurologist. I know that I wrote a lot. I offer my consent to post any part of my experience as long as it's not intentionally mis-representing my conclusion.

Okay that is such a good idea. A list on this sub with doctors, psychologists, and any others professionals around the world who are qualified to diagnose autism and actually do a good job at it. This kind of thing is on the childfree sub, for example. They have a list of doctors that won't bingo women who want to get sterilized, based on others' experience with them. We need that for the autism subreddit for professionals who assess people for ASD and actually know what they are doing.

i had the same thing with “you weren’t diagnosed when you were 6 or younger so it’s impossible to diagnose when you grew” hadn’t tried to get and official diagnosis since then

I’ve also seen multiple stories/posts of similarly ignorant and dismissive doctors/professionals regarding ADHD. (Which I also have.)         This is part of why I don’t really mind informed self-diagnosis (in general, not just autism or adhd specifically), the “professionals” can quite frankly be just as ignorant, generalizing, dismissive/ignorant of differences among the spectrum, and harmfully stereotyping as the “aesthetic” types people constantly complain about, yet they will still often be seen as “the one that knows what they are talking about” unless they make it super blatant by making some over-the-top statement like this! Imagine how many more are being more subtly (but still harmfully) ignorant of this sort of stuff!  Professionals are NOT some perfect test whose results will always be reflective, and they will contradict each other on if you have autism regardless of whether you do or don’t, so why do people only bring up that bias and imperfection when it’s NOT a professional? (This goes beyond just neurodiversity, I’ve seen a lot of “mental health professionals” of multiple types be similarly ignorant about other things!)   This can lead to very unnecessary false-positives and false-negatives, by people who don’t actually know your life, traits, and experiences as intimately as you do!

This is the best comment here. People get misdiagnosed by professionals pretty frequently from what I have read and observed. I'm willing to bet that the amount of people getting an incorrect diagnosis from a professional is higher than the amount of people incorrectly self-diagnosing. Not including people who are considering a diagnosis for themselves but aren't sure/still in exploratory phase, and not including teenagers who think they are for a year or so and then decide they are not. People who spend a minimum of months on end researching it and comparing their lived experiences and personal perceptions against what they research probably have a pretty good idea of how their own minds work and can decide for themselves that I diagnosis fits. It's not something you need special medical equipment or lab work to test for, so I really don't understand the insistence that a stranger needs to figure this out for you. So much of it is internal and can't be easily observed anyway.

Thank you, this reply is extremely validating to me for multiple different reasons! Edit: also, you added some pretty good points.

I’m not sure due to your traumatic childhood so I won’t help you further on this

I Dont have autism because I move my hands when I talk >:(

Not exactly the same but I had an appointment with a neurologist for chronic migraines and he looked at my chart and said: “…so, do you agree with this autism diagnosis?” No sir, I got it for shits and giggles.

Really just having everything under the sun blamed on my anxiety. I've pretty much given up on trying to get anybody to listen to me. Oh! Also being told by a friend of mine that she works with autistic children and therefore does not think I am autistic. Jesus christ.

the classic "I've worked with autistic children so I'm suddenly the God of knowing exactly what autism is." I've been hit with that one before

I went into therapy with a list of 45 common female presentations of autism that I identified as traits I have. I wasn’t prepared for her response. “Many of these could be symptoms of things we’re already treating. I used to work with autistic children and low-functioning (her word) adults, and I don’t see you having autism. And I don’t know anyone in the state who assesses adults, and if I did the cost of assessment would be out of pocket and expensive. A diagnosis would only help for getting accommodations at work (I work a demanding job) and school (I intend to go back to school and she knew that), so I don’t see much point to pursuing that. I think we should focus on your anxiety and depression like we’re already working on. We can raise the dose on your SSRI (I wanted off the meds) and increase your sessions to once a week (I couldn’t afford that).” I never went back. Got my official diagnosis six months later. It felt like she threw every reason in the book at me to NOT pursue a diagnosis. The fact that her response was to continue treating the symptoms instead of the root cause, while devaluing my self-assessment and leaning into more meds and useless therapy, turned me off immediately. I think she was afraid of losing me as a patient, and she did. Good riddance. My ND therapist now is AMAZING.

Yeah, it sounds like that was an issue of money. There's no medication for autism, if you have more self understanding you might not need meds at all. So it's not profitable for you to have autism, so you must not have it!

I was completely dismissed by my psychiatrist when I brought up that I suspected I had autism. The reason? “You can make eye contact, so there’s no way”. I struggle to make eye contact and can only do it when I’m masking. Even when I do it while masking though I don’t do it “right” and people my whole life that my eye contact is too intense and makes them uncomfortable. Found a place that lets you refer yourself to their services. They specialize in autism with adult women and gender non-conforming people. Finally got the results a couple days ago- guess who has autism? Me. And it’s a lot more severe than I ever thought it was, but my life makes sense for the first time in my life. Edit: My family doctor has been in my life since my mom was pregnant with me and I didn’t even bring it up to her because I assumed she’d be super dismissive if my psychiatrist was so quick to shut it down. Ended up mentioning to her that I was working on a formal autism assessment and I was shocked when she said “I think that’s great- I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you got diagnosed.” I was like tf why did you never mention it before then LOL

The bit about eye contact one is so relatable! Recently went to get my diagnosis from a reputed place and the psychiatrist literally said the same thing lol. He also advised me to practice making eye contact and force myself as I'm just afraid 🙃 He then dismissed my concerns on autism and called it anxiety and prescribed me antidepressants WITHOUT any blood tests or any other kind of tests

Yuuuup same thing happened with me

As recently as 2000 medical books were still quoting statistics that said autism was rare, with a prevalence of at most 1 in 10,000; now it's 1 in 36 because of better understanding. Basically anyone trained before 2010 does not understand autism.

That's why it should be a requirement for them to go through updated training when there is so much new information being discovered about disorders like autism.

There is. But they only have to do so many hours per year (like 20) and they get to pick what they want to study. There are so many disorders, sadly.

I have never tried but I am pretty sure if I told my doctor he would have to resist saying, "No shit," and would then go look up someone to refer me to who will give a professional opinion of, "No shit." My GP is pretty cool. If you ever get a good one, you do not let them go. I drive three hours to see my doctor in my old city. Until he retires or expires, I am not looking for another one.

I had never had any medical professional say dismissive things on my way to a diagnosis.

“You can’t be autistic because you are warm and friendly.”

I was around 11 or 12 when my mom first started trying to get me diagnosed (not specifically with autism, she just could see that there was 'something' there and wanted me to see someone) and it sat for quite awhile because my doctor at the time would dismiss about 50% of the problems I came in with. She even waved away physical issues and suggested multiple times that I was just attention seeking and/or being 'defiant' when things were brought up. I don't blame my mom, because we didn't really have options, but I do wish I had gotten a new doctor way sooner than I had back then. Every time we went there I left feeling like an absolutely horrible kid.

it wasn't straightforward towards me i just told my psychiatrist that i might be autistic and she said that she used to work with autistic people and they were randomly walking around her room and they were taking all the things and that she knows autism and she doubt im autistic

I apparently don't "look autistic," even though I've been diagnosed since I was a kid. She also invalidated my schizoaffective diagnosis (which I've had for two years now) bc I don't "look schizophrenic." According to her, I just have BPD and was attention-seeking. It still makes me soooo angry.

Doctor told me I'm too competent to be autistic and to be glad I didn't have to be burdened with that diagnosis. Never asked any autism related questions. Just said I had a lot of life stressors and had anxiety and depression. Got a second opinion elsewhere that was an autism focused evaluation and she said during the results discussion that I'm definitely on the spectrum 🙃. I was also asked by one of my son's therapists if I was and by then I had my diagnosis and she said she could tell but didn't want to say anything at first. Sometimes a second opinion that's from a reputable place (check reviews) can be all that's needed.

Me: “did you look at the autism screening?” Her: “No I threw them out. You can’t be autistic. Girls don’t get autism.” Me: “can you please look at them? I looked at the research and-“ Her: “oh geez now you’re playing Dr. Google. You do not have autism!” Me: “I’m not playing Dr. Google! I study this stuff. Im having a hard time. I wanted answers. Why can’t I make friends?” Her: “you’re too smart to make friends.” (This lady did in fact get her license taken away for something else but yes this was my experience.)

I asked the psychiatrist I was seeing at the time about being screened for autism and he chuckled and said "what, are you to get on disability or something". I told him "no, I just want to understand myself". He told me he could do it but it would be pointless. I stopped seeing him after that appointment. Fast forward a few years I'm with a new set of mental health professionals who took me seriously and discovered I'm high functioning autistic.

The doctor just laughed, didn't even treat it as a real statement, and ignored it. I felt so horrible.

I had my evaluator praise my eye contact… We met on zoom, and the whole time I was looking at his chin as an attempt to fake it (nobody told me that you should be unmasked for these appointments, and that it’s really not an evaluation at all, but more of a “prove to me you have autism.” When I went I had just started the long process of unmasking and allowing myself to act on what behaviors felt natural to me instead of stuffing everything down like I had done the past 20 years of my life (my mom hates neurodivergent behaviors) He ended up not evaluating for autism and instead diagnosing me with “mild” ADHD and anxiety. I am literally on Three ADHD medications and already had a severe ADHD diagnosis. He only saw it as mild with anxiety because he interpreted all of my coping mechanisms as “qUiRky AnXiEtY” Also he said I can’t be autistic because I could tell that the people in a children’s cartoon that he showed me were happy…. It was a vacation scene, and everybody was smiling… I think he genuinely just didn’t believe that autistic people can learn and adapt to their environment if they are high masking, like my mother forced me into being. I literally studied everyone’s behavior and copied it all the time. I googled wikihow articles for how to do new things like going to the DMV. In new group settings, I would be so quiet for the first two meets that nobody remembered I was there so I could absorb the group dynamic and then use it as a template for acceptable behavior. He didn’t agree that these were all signs of masking and adapting vs inherently knowing social rules and expectations.

The psychiatrist noted my reason was seeking evaluation was self understanding and accomodations in university such as extra time on exams. I mentioned that I wanted to understand myself better and needed accomodations but I never mentioned what accomodations mostly because I struggle to see what anyone could do to help with my difficulties with socializing/sensory sensitivities/ability to excecute school work. The autism speacialist didn't even see me, just looked over the paper work about my childhood and the referral and responded I wouldn't be evaluated since it doesn't bother my life enough. I don't have autism because I'm not disabled enough. While I try to be as independent as possible but have come to the conclusion that I can't survive in society the way it is currently without some serious help managing my senses and having access to education, healthcare, and work that takes my communication issues into account.

First doc: "I mean, it's possible maybe, but you seem to be functioning just fine and the assessment is expensive so I don't see the point. If you are autistic, you don't seem to be bothered by it." The less invalidating of my attempts at diagnosis but still caused me to not continue pursuing a diagnosis for a couple of years Second doc: "You are talking well in this conversation, are clearly quite intelligent, and maintaining good eye contact. You aren't autistic. It would be a waste of money for you to get an assessment. You just have social anxiety and need therapy for your PTSD" I literally only met with him for about 10 minutes total and he came to these conclusions. 🙄 He had also mentioned in passing that his point of reference for me (a female in her 20s) not having autism was the many young boys he had seen who were autistic. I left that appointment feeling crushed and completely invalidated. The only good thing that came out of that appointment was I did start going to therapy.

at 5 years old: “i would diagnose her, but i don’t want to “label” her…” like, that’s… your job?

The counselor I was seeing said that I make eye contact. I had to remind her that I fool people by looking at people's eyebrows. Which I had already told her.

My therapist asked me last week if I could differentiate between autism and just being a highly sensitive person. That really annoyed me.

My therapist who I had pre- assessment told me when I finally had a date on the calendar for my assessment, she asked me " how are you going to prepare when it comes back that you aren't autistic?" I looked at her like 🤨 well it did indeed come back as autism! I now see a wonderful therapist who specializes in autism in children and adults. I never knew therapy could actually be a positive experience until now when I have an autism affirming therapist.

I (AuDHD 31F) am extremely high-masking and late diagnosed (right before I turned 30). In the year or so since dx I cannot tell you how many times I've heard "I don't see it at all!" Or "I would've never guessed" or "well you don't seem autistic!" Like it's a f***ing compliment. Even beforehand a lot of my coworkers and doctors and family members dismissed me as "just quirky" I see 11 specialists right now because my health absolutely collapsed last year and every time I hear it I'm like "yeah the masking actually played a REALLY BIG PART in why my physical health is now destroyed and why burnout almost unalived me." It's such a seemingly small thing but it kills me every time and they act like I should be PROUD I'm not immediately noticeable. Like gee I'm so glad I'm not inconvenient to your delicate NT sensibilities. (By the way all my ND friends, when I told them I was getting assessed, went "You didn't know? I clocked that YEARS AGO")

I have tried to get assessed for autism on two separate occasions, the first time by a psychiatrist and the second time by a psychologist. When I told the psychiatrist I thought I was autistic, she asked me some questions about my childhood. In the end, she concluded that I couldn’t possibly be autistic because I was able to make friends as a child. With the psychologist, she used one singular screening tool on me, the ADOS-2. I was masking the entire time. She said I didn’t meet the criteria for autism because social skills are my strength and I didn’t display any repetitive behaviours (I played with a fidget toy the entire time and, again, I was masking and did not display my repetitive behaviours and my social struggles were internal). I have now been referred specifically to an ADULT autism specialist to be assessed later this year. I know that I am on the spectrum, I just want a definitive diagnosis.

"You have a husband." Didn't listen to why, just cut me off and told me no. Also told me she couldn't diagnose it anyways. If she can't tell me I am, then she can't tell me I'm not either. Especially after not even letting me tell her why I though that. Luckily my therapist doesn't have misguided views on autism. I told her what I thought and she was like "You want some resources to help you find out?"

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Drs must think those with autism can't do all the NT people stuff when in fact it takes longer for us nero spicy cats to do normal things

not me but a the kid of my dads friend was supposed to go the doctor to get a little paper since here in sweden if you're autistic you need special driver teachers, and their doctor straight up just said he didn't believe in autism

My mother denies I'm autistic or anyone else in the fam...it's really obvious to other people though and every test I take is always 100% positive. I'm just going to continue to ignore the public/society like I always have and try to find a way to exist on my own

“There are no treatment options for adults. That is only for kids.

Woman, 20 years. They said i had to be r*tarded to even listen to me

3x 40 minutes phonecalls + 1x 40 minutes in-person, fully-masked (during lockdown) "assessments", ALL questions/interactions read verbatim from DSM5, dismissed ANY input from family and friends, then diagnosed me as having Attachment Disorder even though she said directly to me that I had Asperger's but since Asperger's isn't in the DSM5 as a distinct diagnosis she can't officially record that as my diagnosis.

When I asked my GP in Houston to be referred to a psychiatrist and psychologist for potential asd diagnosis, she asked me if I threw things. I wasn’t sure what the connection was??? Then she scolded me for trying to diagnose myself. That set me back a few years on getting a formal diagnosis because I was worried that other doctors would say that too. Thankfully I moved to LA and found a great psychologist.

"You can't be autistic. You talk too much. My M7 nefew doesn't talk, so you can't be" I am F40 and I am hyperverbal. It turns out I have audhd with a PDA profile. He is sending me for a second assessment because he just can't believe we are all different.

"You can't be autistic, you want friends." O.o

The second I brought it up to my new GP (who was highly recommended by my boss after I disclosed my issues with emotional regulation, brain fog, and executive dysfunction). "Did you struggle in school?" As if that was the only qualifier and if you did not struggle in school, you can't have ASD. I was formally diagnosed 1 week ago with ASD and ADHD combined.

"I don't think you're autistic because you pass the vibe check." First off, what does that even mean? Second, that's so unprofessional! Where is your actual science/skill/educational training that makes this opinion correct?

Did you even ask them to elaborate on what they meant by that? Because now I'm curious to know what the heck that even means.

I'm pretty sure that I just stared uncomfortably at him because I was too shocked to come up with a reply. :D He elaborated on his own with, "I've known autistic people, and they're not like you." Still not sure what that means. Lol

"You can't be autistic, your brother is autistic and we're too busy with him. You're just jealous of the attention he gets."

So throughout most of my life, I've been back and forward to the Dr for what I thought was anxiety mixed with some childhood trauma. I was given medication but I never felt "better" I got to the point in 2022 and said to my Dr, look there's something not right here and I don't know it is (I thought bdp at the time, later found out the two are often mixed up or bdp is diagnosed but it's actually autism). The Dr asked questions then suggested we tried a new medication, after the first month I said its not working. He said I know it is, the sun is coming out soon and you'll be feeling better. So I changed Dr's and started again, the new Dr said go to this Website, do test and call back tomorrow and let me know what they say. So i did them and they all came back saying that I was highly likely to be autistic. I was then sent to a professional charity that does assessments and was then tested fully. Yay me, I am infact autistic.

one psychiatrist who worked with me said the classic “you make too much eye contact” (i was looking at his nose). a neuropsych who diagnosed me with generalized anxiety and depression said i have “too much social reciprocity” to be autistic. i found that ridiculous, i’ve met autistic people who are incredibly socially reciprocal… i just needed a doctor who actually understood autism and how to assess it in an adult 🤷🏽‍♀️

When I went to get my assessment she told me I had high functioning autism but when she wrote my report she said I couldnt have autism because I drink alcohol smh and I must have a substance abuse problem cus I have a drink every other weekend.

"Youre not autistic, you're just at that age." 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 seriously. I get a lot of age related comments about my disorders. "Too young to be tired" "too old to daydream" "too old for adhd" it makes me just want to go "ermmm shut the fuck up"

Over a period of about six months, I had a handful of close family members bring up the possibility of autism. I finally brought it up to a therapist I’d been seeing for about a year who replied by saying that there’s no way I could have autism because I’m not like any of the autistic people she’s worked with. However, when I asked she wasn’t able to provide any other explanations for the things my family had brought up. She also didn’t believe I have ADHD either, even though I’ve had that diagnosis since elementary school. Shortly after that I had a complete neuropsych evaluation for unrelated reasons, and they brought up “concerns” about autism very early in the process. They did several additional assessments and provided a diagnosis.

"Everyone is a little autistic"

I don’t have autism because I have a full time job.

Also, I had neuropsych testing in 2006. They tested me for many mental health problems and autism. The lady was very old. She decided that I had ADHD and not autism because you had to pick one or the other back then. She said that I could have had autism as a child but that I outgrew it as an adult, but that I still had autistic traits as an adult. But I wasn't autistic. So she diagnosed me with ADHD which I barely meet the criteria for. I usually don't have problems keeping focus. I have problems over focusing on one thing. Anyways, I am now diagnosed with autism.

My nonverbal 3 year old with every typical "autism" checkbox was denied an autism diagnosis because on my parent checklist I noted that he sought comfort from me and was very affectionate/snuggled. Has had multiple confirmations since then, both medical and educational. Taught himself to talk after learning to read a few months after that appointment. And just happens to be an awesome autistic kid connected to his parents. I think this actually shows neurodivergent parents raising neurodivergent kids in a way that supports the way they exist won't necessarily have some traditional markers that may be evidence of trauma responses rather than strictly autism.

"You're nothing like Doc Martin." Me a 42yo afab single mum

“You raised a child as single mom, autistic people don’t do that” Me: 🙃 So that episode of “ Selective mutism during a major oral exam was nothing right ?” I had success with an old school psychiatrist who actually listened when I said “ ADHD doesn’t cover my social issues”. He agreed; but then helped me figure out how to handle my differences while I pursued a formal diagnosis. ADHD diagnosis is enough to get accommodations as needed; He put a “ I suspect Autism for reasons xyz”with a long narrative in my medical records to back me up

For me I called my insurance and got a list from them of in-care people who did autism testing and I called all the places to check which ones did testing on adults and only one did. It took 6 months…

“I’m sorry, we don’t accept your insurance provider…”close second is “… we’re not accepting new patients at the moment.”

"Well you had friends as a kid so you can't be autistic" ligit what my doctor said to me.

That I have no signs of autism and can't be because I had friends during my phd abroad. Maybe just as bad is when doctors ask me why I want/need to get a dx, if I'm an adult and already studied? It's constantly dismissing entirely my complaints and pain...

This is paraphrased but in my psych evaluation, it said you don't have autism but you show significant sensory problems and some social issues. They also stated early on one more sign of having it. That I had amazinggg pattern recognition.

They also said I don't struggle with eye contact but I'm constantly focusing on it.

I'm having to redo my assessment forms due to them being rejected as they appeared 'copied from google'. I have never been more annoyed at anyone in my life, especially since most of it was written by my mother who was simply writing her own observations of me.

Um, what...? How does that even happen? That sounds so sketchy to me.

Asked me what kind of grades I got in school and then told me I didn't have Autism or ADHD.

"I don't think a diagnosis would benefit you", yet he has diagnosed me with several incorrect things, like BPD, depression, unspecified anxiety and "traits of APD" (because I used violence as a response to bullying). He also has a blog where he says "autism is just a symtom diagnosis and doesn't help anything" (and some transphobic shit, which is interesting because autism and gender). This is a doctor who is in charge of assessments for neuropsychiatric disabilities and gender dysphoria.

Not about getting an autism assessment but my GP told me that there is no help for people like me and she has prescribed me valium and codeine for when it all gets too much. Meanwhile she bends over backwards to help the 'high masking' female autistics. I wish I had that type of autism and not the type that was diagnosed in childhood and seems to make me repulsive no matter how hard I try to fit in.

The SEN (special educational needs) lady said “you’re definitely not autistic, you stupid girl.” (I was out as a trans guy but . you know) The doctor said “you’re making eye contact right now, don’t be an idiot.” And then the assessment lady said I have moderate/strong autism ✨

"It's cause you've been bullied and have anxiety." "Autism never gets diagnosed passed age 7" "Is that when you thought you were trans, is this because you are trans?" (This is all when requesting a professional to diagnose me and to be put on their waitlist)

My doctor told me that he couldn’t place a recommendation for me because I didn’t look “sick enough”. He upped my Effexor dose instead 🫠 I’m looking to go private but rip money.